Scratchpad :

Questions Google Can’t Handle!

2025-11-25T15:13:00.006+05:30

Interesting bed time conversation..😜

—-O<——
Nyra: Papa… Lord Krishna is a boy or girl?
You know na… I like Lord Krishna soooo much!

Papa: He’s a boy 👦 , my princess 👑
And yes yes… I already know why you love him. (gives that classic papa-sarcasm look)

Nyra: (tiny smile, big innocence)
Correct papa… because Krishna loves milk, curd and cheese…
Just. Like. Me!

Papa: Aha! See, I knew it! One dairy queen recognising another dairy king.

Nyra: (suddenly serious, soft sad voice)
Papa… but why did God make me a girl?
I wanted to be like Krishna…

Papa: Arre…God made you a girl because you are very, very, very beautiful.
And you know what?

You are like Radha—the one Krishna loved the most.

Nyra: EYES WIDE OPEN
Woooow! am I beautiful 😻?
God made u a boy… so you’re handsome?
Then you are my Krishna! (Certified Handsome Krishna 😝)

And I love you soooo much, papa.

Papa: (laughing inside)
This is the only house where I get called handsome without paying anyone 😜

—->O——

And that’s how one small question from a little girl turned into a full mythological casting session—Radha, Krishna, Love / Like / Life, everything included.

Talking to kids is like solving emotional puzzles with surprise twists every moment.
One wrong word and they’re sad… one right word and they’re flying on clouds.
But in the end, their smiles make every confusing, funny, heart-melting conversation totally worth it.

#DaddyDaughterMagic
#LittleRadha
#MyKrishnaPapa
#ParentingIsAnAdventure
#SmilesAreWorthTheStruggle

Nyra Diaries

2025-11-21T17:37:00.002+05:30

One tiny conversation… and my heart became a soft momo.

—-O<——-

Nyra: “Papa… when will you become a grandpa?”

Papa: “Aree! First let me finish being your papa properly. Why suddenly this question?”

Nyra: “Because when you become old-old… I will take care of you. Just like you take care of me now.”

Papa: “Aww… that’s my duty, Nyra.”

Nyra: “Haan… and taking care of you will be my duty. Fair naa?”

—->O———-

These kids don’t just grow fast—they hit you with one emotional dialogue and suddenly you feel blessed, and roasted at the same time. 😄

Some moments don’t need a camera…they just stay in your heart forever. And this one? I’m keeping it safe. ❤️

#DadLife#NyraDiaries#LittleMomentsBigLove#KidsSayTheBestThings#PapaAndDaughter#HeartMelt#FunnyParenting#EmotionalDad#ParentingMagic

isi Nazar Ko Aapka Aaj Bhi Imtizar Hai ..

2022-10-09T15:00:00.000+05:30

A story of a “Complete” Man … we call him BABA.

A loving & committed wife, 5 accomplished Sons & a caring daughter, privileged to get utmost love n affection from grand children, well recognised among family & friends, all his wishes came true including his last wish of getting treated through his doctor son.

So a “Complete Man” with a “Fulfilled Life” !

My father, Yes my father ... he is handsome, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel.

I still remember & cherish those moments…

Cycling 7 days a week from 5 am to 8pm, Getting up early to make us Read, Buying a b/w Dyanora TV - to watch Ramanand sagar’s Ramayan, Enjoying Chitrahar & weekend movies with family, Mid night soccer & early morning cricket, Sticking to Bombay dying as preferred brand, Inner pocket for safe cash, Red suitcase with 1990’s receipts / certificates / guarantee cards, Accounting of even a single rupee, sense of happiness when family is around, excitement level on first time flight to Delhi, …

List is long n countless.. lot of learnings & earnings too …

Let me tell u .. there is a difference between TODAY & YESTERDAY.

Today our eyes can’t see u, nose can’t smell u, we can’t hear u, we can’t touch u.

Today we can’t offer u dosa, can’t have our morning tea together, can’t check ur Blood pressure, Maa can’t hold ur hands in the night, can’t dance on your b'day.

Today we can’t ask u not to complain, can’t pray for your recovery …

Many such things..Baba ! And this difference is significant & killing us from inside..

We do appreciate your existence and the impactful role you have played in our lives. You have given us two most precious things for our whole life. One is love with sacrifice; the second is education with spirituality.

Just bless us so that we can carry forward your legacy of discipline, timeliness & countless other precious things!

