Chile Please

2016-07-13T22:20:00.005-04:00

8 years.

The last 8 years of my life have been a blur of happiness, sadness, anger, deceit, elation, changes, resentment, love, shame, tears, joy, and passion.

I've had 3 children come from my body. The 2 that remain are 3 and 5. Boys, with brains full of wonder and bodies packed with energy. My 5 year old is entering Kindergarten in the fall and 3 year old just began pre-school. My boys are smart (they better be after I breastfed both of them for a year!)

I've been a nurse for 7 years. In those 7 years I've worked in a Psychiatric Hospital, a busy telemetry/cardiac floor, and taught 1st time mothers in their homes for the last 5 years. I like what I do but it's time to advance. I don't feel like a "nurse-NURSE" if you will. I don't give needles or participate in codes. All that hospital shit. It's too stressful for me and I never wanted to work in a hospital setting anyway. I have my BSN and I want that MSN. I've come to the conclusion i'll go for Pediatric NP next year. I like working with children. Adults are a pain in the ass. Just have to get my ducks in a row.

ActivistGuy and I are breaking up. I broke it off. We still live together for now but it looks as if we have run our course as romantic partners; for reasons I may or may not explain later. Marriage never happened though we still love each other.

At this point in my life I feel overwhelmed, lonely, happy some days, sad at other times. I'm in the phase of life where nothing but " The Schedule" matters. Wake up tired, get the kids ready for school, find missing socks, fight traffic, drag the kids in, drag ass to work, work-work-work, pick up the kids, dinner, try to keep kids from killing each other, bath, bed, watch L&HH, eat dinner, go to bed (late) and wake up--Mu'fucking tiiiied *in my Young Thug daughter voice*

Something just told me to write about this tonight. So I did. I know I have lots to be grateful for. And on most days I am. But, on those days (like today) where I feel mad at the world I need an outlet. This used to be it for me--blogging.

I practice Nichiren Buddhism now. If you're not familiar just think of Tina Turner chanting "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" with her home girl right before she beats Ike Turners ass in the limo in "What's Love Got To Do With It." I became interested in high school. Early January of this year a mutual friend of ours introduced me to it. There's hella black women that practice and made me feel comfortable. Takes getting used to and I forget to chant but it helps when things get really rough. No, I have not abandoned the concept of Christianity but this practice keeps me sane when Jesus is too busy to take that wheel. Buddha got my back too yall.

CHILE PLEASE- Bear with me...

I think i'm back.

2015-08-17T19:30:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've been gone for a minute. Do people still use Blogger? I've done 161 posts here about my life. Things have changed quite a lot for me. I want to write again but i'm not sure if people will be interested in what I have to say. I have 2 kids, a career, and i'm still with ActivistGuy. My life is pretty predictable at this point. Kids, Work, Home...wash rinse repeat. I'm 31 and am starting to feel more confident in who I am and want I want out of life. I have a lot to say and I feel like the only way to get it out is here. Their are so many bloggers and Twitter, Instagram, and FB make people net famous with the click of a few buttons. I feel like KSwiss....like Reeboks...like side ponytails. Played TF out! ugh. My thinking is that I will just completely start over. In the meantime, if you want to follow me here's my Twitter account. If anybody's out there give me some blogging advice. Shit, I have a 2 year old licking my laptop screen and am too lazy to look it up my dayum self

Follow @chileplease

CHILE PLEASE!- Somebody...? Anybody...?

Everyday

2013-03-02T10:28:00.001-05:00

It's the same ole shit. I need peace of mind. Goddamn it, this world is so unkind.

Chile please- don't mind me and my corny rhymes. It's just that type of day. Everyday.

Happy To Be Nappy??

2013-02-10T11:03:00.005-05:00

Well, at least I don't all the time.

I got a hair story to tell. Wanna hear it? Here it go!

I am no stranger to doing my own hair. Growing up in the struggle my mother did not have money to send me to the salon every 2 weeks. Mom dukes broke out the Kiddie Kit relaxer at age 5.

And my face would be just.like.that.

She would keep it in braids, twist, beads, shells and thangs! I had all the dope styles! Occasionally she would break out the big black dreaded hot comb (that is thee only time in life i've ever wanted to hit my mom, esp when she burns the tip of your ear ARRGGH!) I had that Auntie that knows how to do hair but she wasn't always available. In high school I taught myself how to care for my own hair: braids, sew-ins, bumping, so an and so forth. Micro's were my go to style and I was pretty good and quick. My last experience with a salon had me waiting for damn near 6 hours and she didn't do the style I asked for after I tipped her previously. Miss Lovely will not endure that fuckery anymore. Cudos to those who can. Eventually, my hair grew past my shoulders but has never broken the bra strap barrier.

