Chuck norris facts and more...

The Daily Show:Fear Factory

2012-01-17T13:43:00.000-08:00

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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HISHE: HOW IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED: District 9

2011-03-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

How "District 9" Should Have Ended

This is a random funny video you should watch from Hishe. Its a real nice video.
Link to their YouTube page in the title.

future 1.0.0(<-WTF?!?!)

2010-11-19T18:48:00.000-08:00

hello world how are you? so you came across this this blog right and if you had a chance to lookaround i would like to ask you how is my blog how do you like it and what can i do to make you like it more i mean should like paste more pics...

or would you like to read more jokes like:

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

or just maybe some good old chuck norris.

you the reader/viewer/gamer decides and like I do as you command as long as you like maybe follow me or sigh up FOR feeds... wow i am officially calling myself a follow whore but wtf you only live once. so ANYWAY be sure to comment because if you dont ill track you down and pee on your turtle... i am like totally biting that off in a way that you readers wont understand. The thing I realize about myself is that deep deep down inside...so totally deep deep... is that I like apples... ok also humor you may not understand. so really common people os like that hard like read a little and then click a follow button i mean really hey i know how about follow for follow so anyway COMMENT OR I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND PEE ON YOU TURTLE... if you answer to that I do not have a stinking turtle then i would tell you to go... and buy me a turkey(yes i am going to make this a 'family friendly' (excluding the turtle peeing that is totally wrong(i'm not sure you can do what im doing here but what the... teriaki dippers(OK i spelled teriaki wrong))))... so i may soon add some surveys funny/short/ interesting ones so stay toned really DO.

tunderf00t: evolution vs creationism

2010-11-08T17:26:00.000-08:00

hello world how are you doing today? I have been watching YouTube lately and been watching series by a guy named tunderf00t the series is why do people laugh at creationists maybe you heard of it maybe not. so I decided to post one of his vids in the series here of course after you have watched this video you can click the link above. ok in this video he explains to a guy why his theory cant be true (tunderf00t already did it once but that someone apperently didn't get that so he cleared some stuff up for them ) he also has a other video explaining why that is.

so while after you watch this video i recommend you continue watching the series. I dont know personally me these vids really got me thinking. watching them i started to see similarities in the way creationist prove there point and that is find some unknown about evolution, bite on to it and say your theory is wrong therefore mine is right and that is completely wrong. you can't come to the conclusion that something is right just because something else is wrong. Thats like saying I have a pare because I don't have an apple... See kinda hard to grasp the logic there. and I am NOT a evolutionist I am just one open minded person who one day just came around a random vid. Oh I can't wait for part 35. I am really looking forward to some feedback here.
what side are you for? and what arguments would you present to defend your side

crazy flasher

2010-10-30T10:42:00.001-07:00

hey if you want more games click here

Movie review: Social network

2010-10-30T04:50:00.000-07:00

hello everybody if you are reading this then thanks for visiting my blog if you wanted chuck norris jokes then keep scrolling down. Ok i haven"t really been working on this blog lately because i am now going to college in Ukraine and don't really have free time. but I've been getting a good rush from Google mostly from pics. So saying that I've decided to add something more than just pics.
So when thinking what should I add. I decided to like write a movie review i like seen a bunch of new movies lately the latest good movie was social network if you haven't seen it yet then i recommend you watch it.
as you may already know it is a story on how Facebook was made. For me being a future programmer it is a very interesting movie.

Plot: the main character Mark Zuckerberg (founder of Facebook) an undergrad in Cambridge is being sued by his former best friend for $600m. How did this happen? and why is what this movie is about. You watch the creation of of Facebook and what it takes to create a multi-billion dollar online company and in order to create that company not always do you play by the rules and that in the process you your close ones can become your greatest enemies.

Rotten tomatoes gives this movie 97% with 91% people who like it. I myself give it 2 thumbs up real interesting movie you won't regret you've seen it. and if you have what do you think?

2 funny pics

2010-10-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

more chuck norris

2010-10-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

here's a funny chuck norris poster i just had to post

that is all

even more funny pics

2010-09-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

real funny poster i found on the net if you do not know what that is well its something from the show doctor who made me laugh out loud

funny too i like this one you do not see something like that everyday

joke of the day

Jack and Tom, are having a beer in a saloon when a cowboy walks in with an Indian's head under his arm. He hands it to the bartender, and the bartender hands him money. The bartender turns to them and says, "I hate Indians. Last week they burnt my barn to the ground and killed my wife and three kids. Anybody brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give them a thousand bucks." Jack and Tom guzzle their beers and leave to go hunt Indians. After a while, they finally spot one. Jack throws a rock, it hits him on the head, the Indian falls off his horse, and rolls seventy feet down a ravine. The two cowboys make their way down the ravine and Tom pulls out his knife to claim their trophy. Jack says, "Tom, take a look at this." Tom says, "Not now, I'm busy." Jack says, "I really think you should have a look." Tom says, "Asshole, can't you see I'm busy? I've got a thousand dollars in my hand." Jack says, "Please, Tom, take a look." Tom looks up at the top of the ravine, and there's five thousand Indians standing there. Tom says, "Fuck! We're gonna be millionaires!"

you find humor everywhere

2010-09-18T03:21:00.000-07:00

that is reall funny could you think of something like that.

hehe funny there is no skeletons in that pic, while we are talking about obama here are some obama jokes

''Did you see this on '60 Minutes' last night? Michelle Obama is planting a vegetable garden on the White House lawn. You know the economy's bad when the Obamas are afraid of running out of food.''

