Common Interests.

Have you ever had made a friends with a stranger?

Did the two of you have anything in common?

Yes- Great than you know the power of connection through commonality.

No- Great than this post will be even more valuable to you.

Ok so one of the dimensions of deep relationships I named is “Common interest”.

If you ever have connected with a stranger than you know its power!

There is no greater feeling in the world than when somebody knows where you are coming from.

There’s a bond there that seems to put people at ease.

And that is why it is such an important dimension.

So you know how important it is and why,

What else is there to go into?

2 Things

1) How can I better connect with the people I’m already friends with?

2) How can I connect with strangers that I have nothing in common with?

So first things first connect with those you are already friends with.

The thing about creating/ sustaining deep relationships is that

You must constantly re-evaluate them and adjust accordingly.

I say this because again before I began this series I realized that

While some of my friendships where on solid ground due to us

Having similar interest, other were losing ground because interests

Were changing, as they are known to do. This is were the challenge

comes in for you to realize this and either bond in a different area of this

persons life or maybe decide they are no longer worth your time depending

on where their life interests are taking them. Don’t involve yourself in destructive

habits just to remain friends. Well what if we don’t have any more common interests?

Ahhh Good question, the answer is…….Find one!

This point leads me to my second point, if you follow me.

How can I connect with strangers I have nothing in common with?

Easy, everyone has everything in common if we simply take the time to look.

Let me ask you a question?

Are you human?

Do you feel emotions?

Do you have people in your life that you love?

Do you have dreams, goals, or just want a more fulfilled life in general,

regardless of where you are at? Then you have something in common with everyone.

I learned a simple formula a while back in my nwm biz that helps to get to know people and

start building a relationship. The formula is F.O.R.M:

From/ Family, Occupation, Recreation, Motivation

From any of these specific area’s you can get to know someone off the cuff.

You- “Hey you from here?”

Stranger- “No I’m originally from ABC”

You- “Really, my sister is lives there off of Main St.”

You- “Oh I live down the street from there”

And so on and so forth.

So now we covered the fact that you have something in common with everybody.

We also covered how to get to know someone you don’t know yet.

So let’s finish with the people you already know and wrap it up.

This is the area that I personally have struggled with the most.

Again as time passes and people change.

As I have changed its been difficult to continue to connect with everyone in my life.

But I have made an effort one way or another.

I started working out with this friend because we don’t club anymore.

I started calling this friend every week because they moved across country.

I started a bible study with this person because they faith has become everything to them.

So can I tell you a clear cut way to continue to build with the people you love?

YES! The answer is determining the people you want to have in your life and commit to them.

Brainstorm ideas about what you can do with them?

Most important beyond or above all, tell these people you love them and you instead to

stay in their lives one way or another!

Post from: Christopher Nunez

Common Interests.

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Communication is vital to relationships.

For me I think that there are many different types of communication.

There’s the communication that involves “keeping in touch”.

In this random and noisy culture that many us have become accustomed too

it is no doubt becoming harder and harder to stay in touch with everyone.

I mean there are so many more important things that we should be doing right?

Another communication is the format of communication.

See some of us would retort my last point by saying,

“oh I don’t have a problem keeping in touch with folks, I mean that’s what facebook is for isn’t it?”

Umm, No. but let’s table that.

The last part of communication would be the quality.

Do you have that one friend that when the two of you talk it’s all about them…

What they have been going through, their complaints about how bad their life and so on.

By the end of the visit you feel more drained than whole.

That’s not good

So there we have it, the 3 tiers of communication within a friendship;

Frequency, Format, and Quality.

Now let’s start with Frequency

As I eluded to in my past post “The Story of History”

Good history can go a long way but it can never replace a good friend that you constantly talk to.

Now how often is often enough? Well thats up to you.

Everyday, Every week, every other week, once a month?

I think the frequency of how often you communicate with someone matters in how deep the relation is/ can be.

For instance I have some people I make a point of getting in touch with daily.

Other I talk to every other week.

Some that I only talk to once a month.

How often you communicate is also dependant upon the format in which you communicate in.

I mentioned facebook earlier and the reality is some believe that a wall post here and there counts.

Now don’t get me wrong, technology can make communication more convenient.

At the same time it can make more communication shallower.

The best form of communication is face to face, one on one old school “Talking”.

The phone is second best but it still langs far behind because of what’s missing.

