As a polar explorer it’s not easy travelling south these days. Not like it was in the early part of the 20th century for the likes of Shackelton, Scott and Amundsen, whose sole preoccupation was sailing scott-free (unless you were Scott or traveling with him) on the open ocean with nothing to occupy your time but stroking huskies and fellow expedition members or surfing Facebook. No, these days you have to battle your way to the Polar Circle through a never-ending stream of frigid bergs hovering below the waterline ready to sink your chances of making Queen, Kate Middleton and Country proud … in the form of airport security, Immigration and KLM stewardesses.

After spending 40 minutes at Heathrow having my hand luggage searched to check I wasn’t carrying more than my allotted allowance of Semtex, detonators and radical-extremist literature, I ran to the departure gate gutted that I had to forgo my pre-flight pint and the chance to spend time enjoying the truly authentic British pub atmosphere that only an airport departure lounge can offer. Instead, I opted for a bottle of Jack Daniels from the tax-free shop, only to be told by the shop assistant that I couldn’t take it onwards following my connection in Amsterdam and that I would have to drink it on the hour-and-a-half plane ride. Contingency plan! “What would Scott have done in this situation?” I asked myself. So, surreptitiously, I did sip some of it on the plane, having read the in-flight magazine (quite a good read by the way – loads of articles on experiencing beautiful Thailand from the comfort of the Sheraton, with chop sticks offered in the Michelin-star restaurant for viewing via WiFi on your Kindle Fire) which clearly stated the not bringing of alcohol on-board, along with electronic cigarettes, East Europeans and badger porn.

I got thrown off my polar plan twice during the flight to Buenos Aires (the second leg of the journey before going on to Ushuaia on the southern tip of Argentine in a couple of days to meet the expedition ship). First, by the KLM flight attendant when I asked for a beer. She looked at me, askew, and said ‘But we’re serving lunch in half an hour!’ I looked back – in only the way an English scumbag can – and said, ‘And …?’ (That threw her!) She said, ‘But you’re standing up!’ (This is an evolutionary conundrum that, personally, I blame Darwin for). I said, ‘Yes, but I’m sitting down when I’m in that seat there!’ pointing to a chair 0.7m away. She said ‘But you’re waiting for the toilet!’ I said ‘No, I’m standing by a toilet. I have no intention of entering it unless you’re making me an offer.’ She raised her eyebrows to the God of Economy Class and with great reluctance handed me a 0.2gm can of Heineken – not enough to anesthetize a gnat let alone bring down an intrepid polar adventurer.

The second issue came when I was handed a Customs declaration form for entry into Argentina. Question Number 6: ‘Was I carrying any “sperm” on my person?’ What?!!! I bet Scott and Amundsen never got interrogated like this! What do you say when you’re a full-on Polar-Head fuelled on testosterone and crampons? Looking at the question from the perspective of Immigration – and judging that over half of the one billion Chinese population appeared to be on the flight – I ticked the ‘No’ box and then ticked ‘$0.00′ for the ‘What is the value of the goods you are bringing in?’ question – conveniently overlooking the £3,000 of scuba equipment I had in my ever-so-light luggage.

The scuba kit alone!

Anyway, the Chinese population – or any other population – don’t have to worry about entry into Argentina, because during the wait at Immigration most people either die of old age or start swimming back across the South Atlantic vowing to learn from their experience and not to be so stupid in the future. Finally, I got to show the webcam a bloodshot retina, then gave Interpol the thumbprint of America’s-Most-Wanted and entered the country in 25 degrees heat wearing my ski jacket and carrying 60kg of equipment.

The outcome is that I’m now enjoying the wonderful hospitality of the Argentinian people, who have made the journey so far so worthwhile, practicing my Española, and looking forward to flying further south tomorrow.

Hasta luego, Amigos!

Day 1 – Saturday 9th March 2013

Position at the pier: 54°48.6’ S, 068°18.0’ W

Weather: Northerly wind 4 knots; Cloudy; Calm Sea; +5°C.

Embarkation – Ushuaia, Argentina

‘Good morning!’ And what a special morning this is. 0600hrs and I believe I am the third person awake on the good ship Plancius – or at least the third person in the observation lounge – en route to the Antarctic Polar Circle with Oceanwide Expeditions. Clemence is already here and we have had a highly profitable chat. He is indeed a jolly fine fellow from the Netherlands and we shared our reckonings and concerns for the harsh voyage ahead. As a preventive measure against the dreaded scurvy, breakfast has been a tot of spiced rum with that most revered of seafaring captains, J.P. Morgan.

Supplies for rounding the Horn

The last 48 hours have brought with them a flood of the most unbelievable feelings of excitement together with a weird sense of contentment stemming from a lifetime of goal-setting and adventure. I’m also experiencing a bizarre feeling of nostalgia in a kind of ‘think-how-far-you’ve-come’ way. I guess what I mean is, I set out to travel the seven continents, even though at times it hasn’t always gone to plan, and now that dream is coming true. Never more so than when I looked out of my hotel window yesterday in Ushuaia, Tierra del Fuego, Argentina – the southern-most town in the world – and saw Plancius, our icebreaking expedition ship, docked in the beautiful aquamarine waters of the harbour surrounded by snow-capped peaks. That was the ship taking me to the final frontier, and, unlike Star Trek, it suddenly got very real.

The Good Ship Plancius – Antarctica Bound!

I’d flown from Buenos Aires to Ushuaia with the biggest grin on my face, a grin that got stupidly bigger when my thousands-of-pounds-worth of dive gear and expedition equipment arrived on the airport’s carousel and I knew at that point, bar an act of God, another Falkland’s war or tripping over my shoelaces, nothing would stop me visiting Antarctica and scuba diving in her pristine waters.

Moreover, my life would be complete and I could look forward to relaxing up and returning to the UK to build bonfires on a Sunday and crocheting antimacassars for the girls at my Women’s Institute. I pulled the tab on a can of Quilmes and sparked a roll-up and savoured the experience of finally landing in Fin de Mundo – the End of the World – and then I hailed a cab.

Ushuaia is a Wild West town lying on a barren windswept peninsular lapped by the greeny-blue waves of the Southern Ocean and ringed by frozen mountains.

The View from Here!

I spent the day buying final items of expedition wear – everyone should have a bright yellow fanny pack, or at least know somebody who has got one – and gifts for friends mostly of the penguin variety, and then treated myself to a bottle of Argentine red and King Crab fresh from the tank in the window of a delightful restaurant.

King Crab

When I saw Plancius in the morning, I couldn’t stop looking at her. I had this irrational fear that perhaps the schedule had changed and rather than sail at 4pm as planned, she would depart earlier and without me. I kept checking my mobile phone in case the captain had been trying to get hold of me. I visited a museum, which was also a historic jail, all the time unable to fully appreciate the antiquities on display for fear I was being left behind.

‘Just tell them you’re really sorry, yeah!’

Finally, I took a cab to the dock and joined the long procession of explorers all shuffling like Emperor Penguins as we dragged with our heavy kitbags towards the ship.

“Permission to come aboard, sir?” was my request to the purser and his welcoming party at the top of the gangway. “Permission granted, sir!” was the reply the whole world wanted to hear.

‘Permission to come aboard, sir?’

I briefly considered asking if, by chance, a single cabin had become available, having got used to four nights of privacy en route from London Heathrow. I’m so glad I didn’t, as not only did all my kit arrive, as if by magic, before me in the room, but I entered Cabin 203 to meet a wonderful Czech guy named Mirek, a charismatic Russian, Vadim, and a bloody nice Aussie called Matt. As Mirek and Vadim were busy stowing their gear away in the tiny space available, I looked at Matt and said ‘Shall we find the bar?’ ‘Does the Pope need a shag?’ he replied, with what became our mantra for the next 12 days … along with a bar bill for a good many beers between us.

