Though there’s no denying that divorced families have a particularly challenging time during the holidays, there are several things you can do to make sure that you and your kids enjoy the Easter or Passover season.

1.  Start new traditions. One of the most difficult things about starting over is remembering the things you used to do together as a family. Instead of dwelling on the past, start new holiday traditions by yourself or with your kids. Whether it’s seeing an Easter play or concert, cooking a special meal or visiting a local museum or attraction, it will soon be something you’ll look forward to each year.

2.  Be realistic. Don’t expect everything to be the same at the holidays this year as it has been in the recent past. Realize that things are going to be different this year and try not to be disappointed with the change. Equally, understand that there are likely going to be times this year when you’re going to be alone, like when your kids are with your former spouse. Rather than dwell on the past, make plans ahead of time to spend time with friends or family.

3.  Get involved in your church or community’s holiday celebration. Reconnect with the true meaning of the holidays by getting involved with your church or community’s holiday preparations. Maybe you can volunteer to sing in the choir or build props for the holiday play. Perhaps the community center needs someone to act as a volunteer to help with holiday festivities or prepare food. Helping out will help you meet new friends as well as begin forging those new traditions that will serve you well in years to come.

4.  Volunteer. Seeing someone who’s need is greater than yours at the holidays can go a long way to helping you put your own life’s problems in perspective. Volunteering to feed hungry neighbors or deliver holiday meals to the elderly not only fills those empty spots, but helps those who are struggling this time of year. Nursing homes, too, usually welcome visitors who would like to read to or visit with their residents. Find volunteer opportunities in your area at your church, from the local community center or by contacting agencies, such as Goodwill or the Salvation Army. If your kids are old enough, consider taking them along. Giving back at the holidays (or any time of year) is a good life lesson.

5. Consider a seasonal job. If your recent divorce means that you’ll be alone most or all of the holiday season, consider taking one of the plethora of seasonal jobs that pop up every summer or holiday season. Many retailers add extra employees for the Christmas rush and some even offer their seasonal help a discount on store merchandise, which can help with your holiday shopping. Restaurants and catering companies, too, usually need extra employees at various points during the year. Working extra hours will not only help take your mind off of the divorce, but will put a few dollars in your pocket.

6. Be good to yourself. Take care to get enough sleep, exercise and healthy food during the holiday season. It’s easy to neglect your own needs when you are struggling to make sense of a divorce. However, letting yourself get run down will only make things worse.

There’s no denying that divorced families face special challenges during the holiday season. However, with a little planning and flexibility, you can not only get through the season, but enjoy it as well.

What is Co-parenting?
Although the strict legal definition of co-parenting varies by state, in general usage, the term refers to any agreement where both mother and father share physical and/or legal responsibility for the raising of their children. Such an arrangement can mean that the children spend weekdays with one parent and weekends with the other or many, many other variations.

If you’re considering sharing custody of your children with an ex-spouse or partner, it’s wise to consider all that the arrangement will entail and to manage your expectations before your commit. Below are a few tips for making co-parenting work for you and your family:

1.  Check your anger at the door. Divorce is an unhappy time and, in most cases, hurt feelings and anger are part of the process. No matter what your ex has done (or you think he or she has done), save the confrontation for a time when you’re away from the kids. If your son or daughter sees you fighting with the other parent every time you pick them up, they will start to dread the transition.

2. Communicate regularly. Communication is a skill at which practically all people could improve. Separated and divorced parents are no exception. However, talking regularly is necessary to solving those day-to-day issues that go with raising a child, such as doctor dentist visits, unexpected school supplies and attending sports and music events. Communication with your ex will also keep you involved in your children’s lives and who doesn’t want that?

3.  Write down your expectations. It’s the rare divorcing couple that excels at communication. Curb any disappointments and angry outbursts by setting down on paper how you see the co-parenting arrangement working. That way you can hash out your differences and come to a unified agreement without involving your kids. Besides, children that see their parents working out their differences in a constructive way learn good communication skills for their own future.

