Chronicles of the Elfwench

no postnes for a bit

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 22:30:00 +0000

I wanted to let everyone know that I won't be posting for a bit (like that's anything new) as my carpal tunnel and arthritis is acting up to a point where typing is a fairly painful thing to do. This is a royal pain as I had a series of posts I was getting ready to start publishing and had planned on launching The Stone Phoenix within the week. Anywho, I'm resting my hands and wrists as much as I can and hope to be back online productively within a few days.

Love & Blessings,
Shel

A glass of bliss

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 01:25:00 +0000

Sometime's the beauty in life really is the simple things. Find them, savor them, and share them. Joy comes in the sharing of that which gives us the joy in the first place. Find your joy and share it with the world dear one.

Love and Blessings

Shel

Sage and sage advice

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 19:11:00 +0000

What is it exactly about this time of year? Is it the start of school? The change of season being upon us? Solar flares? The immanent months of darkness? I don't know what it is but this time of year turns me in to a bundle of contradictions. It is the start of an emotional roller coaster gone outta control. A roller coaster that for at least the next 6 months. I can't say that this is the case for everyone but, I know I can't be the only one who feels this way.

So what can we do about it? Well, I can't speak for everyone but I can tell you what I decided to do this year to help stave off the crazies. It occurred to me as I was computing the other day how very long it's been since I did a space clearing. Like the whole house, not just one area or room. So Right then and there I put down what I was working on and went to my bedroom and the alter that I have on top of the small bookshelf there and grabbed my large sage bundle and the handmade feather fan that I picked up at CRF years ago and started to smudge. I made my way, room to room, from one end of the house to the other fanning sage smoke into every nook and cranny. Once I had made a pass I chimed the two crystal wind chimes I have hanging in front of our living room windows. I then proceed to make my way, in reverse, back to my alter. It felt much better in the house but I decided it didn't feel done. So out came the sacred space incense stick. Repeating process I used with the sage I went through with the incense with the exception of making a second pass. Instead, after I chimed the crystals I left the incense it the living room and made a quick batch of blessed water and blessed all the doors and windows in the house. Pouring the remaining blessed water just outside the threshold I moved the incense to the alter to finish burning and was done.

I can't even begin to tell you the difference it made. Not only did it clear the space but it gave me time to think and realize that I have been VERY lax about this kind of thing. So I devised a plan to get me not only though the dark and sometimes depressing fall and winter months but, the whole year. The plan is to repeat this process every new moon. The only change will be that I won't be using the quick batch of blessed water. Instead I will be blessing it under the full moon each month, making a new batch each time. The plan also includes meditation and yoga everyday. Again, things I have been rather lax about. I've been letting myself get so wound up in starting the store and all the other day to day things that get in the way that enrichment and spirituality have been put to the wayside. There is of couse more than a full plate that has been getting in the way bit that is a tale for another post.

So what I want to know my dear readers is, what do you do to help yourselves through the emotional roller coaster of the dark season? If you don't have anything your normally do I hope that maybe this helps to inspire you.

Blessing,
Shel

Aqua and Sequins, the universe has a plan....

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 07:27:00 +0000

This is a good night to create. I just finished putting to background paint down on a piece that I'm working on and am waiting for it to dry so I can move to the next color. The hunky hubby left for work about 20 mins ago so rather than toss and turn in my empty bed, I bury myself in art. It works out even though I hate when he works nights. Night is actually one of my favorite times to work. It's quiet, no kids to pulling me away every five seconds, my son isn't asking ten million questions, and I can rock to the iPod while I work. Plus I can make a mess. Of course sometimes the noise and distraction makes the journey of the art more full.

The paints haven't come out to play in some time so it is blissful to have the brush in my hand again. It gives me the ability to see things differently. I have to wonder if it's like that for other's when they paint (or do whatever kind of art they do). Do whole new worlds of possibilities open up? Do things that you have been trying to sort out suddenly pull into focus? I'm not talking about your subject matter here, but everyday kind of things.

