Jamie and I hope you know, especially if you have had or are contemplating abortion– You are completely forgiven…And if your child could speak to you today– They would try to understand and they WOULD forgive you. There is nothing too big for God. The cross, that Christ died on for you, covers ALL of your sins, all of MY sins.

A poem by Jamie:

Mommy I’m sorry, for all the pain I’ve caused.
Mommy I’m sorry, for all the tears you’ve cried.
I didn’t mean to hurt you,
Just did what I was told.
I didn’t mean to make you shutter,
When the chamber got so cold.
If only I could tell you,
Then maybe you would see.
Mommy I’m sorry,
You want to get rid of me.
He hurt you perhaps,
And I remind you of that.
Or do you need more time to yourself,
Time to make your mark.
Im sorry for all the shame,
The shame I potentionally could cause.
So sorry for your regret,
Of what has led you here.
Oh mommy I didn’t mean to hurt you,
I just did what I was told.
Mommy I didn’t mean to hurt you,
But you still chose to fold.
Mommy I didn’t mean to hurt you,
With so short a life as mine.
So forgive me please mommy,
In this short but significant time.

–By Jamie Castor, Author.

As she finished speaking and I prepared myself to speak…I found myself in awe. She was not ashamed. She sincerely and somewhat nervously told the story of her life– things that were difficult to share as I saw tears in her eyes throughout most of her 30 minutes on stage– but she gave God all of the glory and she relied on His power made perfect in her weakness. She said “I am not a speaker, I am an actor,” but let me tell you– this was the most real speech I have ever witnessed. She spoke of God and her new found life in Him in a way that I long to speak of… I found myself wondering what it would be like to fully give up my fears, struggles, past and what others thought of me to God and tell the world about it.

I found myself on stage, following Shari’s speech, speaking of my God in a way I hadn’t before. I found myself wondering and hoping that God will open doors for me to be real with people about my own life and my own struggles–and the God who I don’t have to measure up to, the God who takes me as I am. I, more often than not, stand before an audience speaking of the redemptive story of my birth mother, her abortion that took the life of my twin, my survival of the abortion, my life after the abortion and our reunion that gave me the opportunity to tell an amazing story about my God’s love, grace and truth through THAT part of my life….But now more than ever, I want to tell the world of the other parts of my life too- my reality, my failures, my struggles, my shortcomings, the parts of my life that are not “pretty” but that show the world how His power is made perfect in MY weakness…and how it can be the same for every single one of us, if we let Him work in our life and use us.

I have lived a lot of my life trying to impress people, trying to live up to expectations of my parents, family and friends, trying to NOT struggle…but the truth is; I am accepting that I am not perfect, that I am going to fail, that I am going to disappoint (not that I want to but God didn’t make me to hold it all together by myself) so that I can let God use me and work in my life according to His plan and His timing. 

When you think about your life- Do you live your life trying to NOT struggle? Is it working?….If you’re like me, I assume your answer is NO…because God didn’t make us that way. He did, however, make us to live in relationship with Him- not so that we’re perfect- so that He can make himself known to the world as our God who can make our lives make sense when it seems like nothing is working out and everything is a mess. He works it all out.

This is my truth- this is what I’m working on- What’s your truth?

This book talks about the evil of abortion and the abortion industry.

I wanted to share a few things that I’ve learned about late term abortion clinics (after reading this…it’s a miracle that I made it out of a very late term abortion clinic alive!)

There is this clinic is Pennsylvania that used to have certain “abortion packages” for their abortion procedures that women could choose from…just like packages that people can get when they go to a DAY SPA- making abortion sound glamorous…Here is the list of packages they had before they had to take it off because it wasn’t appealing to people/they were loosing clients:

1. Economy Package: This is our most popular package that has been offered since 1973 and enjoyed be several of millions of women in the United States. You can expect to be in an abortion facility for about 4 hours. Several other clients will be joining you as you learn about the basics of pregnancy termination, birth control, and aftercare. Outpatient surgery is simple, quick and safe. Personal review of medical history and emotional check-in are available; beverages and snacks will be served and a choice of pain relievers is yours, all for a reasonable fee of $350.