3.  Be consistent. Consistency translates into security for children. Knowing when they will be with each parent, in what room they’ll stay and when they will leave makes this new arrangement less scary for them. There will be times when picking your kids up will be inconvenient, but canceling or postponing the time with them sends a message that they are unimportant to you, something you obviously don’t want to do.

4.  Be reliable. Be someone your kids (and your ex) can count on. It may be tempting to accept those overtime hours or that last minute appointment, but (if at all possible) be there when and where you’ve said you would be.

5. Manage the transition. Remind your kids a couple of days in advance when they will be visiting your ex. Set a positive tone, help them pack and get ready, and discuss things they can look forward to doing when they are there. Let them know that you’ll miss them, but don’t dwell on the negative aspects of their leaving. Your children will follow your lead. If you’re positive about the transition; it’s all but certain that they will be also.

6. Consider taking a parenting class. Co-parenting isn’t a skill that most people are taught. Most medium to large cities offer classes that offer tips and coping techniques for making the joint parenting arrangement work for all parties. Generally, these classes are free or charge only a nominal fee. If your ex won’t attend with you, don’t be afraid to go by yourself. Ask your lawyer, your doctor or your mental health professional to recommend a class.

7. Keep a balance. If one parent is feeling–rightly or wrongly–that he or she is doing all of the parenting work or making all of the tough decisions, it’s difficult to keep things from getting emotional. Strive to do more than 50 percent of the parenting work and communicate regularly with your ex so that you curb any resentment before it can develop.

8. Include your in-laws. Often grandparents also suffer after a separation or divorce. Parents are so involved in their own issues that they sometimes forget that their parents are missing the kids too. Although it may seem easier to avoid your in-laws right after a break up, kids benefit from spending time with their grandparents too. Plus, keeping grandma and grandpa in the picture is just one more way to make kids feel secure.

9. Be flexible. Although it’s best for your children for you to maintain a standard, set visitation schedule, we all know that sometimes life intervenes and makes that impossible. Perhaps it’s a business function or out-of-town trip that one of you needs to take; perhaps it’s a last minute birthday party at the neighbor’s house that your daughter wants to attend. Whatever the case, being a little flexible and understanding when unexpected events occur will go a long way to forging a good co-parenting relationship.

10. Show the love. When children feel they are cherished, it doesn’t really matter where they are living or what their daily routine involves. The most important thing you can do is show your son or daughter that he or she is loved unconditionally and encourage your ex to do the same. A well-loved child will grow up with strong self esteem no matter whether his or her parents are still together or not.

Remember that coparenting is a process and there’s no one right way that works for all couples or all families. However, with good communication and an open mind, you’ll be able to work out a system that serves you and your children well.

How It Works

Formed under state law, an FLP is a legal entity in which the partners are family members. An FLP requires at least two partners, who each contribute assets (hence the term “donor”). At least one of the partners (either one of the donors or a corporation owned by the donor) must be a general partner. An important requirement is that an FLP must generally operate as a trade, business, investment or income-producing venture. The partnership cannot be an S corporation shareholder, and problems are associated with the partnership owning voting shares of stock of a corporation controlled by the general partner.

General and limited partnership interests are exchanged for a transfer of assets. Usually, each general partner receives a 1% general interest, and issues the remaining interests as limited partnership units. General partners transfer these units to recipients by using the unified gift- and estate-tax credit and the annual gift-tax exclusion.

The general partners control the FLP’s assets by making all investment, business, and management decisions, while transferring up to 98% of the value of the partnership to children, grandchildren, or other family members. The general partners determine the cash distributions to limited partners. They also have fiduciary responsibility to the partnership and must handle all transactions at arm’s length. In payment for these services, the general partners should receive a reasonable management fee.

The limited partners have no control over investment, business, and management decisions. Generally, the partnership agreement prohibits them from unilaterally removing assets from the partnership (via distributions or otherwise) and from forcing its liquidation. The limited partners can be taxed on up to 98% of the partnership income at their appropriate (often lower) tax rate.

