An open letter to my readers, followers, friends, partners, clients, customers, and pretty much everyone else who I’ve met online or in real life:

Over the years, at the advice of my mentors and many of the guru’s out there I’ve set up various layers of staff between me and you all, really in an effort to get more done.

But I feel very disconnected from you.  Yes, I’ve set out surveys, opened up teleclasses for questions, and spoken to a few people on twitter/facebook, but that’s really not enough for me to get what’s going on with you, and for us to really connect.

This issue became really clear to me after I went to Monster Vegas Tweetup last weekend, where I connected in person with dozens of other business owners I know via twitter.  It’s amazing how much closer I feel with my twitter friends/network & how many potential powerful projects are already coming out of that night!  Really, engaging with each other in real life, or on the phone, is the only way to develop a lasting connection & take it to the next level.

So … what’s going on in your business?  What struggles are you having right now?  How are you not being served by what’s already out there?  What’s your big idea, purpose, mission, or dream? What’s missing for you in your business (or how it fits into your life) right now?  Tell me more!

If you reply to this email with your direct phone number, I’ll call you back in the next week or two to speak with you.  (If you just want to respond by email, that’s great too!)

The #1 goal of the call is to learn more about you, your business, and your situation.  I probably will only be able to spend 15-20 minutes per call — otherwise I’ll be on the phone forever!  :)

Of course, if I know of a resource that may help you, I’ll share that resource just like I would with a personal friend.  But the point of the call is not any sort of pitch for anything in particular — the point is to hear more about you.

Thank you so much for listening to me over the months/years!  I look forward to listening to you!

Thanks,

Elizabeth

P.S. I’ve also changed the Contact Us forms and reply-to emails so that I personally get your email replies & inquires.

P.P.S.  I’ll let you know how this works out … it’s either a brilliant idea or completely nuts.

If you would like to “Tell Me More” just fill out my Contact form on the site — the emails come directly to me — OR make your appointment directly on my calendar (added 6/20/09).

—

Update 6/15/09: After sending out that email to my list (and posting a link and request for the same info on twitter & facebook) I immediately received *dozens and dozens* of responses (and more are coming in every day).  I’m honored and amazed at the deeply personal emails people have sent me (as well as how many people want me to call them back) — people are so *longing* to make real connections with each other!

How am I dealing with all of these emails and phone calls?  I read many of the emails as they come in (just can’t help myself) but I’m only answering emails about once per day, at the end of the day — typically in a few sentences.  My plan on the phone calls (I’m out of town visiting family right now) is to spend 1-4 hours at a time in a marathon of calling people back (if they don’t answer, I’ll put them on the list to call in my next time block) — this will be while my daughter is at Cubes & Crayons (hourly childcare/co-working) or while she’s at gymnastics or music class.  I’m so excited about this project — and I’ll let you know how it goes.

Update 6/19/09: Wow.  I have 70+ phone calls to make, and have only had 5 live conversations with people so far.  A few issues — I tend to speak to each person for 30 or 45 minutes instead of 10 or 15 (but people are just so interesting!!!) and there’s a big phone tag problem.  Whenever I do this again, I’ll have each person sign up for a particular day/time.  And I might do this anyway, hum.

But just the few calls I’ve been able to have are already *amazing* – people are doing so many powerful things in their business, and it’s wonderful how I can just give one off-the-cuff idea that helps them in their situation.  I’ve also been able to hook up w/ some great future joint venture partners that I was not aware would make sense … sometimes you have to speak to someone to see the real connection.

So if you asked for me to call you … it may be a week or two to get back to me. Thanks for being patient!

Update 6/26/09:  After 2 weeks of calls I’m sure that this will not be a one-time event.

Speaking with people on my list for just 15 minutes is really the most amazing survey I have ever done.  If you ask people “what challenges are you facing” in a survey they will give you answers, but many times the real challenges are the ones they cannot articulate yet.

After speaking with a few dozen people, there are some commonalities, more than just “we’re in a recession so it’s hard to get clients” etc.  Many of you are full of business & project ideas and don’t know which to pick.  Many of you have established businesses that are not your actual passion, and don’t know how to merge the two.  You’re overwhelmed with options and don’t know what to implement in what order.

And you have *amazing* businesses and passions! I’m talking about: starting a cable TV show, teaching financial basics to young adults, using hawaiian culture in personal development, showcasing local non-technological businesses, creating a positive community for divorced women, making handmade wigs, and more!

