Ciera's Adventure http://ciera.name My journey through life, love, and happiness. With the occasional rant ;) Tue, 17 Jan 2012 07:19:56 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Moving has messed with my mental health. http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/zMmYZRRx-H0/ http://ciera.name/2012/01/moving-has-messed-with-my-mental-health/#comments Tue, 17 Jan 2012 07:19:56 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/?p=307 Moving is hard for everyone. I’m not an exception. This crazy life I started (moving between two countries) has really taken a toll on me. It’s brought on this depression that’s been lingering over me for at least a year. All this moving hasn’t allowed me to find jobs so I’ve picked up this unwanted slacker lifestyle. Most of my days are on the computer applying for jobs or being extremely lazy and just browsing a few sites all day. Not to mention the way moving affects relationships. It’s so hard for someone like me to make friends, and also to go without them. I don’t know what it is but after awhile of being alone, (and who knows why I’m alone because I hate it most of the time) I end up begging for attention. Today happens to be one of those days and the reason why I feel like writing this post.

I need friends. I need a job. I need a life.

]]> http://ciera.name/2012/01/moving-has-messed-with-my-mental-health/feed/ 0 http://ciera.name/2012/01/moving-has-messed-with-my-mental-health/ Back in Australia http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/u7ZK9PUiWzc/ http://ciera.name/2012/01/back-in-australia/#comments Mon, 09 Jan 2012 05:53:11 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/?p=285 Hey people! So I wanted to write a little update about where I’m at in my life. As you can see in the picture to the left, my hair is a little darker and a lot shorter! I recently moved to Melbourne, Australia (for good, as far as I know), and it’s summer here so I decided to get a new hair cut. The color was just something new to try although my roots are already showing a tiny bit. I don’t like it! I guess lighter is better for me since I’m a low maintenance gal. But of course going lighter means damaging my hair more! I hate the feeling of my hair now without conditioner. :(

Anyways, off track. Australia has been good to me so far. A nice, “big” spider decided to welcome me just the other day. Of course I know this isn’t the largest around here but I can still see the segments of its body. IT’S TOO DAMN BIG! Not to mention it decided to scurry around a bit when I was trying to get a picture. That thing is fast! And today there happens to be a smaller one on the wall I’m facing, behind a picture frame. Ahhh, the joys. I’m just going to let it be until someone else decides to trap it or it attacks me, whichever comes first.

Louie seemed happy to see me when I got here. He let me cuddle him for a bit and has been spending quite a lot of time in our room. Daniel’s mum got some baskets for me to put my clothes in and happened to grab a few extra. Louie really seems to love them. He’ll fall asleep in one and then I’ll carry him around while he purrs. He finally seems more lovey. Just what I wanted. :) There still seems to be a tiny battle about feeding him (When he needs food, how much he gets, what kind). I also think he’s having a problem with furballs. I’ll be taking him to the vet sometime soon for a check-up so I’ll be asking about it then. Maybe I’ll ask about a job there, too!

And finally, Daniel. He was so happy to see me. He’s still in that stage of “OH MY GOD SHE’S HERE” where as I’m in the stage of, “I never left, what are you talking about? Get off of me!” It really feels like I never left, which is odd since I’ve been gone for 6 months. It is still really great to finally be with him again! And this time we know it’s “forever”. I’m really not a lovey person but I know I love him. We plan on moving out of his mum’s place shortly after I get a job. I can’t wait for that next step. I hope it’ll work out well for us. Once we know it’s working, maybe more “next steps” will happen! :D

That’s it for now. Thanks for reading!

-Ciera

]]> http://ciera.name/2012/01/back-in-australia/feed/ 0 http://ciera.name/2012/01/back-in-australia/ Admiring Beauty: Snow http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/kiXO1IJ9NIM/ http://ciera.name/2011/12/admiring-beauty-snow/#comments Fri, 16 Dec 2011 06:56:44 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/?p=267

The first snow always brings the childish side out of me. Growing up I’ve started to despise snow because of what it does to the roads. Driving is hell when it gets slick or icy. Still, I can never fully hate the white fluffiness falling from the sky. It really is a beautiful sight. Not to mention the silence snow brings. I especially love it at night when no one else is around. It’s just you and a wide, open world getting covered in a cold, white blanket.

Everybody needs to experience snow at least once in their life.

 

 

 

]]> http://ciera.name/2011/12/admiring-beauty-snow/feed/ 1 http://ciera.name/2011/12/admiring-beauty-snow/ I feel… http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/W12pTWJCkOk/ http://ciera.name/2011/11/i-feel/#comments Sun, 27 Nov 2011 08:47:46 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/2011/11/i-feel/ Stupid. Dumb. Ugly. Unworthy. Selfish. Neglected… Beautiful. Confident.

