Chop On The Lake

Out Sourcing Tech Support

Chop Smith — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 22:40:41 +0000

One of my many pet peeves is that American companies out sourcing tech support to non-english speaking countries. Call it racist id you like, but here is proof that Indians should stick to their native language.

Sign on a golf course in India:
ANY PERSONS(EXCEPT PLAYERS) CAUGHT COLLECTING GOLF BALL ON THIS COURSE WILL BE PROSECUTED AND HAVE THEIR BALLS REMOVED.

University Campus, India:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION.

Hotel bedroom, India:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

Doctor’s surgery, India :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel , India:
WOMAN’S ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN BAR.

Hotel , India:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL WATER SERVED HERE.

Hotel air conditioner instructions, India:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Zoo , India:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Restaurant , India:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

Maternity ward, India:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED WITHOUT PERMISSION.

Cemetery , India:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Temple, India:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel bedroom, India:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS OR OTHER SIMILAR WOMEN INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel brochure, India:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, LARGE CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK
HERE TO ENJOY IT.

Hotel bedroom, India :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID AT ANY HOUR. SHE ALWAY’S HAPPY TO HELP IN ANY WAY

Hotel , India:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE MAID.

Supermarket, India :
FOR YOUR CONVENIENT, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

Newspaper , India:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR
WORKERS.

Laundry , India:
LADY’S, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTER-NOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Advertisement for donkey rides, India :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Dentist’s advertisement, India:
TEETH FILLED AND EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

Hotel bedroom, India :
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO BOMBAY, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

Now, ain’t that a bitch?

Bad Ass Rabbit

Chop Smith — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 21:58:02 +0000

On a sunny afternoon, a rattlesnake decides to cross the back yard. He got more than expected when he met one bad ass rabbit. Check out this video.

Crack Spider’s Bitch

Chop Smith — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 14:39:52 +0000

Crack Spider’s Bitch
Check out this video of spiders given drugs - LSD, Caffeine, THC, Alcohol and meet the Crack Spider.

CoonAss Wedding

Chop Smith — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 14:12:47 +0000

A friend of mine recently volunteered time and money for relief work in Louisiana. She only got a small sample of the culture. Had she traveled further south she could have attended a real coonass wedding.

I am not sure if it took place around Cutoff, Galliano, Larose, Thibodaux, Golden Meadow, Lockport, Gheens, Raceland, or Bayou Blue but this is a real South Lafourche, Louisiana Wedding. Check out these pictures.

The Best Ad Ever for Viagra.

Chop Smith — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 21:32:32 +0000

After four drinks and Viagra, one does not know what the hell he will wake up with. I tried this stuff once after hearing that it would give you a blue-viener. Didn’t work as well as advertised. After seeing this ad, I think it is time to try it once again.

Real Friends With none of that Sissy Crap!!!!

Chop Smith — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 19:42:17 +0000

Are you tired of those sissy “friendship” poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces here, just the stone cold truth of our friendship.

1. When you are sad — I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.
2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile — I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared — I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused — I will use little words.
7. When you are sick — Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want to catch whatever you have.
8. When you fall — I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Share this with all 10 of your friends, then get depressed because you can only think of four!!! And remember….when life hands you Lemons, get some tequila and salt and call me.

Rules For The Phone

Chop Smith — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 14:32:23 +0000

Now ain’t it a bitch to get a non-English speaking person when you call for tech support for service you are paid hard earn dollars for. Hell, I am an English speaking American, give me my help from someone I can understand.

While I bitching, there should be some rules for the business phone.

ALL business phones SHOULD be answered!

GOOD MORNING,
WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

Press “1″ for English.

Press “2″ to disconnect until you learn to speak English

Homeless

Chop Smith — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 14:20:18 +0000

As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags; my heart was touched by this person’s condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to “care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,” I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, “Reach out, reach out!”

So I did……….

The Microwave Of Death

Chop Smith — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 14:00:00 +0000

The guy in this video is an amazing magician! This video was capture as he auditioned for the America’s Got Talent TV show .

Click here to watch microwave man.

Sex Top 2000

Chop Smith — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 04:43:24 +0000

Sex Top 2000, the first laptop designed specifically to view porn. Check out how it can save your ass.

It is perfect for the office, hit the panic key once and a spread sheet covers the screen. Hit the panic key twice and the Sex Top 2000 shuts down but not before the deleting the trail of internet filth. Hit the panic key three times and the Sex Top 2000 will self destruct. But it is not all about security.

The Sex Top 2000 is equipped with a one-handed keypad and sophisticated search options such as boobies real and prison turkish. You can even set your nipple tone preference. You can also set your Sex Top 2000 to block all gay or straight porn. The Sex Top 2000 includes a vibrating mouse and it is the only water proof laptop on the market.

The Sex Top 2000 will be hand delivered to your home concealed in an ordinary fruit basket. In order to fully insure the privacy of your identity, dedicated messengers will commit suicide.

The Sex Top 2000 includes a lotion dispenser and for a limited time a complimentary starter kit is included.

Watch your porn stress free, view the video now.