Christ Walk

The Connection Between Your Spiritual and Physical Health

2020-02-12T04:13:00.001-08:00

The Connection Between Your Spiritual and Physical Health

Horses Speak of God: A Review

2018-05-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

I am occasionally asked to review books by my peers. I enjoy reading and reviewing books by my colleagues, but for some reason, when it came to the request to read and review Horses Speak of God by Laurie Brock, I was at first reluctant. I’m not sure why. I think the topic had me uncomfortable. I am not a horse person. Then, there is Laurie. She’s an Alabama fan, I’m a Clemson fan. She likes sweet tea, I like mine unsweet. She’s a Distinguished Celebrity Blogger (DCB) with Lent Madness, and I’m just a celebrity blogger (cb) 😆. She’s an incredibly well educated theologian, and I’m just a lay person muddling through my experience with God and life. And did I mention I am not a horse person? To say I felt out of my comfort zone is putting it mildly.

But much like the message in Horses Speak of God, you’ll see from all the tagged pages in this photo

that I got far more out of the experience of settling in to my saddle and enjoying this collection of essays than I thought. Laurie’s tone and cadence reminds me of the style of Anne Morrow Lindburgh and her book Gifts from the Sea. Her tenor comforts and calms. I felt she was whispering knowledge and feelings and experience as she whispers in her horse’s ear. Laurie’s writing reminds me that we have far more in common in the human experience than we have different.

Laurie may find her connection to God on her horse’s back, but it is no different that my desire to connect to God through my walk or run. There is a restless energy involved in physical activity where God some how shows up and soothes and teaches. What Laurie has found and communicates in her book, is what I find in pounding the pavement. There are lessons to be learned about God through the body.

Each essay touches on critical steps in spiritual development. Her raw honesty in the section on praying for your enemies struck a cord with me. Not too long ago I started trying to pray for those that I really didn’t like in life. It was refreshing to hear that a priest can feel the same. More importantly, Laurie reflects on how God is working on us in this discipline of prayer.

Another chapter reflects on the presence of God. Quite honestly, I’ve always thought that being a Christian was difficult. It’s antithetic (in a way) to who we are as humans. We are inherently selfish people and God calls us to something more. The push-pull between what we want and what God wants for us often creates conflict in our lives. Laurie reflects, “A truth of faith is that God is an uncomfortable presence. Being in a relationship with God and others dislodges from our comfortable places, expanding our balance, teaching us newness…..God dislodges…Life gets unsettled and uncomfortable…there is wailing and blaming…God listens…People figure out God is in this.” I may have shouted a verbal “yes” with a fist pump in the air as I read. I wanted to reach out with a high five over the distance and say, “Yes, God makes me uncomfortable. Yes, God is in this. Yes, I whine and wail.” God is calling us out of our comfortable understanding into something so much more. It isn’t supposed to be easy.

Another chapter that gave me pause is when Laurie discussed being a leader of a church and looking out at her congregation following the death of a long term parishioner. I had never thought of the many, many, many souls that a minister physically sees missing from the pews following death. It is a rare vantage point that she has shared with her reader and is a glimpse of the depth of loss clergy experience by ministering to many and not just a few.

Finally, Laurie calls us to reflect on our Christian disciplines through things we do every day. She may do this on the back of a horse, but the lessons are for all. Laurie may sit on her porch with her sweet tea, and I may be there with my unsweet tea, but the important thing is that we would be there together, sharing in the experience of God and how God continues to weave through the human experience in ways that are both common and uncommon. Through this shared experience we are participating in God’s larger idea of church. As Laurie states, “Our relationship with God, and by extension, our community of other people, is one of moment.”

Come, be with Laurie and God in a moment and pick up a copy of Horses Speak of God.

Is Yoga A Christian Practice?

2018-03-01T14:34:00.000-08:00

I have been asked more than once if I consider yoga a Christian practice. Even @MattWalsh wrote recently we should avoid yoga since it’s a pathway to paganism. I confess I am astounded when confronted with these concerns. I hadn’t really thought that deeply about the origins of exercise and why (or not) they would be related to my religion. However, the question has come up multiple times since and it’s caused me to ponder the relationship between yoga and my spiritual life.

Technically, yoga isn’t a Christian practice since yoga is an Eastern tradition unrelated to Christ. Yoga actually began as a science in India as a method for dealing with disease unrelated to religion. Does this mean yoga shouldn’t be a Christian practice? I don’t think so. I personally believe that when God is first and foremost in your thoughts and actions and you act from a place of love, then you are practicing behaviors that are derived from Christian teachings. St. Peter tells us that love covers a host of sins. Since my yoga practice is often devoted to God and not myself, and I use the time to clear my head of the nonsense of the world to more deeply devote myself to God in my daily life, I have a hard time believing it is a sin.

Jesus teaches us that “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength (Mark 13:20). Does this not entail our whole being worshiping with God? Can this not be done through all our practices, including yoga? Paul goes on to teach us: “do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6: 19-20). It seems to me that the Bible is teaching us that we should worship God in all we do. Even if it’s yoga.

Regardless of any affiliation to politics, church, creed, or specific theology, the most important thing to me as an individual is how I live my life according to the teachings of Christ. Hence, I take issue with a narrow minded view that if I practice yoga as a Christian I am opening myself to a path to hell. That’s like saying people shouldn’t run marathons because it was developed by Greek pagans. Attributing yoga as a “bad practice” is like saying we shouldn’t do strongmen competitions because it was developed by a bunch of drunk Germans trying to figuring out who could lift the heavier keg or tree trunk. I think many of the same thing could be said about a lot of exercises and religions. Roman pagans attributed physical feats as gifts from gods. An argument that attributes physical practices as pathways to sin basically tells me I shouldn’t walk, hike, swim, sail, or a host of other activities that make me feel closer to God because I am enjoying God’s nature. The argument that yoga is a pagan practice fails for me because it does not put God at the beginning of any activity a human engages.

In addition, this position fails to address the very physical benefits of yoga. Many, many, many evidenced-based research articles have documented the benefits of yoga with dealing with cancer pain (I’ve been there, and while I may be a cohort of one, my experience is substantiated by the literature); reducing dependence on depression and anxiety medication; helping individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder in a healthy way; reducing the need for hypertension medications in those with high blood pressure and cardiovascular diseases; improving the recovery times following surgery; improved recovery from injuries; and much, much more. Yoga is good for the body.

Whenever I practice yoga, I feel closer to God. The very acts of the movements center my busy brain on God. I’ve learned over the years that I am the sort of person that NEEDS yoga. As a high-energy, passionate, and intense do-er, yoga is the yin to my yang. It provides balance in my life that I most desperately need. Yoga for me is prayer with my body. Each pose reminds me of the methods that can be used when walking a prayer labyrinth and techniques used in meditative prayer. Centering, breath, being in the moment, releasing your worries, are all things we should practice when we pray. These practices tell our body to stop making it about the “me," and focusing on God.

With each breath, I pray to breathe in God’s guidance in my life and with each exhale release those things that are out of my control. With each rush of my breath, I hear the ocean, like the waves hitting the shore. It is loud and rushing in my ears, and the rhythm of my diaphragm rising and falling seems to mimic the rise and fall of the water. With each breath I feel connected to the earth and feel honored to be a part of God’s creation. As I raise my arms high in tree, I feel as though my whole self is reaching for God in praise. When I bow down low in humble warrior, I feel as though I am bowing before God, humbled at how little I am without God in my life. When I hear the leader call the class to shine our hearts forward, I feel as though I am offering my heart to God. My soul says, “Here I am Lord.” When I transition to Warrior I or Warrior II, I feel fiercely ready to take on whatever is thrown at me in life. Whenever I do any balancing poses and fall, I am reminded that I will always fall without my faith. When I struggle with other poses, I am reminded that it is through hard work and dedication that we achieve success. It is through the repetition of my practice that I’ve learned my faith and my practice are both disciplines that require work.

Mr. Walsh, I will concede that yoga isn’t really a Christian practice, but neither is walking, or reading, or cooking, or raising children, or singing, or any thing we do daily unless we weave God through all those things. Christian practices are anything where we take the teachings of God, and honor God with all that we do. I believe we can do this whether it’s yoga, or karate, or walking, or running, or any sort of activity. I’d like to think that when we love God in all we do, we are making our faith a part of all that we do.

Namaste.

~~ Anna

Acknowledgements: Many Thanks to My Yogi friends for providing pictures for today’s blog.

Jimi Parker is a born again Christian coming to the faith 15 years ago. She lives in Kansas and has practiced and taught yoga for 4 years, and is continuing her studies to become a yoga therapist. Yoga has taught Jimi that the least invasive healing comes through Faith, and moving meditation that is yoga. Jimi finds God in her quiet time on the mat.

Beth Hughes is a life-long Episcopalian, Aspirant to Holy Orders, Member of the Order of the Daughters of the King, and Yoga Therapist who has practiced yoga for more than 10 years. Not only has yoga drawn her closer to God, but it's helped her prep for and recover more rapidly following back surgery. You can learn more about Beth at www.romega.yoga

101 Reasons I am a Terrible Military Spouse

2017-05-12T04:43:00.000-07:00

There aren’t really 101 reasons I am not a very good military wife, but a recent blog optimization article said that titles of articles with numbers in them are more likely to be read. I wanted you to read what I have to say, ergo, 101 reasons (or whatever the real number is) reasons I’m a terrible military wife. :)

I don’t write that to put myself down, but a recent YouTube parody called “I have a Mom Crush” got me thinking about all the things we assume about our fellow friends, family, colleagues, and social circles that probably aren’t all that right. Sometimes, we need to be willing to let it all hang out there honestly, so that people in your same situation, with your same fears and anxieties can relate. When people relate, they don’t feel alone. When people are not alone, they are a lot less likely to make destructive or harmful decisions. This is why the Army (or military or community) family is so vital to the success of our society. Finding connections between people isn’t just the hallmark of success amongst the military. When we can find connections between people anywhere, in any situation, it’s good for communities. When we are together, we ARE stronger—no matter how cliche that sounds. It’s just that social media is set up to show the best sides of ourselves, so we tend to assume that other people don’t have problems that could relate to our own struggles. We don’t share the pictures of ugly cries, or the snot bubbles of frustration, anxiety, and anger experienced by everyone. It’s easy to capture of a profile picture of joy. It’s a lot more difficult to capture one that expresses us when we are really at our lowest...and then post it so others know they aren’t alone. Plus, ugly pictures make people uncomfortable. Trying to empathize in 140 characters can sometimes push people out of their comfort zones. Others feel that sort of reality is private and others think there is just too much TMI on the internet anyway. The problem is that more and more people are seeking to use social media as their communities, and yet it's very difficult to be authentic in the online world.

Professional Head Shots make everyone look perfect.

Thanks to my secret life as a writer (it’s probably not so secret, but I like to pretend that it’s my alter ego), I have the opportunity to come into contact with a lot of people that can take a look at my gorgeous head shot and bio and sum me up in five minutes. People have said to me: “I don’t know how you do all you do” (I don’t really do either, I just do it); “You have it all together” (I don’t really, it’s just a controlled level of crazy that makes you think it’s normal); “You’ve done so much” (I’ve done stuff where I’ve applied my passion, there are other parts of my life that I’m terrible at: kids crafts for example); “You are so beautiful, I don’t know how you could possibly understand” (What you see in the mirror and what I see in the mirror are probably two different things); “You make moving look so easy” (That’s because I kill myself trying to control everything and I fail all the time); and a bunch of other stuff that just turns into a long list of platitudes, but rarely captures the nitty gritty of truth. My head shot and me are two different things. It’s just one glimpse of me. Same thing with my profile pictures, or what you see about me from the outside.