Which is the Visual? It’s been referred to as the “7%-38%-55% rule”.

Which stated that “communication comprise 55% body language, 38% tone of voice, 7% content of words”.

So as you can see even on the phone you only getting 45% of the core of communication.

I mean if phone is your only option than, that all you can do.

In my experience though nothing stopping by and actually talking to someone means alot.

Finally the 3rd is the quality of communication.

What I mean by that is simply, what is it that you guys talk about?

Is it all surface sports, weather, news, and pop culture?

or can you go deep, like politics’, religion, beliefs, and dreams?

Are they the ones yapping and you’re the only one listening?

Or is it even on both ends?

The ultimate for any relationship is where you can have either deep or shallow convo’s,

with the both of you talking and listening equally.

So there you have it Frequency, Format, and Quality.

So there you go the basics of communications.

Did I leave anything out? Any questions? As always feel free to share.

Post from: Christopher Nunez

The importance of Blah, Blah, Blah!

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History, it’s one of the strongest ”pulls” in our lives isn’t it?

Some people live in the past.

While that might not be the best policy to lived a fulfilled life that another post for another time.

For the purpose of this post we are going to ‘assume” “reliving” the past is a benefit.

I am talking of course about “Good History’ between you and a friend. In my past post;

 10 Dimensions of Deep Relationships

I name one of the dimensions as good history.

Now why did I list that as a dimension? 

Well upon thinking about what made good relationships

I couldn’t help but to think of mine own.

One of the strongest forces in my own relationships is good history. I mean I have a friendship

that goes back over 10 years that’s a long time (for a 24 year old). 

It feels good to have deep roots with someone you care/cared about.

I don’t think I have to go into the feeling that comes over us when we

bump into someone who were close to awhile back.

Or even the natural rapport you have with someone you have known for ever.

But are there downfalls?

Well maybe depends on the relationship.

Sometimes we excuse a shallow relationship with someone because of the

history you may have with that particular person. This is cool to an extent.

Listen this post- series if that’s what you want to call it,

is all about redeveloping deeper relationship. 

So I am going to say something’s that make you uncomfortable.

One of them being the re-evaluation of current relationships that you have.

Here is my take. There are con’s to any benefit. 

What is the benefit of good history with a person?

1) Natural Rapport

2) Comfort

3) Expectations

4)  They know your story

And so on. I know there’s more but we will move on.

Now these dimensions could work for someone that you are still friends

or with and someone that you may have not seen in a while.

For example; Natural rapport would be something that could apply to both in that as soon

 as you see someone you were good friends a while back you “WHATS UP MAN!”

Comfort would be an example of a benefit of a long time friend, because well you have

 known each other so long that ‘comfort’ automatically develops over time.

But some swords have a double edge and there are always two sides to a coin.

So what is the downfall of good history with a person?

1) Natural Rapport

2) Comfort

3) Expectations

4)  They know your story

“Oh wait” you say Mr. Chris. “These are the same things!”

And that is the point. Let’s go through them one by one.

1) Natural Rapport

Now again natural rapport is a good thing, whether you’re revisiting or

 retaining the old friendship it helps to have that rapport already built.

But…………………….

I think that we take that for granted.

Here’s why rapport by definition is- connection, especially harmonious or sympathetic relation

But here is what happens, and I just as guilty of this too we don’t take the a few min

 before diving into how our day was or what went wrong with our day to

 re-establish rapport with the very person we care about.

It’s funny because I was watching this movie ‘She out of my league’ and I won’t spoil it for you

but toward the end one of the supporting characters picks up one of the main character to drive

 off into what is the dramatic end of the film.

Before she drives off and as soon as her best friend gets in the car she asks her, how are you doing?

 The main character say “good”

 and then supporting actress  asks a verygood questions after her response which is,

“ No I am really asking you how are you doing?’

I think that key to rapport,

I mean you’d be surprise that no matter how long you have known someone

that you still have to take time to peel of a few of the outer layer of the shell before diving into the “real” stuff.

 You do this by re-establishing rapport.

2) Comfort

Comfert is important because it allows you to be you around the people you know.

 Which is why they are your friends to begin with.

  If you weren’t comfortable with them than it would be hard to build a strong friendship.

 But here is the downfall, when we are comfortable we don’t grow.

 1) We may not want to talk about certain things or do certain things with that individual

 because we have never done it before. For instance;

 I recently started a bible study with 2 of my close friends.