Something magical happened for me tonight as I spread that aqua paint across stretched canvas. The frustration and anger that I've been feeling for the last few days just melted away like they were never there. Is this why people love to paint? I have never felt that before. Admittedly I have only recently begun to use this medium of expression but I don't feel this way when I bead, or crochet, or even cross stitch. Maybe it has something to do with the subject matter of this particular piece. It wasn't a spur of the moment idea. This painting has been brewing for some time. I first sketched it out while I was reading a book a few months ago. It was one of those ideas that hits you and you just have to get it down. But it wasn't time. Maybe it was waiting. Waiting for the right moment and all the right factors to aline.

Is the universe really that intuitive? It must be. All the pieces needed to be lined up just so for art to be born. And they are in line and it is beautiful.

It makes you think.

I'm whelmed dag-na-bit and I'm allowed to be

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 05:39:00 +0000

I'm overwhelmed right now. I'm also rather slightly underwhelmed. Maybe I'm just whelmed. Yeah, I like that. I'm not gonna lie, this website starting thing has me in knots. I see a light at the end of the tunnel but I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to screw something up. This is one of my places where I need to work on believing in myself. I don't trust myself with this kind of thing. I get all wrapped up in the fear of doing it wrong or people not liking what I've done or a hundred other little things. So I get myself all worked up and in a tizzy and the sad thing is that around 90% of the time, it's all good. Ha, go figure.

So you know what, it's ok. It really is. I give myself permission to be human. I give my self permission to grow and to learn new things. I give myself permission to release the fears, and the tears, and the agony of creativity. And you know what, I give myself permission to feel whelmed. I do. I do because it is valid for me in this time and in this place. It is valid and I will learn and grow from it. Even if it just means learning to take it one step at a time and to breath. Just breath.

Chasing Rainbows © Shelby Olrich 2010

Oops

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 05:55:00 +0000

It was brought to my attention today that my comment setting was making it so that only people with openid accounts could comment on my blogs. I suppose this might explain why I don't get many comments considering the amount of traffic I get. I wanted to let everyone know that I have fixed that setting and now anyone can comment. Comments will still be moderated so play nice people. I hope you all enjoy my blog and keep on coming back.

Want to clear your mind? Clear your inbox....

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 06:39:00 +0000

I'm a pack rat. I know this and I do my best to curb that instinct. I don't always succeed, but I try. I also horde emails. I have emails filed in my main account going back to my welcome to gmail message in 2004. I have every email my parents have sent me since I opened it. I have a folder for almost everything. Now I will say that I do delete most ad type stuff like this weeks sales from babies-r-us and such. I'm not quite that bad. However, I freak about deleting things like newsletters. Like I have a panic attack over the idea that my life could somehow be ruined if I delete a recipe email that I haven't ever considered actually cooking and probably never will. Totally irrational I know. But I am so afraid of missing something. And we all know that fears are rarely ever rational.

After 2 days of voluntary computerlessness (that should so be a word) my combined gmail inboxes (5 of them to be exact) had no less that 110 unread messages not including stuff from my rss list. Yikes. Don't even get me started on the spam boxes. I don't even look anymore. They have now all been deleted, filed, read, or at least opened. That said, my main email inbox is currently playing host to 413 emails. ACK! So this got me thinking, why is there so much stuff in my inbox? It also made me wonder why there is still so much crap getting sent to me. Now by crap I am not talking about emails from my favorite blogs, websites, family, and such. I'm talking advertisements and flotsam like that. I'm willing to bet that if I was somehow able to eliminate all that junk, I would be a much happier girl. Do I need to know what sale the corning-ware website is running today? No. Do I care about every little sale that cafepress has? Not really. Is the junk in my inbox becoming as irritating and disheartening as clutter in my home or a work space. You bet your ass it is. Does it keep me from reading the stuff that I should be reading? Hell yeah. When you've just spent 15 or 20mins deleting superfluous junk and filing stuff for later you rather loose your enthusiasm.

