Aloha, Stranger: Taylor Kitsch and Rihanna are somewhere down there beholding the might of an alien invasion force in BATTLESHIP.

The aliens have landed! Yes. Again. This time they’ve invaded off the coast of Hawaii, so it’s just like Pearl Harbor, if the attack on Pearl Harbor had included such devastating weaponry as Giant Exploding Pegs and Hot-Rodding Robot Fireballs. Can slacker sailor Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch), finding himself in command of the lone, surviving ship and assisted by crewmate Rihanna and visiting captain Tadanobu  Asano (just to prove we’re all over Pearl Harbor), find a way of defeating the enemy? Can Hopper’s fiancee Brooklyn Decker, with the help of (actual) double amputee Greg Gadson, destroy the island-based satellite substation before the invading force can signal their cohorts, even as her father, the Admiral (Liam Neeson), stands on the sidelines, shaking his fist and screaming, “Hopperrrrrr!!!” (not really, but close enough)? C’mon, it’s a movie based on a board game — are these really questions?

Come join Cinefantastique Online’s Steve Biodrowski, Lawrence French, and Dan Persons as they debate whether director Peter Berg might have been better served doing a film called CROCODILE DENTIST. Also: Dan gives his capsule review of LOVELY MOLLY, the new exercise in ominous horror by BLAIR WITCH’s Eduardo Sanchez. Plus: What’s coming to theaters.

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ARROW will air Wednesdays at 8:00 PM, followed by the returning SUPERNATURAL at 9:00.

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From their press release:

ARROW

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After a violent shipwreck, billionaire playboy Oliver Queen was missing and presumed dead for five years before being discovered alive on a remote island in the Pacific.  When he returns home to Starling City, his devoted mother Moira, much-beloved sister Thea, and best friend Tommy welcome him home, but they sense Oliver has been changed by his ordeal on the island. 
While Oliver hides the truth about the man he’s become, he desperately wants to make amends for the actions he took as the boy he was.  Most particularly, he seeks reconciliation with his former girlfriend, Laurel Lance. 
As Oliver reconnects with those closest to him, he secretly creates the persona of Arrow – a vigilante – to right the wrongs of his family, fight the ills of society, and restore Starling City to its former glory. 
By day, Oliver plays the role of a wealthy, carefree and careless philanderer he used to be – flanked by his devoted chauffeur/bodyguard, John Diggle – while carefully concealing the secret identity he turns to under cover of darkness.  However, Laurel’s father, Detective Quentin Lance, is determined to arrest the vigilante operating in his city.
Meanwhile, Oliver’s own mother, Moira, knows much more about the deadly shipwreck than she has let on – and is more ruthless than he could ever imagine.

The series stars Stephen Amell as Oliver Queen, Colin Donnell as Tommy, Katie Cassidy as Laurel Lance, David Ramsey as John Diggle, Willa Holland as Thea Queen, with Susanna Thompson as Moira Queen and Paul Blackthorne as Detective Quentin Lance.

Based on characters appearing in comic books and graphic novels
published by DC Comics, ARROW is from Bonanza Productions Inc. in
association with Berlanti Productions and Warner Bros. Television,
with executive producers Greg Berlanti (“Green Lantern,” “Brothers &
Sisters”), Marc Guggenheim (“FlashForward,” “Eli Stone”), Andrew
Kreisberg (“Warehouse 13,” “The Vampire Diaries”) and David Nutter
(“Smallville,” “Supernatural,” “Game of Thrones”).  Melissa Kellner
Berman (“Eli Stone,” “Dirty Sexy Money”) is co-executive producer. The
pilot was directed by David Nutter from a teleplay by Andrew Kreisberg
& Marc Guggenheim, story by Greg Berlanti & Marc Guggenheim.

Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman in the original

The network is also commisioning a new series based on the 80’s fan favorite BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, though with quite a number of changes, it would appear.

