Classically Obsessed

Back To School Special: Bright Road, 1953

2011-09-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

So, I happened upon Bright Road when I first heard it mentioned in the HBO original movie, Introducing Dorothy Dandridge. This was my first movie with the actual Dorothy Dandridge, not Halle Berry as her doppelganger. I must say that the most distracting thing about this movie is that Dorothy Dandridge was gorgeous. She's supposed to play this schoolteacher and I was just like, "Are you kidding me? She has to be a schoolteacher? I don't think so."

Not that she wasn't a capable actress, sometimes I think some people's talent os overwhelmed by the gift of beauty. I mean check out the trailer! Apparently you did not have to get all ugly to do serious drama in the 1950s.

Anyway, onto the next thing. The story is actually charming if a little light. Dorothy Dandridge is a new 4th grade teacher at a black school in the segregated south. It's based on a short story by Mary Elizabeth Vroman who herself was a schoolteacher in Alabama and the first black person to join the Writer's Guild. She has a rebellious pupil called CT played by Philip Hepburn, the middle child of eight, who repeats every grade he's in. Dorothy sees the potential in him and what he's good at rather than considering him a "backward child" as the other teachers do. She sets out to help him and believes she has until CT's crush Tanya played by Barbara Randolph, dies of pnuemonia. CT goes into a downward somewhat existential spiral. That might be overstating it.

It's not a heavy social issues picture, but it is revolutionary in that it features a predominantly African American cast, there's only one white guy in the whole movie and he's Tanya's doctor. It also features the film debut of Harry Belafonte. The film was a decided commercial failure, most likely due to the time it came out in, but it's pretty impressive that the film got made at all considering how hard it is today to get a film with a predominantly African American cast made. Outside of Tyler Perry, but please don't start me on Tyler Perry. I really can't deal with Tyler Perry.

Back To School Special: Animal House, 1978

2011-09-14T16:09:00.000-07:00

I decided that the last two posts were on pretty depressing tear fests. This selection is calculated to break that pattern. Animal House is the archetypal movie about college life and for good reason: it is damned funny. Parts are crass and tasteless, but who needs taste when we're talking about comedy? The basic plot you're probably familiar with because every film about a frat or a sorority ever since has been based upon it. It's iconic for a reason. There are so many things that ring true still about college, like Donald Sutherland's stoned hippie professor who sleeps with a student. (Every college has at least one of those, right?) The students who appear to have no major. It was directed by John Landis, written by Harold Ramis, Douglas Kenney and Chris Miller, deriving inspiration from their actual college experiences, particularly from Dartmouth. The only thing approaching a film long plot line is Stephen Furst as Flounder, a Freshman trying to find his way in the flat. (Nerd alert: He was Vir on Babylon 5). So, I think it's better if I just do the highlights.

Obviously, TOGA! Our heroes faced with insurmountable odds throw a party that will help nothing, doing one of my favorite bits with Otis Day and the Knights. Seriously, I do enjoy this for no reason. I even get excited when they play it at the Spurs game, but of course they usually do that when we're up by ten...

It also leads to this bit, where some of the guys after a foray to a women's college take their dates to a nightclub because Otis Day and the Knights are playing. They discover to their surprise and chagrin that the people are all black. Being white Ivy League boys, they are terrified.

Of course, this scene is when they're on trial and Otter, played slickly and brilliantly by Tim Matheson, gives possibly the greatest defense ever conceived.

One of the greatest parts of this movie is John Belushi, I love the way he goes through the film with so little dialogue, but when he speaks it's worth listening to such as this speech he gives when it appears all hope has been lost for Delta House.

He along with Bruce McGill (San Antonio native, also University of Texas alum) as Daniel Simpson Day have the greatest, dialogue light parts in this film.

About the ending of this film, after the hilarious and brilliantly executed homecoming parade, it concludes with telling us what happened to each of the characters. Now craft tip, if you do this in fiction, it sucks everywhere but the ending of this movie. Filmmakers need to stop ending movies not based on a true story with title cards telling us what happened to the characters! You are either finished with the movie or you're not! Also, stop ending movies where I obviously know what happened the same way as in, "George Washington went on to lead the Continental Army and was later elected the First President of the United States." That's not an actual example, I just can't remember an actual one right now. The only possible exception is when it is funny like this movie.

By the way, John Landis babysat Donald Sutherland's son. That's right, Kiefer. Imagine being able to walk around saying, "I babysat Jack Bauer." I would have a bumper sticker that says that.

Back To School Special: Goodbye, Mr. Chips, 1939

2011-09-07T21:34:00.000-07:00

For my second Back To School Special, I have selected a film that also takes place in England, but this time on the right side of the tracks and also has a comma in the title. Goodbye, Mr. Chips is really one of those films that pleasantly surprises you. The first time I saw it was last TCM Oscar festival. See it had the misfortune of coming out the same year as Gone With The Wind , so it doesn't quite have the same clout on the imagination, though Robert Donat did win an Oscar for his performance and it's well earned considering the versatility he has to show in this film, showing us Chips throughout his life. I was thinking seriously, what is this crap? Then I started watching it and realized yeah, it's like that episode of Doctor Who where the Doctor is back in 1913 and he's teaching at a boys' school and he's human but he has dreams about being the Doctor. Oddly enough, the YouTube clips for that episode are much better than the ones for this movie. That's actually as close as I can get to showing you the start of this movie without showing you like twenty minutes of it. Just the boys don't seem to be jackasses in this movie. So that kept me watching long enough to realize what a truly special film this is. Robert Donat plays the titular Mr. Chips. We see him in flashback starting out as a Master in his first year at Brookfield School, a British boys' boarding school that dates back to 1492 and boasts such alumni as Sir Francis Drake. He goes in eager to be the boys' friend, but soon finds he has to use harsh discipline to teach them. He is an effective teacher, but he is lonely and laments that he can never have a real impact on the boys the way that the other masters seem to. This is heartbreakingly evident when he's passed over to be master of his own house because he doesn't seem to have the same ease with the boys. His friend a German Master takes him for a visit to his homeland of Austria, where he falls in love with Katherine played by Greer Garson. Katherine turns out to be just the change he needs and helps him become friends with the boys by hosting tea at their house every Sunday. Oh, she also gives him the nickname Chips. Everything is going incredibly well, he gets his own house, they're expecting a baby and of course, she dies. Because this is always what happens in the 1800s. There's a very touching scene where the boys discover this and they all silently try to carry on. We see the passage of time through the montage of boys giving their names, discussing events, their dress slightly changing and I have to say it's about as good a montage as there ever was. We cut next to Chips being asked to retire because he's too set in his ways for the school and his pupils coming to his rescue. He then retires, but is called back to be headmaster when World War I breaks out. I love it because he gets everything he set out for, just not in the way he expected it, We see him on his deathbed, colleagues lamenting how lonely his life must have been. He corrects him, saying he's had thousands of children, all of them boys. This clip is like ten minutes long so just fast forward. It really is a skillful film, utilizing the montage and the cuts through time in a striking way. Greer Garson is really great in this as the love of Chips' life, I much prefer her in this to Pride & Prejudice. I stand by my assessment of that film. Questions, comments, concerns? Let me know.

