There is a Chinese saying: “Whenever there is a crisis, there is always an opportunity.”

When a big change ignites fury in some, relief in others, and divisiveness all-around, we can easily lose ourselves in the chaos.

Let’s focus our attention on who we are and what we want. If we hold our context—beliefs, values, and purpose—we can remain calm and make the best of our circumstances.

Remain Calm?

We could hash out a long list of reasons not to be calm. Do we even want to be calm? Sometimes our emotions can get so overwhelming that being calm doesn’t seem appropriate. But how we think, how we feel, and the actions we take are crucial to our success, meaning, and happiness.

Here are some questions to consider:

• Do we think more clearly when we are calm or overwhelmed?
• Do we like feeling calm or stressed?
• Do we take better actions when we are calm or highly emotional?

Staying True

Big changes (and crises) can squeeze the life right out of us if we let them. Staying true to ourselves can be like a superpower. Imagine the choices we make every day affect our well-being—and by extension—our ability to affect the world:

• Mind: Quieting the mind with meditation vs Stirring the mind with unproductive chatter
• Body: Consuming quality nutrition vs Binge eating junk food
• Spirit: Cultivating gratitude vs Absorbing negativity, anger, and fear
• Relationships: Developing high-quality relationships vs Staying in toxic relationships

These are just a few examples. How we take care of our mind, body, and spirit will determine your ability to take on these new circumstances.

Dig Deep

It’s really easy to forget who we are and what we want. For example, we might be trolling on social media to feel like we’re making a difference or affecting perspectives. But chances are, it is a knee jerk reaction.

Taking inventory of what we actually spend time thinking about, talking about, and taking actions will tell us what we are actually committed to.

If there are huge discrepancies between what we say and what we do, we can make meaningful adjustments.

Until we are radically honest with ourselves, we can’t make concrete adjustments.

So dig deep.

Take Action

Once we’ve taken care of our own shit, real meaningful action begins. Until then our thoughts have little impact.

We all have a sphere of influence—those we impact. By becoming our best selves, we inspire those in our sphere of influence to do the same.

This is the only way our society grows and changes for the better.

How do you deal with these major changes?  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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It’s all good. Another day, another dollar, right?

Your job is starting to feel a bit like a recurring hangover. Possibly because you did indeed drink a bit too much last night, but also because you are inevitably sobering up from the initial high that this company gave you.

In the beginning it was all good. Hey, their break room is basically a full-on entertainment area. It looks like people have fun in there. They’ve got lots of coffee. Coffee is good. Admittedly, the job DID represent some of the stuff you’re kind of good at and into.

But, what about that vague and generic mission statement? Maybe this is just what corporate America is like; maybe you shouldn’t ask questions.

Deep in your psyche, you can just sense something isn’t right. You don’t really feel like you belong there, but the thing is… they pay you. Gotta be responsible, right? But, the paychecks aren’t really putting a big smile on your face anymore. They’re more like something that just happens. Now, you just can’t wait for the weekend so you can be yourself again. TGIF.

Better make the weekend epic.

You ever space out staring at your monitor? Why do you have 10 tabs open right now? What are they about? You don’t really care. Don’t worry, nobody really cares. Oh nice, you just got a new email. How exciting! Oh, it’s more uninspiring work. Okay, alright focus because all this stuff is important for the company in some way, it’s gotta be.

What about you though? Does it feel important to you? Eh, whatever. Gotta do what you gotta do.

Shit, the boss is walking over, close that Facebook tab. Put away that phone with the chat conversations you’ve been having throughout the day. “Hey boss, yeah just working on a, b, and c to make sure x, y, and z are nicely done. You proud?”

The thing is, your boss just came by to tell you how to do your job in a condescending way, again. Do it his/her way, and you’ll get a sticker or some other lame reward. If it doesn’t get done right (his/her way)…your boss will get annoyed, and your boss will let you know it. It almost feels like you’re a kid who can’t be trusted to make your own decisions when you know damn well that you have valuable input that could improve the company.

After your lame boss walks away, you sneak a peek at the clock hoping it’s time to go home. You think an hour’s gone by, but just to double che.. Great… 13 minutes and 34 seconds. Maybe go grab a coffee. That’ll make the time pass a little faster, which also means you’ll have to use the restroom soon enough. Sweet! Heck, you might even pick up smoking just get a break from the gossip and political maneuvers festering around the office.

Have you ever thought to yourself? “I can’t be myself at work. I have to be super careful about everything I say because apparently communication among co-workers is supposed to be as flat as possible. Fine, I’ll just fake my smile and get along.”

