CHINELO'S BLOG

Beyonce-My-baby-bump-NOT-fake-says-pregnant

2011-10-12T10:42:00.003+01:00

Beyoncé Knowles has vehemently denied suggestions that the star is wearing a fake baby bump.

A spokesperson for the singer told America's ABC News today that insinuations about the 30-year-old singer donning a prosthetic belly for an interview on Australian television, were 'stupid, ridiculous and false.'

The dramatic denial comes after footage of the interview, given to local TV personality Molly Meldrum on the Sunday Night program, became a YouTube sensation.

Baby talk: Beyoncé gave an interview to Australia's Sunday Night show over the weekend

The fascination lies in the fact that at one point - around the 57 second mark - the cameras appear to show Beyoncé’s bump being squashed and moving as she sits down.

During the interview to promote her new album 4, she revealed she is due to give birth in February, adding that she feels 'grateful' and 'blessed' to be expecting her first child.

The footage promoted speculation on gossip websites that she is wearing a prosthetic bump.

U.S. blog Media Takeout was the first highlight the peculiar moment, citing it as 'evidence' she is exaggerating the look of her bump.

Bump watch: The star's form has come under scrutiny

Strange: Her tummy appears to changing shape as she sits down

Changing shape? Beyoncé showed little sign of her bump when she stepped out in New York on Sunday

Other news outlets have since weighed in on the matter, with the The Washington Post calling it 'weird' while ABC News asks: 'Is Beyoncé's bump as big as she’d have us believe?'

And it has even triggered wild 'conspiracy theories' that she is faking her pregnancy while a surrogate mother carries her baby.

However, the claim carries little logic considering she was photographed wearing a bikini on September 6 while holidaying in Croatia.

Of course, the material of her dress may simply be creating the illusion.

There have been simmering rumours about Beyoncé's form for some time.

Online bloggers accused her of wearing a padded belly to the MTV Video Music Awards in August in an effort to make her pregnancy revelation 'more dramatic'.

She made a point of flaunting her bump on the red carpet in an orange Lanvin gown and later rubbed it dramatically during a performance on stage.

Online speculation: Some bloggers suggested Beyoncé was wearing prothetic bump at the MTV Video Music Awards in August

Mixing business with pleasure: Beyoncé tells Harper's Bazaar that she is planning to launch a maternity line

While she is yet to address the faux baby bump claims, she did speak about her public pregnancy announcement during an interview with the new Harper's Bazaar.

She said: 'I put a lot of thought into how I wanted to unveil it. It was important to me that I was able to do it myself.

'I was extremely nervous. It was the toughest red carpet I ever did... I decided to say nothing and proudly show my baby bump. I felt it was more powerful to see the love and enthusiasm as opposed to saying anything.'

She also said she waited to start a family with husband Jay-Z so that she could concentrate on her career.

'It was important to me that I gave myself time to focus on becoming the woman I want to be, building my empire, my relationship, and my self-worth, before I became a mother,' she said.

'Now God has blessed us with the ultimate.'

And of course, she is seizing the opportunity to turn her pregnancy into a money spinner by launching her own maternity line.

Source: Dailymail UK

BOUNDARIES by Gloria Edozien

2011-09-30T01:22:00.001+01:00

A noun is the name of person, animal, place or thing. That’s probably one of the first definitions I learnt at school. Today, it has become the foundation of my English language progression. More than two decades later and the exact wording of the definition is still etched in my memory, framing the phrasing of various sentences and my use of capitals in day to day life.

But definitions are not only useful in language. We use them in our lives to differentiate between our various relationships. Defining what someone means to us helps us draw invisible lines of interaction. Family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, such relationship definitions set boundaries which in turn define the types of interactions that occur in such relationships. For us women in particular, defining our relationships with the opposite sex is important. We are “talking” but he hasn’t ‘said’ anything ‘concrete’ yet; He is my ‘boyfriend’; We are ‘engaged’, He is my ‘husband’. Most women, tend to ‘box’ guys into certain categories. We usually know within the first 5 minutes of meeting a guy whether we will banish him forever into the abyss of friendship, if he has potential to be more than a friend or if we can marry him within the next few months!

