As a Christian I am very careful about what I believe or want to explore in reference to dreams. I do believe dreams are a very important way of communication between us and God, it is also a way to awake innate gifts and senses that perhaps we have not have the opportunity to dominate or develop.

Lately I have been dreaming about powerful tides, tsunamis, floods, water is always around me and I am trying to save myself from it and be dragged into deeper areas. I decided to Google “tsunami dreams” and this is what I got.

Tsunami
To see a tsunami in your dream, represents that you are being overwhelmed by some repressed feelings or unconscious material that is rising up to the surface. You are experiencing some unhappiness and emotional instability in some waking situation.

This so right, I feel it all. I am at the beginning of a long process which I am not sure I will be able or want to complete. I wish I could control the emotional factors but so far is not possible. I wish I knew the future but I have to learn to live one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute, one second…

The eyes were a sweet reflection of what was in the interior but now the reflection has been tarnished and it takes me to places in my mind and heart I do not want to go. I faced even more challenges in the last few days, it seems never ending so I am tried to prepare myself. I need to be strong, firm and sincere in all I do. It is obvious I won’t be able to continue living under these emotional pressures and constant ups and downs or I will get sick before too long. One thing I need the most is friendship, it is so hard to connect on a regular basis with others that makes it almost impossible to develop any kind of long lasting bond that would provide the nourishment and support any human being needs. I do not know if it is the fact to live in this country or just the way things are everywhere but it is something I have never adapted to.

I come to this blog daily with the hope that something from within will make its way out to share with you, as you can see it hasn’t happened. The well is dry and I don’t know what or when it will fill up again. These moments are forcing me to stay quite, reflective and wondering. Nothing happens. I sit for long periods of times with my eyes closed and my heart open and yet nothing happens. I know that at any given moment everything could change. I am not expecting anything in particular, I just wait. The sun goes up and it goes down and the breeze caress my skin, I contemplate the ocean and watch the birds fly over me. I want to lay down and just be. That was part of my 4th of July day as everyone else played on the sand and the beach. I stood on the bridge over the bay as the fireworks illuminated the sky and l appreciated the hard work those people must have done to give us such a beautiful display. How can they mix their explosives to make such beautiful colors and shapes in the sky? All in all I was thankful for the day. Hope yours was a good one as well.

Today I want to share a very powerful e-mail I received, it made me think about my legacy and I hope it helps you too. Please tell me what you think of it.

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Where were you last week when you got the news about
Michael Jackson’s passing?

Me?

I was listening to the radio while driving through
rural Pennsylvania on Route 22 to Shartlesville.

I was on my way to a friend’s farm for a relaxing
three-day weekend with Laura and the kids.

It’s strange, isn’t it, that we never forget where
we were when we first heard shocking news. People
will often ask “Where were you when JFK was shot?” Or “Where
were you when the planes hit?”

Death has a way of slapping us across the face and
waking us up in a way we never forget.

When you hear the name “Michael Jackson,” you probably
have two different thoughts: “Incredible performer”
and “Very strange person.”

For better or worse, that is the legacy he left.

Personally, I tend to dwell more on the legacy of
memorable songs, videos, and dance numbers that he
left behind. Those are the things I continue to enjoy.

I really wish I’d had the chance to see him perform
live when he was at his peak.

How about you? What kind of legacy are you leaving?

Lately, I’ve been asking myself that question more and
more.

I was thinking about all the things I’ve failed to do
as a father. But then on Father’s Day, my 16-year-old
son gave me a truly priceless gift: a three-page letter
expressing his love and gratitude for me.

Things I thought I’d failed to teach him he’d somehow
learned by observation.

But I still have a big list of unfinished business
personally and professionally that I’m starting to
tend to.

The Jackson story reminds me that the legacy we leave
is a combination of both what we do and how we live our
lives.

Everybody’s talking about Jackson, Farrah, Ed McMahon
and Billy Mays.

But very few people are thinking seriously about the
legacy they will leave.

And even fewer are writing down goals and taking
deliberate actions to achieve that end.

As a musician, Michael Jackson was surprisingly
deliberate and proactive.

I learned the other day that while he was a member of
the Jackson 5 he told several close friends that he
wanted to break out on his own and become the biggest
entertainer of all time.

Some will call that ego. But I prefer to think of it
as simply an honest assessment of the gifts he’d been
given and a compelling vision for his life and what he
might be able to do with those gifts.