Still making more calls next week, and there are a few spots still left … sign up on my calendar asap to get your spot!

Make sure to join us next time for the Monster Vegas Tweetup!

And here are the outtakes/afterparty (yes, this one is, ahem, PG-13).

Here’s a quick-edit video of the shoot for your fun & enjoyment – all the pics coming soon!

~ Elizabeth

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~ Elizabeth

P.S. Don’t forget to enter The Money Tree Contest! The entries are coming in … (and don’t forget to add how you will implement the system asap)

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But the business finally took off after the San Jose Mercury News published a wonderful feature about me in Summer 2004, and the biz had its first profitable months with an almost-full load of clients. Of course, that was just about the time we got pregnant (after we had stopped officially “trying” and had decided to put it off until my business was further along, lol).  

Four years ago today, after just 4 hours of easy labor (used hypnobirthing) and 45 minutes of intense-craziness at the end, Grace was born at 3:44 PM.  When we got home we went through the adventure of nursing with a girl who did not care about eating (and kept losing weight) until she was 4 1/2 weeks old.  She did sleep wonderfully (7 hrs at night at 5 weeks!) but could not stop moving — living in a sling, Baby Bjorn, swing, or Amby Motion Bed.  Her newborn quirks were a big shock to me. 

After those 7 weeks of intense newborn-dom, I came back from maternity leave to my business as a mom entrepreneur.

Phase 1:  Part-Time Nanny & Trading Hours for Dollars

After my daughter was born, I had fleeting thoughts of dropping my business and simply being a stay at home mom for a while (course, nothing simple in that, eh?).  But I did not feel finished with working, and frankly, I needed a break from my high-intensity, clingy daughter.  I needed grown up, intellectual stimulation.  And a situation where no one was trying to get inside my shirt.  

Since I was still seeing clients in person, I needed care for my daughter while I was working.  But day care did not seem like a good option for us, since I wanted to nurse her without pumping, and she was an always-needing-to-be-carried kind of kid.  And, face it, I wanted control over the situation and day care made me nervous.   So instead of getting on the (long) waiting list of a good day care, we opted for a part-time nanny.

We hired our wonderful nanny Sarah using Town & Country Resources nanny service.  She was more expensive than we had imagined, but she was unusually suited to us – she had a college degree, was working on her own floral design business, and had tons of nanny experience.  And, she enjoyed carrying Grace around in a sling for hours each day.  

My business went through a short post-maternity slump, because I had not been marketing or prospecting during my leave (ah, the days before online marketing).  But after a few months, I was back in business.  

Lesson Learned:  We must automate our marketing (via online marketing, eZine’s, auto-responders, etc.) to avoid slumps when life gets crazy. 

Phase 2:  The Nanny Turnstile & I’m Bored.

In Spring of 2006 I seriously thought about shutting down my business.  The business had plateaued.  And since I was bored, I did not want to pound the networking pavement to fill up the rest of my practice.  Heck, I didn’t want to fill up my practice – I resented spending time on clients.  As was not making enough money.

Instead of shutting down my practice, I hired two coaches – Kim Fulcher as my life coach and Kelly O’Neil as my marketing coach.  And gave my business another 6 months to turn around.  Kim helped me bring some balance and intention back to my life, and, for the first time, helped me find the beliefs about money and success that were keeping me in self-sabotage mode.  

Kelly kicked my butt in marketing, got me (scared and wining) to schedule my first teleclass series, and brainstormed with me to come up with the new name for my business, “The Wealth Spa.”  I started my first blog that August, and learned about Ali Brown & this whole information marketing thing.  My business world was getting interesting again.  

Then nanny Sarah went on maternity leave, so we were forced to hunt for new nannies.  We went through 4 nannies in 6 months (including a brief stint from Sarah who realized she wanted to be home with her own baby).  I can’t even tell you how many women we interviewed.  Gave offers that were too late, considered women who were less than optimal.  Then the last nanny worked for us for only 6 weeks until she gave her leave, and I was on search again.

Every time we were nanny-less I had to fight for solutions.  Backup daycare through my husband’s work was okay, but Grace always came home with a cold afterwards.  Working at home with her was okay for email but did not fly for client appointments.  When my parents were in town (from St. Louis, Missouri) they watched her so I could make client calls & teach a teleclass.  Course they could not make the 2000 mile commute more then for a vacation visit.  

Lesson Learned:  Before the breakthrough there is a breakdown – so welcome the breakdown, it means you’re ready to make a leap forward!  