As we cruised into the Drake Passage, pods of humpback whales appearing in abundance off both bows, the beer went down well, perhaps too well, as did the champagne welcome party and introductions to polar life given by the captain, crew and expedition leaders. The excitement, rather than rescinding, just built and built and built, and we and 100 other explorers, the most amicable and interesting folks you could meet from nations all around the world, sailed towards our dream on an ocean that grew choppier by the second and saw seasickness patches popping up behind people’s earlobes like a Huxley-esque experiment. No prophylactic measures for the intrepid adventurers in my cabin, just another beer as we sat down to dine on 5-star food courtesy of Robert and Marco, the expedition chefs.

Day 2 – Sunday 10th March 2013

Position at 08.00: 56°39.7’S 065°04.8’ W

Weather: North easterly wind, 5 knots; overcast; moderate sea; +5°C.

At sea – En route to Antarctica

In the morning, Christophe, a French expedition guide, gave the first of a highly interesting series of lectures. This one was on Antarctic birds. However, as it was highly unlikely we would meet any in the Continent’s not-so-bustling pub and clubland districts, and that lap-dancing is only just starting to take off down there, he quickly changed the subject from the elusive Arctic Shag to Albatrosses, Terns and other distractions of the feathery variety. Jim from England then gave a highly informative presentation of Antarctic weather and how this has affected historical expeditions. Basically, as far as my limited meteorological understanding goes, the problem is wind, snow, and more snow – though, I am the first to point out I do not do this educated and entertaining gentleman justice. Andrew from Australia talked about the continents geological history with a focus on its rocks – quite an endeavour as most of them are either buried below 3km of ice or covered in penguin shit.

Later in the trip came fascinating lectures from Katja, an atmospheric scientist, on greenhouse gasses, the ozone layer and what it is like to spend a pitch-black winter on the continent. These days, I try to only spend my time with atmospheric scientists. They’re a sophisticated bunch, particularly this one who has a passion for extreme adventure, Irish whiskey and building sundials using penguins sculpted from snow. Brent Houston, USA, would also bound upon stage, with all the pizazz of a Vegas comedian. With a name like that I thought I might be on the wrong ship and that we were heading instead for the Sea of Tranquillity, reassured to find out that Brent was the ornithology expert on board, who does a mean penguin impersonation … until Day 6 when we started paying him not to.

Lecture on bird life

That evening came the moment that the fearful … fearless few had been waiting for – our extreme polar ice diving briefing given by our dive leader, Johan, from Sweden. And, as we listened to crucial safety and technical information, asking pressing questions and presenting our qualifications, equipment and experience, a very special team formed – none more ‘special’ than me, apparently, although I’m still not sure why I received such a nomenclature as I hadn’t shown anyone my dance moves at this stage.

Regulators … Mount Up!

Day 3 – Monday 11th March 2013

Position at 08.00: 60°57.5’S 061°05.0’W

Weather: South easterly wind, 5 knots; overcast; moderate sea; 0°C

Drake Passage – Aitcho Island

We awoke to the dulcet Scottish tones of our charismatic expedition leader, Kelvin, who kindly invited all the ladies, gentlemen and people from Plymouth to venture forth to the dining room for breakfast. Expecting porridge and haggis, or possibly pemmican and penguin blubber, I was delighted to sit down with Steve and Susan and Tom and Jenny from the USA, and Bjorn from Finland, and enjoy an out-and-out feast that would put the Ritz to shame and see Jamie Oliver flipping burgers in McDonalds. It was slightly disconcerting, however, as food, crockery, cutlery and passengers slid across the tables, up the bulkheads and across the ceiling, and projectile vomiting became officially accepted as an Olympic event, that the restaurant staff calmly informed us that this was a good day to cross the Drake Passage. In addition, as we ate, an iceberg the size of Belgium floated past us. For relaxation, my next journey will be the Poseidon Adventure.

Mirek, Matt, Vadim, Jenny, Tom, Steve, Susan, Bjorn, Chris

After breakfast, we adjourned to the lounge where Kelvin conducted a compulsory International Association of Antarctica Tour Operators (IAATO) briefing. In short, this meant that, in the interest of conservation, all those day-to-day habits you naturally pick up as you go through life – eating, breathing, spraying graffiti, arson, arm-wrestling penguins – had to be forgotten about as we made our first foray onto this untainted land. Fortunately, nothing was mentioned about rave parties or fracking for natural gas, so I was glad I had my record decks and drilling rig with me.

We were then given a briefing on how to get in and out of the Zodiac speedboats that would be used to ferry us ashore – although the ‘getting out’ part was pretty redundant for us extreme polar scuba divers, whose backward exit rolls would soon see us employed as stunt doubles in the next Bond film. In essence, it all came down to the ‘Seaman’s Grip’ – complete wrist-on-wrist action that would get you safely onto Antarctica or into any nightclub in Harlem without paying.

Next, the staff brought out vacuum cleaners and rubber boots, a shear look of terror spreading across the face of every explorer on board. ‘Did we have to hoover the whole continent?’ or worse still, ‘Did we have to hoover our 4-man cabins?’ – the latter, by this time, looking a cross between a crack den and a jumble sale. ‘Phew!’ Fortunately, we only had to rid our expedition clothes, boots and equipment of any seeds we may inadvertently brought with us. So the moral of this story is: If your pants are contaminated, you should consider going to Magaluf.

As we drew closer to the South Shetland Islands, Pete from England gave a wonderful presentation on the types of whales we would see, and good to his word, Fin, Minke and Humpback popped up all around us as he spoke, seeing herds of Antarcticus Exploricus running from one side of the Observation Lounge to the other, seriously increasing the roll of the ship and the share value of Cannon.

Thar she Blows!

Then came the moment we had all been waiting for! Stepping foot onto the continent of Antarctica! Well, actually not Antarctica, because apparently the South Shetland Islands doesn’t count … but in my deluded state – only a state one gets into having drunk beer all afternoon – it was Antarctica! The final frontier! The last of seven continents! It was truly a moment for Oscar-esque speeches, satellite phone calls to someone else’s wife and wise words via podcast to the ever-growing fan base of Blue Peter viewers – but instead I casually hopped off the Zodiac with only a T-shirt on my back and an Aussie named Matt on my arm. If I can recommend one thing and one thing only, it is to only ever hop ashore in Antarctica – or the South Shetland Islands – with an Aussie named Matt on your arm. We were made up! And as we waded through heaps of Gentoo and Chinstrap penguins, covering the beach and cliff tops all around us, we got even more made up.

Day 4 – Tuesday 12th March 2013

Position at 08.00: 62°35.4’S, 59°54.4’W

Weather: North westerly wind, 4 knots; clear; slight sea; +2°C.

Half Moon Island – Deception Island

This was the day! This was the day that the divers would get to back roll from a Zodiac into the frigid waters of Antarctica and see a double dream come true … only, it didn’t go to plan. Matt and I, together with an American, John, had been diving for seven minutes at a comfortable ‘check’ depth of five metres when we heard the emergency sign – the frantic revving of the Zodiac’s outboard engine. Something had gone wrong. We returned to the surface to find out that one of our dive buddies, a Japanese woman, had gone missing and we later found out that she had drowned. (I will refrain from naming this person for reasons of privacy). As divers, we had enthralled each other with tales of derring-do-at-depth, we laughed together at every given opportunity, but now we bandied together as a team and with a serious and empathic set to our faces, watched as the woman’s body was recovered to the ship by the dive masters who without hesitation donned their equipment and dropped into the icy water to do what they had to do. It was an awful experience for the ship’s crew and expedition staff and passengers underway on their trip of a lifetime; for the divers, it reiterated the dangers of our sport, the extreme nature of polar diving and the importance of knowing your ability and equipment, carrying out your drills and looking after your buddy – although, I should point out, it is as yet unknown the cause of this accident. Each of us would most certainly dive the next day – it was what we came here to do – and the fact that our dive leaders were able to compartmentalise such a tragedy and remain in professional mode at the pre-dive briefing in the morning was a credit to them, Oceanwide Expeditions and the scuba diving profession.

