Child Guide Trends

4 Helpful Ways To Help Stop Bullying

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 26 Dec 2013 20:27:00 +0000

Stop Bullying

Bullying! Bullying!! Bullying!!!
Do you wanna know how to stop this?
If Yes, then this article is for YOU only.
Make sure you read from start to the end...

Bullying is always a serious issue, every parent must be fully prepared for it because its a normal and natural occurrence,is part of our nature and get this...it's not our fault or the child's fault,if they get bullied, we should acknowledge this!

Bullying in my own view as just only 3 (three) types,we have;

The Physical Bullying
The Verbal Bullying and
The Cyber Bullying

Both can be done either by an individual(a kid) or a group(a gang of kids). I so much believe that kids who involve in bullying others are troubled ones,they kids who are facing a lot of troubles at home,which they can't handle,some have bottled up a lot of pains from what they've gone through and this have affected their emotions. So in order to express their feelings,share,mingle and to create awareness among their fellows is kinda difficult for them,instead of being positive they go negative with others. This is another parenting issue on is own.

Actions such as,picking on a fellow,demeaning,shoving,pushing etc are done in various places especially in schools and in the neighborhood where no adult sees it...this is what makes bullying a hard issue to tackle. Yet you must tackle it!

Most parent, do use this Traditional Method to stop bullying,traditional methods such as;

Telling Your kids To Never Mind Or Ignore Bullying,
Fighting Or Hit Back Bullying, and
Challenging the kid that bullied or their parent.

Truly this methods do work but it does live a mark in a little kid's life for God knows how long!
Imagine, a kid who as been trained on how to ignore bullying and not to worry about it...and such kids will keep on going through this pains and hurt from his or her fellow. Or a child who as been trained on how fight back whenever he/she is been bullied. Or you do help your kids fight back and challenge the kid who bullied or their parent...what do you think both kids will become?
What kinda atmosphere do you think you are creating for your kid and yourself?
To me, both kids will arbor pains in themselves,including you...The ignoring bully kid might one day commit suicide when it's too much while The fight back kid, will definitely become a bully too (because of too much aggression in defense whenever been bullied). And for the involving parent,who do challenge the kid that bullied or their parent, this might create a strong lasting enmity between your kid and the other kid even between you parents too!
So,I don't use this methods...will you?

Here Are 4 Helpful Ways To Stop Bullying

Respond To Your Child's Feelings: If your child is being bullied,let your child know that you do care about their feelings and value their life as well. This alone,will give your child hope and even courage for solution because they have someone they can rely on,someone who they can share what they feel in the inside with...teenagers wants to know that they've being heard and that their feelings matter but this depends on the kind of Parent-Child relationship you've built.This will then bring up the step of what you both will do to stop the bullying.
Report To The Authorities: Here after responding to your child's feelings, you have to do something...so,go ahead and prove it to them that you care and value them...Take note of caution, don't do this with anger or aggressiveness because it will send a wrong message to your child and it will not help stop the bullying but make it worse!Approaching the Authorities (I mean School authorities or the other parent directly) should be done in a very mature way. The way you approach really matters,when you approach some people while you're angry, you might inflict them with it and this will bring more problem. Try as best as you can to ease you anger and pain on what had happen to your child. Though, is gonna be easy...just keep your sanity!(Responding to your child's feelings and reporting to the authorities are actions you must take)
Teach Your kid To Stand Up For Themselves: The reason why most kid get bullied is For Being Different. So,teach them these;

To look naturally confident and self-assured,
Have good self-esteem,
How to care about their appearance ( to be well presented) and
How to use eye contact.

I assure this will help them a lot!

Empower them-(Positive Peer Group): To me, this is very helpful when you're not around or far away. It's also a very helpful tool to stop bullying for care givers such as, Teachers,Proprietors etc.At times,when you report to schools authorities about bullying you find out it doesn't stop,don't blame them bullying reports is just too much. In fact,most schools don't permit kids to fight back or defend themselves when bullied.

So,teach or empower them to stop bullying themselves. How you ask?

It's simple,just tell them to work/walk in group...its like having or creating a PRIDE OF TEENAGERS not PRIDE OF LIONS.
Encourage,motivate and challenge them on this group thing...it's gonna be difficult for bullying to occur!
(Teaching your kid/s how to stand up for themselves and empowering them are ways to boost your child self esteem)

Do you have any other ways to help stop bullying?
If you do...please share/post here.

Stages Where Patience And Perseverance Must Be Exercised In Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 03 Dec 2013 19:26:00 +0000

Stages You Need Patience

"Patience is BITTER,but it's fruit is SWEET" - Aristotle. Parenting requires you to persevere and have patients which is kind of bitter to do a SUCCESSFUL PARENTING JOB which will be sweetest at the end.Going through child rearing duti"es and responsibilities right from childbirth and training them through each development stage could be so hectic that most parent lose their patience and perseverance which are very necessary. As a parent,when you lose yours,your child looses his or hers too... then it becomes a war in this parenting field. This article lay more emphasis on these questions such as;
What is Patience?
What is Perseverance?
In what ways do parent make this mistake often? How do we exercise and also help how to children to exercise them too?
What is PATIENCE?
Patience is the capacity or ability to endure something tedious such as provocation,annoyance,pains and misfortunes without complaint but with calm and strength.
What is PERSEVERANCE?
Perseverance is that quality of continuing in something even if it is difficult. It is having this tenacious mindset of not giving up. Looking at this definition, I feel both words are interwoven a bit. But they are not the same,yet very much alike... especially when it comes to parenting. As a parent, try to remember when you were pregnant with your baby. You and your partner waited patiently for the appointed time. You waited patiently for the fetus to form in the womb,you waited and allowed the baby to grow properly in the womb,you also waited patiently for the expected day of delivery.
Why do you preserved,endured and waited with such patience?
Because you don't want to have a premature or Mal-adjusted baby. Right?
But after delivery, the sweetness of our patients and perseverance do feel our heart that we never thought and even choose to forget how many months or years we've waited. This I'd say is the first stage we all do PASS when it comes to patience and perseverance in parenting. As a parent, do you exercise patience and persevere as your child totters towards maturity? Dear parent, for you to be successful in this parenting job you are in, PATIENCE and PERSEVERANCE had to be CONSIDERED. So,adding more effort to the kind of patience and perseverance we have earlier when we are trying to have the baby must be pursued. As our child totters towards maturity there are lots of duties of child-rearing but am sure most parents can relate to some such as; Learning to walk,toilet training,trying that first set of shoes,learning to read or home schooling and much more,exercising patience and perseverance will take you through all this.
In what ways do parent make this mistake often?
How do we exercise and also help our children to exercise them too?
Truly child training must begin early but we have to be careful,most parent are known to hurry and get so impatient with their child 's development emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually and socially. Most children, whose parent didn't exercise patience in their up bringing may seems to cope but somewhere,somehow, they will suffer some serious setbacks.

PHYSICAL,EMOTIONAL,INTELLECTUAL AND SOCIAL: Patience and perseverance in children's physical,emotional,intellectual and social growth must also be considered as they develop. As a parent you must carefully study your kid to know what approach is best, cherish them,teach and correct them along these lines of development, your teaching and training have to be relevant to their age and developmental stage. There are parents who are known to rush teachings and disciplines on their children so they can act mature and well discipline quickly using means such as scolding,spanking and other kind of punishment all in the name of discipline. Inserting teachings,instructions and disciplines into children takes time,they may adapt to some quickly but because of their fallible and naive nature you will find them making the same mistake over and over,after repeated corrections,this could be so frustrating but here is where patience and perseverance is needed... this will make you an ideal teacher, they may learn from you,learn on their own or from people around them,just humble yourself,love and honor them because they human too,don't seek to control them and try not to lose it! They are also parents who are known to rush their children through schools(even cutting corners sometimes) so they can get to higher institutions quickly, "this often has negative consequences" says an expert educationist. Proof of this lies in the disturbing number of underage undergraduates in tertiary institutions who continue to fall prey to all kinds of evil influences and frustrating challenges because they are neither mentally nor emotionally mature enough to deal with experiences they are being expose to.
SPIRITUAL: Patience and perseverance is also necessary in the spiritual development of children. On this aspect, parents shouldn't attempt to intimidate or force them to be religious,because it will not last,teaching your child to build relationship with God has to be patiently nurtured, not forcefully imposed. Some children do feel excessively pressurized and over sermon by their parents may even choose to dare their impatient parents by doing exactly what will annoy them and some will only pretend to be what you want them to be.So as a parent you should patiently guide and teach your child to his or her own personal commitment to God,praying ceaselessly for them (God's intervention) will help a lot!

In the mean time feel free to make or give comment on this issue...

Three Good Answers To Spanking Issues That Borders You

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 05:32:00 +0000


Spanking

When it comes to child discipline is spanking an effective and valuable tool?
Will spanking make our children behave better?
These are some the questions been asked by parents about this form of punishment (spanking) and i believe they are more of this questions.Being a parent make sure you read this article from the start to end, i assure it will give you more insight about spanking.Read this spanking article too.

Imagine this scenario:When a child misbehave, and the parent watch their child and longs to whack the child but didn't due to some "non-spanking" articles or book such parent reads.I would say this is completely wrong and an unrealistic approach...is better to give that child a quick swat on the butt,clear the air and the two of you can start over.As human beings,we all are fallible and because of our fallibility,we do make mistakes or do wrongs.This shows that we are not 100 percent perfect...children being young and naive do make mistakes which makes parents become impatient and lose their temper,this is natural but it would be much better if parent are in control...i mean to be patient when they(children) do wrongs.I want to emphasise here that occasional use of spanking is a very poor and ineffective method of discipline.My position here is far different from that of the parents who use spanking as the only discipline tool to keep their children in line.


Spanking Worries

Your Choice: As a parent you might be thinking that am not in the right place to tell or show how to raise up your child...you're right! we all are raised by different parents groomed or instilled with different teachings or discipline.So,you may decide to use spanking or not to use it at all...but reading this article to end will answers and covers all or some about spanking and also give you more answers and that covers all or some about spanking.

Spanking Stings: I call this statistics or researches below stings because this are it's effect on children...when you use spanking as your only discipline tool,when you use it occasionally or the at the slightest mistake your child made.Research has shown that the more children are spanked, the more likely it is that children will;
engage in antisocial behaviour, such as lying, stealing, cheating, bullying, assaulting a sibling or peers,act aggressively toward others,
develop mental health problems, such as depression and suicidality,
have a less close relationship with their parents.
Spanking being a harsh physical punishment is also associated with increased odds of mood disorders, anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug abuse/dependence, and several personality disorders." studies show that more physical punishment is associated with more aggressiveness.So,occasional use of spanking is not effective and valuable,it will make parenting ugly.

You Need More Maturity:When it comes to spanking,i know you are trying to put our children on the right path,you are trying to make your children's mind but most you loose our mind?
Parent should understand that it's normal and natural,children will frustrate and get on your nerves.Parents have to accept this,we can't stop them from it only to change them,but you have to keep calm,exercise patience and stay sane to do so.This is maturity!

You Need To Stay Sane:Though we are humans too,but loosing your temper when they misbehave will only make you a loser,because you will only make things worst.Loosing your temper,you may shout,smack or spank your kid...doing this you are effectively sanctioning their angry response.You are telling them is okay to lose control and be aggressive.When you spank them a lot,you will damage them emotionally and you may turn them into bullies and it will also damage the parent-child relationship and it won't help their future relationship with others as they grow up.

You Need To Apologise At Times:We parent are humans and it's normal and natural that we make this mistake of shouting at them and hitting them.At this moment,we need to clear the air and make up with our kid.Though,it may not be easy...you may think "am the parent and he or she is the kid at fault,so why should i apologise?" being a parent,we need humility in this job,what we do is what our child we that after.Kids are humans,they have emotions too...they deserve to hear the word "i am sorry" it softens the heart, and cleanse the offender of wrong.

In the mean time feel free to comment or share your thought.

