Cincinnati Therapy Guy - Keeping Cincinnati Sane

What? No Blog??

noreply@blogger.com (rainie) — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 14:10:00 +0000

We've moved!

You can now follow Dennis's blog on Cincinnati.com. We look forward to seeing you there!

It's Not About Food, Is It?

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 10:48:00 +0000

My last blog focused on those negative messages, those lies we believe about ourselves and how those beliefs ‘consume’ us. (See What’s Eating You? Dated 6/15/09).

What we believe about ourselves affects all of our behaviors; our opinion of ourselves and the kind of person we believe we are. How we interact with family, friends, and strangers. Our beliefs help mold our educational experiences and our vocational decisions. Every aspect of life is directly impacted by what we believe about ourselves.

There are several questions you can ask yourself regarding those lies you believe, and in this blog we’ll look at one of the first questions:

What do you steal from others when you continue to project this lie?

We are aware of, at least on some level how believing this lie affects us; how it impacts our self esteem and what messages we give ourselves. But by believing this lie we also affect our relationships with others – we keep those who care for us at a distance. We steal from them the opportunity to care for us, to love us.

For example – let’s say the lie you believe is ‘I deserve to have bad things happen to me because I am a bad person’. This lie may have come from any number of places; our interactions with those important to us growing up for instance. Parents, teachers, those who played a central role in your life, even for a brief period of time.

And the conclusion you came to; ‘I deserve to have bad things happen to me because I am a bad person’ is based on your interpretations of those interactions and other life events. Those people may have never intended to influence you in such a way, or for you to come to this conclusion about yourself, but that doesn’t matter because this is what you came to believe and still hold true about yourself.

Take a moment now, close your eyes, and think about what it is you believe about yourself. Remembering how your belief influences your thoughts and behaviors, not only with strangers and acquaintances such as co-workers, but particularly with those you are close to. Ask yourself; ‘what am I preventing people from doing or saying when I act on this lie?’

Letting go of the lie can be difficult. We’ve had this in our lives for so long, and while it’s not been healthy, while it’s hurt us, it’s what we know.

But you can let go. You can quit the lie and be healthier and happier. Be aware of when you act on your lie and decide to do something differently. Just doing one thing differently is going to create change in your life and you are going to be different.

Do that one thing.

Namaste
Dennis

What's Eating You?

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:32:00 +0000

I recently returned from my internship training regarding advanced practices using hypnosis. The focus was on treating eating disorders. The time spent was not only about treating the ‘traditional’ eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive eating, but also focused on unhealthy practices we have in life.

‘What’s consuming you’ or ‘what and where are you consuming junk in your life that keep or prevent you from doing good things for yourself and others’?

Great question. Many of us believe something negative or unhealthy about ourselves that stops or impedes us from developing in our physical, emotional, intellectual and/or spiritual lives.

Think about it. What do you believe about yourself? If you’re not sure, then one way to begin answering that question is paying attention to the messages you give yourself. When you do something good, or make a mistake what do you say to yourself? When you lie in bed at the end of the day, before you fall asleep, what runs through your mind? The answers help you understand what it is you believe about yourself.

Look at patterns in your life. What kind of people do you attract regarding relationships, either romantic or friendship/social. What kind of vocation or employment do you have or have you had? Are you always ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ in life?

Does the way you live your life reflect that you are a victim, or that you hassle others, or that you rescue people?

You don’t have to keep being like this. You can be different. Even if you have lived your entire life believing/consuming the lie or lies about yourself. That you’re not good. That you deserve what you have. That you have earned your pain. That you’re a bad person. I say none of this is true.

I have been a therapist long enough to know that you can be different. You can change. I watch people do it every day. I do it.

So stop consuming the lie. Be different.

Namaste
Dennis

Commencement

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Thu, 28 May 2009 21:50:00 +0000

Well, I went to my youngest son’s graduation ceremony. It was so cool to see him in his cap and gown, he had this huge grin, and I don’t think anything could have made it disappear.

I did my thing, taking pictures as I did with my other kids’ graduations, laughing with him; we hugged each other so tightly my arms were tired. Good hugs. He was ready to leave and spend the evening celebrating with his friends but it was touching and also a measure of his maturity because he took time to spend talking with Rainie and I talking about the ceremony, his feelings and anything else we brought up. He acted as though he could spend the whole evening talking with us.

And now, boy, are we tired! On the drive home we talked about this part of our lives being over. No more kids in grade, middle, or high school. Kind of weird. No more plays, practices, or games to attend. No more sales of candy or candles. No more struggles with homework or last minute reports that need typing. We’re not the first, or last to go through this, but it is unique. I hate clichés but, it is a ‘bitter-sweet’ time.

And I feel good about it. He’s a good kid, and we’re looking forward (kind of) to his trek to college. It’s always struck me as funny, that although I’ve been a therapist and healer for thirty plus years, and I know that events like my son’s graduation will impact me, and most likely how I’ll be impacted emotionally, it doesn’t change a thing. I still feel happy and sad about it. I just know how normal it is and that ‘this too shall pass’.