The truth is: I’m just like you. A mom, wife, woman, just trying to do her best. I also happen to be a military wife, military brat, and military-grandbrat (the military runs deep in my family). I love military life, but let’s face it, it has its moments where we are called to embrace the suck. My friend Sara tells me at my whiney moments to “Ruck Up.” The rucksack is the military backpack soldiers carry their gear. To “Ruck up” is to put your back pack on and keep moving. In the civilian world it equates to “put on your big girl panties and get on with it.” Much of life is rucking it up. While it’s all good and well to have a boo-hoo, sometimes you need a friend that listens and then says “Ruck Up.” Let’s move on, part of life is embracing the chaos and crazy as your own. I can whine through it all, but it’s a lot more doable when I acknowledge the uncontrollability in my life and choose to make it my own, instead of letting it make me. I am pretty good at rucking it up in the middle of the chaos. It’s the moments before the backpack goes on my back and the moments before I get to take it off that trip me up. I call these the bookend moments.

Living out of boxes.

I can excel at a deployment; a transatlantic or transpacific move; the regular change in my life; getting to know people and hosting things; but I suck at either end of it. I loathe the bookends. I am a mess waiting for assignments. The anticipation kills me. In fact, anticipation in general kills me. I’ve been known to read the end of a book just to make sure that everything turns out okay. I loathe the time leading up to a deployment and waiting for the last good bye. I loathe the last couple of weeks waiting for my soldier to come home. I stress when I am planning a party and worrying about making sure everything is okay. I want everyone to be happy. Packing up my house, or waiting for my precious stuff to arrive make me hum with stress. I’ll confess, my soldier has come home more than once to walk through the door and I bust out in tears, throwing my hands in the air, and dramatically proclaiming, “I just can’t do this anymore!” True story. Luckily, we’ve done this for awhile now that that my dude knows to give me a hug, pour me a glass of wine, and take my to-do list out of my hands for awhile.

Take the "to-do" list and pass me a glass of wine, and no one gets hurt.

We’re heading into a big move right now and the truth is that it’s hard. I am running around with my house half packed in boxes and storage bins, trying to mitigate the damage that my movers look at as junk, but are precious memories to me. I am trying to figure out how to feed my family healthy food and not eat out all the time, when my kitchen will be packed up for somewhere between 6-12 weeks. You think the Freshman 15 is bad? Try the PCS 20. I’m trying to figure out how to work through it all. I’m worried about where my kids will go to school and if they’ll be happy. I feel guilt when they are pulled from their friends, although I know their passport and adventures rival many of their peers. I both want to see my friends, and am loathe that each time we get together is yet another good bye. I worry about our families when we travel far away, and I often pray that no one dies while we are overseas. I often wish I was strong like that other military spouse I just saw post about her PCS binder or her teacher gifts worthy of Pinterest or the one that is weathering her 6th deployment. We all have things we wish we could do like someone else, but you know, you’ve got qualities too that someone else wishes they have. The diversity of our abilities is what makes the world pretty awesome.

Polish Pottery will get broken.

As my mom tells me, no matter how many broken pieces of furniture I try to prevent, no matter how many lost boxes I try to label, and no matter how many ducks I try to put in a row, something will happen. And whether I worry myself to death (which I probably will continue to do—Type A here), the move will happen, the party will be thrown, the deployment will end at some point, the teacher will be thanked, and we’ll do it all again because military life is nothing if it’s not cyclical. You can’t control everything. You can’t be everything. You have things that you are good at, just like me. And you have things you could work on, just like me. And you’ll have things you never achieve, just like me. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person, or a bad military wife, or a bad any-type-of-spouse. You are you, and I am me.

So, if you look at another spouse, military or not, and think you’ve got that “Mom Crush” or that she (or he) have it all together, remember that the way you see another person isn’t always the way they see themselves. I’ve got 101 ideas why I think I’m bad at what I do and 101 wishes I could do our life like someone else, but I’ve also got 101 reasons why I love our life and the way we do it is just right. Be yourself and find someone willing to be authentic with you too and you’ll succeed at anything, even when you think you aren’t.

Have You Met the Post Traumatic God?

2017-02-19T13:03:00.001-08:00

I am trying to remember when Facebook told me that David Peters and I should be friends. In an unusual pattern, David and I have social networks that intersect at multiple levels: we have connections in both the church and the military, and he is an avid runner with a military running organization, similar to me (albeit, I am more of a walker these days). Then, I found out that David was a fellow author at Church Publishing Inc (CPI). I was immediately fascinated by the title of his newest work, “Post Traumatic God.” I contacted CPI for the opportunity to get a copy of this book and provide a review since as a military spouse I’ve sent my husband off to war three times now, and as a military kid, I watched my dad become medically retired from the Navy following a traumatic brain injury during a naval exercise. From personal and professional levels, I’ve intersected with the post traumatic God and I wondered what else David could possibly teach me.

Admittedly, I wasn’t sure that David could say anything that resonated with me. After 16 years as an active duty spouse and a civilian nurse with the Army, I’m a little numb to any discourse on readiness and resiliency and anything to do with the war. But I was intrigued with David’s view. I was very interested to hear his perspective about war and trauma through the lens of spirituality.

What I learned was that what David experienced in war and his feelings about God, the church, and healing are not so different than my own feelings after losing my hearing, getting cancer, watching my dad deal with TBI and PTSD, and trying to figure out how to deal with these life shattering events while still being faithful. No, I have never been to war. I have never seen someone shot up or had a bomb go off near to me, but my husband has, my dad has, and I have my own experiences that the feelings David expresses resonate deeply with me. On page 80, David reflects, “The slow drip of anxiety in the back of my brain affected everything I did….” My heart squeezed in response to these words. I know of the feeling that David writes. I may not have been to war, but the words of trauma and our shared experience reflects the commonality in our pains.

When you face a tragic event, you have to rethink your relationship with God and what you hold to be true and dear about your beliefs. Tragic events force us to pause and ask ourselves, “what do you believe?” David frankly shares of his experiences, his thoughts, his beliefs, and how his research into the church fathers experience with war shaped their own beliefs about God and war. The book sea-saws between the raw reflection of grief to glimpses of hope that is found in the resurrection and forgiveness of God. It is with fierce belief that David writes, “[the sacraments] are God’s pledge be faithful to us in times of stress and fear…I knew whatever I had done wrong, no matter how many times I had failed, God still loved me” (pg. 67).

There is an important point I need to make about David’s book: while any lay person can read and appreciate where David is coming from, he digs deeply into the theological study of war and God with an aim of educating other priests, pastors, and ministers with similar educational background. This is a book for his peers, not necessarily the average reader. David wanders through church, theological, and Biblical history to provide evidence of the moral injury of war throughout time, and God’s faithfulness through out. If you go into reading this book with that understanding, you will gain much more from the content and his process. It is not an easy and simple read. It will challenge you to dig deep.

This leads me to a second point of importance about David’s work: his message to churches is critical: there are people in the pews that have dealt with trauma, who have gone to war, who may have killed someone and they do not feel as though they belong to a church or community. Many soldiers and sailors have left the church because they felt that there was no way that God or the church could ever forgive them for what they did during war. It is crucial for churches to minister to those that are suffering from moral injuries and provide guidance towards spiritual healing. A church has a place in the lives of those that are suffering for moral wounds. A church has a role in teaching these individuals that God loves them just as much as the next person. As David discusses in the chapter on the “Post Traumatic Pilgrimage,” the church is ideally suited to provide those with moral injuries a place of solace in which to experience reconciliation through a journey of lamentation, repentance, and redemption.

One of my favorite parts about David’s book is that he not only teaches leaders about moral injury, the perception about war and the church over time, but he provides an action plan for churches to put in place to address these issues. David isn’t just teaching you about the problem, he is also teaching you what you can do about. I am an action kind of girl, a problem solver, and a do-er; David clinched the book for me when he not only told us about the Post Traumatic God, but he also told us how to make our churches havens for those who have met the post traumatic God and still want to be faithful.

Copies of Post Traumatic God can be purchased on all the major outlets as well as from the Church Publishing Website: https://www.churchpublishing.org/posttraumaticgod.

David W. Peters, served as an enlisted Marine and an Army Chaplain, deploying to Baghdad, Iraq in 2005. His ministry experience includes youth ministry, hospital and military chaplaincy, as well as parish experience in Central Texas. He is a graduate of Biblical Theological Seminary (M.Div.), Erskine Theological Seminary (D.Min), and the Episcopal Theological Seminary of the Southwest (MAR). David's writing has been published by the Huffington Post, Oxford University Press, and Tactical 16 Press. In September 2016 his book, Post-Traumatic God: How the Church Cares For People Who Have Been to Hell and Back, was released by Morehouse Press. His sermon, "Learning War and Reconciliation," won the Reconciliation Preaching Prize from Trinity, Wall Street. On 9/11/2015, he preached it to first responders at Ground Zero in NYC. David currently ministers as a reserve instructor at the U.S. Army Chaplain Center and School at Ft. Jackson, SC and as the Assistant Rector at St. Mark's Episcopal Church, Austin, TX. He enjoys speaking to groups about war and the trials of homecoming, long-distance running, reading novels, extra-dark chocolate, and bicycle commuting. He is the father of three sons and is married to the lovely Sarah Bancroft, a museum curator and the Executive Director of the James Rosenquist Foundation.

Anna Fitch Courie is an army wife, nurse, layperson, and the author of “Christ Walk: A 40 Day Spiritual Fitness Program” (Church Publishing, Inc., 2015); “Christ Walk Kids” (Church Publishing, 2016); “Sally the Comet (CreateSpace, 2015); and “Sally and the Constellations (CreateSpace, pending). Anna finds her calling where health and spirituality intersect. Anna is a registered nurse by training and has been working in the health care field for the past eighteen years. More recently, she has been a consultant on building community coalitions on health. Anna is a graduate of Clemson University, the University of Wyoming, and Education for Ministry at Sewanee: the University of the South. In her spare time, she fights cancer, consults in public health, and runs Christ Walk, retreats, writes books, and blogs for “50 Days of Fabulous” and “Lent Madness.” In her dream world, she hikes the El Camino and Mount Rainier, sails, travels, cooks, reads, and attends every Clemson football game each season. Home is currently in Virginia, but really, home is wherever the Army (and God) sends her. You can find her on her blog at Christ Walk; on Facebook; on Twitter @christwalk1; and on Instagram @christwalk1.

A 12 Step Program for Worriers

2017-01-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

I was on the phone with my mamma.....the conversation follows along these lines:

Mamma opens with her usual, "How are you?"

I respond, "I am worrying about all sorts of things.'

She replies, "You do that a lot."

Me, "Yep. If there were awards in worrying, I might win something."

I worry. I think it's a part of me. I am not sure. I've been told when I worry it's because I don't have enough faith (I don't think that's it). I've been told when I worry, it's because I don't trust God enough (I don't think that's it, but there could be some kernel of truth to this). I've been told when I worry that I don't know how to have fun and live in the moment (this can be true at times). I've also been told that when I worry it's because I am a control freak (this is probably 100% true).

