Anyway, I thought it might be a nice idea to tell the stories of some of the items in my mug collection. (I was tempted to use the title “Mug Shots” for this category, but I think after a while that joke might not be funny any more *g*) These photos will be rather randomly, just in the order that I will use the mugs and remember to snap a photo. Starting with these two, which I used yesterday and today at breakfast.

When I remember it correctly I bought this one at a christmas market a few years ago. It’s blue (my favourite colour), it has a moose on it (my favourite animal) or more importantly two moose, one on the right front and one on the “back”, which is the front for any leftie. Like me! Stuff “normal” *g* people probably never spend any thought on, but it can be frustrating to always just see the blank back of a nice coffee mug, just because you automatically keep the handle on the “wrong” side. So, every nice and ambidextrous coffee mug get extra points from me

This one is one of my latest acquistions, I bought in Bratislava, Slovakia during the Hockey World Championship. We had such a great time there. And I still love the cartoon characters of each participating nation. Also: Gold star for the decoration being all around .

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Best news this week: @PatrickDempsey joined Twitter. I didn’t think I would live to see that day When he was asked about Twitter / Facebook etc. in interviews before he always explained that he’s not interested in any of it. But something or someone obviously has changed his mind and explained what a great PR thing Twitter can be. I expected Paddy to use it for promoting stuff he deeply cares about (racing, the Dempsey Center in Maine etc.) but so far he actually has tweeted more from the set and I love it. So much more enjoyable than I ever expected it…

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I’ve watched the second Sherlock Holmes movie and the third episode of Season 2 of “Sherlock” and enjoyed both a lot. They are both unique in their own way and I can’t wait for Sherlock Season 3. Such a great piece of television.

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The heart palpitations I experienced a few days ago didn’t occur again, or at least not to the same degree. I might have felt a bit more restless at first, but even that passed and I think it really just were my nerves. Even though I don’t have any idea what started it.

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I still haven’t caught up with all my shows this week. Grey’s had a few nice scenes, but was mostly meh. I always enjoy Parenthood and The Good Wife and I hope I will find the time to watch the new “White Collar” episode soon. Even though I have no idea how to squeeze that in next week’s schedule.

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Via a Twitter-friend I found a very wonderful book, maybe even my favourite of the last few months. (By now I realize I haven’t updated my Goodreads Page yet *sigh*). The book is “The Journal of Best Practices” and it’s written David Finch, who has  Aspergers Syndrome (a form of autism) and it’s his story of how he tried, learned and managed to be a better husband.  It’s amazing, heart-warming,  honest, eye-opening and very funny.

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Besides all the usual stuff I also spent a lot of my time this week looking for accomodations for our Scotland trip in August. Planning a vacation can be soooo time consuming. But it can also be a lot of fun. Most of the time at least

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I’m more or less on track regarding my “Promises”. Going to the gym, visiting a museum and geocaching are still things I have to do in the remaining 9 days. Ugh! It has to stop raining for a day until I will dare out to find a geocache. And it hasn’t stopped raining since… I don’t know. It feels like it’s been raining for most of January. It definitely is raining since last weekend!

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I guess it was a good decision to not make a “write more blog posts” resolution on New Year’s Eve How can it be 11th January already and not a single post written on this blog? Probably because I’m leading a boring, boring life at the moment. But on the other hand, when don’t I?

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At least I’m on a good track with some my “promises” so far. Yoga? Check. Mediation? Check. Thai massage? Check. I didn’t manage to go to the gym yet, which means I will have to do that next week and the week after that. I’ve got theatre plans scheduled for the 22nd or the 28th. I’ve got a lot scheduled for this month, mostly work-related unfortunately, so a visit to a museum most probably will have to be squeezed in somewhere and it will be a short visit. Besides the full schedule, the stupid weather with lots of rain seems to be the biggest obstacle for any geocaching this month. Let’s just hope that we will get some rain-free and more important nice days later this month.

