I have been practicing meditation for over 30 years. I started in 1979 when I discovered that meditation was a way to deal with anxiety. Since then, the simple act of closing my eyes and emptying my mind has completely transformed my life!

Not only has it helped me reduce fear and negative thinking, it cleared away many of the limiting beliefs and feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem that prevented me from achieving the happiness and success I saw for myself.

Meditation awakened my creativity and inspiration. I became more focused and my thinking processes became more coherent. I began to realize that I could do anything I set my mind to and that I could face any challenge.

Meditation was instrumental in helping me become successful in business, real estate, audio engineering, song writing, teaching, public speaking, coaching and my 30-year successful relationship with my wife.

The Problem of The Mind

The mind is a powerful form of energy. It is designed to think and generate thought. If you feed it with knowledge, it repeats the same knowledge, over and over again. It is merely an object of perception — a mechanism.

The mind is often confused, fearful, agitated, rebellious, and subject to innumerable conditioned mindsets and automatic patterns. It disengages itself due to so much thinking, but you do not have to be a slave to your thoughts.

There’s nothing wrong with thinking – it’s when you get lost in the mind’s dysfunction that you become dislodged from the intuitive source of the mind.

If you have the tendency to continually ask questions, or if it refuses to quiet down, this is a sign that you may have become a slave to your mind, and that it is time to transcend the mind and emotions to get to that place of equanimity or silence.

Imagine a pendulum as it swings between two poles. Can you see how the power that makes the pendulum move rests at the center point in between the alternating swings? At the still point of your mind is the source of thought. At the source of the mind is where you find your true power.

Learning to meditate brings you to the still point between the gap between two thoughts and practicing meditation is how you tune into your power.

What is Meditation?

Imagine a cloudless sky. This is your mind on meditation. As you notice and observe your thinking mind and the thoughts or “clouds” that arise, you become aware of simply being. This heightens state of awareness is meditation.

When the mind is silent, concentration is increased and you can experience inner peace in the midst of worldly turmoil.

I love the Anais Nin quote, “ You don’t see things as they are, you see things as YOU are.”

A regular practice of meditation can help you embody your inner peace to the extent that it becomes so contagious that it spreads to your friends, family and planet.

Your Brain on Meditation

Researchers at Harvard Medical School used MRI technology on participants to monitor brain activity while they meditated.

The sections of the brain that lit up during meditation were the sections of the brain in charge of the autonomic nervous system, which governs the functions in our bodies that we can’t control, such as digestion and blood pressure.

These are also the functions that are often compromised by stress. It makes sense, then, that modulating these functions would help ward off stress-related conditions such as heart disease, digestive problems and infertility.

Other research indicates that meditation increases the size of the hippo-campus, the portion of the brain that controls learning and memory. It also decreases the density of the amygdala, the part of the brain that stores stress and anxiety.

Studies show how meditation and mindfulness practice has success in enhancing mental agility and attention by changing brain structure and function so that brain processes are more efficient, the quality associated with higher intelligence.

Research at Harvard University has established that meditation actually increases the pre-frontal cortex of your brain, the part of the brain responsible for positive emotions, and the production of neurotransmitters that help us feel happy and relaxed.

In addition, people who meditate show dramatic increases in “whole-brain thinking” and learning, providing far greater comprehension ability and dramatically increased retention of various types of data received.

More Benefits of Meditation

In a study, published in Psychosomatic Medicine, taught a randomized group of 90 cancer patients mindful meditation. After seven weeks, those who had meditated reported that they were significantly less depressed, anxious, angry and confused than the control group, which hadn’t practiced meditation.

The meditators also had more energy and fewer heart and gastrointestinal problems than did the other group.

Meditation can also boost your immune system.

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin found that people who completed eight weeks of meditation training produced more antibodies to a flu vaccine and showed signs of increased activity in brain areas related to positive emotion than people who didn’t meditate.

It is the nature of the mind to magnify small things and turn them into serious problems. The judging mind has a tendency to dwell on the minor faults of others resulting in conflicts.

This mindset is a common source of unhappiness and division for many humans. Adopting a meditation practice allows us to see good qualities while minor faults seem unimportant.

Meditators are less angry, self-reflective and more loving. When you spend time with yourself in contemplation, you become aware that you are interconnected with others and that all humans want happiness and to suffer less.

You begin to see yourself in others, and you become more self-accepting and compassionate toward yourself.

Folks who practice meditation find themselves adopting optimistic mindsets and are less depressed. They have fewer negative thoughts and show a decrease in chronic and acute anxiety.

Meditators are less reactive and have longer fuses. They exhibit reduced aggression, and less emotional agitation in response to experiences or situations.

There is a reduced reliance on prescribed and un-prescribed drugs, or alcohol. They are better able to cope with life’s circumstances and they enjoy better sleep.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is bringing one’s complete attention to the present experience on a moment-to-moment basis, non-judgmentally, just as it is.

If we stop and look at the thoughts that go through our minds, we would find that many of our thoughts are in dealing with the past or future. We are either fearful or worried about what will happen in the future or we are ruminating about the past.

By dwelling on the past or future, we are unable to live in the present moment.

As the mind approaches a state referred to as, “least excitation,” the mind is no longer influenced by the obsessive mental state, from which worry and stress is generated. Instead, the mind is naturally absorbed in present moment awareness. As the mind deepens in this state of harmony, worry and stress cannot survive.

