Choose The Life You Want

Tips for dealing with disappointment

Patrick Mathieu — Thu, 11 Jun 2015 20:25:15 +0000

Recently I asked the subscribers of my weekly email, Destroying the BS, to give me their advice on coping with disappointment.

A big “thank you!” goes out to everyone who shared their suggestions with me and allowed me to share them with you.

Disappointment is a tough one. My best advice (in almost everything) is to look at it from a place of gratitude. Now, I know its not an easy place to get to when disappointment visits, but just in the moment, think of something that has come about since that disappointment, anything….like a hug from a loved one, or a pat on the back or shoulder, or maybe the whole experience allowed you to meet someone new, or experience something new, ask yourself, “how has this experience allowed me to grow?”. Start with something small, like “thank for for the opportunity”. It really is done best writing it out, but even just some quiet reflecting time (if you don’t like to write) in a place of gratitude. I promise, when you are in a place of gratitude, everything changes.

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Avoiding disappointment is simply framing realistic expectations for me… I try at the onset of an exciting opportunity to temper my enthusiasm with the question – what will happen if this doesn’t occur?

For example, I planned a surprise wedding… for my groom. All our friends knew what was happening, but he did not. When someone asked me, what if he says no – I said, well, I’ll look great and we’ll have a lovely dinner with our best friends around us. I knew I would still love him, and he would love me. The downside would only be that my surprise plan wouldn’t work. The good news is that he was thrilled and said yes. Now it makes for a great story and we enjoy a wonderful life together.

Life is full of disappointments, at work, in relationships… the trick is to understand that the disappointment isn’t about the other person or the situation itself, it’s about how I am looking at it.

I believe the universe gives us what we need… maybe the timing wasn’t right for the opportunity. You never know what is around the corner – perhaps something better awaits.

——

Most importantly process the emotion, whether it be angry sad, emotional.

What usually works for me is, I will talk it out with someone I’m comfortable with and trust.

Or I simply cry it out….or keep myself busy until I have time to process what just happened depending on the circumstance at that time.

Normally, I try to quiet my brain, by taking a relaxing bath, yoga, meditate, gardening, or my suggestion is simply whatever you do to think quietly.

I would look for the lesson in the disappointment, would the lesson be never do that again or I will try another approach if there’s a next time, or justify why I was disappointed, then I would look at for a positive in the disappointment, here are some examples …. it could have been worse for whatever reason, my heart is still beating, there are worst things in life, or whatever feels positive and you feel better about the emotion you have just processed.

I often say “onward and forward”, it is the past now, I can’t change what has happen,

Then I would add it to my list of experiences.

——

Practicing gratitude changes perspective. We view our experiences through a different lens. An empowering lens.

You may wish to ask: What are my take-aways from this occurrence that I may employ moving forward? What other opportunities can I create &/or are available to me? Will this disappointment matter in a month, a year or more from now? What can I do to inspire another?

——

Whenever I was having a bad day or disappointed as a child my mom would always ask “What are three things you’re grateful for?” It was annoying at the time (lol) but forced me to shift mentally and have some perspective.

Now as an adult I still do a version of that. I use a great daily tool called “The Five Minute Journal” that helps (of course, mom recommended it; you can buy it but they also have the whole PDF online for free – check it out!). In the morning you write three things you’re greatful for, an affirmation and three things that would make the day awesome. In the evening it asks what was awesome about the day and what you can do to make it better. You write the responses in an active voice. It’s a great tool for perspective, reflecting and moving on (because you always have to turn the page and start fresh the next day).

So…since yesterday is over: what are you grateful for today? What will make the day awesome? What’s your affirmation (Feel free to rip this Churchill quote if you can’t think of one: I realized that “Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it’s the courage to continue that counts”)?

Whatever you choose to focus on will expand.

——

I usually feel sad when I experience disappointment…getting my hopes up then they’re cruelly dashed against a harsh reality, lol, so I’m also learning how to deal with it, too.

I also try to remind myself that the sun will rise and the sun will set EVERY day…the birds are gonna sing and all nature will go about its business and so must I. I like this definition of life: “Life is the continual process of getting used to things you never expected.” and another saying I learned from a former boyfriend I use a lot is: “Some days peanuts; some days shells and today was a shell of a day!”

And the most important thing to remember is that you are loved and you love!!

