Chronicles of Dementia

#EXPLORERCHALLENGE: DISCOVERING BOMBAY'S FORTS

2015-11-29T18:00:00.000+05:30

Those who know me will know that of late, I've been irrepressibly bitten by the cycling bug. As insane as it sounds, I love waking up at ungodly hours and zooming through empty roads.

It's also a fantastic way to discover the city. Let's face it - you can only run so much, and you can only leave your senses at the behest of auto drivers for so long. Cycling turned out to be a fantastic way to discover the city, and myself and my trusty steed, Velociraptor, have seen some gorgeous sights - Khargar, Sanjay Gandhi National Park, Aarey Colony - heck, just up and down NH4.

Self and partner-in-crime at Worli Seaface.

Recently, National Geographic India came up with a fantastic initiative called Mission Explorer and asked me to be a part of it, giving me an Explorer Challenge. I jumped at the chance and said yes before I knew what the heck I was going to do.

One thing I always wanted to do was visit the various forts in the city (that being Mumbai). There were many - all in various stages of dilapidation, and I wanted to just go check them out. I kept putting it off for some reason or the other - lack of company (many of the forts are located in less-than-touristy areas) and distance (the forts are inconveniently located all across the city which, I guess, makes strategic sense) being two. This seemed to be the best excuse to go ahead and finally knock this off my bucket list.

Having coerced a friend, Sukrit, (a brilliant photographer and graphic designer, by the way) into tagging along (partially for company, partially because my social interaction skills in Marathi are quite abysmal), I set off.

And in order, here we go:

Worli Fort:

This fort is very interestingly located - on the very tip of Worli.

Those who use the Bandra-Worli Sealink can see it as they enter the Worli side. People are usually surprised to see there's a fort there, at all! It was built by the British in the 17th century as a lookout for pirates. The Archaeological Survey of India has restored it - but that hasn't stopped an interesting illegal construction from happening - a gym inside the fort. While that's a novel idea (and truth be told, it's helpful to the locals and the place isn't too dirty), I'm not sure the ASI looks upon that with a kindly eye.

In order to reach this place, you have to cross a few slums, on a very narrow street - you have to do exactly as Google Maps (or the friendly locals) tell you. While some might feel unnerved having tgo navigate through such dwellings, there really is nothing to be worried about - people just mind their own business (and stop to stare, of course - especially if you're riding a freakin' sexy bike).

Once you reach the fort and climb up, you're presented a fantastic view - of the sealink, of the Mahim Bay, and loads of fisherboats.

Worli Fort - surprisingly well-maintained, given its environs

Worli Fort provides a superb view - and next time you zoom down the sealink, look out for the Fort.

The other side gives you a view of the two Worlis - a village (mostly of fisherpeople) and the high-rises housing posh people and corporate offices.

Sewree Fort:

After this, we planned to visit Bombay Castle at Fort - the defensive land around this area is what gives the precinct its name. Unfortunately, this is housed inside defense land and outsiders are not allowed in (and like Suk said, the guys guarding the gates with guns didn't exactly look like a tourist information booth). So off we went, past the docks, to Sewree.

Built in 1680 by the British to keep a watch over Mumbai's harbors from Mughals and the Siddis, there has been a fair amount of maintenance work done by the Maharashtra government - a garden and museum are on the cards. Currently, though, it still serves as a breeding ground for unchecked graffiti (mostly harmless proclamations of who visited and who loves whom). When we visited, the inside of the Fort was being used by a bunch of local kids for - what else - cricket. Behind the fort, there is a Muslim dargah, and by its side, there are some government official flats.

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The approach to the fort. The cleaning lady was wondering what two grown men in spandex shorts were doing there.

Despite the vandalism, the fort is in pretty good shape.

Yet another makeshift 22 yards!

I wouldn't call this a stunning view, but it has potential.

The fort is a little walk away from the Flamingo watchpoint - where, during the right season, you'll see lots of the said birds. Currently, it's a ship repair yard and a parking area for loads of trucks.

Sion Fort:

Again, built by the British in the 17th century, this was more accessible than the earlier forts - being less than a km away from the Sion station. It was built overlooking the Portugese-controlled Salcette Island.

The fort is not open 24*7 (we went during the 4-6 PM slot) and has a very nice garden (well, in relative terms). From the top here, you can see the two icons of Wadala - lots of industrial plants and the red IMAX dome. Outside the fort, there is a defunct industrial plant (prime real estate, if you ask me).

The place is popular among locals who enjoy a good morning or evening walk along the garden.

Steps leading to the garden

Our steeds outside Sion Fort

Mahim Fort:

While I'd have loved to be excited about Mahim Fort, it's a sad sign and a microcosm of what-could-have-been in Mumbai: On a dirty 'beach' (Bandra), total neglect, encroachment and illegal slums, and filth everywhere.

While the origins of the Fort are unclear, it went from Portugese to Gujrati hands (by force) and from Gujrati to English hands (by dowry, as part of Mahim island itself!). A 1772 war saw lots of cannonballs being fired, one of which damaged Mt. Mary's Basilica. Though it's a Grade 1 heritage monument and there have been talks of developing the fort since 2008, nothing much has been done. In fact, when we tried to get closer to the fort, a few locals advised us not to, and told us to just see it from the outside.

Sad for us, but left us thinking that a few people have a killer address: 1st floor, Mahim Fort.

This could have potentially been a stunning visitor attraction - it's quite massive, commands a great view
and is in a central location.

Bandra Fort:

By this time, we were both a little exhausted, but were determined to see the last fort. So we cheated a little - we parked our bikes, and took a rick to Bandra Fort - easily the most popular of the city's Forts. And that is in no small part because it's the best maintained.

Built by the Portugese in 1640, its full name is Castella de Aguada (Fort of the Waterfront). It's got a terrific location - right behind the Taj Land's End Hotel, past the very popular Bandra Bandstand (home of film stars, open-air musicians and many, many people in love). Add a great garden and an open-air amphitheater to the mix, and it's easy to see why this is a hugely popular place, despite the relatively long commute.

As with Worli Fort (but from the other side), it commands a terrific view of the Sealink, and fishing boats. The amphitheater has a special place in my heart - I've seen some magnificent concerts there as the sun went down, with the sound of waves and the cool wind. Indian Ocean's free open-air show in 2010 remains one of the best music events I've been to.

The fort itself has some stairs (some steep ones, mind!) which offer a fair amount of exploration.

On one side, you can see the rocks and its various temporary inhabitants...

And on the other, you can stare at the architectural marvel that is the BWSL.

And of course, the amphi and garden provide for a great getaway for couples.

We took the rick back to where we parked our bikes and headed back home.
Phew, it was a pretty long and awesome ride!

The whole ride was a shade over 88 km. Here was the route map (ignore that small GPS error, where you see a straight line)

And if you're interested in the details of the ride, here is the link to the Strava log.

I wanted to see some more forts: Rewa Fort at Dharavi and Vasai Fort being two others - but there's only so much pedalling in the Bombay sun you can do in one day :)

I loved this experience, though - I got to finally see these forts, and I saw parts of Bombay that were so different from the Carter Roads and the Phoenix Mills we tend to associate the city with.

Once again, thank yous are due to NatGeo and Mission Explorer for letting me do this!

If this sounds like something you would like to do, and possibly win a chance to go to Machu Picchu, then check out the Mission Explorer website - If you're passionate about exploring food, art, culture, travel (or anything else, really!) in your city, you will fit the bill.

MY TOP 20 OASIS SONGS

2015-09-17T22:02:00.001+05:30

Ah, who can resist the swagger of Oasis? One of my favourite ever bands.

The most popular Britpop band and one whose legacy the subsequent band's spinoffs will always find hard to emulate. Utter hummability and melody were the hallmarks of Oasis’ music. Noel Gallagher was one of the finest songwriters of his generation, and his brother Liam delivered his music with an arrogant sneer that would become trademark.

Along the way, they threw up many surprises – but eventually the falling out between the Gallagher brothers led to the breaking up of the band. Nevertheless, they have left us with a considerable body of work to enjoy. Here’s my top 20.

20. Fade In Out

This song is awesome - if not for anything else, Johnny Depp played the slide guitar on it. Yes, Johnny Depp. Also, if the song sounds a little like Bon Jovi's Dead Or Alive - don't bum yourself out too much. Noel Gallagher might be a fantastic songwriter, but he tends to get a tad, um, overinspired. It's one of Oasis' heaviest tracks.

19. The Swamp Song

Oasis isn't known for instrumentals, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that not too many people know of this. It's more like a warm-up jam, though. But I like this because it's rare to hear the harmonica in proper rock 'n' roll.

18. Stand By Me

I'd say this is a typical Oasis song - very melodic, Liam singing like only he can, Noel trying a little guitar intro. It seems to be about commitment phobia. And a pretty cool video, too.

17. The Importance Of Being Idle

A spectacular song that is dark and has some of the best lyrics Noel has written. After While My Guitar Gently Weeps, this is my favourite song title. Noel wrote this song about how lazy he can be. The video is dark and funny all at once. An absolutely brilliant track.

16. Turn Up The Sun

A great start to the Don't Believe The Truth album. Moodier than most Oasis songs, it's also written by bassist Andy Bell (most of Oasis' songs are written by Noel). And just have a look at this video if you have any doubts as to what rockstars these people are!

15. I Can See It Now!!

A very nice filler song this - mostly instrumental. Soothing and fun. It's sort of an upbeat version of The Beatles' Flying.

14. The Masterplan

While Noel is capable of writing lyrics that make no sense, he sometimes puts out absolute poetry. What a picture he paints here! This is another awesome video by Oasis. By the way, Noel sings this song, and you can see the cartoon Liam in the song sitting by the amps playing his tambourine!

13. Champagne Supernova

Ah, the one that everyone loves. It's one of those songs where it would seem Noel came up with an awesome-sounding title and just put together words to fit it. That very well might be the scene, he's said the song means nothing. People can speculate, but I prefer to focus on the music itself - there is some lovely soundscape here and that tone on his guitar is perfect.

12. Don't Look Back In Anger

Liam has one heck of a voice - ranging from absolute swagger to heart-rending pleading. Oh, and that piano at the beginning! In the video, Andy White drumming atop a float on a pool has got to be the coolest thing Oasis has ever done (not counting the time Liam threw an award into the crowd after not thanking Noel). There's a pretty neat explanation of the song here, if you care for such things.

11. Gas Panic!

This is a bit of a surprise song. I love that brooding start with the acoustic and the way Liam sings (it might just be my favourite performance of his) and the atmosphere as Oasis channels their inner Floyd. This is about panic attacks, don't let Liam's peppy voice fool ya - this has some pretty scary lyrics. Fabulous track, one you might have not heard about.

10. Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Pretty straightforward as far as lyrics go - it's constructed beautifully by that genius Noel and delivered magnificently by Liam. The piano and guitars are perfect here, especially those few notes after the chorus. One for the pick-me-up drawer.

09. Morning Glory

It's just their most upbeat-sounding song. I love Paul McGuigan's basswork here. Oasis just in the middle of their best ever album at the height of their powers.

08. Hello!

This is the first track off the aforestated best album. This is the acoustic version of that, and it was the first time I'd ever heard Oasis. I fell in love with it, and the band - it helped that they followed this up on that performance with #5 on this list. A 15-year old me was transformed. While Liam sings the studio version, Noel sings the acoustic version, after saying "So Liam ain't gonna be with us tonight, 'cause he's got a sore throat, so you're stuck with the ugly four."

07. Where Did It All Go Wrong?

Oh man, what a track. I love Liam singing, but there's something that happens when Noel takes the mic! This song title is a reference to something a hotel manager asked a wastged George Best - and a bit of a reference to Noel's own struggles with cocaine. It features some magnificent lyrics, such as "Do you keep the receipts, for the friends that you buy?" Superb.

06. Wonderwall

Yes, the song that's the staple of guitar novices in engineering colleges around the country. It's definitely a love song, and I'm pretty sure Noel's got sick and tired of it. That being said, it's a beautifully simple track to sing and play on an acoustic guitar. The basswork on this song is excellent and underrated.

05. Some Might Say

I think that intro is their best ever, and Liam's singing is top-notch. Some nonsense lyrics (The sink is full of fishes / She's got dirty dishes on the brain) but then, some lovely ones like "Some might say they don't believe in heaven / Go and tell it to the man who lives in hell". Extremely fun to play on the electric guitar, too.

04. Supersonic

Ah, you just know this is gonna be a kickass track. Those drum intros, the guitar pick scraping the string, that reverb-laden arpeggio - it's all there. It's the type of song you'd enjoy most singing in an audience at a concert. Noel's guitar work is mighty fine here, especially those licks during the chorus.
And the video? Simple - but what you can clearly see - first album, but already acting like rockstars. That these guys were.

03. I'm Outta Time

The last great song they had - it has all the elements of a great Oasis song - Broody intro with arpeggio, great singing, simple chords, Oasisesque lines like "gotta keep on keepin' on" and terrific Noel-crafted melody. One of my favourite Oasis choruses. Also, a John Lennon interview snippet at the end.

02. Slide Away

Terrific from the word go! Drums, bass, guitars and Liam are all perfect here. Great melody, and sung beautifully. He's not a technically brilliant vocalist but has that rawness that somehow makes him sound more sincere. Great song. "Now that you're mine, we'll find a way for chasing the sun"

01. D'you Know What I Mean?

My favourite ever Oasis track! I love everything about this - the slow buildup, the way he sings and that it might be about Oasis telling the Beatles they're the big boys now. One of Noel's greatest gifts is managing to make the right lyrics fit into the right syllables. Like: "I ain't good-looking,but I'm someone's child / No-one can give me the air that's mine to breathe". It just sounds so good, rolling off the tongue.

Oh, and if you noticed - it has the very same chords as Wonderwall ;)

So there you go.
This list is unlikely to change since they've broken up now thanks to the siblings quarreling - but at least we have some kickass tracks like these to remember.

Sheeee-yinnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeee!

MY TOP 20 DREAM THEATER SONGS

2015-09-05T14:41:00.001+05:30

Making a top 10/20/25 Dream Theater list is wrought with risk. Because nobody will agree.