Namaste
Dennis

On Leaving the Nest

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Fri, 22 May 2009 21:45:00 +0000

Recently, I was with my youngest son – I picked him up and we went and got him a tuxedo for his last prom as a high school student. He’s a senior and has been accepted at Ohio University. I wanted him to go to University of Cincinnati, but I think it was just too close to Dad for him. He didn’t want me to be able to reach out and touch him.

Renting a tuxedo is one of our ‘father/son’ things we do. I enjoy all of it except the bill and he likes our time together. We get a chance to talk about things in a relaxed way – we’re focusing on his tuxedo, so our conversations are kind of free-flowing, moving from topic to topic, we’re just hanging out together.

So we rent the tuxedo and we head back to Cincinnati for the weekend together. We’re heading down interstate 75, and I’m asking him about college. He’d been telling me he wanted to be a doctor but had recently said he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. So I’m asking him if he had come to a decision about a major.

It was then he surprised me. He started crying. I started asking him what was going on. He began talking about how much pressure he was feeling about college. That he had no idea what he wanted to do, that he was the only one of the three kids (he has 2 older brothers) to go to college and that he had to succeed, but what if he failed? And he was going to really be on his own for the first time.

I began talking to him about his fears and concerns, normalizing his feelings, and telling him how proud I am of him and how he’s going to be just fine.

I think it’s important to remember that our kids leaving home have fears they may not be talking about. I’d suggest parents talk about the changes that are coming if the kid doesn’t bring it up first. Listen to any concerns/fears/pressures and spend time acknowledging them. Help them see how normal they are and how supportive you are. This may be more than one conversation to have, and I’d suggest you regularly ‘check in’ with your kid to see how they’re feeling after you’ve talked; answer any other questions or concerns they may have.

My point is: listen to their concerns – be honest and supportive and remember - we left home and had some of these same feelings they have now. It’s weird to be on ‘the other side’ of this leaving home thing.

Namaste
Dennis Mendleson/The Cincinnati Therapy Guy

The Sands of Time

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 14:13:00 +0000

My birthday is upon me again. It does not feel like it’s been a year that’s gone by. And I turn 53. Aging has always been difficult for me to deal with. The idea of my body slowly breaking down has not been very appealing.

But, I’m learning something different. While my body is breaking down, it is not what it used to be. I am not able to run, jump, fall, climb or see like I used to, I’m also aware that my body isn’t ‘turning on’ me like I thought it would.

And I get to see what kind of men my sons are turning into. I like that. And I know my wife better, and I love her more, and I enjoy even more spending time with her. Those are really good things.

And I know more than I used to know, from reading, talking with people, attending lectures/workshops and from experience. That comes in handy.

And I really kind of like moving a little slower than I used to. I really have begun seeing what’s around me to appreciate.

So I’m grateful for my age. I’m better than I used to be, and I like that.

Cincinnati Therapy Guy's Anniversary

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 00:03:00 +0000

April 1st marks the 1 year anniversary of opening up my full time private practice – It’s been a fun year!

I had a part time private practice going for about 10 years or so – working a couple of nights a week, or on a Saturday morning. My wife had been talking to me about the work I had been doing, helping people and couples and believed that if I opened an office for a ‘full time’ practice that I could help a lot more folks. She spoke to me about this off and on for about a year before I finally agreed to her idea. She believes in me and what I do – she came up with my practice name, ‘Cincinnati Therapy Guy’; she made bumper stickers with a catchy phrase ‘He’s Hypnotic!’ on them; she convinced me to blog (she wants me to do this more often and I’m working on that), she developed my website and logo of the pocket watch (a connection to the hypnosis work I do). She was instrumental in coming up with my current brochure; she is my biggest fan and I cannot stress the importance of having someone in ‘your corner’ like this – it makes all the difference.

I remember being told by someone last year in March when I announced that I was going to start my practice, ‘this really isn’t a good time to do that sort of thing, because of the economy’ – I heard what that person said, thanked them for that feedback and pushed on ahead. I found an office site (6900 Silverton Avenue) in Silverton, near the Kenwood Towne Center, had business cards made, took my brochures, and hit the town making calls on Doctor’s offices, businesses and any place I could put up a card on a wall. I joined the Greater Cincinnati Regional Chamber of Commerce and have since renewed my membership with them; a very good thing to do.

The first couple months were spent networking; getting my name ‘out there’ in the community (I still need to do this) and making contacts and connections. Talking to people about the work I do, how long I’ve been doing this work, and answering questions.

And as I did this, my anxiety was pretty high. My wife though, she reminded me ‘trust - The Universe will provide’ – a difficult message for me to hear. I had spent my life relying on myself and my own abilities and skills, but I had never done before what I am doing now. And I listened to her, and I did, and I still do, and The Universe provides. But that doesn’t mean I sit on my butt and wait for The Universe to drop people in my lap. My job is to keep my eyes open for opportunities that present themselves and then act on those opportunities. It means presenting topics to organizations, and talking to people.

