Cliterally speaking

Online yOni mapping - isolation creativity generates a powerful new modality

2020-05-11T16:10:00.000+10:00

Has someone ever given you a shoulder massage and your whole mood changed because they've relaxed muscles that you didn't even know were tense? It’s certainly happened to me! Most of us hold quite a lot of excess tension in our body. Often we don’t even realise this is happening until it gets so extreme that it causes pain or other imbalances. Which is why regular massages are a great self care strategy.

There’s one super important area of the body that your masseur will not go near. Actually this place very rarely gets physical touch outside of lovemaking. Our genitals! And our genitals also store tension. In fact even more than other areas, as they are such a key core area of our body and can be affected, often without us knowing it, by many aspects of life.

Genital mapping

In the past few years yOni massage or yOni mapping has become quite a popular therapy. Genital mapping for all genital areas including the anus, is one part of the skill set of a somatic sex educator. In my practice I offer two sessions that use this modality, Gentle Genital Tension Release and Pleasure Mapping. In both sessions I am supporting my client to explore and to connect really precisely with the range of different sensations present within their unique intimate terrain. The techniques we use are very similar, however the focus of our intent varies.

Enter the lockdown restrictions of our current worldwide pandemic!

And the wonder of the creativity that is fostered by restriction.

Together with several of my colleagues I have been working on a genital mapping, or genital tension release offering that can be facilitated online.

Remote yOni mapping is now a thing! And the results are proving to be highly effective!

Clients, are able to create a super safe space for themselves and to proceed at exactly the pace that feels right in that moment. I’m really excited because this is very potent work that can create a lot of change and offering it online makes it available to a many more people.

What can you expect?

We meet together over Zoom and I will give you exact instructions about how to set up your space. There will be no nudity on camera. During the session I’ll just be seeing your face, or if you prefer you can turn off your video entirely and we will stay connected by voice.

We may start by talking about anatomy and exploring some different types of touch. We will certainly discuss consent even though it will be your hands touching your body. It is such an important skill to connect in with yourself and feel exactly what feels appropriate for you in every situation.

I will guide you through some practices to bring you fully present in your body and then we will start the mapping. Together we will create the map of the terrain in your body that you want to explore. I will guide you every step of the way but you will be in absolute control at all times.

The goal is to explore and experience exactly what is happening right now in your body. We use loving touch, breath and presence to discover the full range of sensations that are available to you. What do you feel in each particular spot? Is there tension, pleasure, pain, relaxation, numbness or delight? And how does it change when we give it loving attention and varying types of touch.

What are the results?

The mapping process may sound deceptively simple but the effects are profound. After sessions clients have reported ‘heightened sensitivity’, feeling ‘really rejuvenated and energised’ and being ’in a very positive space’. I have witnessed someone release sadness from a past relationship that was blocking pleasure in their current one. And letting go of shame that had been buried for decades. As well as releasing physical tension and emotional holding the process also allows us to connect with and release cellular memory. The results include increased genital sensation and deeper connection with our natural sexual essence.

Mapping is a process that can’t be rushed. We need to allow plenty of time to explore each point we are drawn to. So I like to work with people for a minimum of three sessions. This gives allows us to work with anything that arises for you during and after the sessions. I often offer home practice suggestions that will enrich the journey.

I am delighted to offer this work online, especially in these times of uncertainly and challenge. I feel it is incredibly valuable for us to be able to connect with the amazing power of our sexual energy and remove any obstacles present to relax into our true beauty, our naturalness.

If this work calls to you at all then you are invited to book a 20 minute, no-obligation chat in which we can explore the possibility further. Just send an email to consult@lauradoe.com and I’ll get right back to you. I look forward to hearing from you.

Photo by Rowan Chestnut on Unsplash

The Lost Squat

2018-09-28T01:37:00.000+10:00

Over the past weeks I've been really enjoying refining the yOnilates program and preparing the teaching materials for the second cohort of teacher trainers. This sort of research and clarification is one of my favourite activities, and I’d like to share with you one of the gems that can really support pelvic wellness throughout life...
Squatting!
We just don’t do it enough any more.
For many folk, squatting is seen as undignified and uncomfortable. At best, we might undertake it during exercise class or yoga, but usually only a couple of times a week.
I’m going to suggest that you find a way to make squatting a part of daily life.

It’s not that unusual - in fact our bodies are absolutely designed to squat. Watch most toddlers and you’ll quickly see how they squat and stand up again with grace and ease. A huge proportion of the planet’s population squats daily, usually many times and for quite long periods. People squat to rest, to chat, to pray, to cook, to share a meal, to use the toilet and to give birth. It’s not that we can’t sit comfortably in a deep squat, it’s just that we’ve forgotten how.

Our failure to squat has important implications. It is a ‘use it or lose it’ situation. The synovial fluid that bathes all our joints is like the body’s oil that also provides nutrition to the cartilage. Movement and compression are essential for the production of synovial fluid, and, if a joint doesn’t go through its full range, the production reduces and eventually stops.

When we sit all the time rather than squatting, the hips and knees never go past 90 degrees and the degeneration starts.