I want to grow old and be like U..

I want Nyra too carry your legacy forward.. i want to see u in her !

No matter what I do or what I say, I know, for a fact, u’ll will be there to support me / us.

Love u BABA ! And i m sure ur story will continue..

isi Nazar ko Aapka aaj bhi intizar hai ..

those tiny Moments of LIFE...

2014-12-25T17:49:00.000+05:30

__CB

Let the grey leaves fall & the colorful flowers bloom,
Let the darkness come & you say HELLO to the moon....

Let the week come to an end & that Friday feeling is not forewent,
Let the first snowfall deepen & you feel the warmth of blanket.

Let that tiny kitten cross your path & the little squirrel smile,
Let your child giggle on the other side of phone & you soak in the joy_N_thrill.

Let your cups become bottomless & you keep pouring Whisky,
Find time to love and hate and love again, and never truly feel Happy.

Let your imagination run wild; but keep it on the sunny side,
Merry Christmas & A Very Happy New Year Welcome with pride ! :)

Wh*** less Life !

2014-03-12T14:53:00.001+05:30

Imagine a WORLD / LIFE of ...

'when less' - then only NOW would matter.
'how less' - then INSTINCT would be master.
'who less' - then FREEDOM would be simpler.
'why less' - then MOTIVE would be clearer.
'where less' - then SELF would be the fixer.
'what less' - then ALL would be a WONDER !!!

It's the destiny, the LIFE, the fate,
Don't care about their curses and hate.

Now wipe the nose and cease to cry,
Forget about the gravity and fly!

Family - A domestic affair !

2013-05-12T14:05:00.003+05:30

“No man is poor who has a Godly mother.”
― Abraham Lincoln

Mom standing in a corner with huge tears in her eyes as if she is sure that she will never see you again. Kids hugs you at the rate of 10 times a minute, some of them being so intense that you are unable to breathe. Your dad is going in and out of the garage hauling your luggage while periodically screaming things like “Car! ASAP!”, “We are late! Let’s move!” “How hard can it be to get yourself in the car?!” etc. etc.

Then he looks at mom while passing her and screams in her ear: “We can cry at the airport, let’s get in the car first” which changes mother’s tears to anger and they start arguing which actually relieves you because it is a good distraction for your mother, at least for the time being.

So the screaming and the sobbing and the hugs and the tears continue while you make your way to the airport. Everyone sees you off like you are going on the voyage to never-land from where your chances of coming back are slim. Yeah, you see, I have a very supportive family.

And any consolation in your part will only be dealt with anger.

“Mom I am just going a couple hundred miles away, Its just a two hour flight. I will be back in May/June. It’s not like you are not going to see me for years!” I tried while hugging her.

"What rubbish! You come once a year and that too for a few days".

“Mom I was here for a month!” I try again.

"what month?! one month in a whole year!” she declares.

And the argument goes on...

Sometimes it bothers me because my family can create a scene and the airport, for one, is not the easiest places to find your way around because neither the people are friendly nor the staff courteous. You can’t do much with your mom sobbing, your dad freaking out and kids hugging rate and intensity continuously increasing by the minute.

I take a sigh of relief when I pass the security checkpoint and actually leave them behind. After that finding my way to the Gate becomes so much easier...
.... what about them???

खोज - QUEST !

2013-05-03T23:23:00.001+05:30

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I'll come across these photographs again was not at all anticipated. It appears like I’m looking back that one moment to retrospect or to romanticize my past...

Hey, what are YOU thinking ? Am I looking like busy in styling my hairs? Noticing what pimples are doing on my face? Dark circles under my eyes? Looking tired OR realizing that I have lost weight a lot & now looking fit-n-fine ;-)?

Or I’m trying to breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive….

Am I thinking to own the mirror that really reflects me as a person; not just renewing my fitness club membership…?

?????

Fact is - man's imagination also runs wild ... and imaginary stories don't have anywhere to go. If only the feelings they brought were also imaginary.... Perhaps, I'm proving it & in this photograph (rather mirror) I’m urging to know the people (rather TRUE people :-)) I am accompanied with (or just walking all alone?).