I've always worried. I come from a long line of worriers. I think it's a part of how God made me, but it does make me pause. I know worry contributes to my stress life, which isn't good, but worry also makes me very organized, usually prepared with a plan, and ready to take on any scenario that's thrown at me.

But I confess that worry sometimes gets the better part of me. Much like it gets to the better part of many people. Worry is the part of us that wants to be able to control every eventuality, when that is simply impossible.

Worry can be an addiction, which led me to think about the 12 Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous . I am not sure anyone does addiction support better than AA. At a minimum, it is the most worldly know support system for alcoholics and their families. Which led me to take a deeper look at their 12 Step Program (Alcoholics Anonymous, 1981). I think the 12 Step Program applies to many aspects of life and the things we struggle with each day. As a world champion worrier, I took the 12 Step Program and applied it to my worries. I share it with you so that you too, can have a path towards managing your worry when it spins out of control:

We admit we are powerless to worry--our lives feel out of control.
We need to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.
We need to make a decision to turn our worry and lives over to the care of God.
We need to search inside of ourselves to understand what makes us worry.
We need to admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the nature of our worry.
We need to be ready to release our worry to God.
We need to ask God to forgive us when we continue to worry. Sometimes, worry just happens.
We need to make a list of all those things we worry about, and put them away.
We need to ask forgiveness of those who are impacted by our worry.
We need to be continually self-aware so that when worry starts to take control of our lives, we promptly redirect it.
We need to breathe, ground ourselves in the present through our five senses, and practice prayer and meditation to improve our relationship with God to help us with those things we worry.
As we begin to master our worry, we will share these skills with others and continues to practice acts of prayer, breathe, presence, and meditation in all our affairs, putting the worry aside.

If you worry like me, you'll continue to worry no matter what. It's a constant process of identifying the worry, redirecting myself to the present, engaging my five senses to ground me, breathing through the moments when the worry takes control, and praying fiercely for God to be in control. I visualize some days like a mountain climb...we go up the worry mountain, and then practice patterns of behavior that let us go back down to the valley of calm and peace.

The good thing about worry, is that there are things you can do, much like any of our behaviors. we just have to practice disciplines that support the change we seek. I'll probably always worry, but at least now, I have ways of ensuring it doesn't drive me too crazy, and now you have 12 steps to help you too.

~~Anna

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things: Anna's Christmas Gift Guide

2016-12-06T13:19:00.000-08:00

Well, if Oprah can do it, why can't I? I decided to put together a list of my favorite things that may be good stocking stuffers for your loved ones, or even just a nice gift focused on health and wellness as we head towards the New Year. NONE of these posts are sponsored. My opinions are my own, but these truly are a few of my favorite things!

If you recall from my blog post, "The Crazy Things You Do When you Have Cancer" I have been on a mission to find healthy products that do not make me feel like I am giving myself cancer from the every day things I do in life. Now, there are a ton of reasons why cancer happens, and no, I don't believe my face lotion is giving me cancer, BUT, I do believe in minimizing the body's exposure to chemicals. The less stress you put on your body with toxins and chemicals, the better job it will do in fighting diseases. Hence, I have no regret moving to healthier versions of my every day products.

First off, don't try to sell me your face care regimen. For two years, I've used "Say Yes to Carrots" Daily Facial Scrub and Cerve`'s Daily Moisturizer. I still get compliments that I do not look my 41 years, so I think I will stick with it. I do wish Cerve` was slightly more organic, but it works great and it is affordable. They also produce a day lotion with SPF that is great in the summertime if you are outside a lot. Did I mention affordable? I _might_ spend $20 bucks on these two products and they work. Keep it simple: Cheap and it works? Get it.

Finally, in this picture, is Native deodorant. This all natural, no parabens, no sulfites, no weirdness deod is awesome. Yes, I am telling you my deodorant on social media. No, I am not embarrassed about it. Well, at least not too embarrassed, because seriously, it has taken me TWO YEARS to find this stuff. I have cycled through so many natural deodorants in a quest to find something that does not make me feel like I am absorbing chemical after chemical in my armpits and this is it. It works longer than a couple of hours, smells great, it does not itch, and it's healthy. Amazing stuff. It isn't cheap ($12), but it's worth it.

My next favorite item is mascara. If you recall, I might have let a bit of crazy out in that blog post indicating a worry that my mascara might kill me. All dramatics aside, in my healthy quest, I found Pacifica Organic Mineral based mascara. This stuff is the bomb. On the rare occasion I wear mascara, this stuff is it. (My apologies for the upside down picture, my computer is NOT being friendly today.) I like this stuff so much, I gave it to my niece for Christmas this year (I hope she isn't reading my blog right now).

Next, get your loved one a Fit Bit or other fitness device. There is nothing more motivating towards a life of fitness than a tracker that tells you how far you've gone in your physical efforts in one day. The app for the phone can let you track your workouts, steps, calorie intake, sleep and mood. I cannot think of any other technical device I like better. Pair it with Christ Walk: A 40 Day Spiritual Fitness Program and you are giving the gift of health and wellness.

The benefits of Green Tea are so well documented, I am not even going to get into it here. You can look up the research yourself, but some studies indicate that two cups of green tea a day can help your body fight cancer itself. I am not quite up to two cups a day, because at heart I am a coffee drinker (you can see my coffee pot in the background), BUT, the antioxidants in Green Team are super stars. It took me FOREVER to find a Green Tea I liked, and here is the result. Tea Republic Honey Ginseng Green Tea. Smooth, and well... green....this tea has hints of honey and goes down without me feeling like I am drinking tea made of twigs. My goal each day is to replace a cup of coffee with a cup of tea. So far, so good. Take that cancer cells!

Next up for consideration is to switch all your plasticware for glassware. This was one of the first things I did when I got sick, and I have no regrets. I have not figure out how to replace ALL the plastic in our house, but storing your food in glass versus plastic is a GREAT start. Believe it or not, those plastics can degrade into your food which gets added to the toxic overload on your body. It just is not worth it. Plus, if you microwave food in plastic containers, it degrades the plastic further. Why take a chance? Switch to glassware. The tops stay on great, and it's better for the environment. The baby whales will thank you.

You may have seen me tweet or Instagram the next gift idea: A subscription to FaithBox. FaithBox is a monthly subscription that includes a month worth of devotionals and several gifts from organizations that use their profits to support those in need. For the last six months, FaithBox has sent items that support Haiti, Food Banks, Employment support, Human Trafficking, Child Abuse, Sexual Assault, African ministries and others. The donations go to feed the poor, clothe the homeless, provide healthcare and shelter to those in need. I cannot think of a better way to enjoy a little splurge each month than with something that not only builds me spiritually, but also helps others in the process.

Finally, no gift giving guide of mine would be complete without an appeal to give the gift of my own books! We've got "Sally the Comet" for your youngsters seeking to explore space; "Christ Walk Kids" for those tweens and teens seeking spirituality in the every day; and "Christ Walk: A 40 Day Spiritual Fitness Program" for those seeking to combine spiritual and physical practice. Give the gift of Health, and give one of my books to your loved ones as a gift!

Vote in Love

2016-10-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

I loathe discussing politics. The current climate of the election process has me wanting to bury my head in the sand and not come up until its over. I know I am not alone out there in this feeling. The current situation in America makes me hugely uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable as a Christian, a mother, a female, a writer, an individual, and as a spouse of a military member. I’m uncomfortable in my skin, and in my head, and in my heart. I wish deeply that God would simply send me an email telling me to whom I should cast my vote. Alas, God has once again put the onus of action on my shoulders, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

I also don’t generally talk politics in social media. I believe greatly that the ability to discourse rationally is lost when you cannot have these discussions face to face where you can see facial expressions, body language and nuance. Despite these notions, I found myself on a podcast with my buds over at Priest Pulse discussing politics in a round table. I prayed fervently that I wasn’t offensive on either side of the line and to say I felt sick to my stomach the whole time doesn’t begin to cover it.

I really don’t like talking politics.

However, because I did go on the round table, and because you can only express so much in a half hour show, I am following up with a blog post to really lay out my thoughts on this election season.

We are conflicted. On the right and on the left, there are conflicted people. We are a conflicted nation.

You see, I am a deeply committed Christian. I deeply want to vote as a committed Christian for the right candidate that represents my beliefs and feelings about our great nation. There are deeply committed Christians on both sides of the Democrat/Republican fence. There are deeply conflicted Christians on both sides of the Democrat/Republican fence.

Read this again: There are deeply conflicted Christians on both sides of the fence. This doesn’t make any of us less committed Christians. Or less committed Americans. It just means that by nature of how we were raised, what we were exposed to, what preacher led us on Sunday mornings (and his or her personal platforms), and many other factors contributes to how we are shaped as deeply committed Christians. On both sides of the fence.

You see, I’ve heard pigeon-holing slanders thrown about the last several months: Commie-liberal, Christian Conservative, Redneck, Country Bumpkin, City Girl, Gun-toting NRA lover, Pro-lifer, Pro-choicer, Nazi-Democrat, Narrow-minded Republican, just to name a few. The problem with any of these labels is 1) I can identify personally with aspects of all these labels in some way, and 2) all they do is paint a picture of one or the other; black or white, good or bad; and doesn’t contribute to the shades of grey that individuals bring to the table. It’s horrible. And the major problem with these divisive labels is that it creates a divide where it is very difficult to come to consensus where we can lovingly agree to disagree. A friend challenged me to find the place to heal, and I think we need to heal this great divide between these labels that have been cast with abandon. You see, whether you vote Democrat or Republican, or something else, I’d rather that vote be cast in love as a deeply committed Christian towards a basis of reconciliation and togetherness. America will never be great again unless we make America great TOGETHER.

We’ve been led to believe that we have to choose between the lesser of two evils and I think most people I know are tired of choosing between evils and they really want to choose something good. “Make America Great Again” appeals to some people because at heart, that’s what most Americans want whether or not it is a mis-placed sentiment. We want a Great America. America isn’t going to be great in the middle of a great divide. We need to work together to make America great.

I’ve been told if I don’t vote for Hillary, I am a traitor to my sex. I’ve been told if I don’t vote for Hillary, I support rape. I’ve been told if I don’t vote for Trump, I am contributing to the downfall of America. I’ve been told if I don’t vote for Trump, I am allowing the killing of babies. I’ve been told if I vote third party, I am throwing away my vote. I’m told if I vote third party, I’m simply indecisive. I've been told so many things about my vote. None of what has been said provides me with much resolution as a deeply committed Christian trying to do the right thing.

These negative voices about what is right and what is wrong are on both sides of the fence. Both sides tell me I am doing the wrong thing, no matter which way my vote is cast. Which one is more right? Who gets to decide who is more "right" than someone else? And which one is more right when we are left with two candidates that leave us deeply conflicted on a moral level as deeply committed Christians? If you fit into this category like me, I think you have to pray deeply on your choice; you have to read the Bible; read history; read theologians; dive deeply into the issues and find something that resonates with your beliefs. And NEVER be suckered into believing you only have two choices. We have lots of choices as Americans, we just have to take action on them. We were instructed by God to Walk in Love. In order to do this, we can cast a vote that works with our Christian conscious. Only you know what that is.