You might think this is an affliction for all bands. But - not really. While people might disagree on the early vs later Metallica, the top 10 will end up being a rough reordering of the same songs. Ditto with the Beatles, Deep Purple and Iron Maiden.

But Dream Theater? Ah, there are so many angles! Long songs vs short songs. Mangini vs Portnoy. Moore vs Rudess. LaBrie vs no LaBrie. Early DT vs later DT. One man's favourite song can be another person's 'rubbish' - and I know this, having trawled dozens of forums and discussions - each of my top 10 at some point have been praised as the greatest song to bless our presence, and at the same time has been lambasted. Songs that you yourself thought you hated turn out to be absolute gems on a second (or 55th) listen. And let's not forget - many people don't like DT to begin with - the apparent instruwankery and length of songs being prime barriers.

So let's just get a few basics out of the way:
Dream Theater is an American progressive metal band. While critics interpret that as a license to instrumentally show off, fans of the genre look at it as everything pop music isn't: Unconventional, challenging song structures. Deep lyrical themes. Having and displaying technical proficiency. All this and more is what draws fans to the genre, while at the same time giving fodder to critics. While DT have been proclaimed as metal poets (rightly so) let me confess right at the outset that I'm all about the music. So while many forums go on and on about their lyric-writing ability, I've only really just heard the sound.

I was first introduced to DT in 2004/5 when I was just learning the guitar. The technical mastery of the instruments was jaw-dropping and I've been hooked to their music since. I've always made it a point to read lyrics / interpretations (shout out to this site) while listening to music, and this is particularly rewarding in the case of this band. Also, Amazon reviews where you find some of the most vociferous fans and opinions.

One thing is for certain: Dream Theater is a band that demands your attention. It's not easy listening, the music will not come to you. You need to stop what you're doing and focus. Only then will the smorgasbord of notes and drumming stop being noise and make sense to you. If you're looking for easy listening, head elsewhere. If you're looking for wankery for wankery's sake look here. If you're looking for awesome but easy listening guitar, may I recommend this gent? If you're looking for music to push your boundaries, be a little frustrated along the way, and just generally be blown away by what you hear - you've come to the right place.

So then, on to my list of top 20, which will no doubt be debated :)

20. The Enemy Inside (Dream Theater, 2013)

DT has never been scared of talking about issues - ranging from AIDS to depression. And this is one example. The video perfectly accompanies the theme of the song, and while it might be radio-friendly for some, it works as an out-and-out hard rock song.

19. The Best Of Times (Black Clouds And Silver Linings, 2009)

DT was never scared to bring in other instruments in to the studio: Be it an orchestra or a violin, as you'll hear here. They're also never in a hurry to get to the point. This is about Howard Portnoy, Mike's dad. It's a touching tribute that starts off very slowly with an acoustic guitar before rushing into a fast-forward album flip of their life together. It's easy to follow but there are enough changes to keep hard-nosed prog fans interested throughout. There's a small reference to A Change Of Seasons, Mike's tribute to his mom (eagle-eyed DT fans will notice).

But as powerful as the lyrical content of the song is - people will remember the astonishing guitar solo at the end, starting 9:59 - a flurry of his emotional and shredding side both, which many have said is his finest solo ever.

18. Home (Scenes From A Memory, 1999)

It's one of those intros where you know something awesome is going to happen. Before that a word on the album itself - Metropolis Part 2 - Scenes From A Memory is one of the most stunning concept albums ever written and a best-of-list can never do justice to the genius of an album like that. Check out the story here. Home follows a pivotal part in the story, and knowledge of the theme can make the song seem more powerful. Musically this a monster: There's a sitar-laden intro / solo, crunching riffs, haunting spoken words and sounds of slot machines (again, read the story). Here's the genius of DT that many mistake for wankery: The fast-paced solo sections are where the protagonist is going through moments of anguish and the music is meant to reflect his state of mind. Sharp-eared DT fans will notice a few riffs and lyrics referencing Metropolis Part 1. I like the live version better (even though James LaBrie is better in the studio), so here it is...

17. Hollow Years (Live At Budokan, 2004)

This song is one of those examples why I love reading fan comments along with listening to the song. The original version of this of course, is on the much-lambasted 1997 album Falling Into Infinity. One fan recommended listening to the Budokan version of this song where Petrucci has probably his finest guitar solo. I would have normally skimmed over the live albums without too much of a thought, but made it a point to get it and boy - am I grateful.

While the song itself is decent - Petrucci adds a wonderful acoustic intro and then an astonishing solo at 4:39 which, I must say, was an absolute privilege to listen to. To date, it's one of my favourite guitar solos of all time and (in my book) easily Petrucci's finest. I love how he waves to the crowd at 6:26 without breaking the flow!

Being one of their most radio-friendly songs, you can give this to anyone, regardless of whether they like prog metal or not. What. A. Solo.

16. Only A Matter Of Time (When Dream And Day Unite, 1989)

Uncharacteristically hummable given its deep progness. It's hard to believe a bunch of 20-year-olds were able to write an album as landmark as WDADU, that too for a genre that hardly existed. The influence of original keyboardist Kevin Moore is apparent here. This song features first vocalist Charlie Dominici who, despite not finding favour with DT fans, does quite a decent job on the album and especially this song. Moore writes some of the most cryptic lyrics on a DT song, which manage to seamlessly flow into the complicated time signature. I mean, as you have the lyrics open in front of you, you can't help but sing along to:

I understand mine's a risky plan
And your system can't miss
But is security after all a cause
Or symptom of happiness?

Or how about the gloriously rewarding

And though the time will come when
Dream and day unite
Tonight the only consolation causing
Him to fight

A fantastic end to one of the great debut albums by a band that will continue to rule the genre for decades.

15. Forsaken (Systematic Chaos, 2008)

This comes bang in the middle of DT's most critically panned phase, and this song might be an easy target for those who like to brandish a 'sellout' label eager to pin it on someone. One can understand why: It's a piano intro, guitar riff and chorus that's pretty radio-friendly. Not to mention, it has a video! The song has been discussed to be about a broken relationship but could also be about a parasitic alien race / vampires (makes sense actually). It might be the least prog thing on this list, but is still a fantastic showcase of LaBrie's singing and the inventiveness of the rest of the band. Plus, the keyboard intro is a favourite ringtone of mine.

14. Breaking All Illusions (A Dramatic Turn Of Events, 2011)

That intro will sum up DT in a minute: Incredible riff you can't keep time to, all instruments playing a part, mood changing from cheerful to bleak without you knowing it. There are massive keyboard riffs and punctuated with that happy folksy tink-tinkery which peppers the song and keeps the upbeat vibe going. For me, the highlight is a lovely guitar solo by Petrucci which should bring back memories of La Villa Strangiato. Indeed, for those who think the man is all about mindless shredding, listen to 6:08-8:50. For most bands, a song like this might be the apex of their career. For DT, however, we're just getting started.

13. Wait For Sleep (Images and Words, 1991)

A unique song that has just keys and LaBrie singing. It's one of their most touching songs which has been best linked to various types of relationships. In an ideal world, that haunting intro should be the piano equivalent of the Smoke On The Water riff in music stores around the country. Songs like this show why Kevin Moore is held in such revere by fans of the band. Great song to try out new headphones.

12. Behind The Veil (Dream Theater, 2013)

About a kidnapping, told from the victim's point of view. It's dark lyrical matter delivered brilliantly by LaBrie - the man moves from menacing (paragraph 1) to pleading (prechorus) to operatic (chorus). The latter, by the way, is one of the best DT ever had - I would love to be in a show where they played this live. Then there is the usual Rudess-Petrucci magic happening.

11. Instrumedley (Live At Budokan, 2004)

Four masters of their respective instruments in one band. Many would say John Petrucci, Mike Portnoy, John Myung and Jordan Rudess are the greatest exponents of their respective crafts in the world and it is an absolute treat to watch them have an absolute go. I present to you Instrumedley, a 13 minute compilation of the best instrumental moments of DT (and the side project Liquid Tension Experiment) over the years - delivered to one very lucky audience in Japan. There's nothing to explain here. Just keep your jaw off the ground and enjoy, you will lose 200 calories by just watching the video. Oh and if you're wondering what the songs by themselves are - go here. The best way to watch this is split-screen!

As you see / listen to it, you are left bewildered by many things: How can they be so tight? How do they remember all the notes? What's that fish on the side of Rudess' keyboard? Has Portnoy just done the most badass thing by a guy wearing glasses? Is the moment when they break out into Ytse Jam the single best thing to happen on stage live? Phew.

10. Pull Me Under (Images and Words, 1991)

Ah, the song that critics love to pan - which automatically means it's one of their best and most accessible songs. I wonder what about this song suggests it's radio friendly: It's over 8 minutes long, is as prog / unconventional as it gets and the lyrics aren't exactly singalong. Heck, the lyrics kick in only at the 2-minute mark.

What it does have is an amazing intro that I'll never tire of, signalling the beginning of probably the finest prog metal album of all time, great singing by new recruit James LaBrie, fantastic musicmanship - I particularly enjoy Myung and Petrucci's rhythm guitaring on this. Oh, and that anticlimax of an ending!

If this song is 'accessible' and it means some more people get to try out DT, I have no problem with that. We need more gateways.

09. The Ministry Of Lost Souls (Systematic Chaos, 2008)

Some DT songs take a while to get to the point. Not this one. It was love at first keyboard riff here - I love large orchestral keyboard riffs and this one just pinned me to the wall when I first heard it.

The song has some beautiful interpretations which you should check out here. With the knowledge of some of those interpretations, it's hard to keep a dry eye while listening to this. (Yes, DT are one of those bands who are capable of making grown men cry)

This song is a perfect example of the 'instruwankery' meaning something - read the lyrics and you'll automatically draw images in your own head, and all the notes suddenly make sense. Of people running, screaming, struggling in their sleep - it's mystical, scary and magical. And it reaches a crescendo before beautifully 'dropping' back into the opening riff at 10:42. Phew. What EDM 'drop' can compete with the sheer beauty and emotion of this?

An absolute cracker of a song, this, and a highly underrated one.

08. Illumination Theory (Dream Theater, 2013)

At the time of writing, this is their last opus: A monster 23-minuter to close their eponymous album. There's a lot to like here: The orchestras, the riffage, Myung making his presence felt and last but not least Mike Mangini sounding like he belongs!

The first few minutes are all angry DT - which then gives way to some lovely solo work (please keep an ear peeled for magic by Myung here!), and a beautiful orchestra section (close your eyes here), and the usual insane instrumental show-of-prowess.

It's a complete package and a song that grows on you rapidly, despite the sheer length. It's heartening to know these guys still have it in them to belt out a monster like this.

07. Ytse Jam (When Dream And Day Unite, 1989)

The first sign of the incredible instrumental wizardry to come.

The title of this instrumental is MAJESTY in reverse - which was the first name of the band. All the chops are here: Odd time signatures, individual members showing off, headbangable moments... Most bands would be happy to pull this off as their opus, but for Theater, it's just a minor matter of announcing themselves. A bunch of 20-year olds did this, keep in mind.

06. A Change Of Seasons (A Change Of Seasons, 1995)

One of their most popular songs (well, at 23", it's not likely to be on too many party playlists - so let's just say popular as far as prog metal discussion forums go). It was written by Portnoy in a tribute to his mother. That intro is one of the most beautiful Theater has ever done.

This song has more melodies and riffs than you can count - my favourite is the one at 4:11. Encapsulates the song so well. James LaBrie - much reviled and revered both - does a terrific job of delivering the pain-laden lyrics and screams. You can feel Portnoy's emotions - hope, pain and anguish - reflected here. And as is to be expected of a song of this size, there's a lot of superb instrumental action and coordination here (how do these guys do it?!)

The 'Carpe Diem Sieze The Day' lyric is one of their most famous and will be referenced later in a few songs.

And for those who care about such things, this is the first comment on the video:
4/4, 3/4, 7/4, 8/4, 7/4, 8/4, 7/4, 4/4, 3/4, 7/4, 17/8, 21/8, 17/16, 4/4, 15/8, 7/4, 4/4, 9/8, 15/8, 7/4, 4/4, 9/8, 4/4, 9/8, 4/4, CARPE DIEM! SIEZE THE DAY!, 6/4, 19/16, 5/4, 4/4, 5/4, 4/4, 5/4, 4/4, 8/4, 3/4, 6/4, 4/4, 10/4, 6/4, 4/4, 11/8, 7/8, 11/8, 18/8, 4/4, 7/8, 7/4, 6/4, 6/8, 4/4, 3/4, 5/8, 4/4.

And well, I know we DT fans pride ourselves on our tolerance for long songs and sneer on others for their lack of patience etc, but even I feel that this was a little overblown and a few minutes could have easily been shaved off - not for accessibility's sake but I don't think the song needed it.

Big boys now!

05. Octavarium (Octavarium, 2005)

There are two ways of looking at Dream Theater's finest opus: One, as an overblown, self-indulgent exercise in excess. The other is possibly the best musical autobiography ever told. Neither approach is wrong. I lean towards the latter, of course - but let it be made clear - Octavarium is not the song you give a prog metal virgin.

However, once you submit yourself to the fact that this is going to be an awesome theatrical experience, you're in for a treat. The first 4 minutes (yes, most Bon Jovi songs are over by then) meander along like Pink Floyd at their lazy finest. Then there's a bit of synth and flute.

By the way, this song is about DT themselves - their influences (Floyd, Rush, The Beatles and others) and then how they defined this genre for themselves and got trapped inside it (Hence the repeating 'Trapped Inside This Octavarium' lyric).

The meandering, slow start gives way to the next movement, where Myung really gets into his element and the tempo really picks up (well, given that it's 13" into the song, they'd better start getting to the point, yes?). I love the next section - where there are vocal tributes to many of their heroes and the songs (you'll notice them!) though it's surprising to see no Rush reference there, given how much of an influence they are for the band.

Another musical genius moment follows: Each of the songs in the album are invoked - each of them are on a different scale - hence going to a full circle (from F to F), and LaBrie screams out Trapped Inside This Octavarium - hitting the highest notes he's ever done on a DT studio album.

It's a stunning musical extravagaza - which again, many will pan for being excessive. But hey, screw them.

