I can honestly tell you that the first 18 years of my life- I DONT KNOW. I have no idea what my pastor preached about in church.

Out of the countless camps, bible studies, wednesday night youth groups, sunday morning youth group and church services, mission trips, growing up as a missionary child, christian weekly college events I went to growing up, etc I only heard 2 sermons that I remember. Literally 2.

The first thing I remember, on multiple occasions, was the gospel being presented. One of the times I remember it vividly was when the  movie The Passion came out. I remember a couple different times where the pastor used clips from the crucifixion that really stuck out to me. The words that pastor spoke afterward somehow meant more after seeing the reenactment of the crucifixion on a big screen.

The second thing I remember is a women who spoke at a Christian conference. She spoke of her past abortion. Wait, she didn’t speak. She cried. She wept. She shook. She broke down to where she couldnt say any more words. It was the most humbling, eye-opening, heartbreaking talk I have ever seen still to this day. It really surprised me as I had never heard someone speak on abortion. I wondered why or how the subject of abortion could be made into an entire speech or sermon. All I knew is that the pain the woman had was unlike any pain I had ever experienced including the death of my grandpa which was hard to imagine.

The hardest part to admit is that I went home from that conference and even if I thought about it again, I never spoke of it again. I never heard about it from the pulpit or in church. Probably 7 years passed before I would find out I had been deeply affected by abortion, in a completely different way, but that the fact that I had never really talked about abortion for my entire 21 years was actually really upsetting considering over 70 percent of men and women getting abortion services are coming from our churches. In fact, this statistic not only shows that we aren’t talking about issues that are really going on in our church but other statistics and testimonies show that we are not even comfortable talking about our past decisions and mistakes in our church.

I did a lot of things in my high school and college years that I am not proud of but they are a part of who has made me who I am. I did a lot of things that came with severe consequences. In fact, some of the most common things that I ran into in high school were things that I had only briefly talked about with my church family or just plain never talked about.

Dont get me wrong- I had the sex talk. I heard the “sex talks” in highschool…but none of it convinced me. They told me countless and countless times that it was “not the best decision, it would hurt me, i really needed to wait…Just don’t do it.” I needed to know WHY or WHAT or HOW. I needed real life stories. I needed to be convinced. Just telling me to not do it but was not going to convince me to do the most “peer pressured” thing that was talked about in my public high school.  I find it hard to believe that if I had heard the woman I heard at that conference that I would have thought about the reality of my decisions. It may or may not have swayed what I did but atleast I would have understood the reality of what I was doing and the possible consequences.

PASTORS and CHURCH MEMBERS- we have got to start talking about the things that we never heard about from the pulpit!

Abortion,

Adoption,

Rape,

SEX (not just the usual “dont do it because the Bible says not to- that is not going to convince a 17 year old not to do it!),

Oral Sex

STD’s- I NEVER heard about STDs. STDs are affecting our youth in horrific ways. Why aren’t we talking about this?

Drugs and Alcohol (besides just referring someone to the church’s Recovery program, why not meet them where they’re at first?)

As the church I believe that Bible teaching and speaking truth into each others lives and living in a christ centered community is our mission (along with others things) but it is our responsibility to speak truth into the lives of our youth- and we would be very naive to not think that they are dealing with sex, oral sex, stds, pregnancy, abortion, rape etc. We HAVE GOT to talk about these things.

Pastors- is it worth loosing a member of your congregation when speaking TRUTH into the life of a youth in your pews (maybe a young boy or girl who is sexually active, has an STD or had an abortion) who will gain salvation because you reached out to her and she trusted your church’s members? If it were me, I would reach out to the young girl, I would talk about the things that she is going through. If someone is there for that young girl it should be the people of our churches!!

The truth can be hard to talk about…but the truth is the truth, we can’t deny it, we can’t ignore it…and as much as we have ignored it

( 70% of post abortive women are church going christians) it is hurting us.

PASTORS AND BODY OF THE CHURCH- When is enough going to be enough? When are we going to speak up? When are we going to come together, all denominations and all religions, to stop the hurting that is caused by sex and it’s life altering consequences?

 IT IS TIME TO SPEAK UP!

Every day despite my circumstances and besides my pain, I choose to see the good. I choose to smile some days. I choose to laugh others. And yes, I still choose to sit on the couch some days. Most importantly every day I choose my reality because it’s another opportunity to be who I was created to be.
What do you choose?

We live in a society that chooses the easy and the comfortable way….What if we decided to choose our reality? What would be different?

To be grateful for our hardship and to be okay with our reality is far fetched for most of us…including myself…but what if we were?