Meditation is about expansion of awareness. This probably has more value than anything else. When you clear your awareness, you expand your range of choices, make better decisions and gain a better understanding of your life’s purpose.

What The World Needs Now

When I look at the research and the sheer weight of all the benefits that one can realize through the simple act of closing your eyes, being still and quieting the mind – it becomes clear that it’s almost foolish not to meditate.

From the inside out, the practice of meditation has completely galvanized my life. It has changed my emotional and psychological nature and freed my mind from limiting beliefs, negative mindsets, fear, anxiety, restlessness and mood swings.

It has made me more forgiving of myself and others. It has opened my heart and helped me find joy in appreciating the simplicity of life, and cultivate a real abiding happiness.

Meditation teaches us acceptance and to appreciate life just as it is; we learn to value our present circumstances.

If meditation expands awareness, brings peace, patience and compassion, with less fear and more joy – these are worth bringing into the world. I believe that meditation has the power to change everything and everyone, one mind at a time.

If you’ve always wanted to learn how to meditate, this is your lucky day. I have just published, “Meditation For Beginners” available on Amazon/Kindle. Click Here To Find Out More…

There’s a saying, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.” Or, “The more you do, the more you’ll do.”

I’ve always have many balls up in the air. I’m the President of a local Toastmaster Club, the leader of a band, I blog, I teach meditation and I’m a succesful coach.

With all this going on in my mind sometimes it gets a little overwhelming.

Do you ever get stuck and unsure about which way to turn next? Maybe you’re agonizing over discovering your passion or purpose, what brings you joy, how to make more money or how to find that perfect relationship.

Sometimes you can over-think the problem to the point where your mind becomes muddled and confused.

Maybe you get to the point of overwhelm and you just find yourself feeling stuck. You know – analysis paralysis. Sometimes life just gets complicated.

I’ve been there many times as I have a curious mind and can see many sides to a problem. I’ve tried many techniques for getting clear when life gets confusing. Here are my 7 top tried-and-true tips for getting clear when life gets complex.

1. Give Your Mind a Rest

Retreat! Take time to be quiet and meditate. Use mind-quieting techniques that will help you calm your over-active mind. Here’s a link to my Free “How To Meditate” guide.

Practice the techniques inside this guide for 30 days. Once centered, you’ll see your life more clearly and you’ll be able to make better decisions to support your worthy goals.

2. Work Out

When someone asked entrepreneur, Richard Branson what his number one top productivity and confidence tip was, he simply said: “Work out.”

I’ve noticed that when I’m in a mental funk, all I need to do is go to the gym. When I get back to the office, I’m more energized, clear and focused.

• If your mind is confused and cluttered – work out
• If you want more energy – work out
• If you want to keep from getting sick – work out
• If you want more focus – work out
• If you want to look better in your jeans – work out

3. Pro-Con Statement

When faced with a decision, one of the most valuable tools I use is a pro and con statement.

Take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle of the page. Across the top of the page, draw a horizontal line to form a T. Label the left side “Pro” and the right side “Con.” Now create a question around your challenge or decision.

For example, “Should I stay in my current career or should I become a freelancer and go out on my own?” Now list all the options in favor or against this question.

After listing all your pros and cons, add them up. Often, simply doing this exercise will bring great awareness and clarity.

4. Create a Mind Map

A mind map is a diagram used to represent words, ideas, tasks, or other items linked to and arranged around a central key word or idea.

I use mind maps to bring clarity for my business and personal life. I start with one central theme and then brainstorm. I like using MindMeister.com.

5. Revisit Your SMART Goals

I’ve found that using Smart goal setting helps me clarify my vision for my future-life. Smart goal setting keeps me clear and on track.

S.M.A.R.T. Goal Setting is an acronym for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely goal attainment.

- Specific
When you get specific and crystal clear on exactly the “who, what, when, where and why”, your chances of attaining you goal increases by leaps and bounds. Writing a goal like, “lose weight” is much too general.

A specific goal would be, “Make an appointment with a dietician on Monday at 1:00 PM to plan my new dietary lifestyle, meet with my trainer on Wednesday to discuss my work out regimen, and buy running shoes and work out clothes to keep me inspired,” is decidedly more specific.

- Measurable
Ask yourself, “How much, how many and how will I know when it is accomplished?” You need to be able to measure your progress. Set a target date and mark the calendar.

Make a sign and tape it to your computer and look at it everyday. When you hit your target, feel the exhilaration of your accomplishment. It will spur you on to reach your next smart goal.

- Attainable
When you write down goals that are meaningful to you, you’ll figure out ways of making them come true. When you clarify and define your smart goals, previously overlooked opportunities arise and become more apparent.

This awareness brings you closer to achieving your goals. You begin to see the new attitudes, skills and finances required to reach your smart goals. As you grow and expand, goals that may have seemed elusive or far away, move closer and become attainable.

- Realistic
For a goal to be realistic, you must truly believe in your heart of hearts that it can be achieved. Do you love your goal? Does it inspire you? Some of the loftiest goals ever accomplished actually were realized simply because they were a labor of love.

Ask yourself if you are passionate about your goal and if you are willing and able to accomplish it. If you accomplished this kind of goal in the past, it is more likely that you will accomplish it in the future.