So the year has been fun. I’ve met a lot of people and look forward to meeting even more folks. My wife likes to tell me that I help people who are ‘stuck’ somewhere in life. I agree with that. I help people get ‘unstuck’ and move forward on their life path.

If you feel stuck, if you’re in pain and you’re not feeling like what you are doing is working or relieving your pain, give me a call – 471-2250 or email me and we’ll talk about what we can do together. I have been doing this for over 30 years because I believe people get unstuck.

Namaste
Dennis Mendleson/The Cincinnati Therapy Guy

Does Love Hurt?

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 23:48:00 +0000

Sometimes and it shouldn't. There's been a lot of talk about domestic violence since the incident between Rhianna and Chris Brown. Quite a few people have been very vocal about what Rhianna should or shouldn't do about or with the relationship. And her alleged decision about returning to him has folks up in arms.

This brings up a good question: what do you do if you know someone in an abusive relationship?

I have several suggestions -

1. Listen to the person. When someone who is in an abusive relationship talks to a friend, that friend spends a great deal of time and energy giving out direction and advice. If someone comes to you and begins talking about being abused in their relationship, give that person a chance to talk. Don’t spend time telling the person what they ‘should’ do. They're probably used to being told what to do by the person who is abusing them. Be different. Remember, the person has chosen you to talk to. That speaks volumes about you and your relationship.

2. When the person is finished talking/telling you what they need to say, thank the person for talking to you. Remember, it took guts for the person to do this. People in abusive relationships are often afraid to say anything, fearing what they say will get back to the abuser.

3. When you have listened, and are given the opportunity to say something, you can tell the person something like:

A. 'Being abused is not your fault' - often the person says something in response like, 'yeah, I know', but they may not believe their own words or the person may be thinking 'well, if I didn't say (fill in the blank here) or if I didn't do (fill in the blank here) then I wouldn't be abused'. It is good to remind the person 'you are not responsible for being abused'.

AND

B. 'You deserve to be in a relationship and not be abused'. A statement like this can help reinforce the message that 'you have the right to always be safe'.

4. Ask the person 'how can I help you', or 'what can I do to help'? Rather than assuming you know what the person wants, ask.

5. Give the person the phone number to the local domestic violence program here in Hamilton County that's answered 24 hours a day - 513-381-5610 and the phone number to the National Domestic Violence Hotline phone number - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Counseling is helpful and needed. Being in an abusive relationship effects the person’s self esteem, and how the person sees/views men, relationships, and the world. The person needs to speak with a professional who can help.

And lastly, remember: don't judge the person. That person who's chosen to talk to you needs your support, and they have most likely already put themselves down enough for being in the place they're in.

So be supportive.

Challenges of Adoption

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:53:00 +0000

I recently spent some time with friends after work. We’d not seen each other for several months and it was really good to catch up with what they’re doing. As we were talking one of them brought up the subject of adoption.

I’ve been thinking about the people I’ve worked with regarding adoption. I admire people who foster or adopt children. I also admire the children being adopted. It takes a great deal of love and determination to adopt and be adopted.

I think about how people open their hearts and homes to children and the strength needed when accepting children into their homes. The love it takes to do this is amazing. And love is not only cuddling or holding these children. It involves talking to the child about the rules of the home and what is expected. Clear, simple rules work really well for children going through the adoption process with the family.

Love involves providing consistent structure and discipline to the child – these have usually been lacking in most of the child’s life. Of the families I’ve seen, one of the biggest struggles is for everyone to get used to the rules and consequences, and accepting that the family really does love and care for the child. The child very often rebels against structure. He or she has not had it for most, if not all of his or her life. And if the family has children in the home already, ether their own biological or other adopted children, the newest child coming into the home usually feels out of place and not part of the family. The family includes the child, and eventually the child begins feeling as though he or she is part of the family.

And for the child, it’s a matter of working through feeling rejected by the very people who brought him or her into this world. The hurt and pain associated with that rejection can be too much to bear, and the child can and does make excuses either verbally or in his or her head reasons why they he or she was abandoned and often expectations are that his or her parents are going to come back. This also makes accepting love very difficult for the child. He or she feels, on some level, that by accepting the family’s love they are giving up on their biological parents. Unruly behaviors can sometimes be associated with this conflict they feel. The younger the child is, the greater difficulty they have understanding and working through these thoughts and feelings.

In spite of these difficulties, I have seen the adoption process work really well. I’ve watched families work through these and other issues and develop strong loving relationships that last. It takes patience, understanding and lots of love.

Support Systems

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:53:00 +0000

Recently I read where a man killed his wife, their children and then himself. Both he and his wife had lost their jobs.

I don’t think we need any clearer sign our economic meltdown has reached a crisis state.

A difficult thing, losing your job. Much of our identities are tied up in work. We talk about what we do for a living when making small talk; one of the first things we ask when meeting someone is ‘what do you do for a living’?

