A friend recently shared her frustration with the rudeness of Seattle drivers, particularly how people don’t acknowledge her courtesy when she yields on crowded neighborhood streets or lets them merge. Her experience got me thinking about how simple gestures can transform our daily commute from a source of stress into an opportunity for connection. Here are some tips to help you be a road etiquette champion.

Lane Courtesy

If you’re in the left lane, move right if faster traffic is behind you, regardless of whether you’re going the speed limit. The left lane is for passing, and blocking it creates frustration and unsafe passing situations. And if you’re a slow driver stay in the right lane and drive at the speed limit.

Signal Your Intentions

Turn signals aren’t optional—they’re essential communication tools. Use them when turning, changing lanes or merging. You’ll let the person behind you know you’ll be slowing down to make a turn, helping avoid possible collisions and keeping traffic flowing smoothly.

The Power of the Wave

When someone lets you merge ahead of them or yields to you in some way, be sure to wave to show your thanks. It’s a small gesture that acknowledges their courtesy and often brightens their day. Another appropriate time to wave is when you make a mistake—maybe you accidentally cut someone off. A quick apologetic wave can acknowledge your error and defuse tension before it escalates.

Merging with Grace

Allow space for merging vehicles rather than speeding up to block them. When you need to merge, match the speed of traffic and find an appropriate gap rather than forcing your way in. Use the zipper merge technique in construction zones or slowdowns—stay in your lane until the merge point, then alternate with other drivers like a zipper closing.

Parking Lot Etiquette

Park within the lines and avoid taking up multiple spaces. When walking to your car, be aware of drivers looking for spots and give them a clear signal if you’re leaving. Drive slowly through parking lots and watch for pedestrians and car doors opening—these areas are full of unpredictable movement.

The Golden Rule of Driving

The golden rule applies perfectly to driving: treat other drivers the way you’d want to be treated when you’re having a stressful day or made an honest mistake. A little patience and understanding can transform not just your driving experience, but theirs too.

A red heart in shards of ice. Unrequited love, infidelity

People are messy and complicated, and sometimes they disappoint us. When a friend or family member does something that hurts our feelings, it’s tempting to lash out or express anger. Maybe a friend cancels dinner plans at the last minute for no apparent reason, never returns your texts, or doesn’t invite you to their baby shower. It’s natural to personalize these seeming slights, assuming it’s about you, something you did, or that they’re simply being rude.

But here’s the truth: most of the time, it has nothing to do with you. It’s simply people not thinking about how their actions affect others.

So what do you do? As I teach in my classes and corporate trainings, we need to give people the benefit of the doubt. Showing grace when people disappoint us isn’t just kind—it’s transformative. Here are some gracious responses to common disappointing situations.

When Friends Cancel at the Last Minute

If someone cancels your dinner party at the last minute, try this: “I’m so sorry you can’t make it. I was really looking forward to seeing you, and I hope everything is okay.”

If this becomes a pattern, stop extending invitations to events where their absence would be disruptive. But if it’s occasional behavior worth addressing, you might say something like:

“It’s always wonderful having you at my dinner parties—you’re so good at connecting with everyone. When you cancel at the last minute, especially repeatedly, I feel frustrated and hurt. It doesn’t give me time to adjust the guest list, and it changes the whole dynamic I’ve planned for. I spend considerable time preparing—shopping, cooking, arranging seating—so it’s disappointing when you can’t attend.

I completely understand that emergencies happen and life gets overwhelming sometimes. I’m not talking about those situations. Perhaps we could find a way to make plans that work better for both of us, or could you let me know earlier if you’re unsure about attending?”

The key is sharing your feelings and making a request rather than making your friend wrong.

When People Don’t Return Your Texts

When you see this person next, simply ask if they’re receiving your messages. If they say yes, try: “I love spending time with you—we always have such great conversations. I find it challenging to make plans when I don’t get responses to my texts. Is there a better way to connect with you? Would you prefer phone calls or email?”

When You’re Not Invited

For the friend who didn’t invite you to their baby shower, there’s really nothing you should say or do. Give her the benefit of the doubt and remember what you love about this person. There are countless possible reasons you weren’t invited, and it likely has nothing to do with you.