Now does this explain why my inbox has over 400 messages sitting in it? Kinda. When you have anywhere from 50 to 80 messages coming in everyday in just 1 account, it gets a bit daunting to file them. Now I could totally set up a smartbox on my mac desktop mail program but really, that is just shifting the problem. I could unsubscribe to a lot of the stuff that is making me want to avoid my inbox the way I avoid checking my bank account in the 3 days proceeding payday. And I totally plan on doing that. If it doesn't make my heart happy then I don't want it in my mail. I can commit to spend an hour or so going through and filing or deleting everything in my inbox. Not fun but it is one of my MIT's for tomorrow. The biggest thing I can do though is to learn to let go. I don't like letting go. Even when it's bad for me, I'm afraid to let go. My first marriage is proof of that. I am so afraid that I will miss out on something or loose some precious little jewel that I never knew I had. Or I'll miss out on learning something that would have changed my life. Seriously though, if I haven't gone back through those messages in 5 or 6 years, am I doing anything more than deluding myself in thinking that I ever will? Yeah, that's what I thought.

So I'm going to do it. I am going to get my inbox zeroed out tomorrow morning. I am going to unsubscribe from things that are meaningless in my life as they come in, and I am going to get started clearing out some of those folders. It's going to be a process and it sure as hell won't be easy but, if I want to get back to what is real and what matters it is totally worth it. I have a sneaking suspicion that when I'm done, it's going to feel a lot like a fifty lbs weight has been lifting off my chest.

the world awhirl

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 22:25:00 +0000

Well I am happy to say that I am now free, almost 2 weeks, from vertigo. Talk about a horrid 3 weeks. I swear I was going to go mad if it kept up. Bored out of my mind would be an understatement in describing my state by the last few days. There were some pluses. I got lots of cuddle time with my kids. I got lots of much needed sleep. And last but not least, NO CHORES! Other than that, it was hell on earth. Dizzy is probably the worst feeling in the world. I would rather suffer a blinding migraine (and I do on occasion so I do not say that lightly) than feel dizzy like that ever again. You know those gyro rides they have at fairs and such? Yeah, that was my head for several weeks. Not cool. Luckily, that is over now and I need think on it no more.

There was another benefit to my forced sabbatical from the daily grind, I had lots and lots (when I wasn't zonked out) of time to think. Maybe a little too much. I would have loved to journal what I was thinking but that was really not an option. Have you ever tried to write with double vision? So not easy lol. Having that much time to ones self is really a curse and a blessing. A blessing because you can sort through thoughts, feels, and emotions at you leisure. A curse because all that sorting tends to lead to more questions. Some days it feels like all I have are questions, and finding the answers is frustratingly slow. But, it was nice be be able to clear a few thoughts out of my head.

I've been thinking a lot in the last week or so of creative endeavors Unfortunately the Stone Phoenix website has yet to be launched. Soon though, very soon. It was almost easier when we were just doing an etsy site but I am really in love with having our own website and it will make life easier than starting with etsy and then moving to our own domain at a later date. I worry that we risk loosing clients that way. Plus having our own site allows us to have a built in way to share things and connect more closely with our lovely visitors.

I am very happy to announce that we will soon own our domaine name. I am just waiting on my new card from the bank. Unfortunately someone got ahold of my info and made some fraudulent charges on my debit card. I was lucky and caught on to the scheme within hours and was able to get my card shutdown. The downside is that I am without a card in the mean time. Although now that I think on it I could just use my hubby's card I suppose lol. And this is why I love blogging lol. Blogging is full of "duh" moments.

So my dearlings, keep tuned in for news and thank you to those who sent me get well wishes. It was much appreciated

Blog in a fog

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 04:31:00 +0000

I'm not going to lie, this post is hard to type. No I'm not in the middle of an emotional crisis. Nope, not in some drug induced state. That's not my style. I have spent the past week stuck in bed suffering from a horrible case of vertigo. So basically I am sitting at my desk (I just had to get out of my bedroom) posting a blog while dizzy, having double vision, blurred vision on top of that thanks to the medication they gave me to keep me from wanting to yark from the dizziness, and trying not to fall out of my chair. I apologize if that is TMI with the yarking bit but such is life. So not cool. The plus side is that I am now caught up with all 5 seasons of the BBC crime drama Waking The Dead that they have on Netflix. Now they need to load season 6-9 so I can finish the series. I love that show. Actually I just love British tv. Seriously. I wish I had tivo so that I would never miss an episode of Master Piece Mystery or any of the other awesome Brit shows they have on PBS(no cable in this house). I'm nutty that way but really, what do you expect when I was raised on Are You Being Served, Keeping Up Appearances, and Waiting For God? Believe me, I come by it honestly.
So anyway, that's what's happening in my neck of the woods. With luck, the next time I post I will be dizzy free.