The life we live is different at all the points we meet and know the people. It's amazing how intricately we knew these people once. They shared a part of their lives with us and we shared some of ours. Some we knew only for a few months, some we knew for years, some we had crushes on, and some we almost thought would turn out to be close friends. But they didn't. Sometimes we can’t see who is actually in front of us, because they are right behind us. So it’s necessary to look at the mirror to know the TRUE people around. Not only a front view – it gives a rear view as well even if it is broken into pieces :-).

Look in a mirror, what do you see? A reflection of U or the crowd U like?...

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Sometimes I write because I'm HAPPY... :-)

2013-03-03T16:44:00.002+05:30

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[Sometimes I write because I'm HAPPY. Sometimes I become HAPPY because I choose to write. :-)]

Last night. Last night, I was little sad. Sad in a surprised way. Sad in a 'now-what?' 'how come?' state.

There were some amount of thoughts playing in my mind, each trying to suppress the other. I had a strange apprehension, possibly because there is a certain limit to which the mind can accommodate conflicts. That made me hungry and filled up every thought in my mind. Started questioning myself – 'how can I be so carefree'. But you have been honest and noble. You, made me realize that it is an event in life when you fail, you become fearless. It feels good because the entire process is a path to self discovery.

"You haven't been sad in a while, and this realization came to you when you started thinking about it. This is just another event – yes another event, which will not determine the rest of your life. Think about the beautiful day you had; you have a freedom tonight and a beautiful Sunday morning is waiting for you." – your words came true as if you had scripted the event. :p

There is a fine line between happiness and sadness. It's always evident when we are crossing from happiness to sadness. But, somehow we don't realize when we cross that line from sadness to happiness. Perhaps this the reason why we don't appreciate our happiness, and complain when we are sad. We are so accustomed to complaining about sadness that at some point it comes naturally to us - like muscle memory - a reflex action. Perhaps sadness wouldn't be so bad if we appreciated the happy moments in life. Sadness wouldn't be so hurtful if we believed that we could be happy again, just like we were before. A few setbacks don't determine our worth, let alone our happiness in life.

One morning you wake up and suddenly the sun is shining. It is faint because the mind is still aware of the chill, but the heart feels warm. You rediscover yourself and the happiness which you have overlooked for a long time. Then there is a smile on your face. :-)

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tODAY iS nOT tHE dAY !

2013-02-16T21:24:00.001+05:30

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I remember – one weekend I started my day with a photograph. A photograph; telling me that ONLY the photograph belongs to me. Though it did not say where or when – but I am not unaware. I know it was some time in the afternoon time when we all were enjoying each others company. No self-possessiveness, no boundaries. The 'where' / 'when' doesn't matter to me. What matters to me now is 'the character'. The character is no more with me. At least that's what I could think of that day. I found an easy way out. Not facing the situation, not dealing with the issues, added a 'pause' into life. Good for both (?). She wouldn't have to deal with my millions of questions. She has opted to stay away, somewhere far away, let her. Perhaps somewhere better.

For the next few days, I stayed at home. I kept staring at that photograph, thinking that perhaps I am just over-reading the situation. If I just read/feel it one more time, I will get a different meaning out of it, and will realize how silly I am to have misunderstood that we are not together. But that didn't happen no matter how many times I tried. Some things really aren't in our control. What's done is done. Some things we just have to live no matter how much pain it causes. Some choices/events we must accept.

Yet, a part of me still thinks that if I go back enough to the past, I will somehow magically change the situation. That too will change soon enough. Perhaps, some day I won't look at it at all. Perhaps someday I will forget about the photograph and it's character too. BUT - Today is not that day.

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a little far away, but not out of our reach...

2013-01-30T05:02:00.001+05:30

Not just a poem !

2013-01-26T13:32:00.000+05:30

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Poem "The Cookie Thief" written by Valerie Cox and read by Wayne Dyer !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Mx-aErLF5k

You Tube version of this Poem :-

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It raises mixed feelings in my heart & mind every time I read it. It is such a great lesson in character.

How many times in our lives,
have we absolutely known
that something was a certain way,
only to discover later that
what we believed to be true ... was not?

[Don't rush into a judgement unless u see the end !!]

Your shadow tells that you still exist...

2013-01-25T17:07:00.000+05:30

Afternoon time...but a long one.

Hey, it’s U. Yes U. Of course it’s ur shadow.. mine as well. Neither of us can deny this fact. ~~Just a shadow or a reflection of each other [Think ! Not to be answered.] ?~~

Reflections/shadows - they are honest. They appear just the way they really are (always dark, so predictable). They don't try to be sweet, or pretty, or happy when they are not. No matter how much we lie to ourselves, our shadow will always be there to show us what's really there. There is neither pompous nor pretentious about shadows.