- Timely
If you are a marathon runner and there isn’t a finish line, how do you know when to stop running? A smart goal should have a time frame. Without a finish line, there’s no definitive sense that you have attained your goal.

Setting a time frame keeps the sub-conscious mind aware of your goal. State clearly, in written form, “I will lose 5 pounds by April 15, 2011.” Use your Google calendar reminder tools to send you a daily email to keep you on track.

6. Take a Vacation

Maybe all you need is a little rest and relaxation. What about re-creation? You know what they say, sometimes you just need a change of scenery. Take a hike, go to the beach or go somewhere in nature.

7. Hire A Coach

A coach listens to you from an objective viewpoint and reflects back your language and beliefs.

A coach expands your view and drops you into a new reality and a new clarity. As you clear your mind of old mindsets and beliefs, you begin to heal yourself.

Call me 404-NOW-MIND for a free 30 minute get-aquainted session. Together, we’ll identify your challenges and strategize solutions.

Do you ever get sick and tired of yourself? You know… it’s all about me, me, me.

What’s for dinner? How can I make more money? When will I find that perfect relationship? What will I be when I grow up? What’s my next diversion?

If you listen to the gurus they’ll tell you: Be yourself everyone else has been taken. What color is your parachute? Do what you love and the money will follow.

You practice the law of attraction, you visualize ideal outcomes, you say your affirmations.

But guess what? Your mind is still crazy – it never stops.

You try and think new thoughts but you end up getting the same results over and over again.

More More More

Doesn’t it seem like you’re always searching for more and you’re never satisfied?

More meaning, more fulfillment, more life.

Like a marathon runner without a finish line, you just keep on running. You’re getting tired and your head hurts.

In my coaching practice, the biggest limiting belief and mindset I run across with all my clients is “I’m not good enough.”

Something is always missing. I’m not talented enough, I’m not young enough, I need more knowledge, I need more money. It seems at every stage in our lives there is something new that we’re not. This dissatisfaction causes discontent and unhappiness – you turn into a sour puss.

Have you ever noticed that in your mind’s world – one thought leads to another? I’m going to tell you a story to illustrate what I mean….

The other day I was walking by a fruit stand and noticed a big stack of lemons. My first thought was, “Wow, what a big stack of lemons!” Next thought…”What a splash of yellow color!”

Then a new thought.. “Hmm…fresh lemonade on a hot summer day.” Suddenly a picture of the actor Jack Lemon flashed in my mind. Then I noticed a car across the street – I thought, I used to own a car like that – boy was it a lemon!

All these different thoughts from one big stack of lemons!

The nature of the mind is more. It’s a giant dream machine. But this more-ness requires – you guessed it – more thinking and more thinking causes complexity.

Simply Be

As I kid – I was simple. I remember walking down the road singing without a care in the world.

But then I got older. I got education. I got religion. I got complicated.

I love the biblical quotation, “Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They toil not, neither do they spin.” Flowers don’t try to grow. They just grow. They are magnificent in their own right.

So you throw up your hands and say, why am I trying so hard?

This morning I noticed a bird singing happily at the top of it’s lungs in our back yard. Suddenly, he flew directly into our window and was instantly killed. As we buried the dead bird I thought…

Your life is fragile and you have a limited number of heartbeats.

If you’re caught up in your head and can’t relax maybe it’s time for a mental vacation. I challenge you to do something RADICAL, something that is completely counter-intuitive. Something that will squeeze the sour right out of your lemon.

Think Less And Be More

Easy to say but hard to do – right? Nope.

1. Close your eyes. Just be aware of your breathing.
2. Count your in-breath as 1 and out-breath as 2, in-breath as 3 and out-breath as 4 and so on.
3. If you notice yourself thinking a thought – go back to 1.
4. Practice this simple exercise daily for 2 weeks.

This simple practice will help you clear your mind and help you focus. It will also help you to simply be.

To be contented with yourself just as you are is simplicity. In this simplicity you’ll find peace of mind. Then you can embody this peace to the extent that it becomes so contagious that it spreads to your family, friends and planet.

You’ll be in a better position to make lemonaid when life gives you lemons.

Remember, you don’t see things as they are, you see things as you are.

Love Is All There Is

Love is the continual, inexorable, evolutionary progression toward reunion with the Godhead. With God’s out-breath came the Big Bang.

Along with the creation of countless divine sparks of individualized units of pure consciousness, the outflowing of Her Love began.

This Divine Will and expansion still roars through the universe in the form of Divine Light and Sound.

It will end when all souls become refined and return to their Creator. This in-breath, is God’s love and grace for His Creation.

Love, is simply the pull towards a reunification with our Creator.

The highest form of love is the love of God. It is the glue that draws us to the Divinity we see in others. It is a recognition that is simply a reflection of the Divinity we see and feel within ourselves.

Since God created man and woman for Her pleasure, She also wants us to be happy. In our evolutionary progression toward growth, we learn to leave behind what is nonessential.

As we learn to sublimate our egos and become more surrendered and comfortable with our new-found Self-realization, we begin to see life in a more loving way.

In releasing the ego and its hold on ours minds, we find a new invincibility. We begin to see that love is all there is.