The Beauty of Grace

Being gracious means choosing kindness even when you’re hurt. It means allowing people to save face—to not feel wronged even if they made a mistake. Grace doesn’t mean becoming a doormat or ignoring patterns of inconsiderate behavior. It means responding with understanding first, setting boundaries when necessary, and always preserving dignity—both yours and theirs.

In a world that often rewards quick reactions and public callouts, grace is a radical act. It’s a beautiful way to move through relationships, even when it’s difficult. And often, it opens doors to deeper understanding and stronger connections than anger ever could.

There was a memorable contestant who struggled with a common conversational pitfall – talking exclusively about herself. During one particularly one-sided date, her frustrated companion finally interrupted to ask, “Do you know anything about me?” This moment perfectly illustrated a vital piece of advice from the dating coach: focus on being interested rather than interesting.

This principle extends far beyond the dating world. Once, while teaching a networking class to attorneys, someone asked me how to be memorable. My response surprised them – it wasn’t about wearing attention-grabbing accessories or perfecting a clever elevator pitch. The secret was showing genuine interest in others.

This wisdom echoes something my late father taught me about the art of conversation. He explained that being a good conversationalist actually means being an excellent listener and asking thoughtful, open-ended questions. The irony, as he pointed out, is that people often walk away thinking you’re a brilliant conversationalist when you’ve primarily been the one listening and showing interest in the other person.

My recent return to dating has reinforced these lessons. Even in initial app conversations, it’s striking how quickly you can spot someone who hasn’t mastered this principle. When messages consist solely of self-focused monologues without any curious questions, it’s a clear sign to move on – or in app terms, hit “block.”

Whether you’re on a date, at a networking event or catching up with a friend, remember to check your tendency to dominate the conversation. By shifting your focus from being interesting to being interested, you’ll not only make more meaningful connections but might also find yourself with a new relationship or business opportunity. After all, genuine interest in others is the foundation of any lasting connection.

Fido is forbidden
Don’t bring your dog or kids to someone’s house unless they are invited, or you ask for permission, and it is granted. If you are invited to bring your dog help it to be well behaved. A chew toy is always a great item to keep Rover busy but quiet when in a friend’s home. For more tips about this topic, read the article I was quoted in by BoredPanda.

Yawns be gone
Cover your mouth when you yawn. No one wants to see your tonsils. Better yet, try to “swallow” a yawn so it isn’t obvious. People interpret a yawn as a sign of boredom so it’s best to hide it if you can.

Eat your Ps and Qs
When someone brings you food—whether you’re sick, they want to thank you for a favor, or another reason—be sure to express your gratitude both when they deliver the dish and after you’ve consumed it. Even if the food wasn’t to your liking, find something positive to say. By doing so, you’re acknowledging their thoughtfulness and showing appreciation for the effort.

A friend shared that she brought soup to someone who was sick. The recipient never acknowledged the gesture. Later, when they met up, the sick friend returned the container and disparaged the soup by saying she doesn’t like beans in her soup and couldn’t eat it. This was rude and thoughtless. Express your appreciation even if you didn’t enjoy the meal. And remember to return the container. A Clise Etiquette reader mentioned that he and his wife have lost many Tupperware containers because the recipients never return them. I like to put my name on a piece of tape on the lid and the container to help people remember where it came from.

No plus ones
If the invitation is addressed only to you, it means only you are invited – you can’t bring a plus one. The same goes for kids. If your children’s names are not on the envelope or stated in the invite, do not bring them nor ask to bring them.

Napkin notes
Never tie a napkin around your neck; it’s meant to be on your lap to protect it from spills and to wipe your mouth and fingers when they have food on them. And keep it on your lap until you leave the table at the end of the meal. This keeps soiled napkins from sitting on the table while people are still eating or visiting.

Chivalrous situations
Acts of chivalry performed by men such as holding the door open, letting a woman get on the elevator first, offering your seat to a woman, are still kind gestures and are acceptable in social situations, but they should never be performed in the office. The rule is if a man wouldn’t do it for another man in the office it shouldn’t occur for a woman. That said, chivalrous acts can be and should be gender neutral in social situations. Courtesy and kindness are never wrong no matter who is performing them. Read more about this topic in this post.