Back To School Special: To Sir, With Love, 1967

2011-09-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

For the month of September, I have decided to feature some classic films that are about going back to school, teachers, etc. I am trying to avoid Dead Poets' Society but I do reserve the right to feature Legally Blonde and call it a classic. To this end, my first selection is 1967's To Sir, With Love starring the one and only Sidney Poitier.

To Sir, With Love is the story of Mark Thackeray, a native of British Guiana who finds himself after an unsuccessful job hunt as a teacher in one of London's toughest schools. This is the part that always amuses me, most British films have royalty and people drinking tea and parrying verbal insults. For some reason, I still find it unusual when I find a film about a bad neighborhood in London. I was watching the first series of Doctor Who for a while when I was like, "Wait, does Rose Tyler live in the projects? Is her mom on welfare?" Same deal here, but I think these kids would still get their asses kicked by kids from American slums. Thackeray goes in sure that no matter what these kids throw at him, he can take it given what he's already had to put up with. Not so much. I spent the first part waiting for him to go all Mr. Tibbs on those kids. He loses it when one of the girls throws a sanitary pad on the furnace, which I had to look up on Wikipedia to find out, but that does sound pretty gross. He has the revelation that these kids are about to be adults, he should treat them as such and lays out a whole new course for the class. The students will choose what they want to discuss and places an emphasis on deportment. It works wonders and seems to change their whole attitude. Thackeray loses them when he tries to explain how the world works after one of the students get in an altercation with their boxing teacher. He finally wins them back when he shows mercy on a student and with all the weird sixties dancing in this movie, you know Sidney Poitier was going to have to get down in this movie.

I have to say that Sidney Poitier somehow pulls that off. I was thinking about him in comparison to Colin Firth while I watched this movie. Number one was that they both possess a certain poise and elegance, even while they do the ridiculous. It seems to me that this kind of film is the forerunner of the magical minority helping figure film, but I think it's because Sidney Poitier occupies a unique space in film history. He was one of the first black actors to be billed as a leading man, but studios still had to find a way to market him to audiences, specifically a non-threatening way. Look at Lilies of the Field or a Patch of Blue. It wasn't until this same year that Sidney got to go all "They call me MR. TIBBS!" in In The Heat of the Night. This was also the same year as Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? Have you watched that recently? I mean, I enjoyed it thoroughly the first time, with all the Hepburn-Tracy stuff going on, but seriously, what is Sidney Poitier doing with their idiot daughter? He's a freaking doctor with the World Health Organization, and oh, yeah, he's Sidney Poitier! He can do better! Sorry, I realized this the next day. You know what that movie's like? It's like if Mr. Darcy had ended up marrying Lydia Bennet and was happy about it. That's what it's like. In the case of this film, they use Thackeray's life story of improving his speech and working his way through school- strikingly similar to Poitier's own back story- as a source of inspiration for the mostly white, lower class students. (There is a mixed race character, but also a Chinese girl and an Indian girl neither of whom ever says anything.) Anyway, it becomes clear that Thackeray has really had an impact on the students and Lulu sings.

I have to admit that is a catchy tune. A lot of this movie seems cheesy and dated now, like the field trip told through photo montage, but you really have to admire Poitier's performance, he remains timeless. Judy Geeson's performance as a student with a crush on Thackeray is adorable and just a little heartbreaking because you can see he's the first man who's treated her with any sort of respect. Anyway, I liked it, you can go watch it on YouTube if you want, apparently there was some sort of TV movie sequel... Oh, must they do that?

Questions, comments, concerns? Did you think that girl was too idiotic to marry Sidney Poitier, too?

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: The Roundup

2011-09-01T09:08:00.001-07:00

I thought I might put all of the links to my My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes series together for you. That's pretty much it.

1982 Bladerunner
1983 Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
1984 Mr. Mom
1985 Witness
1986 Got Complicated
1987 No Way Out
1988 Working Girl
1989 Steel Magnolias
1990 The Hunt For Red October
1991 Delirious
1992 Got Complicated Again
1993 The Fugitive
1994 The Lion King
1995 GoldenEye
1996 The Rock
1997 Austin Powers
1998 Primary Colors
1999 Three Kings
2000 Gladiator
2001 Moulin Rouge!
2002 My Big Fat Greek Wedding
2003 Love Actually
2004 Mean Girls
2005 Good Night, and Good Luck
2006 Talladega Nights
2007 Enchanted
2008 Sex and the City: The Movie
2009 The Invention of Lying
2010 The King's Speech
2011 Bridesmaids

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Bridesmaids, 2011

2011-09-01T04:31:00.000-07:00

So, September 1st, my life in movies is complete. Just to remind you the original idea came from Fandango Groovers A Life In Movies Blogathon back in May. If you go back on the right of this blog, you can find my journey from Bladerunner to Bridesmaids throughout this summer. Also, a lot of Doctor Who clips, probably more than necessary, I'm not gonna lie.

So, the year isn't up yet and I haven't seen everything but I'm going to declare that my favorite film of 2011 is Bridesmaids. It's about Annie played by Kristen Wiig, a woman whose life basically has one thing going for it her best friend, Lillian, played by Maya Rudolph. All other parts of her life suck even though she's sleeping with Don Draper. Trouble starts when Lillian asks her to be the Maid of Honor at her wedding. She gets introduced to a motley crew of women, notably Lillian's new friend, Helen, played by Rose Byrne and Megan played by Melissa McCarthy. It is insanely funny, like my throat hurt from laughing funny. The story gets ridiculous in the best possible way but mostly Annie gets ridiculous and has to learn to grow up a little. I actually don't want to spoil this for you, because it did only come out in May, but it does feature the best usage of Wilson Phillips since Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, it's been on my iPod Top 40 all summer. Because I'm like that.

Questions, comments, concerns? Let me know.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: The King's Speech, 2010

2011-08-31T16:08:00.000-07:00

So, earlier this year, I did an Oscar special on The King's Speech and I feel as if everything I said still stands so it seems redundant to go over it again, so find it here.

But, some thoughts, have you noticed Colin Firth's posture? Also, Colin Firth wants to be on Doctor Who. Why are we wasting time on River Song when Colin Firth wants to be on Doctor Who? It would be awesome. Maybe we could save it for the fiftieth anniversary. Now, what if there was some way to get him and the Tenth Doctor in the same thing? I could be happy for a month off that.

