Christian Marriage Spice

New York City Taxi Driver’s Sweet Lesson on Patience & Perspective

Marriage Lover — Wed, 02 May 2012 06:45:42 +0000

Disclosure: I read the "NYC Taxi Driver" written knick-knack on Facebook. I hate that my critical mind immediately resolves to: "This REEKS of being a chain letter or creative writing". Nonetheless... real experiences like this do happen AND it is a sweet, short, and thought provoking story.

It's amazing how incredibly profound simple love, kindness, and consideration can be. It's also unfortunate how intermittent and scarce it can be throughout our days. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control may not always be easy, but the mechanics are decidedly simple. It merely involves surrendering our hearts, preferences, and lives before God... gosh darn that whole "dying to self" calling thing.

Many small acts of love, care, and kindness in marriage, family, and in seemingly benign daily activities can surely write a wonderfully compelling life story that points to and radiates Christ-likeness. These moments indicate the Holy Spirit's movement in our lives. They also allow us to experience deeper redemption and sanctification that can bloom into more wholly pursuing and fulfilling the Great Commission in many ways.

Small decisions of love add up. Small decisions change our hearts day by day. Small decisions are acts of surrender and selflessness. Small decisions transform and renew our minds and hearts. Small decisions pave the way for more small decisions. Small decisions allow us to experience the Truth of scripture and promises of Christ.Small decisions increase in magnitude and impact. Small decisions can initiate an unstoppable chain reaction. Small decisions move people and infect community. Small decisions provide a foundation for a powerfully big life story that impacts and create generational legacy. This is our calling, opportunity, and invitations as servants of Christ.

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A Child’s Precious Understanding of Easter & The Simplicity of the Gospel

Marriage Lover — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 06:47:43 +0000

My lovely wife volunteers in the elementary-aged kids ministry at our church. Tonight, our church offered a couple special Saturday evening services to accomodate the influx of church visitors for Easter remembrance and celebration.

My wife was teaching the 4 year old kiddos about Easter and asked them, "Do you know why we celebrate Easter?". She was fully expecting an answer about [the illogical connection between] stealth-ninja, egg-painting bunny rabbits, ultimate kaleidoscopic scavenger expeditions, and the inevitable free-range parental consent of sugar-comas.

This precious little boy said "I know! I know!" and offered a beautiful and perfectly complete answer that illustratively explains the simplicity of the Gospel...

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Jesus Sat Up

Marriage Lover — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:57:27 +0000

Again, Easter offers an odd dichotomy for Christians: horrible pain and transcendent celebration, overbearing weight and jubilant joy , total depravity and complete grace.

We know there is overwhelming evil in the world. We know we "are not perfect". We know our actions... much less the depths of our thoughts. This is called sin. Sin creates debt. However, there is a problem... how can the debtor pay this debt? The debtor cannot undo what has been done. For humans, time is linear. We live and die.

Romans 3:23: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

The past is unchangeable. Justice and the satisfaction of "payment" must be made. This is not optional.

The payment is Jesus' death.

John 3:16-18: ¹⁶“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.

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“Good / Brutal Murder Friday”: Medical, Visual, Historical, Social & Cultural Perspectives on the Crucifixion

Marriage Lover — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 08:57:52 +0000

Easter offers an odd dichotomy for Christians: horrible pain and transcendent celebration, overbearing weight and jubilant joy, total depravity and complete grace.

Today is Good Friday. The term "Good Friday" is such a misnomer... "Good Friday" = The Brutally Bloody, Grotesque & Definitive Physical Murder of Jesus Christ. The reason it matters and that it is "good" is because of Glorious Sunday, when Jesus Sat Up.

In contemplative observance of "Good Friday", I thought I would post a few videos and resources that provide various perspectives on Jesus' crucifixion.

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A Prayer for Our Unborn Son & the Cry of a Future Father

Marriage Lover — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 03:57:30 +0000

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am so very excited and extremely freaked out! You have blessed us with a son!!!! I can't wait to meet him in August. You are entrusting a helpless baby with no knowledge or experience of the wretched world or your beauty to our care.

I'm typing this prayer with tears bursting from my eyeball sockets... in awe of you, overpowered by the responsibility you've entrusted to us, reverent of your sovereignty, and marveling at your creation.

Seeing our child wiggling around today in the ultrasound session was an unique and life-changing experience. What I've witnessed in this process so far is such a testament to your existence, creativity, power, and vastness. You have created LIFE in my wife! Only you have the power to create LIFE. Wow.

I am curious, excited, and anxious about the child you are forming in my precious wife's womb. Protect his body and mind as they grow and mature. I earnestly pray this boy is born healthfully. My biggest fear is losing him. My second biggest fear is having a son born with a deep physical or mental ailment. If I'm honest, the second fear is often my primary fear. Help us worship you and be thankful for your provision regardless of if our fears come to fruition. You are bigger than that. You are bigger than us. You are God.

Forgive me for my fears and anxieties. Please continue growing my excitement and trust in you in whatever happens and however you choose to bless us. Help me believe that. Much more importantly, help me live that in words, thoughts, and actions.

By your grace alone, help us be the parents you have called us to be. Help us model joy in and service of Christ, each other, your Church, and others.

I pray with every ounce of my body and spirit that this child meets you in a profound way as a young boy, and is never drawn away. They he is captivated by your glory, Son, creation, the Bible... Your people, and your commission. I hope he genuinely confesses faith in and allegiance to you as a young boy. I ask for miraculously profound faith in the death and resurrection of the crucified Jesus Christ as the only Lord and Savior of humanity. I pray his life is a testimony of a passionate and faithful soldier and servant of the risen Christ.

Please protect him from the sordidly pathetic Satan. The enemy is not welcome in our family or home. The enemy is fighting in a battle that has been over since the beginning of creation when you decided to come reconcile humanity to you through Christ. You have provided protection through the blood Christ... with a dependent, trusting, and humble heart... I run to your provision of protection.

Please provide him with good friends who know and love you. Help him be a shining light of your love as he encounters the darkness of the world. Help him trust you. Help him trust the wisdom and eternal Truth of Scripture.

Help him trust your commands over experiencing the sin of a fallen world. In moments where He ignores your divine design and sins... help him confess, repent, be fortified by Holy Spirit and Christian brothers, and have faith in the the complete provision of forgiveness and grace offered only in Jesus.

Give him wisdom and discernment in pursuing your plans and purposes for how he will glorify you in life... in school, in relationships, in occupations, when dating, and by your grace, as a husband, father, and grandpa.

Thank you for the church you've provided to our family... where we have the privilege of worshiping you and serving you with others. Our church is such a blessing. Please protect the leadership at our church and their families from the enemy. Please give them wisdom, discernment, passion, and humility to lead us and serve you and your people. Please continue growing their love and knowledge of you... and let that explode from within our church into the people, community and world.

Grow our appreciation and service of the church Christ died for... that He commissioned to reflect His glory, to preach and live the Good News to all the nations, to care for communities, and to pass on from generation to generation as a testament to Jesus. Your church is central to the great commission. Active engaged participation is not just our responsibility, but your commandment, and our privilege.

Help us serve our small group well. Thank you that our child will grow up in Christian community from birth... on day zero, our child will be around a flock of your seekers and followers. Holy moly... that is amazing. Our child is being born into a spiritual family that is a community of people earnestly seeking you. Praise you for that. That is yet another overwhelming blessing.

I get worried about what kind of father I may be. The task and responsibility are overwhelming. Help me prioritize according to your design and the Holy Scriptures you have provided. Thank you for providing a book testifying to Christ and your design in creation of man and woman. Continue growing me in the grace and knowledge of Jesus for your glory.

I often feel unworthy of the precious wife you have provided. I adore her. Help me not idolize her. Help me worship you alone. Help me serve her. Help me love her ever so deeply. Grow our friendship and care for each other. Help me increase you. Help me glorify you in how I think about, talk about, touch, serve, protect, and care for her. Protect my mind, eyes, and heart from the enemy who desires to separate me from you and my wife. Please continue growing me into the husband you call me to be.