How about those meetings though? Hey, let’s have a meeting to discuss what we’ll be doing until the next meeting so we can have another meeting about the last meeting and then maybe… just maybe make a decision about something.

You might tell your friends and yourself “God, I hate this.” Yet, you keep going back. You keep putting up with it. You’re worried about making that cash and paying that rent, but let’s face it. The definition of insanity = Doing something over and over expecting a different result.

You know you want more out of life, and you know you have more to offer. You’re not appreciated for all that you are. Nobody really gets you or what you bring to the table. All the while all the higher ups tells you to settle down, to get with the program or be more “realistic.” You tell them. “I’ve got ideas that can transform the way we do things.” They don’t get it. Whatevs.

Can you imagine yourself doing what you’re doing now for the next two years?

What about five years?

What about ten years?

It’s time to rethink how you spend the majority of your waking hours if you answer yes to any of these questions…

• Do you find it harder and harder to get out of bed every morning?
• Do you find yourself drifting or dozing off constantly?
• Do you find yourself counting down the hours at work?
• Do you find yourself on Facebook or other social sites constantly?
• Do you find your colleagues and manager less and less tolerable?
• Do you ever wonder to yourself “what am I doing here?”?
• Do you find yourself jumping at the chance of getting out of your work station? (bathroom, smoke, errands, snacks)
• Do you find yourself complaining about situations happening at work more frequently than not?

This is NOT the kind of company that will take you where you want to go. It’s just not the right platform to make you feel like a passionate, fulfilled, and truly productive and valuable member of society. There must be more.

Life is short, and you can’t afford to settle for a “successful resume.” You need to get yourself in an environment that makes you come alive. It’s time to wake up, time to go after your ideal work environment, and it’s time to take charge of your life. You know you deserve it.

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Recently I called up a family friend who I haven’t spoken to for 10 years. One of the first things out of his mouth was a complaint about his son—and then, one by one, he proceeded to recap the same complaints I remember him talking about 10 years ago. In all that time, none of them had been resolved.

The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.

How can you keep complaining about the same things, dealing with them the same way you always have, but expect your context and results to change?

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,

Your thoughts become your words,

Your words become your actions,

Your actions become your habits,

Your habits become your values,

Your values become your destiny.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, changing your limiting beliefs can change your life. And what you say (especially your complaints) and what you think (especially your internal monologue) are good indicators of what your limiting beliefs are. Here’s a list of 33 indicators of your hidden limiting beliefs:

Universal – Life IS this way and this way only
1. Life [or some subarea] is a struggle / life is hard.
2. I am working so hard but I can’t catch a break…
3. It’s too late.
4. [Some other dogma]

People – People ARE this way and this way only
5. I just can’t trust people.
6. I don’t want to get close again because s/he will just hurt me.

Self or Personal – I can’t do this because…
7. I wish I could, but…
8. I am too [insert description] so I can’t.
9. I am not [insert description] so I can’t.
10. I don’t deserve it / you deserve better.
11. It’s for you but it’s not for me.
12. I can’t because…
13. I can’t ask for what I want because…
14. Other people can, BUT it’ll never be for me.

Holding Someone Else Responsible – I am this way because of YOU
15. I am this way BECAUSE of [someone else].
16. It’s your fault that I am…
17. I can’t do it without asking [someone else’s permission]…

You Are Not Yourself
18. You fear others will find out you don’t belong in their circle.
19. You withhold information.
20. You feel that you can’t be your real self around specific people.

You Are Jealous of Others’ Success
21. You have to be [insert negative adjective] to be successful.
22. You find yourself feeling jealous of others’ success.

You Really Want Something but Don’t Take Action
23. You really want something but you don’t take action towards it.
24. You feel that there is blockage between where you are and where you want to be.

When You Think of This, the First Word that Comes to Mind Is Negative
25. When you think of important life topics like parents, work, or relationships, the first word you think of is negative.

If…Then
26. I have to…in order to…
27. If…then…
28. I need a [some stuff like proper headshot, resume, website] before I can…
29. I can’t do X because of Y.

Yeah, But…
30. I would, but [some excuse], so I can’t.

You Have a General Feeling of Resignation / Deadness
31. What can you do? [Open hands gesture indicating giving up]

You Can’t Turn Off Your Brain at Night
32. You keep thinking about something (often the same thing) before you go to sleep.
33. You are unsure/afraid to do something, and the anxiety keeps you awake.

Step 1 is to NOTICE whenever you say (or even think) one of these complaints or thoughts. Even just noticing is a huge improvement over complaining or ruminating unconsciously like most people do.