04. Stream Of Consciousness (Train of Thought, 2003)

From one of DT's heaviest albums comes this fabulous instrumental.

There is nothing much I want to say here - except, you will be hard-pressed to find a better showcase of the instrumental wizardry of the band than this. The opening arpeggio is one of the darkest and really sets the tone for the magic to come.

John Petrucci - you are a God.

03. Dance of Eternity (Scenes From A Memory, 1999)

When SFAM came out, many hailed it as a progressive milestone and this instrumental as the greatest ever. I'm not too sure about that - I think La Villa Strangiato is the greatest, and perhaps Messrs Beethoven / Bach might have a point of view on that.

But anyway - this is their most famous instrumental and for good reason. It's got more time signature changes than you can possibly imagine. So many that even the drummer - one of the most acclaimed in the world - struggles.

This song is the reason why haters hate (or is it h8?) and fans adore. Sure, it's a lot of wankery on display with just a few melodies thrown in, but there are other songs for that. This is Dream Theater at their finest or worst depending on your point of view.

02. Metropolis Part 1 - The Miracle And The Sleeper (Images and Words, 1991)

If you can get past the extravagant title, what reveals itself is possibly the finest prog metal song of all time. It's a terrific introduction to anyone looking to get into the genre.

There's a storyline here (which is continued a few albums later), great musicmanship, a lovely intro that's built up, James LaBrie at his best... My favourite moment is after all the instrumental showmanship, there's a crescendo that's built up... And it all peaks and climaxes, leaving an orgasm of beautiful chiming guitars at 8:03 - that is to me, Dream Theater's finest moment encapsulating all that they are about - a lot of instrumental wankery, but with melody underlying all of it.

01. Learning To Live (Images and Words, 1991)

I am aware this is an odd choice for a top song, but I have many reasons for it.
One, that intro.
Two, that voice. James LaBrie might be reviled by many, but any man who can pull off a performance like this, especially those high notes he hits in the middle.
Three, the lyrics. I know I don't look at words too much, but Myung has some real nice stuff here, apparently about AIDS.

And finally - the ultimate DT instrumental moment. From 7:04 onwards when LaBrie delivers that goosebump-inducing shriek - it all becomes instrumental fantasy. First, Petrucci's guitar solo, 7:51 is one of my favourite DT moments, but it all comes to climax when Wait For Sleep is reinvoked and a full piece constructed around it. It suddenly gives meaning to why that odd 2 minute song was placed in the album in the first place.

Melody after melody follows - each of them could have been the cornerstone of a song by itself - here, Theater are at the height of their creative powers (Oh, Kevin Moore!) and throw them around with the gay abandon of five men in their mid-20s endowed with musical superpower.

Even after LaBrie ends with his last lines, they are not quite done - Myung gives a spectacular bass run on which the band builds, taking the listener into the outro, to end what is quite possibly the greatest progressive metal album ever.

Learning to Live had me in tears of joy when I heard it for the first time and I will weep if I ever manage to see it live.

Phew. so there you have it. My top 20. I realise this post went on for as long as a DT song itself. Feel free to criticise, give your own rankings, etc.

For what it's worth, here's what my 21-30 would have looked like:

21. In The Presence of Enemies (1+2)
22. Trial Of Tears
23. Take The Time
24. Space Dye Vest
25. The Enemy Inside
26. These Walls
27. The Spirit Carries On (which is also the name for their excellent drummerhunt documentary!)
28. Fatal Tragedy
29. On The Backs of Angels
30. Along For The Ride

PS: One of my life dreams is to watch this band live. Feel free to crowdsource etc :D

MY TOP 15: THE STONE ROSES

2015-06-14T17:54:00.000+05:30

"Eh, who?"

I wouldn't be too surprised if you had that reaction. I had the same when I stumbled upon the band's name on some discussion online raving about how awesome they were. And how influential they were, despite leaving behind just two albums.

I was blown away. It sounded like what Oasis aspired to become. If you're a fan of Britpop / stripped-down alternative rock, you will love the Roses. Let me take you through my favourite 15. They're a Manchester-based band: Two albums coming in 1989 and 1994. Although they're reunited now, the jury's out as to whether there's another album in the offing.

I usually do 20, but since we're dealing with just 2 albums here, I pruned the list down to 15, and yes, even that was tough - there's very little filler in the discography.

15. How Do You Sleep At Night?: This is a little deviant from most TSR songs in the sense, it’s sounds less swagger and more pleading, if you know what I mean. That said, it’s got some signature elements: Brown’s lazy delivery, nice layered instrumentation with a terrific rhythm section.

14. Love Spreads: Another great track, average in comparison to the rest of the album (ah, the travesty!). Imminently enjoyable, cheeky lyrics and as always, amazing basswork. Country-style guitaring!

13. Driving South: Strongest opening to any TSR song, with a magnificent riff Blackmore would have been proud of. But just as you’re expecting an Ian Gillan scream, you’re greeted by Ian Brown’s Oasis-inspiring swagger. Listen to this for the guitaring.

12. She Bangs The Drums: Frenetic pace, with an imminently memorable chorus (Especially the ‘How Could It Come To Pass’ line). It’s apparently about thinking about a loved one, resulting in your heart / chest beating. Nice, quick paced song.

11. Good Times: Great all-round song. Terrific singing – probably the loudest Brown’s ever ventured - with loud brash guitaring backed by lovely basswork and drumming.

10. I Am The Resurrection: The Roses were more prog than any pop-rock band out there. Sample this, where the chorus comes in after all verses, and then segueing into a long, awesome instrumental section, which occupies over half the song. All the previous songs in the album were relatively short – maxing out at around 5 minutes. Ah well, they were anything but conventional. Oh, and it’s anti-religion (with some quite stinging lyrics, really)

09. Made Of Stone: It’s made very apparent on this track that The Roses have always had an element of dance music in their songs. It’s hard to resist grooving to this track, even though it’s about French student riots (apparently). Also featuring what might be their first extended instrumental section, with a little solo, some effects and a great bassline. It's also the title of their upcoming documentary.

08. Shoot You Down: Probably the sweetest ever song to tell someone that he’s gonna be punched up. The lazy singing, the jangly guitars… It all just works. Classic Roses this.

07. Something’s Burning: If you’re looking for something immediate, you’ve come to the wrong place. Just put on your headphones and indulge yourself in this. Yes, indulge. It seems hedonistic listening to a track like this. In a modern age where everything needs to be efficient and to-the-point, this is anything but. Close your eyes, it’s easy to get distracted by something else. But once you do, you’ll be rewarded. 8 minutes of glorious, dark rave-meets-poprock.

06. Fools’ Gold: Busy drums, gloriously lazy bass, funky guitar, and quiet menacing vocals greet you within a minute of this 9 minute gem. Apparently an anti-war propaganda song. This is totally unlike anything else on the album – it meanders about, taking the listener on a psychedelic journey. Without being instrumental geniuses, the band manages to perform one great instrumental section purely through soundscapes. Fabulous ending to one of the greatest and most influential albums of all time.

Big guns now!

05. I Wanna Be Adored: Probably the Roses’ most famous track? Why not? First song of the first album and anthemic lines, sung with lots of reverb over fine guitar licks. You won’t get too much by way of lyrics here, but as far as an entry point into TSR goes, it's ideal. And yeah, that reverb!

04. Tears: Sure, there’s a lot to like about this song. It’s got some of the signature TSR elements – those vocals with reverb, clangy guitars, terrific drumming, efficient and solid basswork… But what will blow you away is a fantastic guitar solo by John Squire. For me, easily the best performed in the two albums. From 3:25 the song takes a different character, the highlight of which is that sweet, sweet solo, which will make you wonder if you’ve missed out on any other great guitar playing in the previous songs. The song is apparently about Squire coming off drugs for his wife.

03. This Is The One: This just feels epic. Lovely start, a little bassline, in comes the arpeggio, those drums again, and Ian Brown’s echo-ey vocals. Classic Manchester ‘plan’ pronunciation. We’re in the middle of something special. It feels like something The Who would have done, as it picks up. About leaving the past behind and looking forward to a better ahead. This is the song I’d be waiting for at a concert, to jump up and down singing. It’s also played before every Manchester United game – here’s Brown singing it at Old Trafford. Not too many TSR songs are feel-good, and this is upliftingly against the grain.

02. Sally Cinnamon: A worthy contender to the genius that was to come. The 1987 demo had just a dash of that British swagger that would come to define the Stones. Lazy basslines give way to frenetic drumming and jangly guitars in pop-rock at its purest and finest. Not to mention that innocent ‘ah!’ before ‘Sally Cinnamon’. The lyrics are about a man pickpocketing a woman’s jacket and finding a letter from her apparently lesbian lover! I love the fact that this gem doesn't feature in either album - enough justification to listen to not just the 'discography' but also the hidden singles! Keep that in mind before torrenting ;)

01. Breaking Into Heaven: 1994. The reclusive, mysterious Stones had one magnificent album behind them, and came back luxuriously, five years later with another belter. It started extravagantly, with a 11.5 minute track. Now, that length is something that’s usually the preserve of prog-metal and art-rock, not Britpop precursors. But psychedelia meets rave meets pop-rock in this most incredible track which has everything: Instrumentals, hummable anthemic sections, Rush whimsy (think 2112 water flowing), wall-of-sound soundscapes… And like some modern day Pink Floyd, they take their sweet time getting to the point… Only well after the 4-minute point does the song actually kick in to life. When it does, at 4:36, with that sweet guitaring and basswork, it’s orgasmically satisfying. It ends with one of my favourite lyrics of all time:

“You don't have to wait to die,
You can have it all,
Any time you want it.”,

followed by a lovely guitar solo. Magnificent. And all of it seems better because of that meandering start. Shave that 4:35 at the beginning off, and you have a weaker song.

There you go! \m/

ABOUT MY FAVOURITE GUITAR SOLO

2015-05-21T22:36:00.000+05:30

Two days back, I was having a pretty crappy day - an outcome that usually involves close interaction with armpits of fellow victims of the Mumbai local trains, and partially, idiotic meetings.

I knew I needed the ultimate remedy. It needed to be used with caution. Like Getafix would have us believe, overuse might render it useless.

I reached for my most excellent Hifiman HE500 headphones, and plugged on the track I knew would set everything right.

And it did.

==

Never has a piece of music moved me as much as that underrated genius, Alex Lifeson's solo on La Villa Strangiato. Along with Neil Peart on drums and Geddy Lee on bass/keyboards, he created 2:33 of sheer joy and beauty.

To say that Rush is just a band is like saying Nutella is just a spread. They are quite simply, the most efficient band ever - to think that so much sonic magnificence can come out of just three individuals is mind-blowing, and something process engineers the world over should study, before an MBA comes along and creates some stupid 6-sigma presentation.

But I don't want to beat about the bush too much - alas, being a strategy guy in advertising, that's my natural disposition - but here, I just want to talk about this solo.

The song itself is an instrumental, spanning eleven 'movements' over 9 minutes. It's the fourth part of this, A Lerxst in Wonderland, whatever that means, that I'd like to draw your attention to.

Here's the track:

If you're listening to this for the first time, then listen to the whole thing, from the beginning. Trust me, the solo sounds way better that way. In a way, it's like Sachin and Ganguly ripping into the hapless English bowling at Headingley in 2002, but only after Dravid has laid the foundation with an epic 148. Something like that. But anyway.

Read as you listen.

At 3:16, you can FEEL the shift in tone.
By 3:35, something has settled, but there's tension. You notice the world's greatest drummer, Neil Peart, manically hi-hatting away.
And then begins those guitar moans. Those incredibly sexy guitar moans. Oh, shut up, Jimmy Page, you don't hold a candle to this man.
At 4:02, Geddy Lee's bass note fills the air. You can sense it, something is gonna give. Like a tense father-son altercation after an opprobrious word was used by mistake.
The few seconds after that, Lifeson's guitar is almost reassuring. By 4:14, it's turned from tension to beautiful melody. It's just been a few seconds.
Slowly, the pace picks up. At 4:27, it's like a plane getting ready to take off. You know, that moment, it's just teasing you, gliding along the tarmac, as you clutch your seat, waiting for that gut-wrenching zoom to happen?

And then, my favourite moment.
As Lifeson slowly builds up the pace, there's a bit of subtle genius by Rush. Notice Geddy Lee's bass. Before the 'paragraph', if I may call it that, is over, he changes his bassnotes at 4:39 to become more aggressive. Hear it again. Now, suppose he'd waited till the next 'paragraph' began at 4:44, it would have seemed like the whole band just shifted together, it was a deliberate 'taking to the next level'. But since Geddy's already gone into next gear before Alex, you don't know what's hit you. Suddenly, before you know it, the pace has changed from slow and easy to third gear.

Some quick pyrotechnics later (4:48, hear that?), we are clearly going up, up and away - and that happens, at 4:56, as he launches into an astonishing array of notes that never dips in melody despite the speed. As the minute counter crosses 5, you realise that you're hearing something very, very special.

One final run, one final finger-blurring series of notes, before ending in an orgasm - that beautiful, beautiful muted guitar riff at 5:14, which carries on till the end of the 'movement', 5:49.

Phew. I mean, phew. Speechless. As always. Eyes, finally open again.

Rush don't allow you to relax, of course, the next movement throws you right back into action. Your fingers are itching to press rewind, but that's almost disrespectful. You wait till the song is over, and then play again. From the beginning of course.

==

Most guitar solos are just that - solos of guitar. The other musicians are just support acts.
Not LVS. The solo is as much Peart's and Lee's as it is Lifeson. The tension and atmosphere that their incredible drumming and basswork creates is as instrumental (hehe) to this song as Lifeson's fantastic guitar playing.

To fully appreciate what Peart and Lee bring to the table, it's worth listening to the track sans the guitar. Pay attention to Peart's oh so subtle changes. That's the genius of the man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Em5fO_jb2JA

And see if you can keep time. It's maddening.

==

I've heard every version of LVS that exists on YouTube, including most of the covers. From the classic one (1979, Pinkpop) below, where he's probably played his fastest ever. And that's when you realise, the bugger was 25 when he played this. Twenty fucking five.

And of course, there's the 'old' Alex...