—-

Disappointment is a powerless energy, don’t let it take over you cause it could bring you frustrations and anger, when feeling disappointed, shift your energy on a more constructive way on dealing with your frustrations, first of all

LET GO OF THE SITUATION and CREATE POSITIVE THOUGHTS to help you SHIFT YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS and then TAKE ACTION in the specific area your feeling.

POSITIVE and CONSTRUCTIVE THINKING IS A GREAT WAY TO DEAL WITH DISAPPOINTMENT:-)

—-

As a general rule I use two tools to deal with disappointment.

In cases where the disappointment was, in hindsight, inevitable, I tend to become stoic about it. Just roll with the punches and move on.

When the disappointment-failure reaches catastrophic levels, then there is only one thing to do: come out fighting. Give it your all and if you have to go down, go down swinging.

So, to sum up, I’d leave you with the old saying “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”. You have to look inside to find out if you are indeed tough. Only you can answer that.

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I tell myself that there is a reason why it didn’t happen and that, at a later date, I will connect the dots that will explain why the event happened like it did. In most cases, it turned out that it was to my advantage that what I wanted at the time didn’t pan out.

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Knowing that that is right and what is meant for you. Experience what may come from it, whether it’s sadness, relief, anger, resentment or other, and let it rest with you. This passing of thought and feeling if observed, will allow you to do what you are supposed to do. That truth is already in your heart if you simply give it mindfulness.

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My tips are mainly talking myself into accepting the disappointments by affirming quotes I’ve picked up over the years from wise folk.

I tell myself that:

everything happens for a reason
what is for you won’t go by you
if it’s meant to be it will be
when one door closes, another opens
my time will come
all is well (mantra from Louise Hay)
everything is exactly as it should be

When I really am upset about the disappointment, I write all my fears and pain surrounding the event to try to let it all out, in hope of letting it go.

I try to breathe into it and accept that I did my best even if my best wasn’t good enough on that day etc. and forgive myself or others if need be.

I try to keep things in perspective. X may have happened but I still have my health, my family, a job, my home, etc. That usually helps me focus on all the great things I have in my life

When I feel disappointed because the outcome wasn’t as I planned or hoped, I become quiet and ask the questions necessary to bring me clarity. For example, a typical dialogue with the divine goes as follows:

“Okay, so that didn’t go as I planned. What is it that I need to learn from this? What are you trying to show me? I do know that this was not for me because if it was it would have been. So that means what is for me is in the works.”

And then I let go and trust in the process. I may not understand it, but I trust it. And always, a fresher perspective emerges within days or sometimes even moments. And I am reminded again and again that there is a much much larger picture than what I can see with my small mind, when I am frustrated with my disappointment. Grace is restored once again.

Do you have anything to add? I’d love to hear from you – share your thoughts in the comments section.

Forgiveness & Letting Go Of The Past

Patrick Mathieu — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 17:07:29 +0000

It’s been said that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.

If I’m not able to forgive (myself and/or others) and let go of the past, I wind up like Bill Murray’s character in the movie Groundhog Day. In the movie, he gets stuck in some sort of strange loop where every single day is February 2nd and he has to live it all over and over again.

Until we’re able to let go of the past, we condemn ourselves to living negative events over and over again.

For example:

Let’s say someone on the highway cuts you off during your morning commute and it totally infuriates you.

You can let choose to lean on your horn, then let it go and get on with your day.

-or-

You can choose to replay it over and over in your head, getting more and more worked up. You can tell all your coworkers about this dangerous jerk on the highway who almost killed you. Then you tell the tale to a friend you meet for lunch and finally when you get home you tell your partner all about the ordeal.

By the time you climb into bed – your body feels like you’ve run a marathon because you’ve actually been cut off 101 times… once by the person on the highway and 100 times by yourself – by reliving it in your head.

In my first book I wrote:

The Mortality Manifesto specifically says, “I do not dwell on the past”. The use of the word dwell acknowledges that the past holds lessons for us. What we need to do, however, is to hang on to the lessons and let go of the circumstances that brought them to us.

For more on the numerous physical and mental benefits of forgiveness, check out an article called The Forgiveness Boost from The Atlantic.

This article was originally sent out to subscribers of my free, weekly “Destroying the BS” mailing list. Why not sign up?

Be The Person You’re Supposed To Be

Patrick Mathieu — Mon, 26 Jan 2015 17:46:19 +0000

I’d like to share something I wrote for my kids. But first you need to know something about them.

I love my kids.

I know… all parents are supposed to say that, but there’s an extra reason I love my kids as much as I do. You see, I didn’t think I’d ever have them.