reflections at the end of the day

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 04:41:00 +0000

I'm sitting here at the computer trying not to get caught by my daughter as I watch her fall asleep. She's a tired girl but hates going to sleep. If you look, she'll sit up. Or at least she will if she catches you. My husband is asleep as well. It's only 8pm. He gets up at 0330 so I guess I can understand. My son is quietly reading in his room waiting for his Nana and Papa to come pick him up for a sleepover. I can hear the wind chimes outside my front door gently ringing in the breeze. It is still pretty light out and the day feels far from over. This is the quiet time when I reflect on the day. It doesn't always happen around now. Normally I'd still be chasing two rambunctious kids, doing dishes, or sometimes still eating dinner. I don't usually get to reflect until I'm sitting next to my darling girls bed waiting in vain for her to fall asleep. Not tonight.

I can't say as though I had any major revelations today to reflect upon. Such is life. My revelations were small but they were important. I read today about how beliefs are like a garden and must be tended to thrive. That got me thinking about how much I have neglected that part of my life lately. I will be honest, I don't know what I believe anymore. At this point I think I am best described as Agnostic. Barely. I'm having trouble reconciling the science and belief. Seriously, if you ask me from one day to the next what I believe you will get a different answer from day to day. Sometimes from hour to hour even. I still believe in magic and personal power. I can see those things with my own eyes and feel them with every fiber of my being. The divine however, I just don't know anymore.

But you know, I think thats ok for now. I don't think that that's where I need to focus my energy right now. I need to think about my family, our future, and my business. And finding work but that kinda goes with the rest.

The sound of soft snores are filling the living room now telling me that the princess is out like a light. I think I'll tuck her into her bed and settle out back in my patio chair with a glass of wine, a blanket, and a book.

pondering blogs and friends........

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 19:06:00 +0000

Some days it's easy to come up with things to write about. Most days not so much. I spend a lot of time lurking (for lack of a better term) around other blogs. I read, I absorb, I rarely comment. Not sure why. I generally have an opinion or idea but something stays my hand. I really couldn't tell you what that something is. Most of my closest friends are online. Bloggers or tweeters or members of circles that I belong to. Comments are how we communicate. Posts are how we reach out. So why is it so hard? Who the heck knows. I'm not trying for a pity party here, just thinking out loud (in type?) I guess. I think maybe there is something about the anonymity of the internet that makes it harder to share personal thought. Weird I know. A lot of people find it easier but I don't. You never really know if the person you are chatting with is who or what you think they are. There is a much greater chance for dishonesty and subterfuge.

And still, we reach out. I have friends from all over the world now. May of whom I will never meet in person. And while I am ok with that, it makes me sad too. I will never really be able to give a shoulder to cry on or a congratulatory high five. At the same time, I wouldn't trade these friends for anything. And there is always the hope that someday, somehow we will meet for a cuppa.

In the end, life is all about hope. Hope and love.

the subconscious comes to life

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Sat, 07 May 2011 19:38:00 +0000

I'm happy to say that I got my morning pages done in good time today. I'm really happy that I signed on for this exercise. It is forcing me to face and work through things that I normally wouldn't acknowledge. Things that I didn't even know were issues for me. It is very liberating. Now the question becomes, what do I do with these thoughts and feelings now that I have given voice to them. I'm not sure yet but I know I am a much happier person for acknowledging them.

Today is shiny

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Fri, 06 May 2011 16:33:00 +0000

Much better start to the morning today. Tiny snafoo with the sons homework but I'm not too bent outta shape about it. I may not have slept well but I still managed to wake up with a chipper outlook. Can't shake a stick at that.