For those of us interested in the wellbeing of our pelvic floor, the lost squat has further implications. When we squat, we also activate the many muscles connecting in to the pelvis. Strengthening your glutes and hamstrings will provide important support to the pelvic floor. The squat action also stretches and lengthens the pelvic floor itself. Many of the pelvic issues people experience are actually due to the pelvic floor being too tight, rather than too weak.

So squatting is really useful and it is a good idea to do more, but as movement expert, Katy Bowman, says, ‘If you haven’t squatted in the last million years (besides the two times you went camping and peed on your shoe), it’s going to take awhile to prepare your joints.’

Here are three starter exercises based on her excellent suggestions:

The calf stretch 
Place the ball of one foot up on a rolled yoga mat or towel, or use a low block or a pilates half pipe. Keep your heel on the ground and feel the stretch in the back of your calf. To increase the stretch step forward with the opposite foot.

No-bow, bottom drop
 From a hands and knees position (with lower legs and feet parallel & tracking straight back), drop the hips back as far as you can, without allowing the feet to move closer to each other, or allowing the tailbone to tuck under. Don’t sit back any farther if your tailbone tucks. Make sure you keep a lightly arched back. If your tailbone tucks, making your back bow backwards, come forward, re-lift your bum, and hang out in the position where you can still keep your back slightly arched.

Supported squat
Use the handles of an open door to lower yourself down into a squat whilst staying supported. Position yourself so your arms stretch out fully, and make sure your knees head down in line with your big toes.

Head over to Katy’s excellent blog for pictures of these exercises and additional tips. She will give you a better idea about your squat-ability, and get you on a safe and healthy path to full squatting.

If squats are already a doddle, then just make sure that your knees are heading out in line with your big toe, and resolve to find extra opportunities to incorporate squatting into your day.

Squat during ad breaks on the TV, when picking up stuff from the floor, or talking to small people. Squat occasionally rather than sitting to do a simple task, and, if you are up for it, you could even consider getting a little stool to put in front of your toilet to help you squat, rather than sit on ‘the throne'.

Happy squatting - and do let me know if you have any more ingenious ideas about when and where to incorporate more squatting into your life.

So what is a Somatic Sexologist exactly?

2018-03-04T18:49:00.001+11:00

When I tell people I’m a somatic sexologist, they often look blank. Melody Wright’s article, linked below, does not discuss sex but it does describe elegantly the somatic practitioner’s understanding of how stress is stored in the body and how we work with people to support its release. It may help you to understand more about what I offer.

Many problems within our sexual life are due to trauma or distress from past experiences being triggered by what’s happening now. The events that may leave trauma in our body can range from the seemingly small to the clearly challenging. The body, and especially the sensitive tissues of the genitals, can close down or numb out after eg. a sexual encounter that went wrong leaving us feeling ashamed or inadequate, an uncomfortable experience of penetration that we suffered through rather than telling our partner to stop or maybe simply teasing or unwanted attention about our body shape or experiences of puberty. Events such as these can all cause tension and distress that is held in the bodies tissues as well as the more obviously traumatic experiences of non-consensual, inappropriate or unwanted sexual touch at any age.

Somatic practitioners understand that these are responses that you can’t think your way out of. What we can help you to do is to re-train your body using practices that support you to deactivate the sympathetic response of stress in your nervous system and activate the parasympathetic, rest, digest and repair mechanism.

A somatic sexologist can support you to understand how this stress plays out in your body during or around sexual experiences and to develop confidence in your ability to regulate this. We can help you to reverse these stored responses, heal past wounding and as Melody says, to ‘create a more embodied, joyful life’.

If any of this rings a chord with you and you’d like to find out more about how we might work together please pop an email to consult@lauradoe.com and tee up a confidential, no obligation chat. Location is no issue as I work via Skype with people all over the world.

Melody Wright's article - Stress - It's not in your head, it's in your nervous system

Wow! I won an award for my contribution to sexual freedom

2016-11-22T01:32:00.001+11:00

I’m utterly thrilled and very very proud to have been honoured by my peers in the sexuality world with a very special award at the 22nd Sexual Freedom Awards in London last week.

I was so blown away to receive the award

The Sexual Freedom Awards, now in it's 22nd year, honours and celebrates pioneers in the field of sexuality and promotes excellence in erotic performance and sexual services. They were created by Tuppy Owens, a pioneering British sex therapist, writer and tireless campaigner for sexual rights especially for those with disability. Famous for their Golden Flying Penis Trophies, hand carved for the event in Bali this auspicious event was originally entitled the Erotic Oscars, then the Erotic Awards and now the Sexual Freedom Awards. The proceeds of the Awards ceremony are used to fund the work of the Outsiders Trust – a charity, which supports disabled people to find partners.

Tuppy set up the Awards to counter negative messages in the media about people working in sex and eroticism. She invited nominations for the Awards from the public, and, to judge the nominees, appointed a diverse panel of sexuality experts and enthusiasts that have included an art historian, a fan of striptease, a fetish club owner, a sex worker, and a writer.