''That's pretty amazing, Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, his biggest accomplishment as president so far: winning the Nobel Peace Prize.'' —Jay Leno

''Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was 'going to get worse before it gets better.' See, that's when you know the campaign is really over. Remember before the election? 'The audacity of hope!' 'Yes, we can!' 'A change we can believe in!' Now it's, 'We're all screwed.''' —Jay Leno

''President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. The Nobel committee said they wanted to recognize the president's fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer.'' —Jay Leno

they would be funny if not so true

a new post, a new pic

2010-09-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

Ok i googled "funniest pic of all time" and here is one of my favorite pics on there is

funny huh its sad in a way what is happening to america so in order to cheer you up

what is there left to say lol but i will say go to a funny blog who is run by a guy likes cheese so visit and have a good laugh

funny pic plus beer trouble shooter

2010-08-29T15:34:00.000-07:00

I see people on the net like funny i like funny, funny is funny therefore has to be liked by people

How would you like to have something like that on your head? Funny so do you like it?

Funny joke:

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

So did you have a good laugh? If so tell me about it!

i'm back

2010-08-29T01:40:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone i have decided to continue this blog but not with chuck norris jokes but something that is more funnier you may not know me but know that i am using my phone to blog and an using this blog to expiriment posting images using html so here goes!

so did it work do you see a retarded bull doing some retarded stuff if you do can you tell me if it fits in good. Thanks :)

know for a funny joke:

A man comes home late one night, drunk.

"Where have you been?" asks his wife.

"In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!"

This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.

"Do you have golden chairs?"

"Yes."

"Do you have golden glasses?"

"Yes."

"Do you have golden beer?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a golden urinal?"

"Hold on." On the other end, she hears "I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone."

2010-06-30T10:46:00.000-07:00

Chuck Norris doesn't actually books, they assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

2010-06-27T13:59:00.000-07:00

4 out of 5 dentists recommend Chuck Norris. The 5th is on the FBI's Missing Person's List.

There are two types of people in the world … people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those “some people” are now dead.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Remember The Ultimate Warrior?He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him “a promising Rookie”.

2010-06-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

<a style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; float: right; margin-left: 1em;" href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0805444211?tag=theawfultruth-20&amp;camp=213761&amp;creative=393545&amp;linkCode=bpl&amp;creativeASIN=0805444211&amp;adid=0TVQJKS4E6TG5H255AN7&amp;" target="_blank"><img style="cursor: move;" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51DJp38JPfL._SL110_.jpg"></a>

Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

2010-06-21T10:33:00.001-07:00

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When a Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

If at first you don't succeed,you're not Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

2010-06-17T02:55:00.001-07:00

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protectionwill cause blindess, and possiblyfoot sized brusies on the face.

Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that he is going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

2010-06-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris
.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

2010-06-13T04:30:00.001-07:00

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it.

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

2010-06-12T15:57:00.001-07:00

Chuck Norris's immune system single-handedly defeated the German army. The rest of the war was just for show

bruce lee killed chuck norris in the way of the dragon. to bad he died shortly after

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he understands is the element of surprise.

Go to Google and type in "Find Chuck Norris" Then Click "I'm Feeling Lucky"

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris can beat Halo 3 on Legendary...with a guitar hero controller!

Chuck Norris's dog picks up its own sh!t because Chuck Norris doesn't take sh!t from anybody

Chuck Norris invented the phrase" put a foot in your mouth"

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

AIDS was specifically designed to kill chuck norris. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris is the real reason Mitt Romney dropped out of the presidential race.

Osama Bin Laden hates the USA because he is envious that Chuck Norris is there

Chuck Norris' sperm is so CRaZy that one time he impregnated a chick and seven months later she gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

2010-06-12T05:02:00.000-07:00

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

2010-06-10T14:32:00.001-07:00

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.

Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, Don't worry about it honey, and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, Never question Chuck Norris.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.

2010-06-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the kingshorses and all the kings men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids.

Chuck Norris was not alowed to be a part of UFC,NFL,PGA,NBA,NHL or any Olympic event for fear that too many deaths would occure

Chuck Norris prefers Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, he responded, “I don’t trust doctors.” He proceeded to shot laser beams out of his eyes and ate the hearts of everyone in the room.

Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com

In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.

2010-06-09T06:43:00.001-07:00

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris was originally considered for the part of Jesus in the Passion of the Christ. However, the director realized that Chuck Norris cannot show the emotion of pain. He can only inflict it.

Chuck Norris' beard is barbed wire soaked in ox blood and held together by the souls of mortals

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down.

After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris