The Future of Addiction Recovery

Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

The Future Of Addiction Recovery

Are You a Proponent for Change?

Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

Addiction Recovery – Are You a Proponent for Change?

Recovery Revolution – it’s going to be public…

Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

Recovery Revolution – it’s going to be public…

What is Recovery Worth to You?

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Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

What is Recovery Worth to You?

The Stigma of Sexual Addiction

Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

The Stigma of Sexual Addiction

He Said by Christopher Lawford

Bill Wilson the co-founder of AA, sober alcoholic and I’m certain world-class liar for much of his life said that when you sober up a horse thief you’ve got a sober horse thief. What Bill was saying is that whatever the alcoholic/addict is in their active addiction they will be in their recovery – unless they change. And any drunk, dope fiend or loved one associated with said drunk or dope fiend will tell you – WE DON’T DO CHANGE WELL!

Every addict lies. Dishonesty, duplicity, deception, fraudulence, betrayal is the life-blood of successful addiction. The addict’s life depends on it, and most of us get really good at it. After graduating cum laude in lying we move on to the advanced art of self-deception and not giving a shit, so if you were to ask if our lying bothered us we would tell you that either: A) we don’t lie, or B) we never give it a second thought.

If you have never lived the addicted life it might be difficult to understand the imperative to reduce one’s entire existence to a lie.  Try to imagine needing something so much that you believe without it you would surely die, then imagine needing to have that thing ALL the time and that this thing you need destroys anything of value in your life whenever you have it and finally, this thing is vilified by all those around you who care about you. Got it? Now try to imagine trying to tell the truth to anyone around you, who is not in the same predicament, about ANYTHING in your miserable desperate life.

Recovery can be the process of understanding the different lies we tell, the gradations and motivations of our lies but I wouldn’t get your hopes up. I know far more folks who are blissfully ensconced in the sunlight of the spirit and are still lying to themselves and others, proving that we can be just as despicable sober as we were when we were using just not be quite as obvious about it.

You’re right that if we get clarity on the different lies we tell we may understand the myriad of reasons we tell them and some of us may stop but many won’t. The reason is the addict’s devotion to, and celebration of, their feeling states. The lies we tell allow us to engage in the behavior that produces those feelings, which, now that we no longer have our drug of choice, we now live for. Understand that for many of us, the lies we are telling are obscuring behavior, which in and of themselves may be co-occurring addictions though we have yet to recognize them as such.

I’m not sure about the fear of reprisal thing. Most addicts don’t remember or have much conscious/emotional connection to what happened last year much less when we were six. I think it’s hard for us to admit when we lie or fuck up because it feels really bad and it’s really hard to do, which are two practices in the human experience not high on the to-do list of most addicts. Coming clean and taking responsibility is the path to freedom and fearlessness. And doing these things brings relief and ultimately feels really good but only after the torture of being truthful. Those of us in recovery have all had the experience, usually early in the process when we were willing and out of moves, but as recovery progresses and we take back the towel we threw in and the god of immediate gratification remerges from behind the curtain of self-betterment to demand equal time in the spirit of  “we are not saints” we become less willing to do those things we know will bring a more profound fulfillment. Gee, it sounds a little like what happens to normal folks in the course of a lifetime.

Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

Hesaid/Shesaid

Shesaid by Adele Slaughter

Recently a friend was talking about a drug-addicted person who at the time was in the middle of his addiction. Bad. Shooting heroin.  She said, “If his lips are moving, he’s lying.” I knew this to be a true statement of the addict in his addiction.

What she said about him got me thinking about lying and recovery. About what kinds of lies we tell to ourselves, to our loved ones. I began leafing through my many books and it wasn’t easy to find good thinking on lying. All the writing seems to say: just don’t lie.

What do we mean by lying? It’s not just when something is white you say no that’s black. There are different kinds of lying. First, there is the straight-up lie: “No, I’m sober.” Or “No I didn’t sleep with him/her…” When you did, obviously.

Second, there is the self-protective non-admission of guilt, “I don’t want to discuss this right now….” when being blamed for something you did, and feel ashamed. You want to hide and protect yourself. From what? Abuse? Shame? Self disgust?

Third, there is the lie of omission…just not telling the truth or evading answering because the truth isn’t pretty. Again you must feel that you need protection.

Fourth, there is the lie inherent in denial, which is you lying to your self. “I didn’t do anything wrong, I was taking care of myself…” Reason for this, perhaps the ego needs to protect its pure self-image.

Fifth, there is the lie in bad behavior. With your words you say I care, but you are repeatedly late, or otherwise unavailable for your loved one.