Seven Steps To Better Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 19:55:00 +0000


Steps To Better Parenting

Parenting is the one of the most important lifetime responsibility a person will ever have, and it's mistakes can have lifelong consequences on both the parent and the child.Though we parent are not perfect,we do or can make mistakes but making a lifelong mistake in this job shouldn't be a choice...so as a parent, this articles is a sure guide...it's the 7 things you must follow or do in this parenting job.It will help you to become a better parent...i assure

CREATE A LOVING HOME:
Living in this loveless, selfish world strains family bonds. Married couples may find that the financial and emotional demands of raising children make existing marital problems escalate. For example, differences in opinion between a married couple on how to discipline and reward the children may increase tension between two people who already find it difficult to communicate.
The solution to this are:
- Plan regular time together as a family.
-Keep the romance in your marriage by regularly expressing affection for each other.
-Rather than constantly "finding fault", look for ways each day to praise your spouse.
-Tell your children that you love them; i have found that children are a bit like some flowers, just as these little plants turn towards the sun to receive light and warmth, children look to their parents for love and for reassurance that they are valued members of the family.

TEACH BY EXAMPLE:
Action teach. Words often impart only information, such as, parents may tell their children to be respectful and speak the truth. However, if these same parents scream at each other and tell lies to excuse themselves from inconvenient obligations, they teach that this is how adults should behave. Copying parents is "one of the most powerful ways that children learn"

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR CHILD'S FEELINGS:
Children want and need the most important person in their lives....their parents, to know how they feel. If parents habitually contradict their children when such feelings are expressed, the children will be less likely to open up to them and may even start to doubt their ability to feel and think for themselves.Children as well as adults are far more likely to accept counsel if they feel that the one offering it truly understand them and the difficulties they face.

EXERCISE YOUR AUTHORITY:
Studies show that "children brought up by loving but authoritative parents- those who are supportive of their children, yet maintain firm limits- excel academically, develop better social skills, feel good about themselves and are happier overall than kids whose parents are either too lenient or excessively harsh"(parent magazine).
All the way from babyhood through their teen years, children will challenge your right to exert authority over them. Children are quick to learn when their parents are afraid to assert their authority and can be relied upon to give in. John Rosemond says..."when it comes to a question of 'who's the boss?' if parents wont run with the ball, children will"
Do not worry that you will alienate your children or crush their spirit if you exercise your authority, you can exercise your authority without becoming a tyrant, by being firm and loving.

DEFINE FAMILY RULES AND ENFORCE THEM PROMPTLY:
Ronald Simons says, "kids fare better with clear rules and firm consequences, without structure, children become self-absorbed, selfish and unhappy..........and they make everyone around them miserable too". Defining reasonable limits for your children's behavior and enforcing those limits takes time, effort and perseverance, and children seem to have a natural urge to test any such boundaries. "Children are small people with their own minds and desires and an inborn tendency to sin.
Therefore, why not make a written short list of the household laws, or rules, that you feel your children must obey, which are less difficult to enforce and most likely to be remembered, next to the rules, write down the consequences for breaking them, make sure the punishment are reasonable and that you are willing to enforce them. If the rules are broken, enforce the consequences quickly, doing so in a calm, firm and consistent manner.
NOTE:if you are angry, wait till you calm down before you administer any discipline.

ESTABLISH AND MAINTAIN ROUTINES:
Routine are a major part of adult life. Work and recreation usually follow set routines. Parents handicap their children if they do not teach them to structure their time and to stick to a schedule. On the other hand, "studies show that having rules and structure makes a child safe, secure and teaches self control and self-reliance"...says Dr Laurence Steinberg.

SEEK GOOD ADVICE:
Everyone seems to have advice on raising children. In the past, new parents relied on their parents' example or on their religious conviction to guide them, but in a number of lands, the family unit is decaying and religion has lost its influence. As a result, many parents turn to professional parenting experts for advice. Some of what these experts say is based on sound principles, and some may be considered contradictory or out-of-date, so its advised to seek the advice on the holy word of God(both Bible and Quran). Therein, you know more about how to raise children. They contain both direct advise and practical examples that can help you become a better parent and pray too.Am not against/discouraging you from visiting professional parenting experts, in fact read their books but what am emphasizing on is that you should be able to listen or receive guides on how raise your child/ren from the one(God) who give them(kids) to you.

I believe this 7 is will help you...in time feel free to comment and share your thoughts

5 Effects Of Punishment In Parenting When Used As The Only Discipline tool

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 20:03:00 +0000

Effect Of Punishment In Parenting

Although,parents do try to use good discipline strategies,but the problem is,most parent try to deal with child misbehaviour by the use of punishment only...use it as the only discipline tool. They don't know how to handle child misbehaviour, some take discipline for punishment.

So far, we have talked about discipline, which is teaching and in my previous articles we've talked about good teaching strategies.

To go ahead, parents need to make a clear-cut distinction between discipline and punishment. In this article, we base only on punishment- I mean it's effect on a child.

Firstly, what is punishment?

Secondly, when and how do we use punishment in discipline?

Lastly, what effect or power does it have in child discipline?

What is punishment?: It is a very poor and ineffective tool that doesn't teach or motivate a child towards more desirable behaviour, it only curb undesirable behaviour.

The types of punishment: Listing out the types, I want parents to analyse, visualise and remember this punishments- I mean how do they feel when it 's done to you then?

Lecturing,
Scolding,
Sending the child to his room,
Taking away the child's privileges and,
Spanking.

Ask questions like, does it motivate me to change my negative behaviour back then in my childhood?

Does it influence that negative act or the misbehaviour?

The Effect Of Punishment: Firstly, punishment only curb undesirable behaviour, it only tells a child what not to do,, it doesn't motivate the child.

Secondly, parent intends the punishment to make things unpleasant for the child, so that he will change his behaviour for better. Unfortunately, it strengthened the very undesirable behaviour the parent wants to get rid of!

Thirdly, punishment loses its effectiveness as the child grows older. You find them say some things like: " Have done wrong again, I will be punish for this. Well, it doesn't kill any way, am ready for it!"

Fourthly, the person who punishes is teaching the child or others to avoid him. How can you impact or influence the child's life positively?

Fifthly, punishment reduces or make the child to lack confidence as they grow up and this differentiate the child from any other in the society.Its like putting the child in a lonely or different world

Lastly, what punishment does produce between parent-child relationship, is resentment, hostility, the wish for revenge or retaliation. It arouses negative feelings between parents and the child and we cannot teach our children a desirable behaviour with punishment only.

Parents need to make a clear-cut distinction between discipline and punishment. In this article,am emphasising that,parent shouldn't use punishment as the main and only discipline tool.

In the mean time, feel free to comment and share your thoughts

Reasons You Should Not Use Spanking As The Only Discipline Tool As A Parent

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 30 May 2013 18:40:00 +0000

Don't Use Spanking Only

Spanking is a form of punishment, when it comes to child discipline or parenting. By spanking, I mean a few good swats with your hand on the child bottom.

Don't Use Spanking Only

Some psychiatrists and psychologists have stated it explicitly that no parent should ever spank a child. I think this is nonsense. This comment or reading one of those "Non Spanking books" as hold the grim will power of parents not to spank the misbehaving child. This is completely wrong, it's an unrealistic approach. It's far better for parents to give the child a few quick swats and clear the air. Then the parent and the child can start over again.

To parents, whom spanking is the only discipline tool they know to keep their children in line, I want to emphasize that spanking is a very poor and ineffective method of teaching a child. If you use a very good discipline strategies, there will be very few times when you are so frustrated that you will have the emotional need to spank.

Reasons You Shouldn't Use Spanking as the only discipline tool:

Since spanking is a form of punishment, it suffers from all psychological drawbacks that go with any form of punishment, that is, it strengthened the particular undesirable behavior you are trying to correct.

Spanking, like other forms of punishment, is useless as the child gets older, say from Ten upwards. Who ever is going to spank a teenager must be a good wrestler( And this cannot prevent the teenager from running away from home after being spanked).

Whenever we spank a child we are teaching the child to hate us, fight us, and avoid us. How can we teach our child if we have taught him to hate us, avoid us?.

Further more, some kind of spanking arouses a deep desire for revenge and retaliation. I can vividly recall the night my father whipped and wrestled with me. I will never forget how I hated him at those times, felt like running away and vowed for revenge. All because I didn't attend an evening church service. I even spit out the words for revenge that night to a man who went back to report to my father, which landed me into the den of hard spanking.

The tragedy is that so many parents simply accept spanking as their main means of discipline. That is truly sad. These parents do not see how ineffective and harmful a constant diet of spanking is to parent-child relationship. They do not realize what a vastly different youngster they would have around and how enormously more satisfying their relationships would be if they used a creative and humanistic discipline strategies or techniques. You will only have few times to spank.

Finally, there is this kind of uncontrollable action that leads you to spank - This kind that results from something other than child misbehaviour. You spanked your child, but afterwards you realized the child didn't deserve it. Perhaps you were having a fight or quarrel, argument or disagreement with some one or maybe all you went through at work and you took it out on your child. When you realized this, Please go to the child, explained what had happened to you and apologize for what you've done, it does wonderful thing for the child.

In the mean time, feel free to comment and share your thoughts

4 Single Parenting Tips For Raising Kids Alone

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 24 May 2013 18:21:00 +0000

Single Dad

Single Mum

Parenting is one of the most joyous things that can happen to you in life but to most people, it's the other way round. I believe parenting is a job on is own... So, is a complex skill that needs to be learned, most people have no knowledge or training in this skill and that is what makes it hard for them, most especially parent in an intact family.If most parent in an intact family complains parenting is hard and tough, than single parenting will be much more harder and tougher.If parenting in an intact family is like hiking up a mountain trail, than single parenting is like hiking up that same mountain trail with a fifty-pound pack on your shoulders. It will be a very hard task!

Are you a single parent, who needs guides to become a successful parent?

If Yes, this article is for you.

Talking about SINGLE PARENT... If you are a widower or widow, divorced mother or father or your spouse is away on business a great deal or in service for long periods of time or is suffering from a lengthy illness, you are a SINGLE PARENT.

FREE YOURSELF FROM THIS BELIEVE

Most people believed that parents from intact homes are the one that do a good job in raising their children and parents from broken homes produce children who have psychological difficulties. You should throw away this believe or idea and free yourself from it... As a single parent you can even do better than parents from intact home.

DEAL WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL STRESS

The first thing you must do to become a good single parent is to deal with your PSYCHOLOGICAL STRESS. Researchers on psychological stress have concluded that the loss of a spouse through death or divorce is the most stressful event that can happen to us, you have to deal with that over whelming sense of personal loss. You have to take care of the inside you, let out all the pains, suffering, anger, wounds and loneliness, so you will be able to concentrate on your children. Bottling up all this inside you for a long-time may come out in ways that will make you want to hurt others around you, even your children is not left out.

GET EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

You may feel inadequate about raising your own child, feel guilty for your spouse death or the death of your marriage(divorce).Feelings like this might succour as a SINGLE PARENT So, including the inside of you that is lonely, hurt, wounded and angry is in desperate need of emotional support.

The wisest thing to do to help let out and overcome these negative feels is to get professional counselling-spend on therapy for yourself, build a new emotional support for yourself by joining groups or forum of single parents, mingling with parents who aren't single will only bring more emotional problems. You can also help yourself too by getting your feelings out in a way you find satisfying, but in a primitive way like; crying, screaming, shouting, beating or hitting the bed with pillow. Etc. Just allow yourself to express and experience the psychological pains you felt in reaction to your loss, will be a great help.

TIME - OUT YOURSELF

Taking time off or out of parenting as a single parent is another great help. You've got lots of burdens from what you are going through, you feel exhausted and frustrated, in fact your children might even add to it with their own behaviours... You really to calm yourself down, do your grief work this will help you calm down, feel refreshed to do a better parenting job and handling your children's feelings too.

I BELIEVE THESE WILL HELP YOU!

In the mean time, feel free to comment and share your thoughts

Parent-Child Relationship: How To Building The Special Bond

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 24 May 2013 17:34:00 +0000

Many parents believed parenting is a very difficult job most especially single parents, they so much believe in this myth,
"Humans or children are the most difficult to control, lead or change"

Are they right?

