Chronicles of Mouse

Theatre Special: Richard II at the Donmar Warehouse

2012-01-29T22:02:00.000Z

RICHARD II

Stars - Eddie Redmayne, Andrew Buchan, Ron Cook, Sian Thomas, Ben Turner

Director - Michael Grandage

Theatre - Donmar Warerhouse

Memorable Quote - 'Within the hollow crown that rounds the mortal temples of a King keeps Death his court.'

Review - What actors Eddie Redmayne and Andrew Buchan are! Allow me to set the scene: you enter the Donmar and take your assigned place, chatter amongst yourselves and wait for the show to begin; all the while Eddie Redmayne sits zen-like on a carved wooden throne, centre stage, his eyes closed. He wears a luxurious white full-length coat with blue lining and a gold crown, and carries a sceptre. Bells begin to toll and music swells; assorted cast members enter the stage, kneel before their King, and take a position behind him; still he does not stir. Finally he springs into action like a toy coming to life, and his portrayal of a boy-like King during the first half is both amusing and somehow hollow. You get the impression that he is playing at being a King, making the right proclamations and joking about matters of life and death, without any real seriousness; only when John of Gaunt reproaches him do we see something "real". He changes his mind at a word or gesture from those who influence him, but cannot bear to stand by even his own proclamations, changing them at the last moment. Buchan meanwhile steals the first scene, before we even know his significance (unless of course you've read the play): he is hot-headed and passionate in his defense of the King, although suddenly withdrawn and less bold when he learns of his exile. There is some foreshadowing there of what his next actions will be.

The stage is gorgeous: light falls as if through high castle windows, the sounds of birdsong are heard faintly, and you arrive to a cloud of sweet-smelling wood smoke. The use of a balcony area and lower stage allows two scenes to go on at once at some points, and also allows symbolism of status and power. Costuming is also impressive - particularly of note is that long coat worn by Richard in the first half, and though Redmayne may not have quite as accomplished a sweep as one Mr Cumberbatch, it suits him well and lends a sense of drama to his entrances and exits.

The second half, when we return from the interval, is a different beast. Now Redmayne truly comes alive - he is lost, broken, unsure, grieving, angry, meek; when giving up the crown he is tormented, wrenching it away from Buchan's grasp with a howl. The boy playing at being King is become a King playing at being an ordinary man. Buchan is no longer the lowly petitioner Bullingbrook but a vengeful and powerful challenger for the throne, his brown and simple clothing a warrior-like contrast to Richard's gilt and luxurious garments.

Over the course of this second part the tide of favour turns: one cannot help but pity Richard and hope for his return to the throne, as he struggles to conceal a rapidly unravelling identity beneath courtly manners and praise of Bullingbrook that borders on sycophantic. He covers the stage, pacing from one side to the other or leaping across with a newfound, desperate energy. Passion appears as he is separated from his wife, and the heartbreak of it is enough to turn the audience against the new King Henry and such rulings as the one that separates them, particularly in contrast to his reluctance to allow duels. Redmayne also demonstrates a singing voice that is not half bad in the final scene, in which a little humour is not misplaced. The great comedic turn comes however in the form of the wry Duke of York, particularly in his delivery of certain lines and the way he opposes the appeal of his wife and son; only one actor seems to let the cast down, as is often sadly the case, and he speaks few enough lines to almost be ignored. The most laughs come, ultimately, at the throwing of multiple gages during Aumerle's confrontation of Bullingbrook's supporters.

As they take their bows it is possible to observe a difference between the two principal actors. Buchan exudes a quiet triumphance as if he accepts his rightful due: not yet Buchan again perhaps, something of Bullingbrook lingers in his gaze and expression. It is difficult to look away from Redmayne in order to notice this, however - with an ever-moving eye he seems desperate to record the faces of every single audience member, sweeping each row as many times as he can. He returns almost to the boyish uncertainty of the King, seeking to see whether what he has done was good; and good it most certainly was. Though he may be older already than his looks and mannerisms seem to imply, a long and accomplished career may yet be waiting for him.

5/5

This Is England 88, Sherlock: TV Special

2012-01-16T20:21:00.001Z

#1 - THIS IS ENGLAND 88

Stars - Joe Gilgun, Vicky McClure, Johnny Harris, Rosamund Hanson, Thomas Turgoose, Danielle Watson, Andrew Shim

Director - Shane Meadows

Memorable Quote - 'I wanted to die because of you.'

Review - Phew. I previously reviewed 'This is England '86' as being "a bit harrowing at times", but two years later 'harrowing' is the rule rather than the exception. There are rarely glimpses of hope in this three-parter, mostly concerning Joe Gilgun's interactions with his boss, and those are only of a dark humour as you watch his painful attempts to fit in with people he has nothing in common with. Lol's turn is nothing but dark, dark, dark all the way through, and although it is of course true that not everyone can be happy all the time, I feel a little bit let down by this choice of scripting. What has always been brilliant about the series is that the moments of darkness are matched by those of happiness and laughter, but here it was not so; even Shaun could not provide comic relief, and that I feel was a mistake. The beauty remained intact and the acting as ever was astounding, but if there's to be a next one, let's make sure it returns to the way we loved it before, eh? 3.5/5

#2 - SHERLOCK SERIES 2

Stars - Benedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, Andrew Scott, Loo Brealey, Rupert Graves, Una Stubbs, Lara Pulver, Russell Tovey

Director - Paul McGuigan, Toby Haynes,

Memorable Quote - 'Who the hell knows about Sherlock Holmes, but for the record, anyone out there still cares, I'm not actually gay.' (Watson)

Review - I'm not actually sure that I'm going to be able to review this without flailing and descending into gibberish. I'm seriously in love with this series - with all aspects of it: the acting, the casting, the way all the old familiar stories have been modernised, the text on the screen, the dialogue - ALL of it. This season saw Irene Adler appear for the first time - and what an appearance she made! The idea of Sherlock having feelings of that nature was an interesting element to add to the existing dynamic, and I'm glad that it was not pushed too far by her continuing in the other episodes (small doses are the way to go). The relationship between John and Sherlock is brilliantly portrayed - you can feel the tension of their differing worldviews under the surface along with the genuine friendship that allows them to tolerate it. The script was witty and wonderful, and the second episode brought in an appropriate Holmesian level of fear and psychological thrills. The Reichenbach Falls, the third and final episode, brought with it a lot of drama along with - at last - a full glimpse of Jim Moriarty's insane evil genius, portrayed fantastically by Andrew Scott. It was a heartbreaker as well as being the cleverest yet, but of course a true Holmes fan would have guessed the twist ending from the corresponding Doyle story, and therein lies the fun... There was also the development of Sherlock's feelings: in the first season he is accused of feeling nothing by John, but in episode one we see that it may be possible to feel attraction to a woman; in episode two he admits he has one friend, John; and in episode three he admits to four, John, Lestrade, Mrs Hudson - and Molly. There could not be a more perfect update for the franchise, and I can only look forward to season three with the wish it would come a little sooner. Is tomorrow too much to ask, boys? 6/5

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Limitless, The Hangover 2, Cowboys and Aliens

2012-01-16T14:11:00.000Z

#1 - LIMITLESS

Stars - Bradley Cooper, Robert de Niro, Abbie Cornish, Anna Friel

Director - Neil Burger

Memorable Quote - 'What was this drug? I couldn't stay messy on it, I hadn't had a cigarette in six hours, hadn't eaten, so... abstemious and tidy? What was this? A drug for people who wanted to be more anal retentive?'

Review - 'Limitless' presents an interesting concept - a drug that will allow you to use all of your brain, but the payoff is addiction and eventual death when your supply runs out. Plus, everyone who hears about it wants it, most of those people have guns, and our protagonist doesn't know who the suppliers are. Using his new found powers he earns money at a ridiculous rate, cleans up his act and begins to attract prestigious jobs, but how long can it be before it all catches up with him? It certainly packs a few punches and forces us to ask some intriguing questions, and the execution is perfect - as well as the ending: quite the opposite to the "moral of the story" I would have expected, it twisted any preconceived ideas I had upside down and gave a whole new perspective on the plot. I actually really quite enjoyed it, and rather than shoving the "big star" in our faces as you usually find with, say, Russell Crowe, de Niro was really quite subtle here, and I mean that in a good way. 4/5

#2 - THE HANGOVER PART 2

Stars - Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms, Ken Jeong, Paul Giamatti, Mike Tyson, Mason Lee

Director - Todd Phillips

Memorable Quote - 'Oh, you are having a bad day. Did you die?'

Review - Oh hey, Bradley Cooper again, being in every movie ever. Returning with just as much chaotic humour as the first time, this sequel is smart and pitched just right. Why fix it if it isn't broken? With recurring performances from the popular Chow and all four original hangover-ees, we follow a very familiar pattern (Cooper has to make the call to a worried fiancee whilst he, Helms, and Galifianakis despair, Doug stays out of it, and someone gets lost), but presented in a new way. This time it is the brother of the bride who is lost, and though the conclusion seems remarkably casual (shouldn't they get him to a hospital? Is he not gutted that he'll never be able to play cello properly again?) the journey is just as enjoyable as it was last time out. Effortlessly combining a kind of backwards detective genre with frat boy humour, one wonders if they might score a hat trick next year. 5/5

#3 - COWBOYS AND ALIENS

Stars - Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde, Paul Dano, Keith Carradine

Director - Jon Favreau

Memorable Quote - 'I don't know much about boats, but I'd say that one's upside down.'

Review - Listen, seriously, guys. Cowboys. And then aliens. Cowboys, okay, and then aliens. Cowboys and aliens. It's right there in the name. Do you really need to know anything more about how awesome this movie must be? Really? Well, alright then, I'll tell you: Daniel Craig is an incredibly convincing Man With No Name type (honestly, becoming James Bond may have been the worst thing to happen to him, because it hides the fact that he's actually a real actor), Harrison Ford makes a decent bad-guy-with-a-heart, and the aliens aren't half bad either. I don't understand any bad reviews this gets, I just don't. Seriously, cowboys. And aliens. Plus, I do love seeing Paul Dano yet again play a tiny supporting role with more skill in his little finger than most A-listers; it is getting a bit tiresome to see such skill wasted in the background, though, and I'm hoping the rest of Hollywood will begin to wise up and get him back to those stronger roles he deserves. But anyway; Cowboys. With aliens. Doing battle. Awesome. 5/5

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Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Escape from Alcatraz, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

2012-01-14T18:39:00.001Z

#1 - VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA

Stars - Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson, Javier Bardem, Rebecca Hall

Director - Woody Allen

Memorable Quote - "Maria Elena used to say that only unfulfilled love could be romantic."