 Now that made me a bit uncomfortable because

I have never been apart of a bible study,

 they are a lot more well versed in the bible than I,

 and well we are not accustomed to doing activities around spiritual matters

 but I want to take this step so we set it up and it went beautifully.

The second downfall of comfort is that we may not look for more meaningful relationships

 because we are content with the people we know.

I’ve heard on more than one occasion from more than one person

“I Don’t need more friends”.

 Why would someone say this?

 Well the only reason I can imagine is either they are complete with all the friendships they have

which may be so who knows or they don’t feel appreciated by the relationship they have now 

and think more friends will equal the same results.  

If that the case it’s even more of a reason to go out and allow new friendships to develop.

3) Expectations-

What kind of expectation do you have in your relationships?

 Do you expect them to be honest with you?

Do you expect them to stand by their word and do what they say?

Do you expect them to be there for you when you need them?

 Yes no maybe so?

 If so these are all good things and I would say that they somewhat should

be expected of someone close to you. But then there is the other side of it.

 What if your friends quite there job to follow their dreams?

What if your friends who has never been in business starts one out of no Where?

 What if your friends becomes a vegetarian out of no-where

or goes to work for a social cause that you weren’t aware of they cared about?

 Would you support them?

 Here is why I ask, I have been through some of those situations and the moment I

announced  “I am going to do this” I got the ”Get the F* out of here look”.

 Sometimes we want to go out and do something we have never done before.

But we are held back or criticized by our peers because

 it is not something they expect us to  do.

4) They know your story.

For me there is nothing more powerful they a close friend of mine

knowing what I v been through.

Whether it was the hard time growing on gov assistance and food stamps or

 my first real heartbreak and losing everything.

When a friends has supported you, helped you,

 and seen what you have been through during your most turbulent moments

well that creates a strong bond.

 The difficulty lies when they allow you to hold yourself back with that story.

 See most of the time it’s not the people around us that hold us back it’s our self.

 If we hold ourselves back because of our “story” we tell ourselves as to why we can’t go

to the next level then we deserve friends that will not allow that.

So know this Good history in my view is a very important dimension of friendship.

As long as we don’t allow it to hold us back from gaining more friends and/ or

becoming who we want to be.  It can be one of the most pivotal dimensions of a relationship.

What are some pros and con’s of a good history that you can think of? Any that I missed? Feel free to share.

Post from: Christopher Nunez

The story of History

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Freindship what is it really?

I mean I remember being young and your friends were all you had.

Whether you were apart of the cool crowd or not; everyone seemed to have a cirlcle of friends that they consistanantly hung out with and helped shape thier opinoins and beliefs.

Aww the days when we were young. It seems now that things have changed.

I mean ” back in the day ” being someones friend ment you had thier back. You were always together. It ment you would ‘ride or die” for that person.

Now looking back on that it makes me wonder how those extreme virtures came about and do they still apply today?

As I alluded to in my privious post;

“Not so Easy A”

I didn’t have a huge circle of friends in high school, but we did have each others back. I still speak to all 3 of them to this day and of course have made more frineds since that.

As a matter of fact it was a conversation I had with one of them that inspired me to write this post.

You see whenever I catch up with any of my firends from the past I always ask them about mutal friends that we have and the typical responce I recieve is;

” I dont know, I haven’t talked to them.”

So my next question obviously is

“Oh really when was the last time the two of you have talked?”

Reply;

“Long time ago. They were doing ok, but we haven’t talked since then. I normally don’t call people if they don’t call me.”

WAIT A MINATE!

Let’s rexamine the last half of that statement. ” I normally don’t call people if they don’t call me?

That has to be one of the craziest things I have heard.

Let’s take a look at this.

Assuming that you and your friends hold the similar opinons , which more often than not is the case.

Then we can assume that they have the same philosphy on keeping contact with friends.

Which is ” I don’t call you if you don’t call me ”

Then the only other questions to ask is,

Who is calling who and how are we keeping in touch with one another?

So I guess I said all of that to say this. My beilef in why our relationsship are weak is due to communication! Plain and simple.

But is it that simple?

Some people do go for long period of time without talking then when they reunite its like they never stopped talking.

Is that it?

Is that would makes a good friend?

The abilty to recconect without missing a beat?

But what if that friend has changed?

What if there are trust issues there now?

I mean I know Im not the only one plauged by this uncertainty?

