Addiction is not just for people who poor vodka on their cornflakes or who are slumped in an alley smoking a crack pipe.

Anyone who eats junk food to cheer themselves up or has a drink when they have had a bad day is using something to numb the pain.

The addiction is not the problem it is a coping mechanism to temporarily solve the problem.

The problem is that there is something which is causing them pain. A trauma or experience they had in the past which is still consciously and subconsciously affecting them.

The first three of the 12 steps go something like this

1. I admit I have a problem
2. I belief in the future I won’t have this problem
3. I can’t get rid of this problem on my own

They sound so simple but until they have taken those three steps there is nothing that you can do help.

The post You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped appeared first on Chris Heffer.

Show them.

Be nice to your friends they’ll be nice to you.

Love your family they will love you back.

Treat your customers well and they will treat you well.

Look after your employees they will look after you.

You get out what you put in.

The post The more you give the more you get appeared first on Chris Heffer.

• Work
• Children 
• Physical health 
• Mental health
• Significant other
• Friends
• Family 

You could become the best in the world at any one of them. But at what cost?

You could be the richest man in the world and have no one to share it with. What’s the point? Be the richest man in the graveyard?

You could devote every hour of every day to you children but neglect your own health and die. Who is going to look after your kids then?

You could be a great mate but neglect the relationships you have with your family.

Nothing is worth sacrificing everything for.

The post Why should you never give anything 100% appeared first on Chris Heffer.

I’m going to describe 3 places on the spectrum but you could be anywhere in between.

1. Mental illness

You irrationalise the rational.

When you suffer with a mental health problem such as depression or anxiety you find irrational ways of looking at the rational.

If you have depression you can’t find happiness where the average person might.

If you have anxiety you worry about things the average person wouldn’t.

2. Average Joe

You can rationalise the rational.

You can understand why the average person does want they do.

They are someone similar to you so it’s easy to relate to.

This is sympathy.

3. Mental wellness

You are able to rationalise the irrational.

You can put yourself in their shoes and understand why someone does something. Even if that person is very different to you. That person may even offend or even attack you.

You don’t need to agree with what someone does or why they do it.

If you have any desire to sustainabily influence anyone else’s actions you need understand and relate to someone first.

It’s called Empathy.

The post The mental wellbeing spectrum appeared first on Chris Heffer.

Should anyone respect you if you don’t respect them? 

They might if you are lucky but probably not. 

If you aren’t kind and respectful to others then you probably aren’t being kind or respectful to yourself. 

It starts with you. 

Be the change you want to see in the world. 

The post You can’t expect kindness unless it’s what you offer to yourself & others appeared first on Chris Heffer.

If you judged David Beckham on his ability to drive a Formula 1 car or Lewis Hamilton on his ability to play football then they both would probably be considered a failure. 

Self awareness doesn’t always come naturally.  

Apply yourself to the wrong thing and you may experience failure and it will probably damage your self esteem. 

Don’t waste your time. 

If you can figure out what you are good at then double down on that, you can achieve anything you set your mind to. 

Sounds easy but it’s more difficult than you think. 

The post Self awareness is not easy appeared first on Chris Heffer.

Decision fatigue is a real thing.

Every day you make 35,000 decisions.

No matter how big or small, each one takes its toll on your brain.

One of the decisions I never enjoyed making or felt like it was worth the stress was – what to wear each day.

I decided to try wearing the same thing everyday as an experiment.

The results?

No one notices. No one cares.

I feel better. My life is easier.

Less clothes, less decisions, less money wasted on clothes, more time and money to focus on what matters the most.

Less is more.

I can’t recommend it enough.

The post Why I wear the same thing everyday appeared first on Chris Heffer.

If you hold open a door for someone who doesn’t say thank you, you can look at in two ways.

You could get angry with them for being so ungrateful.

Or

You could think that the pleasure is in the giving. So you gained by being able to help someone else.

You can not control how someone else behaves but you can control how you feel about what happens.

If you can choose whether to be happy or not, why would you want to choose not?

The post Happiness is a choice appeared first on Chris Heffer.

There are only so many times that person will go against what they think is right without developing a level of resentment.

If you share with somebody why you do something and you help them understand the benefit then if they agree next time they will do it your way.

They will do what you want them to do for them not you. There will be no resentment.

If they still don’t do it your way maybe you should understand why they do it their way.

The only long term way to change someone’s behaviour is to inspire them to do differently.

It then becomes their way of doing it not just yours.

The post Inspiration vs instruction appeared first on Chris Heffer.

If you are being misunderstood then try and write down what you want someone to understand.

Get it clear in your mind the point you are trying to make first.

You might think you understand yourself but if you are being misunderstood then perhaps you need to clarify it in your mind first.

If you write your ideas down you can read it back to make sure the words you choose are as clear as possible.

Then try to communicate again.

The post How to be understood appeared first on Chris Heffer.