My wife and I each have had our positions at work eliminated, and lost our jobs. When it happened we each said, ‘this isn’t fair’ and ‘I did everything right, everything they asked of me’, and ‘this shouldn’t happen to me’. I know that my wife and I each grieved our loss; I was really pissed off, and my wife cried. But what I know is that when it happened to me she was there to help me back to my feet, dust me off, and set me on my way again. And I believe she felt the same support from me when it happened to her.

It is that thing; having at least one person in life that is supportive to you, who is in your corner. It may be a family member, it may be a friend, but it is someone (or more than one person) who says ‘c’mon, let me help you back to your feet – you can do this’.

This person (or these people) love you. Period. They know you are not perfect. They see your warts, and they call you on your shit. They support you and they are your cheerleading section when you need one.

Do you have that person or those people in your life? Do you have someone you can allow to see you cry; to see you at your most vulnerable moment?

If you do, then let them know how important they are in your life. Take them to lunch or dinner. Buy them and ‘Thank You’ card and mail it to them, even if you live together. Give them a really nice ‘Valentine’s Day’ card.

If you don’t, you really do. I know that probably doesn’t make sense but my point is, you do have someone in your life, somewhere, right now who can be that person. You have to be ‘open’ to finding that person. And by ‘open’ I mean willing to begin talking with someone, talk about you, listen to the other person, develop a relationship, and then a friendship. It starts there, and then grows.

It doesn’t happen overnight. And not everyone is willing to be that kind of person in your life. But don’t give up. Don’t stop looking.

If you’re not sure how to do this, then find a counselor who can help you learn.

Never Met a Stranger

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Recently, I was sitting in Panera enjoying a bagel and a cup of coffee – (I’m fond of the sesame bagel, toasted with plain cream cheese). The place gets pretty crowded during lunch hour. I enjoy being around all the people – the energy from everyone is pretty cool.

So I’m sitting there, and two guys, one about 35 or so, and the other looked about 65; they knew each other, and were talking. I’d never seen either before. The younger guy looks over at me and says, ‘I think you’re the oldest guy here using a laptop’. I looked at him, grinning and said something like ‘yeah, not all of us old guys are afraid of technology’.

The three of us then began chatting. Talking about what they do for a living, about what they’d been doing that morning, how they knew each other, and how long they’ve known each other. It was a pleasant conversation. When they asked what I do, we began another conversation about the work I do and the types of problems people come to see me about.

Both guys were likable and we had a friendly conversation. Throughout our conversation I was thinking a couple things:1) how often I get into conversations with people I have never met, and 2) how have I known these souls and in what context in previous lifetimes?

Have you ever walked into a social situation where you didn't know anyone and eventually, you start a conversation with someone and you're immediately comfortable with that person? I think when we’re attracted to people, or when people are drawn to us, it is because we’ve known each other and had positive interactions together in previous lifetimes.

I think the reverse is also true - how we sometimes dislike a person on sight, before they've spoken a word or even made eye contact. Perhaps we have encountered this person in another lifetime and had negative interactions.

When I have a ‘chance encounter’ (although I really don’t think anything is chance) with someone I ask myself, ‘what’s my lesson here, what do I need to get from this’? Sometimes I think it’s just ‘relax dude, it’s all ok’.

So, what do you think? Do you believe you've lived before? Do you think the people you have surrounded yourself with were with you before? Have you ever connected with someone right away, like you'd known them all your life?

A Journal Entry for the End of the Year

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 15:21:00 +0000

The year coming to a close…what have I learned? Well, I have learned that being grateful puts me in a better space emotionally and spiritually, that being grateful attracts positive things in my life…and being grateful is a big change for me. I have been less than grateful in the past.
I have learned that meditation is a powerful tool and a powerful way for God to directly communicate to me; and a way to relax…focus…take ‘time out’. Meditation is a positive change in my life and has been a big change; it reflects my shift in focus into the spiritual realm, allowing God back into my life, and listening to what God has to say to me. I have been and continue to be grateful and privileged that I am able to talk with and listen to God in my life.

I have learned that God is not this mean entity out to ‘test’ me and punish me when I fail the test – God wants nothing but the best in my life and the more open I am to listening to God, and being aware of opportunities to grow and risk and just ‘be out there’, the more success I have.
I am a remarkable person, I have learned (and am still learning) – I am lovable the way I am. I am worthy of others’ love and I am a worthwhile person – people want to know how I feel as well as what I think. I am lovable…to me.

I trust more than I did at the 1st of this year; I trust more that God is Providing Abundantly to me and to my family. Trust is a big thing, connected to being lovable, being worthwhile, and knowing that God is going to Provide Abundantly. I only need to keep my eyes and ears open for awareness of the opportunity. God DOES Provide.

The Give and Take of Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:13:00 +0000

My wife and I were out during our first major snowfall on Tuesday – picking up various items and enjoying our time together. Our first stop: Bob Evans on Glenway. We really like this place. It’s become our ‘breakfast place to eat’ when we go out for breakfast.

Then it was off to pick up salt for the driveway, and a few groceries. I enjoy my wife’s company. She likes talking, and I enjoy listening to her talk. She doesn’t ‘yammer’ away, talking just to hear herself talk. She has great wit, she’s very intelligent, and is funny. It’s a great arrangement between us. Like cooking; I like to cook, and since she doesn’t, she cleans up. Works well.