I have been natural for 3 years now. Before then I was only perming my edges and roots. Becoming pregnant aided me in my decision to abandon the relaxer all together. I chose to transition instead of big chop because simply put: I ain't about that life!

After I had Mr. Baby Man the hair in the front of my hair broke off. Later the sides and my edges followed and I was devastated. That thick mane of crown and glory I was so proud of was chopped and screwed. I messed around with a couple of sew-ins until I just gave up and just wore it out. Most of the time I wore it in a banana clip with a bang like this:

I got tired of this and so did my hair

After a few Youtube tutorials and overpriced African salon quotes, I tried my hand at Senegalese twists for the first time this December.

Voila! Took me 3 days.

Took em out 2 weeks ago and put in box braids last week.

Awesome!

Though very time consuming I think i'll stick with braids for awhile, or at least until my edges catch up. All those cute styles on Instagram give me inspiration but chileeeeeeee.....I ain't got time for that! Nor do I have the patience. Natural hair is work and all those products.....pffffft! I'm not saying i'm going back to relaxers but damnit it was a lot easier that way. Every once in awhile that cream crack devil whispers "Just do the edges, that's all."

God say stay away from the creamy crack, but it harrrd to DO! [in my Abeline from The Help voice]. When I was perming I could wear half wigs (that blended well), straight, updo's, curls. Now, my hair won't stay straight for sh*t in the summer time! Cmon son! The Natural Hair Care movement is something i'm down with BUT don't make me feel guilty for wearing my hair straight. And heck no i'm not growing locs. That's waaaay too permanent for me.

I've encountered one too many (in person or online) self righteous natural coiffed women who think that if you're not down with the movement, you're somehow wallowing in self-hate to appease the mainstream. And on the other side you have black men that claim they prefer natural hair on a woman but salivate over the first blond hair weave headed chick that struts by. No lie: Since i've been natural I i've gotten way less attn from black men than when I was relaxed. It's cray cray!

I'm not going back to the crack but if that's what you do, HEY [arms outstretched]..do YOU.

CHILE PLEASE- At the end of the day, does it really matter how we wear our hair? Colored, natural, twisted, braided, cut, permed, fried, dyed, or layed to the side. It's what inside that counts right-RIGHT??

Irreconcilable Differences.

2013-01-05T19:39:00.004-05:00

I am experiencing an almost third life crisis.

What the hell have I done to myself to be so unsatisfied lately?

On one hand:
I have my health.
A career I don't regret and a job I love.
A beautiful baby boy (and 4 months preggo today:)
A partner
A roof over my head
A car

On the contrary..
I feel like crap most days, don't exercise much, and am somewhat depressed.
I love my son ggff (him typing lol) but am worried about having another.
He is just as flawed as I am, not including our relationship issues.
I live in pretty shitty and dangerous city
Time for a bigger car after the 2nd baby
+ More stuff that require separate posts.

What is missing? Hmmmmm. Is it God? faith? religion? peace? Could very well be true but I am prone to skepticism in this area much to the dismay of ActivistGuy. I know.....I am working on it. Perhaps I need to work much harder, eh?

Anywho, I am at a fork in the road as to how I reconcile realities with ideologies.

I feel like my late twenties are no longer mine. I have a passport with no stamps, a body that will never be the same, bills and responsiblilities, serious relationship issues, few friends, and another child on the way. If I am being honest with myself, several things have to change but I am not sure where to begin and making excuses is seriously getting old.

CHILE PLEASE- Things done changed.

Sentences.

2011-11-03T14:59:00.004-04:00

Between the baby, relationship drama, new job I am exhausted.

I am happy with where my life is.

I'm never broke and my bills are paid.

BUT

I cannot find time for myself.

There aren't enough hours in the day.

I want to exercise.
Eat right.
Take my baby for a walk.
Go on a date with AG.
Look good.
Smile more.
Take some new pictures.
Learn how to sew.
Start a scapbook.
Paint my nails.
Try a new recipe.
Bake cookies.
Have a drink or two (or three or four:)
Be the life of the party.
And just be plain ole' fab.

CHILE PLEASE- Motrin is not helping!

Things done changed.

2011-10-06T09:46:00.007-04:00

hellooooooooooooooooooooo ALL!

Real quick:

ActivistGuy and I are still going strong.
The baby is going on 5mths and he is amaaaaazing.
I started a new job with non-zombie hours.

Love my life. Everything has worked out for the best. I am blessed. We all are.

How are my lovelies? I need to revamp and remodel this blog. The black is so melahcholy :( I'mma fix this place up.