Maybe I am. Either way this topic has been on my mind now for quite sometime and it wasn’t until recently that I gained some cleaity on it.

Check it.

I actually began writing this post before I gained clarity and I couldn’t get out what I was trying to express.

So as usual I took to my journal, asked some tough questions and here is what I came out with.

The 10 dementions of dominate friendships

1) Communication
2) Common Interest
3) Dependabilty
4) Camaraderie
5) Chemistry
6) Trust
7) Acceptance
8 ) Support
9) Respect & Loyality
10) Good History

Now these dont have to be in any specific order. Put them in the order that matters to you, If your one of those people whom could let anything past as long as you have a good history with the person than list good history as number one.

Here’s what my wish for you is. Take these dementions (if they make sence to you) and list it in order of what most important to you.

Then List all of the the friends in your life past, present, and near future and see how your relationships stack up.

Thats what I did. Actually I did it in reverse. I listed out all of the freindships in my life and examined what made that person a friend. You can do that too.

Then I simply look at who was in my life, who I wanted to develop a graeter friendship with, whom I wanted to sustain the relationship we have, and who was time to let go.

Its not an easy process but it’s simple and if you care about the people in your life it can make a big impact on your relationship with them.

I will be covering each of the The 10 dementions of dominate friendships in more detail in future posts but I thought this was enough for now.

If you think of something important that I missed feel free to list it in the comments!

Till then as always….

LOVE LIFE AND LIVE HAPPY!

Post from: Christopher Nunez

10 Dementions of Deep Friendships

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So a couple of days ago my girlfriend and I watched the movie Easy A.

It was a bit of a teeny blooper chick flick but I do have to say it was well written and had quite a few laughable quotes and moments.

At the end of the movie it was bedtime yet there was something not allowing me to sleep. I couldn’t help but to think about my “illustrious” (and I say that sarcastically) high school career.

How can I put this elegantly?

In high school I was the exact opposite of who I am today.

I thought I was too cool for the cool kids and for the nerds.

I was self conscious of everything about me from my dress code to my ability to go toe to toe if someone wanted to fight.

I wasn’t alone I had a big group of 3 (count them 3) friends who felt the same way I did about school.

That it was a bullshit social system disguised as a learning institution.

So while everyone else was hanging around the cafeteria we were by the main gate envying that our freedom was one step away.

Now you can imagine with this type attitude how far one would excel both socially and academically.

Yea back then my only progress was about as fast as a baby ant moving the statue of David (Pretty slow).

I think the only thing that kept me going was my need to prove all the haters wrong, my addiction to good weed, and the fact that I could compete in the occasional lunch time freestyle battle.

So why do I share this? Well a couple reasons.

1) Listen to your Pain

Okay so here is the thing. Like I said all this came to me around 12:30 in the morning and when it came up it hurt.

I mean I am firm believer that everything happens for reason and everything that has occurred was to make me the man I am today. Yet when posed with the question:

‘If you could go back in the past and change one thing without it affecting any of the positive aspects of your current life?’

I would have to say my entire high school career.

When I started thinking about it, a lot of pain came up. I could feel regret hit my gut. Embarrassment hit my heart and sadness hit my mind, to the point where tears almost filled my eyes.

My first reaction was to turn over and force sleep.

My next reaction was to turn the TV back on and reach for the comfort food and just zone out until I passed out.

Yet I didn’t. Instead I “listen to the pain’.

I don’t know why this time was different than the previous thoughts of high school but it’s was. I think it was due to a lesson I was taught along time ago. This was;

Your subconscious mind will not bring up bad memories unless it thinks you are prepared to process it.

It’s kinda like that quote “If God brings you to it hell get you through it”

But different in that you can ignore the requests of your subconscious and just dig it deeper into the memory bank of limbo.

So with that said I decided to pull out my journal and write down some of the “regrets’ and “missed opportunities” that have been plaguing me to this day.

2) Write it down.
When I began journaling I was surprised at how much it helps clear things out.

There something about getting your emotions on paper that are so cleansing, guess that’s why some of the greatest minds in history have left behind their journals to be examined.

3) Make a plan to deal with what is troubling you.

Now after writing down all the regrets of my high school past (and they were quite a few) I noticed two things.

One was that many of those things that I felt so bad about were either over reactions or have been dealt with over time.

The second was that some of those “regrets” where triggered by characteristics that I still have to this day.

