the Chutkule

Adult Joke - Coffee

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:31:00 +0000

A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee.The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner.

The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty.As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders.

As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full.After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?"The man says, "Two's fine."She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and into his cudrops themp."And cream?" she asks.The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "You wouldn't dare!"

Picture Joke - Architectural Brilliance

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:26:00 +0000

Blonde Joke - Your trousers

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 14:04:00 +0000

Phoebe, a blonde city girl, marries an Australian dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Phoebe, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

Then the farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Phoebe takes him down to the barn.

They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here."

Terribly impressed by what he thought just might be another dizzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Phoebe explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your trousers on."

Adult Joke - I am not mad

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 14:03:00 +0000

A young guy was complaing to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.

She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.

Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife, replied the Boss. Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her.

Shaking his head the young guy replied, that doesn't work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore

Jokes - Campfire

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 12:01:00 +0000

There's a Marine, an Airforce Commando, a Navy Seal and a Green Beret sitting around a campfire telling each-other how mean and tough they are. The Marine says - "I can swim 50 miles and bite the head off a live chicken. One Marine is worth 5 other men." The Airforce Commando says - "I can clear runways one-handed and kill a man with my bare hands. One Airforce Commando is worth 10 other men." The Navy Seal says - "Yeah? Well I can dive up to 90 feet without air, and I'm an expert in demolitions. One Navy Seal is worth 13 other men." The Green Beret just sat there all this time saying nothing, stirring the fire with his dick.

Jhonny Jokes - Moral of the story

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 15:35:00 +0000

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good, " said the teacher.

"Now, Lucy?" "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. The moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't fuck with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

Sardar jokes - Lottery

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 10:48:00 +0000

A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years. "

Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"

Funny Jokes - Guardian angel

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:45:00 +0000

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Sardar jokes - Burma Bazaar

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:32:00 +0000

One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs.

Sardar asked for Rs.1000.

Vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, only Rs.900.

Vendor told ok, I will give it for Rs. 1500 Rs. for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750.

It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost

"Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."

Pictures - Checkup

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:57:00 +0000

Pictures - Enjoy sea drive

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 13:12:00 +0000

videos - Public Restroom

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 13:51:00 +0000

Adult jokes - Blowjob

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:14:00 +0000

Three women are talking about their boyfriends.

"It's funny," says Samantha, "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm giving him a blow job!"

"You know what?" replies Jenny, "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"

They turn to the third girl.

"That's disgusting! I never put his thing in my mouth!"

"You're crazy," one of the girls pipes up. "A good blow job is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it!"

She says she'll think about it.

The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blow job novice is sporting a wicked shiner.

"Whoa!" the first girl asks, "How did you get that black eye?!"

"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," she said.

"What on earth for?!" the second girl asks.

"I don't know," she replied. "All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as Pete and Richard's are so cold!"

Jhonny Jokes - We have everything

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 09:36:00 +0000

A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted.

At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class.

She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping.

"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm.

Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "At our house, we have everything."

"Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything."

"We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day."

"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked.

"Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said, "God, that's all we needed."

Santabanta jokes - Collection

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:10:00 +0000

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl

*********

An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

***********

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.

************

Santa and Banta went for a drive.

Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?

Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"

************

Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...

Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

************

Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

************

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home . The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am coming , earlier I sat on the back seat.

Husband wife jokes - ID proof

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:19:00 +0000

Tags: Husband wife jokes,jokes

An old man goes to a Social Security office to apply for benefits but forgets his ID. The social worker says, "Just unbutton your shirt."

The old man complies, and the social worker says, "The gray chest hairs are all the proof I need," and gives him his check.

The man tells his wife, who responds, "If you'd dropped your pants, you'd have gotten disability, too!"

Jhonny jokes - Future dreams

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:24:00 +0000

Tags: Jhonny jokes,adult jokes

Little Johnny and two of his friends were sitting on a front porch one day after school. Billy looked down the street and saw a bright red Corvette. "Some day I'm gonna be a lawyer so I can buy me one of those Corvettes," he said.

Robbie looked over at the driveway next to the Corvette and saw a brand new Ferrari. "I'm gonna be a doctor," he said, "so I can get me a fast Ferrari."

Little Johnny looked over at the other two and replied, "I'm gonna learn how to suck dick when I grow up."

The other two jaws dropped. "That's what my sister does, and she owns both of those cars," explained Little Johnny.

Jhonny jokes - Pray to God

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 17:56:00 +0000

Tags: Rail,god,jhonny,humor

Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.

Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!"

Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"

Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.

He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."

Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."

Adult jokes - Ladies toilet

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 17:45:00 +0000

Tags: chicago,hospital,ladiespleasure

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA, PP, and a red one labeled APR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the APR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the APR button.

'The button APR is an Automatic Pad Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'

Santabanta jokes - Vegiterian Chicken

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 17:05:00 +0000

Tags: santabanta jokes,catholic,church

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!

Jokes - Short Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:04:00 +0000

Tags: short jokes,marriage,millionare

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

**********

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

**********

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

**********

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "Billionaire"

**********

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

**********

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor.

Jokes - Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 16:00:00 +0000

Tags: Doctors,bartenders,Psychiatrists

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under

my bed at night.. So I went to a shrink and told him . . . 'I've got

problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it.

I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink.

'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of

those fears..'

'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the

Doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see

me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!

A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that

I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'

SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!

Humor - 20-20 rules in exams

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 10:40:00 +0000

Tags: examination,cheer girls

1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.

2. Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

3. Give free hit, that is a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.

4. 1st 15 minutes power play, that is no invigilator in the exam hall. ( everyone will love this....!!!)

5. Introduce fair play awards.

6.Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written....! !!

Joke - Work Vs Prision

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 17:27:00 +0000

Tags: Workshop,Prision,salary

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON you get three meals a day (free).

AT WORK you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.

IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.

IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.

AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON you get your own toilet.

AT WORK you have to share.

IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK you can not even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.

AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside wanting to get out.

AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

Jhonny jokes - 5 dollars

noreply@blogger.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 11:42:00 +0000

Tags: newspaper,dollars,sex

Little Johnny is delivering newspapers.

He knocks on a door and says to the lady, "I'm collecting today... that'll be five dollars."

She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but I'll gladly give you some great sex instead."

Little Johnny agrees, "All right."

He walks in and the lady undoes his pants and pulls them down. To her surprise, she sees the biggest penis she's ever seen.

Little Johnny then reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a handful of washers, and begins sliding them onto his penis.

The lady says, "You don't have to do that... I can take all of it."

"Not for five bucks, you can't," replies Little Johnny.