I miss blogging. I have been writing lately (journaling) and it has renewed the fire within me to blog again. I log on sometimes and don't write a thing because I don't have the drama to talk about. No SexyJamaican or random date, or vodka induced exploit. I feel like I will bore you guys. Most days i'm about as exciting as a rock squeezed between 2 pieces of dry toast being eaten by Nick Cannon. My life has changed so much in the last two years. I'm a f*cking mom now?! And just to think I had dreams of being a hot bish driving around a candy apple red Corvette with a dope condo, donning expensive clothes and a man heaux.

Instead i'm a hot bish driving around a burgundy Lexus (love her), I live in a 3 bdrm house with a driveway..I rock targe', and I'm engaged to the love of my life.

I logged on about 20 mins ago and realized that this will be a different blog. I am still the same Lovely and will continue to share accordingly BUT..

CHILE PLEASE- Things done changed.

He's HEEERRRRRRRE!!!!!

2011-05-16T14:26:00.006-04:00

Ethan Amadi

CHILE PLEASE- Of all the love affairs I've had, none have ever felt like this.

Baby baby..oh BABY!

2011-05-03T19:15:00.010-04:00

So lets get right into it, shall we?

I'm 39 weeks and ready to deliver my baby boy. I'm 2cm and having irregular contractions. After being pregnant for over a year I am soOOooo ready to have my body back. Before getting preggers I was 112lbs and i've gained 30lbs: ALL BELLY! My legs have gotten bigger..boobs too. My ass stayed the same..ugh. That's the one place I needed it. Anywho, I'm due on Sunday which is also Mother's Day :). I'm gonna go walking on Friday to speed things up..

Next up,

ActivistGuy and I are having some serious relationship issues. So much so that I have stopped wearing my ring (for far more reasons than i'm about to speak about..that's a whole notha post--no BLOG chile!) He seems to think I don't care about our relationship and that I lack initiative and motivation. I say i'm a chillax ass kind of gal. I think that he is too Type A and high strung (I'm almost certain he has ADD). He say's he's motivated and destined for world domination (or something like it). When we have a discussion , we both agree on our issues, put forth a plan to change things but nothing happens. Now this is both our fault but he thinks it's more or less MY fault. I think he needs to chill the f*ck out and stop b*tching all the time. Everytime he walks in the house he's complaining about something. "Why is this here?" or "Why is that there".."Why didn't you do this?" or "Why did you do that?" Just so annoying to me. I feel like i'm walking on eggshells ev-er-y-day. On top of that i'm pregnant and my emotions are all over the place. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night we were watching the re-run of President Obama & Michelle on Oprah. Michelle spoke a lot about relationships, sacrifice, and particularly about how you have to "like" the person you're with. We had yet another discussion about our relationship today and told him "No" I did not like him all the time. *Le-sigh*..I don't know what to do. The baby is coming and we can't just walk away from this.

CHILE PLEASE- This is draining me just talking about it. I'll post more later!

25 Weeks and counting

2011-01-23T13:43:00.002-05:00

I'm nice and preggo. Today i'm 25 weeks. Yesterday was my 27th Bday. I didn't do much. ActivistGuy got beautiful flowers delivered and my mom-in-law sent an Edible Arrangement. My mom bought my traditional fav strawberry shortcake from Lynn's Bakery. YUUUMMMM!!

I ate and ate and ate for most of the day and watched the 4th season of the Wire. Activist Guy has never seen it before so i'm re-watching it with him.

The baby just kicked me :) He kicks a lot these days.

I'm oh so ready to go out on maternity leave but I have to fulfill my 1yr requirement, which means I have to stay working until April 5th. Baby is due May 8th (Mothers Day. cute!). So i'm trying to hang in there. I work 7p-7a, 3 shifts a week on a busy ass cardiac floor. Not to mention all the dump patients we get from other floors. Confused 92 yr old? Schizophrenic homicidal maniac? Enraged crack addict? Yea..we get 'e all. Not too mention all the beauracratic nonsense that goes on behind the scenes with managers and staff. It's pretty safe to say I hate floor nursing and am only doing it for the experience. I'd much rather work out of a docs office or be a school nurse. All that drama-drama, rush- rush is not for me. Which is why after I have the baby I probably won't return.

OK--Side note: I'm sitting here watching this documentary on Fit TV about "The Pregnant Man" ..Excuuuse me but that "man" is biologically a woman. A WOMAN!! with ovaries and a uterus. He/she is not a damn man so they need to stop being dramatic. ugh!