My award amongst a very vulvic workshop altar

Being selected as a finalist in these awards is a glorious accolade and I was delighted to be in such an illustrious line up. Amongst those shortlisted were several of my esteemed colleagues and teachers:

Ellen Heed is part of the teaching team for the Sexological Bodywork training and has developed an incredible body of work around scar tissue.

Barbara Carrellas is the founder of the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program, and author of the the world’s first LGBTQ and kink inclusive Tantric sex book: Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty First Century.

Joseph Kramer, Ph.D., is the foremost teacher of erotic massage in the world. Founder of the Body Electric School, the Erospirit Research Institute and The New School of Erotic Touch he also created the profession of Sexological Bodywork and obtained accreditation for it from the State of California.

Also in the list is the fabulous Deej Juventin who brought the Sexological Bodywork training to Australia and to the UK. Deej was one of the other finalists in the category of Somatic Sex Education of the Year. Which was why I attended the Awards evening, feeling confident I wouldn't actually win an award.

Sister A was amazed at the goings on back stage!

I’d also been nominated as Performer of the Year, however, and although I couldn't be shortlisted in more than one category I was invited to do a performance of one of my ‘Vaudeville of the Vulva’ characters at the awards ceremony. Sister Augusta had great fun not taking her clothes off, discussing the "preponderance of penii" on the awards table and singing her rap number 'Finger on the Trigger'!

Imagine my surprise then, when the judges returned to the stage, after Deej’s award had been given, to announce the creation of a special award in recognition of someone who'd been nominated in four different categories. Yes - it was me! It appears I’d also been nominated as Pioneer of the Year and Activist of the Year and in recognition of the many and varied ways I work I gained the fabulous title of ‘Multitalented Contributor to Sexual Freedom’.

It's very very good feeling and I want to send out a big Thank You, especially to Anando Bharti, Andrew Cox and my mum, and indeed to all of the awesome people who support me in so many ways to do what I love to do.

Wanna know what’s getting me all excited these days?

2016-08-25T10:35:00.001+10:00

The Obturator Internus

Why? It’s a very sexy muscle! The obturator internus is intimately connected with the fascia of the pelvic floor but is rarely discussed in relation to pleasure, or lack of it. Getting connected with your ‘ob in’ can help in resolving a variety of challenges in the base of the body, involving both urinary function and the ability to feel the sensations of pleasure and arousal.

The Obturator Internus looking at the body from the back

The obturator internus is one of the ‘deep six’, six muscles in your pelvis that work together to turn your hip to the side. It hangs out under your gluteus maximus, the large muscle of your butt. It’s actually quite small but it’s pretty cool and unusual, not least because it’s shaped like a boomerang. On each side of the body it attaches along the inside of your pelvis (check out the diagram), then pops around to the outside and takes almost a 90 degree turn to wrap around the sits bone and attach at the top of your thigh bone. It’s an external rotator. When a ballet dancer’s feet, knees and thighs are all turned out into first position, the obturator internus is at the heart of the action. When your ‘ob in’ engages it opens the front half of your pelvis and closes the back. It’s friend, the obturator externus, is an internal rotator and does the opposite job.

But if your obturator internus holds a ton of unconscious tension this can play a big part in both urinary problems and problems with arousal, potentially cutting off nerve supply to the plethora of pleasure organs of the pelvic floor. (If you feel like plethora is a bit of an over statement then I highly recommend that you watch my DVD The Art & Science of Female Arousal)

The really good news is that we can learn to make a deep and meaningful connection with the good old ‘ob in’ and soothe and stretch it, open and relax it or tone and titillate it as required. And once it’s feeling good, then honey, you are feeling good!

Connecting with and stretching the ‘ob in’

It’s not so easy to get in touch with this muscle by understanding where it sits in the body because of it’s positioning and it’s unusual shape. For most people the joy is in finding it and feeling the difference when you connect, stretch & tone. In this video Christa Rypins, does an excellent job of showing us how to do just that. Check it out and have a go!

Add tone but not tension

In my yOnilates® classes, once we have connected with and stretched the ‘ob in’ we also do some strengthening exercises. Please stay aware that this muscle wants to be toned but not too tight. In addition to the challenges mentioned earlier, an overly tight obturator interns can pull your pelvis too far forward, straining your lower back, and predisposing you to arthritic changes in your pelvis and hips. If you are experiencing pelvic floor related problems then you probably only want to stretch and relax the muscle.

If you try the strengthening exercise please monitor the level of tightness, and stop and go back to Chrysta’s video if you experience any pain or discomfort in your pelvis, lower back or groin.

Strengthening the ‘ob in’

One way you can exercise your ‘ob in’ by sitting in a chair and placing your feet flat on the floor in front of you, hip-width apart. Bend your knees to 90 degrees and place your hands on the outside of each knee. Push in with your hands, pressing as if to push your knees together. Counteract the pressure by pushing out with your knees to keep them hip-width apart. Hold for five seconds and then breathe deeply down to the area you’ve located the muscle to be and feel for the relaxation. Repeat eight times as long as there is no pain.

Want more?