2. The Lunch Hour Special: Designed for the busy woman for whom time is more valuable than money. Make your appointment online and submit your personal medical information for review in advance of your appointment. Lab work can be performed at your convenience ahead of time. The physician is kind, quick and gentle. Some sedatives may not be available in this time frame, but we guarantee service in one hour. $600

3. The Family Package: This is an important decision in your life and of course you want your loved ones around you!! You can be accompanied through every phase of this prcoess by the person you choose. Counseling is available for all family members and includes training and suggestions for them to participate in your care. Flowers, breakfast in bed, baby-sitting, just tell us what you want and we’ll pass it along. We stress support and coping skills, before, during and after your abortion. Choice of abortion pill (additional $100) or surgical abortion. $650

4. DIY (Do-It-Yourself): Are you the kind of person who does a lot of research? Someone who knows what you want? Do you want to avoic the hustle bustle- and waiting time- of a busy clinic? Would you like your abortion in the comfort of your own home? Take a pill today and choose when you bleed anytime in the next three days, safely, completely, in your own home. Full instructions and educational video included and our 24 hour advice line is open to you. Available only in early pregnancy. Some restrictions apply. Like everything else you do, have this experience on your own terms! $550.

5. Deluxe Spa Treatment: Get the luxury and the personal attention you deserve!! Check into our personal suite at the Jetson Hotel where you will meet with our experienced guide who will be available to you for your abortion experience. After extensive orientation for you and your partner or family, enjoy a relaxing massage and jaccuzi. Full emotional support is available to you and those close to you, tailored to your needs. A full range of sedatives and pain relievers to choose from make for a pain-free procedure by your experienced and friendly physician. Recover back in your suite and choose from 3 relaxing options- a foot massage, a mud pack facial or a rebalancing of your shakras by our expert Reiki master. Our guide will be available to you to review aftercare and discuss any emotional issues. Full cable and choice of video entertainment available, and enjoy our feather pillow beds for a good nights sleep. $3000

6. Spiritual Journey: Ending a pregnancy is not just a physical act but also a spiritual process. Meet with our spiritual healer and guide a week in advance to plan the ritual journey that will meet your spiritual needs. Native American (Taino tradition), Eastern Philosophy, nature inspired (pagan), or customed designed ceremonies are available to you and to the support people who will accompany you on your spirit quest. Or, design your own rituals with the help of our experienced guides. Check in to our mountain retreat Friday night for a ritual cleansing and spiritual preparation. Have the surgical procedure when you are ready for the separation of paths with the spirit child within you. Miscarriage with medicines and herbs is available early in pregnancy. A follow up ritual a year and a day later is included in this package. $5000

7. Full Emotional Support- Deciding to end a pregnancy may well be the most difficult emotional crisis a woman or couple my face. Our experienced counselor will spend 2 hours with you and a support person of your choice, and your appointment will be scheduled 2-7 days after that. The counselor will explore relationship and identity issues, personal goals, religious and spiritual concerns, and offer interactive skill-building to you and your significant other. A choice of 3 self-help books are included with additional suggestions for grief work and emotional aftercare. The procedure will be performed by an experienced and kind physician in privacy, with your choice of pain relievers and sedatives. Or choose to miscarry with medicines at home ($100 extra.) Two follow-up visits with our licensed and experienced counselors are available one week and one month after the procedure. Consultation by phone with the clergy or spiritual leader of your belief system included, if desired. $1000.

8. Discount Package: A basic “no frills” package is available for those women who dont need ambiance or additional support. No additional sedation is available without additional cost. Licensed physicians perform the safe surgery in less than 5 minutes. Expect delays and waiting time. No support people allowed in counseling or medical area. If you want to spend the money on something else, this package may work for you, but we encourage you to consult our website for a complete overview of the abortion experience. $250 cash only.