Review - A lot of this movie passes by without much seeming to happen, although undoubtedly it does; there is just such a weird sense of calm emanating from the voice of the narrator that it is difficult to feel moved or rushed by the events of the plot. The storyline itself is, I suppose quite interesting; Bardem and Cruz steal the entire show, unfortunately, leaving Johansson looking like a stroppy nobody and letting Hall fade into the background as they simmer with Spanish passion. I'm more interested in their story than in the story of the two women on holiday, and this I feel is where the film falls down. It was not necessary to go for Johansson - I don't think I've ever watched a film starring her where she didn't distract me by being the same character as always and a terrible actress to boot - but Allen seems to be a little in love with her, and I suppose that's why she was there. Had potential, but did not reach it. 2.5/5

#2 - ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ

Stars - Clint Eastwood, Paul Benjamin, Larry Hankin

Director - Don Seigel

Memorable Quote - "No one has ever escaped from Alcatraz. And no one ever will!"

Review - Hmm, films based on true events are actually a bit less exciting when you already know the ending. Still, this is an interesting look at the way the real escape from Alcatraz was engineered, with, of course, a few Hollywood licenses. Eastwood is as glower-y as ever, pulling off quite well the image of the convict you don't want to mess with, and you can't help but feel the tension rise as they carry out their escape attempt, narrowly avoiding discovery by guards throughout. I can't say really very much about it, to be honest; it was there, I watched it, it was neither devastatingly terrible nor astoundingly good. It introduced no new ideas but did put action to a well-known story, allowing you to see how it all played out. A bit of a strange one, really. 3/5

#3 - BILL AND TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY

Stars - Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, William Sadler, Joss Ackland

Director - Stephen Herek

Memorable Quote - "You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you dance with the reaper."

Review - Ha, I love Bill and Ted. If you're a teenager you need look no further for some good entertainment, and I dare say it still appeals as you get older too. The caricatures painted by Reeves and Winter are excellent (see what I did there), and the Grim Reaper is just hilarious in every way. Though the special effects have aged, the stupid humour has not, and if you're like me you can't help but giggle in anticipation of your favourite bits from childhood coming up. Highlights include playing games to get out of dying, appearing on stage as part of a rock band, mugging people of their clothes in order to get into heaven... I'm not going to review this any further, just go watch it and enjoy it and thank me later. 5/5

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The Blair Witch Project, GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra, Bad Teacher

2011-11-24T23:07:00.001Z

#1 - THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT

Stars - Heather Donahue, Michael C. Williams, Joshua Leonard

Director - Eduardo Sanchez, Daniel Myrick

Memorable Quote - 'It's not the same on film is it? I mean, you know it's real, but it's like looking through the lens gives you some sort of protection from what's on the other side.'

Review - What a treat! A horror movie that is actually quite scary? It's been some time since I witnessed one of those. Now, I'm sure I'm a thousand years behind everyone else, but I think there's a reason that the Blair Witch has become deeply embedded in our cultural consciousness: it's simply fantastic. From the realism of the fact that the actors really were terrified and annoyed and walking around in the woods for days only to end up in the same spot, to the successful filming techniques that make it seem all the more real as well as making it scarier by allowing us to see but not hear the menace, this is an almost perfect scary movie. My one possible criticism (and I had to really think to come up with one) is that the ending felt a little closed off to me - we were presented with the murder method described earlier in the interview scenes, giving us a more concrete idea of what might have murdered them, rather than leaving it open as some unknown supernatural force that could have been the ghost of the murderer or could have been the Blair Witch, or even something different. If, like me, you've waited this long into the 21st century to see it, I advise you to do so immediately. 4.5/5

#2 - GI JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA

Stars - Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Byung-Hun Lee, Sienna Miller, Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans

Director - Stephen Sommers

Memorable Quote - "When our master was killed, you took a vow of silence. Now you will die without a word."

Review - It's hard to believe, sometimes, that people in movie universes can be quite so stupid. If I, who was only watching from a television screen and kept looking away in order to eat snacks, can recognise Joseph Gordon-Levitt from one twitch of an eyebrow, it really is amazing that his own sister and her fiance were completely unaware as to his identity even when he was stood right next to them. Still, that's Hollywood for you, and for me the whole film seemed to fall just a little bit short. Maybe it was aimed at a younger audience, or maybe I'm just jaded. Either way, it seemed a little like Star Wars for superhero-fan kids, with a couple of nods to their parents thrown in, and no true entertainment value. It passed a couple of hours for me, but the plot holes kept me from relaxing and I won't be watching it again voluntarily. A middling and forgettable effort. 2.5/5

#3 - BAD TEACHER

Stars - Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake, Jason Segel, Lucy Punch

Director - Jake Kasdan

Memorable Quote - Something about a squirrel

Review - Bad teacher? More like bad acting, bad casting, bad storyline. I felt nothing more than a vaguely nauseated boredom whilst watching this. The "plot twists" were obvious from the very outset of the movie, and really the protagonist is unlikeable in every way. It's quite a shame that she ended up with anyone at all quite frankly, since she basically destroys the Squirrel woman on purpose without even wanting to be with the guy she ended up with. If this was reality I should be very concerned indeed for the fate of the children in the school who needed guidance, and actually I can't be bothered to waste any more words or effort on this review. 1/5

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Once Upon a Time in the West, Pulp Fiction, RED

2011-11-13T13:11:00.000Z

#1 - ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST

Stars - Charles Bronson, Jason Robards, Claudia Cardinale, Henry Fonda, Gabriele Ferzetti

Director - Sergio Leone

Memorable Quote - 'He not only plays. He can shoot too.'

Review - Good lord, Morricone is a genius of our time, is he not? The musical score in this is spine-tinglingly good, to the extent that some of the action was actually written to the score - a technique that delivers amazing results. Even in less obvious compositions, such as the frankly amazing opening scene, sound is all-important and used to its full potential. Harmonica Man may actually be less famous than his own theme music, but he's a damn good Western character, with a tragic backstory to avenge, a preternatural ability to only show up at pivotal moments, and the ability to outfox every other character on screen. Cheyenne is a lovable rogue, a man you almost want to see end up with the heroine after all, and his final scene is both poignant and a great summary of the character himself. Frank is suitably evil throughout, while Morton is instead a pitiable figure; Jill, meanwhile, is a perfect female lead for a Western: gutsy, strong of character, and not afraid to play a few games herself. The plot is driven, and it drives us on to the finish - as each character tries to outwit the other, we gradually boil away all of the deception and bravado until we finish with the simple contest of two men, who will blink first, and who is quicker with a gun. This is Western movie gold.

Here's a final thought to sum up the awesomeness of this movie: the three guys on the train platform at the start were originally supposed to be Blondie, Angel Eyes, and Tuco. Imagine that as the start of a Western. Imagine that. 5/5

#2 - PULP FICTION

Stars - Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis, Tim Roth, Ving Rhames

Director - Quentin Tarantino

Memorable Quote - 'They speak English in "what"?!'

Review - What a classic! One of the most quotable films in existence, you can't go far on the internet before running across a line from this. Like many of Tarantino's films, it is punchy, bloody, and memorable. Each character is well-formed and distinct, with even Bruce Willis managing to look as if he's actually acting. Jackson is clearly the stand-out performance - not surprising when you consider that the role was written for him - but Roth is also a star as the restaurant-robbing 'Pumpkin'. I could go on and on about how awesome this movie is, too, but if you've seen it you already know that. If you haven't seen it, what are you waiting around reading this review for? Go watch it now! 5/5

#3 - RED

Stars - Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Mary-Louise Parker, Karl Urban

Director - Robert Schwentke

Memorable Quote - 'You just got your ass handed to you by a goddamned retiree!'

Review - There's one thing I'll always stand by: no one does insane guy who wants to kill everybody like John Malkovich. I mean, Steve Buscemi's pretty good at it, but come on... John Malkovich! Here at his rambling best, he joins a cast that have certainly seen better years - though I actually fail to see much difference in the age-based evolutionary stages of Bruce Willis between now and the movie above. When they talk of aging it is with a certain poignancy, since these are actors who have graced our screens since they were much younger, now finding themselves relegated to the older-person roles. It's funny, convincing, and above all fun, and while it won't be winning any awards for the cleverest film, it's certainly more than enough entertainment for a night in. Who can argue with a cast list like that, anyway? Stick any more screen legends in it and you wouldn't have room on the front of the DVD! 4/5

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Splice, The Jacket, Trainspotting

2011-11-06T12:45:00.000Z

#1 - SPLICE

Stars - Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, Delphine Chanéac

Director - Vincenzo Natali

Memorable Quote - 'If you could understand crazy, it wouldn't be crazy.'

Review - 'Splice' is about two young scientists, incredibly gifted and in love to boot, who discover a way to mix DNA from different sources to create a life-form that can cure many diseases. When they are forbidden from including human DNA in the mix, they go ahead and do it anyway, and their secret project becomes humanoid female Dren, a creature with strong rabbit-like legs, a lethally barbed tail, and several other unique abilities. Hilariously, someone cast as Brody's younger brother has been Brody-fied, seemingly for not much reason considering that he only has about four speaking lines. Although we start with seemingly innocent experimentation and a need to be a mother, we quickly descend into something far more horrifying as Dren's abilities soon put her out of her 'parents'' control. The conclusion is bloody, and certainly raises ethical questions about parenthood as much as it does about experimentation. Brody fans will love it, realism fans perhaps not as much. 4/5.

#2 - THE JACKET

Stars - Adrien Brody, Keira Knightley, Kris Kristofferson, Daniel Craig

Director - John Maybury

Memorable Quote - 'Sometimes I think we live through things only to be able to say that it happened. That it wasn't to someone else, it was to me.'

Review - Ah, must have been Adrien Brody week when I was watching these. Well, this is actually quite a pleasing watch, as it will give modern viewers the shock of their lives: Keira Knightley, being American, getting naked like she always used to, and actually having skin on her actual bones. For once she does not seem about to snap in half, although whether that is due to her weight or to the fact that Jack Starks keeps propping her up is in debate. This slightly strange time-travel story follows Starks after being shot in the head in Iraq, losing his memory functions, and being implicated in a murder of which he is innocent. Sentenced to insanity, he is put into the jacket as part of a new psychological experiment that ought to cure him, according to his doctor. Instead, he discovers the ability to move forward in time by fifteen years, in order to try to solve his own death. Brody is of course compelling - he really does look sick for most of it, and when we are locked into the jacket along with him the scene is harrowingly personal. My one disappointment is that Craig's character - brilliantly acted, actually, and very interesting - seems little more than an extended cameo. Still, a good effort. 4/5

#3 - TRAINSPOTTING

Stars - Ewan McGregor, Johnny Lee Miller, Ewen Bremner, Robert Carlyle

Director - Danny Boyle

Memorable Quote - 'Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career.'