If you are still trying to get your head around where this muscle sits in the body, here’s another cool site that shows the ‘ob in’ in 3D.
And to find out more about the magnificent muscles of our pelvic floor and how to connect with this amazing area of the body then come visit my yOniversity site where you can join my mailing list and check out my yOnilates programme.

On wombs, grief and talking to children about sexuality

2014-11-19T11:59:00.001+11:00

Last night I sat in a room filled with parents, mainly mothers, who had come to hear me discuss how best to talk to their children about sexuality. Studies show that children who report having easy, open conversations about sex with mum and/or dad are more likely to do what most parents want for them; delay sexual activity, have fewer partners, and use contraceptives when they do have sex. However, when parents feel discomfort, shame or embarrassment on the topic, young people are left to learn about sexuality from friends, television, music, advertisements and the internet. These are sources which can present a skewed and at times even dangerous perspective.

So how do we create the environment for these conversations, especially when most of us had very little effective modelling to draw upon? For many of us this calls us to attend to whatever remains of our discomfort around our own sexuality. More on this later.

This morning I've been reading an excellent book called Wild Feminine by Tami Lynn Kent. I'm at the chapter on mothering and the womb and, as with much of what Tami writes, her words resonate beautifully with my own understandings and experience.

She speaks of the capacity of the womb to hold (create) and release energy and also of the depth of grief that she has encountered while working with women in their pelvic bowl. I'm well aware of the capacity of the sensitive tissues of the pelvis to hold and store unprocessed memory and emotions and the possibility of release with tender, loving touch, focused attention and breath.

The light that went on for me was when she spoke about the lack of grieving rituals in our culture. Not only do we not have a time or place set aside to grieve the small and the large losses of our lives, most 'modern' women do their best to ignore, cover up or minimise their body's monthly release of her womb's lining. And in doing so we miss this natural opportunity for grieving and letting go of whatever has passed in the previous month. Little wonder that so many of our bodies respond with pelvic and uterine issues, both those that involve heaviness, holding and unwanted growths and those that result in weakness and excessive release.

How would things change, I pondered, if we devoted just one hour of each menstrual flow to allowing ourselves to grieve for the losses and deaths of the previous month, both our own and those of our family, our nearest and dearest? For women after menopause and for people without wombs the natural timing for this would be the dark moon. The human body responds to the moon's cycles even without a womb lining that waxes and wanes.

Which brings me back to the parents meeting. I find that a good part of what colours our views on sexuality and thus what we present to our children is determined by our own experiences. Often the bad ones. The process of cleaning the slate so we can be clear about what we want to pass on can be well served by reviewing and taking time to grieve and let go of losses and disappointments in our own sexual history.

Although, for some this can be a more lengthy journey, a simple ritual with a clear intention can be very helpful. Here's a suggestion, that could be used, both for this process or as regular monthly ritual.

Take some time to reflect on and write down those events from your sexual experiences (or those of the past month) that are unresolved within you. Allow yourself to feel the feelings that arise. Give your self permission to grieve these losses. Self soothe with gentle touch and let the tears flow if they are there. When you feel complete then simply take the pieces of paper and throw them into a river or stream of moving water or burn them in a fire and watch them being released or carried away.

And if you are considering how best to talk to your children about sex then I recommend that you give yourself a couple of days and then ask yourself the question 'What does my child need to know to have a happy and fulfilling sexual life?'. Guided by this reflection, your conversations will be more likely to contain what kids say they want from their parents - honest guidance about values and feelings.

I'd love to know if this is useful - do let me know how you go.

The Adventures of a Vulvalicious Cushion (or Vere's Vulva?)

2014-08-15T17:14:00.002+10:00

Earlier this year my fabulous sex geek colleagues Deej and Uma of the Institute of Somatic Sexology took off on their world tour to facilitate the Sexological Bodywork training in the UK as well as educating folks in a few other places en route. Part of their 'must have' training equipment was a Mini Vulvalicious Cushion (code name Vere). The Absolutely Vulvalicious Cushions are anatomically accurate fabric art works, designed by yours truly and constructed by amazing Maggie. Using the latest anatomy research they demonstrate the elegant, intricate, but poorly understood arousal structures within a vulva owners pelvis.

In this video you can see some exhibition visitors exploring the delights of the cushions on show at Celebration of the Female Form.

Designed to travel, Vere is a Mini Vulvalicious, little sister to the Absolutelys, but absolutely equipped with the important bits. She's got a taste for adventure and ends up in some interesting places. Check out her world tour!

Deej, Uma, Vere and yours truly at the send off party

On the plane - ready for takeoff

Checking into the Dusit Thani in Bangkok with her entourage. She's always wanted to stay there!

At the food market off Silom - she lives for this!

And onwards towards London - Bangkok was fun. Now for some culture?

Colour co-ordinated with a lovely London bus

Shopping? Look what the new season has brought to Harrods

Hanging out with the boys!

Hanging out with the girls!

So that's what the ugly duckling turned into?

Tea for two in Hyde Park

Vere's vulva?

Nice colours!

Packing for the Embodiment Intensive

Breakfast with Sexological Bodywork Godfather, Joseph Kramer

Meeting old friends

Making new friends

With her people

Vere's vulva now?