God might not have sent an email, but God did send us a message. No matter the outcome of the election, God consistently, says “Trust me.” As Christians, we don’t believe this is the end of the story. There is always more to come and the number one way we can demonstrate our commitment as Christians is to Walk in Love with our brothers and sisters on both sides of the political fence. Let's hang up nastiness, name calling, and labeling. I think as deeply committed Christians, we are held to a higher standard.

If you are still feeling conflicted, The Reverend John Wesley provided us this guidance in 1774:

"I met those of our society who had votes in the ensuing election, and advised them

1. To vote, without fee or reward, for the person they judged most worthy

2. To speak no evil of the person they voted against, and

3. To take care their spirits were not sharpened against those that voted on the other side.”

—Anna

Christ Walk Kids Endorsements!

2016-06-28T04:30:00.000-07:00

I am blessed beyond measure by the folks that support my writing. I am over the moon that Christ Walk Kids will be coming out soon and I hope you are too! Here are some endorsements for the new book! Pre-orders are available now! Just go to Church Publishing Inc to place your order.

“In a world that regularly bombards children with distorted body images, Anna Fitch Courie encourages children to explore healthy relationships––with their bodies, with one another, and with God. In its accessible style, Christ Walk Kids will motivate even the most reluctant teenager to get up and go!”

––The Rev. Tim Schenck, author of Father Tim’s Church Survival Guide and creator of Lent Madness

“Anna Courie has an infectious desire to live out the Christian life and to show how the good news of Jesus really does incarnate with us. Christ Walk Kids should be a useful resource for discipleship and growth in grace, in mind, body, and spirit.”

––Jason A. Greer, deacon, Redeemer Presbyterian Church, Greenville, SC

“Christ Walk Kids is a powerful way to teach tweens and teens about how in God ‘we live, move, and have our being (Acts 17:28).’ Anna Fitch Courie, wise and direct, addresses the many questions that tweens and teens might have about living a life of faith in today's world. Christ Walk Kids provides kids, parents, and church leaders with a clear path to healthy choices for all ages.”

––Cathy Boyd, Director of Christian Formation, Emmanuel Episcopal Church, Greenwood, VA

ANOTHER SNEAK PEAK! Christ Walk Kids is Coming Soon!

2016-06-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

It is getting closer and closer to the moment where Christ Walk Kids will be released. I am so stinking excited for my next project. :)

Here is another excerpt from from Day 22 of the book to share with you and your kids!

Day 22: Take Care of Your Friends

Biblical Big Idea: He denounces his friends for gain, and his children’s eyes fail. ––Job 17:5

We are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves. Our friends are our neighbors. Our friends, especially ones we click with for a lifetime, will be those that hold us up through the storms of life. My friends are my “posse.” They are the people I talk to when I am not sure what my problems are and to see how they have handled similar situations. My friends have my back. We jokingly call this, “We are Groot.” Groot, from Guardians of the Galaxy, takes care of his friends. Groot wraps his friends in his deep roots to protect them from danger. Groot also comes back to life because his roots are strong and his relationships with his friends go deep. Groot has his friends’ backs. Together, the Guardians are far stronger than if they were acting apart.

To have good friends, you first need to be a good friend. Good friends build you up. They do not tear you down. Similarly, you should build your friends up. Help them make good decisions, just as you are learning to make good decisions. Be each others Groot. Groot is strong because his roots grow deep. Your friendship will grow strong as your roots grow deep with each other. Friends can last a lifetime if they are the right friends. They are the sorts of people that you can pick up a conversation with after ten years, and it is as though the initial conversation never ended. Lifetime friends are those whose love continues to grow no matter how far apart they may be. Lifetime friends are God's gift to us. Your friends should not lead you down a path of self-destruction. If your “friends” are urging you to do things that do not show love to yourself, the people around you, or your parents, they are not real friends. Friends love one another.

Taking care of our friends shows the covenant of God’s love for us with one another. It shows love to ourselves, to one another, and to the world around us. Having good friends and being a good friend teaches us the discipline of how we should treat other people. Good friends show forgiveness, kindness, support, love, and caring. These are all things we should be cultivating not only for our friends and family but also for everyone around us.

Things to think about:

1. How am I a good friend?

2. Do I have a good friend?

3. What do I think makes my friendships special?

4. Do I talk with my friends about God? Would I like to?

When Church Doesn't Cut It For Me

2016-05-23T17:06:00.001-07:00

I confess. Church wasn't doing it for me yesterday. The music wasn't doing it. The sermon wasn't doing it. The weather wasn't doing it. I was irritable and edgy and unable to focus. I really didn't want to be in church.

It happens.

Even to those of us who more or less like church. Some days, the church isn't a building. Some days, the church is a piece of paper and a thought.

So, I let my mind began to wander down paths of why church is important, thoughts about Christianity, why Saints matter (read www.lentmadness.org), and I started to write all over my bulletin.

It looks like this:

And this is what came out:

Christianity is a collective experience. There is no one person that tells the story of God. The story of God is told by tax collectors, prostitutes, the poor, kings, queens, doctors, soldiers, those that are ill and disabled. Teachers tell the story and children tell the story. All sorts of people tell the story of God. We all have a part in telling the story of God in our lives and the life of the world. The Saints that have gone before us tell this story and lived out their faith through words and deeds. They are so touched by grace that every step of their lives is a story about God.

Each step, is a word in their story about God. Each step you take is a word in your own story about God.

We study the Saints to connect on a deep level with those that have gone before us. They teach us about how God was a part of their lived experience of the gospel. This lived experience brings the gospel to life in all times and places. This gospel is live and real today. There are saints all around us living the story of God in real time.

When we study the saints that have gone before us, it connects us with the community of the company of heaven that sings of God's glory throughout all ages. I believe in some sort of heaven. I think there is more than this life. I deeply believe there is more to our story with God. My voice aches to sing with the angels and arch-angels and all the company of heaven. There is a hope for something more.

Enter the resurrection.

Studying the saints shows us the hope of the resurrection, the grace of God, the power of hope, and the mercy of love throughout the individual and collective trauma, tragedy, degradation, fear, and pain. The disciples firmly believed that Jesus rose again on the third day. They believed in the risen Christ. There was a man that was raised from the lowest grave and from the most degrading death. Those that went before us tell us of the power of the resurrected Christ.

The gospel tells us how God's grace flowers in the lowliest of situations. Maybe Jesus wasn't born in a physical manger, but perhaps this is a reference to grace in the lowliest of places. Perhaps there wasn't a star, but rather it refers to the light of Jesus in the darkest hours, or the darkest of times. Perhaps the miracles bore from a point of grace. Perhaps with love and grace, there is more. That all is possible.

What separates our belief in God as Christians, is the resurrection of Christ. This belief is the promise that all things are made right in God. This is a belief in grace, and hope, and love, and the power to transform. The degradation, the pain, the suffering, the ills, the abuse, the anger...these things are all made right in God. God made this right through Jesus. God made is right through the lives of the saints. God will make it right for you too. You are part of this story of hope and grace. Our study of the saints, and those that have gone before us as Christian witnesses, shows us how God made things right for people through the hope of the resurrection. This is a story that has been told for ages. This is your story.

Through God, all things are possible. Through our collective experience of the Grace of God in our lives, we become a part of the community of saints that speaks a voice that witnesses to God's work in the world. Your voice belongs in this story.

Come, be a part of the story. What would your voice say?

SNEAK PEAK: Christ Walk Kids!

2016-02-18T16:30:00.000-08:00

It is the season of Lent and I wanted to share with you all a chapter from the "Christ Walk Kids" book coming out from Church Publishing, Inc in Fall of 2016.

In this chapter, we discuss with tweens and teens the meaning of Lent and the implications of the season as a child of God.

Enjoy!

Day 14: What is Lent, Anyway?

Biblical Big Idea: He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan. He was among the wild animals, and the angels took care of him. ––Mark 1:13

Lent is a season during the church year that comes before Easter. Lent reminds us of the time in which Jesus went away from his disciples to go into the wilderness to fast (not eat or drink) for forty days and forty nights while focusing on prayer with God. Many people much smarter than me have debated exactly how Jesus survived for forty days and forty nights without food or drink. I do not need that level of specific understanding of what happened back then. I am comfortable with simply having faith.

When I read this passage, my understanding is that Jesus separated himself from the world for a long time, denying his human needs in order to focus on his spiritual needs and his relationship with God. During Lent, Christians (that includes me and you) are called to be more like Jesus during this time. This is one reason that Christ Walk makes a good Lenten discipline.

Different people have focused on becoming more like Jesus in many different ways. Some people give things up during Lent (sweets, bread, soda, arguing, whining, fighting) and other people take on new habits that they feel draw them closer to God (studying the Bible, working in a homeless shelter, doing a good deed each day, praying, walking, running, meditating). All of these habits make ourselves more like Jesus and thus closer to God. All of these are Christ Walk “miles” and activities.

In the Christ Walk program, we choose to walk steps and take on different activities that represent our relationship with God as a part of our journey. You may do this during Lent or during some other time of the year. Anytime is a good time to be more like Jesus. It does not only need to happen during Lent. What does need to happen is that you need to choose habits to focus on and improve that will instill discipline in your life that bring you closer to God.

Things to Think About:

1. What’s a discipline?

2. What are some disciplines I can take on that bring me closer to God?

3. What are some habits that I need to give up in order to get closer to God?

4. How does it make me feel to give something up for a long period of time?

5. What do I think was on Jesus’ mind when he was in the wilderness?

A Note to Parents:

Christ Walk Kids covers many topics related to health and spirituality: physical exercise, nutrition, sex, drinking, drugs, praying, lying, stealing, bullying, and many others. I did not write the book for kids to read in a vacuum. I wrote the book as though I were talking to my own children with the hope that it would open up honest dialogue between my child and me. I hope you will also read the book with your children) and go on a journey with them that helps to build a foundation of healthy choices: mind, body, and spirit. I think having an open dialogue about any subject with our children is the key to understanding what is going on in their brains and their lives. This book is how I would talk to my kids. It may not be how you would talk to yours, so again, include yourself on their journey and share your own thoughts and feelings on the topic. You may be surprised at the discussion the topics generate. Be open; listen actively; and no matter what you hear, love your child anyway.

You may not agree with everything I wrote. That's fine, just talk about those thoughts and feelings with your child and you will be building a spiritually fit relationship with your son or daughter that doesn't shy away for their spiritual and physical and mental development. It takes a tribe to raise children. We are all in it together. #christwalk.

~~Love, Anna

St. Luke's Christ Walk Week 1: 8 Steps to an amazing-good Christ Walk

2016-02-16T09:30:00.000-08:00

People often ask me what I do when I run a six week Christ Walk Program. Many of those examples are included in the "Suggestions for group leaders" in the appendices of the "Christ Walk: A 40 Day Spiritual Fitness Program" Book. However, to give you a flavor of what our first week together looked like, I will share with you our agenda:

1) We ate together.

2) We prayed together.

3) We did an ice breaker where we got to know each other.

4) We broke into teams (Team sizes should be between 4-8 people, but no more than 8).