There are some things I just can’t bring myself to ‘appreciate’ the way she does. My wife is a huge animal lover. I have two cats because of her. She found Gracie, the calico outside the apartment I was living in, and I let myself be talked into taking in the cat. That was about six or seven years ago. Then last year, there was an orange kitten huddling on my porch from the rain/snow/sleet storm meowing. It was then I took in ‘Puddy’ (named after Elaine’s boyfriend on Seinfeld). I enjoy the cats. They don’t require a lot of maintenance and appreciate my attention. And they can be very affectionate.

Anyway, my wife. I love her, but I can’t bring myself to care about or worry about animals the way she does. We have these two goldfish that go outdoors in the base of this small fountain. She bought a new aquarium because she felt they’d outgrown their old one. She worries about squirrels. Every dog she sees is like listening to someone coo over a baby.

None of this upsets me in any way. It’s part of what I love about her. I do have to smile and shake my head at times, though. Like when we were at Meijer – I was looking for one of those pine-scented candles (I love the smell of those things) and asked her to check for them in another part of the store. When we met back up, she informed me that she’d gotten distracted looking at the fish and that I needed to come over and look at the cute ‘molly’s’. I think she feels sad for me because I don’t see the simple beauty (or whatever) in fish.

But, that’s a reason I love her so much. She appreciates things like that and I think of sushi.

Donut, Dounut or Doughnut?

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 22:02:00 +0000

"You know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left." – Itzhak Perlman

Recently, my 24 year old son got a dog. A puppy. The thing must have been really young, it was very tiny. My wife told me later she thought it was like 6 or 7 weeks old. I’m not big on identifying what breed a dog is. It’s big or small, short or long haired, and house-broken or not. That’s about it for me.

And I really enjoy dogs. We have three of them. They all live downstairs with my wife. (Another blog for another day that talks about our living arrangement which works so very well for us.) We rescued 2, and the third is a Pomeranian. I have 2 cats, Gracie and Puddy, so I guess I am a ‘cat person’ although I don’t think of myself like that.

Anyway, back to ‘Dounut’ the dog that belongs to my son. (Ed. note: rainie notes that the spelling of the dog's name has not yet been confirmed with the son. The spelling here is Dennis's version). Yeah, he called to tell me about this and I worried some about the dog. Would my son take care of the dog? Knowing my son as I do, my worry was that the dog was a short term interest for him. Once the newness of the dog wore off, he’d stop paying attention to it, and the dog would be left to fend for itself (Ed. note: Dennis's worst fear was that his editor...errr...wife would intervene on behalf of the puppy).

I have been very pleasantly surprised. My son has had this dog now for 3 months. He takes Dounut everywhere he goes, and they’ve really bonded. It’s so cool to watch them. One evening recently my son calls me to say, ‘Dad, this dog gets me up every 2 hours at night to go to the bathroom’. I said, ‘well that’s good practice for when you have kids’.

My son has done really well with Dounut. They come over on Monday evenings to watch football, and my wife comes up to visit with them. She and my son have developed a cool relationship over Dounut. That’s been fun to watch.

My wife tells me I am now a ‘grandpa’ and she’s ‘grammy’ to Dounut. She’ll talk to Dounut and say, ‘go see grandpa’ – I am sighing and rolling my eyes as I write this.

Life is really good. I have the love of my family and Dounut.

Are You A Scrouge?

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 01:44:00 +0000

Ahh…the holidays. Probably the most fun and one of the most stressful times of the year for people. Most look forward to the beauty of the season, lights and decorations, gifts to give and get, and spending quality time with friends and family.

I don’t like being a wet blanket about this, but for a lot of people, the holiday season is not so good. People struggle with past and many times ongoing family problems. And it’s not like the movies. It’s not a comedy, and problems aren’t resolved for a happy ending in the space of the 2 hours. Sometimes family life growing up was not so good. And it’s not easy spending time with people who should have been loving and protective and kind, but were not.

And society pressures each of us to have close relationships with family, enjoy our time together, and love each other. This makes life even more difficult for those who don’t like their family so much.

I offer to everyone that each day is a new day. Each day offers you an opportunity to begin healing from your wounds, and letting your past be in the past and not rule your present.

What I like about this time of year is the theme of healing and love. Embrace that theme, and if you don’t know how, or where to start, find someone who can help you do this.

Community Energy

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 02:23:00 +0000

So it’s over – we stayed up to watch the election results, McCain’s and Obama’s speeches. My wife cried during Obama’s speech.

I am so glad it’s done. I was very tired of all the political ads and the negative energy that was expended. It’s funny – all that money spent on so much negativism. I really found it disturbing to me in a very deep way. I noticed that today, I had more energy, and I was in a better ‘space’.

While a lot’s changed, many people remain in the same dire straits, with the holidays coming on us. It’s going to be an interesting time this year. I spend time meditating and sending positive energy into the world, this country, and this community. I’d recommend we all do the same. I believe the more of us that put this energy out into the world, the more change we’ll see.