As of 16/8/14 Deej is still offering a Certified Sex Geek t-shirt to the first to find her it.

Tired but thoroughly embodied - heading back to London

Instead of deciding who to go with - OMG - she's cloned herself!

Oo la la! Quelle rivière belle.

And a fairly hefty phallic symbol!

Our Vulvalicious Lady

Friend is 'ami' in French

And 'amic' in Catalan

Relaxing in Barcelona

A bit of unfinished business

And finally, back home in Brisbane, in the 'bosom' of her family.

Find out more about the Vulvalicious cushions at The yOniversity website. You can meet and connect with them by attending one of our workshops or you might like to join the Vulva Underground and get your very own here

Looking at libido myths

2014-05-09T01:11:00.004+10:00

I saw a discussion on Facebook today in which vulva cancer survivor and unstoppable gynae awareness advocate, Kath Mazalla, posted about a radio show she had listened to. In this program, men, she reported, were saying that they had more urges than women, and women are becoming more accepting of husbands/partners having affairs in order to keep their man happy. Kath questioned whether most women would accept this.

What I question is the first suggestion that men have 'more urges than women'.
To start with it simply doesn't make sense to me, on an evolutionary level, that the gender responsible for growing the next generation in their bellies would be distinctly 'ho hum' about the act that starts the whole process. Did nature decide to rely on 'male urges' in combination with the masculine's generally superior strength to propagate our species?
I don't think so!

I believe that during centuries of male dominated society, we in the minority ('western') world, have been sold this myth. And many of us have come to believe it.

Prior to the 18th century it was thought that both the man and the woman needed to achieve orgasm for conception to take place. Once scientists discovered this was not the case interest in accurate education about feminine sexual pleasure dwindled dramatically. It has been suggested that information about women's arousal anatomy has been systematically removed from medical textbooks after this time. Women's natural urges have certainly been socially, morally and spiritually condemned, with those who enjoy sex becoming branded as whores and the only really acceptable archetype's available being the chaste maiden or devoted (and asexual) mother

However there are numerous countries in Africa and many Muslim communities who consider a woman’s sex drive to be extremely powerful. So powerful in fact that young girls genitals are quite literally cut out to preserve their moral values. Female Genital Mutilation affects an estimated 140 million women worldwide. It describes a range of practices in which all or part of a girls vulva is cut, sewn or removed. Fran Hosken's ground breaking report on FGM was published in 1979 and was influential in persuading the World Health Organization, to make efforts to end the practice. She reports that FGM is said to 'protect a women against her over sexed nature, saving her from temptation, suspicion and disgrace while preserving her chastity'. For these people a woman's 'urges' are considered to be so intense, both for her and for her community, that they must be extremely controlled.

And now lets look back at European history.
During the systematic persecution and execution of 'witches' in the Middle Ages chief inquisitor Heinrich Kramer wrote his notorious Malleus Maleficarum which became a handbook for secular courts throughout Renaissance Europe. In Section 1 he says "all witchcraft comes from carnal lust which is in women insatiable".
Insatiable, huh!
So why is it that we believe that men 'have more urges than women'? In part, possibly, because so many of our ancestors who dared to delight in their natural expressions of pleasure were burnt at the stake.

And now the pharmaceutical companies have jumped in on the act, where the church left off. They have created a medical 'disorder' called Female Sexual Dysfunction in order to attempt to repeat the unprecedented financial success of Viagra.
Viagra, the first oral treatment for erectile dysfunction was developed accidentally by scientists at Pfizer Laboratories and was greenlighted for use by the FDA on March 27, 1998. It was a huge success and has made billions of dollars for the company.
In that very same year, sex experts came together at the pharmaceutical industry-funded International Consensus Development Conference of Female Sexual Dysfunction to craft a new classification system. Because, guess what, unless you have a dysfunction, you can sell a cure.

In my practice I find that many women's issues around lack of desire and enjoyment of sex simply arise from lack of understanding of our arousal needs and how they differ from men's. This simple lack of knowledge in both partners has resulted in uncomfortable intercourse, before a woman is fully ready, which, over time, becomes extremely disheartening and quite literally numbs a woman's capacity for sensation. And with nowhere to go for information (other than internet porn which portrays a limited and unrealistic view of female sexuality) many women just give up and resign themselves to believing the myth.

What I believe we need is to lift the taboos, so that sex can be discussed, to educate openly and accurately and to support women to rediscover our natural, delightful, healing & empowering capacity for pleasure.
This is my mission and my passion. If it interests you please check out my new DVD -The Art & Science of Female Arousal or visit my teaching website or FB page to find out more.

Talking to your children about Sacred Sexuality

2013-05-01T11:20:00.000+10:00

My article about talking to children about sacred sexuality was commissioned for and first published in the 50th edition of the UK magazine The Green Parent

What is Sacred Sexuality?

When we take away any reference to religion, the word sacred simply refers to something that is "regarded with great respect and reverence". Traveling in Bali recently I was struck by the grace and beauty with which the women swept the pathway to their homes and placed flowers at the gate. Their attitude of reverence pervaded even this most everyday event and the effect was tangible and as beautiful as the sweet fragrance of the frangipani’s in their offerings.