Step 2 is to test your assumptions. Whatever you just complained or worried about—is it really true? Always? Are there any exceptions to what you just said or thought?

If Step 1 and Step 2 have led you to find a limiting belief, Step 3 is to do something about it. (Or, more accurately, Step 3 is to either do something about it or not…to take action—or inaction—out of choice rather than letting your mental machinery run automatically.)

We are what we focus on.

If you focus on what you like/love/appreciate about yourself and your life, more of that will show up.

If you focus on what you dislike/despise about yourself and your life, more of that will show up as well.

As for the family friend I mentioned, I gave him the space he wanted. I listened to his complaints, even though I am allergic to negativity. And I wished him well.

He is a generous person who has made a difference in my life, and I hope he’ll see that he deserves more and will do what it takes to change his perspective. All the things that he complains about could start changing for him if only he would just start noticing what he complains and worries about!

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I’ve long admired people who have boundless energy.

Let’s face it—in life, the highest energy wins.

It’s infectious.

It’s attractive.

It’s energizing.

Who doesn’t like the life of a party?

Yet, most people just apply caffeine to cope with their low energy level.

As an engineer who treats my life as a grand experiment, here are 33 rituals and tools I’ve tested and used every day to help me optimize my energy level.

Physically

Emotionally

Creatively

Spiritually

These are strategies that help me be my optimal self in all aspects of my life.

Here you go:

1. Meditation with Calm.com

First thing when I get up in the morning, I use the calm.com app to meditate. As a beginner, I just count my breaths as naturally as I can—“1…2…3…”—and whenever I notice that my mind drifts off to la-la land, I start over. This practice helps me to be more present and focused.

2. Butter Coffee

I learned this technique from Dave Asprey. It sounded gross before I tried it but it tastes no different than heavy cream. And it gives me sustainable energy without the caffeine crash.

3. Vitamins

I take Vitamin D and fish oil gels. The difference in my energy with them or without them is like night and day.

4. Foam Roller

Rolling on these foam rollers helps me be more aware of the hidden tension in my body. “Rolling out” is a good way to prep my body before I start to lift heavy weights.

5. Exercise

Richard Branson once said the #1 ritual he does every day to fuel his entrepreneurial career is exercise. I couldn’t agree more. Without it, I feel lethargic and negative; with it, I am ready for anything.

Over time, I have tested a variety of movements at different intensities. What works best for me are the big three complex movements (squats, deadlifts, and bench press) at 5×3 (5 reps and 3 sets).

If I’m short on time, I’ll do either stationary bicycle (1 minute as hard as I can, 1 minute rest, counting the difference in heartbeats between sets) and do 5 sets or Versa Climber machine (5 minutes)

6. Shave and Shower Routine @ the Gym

One thing that works for me to help trick myself into exercising consistently is to use the gym to shower and shave before the day starts. It sounds funny, but having the razors and shaving cream there ready for me motivates me to go to the gym Monday to Friday.

7. Cold Showers

There are many benefits of cold showers. I’ve been taking daily cold showers for nearly 2 years. Though I can’t verify the biochemical stimulation, I can tell you that it gives me more energy and makes me feel more manly.

8. Declarations 

On my way back from the gym, I say my declarations (aka incantations) every day in my car. Example here.

9. Vocal Exercises

After my declarations, I practice Roger Love’s vocal exercises in the car. I don’t do it because I aspire to be a professional singer (though I like singing), but rather because my brain interprets singing and speaking as the same. By doing these exercises, I warm up and strengthen my vocal cords for the day.

10. Reciting Energizing Speeches

One of the weird tricks I use to energize myself is to borrow the energy from a world class orator. Whether it’s Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech or Barack Obama’s inauguration speech, I find myself to be more energized and persuasive after a brief session channeling great speakers in my car. =)

11. Green Shakes

When I was younger I dreamed that one day we’d be able to take a pill and be full for the day. For the most part I care only about sustenance rather than taste. Therefore, when I came across the concept of blending your greens/carbs/proteins into one power shake, I was immediately smitten and haven’t looked back since. Here is one recipe for a power energy shake: frozen kale, frozen blueberries, yerba mate tea, maca powder, chocolate protein powder, cacao nibs, and oatmeal. Blend everything with a high-powered blender and put it in mason jars. Try it before you knock it.

12. Saying Hello to Strangers

The simple gesture of saying “good morning” and “hello” makes me feel good, even if people don’t respond in kind. Try it.

13. Sunny Surroundings

I am fortunate to live in Southern California, one of the few places with Mediterranean weather all year long.  Being in the sun lifts mood and triggers the production of Vitamin D.