So he decided to anger his brothers and leave the
Jackson 5. He began working with Quincy Jones. And of
course the result was “Thriller,” the biggest-selling
album of all time!

As a singer, dancer, and songwriter, Jackson gave us
all an incredible gift worthy of the endless replays
that have been taking place on television and radio.

But here’s my question: What if he had never decided
to pursue his dream? What if he had never left the
Jackson 5?

What if he had listened to his family, friends, and
even all the well-intentioned logical voices that said,
“Don’t be so risky. Don’t be so selfish. Who are you
to think you can be phenomenally successful on your
own?”

What kind of legacy would he have left then?

We’d probably barely remember him.

More importantly, what kind of legacy will you leave if
you don’t take action to make your dreams come true?

As we hear about Farrah, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, and
even those closer to us who have passed away recently,
we’re reminded that life is short.

Oliver Wendall Holmes said, “Most people go to their
graves with their music still inside them.”

What is the thing you know deep down you should do, but
you’ve been too busy, lazy or scared to do?

Whatever it is, get started today.

It might be writing a new book, taking a trip, or doing
some kind of community service. It might be mentoring
someone, launching a new business, or healing a broken
relationship.

Whatever it is, get started today.

It’s painfully obvious that tomorrow may be too late.

All the Best,

Steve Harrison
Radio-TV Interview Report (RTIR)
& Million Dollar Author Club
Bradley Communications Corp.
390 Reed Road, First Floor
PO Box 360
Broomall PA 19008
484-477-4235 (Cust Svc Voice Mail)

I need to keep writing, if I don’t you soon will stop coming here but at the same time, what do you do when the words just won’t come out? It has been almost six weeks and I still don’t find a internal balance in order to draw something worthwhile from within. It is like a dark night of some sort in which nothing is clear but at the same time I am forced to keep walking on. There is hardly time to rest and when I do is not for very long. Images, thoughts and sadness overwhelm me sometimes bringing me to tears. I know with time all will pass but what I ignore is how long this journey will take.

Life is all about growth, change and transformation is always evolving and moving us from where we are to where we are supposed to be. Sometimes we go with it but at others times we hang on to what is comfortable and familiar, we are afraid to leap into the unknown even when the unknown might be something better. I don’t have all the answers and yet I want to make all the decisions. When I decide to let go is when I really move forward and when I want to move forward I feel frozen in time. The Lord is taking me out of my familiar surroundings and teaching me to let go, trusting that the work already done will now be put to the test. There is no more controlling in some regards and that will help some people to show what they are truly made of for the very first time. Whatever is, is and I will learn to accept it. At this time it is about learning to think about me for a change and not to feel responsible for someone else’s actions or inaction.

To be sincere I don’t have much more to say, there is no easy to navigate on rough waters when you are on a tiny vessel. Somehow I know the water will calm and I will find my way to shore, in the meantime it is about handling the present moment.

Life is no walk in the park, love is another “twenty dollars” and we keep lying to ourselves just to make it through half the time. It should not be that way, it is just the way we decide to navigate through life trying to make believe that all dreams can and should come true. The reality is that not all we want is good for us and not all we dream is really meant to become a reality.

I truly believe that we are here to learn how to love. We all want to be loved but few of us know how to love. Most of us think that love is just a warm and fuzzy feeling when in reality is that and then is also pain and sacrifice. Just look at the crucifix and you will see what true love is; unconditional, total and self-giving. Not so appealing when you see it that way but that is what would ultimately measure this feeling and by what our life will be evaluated when it comes to its end.

Ever since I was seven years old I wondered about love and what it entails and as my life evolved I encountered many opportunities to experience different kinds and levels of love. Today I continue to add more facets in the rock of my soul which is supposed to shine for others as the challenges and trial cuts deep within me wounded with this love. It is the pressure and heat of my daily trails that transforms me into what I am supposed to be. I don’t want any part of it but little by little I am put to the test involuntarily. My reaction to these involuntary opportunities to grow and ultimately shine is what determines if I will be able to be transformed and complete my mission and be happy. Many times I have picked my own battles and retrieve way before is all over. I am slowly learning that is not me the one to choose my battles but the one to receive the orders, and then equipped with what I have been given stay on the battleground until the mission is accomplished. I would not be given a mission I can’t accomplish and by doing so, no matter how long it takes, is the way in which I will experience the kind joy and happiness God wants for me.