Truly,children are in experience humans who are bound to make mistakes in every stage of their life from childhood to adulthood and as parent we are to correct them when they make mistakes,we are to educate and instil good morals and ethics into them too.

Get this...i will agree with you on this, children as human are not perfect because when they make mistakes and you correct them, you may find them making the same mistakes again and again, this infuriates! This makes parenting hard and tough at times...truly,parenting is much harder than anyone says and its far more emotionally charged.So, parenting been emotionally charge requires connecting with your child emotionally, that is building a special bond with your child...have good parent-child relationship.
This is the surest,easy and best way to know your children's gene,personality and temperament in other to know how to bring them up,to help them find and recognize their strength and individuality.
"Laying down solid parenting roots will help you do a good parenting job"
As parent here are good steps to follow to build a good parent-child relationship;

SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM
"60% of abused children in the U.S were the victims of physical,emotional and educational neglect "
As parent, spending more time with your children is very important...the more you know or move close to your child,the higher the chances you have to influence his or her life.While spending time with them you should,
COMMUNICATE(dialogue)WITH THEM
"single fathers often do not communicate with their children as well as do single mothers,which leads to children of single-parent households being more likely to use marijuana,alcohol and other illicit drugs and to have sex at an earlier age"
"parents in two-parent families spend an average of 2 hours a day interacting with their children compared to only 50 minutes for single -parent families"
As Parent,you should be a good communicator and a listener...reason,talk and dialogue with them, in fact let them know was going on and ask for their views,it will make them feel included and valued.Ask them questions and challenge their ideas in a friendly and pleasant way...this a technique for teaching children how to think for themselves,"Communication means moving what's in your mind easily and directly into the mind of the recipient" - Arch Lustberg
you have to
TOUCH AND CARE FOR THEM
"98% of mothers and 90% of fathers hugged their children ages 0 to 2 years of age daily,compared to only 74% of mothers and 50% of fathers who hugged their children ages 10 to 12 years of age daily"
When it comes to relationship, especially parent-child relationship touch plays a critical role, in parent-child relationship touch is the first language we learn, it's a channel of communication and bonding, it's a secret language and weapon for a successful relationship for parents.When it comes to touch, you can express what you feel,impact and interpret emotional content via touch.So, parents shouldn't drop or neglect this skills most especially mothers.Mother's touch are very powerful,touch increase the speed of communication and when it comes to bonding, it makes people feel more connected to you,use it to connect with them and
HUMILITY(PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES)
Parent-child relationship deals with emotion, as parent we have to connect with our children so we can impact into them.You need to humble yourself,put yourself in their shoe...see things from their point of view and treat them with respect.Humility and patience is the clue here,don't make your children feel that you are ignoring them,disregarding their feelings,that you don't care if your decision upset them this will make them awkward to deal with.
CLEAR OFF
We parents are humans and we are not perfect...we may loose our temper when they(children) make mistakes or disobey,make sure you clear off and start afresh again...i mean apologise and let them know why you reacted that way and let the child understand its wrong(dialogue with your child)

I believe this steps will help you parents out there to build the bond you need...

In the mean time, feel free to comment and share your thoughts.

Happy Mother's Day To All Mums Around The World!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 12 May 2013 17:54:00 +0000

Happy Mother's Day!

Motherhood is a tough job, you're on call 24/7, no vacation leave or sick leave, often unappreciated, yet resignation is impossible. Why because motherhood is the greatest job woman can have. No amount of money can ever pay. From the smiles and hugs that you get from your children.Is it easy?

Happy Mothers day to all moms out there.!

This Is To All Mum Around The World

Is It Morally Okay To Teach Your Child About Sex Education?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 12 May 2013 17:21:00 +0000

Dear Readers/Visitors,

This is an e-mail from a parent who needs HELP ...I'd like parents here to help out. Please, give your advice/help.

Please, i really need your views on this, i don't know if it's morally right to call your little girl or boy and start teaching him or her how to prevent unwanted pregnancy or STD's ?
I feel this is not right and I have been finding this very difficult to do. Please help me out!

Parenting Breastfeeding: The Advantages For Both Moms and Babies From Breastfeeding

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 05 May 2013 18:28:00 +0000

Breastfeeding Advantage

As a parent a you complaining that your baby love breastfeeding, are you wondering when to stop breastfeeding or searching for ways to stop the baby?
If you are one of those parent...read this!

By Munira A

There are so many advantages to breastfeeding your baby when he or she enters the world, and you may be surprised to hear that there are also benefits for you as a breastfeeding mother. Of course the greatest benefit is the nutrition a baby gets from breastfeeding. You will be offering your baby the most complete nutrition he or she needs in the first months of their life, and likely the only form of food they will need. You can carry on breastfeeding for many months and continue offering your baby this very complete nutrition, and ensuring that your baby gets all the best food that your baby needs.

Not only will you be offering your baby nutrition, but the first few feedings you give you baby will also give him or her essential colostrum, which is essential to boost immune functions and develop your baby's ability to fight disease. Mother's milk, in the first feedings, is composed of this colostrum and important to allow your baby to stimulate all the natural defenses that need to develop in their body. Your milk contains these defenses, and your baby will get it through breastfeeding, allowing him or her to better fend off infections and diseases as he or she grows.
Also, when you feed your baby, you are spending some very intimate time together, so you will develop a very close bond with your baby during feeding times. You will be close to your child, in a very intimate position as you breastfeed. You and your baby will be able to gaze at each other, and you will hold your baby close to you while you are sharing this moment. The bond you develop will last through your feedings, and as your baby is in your arms.
The benefits to you as a mother are also very great. You will be concerned about what you are eating and about your health while you are breastfeeding your baby, as some things travel through your milk. You will be more prone to eat healthy foods and drink lots of milk yourself, to ensure that you are healthy and providing healthy milk for your baby. You will be active, and concerned about your own well-being in relation to your breast milk, and you will strive to be in very good health. This will be a great boost to your own health as well as your baby's.

For help and guide visit http://centerpregnancy.com

Emotional Baggage - Parenting Blocks Parent Should Demolish For Good Parenting Job

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 05 May 2013 18:16:00 +0000

Emotional Baggage Affects Your Parenting Job

Is parenting a difficult job?
Are not doing a good parenting job?
Do you need the parental power to do a good parenting job?
If your answer is YES!
Then this article is a must read For you from start to finish.
What differentiate a parent that is doing a good parenting job from a parent who doesn't is their Emotional Baggage and what also differentiate a well behaved and disciplined child from another is their emotional baggage.
What is emotional baggage?
It's the feelings and beliefs you have as a result of your past and the things that have happened to
you, which often have a negative effect on your behavior and attitudes.As human we all carry emotional baggage, but it turns out that some of us carry quite a bite more of it than others...is base on how we are brought up, what we've experienced and where we lived.Growing up is filled with all sorts of growing pains, it has been said that "No one escapes childhood unscathed" everyone suffers through terrible,difficult or even painful emotional experiences during childhood,adolescence and young adulthood.
Get this!
Am not writing to judge and ridicule you or your child but to point out the reason why you've not been doing a good parenting job and the mistakes most parents make,which is the cause of failure in parenting.
Let's be honest here...parenting is truly a hard job,we all took this big job when we had these kids and it's going to be a hard work for the rest of our life.Being a parent requires your blood,sweat and tears...it's emotionally charged.
Mind you,despite the hardship many parents are getting it right, many children are doing it right...if they can do it,you can do it too!
Understand this,parenting is also one of the most joyous thing that can happen to you in life.You just have to recognize the big job you are in and seek knowledge...learn and take action!
Parenting as a tough business is not a perfect science that can be mastered, but an act of responsibility, which outcome depends on what variables you put in and the techniques used, this seems to be tough for many parent.
So, what variables or techniques will you put in?
Here is the first,
Let go off your emotional baggage - As parent you have to take good care of the inside you.You have to be positive and disciplined first,you need to have love first!Parenting when you are carrying emotional baggage takes a certain intellect and an ordinate amount of internal strength
from you.You have to let go off past pain and negative feelings to be able to name and model positive behaviors in yourself and also the ones you seek in your child,
"what you have is what you will give" keeping uncontrolled and negative emotions are extremely painful and very debilitating.when a parent cannot manage their emotional baggage,the children are the ones that ultimately suffers,don't pass on the hurt and pains you are experiencing to your child.
Equip yourself - "The more experience or educated parents are,the better equipped they are to handle emotional stressors because they have larger reservoir of emotional intellect to pull from" As parent the more experience and knowledge you have the larger your arsenal for emotional and intellectual superiority over self serving emotional inclinations.So get books,read!
Get expert assistance - As parent maintaining the emotional and mental constancy is necessary.The act of talking about your problems with expert physicians or clergy is one of the most potent solutions to feelings of obscurity or helplessness.So,visit experts.
I believe this steps will help free you for good,
better and convenient parenting job.

Earliest Signs of Pregnancy - The Shocking Truth Parent Should Know

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 11:37:00 +0000

Are you a ready to be parent or parent that wants to know more about the early pregnant symptoms that will answer the question, "Am I Pregnant?"

By Alyssa Johansson

Whether you're planning on a baby or not, there are a few early pregnant symptoms that will answer the question, "Am I Pregnant?" These earliest signs of pregnancy can be easy to spot. If not, you can always take a pregnancy test.
The most common indication that you could possibly be pregnant is a missed period. Keeping track of your menstrual cycles can cut down on all the guess work but, you still may not know for sure. Besides missing a period, there are a few symptoms to look for.
If you have nausea and or vomiting, you may be experiencing one of the earliest signs of pregnancy. While this symptom can add stress & possibly embarrassing moments to your everyday life, it should only last during the first trimester. If you're still experiencing nausea and/or vomiting further into your second and third trimesters you should talk to your doctor about possible medications.
Your changing hormone levels are the main culprit for most of the earliest signs of pregnancy. Breast tenderness or swollen breasts may begin to be a bother. What can you do to relieve pain? The best thing to do is buy a more supportive bra. Keep in mind that your breasts will become larger throughout pregnancy so, buy a larger size to accommodate for this change during your nine months of pregnancy.
The once pleasant smell of a candle or perfume may now seem like toxic gas. Your sensitivity to smell is most likely caused by the rising levels of HCG hormones in your body. Your sense of smell, taste may seem quite strange and unfamiliar because of the sensitivity from the hormones, this is indeed an experience that some mothers will notice when pregnant.
Are you suddenly sleepy all the time? Fatigue is a common sign of pregnancy. While the cause is not entirely known, most signs point to hormones. Remember, your body is creating life. Growing a baby is exhausting work. While you may still have all your normal responsibilities of life it is important to listen to your body. Don't over-exhaust yourself and stress with the daily chores, let your husband and family help out whenever they can to ease the work load.
Due to your bodies rising blood flow, you will need to use the bathroom more often. Frequent urination will be one of the first signs of pregnancy and last until the very end. You may be getting up several times during the night to urinate losing even more sleep.
Many women may not experience any of these symptoms. If you're still wondering, "Am I pregnant?" after reviewing these early pregnant symptoms, a pregnancy test is a relativity easy way to find out or a visit to your doctor.

For Tips, Wives Secrets, Help, Chat and much more about your pregnancy and baby care http://www.pregnancymums.com your ultimate source for preparing pregnancy and health on the Net today.

Step Parenting Guide: When Your Kids Don't Get Along With Their New Stepparent

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 11:28:00 +0000

Do you know the reason why your child just can't seem to get along with a new stepparent?
Read this article from a step parenting guru...