Here’s the skinny:

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

Detective Catherine Chandler is a smart, no-nonsense homicide
detective.  When she was a teenager, Catherine witnessed the murder of
her mother at the hands of two gunmen.  Catherine would have been killed too, but someone – or something – saved her.  No one has ever believed her, but she knows it wasn’t an animal that attacked the assassins…it was human. 
Years have passed, and Catherine is a strong, confident, capable police officer, working alongside her equally talented partner, Tess.  While investigating a murder, Catherine discovers a clue that leads her to a handsome doctor named Vincent Keller, who was reportedly killed by enemy fire while serving in Afghanistan in 2002.  Catherine learns that Vincent is actually still alive and that it was he who saved her many years before.  
For mysterious reasons that have forced him to live outside of traditional society, Vincent has been in hiding for the past 10 years to guard his secret – when he is enraged, he becomes a terrifying beast, unable to control his super-strength and heightened senses.  
Catherine agrees to protect his identity in return for any insight he may have into hermother’s murder.  Thus begins a complex relationship between Catherine and Vincent, who are powerfully drawn to each other yet understand that their connection is extremely dangerous for both of them.

The series stars Kristin Kreuk (“Smallville,” “Chuck”) as Catherine, Jay Ryan (“Terra Nova”) as Vincent, Max Brown (“The Tudors,” “MI-5”) as Evan, Nina Lisandrello (“Nurse Jackie”) as Tess, Nicole Gale Anderson (“Make It or Break It”) as Heather, Austin Basis (“Life Unexpected”) as J.T., and Brian White (“The Shield,” “The Cabinin the Woods”) as Joe.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST is from CBS Television Studios with
executive producers Jennifer Levin (“Without A Trace,” “Felicity”),
Sherri Cooper (“Brothers and Sisters”), Bill Haber (“Rizzoli & Isles,”
“Thurgood”), Paul J. Witt (“A Better Life”) & Tony Thomas (“A Better
Life”), Ron Koslow (“Moonlight”) and Gary Fleder (“Life Unexpected”).

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The Fangs are Almost as Big as the Lapels: An undead Johnny Depp braves the ravages of the 70's in DARK SHADOWS.

Two hundred years is a long time to revive a vampire, but then again, forty years is long time to revive the first horror soap opera (not counting an earlier, feature adaptation and a TV revival in the ’90s). In Tim Burton’s DARK SHADOWS, Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) is cursed into vampirehood by spurned lover Angelique (Eva Green) in the 18th century and is buried alive (undead?) to await his unearthing in the 1970’s. What he finds is the family fishing empire in ruins, the occupants of stately Collinswood manor — including Michelle Pfeiffer as matriarch, Helena Bonham Carter as a drunk doctor, Jackie Earle Haley as a drunker handyman, and Bella Heathcote as a nanny who bears a striking resemblance to Barnabas’ lost love Josette — devolved into feckless dissolution, and Carpenters music everywhere.

Cinefantastique Online’s Steve Biodrowski, Lawrence French, and Dan Persons have seen the film, and sit down to discuss whether Burton’s more comedic take on DARK SHADOWS’ melodramatics are worth the trip back to the Me Decade. Also in this show: What’s coming to theaters.

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Cinefantastique’s homevideo podcast looks at this week’s horror, fantasy and science fiction titles on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD, including a quartet of classic and cult items: GREMLINS, GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH, GANJA & HESS, and the 1959 version of JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH, starring James Mason.

The GREMLINS films, directed by Joe Dante and produced by Steven Spielberg, arrive on new Blu-ray discs that port over the old DVD features, with the added high-def qualities of the new format. GANJA & HESS (starring Duane Jones, of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD) at long last arrives in a director’s cut, courtesy of the Museum of Modern Art and Kino Video. And JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH is a limited edition Blu-ray, with video quality far exceeding previous home video versions, released by Twilight Time, the company behind last year’s limited edition Blu-ray release of Ray Harryhausen’s THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND. CFQ correspondents Dan Persons, Lawrence French, and Steve Biodrowski dig into the details, for the benefit of those eager to encounter by carnivorous critters, ’70s blaxploitation horror, and glossy Hollywood adaptations of Jules Verne.

[NOTE: Sound problems with the original posting of the podcast have been fixed.]

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