9. Abortions Anonymous: For the woman who wants to tell no one, keep it secret and have no record of having been there, we offer an anonymous service with private hours. Counseling offered to explore any feelings and potential emotional side-effects. No names taken. $950, cash only.

(#9- by the way- is ILLEGAL.)

That’s the list of “abortion packages” that were offered. I guess that’s one way to make abortion glamorous. 

I find it interesting that they felt the need to go to such measures to attract people to their abortion clinic to get their abortion services. What made them go to such extremes to have a MENU of ways to get your abortion.

Not only that…but they obviously knew that abortion came with emotional trauma and spiritual trauma…so much that their clients would need such emotional support and to dive into a spiritual journey to recover from whatever happens during that abortion procedure…the procedure they are trying to hard to mask with a menu for an abortion to suit the needs and wants of their clients. If abortion is such a piece of cake and peoples lives go back to normal after a procedure like this (like they tell clients these days), why even bother providing such luxorious services? If it’s “no big deal” and a “quick fix” as advertized by Planned Parenthood and abortion facilities across our nation, why not just tell people the truth…why not tell people it’s painful and that they will most likely need some type of spiritual and/or emotional recovery afterwards?

It’s very sad to me that men and women are taken advantage of and targeted in such a manner as this. Although this clinic is no longer offering this MENU of services, I know there have been and still are many abortion facilities that attempt to make abortion look like it’s just a normal medical procedure that takes only a day or two to recover from physically that comes with little emotional struggles for the average woman…when really, abortion is tearing our country apart. It’s our plague. It’s tearing peoples lives apart, marriages apart, relationships apart and ultimately, it is giving Satan a foothold into our souls that can be forever damaging. 

What if the abortion industry told the TRUTH about what takes place during an abortion? What if they didn’t hide behind their glamour and their billions of funds they receive each year to make the abortion industry look like a good service? What if they told people of the pain it causes not only the unborn child but the mothers and fathers and families? What if they told people that they have scripted answers to tell their clients because the truth would send every mother and father right back out the doors? What if they revealed to the mothers, fathers and families that they would need a lot of emotional support including years of therapy after their procedure? What if they told their clients that science proves that the “tissue” is actually a child? What if they told the mothers and fathers what a gift being a parent is because most of the people working in the clinics are mothers and fathers…What if they told us that they gave up their morality to make money?

John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

As we remember such a time as the Holocaust- a season of time where so many innocent lives were taken by a brutal death and a brutal killing…simply because they were a “minority” and seen as “unfit” or “unwanted.” This happened because a man named Hitler decided he didn’t want a certain race, religion and population on our planet.

So, he formulated Concentration Camps- places that “concentrated” on the brutal killing and experimentation of innocent human beings. When I think about this holocaust, it sounds very familiar to me…

It sounds just like the Holocaust the Margaret Sanger created and named “Planned Parenthood.” She said that her goal was to exterminate the minority population…and in her own words, her reason for this extermination was based on race, whether or not the child would be born completely healthy (if not, she referred to them as “morons”) and based on the fact that women that find themselves in a crisis pregnancy center are vulnerable and can be easily taken advantage of. She said that “the most merciful thing a large family can do to one of it’s infant members is to kill it.” Does this sound at all similar to the Holocaust’s strategy or should I say tactic?

Planned Parenthood today serves as the largest abortion provider in the country. ABORTION= the killing of innocent children. Planned Parenthood also experiments and distributes the parts of the aborted babies to be used for many purposes such as research; the same way innocent people in the concentration camps were painfully and graphically experimented on for research or just because they had the power to do it.