Obviously, I meant something else. Try to put Catherine Tate in it. Preferably written by Richard Curtis. Or I could write it, either way, really.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: The Invention of Lying, 2009

2011-08-31T15:36:00.000-07:00

The Invention of Lying is one of those films that no one bothered seeing in the theater, but when you mention it to people they remember it was funny. I don't know if people didn't think it was funny or got offended or what, but come on it's a movie. Maybe this is one of those times I think something British is hilarious and no one else in America gets it. Anyway, it takes place in an alternate reality where no one in the human race has ever lied. Since we never learned to lie, there's no religion, no fiction and everyone says exactly what they mean, which makes people jerks. Also, Gervais' opening voice over is pretty hilarious.

Also, movies suck and Coke ads have to be very literal with the slogan "Coke, It's Very Famous." Also my favorite slogan "Pepsi: For When They Don't Have Coke." Yup, that's true.

Mark, played by Gervais, who also write and directed along with Matthew Robinson, figures out how to lie in a moment of desperation. Since no one else can lie, he can pretty much say any ridiculous thing he wants. Wanting to comfort his dying mother, he accidentally invents religion and delivers ten rules for getting into the afterlife on the back of two pizza boxes. I love the whole "Man In The Sky" thing and when you watch this movie be sure to keep an eye out for the signs on places, such as a chapel that is signed "A Quiet Place To Think About The Man In The Sky." He's also in love with Anna adorably played by Jennifer Garner, who struggles to understand what it is she likes about Mark. There are small parts with Tina Fey, Jeffrey Tambor, Rob Lowe, Stephen Merchant, Jonah Hill, Jason Bateman and Louis CK. Oh, and the scene with Stephanie March is hilarious. Everybody should try to write a scene with Stephanie March in their movie, I put forth this and super whore as evidence. I like this movie, it seems a little radical and though I don't know for sure if we're trying to push Atheism here, I don't really care, it's a movie and it's funny. I do stand by the basic thesis here, which seems to be that we're better because we lie. Lying actually makes us better people if we don't go too far, take the scenes with the suicidal Jonah Hill.

Questions, comments on Coke or Atheism? Let me know in the comments section. Also, I feel like I was a little short on clips here and well, you know how I am. Ricky Gervais on Extras pretending to be on Doctor Who.

My Life in Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Sex and the City: The Movie, 2008

2011-08-31T09:34:00.000-07:00

And now for a fairy tale of a decidedly different sort. Once upon a time, there was a series called Sex and the City about a writer named Carrie played by Sarah Jessica Parker. She was clearly in love with Detective Logan from Law & Order played by Chris Noth, who for some reason went by the pseudonym Big. Instead of resolving this like adults, they screwed around with this for years, causing me a lot of angst while I was mesmerized by the fashion and Charlotte becoming Jewish and what was Samantha's deal? My suffering ended after six seasons and it resolved like this. Oh, Samantha is in the clip so there will be nudity/sex, I can't help that, it's the name of the show.

Can I just mention I screamed, "Who the hell is JOHN?!" at the TV when that cell phone thing happened. I nearly had a heart attack/And all was well in the world. And then they made a movie. And I was excited. And of course, I went to see it because I'm a sucker like that even though I knew in my heart if there was a movie, it meant Carrie would have found a way to screw this up again.

And she did. Sure, go for the giant wedding, scare the guy you spent six seasons trying to win over and don't listen to him when he tries to explain! And why does she hire Jennifer Hudson as her personal assistant? Jennifer Hudson just pisses me off, okay? She thinks she'd be famous without American Idol and she made OPRAH wait. Who makes OPRAH wait? Presidents show up on time for OPRAH. Anyway, it's a bad job interview, too, "I want to fall in love." Any other job they would not give you a callback. Other than that, I love this movie. It is a perfect movie for following up a TV show because let's face it those are usually lame. And I do love the ending, I just about cried, I'm getting verklempt now, even the song is good, but otherwise you piss me off Jennifer Hudson. All films should have an ending scene as perfect as the one in the diner. They should also have scenes where people try on really pretty clothes if at all possible.

And now let me briefly turn my attention to the pile of crap that was Sex and the City 2. I'll grant you there were funny parts. I don't know why we needed that wedding at the beginning, not that I ever understood why the whole Stanford and Anthony relationship anyway. The scene where Samantha wears the same dress as Miley Cyrus was funny. I like the scene where Miranda and Charlotte drink, but we didn't need to go to Dubai for that. We could have done that in New York and you know what else? We didn't need to see Aidan. Why did she kiss Aidan? What? Life would have been so much better with Aidan? I could have gone the rest of my life never seeing Aidan again, okay?

Team Aidan, Team Big? Theories on why Detective Logan never mentions his police work in front of Carrie? Why does he never use his chauffeured car to do police work? Does Jennifer Hudson piss you off? That's not just me, right? Why, God, why did they make the sequel? Let me know in the comments section.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Enchanted, 2007

2011-08-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, so what does this have in common with the last film? Well, they both have the ever adorable Amy Adams. I wonder if she gets sick of people thinking she's adorable. This time she stars as Gisele, a Disney princess who thanks to an evil witch played by Susan Sarandon finds herself alone in New York, waiting for her prince to come rescue her.

She instead finds single dad, Robert, Patrick Dempsey who thinks she's crazy or at the very least extremely naive. She stays with he and his daughter and tries to help out. You know what's awesome about this movie? It takes everything you grow up to think is lame in Disney movies and makes it live action so it becomes awesome like this scene where Gisele tries to clean up the apartment.

Or when Gisele starts a full blown musical number in Central Park. Robert's reaction is the best part of this scene to me, I mean, the music's nice and all, but I always watch musicals and wonder how everyone knows the words.

It pays tribute to the Disney princess films we were all obsessed with at one time, but also updates them a little such as when Gisele has to save Robert from the dragon. It also features James Marsden as Gisele's prince and the great Idina Menzel as Robert's girlfriend. I love the twist at the end where she joins him in the animated world from the beginning of the film.

Anyway, it's a nice surprise of a film, having intelligence where you wouldn't expect it to. Like I said, I do love the homage to fantasy films of yore. Questions, comments, concerns, Disney princess preferences? Do you think Amy Adams is sick of being called adorable? Should she do a movie where she plays a serial killer so we're all scared of her? Let me know in the comments.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, 2006

2011-08-31T08:49:00.000-07:00

I have an odd relationship with NASCAR. My family watches it, I really have no interest, they dragged me along to the Atlanta Motor Speedway one time and I did homework. Yet since it happens around me, I get it through osmosis, like when I discovered most people do not try to clean their tires in slow traffic on the interstate or when I watched Cars and knew Lightning McQueen was going to blow up his tires when he only stopped for gas at the pit stop. I don't want to know these things, yet I do. This may seem like an out of the blue selection, but this is the finest film about NASCAR ever, even better than cars. It stars Will Ferrell as the out of control Ricky Bobby as he deals with setbacks following the arrival of French race car driver Jean Girard played by Sacha Baron Cohen. It also features Jane Lynch as his mom in a really great performance. Gary Cole, Michael Clarke Duncan, John C. Reilly, Molly Shannon, Leslie Bibb, Jack McBrayer and Amy Adams round out the cast.

