Chocolate on my Cranium

Going Home

2013-05-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

Friday morning I took pictures of the scenery as I came home from town. It had rained the day before so the desert plants were coming to life. It's amazing how just a little rain makes a big difference out here in the desert. It may not look like much but to those of us that live here it is a beautiful sight when we see any color other than a variation of brown.

Turning onto the dirt road for home - only thirteen more miles to go!

This is the top of the pass. All you can see below are sand dunes. We call that view "The Land of Desolation."

Coming down the mountain all you see are the sand dunes to your left until you crest a small hill and all of a sudden green pivots of hay!

The road makes a turn between two pivots. This is where you can see mountains in front and the rear view mirror captures the mountains behind.

After several more miles I make the final turn onto the last stretch of road for home.

Saturday we had some more rain which resulted in a beautiful and very bright rainbow. My sister-in-law captured the view from her house. Look! Our house is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

The Modern French Revolution - World Congress of Families Day 02

2013-05-18T10:22:00.003-07:00

This is an amazing story! Why haven't we heard about it before here in America? I'm not sure but you are learning about it now. Feel free to share this post!

The Modern French Revolution

A brilliant story has the delegates at the WCF buzzing. I mentioned the French rallies for marriage and family briefly in the first day’s report but I have some more detail that is absolutely fascinating and worth going into detail. As many of you may know, a gay marriage and adoption bill is being presented to French Parliament but the people took to the streets in protest in unprecedented numbers (1 million people marching Paris at EACH rally).

In fact, these rallies are historic in that they are the largest in French history, and likely world history for this particular social issue. Maxime Legoce, a young Frenchman who had the opportunity to speak in between sessions, was a significant player in the French rallies in Paris and around the world. He gave several speeches on his experiences and one was titled, “The French Movement for Defending Marriage and Leadership in the 21st Century.” I hope my reporting does it justice, and more importantly, I hope Maxime’s morally courageous story of the La Manif Pour Tous (“Demonstration for All”) pro-family movement gets shared around the world. It is inspiring!

The organizers of these highly successful rallies in France, along with other French citizens around the world, were predominantly made up of young people. This is fascinating not only because they are young but also because they live in a relatively agnostic and secular country. When people heard about these pro-family movements around the world, they were shocked and couldn’t figure out why the French youth would be so passionate about marriage and the family unit. But this is proof that there is much “hope smiling brightly before us” with the rising French generation.

Why were these high school and university age youth the driving force for protesting gay marriage and gay adoption? The answer lies in the history of their parents. The May 1968 French “Sexual Revolution” created a generation of mass divorce, abortion, broken homes and families, euthanasia, drop in education and so forth. The young people of 2013 have experienced firsthand what these negative social “freedoms” did to their families and home life. They were damaged by their parents’ and grandparents’ destructive social behaviors and they wanted to get rid of it. With the mass divorce, these children felt that they were the victims and needed to take action. They are taking a stand against the very things their parents fought for in the 1960’s.

How did the cause for marriage and family in France gain so much support and traction? Maxime said that the movement was all carried out through the power of social media and people who were passionate about this cause. Here are a few things they did that made it so successful:

Social Media: Very low cost advertising and potential to go viral very quickly. Where we used to have to place ads in the newspaper or on television at great financial expense, they are able to use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other French social media outlets to get the word for countless rallies and demonstrations of support very quickly to a lot of people. The “La Manif Pour Tous” Movement Facebook Page is highly successful and there are a lot of neat photos that inspire people to get involved.
They used creative ways to engage people. For instance, one movement included encouraging everyone to change their Wifi name to “No Gay Marriage”. Whenever neighbors would be searching for Wifi access or logging into their system, anyone made this change would show up. Maxime said he changed his one night and the next day, his neighbors all changed theirs. It created an underground resistance movement.
They had a very easy to remember, non-religious slogan to reach all people across the board: “1 Father, 1 Mother = That’s Marriage”, “Father, Mother, Children, It’s Natural!” and also “La Manif Pour Tous which means The Demonstration for All” and this is a play on words for the pro-gay marriage side whose slogan is “Marriage for All”.

Blogging. There is a huge network of Catholic bloggers around the world that are all organized under the “Catholicsphere” (a narrower version of the “blogosphere”).
They made it cool to show their pro-family T-shirts, sweatshirts, bumper stickers, flags, banners etc.
For people who were physically unable to come to Paris to march, they created the first ever E-march online. This was absolutely brilliant in that they used geo-localization with IP addresses to create a heat map of all those virtually attending the rally online (pictured below).

They encouraged everyone to go viral fast and furiously with any updates or information on what was happening on the ground during the rallies. For instance, the media and police said there were only about 300,000 people (only? That still seems huge!) at one of the rallies where they absolutely had over a million people total. Everyone was tweeting or Facebooking images to debunk this false information by the pro-gay marriage media.
Technology Allows For Immediate Reactivity. Prime example: at one of the rallies (all peaceful mind you), police decided to take 70 people into custody. What did they immediately do? They tweeted photos of them in the police vans and posted pictures on Facebook asking for help. By the time they reached the police station, there were already supporters there. The supporters grew and within only two hours, the police released all 70 people.

Another interesting thing happened with the police and the media manipulation. The photos they showed on the news were doctored to show far less people supporting the pro-family rally. However, as soon as these photos showed up on the news, people started submitting real time photos proving that not only did the media edited out tens of thousands of people, but they also photo shopped existing trees and lamps and parts of the boulevard, which automatically proved they were trying to cover up the real numbers at the rally.

One part of their rallies that was highly effective was their use of “flash mobs” using car parades. They would randomly pick and then list a certain street online for supporters to jump in their cars and drive down the street waving pro-family flags. Other rallies would be huge signs draped over the many bridges of Paris or in front of hotels or government buildings where members of Parliament are scheduled to visit. The La Manif Pour Tous movement call it the “welcoming committee”.
Technology Supports Generosity. Not only were supporters able to donate money to the cause, but they were able to use social media to donate things and services to help make it easier for people able to attend the rallies. For instance, people living in Paris would offer accommodation for those who lived in the country and didn’t have the money for a hotel. Other people would offer carpooling to the rallies, while others would offer babysitting or meals. The kindness of strangers quickly turned these people into friends. That’s the beauty and generosity of the human spirit!

I know I wasn’t the only one at WCF who was touched by Maxime’s story and I hope that we can use these powerful tools for future rallies and events. I know there are great opportunities here for learning and implementation. I hope we can have more Maxime’s and La Manif Pour Tous movements around the world where gay marriage and adoption bills are coming into the picture. Let’s share my new friend’s story with everyone and also remember it when we start hearing of whisperings of gay marriage bills (or other social issues) coming to our states and countries. Let’s act and follow the example of the French and this brilliant and successful movement.

Here is an inspiring short clip with footage from the rallies (it made me want to go to France to support them on May 26 for their next rally!) :

Here is the website, La Manif Pour Tous. It’s a fantastic template for others who want to start movements in their state or country:

Candlelight vigils every evening by high school and university students are held 24/7, with people taking turns supplying food, water and bathroom breaks. Thousands upon thousands of young people gathering each night to peacefully protest by singing, reading poems and lighting candles.

Photo credits: To slideshow photo by Angela Fallantine. Photos of La Manif Pour Tous rallies from their facebook page.

World Congress of Families Day 02 Part I

2013-05-18T09:12:00.002-07:00

Another great day full of information from Angela. So much to digest! I really appreciate how these speakers and presenters are from all over the world. Please share about this great congress by sharing these posts on twitter, facebook, and linking to your blogs. The more we spread the word about traditional families the better!

Report on World Congress of Families – Day 2 (Part 1 of 2)
Plenary Opening Session – Main Auditorium *Packed to capacity, standing room only = exciting!

Patrick Parkinson (Family Law Attorney, Consultant to Family Law – London). Speech: The Economic Rationale for Governments to Invest in Family Stability

There is a rapid increase in the fragility of families around the Western world. There is a tipping point in which it is likely too late to reverse the trends. Unfortunately, social calamity is the result of the collapse of the natural family. There are intergenerational impacts such as poverty, diminished educational opportunities, downward mobility in socioeconomic status. This is all manifested in a rise in parental stress, neglect, abuse, poor mental health and so forth. Ultimately, the public costs for fragile families is very high.
There is a growing crises in mental health with adolescents and the trend is correlated with divorce in all cases (the data proves it). There is an alarming crisis in particular with teenage girls of divorced, broken homes. Of all the girls ages 12-14, ¼ have some serious mental disorder and attempt self harm and binge drink, at a rate of SIX times greater than boys. There is a 90% increase in the rate of self harm for girls aged 10+. Reasons: Fragile families have serious impacts on children’s wellbeing.
Implications: How much family instability can we cope with before we finally get serious about reversing the trend? It is an inconvenient truth, but it needs to be addressed.