Day 5 – Wednesday 13th March 2013

Position at 08.00: 64°40.35’S, 062°37.8’W

Weather: North north westerly wind, 4 knots; clear; slight sea; 0°C

Cuverville Island – Neko Harbour

Wow! What a day. We were seriously in the Antarctic now. I won’t bore you with statistics, facts and descriptions of the snowy, mountainous, iceberg-and-ice-packed region enveloping us – mainly because everything here looks the same … absolutely stunning and awe-inspiring. Already, before breakfast, we had sightings of Humpback Whales, the Loch Ness Monster, Jaws II and ET – although, to be honest, I seriously doubted some of these claims, as Humpbacks can easily be mistaken with Minkes.

In the morning, a few of us kayaked around magnificent icebergs, each with their own unique sculpting by both wind and water, some like giant ice creams with a golf-ball finish to them, some like giant golf balls with an ice cream finish to them, and others with a tooth-scraped ‘Whose been at the cheese in the fridge?’ effect; all the time with the ear-splitting sound of ‘carving’ ice shelves falling in tons into the frozen ocean around us and Pete’s protective shrieks of ‘Come back! You’re not supposed to kayak on top of that!’

Dr. Jan Love … Great Friend … Great Dive Buddy … Great Kayaker!

That afternoon came the dive of all dives as we carried out our buddy checks before dropping into the sapphire-blue water of Neko Harbour. Highlight of the dive was Matt tapping me on the snorkel to point out a school of penguins shooting past … closely pursued by a pod of Killer Whales, a Blue Whale, a Polar Bear and the entire cast of Finding Nemo … although my memory is getting blurred in old age and Matt is prone to exaggeration, particularly when discussing the Ashes.

No Words!

In the evening, we danced to the tunes of Bob Marley and Michael Jackson on the afterdeck and enjoyed a veritable barbecued banquet with drinks courtesy of the ship’s crew before setting forth on a camping trip to experience sleeping in the sub-zero temperatures of Paradise Bay in just a bivvy bag. I was delighted to be joined by Matt (complete with horses head – a long story) and Nico from Taiwan and Philip, an ‘extreme’ artist from Ireland who went on to paint icebergs underwater in only 3mm surfing gloves and oils. Lying under the stars of the Southern Hemisphere, with a view across the inky-black water to see Plancius lit up in all her majesty, it was the slumber party to beat all others – particularly as I wore my supremely warm and comfortable polar-diving thermals – and it provided us with the perfect opportunity to discuss important expedition issues such as how to prevent frostbite, what to feed a Husky and whether Dirty Den will ever return to Eastenders. The next morning, as we woke up under a foot of snow from a deep sleep, there were complaints of dancing, laughing and snoring coming from our side of the cove – I dispute these claims. I never snore.

DAY 6 – Thursday, 14th March 2013

Position at 08.00: 64°53.3’S, 062°51.9’ W

Weather: Southerly wind 1 knot; snow; calm sea; +1°C.

Almirante Brown (Paradise Bay) – Lemaire Channel –

Booth Island (Port Charcot)

Just after breakfast the land-based explorers were invited to don their rubber gear and apply Vaseline to any exposed parts and go and visit an Argentinian research base named Almirante Brown, while us divers got the instruction to go and dig out our Zodiacs and scuba gear from under two feet of snow that had settled overnight on the upper foredeck. Buddied up with Lynn, (male) a physicist from the USA, we dived along a wall that dropped off a hundred or so more metres below us, the sub-freezing water temperature no more an issue in our first-rate equipment – Waterproof dry suit from Sweden, Fourth Element undersuit and Northern Diver dry gloves – than any dive we’ve done back home – in fact, I’m always colder in the tropics. What was an issue, however, was when reaching a depth eighteen metres, just beginning to enjoy sea anemones and an alien-like thirty-seven-legged starfish, I started to breath in the coldest water the planet has to offer. Having taken in three lungful’s and ridding myself of the possibility that I might have a spare set of gills like Kevin Costner in Waterworld, I came to the conclusion that something was seriously wrong and I was drowning. Raising a hand to my mouth I soon found out part of the problem – I had no regulator in it, only the rubber mouthpiece which for reasons beyond me at the time had separated from the main unit containing the all-important air supply. Hesitantly, I switched to my reserve, all the time wondering if it too had suffered the same fate, which for all I knew could have been anything from a cold-water implosion to a Leopard Seal’s breakfast. Fortunately, it worked, and I was able to tap Lynn on the shoulder and give the ‘let’s ascend’ thumbs-up sign followed by a two-armed wave on the surface to Johan in the Zodiac, a signal no diver ever wants to give. Johan was right on the ball and zoomed in to pick us up, and once in the boat I could see what the problem had been – the plastic tie holding the mouthpiece to the Apeks regulator had shattered in the bitterly cold water.

I paid a lot of money for that regulator!

Unperturbed, we set out that afternoon for Booth Island to dive around an iceberg, the dive guides taking great care to choose us one that had no chance of rolling over. To say it was the experience of a lifetime would be an understatement, although with the morning’s shenanigans in the back of my mind and the fresh water coming off the berg to mix with the salt it was more buoyancy than beauty that occupied our thoughts for the first fifteen minutes of the dive. Lynn and I bobbed up and down like two yo-yos that had had a falling out, all the time gazing down through the turquoise water into the black abyss below. At one point for a photo, I tried to grab a hold of the monster to steady myself, only to find out that ice must be the slipperiest substance known to man. But after a time we were able to relax, get some great shots, and appreciate the exquisite sculpting of this creation and the indescribable aura emanating from it.

Day 7 – Friday 15th March 2013

Position at 08.00: 66°32.6’S 69°28.9’W

Weather: East north east wind 5knots; snow; moderate sea; +1°C

Crossing the Polar Circle – Detaille Island

This was the moment we had all been waiting for – the one we had paid a significant amount more money to experience … crossing the South Polar Circle to follow in the footsteps (or should I say wake) of all those intrepid explorers that had gone before – Shackelton, Scott, Amundsen … and Ben Fogle. It had been a tentative few days, as due to the death of our fellow explorer no one knew whether we might have to cut the trip short and head back north to repatriate her body. Not one person would have complained if that had turned out to be the decision the company made, our thoughts were with her family back in Japan, but it’s a strange sort of credit to her and her loved ones that as she lay at rest she enabled us all to accomplish the dream of a lifetime. Thank you is not enough to express our gratitude – gutted, was the look on everyone’s faces as Kelvin led us into a two-minute silence later that day.

Just after breakfast, as the Bridge announced ‘66°33’44’’S’ a massive cheer went up and we raised a glass of champagne to toast our achievement, our environment, the crew and expedition staff, and, of course, the good ship Plancius.

South Polar Circle – Cheers!

As the Exploradores de la Tierra went ashore at Detaille Island to witness an old research base that was abandoned in a hurry – clothes still hanging up, ashtrays full and cupboards still stocked with tins of food, passing Weddell and Crabeater Seals as they did – Lynn and I back-rolled of the Zodiac into the crystal-clear water of the South Polar Circle to fulfil our lifelong goal.

Polar Exploration – Love it or Hate it!

We met up at the front of the boat and then finned our way over to the nearby cliff face and a fifty-metre drop-off. After a few seconds to gather our thoughts and do a second ‘final’ equipment check, we gave each other the OK sign followed by a thumbs down and then slid slowly beneath the surface into the minus 2 deep below us. It was an amazing moment, the culmination of the previous days’ build-up and events, the culmination of a lifetime of aspiration, the culmination of being part of a dive group that were achieving the ultimate and doing it as a team.  I won’t bore you with we saw down there – to be honest, you don’t understand an awful lot unless you’re brushed up on marine biology and geology. My dive log just says ‘Polar Circle. Wall’. It’s all it needs to say.