5) We talked about Christ Walk. I provided an overview of the program and the book. We discussed walking routes (Appendix A). We discussed ways to earn miles: You can pray for miles; you can volunteer your way to earn miles; you can earn miles through physical exercise. We discussed the importance of WRITING DOWN ALL THOSE MILES (you need to share those miles with your team each week). We discussed most importantly how God doesn't just ask for us to take our normal every day journeys. Rather, God asks us to stretch ourselves. God doesn't just want a quarter of us, God wants ALL of us. God wants EVERY step to be a part of your journey as a Christian, not just the every day steps. We discussed ways to stretch and grow as a Christian. We discussed ways to push yourself through to goals that are just out of reach.

6) By the end of that discussion, people were thinking about which biblical route they wanted to take as an individual. THEN, they go together with their groups and came up with a Team NAME, a team GOAL, and a Team Prayer.

7) Each group shared their name, goal, and prayer with the larger group.

8) Each participant had homework: They need to read up through Chapter 12 for next Sunday, they need to work on their mile goals and write them down and they need to pray for their team members and their journey.

We closed with the Lord's Prayer courtesy of the Children's Christ Walk group and I hopefully left everyone pumped with the journey ahead. The trick to successful Christ Walk groups? Successful Christ Walk groups pray, share, interact, laugh, walk, love, eat, and become a community of Christians and Christ Walkers together. However you go about your Christ Walk group, if you focus on these goals, you all will have a great time.

Next week, we'll talk about how God wants us to Change and develop strategies for change using visioning exercises.

Christ Walk from the Pulpit

2016-02-15T06:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I had the honor of preaching (this word makes me very nervous--I have never seen myself as a preacher, so as I write it, I cringe a little. Don't ask me why, it is one of my hang-ups. HA!)...er....speaking at both the 8 am and 10 am service at St. Luke's Episcopal Church in Alexandria, VA. I was speaking on Christ Walk as a part of the kick-off to our six-week Lenten series.

I would like to share with you those words I gave to my church with the hope that you all will also take a Christ Walk journey with me:

Good morning! The last 3 months, I have been critiquing our seminarian's sermons as a part of the seminarian committee. Scott assures me there will be payback as I stand at the pulpit myself for a change. :)

Let me tell you a little bit about myself.

My name is Anna and I am here to talk to you about my program, "Christ Walk: a 40 Day spiritual fitness program." I hope you will use Christ Walk as a part of your Lenten discipline or as a part of a future spiritual journey. Christ Walk is all about dedicating your daily practice to God: mind, body and spirit.

I am a registered nurse by training. Through my job and my ministry, I have been working in the healthcare field for over 18 years now. I developed the Christ Walk program in 2008 out of a strong call to combine my physical health with my spiritual health and share this with others.

I have often felt people separate their mind, body and spiritual health into silos. We allocate time for church life separate from our home and work life. Similarly, we allocate time for physical health, separate from our spiritual development. We cannot reach an optimum level of health when we segregate our mental, spiritual and physical sides. This lent, I invite you on a journey that will integrate your mind, body and spiritual health.

Lent is not like Christmas. People drag their feet towards lent rather than the eager countdown to Christ's birth, Santa Claus and many presents. The Easter bunny does not hold a candle to Santa Claus. I think deep down we know that we may have focused a little too much on the secular side of Christmas, focusing on gifts and parties and indulgences rather than the coming of Christ. When Lent rolls around, following the Christmas rush, we feel a little guilty. We feel a little out of step with our Christian practice.

Lent reminds us that our Christian practice is more than gifts and Christmas trees. Lent intrudes upon our Christian practice. I find it ironic, because Lent is a period of preparation for the greatest gift of them all: Christ's death and resurrection. Lent is a time where we need to prepare ourselves for the gift of Christ's sacrifice.

Lent reminds people that they need to change. While the gift of Christ is freely given, it comes at a cost: The cost of Jesus' crucifixion. The crucifixion is also freely given, yet it reminds us that we need to be better people to honor the gift of death in order that we might have life everlasting. The gift of the resurrection reminds us all that God has the power to transform. God will transform you spiritually, physically, and mentally if we allow God into our daily practice.

God transformed me. When I was 12, I lost my hearing to an auto-immune disease. At the time, the doctors did not know what was going on with me. My blood work was very abnormal and I was put on many experimental therapies to try and stop my hearing loss. Three years later, many drug therapies later, I still lost all my hearing. I stand before you today, legally deaf. I wear cochlear implants that allow me to hear, but for a period of time, I did not hear at all.

During this time, I have a very vivid memory of being at church. We had all stood to say the Nicene Creed. I could not hear at all. At this point, in my journey, I was deaf and without any hearing aids. I became very, very angry. I felt abandoned by God, and I thought it was very pointless to be at church when I felt that I could not participate in the liturgy. I remember to this day, the furious tears, and the hot feeling under my skin as I sat down and refused to participate in the rest of the service. You know that feeling. Your skin tingles, you feel hot, and red, and your hair feels like it is standing on end.

My mind was screaming, "How can I do this and not hear?" "How can I be fully participatory in the church experience when I am so broken?" As a willful teenager, I felt like screaming in my head, "What's the point?" I dearly wanted to walk out of that church and never come back. I felt there was no place for me. Illness and Disease have a way of making you feel that you are something less. Disease and illness have this tendency to take away your identity, even as a Christian.

During this moment in the service where I felt less than, I felt more than alone. I felt abandoned as an individual. I was paralyzed by being unable to hear and participate in the communion with other people.

And then the Eucharist began. I felt a sudden peace come over me. My tears stopped. My heart rate slowed. I felt like I was being hugged. I distinctly remember the presence of the Holy Spirit. And it spoke to me. And I heard God tell me that I did not have to HEAR to participate. My Christ Walk had little to do with what I was HEARING and everything to do with what I was doing in my life. We are not only called to HEAR the gospel, but we are called to LIVE it. My hearing may be broken, but I can still live the gospel. I still have a purpose. For 35 years I worked at "Christ Walking" with what I have, with how God made me. I developed this program and I wrote this book, I felt like I was living a Christ-centered life.

And then, In October of 2014, at the same time my book was being published, I was diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma. Once again, my identity as a healthy member of the church of God, as a pillar of health and fitness was being challenged by my personal thoughts on who I was as an individual. I had gotten wrapped up in a perception of what I thought was and how healthy should be portrayed. I dearly wondered how I could publish a book on health and fitness when I was ill. Once again, disease and illness was trying to threaten who I was and make me less than what God intended for me.

I have come to realize that God gave me other gifts besides my hearing. God has made me more than my cancer. I have learned that I can manage my disease through exercise, good nutrition and managing my mind, body and spiritual health. My cancer does not change that I need to Christ Walk each day.

So, I invite you to join me in the Christ Walk program to see how the Holy Spirit can transform your life, mind, body and spirit. You are more than your disease, illness, anxieties, pains, and problems. God can also use you in the midst of your brokenness. God uses me daily, and I am very, very broken individual.

Christ Walk is a 40 day program designed to prepare yourself mind, body and spirit to lead a Christ-filled life that is also healthy. We need to learn to treat our broken bodies with care because as St. Paul tells us: "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you?"

Our bodies house the gift of the Holy Spirit. Genesis tells us that we are made in the image of God. Very few of us treat our bodies like temples or as though God loved us so much to be made in God's image.

Rather, we make choices that treat our bodies in a careless fashion. We punish our bodies for our thoughts, feelings, and anxieties. We blame our bodies for being broken. We eat too much, drink too much, fail to exercise, misuse medications, stress too much and make choices that do not care for this body that has the Holy Spirit within us. We do not treat ourselves like temples.

Lent is an opportunity for us to relook at our everyday habits, not only spiritually, but also physically and mentally so that we can turn to Christ in all of our choices, not just in our prayer life. A Christ-like life, is something that we should chose to try and live each day. Not just on church holidays.

This Lent, choose the Christ Walk program. What does this mean? Instead of giving up chocolate, or sweets or other temptation, I ask you to take a walk with me. Christ Walk is a devotional that uses walking different biblical routes to symbolize the journey we take with Christ in our everyday life. You will choose a biblical route to walk.

These routes are listed in the Christ Walk book. You will choose one of the routes that appeals to you. And you will dedicate yourself to this route over 40 days.

You can earn miles to your route in many different ways. You can walk, bike, swim, volunteer or pray in order to earn miles towards your route. By the end of your discipline, you will have collected enough miles towards your chosen route and completed your journey. Christ Walk is about being intentional in our choices. We look at everyday choices and ensure that God is a part of those everyday choices.

Some examples of the different routes you can walk include the following: One route is the distance between Bethlehem and Jerusalem; signifying the journey between Christ's beginning and his end. Another route is the "Via Delarosa, or the Way of Sorrows. This route is the journey Jesus made as he walked through Jerusalem towards the cross. There are several routes from Paul's missionary journeys. There are many different routes to choose from. You will choose a route that calls to you.

If you are unable to exercise, each 15 minute block of prayer, volunteerism, or outreach opportunity you take on will count as a "mile" towards your goal. Christ Walk is designed for anyone at any level of fitness to participate. In fact, I have had Christ Walk participants in wheelchairs and walkers that have found ways to earn miles during their Christ Walk journey.

Your miles, however you walk, run, bike, swim, volunteer, or pray through are steps you can use on your walk with Christ. I encourage you to challenge your kids, or grandkids to see if they can get more miles than you on this journey. Get the whole family involved near and far.

The goal of Christ Walk is to build a strong temple so that we all can continue to do the work that Christ calls us to do in the world.

The Christ Walk program comes with a book you will have the opportunity to purchase today. The book includes pages for you to journal about your journey and spiritual experience. The book also includes a mileage tracker for you to write down the miles you complete each day towards your journey. However you choose to collect your miles, you need to write them down. This way, you will know how far you have come on your journey over the next 40 days.

Each chapter of the book corresponds with a day during the 40 day journey with reflections on different things we can do each day to make healthier choices. Over the next 40 days you will meet weekly with your Christ Walk team, pray together and reflect together on the meditations in the books and discuss ways that you as a church can support each other towards healthier living. Each chapter includes questions for discussions and thought. Christ Walk groups meet to discuss the chapters and participate in different activities each week. Christ Walk can be done as an individual devotional, but the best journeys in life are those we take with our families and communities together. I really encourage you to participate with your church.

God does call us to change. We are called in our baptismal covenant. We are called when we confirm that we are members of the body of Christ during confirmation. We are called daily to represent God's love here on earth. This is not just a call of prayer, but also a call of action. Being a Christian is all about everything we DO and every way we ACT and the CHOICES we make not only with one another, but also with ourselves.

When I was growing up, I used to say Christmas was my favorite holiday. My father, a priest, would always say that Good Friday and Easter were his. This always made me scratch my head as a child as I could not understand how Santa Clause and Christmas were not someone's favorite holiday.

As I have grown older, the gift of Easter grows each year and I have come to think of it as my favorite holiday. As I have grown, I have learned that the gift of the resurrection is the greatest gift of them all.

Now, I get excited for Lent. I use the Lenten period to prepare myself mind, body and spirit to receive the gift of God and strengthen my skills to use myself in God's calling in my life. Lent is a time that we can spring clean our lives mind, body and spirit so we are prepared for the springing of Easter. Lent is my time to rededicate myself to God's calling in my life. Despite being broken, I still have a purpose in God's kingdom. You do too.

Lent is not something to drag one's heels. Rather, look with anticipation the coming journey and the change God can make within you. At the End of this forty days, You WILL be a changed person.