Peter Meurs, Area Seventy, distinguished businessman. Speech: The Impact of Work on the Family

The LDS Church is a tremendous part of the World Congress of Families and always has been.
There is a shift and change of even the most basic values in society. This was illustrated in a personal experience he had. He shared story of a business dinner he was at with a group of colleagues. His phone rang and it was his daughter’s boyfriend calling to ask for her hand in marriage. Elder Meurs returned to his business dinner and shared the conversation he had just had with his colleagues. These men (who considered themselves family men) were utterly SHOCKED at 1) the young man asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage; 2) his daughter wasn’t already living with her boyfriend; and 3) they were actually going to get married. This story illustrates the change in our culture.
Elder Meurs shared the stories of his company working to employ the Aboriginee people of Australia and showcased the incredible changes that hard work and family values made in their lives. Pulling people out of poverty and getting them to work rather than be on welfare is key.

Dr. Miriam Grossman, Psychiatrist, author and UN Status on Commission of Women. Speech: A Brief History of Sex Education: Where Today’s Madness Comes From.

Sex education used to be about the facts of sex and something more special and bigger: the relationship between husbands and wives. Things have changed. Now we have sexuality education which involves complex issues such as gender identity, sex, abortion, non-discrimination policies, gay sex and children are taught that they are sexual as soon as they are born. The terms “husband and wife” are never used. They also teach that gender is a complicated matter and to them, a boy might turn into a man or he might turn into a woman, or something else.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvlCx3w_tss Alarming video clip from Planned Parenthood
Childhood innocence? Forget about it with the current and trending sex education lessons. They are providing websites and resources for children which include astonishing, bizarre and disgusting behaviors. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you what recommended websites are teaching children.
So where did all of this stem from? Info found in the book “The History of Sex Education” by Dr. Grossman. To sum it up, modern sex ed began in the 1960’s. A deeply disturbed psychologist named Alfred Kinsey believed that anything goes when it came to sexuality. His biography documents his horrible beliefs, including “traditional morality and religion is destructive and damaging.” His research wanted to prove the way he lived was normal. SECUS is the group behind sex ed and they aggressively promote teaching guidelines around the world based on Dr. Kinsey.
Another disturbing sex ed promoter was Mary Caldrone. She went on a crusade to change morals and society and felt there were too many rules in sex ed. She wanted to teach that children are sexual beings. The book she authored, “Talking with Your Child About Sex” (1982) was unbelievable. Modern sex ed is all about breaking boundaries.
In 1955, John Money, PhD started the false premise that being male and female is just a feeling and we are born “gender-neutral” and society conditions us to determine if we are male or female. He was a pedophile who believed incest was normal love.
These people used fraudulent data and their personal ideas to succeed in transforming Western society’s sex education. It quite literally came from disturbed individuals who wanted sex ed’s end goal to have children open to any and all sexual experimentation. Change society one child at a time.
How does this continue to remain unchecked? SIECUS, Planned Parenthood, etc. are incredibly strong voices. Where is the accountability?
Sometimes it appears as though this situation is like David and Goliath. However, the secret weapon is biology and scientific truth, which refute all of the aforementioned people’s false premises. The battle is uphill, but think of David and Goliath: Who won that battle?

Faith, Family and Civilization: Page Patterson USA and Rabbi Shimone Cowen, Australia

We’ve heard about much of the darkness that has invaded our civilization. But it is very important to not focus on the evils but it is important that we bring to the floor the light that can transform society. We reflect on the sources of our values. Let’s tap into that light and make it more conscious to all of humanity.
There are eternal values found within the human spirit. We need to begin again and discuss the human spirit. This is part of the Charter for the World Congress of Families. There is a moral template for society here.
The values of the Abrahamic religions are fundamental principles for governing the relationship between God and man. If we can reveal the human spirit, these values will return and resonate with people.
Current moral libertarianism is only one voice. Over and over again, they say to leave religion aside. They deny that we have a spirit. They only go for reason. The key is to uncover the human spirit and soul, and there we will find that morality isn’t an imposition but a realization.
There is freedom in being good, freedom in choosing the right. Human beings were created for a divine mission and this is perpetuated in future generations with the union of a man and a woman with God.

World Congress of Families Day 02 Part II

2013-05-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

Q&A Panel included Byron Pirola (Marriage Resource Centre), Kelli Houghton (United Families International), Dr. Ted Baehr (Movieguide) and Sharon Slater (Family Watch International)

Break Out Sessions: How various sectors impact marriage and family life.
Panel: UN Issues, globalization and human rights.

1st Speaker: Human Rights Agenda and the War on the Family, Sharon Slater USA www.familywatchinternational.org

Children have rights to protection i.e. food, shelter, water, clothing, safety. However, we are moving towards a “sexual rights revolution” where they believe that children have a right to fluid sexuality, to do whatever pleases them and they are defined as sexual beings. Also, there are about 7 different ways to identify with a gender. No longer two (male/female).

The United Nations funds programs that promote sex education from International Planned Parenthood (IPPF) and Sex Education Committee (SECO). These groups comment that the biggest obstacle to sexual rights are 1) Religion and 2) Parents.

The United Nations is not supposed to be interfering with each country in the world; instead, countries are supposed to decide policy for themselves. However, with sex ed, they are interfering. The wealthy countries of the world are blackmailing the poor countries into their ideas of sexual revolution (abortion, homosexual marriage and adoption). If these countries don’t comply and help promote these agendas, their aid and help is threatened to be pulled. The main offender? The USA.

Documentary: Cultural Imperialism, The Human Rights Agenda http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INKAv4Y-lW4 (30 minutes)
www.standforthefamily.org

State and UN Policies to Strengthen the Family: Farooq Hassan, Pakistan/USA, Distinguished scholar and legal mind

There is a great deal of adversary at the United Nations. The UN is not as important as is your individual country. One side of the UN is family based, the other is non-family and antagonistic to the family. The enemy is not necessarily the UN, but the wicked countries that make up the UN. The UN only does what the countries want it to do. Two specific matters: Homosexual marriage and adoption.
Who is the biggest culprit for leading the charge against the family? Sadly, the United States.
Interestingly enough, the third world countries are the strongest voice in standing up to same gender marriage and adoption.
What can we do? We need more young people to be educated in the law, public policy, international affairs, et. We need more professionals in the field and on our side!

Parental Rights: Sweden’s Failed Policies – Dr. Ruby Harrold-Claesson
**This was done via video due to the time constraints and travel to/from Sydney and Sweden. However, they have made her presentation available on Youtube and it will literally blow you away. {Editor's note: I will link to it as soon as I get it!} The whole audience gasped at what Sweden is doing in their family policies and this particular story she shares is literally unbelievable. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domenic_Johansson_custody_case

Bob McCoskrie, Director of Family First New Zealand: Government Policy to Strengthen Marriage and Family
In dealing with legislators and the general public, it’s not what you say necessarily but how you say it. The book “After the Ball” outlines the homosexual lobby’s strategy and end game. Very organized and they admittedly (and unfortunately) have done a brilliant job in pushing acceptance onto the public and the youth. How did they do this? They used the manipulation of verbal labels. For example:

Instead of pro-abortion, pro-choice (made it sound better).
Instead of homosexual, they use the word gay (they don’t like it when the word homosexual is used).
Day care changed to “early education center”
STD changed to “STI” Sexually transmitted infections (disease sounds so terrible)
Pornography changed to adult entertainment
Transvestite changed to transgender
Gay marriage changed to “marriage equality” to make it sound like a positive thing.

How do we use this same strategy now? Turn the label around and make it sound negative. i.e. instead of the liberal term “right to die” use “assisted suicide”. Sounds much more negative.

Session on Promoting Family in the Media

Miranda Devine, Australian News Columnist and Writer (She was very articulate and gave a great presentation).

Started by talking about the movie “The Sound of Music” Why was it the top grossing movie of all time? What made it so successful around the world? It is a story about the family unit, love, marriage, and the family triumphantly standing up to tyranny. A prime example of media that celebrates the family.
The dominant mindset of the media is hostile to family values. The elites control the media … insiders vs. outsiders.
People still hunger for virtue even if they aren’t sure how to achieve it. That’s why wholesome media pulls at the heartstrings. We can protest immorality and violence in movies, we can make a stand that WILL matter.
We each have the power to change the culture. The trick is to influence the culture directly. Shape attitude.
Lessons: 1) Individuals and small organizations must work together to make noise and an impact and 2) Action makes a difference.
Human beings have an innate moral compass. The pendulum can swing back—we just need to give it a stronger push.

Karl Faase (Media and Radio Personality) – Promoting the Family on the Air

TED Video – Alone Together
Media does a great job of isolating us and creating an inability to make meaningful relationships.
We need to rebuild and reframe the marriage discussion. We’re sold on the idea of same sex marriage by the media. However, if we want to shift the values, we need to be kind and very well spoken.
In any debate, you only hear the noisy extremists but there is a much larger middle ground we need to focus on. Yes, we need to acknowledge the noisy opposition, but we need to talk to the middle.
Loud and extreme words and actions don’t make differences. If you attack someone’s position, you are more likely to reinforce it.
We need to get more clever about how we communicate. Let’s remember that the middle group are desperate to hear us. We just need to find the best way to have them hear us.
Don’t write blogs, news articles, media postings in caps, exclamation points, bold, etc. It’s not necessary or more effective. Just say it…don’t go into hysterics.

