CJ's World - The Blog

I'm still here

2013-07-30T19:09:00.001-04:00

Bet you all thought I'd abandoned this blog. I honestly just never think about it to update it. Things are going well. I got laid off from my job shortly after my last post. I was unemployed from Nov. - June. Started a new position on July 1 as a marketing specialist. It is going really great so far. As far as my relationship goes, let's just say it is A-Maze-Ing. We got engaged on New Year's Eve and are set to be married in 54 days. What a whirlwind!

Almost Three Months Now!

2012-10-11T18:09:00.004-04:00

Things are still going great with my relationship. We will have started dating three months ago this coming Sunday. Pretty exciting stuff. We are very much in love.

- C

One Month

2012-08-15T14:57:00.004-04:00

I've been seeing the girl from Starbucks for a month now and the relationship is going really great. We rarely go more than a day without seeing one another. We really "get" each other and things have been fantastic. I can see this being a really great long-term thing.

Quick Update

2012-07-16T12:51:00.001-04:00

Well, it's been a while, so I figured it was time to throw an update on here. The girl that I was very comfortable with ended up wanting to just be friends, which looking back, was probably the right move. We are still friends though, which is nice - you can never have too many friends.

That being said, I returned to eHarmony because if nothing else it had been a good experience meeting her. I went through and talked to several people. There were a few that seemed like they might be a fit. I eventually got down to one that I was really enjoying talking to via email. After a few days, I suggested that we go ahead and plan to meet.

On Saturday we ended up meeting up at Starbucks to see how we clicked. There was clearly a click because what I assumed would be an hour or two and then possibly lead to dinner from there, ended up being a non-stop talk for five hours. We closed the place down.

We have a lot in common and we have a lot of similar goals in our lives and similar ways of thinking. I'm seeing her again tomorrow night, and I can't wait.

There is a bit of an age difference between us, but that didn't seem to matter, and I think that when you get to a certain age (I'm not sure what that age is), it doesn't really seem to matter much any more.

Besides that, thing are good. Work has been going well - I feel like I'm getting some traction and really making things happen. The apartment is great - really loving where I'm living.

So, that's about it for now.

Until next time,
- C

Finally, an update

2012-04-18T10:51:00.002-04:00

Not sure if anyone pays attention to this blog any more or not, but I figured I'd update it, just in case. Let's see, where to begin. Well, two blog posts back, I talked about being happy. I am happy now, but things certainly have changed since that posting.

The girl I was very fond of is really no longer a part of my life. We were just at different places in our lives, so it didn't work out. There is a new lady in my life, however. I decided to give eHarmony a shot after the last relationship ended, and I'm really glad I did. I met one woman, and that didn't feel like a good fit. I then went out with another lady, and we hit it off instantly. We've been out several times and we talk daily. I really feel at ease when I'm with her and I feel like she is feeling the same way. Hopefully things will continue to progress in that area.

Work is going well. I'm getting more and more responsiblities and I feel like I'm an important part of the team now. I also got a new office chair this week, so who can complain about that?

I went to Ohio for a visit the first week of April. It was nice to spend time with my dad, brother and a lot of extended family. It was also good to visit my mom's gravesite a couple of times. I'm still amazed at how beautiful the headstone turned out. It is perfect for her.

Finally, I'm about to move into my own apartment. I've been staying with my friends since I came back to Texas last May and it was time to move on. I'm moving to Euless the first week of May. It is a great one bedroom apartment, with an attached garage! I've finished getting furniture, washer/dryer, cable/internet and electricity, so now all I have to do is wait. I'm so excited - I really love it.

So, that's it for me right now. Everything is going in the right direction.

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T14:38:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. Been pretty busy. I hope everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas. I enjoyed both holidays with friends this year, as I was unable to return to Ohio for either. Tonight is New Year's Eve and I will be celebrating with a great group of friends.

The holidays have been hard in some ways. Of course, it was my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mom. It was also my first time to spend the holidays without any of my family. I'm so lucky to have the friends I do here.

My mom's birthday would have been Dec. 29. In some ways that day was harder than the others. That was her day - not a holiday celebrated by all. I had some pretty hard times that day.

Today is the one year anniversary of my grandfather's death, and tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my mom's death. It is in some ways so hard to believe it has been a year, but in other ways, it seems like an eternity. Not a day goes by where I don't want to just pick up the phone and talk to her or give her a big hug. One day!

Happy New Year to you all and all my best for a great 2012!

- C

I'm Happy

2011-11-13T22:20:00.001-05:00

As I sit here on Sunday night, getting ready to get into another work week, I realized I'm feeling something I haven't in a long time. I'm happy. Now obviously things aren't perfect. There are still troubles in my life. I miss my mom every day. There is something each and every day I wish I could tell her about the things going on in my life, some important, some completely trivial. I also miss my dad, brother and the rest of my family. But, for the first time since my mom passed, I really feel happy. I've got great friends, a good job and there is a lady of whom I'm very fond in my life. I know this post is pretty unimportant in the scheme of things, but it was just something I was feeling that I wanted to get written down.