It has the basic sports movie tropes with Ricky Bobby starting out on top of NASCAR. I've got to say Will Ferrell really nails NASCAR driver for some reason, something about his voice or the conviction in it as he says ridiculous things or maybe it's the now famous grace scene.

Or it ciuld be that the man seems to own sports movie. I also like Semi-Pro, right up until the part where the San Antonio Spurs lose. I keep trying to get them to have a Mega Bowl at the AT&T Center, but nobody's going for it. Anyway, Ricky Bobby loses his confidence and everything else and is pretty much about to hit bottom here in my favorite clip.

Ricky Bobby has to make a ridiculous journey back to the top, complete with learning to drive a live cougar, finding a new girl in Amy Adams and racing Jean Girard to the finish line on foot, which is a great scene that Carl Edwards later emulated in the clip below. There's really too much good in this movie to tell you everything. My favorite part of that whole sequence though is the Applebee's commercial in the middle of the wreck between Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard.

Anyway, let me know what you think. Questions, comments, Mega Bowl plans?

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Good Night, and Good Luck, 2005

2011-08-30T20:35:00.000-07:00

*The following review is in no way an endorsement of Mark Cuban, statements made by Mark Cuban and especially not basketball teams owned by Mark Cuban. Mark Cuban, the Dallas Mavericks and all associated parties remain the embodiment of the forces of darkness in my eyes.

Good Night, and Good Luck is an unusual film, a little off putting. The film chronicles Edward R. Murrow brilliantly played by David Strathairn and his staff as they take on Senator Joseph McCarthy and his committees on Communism in the United States government. As dramatic as that sounds, there never really is the amount of tension you might expect for such a dramatic moment in American history. I think this is intentional, thanks to co-writer/director George Clooney (written along with Grant Heslov), the idea is that McCarthy tries to get people wrapped up in fear, whereas Murrow and company rely on reason and intellect, daring to throw McCarthy's words back at him, which is pretty sweet. But there's never any melodrama, no theatrics, just the sense that these guys are just going to do their job, which they see as taking on McCarthy. It's all the more powerful because of it. There are also moments of levity such as Murrow's expression after having interviewed Liberace about his quest to find the perfect girl. By the way, they have DVDs of Murrow's Person to Person and they are just brilliant to watch. There's one where Charlton Heston just keeps plugging The Ten Commandments and it's like, "Dude, we know you're Moses, okay?" Also, one with newlyweds Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward who admit they pretty much pushed all their crap behind the cameras for the interview. Also, you can hear Paul bitch about having lost his electric orange juice squeezer in the move.

The cast is rounded out by Clooney himself, Robert Downey Jr., Patricia Clarkson, Frank Langella and Jeff Daniels. Ray Wise also makes an appearance as a depressed and despondent CBS anchor, who kills himself after being accused of being a Communist. There's also a pretty sweet Jazz soundtrack by Dianne Reeves, which is worth listening to on its own.

Now, the Mark Cuban comment. Mark Cuban put up some of the money for this movie. Why? I don't know, he's obviously bent on world domination and should be stopped, or maybe the refs weren't taking his checks that year and he needed somewhere else to put it. I don't like Mark Cuban, okay? I wouldn't take money from Mark Cuban. Someone would have to be dying before I would consider any situation in which I would take money from him. He just sits there and pouts during the games and looks like a jackass. I'm kind of sad I was giving him money when I saw this movie and that time I went to the American Airlines Center for NBA All Star Weekend, but I was only there because of DeJuan Blair! It is a nice arena, but you have to remember it is where evil lives and plays. Never forget that.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Mean Girls, 2004

2011-08-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

Many films attempt to show us the attractiveness of evil, rarely do they do it in quite such a way as Mean Girls, my favorite film of 2004 and scripted by my other favorite Greek screenwriter Tina Fey. It follows Cady Heron, played by a pre-everything Lindsay Lohan, as she moves from the jungles of Africa to the jungles of a suburban Chicago high school.

Cady falls in with a group of girls called the Plastics, who are just like every other high school girl from hell you've ever met. She works with her new friends at the school to sabotage their leader and her popularity. I think what Fey captures best about these girls is that as much as you might hate the Plastics, you want to be them and you want to be liked by them, expressed through the great scenes of everyone copying Regina George's look, no matter how ridiculous.

Underlying it all is a thick layer of hatred between the girls, best expressed through my favorite speech in the film by Gretchen.

Fey appears as Cady's math teacher in the film, and other Saturday Night Live Alumni appear including Amy Poehler, Ana Gasteyer and Tim Meadows. Hilariously and unlike in real life, the below the surface tension finally erupts into an all out girl riot, leading to Tim Meadows as the principal to say this:

Anyway, favorite movie of 2004. Teen movie that actually has some intelligence, I love Tina Fey, Tina Fey is awesome. Questions, comments, concerns? Let me know.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Love Actually, 2003

2011-08-28T00:13:00.000-07:00

You know how you see a movie with a lot of different storylines and at the end it just ends up being a pile of crap? This is the time that did not happen thanks to the skill of writer-director Richard Curtis. Love Actually is something of an epic romantic comedy, it has a stellar cast and more plotlines than I will even be able to go into here. It's structured to where you have just enough story for each plot: a beginning, a middle and an end. Let's go over some of the cast, representing most of the British Isles: Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Liam Neeson, Bill Nighy, Thomas Sangster, Rowan Atkinson, Laura Linney, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Keira Knightley, Kris Marshall, Colin Firth... The list goes on and on and on. We start the film out with this thesis...

Six weeks before Christmas in London, we meet our characters all in the midst of relationships of their own. Hugh Grant plays the new Prime Minister who finds himself attracted to his office assistant, Natalie, played by Martine McCutcheon. This is complicated by the arrival of Billy Bob Thornton doing just about the best American president ever written by a British writer. Now, this is a tangent, but every time I watch Doctor Who and they have an American president come on, it's just not right. I'm not saying you can't write the American president like an asshole, not at all, but let's make them realistic assholes! In no possible world does the President of the United States walk in and start lecturing the Prime Minister about the UN Protocol for alien first contact and then give a really bad speech to the world, I know it turned out to be Toclafanes, but in the real world the Master would have been shot because the Secret Service would never leave POTUS alone with bunch of miniature Death Stars! Yes, that was definitely a tangent. I am discussing The Sound of Drums in case you were wondering.