No matter which 'other' version I hear, it's imperfect. He's trying too hard, or adds something needless, goes too fast (like the solo outro in the above video), goes too slow, makes it too short... The original studio version remains, in my eyes (ears?) the perfect-est way to do this solo. I'm sure many hardcore Rush fans will agree.

==

I just realise I've written a fairly sizeable post about one guitar solo. But that's how much this means to me. If a piece of music is powerful enough to undo the damage a Borivili Fast train can do to you, it must mean something.

Thank you, Aleksandar Živojinović aka Alex Lifeson, for this.

WHEN DID FLIPKART BECOME THE BAD GUY?

2015-04-10T10:12:00.001+05:30

I remember a more innocent time.

When Twitter was filled with early adopters and quality conversation than brand contests and Bhakt trolls.

A time when Facebook was more an alternative from Orkut than a marketing monolith. A time when a phone over 5 inches was simply called a landline.

It was a time when we loved Flipkart.
It was also a time when very few people knew of Flipkart. It was a time when they sold only books, too.

Supporting the spirited underdog is hardly a novel concept. It's a narrative that has, since time immemorial, fed literature, popular culture and sport. From David vs Goliath to New Zealand vs Australia, there's a sense of romance in seeing the one against whom odds are stacked beating the big bad bully.

But it doesn't take long for that underdog, once successful, to metamorph into that bully, even if only perceptually. Human beings are fickle that way, that's the way they're wired. Metallica were once the darlings of the underground who wanted them to be famous. And like the lyric in their own song, King Nothing, goes, "Be careful what you wish". With the popularity of their albums, they increasingly tended towards the Goliath end of the metal scale. They made a video for 'One' - and this was unpardonable in the underground metal community. This was seen as a sign of selling out. Popularity, it would seem, was fine as long as it was within limits.

Back to Flipkart. They were our beloved book etailer (how cool was just saying that word, back in 2008?). They stocked the most obscure of things, that Landmark and Crossword (who, no doubt, had to stock popular titles and diversify to meet rapidly increasing overheads) didn't. Books, more than anything else, was the true love of the English-speaking intelligentsia, and Flipkart soon became their darling. It was their (sorry, our) little secret. It felt cool. Delays in delivery were forgiven. They were cool, too. Witty replies on Twitter.

Remember this?

Honestly, it was with mixed feelings that I saw their diversification. They did it very naturally and organically. We cheered them along the way as they got funding. Much deserved! Now more people can know of their awesomeness. They had some truly innovative products like Flyte, the online music store. This was the peak of my personal love for them.

With more funding came acquisitions. Suddenly our little underdog was no longer one. When they became an online megastore, we were still with mixed feelings. Sure, they created the most adorable ad campaign in India since Vodafone's Pug, but not too many people from 2008 could have pictured Flipkart one day selling refrigerators.

Their replies got less and less startuppy and more corporate. The complaints grew, an inevitable thing to happen to a service company trying to achieve scale. Consumers were more demanding. And the financial tabloids feasted on gossip. Negative news. Foreign funding. Listing in Singapore. Tax avoidance. News of multi-crore salaries. Mahesh Murthy's epic description of them as "VC-funded ecom charities".

Competition didn't help. Two years back, we'd have laughed if we were told Amazon could dent Flipkart's hegemony. The number of voices who, almost regretfully, said, "Dude... It's actually cheaper on Amazon / Snapdeal... Getting it from there.", almost like if they were cheating on a spouse, increased. The Indian consumer was as promiscuous as a Frenchman in a brothel (I think it was Andy Zaltzman who said that. The latter - he is not an expert on Indian purchase behaviour as far as I know).

Another thing that didn't help was a totally useless loyalty program called Flipkart First, but I'll rant about that later.

Here we are. 2015. Flipkart has all the signs of a corporate Goliath. Money. Ads. Customer complaints. Lots of hatred around the mobile app being pushed to your face (ugh). These were Flipkart's 'One' moments - to recall what happened to Metallica.

But it was alright. Deep down, we somewhere still like(d) Flipkart. It is, after all, a homegrown example. 'Sachin and Binny!' automatically came to mind when we thought of new-age Indian entrepreneurs. They were our star duo, our answer to Sergei and Larry. Kids from the IIMs, who used to prefer HUL and McKinsey, now go there. They are the beacon of Indian Startupnagar.

How did that love turn to like, which is such an untenable position in this day and age?

Today morning, I saw a campaign on Reddit, in response to an absurd comment made by the Flipkart CEO. The campaign was to get as many people to rate the Flipkart app as 1-star on Google Play.

It felt like a natural conclusion of all the Net Neutrality debates that were happening over the last few weeks. But I'm not going to talk about that - it's another debate.

But it led me thinking.
Rewinding to that simpler time.

Where IPL had just started. Where I had a Nokia E63.
Where Flipkart was universally loved.

Fans of 'professional wrestling' will know that the storylines are written in such a way that a 'face' becomes a 'heel' or vice-versa to maintain interest and drama. This ain't no wrestling match.

Which led me to wonder:
When did that lovable Flipkart of 2008 become the heel?

I miss ya, Good Guy Flipkart.

A REALLY EASY WAY TO DE-CLUTTER YOUR DESKTOP

2014-08-28T16:01:00.002+05:30

As much as my mom might roll her eyes at hearing this, I'm not too much of a fan of clutter. Especially on my gadgets.

I've spent hours organizing my music collection (using a fantastic tool called Tag&Rename) and I kinda get a kick out of photo organizing.

When I got my first computer, I quickly saw the merit of the 'Quick Launch' toolbar, a handy place to keep all the rubbish at bay. It was our cheap version of the cool icon-bar on Apple computer. However, as Windows got more evolved (I use that term cautiously), the Quick Launch bar went away and caused me immense distress. Until I discovered a workaround. It's pretty simple.

Step One: Right click the Taskbar, and deselect 'Lock The Taskbar'. Then drag it to increase its height.

Step Two: Create a folder - call it Toolbar (or anything else you fancy, really). Keep it anywhere. You won't be accessing it much.

Step Three: Right click the toolbar. Go to Toolbars -> New Toolbar. Navigate to select the 'Toolbar' folder you've just created. Voila! Your 'toolbar' is created there, and now you can drag and drop shortcuts and create your own Quick Launch.

Right click and deselect 'Show text' and 'Show title'.

Step Four: Drag and drop shortcuts of apps you commonly use onto this little toolbar.

And there you have it! All the commonly used programs are right down there. Making it easy for you to access them. If there are certain files that you access regularly as well (For eg: I have an Expenses file and a cycling log whose Excels are linked down there so I don't have to navigate every time I need to make an entry).

Oh, and a couple more things:

1. I hate having icons on the desktop. A clean desktop is more therapeutic than you think. It also forces you to keep new downloads / documents in folders they should be in rather than the most convenient location. It's easy to hide icons from the desktop. See?

2. If your computer is slow to start, it could be because there are lots of rubbish apps (Adobe Acrobat updater, anyone?) that feel compelled to start when the computer starts. Thankfully, you can disable all of them. Go to your start bar, and type in 'msconfig.exe'. Then go to 'Startup' and uncheck whatever you don't want at startup. Some tools might be useful, of course, like your antivirus, but in general, you can safely uncheck most of these.

There we go. Hope this helps :D

DEAR 20 YEAR OLD ME

2014-08-08T11:23:00.000+05:30

Ok, you young idiot.

Yes you.

Firstly - the good news. You'll still have hair when you turn 30. But not by much. Also, you're married to an awesome woman. I don't want to spill the beans about that here (why take away from the joy of discovery?). All I will say is - keep an active interest in audio products, especially ones that play lossless files. Also, yes - you'll end up in MICA and advertising, like you wanted. Living the dream of wearing shorts to office and making PPTs at 11 PM.

However, life is not all hunky-dory. There are going to be some ups and some very downing downs, but I can't tell you about them, because, heck, you love Back To The Future as much as I do, and you know what happens when you go mucking around with the space-time continuum too much.

However, here's some advice for you. Keep these things in mind, won't you?

Invest.
I know. Most boring start ever. But seriously, this will make more difference to your life than the Darcy-Weishbach Equation ever will. You'll start earning soonish. Just plonk away a teeny amount like 1000 a month into an RD or something. Do some compound interest calculations and (to use 2014 lingo), what happens next will astonish you.

No, really, you idiot. Stop hogging at Thrissur AFC and get a good mutual fund instead.

Travel.
You stay in freakin' Kerala. Most people around the world would do anything to be where you are (no, not in the hostel exactly - but you get my point). Tons of your batchmates go on bike rides. Join them. That way, you won't be spending your 30th birthday wondering how to pack all that you want to do in 5 days of an upcoming Kerala trip. Just... Go. Discover. Do. Click. Soak it in.

Write and draw.
You used to draw some decent comics when you were in school. You stopped while at college. Don't. Keep drawing. Soon, the internet will allow you to publish stuff online. Write. Write a lot. Regularly. That way, some of the stuff you do publicly online later will be less embarrassing. And trust me - there's a lot of rubbish out there with your name on it.

Listen to a lot of music.
You're stuck in a rut of listening to the same 30 songs over and over again. Explore new genres. Rock, metal, prog, classic, world, Mallu film... There's so much to listen to, and when you're 30, you'll feel like you wasted your 20s not listening to at least 1 TB by now. (Haha, you don't know what a TB is... How cute. Wiki it. Oh wait.)

Make music. Even if it's bad.
Soon, you'll be in a place which has talented musicians, a recording studio, a captive audience and tons of free time. Take advantage of all of that. Play stuff. Record. You'll never get that opportunity again. Going to MICA and not making music is like going to Barbeque Nation and eating paneer. Just publish something to call your own.

Value free time.
Treasure every free minute. And dammit, do something. You while away way too much time. Get off your arse. Exercise. Lose that flab. Go for a walk. Explore the cities you've stayed in but know jack about. Do anything. Just don't laze around. You gotta look back at each day and say, "Yeah, I did something awesome today."

Do this and you'll be fine. I wonder if my 40-year-old self would be kind enough to send me a letter, now...

Cheerio!
Your just-turned-30 self.

WHAT IF?

2014-05-31T12:31:00.000+05:30

The room was abuzz with activity. Journalists uncomfortably shifted in their chairs, murmuring among themselves. Rivals from various TV channels forgot their contractual obligation to confidentiality, and freely discussed things that had been going through the grapevine. For, if what was being rumoured was indeed true, it would change the landscape of India’s favourite sport for ever.

The murmur suddenly reached a crescendo, and then fell to absolute silence. He’d come. Lalit Kumar Modi. Some say the most powerful person in the ICC, the one who really calls all the shots.

Modi took his seat, and quietly surveyed an army of journalists and cricket enthusiasts in front of him. He spotted a few legends of the game as well, some not from India. He knew very well the implications of what he was about to say – it would draw flak from the pundits, shock among the masses and panic amongst advertisers. He knew it all. But ‘Lalz’ was a brave man. Despite a voice frequency which could make a tuning fork move on its own, he knew how to get into dangerous and controversial things. And pull them off. After all, he was the kingpin in his school Tazo mafia. A quick thought of him exchanging a worthless Cheeto Tazo for a prized international Lay’s one from a ‘gelf’ Mallu sucker flickered through his mind. He smiled briefly and then let out a puff of air. It was time.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming”, he delivered. “Our great sport, started by our British and Australian ancestors in the 1870s, has come a long way. From Grace to Bradman to Sobers to Lillee to Richards to Tendulkar to Murali. It’s been a journey. But change has been constant, my friends. And we must endeavour to move with the times.”

The crowd took in a small gasp. They knew what was coming.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honour, privilege and deep responsibility to unveil before you, The World Test Cricket Championship.”

The crowd stared. They knew precisely this was what would happen, yet they couldn’t believe this was happening. The journalists took it all down, not wanting to miss a moment. This would shape the future of cricket as they knew it.

“The top eight T20 teams in the world will now battle it out over a period of ten years to decide to World Test champion. But, I sense unrest among a lot of you, and would like to assure you that this will have no impact on the current T20 or ODI schedules. The yearly World Cup of each will continue to happen, we will continue to have the IPL, but we must embrace this new format, which is making waves around the world. This IS the future of cricket.”

There were questions galore, but no one knew where to start. Lalit saw this all and continued to smile. Perhaps now he could continue, he had prepared a long speech for all eventualities.

“See, over 130 years ago, when England and Australia played that first T20 match, when Charles Bannerman scored the now legendary 57 not out off 33 balls, little did we know how cricket would evolve. Many things have come and gone since. The scoops and reverse sweeps have made way for cover drives and square cuts. Those of you who watch grainy images of Don Bradman’s epic 166*, the highest T20 score to date, will attest to that fact. The rebellious Kerry Packer, in a bid to increase the amount of advertiser revenue possible, staged ‘longer’ matches, which he called One Day cricket. And to the horror of many people, he started using white uniforms regularly to distinguish his so-called one-day league! But today, it is accepted practice to wear whites and no one really raises a fuss.”

“Last year, after a complaint by some of the counties in Papua New Guinea complained they were not getting enough matches, the PNGCB came across a novel idea – a three-day match of 50 overs per day... With two innings. Many of you remember that, I remember there being much criticism in the press... Your press... About the same. How the world’s top T20 country could do something that could kill the game! But the floodgates opened! People loved this new method. Cricketers loved it too! They said it didn’t have the frenetic pace of T20, and could focus on constructing an innings.”

“RUBBISH!”, screamed a legendary Malaysian T20 cricketer from the crowd, part of the 1977 World Cup winning squad. “Constructing an innings? What nonsense! It’s all this new generation and their lazy attitude! In our days, we’d just get out there in our coloured outfits and smash the bloody ball around! The worst kids would be given the ball, to teach ‘em a frikkin’ lesson. Why, we used to thwap sixes the height of the Petronas in those days...”

Modi sighed. He expected backlash. “I agree to your point, sir. But this is not 1977 anymore. Things have changed. There are more youngsters interested in building their technique and defence. And what’s more, bowlers are starting to feel marginalized, and have got better. Infact...”, and he knew this statement was going to bring the house down, “I have made it mandatory for each team to select bowlers on merit.”

The din took five minutes to subside. “Defence?!” screamed a pundit. “What new-fangled rot!” and left the room in disgust.