I recently had a long dinner with one of my oldest friends Bisi. As we filled each other in on work, family and other jist, conversation naturally moved to relationships. She told me about a guy who she had had a brief dalliance with last year. Although the relationship had started out as something purely physical, it had now matured into something deeper. With a cheeky smile on her lips, she recounted how she was tired of seeking to define her relationships and decided to just let things progress in what ever direction. She wasn’t eager to make this ‘concrete’, all she wanted was to have fun and be happy. Today they are a full fledge couple and practically inseparable. At first, I was a bit alarmed by this free for all physical nature of her relationship. I mean, what if the guy had taken advantage of her? What if he just wanted to keep things physical and then went elsewhere for something more meaningful. Her reply was quite candid, “Glory, what if I too was just using him? After all he wasn’t the only one having fun, we were both having a good time and today it’s progressed into something special. If it didn’t, someone else would have come into my life”. As forthright as her answer was, I wasn’t convinced.

It wasn’t until a few weeks later, when I had a discussion with one of my aunties that I began to see the possible merits in Bisi’s approach. There I was hopelessly trying to avoid my aunt’s rather leering questions about my relationship when she started to complain about my failure to secure a husband. “Glory, you are going about this wrong” she said as she squeezed the second half of the orange we both shared into her mouth. In my days, we had many suitors and we would choose from them. Girls of today just sit down and date one man for 50years and call him their boyfriend. That’s why when he leaves you to marry someone else you start from the beginning. But if you have many suitors, you just move your attention to the next. You have to open your eyes”. As if sensing my thoughts, she glanced at me from the corner of eye and added, “I am not saying you should start sleeping around oh, in my day you could date someone without being so generous, but today you people are different”. Embarrassed as I was to be having this conversation with my aunt, whose kids were years older than myself, I couldn’t help but see reason in her advice.

Unlike most of my articles, where I have come to a conclusion on what my course of action should be, I find my legs straddling both sides of this argument. Are we 21^st century women selling ourselves short by tying ourselves down to one man and giving him the all important definition of “boyfriend”, when many of our male counterparts are reluctant to do the same? Should we instead, be in less of a hurry to place definitions on our relationships? Maybe even adopt a version of Bisi’s attitude and let things develop as they will, while pitching mini tents in other places? After all, we all know how dangerous it is to keep all our eggs in one basket. Or is there something to be said for setting relationships within their proper order by defining them? Is it better to keep one guy at a time, regardless? Clearly there are arguments for and against both approaches but I wonder if one argument has more positives than then other.

Reposted from: www.bellanaija.com

Farmer Graham was right to stand up to Rihanna's antics

2011-09-30T00:51:00.008+01:00

Alan Graham must be bemused to find himself standing in the celebrity circus ring, suddenly lit up by the blinding light of publicity.

An unassuming 61-year-old farmer from Bangor in Northern Ireland, he had given permission for a film crew to shoot a video of the pop idol Rihanna on his land.

Mr Graham had no idea who Rihanna was, but he did not like what she was doing in his fields. Just as he was passing by on his tractor, she threw off her top and bra for the benefit of the rolling cameras.

Just not on! Democratic Unionist Party Alderman Alan Graham said he was fetching his tractor when he saw Rihanna cavorting in his field and thought it was unacceptable

Being a Christian of deep faith, he was unhappy the crew were filming what he believed to be pornographic images.

So he politely asked them to leave his field — and they did.

The story has spread around the world and, despite the fact Mr Graham insists he parted amicably with Rihanna and her crew, there seems to be disbelief that this principled farmer did not prostrate himself before the half-naked diva rather than evict her from his land.

Country girl: Rihanna gets down to business in farmer Graham's field

For such effrontery he has been pilloried by the show business world, the media and ardent Rihanna fans.

On Radio 2’s Jeremy Vine show yesterday, a brash and brassy journalist from the Belfast Telegraph accused Mr Graham of dragging her people back to the joyless days of terrorism, of putting back recovery and progress.

She wailed that everyone around the world would look down again on Northern Ireland and see its people as backward.

Po-faced? Message on a barn close to where the shoot was taking place

A local woman called in to complain farmer Graham had fatally wounded their tourism industry with his po-faced Christian belief.

She said that, because the filming had been stopped, the province would miss all those visitors who would have visited the area to see the field where Rihanna jiggled her stuff in her new video.

Elsewhere, Mr Graham has been attacked for being a fundamentalist Christian and Ulster Unionist — as if such allegiances automatically mean he has no place in an advanced societies.