As we think about the horrific time period where Hitler ran these concentration camps known as the Holocaust…let us not forget about our current Holocaust in our country today that is taking the children of 1 in 3 parents; to be more specific 1 in 2 African American parents (which is considered to be a “minority population” as mentioned above) adding up to 4,000 babies lives every single day. Our Holocaust today is ABORTION. 

As the thought of Hitler’s Holocaust leaves us disturbed and uncomfortable– I have to wonder WHY have we become so UNdisturbed and comfortable with the thought of Planned Parenthood and abortion? We NEED to be UNcomfortable and disturbed…We need to be SO disturbed that we take action! We make it stop!

The Holocaust that we silently remember today is not over….it is worse. We are taking the lives of our own children. Speak up.

Do you believe in spiritual warfare? For the longest time, I didn’t or at least I didn’t understand what it meant. I knew there was good vs evil…I mean, every Disney movie I watched as a child showed the reality of good vs. evil. However, I didn’t fully see it.

I should have- growing up in a strong Christian home, with missionary parents, as an adoptee, with adopted parents who valued life, morality and made our family their first ministry. You would think I would have seen some incredible spiritual warfare. It was probably there, I just didn’t see it or my parents guarded me from it like they did all evil of this world as best they could.

Now, as an adult working in ministry…the warfare is all around me. Two days ago I had this really weird feeling about my upcoming trip to Nebraska, West Virginia and Ohio…a 5 day trip that I am still currently on…It just wasn’t sitting right with me. Something was weighing on my shoulders- something dark. I knew I had to go though- I had made this commitment to Abby Johnson to travel with her, I had made a commitment to share my story with centers to further my ministry and further the message of life and I had made a commitment to God to continue to follow His calling he has on my life right now.

I, of course, could not sleep that night. Everything in my quiet apartment didn’t seem to sit well with me. I like surrounding myself with people- I like the sound of my Fiance’s children playing in the background when I work or help out with them. I like the company of my family and friends. I did not like the silence and my body was not going to let me sleep. I may have slept 4 hours off and on before I had to get up at 5:30am, lug my suitcase down the stairs to my car parked on the completely opposite side of the apartment complex, jump in and drive to meet my Dad to drop off my car and head to the airport.

Our first flight to Denver was a good flight. Our second flight to a very small town in Nebraska operated by Great Lakes—Or should I say NOT SO Great Lakes. It was a very bumpy and loud ride with probably a total of 15 seats, no overhead bins, no room for your carry-ons and NO SLEEPING.

As I rode on this bumpy ride that was going to take us to our destination where we would be going to a Crisis Pregnancy Center banquet to share a life affirming message as God has called us to do, I couldn’t help but think about the bumpy road I have had since I began working in the pro-life movement and speaking out about life and about God- the two most controversial topics in America today. The warfare is so evident…Just to give you a few silly examples:

I, as well as others, have been extremely sick traveling to and during an event…multiple times

I have had to have maids of my hotel help zip up the only dress I brought because the zipper was broken….I even had to lay on the floor for them to finally get it zipped up.

I have gotten to many events without the right clothes or with very mismatched clothes…Not to mention this trip I brought BROWN HEELS to go with all of my outfits (NONE OF THEM ARE BROWN!)

I have had printers break down and my notes be wiped out by a computer…leaving me to completely trust God on stage that He will give me the words (Trusting God is always a process and something I work toward every day.)

I have said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I have completely embarrassed myself.

I have thought I was going to die on airplanes because of the pain of traveling due to my medical problems

Speaking of medical problems, I have gotten to events with clothes that I could fit in the day before but on the day of the event I cannot fit into them because of my swelling due to my medical stuff

I have had people that are a part of my life and a part of my story hurt me deeply. I have lost relationships that I cherished.

I have had the most horrific comments from people who come across my story—“You should have been aborted and your body should have been thrown in a dumpster.”

I have been stranded in Airports, missed flights, almost missed speaking events and had many, many, many  10+ hour travel days…I could go on and on.