Now while what occurs due to those characteristics might not be the same they are still there.

So I made a plan to improve each one and allow myself time to work through it without any rushing or judgment.

For Example;

I mentioned I only had a select group of friends.

Well there are many reasons for that but one of the main reasons was because I never made an effort to extend myself and get to know others.

The reason I didn’t do that was because I was really concerned about what they would think of me.

What I didn’t realize was that this habit was still following me to this day.

While I tell myself I don’t care about what people think as much, I still have not made an effort to give myself the opportunity to get to know more people!

Since this has come to my attention I have been intent on not only getting to know new people but solidifying the old friendship that I have that I might not be paying much attention to.

That’s just one example from me. There are more but I want to get to the point.

The point here is this no matter what our “failures” in the past may have been its never to late to “listen to the pain” get a piece a paper and work on them. You never know, an “F” or failure in your past might just be an ‘Easy A’ to the person you are today!

Post from: Christopher Nunez

Not so “Easy A”

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FULL DISCLOSURE 

I am writing a song called ”Victory Song”  and in that process I wanted to gain some motivation by looking up some the best victory quotes and in my search I decided to put it here to share with the world. Hope you enjoy! If you have a victory quote you would like to share feel free.   

“In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over them… self-discipline with all of them came first.” - Harry S Truman 

“Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more” - Louis L’Amour  

‘Failure is not fatal; victory is not success.” – Tony Richardson 

‘In the time of darkest defeat, victory may be nearest.’- William McKinley 

‘It is the fight alone that pleases us, not the victory.”-Blaise Pascal 

“Obstacles are necessary for success because in selling, as in all careers of importance, victory comes only after many struggles and countless defeats.” -Og Mandino 

“One may know how to gain a victory, and know not how to use it.’ -Pedro Calderon de la Barca 

‘Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.” -Sun Tzu 

“The bud of victory is always in the truth.’ -Benjamin Harrison 

“The harder the battle the sweet of jah victory.” -Bob Marley 

“The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile.” -Plato 

“To be prepared is half the victory.” -Miguel de Cervantes 

“Unconditional war can no longer lead to unconditional victory.” -John F. Kennedy 

“Victory belongs to the most persevering.” -Napoleon Bonaparte 

“Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting.” -Napoleon Hill 

“Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.” -Winston Churchill 

“Men talk as if victory were something fortunate. Work is victory” -Ralph Waldo Emerson 

‘I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” -Aristotle 

Of course I couldn’t leave without adding a qoute of my own so I will say………. 

“Victory will always belong to the person who seeks not war but peace because it is not just in thier nature but it is natures way!” Christopher Nunez

Post from: Christopher Nunez

BEST VICTORY QUOTES OF ALL TIME!

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Here’s to 24

Sitting here it’s 4 in the morn on my b-day listening Dave matters band

alot is coming into my mind

My mom and how much I miss here I don’t know if you have a mom or what it relationship is with her but worship her I wish that I could trust her enough to bring her back and I’m not sure what it is about my bday that makes me realize how fast life is moving and how much no matter how bad I want to hold on to it I can’t and that death separation and loneliness can be a beautiful and frightful thought int he same way the cold of winter can be harsh and beautiful as well.

Agh love what an never ending enigma

Who really has the key to unlock happiness

Who really knows their true purpose

So here is to 24

To loving, living, laughing and learning

That is all!

Post from: Christopher Nunez

Here’s to 24

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Why do have them and why do we keep them?

Ok here is the thing with addictions when you hear the word your mind turns to the worse.  I mean think about what you imagined when you read the word ADDICTION?

Was it herion

Or did you think of T.V

What I never realized how much they both were so much alike?

Now dont get me wrong Im not saying that if you stop watching T.V you get the same physical effect as if you stopped heroin, but thats the issue.

When I thought about addictions I always judged it by what happend if you STOPPED! Not the why it happens to begin with it or what it does for you while you are in the midst of if.

So lets take a look at this from the drugs perspective.

Why do people take drugs?

Well there are many reasons, they are depressed (Pills) , they want to have a good time (alcohol), They want to get relax (Weed) So on and so forth. Each drug has its own affect and each affect has its desired effect and each effect creates its own type of addiction.

But what is the one thing they have in common, what is the bottom line. Why do people take drugs!

“TO FEEL BETTER”

So lets take a look at some things we may not not consider addictions but we do on a regular basis.