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A few weeks ago I started to feel a bit off. I wasn’t sure if it was a too low bloodpressure or lack of sleep or just the usual stress, but every once in a while I had weird heart palpitations. I got some homoeopathic stuff from the pharmacy to help me calm down when I feel like my heart will be jumping out of my chest any minute now. I seemed to be doing better around the beginning of 2012 but this weekend the palpitations came back with a vengence.
I didn’t manage to ignore them any longer, especially as by now my hearbeat didn’t seem to be slowing down. Considering that my dad died of myocarditis over 20 years ago, that my mom not just suffers from arrhythmia, but also had a heart attack a few years back and thus a weak heart in general and that I tend to worry too much about everything, you can imagine why experiencing unusual heart palpitations turned me into a big anxious mess.
I saw my GP yesterday to have it checked and everything is in normal range and thus fine. Bloodpressure, pulse and even the EKG. On the EKG my heartbeat was a tiny bit irregular sometimes, but that doesn’t seem to be anything unusual, especially as I was and still am a bit anxious about it all. I was quite relieved yesterday after this exam at my GP. But still I experienced these palpitation again this evening. It’s a bit better now after I’ve tried to calm down and relax, but it still sucks.
My GP recommended magnesium/potassium supplements and if it won’t get better in a few weeks, she wants to do some bloodwork to check my thyroid. (I had my blood drawn for all other kinds of blood tests a few months ago and it all was fine, so she doesn’t think it might be any other kind of deficiency. It also just might be stress (or the lack of stress, as weird as that sounds). I’ll just have to wait and see…

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Entertainment-wise 2012 has been really wonderful so far. I kind of liked Grey’s 8.10, even though the patients’s storyline was rather depressing. It made me cry though and if that happens I feel like I can’t criticize the writing, because it obviously worked on me This evening I watched the last two Parenthood episodes and loved it. The Bravermans are such a wonderful, normal, crazy family and I recognize myself and my family in so many details. It’s always fun to watch. I have also enjoyed the two new Sherlock episodes and was impressed by Benedict Cumberbatch once again.

I’ve already seen three movies at the cinema this year as well. (And will be seeing another one next week… there are just too many great movies out there at the moment). The first movie was Jane Eyre. I love the story in general and thought this was a wonderful adapation. The day after that it was Ides of March, which I also liked a lot, because it was a great story and a great cast. Yesterday we’ve been to see a french dramatic comedy Intouchables (German title: Ziemlich beste Freunde) about the improbable friendship between Philippe, a wealthy tetraplegic, and Driss, a young offender of Senegalese descent, who is hired as a live-in carer. It’s based on a true story and it’s by all rights one of the most successful movies ever in France even though it only was released in November 2011.

With all the movies and TV series I watched in the last 11 days I also even managed to devour Believing the Lie, the latest novel from Elizabeth George’s Inspector Lynley series. It’s been my favourite series for over 14 years now (she started writing over 20 years ago). I like some stories from this series more than others, but this one will definitely make it into my Top5 (of 17 novels so far).
It’s not a usual detective / whodunnit kind of story, (Lynley novels never are) but more a complex deconstruction of a family, who was mostly only held together by lies and deceit anyway. Parts of it were rather bleak and sad, but others also were uplifting and optimistic. The saddest part of it all probably was the realization that they all would have been much happier, if they hadn’t lied to each other and to themselves to begin with. But that’s part of human nature and mankind and to get exactly that aspect of human lifes and relationships on paper and to make the reader feel with and for those characters in this screwed up family, is one of the great qualities of Elizabeth George.

And of course there also is the life of the main characters: DI Thomas Lynley, who still mourns his wife and unborn child, but also can’t get out of the emotionally unhealthy sex-based relationship with his superior officer, Isabelle Ardery. Tommy’s friends Simon and Deborah, who are trying so hard to not let infertility ruin their marriage, Seargent Barbara Havers and her neighbour Azhar and his daughter Hadiyyah, and the complications that arise now that Azhar’s wife has come back (and I just knew she would leave again and would take Hadiyyah away ).
After the last novel I expected the  “sex-only arrangement” between Tommy and Isabelle to continue, so this wasn’t a big surprise. The way Tommy reacted to it all came as a suprise to me at first though. But on second thought it didn’t surprise me all that much because Tommy’s motivation and feelings regarding this relationship are further explored in this story. And I never expected this relationship to last longer or to be more than booty calls after all. So I was happy how it all turned out.
I was even happier about the reappearance (even if just by mention and not in person) of a female character from one of the previous novels and if she is indeed intended to be the new love interest for Tommy in the future, I’m all on board. In fact I skimmed through the novel in which she is featured to get reaquainted with her character. Yes, I know that’s very very premature and “fan-girlish”, because it’s not even sure that she will be featured in novel #18 in a few years. But why re-introduce her now, if not for the fact that she might be playing a role in the next installment of this wonderful, wonderful series?