Lynn – Great Dive Buddy!

In fact, I won’t bore you with the intricate day-to-day details of the five-day journey home; I think I’ve said enough and that the photos say more than I can. Except that a huge and hospitable experience was a visit to the Ukrainian ‘Vernadsky’ research base – where the 11-month-long team of scientists treated us to a glass of moonshine, the most-southerly game of pool I will ever play and stamps in our passports and dive logs.

Chris Thrall – Bestselling Author, Polar Diver … Mediocre Pool Player!

That watching a pod of Orcas – Killer Whales – take down an Arnoux’s Beaked Whale over the course of two hours was a sight not too many people ever get to see.

Orcas

That snorkelling with a Leopard Seal as it devoured a penguin isn’t something I will forget in a hurry – especially as I got a few seconds of video.

‘RIGHT’ CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO OF SEAL-ON-AUTHOR ACTION!

Photo Copyright of Jerry Sutton 2013

That being attacked by a fur seal as we explored an ancient Norwegian whaling station was a real bonus.

‘RIGHT’ CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO OF SEAL-ON-AUTHOR ACTION!

That winning the pub quiz as ‘The Plunging Professors’ was a super end to the trip.

The Plunging Professors!

That sinking a few more beers et al with my cabin mates – Matt, Vadim, Mirek – along with Tom and Jenny and Steve and Susan from the USA, Bjorn from Finland, an awesome dive team – Jan, Philip, Philippe, Jen, Kim, Duncan, Hiroya, Matt, Lynn, John, Jason, Yolly, Johan, Jerry (dive guide), Erin (dive guide) – and all the other expedition members, staff and ship’s crew I had the pleasure of spending time with made the journey all the more worth it.

Let’s Dive!

However, what I will say is this: If you are reading this as a diver or non-diver, you have to visit Antarctica. Start chucking your spare change into a glass jar, because I and 100 other explorers promise you it will be worth it.

This is Antarctica. This is the South Polar Circle … and we were here.

Thank you for reading.

Chris Thrall is the bestselling author of the memoir Eating Smoke: One Man’s Descent into Drug Psychosis in Hong Kong’s Triad Heartland

Wish You were Here!

 
Eating Smoke: One Man’s Descent into Drug Psychosis in Hong Kong’s Triad Heartland – a memoir
 

 
Not too many Royal Marines end up in crystal meth psychosis and working for the Hong Kong triads – I think that’s enough!

On next week’s Blog Hop please check out what the following Writers have to offer:

 Keith McMullen – Author of How to Please the Opposite Sex

Jane Houng – Author of Bloodswell

How to write a memoir … procrastination to print made simple

www.christhrall.com

 Introduction

First off, I don’t profess to be an expert. But I did put together a 230,000-word manuscript in six months with only a high school qualification in English. Then having taught myself how to improve my writing and editing I figured a way to get a publisher to approach me – rather than the other way around. So this humble advice is for those of you who, like me with Eating Smoke, have a story you want to tell but limited knowledge on how to go about telling it, let alone seeing it through to print.

On writing – an important lesson

I was encouraged to retake high school English by a colleague I served with in the Royal Marines. Having completed a correspondence course, he said, ‘It’s easy, Chris. Passing the English exam is not about how much you know but the way you put it across.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, it’s like this. We were asked to write an essay about someone in prison. I could have written: “The prisoner sat in his cell …”’

‘Uh-huh …’

‘But what I wrote was: “Beams of sunshine poured through the cell’s tiny, barred window, ricocheting around the room, filling the cold stone chamber with light, supplying the prisoner’s heart with hope and freedom.”’

‘Ahhh! I see! You mean you put the reader in the story!’

‘Exactly!’ said my friend, with a grin.

Not only did his impromptu English lesson make more sense than any I’d attended at school, but it earned me straight As for the first three assignments I posted off, with a note attached to the fourth feedback informing me I should take the English exam right away instead of seeing the year-long course through. I did and passed it, and that’s the only experience I had of learning English before writing Eating Smoke sixteen years later.

The aim of this free download e-book

The aim of this free download e-book is to encourage you to go from procrastination to completion of your manuscript with easy-to-understand instruction and by adopting a pragmatic approach, allowing you insight into the art of good writing as you progress. It is not intended to be a comprehensive grammar, punctuation and stylistic guide. There is an abundance of these already available in the marketplace that you will naturally wish to invest in as the writing bug takes hold.

Getting started

1. Work out the time-frame when you write your memoir or autobiography

Work out which part of your story the target audience will want to read about. This may sound obvious, but you should decide if you’re writing a memoir – a period in your life – or an autobiography – your life story. This will help you to keep focussed and save time on editing.

2. Understand the role backstory plays

Backstory is your history – everything that has taken place in your life until now. Backstory can add valuable insight into your character(s), but it can also sidetrack the reader and become boring. If you are writing a biography, it’s all going to be backstory. If you are writing a book entitled My Month in Tibet, then backstory isn’t going to play such a prominent role. Either way, backstory doesn’t need to be volumes; nor does it have to be set out in chronological order like a diary or journal. You can take snippets of appropriate backstory and slot them into the manuscript at pertinent moments.

*Example from Eating Smoke

I picked up the receiver and heard Sarah’s voice for the first time in what seemed ages. It must have been close to midnight back in the UK – maybe she’d had a drink and got a bit sentimental.

Nineteen when we met in the club in Plymouth, we went out together for three years …

3. Make a list

Spend time typing up everything you can remember that you feel is relative to your memoir. This might require some research and should include incidents, events, characters, conversations, relationships and appropriate backstory. Get it all down, in no particular order, and then arrange these key recollections into a rough timeline of events using cut and paste. Then you have to be ruthless with the delete button by applying a rule of thumb.

Note. If you spend a couple of evenings making your list over a glass or two of your favourite tipple, you’ll find that embarking on a memoir is easier than you thought. Not only is this a fun way to go about it but you’ll leave the ‘I’m-thinking-of-writing-a-book’ mindset and join the ‘I’m-writing-a-book’ one.

4. A rule of thumb

 A rule of thumb is to leave out narrative that doesn’t take the story forward by adding to the understanding of your character(s), the situation you are describing or the outcome of events. This includes irrelevant anecdotes, unnecessary backstory and other off-subject matter. In short, no one needs to know your favourite colour or read about the kid who had a crush on you in high school (unless it adds to the understanding of your character(s), the situation you are describing or the outcome of events) but they might like to learn that falling out of a tree as a child gave you a fear of heights if your story is about conquering Mount Everest.

5. Write a prologue

Even if you don’t intend to have a prologue, I’d suggest writing a short one. You can always delete it later. The reason being, it’s an easy way to slip into the writing process. It will give you an idea of what your story’s focus and selling point is and you can show it to friends and start getting feedback as a ‘writer’. Tailor your prologue to suit your type of book. Short and to the point appears to be the current trend.* A bit of humour can work, too.

* If at all – hence, you can delete it later.

*Here is the prologue to Eating Smoke

In 2004, I worked in a mental health unit. People often asked, ‘How can you stand it with all those nutters?’ I’d quote from the textbook: ‘It’s a misunderstood condition affecting one in four people at some stage in their lives.’ I never told the real reason. I worried that knowledge might confuse them.

You see, in 1996, I went mad.