Watching T.V

Now that may be a little vague think about the things you watch on T.V

News
Sports
Reality shows or any show in general?

Think about how something like this can become an addiction. I mean addictions are based largely about habit and isnt it a habit of a majority of americans out there to turn on the T.V First thing in the morning to catch the news Or how when we come home from work.

I know Im guilty if this, if it’s 530 you better believe PTI better be on or something doesnt feel right.

Or what about these reality T.V show that we all watch and vicariously live through.

And thats just one addiction.

What about the other one I mentioned food.

Do you think I dont bite into a big piece of cake after a long day.

Heck as Im writing this im warming up some chocolate chip banana nut bread that I know I probably shouldnt have at 8:30 at night but do I care?

Nope!

After the kind of day I had I feel I deserve it. But would I say Im addicted to chocolate chip banana nut bread no, but more often than not if Iv had a bad day or what not I go for my comfort food.

I believe they call it “STRESS EATING”

But whatever its called its an addiction.

Something else that an addiction dose other than make us feel good is they distract us us from whatever may be challenging us in our current life.

The moment we turn on that T.V or eat that first peace of cake a chemical gets released in our brain from the trigger we have created of repeating that action every time we are stressed as a relief.

What about the drama that we see when we watch T.V.

Does it just make us feel a little bit better about our lives.

Yes it does and thats why all thoses “STARS” make millions because its entertaining, distracting, and…. on some weird distorted level makes us feel better about our situation.

So why do I write this? Do I have my own 12 step “personal development Plan” to break out of all the ADDICTIONS in your life.

NOPE!

As much as that sounds good and would even attract alot of attention in the personal development blogosphere world I don’t have a 12 step program for you, nor some magic bullet type of formula you can use.

Because no one can rid you of your addictions but you.

Do you know what the success rate of AA is?

Don’t feel bad no one does really. I mean there are some figures out there but the overall there are no hard number because of all the variables (Mainly people)

Another reason its so hard to gage is because based on what AA teaches is once an addict always an addict.

But once you learn that we are all addicts in some way shape or form than that wisdom kinda goes out the window.

I will say this, that from my vantage point addictions are just a strong habit that we have picked up over the course of our lives to help aliviate stress in one form or fashion.

Now that we can say what we know about breaking bad habits in that you cant break you must replace them, and hopefully replace them with something better.

I guess another thing we can take away from this that we are not necessarily addicted to the “THING” as much as the feeling.

With that logic we can just tweak our language to adjust to our addiction, For instance instead of saying ” I am addicted to Weed”

You could say that “I am addicted to feeling relaxing laughing at silly stuff and eating double stuffed oreo’s at 2 in the morning” (Guilty)

But once you find the true ADDICTION in how you feel which is the why we do the ADDICTION, then you can find alternate healthier ways to exercise your ADDICTIONS.

Or not really the choice is ours and always will be.

So with that said I will just wish those of you who wish to stop an ADDICTION the best of luck and those of you who are ok with yours (Becuase there really nothing wrong with being stuck on Lost right?)
The best.

If you are reading this feel free to leave your comments on your previous, current or future ADDICTIONS and how you cope, over came, accept any and all of them.

Thanks for stopping by!

Post from: Christopher Nunez

ADDICTIONS

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What if hate was the key to unlocking love?

What if war was the key to unlocking peace?

What if death was the key to unlocking life?

Theses are some tough questions to swallow and there good question because they “unlock” some thinking.

What if that the key in what we are looking for was found in the paradox in which we avoid?

Life sometimes is built on paradoxes. For example;

In order to become a Leader we must first learn to follow.

In order to become successful we must first learn to fail.

In order to become knowledgeable we must first ask questions and admit ignorance.

So on and so forth…..

Each of these things is hard to do especially do them at the same time but what if by doing one we automatically unlock the other.

You follow leaders so well that you in turn you become more like them and by being more like them people start following you and vulah you become a leader!

But what I’m talking about here is in my eye’s the ultimate paradox;

                      Disciplined enough to be free!

 When you hear the words freedom and discipline what comes to mind?

When I think of discipline I see it as something that limits my options or as something I have to do even though I don’t feel like doing it (i.e. working out, making cold call, and going to the office on Monday Morning). So in essence any time I hear the word discipline I kind of cringe;

Cringe like a business owner when a letter from the IRS comes in.