Activist Guy is on vacation until Feb. This pregnancy brings a whole different dynamic to our relationship. He has a type A personality and i'm Type B or whatever you wanna label it. Anywho, my emotions are up and down and even the slightest inclination that i'm doing something "wrong" by him sets me off. He say's he understands, but i'm convinced that no matter how hard he tries, he can't. I'm preggzilla sometimes and ge can't accept that. I like to relax on my days off but he always has to be a busy-body and wants me to be the same. This man can talk, talk, talk like nobodies business. Always running off to this or that meeting. Always trying to help someone in the community. While this is one of the things I love about him, it burns him out. I see it when he can't sleep at night or when he's on the phone nonstop. No doubt, he'll be successful one day but i'm worried that the baby may make him work even harder. *lesigh*

CHILE PLEASE- I'm hungry again.

The answer.

2010-12-12T23:17:00.006-05:00

Hola Lovlies!

Sorry to have left you all in suspense but the answer to your question:

YES, I'M PREGNANT!!

4 months and 3 weeks today. After the loss of our first child we were told to wait at least six months but it just didn't work out that way. We are very happy at this point in our lives. ActivistGuy (now my fiance, so maybe I should give him a new name) is now in grad school and working on other numerous projects, while I still work night shift on the cardiac floor.

A lot is going on in my life...

My father recently had a stroke (which is a whole 'nother post in itself chile) and my mother fell and hurt her knee (she's actually going in for surgery tomorrow) So yea.....it's pretty safe to say that i'm trying to balance out all these things and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

With that said..
It's hard to post but I am going to keep this blog running. Sometimes it's the only way I have to vent my feelings to a complete arbitrary audience without receiving an opinion that's biased. I love you all for taking this ride with me. I go back and read posts i've written a year ago and wonder where the f*ck my head was. It's been a fun ride so far and I have plenty more stories to tell.

CHILE PLEASE-- Let's keep going...:)

Finally posting again.

2010-09-28T20:45:00.002-04:00

Soooo...I abandoned this place. There has been a LOT going on in my life since I last posted. Some good, some bad.

The GOOD:

1. ActivistGuy and I are still together. We got engaged on Valentine's Day this year. Ironic since I used to hate Valentines Day. We live together now and still actually like eachother (most of the time lol:) Our wedding is set for July 22nd, 2011.

2. I finally got rid of my jalopy and got a new car. Well, it's not new new, but it is a Lexus..HONK HONK bitches!!

3. I got out of the Psych Hospital I was working at and took a job on a cardiac floor at a busy hospital. (this isn't exactly good though. I hate the floor but it pays the bills for now.

4. I'm an auntie! My little sister just had a baby girl last week. Auntie Lovely in the houuuuse!!!

The BAD:

1. Most of you knew had got the hint that I was pregnant the last time I posted. Unfortunately we lost our son when I was 5 months pregnant this summer. I don't want to go into detail but as you can imagine this has been very difficult for us. I have been up and down for the last few months. With the help from, God, family and friends I....we have been able to get through this ok. I struggle with his loss everyday but I have faith in knowing that my son in better needed in heaven.

CHILE PLEASE- I take the good with the bad knowing I have been blessed--again....

Gather 'round lovlies

2010-02-22T15:39:00.003-05:00

Let me start of by saying these past couple of months have been busy, stressful, beautiful and life changing. Lets start off with the update and i'll give the good news at the end. Lets start off with work.

I got my 1st nursing job at a psych hospital back in December. I work as a pool nurse so the $$$ is good. I work with mentally ill people but sometimes I think the staff need to turn in their keys and have a seat next to the patients. In the meantime i've still been going on interviews at hospitals.

ActivistGuy

We've been dating since last August and things have been going great. Not saying that everything is perfect. We argue and get sick of each other just like any other couple. Last month he took me on a surprise trip to Manhattan for my birthday weekend.

Ok, I can't hold in the good news anymore:

I'm ENGAGED!!! Activist Guy proposed to me on Valentines Day :)

and more good news!!

I got a job at a hospital!!!!!!!

and...

I'm.....................

CHILE PLEASE- I'll save that for next post

I am alive.

2010-01-12T20:49:00.002-05:00

CHILE PLEASE- just thought you should know that.

The Cosby Effect

2009-12-16T17:03:00.012-05:00

I have been M.I.A. I wish I could post more but circumstances that allow me to post as frequently as i'd like have deterred me from doing so.

........Ok, enough with the snooty ass language: I've been busy as hell yall.

Jobs

I finally started my first nursing job. I'm in orientation right now and it's long, draining, and boring. But hey...at least i'm getting paid! I'm a little nervous since it's psych but I think I will do well.

Men..(well the one that I do have)

Idk. Things have been good but things have also been rocky (perhaps even boulderous). I guess that's the cornerstone of any relationship. Problems and sh*t...attitudes and sh*t...

"Why do you breathe funny?!"..."Why do you chew like that?!" and sh*t.