Michael Cook – Promoting the Family in Online Media
* Don’t be terribly despaired about society.
* The new media: Blogs, web, Facebook, Twitter, etc. are influencing public opinion on the internet. These things are the future. People are looking for diversity and different points of view on conventional news.

Some people think you can set up a blog and make it work. You have to post a lot! Recommend posting 3 new things per week. New things is key = News.
Everything you do must be done with professionalism. Good writing, conform to grammatical standards, keep it interesting and have flair, personal stories
Don’t allow your writing and commentary to border on hysteria or over reaction. It is much more effective if you write and present things with calm, concise words. Presentation is critical.
You have to be knowledgeable. You can’t just give your opinion. The writings must be fact based and original.
When setting up your site, remember that your website or blog is about creating a community. So when you’re writing, draw people together in a community of commentary that will attract them and keep them coming back.
Comments from readers are invaluable! Always have comments allowed on your posts. Don’t worry about the nasty ones. What will happen is your fans will come in and support you. The conversations between both sides are valuable for everyone in your blogging community.
Sometimes you may feel you are preaching to the converted. Remember, there is always a constant need to be converted. We all need support for our ideas.

Dr. Ted Baehr, The Movie Guide
New media, aka social media, can reach the next generation in a cheap way. There are 1 billion active Facebook users.

Understand your audience. For social media, the main audience is women ages 12-34. The 15 year old girl is the MOST effective for getting things to go viral.
Understand your medium. Google is a research tool, Facebook is an entertainment tool
Be real and authentic
Allow conversation to be real and raw
Humor or controversy are very effective
USE PICTURES. People are very visual. Also, 90 second video clips are usually the most people are willing to watch.

World Congress of Families Day 01 Part I

2013-05-17T07:28:00.001-07:00

Here is Angela's summary of Day 01 from the World Congress of Families being held in Sydney, Australia.

Greetings from down under!

Hundreds of the world’s best and brightest pro-family scholars, religious leaders, anthropologists, sociologists, educators, doctors, policy makers, government officials and legal minds have converged in Sydney, Australia for the World Congress of Families. Their goals include presenting powerful data and discussion to help further defending, preserving and maintaining the family as the fundamental building block of society. It’s about shifting key debates surrounding preserving and maintaining the natural family unit.

Sydney Australia Hebersham Stake Primary Choir. The chorister was Paige Hobby. Jenni Parsons who accompanied the choir said, "I was truly blessed to travel with these children, and be the photographer (under the direction of the Hebersham Stake Public Affairs Director, Matthew Parsons), when these angels delivered the eternal message to global leaders that everyone is truly a Child of God and that everyone deserves to Walk in the Light. TRULY INSPIRATIONAL!!!" Photo credit: Angela Fallentine

Because I am so grateful for the opportunity to attend and because I want everyone to experience it and learn from these incredible people, I’m obtaining video and website link to all the presentations and will be sharing it as soon as it is available. Trust me, you will want to pour over them and share them. They are outstanding!

Here are some brief recaps of the speakers and interviews I have done so far at WCF Day 1. It’s approaching midnight here in Sydney, so I hope my notes are reasonably coherent. ☺

My initial impression was that this is a gathering of righteous people who are fearless in defending faith and family. There is power in this Congress and it is tangible and real. One thing that became immediately apparent was the caliber of the presenters. They are sharp, educated, articulate and powerful public speakers. The media tends to show a very different picture of those who have strong religious and pro-family belief. Far too often they paint them as uneducated, inarticulate, redneck bible thumpers (for lack of better terms). This is what the media would have us believe but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

The World Congress is about children and the future of the family. Essentially, this is a “family of families” and a fight for the family. We can’t do it alone and this is why WCF is so critical.

Allan Carlson, founder of World Congress of Families, talked about the debates in the UN about the nature of the family and said that “The WCF envisions a culture of marriage where young women are growing into wives, homemakers and mothers. Where young men are growing to be husbands, homebuilders and fathers.”

Honorable Greg Smith, Attorny General of NSW Australia: “Thank you for not avoiding a discussion about the more controversial and difficult topics!”

A fascinating speech was given by Konstantin Malofeev of Russia (bio forthcoming). He talked about Communism and the huge advances Russia has made towards Christianity. 30 years ago, Christians from the West helped Russia out of Communism and out of a culture of erasing God and religion from their life. Now, the tables have turned. The Western culture is in the process of erasing God and religious belief out of life. Ironically, Russia is becoming more pro-family and pro-religion. “Like the Christians 30 yrs ago that helped us overcome Communism, now it is our turn to give back to you and help you with family and Christianity.” (His speech was powerful and emotional—wait for the video!)

Dr. Ian Harper, Australia’s best known economist: “I’m a well known economist but more importantly, I’m a husband, father and grandfather.” “Healthy families are essential to healthy economies. Where economies struggle, look at the structure and nature of the breakdown of the family.”

Bradford Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project and Sociologist: Fascinating presentation! Kids thrive on stability and two parent homes. Strong families are due to strong fathers and mothers in the home. But it is the father in the home that really makes the difference for the success of his children educationally. The value of two parent families are contingent upon the father and how engaged he is.

Honorable John Anderson, former Deputy Prime Minister of Australia and religious leader: Why isn’t the pro-family, pro-religious movement gaining more traction? What can each of us do when we return to our communities to affect change? Why is it so difficult to affect change? The breakdown of the family is essentially the breakdown of truths and absolutes. There is self-obsession in the name of equality. We’ve lost the sense of what we traditionally believe as true/false and right/wrong. Our young people need to be better educated in morals! We’re losing our ability to engage in sound debates. You MUST believe in truth and believe that one outcome is better than the other (i.e. man/woman = marriage). If you have bad debates in government, you will get bad public policy. Society has forsaken absolute truth and we are struggling to have a reasoned debate with the other side.

What can we do together?

Recommit and remodel our own commitment to absolute truth. How can we expect deep committed relationships in our children if the world around them doesn’t honor commitment? We must be a model of commitment for the rising generation.
Engage in reasoned debate. Commit to a higher standard of analysis. Respectfully engage with the other side. Use personal stories of how marriage affects you, how divorce affected you, etc. Real stories by real people = trust. Don’t forget to honestly showcase personal stories by people affected by family breakdown. Often they may not want to share but they need to be encouraged so that we can have personal and real stories to show why marriage matters and what affect divorce etc. has on the children.
Remember who we’re fighting for: CHILDREN.

We need to muster all the commitment we have and see it as a challenge but not overwhelming or all consuming/depressing.

You can read short biographies of all the presenters and speakers here.

WOW!!! Thank you so much Angela for sharing with us! There is something each of us can do to defend the family starting in our own homes taking care of our own families. What a great plethora of information to have at our fingertips to help us.

World Congress of Families Day 01 Part II

2013-05-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

World Congress of Families

Dr. Patrick Fagan, Senior Fellow at the Family Research Council in Washington D.C.
Farming analogy: The quality of the seed (children) sown is dependent on the quality of the farmers (parents). The family is the future of the world. The woman in the home raising children is of greater value than the husband in the marketplace. Divorce alone creates 1/6 drop in the economy each year in the USA. Key: Chastity and monogamy. The restoration of chastity is essential!

William B. May, USA “Getting the Marriage Conversation Right” : There is a campaign of intimidation and silence. The victims are our children. We need new ideas, new ways of thinking and opening up a new front so that we are on the offence and not the defense. The battle for marriage is in our home and we need to learn ways to teach it so our children can speak and defend it without fear. How can we do this?

Learn better ways of communicating our values to our children.
Research: Get well versed in research on the need for mothers and fathers. Religious sermons are wonderful but we need to be able to talk about marriage from a non-religious perspective as well because this is what will ultimately cut right to the heart of the matter with non-religious people.
Identify false premises that are being taught in the media. We need to speak truth: Marriage unites a man and a woman with each other and any children born from their union.

The #1 thing to remember is that marriage is worth fighting for! The dominant elitist left would want you to think you are losing so you won’t fight. But remember: History is not written yet.

Peter Westmore: A child needs a model of each sex. It is the optimal configuration since time began. We all hear the argument that same sex marriage is inevitable. However, if we listen to this argument, we just might believe it. But 90% of the world’s countries are against same sex marriage, only 13 have allowed it. That means 90% of the population don’t want it. Not one country in Asia wants it. Not one country in the Islamic world wants it. And note that these are all non-Christian countries. The countries that have legalized gay marriage have abolished a child’s birthright and children have been/will be subject to an uncontrolled social experiment. No government should allow laws legalizing and normalizing a motherless or fatherless situation.