Though shadow always follows us, let’s cast a shadow on something wherever we stand - not by moving from place to place (person to person). Choose a place where you are well-off - yes, choose a place where you are very much calm, easy, happy & relaxed, & stand in it for all you are worth, facing the sunshine.

You know what - our shadow always tells us that we still exist. Let’s not just carry our lives through a mirror to get rid of shadows. One thing I love about little kids they always notice their shadows. Don’t know why as adults we forget.

“What would your good do if evil didn't exist, and what would the earth look like if all the shadows disappeared?”

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Perspectives !

2012-07-29T07:59:00.000+05:30

"Who Am I?" A confused life. Yes - ur mistake is my life & when u fixed; I'm lost, yes, I'm.			:-(
:-)	"Who Am I?" An enlightened life. Yes - my mistake is my life & when u slipped up; I survived.
'Am I mad?' Don’t laugh. Yes, I am. You know why? I'm not in life, not in death. Hanging, waiting for someone to pull up or push me down. I am mad for sure.			:-(
:-)	'Am I mad?' Don’t laugh. Yes, I am. You know why? Because, I must be. Otherwise u wouldn’t hv been part of my life. Am in life, not in death. Swinging.. Oscillating.. & no desire to come to rest. I am mad for sure.
"R u a joker?" - shot another. Yes – I am. With the mask to make u laugh, when ur eyes r full. I may look like a mocking face; but better than thousand clicks. One person's craziness is another person's reality. The laughing faces around me hides the unwanted sympathy, the unheard cry, the unsaid words.			:-(
:-)	"U R funny!" - shot another. Yes – I am. May be its ur ability to look at everything close up. It's not just that u r an optimist; I’ve got both looks & loveliness; dear. My plastic surgeon said, u got to go with a smile. The tragic or the humorous is a matter of perspective. So, take off the mask & start giggling…
"Hey, u just deleted me" No one noticed except me. May be it’s the beginning or... it’s just my vision fading. Someone asked, how’s life in the ‘recycle bin'? ‘Nice’, I said. I don't need the darkness to dream, I don't need the light to ride. It’s an air tight box - I can sleep undisturbed. Forever …			:-(
:-)	Har khel mein hum ho na ho Gardis mein taare rahenge sada, Bhoologe tum bhoolenge woh Par hum tumhare rahenge sada. Rahenge yahin apne nisan, Iss ke sewa jaana kahan.	:-)

Desperate attempt ?

2012-07-22T20:00:00.000+05:30

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From: chitaranjan behera <behera.chitaranjan@gmail.com>

Date: Fri, Mar 30, 2012 at 7:56 PM
To: abc <abc@gmail.com>

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I lived up with a feeling - "for me I know she is always with me and for her I know I am always with her".

I used to think, ‘I'll have somebody with me & shall share my laughter with somebody, and share my tears with somebody, wanted to be close to somebody'.

So many things have happened & keep on happening...

But why am I still holding on to tht small piece of hope that I'll wake up one day and see somebody around.

My heart is frozen and mind is blocked ...Am I just a shallow cow? No - now i feel its enogh - Enough is enough !

I just want to be happy without anybody. I'm so dejected and need to see that i never get into any type of relationship and I know I deserve better treatment.

Honestly I don't have any nagging fears that break up might be the wrong thing to do.

How many regrets you will have with me?

At least u'll be happy - and i'll be happy seeing u happy.

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From: abc <abc@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Mar 30, 2012 at 9:44 PM
To: chitaranjan behera <behera.chitaranjan@gmail.com>

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mera dil bhari ho ra hai.... simply cant say anything...

I wish i had power to explain myself tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....

I dnt kno wat I feel. I dnt kno wats in my mind. I wish I cud give wat u want in lieu

I CAN'T understand myself & may expect u 2 to do.

if I cud, I cud may b hv explained it to you.

I can not c u trying & failing lyk this..... i kno u try... i kno u do

All ur messages reach me well...

I dnt kno why there is heaven & there is hell...

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What Else We Want ? :-)

2012-06-09T21:50:00.000+05:30

I'M BACK !