All of that to say, the warfare is real. Right now, we are on our way to West Virginia after a pretty sleepless night for me yet again. The original flight we were supposed to be on was delayed and there is no way we can get to our final destination today. So, we are traveling an hour and a half to get on another airplane—well, 3 more airplanes—to get to our final destination. Spiritual warfare.

BUT I can tell you this—God wins every spiritual battle I have had. He is faithful. He gets me to my destination. He gets me on the stage to speak and gives me the words to say. He makes me crazy mismatched, too small of outfits work. He gets me to my destinations alive and able to function- somewhat- after a day of traveling like today will be. He is faithful.

The Christian walk is hard. It is not a cake walk. Following God and giving up the things of this world are things that will and DO cause this spiritual attack. Sometimes the attack wins but so many times it doesn’t…but every single time God is faithful, he gets me through, he makes it work and he makes it GOOD.

Jesus said:

“In this world, you will have trouble but take heart; I have overcome it. “

Through all of my spiritual warfare (and trust me, it’s a lot more than I have mentioned here), my giving into the things of this world and not trusting God with my life and my decisions, God has overcome it all. He has revealed himself to me. He has been faithful. He fights on my behalf and makes good of the many difficult moments, even my failures.

So, When YOU think about your life and you run across hardship and a spiritual battle- take heart that God is with you, he is FOR you- and when you fail or give into temptation (as we all do), take heart that God is bigger than your failures—his forgiveness is bigger than your biggest regret—and when you’re reminded or faced with warfare, think back to how God has revealed himself to you before through his faithfulness, his love and his forgiveness and rest in that in times of trouble. He wants to make you new and wants to protect you from evil but we have to give up our pride and our plans to Him so that His plan can be accomplished… I will strive to start today—Will you?

Well, I was in Colorado this past week meeting with my literary representative and other organizations. My representative and I had walked into Panera Bread and I walked passed a sign that read “Adoption Event.” It caught my attention so I backed up to read the flyer on the wall…Quickly I realized that this was an adoption event for animals, not for children of our own kind.

My friend Abby and I discuss this often. While we are both advocates and lovers of animal shelters and would both adopt as many animals as we could if we had the space and means…we wonder why our country advocates SO much more for the adoption of animals than of children of our own kind who need love and homes?

Why is it so much easier to post a flyer at Panera Bread about an adoption event for animals rather than an adoption event for children?

I pray and hope that our country stays pro-adoption (as seen in this fire) but we can shift our focus from the adoption of animals (although I do advocate and support that) more towards the adoption of our own children.

SO many children need homes. Many times we think of adopting simply newborn babies but just like animals in an animal shelter, there are children that are from infants to the age of 18 who need love and a home MOST of all.

Join me in supporting and speaking up for adoption. Post a flyer in your area about the most important type of adoption- the adoption of our own children! Use your voice- talk about it with those around you and those you network with. And be open to God placing adoption on your heart– God will provide a child for you– you just have to be open for Him to provide.

As an adoptee, I can tell you that you will NEVER regret giving a child a home and your love. Think about it.

You know, when I’m in the moment often times I don’t think about the whole picture of my decision making…I forget that the choices that I make not only affect my own life but my parents lives, my sisters life, my extended families lives and my fiancé and his kids’ lives.

I have made so many decisions in my past that have and will affect me for the rest of my life. What if I had kept that promise ring to save myself for marriage that my Dad gave me before Highschool? Was was that promise broken so quickly?

I ponder my heart and how I operate quite a bit… I feel that I am heading in the right direction; I have a huge desire to get involved in my church community and commit to making time for it despite my crazy travel schedule, I have set boundaries in my relationships, I am pursuing the things God has called me to do like speaking for unborn, mothers and fathers in crisis pregnancy centers and/or men and women who are seeking abortion services.