Now, this isn’t necessarily as bad as it sounds. The UK has plenty of systems in place to help people who throw wobblers – doctors, medicine, hospitals, not to mention Incapacity Benefit and God. Unfortunately, these comforts were in short supply when it happened to me. Therefore, I must warn you: If your mind is planning on playing an away game, taking a sabbatical or simply f##### off, don’t for Christ’s sake let it happen while working as a nightclub doorman in Hong Kong’s red-light district …

6. Consider making the first chapter the ‘hook’

If you’re not an A-list celebrity with a top-notch publicity team behind you, you might want to make your first chapter the ‘hook’ – a harrowing, pertinent or exciting moment – to engage readers, agents, publishers and yourself.

*Here are the opening lines from Eating Smoke

The Man in the Mirror …

I STARED INTO THE LARGEST SHARD of blood-splashed glass.

‘Do I know you?’

‘You’ve never known him at all…’

Sitting on the filthy concrete, I convulsed occasionally and whimpered like a sick dog. I hadn’t slept for days, the crystal meth pulsing through my veins denying all refuge from the madness enveloping me.

Now that the anger had passed, I found myself suspended in a ghostly calm, trying to focus my mind and piece together a life as fragmented as the mirror I’d smashed. I needed to make sense of what happened and put a stop to the Voice.

I leant forward, slowly, to examine the claw marks in my scalp and a haunted face I hardly recognised.

‘Is this me?’

The only thing still familiar was the eyes – although now they were bloodshot and yellow with pupils raging deep and menacing. I wondered if these black abysses could dilate further, triumphing over the turquoise rings around them, heralding the madness had claimed my soul.

Get writing!

 7. Get writing!

Pick the first event in your timeline and write about it. Ask yourself, ‘Does this anecdote take the story forward or add special interest to it?’ But most of all, WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! Go for it! Get as many words down on paper as you can every day. Before you know it, you will have a manuscript. Don’t worry about getting it perfect, as you’ll glean a lot from books, Internet sites and your own intuition as you progress. You can then employ your newfound knowledge in the editing process when it all starts to make more sense.

8. Setting the scene

Introduce the sights, sounds, smells and atmosphere of major locations so the reader feels as if they are in your shoes. You can include a few facts to add depth such as geography, weather, history, language and local statistics – but don’t overdo it! In the sub-scenes, your descriptions can be brief – … the nightclub had an underground feel to it … – or you can leave them out altogether as most people can picture a cheap motel, a modern hospital or a local police station. Don’t forget to say how the scene affected you on a personal level: I stood there wide-eyed … full of hurt … filled with a sense of trepidation … couldn’t wait to explore more …

*Examples from Eating Smoke

I STEPPED OUT OF THE STATION into Mong Kok, the most heavily populated square mile on the planet, and began to make my way past the myriad of shops and businesses lining Nathan Road. This six-lane highway stems the length of Kowloon’s sky-scraped peninsula like a main artery flowing with corpuscles of bright red taxis.

As I steered a course through what seemed a frenetic mass of pedestrians, I soon realised it wasn’t the people that were chaotic – they moved surprisingly slowly – it was the surroundings. The sights, sounds and smells of Cantonese culture and exchange bombarded my senses as elaborate façades sold everything from Rolex watches to dried tiger penis, steam poured out of noodle shops and a cacophony of traffic noise complemented the vivid clashing colours of signs anchored to the buildings’ lower walls.

*Rick’s Café was a nouveau-style cocktail bar on Jaffe Road, just around the corner from the Big Apple and Joe Bananas on Luard.

*The look of utter shock on their faces said it all. I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing.

9. Introducing characters

For characters that feature briefly in the story, you don’t need to sacrifice valuable page space describing them in detail. Instead, you can say … he looked the part of a vagrant … she had the fashion sense of a bingo queen, and so forth. When introducing key figures you can give a brief outline of height, weight, clothes, hair, face and demeanour – but don’t make it too clinical. A short, squat chap with curly brown hair, he dressed in a cheap suit and had a smile that made me feel welcome is sufficient in the first instance, allowing the readers to conjure up their own image of the person. In subsequent liaisons, you can drop in the … narrow brown eyes … and … humble personality. Avoid the trite … strong jaw … a figure to die for … a thousand-yard stare. Equally, if not more, important is to highlight subtle nuances such as … he couldn’t look me in the eye … I smelt alcohol on his breath … her grin spoke volumes as the manuscript progresses and the characters come into their own.

*Examples from Eating Smoke

*As I went to board the bus, an overly made-up crone, stinking of cheap booze and dressed like an Eastern Bloc prostitute, thrust a business card at me.

*When I arrived the next day, one of them, a short stocky chap with curly fair hair, was already at his desk. He stood up immediately and with an idiotic grin spreading a ridiculous amount of freckles, and flashing sky-blue eyes, bounded over like an excited puppy.

*As he looked at me, contempt radiating from his narrow eyes, the finality of my situation slammed home…

*Still looking away, he muttered, barely perceptibly, ‘I think the world of you, Chris.’

Another point to consider here is that introducing too many characters will complicate your story and dilute its pace. You may wish to amalgamate two or three lesser players into one to make your memoir more readable. However, if you decide to do this you must state so in the author’s notes!

10. Introducing dialogue

Dialogue not only adds a dimension of realism to your work but it provides valuable insight into your character(s), their motivation and the direction your story takes. However, there is a knack to writing realistic speech,* but for the first draft just write it as it comes to you and edit it later.

* See the section on ‘Dialogue’ below

The personal touch

11. Narration

It’s your story, or the person’s you’re writing, so people should experience it from that perspective. As you narrate, don’t forget to include your thoughts, feelings and observations so the reader can see how a particular scene affects you and subsequently relates to the outcome of events.

*Example from Eating Smoke

‘Those two, Duncan…’ – I swelled with pride – ‘…are the best DJs in the world!’

I had a feeling, there and then, that I wouldn’t be in that job much longer.

12. Be creative

Remember, you’re not telling the facts; you’re describing the scene. You’re not regurgitating the tale diary fashion; you’re putting the reader in the story.

*Example from Eating Smoke

When I got outside, chuck the box I did – but not in the skip. I couldn’t give a backflip in Beijing where that thing ended up. All I had in my mind was sprinting down the alley. I think it cut through all the blocks and would eventually get me home.

‘They’re waiting for you…’

I checked myself.

The pitch-black of the alley was a real contrast to the dazzling disco lights of a moment before, the sounds of booming beats and rapturous vocals fused with fever-pitched conversation a distant memory as I stealthily made my way down it expecting to see a chopping blade glint in the moonlight at any moment.

13. Do you need an original take?

With so many people putting their experiences into print, should you employ a writing style that makes your memoir unique? How about narrating the story from the perspective of a pet or writing it as a series of letters to people you are close to, or incorporating internal dialogue?

*Example from Eating Smoke

I was shaking, my heart pounding a mass of drug-and-fear-induced adrenaline through my veins to send me high up to a place I’d never been before … a place where I was able to look down from above the rooftops and see a young man way below I felt strangely akin to … threading his way through a tunnel laden with suffocating menace … violent killers … laired mutants … bonded by a web of horror and permeated by the terror … and it wasn’t until I neared the end of the second alleyway that I felt myself coming back down, like returning from an out-of-body experience, yet still as frantic as ever.

14. Be humorous

Adding in the occasional witticism can make even an everyday tale interesting to read. It can render your character(s) more likeable and add an element of levity to otherwise dark situations. Dry wit seems to work well in non-fiction, but it has to come naturally – don’t force it.

*Example from Eating Smoke

He puffed out his pigeon chest and waddled across the room towards me. With his feet pointing outwards, he looked like a fat duck with a grievance.

15. Be truthful 

As a first-time writer keen to secure a publishing deal you might be tempted to ‘expand’ on the truth. It didn’t harm James Frey’s career at all. But in the Internet age exposure is highly likely. Could you live with this reputation? If you present your story honestly with an engaging narrative, fabrication won’t be necessary. Alternately, you can state in the author’s note that certain incidents have been dramatised for the readers’ enjoyment.