So I found out yesterday that Jamie over at Jamie Ridler Studios is hosting a May Morning Pages. I read the post about it and decided to give it a go. I just assumed last night that I had an unused notebook I could use but as it turns out, I don't. So, yay for getting a shiny new notebook!!!!!! I love a new notebook. It holds nothing but hope and promise.

Was hoping for a jaunt to the park with Princess Pumpernickel but we got a good dose of rain last night so I am thinking that might be out. We may go and check this afternoon after Squirrel gets home from school. Spring here means copious amounts of wet lol. Come to that, the whole year means copious amounts of wet here. Most places people worry about their plants not getting enough water, here we sweat them drowning. Can't beat the view though. It's a trade off really.

I'm thinking that I might alter my photo plans for the necklaces I'm listing in the Gallery on the store website and do this batch indoors. I can always go back and take new pictures later. Speaking of the site, it is coming along nicely. We are just waiting on a thing or two and then we will be announcing the launch of The Stone Phoenix! I'm super excited. You know, incase you couldn't tell.

water boarding the keyboard

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Thu, 05 May 2011 17:13:00 +0000

You know, I had 3/4 of a post done the other day only to have to leave it be and now the post is fairly irrelevant. So I start again. Yesterday was rather an adventure. First thing in the morning I go and spill coffee all over my desk and surrounding area including my keyboard. If I drank plain black coffee it might not have been such a big deal. I drink my coffee with silk french vanilla soy creamer and a hit of sugar in the raw. Sugars = bad for electronics. Unsugared liquids aren't so bad but juice other such things can kill electronic gizmos faster than anything else. So a new keyboard is winging its way to me from somewhere and I am borrowing my mothers laptop (under strict instructions not to allow beverages within 10 feet) until it gets here. I have to say, what really bothers me about this is that everyone is acting like I am some huge walking disaster who does this kind of thing 4 times a day. I find it insulting and frankly irritating. My mother needs her laptop, I get that. Even when she is out of town she works almost constantly. She doesn't want anything to happen to it. I understand that, really I do. She is acting like I am going to throw it out the window or something. No, I'm not going to drop it, drip on it, or in any other way/shape/form damage it. It isn't going to leave my desk. And yet, my mother looked like her only child was walking to the gallows for a crime they didn't commit as she walked out the door. Sigh.

Really, this is the kind of thing that makes me wish I could move far, far away. Thanks for the vote of confidence. This is whole fiasco is really putting a dent in my todo list. I have pictures that need to be edited and marketing stuff I want to get working on and while I have a temp computer, that presents its own issues. It is a temp. It isn't hooked into my time machine or up to my printer. At least I can save stuff to a memory card with it though and check my email. I have to see if there is still a copy of my resume in my email so that I can alter that for the salon job I am looking into. Yep, lots on the plate. Plus, I should really work on a new necklace or two.

In good news, it isn't raining so far today and my daughter is playing happily in her room. Win!