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I had actually also planned to vent about work, but I’m too tired to start with that now. And venting about it might even make it worse, because it might not calm me down in the “getting it all out” sense, but rather make me mad again, because parts of it are so frustrating. Right now I’m not sure if venting really would change anything for the better for me, so I’ll refrain from that for now…

My 2011 started with an MS attack, an MRI that revealed that my MS is progressing much more than my symptoms show and the difficult decision about changing therapy. When I finally made up my mind about the new therapy and started it, I had another MS attack in June. From that month on the MS kept silent and I don’t have any side effects from the new meds (still worry about the risks every once in a while, but I guess I’ll always do that). But basically the first six months of 2011 were defined by this disease and all the scary, worrying, annoying aspects of it. There were some pretty dark times and that’s my main reason to rejoice that 2011 is coming to an end today.

There also seemed to have been too many other health issues, that were giving me trouble in 2011. Bronchitis, stiff necks and not to forget the severe bursitis in my shoulder, which had already screwed up christmas holiday and New Year’s Eve in 2010. I started 2011 with a major healh problem and in a lot of pain. Maybe that should have been an omen to me. But I’m glad it wasn’t, because I have no idea how I would have gotten through it, if I had known what was about to happen to me in the first half of 2011.

I believe all this really serious MS health problems were part of my emotional health problems in 2011. The whole “feeling out of the loop” but also feeling stressed and overwhelmed thing that bothered me for most of the summer. Worries, anxiety, feeling bad about myself in general and so forth. I started to take some action to overcome all of this crap in the fall, when I took a course of “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction”. I realized that this really does help me and even though I was slacking a bit in November/Dezember, I’m determined to get back to some kind of routine in that regard: yoga, meditation, just being more present in the moment… Right now I’m rather confident that I’ll even manage to do it.

All of this also was the reason that I wasn’t blogging as much as I used to. I tried various projects to get more content up here, but I failed dismally at all of them (project365, NaBloPoMo…). I’ll try to do better in 2012, but I know myself well enough to not promise anything. Noteworthy regarding this blog was the move to a self hosting platform in September of course. I still like it here, especially with the very new recent changes in the design.

But of course a few good things happened as well in 2011. I went on three wonderful vacations: Hockey World Championship in Bratislava in May, a few days of cycling in the Lower Rhine region in July and a few days on my favourite island, Norderney in September. At the end of the year I spent most of my bonus payments from work on nice things like a Fatboy (beanbag) and a Kindle. Sometimes retail therapy is a great idea to be cheered up All in the spirit of feeling better, which is my mantra for 2012 anyway.

Entertainment-wise the year has been ok. I didn’t read as much as I used to and I didn’t go to the movies as much as I used to (or maybe I just didn’t remember some of the movies *g*).

I’ve read 25 books (plus AriaAdagio’s fanfictions “Lightning Strikes Twice” and “All Along The Watchtower”, both much longer than any ordinary novel). Favourite books (besides AriaAdagio’s work *g*) in 2011:

• Robert Enke – Ein allzu kurzes Leben (Ronald Reng)
• One of our Thursdays is Missing (Jasper Fforde)
• The Wilderness series (Sara Donati)

Favourite movies this year were

• The King’s Speech
• Crazy Stupid Love
• Real Steel

By the end of the year I decided to watch less TV and to at least not start watching another new (or old) show. So far I’ve been rather successful Grey’s Anatomy did suprise with season 8, because it didn’t suck as much as I feared it would. It was entertaining enough. But favourite 3 (new) TV series are :

• Parenthood
• The Good Wife
• Rookie Blue

2011 was an exciting year music/concert wise. I’ve been to a few very awesome Sunrise Avenue concerts and this band definitely is my favourite (live) band at the moment. I’ve also been to the Take That Progress Tour and that was an amazing experience as well, because it was my first ever shows of this scale. Huge and impressive. I’ve also discovered the wonderful music of Kendall Payne, who unfortunately has been off the radar since mid-2010, it seems. I hope everything’s well with her. I also re-discovered the wonderful music of Simon & Garfunkel and it can’t be a coincidence that the German public TV station 3sat is showing their 1981 concert in Central Park right this moment, when I’m typing up the last lines of this post

Have a happy, healthy and wonderful 2012 everyone!