Phase 3:  All Day Preschool & Projects, Teleclasses, Book, oh my!

After attending Ali Brown’s Online Success Blueprint Workshop in November 2006, I relaunched my eZine & website and my online business began to take off.  Raised my fees and standardized project fees (instead of hourly work), taking on a high caliber of clients. Started regular free teleclasses to build the email & mailing list, launched a viral movie w/ Scott Stratton’s Un-Marketing team (adding thousands to my list), and started hosting my radio show (back then on Voice America Business).  

Then in Spring of 2007, Ali Brown asked me to be part of her Platinum Mastermind program.  I freaked out when I got that voicemail – why was she calling me?  What did she see in me that I did not see (yet)? I knew her program was a huge financial and time commitment.  But at that moment I decided to get serious about taking my business to the next level, and I knew I needed that financial commitment and a mastermind team to hold me accountable.  I took the jump in faith.

Meanwhile, when Grace turned two I decided to put her in an all-day preschool (and day care) program.  The theory was if I was going to get serious about my business, I needed more time.  (And my secret theory was when my business took off, I would be able to pull her out of school and homeschool her.)  She cried for the first few days, bonded with the caregivers, made a best friend, and was then excited to go to school.

Lesson Learned:  We don’t see our own brilliance because to us, it’s ordinary.  We need coaches, teaches, mastermind partners to reflect our brilliance back for us to see.  

Phase 4:  Part-Time Preschool & No More Clients

In March of 2008, I started reading my friend Sandy Grason’s book, Journalution, which is about how to find solutions to your life using journaling.  I had stopped journaling years ago, with some weird idea that my husband might read my journal so it was not safe (as if he would ever read it, how nuts of me).  But per Sandy’s advice, I bought a brand new, unlined, lime-green-covered journal, and sat down to answer the journaling prompt “Describe Your Perfect Day.”

The idea of a perfect day seemed so unreal I was unable to answer the question until I added the caveat, “…three years from today.”  So I described a perfect day in 2011, where I was running an publishing/information marketing/magazine business, teaching a teleclass, and talking to a coaching client on the phone, while homeschooling my daughter (and with my husband working on his own home business in the next room).  As I read my entry, I realized that I was waiting for magical circumstances (that would never happen) for my vision to arise.  Instead … what if I just did that perfect day right now? 

So I pulled Grace out of full time and put her in a 2-days a week, 1/2 day preschool program, and invested in TONS of homeschooling resources.  Stopped seeing financial planning clients (drastically reducing my income but freeing up time and energy).  Finished my first major information product.  Published my first book.  Re-launched my business as The Wealth Spa Online Magazine.  And did that with just 6 hours of regular childcare each week (plus a few days each quarter of temporary nanny time for out-of-town travel and speaking engagements).  It is possible. 

Lesson Learned:  Don’t wait for something to happen to start living life (because that day will never come).  Stop waiting.  Simply live in the moment today.  

Phase 5:  Homeschooling & and Clients again?

Until on December 30, 2008 when Grace said, to no one in particular as she was getting in the car, “This is the last day I’m going to school.”  What?  I completely freaked, I needed those 6 hours a week to make phone calls, teach teleclasses, write articles, get work done!  Now I was not surprised, really…she had stopped enjoying school when she moved to the 3 year old “real preschool” classroom that fall, with its large class size, higher student-teacher ratio, and absence of her best friends from the 2 year old room.  (And, as she told me a few weeks later, one boy had been kicking her on a regular basis, what the heck?!)

But after 5 years in business and almost 4 as a mom, my freak-out-ness was not long lasting.  Tons of resources popped up into my awareness, from Cubes & Crayons on-demand childcare/work sharing, to the zillion classes for kids in my area, to homeschooling co-ops.  After just 2 weeks, we were back in a routine, and, frankly, I was more productive than ever before.  

Now it’s Spring again, and again I’m moving to another business & personal growth phase.   The online business is growing exponentially, and I’m doing tons of speaking engagements. (Ironically to my no-more-clients decision in 2008), I’m secretly planning to open 4 one-on-one coaching spots and a 15-person group coaching program for other mom business owners.  (Okay, it’s not secret if I’m blogging about it, lol.)  After casually, speaking about my personal mompreneur strategies for the last few years, I want to bring these solutions to all of those moms who are trying to grow a business and raise kids, all without losing their minds or struggling through daily life.  