14. Limit Sugar Intake

I love sugar, but sugar (natural or otherwise) has a predictable effect on my energy level. I may be bouncing off the wall for 10 minutes—but then insulin kicks in and I crash and get sleepy. So unless I am ready to endure the consequences, I do my best to limit my sugar intake.

15. 10-Minute Power Naps

After a meal, when my insulin kicks in, I often get sleepy. Rather than fighting the urge for 20 minutes, I just turn on Calm.com and close my eyes for 10 minutes. The short rest has quite a refreshing effect.

16. Nurture Positive Relationships

Life goes by quickly if you don’t pay attention. Often we assume the important relationships we have can withstand the test of time so we only nurture them during special occasions. Each day is a gift, so rather than waiting for special events, why not set aside 15 minutes a day to nurture those relationships?

17. Fixed Meals

People spend a lot of energy every day thinking about what they want to eat. Monday through Friday I eat for sustenance, so I prep my meals and put them in box containers. Whenever I get hungry, I just pull out a lunch box. No energy required.

18. Drink Water with Lemon

People who are into water would tell you that acidic water is not good for you and that alkaline water is better. I don’t really care about that. But water with lemon tastes better and compels me to drink more water every day. This is one of those energy hacks I never knew I’d like until I tested it.

19. 5-Minute Favors

I learned this technique from my friend Adam Rifkin, the most connected hacker in Silicon Valley. Much like the “Getting Things Done” philosophy, if someone asks you to do a favor that would take less than 5 minutes to do, just go ahead and do it so you don’t need to burden your mind with remembering these tiny tasks. Whether it’s an introduction, a recommendation, or a quick conversation, I am happy to do these 5-minute favors for my friends. The cumulative satisfaction and goodwill gained is immeasurable.

20. The Pomodoro Technique

Research shows that our attention budget is limited. Yet we work super-long hours while expecting sustainable output throughout the day. The Pomodoro technique is a simple technique that has me work in 50-minute chunks (with a 10-minute break). This way I can compartmentalize my attention for tasks and breaks.

21. White Noise in the Background

I find noise to be extremely distracting. Because I’m not always able to control the noise level of my surroundings (people talking or the coffee machine or crying babies), the next best thing I can do is use white noise to drown out the distracting noise. My favorite place is noisli.com because I can formulate the noise(s) just the way I like it.

22. Block Website Addiction

I love Facebook and I love checking my analytics dashboard and I love viral videos. So unless I interrupt my behavior myself, I’d go on this infinite loop while thinking that I am being productive. Here’s the most effective tool I’ve found to disrupt my infinite loop—use the SelfControl app to block these sites for any specific number of minutes or hours. This way I just make the decision once—set it and forget it—and remain distraction-free for the duration of my focus session.

23. Long Walks in Nature

There is something spiritual about having long walks in nature. But spirituality aside, it allows me to step away from the noise and get a little bit of silence, and that silence and space is often where good ideas come from.

24. Appreciation Journal

I had heard over and over again that keeping a gratitude journal is a good practice, not only making us more present to what we have but also creating a stronger spiritual connection to the universe. In spite of knowing the benefits, I never kept it up for more than 30 days—until someone else reframed “gratitude” to “appreciation.” For me to be grateful, it needs to be significant. But I can be appreciative of every little thing. Counting my appreciations everyday has been training my spirituality and making me feel more blessed every day.

25. Idea Journal

Like any other muscle, if you want your idea muscle to be stronger you’ll want to exercise it. On the flip side of my appreciation journal, I write some new ideas I come up with every day. This list could consist of new ideas of any kind—from headlines to recipes, products, businesses, etc. The more you work out your ideation muscle the better you’ll be at coming up with good ideas.

26. “What do you like about your life?”

We all see certain people all the time (for example, the woman who checks you into the gym) but we usually don’t have the curiosity to go further than “Hello” or “Have a nice day.” And if you ask the default question, “How are you?” you’ll get a predictable answer—“Good!” I have found that asking the simple question “What do you like about your life?” not only reminds people how good life really is but is also innocuous enough that people aren’t threatened by it and are willing to connect.

27. Set PERMA Goals

One idea I learned from “Flourish” is to set PERMA goals. Positive emotion, Engagement, Relationship, Meaning, and Accomplishment. If every day you check off at least one to-do list task in each of those categories, it’s hard not to feel energized.