A journalist, known for his statistical bent of mind, took the audience mic. “Sir, this is very brave. But... Everything’s going to change. What will a good innings be now? A batsman has virtually unlimited time to score runs. Will we be seeing scores of 200s and 300s made by a single batsman?”

“It could very well happen. The idea is to give a batsman time to construct an innings and the bowler, being a vital part of the game, will aim to outfox the batsman proactively rather than hoping for an error. We’re hoping that someone will be able to better Shane Warne’s 2/4.”

Some of the audience couldn’t fathom it. A bowler taking more than 2 wickets in a game! Things would never be the same! What would happen to the IPL, the institutional tournament which was into its 23^rdyear? How would players be able to handle the heat and conditions for 5 straight days, for over 80 overs per day? All this fitness nonsense was going to ruin the game, many felt.

Modi smiled, realising his work was done. “On a parting note, friends. I’d just like to tell you not be afraid of change. Yes, this may seem too much and too daring. But it could have easily been the other way round. Imagine if we had started out with Test cricket instead, and slowly changed to T20 over the years. Imagine if Bradman were a Test cricketer – imagine the number of runs he would have scored! Imagine if bowlers were given competent wickets to bowl on all this while, they might actually have had a role to play. Why, some of them might have picked up all ten wickets in an innings!”

At this last point, the audience burst into laughter. Modi’s legendary wit had worked again. And at once, they knew it was alright. Change was inevitable. Yes, many could picture parody articles on cricket websites for the next few days (“Modi proposes timeless Test matches”, one satirist was already thinking up). There would be flak.

But that was how cricket had to evolve if it were to keep up with the other sports of the world. T20 cricket was for too long snubbed by Americans as being ‘mentally bland’, compared to the intellectual requirement of golf or 3-day baseball. Perhaps Test cricket was that lease of life that was required to save cricket.

In a corner in his room in Bangalore, a young cricketer who’d never been able to break into the India T20 team smiled. Rahul Dravid knew his time had come.

This piece was originally published on Yahoo! Cricket.

150 PLACES TO VISIT IN MAHARASHTRA - ON A GOOGLE EARTH FILE

2013-11-23T14:27:00.003+05:30

Short version: I love travel. Here's the Google Earth file. Enjoy. Share this post.

==

Long version:

So, there comes the time in every person's life where he's bitten by the travel bug.

In Mumbai, where I stay, people have the common lament that:
1. Travel is expensive
2. There's nowhere worth visiting nearby except the same ol' hill stations which are now commercialized.

I beg to differ. Maharashtra is home to some spectacular places - beaches, hill stations, treks, caves and many more. Now, I'm not a veteran traveler - indeed, the bug's bitten me only recently - but even in my short travel time, I'm astounded by the amount this state has to offer.

Self and wife went to Malshej Ghat - gorgeous greenery. We went to Malvan - stunning beaches. Heck, you can even just roam around Mumbai's forts and old city and discover amazing stuff on a weekend.

Add this to my love for Google Earth - which I believe is one of the finest programs ever. So what I did was very simple - I spent a lot of time mapping out various places that I'd like to visit in Maharashtra. And put placemarkers for them, and classified them.

Over 150 places in Maharashtra. Get off yer ass and go!

Places categorized!

And I'd like to share that file with you.

Download it from here (it's a 16 KB direct download).
Open it with Google Earth. And voila! Enjoy!

There are over 150 places, but a few disclaimers:
1. It's not comprehensive. I went through about 20 lists - from trekking websites to Wikipedia, but could have missed something out. Lemme know what these are, and I'll add them in (and update)
2. Some places are repeated. For eg: The same places might be in 'treks' and in 'forts'. And some forts might not be in 'fort' because it's in 'treks'. Kindly adjust.

Well, there you go. Don't ever complain that there are no places to visit near Mumbai or Pune. For cheap buses, check out the MSRTC website.

Well, enjoy :D

And yes - spread the word across people from Mumbai. More people need to get off their arses and go out rather than vegetate home on weekends ;)

THE CRICKET KWEEZZZ

2013-11-20T12:16:00.003+05:30

I once did a cricket quiz for @kweezzz. Kinda proud of the questions. Have a look?

01) Who has the highest score on first class debut?
Hint: He was padded up when Sachin and Kambli put on their 664 run stand

Amol Muzamdar

02) Which English cricketer played for a (now) EPL club?

Denis Compton

03) If Rahul Dravid had scored 5 more runs in the Lord's Test against England in 1996, what first would have been created?

Hint: The first was finally performed by Pakistan v South Africa in 1997

Two debutants scoring a century in the same innings. Lord's 1996: Ganguly 131, Dravid 95 | Rawalpindi: Mahmood 128, Naqvi 115

04) In 1789, a cricket 'tour' was supposed to happen between two nations. Why didn't it?

Hint: One of the countries wasn't a future Test playing nation

English cricketers' tour of France. Cancelled due to French Revolution

05) In 1900, which bowler dismissed WG Grace, taking his only first class wicket?

Arthur Conan Doyle

06) In Dec 2001, A denied B a major record in Test cricket. In Jan 2002, B denied A the ODI version of the record. Identify A & B.

Hint: Bowling record. Many Zimbabweans were harmed in the making of both.

A - Chaminda Vaas, B - Muralitharan. Vaas took the last wicket when Murali was on 9/51, and Murali took 2 wickets when Vaas was on 8/19

07) Martin Guptill has 7. Fred Titmus had 6. What am I talking about?

Toes. Martin Guptill lost 3 toes in a forklift accident, Titmus lost 4 in a boating one.

08) In 2009, Noor Ali of Afghanistan achieved something that only 3 others have before him - Arthur Morris, Nari Contractor, Aamer Malik. What?

Hint: In Test cricket, only Yasir Hamid and Lawrence Rowe have achieved this.

Century in each innings of the game.

09) Connect: Charles Bannerman, Geoffrey Boycott, Adam Gilchrist

Faced the first ball of each international format - Test, ODI, T20Is respectively.

10) Alec and George Hearne, Eng v SA, 1892. Ed and Dominick Joyce, Eng v Ire, 2006. Connect.

Only instance of brothers on opposing sides in Test and ODI cricket respectively

11) Who was the last cricketer to score a double century in his last Test innings?

Jason Gillespie.

BQ) FC cricket. Who sent away all his fielders, wicketkeeper included, leaving only himself, the two batsmen and the 2 umpires. Then he recalled just one fielder, placed him near the stumps. When asked why, he replied, "I've troubled the umpires enough, this guy's going to pick up the bails". True to form, he clean bowled the batsman, the fielder picked up the bails and handed them to the umpire. Who was this bowler?

Bart King, widely regarded as USA's best ever cricketer.

12) Ranjitsinjhi, Deodar, Nayadu, Merchant, Hazare are the only cricketers to be ___________ ?

Commemmorated on Indian postage stamps.

13) The question I asked Steven and got it featured! When was the last time that whites were worn in an ODI?

Hint: A near-emulation of Kapil Dev-Eddie Hemmings.

Zimbabwe v India, December 2001

14) Sunil and Rohan Gavaskar are the only father-son pair to do what?

Take a wicket off their first over in ODIs.

15) Which is the only cricket ground in the world that was built over a water body? Hint: 12th and 13th men

Basin Reserve

THE WEDDING CHRONICLES, PART 3

2013-09-12T13:28:00.001+05:30

I really wanted to post the day after the wedding, but that never happened for a variety of reasons - including being inundated with relatives and ferrying off to various temples. I apologize to any of you who were waiting for an update here before taking stock-market decisions.

Well, it's been close to two months now after the wedding. Now, I really don't want to bore you with the usual jazz of how things have changed, but what else is one to do with a post-wedding post? I can't randomly go off and talk about the Mike Mangini vs Portnoy era of Dream Theater, neither can I segue into a critical analysis of the best packaged chaas available in the market. So post-wedding stuff it will have to be.

But I'll keep it bulleted because bullet points, for some reason, have this psychological ability to make a huge wad of text look less daunting than it actually is.

1. If anyone tells you life before and after marriage is the same - they're lying. A lot has changed, things feel different, you feel the need to make an Excel file for accounts and you suddenly realise that you need to take permission to buy your next pair of headphones.

2. We went to Bali for our vacation and what an amazing trip it was. I'll put up a separate post on that later. We had a ton of fun - beaches, scuba diving, SO MUCH SEAFOOD ZOMG, more beaches, greenery... It's an absolute paradise and if you're planning to go, I'll be more than happy to help you plan your trip (in exchange for 'he's such a nice boy, he deserves a new pair of headphones' prods to the wife)

3. When you're married, your house ceases to be one large laundry pile where you come back to pass out every day. Suddenly things find themselves into cupboards, photos go from being digital to framed on walls, a hibiscus will find its way in, and even if the only thing you watch on it is FRIENDS off a pen drive, you will have a TV.

4. You will now be the target of 'be decent. You're married now' ridicule from friends when you attempt to do something vulgar such as read Playboy or watch Virat Kohli.

5. I wanted to call the house router 'Husband and Wifi' but that was overruled in favour of 'IP Gangnam Style'. It's hard not to be attracted to someone who can fit a technology term into pop culture and make it funny.

6. We have promised each other that there will be one weekend trip per month. We've been to Malshej Ghat thus far. Let's see how this pans out.

7. Apparently, I am allowed to buy new headphones only if I hit 75 kg, or the dollar hits ₹45. We all know which of this is more likely, so does anyone have Raghuram Rajan's phone number? (Also, my keyboard has a rupee symbol thing. I wrote this point just to show that off)

Yeah, that's largely about it. More later. Including Bali.

THE WEDDING CHRONICLES, PART TWO

2013-07-12T23:29:00.000+05:30

So, how much has changed since I last posted?

To be honest, not much. The date is getting closer, more people who I don't know but I must pretend I do are being spoken to, and so much money is being wasted you would think my family was effluent (hehe).

Now, from my limited exposure to wedding-based Punjabi music videos (face it man, we all had a crush on Malaika Arora in that video), it pretty much seems that the groom is the cynosure of all eyes, and my reticent silent-corner-seeking self was dreading the prospect of the whole wedding shindig for just this.

Fortunately, it turns out that the groom is never in the aforementioned cynosure. This is due to a variety of reasons including the fact that a TamBrahm wedding is largely never about the bride and the groom. It's actually all about the clothes. In fact, it's quite okay if the groom doesn't show up as long as well-laundered apparel does.

Secondly, as you saunter around the TamBrahm universe, which is a fate I wouldn't bestow upon even Steve Bucknor after the Sydney Test of 2008, you realise that it is rife with hypocrisy. For instance - on one hand, they admonish you for indecent clothing when you walk around home with shorts, but seem to have no issue asking you to bare your chest in front of an auditorium of 500 strangers.

Today is apparently my last day as a bachelor (technically engaged tomorrow night. I think. I don't keep up too well with these things, I just go along) and have had no time to do any bachelorry things (however, I did sneak out to have a vada and lime juice. Don't tell parents).

It's frustrating being a non-practicing engineer while meeting random people. For instance - my brother and I are at many times dragged from our reveries to be introduced to many people. Now, I - with all due modesty - happen to work for the biggest and best advertising agency in the world. The brother - with all due respect to him (he's cut out for WAY better things than software) works in a not-exactly-top-level software company. Conversations with random strangers (RSs) typically go like this:

RS: So what do you do?

Me: I work for an advertising agency. Ogilvy and Mather.

RS: Oh... Hmm... Ok. Did you see Australia batting? Hmm. Ok. Nice. And you? What do you do?

Bro: I work for US Tech.

RS: OHWOWISTHATTRUEJIZZIHAVEANUNMARRIEDDAUGHTERAREYOUINTERESTEDTELLMORETELLMORE

Bro and Me: #facepalm

Also, way too many people are given respect for nothing more than their ability to have sired a very large number of people. Reverence is always to be given and never questioned. Where's all that scientific temper that we speak of? ;-)

In the middle of all this, the brother and I have managed to sneak in time to practice a few songs. Those of you who are coming for the reception and are sticking around at the end - we promise you some interesting stuff.

So anyhow, I've got a whole lot of ceremonies to look forward (?) to. I'm writing this blogpost in blatant defiance of orders that I've been given by my aunt ("Don't work at a computer - go straight to sleep"). The next time I write a post, I will be in some stage of matrimony.

Wish me luck (for surviving the aforementioned ceremonies more than anything else!)

THE WEDDING CHRONICLES - PART ONE

2013-07-07T22:58:00.002+05:30

I guess there are few better ways to restart a blog whose posting strategy is Afridiesque in its consistency, than to talk about the single most important event of one's life. But let me for a moment not talk about the time I got my Grado SR325 headphones, and talk about something else which a few of you are privy to.

I speak, of course - of the fact that I'm going to get hitched. On 14 July 2013, Divya and I are going to be one. One in the way Lennon and McCartney were (without the fallout). One in the way two amoebae fuse (without the grossness). And one in the way HTC's latest phone is (without the useless Beats Audio).

It's been three years since we started going out - a term appropriate for India where parents get scandalized if an unmarried couple were to be seen in the same Cooperative Housing Society.

And now, after many anxious moments - it's finally happening. Whee!

I started off the journey telling my parents that I was landing up on Monday, totally intending to surprise them as I'm actually reaching Kochi on Sunday. Alas, that idea backfired as they got wind of what I was up to and the only surprise for them was the fact that I've actually managed to gain more weight than was thought to be humanly possible.

So here I am in Tripunithura. Houses here are quite massive. Granted, that is also partially because the region is not the most flourishing of real estate markets. Neither is there an IT park in the near vicinity, the types of which have been responsible for many youngsters gravitating to the area, followed by fashionable establishments. The upshot of all this essentially being - you could buy a bungalow in Tripunithura for the price of a, say, closet in suburban Mumbai.

Tripunithura is also quite unlikely to immediately top any lists of 'happening party destinations' in India. I'd like to use the term 'charming' to refer to it, but flocking off to temples at every possible occasion and the absence of sustenance of the more protein-enriched variety (if you know what I mean) really doesn't meet my idea of 'charm'. As a kid, I've never really looked forward to my bi-annual sojourn to this sleepy little place, having to pass time by playing Scrabble against myself, and re-re-re-re-re-re-reading my latest stash of Archie comics.