01. I collect pretty coffee mugs but still use only 3 or 4 of them regulary. One of my favourites is this one.
02. I’ve been a “shipper” since I’m 11 years old.
03. My shoe size is 41/42 (EUR) respectively 7½ (UK).
04. My favourite kind of gummi bears are reds and greens.
05. Four out of ten times I leave my apartment and wonder if I really have locked the door. Two out of these ten times I most probably go back to check.
06. I consider not having killed any of my three indoor plants within the last year a huge accomplishment.
07. In 1997/98 I’ve watched “Titanic” on the movie screen at least five times.
08.  I always liked Enid Blyton’s Adventure Series more than her Famous Five.
09. On days off, I often check blogs/twitter on my phone, while still lounging in bed.
10. I’m an expert in worrying myself into a puddle of anxiety over tiny insignifcant details.
11. Everytime I get money from an ATM I internally bitch about how handicapped we lefties are in a right-handed world.
12. 20 years ago my secret dream job was “tour manager of a pop or rock band”. I still think I actually would be good at it.
13. I’ve never smoked a cigarette (or something else) and never even tried to.
14. My favourite numbers are 4 and 7.
15. I can only sew on a button, when my life depends on it.
16. When I was not quite 11 years old (March 1986) I was a pupil at  a primary school in the Dudley area in England for three weeks.
17. I think that sorting books alphabetically (writer’s last name) is the only right way to organize book shelves.
18. I don’t eat meat, but I eat fish occasionally. I still call myself a vegetarian, because it’s so much easier than to explain the distinction.
19. My most nerdy guilty pleasure is just sitting there and watching the Defraggler progress screen.
20. I prefer odd to even numbers.
21. I’m 36 years old and still don’t own a coffee set (with matching cups, saucers etc). That’s why I could only invite you over for a casual cup of coffee. But at least I’ve got enough mugs to choose from

Over the last few years it seems to have become a Christmas tradition to watch a hockey game of the Iserlohn Roosters (the hockey team located closest to our home town) on one of the days before Christmas or on one of the holidays, depending on the season’s schedule. Even though I’m a fan of the Cologne Sharks foremost, I also always want Iserlohn to do well (except when they’re playing against Cologne, of course). Because half my family are Iserlohn fans, because of regional solidarity and because of the nice group of Iserlohn fans I’ve met through my brother. We’ve been to several world championships together and it always has been a lot of fun.
Another incentive for me as a Cologne Sharks fan to watch the game last night, was that Iserlohn played against the Metro Stars from Düsseldorf. Cologne and Düsseldorf are bound in a love-hate-relationship (in the tongue-in-cheek “we love to hate them” kind of way) not just in sports, but also a lof of other things. So for a Cologne fan it’s always nice to cheer for a team that’s playing against Düsseldorf Unfortunately Düsseldorf won the game last night, but we had a lot of fun regardless.

Part of fun yesterday was to watch the 4 year old boy sitting in front of us with his 6 year old brother and his parents. I think it might have been his first hockey game and his parents didn’t look like they were die-hard hockey fans or hockey fans at all. But the little boy was definitely on the way of turning into one It seemed like it took him a while to make sense of all that was going on around him but in the end he was singing and dancing and cheering along. He was cussing when the referee made a bad call (and the dad immediately covered the little boy’s mouth with his hand) and he was commenting on the game like a pro (or at least he was trying to LOL). It was sooooo cute to watch. Well, let’s face it little kids being sports fans are always cute to watch, and it’s even easier to tug at my heart strings when it’s happening at a hockey game.

Talking about “tugging at heart strings”: The new (starting this season) pre-game activities in Iserlohn are one of my favourites, because they always almost make me cry , but in a good way In the big arenas like in Cologne, Düsseldorf, Hamburg, they usually play a special clip on the video screen to get the audience to start singing and cheering and ready for the big game that’s about to follow. Iserlohn is a small club with a small budget and a small arena. They don’t have video screen. (It’s old fashioned traditional hockey atmoshpere, even though they’ve joined the premiere league 10 years or so ago *g*).
Since the start of this season the pre-game ritual goes like this: A few guys enter the ice carrying the different large team flags from over 50 years of hockey history in this town. A young boy carrying a smaller flag then skates a wide loop ending at center ice, setting down the flag (like the kid at 0.45 in the clip below), raising his fist and shouting “Iserlohn Roosters!” All that while the audience is enthusiatically singing along to a special song heared over the speakers.
I’ve seen this happen a few times this year and was always moved, because of this enthusiastic kid on the ice and because of the anthem-like song, which I had never heard before and of which I unfortunately only ever grabbed a few words and not the complete lyrics. After the game last night I finally managed to ask one of the guys I know, what song that is, and another bystander could answer it right away.