Seeing reality in this new way, without the burdens of conditioned responses, addictions, fears, neuroses, anxieties and judgments, our hearts begin to open and we begin to feel and come to recognize the love for all in all. In this understanding, we find a quiet patience, simplicity and surrender.

In this process of subtraction, surrender, compassion and refinement, we begin to understand the flow of life. Through conscious meditation, a loosening of the ego’s hold on our minds, eliminating compulsive negative thinking, and finally learning to cherish others, we begin to sense a true security and invincibility.

This security, or ground of being, is the silent anchor we feel when we are in union with our Higher Selves. Our desire to feel safe and complete in a relationship is just this simple ‘ground of being’ that we seek to find with others.

When we, as individualized souls become localized on the earthly plane, we struggle and take on the cycle of rebirth in order to learn and become more refined.

We come back as male and female in order to completely experience and understand both polarities of God’s manifest nature. After which, these polarities are sublimated and transmuted into the One.

The eternal dance between souls is a co-mingling of emotion, desire, dysfunction and drama. True union is achieved when each partner begins to think a little more of the other, rather than of oneself.

This can be achieved through awareness, meditation and mindfulness.

The universe is made up of energy. I believe this energy is love. This outpouring of love awaits us each day when we wake up, and it is there when we go to sleep.

If we can muster the courage to relinquish the ego’s control over the mind, overcome our conditioned responses, loosen compulsive thinking, burnout past karmas and impressions, we finally learn to be intensely present, and clearly see truth in our lives.

We then begin to love all of creation and realize that love is all there is.

I’ve been having more than my usual share of economic and health-related challenges lately, but that’s okay – I’m a survival expert.

I left for the road when I was 17 with nothing but a guitar and suitcase. I’ve come a long way since then and I’ve made it all on my own.

I toured throughout Canada and the US as a self-taught guitarist playing six nights a week for 14 years for 52 two weeks a year.

I played the pits to the ritz from Newfoundland to British Columbia and back again.

We would travel on Sundays, sometimes for great distances and get to the gig strung out and bleary-eyed just in time to play on Monday night. You know what they say, “The show must go on.”

I remember arduous 24-hour road trips across the Canadian prairies, Eastern maritime provinces or the Rocky Mountains through blizzards and storms.

Exhausted, we’d pull into the worst flea bag motel you’ve ever seen in your life. I remember thinking, “This place is disgusting.”

In really bad rooms, for a better night’s sleep, sometimes I’d take a door off it’s hinges to support a very worn and droopy mattress.

To save money, we’d often cook in our rooms. Peanut butter was a musician’s staple. We did our laundry in the bath tub and kept our milk cold in a bucket of ice.

Have I Got Stories to Tell!

I remember spending Christmas day eating Chinese food in a remote Northern Ontario lumber town and coming back to a gray lonely room with paper thin walls and a leaky ceiling. You could easily overhear french-speaking neighbors arguing in the adjacent room.

We carried all of our belongings with us. My guitar, music cassettes and spiritual books were my solace.

Many night’s I’d like awake, my ears still ringing from loud amplifiers, trying to figure out how to build myself up emotionally for the road life I chose.

I had no choice but to develop self-reliance and resilience. Not only did I learn how to survive – I learned how to thrive in difficult times.

Build Emotional Muscle

If you’re going through a difficult time right now, you may be indirectly preparing yourself for the future.

Maybe you are being asked to exercise emotional muscles you haven’t worked out before.

Maybe courage, persistence and a sense of humor are new positive mindsets you need to get you through to the next phase of your life.

One of the greatest qualities I learned from those days on the road was flexibility.

If you didn’t learn to adapt and be flexible with the various unexpected situations that would arise, you would end up being a very unhappy camper – I learned the hard way – go with the flow.

Remove Resistance

I learned that all struggle and pain is a result of your resistance to something.

To the degree that you can have less resistance, the greater the reduction of pain and suffering you will experience.

I learned to accept what happens, even if it is uncomfortable. The sooner you stop resisting, the sooner the discomfort will end.

When you stop resisting, there’s more room for you to become receptive to new possibilities and transformation.

Master Your Mindset Tool – Letting Whatever Happens Be Okay

Here’s a new video I created that teaches you how to develop a new positive mindset that will help you “go with the flow” and let whatever happens be okay.

If you practice this new positive mindset, I guarantee it will change the way you look a life forever and give you tools to deal with stressful situations and events in your life.

Get a Better Inner Game for A Better Outer Game

I’m still a guitar player, but now I work a different kind of room. When I speak at seminars or workshops – I work the meeting room.

As a content creator and mindset coach in this new economy, I see that ideas bring freedom and inspiration.

I use my life experiences and expert knowledge and ideas to help other people improve their lives or businesses so they’ll be able to have more income and fulfilling relationships.

When a problem arises, I start from the inside out.

I ask, what mindsets or limiting beliefs are preventing you from breaking through to the next level of success you see for yourself.

I’ve learned to master my inner game for a better outer game because you don’t see things as they are – you see things as you are.

Long-time meditators simply see. They assign very little meaning to reality.

After taking their spiritual lives so seriously, they have come to understand that life isn’t serious at all – it just is.

If you have unconscious mindsets or beliefs that upset or cause you pain, here are valuable tools that will transform the way you look at life forever – I promise!