Nevertheless, it's where the nucleus of the whole wedding preparation is going to happen. And one thing about this whole shindig is that I've been very removed from all the action. The last time I met my parents, they had no idea I was even seriously seeing someone and they were constantly raising the "we're getting old now..." statement. A while longer and things would have possibly reached the comfortable forget-Tambrahm-just-get-anybody-and-we'll-get-you-married-off stage.

So since I've been away from all this, and the fact that Ogilvy and my freelance work keep me wonderfully busy, I haven't had much time to contemplate or look out of the window with a cup of tea going "Gawrsh, I'm gonna be married in a month!". The most I did was download a countdown timer app on my phone.

Perhaps this insulation was a good thing? Cold feet, jitters, butterflies, and all those things which your Facebook friends believe you should have, never really came. I've been quite clinical about the whole thing - having planned everything from the honeymoon to house-shifting in Excel. Now some of you might say that this Steve Waughian ice-cool nature was a good thing. Others might call me a killjoy, not giving in to the emotions of a momentous event.

But tell you what, I'm quietly thrilled. And not just because that app is telling me I have only 6 days to go.

A lot of fun events have been planned over the next couple of weeks, which I'll attempt to list down over here. From my mom's attempts to get me to shave my French beard off, to my brother's excitement at adding 15 devices to the home Wifi router (serious) - there's a lot of hilarity to be had here.

I've just spent my last weekend as a bachelor.

Oh, and if you haven't seen our 'story' yet, please to click here :)

==

REVIEW: SIGNATURE ACOUSTICS C12

2013-03-31T17:04:00.003+05:30

I was pleasantly surprised to hear that Pristine Note, them purveyors of audio awesomeness in India, had come up with their own earphones! They're called the Signature Acoustics C12, and although there's a bit of scope for improvement, it's a wonderful start, and hopefully, this will be the first of many excellent audio products to bear the 'Made in India' tag.

The box is pretty straightforward. None of that ruddy hyperbole that seems to be plaguing the growing consumer audio market (OMG WE USE THE GR8EST MAGNETS THAT REPRODUCE SOUND SO SEXILY THAT RAINBOW COLOURED CATS WILL START FALLING OUT OF THE SKY OMG OMG).

Inside the packaging, the big surprise was a brass storage box! This was quite interesting!

While this was a nice touch, and the interiors were of high quality, there were two problems:

1. It's too heavy to practically cart around. You could, but... It's still quite heavy.
2. You know that spine-tingling feeling you get when you run nails down a blackboard? That happens every time you open and close the lid. Yow.

In any case, the guys who've reviewed this before me, like the box but again the practical concerns of carting around a heavy box was too much to discard. So the company has told me that they're coming up with a semi-hard leather case.

Tech2 summed it up brilliantly in their review of these earphones: The polished brass case is as gorgeous as it is impractical.

Now, on to the earphones themselves. They're gorgeous to look at! The body is made entirely of wood.

They look fairly solidly constructed. I had some concerns about whether the cables would pop out of the earphones, but they didn't. Quite nicely done. The cable is of VERY high quality, I must say. It looks and feels premium and I don't see any wear happening with even gym-level use for a few years.

Now, on to the major question - how do they sound?

Well, I have mixed opinions here. While there's no denying that the sound is excellent - Signature Acoustics have done a superb job here - it's not a sound signature I'm particularly fond of. It's a very 'laidback', relaxed sound with a lot of emphasis on bass. The mids (vocals, rhythm guitars) are very well defined. The highs - treble - however, was very underwhelming. This was deliberately done by the company, to make their earphones less fatiguing. Fair enough, but I'm a guy who likes to hear each string being strung, if you know what I mean. Here, the treble comes off as a little 'muddy', for lack of another term. 'Rolled off', I believe, is the term audiophiles use.

So I tried this with all sorts of music. I listened to it with two sources:
1. My Sony Xperia S phone, which is a decent music player.
2. My computer, which has a USB AudioEngine D1 DAC and Schiit Asgard headphone amplifier.

Rock and metal being primarily what I listen to, were less than exciting on first listen. But I must put a huge disclaimer here: My primary headphones are the Grado SR325, which is VERY treble-heavy. So I'm used to a 'brighter' sound signature. So the C12s at first felt like they were being slightly 'suppressed'. The mids were lovely - but the overpowering bass meant that I needed to fiddle around with the EQ settings - and got a comfortable listen out of it. The vocals are very upfront - I believe audiophiles call this 'forward', so this will be very well suited for vocal-heavy music like pop, Bollywood, R&B and stuff.

Noticing the emphasis on bass, I guessed these would be great for trance / hip-hop. I'm not much of a fan of this genre, so I tried the only song that I'm a fan of - Sandstorm by Darude. And it kicked butt! These earphones, with their emphasised bass, can drum some serious bass into your heads. And since there are a lot of people out there seeking great bass in their earphones, I can readily recommend this to them.

Just to clarify - just because they're bass-heavy doesn't mean the bass is muddy like in many low-end earphones. You can still hear the basswork on a bass guitar, for instance - however, it's not as tight as I'd like it to be, but from a earphone in this price range, it performs as expected.

I tried some Carnatic (Nagumomu, from the Mallu movie Chitram), some random Bollywood songs I knew, and some fusion (Indian Ocean, Agam). The earphones performed well with Bollywood, but again, I couldn't help but feel some 'sharpness' was missing.

While they're a pair of earphones that are quite dependent on the source (I doubt a Lava phone is going to help you get audiophile-level sound), they don't benefit too much from amplification (which is unsurprising - most IEMs in this price range are meant to be efficient enough to be driven by even a phone).

For the sake of showing off, here's the C12 with my Audioengine DAC and Schiit amplifier.

Price: The price it's going for right now is INR 2700. Which makes it a very worthy competitor to others in that price range - such as the Sennheiser CX270 and Klipsch S3.

The only other earphones I had on me at the time of review were the Brainwavz M2, which are 3750. It would be unfair to compare the two, of course - since the price range is different, so I'll refrain from doing that.

So, bottom line. Would I recommend these earphones?

It depends on the type of music you like and how you like to listen to it. If you're seeking intense amount of clarity and treble, then stay away from this. You'll be disappointed.

But if you're a basshead, want lots of thump, or place emphasis on vocals - then by all means try it out. It's an excellent earphone for the price. To make your decision easier, Signature Acoustics offers a trial period of ten days during which time you can try it out. If you don't like 'em, you can return 'em. I think that's immensely sporting of them.

And in any case, if you do end up buying them, fiddle around with your EQ settings, either on your computer or phone or player until you find what you like.

If you're interested, you can buy them from here.

And if you need more opinions on the C12, here are a few:

Tech2, Digit Forums, On another blog.

In any case, this is a superb start to indigenous earphones. I hope there will be many more such products to come out of the Pristine Note stable. By the way, check out the site, they have some kickass products in there. You can buy the products from their retail site, ProAudioHome.

=

Later edit:

Signature Acoustics contacted me and told me that due to the feedback received about the brass box, they've made it limited. Otherwise, the default will be these lovely cases. And they are probably the best-looking bundled cases I've ever seen for earphones!

Thanks, 2012!

2013-01-01T12:02:00.000+05:30

The temptation to call anything 'crazy' is quite prevalent in this era where hyperbole is considered normalspeak. I myself was accused by one of India's top bloggers for labeling everything 'epic'. So it's at the risk of sounding passe, at the risk of echoing everyone who clinked glasses together last night said: It was a crazy year.

Yes, 2012 was probably the best year I've ever had, for a variety of reasons.

The career move: For one, after three immensely awesome years at Windchimes, I moved to Ogilvy, for an awesome role. Essentially, if you're getting spammed with a new Twitter promotion or an app on Facebook, you'll know who to blame.

The incessant cartooning: As many of my poor followers on Twitter would know, I churned out a few cartoons this year. Some have been hits, some have been misses. I was privileged to do stuff for many people - Sportskeeda, Pagalguy, MTV, NH7, Niti Central (I never thought I could to political toons!), Sify, Cricinfo, CrazyEngineers, Ultimate Guitar... Heck, I even did some comics for Karnivool.
I'll be the first to admit I have a long way to go (especially in terms of art!) and have just been immensely lucky with some of the stuff I do. I actually counted how much I've done, and that's... 709 comics/bylines/articles over the year. That stuns me myself :D
Thank you to everyone who's clicked a link I've put out. I hope to be as prolific in 2013... Well, with a little more quality, perhaps ;-)

The gadget acquisition: One of the resolutions of the last year was to not buy gadgets. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Good one. I bought a Wacom tablet (well, the excuse there was - it's for professional reasons. So...), an iPad 3 and a lovely Xperia S phone. And a Logitech G300 mouse. And a Casio Edifice. And an Asus Xonar Essense ST sound card. And a Sony digital camera (since I sold my DSLR). The worst purchase of the year was an electric toothbrush. Never making that mistake again.

Failed project of the year: As usual, #Project72. Maybe this year... Sigh.

Experiment of the year: Stand-up comedy. It started when Apurv, the man who really started my cartooning career, asked me to do a small set on BSchool humour at the All-India Pagalguy meet. What happened was a pretty well-received set, and I was spurred on to try more. Some went well (like the sets at IIMK, GIM and a few open-mics) but some were incredible duds (like a couple of shows at The Comedy Store, Mumbai where I tried getting my guitar on stage - those were just total bombs and I apologize sincerely if you were at the shows).
But I've got some good feedback from friends, audiences and comics, and hope to do better in 2013. For starters, there are a few shows lined up in January in BSchools. Let's see what this year holds.
Having spent 4 years making presentations to marketing managers, I'm no stranger to getting up and spouting foolish things to an audience hoping they'll like the stuff.

The show of the year: I missed Karnivool last year thanks to a surgery. This year, when I got to see them at NH7, I was fighting back quite a few tears. It was a fucking dream come true. Now if someone would just get Rush or Dream Theater down...

The people who made 2012: To all my editors. I'm sorry I bug you and your finance teams so much. Thank you for all the work you let me do. The usual gang, really. H, M, S and of course, her :)
A special mention to the Indian National Congress. Thanks to you guys, I must have drawn half of those cartoons. I owe my new phone, a few LIC premiums, turtle food and stuff to you. Thank you!

Thanks, 2012. You've been quite good to me. I hope you've given your successors instructions to carry on the good work.

AN INTERVIEW WITH AF MATHEW

2012-08-08T11:53:00.000+05:30

This was initially done for a website, unfortunately, didn't get published because of editorial concerns. Sadness. Nevertheless, I'm sure Mathew's fans will enjoy it. Publishing it here in full.

A brilliant photo of Mathew taken by Pratap Kaul, a MICAn.

==

Professor AF Mathew. The name conjures up memories for MICAns who are years out of their alma mater and would have forgotten their 4Ps and brand Hofstedes. Mathew is an ex-professor of a host of subjects at the Mudra Institute of Communications, Ahmedabad (MICA) (and subsequently Indian Institute of Management (IIM), Kozhikode) where he taught sociology, cinema, culture appreciation and a lot, lot more. The impact the man makes is felt long after he leaves the classroom. In the words of a batchmate from MICA, "Mathew doesn't tell you to follow one particular path. He puts all the options in front of you, and expects you to make an informed choice." Long associated with MICA, Mathew is now moving on to IIM Kozhikode in his homestate of Kerala where he hopes to "enlighten young minds".

While no doubt those in b-school circuit would have heard stories about the man and 'Mathewisms' regularly invade Facebook and Twitter during his classes (coughcough), his genius lies not in one-liners with social media currency. To say that would be akin to saying Mark Knopfler was a genius because he helped sell guitars, or Messi because he kicked a ball. Mathew is known to open up minds in a way few would have imagined, especially while entering the cold, ruthless world of business school education. I was fortunate to be taught by Mathew during my two years at MICA, and I'm sure his coming to IIM-K might just help the B-school go a notch up in the 'most wanted B-school by students' section of various rankings. Here are excerpts from an interview I had with him a few days ago, a short while after he quit MICA, and his first ever media interview, I must proudly state!

The author of the blog with a fellow Mallu a few days before convocating.

Can you tell us a little about the courses that you have been teaching at MICA and other schools?

My training --- MPhil and doctorate --- is in sociology. But I take multi-disciplinary subjects when I'm teaching. My broad area of teaching includes subjects like Cultural Studies, Areas of Globalisation --- its economic past, the social past and the cultural past. I also take two elective courses in Cinema Studies --- both Indian and global. These courses are not on cinema per se, but through cinema, they explore the socio-economic, cultural, historical perspectives.

I’m a teacher and if you’re in an educational institute, the main purpose should be education, right? How does one disseminate education? I believe that using various teaching methodologies, you can actually show a slice of life. I use cinema as a medium and try to show what is happening around the world. And this kind of an understanding is necessary irrespective of what career or profession you’re going to pursue. I think a rudimentary, critical awareness of the world is necessary for you to perform well in your work.

And I also take a course on India which is also a socio-economic, political and historical overview. I take all these courses at IIM-K and I’m also a visiting faculty at many places around the country.

You have largely been involved with a lot of marketing schools and courses that celebrate capitalism. How do you make your relatively left-leaning beliefs fit in when teaching at these schools?

Sociology is a very foundational subject to help understand the world around you, regardless of your profession. It’s also important for business. Actually all these subjects are taught in most important business schools all over the world, especially of late. Why? Because it’s a very important requirement for any business student to have these fundamentals at the back of the mind for his/her work. It’s also important in terms of business. You need to have a balanced critical base to your mind which will also help you with your work. This is one of the most fundamental requirements for even business studies. A sociological view of the world will always keep you grounded so that you can do your work in a more efficient, progressive manner. It gives you a sense of perspective, teaches you to look beyond your own world-view and how your decisions will impact various levels of people.

It’s not about capitalism or socialism or anything like that. The focus is to give a balanced perspective to education. All perspectives should be taught. Then let the student decide what he/she wants to do.