Hello again!

2011-11-07T12:04:00.000-05:00

Good morning, fine readers. I hadn't posted in a while and just wanted to check in and say hello. I've been at my new job for about a month now and so far, so good. Like all jobs, there are good and bad parts, but thus far, the good far outweighs the bad.

It's about time to gear up for the holidays now. Just over two weeks until Thanksgiving and then Christmas will be right around the corner. It sure it going to be different this year. I knew I wouldn't be going back to Ohio for Thanksgiving, but I had thought Christmas might be doable. Unfortunately, airline tickets are already outrageous for that time period, so I'll be staying in Texas for both holiday seasons this year. It will be strange to not be around family for the holidays for the first time in my life, but let's be honest, it would be strange even if I were there, with my mom not around any longer.

I've got great friends here, so I know I won't be alone and I'm going to do everything I can to enjoy the time. Just because the holidays will be different, it doesn't mean they have to be bad. I'm sure I'll have some sad times where missing mom will hurt a lot, but I don't plan on letting it consume me.

As the holidays get closer and closer, just remember to try not to stress so much and just enjoy the season and remember to tell your family how much you love them.

- C

I got a job!

2011-09-14T12:47:00.000-04:00

The wait is over. I finally got a job. I think I'm starting on the 26th of Sept. I've been going through the process with this company for almost a month, so I'm glad it finally panned out! I'll be the public relations/marketing specialist for a small workforce management systems company. I'll be writing, editing, designing, tradeshowing, etc. Just what I wanted to do! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it. That's all for now!

- C

Sorry for the lack of updates

2011-08-23T18:31:00.000-04:00

I haven't been doing a good job of keeping up with this blog, but there really hasn't been that much to report. I'm still in Texas job hunting. I had an interview two Fridays ago and I found out last Wednesday that I did not get the position. I was still happy to have received a call and an interview though. Even unsuccessful interviews produce opportunities. I have a phone interview scheduled tomorrow morning and I have another in-person interview scheduled with another company on Friday. I'm hoping something comes out of at least one of them!

Beyond that, I've just been loving being back in Texas. Seeing friends, just hanging out. I missed this place!

Hopefully I'll have some good news to report here soon and my next post won't take so long to appear.

- C

An Update

2011-06-14T12:16:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been back in Texas since May 7. I'm living in Arlington and I've enjoyed getting acclimated to my surroundings and being back where I can enjoy times with friends. I've been job hunting, but so far, nothing. If anyone had any suggestions, leads, etc., I'd love to hear from you.

The time is coming

2011-04-23T08:12:00.000-04:00

I've figured out when I'm leaving Ohio for Texas now. I plan to start the drive on Friday, May 6, arriving in Texas on Saturday, May 7. I'm truly excited to be coming back to the place I consider home. I can't wait to see what my future holds.

- C

A Quick Update

2011-03-30T12:07:00.000-04:00

Haven't posted in a while, but it seems somewhat unnecessary now with mom gone. For the past five years this blog was mostly updates on her situation and how it affected me. Now I'm trying to transition it back to updates about my life, but it is difficult.

I'm planning to move back to Texas during the first part of May. I'm so excited to get back "home" to Texas. I've never felt I really fit in back here in Ohio and I've longed to get back to Texas. Don't get me wrong, I'd gladly have stayed here permanently if if meant mom was still around, but she's not, so it is time to move on.

My brother is finishing up moving back to the house tonight and tomorrow, so he'll be here with my dad when I leave. That makes me feel better about leaving for sure.

Well, that's about all I've got. Just wanted to post a quick update.

- C

Tap the brakes ...

2011-02-15T09:03:00.000-05:00

After some heavy soul searching, I have decided that I'm not ready to move back to Texas permanently ... yet. There are still several things I need to do here in Ohio before I can move on. The most important of those is helping to decide on a headstone for mom's grave.

Instead of leaving permanently, on Feb. 25th I'm going to go ahead and drive down to Texas and I'm staying three weeks. Then, I'm going to come back to Ohio. We're going to pick out a headstone and get my brother moved back from his apartment to the house, as well as some other things that need done. At that point I'll likely be ready to make the move permanently. I'm thinking late Spring will be when I head down to Texas for good.

My friend told me that the offer she made to me stands, so I am just putting it off temporarily, not declining it. I'm still really excited to get back to Texas and re-start my life, but I need to finish grieving here first.