Review - A classic this, and for good reason. Though the characters may glorify heroin, the film itself does not, and we follow these five unfortunates through their experiences with the drug. Renton wants to stop using it, but cold turkey's incredibly hard. Sick Boy can stop any time he wants, but it takes nothing short of tragedy to convince him he wants to. Spud's desperation to get money for the drug lands him in jail, while Begbie's rejection of it does nothing to stop the police hunting him down over his anger problems. Finally, Tommy seems to be leading a great life, until his curiosity over his friends' habits becomes too much to resist. With many memorable and harrowing scenes (Baby Dawn, the Worst Toilet in Scotland, Renton's withdrawal, the fight in the pub), you can't help but actually feel a little bit relieved when Renton walks away from it all at the end. Sure, Sick Boy and Begbie might miss out a bit, but at least you feel that Renton might have a chance at actually getting that life he's chosen. Disgusting, shocking, funny, and moving - an essential watch for anyone over the age of eighteen, I'd say. 5/5

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La Confusion des Genres, Un Jour de L'Ete, Never Let Me Go

2011-11-03T11:31:00.003Z

#1 - LA CONFUSION DES GENRES

Stars - Pascal Greggory, Nathalie Richard, Julie Gayet, Cyrille Thouvenin

Director - Ilan Duran Cohen

Memorable Quote - n/a

Review - Bit of a strange one, this. Alain has several problems in his life: their names are Laurence, his (female) boss, who he decides to marry for mutual benefit instead of love, Christophe, his young gay lover who tells him to be with whoever he wants (but that he doesn't have to be happy about it), and Marc, his jailed client who obsessively asks him to contact his ex-girlfriend. 'Confusion' is something that abounds here, and though much of the film follows him in and out of the beds of the people in his life, there's time for some characterisation too: Greggory does a great job of showing the little childish habits of Alain, as he fiddles constantly when discussing important subjects and slouches against the walls. The ending seems almost to give an idea of happiness for the future, although ambiguously so: will he just slip right back into his old ways? I would imagine that this film is not for everyone, but it is interesting nonetheless. 3.5/5.

#2 - UN JOUR DE L'ETE

Stars - Baptiste Bertin, Catherine Mouchet, Jean-Francois Stevenin, Theo Frilet

Director - Franck Guerin

Memorable Quote - n/a

Review - Somewhat of a B-movie, this. The storyline never quite gets underway, though it has a ton of dramatic potential. A French town is left reeling after the accidental death of a teenage boy: who was to blame? How can his friends cope with his death? And just what were those feelings that his supposed best friend really felt for him? Although it purports to be a coming-of-age, coming-out-of-the-closet story the film itself shies away from these elements, leaving us only the barest hints as to what our main character truly feels. Indeed, it seems just as likely that he may have a crush on his best friend's sister or mother than his sort-of friend, with whom he shares a strange and disjointed relationship. If you're expecting a big storyline with dramatic twists, this isn't the place for you: the most dramatic part of the whole lot is a dream sequence, and the majority of it is filmed inside cars. 2.5/5

#3 - NEVER LET ME GO

Stars - Carey Mulligan, Andrew Garfield, Keira Knightley

Director - Mark Romanek

Memorable Quote - 'It had never occurred to me that our lives, so closely interwoven, could unravel with such speed. If I'd known, maybe I'd have kept tighter hold of them.'

Review - Starting out as a simple tale of affection between two schoolchildren at an uptight British boarding school, it soon becomes clear that there is more to this film than at first assumed. Based on a Kazuo Ishiguro novel, the tone throughout is one of almost unearthly strangeness - the quiet and softness belies the theme. It transpires that our three protagonists are facing something worse than a love triangle - the fact that all three of them have been 'grown' as organ donors, and their lives exist only for this purpose. The crushing reality that they face can perhaps be taken as a warning - a message for how far we are willing to go in the future. As for the acting, I rather wish Knightley hadn't been in this as her "star status" outshines the role, when it should be Garfield and Mulligan that take the spotlight (as indeed they try valiantly to do - Mulligan with a strong, emotive performance and Garfield perfectly awkward with natural mannerisms). Without giving away the ending, I'd say this is one that is worth watching. A good show all round, really. 4/5

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The Killer, True Grit, The Sons of Katie Elder

2011-10-19T22:54:00.005+01:00

#1 - THE KILLER

Stars - Chow Yun-Fat, Danny Lee, Sally Yeh, Kong Chu

Director - John Woo

Memorable Quote - ' I believe in justice, but no one believes in me.'

Review - John Woo's gangster epic (which one? I hear you say) is a lot more philosophical than you might at first give it credit for. Following the exploits of an assassin taking on one last job out of compassion, he needs to take the money in order to pay for a cornea operation to prevent a singer he accidentally injured from going blind. Pursued by a cop whose morals seem somehow to be quite similar to his own, he must also battle the triads who are out to kill him. Imbued with gentle tones and shots that contrast the two very similar men, a large amount of the film is beautiful in its close ups and high-powered gunslinging action. At the climax we can but cheer on the protagonists as they attempt to battle their way out of a half demolished church. The final scene, as the killer and the singer crawl past each other in the darkness, is a stark reflection of the perils of the new gangster lifestyle that both protagonists bemoan. Although there seem to be syncing problems early on and the music is distinctly 80s, don't let it put you off: it's worth getting through this one. 4/5.

#2 - TRUE GRIT (1969)

Stars - John Wayne, Glen Campbell, Kim Darby, Robert Duvall, Jeff Corey

Director - Henry Hathaway

Memorable Quote - 'I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.'

Review - I reviewed the new 'True Grit' a while back, mentioning there that I had never seen the original. Well, now I have, and it's really made me appreciate what a fantastic piece of work the newest one is. This original is a lot softer - everyone gets along for most of the way, Mattie recovers just fine from her fall, and there seems to be a lot less danger in general. It's a shocking moment when Quincy chops off Moon's fingers nonetheless, and indeed I found his death more poignant in this version. Wayne is wooden as ever, Campbell is only somewhat useful, and the goofs are numerous (rubber guns and nylon tights being the most anachronistic). While all the potential was there, one suspects it was held back by something - a theory that holds water when considering the greatness of the newest version. Still, a classic's a classic, and it does pretty well in its field. 4/5

#3 - THE SONS OF KATIE ELDER

Stars - John Wayne, Dean Martin, Michael Anderson Jr, Earl Holliman, Jeremy Slate, James Gregory

Director - Henry Hathaway

Memorable Quote - 'Here's a present for you!'

Review - Well, here's one unintentionally hilarious Western for you. Dean Martin turns out to be the most convincing cowboy of the lot, John Wayne plays John Wayne, and the main character isn't even in the film. With a round of awful slapstick acting in the form of the youngest son, and an actually kind of funny fight scene, the film descends into your average Western fare: the Elders are double-crossed and their names blackened, a shootout ensues in which one of them (the boring one) dies, and finally John Wayne is the last of his family left standing. He seeks out justice by blowing up a man and an entire store of guns, somehow without killing anybody else, and the newly-appointed sheriff shrugs his shoulders. Them's the breaks when you're in a Western, kid. Not the best, not the worst - 3.5/5

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Atame, Shaun of the Dead, Day of the Dead

2011-10-18T14:57:00.001+01:00

#1 - ÁTAME! (TIE ME UP, TIE ME DOWN)

Stars - Antonio Banderas, Victoria Abril, Loles León, Francisco Rabal

Director - Pedro Almodóvar

Memorable Quote - ' Atame!'

Review - What a great piece of film work! Atame! is the strange tale of how a man just released from a mental hospital kidnaps the woman he loves, so that she in turn can fall in love with him. Used by film students the world over as a case study, it is in some ways just as shocking now as it was in 1990, although the shock value comes from an accurate portrayal of character rather than from simple desire to shock. At first the premise seems ridiculous, but the story we gradually build up of both Ricky's and Marina's troubled past, along with the way he treats her - quite gently, for a kidnapper - allows us to accept that she would feel worried for him after he is injured, and from there develop stronger feelings. The last scene seems somewhat surreal - it's confusing that Lola would accept things so easily, until we remember that she is implicated in her sister's pornographic career as an instigator - though as they sing into the distance it's a strange sense of hope they carry with them. Perhaps they can have a normal life with a normal family and love each other, after all. That feeling will be the one you take away, making this an enjoyable watch. 5/5.

#2 - SHAUN OF THE DEAD

Stars - Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Kate Ashfield, Dylan Moran, Lucy Davis, Bill Nighy, Jessica Hynes

Director - Edgar Wright

Memorable Quote - 'You've got red on you.'

Review - This is a re-watch, and what a beautiful British comedy it is. The cast list are a who's-who of comedy film Brits, with most having also graced our screens in successful TV shows, and the humour within is of course quintessentially British. Centering around the daily visit to the local pub as much as it does around the zombie apocalypse, even repeated viewings do nothing to dull the funniest moments; Bill Nighy is of course fantastic, and Pegg is as endearingly useless as ever. There are many clever devices used - the automatic walk to the shops contrasted with before and after the zombies, the zombie-like state of the morning, the team led by Yvonne who are the doubles of Shaun's team...It goes on. The relationships between the characters are often another source of humour (Moran's character being in love with Ashfield's, Shaun's mum, his most definitely not a dad but a step-dad, etc). What can I say? If you haven't seen this yet, what are you playing at? 5/5

#3 - DAY OF THE DEAD (2008)

Stars - Mena Suvari, Nick Cannon, Michael Welch, AnnaLynne McCord, Stark Sands, Ian McNiece, Ving Rhames

Director - Steve Miner

Memorable Quote - 'You see this? This is a machete. Unappreciative ass. See if I save your ass again.'

Review - Yet another film that I haven't seen the original of! Wheee. From what I've read it's so different from the original that it barely matters. Well, anyway, this zombie offering was kind of alright, I suppose, but it lacked any kind of real impact. There was humour in it, but it was marred by racist undertones that were supposed to be amusing because it was a black man saying them instead of a white man, and childish joking around that annoyed me rather than making me laugh. The interesting part of the movie was the sweet, shy soldier Bud and his transformation into a zombie - along with his retention of romantic feelings for lead girl Sarah. If only this had been developed a bit more this could have been a really interesting film, with something new to offer, but unfortunately that went right out of the window when this plot line was simply discarded. The super-scientist zombie is foolish, and I certainly don't think that real zombie-genre fans would be accepting of the idea in this setting. A waste of some good potential here - perhaps thirteen producers was a bit too much. 2/5

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Martyrs, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, The Matrix

2011-09-22T16:10:00.003+01:00

#1 - MARTYRS

Stars - Morjana Alaoui, Mylène Jampanoï

Director - Pascal Laugier

Memorable Quote - ' It's so easy to create a victim, young lady, so easy.'

Review - Martyrs, like a few I've reviewed recently, is really two films masquerading as one. The first part is a horror/redemption story: haunted by the memory of her abduction and torture as a child, and by the girl she could not save, Lucie tracks down the family that did it to her and murders them all. While certainly containing a lot of gore, and holding some key horror elements, it is not really scary. It's clear even from the start that the 'demon' attacking Lucie is in her own mind, and the only emotion it evokes is pity as she is unable to refrain from hurting herself. Ana is a sympathetic character, both disgusted by Lucie's options but wanting to comfort Lucie herself, making her very believable. The second half of the film, unfortunately, is not as palatable as the first.

