Order online, or if you know me and live near by… contact me and I can bring you some .

jeffcinard@gmail.com

$2 bucks a card

Click on the image to go to the online store.

It was a great show, and we raised a ton of money and gathered a ton of books!

Photos Coming Soon!!!

If you live in Orange County,

OC’s Funniest round 2

click image to go to facebook event

Every year there is a competition in Orange County to pick oc’s funniest stand up.  So I made it past round one, and if you want to hang out with my mom and watch me in round 2… then come on down this friday.  Just click the image to take you to the facebook event and get the details.

Here is  a clip from last round

IF YOU LIVE IN LA

Tomorrow night is the AWARD WINNING

LOCAL 132 @ 9 pm

click on image to purchase tickets in advance.

Our team is the 2007 Harold Competitions Champions, and we share the hour with the 2009 Harold Competition Champions.  It is an hour of championship improv comedy and I am very proud of this team.

It is 21 and over

We perform every tuesday at 9 pm on the I.O. west mainstage and the address for this stage is::

6366 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028

Click on the image for more details.

Also this week and next is my improv team::

BOOMTOWN

click on the image for the facebook event for this week

This improv comedy team is comprised of incredibly tallented comedians that I have been performing with since 2002 at Cal Poly.

We are performing at Ultimate Improv this Week

8 pm
$5
Ultimate improv theater
954 Gayley
Westwood,CA

And we are performing at the show, LETS DO THIS next friday Oct 30th

click image for more details and pre-sale tickets

That is right Hemet California. HEMET. I had never heard of this city, and I proved it by accidentally calling it HELMET for about a week before the show. Which in my opinion is a much better name.

for trevor and fans of frisky dingo

Turns out, as cool as HELMET California would be, HEMET California is cool only if you are unaware of what the word cool means.

If you don’t know where Hemet is, this map might help::

I was asked by a good comedian friend to come out to this random town in the middle of the desert and perform a set of comedy for his grandmother’s church.

What I didn’t know is that the only thing in Hemet is adorable people in their golden years (and an Applebees). And this church was filled with all of those old people’s grandparents.

THEY WERE VERY OLD.

I was under the assumption it was a church, but due to their age I soon realized that these were the people who actually WROTE the Bible!

It is near impossible to tailor material to a crowd that’s still thinks automobiles are new technology.

I started seeing if I could adjust material to involve terms that they would know like “World’s Fair,” “Speak Easy,” or “Flappers.” Here is an example of a possible social reference joke they could identify with::

“Hey check out that Bearcat hanging out with that Egg laying patch in that Strugglebuggy o’ theirs. That’s Big Six is higher than the Lindbergh Feller over the Atlantic! Am I right?”

At one point I tried crowd work, and when I asked a nice old man what his name was they LITERALLY had to WAKE HIM UP!!!!! I then found out he was 93 years old and his wheelchair was in the other room. He was enjoying my show against his will.

It was a demographic that I never thought I could appeal to. Truthfully, I didn’t think this Demographic was still alive.

It was a new kind of nervous. I knew they would be nice.

They weren’t going to be mean, they didn’t have their hearing aids turned up high enough to effectively heckle. All the applause and laughter was very polite.

At the end of the show, I felt like I just visited all of my friend’s grandmothers all at once.

I am a comic who will perform ANYWHERE. I really will. And now I can add Hemet “we just got an Applebees”, California to the list!

I appreciated the experience and I think everyone had a good night, even if it was just because they got in a good nap.

————————————————————————-

At the end of the show though, I got the heck out of there.  ’Cause that many old people in cars is scary to anyone. They can’t be good drivers if their first car was purchased from a blacksmith.

I didn’t want to get taken out by a purple Chrysler with a fake convertible top driven by a world war I vet.

If you don’t know what I mean, this south park clip sums up my fears perfectly

Orange County’s Funniest Person.

It was fun, my set went well.  I won round one, so there are 2 more rounds for me to fight through.

This is a lot like the tournament from Karate Kid, except instead of a small asian man in my corner it’s my mom in the sweatshirt I made her.

I have done this tournement before. So in many ways, the show was normal.  Normal in the fact that the drinks were about 9000 dollars a piece, bill word started the show off with the same voice over joke that my brother hates, and most of the comics were great (some horrid).

The thing that was different about this show was that it was held in the Multi-Purpose Room at the Renaissance Club Sport Aliso Viejo

You can enjoy a great comedy show and even get in some good cardio.

Great place for stand up comedy competitions and family reunions!

Yeah, we did a comedy show in a place that still smelled like the Technical Conference they had in that room earlier that day.

It was ridiculous.

It reminded me of this scene from southpark.

Needless to say, the night was great.  I had a goal of just doing a set I was proud of and I know I acomplished that.

Trevor even said it was the best set I have done.

brother approves

So that is a good thing.