Why delineate the ways we lie? Isn’t a lie is a lie is a lie? Not really, by seeing the differences we can begin to understand the reasons we don’t tell the truth and begin to look at what causes dishonesty.

It seems to me we lie, partially out of the habit of denial. Or just habit. We’ve been doing this dance so long we just keep on.

To “lie” means you are not taking responsibility for your actions. Right? So why not admit when we’re wrong?  Is it because of fear and the threat of reprisal?  When we were kids we got in so much trouble for the dumb stuff we did and we didn’t learn that it was okay to make mistakes and learn from the mistakes. We learned bad girl, bad boy and thus we learned to lie as a way to protect ourselves.

This is one of the most incredibly freeing things about program. We are given permission to admit when we’re wrong and apologize. “Man, I’m sorry. I will work on that so it won’t happen again. I really did not mean to insult/hurt/ignore you…” What a fucking relief to be able to say, sorry. What a relief to admit when you’re wrong; to stop hiding. What a relief to be unafraid.

What a relief to see ourselves through the eyes of our Higher Power, who did not put us on the earth to hide our light, but to shine. Admit when we blunder and move on. If you see yourself as God sees you, there are no mistakes, really. There is just you, this amazing eternal being of light, who is living the best she can in love and self-acceptance, honestly appraising herself.

Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

Hesaid/Shesaid

The world lost something with the passing of Betty Ford.  For those of us in recovery who care about this issue, Mrs. Ford was not just an inspiration, but a person whose courage and willingness to put her public persona at risk shifted the paradigm on how the disease of addiction is viewed and treated in America.

By standing up, being public and her tireless commitment to advocacy, Mrs. Ford impacted many lives.  She will be missed and remembered. Her legacy continues to make the world a better place for those struggling with drug and alcohol addiction and their families. When I heard about Mrs. Ford passing I was with a group of recovering people and what came to mind after the feeling of gratitude for her life was the vacuum.  The void left in the leadership needed to effect change when it comes to the way America deals with addictive illness.

What do we do now?  Where are we going and who are the people who can help lead us there? In 1978 Mrs. Ford stood up publicly, acknowledged her disease and worked tirelessly to reduce the shame and stigma associated with the treatment of chemical dependency.  We have come a long way in 43 years. Today, there is a new frontier that we must conquer; another paradigm that must shift.  And that is the way America will view and support those in recovery from active addiction and, in fact, the way the recovery community itself views and supports each other.

In a recent New York Times article David Coleman quotes Maer Roshan as saying,

“The recovery world is now where the gay world was then,” he said. “Back then, there was a still a stigma to saying you were gay. There was a community, but it was mired in self-doubt and self-hatred, and it’s changed considerably. Not just gay people, but the perception of gay people has changed. There’s a lot of secretiveness and shame in the recovery world, too, but that’s changing.”

Mrs. Ford understood the power of those with influence and means to profoundly affect the way broader society looks at things.  By standing up publicly and admitting her alcoholism, Betty Ford made it okay for millions of Americans to seek treatment.  We need Betty Ford’s brand of courage and leadership when it comes to changing the way recovery from addiction is viewed and treated in broader society. Those of us who have confronted the 800-pound gorilla of addiction are not to be pitied, patted on the head or treated with kid gloves.  People ask me all the time if I mind if they drink around me.  Or they heap praise on me for what I’ve accomplished. They’re missing the point.  Addiction is an illness like any other illness.  Nobody congratulates cancer patients for dealing with their cancer. They may comment on the grace or fortitude with which they approach treatment but that’s a different thing.  Those in recovery from addictive illness are only different from our fellows in the way that our biology relates to the addictive substances or processes.

Our disease or our recovery need not define us or limit us.  When Mrs. Ford stood up and publicly confronted her alcoholism she was the little known wife of the 38th President of the United States. I would guess that there are many more people on the planet who know and have been touched by the work of Mrs. Ford than know who her husband was. This is the example we should follow when it comes to recovery. That, in fact, the millions of folks in recovery walking the planet today can and will have profound affects on all aspects of our society and our world.  Many of us have been to hell and back, having emerged with the fortitude and the wisdom such a journey demands. Our experience and attributes are much needed in the world today.

Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

Betty Ford: Bringing Addiction Recovery Out of the Closet

Assessing Harm / Medication v. Addiction

Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

Assessing Harm / Medication v. Addiction

Really?

Post from: alcoholism recovery , and substance recovery support-Christopher Kennedy Lawford.

Really? The Video