It’s the Minnesota Wild anthem: “The State of Hockey” and I bow my head in admiration and gratidude (and a bit of jealousy) to the Minnesota Wild, who – according to their NHL site – “composed the Wild Anthem before the start of the inaugural season [in 2000]. In the State of Hockey, where hockey tradition runs deep, it seemed logical to write lyrics (accompanied by energetic, Celtic-flavored music) that symbolized all of the elements of Minnesota’s rich hockey heritage.

How can you be a hockey fan and not be touched by this anthem? How can you be a sports fan and not be touched by this anthem ? And how could I have not discovered this song before … ?

“The State of Hockey”

We were raised
With the stick
And a pair of blades
On the ice we cut our teeth
We took our knocks
In the penalty box
Our mother was the referee

This sport was here
Before we came
It will be here when we’re gone
The game’s in our blood
And our blood’s in the game
Lay us down under
A frozen pond

We will fight to the end
We will stand and defend
Our flag flying high and free
We were born the child
Of the strong and Wild
In the State, the State of Hockey

A big blue line runs around our state
A line that can’t be crossed
The day they try to take this game
Is the day the gloves come off

We will fight to the end
We will stand and defend
Our flag flying high and free
We were born the child
Of the strong and Wild
In the State, the State of Hockey.

Usual new year resolution for me had been or would be “lose some weight”, “work out more”, “eat less chocolate” etc. The typical stuff. And I’m not saying that I won’t try to do some or all of that (because it would be a much healthier lifestyle). I hestitate to make a specific promise in that regard though. Maybe because I know how bad I was at keeping those promises/resolutions in the past. Yes, I know I shouldn’t expect failure before even trying.
But I think the main reason to choose different promises this time is, that my main concern is less my physical health, but much more the state of my emotional and mental health. I’ve written several posts this year about my procrastination, about me feeling listless and about me worrying too much and all that stuff.
The 8 week stress reduction program I recently completed, helped me to get some perspective and to find ways to deal with the stressful situations my own mind tends to put me in. I’m determined to work on that more, especially as by now I realize that I’ve already started slacking in regards to any kind of mediation or yoga practice. And that I’ve already started to not live up to my own resolution to be more active and to just “do” more new and interesting things and with that have more positive experiences.

These all are aspects of my life I want to change, and I hope that making promises in that regard will help me to achieve this. So here are my seven promises for 2012, starting with a clearly physical health-related promises after all, but  I don’t consider this a contradiction to the statement at the beginning of this post .

1. Go to the Kieser Traing gym at least twice a month (i.e. every two weeks)
I know from experience that this 30 minute training does help with my occassional back/neck/shoulder problems. And it’s only 30 minutes of my time after all. I really should be able to make time for that twice a month.

2. Do a short yoga practice in the morning at least twice a week
I learned this kind of yoga exercises in my stress reduction program and for a short while I already practiced this short 10 minutes set every morning. But then I started slacking and… well. It’s really just 10 minutes. I can get up 10 minutes before my usual time to get up. One of these times could even be on the weekend.

3. Do the “gratitude and affection” body scan at least once a week
I don’t find any information online about this variation of the ordinary Body Scan of the MBSR practice. I wrote about it in this post though.

4. Treat myself to a Thai massage every month
I felt very relaxed and at the same time energized after the first one I had three weeks ago, so I think it’s worth to do that on a regular basis. There is this new salon in my small town, the standard massage doesn’t take more than 60 minutes and it’s only 26€, which I consider a fair deal.

5. Go geocaching at least once a month
At first I thought about making a promise about finding X geocaches each month, but as I obviously suck at actually finding those, I didn’t want to put myself up to too much failure

6. Go to the theatre / opera etc. at least once a month
So many times in the past I had thought “You should go to the theater / learn more about classic music etc”, but I never actually did something about it. A few weeks ago I heard of a special offer at the theatre in the neighbouring town. Pay 50 EUR for the special theatre card and for the whole theatre season you get 50% discount, if you purchase the ticket at the box office on the day of the performance. This theatre offers a wide range of plays, opera, ballett etc and I’m determined to put that card to good use.

7. Visit at least one museum / zoo / park in the Ruhr region each month
The Ruhr region is the metropolitan area I live in. The region’s tourism agency offers a special card, which gives you one-time free entrance to more than 100 museums, parks, zoos, water parks etc in the area and also 50% bonus for a lot of other activities and theme parks even outside of the Ruhr area.
I’ve bought this card – the “Ruhrtopcard” ( german website) – every year in the last five years or so and every year I plan to use it regulary, but I never do. I used it a couple of times but not even as often enough to at least save as much money as I paid for the card in the first place.