This Christmas I watched the movie, “Home Alone.” It’s a story of an eight-year-old boy, who is mistakenly left behind when his family flies to Paris for their Christmas vacation.

While initially relishing time by himself, he misses his family and feels responsible for wishing they would leave him alone.

After watching the movie, I noticed that I was feeling negative feelings about my family. I felt sad and disconnected. As I watched my feelings surrounding this situation, it became clear that I had two choices in how to deal with these negative feelings.

1. Choose to ascribe no meaning to the situation
2. Claim ownership of my feelings and say, “I am angry, sad, unhappy and disappointed”

I chose number 1.

Negative Feelings

Our problems don’t exist outside of us. It is our minds that are thinking stressful thoughts and it is our response to the problem that creates negative feelings.

The stress we feel has everything to do with the meaning we decide to give the situations we experience in our lives.

What Meaning?

There is no inherent meaning in anything. We, with our minds, assign meaning to whatever we choose to find meaningful.

Some find meaning in sporting events, while others find meaning in music or nature.

The meanings we give to situations, events and relationships are the biggest cause of our unrest, unhappiness and misery.

Here are two of my favorite fables that illustrate how we attribute meaning to our experiences and relationships in life.

Is That So?

The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbors as one living a pure life.

A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child.

This made her parents angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin.

In great anger the parent went to the master. “Is that so?” was all he would say.

After the child was born it was brought to Hakuin. By this time he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him, but he took very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbors and everything else he needed.

A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth – the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fish market.

The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back.

Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was: “Is that so?”

We’ll See…

A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away.

All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses. The man and his son corralled all 21 horses.

All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.

All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.

All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

Your Experiences

For the sake of this article, let’s call situations, events, occurrences, relationships and circumstances: Experiences.

These experiences are what is happening in your life and have no inherent meaning in and of themselves. What happens in reality and the meaning you give those experiences exist only in your mind.

Separate Meaning From Experience

When you are able to separate the meaning you give to life’s circumstance and situations – your negative feelings disappear!

Happy Face Positive Mindset Tool

With this simple 3 step positive mindset tool, I promise to completely transform the way you experience your reality.

Do this for 10 days – I promise you’ll get more happiness, poise and inner peace – guaranteed!

Remember, everything that is happening in your life, events, occurrences, situations, circumstances and relationships have no inherent meaning in and of themselves.

1. Notice Negative Feelings. Be extremely aware every time you notice a negative feeling, like “I’m upset, angry, hurt, dissatisfied, scared etc.”
2. Check Meaning. Ask yourself what meaning you gave to the event or circumstance that made you feel the negative feeling.
3. Separate Meaning From Experience. See the situation or circumstance separately from the meaning you gave it. When you can separate the meaning from the experience – the meaning you gave it will disappear.

PRESTO! Meaningless experiences can’t produce negative feelings. Instant Happy Face!

Message In A Bottle

When my friend Sal Terrezza told me about his “jar” technique to help him better cope with his teenage daughters – I immediately saw the benefit and modified it a bit.

Every time you notice a negative feeling like, “Wow, I was really offended by what that person said to me – I am really hurt.” Or, “I’ve lost a lot of money, what will become of me? I am so afraid.”

Cut up a small slip of paper, write down the negative emotion and take a match and burn off the corners – but leave the message intact.

Put the slip of paper in a glass jar. This will serve to bring awareness to your negative emotions.

You’ll be able to place yourself outside of your feelings realizing that you HAVE feelings but you are NOT your feelings.

This distinction between “you” and “your feelings.” allows you to see and release the effects they have on you.

Burning the edges of the paper further symbolizes the release of these negative emotions.

Okay, show of hands…

Who wonders why some people achieve enormous success and some don’t?

Why is it that most people who win the lottery lose all their money and happiness in five years?

Why is it that regardless of the ups and downs in the economy the ratio of wealthy people to poor people remain relatively the same?

Did you know that 99% of what goes on in your mind is unconscious? These behind-the-scenes beliefs and mindsets are responsible for most of your thoughts, feelings and behavior.

They are like wallpaper we see every day and soon don’t notice any more. They become “the writing on our walls.”

But it’s not your fault…

Between birth and 6 years your brainwaves were in Alpha and Theta states. These states are very receptive to new ideas and most of your underlying beliefs were programmed into your subconscious mind during those years.

A belief is something you consider to be true. The beliefs you form in childhood become the truths you live by and affect what you experience in life, including your level of success or failure in any endeavor.

Okay, I’ll ask the question again:

Why do some people achieve enormous success and some don’t?

We all have similar brains and minds, right? Your brain is your hardware – your mind is your software. If your software is corrupted or the code is bloated – maybe it’s time to re-format your hard drive and install new ways of thinking.

Successful people think differently than average people. Either their software was optimized at birth or they’ve worked hard to re-program their mind’s software through awareness, strengthening their strengths, self-discipline and learning.

Thoughts are things. Whatever you think about most will show up in your life. If you are unconsciously thinking about lack – guess what? Lack will keep showing up in your life!

How will you attract healthy and fulfilling relationships if you are unconsciously thinking that you’re unworthy or not good enough?

Until you clear and release those limiting beliefs and mindsets that prevent you from breaking through to the next level of success, no matter how hard you try – the success you desire will elude you.

If these beliefs are holding you back, doesn’t it make sense to shed them?