Invitation responsibilities
When you invite someone for a get together, say to see a play, go out to dinner or go to the movies, it is incumbent on you to make the arrangements – buy the tickets, suggest a time, movie or restaurant. Get some additional tips in this post.

Workplace reminders
When scheduling a meeting with someone at work be sure to look at their calendar before sending an invitation. And, if someone sends a meeting invitation that you can’t make send an alternative date/time. Don’t make the other person do all the work.

When you forward an email chain take time to summarize it so the person receiving it doesn’t have to try to figure out what’s going on. Also, change the subject line if the focus of the email has shifted.

What are your etiquette pet peeves? Anything you would add to the list?

So far I’ve noticed a few things that compelled me to write about dating etiquette and some dos and don’ts. Friends shared their tips as well.

Your profile
Photos
Good photos are so important! You’re looking for the love of your life, okay, maybe just the like for a night (not me!) but put some energy into your photos. I swipe left anyone who I can’t see well even if they sound like a nice person. Ask a friend or hire a professional photographer to take good photos of you.

Here are some more tips:

• Avoid posting photos that include friends or exes (really?) with their faces scratched out.
• Make sure the lighting is good so you can see your face and body well.
• Include a few close ups of your face and a few of your whole body. If you don’t have a friend who can take photos of you, take a selfie inside with lots of light on your face, not behind you. But all of your photos should not be selfies, which will look like you don’t have any friends who can help you out.
• Don’t include a bunch of art shots of scenery or landscapes to show off your photography skills. One, maybe two is fine. We want to see you, not the amazing places you’ve been to or a bunch of photos of your dog or cat.
• TAKE YOUR SUNGLASSES OFF! Seriously, potential dates can’t see the most important part of your face if you have sunglasses on. Maybe one of your photos can be of you looking cool in your Ray Bans, but the rest of the photos should show your eyes.
• Men, avoid shirtless photos unless you are in a swimsuit. Women, just don’t.
• Do not use AI generated photos. They are creepy, insincere and are catfishing. If I were to go on a date with someone who ended up not looking like his photo, I would immediately end the date. Which brings me to… post photos that are less than two years old. People want to see what you look like TODAY.
• Include at least four good photos. Two up close of your face looking at the camera or just off to the side of it, two of your whole body. Different outfits help people get a sense of your style. You can include one photo of you and your dog or cat if you want to, but make sure the focus is on you, not Fido.

Your description
When writing your description share a little about you and what you’re looking for in a date/life partner. Avoid listing a bunch of negative things like, “no drama” “no busy people who have no time to meet, don’t waste my time…” Yes, I get it you want a certain type of person, but a bunch of negatives only make you seem, well, like a negative person. Instead phrase your preferences in a positive way. “Seeking a partner who enjoys being active” vs “No couch potatoes!” “Looking for a baby smooth face” vs “No beards.” Also write more than a few words and don’t make it all about you and how great you are.

Communication
Once you match with someone say hello and strike up a conversation. You can comment on something in their profile – an interesting photo, something they wrote, a hobby they listed, a prompt they posted. Try asking an easy to answer question. A friend stated that when she first started dating, she asked questions like, “what made you become a vegan” which she soon learned was too long for a chat message. Save the longer questions for an in-person or virtual meeting.

Keep it light and fun. If you like how the person is responding, ask if they’d like to meet for a virtual or in-person date. Note, a friend almost rejected someone because he didn’t ask her any questions in their messaging. Now part of the problem was she was asking all of the questions, but still, the match could have responded, then asked her a question or two. Just like a good conversation, there has to be some give and take, back and forth. Another friend of mine went on a date with someone who talked the whole time about himself and DIDN’T ASK HER ONE QUESTION! Needless to say, she didn’t continue dating the dude.

Avoid mentioning how attractive someone is until you’ve gotten to know them in-person. It says to the person that you’re only interested in the superficial aspects of the person. It makes me and most of my friends very uncomfortable and we pass on that prospective date when the focus is on our looks. Read how a young man got a slap across the face when he commented on a woman’s figure shortly after meeting her.

I’ll stop there. My next posts will be about meeting and getting to know your date.

Do you have any dating advice? Feel free to share what you’ve learned or wish people knew who are dating.