28. Use Trello to Manage Project Goals

I used to rely on my head to remember everything. And much like an echo chamber, the more I tried to remember, the noisier my head was. Now, I just brain-dump everything into Trello and organize all my tasks and projects there—and reserve my brain for things that require higher mental cycles.

29. Use nvALT to Take Daily Notes

I am constantly learning, and rather than keeping my thoughts and notes in random places. I use nvALT to keep them altogether—searchable and sortable by date. Some people use Evernote to do the same, but for my purposes nvALT is simpler.

30. Set a Bedtime Alarm

Since I have so much energy, if I don’t set an alarm, I’ll just screw around until 3AM doing a lot of nothing and ruin my next day. Setting an alarm for my bedtime reminds me to shut everything off and start my evening rituals.

31. Sleep in Absolute Darkness

If you want energy during the day, you need to pay attention to your sleep. Sleep time is recovery time for your body and your brain. The better quality sleep you get, the faster you’ll be able to recover. Since our body has light sensors on the skin, I prefer to sleep in absolute darkness. That means no blinking lights from electronic devices or carbon monoxide sensors or ambient light from the outside.

32. Sleep with Earplugs and an Eye Mask

I prefer to sleep in a pristine environment with absolutely no noise or light. With the added insulation from earplugs and an eye mask, I sleep like a baby—and often wake up without needing an alarm at all.

33. Use Sleep Cycle as My Alarm

Blaring noise, though effective, makes me wake up with in a bad mood and with a throbbing headache. The Sleep Cycle alarm clock is a godsend because it wakes you up when at the time when you are in the lightest sleep phase (based on your REM cycles). Waking up with soothing music during your lightest sleep will help you kickstart a beautiful day.

There you have it: 33 tools and rituals I use every day to optimize my physical, emotional, spiritual, and creative energy levels. 

I’d love to know what works for you and what doesn’t work for you.

Write me at ck at cklin.org I’d love to hear from you.

CK

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There I was in a yoga class.

Following the instruction for the Happy Baby pose, I was straining every part of my body so I could keep my legs straight.

The instructor walked over to me and said:

“Stop beating up your body.”

“Hmm,” I thought, “that’s interesting…I didn’t know I was doing that. I thought I was just working hard. I thought that’s what stretching was all about.”

Then it dawned on me: all my life I’ve been treating my body like my car. I do anything and everything in order to make it perform at whatever sports I choose, no matter what the cost.

Lift heavy? No problem!

Sprint faster? Yes, sir!

Box jump? OK!

Run a longer distance? Sure thing!

And, just like my car, I expect it to keep running until something breaks.

I try to keep it as low-maintenance as possible.

And it only gets detailing when the appearance is unbearable.

My body has been faithful in fulfilling my demands, but as I age I’ve also noticed the costs of lack of proper upkeep—little shooting pains in my right palm, creaking in my knees, and general rigidity.

I’ve been treating my body as though it’s a mere shell of my consciousness while forgetting that mind and body are strongly connected.

People say your body is your temple.

And that how you treat your temple is a reflection of how you treat yourself and your consciousness.

In fact, I used to hammer my quads and shoulders with my fists and thought it was massaging, and my healer friends would tell me that I was literally beating myself up. Which is problematic, because unlike my car, I can’t replace my parts easily or get a brand new one whenever I want.

Better body, better mind.

Or more precisely, better body, better conditions in which the mind can thrive.

If I want a better mind, I’d better take care of my body.

Instead of treating it as an everyday car, what if I start treating it as a high-performance machine, like a Formula 1 race car?

I can study it.

I can be conscientious about what I give it for fuel: nutrition, exercise, proper rest, etc.

I can be aware of any positive feedback: how good I feel, my energy level, etc.

I can be aware of any negative feedback: the noises my knees make, the shooting pains, feeling tired, etc.

This way I can truly fine-tune its performance.

And this practice goes beyond the body—what about the mind?

Your mind is extremely malleable.

Through training, it is capable of extraordinary feats (e.g., the ability to remember 67,890 digits of Pi or chess masters playing multiple games simultaneously)

It is also susceptible to suggestions it receives, especially auto-suggestions. In fact, you know how your girlfriend or boyfriend can adamantly insist that something happened in a certain way when you know in fact it didn’t? Research shows that the mind believes what’s been externally or self-suggested—so, if that’s how your partner told him or herself it happened, then he or she probably really believes it did.

Therefore, our internal dialogue/self-talk is extremely important—because our mind has the tendency to believe it as the truth.

As a recovering perfectionist, I used to have a lot of internal negative self-talk:

“That wasn’t good enough”

“That person doesn’t like you”

“You should have said XYZ”

“Your English is bad”

“What were you thinking?”