Cringe like a student being called to the principle’s office over the school P.A.

Cringe like when the in-laws are coming.

Cringe like nails on a chalkboard.

Cringe like a vegan in butcher shop or a peta member in fur coat convention. Cringe like… well you get the point I cringe.

In other words it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Largely because I feel like it is a part of my life that I have not mastered.

Ok let me be honest I know I haven’t mastered it. I like to think of myself as an extremist. I have always taken pride in the fact that if I set my mind to it I could do something.

But in my case that included becoming the utmost extremist and throwing my life out of balance just for the very thing I was attempting to discipline.

Now let’s jump on over to the other side. FREEDOM

When I think of freedom I think of the ability to be spontaneous and just do whatever I want without giving it a second thought. Like a little kid who wants to eat cake before dinner. That child like feelings of the desire to “do what I want when I wanna”

So by nature Freedom and Discipline may appear as opposing forces but alas they are not and there in lies the paradox.

Let’s define both words and see how they compare.

Webster defines freedom as;

1: the quality or state of being free: as a: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b: liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another.

Webster then defines Discipline as;

4: training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character

So to put a definition to the paradox which is freedom and discipline one could come to the conclusion;

“That by utilizing training that corrects & perfects moral character one can be absent of necessity and liberate oneself from any restraint outside of his or her power”

I’ve heard said many ways;

“Do today what other don’t so you can have tomorrow what others wont’

“Discipline weighs an ounce but regret weighs a ton”

‘If you don’t have discipline you don’t have anything”

But here is my take and discipline in my own words.

“Am I willing to do what I don’t want to do NOW so I can do what I want FOREVER!

So in the end I always look at my reward vs. my outcome and when that little boy comes out of me and wants to woof down on some chocolate cake before I’ve had my big salad I just say,

“Hey cake now or cake later either way I’m either enjoying it because I deserve it or because I fought it, which would I prefer?”

So what is your chocolate cake and how do your institute discipline in your life?

Post from: Christopher Nunez

My Chocolate Cake Paradox

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What were some of the things you heard growing up in regards to money?

“Money is the root of all evil”
“Money doesn’t grow on trees”
“Rich people are greedy”
“Those people are Filthy Rich”

Have you ever thought of how your thoughts on money might be affecting your prosperity?

Better question is; have you ever seen a rich person with a nice car or a piece of “outrageous” jewelry and just thought;

“God how sick, if I had that kind of money I would do something better than spend it on worthless things.”
Or
“I can’t believe someone can make that much money while there is still starving people out there in the world!”
Or
“Must be nice, too bad I could never afford something like that”

Well those are some of the things that I heard growing up matter of fact, when I would ask my mom for something and she would respond,
“What do I look like I’m made of money?”
I would always laugh and say “No but if you were I’d take an arm and a leg” (Stole that joke by the way)

Back to the point growing up I heard this stuff all the time.
My mom was a Portuguese immigrant, single mom, and working under the table to make ends meat.

I don’t say that to get pity or share my sob story, but to illustrate that money was an issue when I was growing up and I was raised to believe that it was evil
(alot of it any how). Then something changed; I read something that really stood out to me.
It was a Huna Philosophy, which is better known as Hawaiian spiritualism, and it said;

“Bless that which you want”

Simple yet profound. As soon as I read it, it made sense. Think about it, you don’t say (unless you a super villain)
Damn super hero why is he always trying to save the world. I wish superman would just stop, how dare he fly while there are people who can’t even walk”

Stupid right but in essence we are having the same conversation in our head about money, and it’s due to the way we perceive it.

If your mind relates those negative emotions in connection with the things you want, it will steer clear. Make sense?

It did when I read it because that is what was happening to me. I was all wound up about how money was evil and all I wanted to be was just a simple man making a humble living. (Bull!!!!)

Deep inside I wanted greatness, and I think we all due, to some certain extent.

Many people will even argue that the term “Money is the root of all evil” is biblical, eluding that even God thinks it’s immoral to be wealthy.

My response that to that is twofold;

First; the actual verse states
”For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” (1 Timothy 6:10 NIV)

Which means that yes if you put money before your faith it will lead to evil, but that does not make money the root of evil. The root of evil would be any man or women who turns away from what they believe for a quick flip.

The second point is this;

Did you know that there are 2,350 verses in the bible about money.
1 out of every 6 verses in Matthew, Mark, & Luke are about material possessions.
That Jesus himself spoke more about money and how to use it than he did about heaven and earth combined!