Okay, so back to Love Actually. The American president does the Bill Clinton sleazy thing and the PM thinks something happened between he and Natalie. He makes this wonderful speech which you have to click on the link for because I couldn't embed it. I know, I'm annoyed too. You can watch this, though.

Okay, there's also Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman as a married couple, confusing to anyone who clearly remembers Kate Winslet getting together with Colonel Brandon at the end of Sense & Sensibility. Anyway, Alan is struggling with the prospect of having an affair with his secretary. This is demonstrated comically with this scene with Rowan Atkinson, who is so effectively deployed in this film.

There's also Bill Nighy (who was in Vincent and The Doctor) as an aging rock star, who has remade one of his classics into a novelty Christmas track.

Richard Curtis surprises us here, because he tells us an unconventional love story, about a down and out superstar who realizes that the greatest love of his life is actually his manager.

I would be remiss if I didn't show you this scene with Mark and Juliet. Juliet thinks Mark doesn't like her, then discovers Mark likes her way too much. And we get this scene that just about tears your heart out and stomps on it because Richard Curtis is a freaking genius when it comes to using pop music in films, which he shows multiple times in this film.

Okay, Colin Firth. First scene we find out his brother is sleeping with his girlfriend and I'm all like, why? You already had Colin Firth. Then he goes to the south of France to write a book, falls in love with a Portuguese girl and comes home, learns Portuguese and then decides on Christmas Eve he must propose to her.

Also, we meet Liam Neeson who is stepfather to a boy played by Thomas Sangster (the kid from Human Nature/Family of Blood on Doctor Who) who is struggling with his wife's death and worries about his stepson. It turns out that his stepson is just in love with a girl at his school who doesn't seem to know he exists. He learns to play the drums to impress her resulting in the craziest Christmas Nativity ever and this...

It also results in a magnificent chase scene through Heathrow Airport.

There is so much good stuff in this film, discussing all sorts of love, amazing. There's also Kris Marshall who has figured out he can seduce American girls based entirely on his accent which is pretty much an accurate theory resulting in a great scene with Elisha Cuthbert, January Jones and Shannon Elizabeth. His best friend is played by Abdul Salis, who was also in the Doctor Who episode Fear Her with Nina Sosanya, who is also in this film playing the Prime Minister's assistant. Yes! I think I got every Doctor Who connection in this film!

And of course the magnificent ending, solidifying Richard Curtis' thesis. Those opening and closing scenes were actually filmed using real people at Heathrow Airport. Also, if you ever get to listen to the commentary track for this it is hilarious and you can listen to Hugh Grant kvetch about Colin Firth every time he shows up onscreen. So, any comments on Love Actually? The genius of Richard Curtis who actually writes watchable romantic comedies? Did I miss a Doctor Who connection? Let me know.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: My Big Fat Greek Wedding, 2002

2011-08-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, obviously, the most successful independent film of all time. It s written by and starring Nia Vardalos, obviously an icon of Greek female screenwriters the world over along with Tina Fey. I could be the only one trying to make this a group, but what do you want from me? I need role models. Vardalos wrote this screenplay, then performed a one woman show based on it, which another Greek woman called Rita Wilson went to see. She's married to someone called Tom Hanks, who's this guy who does stuff... Anyway, they made the movie, it made millions and was awesome.

The story is classic and that's why it works. Vardalos plays Toula, a thirty year old Greek woman who works at the family restaurant and has failed in the eyes of her family because she remains unmarried. Toula knows her life sucks, but isn't sure how to change it until she decides to take some computer classes and this kicks off her transformation as she trades up to contact lenses, a more polished wardrobe and miraculously non-frizzy Greek hair. This isn't a plot point or anything, I, having similarly textured hair, wonder what product she is using. No, really, tell me. She also meets a guy played by John Corbett and falls in love. Conflict arises when it is discovered he is not Greek and also- gasp- vegetarian.

By the way, ever taken anyone who is a vegetarian and doesn't eat cheese to a Greek restaurant? The waitress will be confused. So confused.

Anyway, the best part of this movie is the family, which Vardalos bases on her own and that's why it works, that's why it was such a success. I love Toula's mom and aunt, I could probably watch two hours of them just talking. I love the stuff with her brother and cousin ganging up on Ian as well. Ian's WASP parents are hilarious, too, as they consume more and more Ouzo, falling deeper into the rabbit hole that is Toula's family.

The film is basically Toula's evolution and I don't just mean the hair thing. She goes from seeing her family as a weight on her shoulders to people who love her and want the best for her, but they can only do that if she takes the first step. She finally realizes what was holding her back wasn't being Greek but herself, which is a good lesson for us all.

My own personal tip is to never watch this movie hungry. The first time I saw it was my twentieth birthday, I went with a big group of my friends after a trip to one of my favorite places in AtlantaAthens Pizza House on Clairmont Road. Seriously, I got recognized on sight I was there so much. It wasn't that different from the diner Toula's family owns in the movie, Mom clearly ran the place, an assortment of Greek waitstaff and so much delicious food. Anyway, after a birthday dinner of Moussaka (which is my personal favorite as well as being featured in the film. Personally, if someone would like to put it in my lunchbox, I am all for it) and probably dessert (Kataifi is my favorite) I went to this movie and was still hungry, a process repeated every time I watch this movie. Is that just me? The Greek food craving is just too much.

Questions, comments? Favorite Greek foods? Mine include all of them, I have yet to find something at the Greek restaurant I don't like. Let me know in the comments section.

Made Then Remade: Fright Night, 1985 and 2011

2011-08-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed the tags that come up at the bottom of the screen on this blog? I have since I put them there. Anyway, I noticed I mention David Tennant a lot, which is odd since I haven't actually reviewed anything he was in, I just keep throwing in Doctor Who clips. So, to be different, I've decided to talk about a movie David Tennant was actually in. And yes, that might be the poster for the international release. I just happened to like it the most for some reason that I may or may not be able to divine. I do have to say, though, the classic Fright Night poster is about the coolest part of that movie. It's as if they said, hey, we have a lame movie, let's make a really cool poster for it! And cast Marcy from Married With Children as the girlfriend! Oh, and let's add a song on the end credits where we sing "Fright Night!" That'll do it! It worked for Ghostbusters!

Okay, story is this: kid named Charlie Brewster finds out he is living next door to a vampire. He seeks help from a vampire expert, Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall and David Tennant) and has to go to war with Jerry the vampire neighbor when his best friend and girlfriend become vampires. I had already read a lot of reviews of the new one that said it was just a lame, glossy version of the old one and have you seen the old one? For real? It's just a stupid vampire movie with a cheesy eighties soundtrack that I think people must be watching ironically. I don't get it, okay? I'm not going to say the remake is the best film ever, but it's definitely better. To start off with, it has David Tennant. No offense Roddy McDowall, but you must know you don't look like David Tennant. Or you might if you were still alive, sorry.