Common Non-tax Reasons For Establishing an FLP

Most of those who establish an FLP do so because they wish to:

• Retain control over transferred assets. The most common reason for establishing an FLP is to give children or other beneficiaries an interest in valuable property without surrendering control over that property. By making beneficiaries limited partners and assuming the role of general partner, those establishing the partnership maintain control over its income and assets.
• Protect assets from creditors. A partner’s creditors are only entitled to a claim against his or her partnership interest, not the underlying assets. These interests are often unattractive to the creditors and difficult for them to access. Also, the partners can be insulated from exposure to the partnership’s creditors.
• Protect assets from marital claims. An FLP arrangement can help partners avoid these same difficulties in the event of marital claims against them.
• Increase the size and scope of assets. The partnership can allow family members to create a larger pool of assets, reducing management and administration costs and increasing diversity.
• Maintain continuity of business interest and investment philosophy. The head of a family can establish an FLP to allow a smooth transition of assets to successors. This can provide a longer time horizon for investments.

FLPs Can Be Powerful Financial Planning Tools

To set up an FLP, you may need an appraisal of the value of the underlying assets, such as real estate, and an appraisal of the appropriate minority and lack of marketability adjustments. These adjustments result from the restrictions on the limited partners’ control of the assets. Expert advice is important to avoid later problems with the Internal Revenue Service or when case disputes arise.

Genuine benefits are usually accompanied by time and money requirements. The FLP requires some effort, but also offers powerful potential as a way to transfer wealth while enabling the older generation to retain adequate control over the management and growth of these assets.

These powerful financing planning tools will help you preserve your assets, particularly in the event of a divorce.

1. Line Up Your Facts – Spousal support is based on an individuals need and their spouse’s ability to pay. Both you and your spouse must present an honest representation, not a fictitious accounting, of the cash flowing into and out of your household before you are in a position to negotiate terms. It’s pointless to have a discussion about the amount or duration of support without having this critical information at hand. If you or your spouse try to fudge the numbers in an effort to gain an advantage, you can guarantee that you will have a long and very expensive divorce. 
2. Alimony is Not an Entitlement – You may have a valid need for financial support once your marriage has ended, however it would be a mistake to think you are entitled to receive spousal support simply because you were married. While you may not be ready to acknowledge this yet, the reality is you may need to earn your own income and prepare to support yourself within a reasonable time period after your divorce.
3. Terms are Subjective – The amount and duration of spousal support payments are highly subjective and courts typically have considerable discretion over the outcome. However, it is an encouraging trend that some states, like Massachusetts, have finally revamped their antiquated laws so divorcing couples can have more sensible, predictable and consistent  results. One can only hope the new law here in Massachusetts provides for a more fair outcome for both parties and reduces the couple’s reliance on the court both during and long-after the divorce.
4. Negotiate Child Support First – If you have children, you should determine the amount of your child support obligation before initiating a discussion about a potential spousal support award. Once you have agreed to the amount of child support, you can then deduct this amount from your income and living expenses to determine if there are any funds remaining that could be used to help pay a spousal support award.
5. Beware of the Tax Consequences – Spousal support is tax deductible to the person paying it and taxable to the person who receives it. This means the receiving spouse will have to pay estimated taxes on the support they receive on either a quarterly or annual basis. Since support terms are negotiated using pre-tax dollars, the recipient must not forget to factor in the taxes when analyzing the appropriateness of a proposed support award.
6. Lump Sum vs. Periodic Payments – If you have concerns about your ability to collect spousal support from your spouse and there are sufficient assets available for a buy-out, you can negotiate to have your support award paid up-front, in a lump sum, as opposed to receiving periodic payments.  However, before you rush into this decision you should carefully weigh the benefits of getting the cash today against the risks (i.e. can you confidently manage a lump sum payment to meet all your future needs and do you want to give up the right to request a future modification if there is a change in circumstances).
7. Don’t Dodge Your Responsibilities – The person paying support cannot quit their job or become voluntarily under-employed simply to avoid paying a support obligation. Sorry folks, if you have an alimony (or child support) obligation the courts won’t allow you to run off and join the Peace Corps when you have historically earned the income of an experienced executive at a Fortune 500 company. If you try to, the court can impute income to you based on your income potential or require you to liquidate your assets to meet your support obligations.
8. Support is Not Gender Biased – Courts typically require the higher earning spouse to pay support to the lower earning spouse – the transfer of income is not based on gender. While men sometimes feel the level of support they are required to pay their ex-wives is unfair, they should know support obligations are paid by women too. The reality is there are plenty of successful women business owners, CEOs and executives who are required to pay support to a lower earning spouse or a stay-at-home dad. In case you haven’t heard this term before, the situation I just described is called “manimony”.
9. Remarriage Issues – If your ex remarries, your spousal support award will not increase because your ex suddenly has more income available in his or her household. If your ex has a support obligation to you, he or she must continue to meet that obligation. The new spouse has no legal obligation to provide support to you. While there are always exceptions to the rule, don’t expect your support to increase based on your ex’s new marital situation.
10. Balancing Second Family Needs – If your ex remarries and starts a new family, a prior support award will not change simply because your ex now has more expenses to support his or her new family. While this may not seem fair to spouse paying support, the obligations to the second family will not reduce the obligations to the first family.  In the event there are valid circumstances that might warrant a potential change, make every attempt to work out your issues outside the court, using a mediator. If you are not able to resolve your differences on your own and have to rely lawyers to prove a hardship or a change in circumstances, you will likely end up paying tens of thousands of dollars to prepare for a modification with no guarantee either of you will be satisfied with the outcome.

