But I can’t actually recall a lot of things that really happened in 2005 or 2008 or 2012, for that matter. Nothing truly significant is indelibly written on my brain for those years. At least that I can recall. And I wouldn’t be able to pull up an old journal to verify anything that really happened.

Mainly because of the year 2013.

When January 1, 2013, rolled around, I had no idea that six months into the year our family would lose our home and all personal belongings in it to a fire. I didn’t know that on June 29th, I would spend the last day in our home in the pleasant condition it was in. I didn’t know that I would cook for the last day in that kitchen. Or wake up in my bedroom for the last time. 

You just never know what a day will bring. But, rest assured, you do know Who brings the day.

I suppose that has been what has carried our family through this past six months. It’s been trying at times. It’s been frustrating. It’s been exhausting. But it has not been devastating because of where our hope was. And is. And will be.

Our hope is in God. The King of Kings. The Creator of the universe. The All-Sufficient One. Our Abba.

Regardless of what situations years past have brought into your life, know this: He is still the same…yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He was with you in the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23) and He will be with you on that mountaintop that provides you miles of viewing pleasure. He will never leave you or forsake you (Joshua 1:9). 

As the hymn Great Is Thy Faithfulness says, he provides, “strength for today, bright hope for tomorrow…”

Rest in that, friend. Rest in that.

I was 19 years old when my dad died. 

I kept a few things of his that were sentimental. Like this old, gray sweatshirt that was so soft because he wore the heck out of it and for the last 24 years, I’ve worn the heck out of it. He also gave my mom a gold, diamond pendant in the shape of a heart that she passed on to me. Those things are lost now. Gone.

But probably my most favorite thing that he made was a ceramic Nativity Scene. It was beautiful. Stunning, really.

It was a cream color with a darker brown in the creases of each piece. There were camels and wise men and cows and sheep. There was a manger with the baby Jesus, his mom, Mary, and his earthly father, Joseph. 

And of course there were shepherds.

Friend, would you believe that all of the pieces were burned or broken except this shepherd? It’s got some burn marks on it but it’s lovely to me.

Isn’t that just like the Lord to show His kids that He is watching over them?

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 
He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (Psalm 23)

I feel like I have purchased so many items over the last two weeks and yet, when we move into another friend’s home next Sunday, we will easily be able to put everything we own into two cars and make the fastest moving trip known to man. Some of the shopping has been enjoyable, like when Natalie and Christi went shopping with me for clothes and dressed me up like a barbie doll and gave me a thumbs up or thumbs down as I modeled each outfit. And thank God they did. Because when you are fashionably challenged and have little to no design talent, shopping can be overwhelming and depressing.

Please don’t hear that as a complaint.

The fact that my sons are all alive and that I wasn’t planning a funeral two weeks ago has placed an unquenchable desire to offer praise and thanksgiving to God. However, this new reality that I need to replace so many material possessions just to function each day can make one’s head spin.

So, I take each day as it comes. 

When the temptation comes to think about what paint colors to choose in the home we will build or replacing Christmas decorations, I just stop and place that far away from my mind. Like five months away. That is not something I need to “commit to worrying about” as my friend Kim says. I just don’t have the mental capacity to do that. 

And quite frankly, neither do you.

How often do you find yourself going into the future in your mind and take on the concerns and cares of things that may never come? I know you do it. It’s so easy to go there. 

But allow me to encourage you to not go there. 

When you start to put together scenarios in your mind about what you think may happen, just stop. Count your blessings in the here and now. Praise God for where you are today and what He is doing in your life.

Because He is up to something good, something very good. 

Even if you can’t see it.

This is an event entirely for pastor’s wives. It starts the day before Beth Moore’s Living Proof Live and Beth will make a guest appearance at the event! So click on the picture above or go to this link: Between Us.

I’ll be there doing a session as well as participating on a panel. Would love to meet you!

If God showed us a timeline of all the occurrences that would happen in our lives, we would most assuredly start hyperventilating and bargaining with Him to remove such things. In no way, shape or form would we ever think we could survive such difficult circumstances. Death of a loved one, Infidelity by a spouse, the loss of every material possession we own. It’s more than our finite minds can even begin to fathom. And because of that, He doesn’t show us. What He does do is give us the grace we need to get through things as they come.

I have walked through a myriad of experiences in my nearly 43 years of life. Some of them I’ve acted like a child and thrown an all out temper tantrum complete with kicking, screaming and the occasional cuss word. Others, by the grace of God and burden-bearing friends, I’ve walked through them with joy in my heart and hope in my soul.