Other highlights of the night::

1. Random lady with inappropriate things dangling from her mostly exposed chest.

2. Old new york female comedian making my girlfriend cringe

3. Watching my dad laugh at jokes I didn’t know he would get, or didn’t want to know he would get.

4. Knowing that my mom’s friend doesn’t hate me even though she had a permanent scowl on her face after sitting through some rough comics talking about sex toys.  Sorry mom’s friend, but hey at least I was clean.

thanks everyone (especially to all those that come to soooo many of my shows they might be able to do my set for me if I can’ make it) , and I will see you next round on october 23rd.

My goal was to make this site more direct and better looking.
I think those goals were achieved.

All my contact info and media(videos and the pictures will be ready soon) is readily available at all times to the right of the page.

I am happy to have you here and if you are an educator, please take the time to see the new speaking site ::

jeffclinard.com/speaking

thanks, and come see a show

jeff

One day ago.

We arrived in Salt Lake City for a layover to find that there was a huge wildfire outside of the city.  The air was hot, the airport was humid, and the sky was a deep smoke orange. For such a spiritual city … it sure seemed like God was angry.

Once we arrived at our gate, and there was a huge crowd of people surrounding the flight attendant. She was yelling like a town crier, and we soon discovered that our plane was now too heavy for the flight. With bags, and people… our airplane was too heavy to make it to Sun Valley.

No matter what the outcome in this situation, this announcement did not instill trust in the airline’sability FLY PLANES!

“We need to lose 7 people from the flight (or 3 fatties) to meet the weight requirements,” said overwhelmed-underpaid flight attendant.

It turned into a life-boat scenario. We all lined up to board. The flight crew then went through the line and picked people to leave behind.  Jamie said it was like ‘The Bachelorette.’ I said it was more like 1940’s Germany.

Jamie asked, “What if we were meant to get off the plane?”

"How weird would it be if we don't go, and the plane crashed?" said by jamie

Thanks Jamie. Thanks for comparing us to ‘Final Destination.’ That calms me down about death!(SAID SARCASTICALLY!)

This technology is far too old for me to be happy about trusting it at 5,000 ft. Propellers… really??? I wouldn’t have been surprised to see our bags being loaded by horse-drawn carriages. So we start piling onto our adventure plane that is obviously taken from the prop house of ‘Indiana Jones.’

The plane was tiny. I could high-five the pilot from my seat. He gave us the grim news of our flight details.

“Well it’s hot and windy here for our take-off. (a.k.a., ‘You might puke’)
At our final flying altitude, the winds are gonna be rough. (‘You will puke a bunch in this plane‘)
And I just got some storm cloud warnings for our descent into Sun Valley. (‘Lift your feet up, ‘cause there’s gonna be tons of puke!’)

But, then he still ended the talk with…”So, please sit back, relax and enjoy your flight.”

View from my seat while in the air.

I guessed we were diverting from Sun Valley, Idaho into MORDOR!

Eventually the plane made everyone puke.  The flight attendant was running back and forth with latex gloves, trash bags and apologies.

The sky was too rough to land in Sun Valley, so we had to divert to Twin Falls, Idaho. The sandwich I had for lunch was bigger than this airport.

Once we landed, all the puking people opted for leaving the plane and renting a car instead of staying in this plane with a hull as thick as a windbreaker.

“So you are the brave ones, we’re just gonna get up in the air and give landing in Sun Valley another shot,” said Mr. Possibly-Drunk Pilot!

I did what any brave man would do. I distracted her with Sky Mall..

“Jeff, I am scared.”

“How can you be scared, when we can order the world’s largest crossword puzzle?”

She said I helped her stay calm. I rubbed her back, and I told her everything would be OK. That washow I behaved outwardly. But in my head, I peed my pants.

Our stupid plane, post-landing

Our rental car is a subaru forester.

We're not lesbians, but our car is.

Jamie hates planes, and I now won’t watch the movie ‘Memphis Belle‘.

The night started off rough.  We were supposed to start our show at 9pm, but it is a show that takes place at a Cafe & Bar. So there were still a ton of people finishing up their dinner right in the area that we wanted to perform our hilarious jokes.

So we started an hour late because a friendly family of 15 was opening gifts for a bday party.  I didn’t mind, I stole some cake and found out that I knew the family! Small world.  Oc is a big rich republican county with a small town feel!

Once the show got started, I was impressed by all the comics.  There were four of us and we all fell into our specialized rolls that chris needed from us.  Like the a-team with a 2 drink minimum.

Mark Kravitz :: Demolitions Expert and specialized skills in Warming up a crowd with loud distracting noices in the background.

Chris Edwards :: Technology Specialist and Expert at being the only Black Comic in OC.

Jeff Clinard :: Animal Expert and might not be hilarious, but his mom sure brings a crowd to see him!

Graham Elwood :: Weapons and Tactical Commandar, and the only one of us with a legit TV credit.

I appriciated all these comics, even Graham.  Though he did refer to me as Steve the entire night.

He kept saying “Steve had this great joke about vegans…”

or

“Steve was right, those D-bags roll deep.”

He was dumb for messing up my name but so nice for complimenting my jokes.   I didn’t know how to respond!

Thank you to all those that came out, and I look forward to doing this show again sometime.

Here is a clip from the set.