Here are some strategies to help encourage your children to be mannerly.

Explain the importance of good manners: Start by discussing why manners matter. Explain how being polite and considerate helps your children become more likable, making it easier to form friendships. Additionally, highlight how good manners can benefit them in the future, such as in job interviews and professional settings.

Model desired behavior: Children learn by observing, so it’s crucial to demonstrate good manners and etiquette in your daily interactions. Show them how to be polite and respectful by consistently using phrases like “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome.” Your actions will speak louder than words and set a strong example for your child to follow.

Be consistent: Consistency is key in teaching manners. Make polite language and respectful behavior a regular part of your family’s interactions. When children see this behavior modeled consistently, they are more likely to adopt it themselves.

Provide positive reinforcement: Acknowledge and praise your child when they exhibit good manners. Positive reinforcement encourages them to continue these behaviors. While it’s important to address negative behavior calmly and kindly, focusing on and rewarding positive actions can be more effective in the long run.

Role-play common scenarios: Practice makes perfect. Engage in role-playing activities with your child to simulate social situations. For example, if your child is going to a friend’s house for dinner, practice being a good guest. Role-play greeting others, saying “please” and “thank you,” being other focused and waiting to eat until everyone is served. Practicing these scenarios in a low-stress environment can help your child feel more confident and prepared in real-life situations.

By incorporating these strategies, you can help your child understand the value of good manners and develop the skills they need to interact politely and respectfully with others.

Here are a few examples of the behaviors that made our trip so pleasant and how they can apply to the workplace:

1. Positive Attitudes: Despite facing a day of pouring rain in one town and overwhelming crowds in another, no one complained. Positivity is contagious and makes any situation more enjoyable. Given how much time we spend at work, maintaining a positive attitude can lead to a more productive and enjoyable environment. Don’t let minor setbacks bring you down. Instead, focus on what you are grateful for at work—maybe a colleague helped you with a copier jam or you get to work from home two days a week. Find what you can appreciate rather than dwelling on what you don’t like.
2. Generosity and Helpfulness: When I fell ill during part of the tour and had to stay in my hotel room to rest, one of my tour mates went out of their way to order food for me and bring over-the-counter medications. At work, be the person who helps others—share your Excel expertise with someone struggling with pivot tables, or bring cookies to a staff meeting. People remember these acts of kindness.
3. Inclusivity: As one of the four single people on the tour, I was impressed by how inclusive my coupled tour buddies were. They frequently invited me and others to join them for meals or excursions, ensuring no one felt left out. Inclusivity in the workplace ensures that everyone feels welcome and valued. You can contribute by inviting the new employee out for coffee or a virtual coffee chat, asking someone who tends to be overlooked for their ideas, or speaking up when someone is interrupted to allow them to finish their point.
4. Genuine Interest in Others: People asked thoughtful questions and showed genuine curiosity about each other, while also respecting personal space when needed. They would remember and inquire about the little things, showing they were paying attention and were interested in what I and others were doing. Apply this same trait at work by remembering things your coworkers share with you—an upcoming trip, a son’s graduation, a kitchen remodel—and ask them about it.

By embracing these behaviors, we can create a more harmonious and supportive workplace, much like the wonderful experience I had on my tour.

The series is about an American football coach, Ted Lasso, who is recruited to lead AFC Richmond, a fictional English Premier League soccer team, despite lacking any experience in the sport. The new owner, Rebecca Welton, acquired the team after a divorce from her unfaithful ex-husband, Rupert, who loved the team more than anything else. Her hope is that Ted’s inexperience with British football will lead to its demise thus devastating Rupert.

Ted wins over his skeptics with his witty, good-natured, self-deprecating charm. And through the three seasons we are treated to brilliant, funny writing and a show with a really good message. Ted always sees the best in other people even when they hurt him. It is positive and makes you feel good about humanity.

Spoiler alert, if you haven’t watched the third season you might want to skip reading any farther as I’m going to reveal a bit about some of the episodes. In season three, Nate Shelley, Richmond’s former kit man who was promoted to assistant coach was hired by Rupert as head coach of his newly acquired West Ham United football (soccer) team. Nate has a bone to pick with Ted because he didn’t feel he was adequately praised for his winning coaching strategies while with Richmond. He mocks the team and Ted during a press conference arranged by Rupert. But rather than returning insults at his own press event, Ted responds with self-deprecating jokes that charm the reporters.