I wish I knew the answers to the struggles that I had growing up…and I wish I could say that deciding to do what’s right and following God is easy and as pleasant as a beautiful day on the beach…but it’s not. It’s scary, it’s uncomfortable, it’s not what the world makes look appealing to us…BUT it is what’s right and it is what is going to make every relationship (earthly and spiritually) the best it can be.

I know that all of us, including myself, have a lifetime of learning to follow God, trust God, make wise decisions because theyre whats best for us…etc. It’s a struggle, its uncomfortable…

I have done a lot of things in my past that I am ashamed of. I have hurt the people that I love the most. I have disappointed people, I have disappointed myself and I have disappointed God. But that’s where GRACE has been meeting lately…telling me that I can start fresh every day.

What are you struggling with?

Will you let God meet you where you are and start a fresh relationship with Him and others?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

On Friday, GOOD FRIDAY, I spent time reading from Matthew, Mark, Luke and John to get their different perspectives on the crucifixion of Jesus. They each added their own detailed memories- a lot of it matched up but they each had a unique perspective. I have done this as a tradition with my family for probably  10 years…It’s always really neat to read and reflect on that.

This year, I did something a little different. I not only read it out of my Bible but I read it out of The Children’s Storybook Bible (which I highly recommend for ANYONE any age- even adults!). They put it in these words:

“They walked up a hill outside the city. Jesus carried the cross on his back. Jesus had never done anything wrong but they were going to kill him the way criminals were killed. They nailed Jesus to the cross. “Father, Forgive them” Jesus gasped “They dont understand what theyre doing.” 
“You say you’ve come to rescue us!” people shouted, “but you cant even rescue yourself!”
But they were wrong. Jesus could have rescued himself. A legion of angels would have flown to his side if he’d called. 
“If you were really the son of God, you could just climb down off that cross” they said.
And of course they were right. Jesus could have just climbed down. Actually, he could have said a word and made it all stop. Like when he healed that little girl, stilled the storm and fed 5,000 people. 
But Jesus stayed on the cross.
You see, they didnt understand. It wasnt the nails that kept Jesus there. 
It was LOVE. 
-The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally-Lloyd Jones

It’s amazing to me that a man who did nothing wrong would take on the punishment for all of us sinners. He did this so that we might know him and pursue the happiest life possibly through his guidance and his truth. I struggle so many days with trusting his guidance and doing what’s right…but this Easter I really feel a pull to follow Him even more.

Yesterday I went to my church’s Easter service. They did a really neat setup where the pastor would talk for about 5 minutes, then a member of the congregation would share their testimony, then the band would play a song that spoke of things that the testimonial had been struggling with and/or searching for and then the pastor would come back up for another 5 min…etc.

What I really loved about the service was that they not only made it contemporary but they made it welcoming to people who had just come to church for the first time or came just because it’s Easter. The testimonials were amazing; one girl had been addicted to men, drugs and life of destruction. She had left home at a very young age (I think 15), married a drug dealer, became a drug addict and dealer herself, and her life spiraled down…She said that she knows now that she is completely forgiven and accepted because of the cross.

The second testimonial was of a girl whose mother had been murdered a few years back. She struggled with being angry with God and herself for both of them not being there to protect him mother. In the end, she realized that God can turn any situation into something that will glorify him and so now she uses her first hand experience to work in a prison with felons with a new understanding and sense of forgiveness she found though Christ.

The third testimonial was of an African American man who grew up in a very dangerous part of town. He grew up without a father and without any wisdom from his parents. He searched desperately to find who he was—which led him into a lifestyle of being in gangs, fighting, robberies, shootings, etc. He didn’t believe His Heavenly Father could love him because He didn’t know what it felt like to have the love of an earthly father. Once he hit rock bottom, he decided to attend church. Even though it took about 4 years for him to understand and accept the sacrifice Christ had made for him, he is not renewed.

Christ died on the cross so that you and I might believe in Him and when our earthly bodies fail us, we will have eternal life in heaven with Jesus. Do you know your father Jesus?