Jose Ureta, France: Marriage for All, the French Experience: This was a fascinating presentation!
1.5 million French citizens marched on Paris against gay marriage, making it the largest rally in all of French history. This movement interestingly enough was driven by the younger 20-30 something aged generation. Why? They have seen the result of their parents’ generation which was rife with divorce and moral relativism, and they have had enough. There is an awakening of faith filled youth in France! The younger generation are more conservative than their parents. They are rising and ready to fight for family values. They are rejecting moral liberalism.
*The neatest thing happened in this session! I was sitting by the young man (probably in his mid 20’s) who was one of the top rally leaders against gay marriage in France. Someone started cheering in the audience for the courage of these French young people, and then they started, one by one, singing La Marsailles, the French anthem. The whole auditorium started clapping and everyone who knew the words started singing. It was incredible and inspiring!!

Keynote Speaker: Dr. Janice Crouse, UN Delegate on Commission for Women, Presidential Speech Writer, etc.

The family is under attack in numerous and unprecedented ways. It is imperative for each of us to understand social science and use this evidence to teach the future generations.
When we deviate from the norm, fixing the broken pieces of the family is extremely complex and difficult.
Every child needs an adult who is absolutely crazy about him/her.
Children are the only future the family and any nation has.

Q&A Panel of Experts - John Anderson:

Western Society is doing to ourselves voluntarily what communism did to the world (i.e. erase God, religion and morals from society).
Let’s understand that we have not equipped our children with the framework or moral vocabulary to combat moral relativism. What we need to do asap: 1) Get our own houses in order and humbly extend our examples of family life and religious belief to others; 2) Get ready for battle. We’re fighting for our children and the future of the world.
Live a life that is worthy of our children to follow.
We need to be courageous, we cannot afford to be complacent.
It is UNBELIEVABLY important for our children to have a mother and a father. Yes, there will be single parents and often they will feel offended or feel sensitivity to this issue. But truth is truth and we must still teach the ideal and show the research of how important it is that children have a married mother and father. But it must be taught with sensitivity and kindness and gently work through the issue and research in a supportive way.

You can read short biographies of all the presenters and speakers here.

Interview with Shelly Locke, USA Founder of The Power of Mothers

2013-05-17T06:43:00.001-07:00

Angela had the opportunity to do a little interview with Shelly Locke, former Utah Mother of the Year, founder of The Power of Mothers, delegate to the United Nations and The Howard Center for Religious Studies, humanitarian and attendee of nearly all the World Congresses.

Here is a summary of her interview as given by Angela.

Shelly Locke

Shelly talked about the power and courage of all of the people (presenters, speakers, organizers, etc). involved with the World Congress of Families (WCF). “They have all experienced persecution, death threats, hostility and have made incredible personal sacrifices in defending the traditional family and religious belief. When you look around this auditorium, you need to know that these people are incredible. They are highly educated scholars, legal minds, policy makers, politicians, sociologists, church leaders and so forth, and they have been targeted by the opposition for their pro-family and pro-religious work.” Shelly continued, “There are hundreds of people here with amazing stories that need to be told. They are on the front of the battle lines and the rest of the world needs to know about their sacrifices and what they have done to protect and defend the family. I think there is potential for a huge story here. Each of their stories needs to be told.”

Shelly Locke and her family stand with members of the king's parliament and wives. The parliament members are designated by the red hats. You can read more about Shelly's work in this article.

In my interview with Shelly, we came to the conclusion that we need to feature these inspiring people in the blogging community and put a human face on this fight for faith and family. She later went on to tell me about the persecution and protests that the World Congress and the presenters and delegates have experienced throughout the years. Several years ago, the WCF was held in Amsterdam and she recalled with great detail the paint bombings and protests outside the speakers hotel and the congress venue. She was in the hotel lobby with Elder Russell M. Nelson and Sister Nelson, Sheri Dew and other LDS Church leaders. They were awaiting to get into a cab to take them to the WCF sessions when they were met with screaming, intimidating and vulgar protesters. At one point, she was followed and her path was blocked from entering the building. Dodging the force of one particular protestor, she made it into the building and on went the Congress.

In her e-mail Angela mentioned that today (Friday), there will be demonstrations and protestors outside the WCF venue. They have been told to hide their name badges as they walk to and from the conference center, particularly if they are women and are walking alone. There are organizations that are attempting to suppress and censor the event, and the media is only picking up the protests and not the real news which includes world leaders and highly respected individuals. Hopefully Angela stays safe! I'm sure she'll a story to share with us about this particular experience.

Planting a "Wild" Flower Garden

2013-05-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

Spring weather is finally here for most parts of the country. Yesterday was downright hot here! Time to start planting gardens - both flower and vegetable. Today as part of our Establish A House series I'm sharing how we plant a "wild" flower garden every year. These pictures were taken five years ago. I can't believe how much the kids have grown!

There is a long narrow strip of dirt in our front yard that just begs for flowers. I could design a landscape for it and fill it with perennials but I prefer a “wild” look. It’s easy to do, we get to see the flowers grow from seed, and it never looks the same way from year to year. It also provides the terrific spot for a summer nature study.

Everyone gets to choose one type of flower they want to plant. To keep the garden “wild” looking we mix all the seeds together in a paper bag. We open a bag of potting soil into a wheelbarrow, then pour all of our flower seeds into it. This year we are planting several varieties of daisies, sunflowers, marigolds, zinnias, poppies and other wildflowers. After pouring all our seeds over the potting soil we mix it really well.

After mixing the soil and seeds we spread it evenly all over our flower bed. This creates a “wild” flower garden, which I just love. There is no rhyme or reason to where the seeds fall.

We keep it watered and play the waiting game – for several weeks – until the seeds start sprouting. Now the fun really begins. We all learn to identify what each flower is by looking at the leaves.

Whoever spots the first bloom of the year gets a special treat!

Throughout the summer we continue to watch our garden grow and bloom.

Looks nice and “wild” doesn’t it? When the plants start blooming you’ll find:

It really is beautiful to see! Even the hummingbirds enjoy our “wild” flowers.

Get excited for spring! Create a little spot in your yard for a “wild” flower garden.

Giveaway winners and Motherhood Posts

2013-05-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful Mother's Day weekend. We traveled to Las Vegas for a brunch where I was honored as Nevada's 2013 Young Mother of the Year along with Zan Hyer who was named Nevada's Mother of the Year. It was fun to travel with the whole family down the back roads of Nevada. Seriously except for the 1st hour and last hour (8 hours total driving) we were driving down two lane highways. Wildflowers were starting to bloom adding color to the scenery. It was a great brunch where community mothers were also honored for their service.

I was asked to write a guest post about motherhood. Here is the link. I talk about changing a soiled diaper and an exchange I had with someone who found out I have 10 children. Unfortunately that scenario is pretty typical.

You can also read my speech I gave at the American Mothers convention over at Real Intent.

And now for the giveaway winners!

Winner of Covenant Motherhoodby Stephanie Sorensen is Amy B. from My Little One-Room Schoolhouse.

Winner of One Drop at a Time by M. Russell Ballard is Kestrel from Why Does the Bird Sing?

Congrats, ladies! E-mail me at chocolateonmycranium {at} live {dot} com to claim your prizes!

If you'd like to read some wonderful motherhood "JOY" moments take a look at the comments left on the Covenant Motherhood post. You women are awesome! And so is motherhood!

To All You Mothers

2013-05-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

To all you mothers

2013 AmericanMothers from AmericanMothers on Vimeo.
Happy Mother's Day!

The Gift of Giving Life

2013-05-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

Giving life - growing, nurturing, sustaining another inside you - is truly a gift given to women. Having recently birthed our tenth child I can attest to that divine calling.

Two years ago before giving birth to Ganache, I had the pleasure of reading a book with a unique mission. The Gift of Giving Life shares the experiences of many LDS women as they journey through pregnancy and birth, infertility and miscarriages, relying on spiritual guidance to help them in their choices, whatever those choices may be. It is so wonderful to read these amazing stories that draw us together as women, as mothers. When asked if I could host a stop on the book tour for The Gift of Giving Life I responded with a wholehearted "Yes!" I was already in the middle of reading it yet again in preparation for the birth of Junior Mint.

I have known when it was time for each of my children to join our family. It is amazing to me how similar, yet different, each of their births have been. I have learned that though they come from the same gene pool they are each unique with talents and abilities God has bestowed upon them. Motherhood is hard. Knowing what to do, what to teach, how to teach, when to teach is hard. Through it all I have learned that first and foremost they are the Lord's. And because they are His He will help me.

He will help you too. Whether you are suffering through yet another miscarriage or the heartache of infertility, the Lord is there. Whether you choose to home birth or have a planned C-section, the Lord is there. As you read the experiences of the women in this book you will see how the Lord was there for each of them. In the joys and triumphs, the disappointments and sorrows, He is made manifest. His is the work of creation after all. The sacredness of birth is shared on every page of this book.