The best description of your class I’ve heard is, “He gives us all the options on a platter and says: Now you pick and choose.” For instance, many students might not have a socialist leaning, but the fact that such an ideology exists shows that there is some reasoning behind it. It’s important for students and future manages to be aware of all such perspectives, according to you. Your classes have helped open the minds of your students...

That’s nice of you to say that, but the most important aspect is to keep different options in front of the students. I try to make sure that whatever is there in terms of sociological understanding is linked to marketing or advertising. These links have to be demonstrated in front of the students to even show the utility to them, whether it’s law, medicine or engineering. Albert Einstein and other great scientists have emphasised that even to teach science, scientific research or engineering, you need to have social sciences as a backing course.

These are the things that will help you direct your scientific research. So it’s very essential for every discipline to have a component of social sciences. And it’s the teachers’ responsibility to link it to the subjects which the student is pursuing.

Interesting you say that, because when we were in BSchools, we tended to focus on so called action-oriented courses like Marketing and Brand Building and ‘soft subjects’ like Organisational Behaviour and HR were just meant as things on the side that one has to go through them in order to get the degree. But the reports that are coming out suggest that ‘softer skills’ like HR and people management are the most valued assets as you move up in the senior management chain. If that’s the trend globally, do you think that in our country, there is a lack of the kind of courses you’re teaching?

There has been a minor shift in the IIMs, but I don’t see any shift at all in other business schools in the country. In fact, in America there has been a lot of critical thinking about the entire business school curriculum, especially after what has happened in the area of finance, with the recession and crisis in Europe. People are going back to subjects like Philosophy, Sociology and History.

That is not seen in a big way in India. Nobody’s coming in because there’s no other way out. Given the state of globalisation today, there’s no other way but to reflect on. As far as subjects like OrganisationalBehaviour and HR are concerned, they’re also drawn from the social sciences. The main social science subjects like Psychology, Sociology, Philosophy, History etc. are the mother subjects and the other disciplines that you mentioned are derivatives of these.

Obviously, subjects like OB and HR are extremely crucial but then the main question is how are they being taught? Ultimately, it comes back to the teacher. A bad teacher can ruin any good subject and can also give a completely different twist to the subject.

Maybe we look upon subjects like organizational behavior as softer subjects because of the way Indians learn. Right from school, the focus is always on marks. When we enter college, if we have high marks, we get into science. If someone gets into humanities, it is assumed that he/she must have got lower marks. Even at B-school, this mindset persists. The subjects that will immediately get one good placements take precedence and are given more importance. So is it because of our result-oriented mindset?

Actually I would call it a short-term vision. If you study sales distribution, marketing etc, then the view is that you will immediately get a job. People who are at the top in any discipline are highly well-informed and articulate people. They will be able to bring forth a discussion on history, cinema and various topics. So in the long term, if you really want to be on the top, you need to be a well-informed, balanced person. You can’t be bigoted or a one-track fundamentalist. You need to have a broad vision and only students who are given this vision will climb their way up and reach the top.

Even in business studies, if you see the top people who are doing very well, a reasonable amount of them are actually well-articulated people. There is no substitute to the long-term vision of a good, wholesome education. There’s absolutely no way other than that.

You’ve always taught us to look beyond stereotypes. Unfortunately, a large part of marketing, especially advertising is stereotyping. (For example – typical shots of the subservient housewife, or the villager who is not at all tech savvy) Be it in terms of things like SECs (Socio-economic classifications, that segregate people by their education and purchasing power) or behavioral analysis. Is the world ready to move beyond stereotypes and how can advertising work without stereotyping?

I think that these are 1950-60 kind of ideas. At that time, the market was booming. All they had to do was present some sort of a campaign and the product would sell. The growth rate was huge. It was just after the Second World War and everything was being rebuilt.

The 1970s saw stagnation and saturation. We also had a sense of awareness among the consumer on issues of environment, progressive sensibilities with regards to portrayal of women, blacks, homosexuals etc. Now there is no way out that you can keep on reproducing the same stereotypes. There are many examples. One example I give is where one particular campaign has gender as one of the most important aspects of the advertising brief. They’ve increased by 33%. Or how the consumers lap it up if you put environmental sensibilities into your product as well as your campaign. So the consumers are also becoming aware.

One of the most important areas now is segments that were never there earlier in the 1960s, for instance the gay and lesbian segments. That’s a huge market. Most students can actually be homophobic right now. Having said all this, I’m not saying that we’ve reached a situation where no stereotypes are being used. It is still continuing in majority. But it’s not the same as it was before and there is no need now to inculcate better sensibilities among the marketers and business students. The market is not the same as it was earlier. Now marketing professionals need to incorporate all these sensibilities in their work, otherwise they may not actually reach out to the consumer. This debate will continue for some time but it’s not like the earlier times where you could do anything and get away with it. It’s not so easy any more. Although I must admit that stereotyping is still the norm, but it’ll take some more time. Stabilisation doesn’t come in a minute, no?

A slightly controversial question. A large part of the takeaway from your classes has been through unconventional methods - films with nude scenes, UCB ads, Madonna videos, hints at lesbian porn etc. Is this sensationalism or is it a required part of the teaching? Or is it just to hold the attention of wavering young minds?

I don’t think I show any porn in my classes. All the films that I had shown were award winning films. They are by great filmmakers and have won awards at the Cannes and Berlin Film Festival.

But it is a deliberate methodology from my side. As a teacher or an educator, how does one give education to young students? One thing that came to my mind through what my own teacher has told me is that education is hearing things that you don’t want to hear. Anybody can tell you things you want to hear. You’ll become very happy and the teacher will be very popular. The real test is that you must tell students what they don’t want to hear about caste, religion, life, sexuality, gender, race, nations. All the uncomfortable things should be told to them so that they become better equipped not only in their work, but also in their own lives.

Cinema is a very attractive tool and that‘s why I’ve adapted it as a methodology to tell unpleasant things to students. So that they are not only shocked but they also know what is happening around the world. For example, 18 percent of France’s population has voted for a right-wing Fascist party. I think it’s very important to tell the students that this is not a right thing for the world. That is the duty of the teacher.

Tell us about your experience at MICA.

I have a total of 15 years plus of teaching experience at the post-graduate level out of which 10 years I have been at MICA. MICA is an interesting school in the sense that it’s both communication as well as marketing. Communication is an essential component of business operation. How does one sensitise students or communications management professionals to this particular area was a challenge for me. I had come from a typical state university before I joined MICA. What MICA taught me was how to connect social sciences to every business function. That has been my learning experience. In fact, that learning has also come from IIM-K where I’ve been teaching for the last 7 years. IIM-K is a mainstream business school and there also, I had to customise my teaching to the requirements of the students.

When I was at a state university, there was no pressure to link my teaching to business operations. But after joining MICA and now at IIM-K, there is a direct section that says there’s a need to connect it to business functions. That is something I picked up from my stint at MICA. Hopefully, in my present position at IIM-K, I will extend that and probably learn even better because they are mainstream business school students and will help me in trying to bring about these connections even more clearly.

You have largely been perceived as a legend wherever you go and you have a cult following. What are your thoughts on your ‘rock star status’ if you will?

Actually, that is far from the truth. They see only the end product. Wherever I have taught, it was a lot of hard work. In the beginning, there was huge opposition to what I brought to the table! Slowly, you build brick by brick and after a long process, the students actually say something nice. I don’t know about all the students but many have nice things to say. In the beginning, they were always was abusing me! As time goes by, there is some sort of a mutual admiration society that evolves.

You’ve been known to be an extremely difficult man to shop for. Since you have all the movies that one could really want, what would you like for your next birthday? Maybe you can make a wishlist on Flipkart and make it public. Then, IIM-K will have some courier work to do.

How I wish my Flipkart wishlist is fulfilled! It’s a huge list and I don’t know if my students will be kind enough to send me couriers.

There is one thing that I can think of and I will make use of my first interview or public appearance to express my ardent wish that needs to be fulfilled. That is to go the city where Pablo Neruda wrote poetry. I hope I do that before I die. I hope all the students are listening! Maybe they can all get me a ticket to Santiago in Chile in South America!

==

That's all, folks, hope you liked this. Sound off your Mathew love in the comments, I'm sure he'd love to see it!

==

SMALL MUSINGS AND STUFF

2012-07-27T22:29:00.004+05:30

If you're the type who likes spice - who lives and breathes by Scoville scales and whose toilet jet has seen its water being converted into steam - then here's something brilliant that you can do, that a certain someone told me.

Eat spicy stuff. Do not drink water / anything sugary. When your tongue is on fire, close your mouth. Blow slowly. Hot air over a tongue already writhing with pleasure / agony (depending on your point of view).

Soon, your mind will go to places that LSD couldn't hope to take you.

==

Turtles are awesome pets. They just plod along in their tank all day, and keep themselves amused. Don't make the mistake of thinking they're low maintenance, though, even if you get them for cheap. The food, the tank, the cleaning - all costs a fair bit.

They poop like souls possessed, though - and the water tends to get murkier than Satyam's account books.

So I asked my good friend Srikeit to ferry me an expensive Fluval filter when he went to the US. After waiting for it for weeks, I finally plugged it in. BOOM. India's 230 V is not equal to America's 110 V. What a freaking waste.

Some engineer I am, but then, I once called water 'condensed ice' or some such, so I'm guessing those credentials have been left behind long long ago.

==

I recently bought a cycle, thrilled after my doctor told me I can pedal again after that ruddy accident last year. Felt so good to have the wind on face and all that.

What did the Samajwadi Party's symbol tell the CPI(M)'s symbol after the latter was trounced in the election?
Bye, sickle!

Sorry ok.

FEAR

2012-07-10T00:10:00.000+05:30

Fear.

Some people describe it as waiting outside your boss' room before your annual appraisal after a particularly bad year.

Some people describe it as a bowler coming in, with your team on strike needing two to win, with one wicket left.

Some people describe it as sleeping alone at night.

Some people describe it as the wait for exam results.

Some people describe it as popping the question, and the painstaking wait as she thinks it over.

Some people describe it as waiting for the 'Price' slide of the annual Apple gadget presentation.

I thought of many of those too, and more.

On July 10, 2011, my definition changed for ever.

Imagine being woken up from your reverie in the backseat of a car, totally out of control and the driver unable to get a grip. Imagine seeing a huge truck in front of you. And you're speeding towards it, with no sign of slowing down.

That one second when you know you're going to crash.
That one second when you don't know whether you'll be alive at the end of it.
That one second when your entire life - from peeing in public to raising your hands in triumph after conquering Maharashtra's tallest peak - flashes in front of you in ultra-fast-forward.
That one second where you wonder whether all you've worked for - all your hopes and dreams - will just reside in pieces of a useless cerebellum, whose best future could be inside formalin.
That one second where you want to scream, cry, curse, hope, pray all at once.
That one second where you know something terrible is going to happen, and you don't have the power to do anything - anything about it.

That one second.

Everything else - job, cricket results, bugs at home, marks, rejection, iPad prices - seemed so inconsequential.

That. Is fear.

One year ago, each one of us involved in the accident is alive. And well. And in a position to work just as before without any problems. We can think about iPad prices and cricket matches again.

I just hope none of us - or any of you reading this - are needed to be given a reminder on how fragile life is.

INDIAN CULTURE AND GADGETS

2012-06-21T09:11:00.000+05:30

WHY FOOTBALL AND BOOKING TICKETS ON IRCTC ARE SAME

2012-06-18T23:01:00.002+05:30

A LEVEL OF ABYSMAL UNHEARD OF

2012-06-03T17:55:00.002+05:30

(Disclaimer: For the sake of this rant, assume that Tata Docomo, Cadbury Dairy Milk and Flipkart did not advertise during the IPL. It would be unfair to include three actually brilliant campaigns in this harangue.)

I am convinced that one of the leading reasons the IPL 5 was as successful as it's being made out to be was not because the quality of cricket was spectacularly more brilliant. We've had close contests before, we've had bowlers in previous IPLs too making their presence felt, and had stunning individual performances too.

Oh, no. Don't be misled. Don't let those slick BCCI media chaps fool you into thinking that this IPL was ACTUALLY better than previous editions.

The truth of the matter, simply, is that the cricket was better in comparison to the ads that played during the IPL. So much so, that after seeing that monstrosity of an ad starring Abhishek Bachchan, you actually felt relieved to go back to the stadium and you'd even embrace Danny Morrison and spend an hour with him, just so that he took you away from Idea's gargantuan cataclysm.

Oh yes. Everything works in relative terms. The IPL is no stranger to terrible advertising. Last year, we were subjected to Lloyd bringing us the worst jingle known to mankind. The year before, there was some stout gentleman called KC Abraham raving about his brand of Ayurvedic aphrodisiacs (that year, we had Kochi Tuskers and the Silsila guy also. It was not a good time to be a Malayalee).

Thankfully, I could find only the 11 second version

But the advertising during the IPL5 plunged to such a depth, it made Black Sabbath's last few albums look like a small blip. The IPL5 advertising standards were so low, its absolute value would still be negative.
It wasn't consumer demands and complaints that led TRAI to impose a 12-minute-per-hour imposition of ad time, it was because the head honchos of TRAI were watching the IPL one day after a particularly harrasing day of trying to sort the 2G mess out, and one of their board members died after hearing the now seminal line 'P... P... P... Priya, mere saath ek Frooti share karoge?'.

Make no mistake. The ads during the IPL5 were monstrous, pathetic, appalling, revolting, dreadful, ghastly, atrocious, awful, piles of leviathan garbage that made you want to cut an incision in your cranium, crack open your skull, reach out for your brain and rip your amygdala out so that you wouldn't have to feel emotion ever again. I missed out a very vital adjective in that sentence: Embarrassing. Imagine being an advertising professional watching the IPL with family members or colleagues from other countries.

Now, the IPL has always been a paragon in creative ways of wasting money. For instance, few can forget this:

When this flew over Antilla, Nita Ambani looked out and yelled,

"Stop fooling around and get back down here, Akash!"

Yes, but like I was saying - the IPL sets and inspires new benchmarks when it comes to smoked-up ways of spending money. Hence, it would only be natural that some of India's companies adopt this mentality and dish out the worst possible creative work they could. Imagine paying crores of rupees to make those barf-worthy Vodafone ads (That money could have been used to just pay the damn government and get them to shut the fuchsia up)!.