C: It’s the woman’s body, if she really wants an abortion, I’m sorry, but the man shouldnt force her not to. It’s her choice.

My response: While the suicide may or may not have been the reason, I can whole heartedly tell each and every one of you, through personal experience, that abortion affects men too. Do you really believe that while a child is created by a MAN and a woman, a man should have no say in what happens to a pregnancy that he helped create? My biological father never knew about me- he never knew about my twin- when he found out about my biological mother’s abortion attempts (and her successful abortion that aborted my twin brother) his life spiraled down and he ended up in prison. I cant tell you for a fact that the reason he is in prison is because of the abortion- but I can whole heartedly tell you that it affected him in deep hurtful ways. Bottom line is abortion affects men and we, as women, need to stand up for their rights and their choices too.
MEN are often forgotten about and many don’t believe that this is a men’s issue…I often speak of the man’s role in a crisis pregnancy situation and while I, many times, have a differing opinion from others…No one can deny the truth that conception requires involvement from a MAN and a woman.

So why are we so quick, as a society, to ignore the rights of a man just because he is not going to physically deliver the child?

Last night I did an event in Missouri and I acknowledged the men in the room like I usually do…and I realized that it is so common for us, as women, to want a man to be involved in our lives, respect us, advocate for us, care about our wellbeing, etc and yet we don’t want to respect their rights and their “choices” in a basic choice that involves fatherhood. We label men as the ones that want out and are absent from a family and yet, when they want to involved and be considered in THE decision that involves creating a family; we brush their rights , feelings and decisions aside because it’s “not their body.”

Does this make sense to you? I full heartedly believe that women deserve respect, love and the ability to make decisions equally to men…I am an advocate for women…But how can we expect men to treat us equally when we deny their equality to us??

Think about it.

Growing up I knew well that many conflicts were handled this way. In fact, it was a joke in our family because my GranDaddy’s famous line when it came to conflict was “sue him.” He said it no matter what it was- whether it was someone cutting him off in traffic hour or it was a monetary problem. I don’t know if he actually thought the outcome had to be decided in court or if he liked the adrenaline rush of taking someone to court for their disagreements or if he was just joking most of the time…all I know is that he said it.

While it was a joke, my Dad, who had become a Christian in his late teens/early twenties and pursued a life as a missionary and giving up his college degree in engineering, had always told my sister and I that most things could actually be worked out outside of court. Most of the time we can actually give up our pride, compromise…win some and lose others…but in the end, come to an agreement. Easier said than done, right? I thought so too.

As I have grown older, I have watched my dad. I have observed his actions. I have seen how he acts in certain situations and how he responds- sometimes similar to how I would respond and sometimes differently. Not to say that he is perfect (sorry dad) but more times than not, he responded in uniquely positive ways- he responded in ways that most of us wouldn’t have.

For example, when my dad and I have a disagreement, conflict or do not see eye to eye on an issue, he will more often than not, bow out. He will allow me to be independent from his opinions and his wisdom, he will let me figure things out on my own, he will kindly talk to me about whatever issue we are in disagreement about and he will seek wisdom from others in how to counsel me as well as how to put himself in my shoes. He will compromise instead of always having to be on top.

Outside of our family relationships, there have been multiple times (and I’m sure more than I am even aware of) that he has loaned someone money and has not been paid back…in fact these people have often not even acknowledged what he did or that they owed him anything many years down the road…even to this day. While it is frustrating and I know my dad would appreciate the acknowledgement and the reimbursement of the money that he has loaned out- after a couple attempts of discussing, not arguing, the matter with the individual who owes him money, he has let it go…not because he doesn’t need the money– trust me, when you work in ministry, you can always use the money– but because arguing, going to court, loosing friendships, etc over a matter that will only matter on this earth is not worth being upset over for years and years and especially not for the rest of his life.

When I have asked him about this- of course, it is not ideal especially not in his mind (for me, it has just made me angry for him!)- but he told me that he watched his first boss respond in this way to many people when he had found himself in similar situations. He said that when he saw how his boss handled a disagreement or something that wasn’t ideal or even fair or right- that he had been able to approach the situation a few times with morality, dignity, and respect for the other person involved and if the situation was still not resolved that he let it go. He chose to not worry over small conflicts that wouldn’t matter after we pass from this life and enter into the next life.  Dad said that two of the men he respected the most- his first boss and Jesus Christ- responded to conflict, disagreements, situations that were not ideal or wanted with such grace, character, dignity, respect for the other person and intentions to honor themselves, the other person and God before all else and so my dad decided that he was going to respond to situations in the same way- especially sticky situations such as conflict.