16. Be yourself

As human beings, we often share certain thought, fears, aspirations and prejudices – at least to a certain extent. Being honest about these can bring your reader closer, seeing them tune in to you and more empathic to your experience. However, this doesn’t mean you have to disclose every private detail, and don’t write anything that might be overly offensive to minority groups – religion, ethnicity, disability, for example. Keep some things back for yourself; otherwise, you may regret it when you see it in print.

*Example from Eating Smoke

As he walked off up a short flight of stairs to retrieve the records that would show me to be a total fraud, I turned and fled the scene, feeling wretched that I’d tried to cheat this hardworking man.

Editing

17. How many edits?

‘How many times should I edit my work?’ The answer is ‘As many times as necessary.’ Obviously, you will keep back-up copies of the manuscript, so you can always change it back again.

The first edit

18. Pare it down!

This is the best advice I received when editing Eating Smoke. Did you ever end up writing a 3,000-word essay when the required word count was 1,500? You then had to delete duplicate and surplus material and cut twenty-word sentences down to ten and generally get rid of your own ego. It’s the same with a manuscript. Imagine you are panning for gold. It’s tempting to scoop up a load of pebbles, grit and sand from the riverbed and say, ‘It’s in there somewhere, so I’m keeping it all!’ But it’s not until you’ve carefully washed away the redundant matter that the true value shines. In the first edit, be ruthless and apply the rule of thumb. Streamline your work by removing any text that doesn’t add interest to the storyline or take it forward by giving insight into your character(s), and scenes and the outcome of events, such as irrelevant anecdotes, unnecessary backstory and off-subject matter.

The second, third, fourth … edit

 Here are some examples of what you can do to polish your manuscript, thus making it concise, smooth flowing and readable.

19. Avoid pre-emptive statements

If you are telling your story as it happened and you want it to be fast-paced and suspense-filled, avoid justifying your position by saying If only I’d known at this point … Looking back, I should have … Knowing what I know now … This can be irritating. You didn’t know it then so let the story play out in its own time.

20. Avoid the obvious

He sat ‘down’ in an ‘empty’ chair in the corner.

He sat in a chair in the corner.

21. Avoid repetition

‘I’ woke up ‘and’ ‘I’ put the kettle on ‘and’ ‘I’ made a cup of coffee.

Upon waking, I put the kettle on and made some coffee

Word repetition can appear ugly and amateurish, not only in sentences but in paragraphs, chapters and even whole books, depending on the commonness of the word in question. Is, for example, can be used three times in a sentence without drawing attention to itself. Whereas words like bland you wouldn’t want to use twice in a chapter and ubiquitous you’d only want to use once in a manuscript. The same goes for certain phrases you might be in the habit of using without even realising it.

Needless to say …

The fact that …

If in doubt, use your software’s ‘Find’ function to check your usage.

22. Avoid unnecessary adverbs

He hurled his dinner plate across the room ‘angrily’.

He hurled his dinner plate across the room.

Better still:

As the dinner plate shattered against the wall, his flushed face said it all.

23. Avoid dangling participles

Sitting on the veranda, a man jumped into his car.

Or did you mean:

Sitting on the veranda, ‘I saw’ a man jump into his car.

24. Avoid excessive adjectives

A super-fast, black, sleek-lined, turbo-powered, six-litre sports car

Better:

A black sports car

In black, it was a petrol-heads’ dream

A top-of-the-range black BMW

Dialogue

25. Create realistic and to-the-point dialogue

‘Hello, John. How are you?’ asked David.

‘I’m fine, thank you, David,’ replied John.

‘And how are the family?’

‘They’re okay.’

‘I’m glad I bumped into you. I’ve been meaning to catch up with

you for a while as I wanted to know how the new job was going.’

Better:

Pleasantries over, ‘How’s everything going?’ asked David.

‘Fine, mate, thanks.

26. Remove redundant dialogue tags

Only use a dialogue tag when it would be unclear who is speaking without one. The ‘replied John’ in the example above is unnecessary, as it’s obvious that it is John speaking.

27. Use said, replied or asked in dialogue

Avoid the use of retorted, responded, inquired, interjected, etc, in dialogue, as these are overkill and can sound amateurish. Use said in most cases (and only if you need to clarify who is speaking). You can use replied or asked sparingly, too, to avoid unsightly repetition on the page.

28. Accents

Being true to indigenous speech can add authenticity to your work, but don’t overdo it or it may become patronising and hard to wade through. Just add in the odd hint on certain words. Be consistent with each character and make sure it sounds realistic. YouTube is a wonderful medium for getting accents down to a tee.

*Example from Eating Smoke of a conversation with a Chinese man

Benny took a conspiratorial glance all around before continuing in almost a whisper. ‘You know, Quiss (Chris), when I was’a young boy, juss finish school, juss statted working, I live in a village long way from here. Sma’ village, not like Hong Kong.’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘One day, I get sick … with the fever. You know the fever? … The one from the fish?’

‘Hepatitis?’

‘Yeah yeah! This the one. Hepatitis. Well, I have the hepatitis an’ I cannot even to get out of bed, you know? A’m so sick that my mother have to wash me, feed me. Cannot get out of bed for three month’a?’

‘Uh-huh. Go on.’

Getting it right

29. Choose your words carefully

Would you really snatch a (sharp) knife out of someone’s hand – or would you prise it from them?

Would you run though a door – or through a doorway?

30. Structure your paragraphs respectively

As with a manuscript and its chapters, paragraphs generally have an introduction followed by information and then closure.

*Example from Eating Smoke

I’d been reading up on the way that drug rings operated in Hong Kong in a book I found in the junk room. At some point during its estranged life, it had lost its front cover, so I didn’t know its title. But poring over the information inside was fascinating nonetheless.

31. Paragraph length

As a rule, a paragraph should end when the story switches focus. In an action-packed narrative, they can be short – sometimes a single line – like commentary during a tennis match. If it’s a descriptive piece or deep inner thought, they can be longer, up to a page. In dialogue, begin a new paragraph when each person speaks.

*Examples from Eating Smoke

I locked myself in a cubicle, but just as I had it all sorted and was taking a first inhale of the sweet-tasting fumes, I realised I wasn’t alone.

I could hear footsteps …

There was a knock on the door …

My heart stopped …

‘Let us in!’ whispered Laurel.

‘Jaldi! Jaldi!’ whispered Hardy.

‘You freakin’ idiots!’ I hissed as loudly as I dared.

*I think burning the candle at both ends would be the euphemism I’d use to describe my Hong Kong experience, thus far, to family and friends – but trussing said candle up in dynamite, wrapping it with Semtex, soaking it for a month in a cocktail of rocket fuel and ether before hurling it into a flaming volcanic pit would be a slight more truthful. But international phone calls being the price they were and ignorance being blissful, the ‘both ends’ thing would be better for all concerned.

32. Punctuation and grammar

If you are unsure about punctuation and grammar, invest in a guidebook and learn the basic rules alongside the editing process. When you get to a sticking point in your sentence or paragraph construction, if your book don’t cover it, you can visit the growing number of Internet forums and websites to find your answer. The instruction may seem daunting and hard to grasp initially, but stick at it and you will become proficient.

33. Vocabulary

Use the word that comes to mind if it does the job. Being overly scholarly in your selection can look out of place and seem as if you are trying too hard. Remember you are telling a story not writing an academic paper. You don’t want to frustrate the reader. But in order to avoid repetition and demonstrate a reasonable grasp of the English – or other – language, you should make good use of a dictionary and thesaurus. There are many available online.

34. Similes

Similes can be a great way of introducing humour and conjuring up a picture in the readers mind, but avoid the clichéd … he ate like a pig … and … as white as a sheet. Be original. Have some fun thinking up your own, but make sure the subject and simile match!