Lesson Learned:  After the last 4 years as a mompreneur, who knows what next challenge/opporunity will jump into my life tomorrow.  But as always, it’s an adventure (and that’s the point, eh?).  

–

Join me for the free teleclass, “The 5 Shifts Moms Must Make to Succeed as Entrepreneurs,” where you will learn:

• Why mom entrepreneurs are different, and how being a mom makes us better business owners
• What you must do differently to feel fulfilled in your conflicting roles
• How to create the support you need asap
• The big myths of successful “mompreneurs” and work-at-home moms, and why you can’t buy into them
• The #1 mistake moms are making that’s holding them back making the really big bucks, or even just a profit

Date:  Wednesday April 1, 2009

Time:  Noon Pacific (3 PM EST)

(this free call will be recorded)

Join us at http://MompreneurCall.com

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Last year she enjoyed her 2-year old classroom, because she made some great friends (yes, little kids can make best friends, isn’t that amazing!), and with only 4 kids per adult, she got tons of teacher-attention.  Not so with her 3-year old “official preschool” room.  Her best friends were split off into other classrooms, and she did not find a new best friend in her new group.  While her teachers were caring, with only 2 teachers to a room full of kids, they spent most of their time leading the group (and managing the messes), instead of 1:1 attention to any child.  Just like regular school, it’s impossible for teachers to really run it any other way. 

I had planned on her going to her preschool 6 hours a week until the end of the school year, to give me time to figure out other solutions.  

But on December 30, 2008 my daughter said quietly to no one in particular as she got in the car, “The is the last day I’m going to this school.”  

What?  What are you talking about? 

“Mommy, I don’t like this school.  So I decided that today is the last day I’m coming here.”  

Now mind you, I had teleclasses planned, shows scheduled, meetings on calendar … and no solution for keeping her amused while I ran the business and fulfilled my commitments.  After panicking for a few hours, I realized that I needed to listen to my daughter.  This is a girl who loves nannies and babysitters, who used to love school, and who loves learning.  This wasn’t about discipline … it’s that her current program was not the right fit.  And that was one of the big reasons I had planned on homeschooling her in the first place … so why not start today?  

Instead of continuing to freak out, I broke down our needs into a few categories (yes, I do have a logical side, are you surprised?).  Preschool (and school in general) was not the only solution for our needs — time to put on the creative-problem-solver hat!  

Dear Daughter (DD) Needs

• Learning the basics (reading, writing, math) 
• Learning fun extra stuff (i.e., science, arts & crafts, history/cultures, music) 
• Exposure to different types of people/things/cultures
• Playing with other kids (same age and mixed ages)
• Attention from other adults (esp. since our families are out of town)
• Running around & other high-energy physical activity
• Just getting out of the house
• Attention from mom  

Categories for DD:  Learning, People, Activity

Elizabeth’s Needs

• Quiet, uninterrupted time/space to write
• Place to record videos & audios
• Quiet space to return phone calls
• Place to teach teleclasses, guests on radio shows
• Childcare for speaking engagements
• Childcare for out-of-town travel to meetings, seminars, conferences
• Time with grown-ups
• Time to answer email, manage staff
• Time for social networking and online marketing
• Time to read, listen to teleclasses, learn new stuff
• Time to run technical part of website, upload files, posts to blog
• Time to do housework and run errands
• Time for hobbies like hiking, crafts, reading, cooking, gardening
• Time for traveling, meeting new people, experiencing nature
• Quality time with DD

Categories for Elizabeth:  Quiet, Out-of-Town, Teaching, Computer, Fun

And I realized that there was no one solution that worked for us.  And that’s important.  So many times in life we are looking for one “magical” solution to our needs, but it takes a creative assembly of resources to craft a solution to each of our unique concerns. 

Solution #1:  Co-working/childcare

My first search was to look for childcare on demand in an environment that did not seem like a child storage facility (you know what I mean!), where she would have fun and be safe while I could have concentrated work time.  And, I wanted something cost effective yet flexible, so I can get more time when I’m working on a project yet not have to pay for time I don’t use.  

Cubes and Crayons has been on my radar for a few months.  They are a co-working / childcare-on-demand place, where parents can work in a room while the kids are playing in another room down the hall under supervision by certified peeps.  You can pay by the hour or buy hours in blocks of time — either way you just schedule time a few days before and use it as you go. So we signed up for a few hours to try them out.