Rude girl: Rihanna is filming scenes for her latest video at several locations in Northern Ireland

As a liberal and a Muslim who lives in London, I confess it is unlikely I would have much in common with farmer Graham, with his faith or his politics. It is possible I wouldn’t even like the man much.

Semi-pornographic: More controversy from Rihanna as she danced topless in the field on the video shoot

Lights, camera, action: Extra lighting is set up to capture the Bajan beauty before Mr Graham's protestation

Reposted from: www.dailymail.co.uk

PINK DOTES OVER GORGEOUS BABY DAUGHTER WILLOW SAGE

2011-09-30T00:35:00.002+01:00

She has made no secret of how much she has been enjoying motherhood.

And today it was no different as Pink doted over the apple of her eye; her gorgeous three-month-old Willow Sage in New York.

Staring into her daughter's eyes she cooed and cuddled with the tiny tot as they sat on a bench seat.

Motherly love: Pink doted all over the apple of her eye; her gorgeous three-month-old Willow Sage in New York today

Kiss the pink: The singing sensation gave her baby a peck right on cue

Relaxed in a comfortable all-black outfit consisting of baggy trousers, a tight t-shirt and a pair of combat boots, she later held her tiny baby over her shoulder, whilst she sipped on a refreshing drink.

The new mother went make-up free and pulled her platinum hair back in a paisley printed bandana.

The two girls were also joined by Corey Hart, Pink's husband and Willow's father.

They were making their way to an awaiting chauffeured car after what appeared to be a relaxing lunch.

Gorgeous: Staring into her daughter's eyes she cooed and cuddled with the tiny tot as they sat on a bench seat

Babe in arms: The pop star made sure she kept a tight grip on her bundle of joy

Father and daughter also wore shades of black, with Willow in adorable top and trouser combination complete with red and pink trim, and Corey in a black hoodie and grey shorts.

During the last few weeks the family have been enjoying several fun outings, including visits to the beach and a trip to the Malibu Fair over Labor Day weekend.

At the carnival, the Missundaztood singer looked like she had a ball as she enjoyed quality time with her husband and daughter.

Mini me: Pink cradled her daughter close as they made their way around the big city

Multitasking: Relaxed in a comfortable all-black outfit, she later held her tiny baby over her shoulder, whilst she sipped on a refreshing drink

The star dressed down in combat trousers, boots and short-sleeved lumberjack shirt, but still managed to give her legion of male fans something to smile about by wearing a push-up bra and low-cut top.

Her day got even better when she appeared to have won a giant teddy bear at one of the stalls for her little girl.

Little Willow was born in Los Angeles on June 2 this year.

Family time: The two girls were also joined by Corey Hart, Pink's husband and Willow's father

Pink immediately embraced motherhood, telling People magazine after the birth:

'You hear people say it all the time, how life changes so drastically, but you can't possibly grasp how beautiful that is until you have your child.'

She and her Carey recently moved their family into a plush $11 million Malibu mansion, which boasts 6,800 square feet, six bedrooms and seven bathrooms.

Her old Spanish-style Los Angeles pad is currently on the market for $4 million.

Alone time: At one point Pink stepped out for a solo coffee run

Reposted from: www.dailymail.co.uk

REASONS YOU ARE NOT MARRIED (BY AMARA)

2011-09-25T00:32:00.003+01:00

You are not married because there is no man ready for marriage as a good number of men are looking for life partners. The major reason Nigerian men are now scared of marriage is waywardness. Men are now afraid because they don't know who to trust and also not sure if that beautiful girl they are interested in still has her womb intact.

They are also afraid because of the high mountain ladies have suddenly placed themselves on as no woman wants to date a poor man any longer but are all interested in those with good cars and houses.

A man recently told me why he does not allow his girlfriends to come to his house. According to him, he doesn’t want a case where a girl enters his house only for her to refuse leaving because of the beauty of the house and cars she will see.

Isn’t it surprising how single ladies now out-dress married women with good jobs whose husbands are very rich? You are not married because the single men around you are wondering if they will be able to meet up with your ever-demanding lifestyle. Even when they know they can afford it, what makes them believe you won’t take a walk tomorrow if anything goes wrong?

Another reason is that with your good job and salary, they are even afraid to come near you as they wouldn’t want to be turned down.

I have a female colleague, a very pretty girl who lives in her own house and drives a posh car. She also has different businesses to show for it. Recently, I advised her to calm down a bit as friends I introduce her to who ordinarily would have gone for her, all run away after meeting her and come back to me with the same word, “Amara, this one go send me go village.”