By Gerardo Campbell

When you have a child who just can't seem to get along with a new stepparent, the first thing you should do is to take a step back and look objectively at the entire situation. There are a few questions you should ask yourself in order to address this issue.
The first question is, "Why?" Is it just normal adjustment problems, or is there a deeper issue? A majority of blended families have a difficult time adjusting to a stepparent and their children joining the family. Most of the time you can just try to be respectful of each other and give it time and eventually everything will fall into place. Sometimes it's not that simple. This is when you start to dig a little deeper into the cause of the problem. There are many things that can factor into this, and also several things you can do to help the situation.
First of all, talk to your kids. Ask them what their side of the story is and then listen. You may not get the exact truth but you should be able to get an idea of it. One thing you need to emphasize to them is that you are not trying to replace their other biological parent, and they do not have to dislike their new stepparent to prove their loyalty to the biological parent. Explain to your children how a stepparent is just one more person who is there for them rather than someone competing with them. Assure them you have enough love to give both them and your new spouse at the same time.
Kids are likely to blame the stepparent for the conflict, but don't immediately assume they're wrong. Remember this is just as new to your partner as it is to your kids, so they may not know exactly how to make it work either. A big mistake many new stepparents make is trying to be a buddy to the kids. Although it is helpful when the children like them, it is much more important that they respect them. Your partner is an adult and your kids need to view your partner as an authority figure rather than a friend.
Additionally, you need to make sure your partner sets good boundaries with the stepchildren and sticks to them. Otherwise, the kids are going to walk all over them.
On the other hand, your new partner has to realize they are not their replacement parent and can't walk into their lives commanding respect and giving orders. It is your (the biological parent's) job to discipline your children, not the new stepparent.
Here are a few things to avoid doing that will also help. One major thing is to not involve your kids in your marital problems. No matter how angry or hurt you are, never ever say anything bad about your partner to your child. This applies to both the parent and the new stepparent. Also, the new stepparent should never ask the kids to keep a secret from the other parent. This is just asking for trouble. The new parents also should avoid arguing with the kids. It is okay to disagree, but after you present your side of the issue, drop it. Kids often like to argue because they of course think they're always right. If you can just let them know you disagree and walk away, you could be saving yourself a lot of stress.
If none of these suggestions seem to help, then maybe you have to start asking yourself some very tough questions. Is there any possibility the new stepparent may be sexually abusing your child? You're saying: "Not a chance. I wouldn't be with someone like that." But a lot of times people "like that" hide that part of themselves extremely well. This may not be something your kids will just tell you about. Look for signs. One classic sign is bed-wetting. Other signs include things like falling grades, becoming withdrawn, rapid weight loss or gain, and severe mood swings or violence. If you notice any of these things, immediately get some professional help to find out exactly what is going on. Do not sit back and tell yourself this isn't really what's wrong with your child.
Regardless of whether your child is being abused, you may need some extra help with your family. A good reputable counselor who specializes in blended families could be the answer. Even if it is only adjustment problems you may not be able to fix them on your own. Asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of. However, sitting back and hoping your problems will go away on their own is.
An additional consideration is to address these issues before you and your partner say, "I do." Having conversations with your children regarding their future stepparent can go a long ways in easing the transition after the wedding. The more issues and concerns are addressed, the greater of amount of ease. Despite this advanced work you should still expect problems.
Boundaries, respect, and honesty are what it all boils down to. If you can create a mutual respect between your kids and your spouse, then eventually they will get along. They may never really like each other, but they don't have to. As long as they treat each other with respect you will have a happy home. Or at least a home where there isn't constant fighting.

Learn MORE tips and help to becoming a better stepparent by visiting here http://www.supportforstepdads.com

Three Tips To Become A Better Stepparent

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 11:20:00 +0000

Becoming a stepparent is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly...

By Gerardo Campbell

In 2010, the number of blended families exceeded the number of nuclear (traditional) families in the United States. Blended families are now commonplace in our society. One in three Americans is now a stepparent, a stepchild, a step-sibling or some other member of a blended family. More than half of Americans today have been, are now, or will eventually be, in one or more step situations during their lives. Despite the increasing number of blended families, the divorce rate for blended families is well over 60%. Becoming a stepparent is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. With that said, here are three tips to becoming a better stepparent.
Be Involved. The level of parental involvement is the strongest and most consistent predictor of your stepchild's mental health, adjustment, happiness, and overall well-being. Children with involved parents do better in school, have better self esteem, are less likely to develop emotional problems, and are less likely to take risks or get into trouble. To maintain a high level of involvement in your stepchild's life will probably require you to re-look at your priorities. You will need to find a balance between your needs and that of your children. Stepchildren need your involvement both inside and outside the home. Suggestions:
• School
o Helping with their homework.
o Reading to your child.
o Volunteering at their school.
• Attending their sporting events, musicals, and school plays.
• Take them to see a movie they've wanted to see, their favorite sporting team or a trip to the mall; just make sure it's something they want to do.
• Involvement with outside activities they participate in, like scouting.
• Talking and listening to your child.
Best Selves. When it comes to your stepchildren you may feel like you're invisible, but you can be assured your stepchildren are watching you, what you say and what you do. The most important example you will set is how you treat your spouse (their biological parent). Your marriage must come first. Remember: your blended family is borne out of loss for your stepchildren by either divorce or through the death of the other biological parent. By being a good husband or wife, you are setting an example for your stepchildren in how they will eventually treat their own spouses. Suggestions:
• Be a person of honesty and integrity.
• Allow your stepchildren to be themselves even you don't agree with some of their actions.
• Get help for addictions like drugs, sex or alcohol; take care of yourself.
• Do not speak unfavorably about the absent parent.
• Do not insist your stepchildren call you 'mom' or 'dad.'
• Treat your children and stepchildren equally; no favoritism.
• Accept your stepchild's loyalty to their absent parent.
• Allow your child to speak about their absent parent.
• Do the right thing - even if it hurts.
• Have humility; acknowledge your mistakes and make amends when possible.
United Front. You need to have the support of your spouse. If you don't, all of your efforts as a stepparent will be undermined. With your spouse, develop a joint vision for your child. Picture your children when they are ready to leave home; what kind of person do you want them to be? Remember that their values, character, etc. all stem from your influences as a parent. Identify your parenting style (authoritarian, authoritative or permissive) and discuss how you will complement your styles to effectively parent your children. Disagree with your spouse in private, not in front of your children. Resolve conflicts by focusing on what is best for the child, not which parent has the most power.
As a stepparent, you are commended because you didn't have to become one. Being a successful stepparent is challenging; the role is not clearly defined and will vary from family to family. Father's and Mother's Day may come and go, and you may never be acknowledged for your role. By implementing these three tips, you can be your own cheerleader and recognize the positive difference you're making in the lives of your stepchildren.

Are you a stepparent or considering becoming one? Do you know what is your parenting style? Find out by visiting here, http://supportforstepdads.com/2011/09/stepfathers-style/.

Parenting Guide: Parenting Help for Special Needs Children

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 11:10:00 +0000

By Noah B Brown

Children are always a blessing to their parents but it takes a lot of hard work to raise a happy, healthy and productive child to adulthood. That hard work seems to triple for those who are raising special needs children. It's more than a full-time job and there are days that make it seem like somebody set the clock ahead by several hours! Stop and breathe. There is parenting help available for those raising special needs kids.
Talk To Your Family
Your family can provide much support to you and your child. They can watch your children for a couple of hours to give you a little break and some time for yourself. If they've raised a special needs child, they very well might have parenting help tips to make your life easier.
Your Child's Doctor
A child's physician can be a great asset to those seeking parenting help for their special children. More than likely, he will have a variety of pamphlets and handouts offering advice on a range of child development stages. If you are experiencing a specific problem, he should be able to give you more detailed advice or suggest that you attend parenting classes. Either way, the Pediatrician is an option for advice on raising your child.
Parenting Classes
Many people begin to attend parenting classes as soon as they find out that they are expecting a baby. This is a wonderful idea but it is important that they remember that they will need to attend new classes for each of the child development stages. There are some parenting help facilities that offer parenting classes specifically for those raising special needs kids. For those who are having financial difficulties and would like to attend parenting classes but cannot afford to, there are free ones at many YMCAs, hospitals and local health departments.
Support Groups
Quite a few localities have support groups targeted for people with special needs kids. This is a great venue to obtain parenting help from others in the same situation. A support group will allow you to share your thoughts and feelings with others with similar circumstances. This helps every parent of a special needs child re-energize and cope with the trials and tribulations of life.
Support groups are also a good place to make new friends. You might even find someone in your own neighborhood that you can hang out with, especially if your children share child development stages. This would be a win-win situation as you and your special needs child will both have a new friend.
The Government
Believe it or not; many special needs children can receive financial help from the government. Of course, government aid will depend upon the severity of the child's disability as well as the family's income level. Although this is not technically parenting help, it is helpful for the parent to afford the necessities of raising a special needs child. These programs are worth looking into for your child.
Another option that isn't so much parenting help but is helpful is government health insurance, more commonly known as Medicaid. This is a program for low income families so that they have access to the medical care they need. Let's face it; medical care is very expensive as are health insurance premiums and co-payments. You might be pleasantly surprised to find that not only will your special needs child be covered by Medicaid but the rest of your family might be eligible too. This could truly be a good thing for your household budget and your financial well-being.

Noah Brown is a freelance writer who writes extensively on child parent relationships and offer parenting help to live a healthy, happy family life. She encourages her readers to watch motivating parenting videos which offer good parenting advice and teach kids to be good human beings and be successful.

Effective Parenting: How to Become a Better and an Insightful Parent - Learn How to Strike a Balance As a Child Caregiver?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 15:17:00 +0000

By Anselm Anyoha

Am so sure you want to become a better parent to children...Read this and i assure, you will be!

Every parent wants to be the best. This article will help you become a better and a more insightful parent. A well raised child is a win for the family and the society.

Parenting is challenging, especially to those who do not have earlier experience. There are cultural, social and geographical influences to styles of parenting. My experience, growing up in Nigeria, is that children tend to stay closer to families longer, compared to a western culture, like that of United States of America, where kids tend to assume independence at early age.

There are usually two main ways of raising children. One way, is to continuously control and safeguard them, and set cultural acceptable rules and standard of behavior. Parents who adopt this style run every facets of their kids life until way into their late teens, and perhaps into their early adult life.

This method of child nurturing is generational, and evolve from extended parental concern that their newborns are vulnerable to external factors and therefore need protection at all times. As such parents would never let their children venture out on their own until they have earned a certain level of maturity.

The downside to this technique is a tendency for over-parenting. Elements of over-parenting is seen when mothers or fathers wouldn't let their teenage children answer straightforward questions on their own. Excessive intrusion may create conflict between child and caregivers. Children who were excessively sheltered from direct life experience are often unprepared for expanded real life encounter.

The second style, the laissez-faire style, now trending, is for child caregivers to let their children slug to it out on their own, beginning at a very early age. These parents are brazen with their youngsters. You see some elements of laissez-faire parenting style when Infants are compelled to start toilet training at 6 months of age, or when toddlers are expected to prepare their own meals or, allowed to use public toilet without supervision.

The downside to the laissez-faire approach is under-parenting. Children who are left to venture out on their own at a very early age may learn the wrong ways of doing things. Bad behaviors ingrained in childhood may be hard to shake.

The effects of technology on family dynamics is mixed. On one side, because of availability of communication gadgets, members of a family can stay close even when they are physically apart. On the flip side, members of family have begun to be submerged in their own technology world, to the extent that they lose the emotional closeness that once existed within a family.

Strike a balance in your parenting skills

Introduce your standard early. Child rearing starts early. When one establishes a feeding time, or a nursing time or a sleeping time, that is part of parenting. The child's growing brain is taking all that in, and expects continuation of the same pattern.
Striking the right tone and balance is the way to go. At a certain point in a child's life, caregivers must let go, so that child can try learned experience and behaviors.
Do not be rigid in your styles. Flexibility allows the child to experience alternative ways of doing things. Direct experience imparts a stronger impression on children's psyche.
Each child learns and follows directions differently. Recognize that and adapt to each child's need.
Give some leeway, but be there when needed. Children want the assurance that parents or other caregivers will be there for them when the need arises.
Use incentive to your advantage. Be congratulatory when a child shows expected behavior. Everybody repeats behavior that attracts rewards and praise.
Be reasonable. Development and maturity is biological. Do not push your children beyond what they are biological able to do. It creates frustration and resentment.
The worst part of parenting is to give a child everything they ask for, and never willing to demand anything in return.

In conclusion

Parental supervision is invaluable in the sense that an experienced child caregiver knows what worked and what didn't work and can inculcate that wisdom into their children.