Just like how I was unaware of beating up my body, I also wasn’t aware of how I was beating up my mind. Though my intentions were good (I thought pushing myself would lead to higher performance), all it did was stress me out and make me feel worse about myself—which did NOT lead to better results in my life. As it turns out, treating yourself well actually leads to greater success than being hard on yourself.

If you are interested in higher performance, follow these 5 steps:

1. Treat your mind and body as the high-performance machines that they are.
2. Study them.
3. Be conscientious about the input they receive—both from yourself and your surroundings.
4. Be aware of the positive feedback they’re giving you.
5. Be aware of the negative feedback they’re giving you.

Like the Formula 1 race car, your mind and body are high-performance machines and you are the driver, engineering crew, and pit crew all rolled into one. Rather than trying to make one part of you beat up on the other to get it to “behave,” let all aspects of you work together as a team to create synergy and achieve the highest performance possible. Together.

Click here to get a list of podcasts that address this very topic!

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I am hosting a teenager for the summer.

One day, in private I joked to my mother how non-communicative the boy is and how much work it is to connect with him.

“You were worse,” she told me. “If I asked you 10 questions, I was lucky to get some kind of mumble.”

After the initial shock, the memory slowly came back to me.

Oh yeah…I had kinda forgotten about that…

Back then, I had a belief that unless I had something important to say it wasn’t worth saying anything at all.

And I’d keep my opinions to myself unless I had the sentences perfectly constructed and arguments well-articulated.

So even though I had a hyperactive internal monologue, I barely externalized it to anyone.

It’s a wonder I had any friends at all.

It’s even more of a miracle that I had girls who wanted to date me.

Now you can’t shut me up when my passions (like productivity and entrepreneurship) come up, in spite of the imperfect thoughts, words, or facts I may express.

I also had another limiting belief when I first came to the US: that people wouldn’t understand my English.

So I never spoke to anyone unless I was forced to.

And even then, it was reluctantly—I’d say as few words as possible.

This chip (really more like a boulder) on my shoulder stayed on until years later. Who knows how many opportunities I missed because of it?

Limiting beliefs are irrational beliefs that limit your life.

And they may have huge costs because we unknowingly live them out as though they were real.

And—since your thoughts becomes your actions and your actions produce your results—your results are probably quite limited because of them.

Many (maybe even most) people live completely unconscious of their limiting beliefs.

Some common limiting beliefs are:

I’ll never find love because of my age/height/looks/ethnicity.

All men/women are liars.

I’ll NEVER be rich.

I’m too old to do XYZ.

So when I hear people complain about something in their life, I ask them to first look at their thoughts. Whatever it is they’re believing about the situation—are they sure that it’s even true?

When I think back to my younger self, the funny thing is that no amount of logical thought would have changed my limiting belief about my English.

Yet, somehow over time, that belief changed for me. And once that particular limiting belief disappeared, I eventually got to the point where I almost completely forgot about it: “No way, I used to think that? Why would I do that?” And so it no longer limited my life.

Once I realized how much power these unconscious beliefs can hold in our lives, I started to look for ways to eliminate mine. In that process, I stumbled upon this powerful technique that cuts through the crap (and by crap I mean my rationalizations and tendencies to try to make myself look good) and shows me what my subconscious truly thinks about specific areas of my life.

And it’s just one very simple question: “What’s the FIRST word comes to mind when [the topic/person/area] is mentioned?”

Think of the first word or phrase that comes to your mind when I say:

Starting a business

Being an entrepreneur

Relationships

Intimacy

Marriage

Being a parent

Being a husband/wife

Money

Success

Friendship

The name of your spouse

Your parents

Your siblings

Your best friend

Your mentor/advisor

Your pet

For some of the areas in which I’m thriving, the first words that came to mind were great: amazing, success, phenomenal.

But in some areas (even ones where I think I’m doing well) my subconscious surprised me…

I got results like “scary,” “difficult,” and “there’s only so much to go around”—words and phrases I’ve never consciously used for these areas.

Apparently my logical (adult) mind dressed things up nicely to protect myself from potential harm—but it masked how I really feel about them so well that even I didn’t know my true sentiments.

It’s no wonder those areas aren’t really in flow for me. And how can I improve them if I’m not even aware of what’s holding me back?

For people who tend to be more cerebral than instinct-oriented, this is a good technique to bypass the mind and check in with your gut.

This technique is a great exercise to verify how your subconscious mind really thinks,

without the dress-ups

without the justifications

without the rationalizations

So, if you want some new insights into areas in your life where you might be stuck or need a boost, give it a try—your subconscious will probably surprise you in ways you never thought about!