Transitioning

2011-02-14T00:24:00.000-05:00

My life is changing again. I have always said I planned to return to Texas whenever my mom passed away. I would have staying in Ohio forever if it meant mom was still alive, but sadly that isn't the case. I just started trying to figure out how to get back to Texas a few days ago. I figured it would be at least a month or two, maybe more before I managed to get back down there. I had planned to send my resume to people and then try to package several interviews together in one or two weeks, so I could drive down and stay with friends while I interviewed.

I talked to a close friend from high school last night and she made me an offer I couldn't refuse. She and her husband have had some positive changes in their employment over the past few months and they needed a hand in helping get their son to and from places and someone to watch him at times. They offered to let me stay at their home rent free. I will be helping out with their son. As an added bonus, I am going to do some part-time marketing for his insurance agency so I can make some money as well. I'm really excited about the situation because it seems to be a win-win for everyone involved. It will allow me to be in the DFW area for interviews which will be a lot easier than trying to go back and forth. I don't even know if that would have ever worked.

So, I am packing up my car with whatever it will hold and I'm heading to the metroplex on Feb. 26. I can't wait to be home again.

Things are so different now

2011-01-11T11:39:00.000-05:00

A few days have passed now since the funeral. Family and friends still call to check in, but not as often. My dad and brother have returned to work. I'm left here to sort through things during the days - and it is hard. Little things can bring on a reaction.

I was going through the items in her purse and found a Kohl's receipt from Dec. 19 - she was shopping just two weeks before her death! At first, it was upsetting that she could do that and now she's gone, but then I thought back to that day. I was the one that took her to Kohl's. I dropped her at the door because she didn't want me to go in with her (in case she found a Christmas present for me).

I waited in the car and pulled up when she was ready to go in about 10 minutes. She got in the car and she started crying. It was all she could do to shop for 10 minutes and it really got to her. When she was healthy, she always wanted to go, go, go. Now, she couldn't even really go to Kohl's for 10 minutes. It was really traumatic at the time, but now I see it as a sign from her that she was ready to go and she didn't want to live a life like that.

A few days later, while we were sitting in the living room, she asked me if it was terrible that she sometimes just wished she could fall asleep and not wake up. I assured her that it wasn't terrible and that it seemed perfectly normal to me.

So, with thoughts like that, I just have a little cry for a minute, think of how much she went through to stay with us as long as she did, and get back to work. That's what she would have wanted!

- C

It Is Done

2011-01-07T09:46:00.000-05:00

I've made it through three of the most difficult days I will likely face in my life. We had the viewing for my mom on Wednesday. It was really hard to see her lifeless body again. Depending on where you were standing, she looked like herself, or she didn't. I know she is no longer in that shell, so that is what I had to rely on. I would be comfortable in saying there were probably between five and seven hundred people during the two hour (really was more like three and a half hour) viewing. She touched so many people. We were surrounded by friends, family and prayers. I haven't shook so many hands or hugged so many people in my life.

The funeral took place yesterday, Thursday, Jan. 6, 2011. It really was a beautiful service. The flowers were amazing and the casket we picked out was lovely. I didn't count, but there were at least a hundred people there, probably more. One of her nieces and one of her nephews were able to speak. I would have liked to, but I honestly didn't know what to say, and I don't think I would have been able to get more than a word or two out before I broke down. Her music was a mix of hymns and more current songs. She requested "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood, "Amazing Grace" - I chose the Susan Boyle version, and "It's True" by Ivan somebody. Dusty and I came up with the fourth song - "Song for Mama" by Boyz II Men. Boyz II Men probably aren't played at too many funerals, but the song really spoke to us. She really was the queen of our world.

My best friend from elementary school surprised me and showed up at the service. At the time I was really just shaking hands and hugging people, somewhat in a daze, and not even really knowing who I was talking to. When I saw him, I was able to smile and I really appreciated him coming. I hadn't seen him since the mid-90s.

After the service at the funeral home, we made the five minute drive to the cemetery, where we had another short service (after all, it was cold out there!). It too was very nice and attended by many. She was laid to rest next to her still-born son and two plots away from her mother that died a little less than a year and a half ago.

From there, we went to my grandpa's church, where the congregation had prepared a feast fit for a king. Most of the people that attended the graveside service also followed to the church, so we were able to talk and reminisce about the great life she led and enjoy a time of fellowship and comfort.

So, while these days were so hard, they were also a great comfort. My mom will be so missed, but I know she is always with us. The coming days, weeks and months will surely bring times of sadness, but with friends and family, it will be lessened. In closing, I offer the words my mom wrote in her journal and the words that were used throughout her service. Love is Forever. God is Love.

- C

Arrangements

2011-01-03T23:27:00.000-05:00

Today we went to the funeral home and made the arrangements for mom's services. She is being memorialized and buried in the town where she and my dad grew up and where most of our extended family lives. You can find her obituary here (http://www.willisfuneralhome.com/ - click on Vicki Johnson on the right of the page). Thanks again for reading and for all of your support over the past six years. I know mom is in a better place with no more suffering and no more pain.