He is the Author of a new book: Automated Man, Thought Inheritance, And the Cycle of Existence. Check it out at: http://universetheorybook.com/

Effective Parenting Guide: How To Choose The Best Private Tutor For Your Child

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 20:18:00 +0000

By Stuart J Adams

For many parents trying to choose the right tutor, it can be a bit like choosing a car if you've never driven one before. You know you want one that's 'good' but it can be a bit confusing knowing how to judge what makes one good or not. Although there's plenty of 'user friendly' advice resources that first time car buyers can find online, finding someone to help you know how to choose the best tutor is a lot more difficult, even though the tutor you choose for your son or your daughter may well be a far more important decision that impacts their future than most others you will have to make. Your child's tutor is after all, not just another teacher; they will be your son or daughters own personal role model.

Why It's So Important To Choose The Right Tutor

Whether our kids are struggling with their confidence or just struggling with everything; parents who know their children well enough know full well, that the attitude they form towards their schoolwork will have the biggest impact on their performance. And the attitude they establish is largely determined by their surroundings.

You know how the class they are in at school has a big impact on how well they perform? A different teacher and a different group of classmates can make a big difference sometimes. Well consider that when we're talking a private one-on-one tutor, the difference here can be even bigger. If you get a tutor who does not understand the way your child learns best, who makes each lesson boring or tedious and does not make learning specifically relevant to your child, then the overall experience will be a negative one.

So if your son or daughter has already established a negative feel towards the areas they need more help, then this is the last thing you want. Get a tutor who has the ability to change the way your child thinks about and feels towards their schoolwork in a positive way however, and the rest will fall into place from there.

Are They A Teacher Or Just A Student?

Just like a first time car buyer might be looking for a car "that goes fast" or that is the right color many parents who are uncertain what to look for in a tutor make the same common assumptions. The most common one is that a classroom school teacher makes the best tutor. Whilst a classroom teacher certainly would have some of the right experiences and understandings about learning and about classroom curriculum, not all school teachers make good tutors and not all great tutors are school teachers. It's a bit like the confused car owner looking for something safe, who buys a 4WD with the assumption that being a 4WD automatically makes it safer. In may be, but not necessarily. Having a better idea of what personal attributes to look for would put you in a far better position to make the right decision.

Personality - A Good Tutor Is A People Person

The most important personal attribute of any good tutor is the ability to communicate in a way that makes the learner feel motivated, enthusiastic and confident in their ability to master and enjoy whatever challenges come along. In other words, a good tutor must have good people skills, particularly when it comes to making learning fun and interesting for young students.

They must be able to explain complicated concepts in a way that 'makes sense' to their student, and must be able to do so in a way that inspires their student want to engage in what they are learning. No matter what the tutors qualifications, work experience or job title is, if they are not able to do that then they will fail your child.

Whilst many school teacher's and highly qualified professions are great at doing this, we have not found any significant correlation between these personal attributes and any specific qualifications. Instead, we do find significant correlations between these attributes and specific personality traits. For that reason, a good tutoring company will look at a tutors communication style and personality; not just the degrees they hold or the marks they achieved at school or university.

Should I Just Find Someone Privately?

You might be able to find a tutor who works in a 'sole trader' role in your local area. Just as buying a car from a private sale might be a bit cheaper than getting one through a reputable dealer with a warranty, finding someone operating as an individual for cash in hand jobs might be cheaper too, however there is also much less certainty about the reliability of who you're getting.

If you are going to find someone this way, it is still important to find out if they follow the above criteria by asking them what their approach to tuition is specifically. Depending on how much you value legitimacy and legal requirements, you might also wish to make sure that they have passed a working with children check, hold a valid liability insurance policy and that they're willing to provide you with invoices and other legitimate paperwork.

As a general rule, it is always better and more reliable to find a tutor employees by a reputable company. The question that parent's want answered therefore is how to know whether a particular company really does provide a good quality service, or whether they just look good on the surface. The following gives you some guidelines to know what to look for.

How To Differentiate A Good Tutoring Company From A Dud

The first way to tell is to have a look at their recruitment process, by pretending as though you are looking for work with that company as a tutor. Which criteria do they emphasize as being the most important? Do the seem more preoccupied with things that can be quantified on a piece of paper, or attributed that are qualified in a personality?

The second thing is to make sure that the company provides specific training to their tutors, and stipulates that their tutors follow a specified approach. If they don't, then basically all the company is doing is acting as a middleman, whilst sending you out a tutor to do whatever the tutor pleases. This is kind of like buying a car without knowing anything about the car that you're being sold, other than that it's a car that has passed the dealerships standards.

This is actually a common problem you will find among tutoring companies. The reason that they often do not provide specific training or required procedures to their tutors is because quite often, the tutors are sub contractors rather than employees. A company can't really require a sub contractor to follow company rules the same way an employee must. Sub contractors are cheaper to provide work to, which is why many tutoring companies do it this way. For this reason, always ask whether the tutor is an employee or a sub contractor, and if they are an employee; what kind of training to they receive and what kind of standards does the company require them to adhere to? If the company is confident in their own standards, they should have no problem providing you with specific details.

What Standards Are Important For A Tutoring Company

Specific Curriculum: Many tutoring companies have their own curriculum that their tutors are required to follow, irrespective of what areas the student needs specific help with and irrespective of what the student is doing at school during class. For students who are already achieving top marks at class and want to extend their skills, then this approach can be like 'cross training'. For students struggling in particular areas and want to do better in class, this approach tends to be confusing and overwhelm the student.

For this reason, make sure that the company specifies that their tutors take steps to ensure that they find our specifically what your child is doing in class, and follow their classroom curriculum. Make sure they also take steps to find out what your child needs specific help with, and is flexible enough to be able to focus on those areas.

Communication With School: The most effective way of doing this is when the tutor actually takes steps to communicate with the child's teacher(s) at school. If your tutor is able to form a good rapport with your child's school teacher, it is a great way to bridge the gap of communication between the home and the school. It helps the tutor know specifically what is going on in the classroom. If there are particular areas that your child's school teacher knows they need more assistance with that they do not have time for, they can just tell their tutor who can give them the added assistance they really need.

Because this is such a critical part of good tuition, you should not only insist that your child's tutor is willing to communicate with your child's school teacher, but that they are willing to initiate communication.

No Lock In Contracts: If you are not happy with your tutor, you should be under no obligation to continue with them, and only be charged for the lessons you have already had. Any company who wants to charge you up front fees or lock in contracts should be avoided. If the company knows that their employees are great tutors, there should be no need to do this.

Focus On Specific Skills: Ask about what specific skills the company's employees are required to focus on. Do they focus on computer skills as well as no computer skills, or is it only one or the other? Do they focus on specific confidence building strategies, or will they treat your child as an emotionless robot? Do they also provide opportunity to focus on assessment skills, higher order thinking skills and autonomous leaning skills? Do they specifically aim to find out what kind of learning styles your child is strongest in, or do they treat everyone as though they are the same?

Additional Support: A good tutoring company does more than just provide parents with a tutor. A good tutoring company cares about understanding each parents specific concerns, and aims to empower parents to know what they can do to support their children's learning needs. Check the companies website to see if they have a login section for parents, and find out what additional resources and support services they provide for parents specifically, or are they just a middleman?

For more resources and information on choosing the right Tutors Sydney, see the Home Tutoring Sydney website for more details.

Effective Parenting Guide: How To Prepare Your Child For Private Tutoring

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 20:17:00 +0000

By Stuart J Adams

Once you find the right tutor, it is very important to prepare your son or daughter to be in the right frame of mind so that they can get the best out of their tuition. After all, if you're going to go to the effort to make sure you've found the right tutor for them, you might as well take a few simple steps to ensure that they are ready to get the best results that they can.

There is no complicated procedure in place here; it basically comes down to making sure you speak about the idea of getting a tutor in a positive light, as though it were a reward or a special privilege. The first thing to be aware of is to make sure that you only ever speak to your child about the idea of tuition when they are in a positive state of mind. When you can see that they are already in a confident state, then is the best time to discuss the idea to get a great tutor.

Some questions you might try asking to 'warm them up' to the idea might include asking them about which teachers at school they like and don't like. When introducing the idea of a tutor, discuss the idea in a way so that it feels like a special privilege or reward, rather than a chore or a punishment. The ideal situation is where you manage to plant a seed of thought into your son or daughters mind about the excitement of having their own personal helper. If done in the right positive light, your child may even ask you or indicate that they want their own tutor. If the child feels that it is even partly their idea, then they are almost always going to have a much more positive response, and approach tuition with excitement rather than intimidation.

WHAT YOU CAN DO DO DURING THE LESSONS

Irrespective of your son or daughters expectations about meeting their new tutor for the first time, it is important that they see the experience as one that fosters encouragement, hope and excitement. It is common that even parents might feel a bit nervous about meeting a new tutor. It is important however that your child see you demonstrating a positive attitude both about your new tutor as well as to your new tutor.

To start off with, there are likely going to be lots of concerns that you'd like to discuss with the tutor. Please make sure that any 'problems' or anything at all that your child might feel insecure about are not discussed in front of them. You can always contact your tutor by phone or email to talk about these issues when your son or daughter is not present. We find that one of the most encouraging things is that when parents talk about something with the tutor that their child is proud of, whilst conversing in front of them. Even if it's not necessarily related to the areas the tutor will be covering, it is an important part of the process of getting your child to feel comfortable enough with their new tutor to 'open up' and get the most out of their tuition sessions.

WHAT YOU CAN DO AFTER THE LESSONS

It is important that the student feel a sense of 'control' over their situation, and that it is 'their tutor' not their parents tutor. As mentioned before, to get the best results, it is important to wait until your son or daughter is in a good mood before discussing anything about their tutor. When you find that they are in a positive state, it is best to ask questions about their tuition that are positively worded, or even open ended, so that they retain a sense of empowerment about the topic they are speaking about.

Examples of positively worded questions may be "so how good is it having your own tutor?" "What do you like best about your tutor?" and "What parts are starting to seem a bit easier now?" If your child seems a bit hesitant about how to respond, many parents report that using open-ended questions can be helpful so that they still feel a sense of empowerment, whereas close -ended questions can make them feel "backed into a corner."

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO SEE RESULTS?

The answer to this question depends on what you're looking for. Imagine a person throws a handful of seeds in the soil with the intention of growing a tree. A short while later, one of the seeds have germinated and has started to grow into a shrub. The person looking on however does not see the tree they were expecting, and as a result abandoned their efforts before the tree had the chance to fully grow.

If your student has been struggling with a particular subject area, whether it be literacy, numeracy or even both; it's important you know how to judge whether or not 'it's working' by knowing what the signs of short term improvements are and what the signs of long term improvements are.

The first signs of improvement will generally take at least 4-8 lessons, and will manifest as a slight change in your child's attitude. The biggest hurdle to improving their skills is to first improve their confidence towards doing the things they previously believed they were no good at. Remember that it probably took many months or even years to establish the problematic mindset. If you start to see even small improvements in the way your child feels towards their schoolwork in as little as 4 -8 hours worth of tutoring, you can rest assure they are on the right track.

If you're not sure, the easiest way to tell is to pick up on subtle clues, such as their facial expressions and the tone in their voice when they are speaking about the subject. Most parents whose children go on to turn their weakness into their strengths, generally report that after the first 1-2 months, their children's attitude has gone from "I really don't like this" to at least "I'm not too keen on it but I'm not so bothered by it anymore." Then about 6 months down the track, their attitude is likely to evolve into "actually I don't mind this at all anymore" whilst the 12 month mark is likely to result in a greater expression of certainty. By the time a year is up, the student may or may not like the subject that was previously their Achilles heel, but at least the uncertainty they had about it previously will have worn away, to develop into, at very least, a comfortable understanding.

Whether or not your child is 'connecting' with their tutor is another important thing to ensure too. The best way to judge this is to see how your child appears in the hour or two leading up to the tutor's arrival. For the first few weeks, you might detect a bit of anxiety, however this may be because they are worries that they will 'disappoint' their new role model. The best way to tell if their tutor is not having much impact is when your child simply doesn't seem to care less about whether the tutor shows up or not. Any signs of anticipation, whether they be mild signs of excitement or even nervous signs of wanting to impress, are all an indication that your child is at least 'looking forward' to their arrival. If they look forward to their tutoring, they are more likely to be 'open' during the lesson, take more in and be motivated to want to get more out of it.

see the Top of the Class Tutoring Sydney website.