The post THE Technique to Discover Your Limiting Beliefs appeared first on CK Lin | Wisdompreneur.

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What do you see in this picture?

Do you only see the dark spot?

Or do you see the white canvas behind it?

Isn’t it funny how we have evolved to see what stands out?

I used to see only the gap between where I am and where I want to be.

I was very focused on where my life was NOT, while taking what was good in my life for granted.

I rarely paused to appreciate the hundreds of things going right—my days were just a relentless assault on a never-ending to-do list: “OK, that’s done…what’s the next thing on the list?”

I have read many books that talk about the importance of gratitude and appreciation. But in years past, even though I understood and agreed with this idea on an intellectual level, I didn’t live it on a daily basis.

Even though literally hundreds (thousands, millions) of things go right every single day, what used to stand out to me were the few minor inconveniences:

• “My laptop gets really hot!”
• “I can’t find a gym in SF that provides razors!”
• “I bit myself by eating too fast!”
• “That selfish jerk cut me off!”
• “I lost a deal!”
• “Someone snubbed me!”
• “My friend didn’t call me back fast enough!”
• “Traffic sucks!”

When one tiny little thing didn’t go my way, I’d spend the entire day fuming.

I’d fantasize about the things I’d do to right that wrong:

• Flip a table.
• Convince people they should listen to me.
• Track down the guy who cut me off and teach him a lesson.
• Write a letter of complaint.
• Get someone fired.

The energy I used to waste on these tiny “blemishes” was immense.

And not only did I waste my energy on these first-world problems, I only celebrated major events like birthdays, Thanksgiving, an anniversary, etc. Only major milestones (like getting my PhD) seemed like occasions for gratitude and celebration. (And even when I did celebrate these special occasions, it was largely ceremonial—before I’d be busy moving on to the next thing on the list.)

As a result, my life had very few joyful highs—it was mostly full of minor complaints.

Life was just kinda bland

Meh

Same old

OK

“Why celebrate mediocre achievements?” you may ask, “Won’t that just make you lower your standards and not work as hard? Shouldn’t you have to earn it?”

On the contrary—acknowledging the good in your life strengthens your focus and resolve. 

Can you go to the gym once and lift 1000 pounds a day later? Unless you are Superman, no. Appreciation works the same way.

It started to dawn on me that even though I “knew” the importance of being thankful, I was actually exercising my gratitude muscle pretty infrequently. No wonder it was weak!

As time went on and I interacted more often with successful people I respect, one pattern I saw over and over was that they were all appreciative of their life. And it started to sink in. I was lucky that I was at the right place and at the right time to learn from these people.

And then I got a few close calls from the universe: cars spinning out of control on the 405 freeway, accidentally stabbing myself in the leg after falling asleep on the lab bench, oncoming traffic coming my way.

I was finally able to truly and profoundly see that the little things I took for granted are actually what’s really important:

Great loving parents

Close siblings

Generous relatives

Trusted friends

A diverse network

Great sleep

Abundant food choices

Daily interactions with cool people

Meaningful work

And my life began to change. Funny enough, the more I paid attention to these things, the more I kept finding to appreciate.

Nowadays, when I find even a penny on the ground I give silent appreciation to the universe.

One penny? Most people would say it’s not worth their effort to pick up a single penny.

But I believe what we focus on expands. The more you give appreciation, the more likely it is that lucky things will happen to you. And this may sound a little woo-woo, but if you’re grateful for the penny, you’ll eventually get dollars.

If you don’t appreciate people, why would more friends come your way?

If you don’t appreciate the things your partner does, why would he or she want to do more?

If you don’t appreciate the things you have, what makes you think you’ll get more of them?

If you don’t appreciate the customers or clients you have, why would more of them want to do business with you?

Exercising your appreciation for being lucky is like lifting weights to become stronger.

I was speaking to a medical doctor friend of mine recently, and he told me many of his patients only learned this lesson after they stared death in the face. I don’t know about you, but I don’t intend to wait that long.

For the sake of exercising my own appreciation muscle, I’ve started a 30-day experiment to start giving thanks for all the things going my way:

• The elevator that arrives at the top floor safely and predictably.
• The plane that takes off and lands as planned.
• The smile I get from the clerk at the coffee shop.
• The occasional friendly hello I get from a stranger when I walk down the street.
• The sunny California weather.
• The delicious sandwich I had for lunch.
• The breeze upon my face.

Let’s zoom out for a second.

The fact is that you were born a winner.

Out of 100 million sperm, yours won the race.