So I’m putting out there, once a month, to gather for a community meditative experience. Let’s get together and combine this positive energy and send it out into the world.

Let me know if you’re open to doing this with me. Email me at dennis@cincinnatitherapyguy.com

Namaste

Early Voting in Cincinnati

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 22:16:00 +0000

My wife and I went out to vote Saturday, during early voting at the Board of Elections here in Hamilton County. For those who don’t know where the Board of Elections is, it’s located on Broadway, between East 8th and East 9th Streets.

We arrived at 9am; I had my coffee in hand. The line to vote stretched from Broadway, down and around the block onto Eggleston Avenue. It was long. We got into line, and almost immediately my wife began short conversations with others also standing in line. It wasn’t long until there were probably a half-dozen of us talking and laughing. We decided to make a ‘coffee and donut run’ but Servatii’s wasn’t open. Settling on crepes and coffee we returned to find the line had moved, but we were far from voting.

It was entertaining. A small horse was paraded up and down the line with an ‘Obama’ sign on it. People were working the line, talking about why we should or should not vote for a particular issue. We saw several politicians. We were not focusing on who’s a democrat or republican – we were entertaining ourselves, passing the time waiting to vote. Occasionally members of our party, including my wife would briefly engage in how and why political views differed.
No one engaged in name calling. Everyone remained civil and friendly with each other. Which, I thought was very interesting because several members of our little group had very different political views.

I have always thought, and this weekend confirmed my belief, that people have a very difficult time being disrespectful, angry, and hateful towards others with different views when in their presence. I know there are some exceptions to this rule. But, I believe that when we stand next to each other, look each other in the eye, even if we don’t or won’t ever agree with another’s view, we see that we’re all just people. We have parents, children, and a sense of humor, likes and dislikes.

We shared a lot with each other. I am thankful my wife suggested we vote Saturday.

Election Day is Almost Here!

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:50:00 +0000

The election is almost here. And boy, am I glad. I am so tired of all the political commercials; and they’re numbers are increasing as the election approaches. I figure it’s probably because people don’t have a lot of money, so they wait until the end to run their commercials. Gotta figure they’re hoping that people vote for the person remembered from the most recent commercial aired. If that’s the case, it’s: 1) sad and 2) scary.

I was talking with a friend last night and we spoke about how we vow that we’re not going to get ‘hooked’ into all the election coverage hoopla, yet we find ourselves just in that very spot. Even my wife has been spending most of her time perusing the networks and cable stations looking at what’s being said today about the candidates. It’s disturbing to me. I keep telling her I’ll be glad when I get my wife back. Then I tease her about which candidate is going to get my vote. Of course I tell her ‘I’m kidding!’ otherwise I’d have to sleep with one eye open.

So, I’ll be glad when it’s done. The problems continue, and my concerns as well about the violence increasing in our country. A lot of people feel isolated, scared, and hopeless.
There is hope for people, let’s talk and find that hope.

October!

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:53:00 +0000

October – one of my favorite months in the year – the weather’s turning, but it’s not gotten outright cold yet, football is in full swing, we get an extra hour sleep when we turn our clocks back!

A favorite thing for me to do during this month is to rent/watch scary movies. I remember when my kids were growing up I’d go to the library and borrow old Frankenstein and Wolfman movies – they were very entertaining even in this day of special effects.

It’s just a lot of fun, even now that my kids are out of the home, we’ll talk on the phone and laugh about ‘scary movie month’. A good bonding time for us.

Anyway, my point is to have fun. I don’t want to ever lose the ability to have a good time. That’s my hope for you as well.

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:15:00 +0000

There have been an increasing number of violent occurrences in the past couple of months. People shooting themselves and others, leaving many to wonder ‘why did they go to that extreme’?

These extreme acts of violence say that some people come to believe there is no other viable alternative. They have tried all the things they know to make their problems better without much, if any success. They may have even tried some solutions they would have never considered before their final decision to use violence.

Most of the problems that come up in our lives can be improved, if not eliminated pretty quickly by doing something; making some change or changes in our lives. These financial problems we’re experiencing are not so immediately or drastically impacted by these changes we make.

So what to do when facing problems that are going to have long term effects in life.

I have a couple of suggestions:

1. Talk – don’t stop talking –even when you know your family and friends are ‘sick of hearing it’ keep on talking. As Shrek said, ‘it’s better out than in’ – wise words.
2. Stay in touch with others – continue meeting with friends
3. What’s really important? I am reminded of people who survive natural disasters say things like; ‘we may have lost everything, but we survived’.
4. Focus on today, the now – not tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. You can influence today. What you do today, can influence tomorrow.
5. Focus on today, the now – not yesterday, last week, last month or last year. What’s done is done.
6. Laugh. Find things that are funny and laugh.
7. Cry. It’s ok to do this. Be careful that it is not the only thing you do.
8. Get out for walks or exercise. This uses excess energy and you’ll feel better.
9. Love. Spend time with loved ones to support and be supported.
10. Be grateful for what we have. We often spend so much time on what we don’t have that we ignore those things we have. Even the little things. I’m grateful for the coffee I’m drinking right now.
11. Call the companies you owe money to and speak with them about your difficulties. Most often they’ll work with you. They want their money.
12. Get counseling. It’s always helpful to spend time talking with someone who can be more objective and can offer suggestions.