If you’ve read my first book, you know that at the age of 18 I was told I’d be lucky to live to see my 30th birthday because I was born with a very complex series of heart abnormalities. One of the most devastating things about that news was that I took it to mean that I’d never never have kids (something I’d always dreamed of doing).

How selfish would it be to bring children into the world when you know that you won’t be alive to help raise them?

But then I discovered something I call The Power of Mortality.

I realized that all of us are always living under a massive cloud of uncertainty and we owe it to ourselves to Choose The Lives We Want – right now!

I felt reborn! I wanted to mark the occasion with some sort of ceremony so on April 15, 1994 I woke up before dawn and climbed to the lookout on the top of Mount Royal in Montréal. As the sun broke free of the horizon, I declared that I had no good reason to expect that I’d ever see another sunrise again. At the same time, I pledged that I would make the most of any and every additional sunrise I might be given.

The photo below was taken on December 31, 2010 from the same lookout on the top of Mount Royal.

It was the first time I’d ever taken my kids there.

Kids I didn’t think I’d ever get to have.

In 2013 I wrote a blog post called “To My Kids”. The message is simple: Be The Person You’re Supposed To Be. Today I’m re-sharing that post because I realize I didn’t write it only to my kids. It was to ME. It was also to YOU.

I hope you find it useful. If you do, please please share it with anyone else who might need to hear it.

—

To my kids…

Be the person you’re supposed to be.

And here’s the thing about that… you have to decide who that person is.

Not just decide – but choose. Actively choose. Each and every day you have to choose to be the person you want to be.

Because if you don’t choose, the world will choose for you.

But this isn’t about the world. It’s about you. It’s your life. You only get one and it’s happening right now, so choose the life you want.

And when you’re deciding what it is that you want, realize that you don’t need to have it all figured out. You don’t need to over-think everything. Just listen to your heart and let it guide you.

This next part may sound strange… but don’t listen to others when it comes to choosing the life you want.

Don’t listen to your friends when it comes to choosing the life you want. Friends come and go. It’s sad but it’s true. A true friend will support you and love you and understand, no matter what choices you make. If you ever make a choice that they don’t agree with, they’ll understand that it was YOUR choice to make. If they don’t understand that – then it’s time for you to let go of that friendship because you’ve grown in different directions.

Don’t listen to adults when it comes to choosing the life you want. We’re making things up as we go along and if you look around at the planet, you’ll see that we’re not doing a great job. Many adults will try to tell you what sort of life you want. They want you to buy their products or work in their companies and if you truly want to do those things, then go for it. But don’t make those choices based on what “they” say. It’s not their life – it’s yours.

And don’t listen to me when it comes to choosing the life you want. I’m your dad and I love you more deeply than anything. I only want the best for you. But I can’t say what’s right for your life. That’s for you to decide. And we all know I won’t be around forever. If you make your life choices based on my suggestions and guidance in an attempt to please me, where will that leave you when I’m gone? I may not agree with all of the choices you’ll make, but I know that they are your choices to make because it’s your life. I love you and I support you.

Speaking of not being around forever… You don’t have any guaranteed time on this earth either. So don’t, do not, waste a single moment on regret or fear. Accept that you’ll make mistakes – you’re only human. But ~~promise me~~ promise yourself that you won’t let those mistakes stop you. They’re only there to show you the life you don’t want and help guide you to the life you do want. Get in touch with your heart. Listen to it carefully – it will guide you well. Then make your choices and act!

Dare!

Dream!

LIVE!

And always remember… je t’aime!

—

Dying Makes Living Even Sweeter

Patrick Mathieu — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 21:34:12 +0000

It’s the last day of summer vacation and you’re spending it at your favorite amusement park. The sun is beginning to dip down to the horizon and you know the park will soon be closing. You think you might have time for one more ride – the last ride of the summer!

Which ride do you choose?

You likely wouldn’t simply pick any ride at random. I also doubt you’d settle for the ride with the shortest line, or whichever ride happens to be closest to you.

No, the last ride of the summer needs to be something extra special. It has to be epic! It has to leave a lasting impression. You really want to make it count.

I’d like to propose that we think of LIFE as this amusement park. The twist, is that we have no idea when the park will close. Given those circumstances, which ride do you choose to ride? In other words, what are you choosing to do with your life?

Perhaps you have opted not to choose – you’re just living a random life and letting it unfold however it may?