(I swear I been reading too much VSB's..and sh*t lol)

It's pretty safe to say that the honeymoon period is over with me and Activist Guy. We still have our boo love moments but all of the OD cutesy hello kitty crap is out the window like Tiger Wood's dork ass image.

There are times I question if i'm really cut out for this. I love him so why does this relationship crap have to be so difficult??? One day we're doing great and the next I want to strangle him (and vice versa). That brings me to the conundrum: The Cosby Show seriously effed up my perception of what a good black relationship should be (not too mention mom spelled my name exactly like Rudy's real name aka "Keshia"). I was raised by my mom mostly and saw very few, if any positive lasting black relationships. I thought that once I found the perfect man, all i'd have to do was perform a neck snap & a few side eyes when ole Hubby got outta pawket. And all he had to do was talk funny and tell stories that no one understands. Well...not really but I thought it'd be fairly easy if we tolerated each other. Come to find out, good relationships are about as tolerable as the people involved. I mean, if all the Claire Huxtable's of relationshipville had to worry about was their Cliff's sneaking a hoagie or two; Well, life would be splendid! Go on and get that hypertension babay!!

Alas, we are not. Cliff was not perfect and neither was Claire. I mean cmon...did you really think there were black people named Cliff & Claire? methinksnot. And i'm sure the Huxtables did some freaky sh*t now and again. How else do we explain Denise being all rebellious and glowstickish?She was a bastard child! Out of wedlock, indeed. Ike and Tina is more realistic than a lawyer & OB doc (further evidence that Cliff Huxtable was a perv).

So with that said i'm going to continue to fight the good fight (like Ike or Chris Brown or Elin Nordegren) and work on this thing. I have trust issues and he has issues. We have issues. But I think as long as we work on them, we'll work it out.

CHILE PLEASE! Episodes are rehearsed, you only get one take at life. Annnnnd ACTION!

Right now.

2009-11-23T21:49:00.004-05:00

I'm in a good place. Here's a few reason's why:

I found my 1st job as a RN!!!!!!! Making double the $$$ I thought i'd be making. Schwweeeeeeet!
ActivistGuy and I are still going strong. We've had a few small spats but nothing serious at all. We're always out and about doing stuff and I wonder how I ever was content with being single.
I'm just generally happy all around. I remember this past summer after graduating when I didn't have a job how depressed I was. I was a walking rain cloud. A real Debby-ass-downer. Now i'm just a big ole ray of gay sunshine! (no lesbo)
I started a personal challenge to grow my hair. My hair is already a decent length so I am not bald-head scallywag! But I love wearing my natural hair. Plus who wants to have itchy weave sweaty scalp during sex? No bueno! I've stopped perming, weaves, and all that extra crap. I wash and condition every week and make sure it's wrapped every night. So far it's grown a 1/2 inch longer in 6wks. YAY me!
I've simultaneously stopped my bad habits: Popping bumps on my face, playing with my nipples, and picking my teeth when nervous. Ugh, I know :/

And that's about it...So umm. yea. No drama to speak of so if I failed to entertain you.

CHILE PLEASE- That's what the archives are for.

Honesty Check

2009-10-27T17:44:00.009-04:00

There are good men out there. I found one. And this is coming from a former "Ni**as Ain't Sh*t" board member.
I need to start taking responsibility for fu*cking up. Even for small things. I admit I can be a spoiled brat sometimes.
I do care what people think about me. Just not as much as I used too.
I hate being the picture taker at events because I always end up in like 2 fuggin pics with my head cut off..WTF?! I'm gonna start leaving my Nikon home..hmph!
The 5lbs I gained went straight to my hips & thighs. Though I pretend not too like it..I'm happy I finally got ass now!! Woot Woot!
Activist Guy loves politics and all that gub'ment stuff. I have limited interest. When we go to these political events I feel out of place, bored, and oggled by creepy old men.
Activist Guy talks waaaaay too much. That's my baby..but sometimes I wanna tell him to STFU! ..This brings me to #8
I should probably talk more.
Rough sex doesn't feel good. We just do it for you. Which brings me to #10
After I cum. "Wrap it Up B!"

CHILE PLEASE!: I'm just sayin' how I feel.

Goat herders>>>Semmi Ass N*ggas

2009-10-13T15:10:00.006-04:00

FTW!!!!

Sooo..from the comments about the Activist Guy announcement it's clear that you all wanna know when this happened. Well my lovlies, here goes:

Well, it actually happened about 2 weeks ago. Initially, I started going to his house to watch Trueblood because my cable was cut off. I was still feeling the aftershocks of SJ's latest saga so I was wary of AG's advances. After awhile I said 'what the hell, let me see where this goes'. Since then, we've spent the last 2 months together. This past month we've been together almost every day. I met some of his family, and last week, his mother. They all like me. My family likes him. Mom lovvvvves ♥ him after I bought him to church with me

Everytime we went out ppl would ask if we were together. After replying "No" ppl would say:

"Well you should be! You two make a cute couple!"