Effective Parenting: Getting Help For Bullying Starts With Discovering The Key Bullying Clues From Your Children

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 20:09:00 +0000

As parents do you want to uncover specific bullying-related behavior that your child may be involved in or observe in others?

As a parent do you want to know how to address bullying?

Do you want to help your child stop or prevent bullying?
If your answer is YES...then this post is for YOU! Join Dr. Joel Haber

Read and enjoy!

By Joel Haber, Ph. D

The following questions are designed to help parents uncover specific bullying-related behavior that their children may be involved in or observe in others. By asking behavior-specific questions designed around the places where your child may be bullied, you can find out the information you need to effectively counter that bullying. You can tailor these questions to your specific situation. Good questions address specific behavior and are not open-ended.

Try to think about the information you want to obtain. Maybe it is a general set of questions about how each part of your child's social life is going. Let's take a school example. Begin addressing the first part of the day when children go to school. If your child goes to school on a bus, you would begin by addressing the specifics on the school bus. If there is a bus ride, it's essential to ask about it because bullying happens when supervision is lean and supervision may be absent on the bus. If the child walks to school, you'll want to find out if anyone greets her or if she ever takes a different path to avoid anyone.

Think about those places where your child may be with less supervision and ask questions about those areas: recess (playing a game or sports), lunch, bus, hallway, locker room, bathroom, in line, walking to and from school, or waiting for pickup. By thinking about those places where your child may be away from supervision, you can begin to think how to specifically address those areas. These may be better questions to ask your child to get specific answers and information that may alert you to a problem:

Who do you talk to on the bus?
Do you sit with the same children every day?
Has this child ever sat with someone else?
Who did you sit with that day?
Have you ever sat alone?
What would you do if that child were out sick, or who would you sit with if you had to find another child?
Does anyone ever get picked on, called names, or teased during the bus ride?
Does this ever happen to you?
Do you ever do this to someone else?
Does anyone ever get knocked out of his seat on the bus?
Has this ever happened to you?
Do kids act like there are assigned seats and has anyone ever challenged that?
Has anyone ever been mad at you for sitting in his or her seat?
What did that person do to you?
Who do you eat lunch with every day?
Does it ever happen that your group isn't there, and if so, who would you join for lunch?
Do you have someone to play with during recess?
Who did you play with at recess today?
Do you notice if anyone is being teased, picked on, or left out at lunch or recess?
Does anyone ever get left out of a game at recess? Or not have the ball passed to
him on purpose?
Does this ever happen to you?
Who would you tell if it did happen to you? If the child reveals that incidents like this
do happen to him...
Do your friends know?
Have you ever asked them to help you?
Have you spoken to anyone in school about this?
What adults do you feel safe with in school?
What kids do you feel safe with in school?
Has anyone who has seen this reported it to an adult?
Does your school have any way that you can report this without feeling like it will make things worse?

The early questions about who he sits with on the bus, who he plays with at recess, etc., are meant to check whether your child has friends around in the places where bullying thrives. A child who has friends has a buffer. If the child is being bullied despite having friends around, these friends may need help understanding how to help.

Asking whether your child has ever witnessed bullying may be easier for your child to answer than if you begin by asking if she's ever been a target. Once she's talking about the subject and has seen that your reaction is compassionate rather than judgmental, she may feel less embarrassed to tell you about her own experiences. The third set of questions establishes how comfortable your child and her peers feel about seeking help from others.

You may discover that she's already told a teacher, or that she didn't know she should. You may discover that she would rather eat mud than "tattle." Your objective during this stage is not to lecture your child or convince her of what she should do, but merely to gather information. Your child may talk freely about some questions and not others.

Be sure to watch your child's facial expressions, tone, and change of emotion when you ask specific questions. Avoidance of some questions or hesitation when answering can alert you to a possible problem. You don't want to bully your child to answer what she doesn't feel comfortable answering, but please take note, and refer back to any question or response that seemed to make your child uncomfortable. It is only

Get Help for Bullying from Dr. Joel Haber: Bullying Expert, Counselor, Speaker and Author

Dr. Joel Haber is a Clinical Psychologist and nationally recognized parenting expert who has dedicated more that 20 years to the prevention of abusive behaviors in children and adults.He is a sought after speaker on the topic of bullying and bullying behavior. And works with families of bullying victims and those who actually do the bullying.

What We Can Do About Bullying - A Parents Guide

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 19:30:00 +0000

As a parent do you want to know how to address bullying?
Do you want to help your child stop or prevent bullying?
If YES...then this article is for YOU!
Read, enjoy it!

The aftereffects of bullying can be serious, which is why parents need to understand how to address bullying. Parents can help their children learn important strategies that can help them stop or prevent bullying. Some of the best strategies for parents can include getting involved more with their children, supporting children who have become victims of bullies and raising awareness of this problem. If you are looking for more answers to help you address bullying with your children, here are more helpful tips and ideas for parents that can help stop or prevent bullying in the future.

Know the Symptoms

One of the best things parents can do to help prevent or stop bullying is to know the symptoms of bullying. In most cases, children will not come right out and tell their parents that they are being bullied. In many cases, they are afraid to break the silence, which is why parents need to take the time to know the symptoms that may clue them in that their child is being bullied. Some of the common symptoms of bullying include: anxiety, vague physical problems like stomaches and headaches, fearfulness, sudden dislike of school, feeling sick on school days, damaged belongings, unexplained bruises and nightmares.

Talking to Your Child

If you do notice that your child is displaying some of the symptoms of bullying, it is important to talk to your child. However, an indirect approach usually works best for most children. Instead of asking outright about bullying, try talking to your child about school, their friends, how they spend their time at lunch or how things are going on the school bus. You may also want to ask your child whether they have noticed if there are any bullies at school. They don't have to admit to being bullied right away to answer this question. The next step is to simply listen to your child. Give them time to talk to you about how things are going at school. If they talk to you about bullying, work on listening and understanding. Avoid showing anger or distress.

Become an Advocate

Another thing parents can do to deal with bullying is to become an advocate for their child at school or any other place their child is being bullied. If the bullying is occurring at school, get involved, talking with your child's teach and the authorities at school to help address the problem quickly. Make sure that the school authorities are made aware of the bullying problem and be sure to keep your own written records of any bullying incidents, meetings you have had with teachers or meetings with other school officials.

Other Solutions

Of course, there are other solutions you can use to help deal with bullying as well. Safety training workshops can often be used at schools to help teach kids about nonviolent ways to resolve conflicts. Enrolling children in martial arts programs is another excellent idea. Martial Arts programs help to teach kids ways to deal with conflicts, they can help improve a child's self-esteem and work to build up self-confidence in kids as well. Some parents avoid martial arts programs because they think they focus on violence. This is not the case. Martial Arts training focuses on teaching children the skills they need to avoid conflict in the first place, which is important for children who may face problems with bullying at school or in other places.

By Robert L. Jones

The Single Parenting Guide: Raising Kids Alone

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 19:09:00 +0000

Are you a single parent with child?

If you are, then this article is a most read.

Read and enjoy!

Raising a family requires the teamwork of parents. However, there are situations when this is not possible because the dad passed away or a single-parent household is better because of unresolved differences of parents. Though it is ideal to raise children with two parents, sometimes parents living together will just create havoc for the children; thus, it would be better if they live separately. If the parents have problems getting along well, their children will be in an environment of constant disagreements and their kids might even witness physical fights.

Whether you lost your husband because of death or you lost him because you can no longer live amicably together, it is very important to keep your focus on the future of your family (your kids minus your husband) and not be discouraged. In either situation, death or your better half turned into your bitter half; you can get something positive from this untoward incident in your life by changing your perspective and channeling your energy to move forward instead of whining and feeling sorry for yourself.

Refuse to entertain the idea that your children will become failures just because you will be raising them alone. Look around you and notice the support available. It can come from your parents, family, friends and even your kids. You just need to keep a positive outlook.

Raise Responsible Children

Do not be afraid to talk to your children about your family's situation. Regardless of their age, be open in discussing your situation. Your children will then feel more comfortable asking questions and they will be open to you about their feelings. It is best that your children get answers from you than from other people. You will be the best person to give them an explanation. Your communication will also enable you to build a strong bond with your children. Teach them to accept that your family is different but that doesn't mean that they are less fortunate than other children. Teach them to strive harder in their studies and inculcate the value of hard work and responsibility. Children in single-parent households usually become responsible earlier than kids in two-parent households because necessity requires them to develop this trait.

Love and Respect for Others

It is important that you teach your children about love and respect for others. No matter what has transpired between you and their dad, there was love in your relationship. Teach them the value of living at peace and in harmony with themselves as well as with other people. Though they may not agree with the opinions of other people, they must listen and respect other people's points of view. Their responsibility is to listen and weigh these opinions versus their own personal thoughts without being rude, biased or immediately showing negative reactions. Actions speak louder than words; thus, you must walk your talk. You must be in good speaking terms with your ex-husband and must respect him as their dad.

Value Life and Enjoy It

Show them that you value life and enjoy it. Life is a blessing though life's journey requires you to go through hills and valleys. There will always be good times and bad times; otherwise, you will not know the difference and experience the joys of success. Remind your kids that failures are their stepping stones to reach their goals. Keep them focused at the rainbow at the end of the storm.

When they are in the valley they must count their blessings. While in the valley, teach them to change their perspective and look at problems as challenges. When they hit a roadblock they must look for alternative routes. If life hits them with lemons, they must collect these and make lemonade juice. Guide your children to go through obstacles and become better persons because of the experience.

Teach them the serenity prayer - "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Single parenting has its disadvantages but if you are in a situation that you cannot avoid being a single mom, do not be discouraged. Change your perspective and you will reap the benefits of raising your kids alone. Remember that you are faced not with a problem but with a challenge. Your children are not doomed just because you are a single mom. In fact, your children can be responsible and they will learn about love and respect at an earlier age. They will become stronger as they face life's struggles. They will also learn that a positive outlook in life will bring positive outcomes.

By Fade O Adenile of http://helpingsinglemoms.blogspot.com/

Effective Parenting: Five Good Parenting Skills for Parents in a Hurry

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 19:03:00 +0000

As a parent...in a hurry read and enjoy this,it will help you.

You are a busy parent. When you are not at the job, you are running your children around to their appointments and activities. Shouldn't that be enough? No, your children still need you to relate to them on a personal and encouraging level.

Here are five shortcuts to meeting their emotional needs:

First, drop your child a written note from time to time. Put your note in your children's lunch boxes or in their school notebooks. Your notes do not have to be fancy or embarrassing. Here is an example of a quick note.

"Hi Paula, I hope you are having a great day. I am thinking of you and looking forward to being with you this weekend. Love Mom (or Dad)."

Secondly, offer your child an invitation from time to time. Many parents meet their children at the breakfast table with only a critical eye. Parents mean well. They tell their children to remember their back packs, finish their breakfasts, and get their teeth brushed before heading out the door.

How about letting your child hear friendly banter before leaving for school? How about giving your child a big smile and saying, "Hey, why don't we do something special together this Sunday? A movie? A drive? What would you like us to do together?" By asking to spend time with your child, you are letting your child know how important he or she is, without taking a lot of time from your morning routine.

Third, why not throw out a genuine form of praise to your child? All children have strengths. Unfortunately, many children hear their shortcomings more than their strong points from the adults around them. Most adults think they are helping children when they give constructive criticism. To a point, constructive criticism is fine, but certainly not all the time. Why not tell your child, as he is heading out the door: "Hey Johnny, you are smart. I know you will do well in school today." That sentence takes about two seconds to say but could last a lifetime for a child.

Fourth, give your child a small gift from time to time. You do not have to spend a lot of money. You can pick up a stuffed animal from a garage sale for 50 cents, or you could give your child a gift certificate for a back massage. The point is that a small gift lets your child know he or she is special to you.

You will not spoil your child by this act of kindness. Sure, if you were showering your child with gifts all the time, even if your child would not help you around the house or refused to stop talking back to you, then you would certainly be spoiling your child. However, a child who is cooperative and who is trying hard, deserves a reward sometimes.