We’re all in this together. Each of us has a stake in how this turns out.

Intolerance

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 14:36:00 +0000

I have had a growing uneasy feeling over the past several months, but unable to put a finger it. I was finally able to figure it out reading the online edition of the Cincinnati Enquirer and the comments people make to articles, opinions, and letters to the editor.

Before I make my comment I want to clarify this isn’t about everyone. And I understand that not all who read the paper make comments, in fact, I’d bet most don’t. And my observation doesn’t include everyone who makes comments. But I’ve become very aware of how intolerant we are toward each other.

Merriam-Webster defines intolerance as ‘unwilling to grant equal freedom of expression especially in religious matters’ and ‘unwilling to grant or share social, political, or professional rights.’

We as a society; you and me see or hear people being intolerant of each other’s ideas and opinions every day of the week. And not just in the printed paper, but on television and the radio. It seems to me that underneath most of the intolerance is anger and frustration, in my opinion driven by fear.

We very quickly resort to name calling and veiled (although sometimes not so veiled) threats toward each other. The frequency, intensity and how quickly it becomes so intense amazes me. And I believe these are intelligent, thoughtful people. It’s interesting to me that we share very real concerns about the violence of our youth, and yet we so quickly verbally attack each other. Are we teaching our youth to be intolerant?

I recognize we’re not going to agree with each other, believe me. And I believe it’s important to talk about our disagreements with vigor and energy. But I think we’ve gone too far when making statements that either directly or indirectly demean another person in some way.

Practicing tolerance (Merriam-Webster: ‘to endure, to put up with’) doesn’t mean we have to agree or like what we hear, see or read.

My Big Adventure!

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:04:00 +0000

Like a lot of others, I lost power last Sunday – watching the Bengals play, my T.V. going off, coming on, going off, coming on, then finally going off – I went outside to see kids running up and down the sidewalk, laughing and screaming – then I heard ‘pop’! and saw a large tree branch fall into the yard across the street, leaves and dirt being thrown by the wind down the block.

Then one of the branches from my tree falls into my neighbor’s yard. ‘Great’, I thought, although I was looking forward to using my chainsaw again. I went in for a minute, returning to my porch to find a much larger branch from my tree had fallen halfway into my neighbor’s yard, bending my chain-link fence almost to the ground. And one of my slate shingles point-first in the ground – impressive.

By the time it was over, which seemed to me almost as quickly as it had arrived, several shingles had been blown from my roof. I took several tours around my home, checking for damage I could see or find, and satisfied, I decided to call my insurance company and report my damage.

I was figuring that I’d be lucky to get power back Sunday, so I began searching for the ever-elusive flashlights and a transistor radio my son had gotten me for my birthday, which I couldn’t find.

So last Monday was a wash regarding work – I spent my day calling roofers, fence people, and cutting up the smaller of the 2 tree branches. I did find that radio and began listening to what people were saying. It was interesting to say the least.

More to follow on my Big Adventure!!

On Finding an Office and Open House

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 14:47:00 +0000

So I’m getting ready for my open house – coming up Thursday, Sept 4th – I really like my office space. It’s relaxing, which is good since I do counseling and hypnosis there. I have this piece of furniture, it’s not a couch, but not a bed – it’s kind of like one of those pool deck recliners without arms – I can adjust the head from flat to different angles. It’s great for hypnosis.

I was driving around Cincinnati looking for space and almost rented at Longworth Hall, down near the Bengal’s stadium. Great office space and lots of free parking. But when I told the lady that there are times when doing work with couples they get angry and raise their voices toward each other, (yes this does happen in therapy) I was shown the door. Quiet place there.

So, I drove around with my notebook and pen, looking for potential space. I ran into a couple problems. The first was space itself. There’s lots of space out there, but not much small space. I don’t need much. I am in private practice by myself. I needed space large enough for when I facilitate small workshops, maybe 12 – 15 people but not much more than that. People have lots of space to rent. I mean lots of space. Like a couple thousand square feet – and while no one laughed and hung up on me, I quickly realized just how small a fish I am.

The second problem really surprised me. I’d drive by some place, see an advertisement, and write down the number. I’d call, leave a voicemail with my phone number and information that I wanted to see the space. Many times I never received a return phone call. That was odd. I figured people wanted to rent space.

I found my office on one of my trips. I was driving down Montgomery Road, into Silverton when I saw the advertisement for office space on this cool looking building. I called, they called me back, and voila`! I am now in an office about a mile west of the Kenwood Towne Center, on the corner of Montgomery Road and Silverton Avenue. I now can see people on the west and east side of the city.