To me, he's the best part of this movie, which shouldn't exactly be a bombshell. He's hilarious as the very often drunk and explicit, Criss Angel-like magician/vampire expert. Whovians, you won't be disappointed. I think Colin Farrell is a definite improvement as Jerry over Chris Sarandon, he's not just a vampire, he's a vampire who watches too much Criminal Minds, which is scarier. I have no idea what Chris Sarandon's deal is supposed to be. He's just there and I know I am supposed to be scared, but I'm not. Toni Collette plays Charlie's mom in the remake and it seems like an odd place to find her, but contributes notably to the proceedings over her counterpart in the remake. She's got one of the best parts in a fight scene, I hate to ruin it. I also liked the humor in the movie, showing it wasn't taking itself very seriously which I really wouldn't have been able to stand.

Like, I've stated before, my theory on remakes is that sometimes a crappy movie gets improved. Like this time.

Now might be the time for my disclaimer: I don't really care for horror movies, I freaking hate vampire movies and yes, I went to see this movie because David Tennant was in it and I didn't win the lottery to see Much Ado About Nothing in London this summer, okay? I probably should have bought a ticket. Questions, comments, concerns? Or you know, try and tell me why the old one doesn't suck. Really, I'm asking.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Moulin Rouge, 2001

2011-08-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

I know I talked about it at Oscar time, but I feel compelled to once again extol the virtues of Moulin Rouge. I'm going to try to be brief here so if you want to know what I said then, go ahead and read about it here.

Now, if you've seen the film, you know about the Green Fairy, but have you ever wondered why there was a green fairy? I think the Doctor has an explanation for us.

Basically, my theory is that she was turned into molecules and you can only see her after you've had enough absinthe. That makes sense, right? I mean it makes at least much sense as cat people or bees being aliens.

So, I love this movie and it makes you fall in love with it again and again. I never tire of it, I'm a little bit like a two year old in that respect. The Alamo Drafthouse had an Action Pack singalong of this and it was so great. You got a theater full of women, most of whom were around my age, all singing along, some of us not needing the subtitles. I even got a little competitive with this girl to my left who started singing stuff they didn't provide words for, so I joined in and then I sang the song that plays when Christian is waiting while Satine changes clothes in the elephant. Ha! You didn't know that one did you, woman? Somebody forgot to buy a little album called Moulin Rouge!: Volume 2! Then make a playlist in iTunes of the songs in the order in which they appear in the film, then sing only the Nicole Kidman parts. Yes, the whole thing works much better if you pretend Ewan McGregor is singing to you. Damn, how did that redhead get in this film? That's why it works better in the car where you can't actually see the movie.

So, 2001, favorite film: Moulin Rouge! Enough said. Also accepting your criticisms of my theory on how Kylie Minogue became a green fairy.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Gladiator, 2000

2011-08-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that I have never written about this film before. It's GLADIATOR! The best movie ever! Okay, maybe ever is an overstatement. But I've seen this so many times, I could probably do a one woman stage production of it. Is that something people would pay to see you think? I mean, I've bored everyone I know with it, I've watched it in Spanish, had multiple posters, I've got the really expensive DVD with the trivia track on it. This movie is great because it delivers what it promises. It's simple, but it's not stupid. This is a movie about a guy who wants revenge, that's what it says it is, that's what happens.

Okay, so in case you were on Mars or something for the early part of the 2000s, this film stars Russell Crowe as Maximus Decimus Meridius, a general of the Roman army on the eve of victory against German savages. If you know anything about the history of Rome, you can pretty much guess that they win. On the scene arrives Commodus played by Joaquin Phoenix and Lucilla played by Connie Nielsen. At this time I would like to point out that Connie Nielsen has been paid money to make out with Russell Crowe and Christopher Meloni and this just seems unjust to me. Also in this film is Richard Harris as the emperor, Oliver Reed as the owner of Maximus' gladiator dorm or whatever and Djimon Hounsou as Maximus' co-gladiator. Okay, so Commodus kills his dad, Dumbledore, then he sets out to kill Maximus, has Maximus' family killed and generally pisses him off. Maximus is grieved by the loss of his wife and son and has to find a reason to live, namely to kill Commodus. So, he becomes a Gladiator in the hopes that one day he's good enough to get in front of Commodus so he can shank him. Hey, we all need goals. It goes like this:

One of the best things about this film is the performance that Russell Crowe gives and not just because he worked himself into being Gladiator-shape after having just done The Insider, which you should watch. Anyway, it's the layers he gives his characters, lots of people do action hero out for revenge on man who murdered his family, but with him you get the genuine loss and longing and a man struggling with his own destiny. I also love the chemistry between he and Lucilla.

Joaquin Phoenix is an exceptional baddie, again giving his character some pathos, not just a cartoon villain. See this would be the difference between this film and that crap Spartacus on Starz: NUANCE, CHARACTERIZATION, A REMOTELY BELIEVABLE PLOT LINE. Just don't even try to watch that as a substitute for Rome, you will end up feeling more deprived than when you began. Anyway, Ridley Scott did an excellent job with this, not that you need me to tell you that. I love the different visual styles for each location, the fight scenes are incredible and I do love the ending even though it makes me cry. Although, I am pretty convinced Maximus should have survived that shanking because it sort of looks like Commodus hit kidney. I've had this debate with people about forty times, I realize it would ruin the ending if he lived, but it looks like kidney. If it was his lung, he would have been passed out before the end of that scene. Also, the Hans Zimmer score with accompaniment on vocals by Lisa Gerrard is fantastic.

And now your Gladiator complaints. Which I will ignore. Also accepting your Maximus shanking wound comments.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Three Kings, 1999

2011-08-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

So, the thing linking my last post to this one (besides them being among my favorites) is that they both happen to be movies made in the late 90s about things that happened in the early 90s, in this case the end of the first Gulf War. It stars George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, Ice Cube and Spike Jonze as a group of soldiers out to steal Saddam Hussein's gold from the surrendering Iraqi army, coincidentally gold they stole from Kuwait. Written and directed by David O. Russell, this film has a sort if gallows humor, an abrasive visual style, a sense of cynicism and a dash of optimism.