2012-06-09T09:47:00.000+05:30

I am rich enough to buy back my past

I am lucky enough to get it fast
They asked me to stay away
But I wanted it all my way
Steering the wheels of certainty
So, I am back and I am happy…

Enjoying Ice candy with nephew & niece

Getting up from bed with a morning kiss
Chasing butterflies and picking up flowers
Playing with blocks and making towers
Gaining childhood life is indeed classy
Of course, I am back and I am happy…

Life is free & budging on the track

Geared up to fly the miles on flash
Right to pick with whom I want to walk & talk
Can set a playlist rocking around the clock
Gone is the summer to prove my variety
No matter what, I am back and I am happy…

The princesses and the songs in rain

Happy endings in fairy tales again
I can start a fresh with no stain
"Do what you love" pops-up again
Dare to dream the desire of paternity
Yes indeed, I am back and I am happy…

Discovered, why BAD is so GOOD

Lasted as long as I could
I know - Changes rolls-in on the panel of dent
BUT - Living for the dream, loving for a moment
STOP !! No more pleas for pity
I am sure, I am back and I am happy…

Story Telling...

2012-04-15T07:16:00.000+05:30

9:42PM 18th Feb 2012

She:
hello again J

Chitaranjan:
hey... hi
seems quite busy day..

She:
yah!
but finishing off pending wrks J..
jst reached
delhi is full of traffic ...

Chitaranjan:
yeah..i knw
u stay in delhi or noida?

She:
rikshaw b beech sadak pe chalte hai..
horn maarte raho bande bhi gaadiyo k aage i chalte hai at some places :P ..

Chitaranjan:
J thy make ur life challenging; even on roads..

She:
yes J
WEST delhi..

Chitaranjan:
ok
i used to stay in RK Puram
waise i enjoyed delhi lyf..

She:
waise toh i also love this place
i love the BHEED actually. J
but its good to cribble also K ..

Chitaranjan:
hmm.. so u happy ;-)
look at me ... not at all
often i feel like helpless.. screaming ...shouting.. L

She:
SHOUT
m listening ;-)..
yes ...jor se ..

Chitaranjan:
to vent out frustrations..

She:
do it J

Chitaranjan:
baas ! rehne do
u hv come frm tht bheed bhad
no more ...

She:
nahi wo bheed to muje sunti hi ni
m lost...

Chitaranjan:
hehehe

She:
wht about dinner?

Chitaranjan:
hmm ..don't knw..
habbit of skipping L

She:
thts not gud to get used to such things..

Chitaranjan:
don’t knw gud or bad..

She:
At least i dnt feel that one shud b..

Chitaranjan:
agree .. but no choice

She:
v make choices..

Chitaranjan:
anyways let me make some arrangements
wait..

She:
thats gud..
np..

AFTER 10 Minutes…

Chitaranjan:
yes, had something J
happy?

She:
yup
now, u complete ur turn
then i'll tell u something to support my comment

Chitaranjan:
my turn?..

She:
yeah in our last chat i told u few of my incidents
its ur turn now..

Chitaranjan:
oh i see..

She:
n i dnt mind if urs are not as interesting as mine ;-)..

Chitaranjan:
let me evoke.. ring a bell //

She:
tk ur tym..

Chitaranjan:
okie ….
now i m under pressure
hmm…….. real pressure J..

She:
:D
our true self comes out wen v wrk under pressure ;-)..

Chitaranjan:
hmmm..
ur story was more genuine..
reflecting ur natural behavior..

She:
hmmm..

Chitaranjan:
let me share something in the similar line
tht reflects me …

She:
i believe everyone has some natural behavior..
yea, its jst that I hv some impressions about u…
rest will b made wen u tel me abt urself J

Chitaranjan:
ok J

She:
yes
u can proceed J..

Chitaranjan:
ok let me tell u a very recent incident..

She:
Yes

Chitaranjan:
a story of yesterday
don’t knw u wld like ths or not
anyways ...
i was having a bad day yesterday..

She:
i like anything/everything :P
remember always J..

Chitaranjan:
ok baba.. J
so wht I was saying..
yes - a very bad day..
was very upset
went to a coffee shop..

She:
so wat bad waise?

Chitaranjan:
shall tell u later ..let me complete the story

She:
ok..

Chitaranjan:
ok
i ordered a sandwich & a cup of coffee

She:
k..

Chitaranjan:
a girl back in the counter..
was making sandwich..

She:
k..