Uncover Your Spending Habits

Before you can create a realistic budget, you need a clear understanding of your spending habits. This means you must be able to answer questions such as; Where does the majority of your money go? How often do you replace your vehicles, get your driveway plowed or lawn mowed? How many times a week do you eat dinner out or grab snacks on the run? Do you bring your lunch or buy it at the local deli? How many coffee runs do you make in a day? How many times a year do you visit the hair salon? Understanding how you spend your money is just as important as what you spend your money on. The goal here is for you to understand your spending behavior so you can make informed decisions about your finances going forward.

The Essentials

As you begin to build your budget, the first items you should account for are your monthly recurring expenses. These are typically the expenses you have to cover your basic necessities, such as food and housing related costs. You may also want to include expenses for medical insurance, car payments or public transportation, utilities, cable and internet or your local gym membership. If you are a homeowner, be sure to include seasonal expenses, such as lawn/garden care, pool supplies or snowplowing expenses. It doesn’t matter what you use to track your expenses, whether it’s an online tool, quicken, excel or even a notebook to track your expenses, it just matters that you track them. Personally speaking, I prefer using online tools to track my expenses.

Periodic Expenses

Don’t forget to account for your expenses that only occur periodically (i.e. quarterly, annual or on an as needed basis). These expenses typically include medical or dental co-pays, prescriptions, insurance premiums, therapy, furniture/rug cleaning, vehicle maintenance charges or inspections, just to name a few.  Divorcing individuals often forget to account for their periodic expenses, which can sometimes have devastating consequences as they underestimate their true needs.

Discretionary Items

Once you have a solid grasp on fixed and periodic expenses, you should factor in your discretionary expenses. Discretionary expenses are expenses that you don’t actually need, but would still like to have. Some examples of discretionary expenses include entertainment, manicure/pedicures, dining out, house cleaning, magazine subscriptions, gifts and vacations. Your spending in this section will be important to review if you need to make adjustments once your budget is completed.

Do the Math

Sum up your total expenses and then subtract this number from your available income (I’ll leave this topic for a blog article another day). The goal here is to make sure you have enough money to cover your expenses so you don’t have to dip into your reserve savings or rely on credit to meet your needs. If your budget results in a deficit, you will need to make some adjustments. One note of caution – don’t allow yourself to depend on your spouse to make up the difference in a child support or alimony award, there rarely is enough money available to support both households.

Make Smart Adjustments

The first area to review if you need to make adjustments will be your discretionary expenses. Decide what you can and can’t live without. While easier said than done, the goal of this exercise is not to leave you feeling deprived of the life-style you have become accustomed to, it’s to help you understand that everything in life is about what you can afford and your priorities. If giving up your twice-a-day Starbucks habit is something you can’t live without, then maybe it’s worth cutting back on your premium television package or some other discretionary expense. Keep making minor “tweaks” in your budget until your expenses do not exceed your available income. Don’t get frustrated, there are always creative ways to accomplish your goals.