I’ve heard people say that they “escaped with only the shirt on their back”. Until June 30, 2013, I never even knew what that felt like. Couldn’t even fathom it. Quite frankly, didn’t want to. But as I was standing barefoot on my lawn at 1:00 a.m. in my Fila running shorts and hot pink camisole tank top watching the firefighters trying to put out the flames that were engulfing my home, I knew.

I’ve got a new file.

I now know the feeling of losing every material possession you own. And this new file will permit me access to a family when they walk through this situation in the future. Because when I hug the momma who just realizes she has lost the early pictures of her oldest child, I’ll remember and understand. And when I hold her close because it just hit her that the Christmas ornaments her children made for her are gone, I’ll remember and understand. And I’ll hold her hand when she wishes she had remembered to put those baby books “somewhere safe”. I’ll remember and be able to understand that feeling. That feeling of knowing you’ve lost everything but still not quite knowing what you’ve lost until it hits you.

Because I’ve got a file on that now.

The shell of our home stands on our street. While many look at it and are sad for us, I see life. I see five beating hearts. I see amazing neighbors and friends who stayed up all night with us asking what we needed. I see my friend take her own shoes off so that I would have some to wear. I see people who don’t even know us pouring out their financial resources to make sure we have toothbrushes and underwear and t-shirts and food to eat. I see the body of Christ come to our aid. I’m blessed, touched, moved…humbled.

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear. Though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to see Him in His temple. (Psalm 27:1-4)

I have nothing but I have everything. So I will rejoice.

I was visiting with my friend, Julie, at K-Kauai Family Camp at Kanakuk just a couple of weeks ago. We’ve been friends for many, many years. In fact, I was her mentor when she was single and worked as a Kids pastor at our church. My husband even married her and her husband. And yes, Chris and I sang in her wedding so I guess between the singing and performing of the ceremony, the Bealls stole the show. (Sorry Trevor and Julie) Now, she’s married with children.

During the week we talked about all sorts of things because we can identify on many levels: Pastor’s wives, moms, ministers. One day we were just chatting and she mentioned that she read through the entire Bible last summer.

THE ENTIRE BIBLE.

All 66 books.

Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?

It took her 90 days because she used the YouVersion reading plan Bible in 90 Days written by Ted Cooper. She talked about how wonderful it was and how it transformed her. I listened intently and had already elevated her a couple of feet on a pedestal in my mind. To read the Bible in 90 days makes her practically my hero. I usually only get through the Bible once a year and almost always drag my feet through Leviticus and Numbers.

C’mon, it’s Leviticus and Numbers, y’all.

But in the quiet of my heart, I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit. It went a little something like this:

“Cindy, you are awake 16 hours a day. It will take you an hour or less to read the Word. You have the time. Won’t you try it?”

So I did. And would you believe that I just finished Day 11 today?

I KNOW!

You know what else is awesome? I usually read in the mornings and then start going about my day. But what has been happening is that the Scriptures are staying with me. I am thinking about them throughout the day and that brings more conversation with God about the whys and the what fors and the who woulda imagined thoughts that come into my head.

Now, don’t go thinking that I am extra spiritual because of this. I assure you, I am not any better or more spiritual than you. I am just a woman who is hungry to know God more. And I have found the best way to do that is by getting into His Word.

It’s transforming.

Want to get the Word of God in you? Consider this plan.

Bible in 90 Days

I would love to invite you to a women’s event in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I will be speaking to women about hope! It’s for women of all ages and it’s FREE! We will have a time of worship led by Stacey South.

For more information about the event, please go to the Hope Renewed Facebook page by clicking HERE.

I would love to see you there!

One more date will be forever etched in my mind just like September 11, 2001, February 19, 2002, and April 19, 1995.

It was a Monday and conditions were ripe for severe weather. I felt it in the air. We all did. Yet nothing was on the radar and although the humidity must have been 1,000%, the skies were clear and the sun triumphed through the clouds. The day was nice.

I was trying to decide if I was going to take my 14-year old son to his guitar lesson. The reason for my dilemma was the time frame and the fact that the lesson is 45 minutes away. And while there wasn’t a storm now, there might have been one on my drive home. We live in the far northwest corner of Edmond, Oklahoma, and the lesson is in Midwest City. My husband asked if I was going. I told him I was thinking about it. His reply via text: “I wouldn’t risk it.”

So I heeded his caution, stayed home and watched the news coverage.

There was nothing on radar at 2:00 when we normally leave. Nothing at 2:30 which made me doubt my decision. Clouds were swirling about 30 miles south of me at 2:48. And then this at 2:58.

I literally watched this tornado from start to finish. I watched the clouds start lowering. Then I saw the slender funnel touch ground, pop back up and then finally take up residence on Oklahoma soil. And within a minute, it went from a skinny, thin funnel to the picture you see above. And within four minutes, it was this:

For the rest of the afternoon and evening, I kept my eyes peeled to our local news channels. I went between News 4, News 5 and News 9 and they were outstanding, professional and caring in their coverage. I personally think that the best meteorologists are in Oklahoma City and other areas that are within Tornado Alley.