Chitaranjan:
somehow I felt like..
she was also looked very down..clumsy .. like me

She:
ok

Chitaranjan:
u knw mayonaise ?..

She:
ya..

Chitaranjan:
it was spilling over..

She:
ok..

Chitaranjan:
i cld understand her state of mind

She:
ok..

Chitaranjan:
cldn't stop myself
with lot of guts went to her
& said 'we all hv days like ths ..its ok'
she looked at me..

She:
k..

Chitaranjan:
thn I said u knw - “u’ve got a FACE for smile”..
hmmm... thn she smiled J

She:
so sweet..

Chitaranjan:
and thn i also smiled..

She:
lovely..

Chitaranjan:
she reciprocated with ‘hey young man ! u also hv got a good smile'

She:
then?..

Chitaranjan:
i said “tnx .. tomorrow it will be a better one J”

She:
tht was gr8 dialog..

Chitaranjan:
J yes i knw..
thn i could see an expression in her face tht was willing to describe something..
it was indeed worth noticing..

She:
and a moment worth cherishing..

Chitaranjan:
yes - now she opened up and passed a better smile J

Chitaranjan:
i waited for few minutes
she served me sandwich and while handing over to me
she said “tnx .. it was indeed needed..”

She:
how sweet..

Chitaranjan:
thn i left tht place - not sure if i'll get a chance to go thr
even if i go - not sure if i can meet her again..

She:
hmmm
ths happens..

Chitaranjan:
even if i meet her - not sure she will recognize me..

She:
hmm..

Chitaranjan:
but YES I realized that “we get distracted easily by others ..also fact is, sometimes in order to heal urself u need to reach out to someone else..."
ths is how I can summarize ths story
ths is wht i hv posted today in my FB ..not sure how many could relate to ths J

…

and the chat continued…

Beautiful Sadness..

2012-04-03T18:24:00.000+05:30

Someone left the _cake_ out in the rain,

I'ld never have that _recipe_ again.

Didn’t know why _good_ is so bad,

It would end up with so sad.

Silent _night_, Deadly _sight_,
And life is facing a BIG _fight_.

It’s all not gone, but it’s not done.
I wonder if I can dream _alone_.

Who will write _poem_ to nurture?
How shall I face the _future_?

One way is with apprehension,

The other is with anticipation.

Yes I’ve hit that _low_ for sure,

But I can’t _allow_ it to endure.

I can either _fall_ in shame,

Or I can _bounce back_ again.

BUT indeed -
I want to _dance_ … before I die,
I wld prefer to _die_ ... before I lie.

SILENCE !

2012-03-20T22:34:00.000+05:30

It is 02:07am & I'm wide awake. I can't sing the song of Rachel green - The Morning is Here ..The Morning is Here... Sunshine is Here. It's not the morning – rather a deep night. The world has settled down, the human beings have calmed themselves for a few hours, and of course the nature is running its course. I am still awake; not sometimes; unusually usual. I lose grip on the equilibrium of my life and I get a sleepless night here and there.

An unfinished poem, an unfinished novel or an unfinished symphony can never have the aesthetic status of completed works of music, art or literature.

The same applies to individual human life. A human life cannot attain its full meaning until it is complete. Everything seeks purpose and meaning.

An expression (may through email/SMS/post card..) is always complemented by an expression (if reciprocated).

But - SILENCE ? A Call/Conversation ended up with bad note? - actually kills from inside.

Perhaps that's why I am awake. I am so scared to fall asleep. So scared to really let me take where it will.

"If you don't do this, I'll not give you candy anymore". And there it is. It is pure, it is simple, and it is being enacted right before me. The laws that govern the "little"; not the “grownups”.

[---------O<--------
So far, I have been on one end of the spectrum - not being the quiet listener but the one with the lump in the throat.

NOW - I want to listen. I'ld love to listen. Believe me, you won't be able to connect with someone (even if you spend day and night with them) the way you do in that one moment of expression/confession, one moment with trembling lips and wet eyes — in that one moment of trust.

And it is almost always about that ONE moment… if it passes, it would not come back. If you are distracted, you wouldn’t hear it again. Sometimes, just missing that one moment keeps us at a distance from the person we love for the rest of our lives.
-------->O----------]

Life should move on !

2012-03-18T22:07:00.004+05:30

Was all alone the entire day, waiting for an intervention. I knew I
won't have anyone to help me to get through; but it was hard to believe.