Another reason you are going to grow old in your father’s house is this: You want a ready-made man instead of a growing man with vision. Are you aware that if you have not obtained favour from God, the man will decrease instead of increasing when you enter his house? Work on your character, the words that come from your mouth, your lifestyle, the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the places you visit and then spend time trying to find favour before God because it’s only favour that can make your husband increase the moment you step into his life.

In fact, the moment a man proposes to you, there must be some positive movements in his finance if at all you have obtained favour.

It is never your duty to find a man. While he is working trying to raise money to sustain whoever he takes home to his mother, you should get yourself busy obtaining favour from God for you to be his source of blessing. A man knows when the wife is a source of blessing and that is the only time he cherishes you.

In the previous paragraph, I said the man should take you home to his mother. I don’t understand why you get married to a man who believes it’s just between the two of you. Read the Bible; they all took their wives home to their mothers. If a man cannot take you home to his people, something is wrong. Isn’t it surprising how many of us are married without knowing our husband’s village and his mother’s bedroom? Marriage, in the African culture, is not between the man and woman alone, the two families must be involved.

Hey, you have to stop moving from one prayer house to the other in search of miracles that are not coming even after you might have emptied your pocket. Go back to your room; deal with your character and bad nature that is filled with pride and disrespect for the elderly. Cut down on frivolities and that is not all, deal with your party and aso ebi spirit. You must also deal with that thing that gets you to aimlessly move from one end of the street to the other all in search of precious souls to destroy. Change that mentality that says you use what you have to get what you want; any man you get with your ass is as filthy, unreliable and irresponsible as you are.

Common girl, go deal with yourself first before you start blaming your step mother of being the one keeping you down. Stop blaming your neighbours and friends of standing on your way to progress. I just told you the bitter truth which your Alfa, Babalawo, pastor and Imam may never tell you. Stop wasting your time chasing shadows, go and deal with yourself first before complaining.

I know of a wonderful lady who sings so well that when she comes to lead in worship, miracles take place. People love her, but this lady is unmarried till date. It is not because men don’t go to her for marriage or because she is ugly; her number one obstacle is her character. They say there are many old single ladies in our churches; I think I know the problem and not that most of them wasted their lives in frivolities only to realise the last minute that they have to run into the church where they can get a brother to marry.

I am not trying to judge anyone’s past, but the issue is that even when they join those churches, their characters don’t change. It’s really appalling how some ladies talk to men simply because they are in the same church. Some of them fight everyone in their department in church while some live their lives begging from one member to the other.

What do have to say about ladies who fight for food during church meetings? Those guys would be foolish to see the stuff you are made of and still go ahead to take you home to mama.

I always tell ladies that if by the age of 30 no man had asked to know if you are for sale, there is something wrong somewhere; its either spiritual or attitudinal, but the truth is that it is always more attitudinal than spiritual.

You have been fasting and praying and going for all levels of deliverance but it seems nothing is working. What is your character like after all the prayers and religious devotions? It is sad when I see a single girl walk up to a married woman sitting with her husband and telling the woman to get up because she was there before her. You attend functions with extra bags to pack food and drinks and when it’s time to hit the dancing floor, you do that as if there is no tomorrow. What do you expect from life when you are the source of all quarrels in your neighbourhood, church and office?

This is the moment of truth and if at all you want to be delivered, your decision to deliver yourself is the first step to your breakthrough.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE

2011-09-23T23:50:00.004+01:00

According to Webster's dictionary love is an intense concern for or passionate attraction to another person.

According to a Kirk Franklin song I heard in my high school days Love they say "is a word that comes and goes though few people really know what it means to reall love somebody."

Love is not easy but when you fall inlove it is the "Bomb!"

When you refer to the Bible in Ist Corinthians 13 it gives you the qualities of love and above all it doesn't tell you that love hurts.

If you read the Bible in every commandment GOD gives HE always says "Above all love your neighbor as you love yourself." You know it is the way you love people that comes back to you. And according to the Bible love is the greatest gift of all.

I have a friend who always says "think about what you say and do and ask yourself will I do this to myself."

There are different kinds of love:

Unconditional love: its like a mother's love for her child. Like GOD's love for us.

But today we're going to talk about the kind between two people. "man and a woman."