So, these are my seven promises for 2012 and I will write about how good (or bad) I am at keeping them at the end of each month. Promises don’t make much sense with consequences for broken promises. It took me a while to come up with feasible and meaningful consequences.
I didn’t want the consequences to be too harsh for me to handle (because I know I probably would give up on the whole project after a few weeks) but I neither wanted them to be too easy for me to fulfill. I also thought that the consequences at least should also have some additional positive effect on my health, so that at least I benefit from doing them. Sneaky, right ?

I came up with two different consequences, one for the more health-related promises 1 – 4 and one for the positive- experience-related promises 5 – 7.

If I break one of the first 4 promises (gym, yoga, massage, meditation), I have to cycle (outdoors or on a stationary bike) for at least 60 minutes every week of the following month (i.e. next four weeks).
If I break another one of these four promises I have to add 30 minutes, another 30 for a 3rd broken promise and so on. I plan to do some cycling next year anyway, but this consequence might give me an additional incitement to do so.

If I break one of the other 3 promises (geocaching, theatre, museum), I have to give up chocolate and Starbucks for one week in the following month and for an additional week for every other broken promise from this positive-experience promises.
I figured that giving up choclate and Starbucks will at least be beneficial to my general health, even though it really will be a sacrifice on my part.

I admit I’m already a bit excited (but also a bit nervous) about this whole “Promises 2012″ project. I’m not sure if I will be able to live up to my own expectations and if I will be willing to live with the consequences I plan to apply on myself. I guess, only time will tell…

I can’t wait for this week to be over!

[Now off to finally eat dinner and fall into bed aftwards]

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I’ve been suffering from a strange fatigue lately, which means I might be getting a cold. Or something else? I don’t know, but I don’t like feeling so sluggish all day.

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For reasons unknown “The Scottish Prisoner” was already available in Germany (two weeks before it’s published in the US). I got my copy on Monday, finished reading it on Wednesday and loved every moment of it. So much in fact that I spend some time every day to re-read my favourite scenes as if I want to keep them memorized in my mind.

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I enjoyed the Take That “Progress Live 2011″ DVD almost as much and watched it (or at least had it turned on as background entertainment) a few times. I don’t like that most of the talking that happened on stage (introducing songs, fooling around etc) was cut from the CD though. The stuff the artists say between the songs is half the fun of concert CD, isn’t it?

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My mom was admitted to the hospital again on Thursday, which gave me a bit of a scare at first. But the first tests showed that she is doing ok and maybe her heart was just acting up. Or she worried too much about some stuff and that made her heart act up. She will have a few more tests next week and probably some changes in her medication and hopefully will be home soon.

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My hockey team, the Cologne Sharks, won their game this afternoon, even though they didn’t really deserve to win. They played great on Tuesday, but that obviously was all they were able to do this week. They lost on Friday and the should have lost today, because the other team was so much better. The other team scored twice within 40 seconds, while they were short-handed (i.e. had only 5 instead of the regular 6 players on the ice). Seriously, it was a lucky win. But I won’t complain. Or only just a little bit.

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I’m seriously considering to drop Hawaii-Five-O from my “must-watch” TV list. There are so many things that are bugging me in this 2nd season. I miss Gracie. I don’t care at all about the various new blonde female agents that work with H50. The writing is even worse than it was last season and most of the plots are utterly ridiculous, because: North Korea? Seriously? Maybe I’ll just watch the Steve/Danno scenes on YT later and be done with it. I plan to watch much less TV anyway, so dropping H50 this might be a good starting point.

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I had to take a sick day last week because of my stiff neck (tense muscles and such). The immediate pain did disappear after I had applied heat frequently. I can move my head without pain or difficulties now, but sometimes, when I have to turn my head abruptly, I feel and hear a tiny crunch. I’m not really worried about it just bothered by it.
A few weeks ago someone recommended a Thai massage for all kinds of back and neck problems. I have never tried that before, but this week a Thai massage salon opened in our small town and I might just give it a try this week. Especially as they offer discounts in these first three weeks after their opening

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I’ve got an additional twitter acount @L98tweets last week. It’s a public one, which allows me to communicate with everyone else on twitter and not just the people who are following my first protected account. I plan to use the public account for all the tweets about TV shows, books, movies and matters of general interest ( (or what I consider general interest *g*). Let’s see how it will work out…