Yes - you rightly said, life should move on. Why to wake up crying in
the midnight.. why to wait for a call.. why to blame the fate or
OTHERS.

You suggested to start a new habit to get engaged & divert the
attention. Yes, I attempted today. To be able to move on, I started to
learn to forgive & forget not only the person (or people) but also to
the situations.

I know this turbulence will come to an end; and if not, then this is
not the end of my life.

'Dream' - it is a magical memory that unites fantasy and reality; why
can't a LIFE be like a dream?

Like it or not - It's My VOCAL Cord !

2012-02-23T23:45:00.001+05:30

where all the ans are ...

2011-08-31T08:45:00.003+05:30

In continuation to earlier post “An Elegant Emotion - My Love Story !”.

Sitting at home, alone, on a Sunday morning watching DD1-Chitrahar, Wednesday evening watching ‘Foodie show’, walking around that old crowded lane of Chinese food & desi GOLGAPPE THELE (carts/shops) … when you experience these and other reminders – tells U that U R still NOT unattached; though it’s quite natural.

Fact is today also I miss U a lot… today also I Love U a lot … today also I’m alone with a great feeling of your love !!

Am not sure if you can get a chance to read this or I can get a chance to prove myself. I'll not get into “theory of thin slices” – we have a big bite to have. I keep happy those people who I want to be happy – so let me open the locked door… my answer to ur ‘??’.

Essentially, I didn’t have any alternate way out other than ‘hiding myself’. I assumed that love ripens with age.. especially with bad situations they encounter. I do know [look], [height], [health], [money], [color], [caste], [priority], [name] etc. has NO role to play in LOVE. Believe me – You are THE BEST girl I have ever met in my life. At the same time, this is also true that the GUY you have met is not ruthless who can disregard U or ur feelings. He respects your love, emotions, character, attitude, beauty, patience ….everything !

It’s unfortunate that he could not get you in his life. One big space / void created and will remain forever.

Still remember your words …

Some girls make great girlfriends. But they're just not good enough for marriage, am I one of them? You don't have the balls to stand up for? What does a guy really mean when he breaks up with you ...but says, that he still loves you and always will?

If he means what he's saying.. Why would he break up with you in the first place?

Is it just a way of making you feel better about being dumped?

It means “there is still a (faint) possibility that he may come back :-)” - though I didn’t reply … I wanted to make U realize this.

I feel honored when U say “Difficult to understand men – BUT U R not among them”. You know why ? Because what began as a ‘relationship’ turned into a ‘passion’ – an honest & TRUE response.

There have been times in our life, when we faced with such questions than we had answers to. And the wisdom lies in exploring the self and the surroundings… because that’s where all the answers are.

Why ‘Fight’ despite high intensity of love between us? Intense to tensed – is quite likely/obvious/natural… may be a form of demand as well.

What? “Why did we get separated?” To retain that thrill, obsession, ardor, fury we have between us. Easy to keep relationship with somebody who is far away - not who is close to you. Don’t know how the HELL look like – BUT certainly I know what the HEAVEN is while we are together. I can still sink into UR dimples !

I still don’t have answer to one of your questions “What type of relationship we have(had)?” – Am I wrong if I say “ I never asked for more than your love ..so you”. U & I – a beautiful world.

There is nothing more rewarding for me than the experience of watching a girl finally obtain her hearts desire :-) …says “How can I get U back?” Desperate attempt to get her love back… There is more to life than a boy/girl (- but without partner?). Famous dialogue from movie ‘turing 30’ - the solution to break-up is a hair cut & may be motherhood is your true calling :-)

Everyone grows up with fairy tales. Imagining magic wand & happy endings. Some dreams are just illusions. So get into an action. Marry a rich, smart, eligible guy and create waves in the world.. in ur LIFE. Pretty clear cut and simple i'ld say.

Well I've always said it's about a journey...so I am travelling (don’t know with whom?). As a matter of fact - yes i am… with my job ! Cheers to that ! That pretty much sums up my life. I still haven't quite "made it". Its not that ex-girl friends are irresitabler… its not dare for pole dancing with my cloths off.. Lets get technical - switch ON and OFF. Don't hang around - rebounce and move on.

I am not giving U lessons in moral science. Can I turn back the clock and rewrite the ending? Can I announce that I’m still ‘single’? Answer is ‘NO’ & I know U support it.