Earn 3 Free Bonus Gifts when you buy a copy of The Gift of Giving Life by May 15th. Just visit The Gift of Giving Life to find out the details!

The Gift of Giving Life Website | Blog | Facebook | Twitter | YouTube | Amazon

a Rafflecopter giveaway

One Drop at a Time - Service Idea and a Giveaway

2013-05-09T10:42:00.004-07:00

A few facts about honeybees:

They live a short lifespan, anywhere from four weeks to four months
A colony of bees can range from 20,000 to 60,000 bees
To produce one pound of honey the hive must collective visit millions of flowers and travel the equivalent of two times around the world
The contribution of honey that one bee makes is 1/12 of a one teaspoon. One twelfth!

What an insignificant amount. And yet, that doesn't stop the bees from working or giving up. Not in the least!

In his new book, One Drop At a Time, A Message for Women, M. Russell Ballard teaches us that our small efforts to serve and help our families and others makes a difference.

"Your simple, daily acts of service may not seem like much in and of themselves, but when considered collectively they become just like the one-twelfth teaspoon of honey contributed by a single bee to the hive." ~ M. Russell Ballard.

The book is actually a reworking of Elder Ballard's talk from the October 2012 General Conference. I loved listening to it then and have enjoyed the book now. It is filled with beautiful photos and illustrations of bees, honey, and beehives.

If you don't know, our homeschool is called Beehive Academy. Named that years ago when my three oldest were 5,4 and 2. They choose the name because we were learning about bees and how hard-working and industrious they are. They each have a job to do but work together for the good of the hive. Because of that I collect beehives to adorn our home and remind us all to work hard together. Having this book as part of my collection is a bonus!

I have a copy of One Drop at a Time to giveaway today! To enter leave a comment sharing a service idea for helping those in need or share a time someone has served you. Giveaway will end on Saturday, May 11th at 8 pm PST.

Last Thursday women and girls from our church congregation gathered together to assemble "comfort kits" for parents who find themselves staying in the NICU with their children.

Fleece blankets were sewn or the edges tied together.

Younger girls {ages 8-11} sorted out donations of chapstick, pens, notebooks, activity books {sudoku, word searches, etc}, toothpaste, toothbrushes, tissues, disposable cameras, lotion, small bags of candy, and gum or mints.

Then they went down the line again putting one of each into bags to assemble the kits. While about 45 people were there, many more made donations. Small donations made by many women and girls add up!

Some of the assembled comfort kits to be delivered to Renown Regional Medical Center in Reno.

One drop at a time. It makes a difference!

Best of Mothers

2013-05-08T07:00:00.000-07:00

What color reminds you of your mother? Why?

If you could give your mom anything in the world what would it be?

These questions were asked of my older girls about nine years ago. A booklet was being compiled by the Primary children at church as gifts for Mother's Day. A question was written at the top of the page with the children's answers listed below.

While other children answered pink or red as the color that reminded them of their mom "because its the color of love" {oh so sweet} my children all answered brown.

Brown? Yes, brown. Why? Because "she's a Mexican," and "her skin is brown," and "she likes chocolate." Oh, well, that's okay I guess.

If you guessed that my children would like to give me a lifetime supply of chocolate you would be correct. Except one child thought "20 grandchildren" would be a bit better.

As you can imagine the booklet was quite insightful, hilarious, and yes, embarrassing for some mothers but it was heartfelt and is a treasured keepsake today.

Reminiscent of that long ago booklet LDS Living has gathered articles about mothers and motherhood and is offering it as a free e-book for Mother's Day. Yes, free!

You can download your copy of Best of Mothers here. While it won't be quite as personal as the booklet made by Primary children it will be just as profound, heart warming, and funny as the booklet was. Enjoy the free gift!

I am guest posting over at LDS Living today about motherhood and paying homage to my own mother and grandmother. Okay, so truth be told I was crunched for time after attending the American Mothers convention so it's a photo essay that some of you may have seen before but it still has some profound meaning, at least for me. After reading it please come back and let me know what you think!

Because Motherhood is Just Like That

To Every Mother

2013-05-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

As Mother's Day nears one word keeps coming to mind.

Embrace.

Let every moment have its moment.
Fingerprints on walls,
Mud tracks across floors
Rocks tumbling in the dryer

Evidence of
peanut butter fingers
jumping in puddles
discoveries in the grass
Souls making happy,
Being

Embrace it.

"Life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a mother."

Embrace your motherhood!

Covenant Motherhood {Giveaway}

2013-05-06T09:29:00.001-07:00

We all know mothering can be hard, mundane, sleep-depriving, and even thankless work at times. And yet, we still do it day-after-day knowing that it is important. Deep down we realize that somehow it is a divine calling. There is meaning to our work. Stephanie Dibb Sorensen helps mothers to find that meaning in her new book, Covenant Motherhood, by sharing insights into how our work as mothers leads us to Jesus Christ.

There have been times I have glimpsed this in my own life - when folding towels or cooking meals for instance - I have recognized the similarities to what the Savior did in His earthly ministry. That knowledge has awakened me to the beauty awaiting in the most mundane moments of life. It has given me strength to carry on as I sense His presence in my everyday work as a mother.

With chapters titles such as Jesus Christ Creates, Jesus Christ Teaches, Jesus Christ Cleanses, Jesus Christ Defends and Protects, we learn the ministry of motherhood is patterned after the Savior's ministry. This insight is masterfully taught by Stephanie using examples from her own mothering experiences.

"One afternoon, I was sitting on the floor in my daughter's room changing her soiled diaper. I removed it, cleaned her, and fastened on a fresh diaper. The following scripture came into my mind: "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18). It dawned on me that Jesus Christ was in the cleaning business. A crucial part of His mission was taking things or people that were soiled and making them clean. In that moment I felt a flow of love and revelation - clusters of thoughts and ideas that started to fit together like a puzzle. My job was a reflection of His. It could teach me about Him and make me more like Him. This was life-changing information." (Covenant Motherhood, p. 36)

After reading Covenant Motherhood the Savior's call to the Nephites takes on new meaning, "for that which ye have seen me do even that shall ye do; Therefore, if ye do these things blessed are ye, for ye shall be lifted up at the last day." {3 Nephi 27:21-22} In the sweeping of crumbs, scrubbing of toilets, wiping of tears, helping with homework, and goodnight kisses holiness beckons.

I have a copy of Covenant Motherhood to giveaway today! To enter leave a comment sharing a mothering experience from this past month that particularly brought you joy. The giveaway will end on Tuesday, May 7th at 8 pm PST.

Home on the Range

2013-05-04T17:50:00.000-07:00

How did you spend your Saturday? Here's how we spent ours {after we cleaned the church}.

Junior Mint's Blessing

2013-05-03T18:27:00.000-07:00

Whew, we have had a busy, eventful April! Now that things have settled I have a bit of time to share some of our happenings. The most special event of the month was Junior Mint's blessing on April 14th.

For those that aren't familiar with our LDS faith a baby blessing is similar to a christening in some respects but different. Men important to the baby's life who also hold the Melchizedek Priesthood gather in a circle and hold the baby in their hands. Similar to this image below.

A blessing is then pronounced upon the baby, usually by the father. For instance, here are few things I jotted down from Junior Mint's blessing:

he would have health and strength and grow and mature physically and spiritually
at a young age he will develop a strong faith in God
develop the foundation he needs to meet temptations and overcome them
he would be a kind, thoughtful, loving husband and seek to fulfill his mission in life as a father
have and learn sensitivity to the Holy Spirit
may he learn to repent and forgive and return with honor into God's holy presence.

As you can imagine it is a beautiful moving experience. I am so grateful for such a tender yet strong husband who really loves his family and is such a good father.

Mr. Ferrero Rocher's parents with Junior Mint.

My mother mugging on Junior Mint.

"Do we look alike?"

Junior Mint was born on my dad's birthday and was given his name as a middle name.

Other fun photos. . . .

On another note: Ready for an overdose of blog posts?

I looked at my calendar and realized I have agreed to post book reviews {for really wonderful books!} almost every single day this coming week. And since it is Mother's Day in a little over a week I also have some lovely thoughts on motherhood to share as well as my experience at the American Mothers, Inc. convention in New York. Did you know they are the official sponsor of Mother's Day?

Get ready for a terrific week of goodness {and even a couple of giveaways!}.

Blur

2013-05-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

Life is blurring by right now.
Literally. It's hard to see when you haven't gotten enough sleep.
But the end is in sight...soon...we hope.

Let's just say kidney stones are no fun. And watching someone suffer through them isn't very fun either.

Eliza, The Life and Faith of Eliza R. Snow

2013-04-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

You know how you have those certain people who you just get along with and feel as if they are "kindred spirits?" This is how I felt about Eliza R. Snow after reading the book Eliza, The Life and Faith of Eliza R. Snow.