When we marry this definition of sacred with sexuality we have something just as beautiful. For people, young or old to regard their sexuality with great respect and reverence would be, in my humble opinion, a giant leap for the well-being of humanity. If we were to include with that attitude delight, gratitude and the willingness to learn and explore throughout life I suspect that many people would be living much richer, happier lives.

How Do Young People Learn About Sex?

Whether it's due to issues of morality, religion or social values, our modern culture has yet to develop a meaningful model of formal sex education. The question of how and when to educate children about sexuality remains chronically vague. Unlike our ancestors and traditional people we no longer include rites of passage as a natural part of life nor indeed provide any community support to guide young people through the profound changes of puberty.

Teens often name their parents as the biggest influence in their decisions about sexual behaviour. Studies show that those who report having easy, open conversations about sex with mum and/or dad are more likely to delay sexual activity, have fewer partners, and use condoms and other contraceptives when they do have sex. However, when parents feel discomfort, shame or embarrassment on the topic young people are left to learn about sexuality from friends, television, music, books, advertisements and the internet. In a UK survey of over 400 school students, three in 10 said they learnt about sex from porn, a medium which presents a very skewed view of sexuality in which safer sex behaviours are rarely displayed let alone respect or reverence.

When Does their Education Need to Start?

Dr Laura Berman offers a downloadable guide - the Sex Ed Handbook - to help parents initiate age-appropriate conversations with their children about sex. She starts from birth! “Children learn about love, touch, and relationships when we talk to them, dress them, show affection, and teach them the names of the parts of their bodies.” she says. “Using nicknames to refer to genitals teaches children that theses parts are something to be hidden or masked. Correct terminology helps them to understand and embrace their body without reservations or shame.”

Normalising the natural urge to explore their own genitals is another important part of a child’s early sex education. The bodies of human beings have a unique and very natural capacity for pleasure. In fact both male and female foetuses have been observed self-stimulating to orgasm in the womb.

The same skills of observation that the farmer uses when he scans the horizon, sniffs the air and predicts that a weather change is on the way, can be applied by a sensitive lover to connect with their partner and to sense their needs and desires. Supporting children to observe and connect with the natural world is another valuable step in their learning. Developing sensitivity to the cycles of the earth, moon and sun and respect for the plants and animals in our environment paves the way for increased capacity to tune into our own bodies and cycles as well as those of of future lovers. Nature is often regarded as feminine and women are considered in many traditions to be the gender closest to nature. For both boys and girls, understanding the parallels in a woman's body to the natural cycles of life and gaining appreciation of the powerful and unpredictable nature of the feminine are invaluable lessons.

One of the most important messages that we can offer to our children is that sex is natural. Watching animals mating or giving birth either on film or, if the opportunity arises, in real life, can be a wonderful opportunity develop and affirm a deep reverence for life and sense of awe at these powerful times.

Conversations with adolescents

However well the education has progressed with your younger child, talking about sex with teenagers can be full of challenges. Social and cultural taboos mean that, no matter how open-minded and sex-positive a family may be, the attitudes of your child's peers and the messages received from the media can be severely at odds with the values that your parenting espouses. Pre-teens and teenagers in particular, often go through a period where sex is "icky" and the idea of talking about it with parents is "awkward" to say the least! But as children grow into adolescence, the messages about sexual behaviours, attitudes, and values from their families are even more important. And this is when they need the details!

Opportunities to discuss sexuality can occur on a daily basis. Rather than try to fight against the sexual messaging in the media why not use it to your advantage by making it a teachable moment? For example, when a sexual scene or reference occurs or a news item relates to sexuality in some way you can use it as a conversation starter, either in the moment or later in the day. You might ask "Remember when we were watching that movie and the boy was teasing the girl to make her kiss him? Did that make you uncomfortable? How do you think she felt? What might you have done in that situation?"
Heather Corinna, founder of Scarleteen an online sex education resource for young people offers this advice to parents. “Don't get discouraged if you're doing your best to be open and informative, and your teen doesn't respond: it's normative for young adults to prefer to do most of their talking about sex with peers, extended family members, siblings or mentors. Even when that is the case, it doesn't make what you can offer, the door you keep holding open, any less valuable and important.”

Connecting sex with spirit

A wise and effective introduction to sexuality will develop the skills of sensitive observation, emphasise discernment and encourage young people to explore safely. It will instil a strong sense of self worth, responsibility, and respect for self and others. But what about the more metaphysical, energetic aspects of sexual union? How can we speak to our children about the spiritual aspects of sex?
Jon Russell is a relationship counsellor who runs sexuality education programs both privately and within the Australian education system. I asked him how he addresses sacred sexuality with the youngsters that he teaches.

"In our programs I spend much of the time working just with the boys. I teach them about their own anatomy, about the power of their sexual drive and how to connect their genital response with the response of the heart. No matter what they may say I find that boys have a romantic heart and a deep longing for connection. I teach them that it is ok to be real, to talk about how they feel and to stay true to and follow their authentic desires regardless of media messages and peer pressures. We talk about the basics of how to make love, how to read the energies coming from a girl, how to approach them and how to appreciate the magic and wonder and the complexity of female anatomy. As we discuss the amazing power of female sexual response and it's role in creating life I also introduce them to the historical repression and fear of that power and the impact that has had on women in the world today. We also look at other cultures where sexuality & spirituality are more connected."