Your rarest and most valuable state is awareness, so the first step is becoming aware of those automatic limiting beliefs and mindsets you’ve grown to be so comfortable with.

• Then you can make a decision to release them.

Let’s dig deeper – below your conscious mind and into your subconscious mind – and identify those beliefs and mindsets that might be sabotaging your success.

1- You’re Not Good Enough

This is the big kahuna of limiting beliefs. If these words make up your internal dialogue, you’re not alone.

Somewhere along the way, I bought into the idea that I wasn’t good enough, so I decided to that I would try and become perfect. Like a marathon runner that never reaches the finish line, I tirelessly worked for perfection.

Of course we all know that perfection is an illusion. Perfection is an escape that actually prevents you from moving forward because you lose sight of your objectives and waste valuable time attending to minor details.

When you finally release the self-imposed pressure of perfection, you have more energy to attend to the actionable steps that will quickly propel you toward the success you desire.

Feeling like you’re not good enough or unworthy is closely related to the fear that you won’t survive. It is most likely an early belief that your survival depended on someone else taking care of you.

I have broken free from that old script and realize that I am fully able to take care of myself – no matter what happens.

Since you are the only person who is responsible for your self-worth, you must continually remind yourself and truly believe that you are good enough. This new positive belief will allow you to let go of your endless quest for perfection.

• I found my self-value, self-esteem and self-worth through a regular practice of meditation.

Meditation allowed me to pare away many of the false ideas and unconscious beliefs I had about myself and identify the real power of my being and allowed me to be totally comfortable in my own skin.

Repeat after me, out loud and with full conviction.

I believe the following to be true and I see evidence of these statements around me all the time.

I am worthy. I am good enough. I am lovable.

2- You Don’t Value Yourself

Dig deep and think about your parent’s words and attitudes surrounding value. How did your parents value themselves and what did they teach you about how you value yourself?

Beliefs around value and money are closely related to the “I’m not worthy” mindset. If you can clear and release old patterns about how you value yourself – you’ll go a long way toward uncovering a rock-solid self-esteem and self-confidence beyond your wildest dreams.

Coming to terms with why you show up on the planet helps uncover you inner self-worth. When you truly match your talents and gifts with what the world needs now, you will find your intrinsic self worth.

When you understand your true value – you can feel secure in raising your prices. You can feel secure in knowing that you deserve to be paid what you’re worth.

Repeat after me, out loud and with full conviction.

I believe the following to be true and I see evidence of these statements around me all the time.

I am valuable. I am abundant. People love to give me money. I am already as valuable and worthwhile as anyone else.

3- You Can’t Afford It

What is this mindset telling you about yourself?

It’s saying, I’m fearful for my survival and I will protect my assets and property because I lack confidence in myself to recreate success again.

Feeling that you do not have the necessary resources like money, time, intelligence, training, credentials, creativity, help, friends and family to support you is: resistance to life.

This resistance to life is supported by your behind-the-scenes script that tells you that you don’t believe in your ability to create or attract abundance.

This is the story that affirms your unconscious fear of lack.

This is the story that attracts more lack.

Imagine this…

How would you feel if you were making $100,000.00 per month? Get into your body right now and imagine how you would feel? Write down the words. This is the feeling that attracts more abundance.

The next time your shadow pops up and tells you that you can’t afford it – remember this feeling.

Repeat after me, out loud and with full conviction.

I believe the following to be true and I see evidence of these statements around me all the time.

I can afford it. I am confident in my ability to create abundance. Life is naturally abundant. There is enough for everyone

4 – You’re Addicted To Struggle

Have you made an unconscious commitment to yourself that life should be a struggle?

Since we learn our worldview from our parents, if our parents taught us to think that life is a struggle and that money and success don’t come easily – this becomes the story we tell ourselves.

I know many artists who identify with this belief. They hold the mindset that it is necessary and noble to struggle and sacrifice for their art. Many have a chip on their shoulder believing they should be paid more for the value they create.

If society doesn’t support them, they feel devalued. This catch 22 perpetuates the “I’m not good enough” belief and leads them on a endless journey of seeking constant recognition to help bolster their low self-esteem.

If you are addicted to struggle you can see the results of your patterns simply be looking at the results in your life. If you find that at the end of the year, your income is the same as last year, you can be sure that you have a limiting belief towards struggle.

If you suspect you hold a struggle mindset, ask yourself this important question:

Who would I be in the world without my addiction to struggle?

Repeat after me, out loud and with full conviction.

I believe the following to be true and I see evidence of these statements around me all the time.

Life, when lived properly, is easy and happy. I am secure and safe.

5- You Might Succeed

If you are afraid of change, feeling stuck and frustrated, unable to take action or make decisions – you might be afraid of actualizing your true potential.

Maybe you are concerned that a successful life will limit your freedom or that you’ll have to live up to your success. It feels safe to hold on to old mindsets even though they unconsciously sabotage your success.

Once you let go of the idea that it’s okay to succeed, there’s no longer anything to hide behind – and that can be scary.

Some hold on the idea that failure is bad and this mindset prevents you from moving forward and you shy away from people and experiences that challenge you.

Transformation requires courage. Seeing that it’s okay to fail opens your mind for greater success.

Repeat after me, out loud and with full conviction.

I believe the following to be true and I see evidence of these statements around me all the time.