*Example from Eating Smoke

The Chinese bodybuilders all stood like Easter Island statues staring across the sea to a far rising sun.

35. Anonymity

As a courtesy, seek permission from individuals and organizations before naming them in print. If you’re disclosing potentially sensitive or defamatory information, substitute names, places and other identifying material with pseudonyms and/or paraphrasing where possible. In the age of online networking, search engines and Facebook reunion groups, you should assume that anyone still alive that you write about will get to hear about your book. The last thing you want is a lawsuit after all your efforts.

36. Seeking copyright

When it comes to using others’ material – song lyrics, film script, lines from books, etc, – you will need to obtain permission from the rights holder. However, you can use a small sample under ‘Fair Use’ policy. Your publisher can advise you on this, but you are ultimately responsible under the law.

37. Taking advice

It can be rewarding to get feedback from family and friends, but bear in mind that they might not risk hurting your feelings or be best qualified to spot your errors. A better way to get constructive criticism is to upload your opening chapters to a website where you meet fellow writers and critique each others’ work with a view to accumulating enough ‘points’ to attract the interest of a publisher. You might also consider contacting an author published in your genre and ask if they would be kind enough to read your first chapters. You’ll be surprised at how supportive they will be and their advice can improve your work immeasurably – or see them forward it to their publisher!

38. On Writing

I would strongly advise you to get hold of a copy of Stephen King’s On Writing. I bought the audio edition and listened to it repeatedly during car journeys while editing Eating Smoke. As well as imbibing the art of creative writing from a master, I was pleasantly surprised how much of Stephen’s instruction I had worked out myself.

Getting published

39. The back door

Search for books on Amazon in the same genre as yours. Buy a selection and then visit the authors’ websites to get their email addresses. Send a short and polite message to say you have started reading their book and wondered if they would be kind enough to read of your first two chapters. (This is why you should consider making your opening passage the ‘hook’. You don’t have to. It might not suit your type of memoir. But it worked for me). I contacted two published authors. The first gave me invaluable advice on restructuring my manuscript; the second arranged a publishing deal on my behalf.

40. The traditional route

When taking the traditional route, unless you are completely confident in your writing and editing ability or your story is guaranteed to sell more books than a Chilean miner, your manuscript should be polished by an editor before submission, one that suits your budget and is willing to work in partnership. Your relationship with an editor will involve compromise – but don’t be pressured into accepting amendments you strongly disagree with. Editors are only human and won’t always share your experience and humour or understand why a word, sentence or paragraph plays a key part in the overall story.

41. Approaching an agent or publisher

You can approach a publisher directly but the larger houses usually only accept manuscripts via an agency. The Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook (UK) lists many such organizations along with their submission guidelines. Your cover letter should be brief, explaining what your memoir is about, why it suits a particular audience and what makes you qualified or sufficiently experienced to tell it. Include a synopsis that it short and to the point and your first three chapters, unbound with 1.5-spaced lines. Make sure to visit the agent or publisher’s website for their exact requirements and don’t ask them to proofread your work. It shouldn’t need it at this stage!

42. Be tenacious

Agents and publishers are busy people. If you haven’t received a reply, it does not mean your book is a no-goer. Follow up your submission by telephone and if unsuccessful ask the reason(s) why.

43. Generate a book ‘buzz’

You might consider starting a Facebook page, Twitter account and blog or signing up to a writers’ website to create interest in your work – but keep in mind that a thousand-or-so people ‘liking’ your book page does not necessarily mean it is marketable. Another option could be to release your memoir as an e-book to generate sales to show you have an audience. Bear in mind that with ever-decreasing marketing budgets, publishers appreciate authors who are willing to do all it takes to promote their own books. But don’t press this as your selling point.

44. Good luck!

I hope my humble advice explains how to write a memoir and spurs you on to start that story you’ve been meaning to write – or contains some tips to support the one you have begun. It may not all be relevant to your non-fiction piece – and others may have different views – but it worked for me. If you would like to see the above put into practice, pick up a copy of Eating Smoke. I look forward to reading your memoir.

Thank you for reading

Resources

45. Books

Eating Smoke

Penguin Guide to Punctuation

Penguin Writer’s Manual

Oxford Paperback Thesaurus

On Writing

Writing Realistic Dialogue

World Wide Rave

The Writer’s and Artist’s Yearbook

46. Websites

www.christhrall.com

www.christhrall.com/blog

www.youwriteon.com

www.roget.org

www.wikipedia.org

www.grammarbook.com

www.urbandictionary.com

www.grammar-monster.com

www.thefreedictionary.com

www.writing-world.com

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_use

47. Networking

www.facebook.com/eatingsmoke

www.facebook.com/christhrallauthor

www.twitter.com/chris_thrall

www.plus.google.com/106402810085484857901

www.uk.linkedin.com/in/christhrall

www.goodreads.com/christhrall

www.youtube.com/christhrallauthor

- a review of My Secret Life: A Memoir of Bulimia by Leanne Waters

I found this book to be exceptional, for so many reasons it’s hard to articulate in this short piece.

Leanne’s writing style is up there with the best, descriptive, articulate and richly metaphorical; the recall of her experience so detailed – as only the memory of someone who has been through extreme trauma can be.

Leanne takes you through the phases of bulimia, from the socio-psychological foundations of this condition – for example, the bullying at school – to the ‘fasting’, ‘binging’, ‘purging’ and ‘recovery’ that then plays out – each stage intricately narrated for the readers understanding and at the respective pace.

You find yourself so in-tune with Leanne’s story and so fond of her personality that you wonder how in our society this self-denunciation could be allowed to happen, or to go unseen – particularly brought home as Leanne details hiding her bulimia from all those around her

My favourite line is the book is “But let’s not get ahead of ourselves now” and the most touching part for me is when her friends stand fast to support her recovery.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is invented. The Girl with the Eating Disorder is real life. Take your pick … I know which book added more to my life …

Chris Thrall is the author of Eating Smoke: One Man’s Descent into Drug Psychosis in Hong Kong’s Triad Heartland– a bestselling true story

www.christhrall.com

www.facebook.com/eatingsmoke

Amazon US

Amazon UK

Amazon signed copy of Eating Smoke and signed author photo

Wordjazz for Stevie is Jonathan Chamberlain’s deep and moving tribute to his late eight-year-old daughter, a candid and beautifully written soliloquy born out of the pain of loss but conveying hope, love, happiness and insight.

Stevie arrives in the world when expat Jonathan and his Chinese wife are living on a quiet island off Hong Kong. Although shocked to learn Stevie has Down syndrome, Jonathan and Bern immediately accept the additional challenges this presents, challenges that increase significantly when an operation to close a hole in Stevie’s heart goes horribly wrong, starving her of oxygen and resulting in severe disability. Towards the end of Stevie’s short-but-delight-giving years, little does Jonathan know her failing health is not the only major life-changing event on the horizon.

Wordjazz for Stevie is a remarkable testament to the human spirit, friendship and integrity. Penned with fondness and gratitude, it will appeal to anyone who has faced hardship or prejudice, love and loss, or can relate to bureaucracy and social/cultural difference whether at home or abroad. But putting the textbooks aside, it’s simply a touching and enlightening story that should inspire all who read it.

And if you’re wondering why I choose this title for my review, I opened the book at random and this is what I saw.

Chris Thrall is the author of Eating Smoke: One Man’s Descent into Drug Psychosis in Hong Kong’s Triad Heartland– a bestselling true story

www.christhrall.com

www.facebook.com/eatingsmoke

Amazon US

Amazon UK

Amazon signed copy of Eating Smoke and signed author photo

Having read two of Jonathan Chamberlain’s memoirs – King Hui about a Hong Kong playboy and Wordjazz for Stevie, a touching tribute to Jonathan’s late daughter who was born profoundly handicapped – I was really looking forward to reading ‘The Alphabet of Vietnam’ and seeing how Jonathan turns his hand to fiction. I was more than impressed. It is an exceptional piece of writing, well researched, one that explores the light and dark in every ‘man’s’ soul in a refreshingly unapologetic manner.