Now, I know that not all conflicts and disagreements can be handled out of court. Not all situations can be handled like a monetary issue. Marriage and child custody issues often have to be handled in court because our law requires it…But what if we decided to follow our best examples of how to deal with conflict…what if we gave up a little of our pride and responded in a way that we wouldn’t normally want to. What if we had not only our best interest in mind but that of the other person involved? What if we bowed out instead of stepping up to conflict especially on issues that will only really matter today or for a short period of time? What if we handled our conflict with grace, love and mercy? Would our conflicts, disagreements and situations be handled differently…how?

What does how we deal with these issues say about our character?

Is it something you want to be remembered by?

Do you know of someone who handles not “ideal” situations well?

Do you want to be an example to others of how to deal with conflict and not “ideal” situations?

How will you handle these situations differently from now on?

I know for me, I want to be someone who is known to handle not “ideal” situations, especially conflict, well. I want to be someone that people will look up to and follow just like my dad’s first boss. No, I have not mastered it…but I am praying about it and working on how I am going to deal with conflict not only in my family and with the people I love but with people who are not-so-ideal in my life. It would be so much easier if we lived in a perfect world with ideal outcomes…but we live in a fallen world…and we must not only deal with conflict but we must decide how we are going to respond when situations arise. As for me, I want to respond in the right way. I want to respond with the utmost respect and grace. I have not always done this- in fact, I have responded in hurtful ways more often than not…but today I am making a commitment to try…to try to respond differently; to respond with grace and respect.

Jamie and I hope you know, especially if you have had or are contemplating abortion– You are completely forgiven…And if your child could speak to you today– They would try to understand and they WOULD forgive you. There is nothing too big for God. The cross, that Christ died on for you, covers ALL of your sins, all of MY sins.

A poem by Jamie:

Mommy I’m sorry, for all the pain I’ve caused.
Mommy I’m sorry, for all the tears you’ve cried.
I didn’t mean to hurt you,
Just did what I was told.
I didn’t mean to make you shutter,
When the chamber got so cold.
If only I could tell you,
Then maybe you would see.
Mommy I’m sorry,
You want to get rid of me.
He hurt you perhaps,
And I remind you of that.
Or do you need more time to yourself,
Time to make your mark.
Im sorry for all the shame,
The shame I potentionally could cause.
So sorry for your regret,
Of what has led you here.
Oh mommy I didn’t mean to hurt you,
I just did what I was told.
Mommy I didn’t mean to hurt you,
But you still chose to fold.
Mommy I didn’t mean to hurt you,
With so short a life as mine.
So forgive me please mommy,
In this short but significant time.

–By Jamie Castor, Author.

As she finished speaking and I prepared myself to speak…I found myself in awe. She was not ashamed. She sincerely and somewhat nervously told the story of her life– things that were difficult to share as I saw tears in her eyes throughout most of her 30 minutes on stage– but she gave God all of the glory and she relied on His power made perfect in her weakness. She said “I am not a speaker, I am an actor,” but let me tell you– this was the most real speech I have ever witnessed. She spoke of God and her new found life in Him in a way that I long to speak of… I found myself wondering what it would be like to fully give up my fears, struggles, past and what others thought of me to God and tell the world about it.

I found myself on stage, following Shari’s speech, speaking of my God in a way I hadn’t before. I found myself wondering and hoping that God will open doors for me to be real with people about my own life and my own struggles–and the God who I don’t have to measure up to, the God who takes me as I am. I, more often than not, stand before an audience speaking of the redemptive story of my birth mother, her abortion that took the life of my twin, my survival of the abortion, my life after the abortion and our reunion that gave me the opportunity to tell an amazing story about my God’s love, grace and truth through THAT part of my life….But now more than ever, I want to tell the world of the other parts of my life too- my reality, my failures, my struggles, my shortcomings, the parts of my life that are not “pretty” but that show the world how His power is made perfect in MY weakness…and how it can be the same for every single one of us, if we let Him work in our life and use us.

I have lived a lot of my life trying to impress people, trying to live up to expectations of my parents, family and friends, trying to NOT struggle…but the truth is; I am accepting that I am not perfect, that I am going to fail, that I am going to disappoint (not that I want to but God didn’t make me to hold it all together by myself) so that I can let God use me and work in my life according to His plan and His timing. 

When you think about your life- Do you live your life trying to NOT struggle? Is it working?….If you’re like me, I assume your answer is NO…because God didn’t make us that way. He did, however, make us to live in relationship with Him- not so that we’re perfect- so that He can make himself known to the world as our God who can make our lives make sense when it seems like nothing is working out and everything is a mess. He works it all out.