Have you chosen the easiest path – the path of least effort, living most of your life on autopilot?

Or maybe you’ve chosen the most convenient path in life?

Let me be clear about one thing: there’s nothing wrong with any of those options. If you’re truly happy living the life you live, well-done! Carry-on!

But if you’re not…

If you ever get the sense that you might be settling for less than you deserve, or settling for less than you truly desire, please take this opportunity to re-examine those choices. You only get one life and it’s happening right now.

In my work as a coach, I have seen far too many people living lives that they don’t find fulfilling. They’re living lives they simply stumbled into. Or lives that are convenient and easily lived on autopilot. They’re not living life – life is living them.

It doesn’t have to be that way. You always have a choice.

To return to my amusement park metaphor, I’m not suggesting you simply ride your favorite ride all day long – it would lose it’s appeal and could get boring. I’m also not suggesting you leave your favorite ride until the very end – we never know when the park will close. What I am suggesting is that being aware of the fact that the park can close at anytime, you are far more likely to absolutely enjoy and appreciate every single ride you go on.

It’s true, sometimes in the amusement park of life, we don’t get to ride the rides we want. I want to remind you of something though. As long as you’re still on any ride – the park is still open, and it’s still summer vacation!

So hang on and enjoy the ride!

Wisdom from an 8 year-old genius

Patrick Mathieu — Wed, 06 Aug 2014 03:20:22 +0000

My eight year-old daughter is easily the most resilient person I know. Not much gets her truly upset, and when something does, she bounces back very quickly.

Last week I asked her about this. Her answer was so simple, yet so profound.

Me: I’ve noticed that you hardly ever get angry or sad.

Her: Sometimes I get angry or sad. But only when someone or something makes me angry or sad.

Me: Do you ever just get angry or sad without someone else doing something? Like you’re angry or sad just… because.

Her: {Confused look.}

Me: I mean do you ever just find yourself having a bad day?

Her: No.

Me: Why not?

Her: Well, if nothing bad is happening to me, what right do I have to be angry or sad?

Initially I was perplexed by her use of the phrase “what right do I have…” after all, I’m her father and I want her to know that every feeling she has is valid. If anyone was trying to tell her she has no right to feel something, they’d have to answer to me! But the more I reflected on it, the more I realized she’s a total genius.

The person who told my daughter “if nothing bad is happening to you, you have no right to be angry or sad”…was herself! Her happier self. And she decided that no one, not even herself, has the right to take away that happiness.

A freaking genius!

She doesn’t waste time worrying, stressing or obsessing about the future. She’s eight. She’ll be nine in November and for her, November is 100 years away right now. She also doesn’t dwell on the past. She offers apologies quickly and sincerely and she accepts them from others just as quickly.

Plus, when it comes to the past, she has a secret weapon – The Shrug. If you ask her about some past negative event, even a big one, she simply tilts her head to the side, shrugs her shoulders and says: “well, there’s nothing I can do about it now.” The Shrug is absolutely not about resignation or giving in. It’s not weak at all. It’s infinitely strong.

My daughter has the strength and wisdom to choose her reactions.

She chooses happiness.

She chooses the life she wants.

And I’m lucky to have her as a teacher.

How do you define success?

Patrick Mathieu — Fri, 01 Aug 2014 01:52:38 +0000

How do you define success?

How do you define happiness?

If you haven’t defined success and happiness, how do you expect to achieve them?

I know that in my own life, I would have never written my first book if I hadn’t clearly defined what success meant to me. Many people go for years (or worse still – their entire lives) with the vague idea that they could or should write a book. The first step in becoming an author is to define whether you’re writing an ebook, paperback or hardcover and decide whether you’re going to self-publish or go through a publisher. Once you’ve defined your terms for being a successful author, you can get to work. (By the way – If one of your goals is to become a successful author, be sure to check out my online course to help get you on your way.)

I think there can be many reasons that people don’t clearly define what abstract concepts like ‘success’, ‘happiness’ and even ‘love’ mean to them.

Fear of Failure – if you never enter the race, you can never lose, right? But stop and ask yourself: Do you really want to live your life on the sidelines?

Conflicting Values – just as some suffer from fear of failure, others suffer from fear of success. If you were raised to believe that ‘only greedy people succeed’ or that ‘the only way to succeed is to do it on the backs of others’, you may be prone to self-sabotage due to values that conflict with your desire for success. Listen closely to your self-talk to see if you detect any indication of value conflicts that could keep you from succeeding.