As Ana was captured I felt a sinking feeling; I could see there was a large amount of the film left, and I had a good idea of what was coming. At that point I did not want to watch any further. If I was watching it casually, and not intending to review, I would have turned it off. The hour of what I can only describe as torture porn is not pleasant at all, and quite frankly the entire concept is ridiculous. The message of the final scene is far too weak to outbalance the glee felt by her captors, and I cannot help but think that this is a film that would inspire copycats rather than deter them. Sometimes you have to draw a line between what is acceptable in film and what is not. In my personal opinion, this goes too far. I would give the first half 3/5, the second not even a 0/5. You will gain nothing by watching this, so I advise you not to.

#2 - PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES

Stars - Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane, Geoffrey Rush, Kevin McNally, etc

Director - Rob Marshall

Memorable Quote - 'Did everyone see that? Because I will not be doing it again.'

Review - I'll say two things about this. First, I'm glad they've moved away from the Will/Elizabeth side of things, since the only way that would have taken the franchise would have been down. Second, I'm disappointed they cast Ian McShane, because the only way he's taken the franchise is down. I mean, really - Ian McShane?! I know he has a bigger profile in the US right now thanks to 'Deadwood' and all that, but... Ian McShane?! What were they thinking?! Cruz just about pulls it off and Depp is as fantastic as expected, but unfortunately the most interesting part of the movie was the preacher/mermaid subplot. Cameos from other familiar faces were there just to please those who've seen the other films, and I fear that this is yet another victim of the "fourth movie curse". Let's face it, it's not very hard to make a brilliant movie when you've got Johnny Depp playing one of his most likable characters ever. Someone, somewhere needs to wise up. 3/5

Alright, admit it, you only wanted to read this review for pictures of Johnny Depp, didn't you? Here you go then:

#3 - THE MATRIX

Stars - Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving

Director - Andy and Lana Wachowski

Memorable Quote - 'Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.'

Review - What an appropriate quote! And yes, it has taken me until the year 2011 to get round to watching The Matrix, and since I am almost certainly the only human being with eyes that had not seen it before now, I suppose this review is verging on being entirely pointless. Still, I would like to say that I enjoyed it, despite the fact that there were many plot holes that were actually created by things being taken out of the film (such as Cypher's ability to go into the matrix with no outside help, being explained by his programming skills), and despite the fact that everyone just looks so nineties. I'm not one to question Neo's tastes, but I suppose if Trinity was the one woman available to him then he sort of had to pretend to fall in love with her, really. That's the only explanation that makes sense to me. Still, can't help but cheer a bit at the end, and admire the bullet time sequences as truly visionary. The films that everyone has seen hold that status for a reason - as clearly demonstrated here. 4/5

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Disaster Movie, Age of Heroes, Ironclad

2011-09-18T12:00:00.000+01:00

#1 - DISASTER MOVIE

Stars - Matt Lanter, Vanessa Minnillo, Gary Johnson, Nicole Parker, Crista Flanagan, Ike Barinholtz

Director - Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

Memorable Quote - ... n/a

Review - Dear lord, do they actually make franchises out of this crap? I'll admit I only decided to watch this because I was ill and wanted to laugh at something stupid, but I barely managed that. Some parts of this were stupid, yes; the problem lies in the fact that the parts that weren't stupid were ridiculously stupid. Probably the only funny part was the insult-off involving the Prince, with his posh accent. Half of the impressions made little sense (Amy Winehouse with fangs?), and half of the movies they spoofed weren't even disaster movies. One of the main characters was Juno, for goodness' sake! One of the cuts was the wrong way round in such an obvious way that we saw character reaction before the event... and I could go on. It's a shame because the actors involved, particularly Lanter, Parker, and Flanagan, have real skill and could probably go far with the right material. I could easily see Lanter in the kind of teen disaster movie they were parodying here; though if I was a casting director, this is the kind of thing that could put enough of a black mark on a resume to make me hire someone else. Such a shame that talented people put their effort into such a worthless piece of film. 2/5

#2 - IRONCLAD

Stars - James Purefoy, Brian Cox, Kate Mara, Derek Jacobi, Paul Giamatti, Mackenzie Crook

Director - Johnathan English

Memorable Quote - 'You are no more a king than the boil on my arse!'

Review - Oh, dear. What a shame! This could have been one of the best of its genre. It had all of the ingredients: a heavily embellished medieval war story, an underdog element to rival '300' except they actually win, a great British cast, even a love story... and yet. Something, somewhere along the line falls slightly flat. The effects are visceral, but perhaps a little too much effort was put into producing horrific wounds and deaths that should have been spent elsewhere; some of the mise en scene is fantastic, but the wider graphics tend to fall a little short; the elements of the plot are all there, but not enough time is invested into really exploring them. How does the young woman really feel about her husband and his death? Does Purefoy's character resent her advances or welcome them? Does he feel guilt for breaking his vows? I'm also dissatisfied with the "happy ending", in which the two of them ride away penniless, probably to be shunned by all and sundry as a woman who abandoned her Lord and a man who broke his vows. Not to mention the fact that the people were already antagonistic towards him earlier in the film, I hate to imagine just how the two of them would have spent the rest of their days. Oh, and of course nothing in the film actually happened in this way in reality. 3/5

#3 - AGE OF HEROES

Stars - Sean Bean, Danny Dyer, James D'Arcy, Izabella Miko, John Dalgleish

Director - Adrian Vitoria

Memorable Quote - 'Let's have a family photo.'

Review - The title may not convey it, but this is in fact the story of how Danny Dyer was a bit of a geezer but his heart was in the right place, but he got put in army jail anyway. Then Sean Bean whisked him off to be a commando in the hills and eventually they went to fight Nazis in Norway, whilst making sure that Alfie from 'Lark Rise' doesn't get captured. Almost every fact in the entire thing is fabricated, of course, and quite frankly if that was the first commando mission I would have disbanded the commandos for being patently rubbish. The Nazis were on their tracks for the whole movie, managed to work out that they would return to the farm, captured one of them, and they even took a civilian back with them, which they weren't really supposed to do. James D'Arcy has a pretty much unnecessary role as Fleming, but I'm not complaining because, hey, it's D'Arcy. All in all a bit odd, but a slightly interesting watch when you've nothing better to do. 3/5

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La Horde, Knight and Day, Night of the Living Dead

2011-09-10T18:51:00.001+01:00

#1 - LA HORDE

Stars - Claude Perron, Jean-Pierre Martins, Eriq Ebouaney, Doudou Masta, Yves Pignot

Director - Yannick Dahan, Benjamin Rocher

Memorable Quote - 'Come on, you old farts!'

Review - This, along with Mutant, is part of something I have very much enjoyed so far: the French zombie scene. For whatever reason, it seems that the French approach zombies differently to American (terrifying, stark, lots of gore) and British (funny, lots of gore) directors. This take on the genre sees a group of policemen who have decided to take vengeance for the death of another cop into their own hands, rather than using the law, storm the block of flats where the killer and his gang hide out. Although they are almost immediately caught by the gang and held captive, this is the least of their worries, as today happens to be the day that the dead rise. Rather than an infection, this is presented as a case that affects all the dead; a bite will cause gangrene, the gangrene will kill you, and then you will rise again as a zombie. The only thing that seems to stop them is a shot to the head or taking out their legs, and they are super fast and super strong. The action is pretty intense, as every single fight scene is epic and long - see Aurora throwing a fridge on top of one zombie, and Ade bashing another's head against a concrete post until his face is gone. Dramatic and full of shouting, screaming, running, gunshots, quick fighting, rampages - this will lead you in a headlong rush from start to finish, and while the ending may cause you to despair at humanity, it is exciting all the way to the credits. If you're up for gore, heroics, fight scenes and emotion, look no further. 4.5/5

#2 - KNIGHT AND DAY

Stars - Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, Paul Dano, Peter Sarsgaard, Marc Blucas

Director - James Mangold

Memorable Quote - 'I've been trained to dismantle a bomb in the pitch black with nothing but a safety pin and a Junior Mint, I think I can get you in and out of some clothes without... looking. I'm not saying that's what I did.'

Review - Well. At this point Cruise has become typecast enough that I don't actually have a problem with him being a spy/agent/secret person etc etc. That doesn't stop him from being totally smarmy, nor does it stop Diaz from being annoyingly faux-ditzy, an act which only ever lasts for a scene or two before she suddenly becomes able to dodge bullets and fight gangsters. Because I'm sure that all normal people would react in exactly the same way. It's a shame, because with a castlist that includes Paul Dano (a genius of our time) and Peter Sarsgaard (forever creepy, forever powerful), this could have been something really special. Instead, it's so-so, and the action takes over the acting. Maybe it's a little impressive that Cruise does his own stunts, but then on the other hand if I wanted to see stunts I'd look for a stuntman, not an actor. Meanwhile, it's nice to see Blucas of Buffy fame back on the screens, and he's cute but oh-poor-him as ever. A lot of the plot was full of holes and irritating for it, and you can't take this as anything other than the light-hearted side of the Die Hard genre. Even more lighthearted than 'Mr and Mrs Smith'... if that's possible. 3/5

#3 - NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

Stars - Duane Jones, Judith O'Dea

Director - George A. Romero

Memorable Quote - 'We may not enjoy living together, but dying together isn't going to solve anything.'

Review - From a modern French zombie flick, back to the movie that inspired it and all others like it. 'Night of the Living Dead' is a true classic. Despite the fact that it was filmed in black and white, despite the outdated ways of talking and dress, despite the low-budget and rather DIY special effects, this still has a real visceral power that will scare even the most ardent horror fan. With an ending that was perhaps the most important plot twist in the history of cinema - certainly a plot twist that still shocks when it is used today - and the portrayal of a black man as the educated, brave hero at a time of racial tension, this film is incredibly important even before taking into account the fact that the zombie walk, the way they devour the living, and even their vacant expressions stem from this film and the decisions made by those involved. Created on a shoestring budget and refused by all distributors before its eventual release, this is a clear proof of what can be achieved if you really put your mind to it. Tiny budget, no-star cast, sfx that included the use of ping pong balls for eyes - nothing was going to stop this becoming a classic, and a classic it is - rightfully so. 6/5

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A Single Man, Saw 3D, Source Code

2011-08-20T14:42:00.000+01:00

#1 - A SINGLE MAN

Stars - Colin Firth, Nicholas Hoult, Julianne Moore

Director - Tom Ford

Memorable Quote - 'Just get through the goddamn day.'

Review - This is such a beautiful piece of film work. It's so clear that this was directed by a fashion designer; the colours were so brilliantly arranged, with the characters even explicitly telling us the meaning of the casts over each scene, and the overall look is fantastic. Everything is so carefully put together, and the plot itself is both intriguing and emotional. The acting is, of course, fabulous - a glance at the cast list should tell you that - and I really can't praise it enough. As a directorial debut this is a pretty fine piece of work. Thoroughly recommended - and I would add that Hoult puts in something of a smouldering performance, that should not be missed by fans and/or admirers. It will raise your heart rate substantially. If you have not seen it yet, make sure you do. 5/5

#2 - SAW 3D

Stars - Costas Mandylor, Tobin Bell, Cary Elwes, some other guys, Chester Bennington

Director - Kevin Greutert

Memorable Quote - 'Game over.'