Let's have a look at the biggest duds of the IPL (no - Ravindra Jadeja is not in this list. For stuff like that, you need to ask him.):

3. Frooti: Because every woman's dream guy is a valedictorian who not just proposes to her while stuttering, but does so clutching something that he should have outgrown in the 6th grade. Granted, with lunatics like Kapil Sibal around, it would hardly be appropriate to show him swagger a Smirnoff (which is what was actually required). Unless the Frooti was very heavily spiked (all Wodehouse fans - remember Gussie distributing prizes?), the lad could not have pulled this off. It was cringe-inducing. You can relive the magic, fresh and juicy, here.

This, along with Katrina Kaif's alphonso rape, have been responsible for mangoes

going out of style quicker than you can say 'DLF Maximum'

2. Vodafone: What were they even thinking? They had the Zoozoos. They had the pug. We loved both. There have been some bad, puzzling, head-scratch-inducing decisions that the world has seen - letting Tony John be the lead singer of Avial, allowing Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy to be made into a movie, discontinuing the Altec Lansing MX5021, to name a few - but the decision to ditch two of the best (and most recognizable) properties in Indian advertising to make a set of ads so indecipherable it made Kurt Cobain sound like a spelling bee champion - tops the list.

It's incredible because this was not KC Abraham selling his shit aphrodisiac. This was from one of India's best marketing brands, and from one of India's best creative agencies.

They ditched them 'zoos for this?

As if taking a cue from the various Instagram jokes (paying $1b for something that makes your photos look older, etc), Vodafone's new set of ads made many people actually wonder if their TV sets were working fine. 'Rubbish' would not even begin to describe these abominable tributes to Takeshi's Castle.

I'm considering porting over to something else thanks to these ads. Actually, it's because of the range in my new apartment, but stating this would be a cooler reason.

1. Idea: Now, where do I even begin? Idea, like Vodafone, had a brilliant property with their 'What an Idea, Sirjee!' plank. The subsequent 'No Idea... Get Idea' ads were simple and brilliant. Every time I went to an elevator, I thought of Idea. It achieved what every advertising tries to do - touch a chord with basic human nature. Idea had the best execution when Mobile Number Portability came out (everyone else just pleaded you to join them), and it worked - they had the maximum number of port-ins. The Idea ads, many said, were Abhishek Bachchan's best performances on screen.

And then.

This.

Abomination number 1

and this...

Abomination 2

and this.

What a terrible, terrible idea, ~~sirjee~~ 3G

There were a few more, but why risk the chance of losing readership?

Now observe the last ad in particular. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, despite Himesh Reshamiya's best efforts, the most annoying thing you will ever see on Indian television. In fact, if I were to plot a graph:

This should sum it up nicely

Everything from that pathetic firang accent (which also manages to beat the fake Hindi accent from the slum kid in the Avengers) to Abhishek's "Nah - 3G!" added up to mute buttons across the country being worn out during the course of the two months.

There were other disasters, of course. Like Volkswagen (but that was the case of a useless product as well. After all, who DOESN'T want a car showing you the IPL while you drive, no?) and Gems (which at least had some amount of a story... And I'm being as generous as I can here). There were more duds like Pepsi, too which were pathetic pieces of advertising, standalone.

But you know what they said about Deep Purple's brilliant album, Machine Head? Each song was a gem, but because of the brilliance of Smoke On The Water and Space Truckin', other gems like Lazy and Pictures of Home are generally overlooked. It was the same thing with the IPL advertising. Because of the gigamonstrous standards of Idea, Vodafone and Frooti - the others could be overlooked.

The saddest part of all this? It actually looked to be a promising season for IPL advertising, what with this awesome film being the ad for the IPL itself.

Like Paul Valthaty's career, it promised much but delivered nothing subsequently

Oh well, on the bright side, our customs officials won't have too much work to do when the return contingent from Cannes arrives.

THE WORST JOKE I HAVE EVER MADE

2012-05-15T19:37:00.000+05:30

I apologize in advance for this.

Churchgate.

Marine Lines.

Charni Road.

Grant Road.

Mumbai Central.

Mahalaxmi.

Lower Parel.

Elphinstone Road.

Dadar.

Matunga.

Mahim Junction.

Bandra.

Khar Road.

Santacruz.

Vile Parle.

Andheri.

Jogeshwari.

Goregaon.

Malad.

Kandivili.

Borivili.

Like A BoS

Borivili Slow. Pic credit: Her.

PS: She also made a follow up joke: What if people were confused whether to take Borivili Fast or slow?
BoForS case. Ayayyo.

A SMALL MILESTONE

2012-03-31T10:13:00.002+05:30

Today, I draw (or rather, get published) my 50th comic for Pagalguy.

Why's that a huge milestone, you ask? After all, I've done more for Sportskeeda in a much shorter span of time. And heck, it's been over two years, so wasn't that 50th long overdue? Was it a case of Tendulkaritis?

Yeah, whatever.

The Pagalguy comics will always remain special to me for the same reason that the Manchester century remains special to Tendulkar, and Please Please Me remains special to Paul McCartney (actually it doesn't, but it's a poetic example and let's not ruin it by factoring in that annoying thing called reality). It was the first set of cartoons I'd ever done.

When I'd started out with the PG comics, things were extremely raw, and it's almost embarrassing to go back and see what the older cartoons look like (heck - the earlier comics were digitized by using a P&S camera!). But then, those were days of experiments... And while I'm not likely to give Stan Lee or Satish Acharya sleepless nights just yet, I suppose some amount of technique and form have managed to inadvertently creep in - much like how even the most ascetic and resistant participant of an MBA program just manages to say 'paradigm' by his third trimester.

It was funny how it all started. 2009 was a terrible year for me, and I badly needed something to distract me. Things got off to a great start in 2010 when I was given the chance to interview of one my heroes, Warren Mendonsa, perhaps India's finest guitarist. One of my favourite Indian comic creators, Saad Akhtar aka FlyYouFools, ran a contest in which I won a consolation prize officially, but the audience vote (and isn't that more satisfying?) by a mile.

So good friend Apurv, who edits Pagalguy, got in touch. The idea of satire on the editorial part of the website was brewing for a while and they were wondering how to do it, and this comic contest provided the perfect impetus. In fact, you'll see a very (raw) FlyYouFoolsesque influence in our first ever comic.

Quite honestly, we were overwhelmed by what was to come post that. Each post got hundreds of comments and people were obviously lapping up to it. Heck, it even got to the stage where we were able to put in in-jokes (MII institutes, RAT, the character Prof. Thambee A, etc) and loyalists would get it. It was fantastic. Heck, in 2011, Pagalguy even gave me an award for best article for a comic I made - I was shocked, because there are actual articles that are way better, with research and stuff.

Personally, Pagalguy opened up a lot. I started doing stuff for MTV, Cricinfo, In.com, Yahoo!, Sify, CrazyEngineers and Sportskeeda after that, all while managing a day job which I love. It's been a fantastic passage of life, and I've been lucky to do a lot of that work - but somehow I'll owe it largely to Pagalguy for actually finding merit enough in my comics to pay me for them.

But the biggest person to thank (cliche coming up) are the readers who made the comics what they were. I read each and every comment of everything that I do - some call it paranoia, some call it CRM - it's actually a mix of both. You junta on Twitter and Facebook who put up with the incessant plugging, bother to read and sometimes even share.

I'd like to think I have a long, long way to go. And I do. My drawings are not great, and I've had my fair share of misses. But we all learn, and I wanna say thanks to Allwin (PG's founder) and Apurv for helping me do that.

This was not meant to be an awards ceremony-like speech, which I realise this has turned into, so it's best I end now.

I'll end with my top 5 Pagalguy comics, ones which I truly loved myself.

5. What if Apple decided to launch a BSchool? Introducing the iMBA
4. The substance-pfaff matrix
3. The cricket stump marketing model
2. What if Lalit Modi took over our top management schools?
1. How most people prepare for BSchool entrance exams

Thanks for stickin' around, yo :) The 50th comic is a contest, which should be out sometime during the course of the day.

THAT CRICKET MATCH

2012-03-12T21:01:00.001+05:30

It started out seeming like just a normal day in the life of a 4th-year engineering student from a small town in Kerala.

Exactly 6 years ago, to the time of posting this.

A few days earlier, I found out I didn't get into my dream BSchool, and just got over the phase of depression and self-pity. Thankfully, I had friends and a phone with a GPRS connection. That helped, yes.

12 March 2006 came with no indication of what was to come. Those of us who had an interest in cricket knew that a fantastic series was happening over at South Africa, where the undisputed top two teams in world cricket were slugging it out over a five match series.

Each of the first four matches had something memorable. Ntini took 6/22 in a 192-run demolition at Cape Town to help SA go 2-0 up. Then, Australia bounced back, but just barely, winning the next two games by 24 runs and 1 wicket respectively. The stage was set, at the risk of sounding Shastriesque, for a cracker of a last match.

It being a Sunday, me and a friend decided to pop out to town and have a roam-around. It was my last month in college and we decided to pop over to visit some eateries which we hadn't ever been to.

Of course, those were days without Cricinfo access 24*7, so the only way us fleeting cricket fans got to know about things was when friends told us. And that's what happened.

I was halfway through a watermelon juice of questionable aqueous content when a friend SMSed me "Australia scored 434."

I couldn't believe that. That was impossible. Sri Lanka' 398 was untouchable, like Bradman's 99.94. How could a team score over 400 in an ODI? Impossible, I thought.

A quick phone call later told me that the news was indeed, correct. As someone who gets a thrill out of records being broken, I was ecstatic, even though I hated Australia (but secretly admired them). Now, if the score was 350 thereabouts, I would have probably taken the effort to hunt for a TV and watch SA attempt the chase. But at 435, even I was willing to laugh things off.

My friend was not too much of a cricket fan, but the magnitude of what happened wasn't lost on him. He asked me whether it was probable that South Africa might chase that down. I laughed, but for a moment, my mind went back to a legendary domestic English match. "I remember... It was Glamorgan and Sussex or something. One team scored 440+, and the other team almost chased it down... And lost by just 4-5 runs. Wouldn't it be classic if something like that happens here?", I asked.

That match, of course, was this one. It was Surrey, not Glamorgan. And Alistair Brown had scored 268. In a 50-over game. If there was one thing that a knowledge of that match should have told me, it was that anything was possible.

I came back to the hostel putting all the memory of the match behind me. The thought of SA winning didn't really cross my mind, in fact, I was hoping another record would be broken (yes, I'm one of those stat-minded sorts) - that Australia would win by the highest margin in ODI cricket - 300 or so. Which, quite honestly, seemed more probable at the time.

When I got back to my hostel, around 6 PM, boy, oh, boy.

My two sport-crazy roommates were jumping up and down and asking me where the fuchsia I was.
I asked why.
They said Herschelle Gibbs was going crazy, and was looking to score a double century.

Jaw. Dropped.

We didn't have a TV. Nor did we have live internet access. Nor the time to go to a friend's place.
All we had was, in a glorious mix of modern technology and old-school syndication, per-over messages from a friend who stayed in town.

It looked amazing. South Africa looked like they were actually going to win, comfortably. And at one stage, end of over 31 to be precise, South Africa were at 286/3. They needed to go at just (!) 7.8 an over. Gibbs was on an astonishing 163 off 107. Surely, this was history in the making. And when he hit two successive sixes and moved to 175, it surely seemed like a stroll in the park now.

But then, what's life without a little masala, right?

The moment HH Gibbs walked off the field, we knew it would be his finest moment. It's thrilling and sad at the same time. You know he's just done something special, but is very unlikely to better it. It's almost like saying your best moment has passed.

Not just did Gibbs get out, his dismissal led to a sudden shortage of runs despite Kallis, Boucher and Kemp being at the crease. Fathom this: In a match where the average run rate was close to 9 an over, there was a period of 7 overs where a single boundary wasn't hit. The pressure was right back on SA, and it told.

And we, in the hostel, were on absolute nerves. There were three of us. Just mesmerized, waiting for the next SMS. The RRR crept up to 11. But an unlikely hero stepped up - Johan van der Wath, who clobbered strategic sixes. One must not forget the contribution of Ricky Ponting, who undid all his good batting (scoring one of the most phenomenal hundreds ever) by persisting with Mick Lewis, when Brett Lee had plenty of overs left. Unfathomable. But the Proteas didn't complain - they merrily scored off him. And we all know the ending. Everyone thought SA would easily win it, and then Hall got out just when there was 2 to get and 1 wicket left.

Suddenly, SA could lose! We were pissing in our shorts up in our hostel. The relief when 'Ntini took 1' flashed across our screens came! We screamed! But we knew the job wasn't done yet.

We waited. Waited. For that last SMS to come, which could go either way.

I wasn't as tensed as when my dad called up to tell me my 10th board results.

'SA win'

Delirium. We cried, we did. For a match not involving India. We celebrated SA's victory as if we were residents of Durban or Cape Town.

The next day, hundreds of us thronged to the main hostel where there was a TV and watched the highlights. At the end of Gibbs' innings - and I kid you not - all of us stood up to applaud him. Some fleetingly said, as is wont in such moments - that it was the greatest ODI innings of all time.

6 years later, I find that statement hasn't eroded. It's withstood the test of time and reflection. Herschelle Henry Gibbs indeed, might have played the greatest ODI innings ever.

In the greatest ODI ever.

A lot of people rubbish this match saying it was a flat pitch, there was nothing in it for the bowlers, etc.
Which is true. But why should that take away from the achievement?

Since then, a lot of 400+ scores have been matched. Tell me how many you remember. Exactly.

That match was unforgettable. Just like Edgbaston '99 was. But for some reason, I belong to the camp that says Joburg 06. Was it because I was biased that SA won? Was it because records tumbled (and I was a fan of seeing records break)?

No, not for me.

I prefer to look at it this way. One team crossed the limits of what everyone thought a cricket team did. And the other team, instead of getting bogged down, pushed themselves beyond the new limits, and created a new mark.

Like Jacques Kallis told his team during the lunch break, "Why're you all so depressed? It was a 450 wicket - they fell 16 runs short."

What a day. What a match.

Even today, just reading the commentary of that game gives me goosebumps.