Thank you for her caring, compassionate, and tender heart. Thank you for her love of you. Thank you for the time she spends with you and in your word. Thank you for the motherly instincts and skills that you have absolutely blessed her with.

Help my son see in me a father who serves, cherishes, honors, dates, respects, loves, and protects his mother.

I know my wife gets scared about the pain of childbirth. Please give her strength. Please protect her body during her pregnancy. While the pains of childbearing are a curse... pregnancy and children are a blessing. Help us cherish your blessing. Help her learn about you and relish the experience you uniquely created for and entrusted to women. If not for entrusting childbirth to women, humanity would surely have been short-lived.

My wife is scared about how physically demanding the next few years will be. As you know, she is quickly drained, feels sick, and get horribly exhausted when she does not get a full nights rest. I ask for a miracle in preparing her body for the sleepless nights required to nurse and care for a little baby.

Help me selflessly serve and pray for my wife. Help me go overboard in caring for and serving her. Give me energy to tirelessly serve her beyond my capacity. Grow my capacity to be more in line with yours.

Please give my wife's and my friends and family wisdom on when to offer advice and wisdom. Please also help my wife and I humbly and excitedly receive the wisdom you provide through the wonderful community with which you have surrounded us. Help them give good advice!

As people attempt to push ungodly advice and opinions about our family's decisions... help us be gracious. Help me not yield to anger. Help my wife not yield to insecurity. Help us use those opportunities to glorify you in action, words, or lack thereof when fitting and appropriate.

When moments of frustration, impatience, disrespect, dishonor, pain and everything else that comes to parenting arise... help us be thankful for the child-blessing we asked for... and remember your provision of the blessing... as a blessing and answer to prayer.

Please give us wisdom and discernment for the 1000s of decisions required for parenting... from decisions over the next few months, before we meet him... to providing counsel on colleges and life in his adulthood. Help us run to you for answers and lean on the community you have provided to us. Grow our faith in you. Help us teach him well.

Please give my wife and I opportunities and courage to verbally share about our faith in you and the testimony of Christ with others... so our son will see parents that courageously and joyfully share the Gospel. Help our actions back up our words.

Thank you for how you have financially provided to our family. Thank you for health insurance. Thank you for the warm home. Thank you for the extra room. Help us be thankful, but not dependent on those things. Help us not take your provision for granted, not worship it, and to steward it for your glory and kingdom. I also unabashedly ask for a plethora of MORE resources that can be used for multiplying and glorifying your name. Please continue cultivating in us hearts of thanksgiving and gratitude.

We are yours. I am yours. I offer you all of me to serve you and my family well. All we have is on loan from you... whereby you alone provide the intellect, wisdom and opportunity to multiply it for your glory.

Help my wife and I serve and honor you with our lives and worship. Help us be unified in how we model you to our son. Give us strength and wisdom in how we discipline him.

Our family is yours. We offer you our decisions and futures. We are your missionaries and disciples.

We live for your glory, and worship you alone.

I pray these things in desperation, with my face and knees on the ground at the foot of the bloodied cross, and the feet of your beloved, risen, Son.

In Jesus' name alone,

Amen.

An Authentic Conversation with My Family-In-Law About “The Blessing” from Dr. John Trent

Marriage Lover — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 08:12:57 +0000

A couple weekends ago I witnessed a wonderful conversation with my honey-cakes (wife) and my amazing family-in-law. I can't tell you how much I have learned about Jesus from them over the years. I may dive into this in a future post... in this post I want to focus on the conversation.

A great book called The Blessing deeply impacted my parents-in-law. Originally published in 1986, the book has recently been re-released after selling over a million copies in the past 25 years. The author, Dr. John Trent, is a fantastically sweet guy, teacher, and lover of Christ. With the re-release, they launched a campaign called The Blessing Challenge with the goal of impacting a new generation of parents and families.

The Blessing Challenge campaign also includes an accompanying campaign called Music That Blesses Others that seeks to continually inspire people with songs of blessing and worship. Shon Stewart is the host of Music that Blesses Other. Shon's story is compelling... he was born 2.5 months prematurely and was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. Despite his considerable challenges, he is an inspirational speaker and singer. Watch a video of his story and listen to him sing a song inspired by his life, written by his mother.