The Bottom Line

Once you are divorced, you will be responsible for making the decisions about how you allocate your personal finances. Having a budget in place that you can monitor and live within will help ease the transition. After a few months on your own, you just may that find you can stretch your income more than you thought.

1. Get educated on your family’s finances – You need to have a firm handle on the money that flows into and out of your household and a solid understanding of your total net worth.  Since most households allocate their income and expenses across multiple different bank, brokerage and credit card accounts, it is often difficult to get an accurate picture of your family’s financial situation. Compiling this information manually is not only time-consuming; it can also be very costly if you require a lawyer or forensic specialist, such as Certified Divorce Finance Analyst, to do it for you. To get started, you will want to gather copies of your most recent bank, credit card, brokerage and retirement account statements, loan applications, the last three to five years of tax returns and W-2’s, property tax bills, mortgage statements and credit card bills handy.
2. Look for nuggets of information in your tax returns – Tax returns contain a lot of valuable information about your household income. If you don’t have access to your tax returns because your spouse keeps this information at the office, call your accountant or you can request a transcript copy by filing out IRS Form 4506. When reviewing your tax returns pay close attention to Schedule B, which lists the financial accounts your family receives interest and dividends from in any given year. Make note of any changes in your financial accounts listed on your tax returns, as banking relationships can sometimes be switched in anticipation of a divorce. You should also review trends in your household income from year to year for any dramatic changes so you are confident your spouse is not manipulating his or her income in an attempt to pay less support.
3. Review your bills and account statements frequently – Be alert to any unusual changes in monthly bills or account statements. Whether you receive them by mail or electronically – review each statement carefully for pre-payments, balance transfers, large withdrawals or anything that seems suspicious. If you have access to your online banking passwords, sign up for a free online tool to start tracking your account balances and spending right away. In my experience, if any financial shenanigans are going to occur, they will usually happen 12–24 months before you decide to divorce. If your spouse hasn’t shared this information with you, suggest you set up a password manager so you both can access your financial institutions if there is an emergency. If that doesn’t work, then call your financial institution and request they send paper copies of your statements.
4. Beware of small business owner’s income – Does your life-style pass the “sniff test” when you compare it to your taxable income? As you may already know, small business owners have a lot of flexibility within the tax code to manipulate their income. While perfectly acceptable for the tax authorities, this often creates a conundrum for divorcing couples when it comes to determining income available for support. If you live in an upscale neighborhood, drive expensive vehicles, take amazing vacations and have kids attending private school, but your income tax returns show you are living on a janitor’s salary – something is clearly not right. Unless you are racking up major debt to support your life-style, the cash is coming from somewhere and will need to be identified to establish a proper support award.
5. Protect your credit – Get a copy of your credit report. Make sure you review carefully for errors and flag all jointly titled accounts with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. While it is never pleasant to discover your spouse has amassed huge credit card debt in your joint names, it is far better to learn about it before the divorce process when you can do something about it, rather than learning about it when the debt collector knocks on your door. Also, if you have not already done so, establish credit in your own name.
6. Create a post divorce financial plan – Will you have enough resources to support your needs? Where will you live? How much can you afford? What new expenses will you have once you are living on your own? Do you have enough money set aside for retirement or should you be saving additional funds? How would you stay afloat if your soon-to-be ex-spouse suddenly stopped paying support? Now more than ever, you need to establish a realistic post-divorce budget and create a plan for prioritizing your spending and savings. Your future depends on it!

Going through a divorce will be challenging.  Taking the necessary steps to prepare financially for your divorce will not only help you move through the divorce process with confidence, it will ease the transition into your post-divorce life since you know your finances will be intact.