In closing, I would like to share with you the Christ Walk prayer:

The Lord be with you:

I will try this day to walk the path set before me

I will try to walk a little longer, a little stronger
I will walk with my mind, body and spirit
I will walk with others, I will walk for others
I will walk when others cannot
I will be still and know that you are God on the days I cannot walk
I will walk with you Lord, on the path you set before me
When my own feet fail, I know you will help me get up and walk again
I will imagine what it would be like to walk in Christ's shoes
And try to live my life as though I was on Christ's path
I will pray that I walk the path I am called to and not turn down paths I am not
Today, Lord, on my journey I will Christ Walk
And I am thankful that you Christ Walk with me too.

Amen

Come, Christ Walk with me.

Tomorrow, I'll share with you what we did for our first Christ Walk evening.

Keep walking! ~~Anna

Christ Walk: Top TEN Things You can Do for Lent This Year

2016-02-12T06:12:00.001-08:00

Christ Walk: Top TEN Things You can Do for Lent This Year: It's that time of the year! Lent is fast approaching. Some of us are excited about this time that forces us to reflect on spiritual d...

Christ Walk Retreat at ShrineMont

2016-02-04T07:15:00.000-08:00

FRIENDS!

Here is a GREAT opportunity: Come away with me for a weekend of health, fitness, spirituality and wellness. I'll be conducting a Christ Walk Retreat at the Shrine Mont conference center "on the mountain" in Northern Virgina from 6-8 May. I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE for you all to come meet me, so I can meet you, and share a weekend focused on deepening our faith and spirituality.

Here is a blurb on the weekend:

Christ Walk - a 40-day program about Christian living: mind,
body and spirit. Many Christians struggle with health and illness.
Many Christians deeply want to connect their spiritual beliefs to their
whole life, but need assistance. There is a mind, body and spiritual
connection to health. When we do not approach our health
holistically and God-centered, then no medicine in the world will get
us well. Christ Walk is a holistic program based on Christian teachings
that outlines a path for Christian Formation to incorporate mind, body
and spiritual activities into practice. This retreat will be lead by the
author, Anna Fitch Courie, and will incorporate mind, body and
spiritual practices into discussion, group activities, yoga, walking and
meditation. This retreat is all about incorporating your spirit into your
daily practice! Come spend three days focused on your health. Wear
comfortable clothes, come prepared to enjoy the beauty of the
mountain, and nourish your mind, body and soul. A copy of the
"Christ Walk: 40 Day Spiritual Fitness Program" is included in the cost
of the retreat weekend. Join us on this journey as we build healthy
Christians: body, mind AND soul. #christwalk

Rev. Pam Webb will be our chaplain for the weekend; we'll have a certified yoga instructor, and we'll divide into walking groups to enjoy the beauty of the mountain. Of course, as with any Christ Walk event, we'll have facilitated sessions on different aspects of health and spirituality. I've included the DRAFT agenda here for you to take a SNEAK PEAK at all we plan to offer.

Day/Time	Topic
Friday, 6 May
4:00 pm	Arrive, Get Settled, Check-In
5:30 pm	Dinner
7:00 pm	Welcome, Review Agenda, Ice Breaker, Break Into Teams, Share
8:30 pm	Closing Alibis/Hot Wash/Expectations
9:00 pm	Compline/Evening Prayer
9: 30 pm	Adjourn
Saturday, 7 May
8:00 am	Breakfast
9:00 am	Morning Prayer
9:30 am	Yoga
10:30 am	What Does the Bible Say about Health?
11:30 am	Marking Change
12:30 pm	Lunch
1:30 pm	Walking and Walking Styles
2:30 pm	Let's Talk Shoes
3:30 pm	How to Build a Healthy Body and Church
4:30 pm	Labyrinth Walking
5:30 pm	Dinner
6:30 pm	Meals with Jesus
7:30 pm	Hot Wash
8:30 pm	Compline/Evening Prayer
9:00 pm	Adjourn
Sunday, 8 May
7:30 am	Group Walk
8:00 am	Breakfast
9:00 am	Holy Communion
10:00 am	How to Run a Christ Walk Program at Your Church
11:00 am	Closing Comments/Book Signing/Final Hot Wash/Expectations
12:00 pm	Closing Prayer
12:30 pm	Lunch and Dismiss

Tell Your Trainer to Take Her Fad Diet and Shove It (nicely of course)

2016-01-05T14:10:00.002-08:00

From time to time I will use a trainer. It seems indulgent, but I enjoy the challenge; it encourages me to mix up my routine; and will rescue me if I have been a total slug. For example, the holiday indulgences that seem to have been going on forever....we all splurge; it's a part of enjoying life, but it's time to get back on track.

But I digress, my trainer and I had words. She sent out instructions to start juicing to get into the swing of getting back into shape. She told me I needed to detox. That it was going to make me lose weight quick and fast. I told her to take her juicing philosophy and keep it to herself. I don't believe in juicing as a diet. First off, if I am going to drink my calories, it's going to be a glass of wine. I don't drink soda, sweetened beverages, fancy coffee mixes, etc. for this very reason. I like to eat my calories. Most drinks and juices are unnecessary sugars added to your diet that you don't need unless you are having a once in awhile indulgence. Second, I like to EAT my calories (did I mention this before). I must be part cow. I need to masticate to be satisfied. Juicing doesn't do it for me. And if I am not satisfied by my meal, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will cheat. My body needs food, and it needs real food; yours does too. Take all those fruits and veggies you stuffed in that juicer and chow your way through a salad. I guarantee you will feel FULL.

There is a whole philosophy behind juicing. If that's your thing, knock yourself out. It isn't like it is unhealthy per se, but if I am going to turn a bunch of fruits and veggies into a drink (I'd rather eat them anyway....did I mention I like to EAT?), I will turn them into a smoothie. I think juicing is inherently wasteful of the food God gave us--there is SOOOO much waste of food to get a tiny old glass of juice. Plus, you get rid of all the good fiber when you juice that makes you feel full and helps with regulation (you know, going to the bathroom.....). The fiber God put into fruits and vegetables is REALLY important.

The other issue with this whole approach to juicing to "detox" and create a lifelong diet for yourself, is that it doesn't work for most people. Most people like me, like food. They want to eat. Juicing isn't going to be a magic bullet to your food issues. You may lose weight juicing in a short fix diet, but it will do nothing to help you maintain a long term weight loss and establish a healthy diet that you can live with. Juicing sets up this mind set that you need to eat a certain way, focus on an elimination diet of things you can't have, and then when you have done all that, then you'll be skinny.

Well that's the complete wrong approach and it makes me mad that trainers set up clients for this failure. You know how to lose weight? Quit trying to be skinny. Quit thinking there is a one size fits all to your body. God created you wonderfully, fearfully, awesomely made as you are. You need to love yourself. Not everyone is going to be stick thin. You want to lose weight? Fix your issues with food. Then, eat real food that God gave you, in moderation, WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY (God save me from another trainer that tells me I need to eat every two hours. I'm not HUNGRY every two hours). If you are hungry every two hours, that might be a different story, but any which way you look at dieting there are two facts: No two people are made the same way, and no one diet is going to fit every single person. THERE IS NO MAGIC BULLET TO WEIGHT LOSS. It takes discipline, eating a variety of healthy foods, moderation, listening to your body, eating real foods, exercising, and getting back on track when you slip off the wagon, and learning to love yourself at whatever size God has made you. I could be a heck of a lot skinnier than I am, but I'd also be a heck of a lot unhappier. I'm healthy as I am, I'm tough, I'm a fighter, and I am REALLY, really happy that God made me as I am (broken bits and all).

It's one thing if you don't know HOW to eat healthy, but I actually do, and I really resent this bill of goods that the fitness industry tries to sell us every January that there are magic bullets to get us fit and healthy and well. It isn't true. LIFELONG FITNESS TAKES establishing a routine of HABITS that you repeat OVER and OVER and OVER until they are a part of your life. Juicing for ten days isn't going to establish a habit. It takes MONTHS to establish a habit. MONTHS. And it is sooooooo worth it. Kick, the crap out of your kitchen--the processed foods, the excessive sugar. Focus on food from God's good earth. Make these nutrients a habit.

Forming good habits is hard work. Try brushing your teeth with the other hand for a week. Does it become natural? No. It could take up to six months to make that habit switch in your brain. Try eating with your non-dominant hand, or writing with your other one. You've formed a habit with these behaviors and it takes a lot of focus and determination to change those habits. Our habits are rooted in what we've been taught, how we were raised, what we were instructed about food, what we were given as a diet growing up, how we sleep, how we exercise, how we've used food and negative thoughts to cope, or how we have developed addictions. Until you address the root of your issues, and learn that YOU HAVE VALUE, then a lot of your behaviors are not going to change. This is why so many new year's resolution's fail, because the individual hasn't addressed the issue at the heart of what they want to change.

If you cannot change your habit for yourself, consider changing it for your health, your family, and for God. Dedicate your new year to loving yourself as the temple of Christ in this world around you. Dedicate your body to mind, body and spiritual wellness. For forty days, thinking about changing the way you think about yourself, your exercise, your body and your food. Maybe then change will begin to happen. You are worth it. You have a purpose here and being healthy is a part of that journey.

But for the love of God, don't think that juicing for ten days is going to do that for you.

****Some people really love fresh juice. Good for them. There is a ton of healthy vitamins and minerals in a good juice. It's just not my thing. And yes, I've done that. I had a juicer and I swapped it with my pal Sara for a couch. That's kind of the relationship I had with my juicer. :) If it is your thing, own it, but own it for the right reasons.

Love y'all--love all of y'all and how you are made.
~Anna

Christ Walk LIVE!

2015-11-20T04:50:00.001-08:00

Friends!

Come take a "Christ Walk" with me. Church Publishing Inc has loaded a video about the program to their website and you can visit with me as I chat up the Christ Walk experience.

You will see me hot, sweaty, and walking the talk!

Check out my author profile as well on the Church Publishing website where you can learn a little more about me, my health and fitness philosophy and how YOU can join the Christ Walk experience.

Christmas is coming. Lent is coming. But most importantly, your Christ Walk is coming. Join a journey to better mind, body and spiritual health.....AND bring your friends and family along for the ride! Get your copy here.

~Anna

Today is the Day! It's All Bracket's Day!

2015-11-03T05:38:00.000-08:00

Not to be confused with All Hallows Eve, All Saints Day, or All Souls Day. It is all Bracket's Day today. The Supreme Executive Committee over at Forward Movement Publications is releasing the "Lent Madness" bracket today of the Saints we will be studying this Lent. As you know, I am one of their celebrity bloggers and hopefully shepherding my saints towards the golden halo.

It's up to YOU, dear reader, to help me get them there.

First, check out the bracket at Lent Madness and watch as Tim and Scott release the panel of Saints.

Second, get your churches involved in this fantastic study of the Christians that have shaped who we are in the church today. We study saints to see how God has influenced the lives of others towards great acts of bravery, self-denial, and caring for the world.

Third, vote for MY beloved saints during the Lenten match-ups. THE SAINTS you want to follow (and vote for) are:
1) Sister Constance and her Companions
2) Frances Joseph-Gaudet
3) St. Roch

You can bet my saints rocked the Christ Walk miles and made a journey with Christ that changed the world.

40 Things I've learned since turning 40

2015-10-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know it is hard to believe, but I hit the 4-0 today. In honor of my birthday, I thought I would try to sum up some big lessons I've learned on the road I am traveling. Enjoy!