My personal favorite verse that really drives this point home is:

I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. (John 10:10 KJV)

Abundantly being the key word. Abundant in life, love, faith, and finances!

Moving on I would just like to quote one other book; Atlas Shrugged.
Atlas Shrugged was second to the Bible as the book that made most difference in American readers’ lives. So it’s only right that I quote what this book says about the evils of money.

“So you think that money is the root of evil…. have you ever asked yourself what is the root of money…money is only made possible by the men who produce… is this what you consider evil….have you ever looked for the root of production. try to grow a seed of wheat without the knowledge left to you by men who had to discover it for the first time…..wealth is the product of a man’s capacity to think….money is made-before it can be looted or mooched-made by the effort of every honest man…an honest man is one who knows that he cant consume more than he has produced….is this what you consider evil….money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you want but it will not replace the driver…money will not serve the mind that cannot match it. Is this the reason why you call money evil….or did you say that love of money is the root of all evil…to love money is to know and love the fact that money is the creation of the best power within you…the lovers of money are always willing to work for it. They know they are able to deserve it…..until and unless you discover that money is the root of all good, you ask for your own destruction…when money ceases to be the tool by which men deal with one another, then men become the tools of men…blood,whips,and guns, or dollars..Take your choice there is no other but your time is running out.”

Wow powerful, when I read this it hit me like a freight truck!

So I’ll end with this question, what is your prosperity IQ?

Below I have included a prosperity quiz that I took. This quiz was created by Randy Gage. Which if you have not read any of his books I highly recommend that you do. It helped me greatly with my mind set towards money.

1) Do you secretly fear that if you become wealthy your family and friends might not like you anymore?

2) When you grew up, were you ever told things like “we may not be rich, but at least we’re honest!”?

3) Did your religious upbringing teach you that it is noble to sacrifice now, and that your reward will come in the afterlife?

4) Did you (or do you) feel guilty when you started earning more than your parents did?

5) Were you raised to fit in and not do anything to stand out?

6) Did you grow up liking shows like Dallas, Dynasty, Gilligan’s Island, M.A.S.H, and The Beverly Hillbillies? Where rich people were always presented as unscrupulous and conniving, or pretentious and bumbling?

7) Do you have chronic health challenges that doctors can’t seem to solve?

8 ) Did you ever get jealous of people with expensive clothes, cars and homes –which may have led you to develop a subconscious “hate the rich” mentality?

9) On some level, do you think it is somehow noble, romantic or spiritual to be poor?

10) Did you ever end a negative relationship- then immediately replace it with another one with a person just like the last one?

11) Have you sometimes used judgmental expressions like “poor as a church mouse,” “filthy rich” or “obscenely wealthy”

12) Have you ever made excuses for failure by saying things like “you have to have money to make money” “you have to know someone” or “you have to get in at the top”?

13) Do you relish being the underdog and fighting against the odds all the time?

14) Is it possible that you are experiencing health challenges, financial challenges or business failures in order to evoke sympathy and attention from people you are close to?

15) Are you in a stable relationship, have enough money to meet your needs and basically healthy- but just feel like life is passing you by?

How did you score?

13 to 15 No’s

You have a very strong prosperity consciousness and can probably pass this
quiz along to someone else.

Yes to 3+ Questions

You likely have some issues of worthiness on a subconscious level. You may be in a holding pattern, afraid to leave your comfort zone. You’re probably not radically unhappy, but there is no passion and excitement in your life. You know something is missing, but you may not know what.

Yes to 5+ Questions

You are quite likely in a stagnancy cycle. You make small advances, but also experience setbacks, so that you are not really breaking through to the real success and happiness you desire and deserve.

Yes to 7+ Questions

You are headed toward or already experiencing a definite downward track toward serious emotional, physical and financial challenges. This is the kind of “victim cycle” Randy Gage was on when he lost everything at the age of 30, before transforming his life and becoming a multi-millionaire. It is imperative that you take immediate action to break the pattern ad stop the failure cycle. This will involve uncovering the limiting beliefs you possess on a subconscious level, and radically reprograming yourself with positive ones.

So remember “bless that which you want” and know that to be rich is to do nothing more than fulfill and enjoy all that God has put on this earth for you to enjoy!

Post from: Christopher Nunez

Is Money the root of evil?

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