1. Litigation is the only way to resolve my divorce – The first thing the majority of individuals do when they make the decision to divorce is run out and hire a lawyer. Unfortunately, we live in a society that is highly litigious – where anytime there is conflict we hire lawyers and choose to fight our battles out in courtroom as opposed to finding another solution where everyone can win. In you thinking about divorce, before you make such a blind leap of faith to use litigation to solve your problems, you must know it is not the only way. It is just ONE way. You have other options, which include mediation, arbitration, pro-se or “do-it-yourself”, collaborative law and thanks to advancements in technology, you can even resolve your divorce completely online from the convenience of your home or office. Be sure to do your homework and consider all the options before you move forward. The decision to divorce is not an easy one and the option you choose should be as important as the decision to divorce itself.
2. I will get justice when I have my day in court – While you may think or even fantasize that a court will bring you justice – nothing could be further from the truth. Courts cannot fix what is broken or make what is wrong – right. The courts are also not there to provide you with the emotional support you need. There are no winners in court – only losers. If you decide to take your chances, you will quickly come to realize that court is nothing like you expected it to be. The judicial system is slow and inefficient, courts are overcrowded, underfunded and understaffed and the process itself is emotionally and financially draining. If you are thinking about using the traditional process for your divorce because you are determined to seek justice, you will need to first ask yourself will it be really worth it?
3. The judge will side with my point of view – This is probably one of the most common of the misconceptions. In divorce, we all think we are the only one who is “right” and it is the other party who is “wrong.” The reality is – judges rarely “side” with either party. Regardless of how strongly you feel about your own position, you must recognize the judge may see your issues in a completely different way than you do. While you may be tempted to tell the judge about all the bad things your spouse did to you hoping to sway his or her opinion, your efforts are not going to matter if you live in a no-fault state. The only thing you’ll accomplish is wasting a lot of time and money. If you need support, consult a friend or a therapist – don’t look for the judge to support you.
4. You should never compromise during divorce negotiations – The decision to compromise or stand firm on your position is a key issue many people struggle with during the divorce process. Being positional about issues is a classic mistake many divorcing individuals make. Trust me, you will be far better off if you approach your divorce with flexibility and an open mind. If you or your spouse are completely inflexible, your divorce is going to be long and expensive.
5. I will receive half of everything – Unless you live in one of the nine community property states, courts divide marital property equitably – which does not always translate into an even 50/50 split of the assets. Before you decide how your property will be divided, you will first need to identify whether your assets are separate or marital property. In most instances, separate property can be retained by the spouse that owns it, that is as long as the property has not been commingled with any of your other joint assets. Another important point to consider in the property division is – not all assets are created alike. This means what looks like a 50/50 division of the assets today may be less than ideal in the future. For example, $100,000 of net equity in the marital home is not the same as $100,000 in an investment portfolio. Why? Your home is not an income producing asset – it costs money to maintain, whereas investment assets will generate income each year in the form of dividends or interest. Get the picture?
6. I’m entitled to alimony for the rest of my life – As much as I’d like to say “think again” there may be a bit of truth to this one depending on where you live. Unfortunately, family law judges have broad discretion to award alimony and they can do so long after your marriage ends. Since there are currently no guidelines for determining alimony (as there are for child support), support awards granted to the dependent spouse are often highly unpredictable and inconsistent. Let me share an example:  A few years ago, the State Bar of Nevada surveyed several judges and divorce attorneys and presented them with a hypothetical example of a divorcing couple and asked the judges and attorneys to share how much support they would award to the dependent spouse. Not surprisingly, the results showed significant inconsistencies – ranging from no alimony all the way to permanent alimony. While you may think you are entitled to alimony simply because you were married to someone, it would be a mistake to count on it. Support should be based on reasonable needs of the dependent spouse and the supporting spouse’s ability to pay. It should not be a life-long commitment or an entitlement.
7. I’ll still be able to afford my house – In a divorce proceeding, there always seems to be one spouse who wants to keep the house. Whether it’s for emotional reasons or for the sake of the children – the decision to maintain the martial home is rarely based on what makes the most financial sense. When making this decision, it is important not to underestimate how much it costs to maintain a home. It’s not just your mortgage payments, you will also be responsible for property taxes, home owners insurance, water, trash collection, maintenance and any other related upkeep. If maintaining the marital home is something that is important to you, be sure to factor these additional costs into your post-divorce budget before you agree to anything. You may even want to consider some “what-if” scenarios before you negotiate to keep the family home versus another asset. The worst thing you can do is stay in a house you cannot afford. Remember – in divorce it pays to think financially, not emotionally.
8. My life-style will stay the same after my divorce – It would be a big mistake to think you will enjoy the same lifestyle you enjoyed during the marriage after your divorce is finalized. While the law presumes the marital standard of living should be maintained after the divorce – it’s just not economically feasible. Do the math. There simply is no way the same level of income can support two households (with double the expenses) in the same way that is supported one. The sooner you adjust your expectations, the better off you will be.
9. I’m off the hook because my spouse agreed to pay our joint debts - Don’t assume your liability for joint debt ceases because your spouse agreed to pay all of your bills. Even if your spouse has all the right intentions, things can happen which may impair their ability to meet their financial obligations. If the credit card companies cannot collect from your ex-spouse on a past joint debt, they will not hesitate to come after you. It simply does not matter who gets assigned the debt in your divorce agreement. The bottom line is – if your joint debt is not paid you will still be responsible for the payments.
10. I don’t have to worry about my health insurance since I’m covered by my husband’s plan – While your spouse’s employer is required to provide COBRA coverage for you they will not do so automatically. If you are going to stay on the plan, you must notify your spouse’s health plan administrator within 60 days of becoming divorced to maintain your coverage. Failing to notify in the appropriate time frame will terminate your benefits – period. It’s also important to know that you will only be covered for a period of 36 months after your divorce is final. After that, you will have to get a new policy. Explore all your options while you’re going through the divorce process and before you finalize your divorce – don’t put off this decision to a later date.