New look and some sadness

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 19:27:00 +0000

It may have taken me a bit longer than originally planned but ze blog now has a new face. And I likes it. I still have a gadget or two I want to add but for the most part I am happy with it. I have to admit, I wasn't sure when or even if it was going to get done. The last week has been rather a fail on the whole. We had to put down our cat of almost 16 years last Thursday and at approximately the same time as his passing I fell ill with a nasty something or other than has left me rather flat since. It is probably my own fault. As a firm believer in energy work and its effects, I should have had tighter control but due to my upset I was wide open and even pushing and pulling energy. I had my hand on his crown at the moment of his passing and felt him die on more than a physical level. It was a horrifying and comforting thing all at the same time. I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to fully explore the situation yet. It is too fresh and raw. The pain of loosing my Sushmagoosh is just too strong. Sushi was such a cool cat. He was a gift from a friend after I got 107% in my summer school geography class when I was 15. Sush was everyones best bud and even all these years later people I went to high school with still ask me if we still have that giant white cat. He was great with kids too. That old man put up with so much and just laid there loving it. My daughter is too young to understand why her best bud isn't around anymore and it's going to be a while before we can explain. The Squirrel has taken it pretty well all things considered. At 8 he is old enough to understand. He is sad of course but he understands. Sushi has had health problems for a good portion of his long life. At around 2 he developed bladder crystals and it took a while to get it back under control. By this time he was pretty overweight. At his highest he was 24 lbs. Yes, he was quite the cat. In the last couple years we manages to get him down in weight but last year he started having thyroid issues. We had gotten those under control with medication and everything was looking good. Until a month or so ago when he started loosing more weight. Fast. By last Wednesday he was around 7 lbs. We'd taken him in the week before for some blood work and found out that he was in kidney failure. We knew at this point we had no choice. He had lost at least 5 lbs in the last 2 weeks and his kidneys were failing fast, as they tend to do. So we arranged for the vet to come out to my folks house the next afternoon. The Diva and I spent some time with him and took pictures earlier in the day (the squirrel hung out with him the day before) and she got in some good snuggles. Since the hubby was home I was able to leave the little one with him and head up to be there. My mother and I were with him when the vet came and stayed with him the whole time. We sat there petting him and consoling each other for some time after and prepped him to be sent to Juneau for cremation. We are all still reeling from his passing and I think we will be for some time. He was so special to all of us. And he always will be. There will never be another cat quite like him. He will always be loved, and always be missed.

In Loving Memory

Sushi

aka

The Great White Cat

May 1995 - April 2011

Creative much?

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 17:01:00 +0000

I have been on a role. Hell, Lisa and I have been on a roll. I made 4 loverly necklaces in 24 hours, our website is ready to publish (just want to have stuff to list in the Gallery), and the magic just keeps on coming. I am opening a bank account for us today and then we can be on our way. I am just so grateful that this dream is finally coming true. There are so many wonderful people who have had a hand in making the dream that is The Stone Phoenix come to fruition. I have some truly amazing mentors. I really do feel so incredibly blessed and inspired.

As part of my inspiration, I am going to be revamping this blog. I love my background but I am going to be streamlining a few things. It will no doubt take me a few days but we'll get there in the end. It just looks disjointed and sloppy to me right now. I want it to reflect the happy, creative, joyful person that is me.

But first and foremost, I am taking my beautiful daughter to the park. In fact, she is stand here next to me, all dressed and ready, asking me "Mommy, why you not dress yet?". That was quickly followed by "Mommy, have go get dressed.". Gah, she is so cute!

As you can see, she is all ready to go lol. So, I guess that means I had better get off my tush and get with the taking the daughter to the park lol.

a logo will be the death of me

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 07:09:00 +0000

This opening a business gig is not as easy as I thought. This is one of those times that I wish I was more computer savvy. I used to be. Once upon a time. 20 flippin' years ago. I am not overly business savvy either it seems. Well, parts of it I am. Other parts may need a bit of polishing up on. I am just really glad that A) I have an amazing business partner and B) I have an amazing group of women who I can turn too. And C) I have a Mother who is a business manager. She can help with more than a few things and already has.

I am kind of bemoaning my lack of Photoshop skills because well, we needs a logo. I have an idea in my head and no way to bring it to life. My stick figures make cats laugh so it's not like I can draw it up. I can design the hell out of stuff, I can cut and/or color hair like nobodies business, and you can't believe what I can do with a makeup brush but, I cannot draw. And while I have PSP, I have no freakin' clue how to use it. Hell, I'm scared to use it. I'm half afraid I'll blow up the computer or something lol. I'm sure that's not possible but I'd probably make it happen anyway. That or my brain would leak out of my ears. Maybe both.

Sigh. I should probably leave off for the night. I'm sure some sleep would help to sort this all out in my wee little head. I seem to say that a lot. Not sure if it actually works but I guess it's a good theory. I just don't want to screw this up. I'm really good at screwing things up and I really don't want this amazing dream to be one of those things.