Review - I... used to like the Saw franchise. I did. I found it an amusing exercise in 'what would I do' situations. Then it was sort of amusing how the participants in each trap would do the exact opposite of what they should do, generally screaming a lot, and thus seal their own fate or that of someone else. However, somewhere along the line something seems to have gone wrong. I'll blame two things here - greed, because knowing people will give you money for a half-hearted effort might convince you to go ahead with it, and the advent of 3D, since that seems to be an excuse to put in special effects and forget about the plot. For that precise reason, I have not watched a 3D movie at the cinema; I watch them on my normal television screen, because I want to watch a movie, not a Disneyland ride. And truthfully, once the effects are taken away, there isn't much to this. Even the gore is unconvincing, right from the prosthetic body being severed in the first trap to each spray of blood. There are about five thousand goofs, Jigsaw is revealed to have had ANOTHER accomplice (seriously, did he even make enough traps to have that many people helping him without knowing each other?), and someone it was implied was very dead before just pops up like that, with no satisfactory explanation - simply some filler about Jigsaw being caring/evil again. Completely bored of this now, and I've just lost two hours of my life I can't get back. And why the hell was Chester Bennington in this?! Ridiculous. 2/5

#3 - SOURCE CODE

Stars - Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga, Jeffrey Wright

Director - Duncan Jones

Memorable Quote - 'What would you do if you knew you only had one minute to live?'

Review - Whew. This one is very exciting. Following Captain Colter Stephens, a helicopter pilot who must relive the same eight minutes of another man's live over and over again in order to find out who the culprit is behind a terrorist attack in which the man died, the film can at times be harrowing, at others touching, at others still it makes your heart race. You find yourself becoming the backseat detective, second guessing what he ought to do or what you would do in the same situation, all the while ultimately rooting for Stephens to save the day. With a couple of twists that will keep you on your toes, it does not stop going for a moment - only two points I would call into question: the explanation of the mechanics of the source code and how the events can change within a memory is not satisfactory, and a couple of lazy flashes in the middle where we do not actually see any action. Other than that it is perfect, pushing all the right buttons in the right ways, until you cannot help but cheer as Stephens takes his final ride into the source code. Gyllenhaal's performance is exquisite as ever. A superb film which needs to be watched. 4.5/5

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True Grit, There's Something About Mary, Dead Poet's Society

2011-08-17T14:31:00.001+01:00

#1 - TRUE GRIT (2011)

Stars - Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, Hailee Steinfeld, Josh Brolin

Director - Ethan & Joel Coen

Memorable Quote - 'Mister Cogburn, in your four years as a US Marshal, how many men have you shot?'

Review - I've not got around to seeing the original yet, though a review will follow at some point. This, however, is what can only be described as a masterpiece. Westerns in the 21st century are few and far between, and while some are brilliant, others fall short of the mark. This, however, is the best I've seen yet. Bridges is magnificent as the gruff old marshal who really truly cares for the runaway child who forces herself into his care, and Damon puts in a performance that will put his critics to shame. Steinfeld is eye-catching and convincing, able to challenge the already well-established actors on her own ground. Cinematography, direction, all of it is perfect, and it's enjoyable in all ways. The only flaw comes towards the end, as poor greenscreen work fails to match the background with the action of Rooster and Mattie riding. If only they had just bothered a tiny bit more, this would have been an easy 5 rating. 4.5/5

#2 - THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY

Stars - Cameron Diaz, Ben Stiller, Matt Dillon, Lee Evans, Chris Elliott

Director - Farrelly brothers

Memorable Quote - 'Frank and Beans! Frank and Beans!'

Review - From the moment that the film kicks off with a little spoof song about Mary, performed by Jonathan Richman(a repeated theme throughout), and Ben Stiller's re-teenaged face appears, you know that this is going to turn out to be a pretty damn funny film. Despite the annoying, slightly passe fake dog fighting scenes, the story is both cutesy and hilarious, as Ted fights to win back the love of his life, Mary, battling against fake architects and cripples and hives-suffering stalkers. Some of it is silly, yes, some of it highly unrealistic; but some of it, such as Ted winning the trust of Warren and his declarations of love, verges on the heart-warming. Stiller has come to be known as an actor that can provide world-class comedy performances no matter where he crops up, and this is no exception. See it now - it will brighten your day. 4.5/5

#3 - DEAD POET'S SOCIETY

Stars - Robin Williams, Ethan Hawke, Robert Sean Leonard, et al

Director - Peter Weir

Memorable Quote - 'Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.'

Review - This is something that really ought to be seen by everyone, just because it's a beautiful film. Just about every single line is quotable, and the storyline itself is uplifting. Following a group of boys in a stuffy all-boys' school, their lives are changed with the arrival of a teacher whose methods encourage them to think for themselves instead of letting their lives pass by uneventfully. Recreating an old secret society sets into action a chain of events that will have you laughing along with them - until one of the boys is forced to make the choice between his dream and his father's wishes, and finds himself unable to do so. Although the conclusion is tragic, and the aftermath brings up some uncomfortable questions about guilt and conformity, one boy's final act of defiance will have you cheering until the credits. What more can I say? See it for yourself - you won't be disappointed. 5/5

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From Hell, Planet Terror, The Ghost Writer

2011-07-24T12:27:00.000+01:00

#1 - FROM HELL

Stars - Johnny Depp, Heather Graham, Ian Holm, Robbie Coltrane

Director - Albert Hughes, Allen Hughes

Memorable Quote - '"From Hell". Well at least they got the address right.'

Review - This is a rewatch, and quite an enjoyable one. A side-note here is that if you're ever in London with nothing planned, you should definitely check out one of the 'Jack the Ripper' walking tours, they are excellent. If you're lucky in your choice of guide, they are also hilarious. Then, when you've been on one of those, watch this movie, and it will all unfold like a prophetic vision! All of that aside, I don't think it's possible to find a bad Johnny Depp film these days, so you probably already know what kind of a verdict this will get from the cast list. It takes a neat twist on the tale by following the inspector rather than the Ripper himself, and while it does give an explanation we know that this is only conjecture. The rather romantic ending - with Kelley's disappearance rather than death - is, sadly, complete fabrication, though it does make a nice ending, doesn't it? And in the land of film, that's all that matters. Good effects, just enough gore, nice script and a beautifully created atmosphere: suitable for all fans of the murder mystery and/or Johnny Depp. 4/5

#2 - PLANET TERROR

Stars - Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton, Bruce Willis, Naveen Andrews, Stacey Ferguson

Director - Robert Rodriguez,

Memorable Quote - 'It's go go, not cry cry.'

Review - First off, I haven't seen 'Death Proof' yet, which is why this is not a double review feature. Possibly some of the effect is lost when you don't see them together, but that's something I won't be able to comment on until a later date. Taking it as a film in it's own right, this is probably one for the nerds. If things like a 'missing reel' in the middle of the action, scratchy effects all over the screen, and distortion of the images sounds appealing to you, go watch this immediately, because you'll love it. It's funny, sometimes almost kitsch, and entertaining throughout. 'Ugly Betty' fans might be a little bemused by the appearance of sandwich guy Gio appearing as an epic badass who manages to achieve a kill count of at least fifty as well as impregnating a one-legged go-go dancer in one hit, though he takes to the role well; McGowan is edgily sympathetic, and Shelton can't help but make you think of Uma Thurman in 'Kill Bill'. With all the hallmarks of a Tarantino/Rodriguez flick, I think it's worth giving it a shot if you liked movies by either director in the past - it's unlikely to disappoint in the entertainmanet stakes. 4/5

#3 - THE GHOST WRITER

Stars - Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan, Kim Cattrall, Olivia Williams

Director - Roman Polanski

Memorable Quote - 'If we meet any terrorists, I'll text you.'

Review - Why should you watch 'The Ghost Writer'? Ewan McGregor. The storyline probably won't do it for you. The script is quietly very witty, but that might not be enough to move you either. Pierce Brosnan has never, let's face it, been very good, and he plays the Prime Minister much like he would play, oh, say, a spy. That is, in a one-dimensional manner. Which is fine, because he isn't the focus of the storyline - McGregor is. You can't help but care about whether or not he's going to be pushed off a boat somewhere, and after a while you even forget that his American accent is not the most convincing of jobs (hell, it's better than Sean Bean's, and he plays Americans all the damn time). The directing is good, but so subtle that you might not notice how good; the locations are fantastic; the whole thing is doused in a kind of unease that is just right for a thriller. Either you'll leap right in and it will entertain you, or you'll sit back and it won't. You'll have to work for it, though - this isn't the kind of film that will grab you in, you have to make the first move. My advice? Make it, or you'll be wasting a couple of hours of your life. 2.5/5

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The King's Speech, Burn After Reading, Demolition Man

2011-07-17T18:59:00.000+01:00

#1 - THE KING'S SPEECH

Stars - Colin Firth, Helena Bonham Carter, Geoffrey Rush

Director - Tom Hooper

Memorable Quote - 'In this grave hour fuck fuck fuck perhaps the most fateful in our history bugger shit shit.'

Review - Alright, i'll say this for it: there is a lot of good acting in 'The King's Speech'. Colin Firth really did put a lot of effort into it, and those in the know think he made a very accurate representation of the real king. Helena Bonham Carter manages to look and act like a real human being for once, and it is sort of amusing to think of the Queen being a young child with her father suddenly ruling the country. It's a history lesson for those who don't know much about the recent history of the monarchy, and education is never a bad thing. However, all of these good factors don't stop it from being mind-crushingly boring. To be honest I blame the subject: royalty or no royalty, it is essentially just the story of a man going to speech therapy to cure his stutter, and not in fact managing to completely rid himself of it. No battles, no wild love story, not even a conspiracy... It's more boring than that one about the actual Queen, and I can't even remember what happened in that. Good for him, he managed to say some stuff, but he can keep it all in his own private time, thanks. 3/5

#2 - BURN AFTER READING

Stars - Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton, Richard Jenkins, J.K. Simmons

Director - Ethan Coen, Joel Coen

Memorable Quote - 'Appearances can be... deceptive.'

Review - There are many, many, many good things I can say about this movie. I love the script. I love the casting. I love the setting, the costumes, the camerawork. I love the plot. Just about the only thing I don't love about it is watching Brad Pitt get shot in his perfectly formed and hilariously dumb face, because it means he won't be making me laugh for the remaining time. His character is so fantastically silly that he's adorable, and it's particularly amusing to see a 'straight' actor making such a fool of himself on purpose. This is one of the best Clooney performances I've seen, and the same is true for at least half the cast. I actually can't think of anything I can truly criticise, which is why I chose to expand on my original three word review from a couple of years back. Every plot twist, though ridiculous when viewed without a backstory, makes perfect sense in context, creating a kind of beautiful madness that will probably have you sympathising with the authorities towards the end. If you have not seen this film, I only have one piece of advice for you: do so. Now. 5/5

#3 - DEMOLITION MAN

Stars - Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Nigel Hawthorne

Director - Marco Brambilla

Memorable Quote - 'You're gonna regret this the rest of your life... both seconds of it.'