DD loves playing in a room of mixed ages (ages 3 months to 5 years), with small child-teacher ratio (since they are going by the lower age group rules) and where she knows that I’m down the hall if there is a major problem.  I suspect that she does crafts for hours — she usually has 4-5 completed projects when I go down the hall to pick her up.  What’s her favorite part?  ”My favorite part is the little babies.”  

For me, I’m working (right now, actually) in a room of other adults who are also all working on their computers.  Kind of a great peer pressure for me to be productive, unlike at home where I can always find laundry to do or books to read.  These people are looking at me (not really, but) so I can’t be futzing around on twitter instead of working on my work.  I’m using the quiet time primarily for writing; I’ve been neglecting writing original content and the urge to write something new has been driving me nuts.  Also a great time for phone calls (just step outside for privacy) and mind-mapping or journaling.  

Solution #2:  Classes for DD

Here in the Silicon Valley there are TONS of classes for kids to learn everything such as gymnastics, drama, cooking, musical instruments, art, or gardening.  And now that DD’s is almost 4 years old, she’s eligible for the lowest level of these classes (and they are not parent participation, btw).  I’m trying her out in gymnastics and drama first (it would be so each to over-schedule us with everything available!).  

What needs does this fulfill?  DD gets to play with other kids, spend time with other adults (usually these classes are 1:4 or 1:6 ratio), and learn fun new information or skills.  In gymnastics she also gets tons of running-around and high-energy-play time. I also get a little alone time for writing, reading, or computer time while she’s in class.  

Solution #3:  Temp Nannies 

We’ve been using a local nanny service (Town and Country Resources) to supply temporary nannies for a few years for date nights or when I travel.  Yes, they are a bit different than babysitters, because they tend to be professional nannies who are in-between jobs or are moonlighting, have tons of experience, are non-teenagers, are screened by the agency (and the state), and are a bit expensive (especially around here!). 

But DD has NEVER been upset or cried when I left her with one of these women.  Why?  Because she gets the undivided attention (how often is my attention undivided?) of a loving adult who is being paid to hang out with her all day.  Typically they walk to the park or library, do arts & crafts (that are too messy to try my patience), read tons of books, cook together, and play.  

Not only are nannies a great solution for when I travel, but they are solving the challenge of time for me to teach classes and record videos/audio — where I need a private, quiet space with a land line and computer.  For DD, she gets to learn new stuff and gets 1:1 time with a fun adult.  

Solution #4:  Homeschooling

In April of last year I realized that I wanted to start homeschooling DD now, instead of waiting for when my business was “ready” (does that ever happen?) or when she was school-age.  Now, of course, she’s 3 years old, so we don’t really do “school” (and I doubt we will ever do “school”).  All we did was set up one room as the “learning room” and fill it full of materials for (science, math, phonics) projects, educational books, great fiction books, workbooks (she thinks they are great fun), and learning materials for preschoolers (blocks for math, chalkboard & wood pieces for writing, sand-cards for phonics).  

DD has a little desk for her to draw or do worksheets, a great chair for cuddling while reading, and a little table to do our projects.  Each day we spend some time in the learning room, which DD regards as just a place to do fun projects with mom (learning is the great side effect!).  

But it’s not just what we do in the learning room.  Homeschooling is not school-at-home, it’s a style of parenting, it’s a lifestyle, it’s what we do everywhere.  From grocery shopping to walking through the park to weeding the garden, everything we do has opportunities for quality time and the joy of learning something new (or practicing/teaching what we already have learned).  She weighs fruits, counts buttons, points out letters, color-devides laundry, categories utensils, and names plants in the flower bed.  Let me tell you, chores and errands are so much more fun for me when we are doing them together in this purposeful, intentional way.   

Now at home she also spends time each day amusing herself.  That may be making up stories, doing crafts, playing with toys, running around in the backyard, or watching a video.  For a girl who never wants to be alone, it’s a good way for her to build her playing-alone and creative-play muscles.  And while she amuses herself, I do computer work, like social networking, emailing, managing staff, or updating my blog. 

Solution #5:  Travel, Day-trips, and Field Trips

Both DD and I love to travel — her because she loves to meet new people and see new things, and I love to experience nature and different cultures.   She loves flying (bonds with random people in airports), loves staying in hotels (pools!  big bathtubs!) and is convinced that something exciting will always happen on a trip (ducks at papa’s house!  fast boat ride!  disneyland!).  