A few thoughts before bed

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 06:43:00 +0000

This isn't going to be a long post. hah, I say that now but we all know I can't keep a promise like that. Seriously though, I just had a few things on my mind that I needed to get down somewhere while I wait for my melatonin kick in. I mentioned in the last post about a business that my best friend/soulsister and I are starting. I swear, it was somewhere in that exhaustion and creativity fueled brain drain I called a post. I don't think we could have found a better time to do it. This is a time of birth and renewal after all. This is also a time when more than one of my mentors is giving me (and a slew of other amazing goddesses) exactly what I (we) need to break through years of self doubt and fear and indecision. This is a glorious time to be in my(our) shoes.

There are obstacles of course. There always are. There is money, and time, and family, and the universe alone knows what else. Starting a business from scratch with no real capitol is tough. It's a pain. Starting a business when each partner is on the opposite end of the continent is a HUGE pain. Sifting though the massive amounts of usually conflicting information out there may well be the biggest pain of them all. But still, we are doing it. We are doing it and I am proud of that. I am more proud than I can express. We have come such a long way we two. We have obstacles, yes. We are not letting them stop us anymore though.

There are big decisions to be made. We may be looking at changing the layout here. Right now we have an (empty) Etsy shop. We may decide to go another route. We are planning to discuss tomorrow.

Ten years. A decade, just about (don't remember the exact date) to the month that we met, this dream is in our grasp. Maybe the dream has changed a bit but we are still doing it. It will take us time. Time, money, effort, blood, tear, sweat, and more important than any of the rest, love.

The Stone Pheonix will rise from the ashes of our dreams.

Busy busy mind

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 08:33:00 +0000

It is in my best interest not to be awake right now but I find that I don't really want to go to sleep. I want to be doing things. Things that are hard to do when the rest of the house is sleeping. Why can't I want to go gangbusters with the cleaning when everyone is awake and I can have lights on so that I can actually see what I'm doing? Why, why, why, why? I want to be creating and doing. I want to be nurturing my dreams and filling my soul with happiness. If not for the tapping on the keyboard my hands would be idle and I don't want them to be. I think too much when my hands are idle. I think (egads, there I go again) that that's part of my problem. Too much idleness and not enough beauty and creation and hope. That is what I need. That is what sustains my soul. Elpis, the spirit of hope. Ever she is there. I have hope for so much and for me hope leads to so much. I obsess over hope though. I get lost in the hope and forget the doing and creating and right now that is what I want. I want creation. I have come to understand things in the last few months. I don't think I am ready to share them but I have come to understand much of myself and my heart. There is much I still can't understand but I understand that I need to do in equal measure with hope. Hope is a beautiful thing until you get so wrapped up in it that you forget to live. And if there is one thing the goddess in me demands, it is that I live. I am embracing what is in my heart. Maybe it's the fast approach of spring coursing through me. Maybe that I am finally ready to embrace who I am at heart. I fight it too much. I fight because I am afraid that who I am will be unliked, unloved, misunderstood, and unwanted. I know it isn't true, that I have friends and family, and friends who are closer than family, and sisters of the soul and circle who will love and embrace me for being just who I am. But oh fear, you ever present bastard, you weigh me down. I feel right now, right this second, that creation is the key to dismissing fear. And I want to create. I have started to create. My dearest sister and I gave birth to a beautiful dream this week and we are creating. It is so beautiful that I don't want to put it down. I want to hold it and nurture it and love it because as much as my own flesh and blood children, this too is my baby. One I have waited a decade for and now, now it is here. And fear is there but fear is loosing out to this amazing and inspired creation. We are finally doing it. I am finally doing it. But alas, there are other things that need doing. Sleep needs doing. And with these words now burst from my fingertips I feel that I can go to sleeps arms. Morpheus awaits me and calls like a lover. Eos will find me soon enough and I will greet her with ideas and passions. And some yoga before a cup of coffee lol.

UPGRADE, UPGRADE, UPGRADE!!!