LOL. So after the FB status changing debacle..one day I just said "fuck-a-hater" changed my status and profile pic.

Now, i'm not gonna lie..I was shaking like a fiend w/no crack. I felt like I was missing out on dating and the single life. Felt like my playette card was being revoked. Felt like my hotness stock was going to plummet :/

Felt like I needed to stop making excuses. I got over and changed it. Besides, if this doesn't work out I can always change it back, right?? Afterward, I saw a few meriod laden status' from past flings and a few msgs from guys I didn't even know liked me. Too late!!!

Activist Guy is nerdy, obsessed w/politics, wears Doc Martin's and has a funny laugh. Some would even call him weird. But he's my weirdo! He is also thee most handsome, caring, considerate, loving man I have ever been with (not to mention his large penis *Kanye shrug*). He is dedicated to his work in the community and is a role model to inner-city youth. I'm done with the jerks, frat boys, & pretty boys. Ole "I am in desperate need of a manicure" ass n*ggas.... Ole "Please do not take my pocket change" ass n*ggas.

No more crying a ocean for a nilla who wouldn't bat an eyelash for me.

And, I don't like getting all religious on here but i'm truly blessed to have him in my life. I don't know where this will go but I am strapped in for the ride with a smile on my face.

CHILE PLEASE-You diseased rhinocerous pizzle can go choke on Soul Glo!

Attention All:

2009-10-12T18:14:00.003-04:00

Activist Guy is my boyfriend.

CHILE PLEASE- I even changed my facebook status :)

Meriods.

2009-09-28T22:01:00.012-04:00

My new made up word. Do mention me on twitter if you plan to steal my sh*t..I'm just sayin....

What are the origins of my new favorite word not in the English language (yet) you might ask?

Well, over the last say uhhhh...ALL MY LIFE on this earth I have come to the conclusion that men undergo some sort of crisis or variation of the "The Curse" every month. You know Adamn was like: "Damn, Eve..you know you ain't gone finish alladat by yo'self"

From interrupting pre-pubescent double-dutch games to interrupting Taylor Swift, men have evolved from annoying in childhood to annoying-er in adulthood. Uncle Mo comes to visit those XY chromosomes when Aunt Flo kicks his ass for gettin all "I'ma let you finish BUT..."

Now i'm not talking about the typical male behavior..I.e: Leaving the toilet seat up, ignoring me during a game, perstering me for sex all thee time, farting, belching, cheating..ectera ectera and so on and so forth. Meriods are different. These Ralph Tresvantish fits come out of absolutely nowhere. Men may not endure the painful cramps, bleeding, and random cravings of hunger for lays chips and only green peanut M&M's (ok, maybe thats just me :/) but meriods exist. They are like Lady Gaga's penis. We all know its there, we just haven't seen it (and don't want too *shuddersx10*)

Case in point: AG had a Meriod last night when I told him I wasn't coming over after spending thee entire weekend with him(met some of his family..that's a whole notha post chile). My excuse?: I'm waiting for UPS to deliver my new phone (my G1 screen went funky on me), AND I was dead ass tired. He damn near had a hissy fit and told me that he see's that my phone is "more important" and that I have two choices "wait for my phone, or come and let him peen poke"(ok he didn't say the last part but you know he was thinking that sh*t!)

MERIOD alert!!!! MERIOD alert!!! Pop 2 Midol, shove a Tampax up that ass and call me in the marnin!

Ugh. I seriously had no idea where that spike in estrogen came from and I didn't like it uno bit. Later he called me and told me that he was "just joking" but the soprano in his voice indicated otherwise. I chaulked it up as his first Meriod with me and gave him a pass.

That's just one incident..Plenty more where that came from. But ladies what are you experiences with MERIODS? Men, please feel free to join in with yall meriod havin asses.

CHILE PLEASE- You try squeezing something the size of a small watermelon out your pee-pee hole!

To label or not to label? & Lamar Odom lookin-bishes

2009-09-22T16:03:00.016-04:00

First things first..
This is a long one since I haven't posted in awhile but oh well. Get over it!

I went on my big job interview out of state. It went well. I appeared and sounded professional. I definitely showed my interest for the job and asked great questions. I followed up with "thank you" letters and called. It's been a week and 2 days. I haven't heard anything back but I am expecting to hear something this week. I'm still optimisitic. **crossing my fingers**

Labels?
Me and Activist Guy still hanging out. He took me 2 a Phillie's Game last week. Even though baseball isn't my sport of choice (i'm a basketball girl) it was still a good time. Phillies had a Grand-Slam and everyone went wild but me..Ooops! I thought Grand Slam was just something they served at Denny's :/ Afterward, I felt so bad. AG was screaming like a crazy person and here I was spitting my sunflower seeds out ever so daintly. I had no idea it was that big of a deal LOL! But on to the labels...whathaveu..