The one big challenge has been that my husband’s practice is not compatible with vacation planning (client pitches, court dates, brief deadlines).  So I finally realized that DD and I can travel alone (especially since we can homeschool and I can run my business from anywhere), both for short day-trip as well as longer vacations.

The ideas is that each month we will go on a few “field trips” – such as to a zoo, nature preserve, state park, beach, or museum.  Then once a month we will go on a longer day/overnight trip to some where we will both love and have fun, such as Santa Cruz or San Francisco.  Then every couple months we will go on a big trip, just the two of us.  Our first big trip is a 4-day cruise (my first cruise too!) from Los Angeles to Mexico – they do provide childcare on board so I can get a few breaks, and the ship is set up to amuse kids.  I also have plans for a train ride to Portland (she’s really excited about sleeping on a train!) and international group tours once she’s a bit older.  

Will I get any work done on these trips?  Hum, depends upon the trip, of course.  DD does go to sleep at 7:30 PM, so I will have time, but I may prefer to spend that time reading or journaling instead of futzing with email.  But I know I’ll get time to experience nature and have fun.  

Would Multiple Solutions Work For You? 

If you are challenged by marketing, getting new clients, dealing with childcare, or de-weeding your lawn, your solution may not be just one “magical” thing.  Break down what you really need — you may find may be better to use 2, 5, or 7 different solutions to replace whatever is not working in your life.  And, once you diversify your solutions you are less dependent upon one of them breaking (for example, if Cubes and Crayons goes under, I already have other solutions to hold me over until I find a replacement).  

So what’s not working for you today?  

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I am not dispensing financial and legal advice from an upper floor of a fancy high-rise, in a dark, wood paneled office, resting on a leather chair, over a mahogany conference table.  My advice is dispensed while a toddler is yanking on my sweater, with Dora the Explorer blaring in the background, removing cookie crumbs from my client forms, using a laptop with a missing “k” (knocked off in toddler enthusiasm).  The adventure of running a growing startup company while simultaneously caring for my daughter, Grace, has clarified my priorities and sharpened my efficiency – and once I embraced the chaos, has resulted in a holistic, joyful life for me and my family.  

The Adventure Begins

Unlike many work-at-home moms, I did not start my company in response to having a child.  I was proactive.  I knew that 70 hour work weeks in a boring (yet allegedly successful and six-figure salary) legal career was not going to jive with my priorities when my husband and I wanted to start a family.  I also wanted something more – to be able to help regular people proactively and make their lives better – and to create something of my own.  So I quit.  

The startup of my business was slow, at first, but in the summer of 2004 I was featured in the local newspaper – and went from one call a week to 12 calls a day.  I was caught in the momentum of my growing business, working 10 hours a day and loving it – the financial planning firm was my baby.  

And then we got pregnant.  Yes, it was sort-of-planned, but we had thought we would wait until my business was more ready (which never happens, by the way).  But the powers that be had something else in mind.  

The plan was for me to take 6 weeks off upon the birth of the baby, hire a nanny part time for a few months, then go back to my business full-time, with the baby either in daycare or with a full-time nanny.  

And then, in March of 2005, Grace was born.  

Lesson #1:  You Must Fill Yourself First

A few days after Grace was born, I was intoxicated with her.  I held her almost 24 hours a day (with a few short breaks for daddy, while mommy took a shower).  I watched her sleep, worried over her feedings, and showed her all her toys.  Those first few weeks, I was energized by her newness (or perhaps the birth and nursing hormones).  But Gracie was a bottomless pit of need, and I was not able to constantly fill it by myself.  

Grace wants constant motion.  And before she was able to crawl or walk, she wanted that motion to be provided by the grown ups in her life, 24-hours a day – in arms, in Baby Bjorn or sling.  She would deconstruct if left to her own devices – as if her brain was unable to process the world without some motion to occupy part of her mind.  

When her new part-time nanny arrived, and took my winy baby for a walk in the Baby Bjorn, I was oppressed with guilt.  How could I give my baby to a stranger and dare to run a business?  We could live off of my husband’s salary, was this business just a selfish conceit?  Should I be a stay-at-home mom for a few years and start my business up again when she goes off to school?  

By the end of the day of nanny care, I already knew I had made the right decision.  I was able to fill up my needs by living in the world of adults – reading emails, solving problems, learning new issues, eating lunch in a civilized manner – such that when Grace returned, I was ready, able, and overjoyed to give to her again.  By taking care of myself, first, Grace is no longer a drain.  She is a joy.  