1. Pre-Divorce Planning – One of the best things you can do is educate yourself so you can prepare for what lies ahead.  It’s not just about the legal process of dissolving your marriage, pre-divorce planning also involves careful planning in all aspects of your life. It’s about recognizing where you are today and where you want to be after your divorce. The more you plan, the better equipped you will be to deal the divorce and transition to your new life ahead.
2. Choose the Right Process Option  – A process option is the way in which you and your spouse decide to approach your divorce. You can either do-it-yourself, use a mediator or choose the traditional option of hiring divorce lawyers. The method you choose will dictate how much time and money you will spend on your divorce. We always tell our clients “If you want an expensive divorce, then hire an aggressive lawyer.”  Just know you have other options.
3. Prioritize Your Needs – Once you’ve made the decision to divorce, you’ll want to identify the issues that are truly important to you. While everyone has different needs, most divorcing individuals tend to struggle with co-parenting concerns, financial questions or other money related issues.  Having a clear understanding of what you want to accomplish will keep you focused on meeting your goals. It will also save you time and money in your divorce.
4. Understand the Value of Compromise – Pick your battles. It’s just not realistic to think you are going to get everything you want in your divorce. Compromise is often necessary. You are far more likely to reach a settlement when you have reasonable expectations. Far too often in the divorce process, particularly when there is high conflict between spouses, people make emotional decisions as opposed to rational ones. Some individuals may even approach their divorce with the intent of making life difficult or miserable for their spouse. In these situations, no one wins. Refusing to compromise or negotiate with your spouse will only lead to a very long and expensive divorce. It’s your choice.
5. Preserve the Co-Parenting Relationship – Your marriage may be ending, but if you have children you will need to maintain a good relationship with your spouse for years to come. While it may be difficult to imagine right now when you are dealing with your own feelings of anger and resentment, you need to stay focused on putting your children’s needs first. Remember, children do much better when their parents get along. They need and deserve good role models – parents who model respect and healthy problem-solving skills. You will need to work hard at it, but for the sake of your kids – it will be worth it!