While watching the coverage, I couldn’t keep the tears at bay. They flowed like the mighty Mississippi for the better part of May 20th.

And May 21st.

And May 22nd.

And even into May 23rd.

I wondered how long I would wear my emotions on my sleeve. Even today, I am still emotional and a bit on the teary side. And I didn’t have anyone or anything taken from me that day.

The tornado was 30 miles south of us. And in tornado terms, that is far away. Not only that, we who reside in Oklahoma know exactly how these tornadoes work. We know the directions they can shift. We know how long we have before we have to quit taking pictures and video and get underground or in our safe rooms. We know to put as many walls between us and the tornado as possible. We know to grab blankets and pillows and take cover. Because my family wasn’t in danger, we stayed glued to the TV.

The meteorologists were calling out street names and I knew that people lived on those streets and were scared as they took cover in shelters or in closets or in bathrooms. I felt that fear for them. So I prayed.

And then the pictures came. Of businesses, houses, and the schools. I could not hold it together if I had tried as I learned of the deaths of the children who didn’t survive. My heart has a huge, gaping hole in it right now as I try to even get a small grasp of what the parents were feeling that day as they learned the news. Or for the parents who searched for hours trying to find their child only to find them…gulp.

I must have hugged my sons on the hour every hour that night and for the days to come. Every time I would see them, I would reach out and pull them into my arms. My youngest didn’t mind but hugging a 14-year old who doesn’t like to be touched isn’t always easy. Nonetheless, he let me embrace his six-foot, thin frame. And as I did, I could not help but sob in gratitude that he was alive and also in guilt that he was alive.

Because another momma’s child wasn’t.

As one of my dear friends says, “Oh my heart.”

The restoration and relief journey will be a long one. But many of the displaced 2,400 families are finding new homes already. It will take an entire nation to help. Thankfully, the churches of the greater OKC area are rallying together and truly being the Body of Christ for those affected. It is a beautiful thing to see.

I will share more next week about the ways you can help the tornado victims.

Thanks for listening to my heart.

If you follow me on Instagram or Twitter, you already know that I just spent a week celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary in New York City. Sister, I spent years, YEARS, dreaming about taking this trip. Like since I was a teenager and first heard Liza Minnelli sing “New York, New York”. Oh, I could not wait to “wake up in the city that doesn’t sleep”.

I anticipated walking in Central Park, seeing my first Broadway show, eating a hot dog from a street food vendor, riding the subway, walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and seeing the Statue of Liberty with my very own eyes. The weather, for which I had been praying for since December, 2012…and I am not lying…was precisely perfect. And when I would hear a New Yorker share his or her delight in said weather, I smiled and quietly said, “You’re welcome.” For I was, AM convinced that God provided that weather because I was bold enough to ask.

But this post isn’t about my trip to NYC. It could be, but it’s not. It’s really about what I learned while visiting.

You know how when you go on vacation, you often don’t look forward to it’s end? Because that means you go back to household chores, the ministry position you hold and just regular life. And if you don’t enjoy your life, that would be a bad thing. But if you love your life, you don’t mind going home to the things that occupy your time the rest of the year.

While I loved my time in NYC and consider it to be a dream trip of a lifetime for me, I looked forward to returning home to my sons, my church, my friends and my life here in Oklahoma City. And I think that is because I know that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. There was nothing in NYC that made me say, “I wish that was my life.” Instead I found myself saying, “I love my life.” 

My question for you today is this: Do you love your life? 

I know you may be in a hard season right now. Maybe you are struggling to figure out your next move. Maybe you are in a waiting pattern. Maybe you are raising toddlers and you are ready for them to grow up and become more independent. I get those things. They are tedious and tiresome but they are also grooming you to continue along the path God has for you.

Paul said he “learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12). I don’t know to what Paul was referring as his “secret” but I know what it is for me. 

Gratitude is my secret.

When I choose to live a grateful life vs. an entitled life, I am filled with so much joy, peace and contentment that I rarely throw myself a pity party. When I choose to start the day thanking God instead of grumbling over what I don’t have, my outlook is bright. As bright as a sunny day in Central Park.

What I would love to encourage you with today is to learn the secret. For yourself. Figure out what it is that will help you walk in contentment. Every single day. 

We lead people every day…even if it’s our little people. Let’s make sure we are leading from a heart that walks in contentment. When we do, they will follow suit.

Spend some time praying and ask God to reveal to you the secret to contentment. If you already know it, please share with me!