I was curious how the boys related to the concept of spirituality and surprised to hear his observation that they have an immense hunger for matters of spirit. By talking about phenomena such as UFO's, crop circles, astral travel and the ability of martial artists to direct energy outside their physical form, Jon opens the way for discussing the energetic merging that happens when lovers connect. By exploring some of the Eastern traditions of spiritual sexuality he introduces the possibility for transcendence to altered states of consciousness through love making.
In addition to working in the school system Jon also runs Sacred Union workshops for adults with his partner. His advice for parents is simple; get skillful in talking about sex and normalising it, don’t pretend that you know it all but acknowledge that we are all on a life-long path of learning, work on your own relating and to the best of your ability, model the values that you speak about.

Laura-Doe Harris is the founder of the yOniversity a teaching organisation devoted to increasing understanding and appreciation of sexuality. A certified somatic sex educator she teaches internationally, offers private sesions and performs her comic cabaret ‘Vaudeville of the Vulva’. Read more about her work at www.yoniversity.com.au and www.vaudevilleofthevulva.com.

One of the best ways to give yourself more confidence in talking about sex to your children is to get better informed yourself. The yOniversity offer illuminating courses on female arousal for both men and women. The next dates for men are Saturday 16th August 2014 near #Byron or Saturday 23rd August 2014 near #Melbourne and for women near Byron, Sunday August 17 and # Melbourne, Sunday August 24

Resources

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-sex-education-show candid advice for young people on a wide range of sexual issues and problems and http://sexperienceuk.channel4.com people's real experiences to help young people find out what might work for them

http://midwestteensexshow.com - An amusing and informative video show about teen sexuality

http://www.scarleteen.com - Sex education for the real world

http://www.sexedlibrary.org - Lesson plans and background information on topics vital to all sexuality educators

The Sexual Practices of Quodoshka - teachings from the Nagual Tradition by Amara Charles

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/parents/talking-kids-about-sex-sexuality-37962.htm - http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-Teen-Sex-Ed.html Facts on American Teens’ Sources of Information About Sex

http://www.abc.net.au/dimensions/dimensions_health/Transcripts/s892332.htm

http://www.parentlink.act.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0006/30849/Talking_sex_web.pdf Talking about sex with young people

Pleasure as a productivity tool

2012-05-10T22:36:00.000+10:00

A breakfast talk for the Bangalow Business Women's Network Breakfast - 10 May 2012

Did you know it has been scientifically proven that pleasure can relieve stress, reduce pain and boost your immune system? Rather than being something to look forward to outside of working hours, little pleasure breaks through the day can boost motivation, increase productivity and create an environment for creative inspiration. Full of feel good facts and pleasurable possibilities, this presentation will give you some of the latest research on the topic of pleasure as well as a smorgasbord of delicious, non-fattening tips for boosting your daily pleasure quotient.

I’m the bearer of good news - feeling good is good for you!

Pleasure can be considered selfish, greedy, or hedonistic, but if we want to be healthy it is in our very best interests to make pleasure a priority.

To understand why this is so we need to discover more about how our bodies function and how stress affects us. Three hormones share credit (or blame) for most of the changes caused by stress, cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline. How the body releases these explains why we can't be stressed and happily content at same time.

Our autonomic nervous system controls the heart, the smooth muscles around our organs, and our glands. Its function is involuntary - we have no conscious control. The two branches of the autonomic nervous system send messages to and from the brain using entirely different paths - called Sympathetic and Parasympathetic. These two branches cause the release of very different chemicals governing different and opposing physiological & emotional states.

Sympathetic is the fight or flight system - it up-regulates the body to prepare it fight or to flee to safety when in danger. The Parasympathetic nervous system down-regulates the body to return it to the ability to rest & repair. These pathways calm the heart rate, lower blood pressure, support digestion etc.

Under normal conditions, the body swings back and forth between sympathetic and parasympathetic dominance all day long, in cycles called ultradian rhythms. But today's overstimulated lifestyles lead to chronic stress - we tend to be a bit addicted to sympathetic dominance. Caffeine, media, cell-phones, busy lifestyles and computers all up-regulate us. Our bodies forget about down-regulation and this is the beginning of the disease process.

Stress has been known to cause disease since Hans Selye's groundbreaking research in the mid 1900s. 80% or more of diseases have been shown to be stress related.

Women who work produce twice as much cortisol as men do. We particularly need to create a way of working that allows our bodies periods of down-regulating, cortisol reducing parasympathetic time.

So how do we activate our parasympathetic nervous system?

You guessed it - pleasure!

Every experience of pleasure activates your immune system, providing a measurable and enduring boost to your body's natural defenses. A single moment of pleasure can boost your immune response for up to 6 hours.

Pleasure does not just happen to us - we must actively choose to cultivate pleasure in our lives and in our relationships.