I remember the first time I fell inlove it was like butterflies. I felt so good and just forgot all about food. When you are inlove and have someone love you back it seems like you can pretty much go any length for that person.

I think when love hurts is when you have to let that person go...then you feel like you have a big pit in your stomach. It feels like a dark hole and at that time anyone that comes to you and whispers the right words can easy knock you off your feet.

I always say to people, it's best to know who you are and search yourself before someone can love you for you and love you the way you want to be loved. Remember earlier I mentioned that it's the way you love people that comes back to you. But now look at it in another way "it's the way you love and see yourself that makes people see you and how much you are worth."

One thing ladies fail to know is that some men (as much as I would love not to say this) are really smart. A smart man can see through a woman and if he wants to get you he knows how and when. One thing about some men though is that they give respect to certain kinds of women.(The women that give respect to themselves).

Now I have seen there's a difference between women playing hard to get and being actually respectful to theirselves.

When a woman respects herself nothing phases her. Not the riches, the body, the height, etc.

But when that woman finds true love watch and see how silly she gets.

When love gets a hold of you it renders you silly, I mean people begin to think wow she/he is so stupid. Well personaly I dont think love is stupid or blind..I just feel like the Bible says love sees and knows no faults.

It is quite hard to find that love..the one that makes the butterflies in your stomach come alive. But when you find it and find it for real..it is ahmazing!

Though love is great, it need to be watered just like a plant. Love needs to be fed daily. You can't just say oh am inlove and you sit and day dream all day..well while you day dream your love will find another flower bed where it can be fed with fresh water and fertilizers.

Sometimes when you look at certain couples, they are so inlove that they begin to look alike.

I notice something in some men though. When they are inlove they try so hard to play the hard guy, the tough macho man and don't want people to think they are weaklings. Personaly Ithink it is actually sexy for a man to run after his woman and just let people see how far he can can go for his love.

Have you ever been inlove..makes you feel like you are floating in the air..nothing the person says is bad..seems like you just want to make the person happy..you just want to do everything to please that person you love..but most of all before you claim you are inlove..start by loving yourself and seeing yourself's worth then you'll definitely find that person who will see your worth and love you just the way you deserve to be loved..but most of all, love aint easy but when you get it right it feels like heaven.

Have a fabulous week!

RELATIONSHIPS AND ITS ISSUES

2011-09-23T22:56:00.012+01:00

It’s just dreadfully heartbreaking when you hear a lot of stories based on what spouses go through in their relationships and marriages, and when you are being ill-treated by your spouse, mostly the ladies. For example, your partner disrespecting you and on the whole the love turns to disrespect. There are a lot of issues regarding the debris of most relationships. Communications is a key issue.

In situations where you need to get your point across, how do you do it constructively without getting insignificant quarrels, slanging matches and plate-throwing contests, and the moment you tell him "Honey, we need to talk", the minute the word leaves your mouth, you see his face freeze up. He already knows what you want to discuss with him and apparently he tries to evade the whole thing. Some guys end up niggling and telling their partners never to bring up the issue again because he feels you both have dealt with the issue. You also need to discover the derivation of the problem. this is the first tip many of us fail to do. Instead of accomplishing the core issues, we stay away from it by talking around the issue (talk about topic that are not consequential), sweeping it under the rug, pretending like it doesn't exist, and talking to others about the problem instead of talking to the person who has caused the dilemma. If you cannot tackle the problem, you will constantly keep having communication problems.
The issue of past relationship baggage need to let go. You have to be over your exes and you have to be over the damage as well. A solution is to be able to comprehend that an ex is no longer a part of you anymore and you are with somebody else. Some may ultimately turn out to be the issues of comparison (e.g. my ex girlfriend or boyfriend use to take me to the beach every weekend). Now, you are already welcoming jealousy because it sounds like you have not yet gotten over you ex, and you still keep in touch with your ex. Its best you stay friends in as much as you also reduce the baggage too. Once its over between you and your ex, I mean its done and dusted, and over. So do not cross boundaries because it would definitely affect your partner. Get rid of your baggage to avoid jealousy and lack of trust in your relationship.