Calling hours - 6 - 8 p.m. (eastern) on Wednesday, Jan. 5
Funeral - 11 a.m. (eastern) on Thursday, Jan. 6

The End

2011-01-01T20:26:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that my mother passed away at about 8:05 p.m. eastern time tonight. She fought this awful disease of cancer for six years. She is my hero now and always. RIP Vicki Johnson - 1954 - 2011.

The battle is coming to a close

2011-01-01T10:41:00.000-05:00

Oh, how I hate to write this post. My mom has battled for nearly six years now. She's had good times and bad times. She's been steadily declining for the past few weeks. Yesterday she really turned for the worse. She had absolutely no energy, was vomiting on occasion and just generally felt terrible. Then she became more and more confused and agitated. We had to make the difficult decision to call in hospice last night. Right now me, my brother and dad, as well as her father, sister, two brothers and two nieces are here. We don't know how long this might go on, but we are clearly nearing the end of her battle. So, if you can, please say a little prayer or give us some good thoughts as we deal with this.

A Quick Update

2010-11-16T17:50:00.000-05:00

The new, larger stents seem to be helping. Mom's color is getting better. She went in to get her blood tested last Friday and goes again this Friday. If things have progressed well enough, she will probably be going in to get permanent metal stents inserted. They work better and last longer. She's still off and on when it comes to feeling good and she has no energy. If the stents do what we hope they will, she will probably start chemo soon (but she can't do that until the stents are draining the bile-rubin from her body, or else the chemo will be toxic to her). She tries to stay upbeat, but I can tell it is hard for her. I'll update again when I know more.

- C

The Roller Coaster Ride Continues

2010-11-04T10:28:00.000-04:00

Mom's situation took a downward turn over the past several days. Her color was getting yellow again and she was feeling worse. She had an appointment scheduled for Monday with her oncologist, so she saw him and he told her that her level had increased quite a bit, so the duct is blocked again. He told her that she would need to get an external drain put in. She was scheduled for a CT scan on Tuesday. We did that and then heard from her oncologist's office this morning that the vascular radiologist said that they couldn't do an external drain because of where the blockage is. So, now we are down to her going in and getting larger stents put in. It looks like this is our final option, so we are hoping and praying that this works. Thanks for listening. It helps to be able to write things down.

-C

Update

2010-10-23T12:19:00.000-04:00

Mom is getting better. The level they are monitoring is going down slowly, but surely. She is still very fatigued, and has bouts of feeling back, but she has good times too. Once the level gets down to where it should be, we're hoping her energy comes back and the sickness goes away. Just wanted to drop a quick update for the readers!

- C

What a difference a week makes

2010-09-20T15:56:00.000-04:00

So, here is a thought - doctors aren't always right. The hospital doctors had us all thinking my mom's time was short and we were nearing the end. We always kept some hope in reserve for her appointment with her real oncologist today. Well, come to find out, that was a good plan. He said that her liver is still functioning and the number they've been watching has continued to drop since they put the stent in (that is a good thing). He also said that the amazing thing is that the cancer hasn't changed since the last time they did a scan, which was in January, after she finished radiation. He said that blockage to her duct was likely caused by inflammation or scar tissue created by the radiation itself.

So, she is supposed to continue getting her blood work done each week to see if that number continues to decrease. If it levels off before it gets low enough, they may still have to consider putting in a drain to help it rid itself of the extra fluid.

Thank God for miracles! This is pretty amazing stuff. Last week at this time, we all thought she was going to die soon. This week, we have her oncologist saying to turn the "live" light back on because she's nowhere close to the end.

That's all for now!

- C

Things aren’t going well

2010-09-14T21:18:00.001-04:00

Well, I knew one day I’d have to post bad news on here – I had just hoped it would be a lot further in the future.

Mom had to go into the hospital last week because she had been feeling fatigued for a couple of weeks and there was a noticeable yellow hue coming into her skin and eyes. She went to see her primary care doc, who ran blood tests, which showed her liver function was high. She contacted her oncologists office and they admitted her to Ohio State University Medical Center. She was there Wednesday through Saturday. On Friday they put stents in her liver to see if unblocking a bile duct would help to relieve her jaundice. It didn’t help immediately, but they sent her home and told her to get blood work done this week and then see her oncologist as scheduled on Monday, Sept. 20.

She hasn’t seemed to get any better since she’s been home and her fatigue seems to be increasing. We’re still hoping for the best, but the jaundice is not a good sign. She also has said that even if the oncologist says there are things to do, she isn’t sure she can go through chemotherapy or radiation again.

So, if you are so inclined, please pray for my mom and my family. If that’s not your thing – some good thoughts will work too. I will update this once I know more next week.

- C