You started your life by beating 99.999999 million competitors!

And if you’re reading this, chances are your life is also pretty good now.

How can you turn your pretty good life to a life of awesomeness? Appreciate all that surrounds you and all you have. Daily.

This one simple discipline can make you the luckiest person in the world. Do this experiment with me for 30 days, and see for yourself.

Even if you’re anti-woo-woo and skeptical of the notion that what we focus on expands—there’s a ton of scientific research showing that gratitude and appreciation can improve our focus and happiness.

So, worst case, even if you don’t become luckier, you’ll be happier and more focused. You win either way!

The post How I Get Lucky on a Daily Basis appeared first on CK Lin | Wisdompreneur.

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I am a big fan of stand-up comedians.

The obvious reason for this is that I love to laugh. But I also love how comedians are the modern philosophers.

They use their platform to make social commentaries.

Louis CK is particularly good at this.

I like him for his name but also how he makes me think about serious issues.

While I laugh listening to him poke fun at those who complain about the minor inconveniences in life, his jokes also makes me think about how much I take things for granted.

Even the poorest Americans now have access to running water and toilets, which is way more than even the richest people of 150 years ago had.

Then I ask myself: How much do I complain?

Am I one of those negative people that other people want to stay away from?

You know the types:

1. The energy black hole
2. The world-is-ending cynic
3. The woe-is-me victim
4. The “no you can’t do it because XYZ” enthusiasm-killer
5. And various other emotional vampires.

You can sense the negative vibes emanating out of these people from 100 steps away.

What are some of the signs these types have? (Because if I know that, then I can be vigilant about them so I can be sure I am not that way myself.)

They judge.

They criticize.

They complain.

I am not proclaiming to be a saint, but almost all of the high performers I’ve interviewed rarely complain (at least not to me).

High performers may be tempted to complain just like everyone else, but they don’t indulge themselves.

They either reframe things positively, or they focus on other things rather than waste their time and energy complaining.

I’ll admit, sometimes I love to complain about things just so I don’t have to do anything about them:

• “I hate sitting in traffic!”
• “I hate people who waste my time!”
• “I hate losing my flexibility!”
• And a million other things that bug me.

But most of the time I try to do something about the things that bother me instead, or at least keep them to myself. I don’t broadcast my complaints to people around me. You know the saying: If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all. I do my best to follow that wisdom.

Sure, you are entitled to your judgment, criticisms, and complaints—but unless I explicitly ask for them, please keep them to yourself!

The payoff I get from listening to these professional complainers (like Louis CK and another favorite, Russell Peters) is laughter. But what am I getting out of your complaints? Oh, nothing but more mental vomit to process?

No thank you.

Since the only person I can change in the world is me, I am writing this mostly as a warning for myself.

Whenever I notice that I am judging someone, I ask the following question:

“Who am I to judge others and their life based on my standards and ideals?”

Whenever I notice that I am criticizing someone, I ask the following question:

“Who am I to give criticisms when they weren’t invited?”

Whenever I notice that I am complaining, I ask the following question:

“Do I want to focus my energy appreciating how good my life is, or would I rather talk about where it’s not so good?”

If you feel compelled to complain anyway, fine—but at least let me teach you how to make the people around you laugh while you do it:

Complain with 10 times the gusto.

Whine like a baby and add “WAHHH!” before you start your complaints.

• “WAHHH…why am I stuck in traaaaaaffic?”
• “WAHHH…why did my dinner arrive coooooold?”
• “WAHHH…why are my neighbors so annoyyyyyying?”

And to maximize your comedic effects, whine one complaint after another and do that for 3 minutes.

I promise it’ll be hilarious for you and entertaining for those you’re complaining to. (Though I bet you won’t be able to finish all your complaints without feeling silly before your 3 minutes are up!)

While you think your complaints are the most urgent and earth-shattering events in the universe, this technique is a guaranteed way to poke a hole in the “seriousness” of your complaints.

Because the reality is that complaining itself is silly. It does nothing except aggravate you and those who have to listen to you.

In other words, it’s like the wise mystic Thomas Merton said: “What is serious to men is often very trivial in the sight of God. What in God might appear to us as ‘play’ is perhaps what He Himself takes most seriously.” (OK, his explanation is more articulate than mine, but you get the point.)

So, if you want a happier life and you’d like people to want to be around you—stop complaining.

Or, if you must complain, take your cue from Louis CK—at least complain with gusto and entertain us while you do it!

The post How to Complain Like Louis CK and Get Paid For It appeared first on CK Lin | Wisdompreneur.