I welcome change and growth. I take action daily. I actualize my full potential. It’s okay to succeed.

The lights of the season remind us of the warmth of friends and family gatherings.

For those who can’t make it home or may be spending the holiday alone, the seasonal celebrations can amplify feelings of loneliness.

If you feel lonely, know that it’s okay. Try going into it and really feel the loneliness.

Like boredom, anger or jealousy, you’ll discover that it’s just another feeling. Accept the loneliness as much as you can and allow the sensations in your body to arise without tensing against them.

Notice and Observe

Upon closer observation, you’ll find that loneliness doesn’t exist. It’s just another illusion of the mind.

You desperately want to cling to something or to somebody, just so that you won’t feel lonely. So you call up a friend and feel better. You pretend to yourself, “This man or woman is truly wonderful.”

This illusion gives you a certain comfort, but it cannot create a reality where all fear disappears.

Behind the illusion, is a pain in your heart, because you know that all relationships are temporary. Tomorrow they won’t be here and you’ll be faced with yourself once again.

Just the word “lonely” feels like a wound, or something hurtful, absent or missing that needs to be healed.

The word “aloneness” doesn’t have the same connotation. Aloneness simply means wholeness or completeness. No one else is needed to complete you.

What To Do With Loneliness?

It’s not that you must forget your loneliness, it is that you must become more deeply aware of your aloneness.

I’ve learned to embrace and really enjoy my aloneness. I’m comfortable with the quiet, peaceful relationship I made with myself.

It’s a place where there is no one to depend on or cling to, where you ruthlessly look at yourself and you’re no longer afraid of what you see. In this aloneness, I find tremendous power, strength and clarity. It feels like I’m growing up.

We come to the earth alone, and we’ll leave alone. Even the cup of coffee you enjoy with a friend is really enjoyed by you, and you alone.

When you become more fully conscious of your aloneness, you’ll find that it is a beautiful place to be. It becomes your freedom from the fear of being lonely.

Watch your mind, be aware. Become more and more conscious, so that finally you are only conscious of yourself. You will discover a fullness overflowing with the true reality of existence.

When you truly get to know aloneness your loneliness will disappear.

Repeat after me, out loud and with full conviction.

I believe the following to be true and I see evidence of these statements around me all the time.

I appreciate my aloneness. I take pleasure in my aloneness. It’s okay to be alone

The New Year is a great time to embark on a new challenge or direction. Get expert help from coach Ken LaDeroute – book a 30 minute consultation today.

I’ve been with one woman for a very long time. She is my lover, helper and teacher. My greatest spiritual lessons have come through interactions with my life mate.

As I ponder on this marriage and the effect it’s had on me, I marvel at how interrelated we’ve become. We know exactly what each other is thinking and feeling. Her reality is my reality.

We spend long hours talking about social, psychological and spiritual issues and what it means to be together. This intimacy and honesty has brought us deep trust and understanding.

We agree that our need for an intimate relationship doesn’t have much to do with love.

We are aware that humans are essentially selfish – and what most of us call love is primarily a neediness and concern for our survival.

Maybe it’s an old script that plays out in our sub-conscious minds believing that our survival depends upon someone that will take care of us.

We are not in this neediness state – we have grown up. We see that true love doesn’t need anything from without – it is complete unto itself.

We are lucky to be free of many of the emotional and psychological baggage that plague and sabotage many relationships. Our ego needs are few and we view life from similar perspectives.

In our ups and downs we recognize the importance of continuing to build the conditions required for a happy relationship. This takes practice, awareness and creativity.

Here are a couple of tips I’ve learned through the years to help build and maintain your long-term relationship.

1- Give Give Give

It’s easy to give. Just decide to adopt an attitude of giving and make it your lifestyle. Practice asking: “What can I do for you?”

Here’s a big one! Take your partner by the hand, sit her down and rub her feet for 10 minutes on each foot. For extra bonus: use lotion.

This one action will pay huge dividends – think of it as an unconditional act of love. Take time to do this every now and then. How about right after you read this?

2 – The Power of Full Engagement

We live in an increasingly complex world. Too much information only serves to overwhelm and overburden your mind.

Multitasking lowers your IQ. Focus on one thing at one time. When you slow down with your loved one, your relationship wins.

Women crave your attention. When you give her your attention – she’ll give you her life.

Think about this. If you are in fact God-embodied, or a spark of God is indeed in you, then you must be love-embodied. What better attracts love than love? Isn’t the real true nature of all relationship – love?

Practice using your attention and power of full engagement to bring one-pointed focus and awareness to every passing moment. This is the essence of mindfulness.

When you give the gift of patient attention – you get to love and be loved – it’s why were on the planet.

3 – Master Your Inner Game

Do a little soul searching and take an honest look at yourself. Developing a relationship with yourself through self-reflection and meditation helps you master your psychology.

Working on your inner game makes you the champion of your outer game. When you gain clarity of the sub-conscious mind – all relationships become more fulfilling.

Inward-looking time alone reveals the illusory nature of the ego. If you can’t find your ego, ask: “How am I resisting life?”

If you notice yourself feeling like a jerk around her – your ego is acting up. Break up the ego or it will break you up.

4 – Sexy Loves Sexy: Get Buff

We are human animals. Your body and brain need a continual supply of fresh blood and oxygen in order to stay healthy. If you sit too long, you become ill at ease.