It opened my eyes to a more personal side of her that I hadn't known before. I knew about Eliza R. Snow but until now I hadn't felt like I knew Eliza R. Snow.

Interspersed throughout the book are photographs and personal artifacts and letters of Eliza, or "Zion's Poetess" as she was known. It makes a beautiful presentation and brings an added depth to the book. But it is Eliza's poems that are incorporated into this biography that help me come to feel what she felt and see what she saw and witness what she witnessed.

Although many of us are familiar with some of Eliza R. Snow's religious poems such as O My Father,Though Deepening Trials, and Awake, Ye Saints of God, the majority of her poems were about events happening around her. She wrote poems to grieving parents at the death of a child. She expressed admiration for places she visited and people she met. Eliza also wrote about events that affected the saints such as the assassinations of Joseph and Hyrum Smith, the extermination of the latter-day saints from Missouri, and the founding of the Female Relief Society organization in Nauvoo. One of my favorite poems is about her mother as a farmer's wife. It echoes the qualities of Proverbs 31.

The Farmer's Wife

If there's a smile on nature's face
It is the farmer's dwelling place -
If house-wife has whereof to boast
The farmer's wife may claim the most.
The richest products of the soil,
The finest wheat, the wine and oil -
The fruits, the dainties of the land,
Are at the farmer's wife's command.

The wool and flax which he provides,
She manufactures and divides
Among her household as they need.
She's blest in blessing - rich indeed!
Well busied at the wheel and loom
Her constant feet abide at home:
Her husband's heart rewards her toil,
Without distrust - no fear of spoil.

Well skill'd in all domestic cares -
Content to mind her own affairs -
What truly makes a woman blest
Is by the farmer's wife possess'd.
Ye idle fair, who scorn employment,
Yours is a mimic pale enjoyment:
The royal treasures of content,
Unto the farmer's wife are sent.

Ye maidens who are blest with sense,
Wit, beauty and intelligence;
Whene'er you leave the single life,
Be each, a thrifty farmer's wife.
Ye vainer ones, who're fond of show,
Who step so mincing as you go,
Uf you would make the best of life,
Be, (if you can) the farmer's wife.

I hope to meet this extraordinary woman one day in the 'sweet by and by.' What stories she could share and tell! And I would just sit in rapt attention to it all.

Disclaimer: I was given a copy of Eliza, The Life and Faith of Eliza R. Snow from Deseret Book to review. All opinions are my own.

Guess Where . . .

2013-04-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

Can you guess where I am right now?

More soon . . .

Teach Your Children Well

2013-04-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

The next guest post in our Establish A House series comes from my good friend Deirdre. I marvel at how the internet connected a Mormon and a Catholic living on different sides of the U.S.A! Deirdre always uses song lyrics to name her posts. The song from Peter, Paul and Mary is the perfect title for this post.

Hello, I’m Deirdre! I am currently at home running our little domestic church with my husband James. We reside in Southeast Virginia where we are surrounded by beautiful waterways, the Historic Triangle, and lately lots of pollen. We are a Catholic family with two boys (14 and 11) and two girls (8 and 3). My days are spent feeding children, making lunches, feeding children, escaping to sew, feeding children, laughing a lot, feeding children, and rejoicing in the gifts I have. I occasionally work as a civil engineer and I adore music. I think in song lyrics and weave them into everyday conversation. It’s a sickness that I've passed onto my children. We don’t always get this gig called family life just right, but we always have fun together.

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning:

Much like the fabulous Fraulein Maria taught only those most important first notes, our first lessons for our children were simple directions. We taught “Do this” and “Don’t do that”; “right” and “wrong”; and “yes!” or “no!” Once we could see the little gears of reasoning turning in their heads, we started backing our directions with cause and effect statements – “Your Tonka trucks will rust if you leave them in the rain. Put them in the garage.”

In the meantime, we were also just trying to live this wonderful quote by St. Francis:

Preach the Gospel at all times and, when necessary, use words.

I’m sure we didn't realize it at the time, but our daily actions of waiting our turn at the busy grocery checkout, offering help to our neighbors, and tending to our household were setting examples of behavior for our children. We knew from the beginning that we would certainly raise our children to share and rejoice in our faith and would work to make them responsible, caring, moral members of society.

(not a very impressive parenting tool, I know)

We imagine our children, at various ages and developmental stages, inside a funnel. The youngest ages are down inside the very narrow neck where much guidance, direction, and oversight are required. The older ones are inside the slightly wider middle of the funnel neck with a bit more wiggle room to experiment with decision making and reasoning. All along their growth and travel “up the neck,” we assist them.

When our oldest was about two, my mother-in-law told me to only give him two options or choices until he was four or five. “Do you want to play blocks or Little People?” Too many options were overwhelming and he wouldn't be able to make a confident choice. This was excellent advice, and we quickly realized that the ability to make a confident choice would serve our children well in the real world. This whole theory fits with the funnel analogy. The narrowest portion just doesn't allow for much decision making power, while the widest mouth portion yields freedoms and responsibilities.

We use Bible story books and devotionals geared toward teaching their specific age groups. Five Minute Devotions is my favorite for the youngest (toddler to preschooler) age group. They love the animal stories and I enjoy that God’s word is broken down to a level they understand.

(Laugh out loud is really good advice)

Stuck in the Middle With You

The middle of the funnel can be a very gray area, making our role as parents a little murky some days. Do we allow the elementary student to create her own schedule for completing a school project, or do we set minor parameters for her to work within? The answer for us is always that it depends on the child. Some of ours are more capable decision makers than others at any given age.

This is the time period in which we really try to let each child make decisions, sometimes big ones, just to see what they will pick and what can be learned. The good news is that they are still very much within our “jump in and rescue” reach. The bad news is that they often have to deal with any consequence or fall out from their decision making. Little by little we see real growth as they start to choose in accordance with our family beliefs and faith guidelines.

Our elementary student is using the Living Faith Kids devotional series. This Catholic series uses excerpts from the daily assigned readings to teach faith and morality issues at a very understandable level. The explanations accompanying the readings ask thought provoking questions and include a small prayer of action. We've started using this series as dinner table discussions. Our daughter reads the day’s selection, and conversation is generated as each member offers viewpoints, anecdotes or questions. Since my husband uses the adult version of this series, he is able to offer the more mature connection to our daily lives.

In our faith, we prepare our children to first celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation at age 7 or 8. We review and really reinforce the 10 Commandments at this time. There is a wonderful examination of conscience here that asks the child to consider very specific ideas related to the commandments. As we discuss these questions, we really get to emphasize our family’s stance on moral issues. Other versions for teens and adults are also available.

(He is her favorite nap pillow)

Fly Like an Eagle, Let that Spirit Carry Me

So far, only our oldest (almost 15) has really reached the top of that funnel. He’s staunchly grounded in his beliefs and disciplines, and his involvement in the church youth group enhances the faith disciplines we've presented at home. When faced with decisions or conundrums, he tends to quietly review his options and then consult with us. We are happy to act as sounding boards since we often call our own parents for advice or “when this happened to you, what did you do?” questions.

Much like my own parents were with my sister and me, we've always tried to be open in our discussions concerning finances, sexual conduct, and other important life topics. On more than one occasion, our oldest has threatened to poke out his mind’s eye after a particularly frank discussion about relationships! He’s very interested in politics, so many conversations often debate “the right thing to do” versus the “politically correct thing to do”.

One facet of moral development that we've been happy to embrace is Scouting, particularly Boy Scouts. Both boys participated in Cub Scouts, but only since joining Boy Scouts have we seen great strides in self-discipline, inter-personal relationship skills, and accountability. We see similar advantages to Girl Scouts, but our daughter is still in the younger stages where not much responsibility is expected.

Oops! I Did It Again!

(Please tell me you see the irony of quoting Ms. Spears here!)

I would be remiss if I didn't mention one of the greatest morality teaching tools my husband and I think parents have in their arsenal. It’s the power of the apology. Truly, we don’t always get it right when we are dealing with our children or with our peers. Being strong enough to look your child in the face and say, “I really didn't handle [this situation] well and I am sorry,” presents a huge teaching moment. This has happened in our home many times J. In fact, the name of my blog is We Are New Everyday because I know we don’t get it right all the time and we need to face each new day as a new chance, with each other and with God.

Thanks, Cocoa, so much for letting me share your space and a bit of our lives. I am honored to be a part of Establish a House. And I just can’t resist…."So long, farewell!"

If You Could Attend the World Congress of Families

2013-04-21T18:38:00.001-07:00

would you go? Would you take the chance you had been given to listen to over 100 leaders from around the world advocating for stronger families? During our last Family Proclamation Celebration I wrote a post about defending the family and outlined three areas we can take a stand: in our homes, in our schools, and in our communities. We know the attacks on family are getting more and more brazen. We cannot stand idly by when there is a call to action now.