For the past couple of days I’ve felt really… low. I feel like people aren’t seeing me as the intelligent person I am. Then I start thinking maybe I’m just not as intelligent as I believe I am.

I’m just going to take a wild guess and say my self-esteem is low. Very low. It happened so suddenly, too.

]]> http://ciera.name/2011/11/i-feel/feed/ 0 http://ciera.name/2011/11/i-feel/ Dear _______, http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/TfOUn3MBQTw/ http://ciera.name/2011/10/dear-_______/#comments Tue, 18 Oct 2011 07:24:27 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/?p=254 I feel like doing one of those old number “bulletins” from the MySpace days. You know the ones. You assign a certain number to that person and write a special message to them. Here we go:

1. I miss you. We used to have some really good nights together, just talking all night. I think I screwed things up between us and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you at all. I hope one day we’ll talk again, at least enough for me to get some closure. I have no idea why you left and won’t accept me again. I need to know that. I need to know if you’re upset at me. And most importantly, I need to know if I have a reason to apologize. I really hope you stop ignoring me one of these days. I don’t feel like giving up on you yet even though it’s been… a long time. I can’t think of how many years! I hope to hear from you soon, buddy. Hope things are good. Just sent you a message again. Please respond!

2. I love you. I know we’re going to be together for a very long time. Remember, I don’t believe in forever, but I do hope we last for years and years. We’ve pushed through a lot of stuff. Our relationship has grown over such a large distance. I’m excited to finally start living with you and possibly one day getting married and having children. Of course both of those are years away. Definitely not feeling ready for them today! I’m so proud of you! You’re very successful with the things you do. I love you. To infinity and beyond… but not forever!

3. We haven’t talked in awhile. It’s been upsetting me but a friend pointed out recently that you might be feeling the same way I do. I want to talk to you about it but it’s hard to do. I haven’t been able to approach you with things for a while. When we talk, you never say much. I’m really worried about you.
You’ve been through a lot but now that you’re out of the worst parts, you’re still stuck. I wish I could help but it’s better for me to grow. I hope things get better for you! Maybe, once I’m rich in Australia, I can fly you and your other kids to visit me.

4. It’s really frustrating dealing with you sometimes. You just don’t seem to understand other people. I get it, believe me. Sometimes I have the hardest time understanding others. It’s just frustrating having a role model that doesn’t understand me. Since I’ve moved near you, we’ve gotten a bit closer which has been really good! I love you. I’d still really like it if you’d acknowledge my growth in learning how to love myself just as I am. I’ve always looked for you approval but I think I’m finally learning that it doesn’t matter anymore. I just need to make myself proud.

5. I feel very lucky to have you in my life. I’m able to talk to you about things I can’t open up about with my parents. You’ve been taking care of me when you really have no obligation to do so. You’re amazing! Plain and simple. I appreciate everything you have done for me. I’m so glad we plan on keeping each other in our lives. Thanks for everything! I love you.

I was done at 4 but I had to add one more because I like odd numbers and, oddly enough, it felt more equal. o_o
I plan on doing another one of these eventually. I have many people I’d like to write little notes to.

]]> http://ciera.name/2011/10/dear-_______/feed/ 4 http://ciera.name/2011/10/dear-_______/ Late night feelings FTL http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/V0QIidc3_jo/ http://ciera.name/2011/10/late-night-feelings-ftl/#comments Mon, 17 Oct 2011 09:18:04 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/2011/10/late-night-feelings-ftl/ Recently I’ve really been thinking about Daniel and me. Sometimes I just don’t feel like I appreciate him enough. I mean, lately I’ve been feeling like I could go a day without talking to him. I just worry that there aren’t enough feelings there.

The thing is, when I think about the future, all I see is us. I love him to death! I really do. I just don’t feel it all the time.

Are these feelings normal? Is it alright to almost never get that overwhelming feeling of love everytime I see or hear him? What’s wrong with me?!

This is my first relationship… it’s so confusing. I feel like I’m doing things right except for times like tonight.

]]> http://ciera.name/2011/10/late-night-feelings-ftl/feed/ 0 http://ciera.name/2011/10/late-night-feelings-ftl/ Just so you know… http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/GOqsy-yuWxo/ http://ciera.name/2011/10/just-so-you-know/#comments Mon, 03 Oct 2011 07:00:58 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/?p=246 I don’t know what to write. I was wanting to share my life with you. I wanted to type out my current thoughts and feelings. It just seems stupid now. Nothing is being organized in my head the way I want it to. Everything is jumbled up.