Lesson #2:  Don’t Listen to What You “Should” Do.  Trust Yourself & Trust Your Baby.

As Grace made the transition from babyhood to toddlerhood, life became much more complicated.  My active toddler would no longer be amused by relaxing in a sling or playing in a bouncy seat while I answered email.  No, she wanted to cruise the house for trouble, climb the furniture, chase the cat while screaming, reorganize my files, append my notes with her Crayola commentary, and disassemble my stapler.  

How in the world was I going to be able to get anything done outside of my part-time nanny hours?  Should I put Grace in full-time nanny or day care?  Does she need more stimulation than I can (or am qualified to) provide?  Should I reduce my client workload and stop expanding my business?  

No, instead I crossed to the dark side, and turned on the television.  Yes, ignoring what “they” say about TV for kids under 2, I purposely sat down with Grace and indoctrinated her to Elmo and Dora.  After a few sessions she was a certified convert, and started learning the words to songs, dancing, and pointing out the paraphernalia at Target.  

Did Grace turn from a lean, smart, rambunctious toddler to a chubby, lazy, couch potato?  Was she unable to understand reality because she was exposed to a fast-moving, short-segment virtual world, full of impossible situations and furry monsters?  

Oh, please.  Of course not.  For a few weeks she was a bit of an addict, demanding her new friends every time she saw the TV, or was even present in the living room.  But now, it is just one more way for her to learn, another interesting thing in the room.  Typically, she only has half of an eye on the TV – she’s also chasing the cat, rolling balls, undressing a doll, and eating a cracker.  Given the choice, she would much rather force her dolls down the slide outside or dance around with mommy to her new world music CD, than watch the black box.  

By using television as just another tool, I am able to get a few more things done, expose Grace to different stimulation and information – and have enough time to spend quality, dedicated 1:1 time enjoying my daughter.  Instead of blindly following someone else’s rules, I trust myself and my daughter to find the balance that is right for us.

Lesson #3:  Embrace the Chaos.  

The crucible for me was in fall of 2006 when I was without regular childcare for a few weeks.  I did not want random strangers constantly watching my toddler, so I signed her up for one day of backup daycare each week through my husband’s work, so I could meet with clients – and planned to somehow get all the work done while taking care of Grace.  

The month was a struggle.  Grace was bored, wanted more to do, and mommy was overwhelmed.  I had just started teaching a teleclass, adding another 5+ hours per week to my already-impossible workload.  I also had the wonderful problem of more and more prospects who were all signing on to be clients – and did not have time for both meetings and to get the work done, in that one day of childcare each week.  But I pressed on, counting down the days until our nanny returned from maternity leave.  

One Tuesday I learned the number one detriment to daycare.  That Monday Grace had a booster shot, and had felt a bit pecky that afternoon.  Tuesday morning, she woke up with a 103 degree fever.  Oh.  No.  No daycare for the feverish (even though it was probably just from the vaccination).  

What to do?  I had two prospect appointments that day, and was planning to work on a client project that was due in two days.  I also had two classes to teach and the class notes to finish.  Should I douse her up with Motrin and hope the daycare does not notice?  Should I call a service for a sick-care nanny?  What will my clients say if I cancel at the last minute?  Am I no longer a professional, am I being flaky if I call in baby-sick?  

My baby needed me, so I emailed my clients, prospects, and class students to reschedule the appointments and classes, to take care of my sick baby.  But I resented it.  I resented Grace for being sick.  I resented my husband for going to work.  I resented the world that there was no easy solution, why was I burdened with this baby in the supposedly modern age of women’s lib?  

During her nap that afternoon, Grace woke fitfully, still very tired but too feverish to be comfortable.  So, I swooped her up in my arms and we cuddled on the sofa.  Immediately upon resting her head on my chest, feeling the beat of my heart, Grace was peaceful, and back to sleep.  And I watched her.  Her sweaty hair, curling under on her neck, her damp pj’s, her rosy cheeks, her perfect, blemish-free skin, that unidentifiable baby-smell emanating from her hair – was there anything in the world more beautiful?  

Screw clients, business, expectations of being a modern woman – I am the world to Grace, the most important thing in her life, and she is my #1 responsibility and priority.  There is nothing that has ever given me more fulfillment than caring for her needs, and growing her into the woman she will become.  She is my ultimate project, my ultimate business – and even though I may achieve great things and change the world through my company – growing Gracie is my most important accomplishment.  And, besides, who knows how much longer she will want to sleep in my arms.  