He asked me if he should change his status to "In A Relationship" on FB and I told him "nah". There's a few reasons why: The main reason is IDK if I want to throw a label on what we have yet. Labels usually fuck shit up. The second reason is that he told me he didn't want another "girlfriend"..I don't particularly know what he meant by that but what I think he meant was that he wanted more than just a "girlfriend"..Third reason I don't want to make it official on these social networking sites is that people are fucking nosey. People are haters. And while i'd be more than happy to let them hate..I just don't need the extra fuckery in my life. If we make it official i'll def let you all know but for now..we are "label-less."

Other shit
While I was over at VSB's reading this post about "closure" I was reminded that I needed to post on something that happened:

Chocolate's (yall remember him right?) punk ass hopped out the woodwork and requested me on FB. Innit that special???????

For those that don't know him, Chocolate and I dated for a few mths last summer, until the motherfucker up and stopped calling me out the blue one day. No texts, no nothing!! Just straight disappeared on me without so much as a "Fuck you."

So >>FastForward to this past Friday (this is the response I left on VSB btw)

He requests me on FB (funny cause when we were dating he was adamant about not signing up for FB..whopteefuckinDOO!) and sends me a message like everything was good. “Hey lady”.. So, I approve him (cause you know I wanted him to see what a success i’ve become and look at my 37 albums of fineness) but I naturally I asked him WTF was up w/that Houdini act he pulled? His response:

“I tried to tell you..I just wasn’t ready so I stepped off”

“You ain’t tell me sh*t!”<—is what i wanted to respond but instead I told him how immature he was. Also told him it was in the past and i'm past it. On to the next one……………….whathaveu.

So yea, I felt like I needed closure but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. He never apologized..(EVER)..I don't think i'll ever be satisfied w/that bitchass explanation so I just let it go.

CHILE PLEASE-

I'm more satisfied with knowing:
Me = Halle Berry
His baby moms = Lamar Odom with Remi Hair

Wading Thru

2009-09-07T14:57:00.011-04:00

I been job searching and i'm out of that depression I was in. I'm also happy to say that i've had a few interviews. One at a psych hospital which i'm still waiting to hear back from and a nursing home. BUUuuuuut the biggest of the interviews is this Friday at one of the best hospitals in the U.S. I will refrain from naming said hospital (if you follow me on twitter than u already know) but if and when I get the job i'll make the annoucement. If I get the job at said hospital I will have to relocate out of state and with that comes a new career, life, friends, apartment, and car. But until i'm sure i'm gonna try and keep mum about it. To be continued...

Yea so..
Me and Activist Guy have gotten closer in these last few weeks. He's been rather patient with me for the past..damn..it's almost been a year since he started pursuing me. But yea, I went over his house to watch Trueblood (best f*ckin show on TV btw) a couple weeks ago and since then we've gotten closer. I won't say how close but close enough. This is all new to me. I've dealt with assholes for so long that idk how to interpret his actions. Is it the trial period? Or is he really sincere? Methinks its a bit of both. Here's a list of the sweet things he's done so far:

1. He gives me massages when I don't even ask. Even my feet lol
2. Kisses me on the forehead in the morning :)
3. Takes me to places and shows me new things..art galleries, restaurants I wouldn't normally eat at..
4. He even cooked breakfast for me a few times
But best of all...
5. He listens.

Listens to me bitch and complain about my mundane ass life when I think his is 80303430493049x more interesting. He's into ME. I feel like it was always the other way around with my love life. I was always stuck on some loser *coughSJcough* that wouldn't give me the time of day. Now I have someone willing to take on the challenge of trying to love me. And sometimes I am a very hard "me" to love.

I want to say this is the start of something good but at the same time I am cautious to put myself outthere so soon. Vulnerability and stupidity go hand in hand. I've been here before (if only for a short while *coughChocolatecough* but AG feels like he is making a sincere effort. Genuine in his words and following through with his actions. I, on the other hand,feel like something is holding me back but I can't express it in my own words so here's an analogy that kinda explains how I feel:

Imagine walking through a scorching desert with the sun beating down on your head for 3 days.  You spot a body of water in the distance and dash through the hot sands to cool off.  After what seems like an eternity you reach the cold blue waves of reprieve.  You go to jump in until you realize--You can't swim.

CHILE PLEASE- Wading gets old after awhile. Guess it's time I took swimming lessons.