My infatuation with everything Outlander-related aside, I think “The Scottish Prisoner” might be an enjoyable read even for those who don’t know anything about the whole Outlander saga so far. In fact I’m pretty sure it’s going to be worth reading for anyone who likes complex, interesting and likeable characters. Who likes reading tales of complicated, passionate relationships. Who likes the occassional awkward moment caused by a lot of unresolved tension. Who likes historical fiction. And who likes a writer who has the guts to start a novel with “It was so cold out, he thought his cock might break off in his hand” Getting interested? Well, you should be, allthough I think, there probably won’t be more sex than that in this novel .

Even though this new novel is part of the Outlander saga, I think it’s safe to say that it won’t be necessary to have read any or all of the seven Outlander novels or any of the Lord John stories to understand and enjoy this one. After all it’s not the next book of the series, but instead takes place much earlier in the Outlander canon.
From what I know of the plot and have read in excerpts like the #DailyLines, Diana Gabaldon (aka@Writer_DG) tweets regularily, the characters’ background and their relationship to each other will be explained as the story progesses. Like it’s supposed to be in any good novel anyway. But of course those who have read the Outlander series have the advantage of a more detailed knowledge of the background and especially will know how things between these two men will turn out in the long run.

“The Sottish Prisoner” is set in 1760, a time, which is only a tiny tiny part of “Voyager” (3rd Outlander novel), which in the first 250 (out of the overall 1059) pages gives account of what happened in the 20 years since Claire and Jamie seperated in 1746. Jamie’s life between January 1758 and September 1764 for instance is covered in only two pages. A few more moments are described in some of the Lord John stories, which are set between 1755 – 1764, but most of these six years still remain in the dark, which of course is a perfect opportunity for Diana Gabaldon to shed some light on it now. As the avid Jamie fan that I am, I can’t wait to read every single additional piece of information about this time in his life. Yes I’m that crazy about him. I admit it!

So, what is it about these two complex, interesting and likeable characters and their complicated, passionate relationship, that I think will make it worth reading even for a Outlander novice? An overview about the characters and their situation might explain it. So, let’s travel back in time to April 1760 and meet the two protagonists:

James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser

• Scot
• fought against the English during the Rising of 1745
• paroled prisoner of war
• groom at Lord Dunsany’s estate Helwater in the English Lake District, where he was sent after years in Ardsmuir prison in Scotland
• educated, smart, loyal, brave, honourable and kind, in short: a genuinely good person
• married to Claire, the love of his life, who is lost to him, because he had to send her back to the safety of the 20th century
• father of a 13 year old child, he has never met and knows he’ll never meet, because this child will have been born in the 20th century
• father of a two-year-old son, he can never claim as his own, because the boy – William – was born as son of Lady Geneva Dunsany and the Earl of Ellesmere, who both died on the day the baby was born
• Catholic, which in the 18th century gives him a specific set of moral values and ideas, including the strict damnation of homosexuality
• has been tortured, abused and raped by sadist english Captain Jack Randall in 1743

Lord John William Grey

• English aristocrat
• fought as young soldier against the Scottish during the rebellion of 1745
• was govenor of Ardsmuir prison in Scottland in 1755/1756, but returned to his army life afterwards
• experienced as a soldier and officer, but also as diplomat and sometimes spy
• educated, smart, loyal, brave, honourable and kind, in short: a genuinely good person
• unmarried
• homosexual, which in the 18th century he had to keep secret, because exposure would have meant being executed for sodomy
• truly, madly and deeply in love with Jamie Fraser

The last item on each list probably explains best why the relationship between these two men is a complicated and passionate one

John Grey and Jamie Fraser did not get along well, when they met in Ardsmuir prison where Jamie acted as spokesperson for the Scottish inmates in 1755. This was to be expected considering the opposed positions they both found themselves in. Later on though these two men, who do have a lot in common, were on friendly terms with each other and actually both enjoyed their weekly meetings to discuss various matters of prison life. Until one day during their regular chess game John Grey couldn’t stop himself from acting on his budding feelings and

…his hand traveled the short distance through the air, looking as if it knew precisely what it wanted, and set itself on Fraser’s, palm tingling, curved fingers, gently imploring.
The hand under his was warm – so warm – but hard and motionless as marble. Nothing moved on the table but the shimmer of the flame in the heart of the sherry. He lifted his eyes then, to meet Fraser’s.
“Take your hand off me,” Fraser said very, very softly. “Or I will kill you.”
The hand under Grey’s did not move, nor did the face above, but he could feel the shiver of revulsion, a spasm of hatred and disgust, that rose from the men’s core, radiating through his flesh.
(“Voyager”, © 1992 by Diana Gabaldon. All rights reserved.)