I am still in the past ...

2011-05-21T12:11:00.038+05:30

I am still in the past..

writing for my life
and waiting for my life.

"You changed his life"
her eyes going moist: "No, he changed mine"

u were never alone

was all around you..forever(?)

found my sneakers loosening
u tightened them up
those were old... right time to let them go
just like everything else ?

veerzara to ghulam ali
saregama to rangoli
loved to sing songs for u
never allowed kishore or sonu to impress u
hey u there ? I can still sing for u…

we feel the pain, we inflict the pain
we have made promises, we have wrecked promises
we are the predators and we are the victims
u know – we are alike?

pillows out of place
blanket half on the bed & half on the floor.
room has never looked messy
as it used to be yours.
oh.. give them back to me
all in the right order.
too much ?

u hear the raindrops falling on ?
i feel like ALONE ..

I am still in the past... you left me there... want to be there... want to be with 'U'.

… that makes one COMPLETE !

2011-01-18T17:38:00.005+05:30

16th of Jan'11, evening 7PM, she (my bhabi jee) was shouting like anything - it was a distinct sign of labor pain. Come close to me … call the doctor … I need your help – she was getting impatient (quite obvious though). Being a doctor my brother was pretending to be very normal. He was there to support her, not to wonder or weep; so he corked up his feelings; amazing attitude.

Next day morning; all was hurry, edgy and exciting. The hospital corridor was full of glowing of humanity; the walls were lined with rows of families-N-friends, the sound of many feet and voices made that usually quiet morning hour as noisy as noon; and making of the hospital a home J !

In the midst of it all, the matron's smiley face brought relief to all of us and the cheery words welcomed by all.

There they were ! Finally it paid off – they blessed with a second child – a baby BOY !!

How can I forget the stages she (bhabi jee) has gone through last couple of years. 'I wish I shouldn't have written this' - but I guess there's no point regretting anything either. Though it's in the past and not something to talk about now; BUT - "I just wanted to make a beautiful thing, a nice thing that she can listen to and feel good".

Trisha (niece) was equally attentive towards her pregnant mom and excited to see her sibling. Now she has an equal with whom she can play and show her elderliness.

This is not a situation of “guarding woman's form or fortifying the womb”. This has ACTUALLY made their family A COMPLTE FAMILY !! Small and Happy !! Now they have 2 children – an elder daughter and a younger son.

Edging out word ‘completeness’ - the statistics are startling. There are many forms of life where we look for the “completeness”.

HOW do we look at the situations like …

* “The single life !” - An ‘woman’ without man or vice-versa …?

* An unsuccessful marriage …?

* An womb that can't fertilize …? (Will ‘Adoption’ bring in the completeness?)

* Academic Degree that can’t be capitalized …

* Failed to ‘Pay back / indebted to Parenting’ …

* A relationship without a ‘Name’… [Failed to convert ‘love’ into marriage…?]

* A ‘company’ that you can’t enjoy …

* Packing up of ‘Faithfulness’ towards your well-wisher…?

The list is long and end-less…

So a question strikes to my mind – “What makes life meaningful ? - simply living it or making it a complete one?”.

Need reason / time for resolution... for change?

2011-01-02T09:21:00.001+05:30

Ah, yes - another New Year has come. How can we forget ‘new year’s resolution’? It's a tradition that invokes everything from resignation to reorganization (?) and has the power to launch feelings of responsibility, success, and brightness humor in a flash.

BUT – do we really need to wait till a new year to come to bring in changes in our life … something good to happen in our life ?

I guess I am not wrong, if I translate “Happy New Year” into “Have a nice day * 365” ? So every day is a new day & each day counts; rather every minute & every moment counts.

Though I’m not entitled to comment on astrological viewpoints – I guess, star positions are also not linked to year change (1:1:xxxx).

I agree, any change in environment (may be *just* the number 2010 -> 2011) seeds a new thought in our mind and we should enjoy/exploit the freshness of this change ! Let’s go by this ‘good excuse to move-on’ and uphold this strive for a long, at least till next year to start.

Simply put, if our lives, thoughts and actions are conducive to produce a particular result, we would certainly produce it, especially if it is important to us.

Let’s try to live a simple, sincere and serene life… repel every thought of discontent, anxiety, discouragement…“The wise man knows the means to certain good ends; and secondly, he knows how much particular ends are worth!”.