THE POWER OF PROPHESYING POSITIVITY

2010-06-08T01:56:00.008+01:00

The power of good desires enables disheartened ones to experience pleasure. When we look at the choice of our lives, it occasionally appears to be a muddled path. Life has its ups and downs it can turn your pretty face, to an ugly frown, and also when you face one thing, an additional one comes. Sometimes in life when we habitually have obstacles that come our ways, trying times and all, we begin to ask ourselves why are there so much strain, so many struggles, so much conflict, and so much hell. But when we stumble ourselves in this situation and circumstances, all we necessitate to do is to reflect Positive and always believe in God and you because the best is yet to come and this is just the end of the beginning. As Christians and children of God, the bible says we should have faith in God, and always put our trust in him, now, this is where “POSITIVITY” comes in. If for instance you are expecting something, and maybe you start having dissimilar feelings in your mind, telling you that you are not going to make it, that is the devil speaking to you, but you have to pray against that bad spirit of NEGATIVITY and do not let the devil to take his glory.
Even when you have gone through allot in the past, do not constantly look back at what you have lost, but always look at what is left, be positive, and think positive in the present. We ought to also declare POSITIVITY now and always in our lives, and also tell yourself that YOU CAN MAKE IT, I believe that I can do this; I know that I can win, I can make it through the night, I believe that I can walk on, with my head held high Just as long as I have his love within Also, there are times when we go through some sort of hardships in our lives, and we get apprehensive on how we are going to muddle through and fright like there is no tomorrow. What we should do, is to think of the next step and the way forward, which is backing up all our problems to God with Prayers. When you pray to God about it and in opposition to every obstacle in your life, God always respond his children, and also believe that there is nothing impossible in the sight of God. Although, some of us don’t always have this gift and spirit of PATIENCE in us. When you want God to do something wonderful in your life, just believe in God, trust God, have patience in God and also have faith in God, because sometimes, our prayer needs made known to God doesn’t always come straight away, that is why as children of God, we should always have the spirit of patience in us. And this would make you to think positive and prophesy positivity in your life. These wonderful gifts from God would make you strong and be more positive. Because the things you are worried about or expecting, is already done through God’s purpose and power. When you are struggling, groping and growling, trying to get things together, and wondering whether you will make it, God knows you are going to make it, because he has already set your end. My dear friends, I hope this would uplift you guys from today, and always prophesy positivity henceforth.

THINK POSITIVE, BE POSITIVE

My Heart is Broken

2010-06-07T23:34:00.002+01:00

My heart is broken and my tears have since finished. Maybe I am a freak of nature, atleast he did say that during one of his many verbal attacks or maybe I am not supposed to go through life happy. All the same, I accept, howbeit sadly the things that I cannot change. Like a woman possessed I have spent countless nights mourning this loss. Okay he left me and so what you say? I should move on they all say, but how? Can somebody please stop talking and show me how to mend a broken heart!!!!

My sisters have piled up countless books on my table. "Act like a Lady think Like a Man", " A Lover's guide to Happiness" and so on, but what you all fail to realise is that the hurt, I feel no one understands. The pain that greets me everytime, I think of how he used to love me!. We used to play all the time. Okay, let me talk about my loss, maybe in understanding the hurt that I feel, you would stop judging me and calling me the names you call me now.

We met in London some two years ago. It was a warm summer night and I was desperate for a calm drink. I had bills to pay, no money and I needed a pub to quench my fears and maybe a cigar or two. I walked into a busy pub in central London with just one aim in mind! Drink until I am too numb to think about all my bills! I rushed to the bar man and ordered a huge pint of beer. My beer could not come soon enough, I was thirsty, afraid and worried and this "stella Artois" was my salvation. Sipping my drink, I slowly started to observe my environment, you know taking it all in. As I looked at all the Londoners make merry, I saw him, my light, my man, my African prince!

He was sitting alone looking all cute, with a face that said I am happy, I am cute, I have the world in my temple worshipping me. I wanted to fall on my knees and worship this King that looked so bloody cute. I wanted to walk up to him and say all the things my heart was saying but I waited. Afterall, I was raised in Nigeria and I am Nigerian. Nigerian women do not chase men, our men hunt us down. Bloddy hell, I wanted this man so much, my internal taps were breaking loose! Still, I sat down and gave him the stare of his life. In that one moment his eyes caught mine and he smiled, I smiled too, hmm those teeth, they were perfect, he was indeed a demi god I thought.