Review - 'Demolition Man' starts out hilariously. As Snipes and Stallone exchange words you can almost see the script passing across their eyes. Other supporting members are not much higher in the acting stakes, and what follows are some shots of parts of Stallone I have never wanted to see. Increasing the ickyness levels is the fact that certain parts of him have been smoothed out of the picture, turning him into some kind of genderless futuristic freakshow suspended in one of Lady Gaga's props. Or maybe she's in one of his, given the chronology. Anyway, bizarre attempts at futurising everything (swirly high five, anyone?) are humorous rather than convincing, and technology made up in the past never matches up to what we perceive now to be possible. It does improve as time goes on into an amusing tale of society adjusting to a man from the past, rather than a man adjusting to the future, which is interesting. As the times passes Stallone and Snipes seem to act better, though Snipes never loses the aura of a try-hard. The verbal morality fines continue to dominate the background enough that they actually feel like an in-joke, and that's probably the better-done element of the futurism. Special effects increase in quality, and the conclusion of their enmity is actually hilariously bloody. It's a good action romp, and worth a night in for sure. 3.5/5/5

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Taxi, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1

2011-07-13T14:50:00.001+01:00

#1 - TAXI

Stars - Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon, Jennifer Esposito, Gisele Bündchen

Director - Tim Story

Memorable Quote - 'Every hero has a weakness. Superman has kryptonite. Indiana Jones has snakes. Whitney Houston has Bobby Brown... or vice-versa...'

Review - This film is a bit of a laugh. It's certainly not serious at all - more akin to NL's LW, below, than a real cop movie. There is a long-established trend of this kind of "wacky" humour, which does not mean it's good or mean that it's bad. Struggling, clumsy cop Fallon could not solve a crime if it fell on him, but when Queen Latifah lets him drive around in her taxi it all suddenly starts going fine for him. He's romantically interested in his superior, who apparently hates him, and he's after some sexy Portuguese bank robbers. If that's not enough wackiness for you, his mother is also a raging alcoholic who he still lives next door to. The acting is at the goofball level that you would expect, and the special effects are ridiculous, but the chase scenes are, I suppose, quite good. The concept itself is a little bit stupid and a whole lot random, but then this is a comedy. Average at best, it certainly won't be everyone's cup of tea. 2/5

#2 - FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

Stars - Matthew Broderick, Allan Ruck, Mia Sara, Jeffrey Jones, Jennifer Grey

Director - John Hughes

Memorable Quote - 'Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.'

Review - There's a reason that Ferris Bueller has become a household name, the punchline of a thousand jokes, the pop culture reference on a thousand lips. That reason is the sheer quality of the film. Still funny after years have passed, it represents the ultimate fantasy of any high school kid - get out of school for a day and spend it having the most awesome adventures you can think off, all without ever getting caught or facing any consequences for your actions. A coming-of-age story as well as a comedy, it follows the irrepressible Ferris, his girlfriend who follows him devotedly, and his best friend whose family issues finally tip him over the edge. Ferris' sister is Baby from 'Dirty Dancing' (not just the same actress, actually the same character), and his principal is a lunatic obsessed with bringing him to justice. The entire film is enjoyable for the sheer factor of experiencing all those things along with them - all the things they get away with, and even some things that they don't. Ferris Bueller is a must-watch for every teenager, everyone in their twenties, everyone who has ever been to school... you can't possibly not enjoy it. 5/5

#3 - NATIONAL LAMPOON'S LOADED WEAPON 1

Stars - Samuel L Jackson, Emilio Estevez, Kathy Ireland, Tim Curry, William Shatner

Director - Gene Quintano

Memorable Quote - ' I guess we're making somebody nervous. But I'll tell you this: It's gonna take a helluva lot more than a couple of car bombs to get us off of this case.'

Review - This film is kind of crazy; but then I suppose you might have guessed that when you saw the first half of the title. It's nothing short of genius to see those who we usually think of as 'serious' actors parodying themselves and the roles of other A-Listers. Estevez and Jackson are brilliant throughout, portraying their characters just as they should, and allowing the humour to creep through in the jokes rather by giving a deliberately bad performance. From the opening scene, as Estevez stamps out a cigarette, followed by a cigar, followed by a pipe, you know the laughs are going to be as obvious as they are bizarre. Watching the background is often rewarding - you'll see an e-fit of Mr Potato Head being produced, followed by the arrest of a man with the exact same head. Though the twists and turns of the plot may be ridiculous, it's light hearted and funny, something that could cheer you up after a hard day's work of a Friday. 4/5

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Tamara Drewe, Brassed Off, Game of Thrones

2011-07-05T15:03:00.001+01:00

#1 - TAMARA DREWE

Stars - Tamsin Greig, Gemma Arterton, Dominic Cooper, Luke Evans, Jessica Barden

Director - Stephen Frears

Memorable Quote - 'Why does the asshole always get the girl?'

Review - Tamara Drewe is a young journalist who, since leaving her sleepy hometown, has had a nose job and flourished into a new woman, much to the surprise of her former flame Andy, the philandering writer who turned her down, and all those who knew her. Negotiating a slippery slope between new toy Ben, whose good looks hide a selfish and childish personality, writer Nicholas whose wife is on her last straw, and gardening Andy who can't admit his real feelings for her. Arterton is a good actress but she seems only interested in ditzy or uninteresting roles, as here; Greig provides the strongest character, and in fact her plotline is far more interesting than the love triangle described above. As she tries hard not to break down in the wake of her husband's affairs, she eventually falls instead for an American writer staying at their writer's retreat - which happens to be one of the best money-making ideas I've heard in a while. The value in this film comes from the effort put in - making up songs for drummer Ben's band to play and sing in, performed well by Cooper with his heavily underlined eyes, is a clear example; the character of Jody, while a little melodramatic in terms of the script and plot, is nevertheless played well by Barden, and in all it's not too painful to watch. In parts you might even call it enjoyable. 3/5

#2 - BRASSED OFF

Stars - Pete Poselthwaite, Ewan McGregor, Tara Fitzgerald, Stephen Tompkinson

Director - Mark Herman

Memorable Quote - 'How the hell do you die happy?'

Review - 'Brassed Off' is a little dated in its feel, particularly given that it is rooted very firmly in a certain timescale. It certainly isn't the only movie made about the miner's strikes, and not the only one about a band, but probably the only one that combines the two. Poselthwaite is heartwarming as the ill old man who depends on the brass band to give him a reason to live, while his son's life falls apart. Tompkinson is not the best of actors, and even Ewan McGregor's shabby accent fades away now and then - it's like half of the cast keep forgetting they're supposed to be up North. The few political messages scattered clearly throughout the film are a little too obvious, though it does have its humorous moments and a few good lines. I suppose it was a creature of it's time, and although it has not lasted well, there are a lot of well-known English actors involved and it stands as a testament to the feeling at the time and the personal struggles of those going through redundancy. I won't bother watching it again, but it filled up a bit of time when nothing else was on television. 2.5/5

#3 - GAME OF THRONES SEASON 1

Stars - Sean Bean, Lena Headey, Emilia Clarke, Peter Dinklage, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Kit Harington, Mark Addy, Harry Lloyd

Director - Daniel Minahan et al

Memorable Quote - 'Winter is coming'

Review - I'm reviewing this television show mostly because I am a huge fan of the book series, and because, despite the fact that it finished a while ago now, it's still generating a lot of buzz. What was so great about it? Well, for a start, it managed to capture the epic feel of George R R Martin's fantasy world without drifting into the ridiculous, and sticks very closely to the books - even taking many lines directly from the book. The casting decisions made were excellent: Jaime, Ned, Tyrion, Cersei, Joffrey, Daenerys were all perfect. There were flaws with other characters: Catelyn was not the right look, neither was Sansa - they were supposed to both be very pretty and also resemble each other closely, hence why everyone seemed inexplicably to be in love with them. Renly, too, was neither handsome nor charming enough. It's also true that a lot of racy scenes were added just for viewer appeal, something that appears to be a trend in the US at the moment which I don't feel translates properly over here: it becomes a joke that everyone is walking around naked constantly, rather than something you can take seriously. I also don't think it was necessary. The drama of the story itself, the settings and the special effects, should have been enough to carry it through. Yes, there were some explicit scenes in the book, but I saw many more in the show. Also, some things could not possibly be represented, which is a shame - a lot of story arcs were longer and contained much internal torment in the book, which of course cannot be shown on the screen. Tyrion's stay in the sky cells is an excellent example of this. A good effort has been made to stay as faithful to the books as possible, however, which I applaud, as it would have been so easy to present a highly simplified version. It certainly isn't possible to show every single character just yet, as we've seen from the fact that Tommen appears to be invisible and Rickon only popped up when it became convenient. I eagerly await the second series - with the way events unfold in the books, if they carry on as they have, it should be something to really look forward to. 5/5

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The A-Team, The Hangover, Un Prophete

2011-06-27T15:11:00.001+01:00

#1 - THE A-TEAM

Stars - Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel, Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson, Sharlto Copley, Patrick Wilson

Director - Joe Carnahan

Memorable Quote - 'I love it when a plan comes together.'

Review - I've never experienced the original in 'A-Team' in any capacity beyond that of a certain chocolate bar advertising campaign, so this is in no way going to be a comparative review. The first part of the film had me annoying those who knew the original with endless questions: who are the A-Team? What is their actual job? Under whose authority do they act? I never really got any satisfactory answers to those questions, but getting swept away into the action shut me up about it for a while. Said action does perhaps seem a little disjointed at times, swimming from one scene to another with little connection, or a cinematic choice that alienated me a bit. The actors themselves - Cooper, Neeson, Jackson, and Copley - do a good job at combining action with humour, although there isn't much time to really get acquainted with them. Cooper and Copley are arguably the strongest, and it's clear that Cooper is only at the start of what may become a very long career, though Neeson lacked impact. The storyline is so-so; at the end of the day I can't bring myself to care much, but maybe it's just because I tend to switch off when things get overly action-y. 3.5/5

#2 - THE HANGOVER

Stars - Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms, Justin Bartha, Mike Tyson

Director - Todd Phillips

Memorable Quote - 'Like you said - we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up.'