Later, a video was discovered of Nate ripping in half the revered sign that says “Believe” in the Richmond locker room. Ted’s assistant coaches want to show the video to the team to rile them up and beat #1 Ranked West Ham in an upcoming game. Ted says he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. The assistant coaches later end up showing the video to the team during half time without Ted’s approval which fuels an out-of-control bullying on the pitch against West Ham leading to expulsions and a bad loss for Richmond. Ted never says, “I told you so,” or scolds his staff or team. He sees it as a lesson that doesn’t need explanation.

Those are just two examples of Ted’s kindness, maturity and graciousness. He looks for the good in others. He doesn’t seek revenge or gossip about people. He is the poster person for the essence of etiquette.

I was thinking about situations I face that can make me angry and want to strike out. I find myself asking what would Ted do? Ted wouldn’t return anger with anger or hurt with hurt. He would return love and forgiveness as he did with Nate and others several times. When he found out his ex-wife was dating their couple’s counselor, he shared his feelings with his ex about how uncomfortable he was with that. He didn’t yell or make her wrong, he simply shared his feelings. This is another example of etiquette-like behavior – being open and honest without making the other person wrong.

These are such beautiful traits and I hope I can always ask myself, what would Ted do when others hurt, upset or disappoint me. Because, as we learn from Ted, we are messy, complicated human beings who are all just doing the best we can.

While you don’t need to roll out the red carpet and give your guest your bedroom while you sleep on the couch, there are some things you can do that will ensure your guests have a comfortable and enjoyable visit and will want to return, that is if you want them to return.

Think about your guest’s comfort
Let’s start with the obvious. Give your guest comfortable accommodations. As my reader wrote, “they do not have to be luxurious but at least as good as one would provide for their own children.” Ask yourself, would I be comfortable sleeping on this or staying in this room? That said, if your guest arrangement isn’t perfect you can state up front what your visitors will be sleeping on or where they will be housed and give them the choice whether to visit or not.

My brother, who lives in Australia, was coming to Seattle for a last-minute visit to say goodbye to my dad, who was ill, and I invited him to stay with me. However, due to my basement apartment being rented out the only “bed” I could offer was my couch. I stated up front that I only had the couch in the living room available and though it was comfortable (I had slept on it a few times myself), it was not a bed in a private bedroom. I also shared that he was welcome to use my office for his luggage, hanging his clothes and dressing but that I would need to use it during part of his visit. So, not an ideal situation, but I was clear up front, and he was fine with it.

Help your guest feel welcome
Little touches go a long way in helping your guests to feel special. Make the bed up nicely with clean linens, comfortable pillows and an extra blanket in case they get cold. Put some flowers in their room. If you can offer a private bathroom, provide fresh towels and a basket of toiletries. Include items like a toothbrush, toothpaste, hand lotion, bath salts, bandages, cotton swaps, etc.

I also like to ask my guests what they enjoy for breakfast and if they have any food allergies or restrictions. My brother stated he typically eats cereal, “like cornflakes or Special K and whole milk for breakfast.” I was happy he was so clear, and I made sure to have not only those items but lots of snacks available as well.

Let your guests know to make themselves at home. I wasn’t going to be home when my brother arrived, so I told him what and where the goodies were and to help himself. With previous guests I’ve hosted who stayed in the basement apartment I asked what time they like to eat breakfast and if they prefer to have coffee before eating. For those who eat breakfast before I’m typically up, perhaps because of a time zone difference, I invite them to help themselves to the morning mealtime items as well as coffee or tea.

Plan fun activities
When you have out-of-town visitors it’s nice to organize some excursions you believe your guests might enjoy, not what you would love. If your visitors have never been to your city take them to some of the more interesting tourist attractions or hidden gems that you think they would find enjoyable. Treat them to a meal at a restaurant that serves the kind of food you know they would relish. However, be sure to check in with your guests to avoid over scheduling them.