Just so you know, I’m happy.
Just so you know, I’m not struggling but I’m not achieving anything.
Just so you know, I’m overeating at one meal each day. WTF!
Just so you know, I’m fat and A-OK with it.
Just so you know, I’m beautiful. I’m a great person.

Just so you know…

]]> http://ciera.name/2011/10/just-so-you-know/feed/ 2 http://ciera.name/2011/10/just-so-you-know/ Some ramblings. http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/S3uzLNy6kRI/ http://ciera.name/2011/08/some-ramblings/#comments Wed, 10 Aug 2011 02:17:49 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/?p=237 Well it’s been over a week since Daniel went back to Australia. The time has gone by so slow and my feelings have been tossed around.

Since he left my anxiety has flared up big time. I can’t talk to the people I’m around. Big groups of friends make me uncomfortable. Yet I’m so lonely.

I’ve been trying to get a job with only one bite that I didn’t hook. I don’t know where I can go or what I can do until I get back to Australia to be with him.

I’m usually pretty good at hiding these feelings from everyone, including myself. If you see me, please reach out. I need to feel welcomed. I need to feel like I am wanted here.

]]> http://ciera.name/2011/08/some-ramblings/feed/ 0 http://ciera.name/2011/08/some-ramblings/ Little Update http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/4PDIEgcUPZY/ http://ciera.name/2011/06/little-update/#comments Thu, 02 Jun 2011 11:55:02 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/?p=229 I did my final drastic cut to my hair for awhile. Daniel and I got some clippers the other day to shave his head. I did a great job, in my opinion. Today I built up the courage to shave my head the way I’ve been wanting to. Have a look:

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Front, June 2011
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Front hair up, June 2011
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Side hair up, June 2011

I wish it was a bit shorter but it’s scary to do myself and Daniel is too afraid to mess up. I still really like it, though. And I love that it’s pretty much hidden unless my hair is up! It makes me feel like I have a secret. xD

I attended Slutwalk on Saturday. Unfortunately I don’t have my own photos. I left my camera battery at home! Fortunately, a friend I went with took a few pictures. I also was lucky enough to meet someone from the 2nd season of Beauty and the Geek Australia. Now I’m in the process of begging him to show me his photos so I can steal some of me to put in my gallery. :) Anyways, it was really fun to attend. Since it was cold, not many people dressed up for the event. I actually think more men dressed up than woman. It was amazing how many men were there!! It seems to be split in half: men/women. There were some very moving speeches as well. I have to admit, I wasn’t 100% into the whole thing but I’m still very glad I attended. I might get more into next time. :)

I’ll be leaving for the USA in just a little over 17 days. There are a lot of things I need to get done for the partner visa I’m wanting to get next, plus packing. I can fit it all into the next few weeks, I’m just feeling stressed about it all. I wish Daniel could take some of the load off but he’s really busy with his exam weeks for uni.

Long distance relationships are really tough. I want to be excited about coming back home but being in the US means Daniel and I have to be apart soon. We cried about it last night… 2 months before the inevitable day. This parting is going to be the worst, hands down. :(

I think that’s it for now. Until next time,
-Ciera

]]> http://ciera.name/2011/06/little-update/feed/ 0 http://ciera.name/2011/06/little-update/ BANG! Fringe. http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CieraC/~3/rozox7vHpoE/ http://ciera.name/2011/05/bang-fringe/#comments Thu, 26 May 2011 08:47:40 +0000 Ciera http://ciera.name/?p=191 I worked up the courage and cut my fringe today. The last time I ever held scissors up to my hair I was… 5, maybe… so doing it today was a huge deal. I was so afraid of screwing it up, which I did. But not enough for me to hate it. I just fixed the mistake and made my hair look good. I am so happy with the result!

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Hair up, May 2011
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Front on, May 2011
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Side, May 2011
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Side with headband, May 2011
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Derp, May 2011
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Smile, May 2011
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Moustache, May 2011

I’m thinking I’ll dye my hair again. Maybe a purple-ish black. I’ve been doing it so much lately but I’m really enjoying the excitement of a new look. Plus I seem to be looking a lot like Daniel’s sister which hasn’t been my aim at all. She’s beautiful but I like feeling original. I don’t want her to think I’m copying her either. Because I’m not. So, ch-ch-ch-changes are up ahead!

Oh! This Saturday I’m attending Slutwalk in Melbourne. I’ll be making a crop-top from one of my Owl City shirts. I hope it looks alright. A picture will be posted when it’s done!

Until next time
-Ciera

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