This is my truth- this is what I’m working on- What’s your truth?

This book talks about the evil of abortion and the abortion industry.

I wanted to share a few things that I’ve learned about late term abortion clinics (after reading this…it’s a miracle that I made it out of a very late term abortion clinic alive!)

There is this clinic is Pennsylvania that used to have certain “abortion packages” for their abortion procedures that women could choose from…just like packages that people can get when they go to a DAY SPA- making abortion sound glamorous…Here is the list of packages they had before they had to take it off because it wasn’t appealing to people/they were loosing clients:

1. Economy Package: This is our most popular package that has been offered since 1973 and enjoyed be several of millions of women in the United States. You can expect to be in an abortion facility for about 4 hours. Several other clients will be joining you as you learn about the basics of pregnancy termination, birth control, and aftercare. Outpatient surgery is simple, quick and safe. Personal review of medical history and emotional check-in are available; beverages and snacks will be served and a choice of pain relievers is yours, all for a reasonable fee of $350.

2. The Lunch Hour Special: Designed for the busy woman for whom time is more valuable than money. Make your appointment online and submit your personal medical information for review in advance of your appointment. Lab work can be performed at your convenience ahead of time. The physician is kind, quick and gentle. Some sedatives may not be available in this time frame, but we guarantee service in one hour. $600

3. The Family Package: This is an important decision in your life and of course you want your loved ones around you!! You can be accompanied through every phase of this prcoess by the person you choose. Counseling is available for all family members and includes training and suggestions for them to participate in your care. Flowers, breakfast in bed, baby-sitting, just tell us what you want and we’ll pass it along. We stress support and coping skills, before, during and after your abortion. Choice of abortion pill (additional $100) or surgical abortion. $650

4. DIY (Do-It-Yourself): Are you the kind of person who does a lot of research? Someone who knows what you want? Do you want to avoic the hustle bustle- and waiting time- of a busy clinic? Would you like your abortion in the comfort of your own home? Take a pill today and choose when you bleed anytime in the next three days, safely, completely, in your own home. Full instructions and educational video included and our 24 hour advice line is open to you. Available only in early pregnancy. Some restrictions apply. Like everything else you do, have this experience on your own terms! $550.

5. Deluxe Spa Treatment: Get the luxury and the personal attention you deserve!! Check into our personal suite at the Jetson Hotel where you will meet with our experienced guide who will be available to you for your abortion experience. After extensive orientation for you and your partner or family, enjoy a relaxing massage and jaccuzi. Full emotional support is available to you and those close to you, tailored to your needs. A full range of sedatives and pain relievers to choose from make for a pain-free procedure by your experienced and friendly physician. Recover back in your suite and choose from 3 relaxing options- a foot massage, a mud pack facial or a rebalancing of your shakras by our expert Reiki master. Our guide will be available to you to review aftercare and discuss any emotional issues. Full cable and choice of video entertainment available, and enjoy our feather pillow beds for a good nights sleep. $3000

6. Spiritual Journey: Ending a pregnancy is not just a physical act but also a spiritual process. Meet with our spiritual healer and guide a week in advance to plan the ritual journey that will meet your spiritual needs. Native American (Taino tradition), Eastern Philosophy, nature inspired (pagan), or customed designed ceremonies are available to you and to the support people who will accompany you on your spirit quest. Or, design your own rituals with the help of our experienced guides. Check in to our mountain retreat Friday night for a ritual cleansing and spiritual preparation. Have the surgical procedure when you are ready for the separation of paths with the spirit child within you. Miscarriage with medicines and herbs is available early in pregnancy. A follow up ritual a year and a day later is included in this package. $5000

7. Full Emotional Support- Deciding to end a pregnancy may well be the most difficult emotional crisis a woman or couple my face. Our experienced counselor will spend 2 hours with you and a support person of your choice, and your appointment will be scheduled 2-7 days after that. The counselor will explore relationship and identity issues, personal goals, religious and spiritual concerns, and offer interactive skill-building to you and your significant other. A choice of 3 self-help books are included with additional suggestions for grief work and emotional aftercare. The procedure will be performed by an experienced and kind physician in privacy, with your choice of pain relievers and sedatives. Or choose to miscarry with medicines at home ($100 extra.) Two follow-up visits with our licensed and experienced counselors are available one week and one month after the procedure. Consultation by phone with the clergy or spiritual leader of your belief system included, if desired. $1000.