40. Food is not the enemy. Our attitude and what we have been taught about food frames our perception about it. Bring joy back to the table and the anxiety that people have about food will be lessened (Also, eat real food: life is too short for that processed crap. Eat and Love, real food).

39. Don't feel guilty about exercise. Exercise to enjoy what you are doing. Exercise to put the body to work for God's work in the world and you will have more motivation to get up each day. No exercise is worth it if it makes you feel less than you are.

38. Learn to love you. God made you for a reason.

37. Cured and healed are not the same thing. I am not cured of my disease, but I am very healthy in spite of it. God heals.

36. Stop and watch the butterflies.

35. Enjoy color. I have a bad habit of watching the pavement when I run. I push myself each time to identify colors around me in every season.

34. The Bible tells us multiple times to "Trust in the Lord." This is harder to do than it sounds. Trust in God in the big and the small stuff. I trust in God with my health every single day. I trust in God with my anxiety every single day. When I am overwhelmed, my trust in God somehow creates the hours I need to get it done. This may be the most important lesson: Trust in God in everything.

33. There are some years I would rather have a re-do in my life: years 38-39; 12-15; 17; 22-23, 30. These weren't stellar years by my reckoning. But if I stop, I realize I learned a lot during those years. Even in the midst of crisis, learning and love bloom. I cannot regret those years, they've made me who I am.

32. God really does love us and want us to be happy. Love can come out of crappy things.

31. Each moment, month, year, is just a splice out of the over-arching scope of our lives. We shouldn't judge the quality of our life by moments. Look at the big picture.

30. However, don't miss the flowers, the trees, the children for the big picture. God is the only absolute in life. Everything else: shades and nuance.

29. Parenting is hard. It's the hardest job I have ever had. I am fairly sure my kids will identify many things I did wrong....just like I did with my own parents. The good thing, they get to make their own mistakes trying to get it right.

28. Apologies don't cost anything but my pride.

27. My friends and family are my bedrock--you think I am a strong person? It is only because I am built on the love of my friends and family.

26. I love to travel.

25. I love to read.

24. I love to eat. I have a love affair with food. I love chocolate. Pizza is my deathbed food.

23. I love coffee. I love wine. I love to share all these things with friends and fellowship.

22. I LOVE my cochlear implants. I am blessed that God gifted people with the brains to create the technology that let's me hear. I love country music. My only regret is that I can no longer sing.

21. My father taught me about the church. My mother taught me about my faith. These are important distinctions. I don't always agree with the church, but my faith in God never waivers.

20. It seems to me, on both sides of whatever political or theological fence you sit, there are a lot of people that hurl accusations, labels, derogatory comments, and untruths. I wish we would all think a little about what we are saying. You can defend your belief set without tearing someone down. People rarely fit into the box in which labels put them and it builds resentment and walls.

19. It's REALLY important to understand the Christian church's history. The Christian faith IS influenced by history, society, and culture. God may never change, but our understanding of God changes all the time based on the microcosm of our lives.

18. I finally feel comfortable calling myself a writer. I am not sure how I am a nurse AND a writer, but I am. I am not very sure I am excessively good at either, but where your heart is, there also is your treasure.

17. I'm fairly sure God has a lot more things to teach me. Sometimes this scares me a lot.

16. I've learned to see ministry where I am in life. Sure, I'd love to hop on a plane and be a missionary in Haiti, or Africa, or somewhere, but it's equally important that I see a mission in my local community, and as a mother. As a mother, I am raising (hopefully) the next members of the church. The church would die without mothers.

15. I LOVE cooking in soup kitchens.

14. My body is no longer 20 years old. I REALLY do regret not enjoying it when I was that age. The flip side is that I'm getting better about not putting myself down. This is a pretty dang awesome body at 40 years. It's got scars, and mileage, some stupid mistakes, some great children, and lots of love in it. It may not be much, but I'm proud of what it's done. I'm ok with myself these days (I am NOT okay with whiskers--that's just cruel and unusual punishment, and proof that God has a sense a humor).

13. I am cherishing every moment my kids can still curl up in my lap. Every year, I realize they are getting bigger and bigger. It makes my heart ache a bit. Time moves faster and faster the older you get.

12. I wish I had been less judgmental in my 20-30s. I thought I knew it all. I am so sorry for those that had to deal with my judgement. I hope I wasn't too overbearing. And feel free to call me on my comments these days. I learning to make myself a better person daily, just like you.

11. I love that I have a zest for life. I hope it never goes away. I really do want to go out with a "WhooHoo" on my lips and a smile on my face.

10. Life, work, and family balance is crucial to a healthy life. If any of that gets out of balance, things go to pot.

9. It's really important to identify for yourself what the most important things are in your life. These can be your guideposts on where you spend your time. For me, the most important things in my life are God, my Family and my health.

8. You cannot divorce your spirituality from your physical and mental health. It simply isn't possible. If your spirit is sick, your body will suffer as well as your mind.

7. Stress is a killer. I am 99% sure my stress level contributed to my cancer diagnosis. I am very good at sweating the small stuff. I've learned it really isn't worth it.

6. Stuff is just stuff. It goes in the small stuff box. Material stuff, career stuff, physical stuff. It's just stuff. It's not going with me to heaven.

5. We don't think enough about heaven. I think that some people think it's a given and therefore it is a foregone conclusion to life. I am not 100% sure about that. I continue to study, and pray about it, but I do think what we do in this world and how we act towards others is important. How that all plays out in the end, I'll let you know when I get there, but I think we should all think about heaven a lot more.

4. It's okay not to have an answer or an opinion on everything going on in the church. Discernment is a phase defined by careful study, prayer, conversations, and theological reflections. You would be surprised the number of things I am unclear about in the church, and I am okay with that. It goes back to the principal of: TRUST IN GOD.

3. Work is good for the human body.

2. Miracles happen every day.

1. I am blessed beyond measure and understanding. I have far more than I could want or hope for in my life and I think it directly correlates to TRUST IN GOD.

I love all y'all. Here is to 40 more beautiful years of work together.
~Anna

Day 365: A Year with Cancer

2015-10-07T05:10:00.000-07:00

A year ago today, I got that call from the surgeon that the biopsy of my lymph-node was positive for follicular lymphoma. The picture of that moment is seared on my brain. I remember my husband sitting at the bar that overlooked our kitchen as he was working. My children were chattering away upstairs--I remember hearing them. I sat down on the foot of our staircase, and laughed at the surgeon, "You are joking right? I don't have cancer." We hung up the phone. Our farm box of veggies had just been delivered. I remember stabbing the box with the kitchen shears trying to open it to put away the vegetables. And I remember putting my head on that box and sobbing. My son came in the kitchen just at that moment. He bust into tears to see me crying. I held him really tight I remember. I couldn't imagine how to have this conversation with my family. I couldn't bear to break the news to my mom. Shock doesn't begin to cover what you feel. I am neither surprised, nor anything really that the gamut of my emotions followed the pattern of grief that is well identified by experts. I find no comfort that how I have progressed through this experience meets the norms. You never feel normal when you've been diagnosed with cancer. And while many talk of "finding the new norm," I am not sure there will ever be a new norm. Just like I am never sure that even if people go into remission, they "get rid" of having cancer. You see, I have come to believe that whether I live for 40 years with this lymphoma, or at some point in the future I go into remission, I think that I have been undeniably changed by this experience. In my minds' eye, I will always have cancer. It is making me into who I am today. I never expected it on my journey, but what do you know, it's making me.

I have not blogged over the last six months very much. There have been a variety of reasons for this lapse. One, I've been writing. There will be two more books out by me in the new year, "Christ Walk Kids" and "Sally and the Constellations." So there are successes to this story.

But I've also been silent because I have found that somewhere along the 6-11 month part of this journey, I looked into a mirror and saw a fractured image of myself. I was there, but parts of me were broken. To say I moved on from anger and frustration would be to lie to you. I STILL get annoyed when I allow myself to think of my cancer. Who has time for cancer? It irritates me on the days it rears its head and says "slow down." And being unable to do anything about the cancer, is a bit of a kick in the gut. I don't always watch and wait well. God always seems to be trying to teach me the art of patience. I often fail miserably and I don't know that I will ever get over that. Waiting is a part of that whole "new norm" thing that causes me to roll my eyes. Waiting doesn't fit into the world view of the action hero I want to be when I grow up. The new norm forces you to think about your perceptions of yourself.

This new norm really forced me the last several months to stop and focus. I really had to work with my doc on a means of living with cancer and still functioning, because it was tenuous at times. Those broken bits of me kept trying to fall out. And I found myself needing to apply glue to me. And in a very private way, I needed to do it without blogging.

Glue comes in many shapes, forms, and substances. It came in the form of prayer over the last year. My own and others. We pray as a family every night that God continues to take care of mommy's cancer--and thus far, God continues to show me grace in many ways. Glue comes in the form of friends. Those who were willing to listen. Those who were willing to receive random texts about fear and anxiety. Those who were a distraction. Those who treated me like "Anna" so I could figure out how to treat myself like "Anna" again as well. Glue comes from professionals who were patient enough to answer repeated questions of the same thing, that were a calm when new symptoms cropped up, and were unfailingly reassuring that watching was still the right thing to do. Glue comes in the form of the mundane. The pleasure of walking. The pleasure of doing things with the kids. The pleasure of writing. The pleasure of still having value in the world although I am a broken, semi-repaired, cancer carrying, child of God.

You see a year ago when I was receiving this diagnosis, my book "Christ Walk" was being published. I could not imagine that the book would do well. Who wants to learn about living a fit, healthy, and spiritually fulfilled life from a cancer patient? I was so afraid that this diagnosis was the end of my passion for health in the church. I thought God had made a mockery of what I perceived was my calling in life.

But you know, God works in funny ways. My book has gone on to do very well at Church Publishing, Inc. They tell me I am one of their best sellers. They've graciously decided to pick up my second book, "Christ Walk Kids." And people want to hear my story of faith, fitness, and health. You see, people desperately want to know they have value in the world, that they are needed and they are just as important when they have illness and disease. Illness, cancer, disease--these labels are devaluing to what we think of ourselves. We need to stop this. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US IS BROKEN, DISEASED, OR DAMAGED and we ALL have value in God's creation. I can still be healthy: mind, body, and spirit; even with disease. I really believe this. My cancer is a part of me and my journey and will continue to be for a long time.

So this is where I am now a year later. I am in a good place. I exercise daily, but not always running and training for distance. I pick things that feel good and bring me joy in movement. Each day, I search for the lovely in my life. I am awed by God's grace. When I feel anxious, or fearful of the future, I stuff glue in those pieces of me that want to fall out and pass the glue bottle to God to hold it all together. There is much I will never understand. There is much I have little patience for, and when those failings come to get me, I remind myself that I do trust God more than I trust in my limited understanding and funnily, peace follows.

In two weeks, I go for my annual CT scans. They will pump me full of radio-graphic material to see if anything lights up in my body as a new, or growing tumor. They keep telling me that I'll know when things start to go south. Huh. I still look at them a little crazy when they tell me this. It is so anathema to current medical practice not to treat when early detected. Consequently, if you are the praying type (and if you are not, I ask that you consider it--it makes a huge difference!), I'll take your prayers. I'm not sure to ask what to pray for? Spontaneous remission (always good); continued status quo (also acceptable); patience with the "new norm" (okay); lots of glue bottles if things go south (eh, it could happen)? I believe in prayer. I'll take whatever you are willing to offer.