Again... I digress :-). I will further profile The Blessing Challenge and Music that Blesses Others in a future post because the mission is important.

As a response to the book and to further facilitate contemplation and conversation, my mother-in-law wrote a study / discussion guide to accompany it. My mother-in-law then requested that everyone go through the book and study guide, and honor / gift her with a family conversation about it for her birthday in lieu of a present. Her goal was to listen to and learn from her children and facilitate a conversation among the siblings... so everyone could grow in their knowledge and grace of Christ. Isn't that incredible?

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Celebrating the Spiritual Discipline of Celebration

Marriage Lover — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 08:38:35 +0000

The discussion of the spiritual discipline of "celebration" is quite confrontational and deep. We celebrate what we intrinsically value. If we look at our discipline(s) in life and/or lack thereof... it might actually point to an unsettling reality that we do not value with our actions what we profess to value with our words.

As you look at your daily life, what do your actions show you celebrate and deeply value? How often do you celebrate your comforts, preferences, or freedoms instead of celebrating Christ for what He accomplished on the cross? Do you celebrate yourself? Are you worthy of being celebrated? Are the things, people, or ambitions you celebrate worthy of your adoration?

Our small group is currently exploring the various spiritual disciplines. Tonight we discussed the disciplines of celebration and gratitude. I thought I would quickly post notes on celebration from the books we are going through. The books are Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard Foster and Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us by Adele Calhoun. The content in this post is referenced and adapted from those books.

There are a variety of ways to practice celebration. Unfortunately, most of us confine celebration to church gatherings, corporate worship, singing in the car, and occasional parties. The longest book in the Bible, Psalms, is a collection of celebratory art in the form of poetry. Sometimes the Psalms are filled with God-glorifying and focused joy and celebration... other times they are filled with depravity, lament, complaining, whining, and frustration. We need to stretch and challenge our understanding, experience, and practice of celebration! Celebration erupts out of our adoration of Jesus.

Joy is the end result of the spiritual disciplines being a reality in our lives and devotion to Christ. God brings about the transformation of our lives through the Holy Spirit and the disciplines... and we only know true joy as the Holy Spirit transforms and cleans us from the inside out. Holy Spirit transformation causes us to radiate in and from the Spirit, show abundant love, sanctifies us, grows our understanding and giving of grace, and molds us into Christlikeness.

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Real Marriage Conference – Session #4: Can We [insert something sexual]? with Q&A

Marriage Lover — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 11:42:14 +0000

HAHA... I hope the double entendre of title isn't too much!

This is the last post in the Real Marriage Conference series and covers the final session... "Can We __________? (fill in the blank with your sex question)". Christian married couples often wonder, "Can my spouse and I [do some specific sexual activity]?" This question is NOT uncommon. This discussion in popular culture is also NOT uncommon... it is just uncommon in church and/or in public forums related to church.

Part One of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #1: Friend (Not Plural!) With Benefits.

Part Two of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #2: Sex: God, Gross, or Gift? with Q&A.

Part Three of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #3: Selfish Lovers vs. Servant Lovers with Q&A.

After extensive Bible study and prayer, the Driscolls created a compelling framework for answering this question. Their goal was NOT to create a list of YES or NO answers to everything that can happen in the marriage bedroom. The reality is that scripture does not do that. Therefore, the framework is meant to assist couples as they discuss, pray, and consider their interests and curiosities. Pastor Mark and Grace are also clear to note they are explaining what a married couple MAY do, NOT what they MUST do.

In the book, Pastor Mark and Grace talked about the framework for answering sexuality related questions. They also go through a collection of specific questions related to: masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, sex toys, menstrual sex, role-playing, birth control, cosmetic surgery, cyber sex, sexual medication, and marital sexual assault. At the Real Marriage Conference, Pastor Mark only talked through the framework, NOT the specific activity questions. Buy the book if you would like to read the answers to the specific questions.