He walked up to me and said hi, my name is Aina, am currently at the London School of Economics studying for an MBA, whats your story. I did not hear a word he had said, my eyes were locked in his and all I wanted was to give him the key of my apartment and take him home forever. Oh, I saw myself in a wedding dress, marrying Aina, yes that was his name and he is Nigerian, I was staring at my husband and I knew it! He turned to walk away and I quickly shouted, Aina my name is Mya, but I am Nigerian as well from Ogun State precisely. Do you care for a drink? I asked. He ordered for drinks and paid for them, I was happy a true gentleman, today is indeed my lucky day I thought.

I insisted he follow me to my house for a quick coffee, he declined. He is not into coffee he said too Western for his taste buds. I didn't push, when you are Nigerian, single and in London, you don't push because you don't want to seem desperate. We exchanged numbers and that is how it all began. We became inseperatable, he was my soul mate, lover and best friend. I quit smoking and drinking all together, he became my addiction. I met his family in London and he met mine. We talked about marriage, children, finances and all the things lovers talk about. I wanted a December 2010 wedding, we had been together for a while now so I think we are ready. I opted for a Nigerian wedding, to tell everyone I was married for real. I flew into Paris with my mum shopped like crazy picked out all the brides maid clothes and my beautiful, beautiful wedding gown. Ours was a fairy tale and I wanted the wedding to be a dream. I had the faint notion that may will be inspired by our story and people will fall in love during our wedding ceremony.

I kept myself busy with work and wedding plans and did not notice that Aina called less and less. When Nneka brought this to my attention, I panicked. Okay I take that back, I noticed but somehow, I did not want to be the woman who nags alot. He said he was busy with "dissertation" so I let him do his thing. Anyways, I went over to his apartment to give him the "we have to talk" speech. I got my parents to put an hold to the invites until we settled things between us. The family introduction was a huge success, it held in my parents house in East London. Infact, it was after our formal introduction and my trip to Paris he started acting all weird and crazy. So, here I am sitting in his apartment giving him the speech all men hated. I told him he had changed and I miss us spending time together. He said, there was nothing to worry about that he loves me more than life. I spent the night with him and we did what couples do. It was so sensational that I forgave him instantly. He agreed that we should postpone the wedding until he finished his Masters and got a job. I agreed, even though I am in my late twenties, I am not desperate to be married.

Things went from bad to worse and then out of the blues Aina calls me to come meet him up at Starbucks. I thought he hated coffee. I met up with him and after two rounds of coffee, he looked me in the eyes and said, I can't continue like this, its killing me, I love you but, I can't marry you. Its complicated, he said. I died a thousand times, if he was drinking alchohol, I would understand, he can't be high on coffee? or can he? I started crying, he was so embarrased, took me to his car and said he wants us to be friends but we can't get married. I asked amidst tears is there someone else? He answered no. Then what the hell is the problem, I was raising my voice at this point. he said he is 31 and not ready for marriage. The prick he was. He could have said this like last year, before we met my Parents and all, what the fuck is I am not ready? I went from angry to sober and went on my knees begging him not to break my heart. What about all our friends and family? He didn't seem to mind, we were over he kept saying.

I went home in a taxi, hoping he will come running, begging that it was a mistake, he did not. All this happened in February, 2010 and this is June my heart still bleeds, the tears still flow and he is not begging to come back. Infact, I saw on facebook that he is dating Ijeoma a mutual friend who was in his MBA programme. I was dead, but alive enough to cry. I am a shadow of my old self. I love the job, I once hated as that is what keeps me busy each day. My family are crushed, they loved him but they are staying strong for me. I have contemplated suicide but I have started attending Redeemed Christain Church and I am meeting more people each day. They are encouraging me to wait on the Lord. Thankfully, I am not boozing away my sorrow, I am trying not to say "fuck the pig" all the fucking time. I know the Lord now can He please make the pain go away? I am so sad, not happy, Nneka is getting married and I am not happy for her. I love her, but it should have been me!!!

I am not going to read any stupid relationship book. I am hurting and all they say is be strong act like a bitch men love that well screw them, I don't care anymore. I started this blog today, told all my friends, I will blog about pain until I feel better. I encourage all who are huring to blog about it on my page. Maybe together we can make ourselves feel better and love again. I need someone to talk to on my cell all the time, someone to love me for me, someone who knows how great I am on the inside and how I cry when I see people suffer. I need a man that loves me. I am depressed but like Pastor says it will get better. I choose to believe, even in my great sadness!

reposted from: http://tellitasitis9ja.blogspot.com