8. Discount Package: A basic “no frills” package is available for those women who dont need ambiance or additional support. No additional sedation is available without additional cost. Licensed physicians perform the safe surgery in less than 5 minutes. Expect delays and waiting time. No support people allowed in counseling or medical area. If you want to spend the money on something else, this package may work for you, but we encourage you to consult our website for a complete overview of the abortion experience. $250 cash only.

9. Abortions Anonymous: For the woman who wants to tell no one, keep it secret and have no record of having been there, we offer an anonymous service with private hours. Counseling offered to explore any feelings and potential emotional side-effects. No names taken. $950, cash only.

(#9- by the way- is ILLEGAL.)

That’s the list of “abortion packages” that were offered. I guess that’s one way to make abortion glamorous. 

I find it interesting that they felt the need to go to such measures to attract people to their abortion clinic to get their abortion services. What made them go to such extremes to have a MENU of ways to get your abortion.

Not only that…but they obviously knew that abortion came with emotional trauma and spiritual trauma…so much that their clients would need such emotional support and to dive into a spiritual journey to recover from whatever happens during that abortion procedure…the procedure they are trying to hard to mask with a menu for an abortion to suit the needs and wants of their clients. If abortion is such a piece of cake and peoples lives go back to normal after a procedure like this (like they tell clients these days), why even bother providing such luxorious services? If it’s “no big deal” and a “quick fix” as advertized by Planned Parenthood and abortion facilities across our nation, why not just tell people the truth…why not tell people it’s painful and that they will most likely need some type of spiritual and/or emotional recovery afterwards?

It’s very sad to me that men and women are taken advantage of and targeted in such a manner as this. Although this clinic is no longer offering this MENU of services, I know there have been and still are many abortion facilities that attempt to make abortion look like it’s just a normal medical procedure that takes only a day or two to recover from physically that comes with little emotional struggles for the average woman…when really, abortion is tearing our country apart. It’s our plague. It’s tearing peoples lives apart, marriages apart, relationships apart and ultimately, it is giving Satan a foothold into our souls that can be forever damaging. 

What if the abortion industry told the TRUTH about what takes place during an abortion? What if they didn’t hide behind their glamour and their billions of funds they receive each year to make the abortion industry look like a good service? What if they told people of the pain it causes not only the unborn child but the mothers and fathers and families? What if they told people that they have scripted answers to tell their clients because the truth would send every mother and father right back out the doors? What if they revealed to the mothers, fathers and families that they would need a lot of emotional support including years of therapy after their procedure? What if they told their clients that science proves that the “tissue” is actually a child? What if they told the mothers and fathers what a gift being a parent is because most of the people working in the clinics are mothers and fathers…What if they told us that they gave up their morality to make money?

John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

As we remember such a time as the Holocaust- a season of time where so many innocent lives were taken by a brutal death and a brutal killing…simply because they were a “minority” and seen as “unfit” or “unwanted.” This happened because a man named Hitler decided he didn’t want a certain race, religion and population on our planet.

So, he formulated Concentration Camps- places that “concentrated” on the brutal killing and experimentation of innocent human beings. When I think about this holocaust, it sounds very familiar to me…

It sounds just like the Holocaust the Margaret Sanger created and named “Planned Parenthood.” She said that her goal was to exterminate the minority population…and in her own words, her reason for this extermination was based on race, whether or not the child would be born completely healthy (if not, she referred to them as “morons”) and based on the fact that women that find themselves in a crisis pregnancy center are vulnerable and can be easily taken advantage of. She said that “the most merciful thing a large family can do to one of it’s infant members is to kill it.” Does this sound at all similar to the Holocaust’s strategy or should I say tactic?

Planned Parenthood today serves as the largest abortion provider in the country. ABORTION= the killing of innocent children. Planned Parenthood also experiments and distributes the parts of the aborted babies to be used for many purposes such as research; the same way innocent people in the concentration camps were painfully and graphically experimented on for research or just because they had the power to do it.

As we think about the horrific time period where Hitler ran these concentration camps known as the Holocaust…let us not forget about our current Holocaust in our country today that is taking the children of 1 in 3 parents; to be more specific 1 in 2 African American parents (which is considered to be a “minority population” as mentioned above) adding up to 4,000 babies lives every single day. Our Holocaust today is ABORTION. 

As the thought of Hitler’s Holocaust leaves us disturbed and uncomfortable– I have to wonder WHY have we become so UNdisturbed and comfortable with the thought of Planned Parenthood and abortion? We NEED to be UNcomfortable and disturbed…We need to be SO disturbed that we take action! We make it stop!

The Holocaust that we silently remember today is not over….it is worse. We are taking the lives of our own children. Speak up.