As a blogging community we have the chance to help one of our own attend the World Congress of Families which seeks to inspire people from all walks of life to consider and implement strategies to help strengthen the natural family, the economy and civil society. Educators, business leaders and professionals, policy makers and more from around the globe come together to discuss and share ideas. In years past it has been held in Amsterdam, Prague, Madrid, Geneva, etc. Next year it is in Moscow at the Kremlin. But this year it is being held in Sydney, Australia just three hours away from where Angela Fallantine lives.

I don't believe it is just a coincidence it is being held so close to her home. Why? Because Angela is a strong advocate for the traditional family and right now she's on a roll! Angela wrote a guest post as part of the Family Proclamation Celebration a couple of years ago. Earlier this year she and her husband had the opportunity to testify before the Parliament in New Zealand about their belief in traditional marriage. You can read about her experience here. Now Angela has the rare opportunity to continue her work in defending the family but she needs our assistance to cover the cost of airfare and entrance into the Congress. Once there she will be able to keep us updated on all the happenings by:

Providing commentary, guest blogging and photography on the World Congress of Families
Taking your specific questions and concerns one-on-one to influential leaders in the press/VIP sessions;
Creating photo essays to help capture the power and energy of thousands of people from around the world, converging on Sydney to defend and protect the family;
Creating a YouTube video compilation of the conference for you to share on social media sites;
Providing summaries of the keynote addresses; and
Seeking to inspire people from all walks of life to consider and implement strategies to help strengthen the family in their communities and realms of influence.

What an amazing opportunity she has! Can you donate even just $1 to help

Send Angela to the World Congress of Families?

If you do, would you please click on that link to donate?

Muchas Gracias!

How Do You See Yourself?

2013-04-17T09:30:00.000-07:00

Imagine if someone asked you to describe what you look like to them. Would you be completely honest? Or would you exaggerate what you perceive your "flaws" to be? How would your perception contrast with what others see?

An FBI-trained forensic artist, Gil Zamora, created sketches of seven women who were hidden behind a curtain; he used their self-descriptions as the basis of his drawings. These women were also asked to spend some time with a stranger. Zamora then used the strangers' descriptions to sketch the women.

Watch the video and see the results.

Now, how do you see yourself on the inside? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Do you recognize the talents and abilities you have been blessed with, the characteristics and qualities you have developed? Would you be able to honestly describe your true self? How would that contrast with what others around you would say about you? More importantly, how would your perception differ from what your Heavenly Father sees in you?

"for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." {1 Samuel 16:7}

Do yourself a little favor today. Take some time to be honest about who you are and the greatness that is there. Then smile, carry on, and BE GREAT.

Equally Yoked

2013-04-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

I had these guest posts loosely scheduled on my calendar several weeks ago. It's amazing to me how things work out sometimes. Last week's Establish a House post generated a very good question from a reader about what to do when spouses aren't quite in agreement or on board with certain teaching aspects. There were some great reader responses. Those lead right into this week's post graciously written by Liz (NotMolly) who shares how she and her husband, who are not of the same faith, work together to teach their children.

Liz (NotMolly) is wife to a Tall, Dark, and Slightly Neanderthal Fellow she met quite by accident, and mother to four beloved Minions, ages sixteen to very-nearly-five. She hails from a long line of Scottish Hermits, and currently schools the Minions and works from a happy home in a tiny cottage on the western reaches of the Rocky Mountains. She and her husband own a miniscule publishing company for obscure niche books and sewing patterns. She currently serves as Perma-Sub for chorister duties and Sunday School and Relief Society teaching, and is the youngest Church Lady in her ward by a good three decades. She finds tremendous joy studying the lives and society of the early LDS, reads omnivorously, and loves to sing. She is quite disadvantaged as a pianist, and positively dreadful on the cello. Being a good Hermit, she avoids cameras; she and her son still have the same viewing angles, though now he is rather too large to lift.

I was raised, as my grandmother's generation called it, “churched.” As in, we went there. Every week. Sometimes a few different days a week. Definitely on Sundays (our own services, and others as well, if we were invited. My parents were (are) very keen on appreciating the faith of others). And we talked about God a lot, and learned scripture stories, and even drizzled our quilt-cocooned bodies out of bed in the morning, ending up with one eyeball draped over the landing of our log-house loft to peer blearily down at our mother as she read scripture aloud before breakfast.

My Beloved's parents were a mixed marriage: she, genetically Catholic; he, lapsed Methodist. They compromised in the mine-strewn marital field of faith issues by Never Talking About Anything To Do With God Or Church. Ever. And it worked pretty well for them. They raised my Beloved and his siblings with good morals, excellent ethics, and no church. So, he's what my grandmother's generation would call “un-churched.” Once he hit his teens and became a bagpipe player, he went to a lot of funerals and weddings in churches, but didn't hang out for the day-to-day theological stuff. He had not read the Bible until well into his fourth decade on the planet.

I was in the midst of what I fondly call my “Mormon Rumspringa” when I met my Beloved, quite by accident, in a restaurant one dark and rainy October night in the Pacific Northwest. (Truthfully, there are no other sorts of nights but dark and rainy nights in the Pacific Northwest from October through about May.) With inch-long red hair, plenty of retro-styled eyeliner (and a genuine retro Max Factor red lipstick), dark tights, stomping boots, and plenty of rebellious clothing in the mix, I gave my Beloved very few visual cues that he was chatting up a Church Girl.

I figured to warn him. About an hour into that first meal together, I confessed.

“I... I'm Mormon.”

“Oh. Is that... bad?”

“Well, I don't think so.”

“Okay. No problem, then.”

Fast-forward four blissful months, until our first drive across the state for my Beloved to meet my family. I drove the last twenty miles or so; it's my favorite bit of the road, and I really love going home. As I pulled up to the house my folks bought in town after I left for university, my Beloved's eyebrows squinched together in consternation.

“Your parents live... here?”

(I blinked at the stucco house.) “Yep. We're here.”

“But... do they keep another place outside town?”

“No, just this one.”

“But... where do they keep the cows?”

It took me a minute... then understanding dawned.

“Dearest, Mormons are not the same thing as Mennonites. My dad works in a lumber mill. He does not have a farm.”

I think a few of my brothers sprained something laughing about it over dinner that night, and my mother simply gazed at my Beloved fondly, and said, “I know how you feel. I really want a cow.” They've been fast friends ever since.

And that was the start of our household, with one spouse Churched, and one spouse Un-Churched. Shortly after the birth of our first child, I ended my Rumspringa, and took up churching habits again. And we've been at it for the last seventeen years, and it's pretty cool.

Mutual Support
One thing that's definitely to our benefit is that, though my Beloved is un-churched, he is a Christian believer, and quite staunch about the things he believes. Since his “book learning” about religion happened after he met me, we've spent thousands of hours discussing faith issues, and the things he feels strongly about, theologically, tend to be very harmonized with things I believe, though he has no interest in becoming LDS.

We're outnumbered!

When we first started our family, we talked a lot about how we would raise the kids; as he didn't have a church home to speak of, we decided that they'd go with me, primarily, but the choice to be baptized would have to be a true choice when the time came. I also decided a long time ago that my husband's personal relationship with God was more important than the building in which he found it, so I attend whatever church he feels like exploring, and the kids come with us as often as they like. Right now, I'm a full-time Mormon, and a part-time Presbyterian. I do a lot of church every Sunday. The Presbyterians have a kicking hymnal, and their chapel has amazing acoustics.

Of One Mind
Regardless of our formal church affiliations, on moral issues, we're fully united. Watching how we've both evolved in our understanding and expression or implementation of faith, moral, and ethical beliefs has been kind of cool. We talk very openly, so our kids have seen “How To Talk About Big Stuff Without Screaming” modeled in the living room, the kitchen, the garden, the car. As they became verbal, they've joined in. It's a lot of fun, to be honest.

Practical Plus Spiritual
I've also found some tremendous advantages to having him as a fellow parent. His childhood and youth were not so sheltered from some “worldly” influences as mine were, and he's very pragmatic about ways to help his children understand and avoid major potholes and detours due to negative things. He's a staunch father, and able to be blunt about non-religious reasons to keep on a straight-and-narrow path. Having both the spiritual and the pragmatic reasons from both parents seems to be very effective.

Neither of us is interested in fear-based learning. Our kids get straight facts, plus the moral teachings, and I think it gives them a better resource base. We've never told them “don't have sex before you're married or bad things happen.” We have had many discussions about the ethical burdens of sexual activity, the respect they need to have for themselves and for others, the potential harm that can come both physically and emotionally, and the huge benefits of human intimacy, too. (This never fails to gross them out. We do believe in providing just a few traumatic memories, because it's funny to watch their horrified faces when they make key connections between concepts and realities.)

They hear Do: This Is Why, and Do Not: This Is Why. I think, because they hear the reasons we both have for things so very often, when we don't have time to explain, when we resort to a quick Do or Do Not, they listen and comply readily (generally), and trust that we do have good reasons and will share those as soon as we are able.