The story unfolds through a series of skillfully interwoven narratives: Two psychotic – or perhaps completely sane – Vietnam veterans who bring their sick war games home with them. A brother who comes to question all he believes in an attempt to do what is right. A return to modern-day Vietnam that explores US war crimes and the country’s rich history and culture through a series of cleverly though out vignettes.

‘And then there is love – and love is complicated …’

What a great book!

Chris Thrall is the author of Eating Smoke: One Man’s Descent into Drug Psychosis in Hong Kong’s Triad Heartland – a bestselling true story.

By AMY JONES The Sun

WHEN handsome young Marine Chris Thrall left the Forces to move to Hong Kong, he expected to make his fortune.

But within months he was homeless, alone and fighting an enemy more dangerous than anything he faced serving his country — crystal meth.

Chris almost lost his sanity and his life after becoming addicted to crystal meth, also known as ice. Now he supports others how to quit drugs and has written a bestselling book, Eating Smoke, about his experience.

Click HERE to read about how Chris’s life was before he quit drugs and showed others how to quit drugs.

He says: “I loved my time in the Marines and the challenges that came with each day. But looking back, it was nothing compared to what I faced at the height of my addiction to crystal meth.”

Sadly, Chris is one of a growing number of the drug’s victims.

Meth is twice as addictive as heroin and more damaging to health than crack cocaine.

After ravaging communities across Asia, Australia and the US, it is now on Britain’s streets, sold for as little as £10 a gram — which is enough to keep a user on a permanent high for nine days.

Chris, from Plymouth, never dabbled in drugs during his time in the Royal Marine Commandos. He joined up at 18 and served seven years, including stints in Northern Ireland, before quitting to launch a marketing firm in Asia.

He said: “I loved being a Marine. I was doing something for my country and earning better money than friends who’d gone to university. But I got involved in an exciting business venture and went to Hong Kong to make my millions.”

Unfortunately, the venture failed and his company went bust.

Chris, now 42, says: “It was hard. I had racked up a lot of debt and suddenly I was jobless.”

He found a job at a Hong Kong firm marketing computer chips after answering an ad.

A few months after joining, Chris walked in on a colleague in the toilets smoking meth, which can also be snorted or injected.

He recalls: “He offered me some and I thought, ‘Why not? How harmful can it be if he’s smoking it in the middle of the day?’ I took two puffs.

“Back at my computer, I suddenly felt this rush. It was like nothing I’d ever felt. I knew I was addicted straight away. The next day I wanted more.”

At first crystal meth — scientific name methamphetamine — made Chris feel fantastic and there was no shortage of dealers.

He says: “I could pick it up on the way home from work. It was as easy as buying milk.”

But things soon got out of control.

Chris said: “I was getting nowhere in the office so I got a job as a nightclub doorman in Wan Chai — the red light district. I thought if I worked at night, I wouldn’t be able to take drugs.

“But that soon went out the window. My addiction was life consuming. I was on it constantly. It overloaded my brain and I began to lose the plot. You’re incredibly tired so you hallucinate. On top of that, psychosis starts to develop. I found myself wondering how to quit drugs.”

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Chris Thrall is the author of Eating Smoke: One Man’s Descent into Drug Psychosis in Hong Kong’s Triad Heartland– a bestselling true story. He now gives his advice on how to quit drugs.

Chris will shortly be writing a post on how to quit drugs

www.christhrall.com

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In the 1990s, former Royal Marine Chris Thrall found himself being sucked into a downward spiral in Hong Kong, when his work as a Wanchai bouncer drew him into the world of triads and crystal meth addiction. Now 42, off drugs and pursuing a new life, Thrall reveals how he saw the end -- and found a future -- in his autobiography "Eating Smoke."

CNNGo: Considering your addiction, how were you able to remember things so clearly?

Chris Thrall: Using crystal meth and the psychosis I experienced didn’t affect my memory. I think when you’re young and finding yourself in the world –- especially in such a memorable setting as Hong Kong -– you remember an awful lot, particularly the pertinent things like relationships you had with people and the crazy things you get up to.

"Eating Smoke" is a collection of those memories. I also experienced a great deal of highs, lows and trauma. Incidents you don’t forget in a hurry. There’s probably also a lot I don’t remember and probably just as well.

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Eating Smoke reviewed by the South China Morning Post

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Author Chris Thrall

The secrets of Hong Kong’s underworld are revealed in the soon-to-be-released Eating Smoke. Hannah Slapper speaks to author Chris Thrall to separate fact from fiction

In 1995, UK-born Royal Marine Chris Thrall came to Hong Kong to make his fortune. Once here, his business went bankrupt, and a series of unsuccessful jobs led him to work in Wan Chai as a doorman for one of the biggest triad groups, the 14K. Dwelling in the criminal underworld drove him to drugs; he became addicted to crystal methamphetamine, and suffered from clinical psychosis. Now, 15 years on, he is ready to tell his story.

So Chris, how much contact did you really have with the triads?
I had contact with them every day. One of my fellow doormen was a 6’7”assassin that used to be smuggled into China to do a hit on someone and smuggled back into Hong Kong. So from that perspective I was quite up close and personal. I won’t give too much away in regard to my own involvement; I think that would ruin it for the reader. It was a phenomenal insight into the underworld. It could be incredibly traumatic.

What made you want to write this book?
There were a number of reasons. Firstly I think it gives a fascinating insight into a part of life not many people get to know about. One of which is referred to as the foreign triad, which is a Hong Kong crime syndicate made up entirely of expats, who operate using the exact same clandestine methods as the Chinese gangs do, such as communicating with secret hand signs and gestures. Another reason I wrote it is because I thought it would be interesting for people to read a book from the point of view of someone who is slowly slipping into psychosis and mental illness from using drugs. It’s not exactly an area that many people get an opportunity to experience firsthand, and then get to write about afterwards. Thirdly, because I think I had a kind of innate desire to
do something creative and prove myself as a writer.

You claim it to be true – did it all happen exactly as you say?
Exactly. I had a friend say to me a while back on a night out – why didn’t you write the book as fiction? And I said to him “Why would I want to take a story that is so bizarrely insane, it’s got to be one of the craziest ones ever told, and then tell everyone it wasn’t true?” I didn’t have to flower it up, I didn’t have to add anything.

What kind of trauma did you experience?
To descend into mental illness is an incredibly sad thing for anyone to have to go through. I can’t say too much about it, but in the club I worked I was set up to be murdered one night, by these foreign triads that I mentioned. And there was that cold dark moment of reality where you realise you’re about to die. I actually turned it around, but I’m not the sort of person that is easily intimidated.

How much do you think Hong Kong is to blame for making you the way you were?
It probably doesn’t help that Hong Kong has the most hardcore serious drug known to man available in abundance on every street corner, if you know where to look. Hong Kong really brought home to me how cultures can differ immensely. It’s about the philosophy and the psychology. And the Asian psychology is so ancient; it’s so different to the West.

How did you go about getting your story published?
I was very fortunate. I came across this guy called Tom Carter who put together an incredible book called China: Portrait of a People. I came across this article he wrote called Down and Out in Hong Kong and I sent him a message explaining that I actually was down and out in Hong Kong and asked if he would be interested in reading my book. He called me the day after I’d sent it to him saying he’d already got me a publishing deal. It was an incredible moment. The thought that 15 years ago I was that man you cross over the street to avoid, and now I’ve got all these people looking forward to my book being released. It’s a wonderful feeling.

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