Inability To Commit – for some, it’s a belief that once you write something down, it’s written in stone and you you can’t deviate from it. For others, it’s a belief that the second you make a commitment to one thing, something better/easier will come along. Either way, trying to stay on the fence will keep you feeling ungrounded and unfulfilled.

Feeling Unworthy – Have you ever thought: “Who am I to expect success?” My answer to that is: “Who are you not to?” I love the following quote from Marianne Williamson: “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.“

So how do you get started?

– Take some time to reflect on what you want from your life. Don’t be afraid to think big and dream big. (The online Dreamstorming course can help with this.)

– Know that you are worthy and that you are worth it.

– You owe it to yourself to make the most of every day you’re alive. If you need help reinforcing this concept – start with the Mortality Manifesto Pledge

– And if you have difficulty committing, remember that concepts such as success, happiness and love are ongoing and evolving processes, not simply a finish line to be crossed.

Defining success is the first step to having it!

The one thing to carry in your wallet to keep you from dying

Patrick Mathieu — Fri, 20 Jun 2014 02:15:17 +0000

image by NoHoDamon – Flickr

NOTHING.

There’s absolutely nothing you can carry in your wallet to keep you from dying.

No amount of cash

Not a platinum credit card

It doesn’t matter what title you have on your business card, or what kind of car is listed on your vehicle registration

No religious article

Forget about what’s in your wallet. A full wallet won’t keep you from dying. Focus instead on what’s in your heart.

Of course THAT also won’t keep you from dying … but living with a full heart certainly makes the trip worthwhile!

If you haven’t already taken the Mortality Manifesto Pledge – you should start there. It’s a great way to focus on what’s in your heart and begin to Choose The Life You Want.

You’re Never Too Old To Choose The Life You Want

Patrick Mathieu — Tue, 03 Jun 2014 09:00:32 +0000

Today I want to talk about the role that time, and more specifically – age, plays in Choosing The Life You Want. Over the years that I’ve been speaking and writing about this topic, I’ve had plenty of people explain to me why it’s simply too late in the game for them to reinvent themselves. They all have very good reasons to back up their thinking.

“I’m too old to do THAT.”

“It’s too late for me to start something like THAT now.”

“That boat has already sailed and I missed it.”

“I don’t have enough time to learn THAT.”

and the old favorite “You can’t teach and old dog new tricks”

When we say theses sorts of things to ourselves and to others, we think of them as ‘reasons’, even ‘logical reasons’. But come on, let’s be honest – they’re excuses. Plain and simple. Don’t believe me? Let me introduce you to my friend André.

André Cyr was a truck driver. For 40 years he drove a cement truck. When he retired it would have been perfectly reasonable for him to slow down. He’d worked hard. He and his wife had raised three girls. Surely he deserved a rest, didn’t he? But that’s not how André operates.

In fact, rather than slowing down, André used his retirement as an opportunity to really get going! He loved watching figure skaters on television, so he decided to take up the sport. At the age of 65, he bought himself a pair of figure skates. And headed out on the ice to emulate what he saw on TV. Yes, at the age of 65, he taught himself to figure skate by watching TV. (He’s also a YouTube sensation – check out the videos below.)

When rollerblades appeared on the scene, he said to himself: “I’ve got to try that!” So naturally he’s also a very accomplished artistic rollerblader.

André & Hilary

Hilary and I met André one day in the spring of 2014. Downtown Montréal is home to an office tower that features a beautiful atrium with a year-round ice rink. We were out on a beautiful spring walk and stopped into the building to get a bottle of water from the food court (directly beside the ice rink). It didn’t talk long to spot André. He was in the centre of the ice, smartly dressed and doing slow, graceful turns and spins. It was clear from looking at him that he was not a young man, but he had the moves of someone much younger. We were especially amazed when he lifted one leg, grabbed his skate blade and lifted the leg over his head while looping backwards!

We waited until he came off the ice (which he only did because the Zamboni was going to clear the ice surface) and approached him to say how impressed we were with his skill. It didn’t take long for him to tell us his story. He proudly raised his foot to show us the skates he bought at age 65 – the same skates he wears today, 17 years later. That’s right, he’s still going at the age of 82! He comes to this rink three times a week to skate.

So the next time you say to yourself: “I’m too old to change my life now”, head for downtown Montréal, find the ice rink at 1000 de la Gauchietièr and watch André at work. He’ll change your mind in a hurry. (And tell him that Patrick and Hilary sent you.)