To be quite frank there are still a lot to learn about love but I am being brought up to speed to the most difficult of it, by the intensity of my emotions stirred up by my trials. Under the pressure, the tears, the tremors, the confusion, the pain and the cluttered mind my love is put to the test. I could choose to escape and then lie to myself into something less challenging and momentarily pleasant than to wait, take the heat, be molded and transformed to be ultimately rewarded with life anew. The physical realm is great but the physical with the spiritual together is out of this world.

It was a long time coming, a time of big changes and transformation. From the familiar to the unknown and to bringing out the best I have to offer. It is not at all what I envisioned and yet I somehow expected it. I am letting myself be guided instead of steering the way I want to go, to stay in the same place doing what is familiar is the easiest thing to do but not what I am meant to do at this moment. The time is now and the door is open, I will walk through it and leave behind the previous comforts that cost me so much. I was excited at the beginning and then I stopped for a while and though about how my life will change, how I would lose some of the comforts and freedom I have enjoyed for so long but it is time, and I feel deep in my soul it comes from above. I must trust that God knows what is best at this time and moments of my life and learn not to question his ways.

I used to be impulsive and quick to act even after huge mistakes but now I have learned to stop and try to analyze what went wrong and wait for a sign before I move in a certain direction. This time I don’t want to shut myself, to fear or mistrust anything or anyone who is around me. Those who lost my trust will have to gain it back and time will tell if that is possible. I will no refuge myself on anyone but God and I won’t blame me for someone else actions. Nothing happens isolated from those who are part of my life but I can’t blame me for something I did not make a decision on.

Circumstances have changed the terrain I now walk on, what was smooth is fragmented and rocky but I must continue my journey and the destiny that only God knows at this time. It has not been revealed to me yet but I walk in faith and know that it time it will be, and it will be good because it is not of a design from my own fashion. I am not putting any strings, I am not expecting anything. In time it will be revealed to me. I feel at peace on that thought as I pushed aside my own agenda, my plans and what I thought was the ideal situation.

What is and what will be; there is hope, there is always hope when I wait and trust in God’s plan. I will be patient and will accept what he has in stored for me.

Much has been written about the three stages in our life, nobody knows where to concentrate the most. There are arguments for every situation and here we are wondering and experimenting with what will work for us.

One thing I know for sure that the past is gone, nothing I can do about it but learn from it but somehow sometimes in certain circumstances I hang on to it for too long. It is hard to let go of the pain and sorrow that I have caused or was inflicted upon me for whatever reason. Because of that to an extent the past hurts my now and possibly my future. Putting walls in order to protect what is left after a blast is the tendency many times, but through past experience I have learned that is not the way to do things if I really want to continue living and hopefully find happiness one more time. The process is slow but what I need to do first of all is to control my thoughts and memories.

What is your experience with these stages? Do you regret not doing something when you should?

Tragedy and the unexpected has a way to shake the earth from right under us, in a split second what was so familiar and secure becomes the face of something totally unknown. When the masks fall to the ground we are face to face with reality, a reality we were not prepared to welcome into our life. We try hard to remember what was and wish that it still is, but is not.

The deep cracks that the strong shocks provoke to us emotionally seem to grow more and more as it uncovers the layers beneath the topsoil. Every once in a while an after shock moves everything that once was so stable within us and we wonder if it will be ever reach that point again. I can’t tell you by experience because this is my very first experience of this kind, never thought I would live to see it. All I know right now is that I am stronger than I thought and from now I will be better prepared to face whatever comes my way.

Sixteen long and hard days, that is all I can say. My mind and body grew weary and my heart is quench with pain. Thank God that I can always count on him. Lover of my soul who tend to my every need and whisper in my ear as I close my eyes and drift away in tears. It is because of him that I am here, still standing. I could see the forces coming at me from every angle and direction and yet, I am still standing. I follow his inspirations, I listen to his word. Got to learn to breathe deeply once again. I am stronger than I thought even though I was born a fighter. I never foresaw this battle and yet here it is, testing all that is in me. I close my eyes and drift away to what was calm, to what was peaceful. Now I am forced into a vigil. At the gate still standing, no enemy will pass the walls.

A timely post indeed, if I could choose the words this will be it. Nobody likes to accept that what was built is now faulty and that it won’t stand the test of time. To rebuild is painful only if we stay by the sidelines with indecision to go forward or not, once the decision is made you feel liberated at last. I wished with all my heart that it would be different but I need to embrace what is and stop trying to see it as something that is not.