Fifth and finally, tell your child: "I love you." It takes about a second to say these words but the effects are monumental. Children who feel loved are more confident, happy, and often more healthy. Aren't these the greatest gifts you could ever give your child? Taking a few minutes to make your child feel special will make you feel special too.

By Yvonne A Jayne

Effective Parenting: 10 Nasty Tastes Sometimes Used to Discipline Kids

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 18:56:00 +0000

Yea you read that well...Nasty tastes,to discipline...you asked?

I was also shocked and i pondered on it too,when i got it from http://nanny.net

But think this will help you when it comes to discipline....Please read and enjoy!

I've mostly heard of people doing subjecting their kids to some pretty foul-tasting items when dealing with a child that bites, but I can think of a few other occasions when it might be used as a punishment. And while I’m not a big believer in this type of discipline, I would say it’s a better tactic than hitting your child. Here are ten nasty tasting items that are sometimes used to discipline kids.

Cider vinegar: This bitter-tasting vinegar is often put into a small bottle with a dropper. Whenever a small child bites another person you immediately put a dropper full of cider vinegar in their mouth. The idea is that they will equate the biting with the nasty taste and thus stop the behavior.
Tabasco: This method has been called “hot saucing” and has made it to the mainstream in the news. It has been touted as being a form of child abuse because of its spicy nature. I can see how it could be if used too often or if you give them too much, however in moderation it’s just another way to deter bad behavior in a child. For instance, instead of giving a child a spanking they get hot sauce in their mouth.
Soap: Have you ever had your mouth washed out with soap for saying a naughty word? The threat of getting your mouth washed out with soap is a pretty common one, and I know people who have say that once you’ve had it done you don’t ever want to do anything that causes that sort of punishment again. I know I’ve tasted soap by accident before and it is a pretty quick response to start spitting it out.
Mavala stop: If you aren’t familiar with this product by its name, it is a product that you can by online to stop nail biting. Many parents have lost their cool trying to get their son or daughter to stop biting their nails, and have tried several tactics with no success, such as trying to shame them out of it by telling them that their nails look terrible and that it’s a disgusting habit. Unfortunately once this habit takes hold it becomes a coping mechanism to relieve stress in both kids and adults alike. With Mavala stop you there’s been some success though; to use it you paint this product on the fingernails and the taste is supposed to make kids immediately take their fingers out of their mouths and eventually break the habit entirely.
Femite: Another often embarrassing habit is having your child suck their thumb past when it’s considered an acceptable behavior. Parents try to discipline their child in any number of ways to get them to stop sucking their thumb, but if nothing is working then you may want to try using Femite. Similar to the Mavala stop, this bitter tasting product is painted on the thumb and it will stay on through multiple washings. Some people think it’s mean because children use thumb sucking for comfort, but parents can be willing to try anything to get the behavior to stop.
Lemon juice: Lemon juice is often considered bitter or very sour and unpleasant for kids and adults alike. Sometimes when parents are having problems with their child biting another child or saying bad words they’ll use lemon juice as a form of punishment. People even recommend dipping a child’s thumb in lemon juice to get them to stop sucking their thumb.
Thum: This is another product that you can buy online that is a commercially produced product with a less than pleasant taste that can be used to discipline a child who sucks their thumb or bites their nails. The product is painted on for thumb sucking or fingers for nail biting.
Control-it: A product created in order to help kids control their nail biting, this stuff tastes really bad and will stay on your hands through many hand washings. Punishing kids for biting their nails is very common. I know that parents think that they are helping and will use any method out there as the end result will be worth any amount of flavor punishment for their child. Nail biting has been linked to other self-mutilations as a child gets older and can lead to infections.
Pepper: By dipping a child’s thumb in lemon juice and then pepper the pepper will stick to the child’s thumb. It is a very nasty flavor when the child forgets that they aren’t supposed to suck their thumb and they put that straight strong pepper flavor in their mouth. They will probably be coughing and looking for water when this happens. Pepper and pepper sauce are both used for disciplining children.

10. Bitter apple: When I hear this I think of the stuff you spray on chair legs or something to stop your puppy from chewing. Apparently there are parents that also use this product as a form of disciplining their children. Like several of the products listed here, it’s usually used to stop them from biting other children or to stop them from sucking on their thumb or biting their nails. In fact, the bulk of these nasty tastes seem to be related to stopping a behavior related to biting, chewing or sucking. The tabasco is the only one I’ve heard for general disobedience.

What to do you think?

If You Want Your Children To learn From You, You Must Learn From Them - Lessons I Learned From My Children

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 13:01:00 +0000

As a Parent,what we desire the most is to raise good and well discipline children,

children who will listen and obey us,

children who will learn from us seems we have more experience than them(children).As a parent if that's what you want,you need to read this article...it will help you a lot!

Lessons I Learned From My Children

By Elisabeth Elsworth

My Daughter

I've always been a planner and a motivated person, so as a teenager, I had big plans for my life. Those plans all changed quickly, when at 16 I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend, who was three years older than me, convinced me that we should have the baby and get married. I was really unsure about that, but wanted to do the "right thing", so I went ahead and married him. It quickly became obvious that our marriage was not going to last, so I prayed for a girl because I knew it would be easier to raise a girl on my own.

My daughter was born three months after I turned 17. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. From that tiny little girl I learned what it meant to love someone unconditionally. She is now, and always has been, a loving and delightful person, a warm and open spirit. She's a wonderful daughter and friend.

As most mothers do, I hoped she'd make better choices than I did and get to do some of the things I didn't get to. But one winter day, when she was 20, while we were having lunch, I could tell there was something she wasn't telling me. I finally asked, "What is it you're not telling me?" She burst into tears and handed me an ultrasound picture. I was dumbstruck. I know my daughter very well, and was surprised she could keep this from me for five months. I told her everything would be fine, we'd make it work. I asked who the father was, assuming it was a guy from high school that I knew she'd been seeing. She started crying more. Turns out she had been dating a guy that I didn't know about. The reason I didn't know about him is because he was black and she didn't think I'd approve.

I grew up in a small, very white town in the Midwest. A place where everyone looked the same and acted the same. I learned from my mother not to be prejudiced, and did not think I was. I thought inter-racial relationships were fine - for other people. I doubted that my husband would be able to accept this situation, and knew that my dad would not.

I am not proud to admit that I was devastated. What would other people think? And even worse, I doubted myself. I confided in a friend that I wasn't sure if I'd be able to accept the baby. She said, "Yes you will. That's who you are. You will love her unconditionally."

I was in the room when my granddaughter was born. It was the most moving experience of my life. I loved her instantaneously. My daughter married the father and they had two more children, a boy and another girl. I am so blessed to have those kids in my life. They are the nicest, sweetest kids I've ever encountered. I've never given a thought to my earlier fears. And as for the rest of my family, they all stepped up too, and there has never been an issue. In this day and age, one wouldn't think there would be an issue, but remember, I'm from a small Midwestern town, and attitudes change slowly, if at all.

A few years ago, my daughter started getting tattoos. I was not impressed. To me, tattoos were so trashy. I really hated it and couldn't resist telling her so. Finally, I realized that it was her body, and if that was the way she chose to express herself, that was her choice. I still think it's unattractive, but that just means I don't have to get tattoos if I don't like them. It doesn't change who my daughter is, it doesn't mean she's "bad" or whatever other negative things I had previously associated with tattoos. It's just a form of self-expression that doesn't hurt or in any way affect anyone else.

So from my daughter I've learned unconditional love, that love is color blind, and to see beyond superficial things and accept people for who they are. My daughter is one of the most loving and open minded people I know, and she's taught me to be more that way also.

My Oldest Son

After raising a daughter, and never having been exposed to little boys at all, I was not super excited when, 14 years later and on my second marriage, I found out that I was having a boy. I had viewed little boys as loud, messy, stinky, rambunctious and basically unnecessary creatures. And in reality, they pretty much are loud, messy, stinky and rambunctious! But they are also funny, adventurous, sweet, loving, and tender, at least at times.

I was secretly afraid that I couldn't love another child as much as I loved my daughter, so I was glad I was having a boy. I learned there was enough love in my heart for both of them, and that it was completely different.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 10. I had previously viewed that as an over-diagnosed condition that people used to medicate undisciplined kids. It's easy to think that, until you have one of those kids, and you realize the struggles they go through. So I did my research, and did everything I could to help him learn to control his impulses. From making sure he got enough sleep, watching his diet, trying different vitamins and supplements, helping him maintain a regular routine, monitoring his homework, to trying different medications, we tried it all. Some things helped, some didn't. I encouraged him in every sport and physical activity, but he just wasn't really in to anything. The reality is, he has his own personality and he had to want to excel, or make changes, himself and sometimes he really just didn't want to. He was content to just get by, and it didn't seem like anything really motivated him.

Unfortunately, around the age of 12 or 13 my son was introduced to marijuana by another kid in our neighborhood. I didn't find this out until many years later. But I knew by the age of 16 he was getting high on a regular basis, and he began experimenting with alcohol and other substances, legal and illegal. When he was 17 he was arrested for stealing cough syrup from Walmart. He was put on probation, but that did not deter him. He regularly failed his drug screens. He was sent to a drug education class. The very day of that class, he stole a bottle of vodka from a stash his dad had for a party. While we were outside having a party, my son was in the basement watching TV with friends. I checked on them regularly and suspected they were drinking something, and even looked for it, but couldn't find anything. Around 11:00 pm all the other kids had left, but I couldn't find my son. I went to the basement to see if he was there and found him passed out on the floor. I could not rouse him. I called 911. It's fortunate that I found him when I did because as I was talking with the 911 operator, she instructed me to roll my son onto his side. Within one minute of doing that, he started to vomit, while still unconscious. Had I not found him when I did, I'm sure he would've choked on his vomit and would've died. He was transported by ambulance to the hospital where he had a blood alcohol level of.21 - almost three times the legal limit. We were at the hospital for hours, where he was given an IV and monitored until his blood alcohol level got below the legal limit.

Since he was still on probation, this was a major violation and his probation officer was ready to have him picked up and taken to juvenile. I just couldn't see any benefit to that and we were allowed to send him instead on an Outward Bound trip for troubled kids. It was a two month trip in the boundary waters of northern Minnesota. I thought it would be a great experience for him, and over time he has admitted that it was, but in the end he was unable to make the changes he needed to make.

That was when I began to learn about addiction. Previously I had believed addiction was basically just a weakness of character, and calling it a disease was making an excuse for lack of self-control. I have since learned otherwise. Addiction issues often run in families, and have to do with your individual wiring. Just like some people are born with a predisposition towards diabetes or heart disease, some are also born with a predisposition to addiction.

In my typical fashion, I threw myself into trying to figure out how to control this and cure it. I embraced Al-anon and later Nar-anon. One of the hard lessons I learned in those meetings is that I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I couldn't cure it. That was hard for me to accept. My personality is such that I was sure with the sheer force of my will I was going to fix this thing. But in reality, all I did was drive myself crazy, and his behavior never changed.

Over the last four years, besides the Outward Bound trip, my son has been in rehab three times. He has been arrested on drug related charges at least three times that I know of. His last arrest was for stealing golf clubs while high on pain pills, and because he was already on probation for possession, the last arrest landed him in Drug Court. It was an option to keep him from being sent to prison. After only two months in Drug Court, he was sent to jail for 90 days for having numerous violations. At least that gave him 90 days sober, which was the longest stretch of sobriety he had had in years. He was then released to rehab, followed by a Sober Living facility, but he was on zero tolerance with Drug Court. Three months later he missed a drug screen, and that was it, they decided to terminate him from Drug Court. His attorney called saying a warrant had been issued for him and that he should turn himself in.