Short and Sweet

2009-08-22T22:19:00.004-04:00

Job Search- Didn't get the job I had 3 fuckin interviews for! They went for someone more experienced. Yea, more experienced in eating open-faced mayo sandwiches and wearing birkenstocks. Fuck them. Still putting out apps. Thinking about moving out of state.

SexyJamaican- Moved in with his lazy-eyed g/f. He still doesn't think I know about this whole fuckery fest. Trying to forgive him (for my sanity) and move on.

Activist Guy- He is a mini Barack Obama with glasses. Always doing this and that for the community. He's is over vigilant at times and that annoys me. I miss him.

Other mens- Even though I miss AG. Still not interested in the peen havers. Still annoyed when I feel one undressing me with his eyes. Which brings me to my next subject...

Sex- *cues Jill Scott-Celibacy Blues*

Jalopy- In and out of the shop for 3 weeks. Just got it back today. Running fine. Can't wait to buy a new car.

Fam- Mom started ushering in church. I am proud of her. Just 6 years ago she was smoking and drankin and carryin' on like the heathen I am now. Go mom!

Friends- Not in the mood to chum it up. Was supposed to attend BBQ w/my girl. I forgot all about it until she called and left an irritated cunty ass message. This girl just does not know what i'm going thru right now. She'll get over it.

God- I been talking to him a lot lately. Faaaar from a saint, but I'm trying to become more spiritual than i've been these past several years. Trying to stop cursing (out loud anyway lol)

CHILE PLEASE- just ...chile please at everything right now!

Showing ♥ to my readers!

2009-08-06T16:59:00.004-04:00

Ok, so i'm transitioning back into the blog world. I really love my readers and all the comments & advice you leave me. Your words and encouragement have gotten me through many a'drama. Whether it's one sentence or a paragraph, I appreciate all of you!

With that said i'm going to try my best and highlight a blogger a week. So don't fret if I don't get to you one week, i'm gonna try to get to everyone who leaves comments on the regular (Complex, Mimi, IntrospectiveGoddess, HoustonGirl, Insatiable..the list goes on :) Here goes. First up...

Tha Unpretentious Narcissist

This man must read my mind because his comments are always on point. Giving me a dose of reality like it was medicine yall. Plus I love the male perspective when it comes to their fellow peen-havers. I can't tell if he's fine or not (come out from behind that black & white!) but he sure looks good to me. Add him to your rolls...

CHILE PLEASE- If it wasn't for my readers...

Be patient for patients

2009-08-04T11:15:00.009-04:00

Patience is a virtue.

Well, as a new grad RN I need patients.

Still looking for a job. I had 3 interviews for one hospital but still waiting to hear back. The recruiter who did my interview is out on vacation (who does that?) and says that I will get a definite answer next week *le sigh*. I truly think I got the job but i'm still putting out a ton of applications as a back up plan. I'm ready to move out and start my life. I find myself getting depressed. I log onto FB and see all my friends taking trips and here and there. I feel soooo-stuck. And while things could be much worse; for instance, I could be a welfare mom stuck in the projects like so many of my other hood homegirls. I still feel like I should be doing way better. The only thing that's keeping me from swangin from a pole is my dignity.

Mens..
Where shall I begin? Ok, I realize i'm 25 years old and have never really had any healthy male relationships to speak of. Including my father. He fades in and out of my life like the seasons. It's a shame really. And I don't wanna be that 26 year old heffa talm'bout "Niggas Ain't Shit." With that said, i'm learning how to let things go (which is hard seeing as tho how much i've been hurt in the past) and focus on myself. Truth is I don't know how to do that. How do you 'focus on yourself?' To me it means refraining from the male species (i.e, not talking to the XY chromosomes or getting all giddy when a peen-haver looks my way, no new dates or old flings) Since this last episode w/SJ i've noticed a very drastic change of attitude when it comes to men. I don't get excited when a man tries to approach me--just very annoyed. When I notice some man eyeing me I immediately throw shade. I'm pretty much the bitch I never was. Before having my heart shattered, I could never tell a guy "no" that asked for my number, fearing that I'd come off like high-siddity...Now i'm handing out the 'Ms. Lovely Side Eye of Death' before they even get the words out:

I seriously don't want to be bothered with ANYONE right now. I've lost most if not all interest in the male species as a whole. The heartache is not worth it too me. I'm tired of ppl saying: "One day you'll find a good man." Well I hope he finds his damn self first before he starts on that expedition to my heart. Shoot, i'm still trying to find myself :/ Plus, with this cynical outlook I have about relationships right now it's like "why even try Lovely?.."

CHILE PLEASE- My patience for being patient is running might thin. Pfft!