1. Beware of Your Behavior – Divorce is not a single event but a process that unfolds over time.  How you react during these challenging times will have a tremendous impact on your children. While an occasional argument can be expected in any family, it is not healthy for your children to live in a continuous battleground of hostility and conflict. The ongoing stress can often lead to behavioral problems in children.  In addition, you may also be teaching your children to resolve conflict through aggressive behaviors as opposed to having a calm discussion. This is an essential social skill children need to develop so they can build and maintain meaningful relationships later in life. If you’re having trouble coping with your stress, seek help from a mediator or therapist so your emotional outbursts don’t unintentionally harm your children.
2. Stay Involved – Numerous studies have shown that children do best when both of their parents stay actively involved in their lives. There’s no denying it’s going to be more challenging for the non-custodial parent to stay as involved when they are not able to spend time with their children on a daily basis, but a little extra effort can make a significant difference in your child’s life!  If you are facing difficulties, don’t let your child mistakenly interpret your lack of involvement as rejection or that you love them less. Whether you live nearby or far away, make every effort to stay as involved as you can in your child’s life.  Even the tiniest gesture will go a long way!
3. Maintain Consistency – One of the most important things you can do to help your children feel safe and secure while they are adjusting to the transition is to maintain stability and consistency in their schedules.  This can go long way into easing their anxieties. This does not mean you and your soon-to-be ex have to do things exactly the same way in your households, just remember the more you can do to keep things as “normal” as possible for the children, the easier it will be for them to adjust to the transition. If your particular circumstances will require a lot of changes in their schedule, try to establish their new routines as quickly as possible. Remember, children thrive when they have predictable routines.
4. Talk to Your Kids – Most parents dread telling their children about their divorce, particularly when they haven’t ironed out all the details. The longer you wait to tell them what’s going on, the more likely they will remain scared, confused and overwhelmed about how your divorce is going to affect them. Be sure to give them enough information about how their living arrangements, schools or extra-curricular activities will change, but don’t overwhelm them with all the details.
5. Avoid Post-Divorce Conflict – I’m sure you know a few parents that continue to live in the divorce drama longer after the divorce is over. These parents are constantly arguing over parenting schedules, vacations, the childrens extra-curricular activities or other family related dynamics.  It is very difficult for children when parent continue to argue.  Children often feel caught in the middle of their parents dispute, especially when they are asked to relay messages to the other parent or overhear you talking with others about your divorce. The best thing you can do for your children is minimize their exposure to dealing with your conflicts.

Here are five great reasons to mediate your divorce.

1. Save Money – A divorce attorney will charge an initial retainer and bill by the hour. Retainers can start at $2,500 per person and some can run as high as $25,000. More often than not, you will exhaust your retainer by the time you finish your first meeting. A mediated divorce can be completed at a fraction of the cost!
   
2. Quicker Resolutions – In the traditional process a divorce can take several years to work itself through the court system. Your divorce will follow the timetable dictated by the schedules of the attorney’s involved and the court. There will be endless delays and you will have no control over how long your divorce takes. Mediation is typically much quicker than working through the court system. If you are focused and organized, you can complete the process in as little as a few weeks or months. The traditional process can drag on for several years.
3. You Remain In Control of Your Future – In the traditional process you will surrender your right to control the outcome of your divorce to a judge or your attorney.  This means the judge or attorney’s involved will decide when you can see your children and how your money and assets will be divided. In mediation, you and your spouse have full control over the outcome of your divorce.
4. No Wasted time in Court – Ask anyone who has used the traditional process for their divorce and they will tell you about the endless hours they spent in court attending court appearances, motions, hearings or pre-trial conferences, not to mention the wasted time traveling back and forth to the courthouse. You will quickly find that court meetings are frequently canceled, rescheduled and rarely happen on schedule. It is not uncommon to show up at court early in the morning and wait all day until court closes only to never be heard. Meanwhile, you and your spouse will be forced to incur thousands of dollars in legal fees to wait all day in court, only to accomplished nothing. You can avoid lengthy court delays and save time and money, if you choose to mediate your divorce.
5. It’s Confidential – If you choose the traditional process (using attorney’s and the court), your divorce will become a matter of public record. Every single pleading and of it’s contents will be readily available for anyone to read. The courtroom will also open to the public. This means that anyone, including your neighbors, co-workers, family members or other interested bystanders can listen in on your most private affairs. In mediation, all discussions and agreements made between you and your spouse will remain confidential.

To learn how ClearView can help you save time and money on your divorce, click on the button below to schedule a free consultation.