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 17:43:00 +0000

We are in the process of upgrading life. Sort of. Ok well maybe not really but something like that. Because of some computer upgrades (ie getting an apple time capsule and 3 more GBs of ram in the puter) we have once again embarked on the rearranging trail. Sigh, will it ever end? I swear, we cannot go more than a few months without rearranging something major in this house. Or any house we have had. I suppose some of it may be a lack of contentment showing though. I mean it isn't like we can get a house that fits our life or furniture we actually want so we rearrange in the hopes that it will stave off our discontentment. Ha, and who says that semester of psychology I took at Grossmont Community didn't pay off. Remind me again why I pay someone else to analyze this crap for me?

Thanks to the beauty of the tax return I was finally able to join the Goddess Circle over at GoddessGuidebook.com without my husband having a coronary. Or the bank account having one for that matter. (side-note, really need to go back to work) I really love the group of women that come part and parcel to GGB. They are such a wonderful and inspiring group.

In some kinda creepy news, I may have to make this blog friends only. This is something I never wanted to do but I may have a crazy stalker type person (not sure about the the crazy or the stalker bit yet but it is looking like maybe) that may or may not know my real name(as opposed to the one I use on air) or have seen this blog before I removed its url from a directory. I have always wanted this blog to be public. Some place, the one place really, where all the parts of my life can intersect. However, if I feel that my family or I may be in danger, this place will no longer be open to the public.

I may totally be misreading the situation or I may not. We shall find out.

Hmm, is there anything else on my mind that I wanted to share? Kiddies are good. Driving me to more grey hair but good otherwise. My Diva was pretty sick there for a bit but she is much better now. The Squirrely one landed himself in some trouble but he is a 7 1/2 yr old boy, it is part of the deal. Hubby is doing well. Tired but hey, he is my Superman none the less. I've dropped a few more lbs. I now fit back into some serious pre-pregger jeans. Like the jeans Shawn bought me when we first got together and I had lost all that weight by suddenly just being happy again because I was out of my craptastic marriage. Happy dance! Less than 50lbs to go. Who knows, I may stop worrying about it sooner. Just depends on how I look. I still have a lot of muscle and while taking up less space, weighs more than fat. Hence why I never look like I weight as much as I do. Thank heavens for that. I must say, the veg life works for me. I don't even miss meat and cheese. Still eat eggs but that has a lot to do with a serious lack of available vegan food options here and an inability to go past the edge of the island to find them. I just don't have the income to have stuff sent here and frankly a lot of online stores won't do it anyway. I guess Alaska is only part of the union when the lower 48 wants something from us. Hell, we only got Target in Alaska 2 years ago and it sure as heck wasn't here. Ah well. We shan't be here forever.

I suppose I should go and do something productive like laundry. Or maybe sorting through the files that I have been working on for 5 or 6 months. Hmmm. I need a maid. Sigh.

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 00:02:00 +0000

I really don't want today to be crappy and stressful but it is and it sucks. Can't even get on to the Goddess Circle for some cheering.

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 06:21:00 +0000

Some days the mind just doesn't want to believe in anything. Then again, is there anything to believe in?

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 07:18:00 +0000

Blah!

That is all.

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 03:00:00 +0000

There is a reason they make kids so cute. Terrible two's have hit with a vengeance.

When it rains

noreply@blogger.com (The One and Only Elfwench) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 18:45:00 +0000

So I mentioned yesterday that my daughter was running a fever. Well it turns out she has an ear infection and pneumonia. This is on top of my 7yr old having an ear infection too. One the plus side, I got her in and they got some very effective medications into asap and she is already starting to do better. She feels horrid of course but her fever broke and her breathing has improved. In the normal course of things, I hate pumping my kids full of drugs but this, this scared the crap out of me. All I could think of was that pneumonia kills people. It especially kills small children ( and old people but not applicable here) even when caught early. Now maybe I sound a bit like a freaked out mom but hey, I am. I'm still worried though not frantic like I was last night. As I type we are sitting in urgent care for her follow up and she is sleeping. That right there tells me all is not well. She is not a sleeper. It is like pulling teeth to get her to go to sleep. Once down she is fine but getting her there is always a fight. The doc she saw last night had some interesting ideas about an unrelated health issue that will talk about later. For now though, I sit and wait and care for my beautiful little princess.

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