This is the chapter of the book that caused a LOT of controversy for Mark and Grace Driscoll. More liberal folks complain they didn't "go far enough", while fundamentalists charge they "went to far". It is important that Christian married couples have appropriate information and context for Biblical decision making related to sexuality. Christians make a lot of conclusions and accusations on this topic, often without sound Biblical reasoning.

They have also been negatively charged by some for not more thoroughly discussing the "heart motivation" aspects of this sex conversation (more related to the specific activities mentioned in the book). Most of the book and conference is about how the Holy Spirit transforms the heart, and that our intentions and heart condition matter in everything we do. Therefore, I will trust that principle extrapolates into this discussion.

The unfortunate reality is that in popular media and many sharky (and snarky) Christian circles, this chapter also somewhat eclipses / out-shines the rest of the book. For example, check out the full interview Mark and Grace did about this book as guests on Dr. Drew's TV show: http://pastormark.tv/2012/01/12/dr-drew. This is the fault of the media who mostly desire villify pastors (or Christianity) and sensationalize these discussions.

Again... Overall, the book is about celebrating God's intentional design and purpose of marriage. Most of the book is about friendship and servanthood! Technically, this chapter is also about that, but just within the context of sexual intimacy between a married man and woman.

Now... onto the conference notes!

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Real Marriage Conference – Session #3: Selfish Lovers vs. Servant Lovers with Q&A

Marriage Lover — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:00:35 +0000

Selfish is innate to the human condition! Due to the nature of sin, we are ALL sinful. That usually manifests itself as different types of selfishness. Pride is the default of the human heart. Selfish and "alive" are synonyms. That includes YOU and ME!

Under selfishness is pride. We think that whatever we want, desire, or are doing is more important than others'. We think, but don't say... "Don't inconvenience me with you... you and I should both agree on how important I am". Selfish people get married and have miserable lovers... that's just the way it works.

On a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is Jesus... how would you rate your selfishness?

Our world and lives encourages selfishness.

Martin Luther said "Sin is the self bending in on the self".

Part One of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #1: Friend (Not Plural!) With Benefits.

Part Two of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #2: Sex: God, Gross, or Gift? with Q&A.

Part Four of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #4: Can We [insert something sexual]? with Q&A.

Selfishness & Pride

Proverbs 8:13: "The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate."

Proverbs 16:5: "Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished."

Proverbs 16:18: "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."

"In pride... we don't love or serve our spouses... we USE them for our desires and purposes."
"Self esteem", "self activation", "positive self image"... all are pride.
In American culture, pride has become an extolled virtue, not a vice.
God's Plan A is humility. His Plan B is humiliation.
We should pray to be clothed in humility. This enabled us to put on the cloak and disposition of Christ.
In Western culture, pride is something that should be aspired to instead of repented of.
You can never be proud of your humility.... that defeats the reality of humility! However, you can be someone humbly pursuing humility.

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Real Marriage Conference – Session #2: Sex: God, Gross, or Gift? with Q&A

Marriage Lover — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 10:18:37 +0000

This second session of the Real Marriage Conference with Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll focused on the topic of sex.

It must be interesting for Pastor Mark and Grace to talk openly so often in front of thousands of people on this topic! All of the sessions were incredibly insightful, and this session was definitely not an exception.

Part One of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #1: Friend (Not Plural!) With Benefits.

Part Three of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #3: Selfish Lovers vs. Servant Lovers with Q&A.

Part Four of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #4: Can We [insert something sexual]? with Q&A.

The Beautiful Purity & Design of Sex BEFORE Sin

Genesis 2:18-25 contains the story of sex before sin.

Genesis 2:18-25:" ¹⁸ Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” ¹⁹ Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adamthere was not found a helper fit for him. ²¹So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.²² And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. ²³ Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ²⁵ And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

The core message here, is that sex without shame, anxiety, pain, baggage... it was pure.

Below are a few other observations from this text:

God made us male and female with equal dignity and differing roles.
Love is more like a song than a math equation.
Marriage is for one man and one woman by God's design.
God created our bodies and sexual pleasure "very good".
All sex outside marriage is a sin.
Sex is to be without shame.
Your standard of beauty is your spouse.

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