My son decided to run. He knew where he was going if he turned himself in. I begged him to come and stay with me until we could figure this thing out and talk to the attorney more, but instead he went to a friend's. I knew where he was for the first 12 hours, I even stopped by there to see him. That was the last time I saw him on the outside. For two days I texted and called him but he wouldn't answer my calls. He'd text back occasionally, telling me he was fine. I got a call from his probation officer, asking me if I knew where he was. I told her I didn't, but that I was worried. She said the Drug Court team was very concerned that he would overdose. That thought terrified me. I was concerned that he was using, but naively, the thought that he might overdose never occurred to me. I decided I would turn him in if I could find him. Can you imagine what point a mother has gotten to if she is willing to do that? He still refused to answer my calls and would only text saying not to worry. He reached out to my sister, who arranged to pick him up, but he didn't show. I was beside myself with worry.

The next morning I called the jail, and fortunately they had him there. I was relieved that he was in jail. At least then I knew he wasn't dead. Later that day he called me. He told me that he overdosed on heroin the night before and that the paramedics revived him, and took him to the hospital. Once he was stabilized, they picked him up on the warrant and took him to jail. Up until that point, I disagreed with everything that had happened in Drug Court, the way they handled the whole situation. I was so angry with "the system" for what they were doing to my son. Then I realized how wrong my thinking was. They weren't doing it to him, he was doing it to himself. I had been intervening for years, and this is where we had ended up. I decided that my way wasn't working, and I was going to have to let go and just accept that maybe someone else's way was what was needed, no matter how much I disagreed with it. That's been a hard thing to accept, but I had finally reached a point when there was absolutely nothing else I could do to save my son. I had tried everything in my power, everything I could possibly think of, and he still almost died.

The next time I saw him was two weeks later when he had to go back to Drug Court for a hearing. He came in wearing the orange jail jumpsuit, with his hands shackled to his waist and his feet shackled. My heart was broken at the site of him. After court, the bailiff allowed him to talk to me before taking him back to jail. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him. He laid his head on my shoulder and cried. I had previously told him if he went to prison that I wouldn't be visiting him, he would be on his own. But when it came down to it, I knew I couldn't do that. I couldn't kick him when he was down. I told him I knew I had said that, but that I would be there for him, that we'd get through this.

Two weeks later was his final court appearance, when they'd terminate him from Drug Court and sentence him to two years in prison - for possession (a crime against himself) and stealing golf clubs. I will never agree with this sentence. I think restitution would've been appropriate, or any number of other sentences, but two years in prison for a set of golf clubs? We paid more in court and legal fees than the golf clubs were even worth, the victim got no restitution, though he did get his clubs back. I'm still struggling with the "justice" in this situation.

I was literally sick to my stomach while I sat in court waiting for the inevitable. When the judge issued his sentence, the tears started flowing. I'm usually fairly stoic, hold my emotions in, and certainly don't display them in public, but I couldn't stop myself.

After court, my son asked the bailiff if he could talk to me and this time the bailiff wouldn't let him. I was on the other side of the rail, only three feet away, like the previous time. He was shackled as before. I said, "Please, I'm right here. Please let me talk to my son!" He said, "No! Stay back!" As if I was going to leap the rail or something. "Please! Please let me see him!" I was sobbing. He grabbed my son's arm and shoved him through the door. I've never cried so hard in my life. I was inconsolable. I sat down in the court room and bawled as everyone else filed out. A woman I had never seen before came up to me and said, "Are you his mother?" She put her arms around me, and just hugged me while I cried on her shoulder. She told me it would be fine, that maybe this is what would save his life. She talked to me like that for 5 - 10 minutes until I calmed down. I will never forget her and the kindness she showed me that day, and if I ever encounter a person in such distress as I was that day, I hope that I will have the compassion to respond in the same way.

My 20 year old son is now serving his sentence at a state penitentiary not too far from me. I'm able to visit him every other week. It's so hard to go there. To drive up to the facility, see the guard towers and razor wire fences and know that my son, my little boy, is locked up there. That he's in a dangerous place, that "rehabilitation" isn't even a concept in prison these days. That his first cell mate was a convicted murderer, that he's in with drug traffickers and child molesters. Again, I fail to see the "justice" here. And there's not a single thing I can do about it.

As I sit and wait for him to enter the visitors room, I feel so out of place. I've always been a "good girl". I never imagined anything like this would ever be part of my life. Then my son walks in, and he smiles his big smile and I'm so glad to see him, so glad that I can see him. I know that other parents' children haven't survived their drug addictions. And I console myself that at least he's alive, and I can still see him and talk to him. I cry when I hug him, and he says "It's OK momma, I'm OK".

So from my son I've learned that sometimes things aren't fair and there is nothing you can do it about it, and that's just life. I've learned that some people, for whatever reason, have to learn the hard way. I've learned that we all have our own journey, and that his journey isn't my journey, and I have to let him have his journey, regardless of how hard it is for me. I've learned that when you love someone unconditionally, you love them even when they make bad choices, but that I need to learn the difference between loving and enabling. I've learned that addiction is not a weakness of character, and that I should not be any more ashamed of having a son with the disease of addiction than if he was diabetic or had cerebral palsy or a heart condition. It's a condition, it's not who he is, and just like other medical conditions, it can be treated. But it does not have to define him.

My Youngest Son

There is only 17 months age difference between my sons. I wasn't particularly ready for another baby at the time, but what was I going to do? My youngest was the sweetest, most loving and patient baby ever. Two small boys were quite a handful and my daughter willingly and lovingly helped out without ever complaining.

I always knew my youngest son wasn't like the other boys. He liked playing dress up with his girl cousins, and loved playing with dolls. He didn't care for action figures, like his brother, but he loved girls. He was quite a flirt even. Once at a restaurant when he was about 6, he saw a teenage girl that he thought was pretty. He wrote his number in crayon on a piece of paper, walked up to her table and laid it down and said "Call me sometime!" I admired that boy's confidence! He always had tons of girls that were friends, and even some girlfriends. The girls loved him.

When he was about 10 I took him to a therapist for some family related issues, and the therapist commented that he was "an effeminate little fellow". I was somewhat offended. When he was around 12 I took him to my daughter's salon for a haircut, and one of her co-workers, a gay man, commented that "your little brother pinged my 'gaydar'". Again, I was offended. But my daughter always told me not to be surprised if one of these days we found out he was gay. I just didn't believe it. For one thing, I had no experience with that, for another, in my family it would be totally unacceptable, and to his dad - well it would just not be anything that could ever be discussed, let alone accepted. I thought it was fine if it was someone else's kid, but whole other story if it was mine.

At the end of 8th grade, I began to see warning signs that something was wrong, emotionally, with my son. He came to me crying one night, saying that he needed to see a therapist, but he didn't want to tell me why. He ended up talking to his pediatrician, who could not tell me anything, or give me any guidance about what I should do to help him with whatever was troubling him.

That summer I began to see pictures on his Facebook page that concerned me, him with an older boy, his arm around the boy. I felt very uneasy. My son was becoming more and more difficult to deal with. Then we found out he was experimenting with drugs. After the first drug incident, my older son asked me if I'd seen his brother's arm. I hadn't. He said I needed to. It was a very hot summer day and I had noticed that my son had been wearing a long sleeved jacket all day. I went to his room and told him I wanted to see his arm. He said, "No mom, it's OK." I said, "Show it to me right now." I was physically trembling because I could not imagine what he'd done. He finally took his jacket off and there were two 2 inch cuts, probably each an eighth of an inch wide on his forearm. They were fresh, but he had them taped up. My handsome, intelligent, loving, motivated son was cutting himself? I could not begin to understand. We went to the stress center, to the doctor and any place else I could think of that day. All I got was that he should see a counselor and the cuts weren't infected. So he started seeing a counselor, and things settled down for a while.

One night at the beginning of 9th grade, he came in to my room and he was mad because he wanted to spend the night with a girl and I wouldn't let him. He didn't think that was fair, but I didn't think 14 year old boys and girls needed to have sleepovers. He was getting more and more angry, and I could tell there was something he wasn't telling me. So I asked him what he was trying to say, still totally unaware of where this was going. He said, "You should know". "I don't know, so why don't you tell me". He said, "You've known me for 14 years, I shouldn't have to tell you!" He was becoming very upset. "What is it buddy?" I asked. He said, "I'm gay." I still didn't believe it and I said, "Who told you that?" He said, "No one told me. I've always known it!" Then he left my room in tears. I went to him, put my hands on his face and said, "It doesn't matter. I love you, I will always love you. I don't care." I put my arms around him and hugged him.

The truth was I was extremely concerned. His dad is an alpha male and a homophobe. I was terrified of what would happen if he found out, physically afraid of what he might do to both my son and me. We were still married at the time and I was not in a financial position to get a divorce and support the kids. I told him that dad could never find out, and neither could his grandparents. My motivation was to protect him.

So I did what I always do when I don't know how to deal with a situation. I look for people who can help me. I called my best friend from childhood, whose son had come out to her at 18, and talked to her for a long time. She was a wonderful help. She told me about PFLAG, a support group for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. I contacted them and met with some of their members and went to a few of their meetings. They were wonderful. It's been amazing to me that complete strangers can be more loving and supportive than my own family, but that's what I've found in any support group I've attended. I also reached out to a support group for gay and lesbian teens, again they were so helpful. I asked my son if he'd like to check out the place for teens. He adamantly refused, saying he didn't want to hang around with those kids.

He never mentioned anything about being gay again. A few years later his brother told me that the reason he'd told me he was gay was so that I'd let him spend the night with girls. My youngest son is extremely manipulative, so I began to think that it was all a big hoax. He went to prom, went out with girls. He was very metrosexual, but I thought maybe that was the extent of it.

Last spring, after a year of college, my daughter again noticed pictures on his Facebook page, and mentioned it to me. Then one day she was cutting his hair before he left on a spring break trip with his dad, and he confided in her that there was someone special he was seeing, and showed her some pictures of the guy. She was concerned that his dad would find out on the trip. That is exactly what happened. During the trip my son was drinking heavily and his dad was also concerned about potential drug use, so while my son was in the shower his dad looked at his texts. He saw more than he bargained for. My son had actually been sexting with his boyfriend. My ex-husband was shocked. No one wants to see anyone else's sexting, but especially when it reveals your son's homosexuality and you're not the kind of guy who's open to that. To my ex-husband's credit, he did not say anything about it at the time.

After they got home, he called me to tell me about his concerns with the drug use, then told me about the texts he'd seen. I said, "I'm sorry you had to find out like that. I hoped you'd never know. He told me about four years ago." The reason I hoped he'd never know is that I knew he couldn't deal with it, and I didn't want my son to face that rejection.

As I drove my son back to college that day, I told him "Dad knows what's going on." "What does he know?" he asked. I told him his dad knew everything. He turned away from me in the car and started crying. I put my hand on the back of his head and said, "I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I love you just like you are. I've always loved you. I will always love you. Nothing will ever change that. You are my son, you will always be my son." I told him I was sorry that I had not been a better support for him. Since then, he has been far more open with me, even introducing me to someone he was dating.

To his dad's credit, he has handled this far better than I could've hoped. Though I don't think he will ever accept the fact that his son is gay, he has not rejected him. He stays in regular contact with him, though he has told him he does not want to meet any of his "friends", and has maintained the same kind of relationship with him as he had previously. That's such a huge relief for me.

I have tremendous regret that I was not a better support for my son when he was in high school. That must've been such a burden for him to carry, to feel like he couldn't be himself with his own family. After his dad finally found out, I asked my older son if he knew. He said, "Yes, I've always known. He's my brother, I love him." And of course it was never an issue for my daughter. The rest of the family still doesn't know, and I don't see why they need to. As one of the people I talked to at the support group for teens told me, it is not my job to out him. Besides, why is it anyone's business what his sexual preferences are? It isn't.

My son has taught me to be accepting of other life styles. Not that I wasn't before, I thought it was totally fine for someone else's kid. But I guess the definition of acceptance is when you can accept things as part of your own life that are different from the lifestyle or choices that you make.

I've learned a lot from my kids. I recently told a friend that I think I got these three kids because I had a lot of lessons I needed to learn, and they've helped me learn them. She said, "Maybe they got you because they needed someone who'd love them unconditionally for the people they are." I almost cried, because I don't think I deserve that much credit. But this is what I do know, I was blessed with three smart, funny, beautiful, loving children, and I'm so lucky to have them. I am a better, more loving, accepting and tolerant person for having had the privilege of being their mom.

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