So if you’re reading this, you’re invited to my open house on Sept. 4th, from 4:30 – 7:30pm at 6900 Silverton Avenue. There’s free parking behind the building, and those who come will be entered for a chance to win a free hypnosis session. And I’ll have drinks and hors d’oeurves. All are welcome. All are welcome.

Open House - You're Invited!

noreply@blogger.com (rainie) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 22:13:00 +0000

Cincinnati Therapy Guy – Keeping Cincinnati Sane

You’re Invited! Thursday, September 4th from 4:30 – 7:30pm

The Cincinnati Therapy Guy Opens His Newest Office

You’re in a dead-end job; your spouse isn’t speaking to you; at 28 you’ve just moved back home with your parents; and you still haven’t recovered from the loss of ‘Fluffy’. So now how do you get your life back on track? Call the guy who’s keeping Cincinnati sane: The Cincinnati Therapy Guy. He’s hosting an open house at his newest office in Silverton.

Dennis sees couples, families, and individuals for a variety of issues. He provides hypnotherapy to treat a number of concerns including past trauma, smoking cessation, weight loss, and anxiety. He offers a variety of workshops on wellness, parenting, meditation and spirituality, and he is available for speaking engagements. He has recently expanded his practice to include an office at 6900 Silverton Avenue. The open house will be held on Thursday, September 4th from 4:30 – 7:30pm. You are invited to stop in, have a look around the new office, and chat with Dennis. Attendees will be enrolled for a chance to win a free hypnotherapy session, a $75.00 value. We hope to see you there!

Dennis is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor with Supervisor Endorsement. He received his Master’s degree in counseling from Wright State University and has been working for 33 years in the mental health field. He belongs to several professional organizations including giveanhour.org – donating his time providing counseling services to veterans returning from Iraq and their families.

For more information, visit his website at http://www.cincinnatitherapyguy.com/, call 471-2250, or email Dennis at dennis@cincinnatitherapy.com and we will reply as soon as possible.

We all Need Someone to Lean On...

noreply@blogger.com (Cincinnati Therapy Guy) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 14:31:00 +0000

I was thinking the other day about the people I’ve worked with over the years – other ‘professionals’, co-workers, not clients.

I had heard when I was looking at working in counseling that some people got into counseling because of their own ‘unresolved’ issues. I remember thinking something like ‘well, I can see that, but there shouldn’t be too many of these kinds of people’.

Well, as it turns out the woods are full of them. I have attended countless workshops over the years, and worked with a number of people who have been working in the field for years, and those who’ve just graduated and starting out.

People in this field working out their own stuff usually come in one of two categories. The first being the openly weird. These folks have a number of issues. Usually every subject brought up is somehow directly connected to them. In a very personal way. They are easily moved to tears, very compassionate, and share how they either 1; overcame whatever problem you have 2; know a support group you can go to (and there are times they’ll offer to personally take you to the group) or 3; how they continue to struggle with the problem, winning some battles, losing some.

I must admit, they drive me crazy in workshops. They have a story for everything brought up. They love to do exercises in the workshop. Exercises are points in a workshop where the facilitator ‘encourages’ everyone to participate by doing something to help make his or her point impact everyone ‘on a personal level’. These people are usually very excited and look around at others sitting near to say ‘we’re in a group, right?’ I don’t mind people being enthusiastic, but they take it to a whole new level. Downright perky. And they want to hug. Every chance they get.

The second group is comprised of those who are weird, but are able to hide it somehow. I’ve worked in supervisory positions, responsible for hiring staff. I’ve interviewed my fair share of this group – in an interview they’re able to present with knowledge of how to work with clientele, clear, strong boundaries, good ‘people’ skills, and an understanding of, and agreement the company’s rules are fair and suitable. They cruise through follow up interviews and get the job.

These people begin showing their weirdness after working for a while. The time varies. I think of it as ‘they begin to crack’ and their real selves begin showing. Usually it starts with little things. Like coming into work late, which in and of itself is not a problem, but it becomes more than ‘once in a while’. When spoken to, they talk about reasons why they’re late. Never their fault. Ever. Then, they begin having ‘people problems’. They may get hostile toward co-workers, but usually not in a very open way. And when spoken to about this, they talk about how they’re ‘misunderstood’. They begin falling behind on paperwork. And then a client may make a complaint about how they felt they were treated by the staff person. And each time they’re spoken to, they have a reason, they justify their actions, or they were misunderstood. Then they do better for a while. Depending on how well put together they are, they may do well for a month or two, but sometimes they can’t keep it together that long and begin ‘cracking’ again after a week or two.

I’ve seen people like this just get up, walk out of the office and never return. If that doesn’t happen, I’ve had to fire people. In spite of all the evidence I have, in paper trails I’ve compiled, they are truly pissed off. They have been wronged, and ‘railroaded’ and unfairly treated. But thankfully, I’ve always had my ‘ducks in a row’ so to speak, making it difficult for them to logically argue their point. And I have had another supervisor with me when I’ve disciplined or fired people for two reasons; 1; a witness to report what happened and 2; a body I can throw in front of me if the person becomes violent.

Thank God I’m the sane one.