And here’s a video from Michel Demers of André rollerblading (the audio is French, but there are subtitles.) Skater – by Michel Demers

Fear vs Danger – Do You Know The Difference?

Patrick Mathieu — Fri, 21 Mar 2014 20:35:26 +0000

photo by cheetah100

There’s fear and then there’s danger. Do you know the difference?

Some people see it as cause and effect: Danger causes fear.

But that’s not necessarily always the case.

The bigger question is: How can you conquer your fears?

I’ll let former astronaut (and fellow Canadian) Chris Hadfield explain via a TED talk he delivered recently.

[su_youtube url=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zo62S0ulqhA”]

Who defines your quality of life? Hint: it’s an inside job

Patrick Mathieu — Thu, 27 Feb 2014 06:00:27 +0000

Photo by Ivars Krutainis

I recently had an interesting discussion with a woman who sat next to me at a café in Montreal. She was reading a magazine and at one point, it dropped on the floor. When someone handed it to her I overheard them commenting: “Oh you’re reading The Economist. I like that magazine.” The woman replied, “Yes, it’s scary stuff.”

After a few minutes I said to her: “Sorry to bother you, but I’m curious about something. Why would you read something you describe as scary?”

She told me that she wants to stay informed, even if the news is scary. I told her my personal point of view, which is that I usually limit myself to the news headlines, since they usually give me all I need to know. Naturally, if a story really interests me, I will dig deeper, but I don’t want my peace of mind disrupted by reading in depth about bad news over which I have no real control.

As we discussed the ‘scary’ issues of the day, we spoke about gas prices and the transparency of the federal government, then the conversation turned to local and provincial government. The woman told me that although she is a lifelong Québec resident, she no longer feels welcome in the province because of certain policies of the provincial government.

After we discussed the policies a bit, I asked her where she was going to move. She told me she has no real plans to move, she just doesn’t feel welcome anymore. I asked her if she’d ever had any personal interactions with people that left her feeling unwelcome. She agreed that everyone is generally pleasant and easy to get along with, but for her, the fact that “they” could have voted for the current government carried more weight than how she is actually treated on a day-to-day basis.

This brings me back to my original question: Who defines your quality of life?

You always have a choice

One of the aims of my free online course, the Chooseday Challenge, is to help people understand that they always have a choice. While we can’t choose what others say or do, we can absolutely choose the meaning that we assign to their words and actions.

For example, the woman at the café could have chosen to give more weight to governmental policies OR she could have chosen to give more weight to how her fellow citizens actually treat her. She chose governmental policies and as a result doesn’t feel welcome in her homeland.

It’s an inside job

I also want to emphasize that we can each choose the impact that we allow external forces to have on our quality of life. Beyond choosing the meaning that we assign to the words and actions of others, we can always choose to limit our exposure to any negative external forces. That could mean choosing to limit your interactions with negative people such as co-workers, friends or family. It could mean changing jobs. Or letting go of unhealthy and/or dysfunctional relationships. And in the case of the woman in the café, it might include actually making a plan to move to a ‘more friendly’ area of the country. I can’t imagine choosing to stay in a place where you say that you feel like you are not welcome.

Claim ownership of your life

For many people, accepting that quality of life is an inside job is a very difficult pill to swallow. Perhaps they simply feel powerless at the hands of outside forces. Or they may just be incredibly hesitant to take on any personal responsibility for how they feel on a day-to-day basis. I understand that claiming ownership of your life can be a big and frightening step towards choosing the life you want, but I also know that it is the only surefire way to achieve peace of mind. Feeling like you’re at the mercy of outside forces keeps you in reaction mode and doesn’t allow any freedom for self-expression or creativity. It’s also a very slippery slope which can lead from feeling powerless to identifying yourself as a victim. And there is nothing more crippling that living in a mental state of victimhood.

From victim to victor

When we make a conscious decision to move out of reaction-mode and into action-mode, our lives really begin to shift dramatically. Let me be clear, it’s not that the outside world will necessarily change – but who we are in the context of the outside world will absolutely change.

I’m sure everyone is familiar with Gandhi’s quote: “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. One thing I wish people would realize about that quote is that ‘be the change’ does not necessarily have to be about changing THE world – it can be about changing YOUR world.

It’s YOUR life. You only get one and it’s happening RIGHT NOW. Choose the Life You Want! It really is an inside job.