The reader who wrote me about her not so pleasant house guest experience suggested building in some time for your visitors to be on their own. It can be exhausting running around all day long and then socializing until bedtime, especially when jet lagged. I like to check in with my guests to see if they need some down time to either do some things alone or to just be home to read or watch a movie.

Don’t make a fuss
If your visitor breaks something or makes a mess don’t freak out. Be kind and forgiving. It can be hard having people in your space, but a good host doesn’t get upset when things don’t go well. Also, avoid chasing after your guests cleaning up behind them as if they are children. You may like a spick and span house, but your focus should be on making your guests feel comfortable, not a clean house. You’ll have plenty of time to put the house in order when they leave.

I recently gave a dining etiquette presentation to DECA leadership participants. DECA hires me every year to speak to these bright young people because they know it’s important the students have good dining etiquette and table manners for success in their careers and social interactions.

For those of you who are not familiar with DECA, it is an international program that prepares high school and college students for careers in marketing, finance, hospitality and management.

In the training, I teach how to navigate a formal place setting with many utensils, a bread plate, butter knife, dessert spoon and fork. I also talk about napkin dos and don’ts, how to eat bread, how to hold utensils correctly, table manners, waiter codes, how to host a business meal and more. I always explain that they may not go to fancy restaurants or clubs or eat a three-course meal on a regular basis, but it’s important to learn how to conduct themselves so that if faced with a more formal meal they know what to do.

My classes are very interactive and engaging. I tell stories, each table is given topics or dilemmas to discuss, such as what to do if you find a bug in your food. My participants love the class. For many it is the first time they have experienced a more formal meal, so it’s a special treat.

Towards the end of this training during questions and answers, one young man asked if I “always eat this way?” I had to laugh. He thought I was pretty formal; and I suppose if you’ve not eaten in an upscale restaurant or been taught dining etiquette it would seem foreign and maybe even silly. I answered that while I rarely set a formal table and eat a three-course meal at home I do practice many of the points I shared. I always put my napkin on my lap even when I’m in a fast food restaurant. I eat my bread the way I taught them by tearing off one small bite at a time and buttering just that piece and never using a knife to cut it in half. I also hold my utensils the way I demonstrate because it gives me more leverage when cutting meat and keeps me from looking like a cave man. I practice good table manners – I don’t reach for things or scarf my food down. I chew with my mouth closed, I don’t ask to eat other people’s food and I never berate the waiter at a restaurant (very impolite and rude).

But I also teach that it’s acceptable to break etiquette, particularly if by practicing proper etiquette it would make others feel uncomfortable or make you stand out in a negative way. A story I like to share is about the time the late Queen Elizabeth hosted a dinner party. There were shallow bowls of warm water and a lemon slice at each person’s place. One of her guests picked up the bowl and drank the water, not knowing it was meant to be used as a finger bowl to wash your fingers before the meal. To avoid embarrassing her guest, the Queen picked up her bowl and drank the water as well. Had she used it as a finger bowl he would have realized his error and been embarrassed by his etiquette faux pas.

A point I like to make is there is a “perfectly proper” way to do things, such as scooping away from you when eating soup, and then I share the things that don’t have to be perfectly proper. Truth be told, I don’t scoop away from me when eating soup.  I also dip my bread in my soup occasionally despite being told in etiquette school that one should drop a small piece of bread into the soup and scoop it out with the spoon.

Learning etiquette has been helpful to me because when I know what to do, I can relax and connect with the people I’m interacting with rather than worrying about which fork to use or how to carry on a conversation. Knowledge is power. Once you learn something you get to decide if you want to use that knowledge.  I will say, though, that many people have shared with me the negative impression someone with bad manners made on them and the consequences – students didn’t get references, employees were fired, candidates weren’t hired, or dates have ended after one date, all because someone had bad manners.

In the end, I wouldn’t be a very good etiquette consultant if I didn’t practice what I preach. Am I perfect? Oh no, far from it. I make many mistakes and occasional faux pas – some people are a bit shocked to discover I can have a potty mouth, especially when I miss a shot in pickleball. But I try to practice etiquette because it’s useful and it helps me to present myself well and treat others kindly.  And, while I don’t expect the young DECA participants to “always eat like this,” I do hope they walk away with a few tips that will help them to be more successful when hosting or participating in a business meal or impressing a date.