Review - What a hoot! Anyone who might avoid this film with the idea that it might be lowbrow or full of toilet humour should change their minds. 'Funny' is an understatement - every twist and turn of this tale brings a new shade of humour, as three friends try to remember where they left the groom before the wedding starts. From the ridiculous to the even more ludicrous, stolen tigers lead us to a Mike Tyson singalong and casino winnings buy a drug dealer from a Chinese gang boss (who, incidentally, delivers some of the funniest lines I've heard in a long time). Cooper makes his second appearance of this blog in a well-played role, though perhaps a little similar to that of his 'A-Team' run. Galifianakis is arguably the star thanks to his overall comic potential, though he is exactly the sort of guy you wouldn't want hanging around in real life. The whole thing plays a little like a Pepsi Max advert, but is no less enjoyable for it. It is almost a mystery-comedy as we try to work out what on earth could have happened, and the investigation is executed well. Definitely worth a watch - laughter is good for the heart. 4/5

#3 - UN PROPHETE

Stars - Tahar Rahim, Niels Arestrup

Director - Jacques Audiard

Memorable Quote - n/a

Review - Well, this is gripping. Following the tale of a good-for-nothing young lad who finds himself in jail at the age of nineteen, and facing a six year sentence, we begin with a feeling of sympathy. Claiming he is innocent, he starts what can only be a horrible time in a concrete cell, with the least of comforts, getting beaten and having his shoes stolen. It all changes when the Corsicans in control of the prison force him to murder another man, and although he is clearly reluctant, he has no choice but to go through with it. Watching his transformation, the clearest view of his internal thoughts is written all over his face in private moments - Rahim is brilliant in this, giving us such a strong indication of what is going through his head without needing to open his mouth. As he goes from strength to strength the roles change - we feel sympathy for the Corsican instead, toppled from his throne by the young pretender. There is little chance to feel disgusted or alienated from Malik - he is hard working and intelligent, first learning how to read and then teaching himself a new language by reading a dictionary, he is also cunning and fair: although he carries out all the Corsican jobs until the finale with loyalty and efficiency, he also carries on his own practices to rise high in the criminal underworld. Compelling, gripping, and driving, this film is a deserving winner of many awards. Full of tiny touches (such as Malik automatically sticking out his tongue in the airport), you won't regret giving this one a try. 5/5

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The Tourist, The Brothers Bloom, Morning Glory

2011-06-19T15:53:00.001+01:00

#1 - THE TOURIST

Stars - Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Paul Bettany, Rufus Sewell, Timothy Dalton

Director - Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck

Memorable Quote - ' 20 million dollars worth of plastic surgery. And that's the face you choose.'

Review - 'The Tourist' is full of twists and turns that will lead you on a merry dance across Venice, as Angelina Jolie's sometime criminal's moll selects a random man to pretend to be the criminal himself to fool the world's intelligence agencies, only to find more than she bargained for in her tourist. Of course, it's only natural that any woman would choose Johnny Depp when presented with a train full of gentlemen to pick from, though he does at last begin to show what seem to be a few real signs of aging. The bags under his eyes, whether real or fabricated in make up, are a tiny bit off-putting, though his acting skills remain the same. He convinces entirely as the American teacher out on a trip to Venice to pretend his life isn't dull and empty, until of course he seems to know a few too many tricks and we at last guess the truth. Jolie sparkles as the rich, beautiful enchantress she was made to play, a welcome break from her insistence on the 'gritty' roles. Running through it all and pulling the plot together is Paul Bettany, doing a wonderful job of giving us something to read between his lines, putting undertones to his English Gent exterior. The movie is so A-List that poor old Rufus Sewell only managed to get a cameo in, which should give you some indication of the quality. Although the cleverness of the plot might have been punchier with a different director or target audience - the French, for one, might have handled it better - the Hollywood watering-down is not so severe that it ruins things. 4/5

#2 - THE BROTHERS BLOOM

Stars - Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, Rachel Weisz, Rinko Kikuchi, Robbie Coltrane

Director - Rian Johnson

Memorable Quote - 'The trick to not feeling cheated is to learn how to cheat.'

Review - Why on earth are everyone and their mother hating on 'The Brothers Bloom'? I'm going to put myself out on a limb and say that I actually really enjoyed it. Brody presents himself with the kind of lovable charm he's always been good at, somehow making a cowardly, tired conman underdog into a sympathetic character. The plot is fairly straightforward in terms of what actually happens, but the challenge is to work out what's really going on in each scene - Bloom, Bang Bang, and particularly Stephen spin a web of deceit to the point that even they are sometimes unaware of the truth. The scene in which Stephen pretends to be pretending only for Bloom to later realise he was not (if you've seen it, you'll know) is the most touching of the movie, and possibly the best-done. Bang Bang is a brilliant supporting character, providing a touch of humour and a lot of quirkiness - and her expressions often tell a hundred jokes all by themselves. If I ever need to blow anything up, I will now make sure it's a dinosaur with a Barbie's head. Weisz also builds her part well, though I suppose I'm not sure how someone quite that eccentric would act, and all in all I think the cast did their best. I struggle to find a reason to hate this film: it's no masterpiece, but then neither is it One Magic Christmas, so thank heavens for small mercies. 3.5/5

#3 - MORNING GLORY

Stars - Rachel MacAdams, Harrison Ford, Patrick Wilson, Jeff Goldblum, Diane Keaton

Director - Roger Michell

Memorable Quote - 'I'm not saying the word fluffy!'

Review - Rachel MacAdams seems to be carving a niche for herself in Hollywood. She's the career girl, smart but flawed in some way (naive in 'Up', clumsy here). She's able to charm the older skeptic - Harrison Ford in this case - and ultimately save the day. It may be starting to feel a bit formulaic, but here it works - the film is hilarious at times, funny at others, and produces a smile even in its lowest points. The general story is heartwarming, particularly as Ford gives us a multifaceted character, part grumpy old man and part passionate news reporter, finally swallowing his pride in the build-up to the conclusion. The love story between MacAdams' character and Wilson's is dealt with well in that it does not take over the main arc, instead giving us a full picture of her life that adds to the appeal rather than taking it away. Rather than just another trashy romcom, this is well-made and entertaining, giving you a real sense of a journey throughout. Though it is not exactly highbrow, there's nothing wrong with a bit of light entertainment. 3.5/5

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An American Werewolf in London, Me and My Dick, The Outlaw Josey Wales

2011-06-11T22:19:00.003+01:00

Long-named things only today. Enjoy!

#1 - AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

Stars - David Naughton, Jenny Agutter, Griffin Dunne

Director - John Landis

Memorable Quote - 'Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a faggot! Winston Churchill was full of shit! Shakespeare's French!'

Review - This is quite a puzzling one for me. In theory, it's a good idea - a young American man goes travelling in England with a friend, only to be attacked on a moor by a werewolf. An entire pub full of people who are going to spend the rest of their lives starring in British TV and films fail to warn them, and afterwards deny the whole incident. Boy wakes up in hospital, realises he's accidentally a werewolf, but it's too late because he's already fallen in love with a nurse. Great so far! But, this is when things take a wrong turn. Why does he move in with someone he has only just met, particularly when he has been in a fever for a large part of that time, and believes himself to be losing his mind? The special effects as he turns into a werewolf are honestly not as bad as I expected them to be - not quite as bad as 'The Company of Wolves', for example - but they certainly haven't aged well. The chaotic scene in which he turns into a werewolf whilst talking to dead people in a porn cinema gets even more far fetched as it goes on, if you can credit that - goodness knows I barely can, and I've just seen it. Finally, it comes to an end at what feels like far too soon for the plot - as if the director suddenly realised that they were approaching the length they had aimed for and cut short all further scenes. Kind of depressing for it to end that way, as well. Still, despite all its silly little eighties flaws, it's alright, I suppose. The transformation scene was unrelentingly creepy, and the idea of having the friend stick around and decompose was pretty neat. 3/5

#2 - ME AND MY DICK

Stars - Joey Richter, Joe Walker, Jaime Lynn Beatty, Devin Lytle, Brian Holden, Corey Dorris

Director - Matt Lang

Memorable Quote - 'We don't go to school for class. We go to school for ASS.'

Review - My, my! This is certainly not something you can watch at work or with those of a young age. The title is not a wisecrack or a pun, it is literally a musical about a young man (Joey Richter) and his Dick (Joe Walker), and how the two are inseperable - or are they? Generally rolling through the hormonal and sexual tortures of high school, it then takes a dive into the surreal as various sexual organs manage to detach themselves from their owners to go off to different worlds and hold councils. Joey and Joe are, as always, charming and funny, while Beatty and Lytle hold their own as the opposing couple. Holden is arguably the most hilarious performance as Flopsy, while Corey Dorris and Arielle Goldman take over the darker side of the story in their alternate dimension underworld. Altogether, something for older Starkid fans to enjoy, particularly if you enjoy toilet humour or are unfased by the adult content. The costumes, also, are genius. 3.5/5

#3 - THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES

Stars - Clint Eastwood, Chief Dan George, Sondra Locke

Director - Clint Eastwood

Memorable Quote - ' Now get back in line before I kick you so hard you'll be wearin' your ass for a hat.'

Review - I don't think I even need to say that I enjoyed this - if you've read this blog before you'll know how much a fan I am of a) Westerns and b) Clint Eastwood. They could show the same movie with different character names twenty times and I'd probably like all of them (Hell, that's pretty much what they did a lot of the time). This, though, is something a cut above the crowd. I wouldn't say it's the best Western I've ever seen, but it is certainly a highlight of the genre. It starts with the touching arc of the young boy Wales tries to save, only to realise that he has been mortally wounded; Wales himself already having lost his wife and son to war. What follows is a tale of vengeance and second chances, as Wales both takes out his enemies and makes new friends, in unexpected places. Eastwood as always is compelling, playing his Byronic, stoic character with talent and grit. More than a Western, this is a film about war and the negative effects that inevitably come with it, along with the hope of redemption from a ruined life. 4.5/5

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Black Sheep, Ondine, Le Serpent

2011-06-08T16:23:00.001+01:00

A bit of a tree theme going on today, it seems! Ah well, can't complain - a mid-week update can only mean that I'm catching up on the ol' backlog.

#1 - BLACK SHEEP

Stars - Nathan Meister, Peter Feeney, Danielle Mason, Oliver Driver, Tandi Wright

Director - Jonathan King

Memorable Quote - 'I'm not a tree. I'm a fucking sheep!'

Review - Now here's a little something unexpected - a dark comedy from New Zealand centered around the idea of rampaging, genetically modified sheep who can make people into more sheep - sheep zombies, if you will. The craziness of the idea in the first place gives a good indication of the kind of things you'll see if you watch it: immense sheep wearing hippy waistcoats, vicious embryos with teeth, defeat by helicopter blade and sheep love all make an appearance, and throughout you'll root for the wimpy, sheep-phobic, righteous younger brother, Nathan. Following the popular theory that it only really works if one of "us" becomes one of "them", there is asomewhat predictable twist that nonetheless comes to a satisfying conclusion. The locations are rolling hills and steep cliffs, the kind of beautiful scenery you'd expect in New Zealand, but there are a few disgusting areas as well. Balancing gore and humour perfectly, you won't find yourself bored or annoyed at it taking itself too seriously. Full of laughs, too self-aware to be precocious, and not too over-zealous with the effects, this is well worth checking out. 4/5

#2 - ONDINE

Stars - Colin Farrell, Dervla Kirwan, Alicja Bachleda,

Director - Neil Jordan

Memorable Quote - Priest: 'And I can't marry her.'
Syracuse: 'No, you're a tree.'