So, keep walking with me, I am still on this journey and we will continue to find faith, fitness, and health together. I've decided to hold the hand of my cancer and bring it along with us. It's teaching me a thing or two. It might not have been the lessons I was seeking, but it's always teaching me. I hope you are learning something too.

With love, and prayers for another 365 day report.....Anna

#LentMadness Blogger Panel Released!

2015-09-22T11:41:00.002-07:00

ChristWalkers!

I'll be hawking #LentMadness as well as my usual blogs on holistic health this Lent as I have been selected to blog with the #Lent Madness crew. You can hear Fr. Tim Schenk and Fr. Scott Gunn talk all about it in the following YouTube video:

You can also read up on my lovely bio and the bios of my fellow bloggers on the LentMadenss website.

In other awesome news this week, keep your ears open for news about "Christ Walk Kids." It's real, it's coming. I am going to take your kids on a journey of a lifetime!

~~Anna

Lent Madness

2015-08-20T08:59:00.001-07:00

Rumor has it, I've been invited to be a "Celebrity Blogger" for Lent Madness this winter. How many ChristWalk steps do you think my saints will walk? I am really looking forward to the opportunity to stretch my blogging muscles, and I hope you will do ChristWalk AND Lent Madness for your devotional this Lenten season.

First off, you need to follow Lent Madness by clicking here.

Get your copy of the Saintly Scorecard when it's published so you can fill out your bracket during Lent.

Follow the Lent Madness blogs on the Saints that have spiritually formed the church.

Make sure you VOTE VOTE VOTE for the Christ Walk Saints.

If you'd like to see my "celebrity blogger" profile, along with my fellow authors, you can read all about us on the Celerity Blogger Tab.

I cannot WAIT to bring my own flavor of "Christ Walk" to the Lent Madness study. It's sure to be a great time and I REALLY want to see you there. ~~Anna

Clergy Do Christ Walk

2015-05-08T11:05:00.001-07:00

I cannot believe a week has come and gone and I have not told you about my amazing two days with the clergy of the West District of the Texas Conference of the United Methodist Church. I have new peeps in Texas now, and I am loving those peeps.

We talked exercise, burdens, addictions, habits, change, society, the Bible, solutions, and creating a healthy church. We talked FOOD. We talked wine. We talked fellowship and we talked how Christ is weaved into everything in our lives. This group of men and women came together in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Many different fitness levels and many, like me, who have illness that challenge their concept of health in light of a disease-ridden body. Much like any group that comes together, we were all different and all beautiful creatures of God. We learned how to expand our vision of Christ Walk and make it applicable to our everyday life as well as our churches. Most importantly, we came together to build the consensus that mind, body, AND spiritual health are necessary for healthy Christian individuals. The work of the clergy does not stop only at the soul. These wonderful men and women saw themselves as mentors of physical and mental health and saw how they also had to take care of their own mind, body and spiritual health to be effective role models.

Day one started out with an introduction to Christ Walk. We discussed change and health and how hard those concepts can be to apply in our busy lives. We discussed addictions and negative health habits and how easy they are to fall back on when life gets tough. We discussed the irony that when we need God most in our lives, we tend to turn to physical/human things (food, sugar, alcohol, drugs, stress, anger, etc) to cope, rather than turning to God. We saw that each step we take physically should be a prayer of thanks and of building this temple of the human body towards God's service.

Later on that evening, we moved on to a theological reflection on the World Health Organizations (1979) definition of health: "Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity." We all, 100% agreed that this definition was out of date, and lacks the spiritual importance of health. One can be healthy, if not cured; and one can be cured, but not healthy because of the spiritual damage done by disease. We discussed what society thinks about health. And then we discussed what the Bible says about health. There is a clear divide between what secular society sees as a healthy individual and what the Bible states we need to do to be healthy. There is a lack of emphasis in the world around us about building strong bodies to do the work of God for others. Our bodies are not our own. Our bodies are here to do God's will. We do not treat our bodies as though we were temples of the Holy Spirit.

The next day, we talked FOOD. WE ALL LOVE FOOD. But we all agree that we need to eat more of God's food and less food that's from an industrial plant. As I love to say, God did not hang meal replacement bars from the trees in the Garden of Eden. He gave us real food. We need to enjoy that food and use it to NOURISH our bodies to do the work we are called to do, not FEED our emotions. We discussed what a meal with Jesus would look like and what we would serve. I am hungry as I write this. A meal with Jesus would just be divine (pun intended).

Finally, I challenged the groups to write a prayer for a healthy church and goals to implement when they go back home. I am going to share with you some of what they came up with in their small groups:

Group 1:

A prayer for unity of a land and a people. 
Our hearts are heavy with the news not just from Baltimore, but also Ferguson, Watts, and other places.
God we are never separated from you, but we confess there are times we think we are; hear our prayer. 
God, there are times we think we are separated from each other, but we are connected-each to the other and we confess our intentionally created walls. 
God, we confess that too often we see these issues as "us verses them" when it's really "us verses us."

God, heal our land and our destructive tendencies. 
Give us the courage to let you into our hearts. You who are the great healer, heal our land.

Group 2:

 O Lord, our God,

We are fragile,

Held us to be strong

We are frail, help us to lean on you.

We ask you to put us under the waterfall of your grace

And draw us ever closer to you in our suffering.

We seek health over healing as our 1st priority

Help us to feel our worth by becoming strong in mind, body, and spirit.

After all, we are broken and you are the potter.

Make us and mold us and put us back together through your healing power and love.

In Jesus' Name. Amen

Group 3:

Gracious, loving and all powerful God.  Giver of life and freedom.

We lean upon your everlasting arms to heal our bodies, spirits, emotions, and our land and world.

Continue to affirm in us that we are wonderfully made and your creation.

Born originals enhanced in your light, enabling us to be the witnesses you have called us to be.

Amen

Group 4:

Father, God, I thank you for allowing me to be a part of your family.

How awesome it is to be connected with the Savior and Holy Spirit.

It is our prayer that in Jesus name, your blessing will flow freely and richly in our lives

as we come together in worshiping and serving you as clergy and teachers.

Thank you God for each of us that has a unique gift

You have allowed them to be woven into who we are: our passions and our talents.

God, you have put it all together for a purpose and you have a very special plan for each to use.

Thank you God that you have put each of us in situations where we have to use these unique gifts.

I pray Father you will strengthen us with your power

 through your Spirit in our inner being so that Christ may dwell in our heart

through our faith we rooted and established in love

and to know your love that surpasses knowledge

 that fills us to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Amen.

Group 5:

 God of grace and glory, we take delight today, in your presence.

We stand in silence before you because you know everything about us: broken mind and soul.

 Please touch us.

Touch our soul, bodies and mind and heal us so we might serve you to our greatest ability.

Keep us focused on the task that you would have us complete.

Gracious God heal us, collectively.

Give us the courage to admit and confess the ways in which we have hurt and offended each other,

and give us the humility to forgive.

Make us one with each other and one in Your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

Group 6:

Oh God of Wholeness, we lift up our pastors in the spirit of wholeness,

 Where the body is broken, bring healing.

Where the mind is stressed, bring healing.

Where the spirit is wounded, bring healing.

And Where relationships are strained and severed, bring healing.

In the name of the Great physician.  Amen!

Group 7:

Lord, I lift my eyes unto the hills, from whence shall my help come?

In our brokeness, we cry out to you.

We confess we have not taken care of the body that you have entrusted to us.

We have given into our desires, in our moments of pain and weakness.

Strengthen us, by the power of your spirit, to be good stewards of the body you have given us,

 the mind you have entrusted to us, and the spirit you have placed within us.

We are confident in your faithfulness.

My help is in the name of the Lord.  In You we are made whole.

Amen

Throughout both days we prayed, we laughed, we shared, we grieved, we cried, but we were healed.

Through these two days, we Christ Walked together.  It was good.

I cannot wait for the next time.

--Anna

My Six-Month Cancerversary

2015-04-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

My six-month cancerversary has come and gone this past week. It was marked by illness for me, my son, a blood transfusion for my dog (she may have cancer too--cancer just sucks), and a torn calf muscle for my husband. It's been a week, I'd like to forget.

But, a six-month cancerversary is worth blogging about. Every time I think of that phrase, or see it in writing, I long to insert "cancer-free" into the statement. If I'm honest, I want to bang my keyboard that I am unable to put those words in writing. It is like standing at the finish line of a long race and being unable to cross the finish line. It taunts and teases me. I am not cancer-free. I'm not sure what to celebrate.

I fall into that nebulous category of individuals that are not survivors. We haven't beat our cancer (yet). It is still with us. I call it my pesky parasite. There is no fist pumping moment of definitive success in my cancer story because there isn't anything I can do to fight at this time. I have to wait and watch. Waiting and watching is its own treatment option. It's a viable one in my case that points to a greater quality of life and a better long term prognosis. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be in the treatment shoes I wear....but in the secret, dark places of my heart, I yearn to yell the words:

"I'm cancer-free!"

No such luck.

Instead, the six month point in my journey is marked by a tight-rope balancing act of moving on. I still find myself searching for the new norm. I am a big believer in routine and structure to keep the focus on positive activities, and not those things you cannot do anything about. So, my routine and structure was defined by a training plan for a local ten-miler. I have secretly being going out each week checking off long runs on a racing plan, praying that I do not fail. Each step is a powerful thought of squishing cancer-cells under the sole of my shoe. Success was marked with each step and each mile. Through my run, my cancer couldn't stop me, even if it was on board for the journey. My cancer-posse cheered me along the way telling me how strong I was, although in my heart, I still don't feel very strong. But each step is marked by at least being able to do some thing. There is no sitting on my butt doing nothing in my world. I am a do-er. Running the race fills me with a sense of accomplishment and purpose. I will not sit back and take this diagnosis lying down.

And yet, even with every step towards a fight for normalcy, I find that it intrudes itself on my awareness more than I like. I'm a lot weaker physically since my diagnosis. My pace is a lot slower and it takes me far longer to build up my endurance. I also found (to my grief) that I'm a bit more susceptible to pesky germs. A bronchial infection has laid me up the last week, derailing my racing plans and again, looking at the finish line, but unable to cross. And let me tell you about night sweats--waking up 2-3 times a night in a pool of sweat because my body no longer understands how to regulate temperature is just gross. And annoying. Did I mention annoying? I like my sleep.

But here I am six months later. Still in the weird waiting place. I hope to tick off the "cancerversaries" in an annual fashion from here on out. I'm hoping that with each passing year, I'll decorate the weird waiting place with with race medals, tiger paws, sunshine, beaches, friends, family, and memories with my husband and kids. Hopefully in time, this weird waiting place will look no different than the walls of my house, or the love in my heart. Hopefully in time, the weird waiting place feels comfortable.

Will I ever be a "cancer survivor?" I don't know. But I sure hope, for as many years as God gives me, I'll THRIVE with cancer. It's the best revenge to thumb my nose at it and say, "You aren't going to stop me anyway."

So at my six-month cancerversary, not crossing the race finish, not crossing the treatment finish, not really doing anything, but learning to go on in life, let me take a moment to fist pump at yell:

"I'm THRIVING with Cancer."

Take that. Cancer still sucks.