Of course the plan isn't that simple as the soldiers soon find themselves caught in between the Iraqi army and the rebels who stood up against Saddam, believing they would have American support, but not getting any. Some of the best scenes in this film result from the cultural clash between our heroes and the Iraqi rebels, there's a recurring argument about what CD to play on the car stereo on the way to the battle that is hilarious. Also, I love the way the American soldiers' higher ups are in this movie, especially comical as they search for the missing soldiers even as behind them a group of vehicles rolls out to go help our thieves. Nora Dunn is also especially memorable as Adriana Cruz, an embedded reporter working to find a story in the aftermath of the American victory. Also memorable is this interrogation scene between Mark Wahlberg and Said Taghmaoui...

I think what I like about this movie is the manner in which it portrays our own confusion about American foreign policy sometimes, the way we set out to do good, but end up mired in confusion and what we can do. It's cynical, but funny, unlike so many boring ass political movies that have come out in recent years that clearly have an agenda. I don't mind you having an agenda, filmmakers, I mind having to watch your boring movie. That's why this film succeeds where a lot of others fail because it's actually entertaining, down to the Lexus versus Infiniti arguments.

Questions, comments, concerns? Let me know.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Primary Colors, 1998

2011-08-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

Primary Colors is quite possibly one of the greatest political films of all time, it typifies politics in the 1990s. It was based on a novel by Anonymous but I think they finally figured out who wrote it. It was directed by Mike Nichols and scripted by Elaine May. The film follows Adrian Lester as Henry Burton, an idealistic young political operative as he works on the primary campaign of Democratic Governor Jack Stanton from a state that's last in everything and has a problem with women. Sound familiar? Know anyone like that?

Well, there's also his wife, Susan, played by Emma Thompson, the power behind the scenes who struggles to turn a blind eye to her husband's infidelities in order to make history. Billy Bob Thornton plays a political operative, along with Maura Tierney and Kathy Bates just about steals the show as an idealistic old friend of Jack and Susan's. Oh, and Larry Hagman as Jack's opponent who may be the "real thing".

The film follows Henry as he slides further and further into a moral vacuum, deciding what he can sanction in order to make history and have an impact on people's lives. Travolta is great in this, so is Emma Thompson. The film is a little episodic as we follow each of Stanton's sex scandals in the primary race, but it features great character moments filled with the mood of the south. I especially like this clip because it exemplifies the world Henry has gotten into.

Also, this is the only film I have ever known to have a Krispy Kreme tie in. They had a Primary Colors doughnut with red, white and blue sprinkles. My brother claims it is his favorite Krispy Kreme of all time. I'm a purist, I like the glazed while they are HOT. There is no damn point in getting them if they are not HOT. There's a scene in the movie that takes place at a Krispy Kreme which really makes you want to forgive Jack for all of his son of a bitch-ness. And of course, there's Kathy Bates, her ending is so great and so emotional it breaks your heart, but here she is earlier in the film. I love how Nichols and May never waste a moment in this film.

So, questions, comments, concerns? Anyone else think of a Krispy Kreme tie in for a film?

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, 1997

2011-08-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

I decided to let Mike Myers win this year because he just keeps losing to Harrison Ford. I mean, I'm still upset about Shrek 4, what the hell did we need that for? That's the kind of crap you pull on an episode of Star Trek, you can't sustain that for two hours. Okay, so Austin Powers is about a spy with bad teeth and an ungodly amount of chest hair. He has a nemesis, Doctor Evil, who freezes himself so he can come back and have a better shot at world domination. So, Austin freezes himself in 1967, comes back in 1997 and finds that the world has changed. Like a lot. The film follows him as he teams up with his new partner, Vanessa Kensington, played by Elizabeth Hurley, who is really great in this film and so much better than just a model who's in a movie. She's not afraid to be nerdy or uncool. This is also clearly not the most intellectual film I have ever chosen for this, but I like it anyway.

One of the best parts of the film is the way it follows the relationship of Doctor Evil and his son, Scott, played brilliantly by Seth Green, as they attempt to have a relationship.

I also love the way the film uses the tropes of the spy genre to create humor in the film. Witness Doctor Evil try to come up with an evil plan, not knowing the events of the previous thirty years.

Mike Myers' own love of the James Bond series really translates here, with some silliness and the trademark absurdity of Wayne's World thrown in. This movie is so funny the deleted scenes are worth showing. For example, have you ever wondered what happens to the henchman's family when he gets killed?

By the way, does anybody know why in movies the henchmen always keep fighting the hero after their boss is dead? I mean, if I was a henchman and I was fighting James Bond and my boss died, so I wasn't go to get paid, I would just leave. Questions, comments, concerns? You know where they go.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: The Rock, 1996

2011-08-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

This could be the only time I praise Michael Bay in this blog, like ever. It also might be one of the few times I praise Jerry Bruckheimer, you see, Jerry, I just don't need multiple films about pirates from a theme park ride. Anyway, the film in question is The Rock, and it's an action film but what distinguishes it from the rot that characterizes the genre today is that it's not about franchises or robots blowing up, there's an actual script and that script has something called a story, not just an excuse for explosions. Also, it's before Nicolas Cage started making a lot of crap.

The idea is this: some Marines have taken over Alcatraz led by Ed Harris, joined by David Morse and Tony Todd. I only mention Tony Todd because he played Old Jake Sisko in the saddest, greatest Deep Space Nine EVER, The Visitor and this is my blog so I can mention stuff like that if I want. I'll even show a clip if I want.

In this movie though, Captain Sisko would not be proud of him. They holding the leaders of the US hostage with VX Poison Gas, which looks like green bath pearls but will kill you and melt your skin. They want to get money for the families of Marines who go on secret illegal missions and get disavowed by the government. I think they should have had a bake sale. Anyway, so they take Alcatraz in this scene and threaten to gas San Francisco.

See? Ed Harris has a heart. So, they call in chemical expert Nicolas Cage, a scientist more comfortable with his Beatles LPs than fighting terrorists and Sean Connery, who is an MI6 agent that's been imprisoned by the US, disavowed by his own government and is basically leading the life James Bond would lead if he ever got caught. See, he's the only man who's ever escaped Alcatraz, so naturally they need him. This leads to trouble as he attempts to escape on the streets of San Francisco in an amazing car chase sequence and oh, yeah when all the Navy SEALS get killed and Connery and Cage are forced to work together to save San Francisco. Naturally, hijinx ensue.

There's great chemistry in this film, it's brilliantly cast. I love the Cage-Connery teaming up, I even love the hero villain face off between Connery and Harris as follows:

Also, I love this scene towards the end of the film. It really shows how good Nicolas Cage was before he started making crap and not paying the IRS.