Now, instead of fighting the unpredictability, I embrace the challenges.  Running a business and growing my daughter, I’m more efficient, empathetic, flexible, and creative.  Everyday as I type on my laptop with Grace squirming in my arms, I know that I have been blessed with a life uniquely designed to stimulate me and grow me into the woman that I am destined to become – both as Grace’s mommy, and as an entrepreneur.

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About 6 months ago I started journaling again. From when I got a bit an agist at age 10 all the way throughout law school, I always kept a diary/ journal to complain about life, discuss my heartaches, and brainstorm ideas for the future.

When I moved in with my husband I stopped journaling. Why? I think I was scared he would read it. As if a man would really want to read the ramblings of the inner workings of my woman brain … only a fellow chick would be noisy/curious about a journal. And for those of you who know Mark, he’s such a Mr. Integrity he would never violate my confidence. What a nut I am.

Anyway, while reading my friend Sandy Grason’s book, Journalution, I started journaling again. Bought an adorable lime green journal, and wrote in it with an archive-quality black pen whenever the idea took me — both for serious journaling and just for notes about ideas for my business. Recently I wrote an entry in response to the following "prompt" from Sandy’s book — "describe your perfect day." 

So I labeled the day April 29, 2011 (3 years from that day — as if that gives permission for anything to be possible). So what did I do on my perfect day? I was still working from home on my business, writing, making a video, and networking online (but no phone calls, no admin work, no legal work). But the real interesting thing is that Grace was not in school — in this perfect day I’m homeschooling her and driving her to fun classes/groups — and Mark’s not at work, he’s working from home on his own at-home business.

As I reviewed that journal entry, I had an epiphany. Why wait for 3 years? Why not have that day tomorrow?

So I did. Okay, a few kinks have to be worked out (backlog of client projects, my husband is still a partner in a law firm, still working on the less-than-4-hour admin work per week thing) — but it totally changed my outlook on every day.

Now instead of spending all day waiting for Grace to take a nap or go to bed so I can work, I view my time with her as part of the end goal — whether we are learning something together or just enjoying each other’s company.

And the work on my business is less hurried. I’m not working for a goal six or 18 months out — I’m working for the enjoyment I get from it today.

Sounds simple, but has fundamentally changed how I live my life each day. As a goal-oriented, ambitious person, I was always working/living for the next goal, the big vision, the to-do list. I never could reach the goal line … because it kept moving.

Now, my life is about just be-ing in the moment, enjoying how much I have — and no longer waiting for something to arrive.

***If you want more info about Journaling, check out http://sandygrason.com and Sandy’s book Journalution. If you want more info about living in the moment, check out http://marieforleo.com and her Productivity Secrets course.

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Here’s the secret — instead of working on your big project or task, just do it for 15 minutes. 

I’ve been harnessing the power of 15 minutes for the last few weeks, helping me to organize my house, clean up my landscaping & front porch, get all my daily housekeeping done, give toys to charity, organize my desk, get my files cleaned up, cut down on email time, launch an affiliate program, and cut my to-do list down to size. 

I originally learned this tip from flylady.net, who teach it in conjunction with running a smooth household.  But you can use the Power of 15 Minutes in all aspects of your personal & business life to stop procrastination & overwhelm and finally get stuff done.

How does it work?

• Get a digital timer.  You may call it a kitchen time or an “egg timer” — something that will count down time and buzz when your time is up.
• Pick the task or project on your to-do list that you’ve been procrastinating the longest. 
• Set your timer for 15 minutes and work on that project for 15 minutes solid.  No checking email.  No checking twitter or facebook.  For that matter, get off the internet.  No answering the phone.  Don’t answer your mobile (unless you are sure it’s your kids calling and they are either bleeding or in jail). You may need to go somewhere else to do this (coffee shop, library, cave). 
• At the end of 15 minutes you are DONE.   Yay! 
• Acknowledge your progress.  You can cross off that task on your list for the day.  (if it seems weird to cross it off, write down “15 minutes on XYZ project” and cross that off)  Amazing how much you can get done if you are NOT multitasking! 
• Be happy!  Don’t you feel like you’ve made progress!  Congrats! 

This also works great if you spend TOO MUCH time on a task.  Set your timer for 15 minutes of internet surfing or email reading.  At the end of 15 minutes, get back to work. 

This article was featured in The Twenty Fourth Edition of the Carnival of Improving Life.

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