Context: I was eating some delicious chips the other day (Twisties, not hot chips, unfortunately – and yes they fall within the wider chip family) when I noticed I was being swarmed by mosquitos.

None of my colleagues were also being culicidae-ically molested, so I could only assume they were attracted to the Twisties through my skin.

Despite my factually accurate hypothesis, I decided to check if others had faced similar issues, and found that mosquitos are in fact attracted to people with higher levels of cholesterol on their skin.

They’re also attracted to large amounts of carbon dioxide – which we emit through our breath when we are physically exerted, like when you’ve walked to Maccas and back for a chip snack.

Lesson: mosquitos are dicks.

Evil.

When ‘Pogo’ was killed by lethal injection in 1994, he requested to dine for the last time on a bucket of KFC original chicken, a pound of strawberries, and french fries.

And he’s not the only one. Scroll through this list of death-row inmates and you’ll find “fries” pop up a number of times.

On top of that, Cornell University in the US last year did an investigation in the types of food prisoners request for their last meal.

French fries were the MOST POPULAR food item requested. Chicken was a close second.

Here’s what Gacy’s last meal probably looked like.

The Go Cup is meant as a snack rather than a full meal and was “born out of an effort to make our food more portable,” according to KFC, because food isn’t fully portable until you can obtain and eat it while barely moving.

KFC admitted it had to overcome the massive challenge of different car models having different sized cup holders. But in a triumphant win for innovation, it managed to create one that will fit 83 percent of American cupholders.

The Go Cup offers several snack options, but for some unknown reason not just chips on their own. In an additional nonsensical move KFC has also decided that it will offer potato wedges with the Go Cup instead of its normal chips – the only non-vomitous thing on its menu.

The major downside is in order to get the potato wedges and the snack cup, you’d have to eat the chicken and risk dysentry. The cups have been split into two to separate the chicken and wedges.

The cup is priced at US$2.49 – just spend another dollar or so and get the regular chips on their own.

Having said that, the Go Cup is unlikely to be available in Australia any time soon so this is probably mostly irrelevant.

(If you want some real life-changing innovation, check out the fry holder McDonald’s Japan offered earlier this year as a short promotion.)

After 60 years of focusing on (mediocre) burgers, the food chain seems to have decided it can now claim it is the king of the fry.

The decision comes after Burger King (we refuse to bend to the will of deranged fast food joints) released new “Satisfries” which it claims has 30 percent less calories than its normal fries.

It has released pictures on its Facebook page (see below) and a video on YouTube promoting the new (possibly fake, are they serious?) name.

Let’s leave aside the actual quality of the fries in question for one minute. While undoubtedly they are fairly delicious, they are also your standard-fare fry found at many other fast food vendors, including the likes of McDonalds and Hungry Jacks.

There is nothing unique about either the standard BK fry, nor the new slightly less fat fry – which although Chiptasmo is yet to review, undoubtedly will be slightly less tasty than its older sister.

Clearly, Burger King has not considered the legal battles it is likely to face by claiming to be the king of the fries. There are many other chip vendors that could lay claim to that title (does ‘Lord’ of the Fries beat the Fries ‘King’, for example), and many who would be rightly judged to provide better quality chips.

Don’t be surprised if you see a court listing for Grilld vs Burger King in the upcoming weeks, is all we’re saying.

We’re guessing this clearly deranged woman is either the CEO of Burger King or at least the presiding member of the naming committee.

These are not even fries.

Horticultural companies in both the UK and New Zealand have started selling plants which grow both potatoes and tomatoes from the same stem.

The plant only lasts for one season, and by the time the potatoes are ready to be dug the tomatoes will also be ripe.

No word yet on whether anyone is developing a plant which produces potato, tomato and egg, which would obviously be for the ultimate chip, sauce and mayo combination.

The UK and NZ companies seem to be employing the Plants vs Zombies strategy of harvesting a double-headed plant on one patch of soil. However, players of the game will know this is a risky tactic – both vegetables will be lost if the plant gets wiped out.

Depending on the size of your garden we’d recommend keeping the two separate as a risk mitigation strategy.

Here’s the UK TomTato.

We here at Chiptasmo take the pursuit of great chippery very seriously.

We intend to provide you sober, informative and visually appealing reviews of as many hot chip dishes as we can.

Integrity is of the utmost importance. All our reviews are based on chips we have paid for with our own dollar. We will not be swayed by freebies.

Some chips are made greater than others, and we will not be backwards in coming forward with those that don’t make the cut.

You may disagree with some of our reviews, but one thing to always remember is that we are right.

Hopefully one day you too can be informed enough to enjoy your chip experience as much as the happy customer below.

In the meantime, stay tuned for our first review.

Photo by Didbygraham