Oh, as a tip of you go to Alcatraz and love this movie, try to go with someone who will know what you're referencing when you stand by the cell (they don't let you go in like in the movie) and start doing the speech from that film. Did I go to Alcatraz because of this movie? Yes. Yes, I did. There's a place by the boat dock that makes a breakfast pizza if you're interested. The audio tour also does not feature film clips like it should. Just a suggestion to the Park Service. That's all.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: GoldenEye, 1995

2011-07-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

I want to take you back to a time and a place where I did not know much about James Bond. The world was about to get a new 007 in Pierce Brosnan and I had never had one to start with. So, one November night, I went with my mom and brother to see GoldenEye. Then I went back the same weekend with my dad because somehow I saw every Pierce Brosnan Bond film in the theaters more than one time. Seriously.

Now, I know what you want to say. Sean Connery is the greatest Bond ever, right? But there's a difference between the best Bond and my Bond and Pierce Brosnan is undoubtedly my Bond. You see, after Timothy Dalton (a.k.a. Rassilon) took the franchise to the edge of dramatic destruction with his uber-seriousness and total inability to execute a punchline, Brosnan brought the franchise back into the world of humor, though not quite into the world of the ridiculousness that Roger Moore ocassionally took it to. I mean, they were in space, people. There was a laser fight in space. And George Lazenby, I mean what a freaking catastrophe. And I know someone out there is rooting for Daniel Craig, but I can never get over him being blond and also, he's too touchy feely sometimes. To me, Brosnan strikes the right line because this is a new post Cold War era Bond so he can't go around smacking secretaries on the ass, but we still want him to kill people.

But, the first thing you need for a great Bond film, well, after a great James Bond is a great James Bond theme song and this one has one with Tina Turner written by Bono and The Edge. BONO AND THE EDGE. You know, from U2? Did I ever mention I love U2? And it's awesome.

Then, of course, we have the new M played by Dame Judi Dench. And you don't want to screw with the new M.
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What else? We have the cars, although Bond controversially drives a BMW Z3. I must say I used to like the Z3. Now, I'm about to sound like a presenter on Top Gear, but every middle aged man having a midlife crisis bought a Z3 and then the Z4, so it's just not cool anymore. Aston Martin, still cool, but they only get like seven miles to the gallon. Well, at least that's done. We have the villain, 006, played by Sean Bean who I knew not to trust. Also, Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp, one of the most bizarre Bond villainesses ever. There's a plot in there, but while you need a decent plot for James Bond, it's more about the getting there, unless the plot is just so stupid you can't ignore how stupid it is. I will say the low point of this film is the main Bond girl, Natalya Simonova, because she does the whole thing where she whines about him going around, killing people, do we really need that? The whining? Joe Don Baker as a slightly crazy CIA agent, Robbie Coltrane as an old adversary of Bond's and oh, yeah, Minnie Driver in the greatest James Bond cameo ever, singing Stand By Your Man with a Russian accent. I seriously get angry when they cut that part out on TV, as if we don't need it. We do! Oh, my favorite sequence in this film is undoubtedly the tank chase through the streets of St. Petersburg. Of course, now would be a good time for either a clip of Minnie Driver or the tank chase, but once again, YouTube says no. Bastards.

And now come after me with your James Bond opinions.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: The Lion King, 1994

2011-07-27T04:05:00.000-07:00

So, The Lion King. I know this must seem in the sequence of films we've had so far, but I love it. I haven't been able to watch it, though, because all the copies have vanished off the face of the Earth in anticipation of a 3D release and a new release on DVD in November, so I have to go off what I remember and what I can find on YouTube. So, Disney corporate, that's my excuse for the clips, okay?

The first thing is the amazing opening sequence that shows you the splendor of the African landscape and creatures. This is a world unto itself and the scene has no dialogue, but for the Circle of Life song, the first in a brilliant soundtrack by Elton John and Tim Rice. Incidentally, I have a distant relative called Abaku who was in The Lion King on Broadway. I'm not sure if that's how you spell it, anyway, distant. The scene is fantastic, it's giving you the entire stakes of the film and mesmerizing you at the same time.

Then of course, we have some joyous, happy time but this is Disney and that can never last. I'm talking about Mufasa's death.

I cried, you cried let's just all admit it. I do not like death scenes, Disney is trying to give me serious psychological scars. Also, does it seem like as king of the animals, Mufasa probably should have just yelled at the wildebeests to stop for a minute while he got his kid? Any future lion kings, just keep that in mind.

Then, what do they do? They give you a warthog and a meerkat singing quite possibly the catchiest tune ever.

At its core, this song exemplifies the challenge Simba is going to face. Is he going to keep on with his carefree lifestyle and stand idly by as Scar rules the kingdom into ruin and decay? Or is he going to defeat the demons of his past, step up and become the Lion King? I think I just seriously over analyzed that.

And we have another lion king. And I cry. Again. Freaking Circle of Life, making me cry. Let's see what the Tenth Doctor has to say about it.

What else? Seriously, Rowan Atkinson plays a bird. You've got great performances, an epic story. One of my favorites, comments, concerns, that's what the comments section is for.

My Life in Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: The Fugitive, 1993

2011-07-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

For 1993, I have selected one of the truly greatest thrillers of all time. I feel like I say that a lot, but in this case it is definitely true. Rationally, a film based on an old TV show shouldn't be this good, but it is.

The Fugitive is the story of Richard Kimble, an escaped fugitive, jailed for the murder of his wife, which he didn't commit. It's equally the story of U.S. Marshal, Deputy Sam Gerard, played by Tommy Lee Jones, who won an Oscar for this performance and is also a fellow San Antonio Spurs fan. You may not feel like you needed to know that, but I dare you to find a Lakers fan who would have done a better job. The supporting cast is rounded out by Sela Ward, Samuel L. Jackson's wife, G'Kar from Babylon 5, Ralph Cifaretto and Sue Sylvester.

Anyway, this movie is all about the chase and I've always found the dynamic interesting because while Kimble is clever and heroic, Gerard definitely gets the best lines in the film. Even though he's chasing our hero, he's not a baddie, he's just a man with a job to do. The difference between a man on a mission and a man with a job to do is at the crux of the argument of the film, as exemplified in this scene following a great chase sequence through a dam.

The film also makes excellent use of the city of Chicago. You really feel like Kimble's lost in it and it adds a lot of atmosphere to what otherwise might take place in any city. The chase in the subway, the cop atmosphere, the scene in the prison. Note the excellent St. Patrick's Day parade sequence, a last minute addition to the shoot.

It's about as perfect a film as you can get, all about the cat and mouse game being played by Kimble and Gerard. They're opposing forces headed towards each other and you just wonder how it's all going to turn out. It is one perfect chase after another and what's great is you don't feel like it's just another chase sequence and there's a story, not just running. Great action and great characters and a great story. And again, Sam Gerard has the best lines ever. Basically, everything he says during the course of the film.

I know I picked The Fugitive, but I feel like I would be remiss if I didn't show you Charlton Heston in Wayne's World 2.

Comments on The Fugitive, your favorite Sam Gerard lines? Well, that would be what the comments section is for.