And in that instance, what had been an unlikely friendship was crushed and any friendly feelings Jamie might have had for the English officer vanished and were replaced by hate, disgust, contempt and anger. Which didn’t come as a surprise considering Jamie’s history of sexual abuse by another homosexual 20 years earlier.
When the rest of the prisoners were deported to indenture in the colonies in 1756, John made sure to save Jamie from this fate and arranged for him to be sent to work as groom in England, much to Jamie’s despair and anger.

Fraser cast him an angry glance.
“Defeat – aye, that’s honorable enough, if nothing to be sought. But I am not nearly defeated, not only imprisoned by right of conquest. I am exiled, and made slave to an English lord, force to do the will of my captors.
“And each day, I rise with the thought of my perished brothers, my men taken from my care and thrown to the mercies of sea and savages – and I lay myself down at night, knowing that I am preserved from death only by the accident that my body rouses your unholy lust.”
(“Brotherhood of the Blade”, © 2007 by Diana Gabaldon. All rights reserved.)

The real tragic of it all is: John isn’t just physically attracted to Jamie. His feelings run much deeper. And no matter how hard he tries to get Jamie out of his head (and heart) John’s feelings remain the same.

But surely the effect should lessen, should disappear entirely, when he actually saw the man? Fraser was a Scot, a Jacobite, a paroled prisoner, a groom – no one that he would normally take notice of, let alone regard especially.
And yet, every time, it was the same, the bloody same. How? Why?
He would ride up the winding drive at Helwater, and his pulse would already be beating in his ears. He would greet Dunsany and his family, talking cordially of this and that, accepting refreshment, admiring the women’s gowns, Lady Dunsany’s latest painting. All in an increasing agony of impatience, wanting – needing – to go out to the stables, to look, to see.
[...]
And yet his excitement quieted at once when he was actually in Fraser’s presence. A calm descended upon him, a strange content. Once he had looked into those eyes, been acknowledged by them – then he could return to the house, go about his business, make conversation with other people. It was as though he was anxious, lest the world have changed in his abscene, then reassured it had not; Jamie Fraser still stood at it’s center.
(“Brotherhood of the Blade”, © 2007 by Diana Gabaldon. All rights reserved.)

*deep sigh* Seriously, I get a bit teary-eyed just writing about it, because
a) I am a bit in love with Jamie Fraser myself and I don’t think anything could ever make me fall out of love and
b) I really, really, really like John and I feel for him everytime his unrequited love for Jamie is mentioned throughout the course of the Outlander narrative.

The fact that Jamie continues to act angry and hostile towards him makes John even hate Jamie for a while (yes, even though he loves him). Just as much as John hates that he can’t get Jamie out of his head. And that’s exactly the frame of mind in which we will find these two men in 1760, the time of “The Scottish Prisoner”.

If you haven’t read the Outlander novels (yet), you probably still might have guessed: they do manage to get back to be on friendly terms like they have been before and actually become close friends already during the forementioned “Voyager”.
I’m not quite sure if “The Scottish Prisoner” will actually show how their relationship will turn around, but I really really hope it will. I hope to at least seem some gradual change and to see Jamie finally realize that John doesn’t want to do him any harm. That would be a good start I think.

Some might consider it weird to write (or read) a novel that gets back in time within a otherwise chronologically narrated plot like the Outlander saga. But I don’t think it’s weird at all. I understand why these 20 years were only one small part of “Voyager” and that the story had to continue in “real time” from 1766 on.
But I’ve always wanted to know more about Jamie’s life in these 20 years. And as I have loved the one scene with 6-year-old William, I’m very much looking forward to read a bit more about Jamie and the 2-year-old boy. I know from the #DailyLines that there will be a few scenes and I can’t wait.
And at the end of this post I can as well be honest: I take all the Jamie I can get. At any place and any time in his life. Besides: “The Scottish Prisoner” will help to pass the time until the next Outlander novel will be published in 2013. And I for one am determined to enjoy every single page of this new Gabaldon novel…

[If you still need some more incentive, this preview of first pages might do the trick ]