Review - For a night in with pizza and wine, this is nothing short of a treat. Starting as a modern retelling of an old myth, it is sweet and light, though darker depths are hinted at in the characters' backstories and reputations. Annie's medical difficulties add another element to the fairy tale - could this be her magical help from the seas coming to cure her? Things quickly take a turn into reality, however, as the truth slowly leaks through: Ondine is actually an illegal immigrant and drug mule, who has escaped from her dealer and wants to keep away from him for good. By leading dangerous men to their door she risks Syracuse and Annie's lives, and Syracuse allows himself to get so sucked in to the fairy tale idea he almost ruins everything. As the film powers towards its conclusion the tension builds, and everything seems to be getting worse and worse - will the fairy tale ending ever come? 'Ondine' will at first entrall and enchant, then keep you on the edge of your seat, and finally send you off to bed feeling satisfied. Farrell's brooding performance is perfectly matched by the mysterious selkie and his witty daughter. Fully recommended. 5/5

#3 - LE SERPENT

Stars - Yvan Attal, Clovis Cornillac, Pierre Richard, Olga Kurylenko

Director - Eric Barbier

Memorable Quote - n/a

Review - This one is a thriller again - you know how much I love my French thrillers - and what is strongest about it is the deep sense of desperation you begin to feel on behalf of the main character. Surely, surely, there is no way out for Vincent? Plender is a great villain, striding around in his black overcoat, matching thuggish looks with sharp intelligence and appearing every which way Vincent turns. The film plays like a mystery novel, in fact: every new arc is a puzzle we must solve, trying to outguess the movements of each character as their mutual backstory is gradually revealed. You feel that Plender really is a dangerous force, someone who could destroy Vincent's whole life and take it for his own if he wanted to, and the only question seems to be how long Vincent can hold on for. Some of his actions may not follow logically, but they are the actions of a man desperate to clear his name and rid himself of any legal issues before his children are taken away from him. Lastly, he becomes a man desperate to save those children from what might be an unpleasant fate. Well constructed with carefully created characters, I enjoyed this thoroughly and highly recommend it. And come on now, this is the twenty-first century - don't be a Philistine and let the subtitles put you off. 4.5/5

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Right At Your Door, Tropic Thunder, Humains

2011-06-05T15:12:00.002+01:00

Well, hello, dear readers! Another little update, two thrillers and a comedy.

#1 - RIGHT AT YOUR DOOR

Stars - Rory Cochrane, Mary McCormack, Tony Perez

Director - Chris Gorak

Memorable Quote - n/a

Review - This movie is a bit of a strange one. I've seen a lot of bad reviews of it, though most of them hinge around labeling the actions of the characters as unrealistic, an argument that can easily be overcome with a little logic (I for one found the ideas very realistic, given the thought processes that the script implied). It isn't the best movie that I have ever seen, but the cast is not a-list and neither was the budget, so that is probably to be expected. The plot at least was a new variant on a popular theme, and the twist at the end packed a killer and unexpected punch. The radio reporters in the background of the scenes provided a constant sense of how the situation was unfolding whilst not giving out too much information - the facts they came up with only seemed to bring up more questions about what was going on, which is great - the less you know in this situation, the less you can point at as scientifically inaccurate or implausible. Large swathes of the film were dedicated to looking around miserably or staring at one another, which may have attributed to some negative opinions, as it slows the pace considerably, making it all the more shocking as the frantic last scene takes over. The sub-plots (is she having anaffair? did the Spanish guy find his wife?) are left mostly unanswered, and although they could have given the film more depth there perhaps was no reason to overcomplicate a simple premise. I think more could have been made of this, but that does not make it a terrible film. Worth a watch if you're into the apocalypse scene and want to see it done differently. 3/5

#2 - TROPIC THUNDER

Stars - Robert Downey Jr, Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Jay Baruchel, Steve Coogan, Brandon T. Jackson, Tom Cruise

Director - Ben Stiller

Memorable Quote - 'Now the one man who made a difference five times before... is about to make a difference again, only time this, its different.'

Review - It goes without saying, when you look at the cast list, that Tropic Thunder is a very funny film. Jack Black for once finds a role that fits his goofball act perfectly, and with his looks changed you kind of forget that you're watching him do the same character as always. The storyline is an interesting concept - a set of actors who are filming a war story reenactment end up actually fighting for their lives, though at first the do not realise it. I can't pick out one person as the best performance, though Robert Downey Jr's was the most daring, and for that I can only salute him. A lot of the scenes were far-fetched and you can only really handle this as a comedy, since it goes so far into farce it almost comes out the other side. Stiller directed well, but the prominence of his own character raises a few questions - is this just an exercise in ego-grooming, for one? Whether it is or not, it works, and as an audience I suppose that's all that should matter to us. Like many viewers, the Simple Jack plot left a bad taste in my mouth; not because it satirized disability, but because it was awkward and largely uninteresting. We could have heard about the film without needing to see it, and again I think this is down to Stiller's need to feature heavily. Lastly, the biggest surprise comes from Tom Cruise - well done if you managed to recognise him before the opening credits, because this is a role that it's very difficult to believe is him until you've seen the actual evidence. The fake trailers were a good idea, though they maybe could have taken it even further. 4.5/5

#3 - HUMAINS

Stars - Lorànt Deutsch, Sara Forestier, Dominique Pinon, Manon Tournier

Director - Jacques-Olivier Molon, Pierre-Olivier Thevenin

Memorable Quote - n/a

Review - 'Humains' is another take on the people-get-lost-in-a-strange-place-and-attacked-by-natives plot. This time it's Neanderthals who are to blame, having managed to survive to modern times in a single cave system somewhere in a valley where no one but a few locals go. Now that they have run out of fertile females, they desperately need to impregnate a human woman, or their race will die out forever. If you like the sound of the plot so far, you will want to watch it. It's a thriller but not as scary as it could be, and some of the acting perhaps leaves a little to be desired. You'll be happy when some people die, but shocked when others do. The very final scene was quite intense, and I'll freely admit I didn't get it at all. Either it was an attempt at being dramatic which failed, or there was a deeper message I failed to grasp. Perhaps someone can enlighten me. Anyway, it wasn't a terrible film, and there were some moments that were quite cleverly done - for example, early on the tension was built several times only to have nothing actually happen, putting your nerves on edge and eventually lulling you into a false sense of security which was quickly shattered. There was a nice, neat full-circle moment towards the end as the earlier events of the film were explained by later discoveries, and there was certainly no softness in the inexorable execution of the characters. Good if you want an easy horror film, better if you want to practice your language skills. 3/5

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Con Air, Bangkok Dangerous, The Human Centipede

2011-05-24T16:35:00.002+01:00

By my calculations, I am now only three blogs behind with this review business! Ah well, at least you know I'm not about to run out of material.

#1 - CON AIR

Stars - Nicholas Cage, Steve Buscemi, John Cusack, John Malkovich, assorted others

Director - Simon West

Memorable Quote - 'What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn't you consider that to be insane?'

Review - 'Con Air' is one of those films whose name you hear a lot, but not necessarily in connection with either praise or mockery. It was without many preconceptions, then, that I started watching it - and I have to say, I enjoyed it. Nicholas Cage puts in a rare believable performance, picking a good script for once, and in fact he was probably the perfect person for the role. The casting department did well, actually, since Malkovich makes a good criminal mastermind; Buscemi gives arguably the most interesting performance as the supposedly dangerous criminal who actually does less damage than Cage's hero character, and you can't help but want to cheer when he appears in the final scene. Packed full of explosions, stunts, and one liners, it's a treat for any action fan, with just enough intelligence and humour to appeal to a wider audience. There were a number of goofs throughout the movie, and if you live in Las Vegas I imagine the entire climax scene will make you cringe, but I suppose you can't take it too seriously. The storyline is engaging, pushing you towards the end as you wonder how they can possibly resolve the situation without it all going horribly wrong. Cusack gives a good turn as the good cop, though exchanges with his superiors stray a little too close to farce; it also illustrates why he should never be an action hero, when you compare this movie to, say, 2012. Good effort all round; good enough for a night in with a DVD. 3.5/5

#2 - BANGKOK DANGEROUS

Stars - Pawalit Mongkolpisit, Premsinee Ratanasopha, Patharawarin Timku, Pisek Intrakanchit

Director - Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang

Memorable Quote - n/a

Review - This film has perhaps a strange premise even in the world of cinema: a deaf and mute hitman. I'm not entirely sure how he managed to survive, without being able to tell whether or not someone was sneaking up on him or indeed strolling around out of his line of sight, but apparently he does and for the sake of enjoying the film I'll accept that. The character of the low-class stripper was not one that I found very sympathetic - she seemed needy, dumb, and amoral, not really having any qualms about benefitting from murder. Plus, her make up was terrible. It's no wonder, really, that her boyfriend ended up dead - if it hadn't been this situation, there would have been another. The film follows the Eastern tradition of a great warrior overcoming insurmountable odds, as Kong takes down an entire warehouse of goons singlehandedly. The use of laser sights was ingenious, and leant a slice of reality to the scene. I didn't understand the necessity of the ending - after all, he could simply have allowed the bad guy to go to jail and never walk properly again - but it was particularly stupid of the love interest to try shouting at him. The shooting style (by which I mean cameras, not guns) was distinctive and bold, particularly during the rape scene, although I was not a fan of the presentation of the flashback to his childhood. All in all an enjoyable watch, but not for those who dislike violence or tragedy. I suppose now I'd better go see whether or not Nicholas Cage ruined the remake. 4/5

#3 - THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE

Stars - Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura

Director - Tom Six

Memorable Quote - 'What an insane world we live in.'

Review - Dear God. Whoever it was that allowed Tom Six to actually put this film out was clearly either a sycophant or a cretin. No, not because of the 'shocking' premise or the graphic details, but because this is a truly awful movie. The two females could not act if their lives depended on it, and they probably only got the part because they were the only people stupid enough to agree to shove their faces in someone else's bum for an entire movie. Their voices are annoying as hell and you actually begin to hope that someone will come along and horror movie them up, because at least then they wouldn't be talking any more. Unfortunately, after the 'operation' they continue to scream and whimper continually until the end, and I'm surprised the doctor didn't just kill them to get some peace and quiet. The token Japanese simply spouted stereotypical nonsense for his entire part, as if the script had been taken only from things said in anime, and he was clearly there for nothing more than to amuse the audience (which he failed to do). Dieter Laser, sadly for him, actually put in a really good performance, but it was completely wasted on this dross of a film. The plot repeated itself after the operation, as if Six wasn't really sure what else could happen and needed to fill in the time, and I felt as if I was watching the same scene over and over. The ending was dramatic but badly acted, and also strung out for too long. Six is clearly more interested in getting his name in the papers with shock value than actually being a film director or script writer. Really, if you haven't seen it already, don't bother. 1/5

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