One further aspect of that mutual trust in matters great and small is that we do trust our kids. We don't treat them like potential screw-ups and miscreants. We expect that they want to be and do good things, and so far, that's working really well.

Another side-effect of our many, and frequent, and detailed, and varied conversations about (quite literally) everything under the sun, is that our kids have picked up some really good critical thinking skills. And they use them. They're becoming virtually ad-proof. They spot the counterfeit argument. In an increasingly polarized world, this is a priceless skill. If we have any doubts about them being able to spot the lie in an ad, article, or movie, it only takes a few conversations over the kitchen table to get the kids verbalizing clear understanding, and talking about ways in which we can hold a more firm line than the shifting sands provided by society.

Setting Our Own Standard
In our household, we don't use the MPAA ratings as a guide for our viewing. Neither of us feels that the ever-changing standards of a professional organization in an industry that makes its money “telling lies” is really suited to be the be-all, end-all of our family's decisions.

We have an independent family standard for entertainment that takes into account the needs of the individual souls in our home: very limited bodily “humor” (Mom), no disrespectful, belittling, or demeaning characterizations of Moms, Dads, or Kids (everyone), no vulgar language (Mom and Reformed Cussing Champion Dad), no graphic “romance” or nudity (all the grossed-out Offspring), no far-fetched violence or gratuitous gore or kids-involved-in-violence (Dad, Retired Paramedic).

And we're responsive to individual requests. Even if a movie or show initially passes our standards, if it takes a turn and someone in the household says, “This is bad. We need to change it,” we do. We're actively teaching our kids to listen to their “gut”---if the Spirit prompts them that what they're viewing or engaged in is offensive to their own soul, stop it and speak up. Even if it's something your mom picked out.

Nearly every moral and ethical transgression can be halted in an early, more easily-repented stage if the individual knows how to listen for and respond to the promptings of the Spirit. One of the things that most impressed me about my Beloved, in our early days together, was the swiftness with which he listened to promptings to act, and his complete commitment to his course. Being un-churched, he didn't use the same vocabulary I did; he simply “followed his gut” or “played a hunch”. When we began our lives together, and started our long pattern of conversation about spiritual things, it became obvious that he had decades of practice trying to follow the promptings of God, and had been an instrument in His hands many times. With a multitude of spiritual and practical examples of the importance of hearing and acting on promptings, we hope our children will be courageous in deciding and acting for themselves, through inspiration.

Parenting with Spiritual Authenticity
We've also found ourselves fully united in parenting with as much spiritual authenticity as we can. Our choice to parent faithfully and authentically means we pray a lot at our house. I had maintained my habit of personal prayer when we were married, but didn't push the issue with meals or family prayers initially. It was only a few months before he mentioned the mealtime prayers my parent's household had; he considered it a civilized habit, and could we do it too?

And after another visit home (to the stucco house that still had no cows in the back garden, sadly), he remarked that it felt very loving and homey that my parents had prayers for people before they set out for the day, and to wrap up before bed. It felt like a loving habit, and could we do it, too?

When I offered a prayer before some particularly trying situations we were headed for, we got in the habit of praying aloud for one another before undertaking challenges.

When we set out to build a dollhouse for our eldest (the year he'd been out of work for seven months, and we had to come up with Christmas based on what we could find in the garage and sewing stash), he worried that he'd make a mistake cutting, and not be able to salvage it. “Would your brother think I'm weird if I ask for us to have a prayer over the wood and saws before we start cutting?” Thinking back to the staircase my dad prayed over every single time he set out to build it, I assured him my brother would understand. My brother, who had bowed his head for those staircase prayers, readily agreed to the proposal. They prayed in the workshop; the dollhouse went together without a single mis-cut.

Our son watched that happen, and has yet another reason to see prayer as a real and present help in daily life. That's a cool family tradition, churched or un-churched, and I see it as a main strength for our children. When you know that you have full and frequent access to a Heavenly Father who actually cares about the small stuff in your life, to the point that He'll help you build a dollhouse or fix a lawn mower, it's a lot easier to tap into that same access for the harder, complex stuff. We hope this helps our children gain a strong moral courage, knowing that Heavenly Father is right beside them to help them in all things.

Making Covenants
Though it is sometimes challenging to see the ease with which households with two LDS parents move through the different ordinances and ordinations, I am, 99 days out of 100, okay with the fact that my children choosing to be baptized or ordained, or to pay a tithe to the LDS church, or to attend the temple, is Their Choice Entirely. Sometimes I worry that faith communities skate through ordinances and ordinations too easily, making them more about social promotion than individual covenant-making. In a “mixed” marriage like mine, we can't assume the covenant making will be automatic, or done at the same pace as the all-LDS households around us.

Our first 8-year-old chose to be baptized very soon after her 8^th birthday. Our second 8-year-old chose to be baptized the summer after he turned 9. Our current 8-year-old is actively deciding whether or not she feels she is ready to make a covenant with God, and we have a lot of discussions about what it all means. She talks about it with me, and with my Beloved, and with her grandmas, and her siblings. Our current 5-year-old just thinks it's bizarre that in three years she'll be eight, too. She's also astonished that I'm still actually alive, because I'm so very, very, very old. (She has recently become aware of addition.)

My Yoked Partner

Years ago, I asked my father if he had been disappointed when I married a non-LDS man. His reply was instructive: “I'd rather you marry a good man with great potential, who respects you enough to not let you walk all over him, and is determined to be an equal partner in the marriage, than marry a weak person just because they're already LDS.”

At first glance, it probably seems like a complex undertaking to raise kids within a “mixed” marriage of churched/un-churched parents. For us, it's not so complex. At our core, we're united in a love for God and the gospel, so the small variations are just variations, not battleground. We're united in our attitudes toward our lovely offspring, and we're united in the reasons behind our desire to transmit high levels of moral and ethical standards. We're united in wanting to raise people who stand up for what God says is right, even when it's uncomfortable. In the really important things, I think we're quite equally yoked, and that makes all the difference.

It had better. We've been outnumbered since 2004.

Thank you, Liz, for this beautiful post!

L. Tom Perry, An Uncommon Life: Years of Preparation

2013-04-11T11:20:00.001-07:00

Rightly or wrongly, some members of the LDS faith view the Twelve Apostles and the First Presidency as "rock stars." They tend to focus more on the messengers rather than the message. While these men are called as Special Witnesses of Jesus Christ they are still men, imperfect men, who hold a high and holy calling, which is why we respect them and listen to the counsel they have to give. It is also why I have always been fascinated with learning about their lives, their heartaches and joys, the sum of their experiences that makes them who they are.

The first time I attended General Conference in the Tabernacle was in October 1994. My soon-to-be-husband and I walked toward our assigned entrance door when I saw a crowd of people gathered around a very tall older gentleman {he was a whole head taller than everyone else} who had a HUGE smile on his face. It was Elder L. Tom Perry warmly greeting conference attendees, shaking hands, and spreading cheer through his smile and words of encouragement. While I was too shy to go join the crowd I'll never forget the confirming feeling that came over me that here was an apostle of the Lord. I get the same feeling every time I hear him speak and received the same confirmation reading the biography written by his son Lee. In L. Tom Perry, An Uncommon Life: Years of Preparation we come to learn about a great man, an Apostle of the Lord, who describes himself as being "as common as dirt."

Lowell Tom Perry was born and raised in Logan, Utah. Family, including extended family, played an important role in his life. His ancestors hailed mainly from Denmark and were hard working and faith filled. Elder Perry took that faith and built upon it. It's evident in the talks he has given over the years sharing what he learned from his mother or the value of honest labor his father taught him.

Of course there is a photo section! Don't you just love the laundry photo in the upper right?

As with any good biography we learn of the struggles, large and small, L. Tom Perry faced as a youth and later as an adult. We learn of the day Lowell decided to go by Tom. His younger brother was learning to talk but pronounced his name "Wo-wo." Lowell decided that would not do and asked the family to call him Tom instead. While members of the church think of Elder Perry as outgoing he was shy as a youth and had an inferiority complex because his siblings earned higher grades than he did and would rather read books than play with him. It took a while for Tom's natural abilities - to lead, to inspire others and to speak well publicly - to present themselves. But when they were recognized Tom developed them and used them to serve others around him.

This first in what will be a two volume biography takes us through Tom's mission to the Northern States Mission, his service in the Marine Corps during the end of World War II, his courtship and marriage to Virginia Lee, and their family's growth through the years as they lived in the east and west depending on where his executive positions in the retail industry lead him. It ends with the passing of his beloved Virginia from cancer. Through it all we see L. Tom Perry face every situation, difficulty, and hardship with a positive attitude that God will carry him through. And He has.

My only disappointment with the book. . . . having to wait for volume 2! L. Tom Perry, An Uncommon Life: Years of Preparation is available from Deseret Book. Its perfect for any bibliophile who, like me, adores biographies.

{I was sent a copy of the book to review by Deseret Book. All opinions are mine.}