If you don’t attend to the body – your mind becomes corrupted – and you begin to lose your sanity. You become the proverbial bull in a china shop.

This dis-ease infiltrates the relationship you have with yourself and others. How can you view yourself and others in a loving and caring light if you have lost your sanity?

Start a new habit and get buff. Without missing a day, take 30 days and begin an exercise regime – your love life will shine.

5 – Mucho Respeto

I was in a taxi cab in San Jose, Costa Rica – the driver spoke very little English. We somehow understood each other and managed a conversation.

I asked him if he was married. He said, “Si.” He asked me if I was married, I said, “Si – 33 anos” He replied, “Mucho respeto.” Translation: That’s a lot of respect!

Building the conditions for a successful relationship requires ongoing respect. One of the ways you build that respect is by minding your manners. Saying, “Thank You, Excuse Me, I’m sorry,” sends your mind a message. It tells you that you value your relationship and you give it mucho respeto.

6 – Dudes Do Dishes

Women experience more stress than men. They are hardwired to nurture and take care of their family. When a career woman comes home after a hard days work, she naturally begins to take care of the household duties.

The singularly-focused man comes home, satisfied from work, kicks off his shoes, and guiltless-y relaxes.

Ask yourself, “How can I chip in to alleviate my partner’s stress?”

This requires a thoughtful and giving mindset that needs cultivation – it can be learned.

Do the dishes, take out the trash, make a bed and vacuum. Actions are what she wants to see – show her you love her.

7 – Renew Your Vows

We just started with this idea but we’re going to make it a yearly practice.

On your anniversary, make it a ritual to write out your intended vows for the year ahead. Ask yourself:

• Why do you want to stay with each other for another year?
• What new qualities will you bring to each other?
• What new mindsets will you overcome to help the relationship grow?

A yearly vow can serve to solidify and build the conditions for a happy relationship.

And it’s only a year – it’s not a forever-until-death-do-us-part commitment.

Relationships are all about growth. Maybe the spiritual lessons that brought you together have been completed. You may decide not to renew next year’s contract.

Make Love Not War

Men are from Mars: Women are from Venus. Relationships bring challenge. Real men don’t wimp out, they welcome the challenge. But the more you fight the more you will become tangled in the female web – and she will eat you.

Building conditions and learning to co-exist is the way to success and fulfillment. For that, you must acquiesce.

A macho man’s power lies in his vulnerability. You must learn to understand her, be thoughtful of her, communicate with her, be generous with her and pay attention to her.

If you had to choose between the world and her, which would you choose? If you choose the world – you would lose her. If you choose her – she’ll give you the world.

Thanksgiving is a time for family and friends. It is a good time to slow down, reflect and be grateful.

Recently, I’ve been hit with hurdles and challenges that have gotten the best of me at times and I’ve been finding it hard to keep my usual cool, calm and grateful state.

I have a degenerative eye disease and I’m legally blind in one eye and lately, the other eye has been acting up. I’ve also been dealing with a surprise law suit that has added tons of stress to my life. There are other things but I won’t list them here.

When I sat down to write out all of the stresses and challenges that were piling up — it was easy to see why I was feeling emotionally overwhelmed, frustrated and angry.

Sure, my practice of meditation and regular exercise keep me in check – but sometimes anger bubbles up and I could feel my frustration and anger building, it made me feel terrible.

5 Steps To Clear Negative Emotions

1. Think of healthy ways to acknowledge and express your feelings.
2. Acknowledge the negative emotion by first identifying it and then by saying the following words out loud: “I see you, I feel you and I hear you.” This allows you to accept rather than deny your feelings.
3. Exercise is also a great way to help dissipate anger and frustration – go for a walk, work out or do something physical.
4. Watch humorous videos online. Laughing is a great way to change your state.
5. Use the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT to help with negative emotions. EFT is a form of meridian therapy based on the ancient Chinese technique of acupuncture. You simply tap on designated accupressure points while tuning in to a particular emotion or problem. I love Dr. Carol Look’s approach to EFT.

See Challenges as Gifts

As I reflect on what I’m grateful for, I realize that my greatest gifts, lessons and spiritual growth opportunities come from challenges and frustrations. Being aware of myself and how I deal with these issues is the steel that sharpens my sword. They make me stronger.

When faced with overwhelm, frustration or anger ask yourself:

1- What can I do to deal with my emotions in a positive, productive and healthy way?

2- How can I honor, forgive and accept myself despite these temporary emotional upheavals?

We are holistic by nature, we cannot maintain spiritual equanimity while harboring negative emotions.

From Overwhelm to Clarity

It can be challenging to maintain your clarity of mind when you are overwhelmed and frustrated. Remember the number one tool in your tool belt – meditation.

Cleaning the subconscious mind is key and requires practice and patience. It means imbuing and grounding yourself in pure awareness. This means clearing away all anger, frustration, desire, memories, beliefs, hopes, dreams, re-presentations (old mind movies and scripts) trainings, opinions of the world and who you think you are or will be – all mind stuff.

Imagine your body burned up by fire with nothing left except ashes. What remains is an unidentified observer or witness – your awareness of being aware.

When you are aware of that cleared space within you, you realize you are this awareness. What remains is no-thing but joy – which is your natural essence.