What can we do to inject more pleasure into our days?

Laugh

The act of laughter instantly lowers blood pressure for hypertensive persons, stimulates the brain, expands and enriches the blood vessels with oxygen, and sends more blood racing to the extremities. It reduces the levels of stress hormones adrenaline & cortisol in the body. It increases the happiness hormone oxytocin and triggers a spike in immune-boosting antibodies. Sustained laughter gradually increases the levels of cytokine in the blood – a white blood cell enhancer which builds antibodies and helps prevent illnesses.

Laughter is a form of stationery jogging - it has thesame health benefits as vigorous aerobic exercise stimulating the heart and blood circulation.

Twenty seconds of heavy laughter is equal to 3 minutes of hard rowing and burns up to 400 calories per hour!

A daily dose of laughter exercises 15 different facial muscles is anti-ageing and beats any anti-oxidant pill on the market!

The great thing about laughter is that you don't even have to find something funny to laugh at!! Laughter meditation is a worldwide movement.

Tip 1 - take regular laughter breaks! Have joke books in the workplace, follow funny people on facebook, tune in to comedians on youtube or simply do a 10 minute laughter meditation.

Breath is our best tool to regulate the nervous system.

Deep long out breaths with a sigh encourage the movement of the smooth muscles in the body, aiding in digestion and lowers blood pressure.

Tip 2 - Smell the roses, use aromatherapy, look at beautiful images - inhale and enjoy the view - visualise breathing in delight and exhaling stress

We tend to operate in one of three channels cognitive, physical and emotional. When you are taking a break, it’s important to change channel.

Music helps us change to an emotional channel

David, lacking access to Prozac played harp to alleviate King Sauls depression.

It’s no accident that Apollo was the god of music and medicine.

The levels of IgA - one of the frontline defenses of the immune system were measured in the saliva of a group of people who listened to a short piece of music and in a control group. The music listeners levels spiked and then stayed higher for several hours compared to those who sat in silence.

Tip 3 - Enjoy music breaks

Pleasurable touch alleviates depression. If you are feeling depressed, and are touched or cuddled, your blood chemistry can change in as little as one millionth of a second. The brain instantly responds to pleasurable touch with a flood of endorphins.

Pleasurable touch makes you feel loved. Feeling loved and emotionally secure is essential for the overall health of mammals. Study after study shows that emotional bonds and physical contact allow mammals to thrive. Studies with infants have shown that touch and love are biological needs on par with food and water.

Tip 4 - Touch yourself or others or pets or soft cuddly toys! - Put your pet on your screen saver or have a picture on the desk - Ask for hugs.

Squeeze your pelvic floor muscles!

Some researchers maintain that pelvic floor fitness is essential for a woman's life long physical, sexual and emotional health. It is a fun and easy and valuable exercise that you can do wherever you are.

Victoria Vulva give you instructions in this clip from Laura-Doe’s Vaudeville of the Vulva

or visit www.dothekegel.com for more tips on the topic and to get your copy of the squeeze-along song ‘Do the Kegel’!

Tip 6 - Kegel when you are talking on the phone, in the bank queue, on the bus ... you can even Kegel when you Google!

Neuroplasticity refers to the idea that the brain is capable of changing in response to experience and training. Wellbeing and happiness are skills that can be cultivated.

If you’d like to explore pleasure and your relationship with it further, then come along to a yOniversity pleasure workshop or download or purchase my DVD The Art & Science of Female Arousal

Links & resources

Ultradian Rhythms & Producivity

http://lateralaction.com/articles/productivity-ultradian-rhythms/

Our Emotional Brain (radio program)

http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/allinthemind/our-emotional-brain-6th-may/3985474

Feeling Good Is Good for You: How Pleasure Can Boost Your Immune System and Lengthen Your Life by Carl J. Charnetski & Francis X. Brennan

Neuroplasticity - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200806/neuroplasticity-the-revolution-in-neuroscience-and-psychology-part-i

Do the Kegel www.dothekegel.com

The yOniversity - www.yoniversity.com.au

The Art & Science of Female Arousal

The Sexual Future of Women

2011-03-13T21:32:00.002+11:00

I love your questions in The Sexual Future of Women, Tabby - and agree wholehearted that they are very important.

I think one of the places to start is by addressing the predominantly squeamish attitude to female genitals.

In Eve Ensler's article in the Guardian for world AIDS day she writes “Vagina is the most terrifying word, the most threatening word, in any language of any country I have ever been to. “ She goes on to say, “It is more reviled and feared than words like plutonium, genocide and starvation”.

It's certainly not an easy word to pop into conversation! According to a research survey of nearly 10,000 women in 13 countries, more than half feel uncomfortable speaking about their vagina to their health care professional.

If we can't name her with ease it follows that we will be dissociated from her in some way.

“The prevalence of terms for women's genitalia that can be classified as derogatory or dismissive, or terms which are nonspecific and vague reflects and perpetuates a cultural context in which women's genitalia are either conceptually absent or perceived negatively.” (Braun & Wilkinson, 2001).

I think a great place to start is to teach young women how to accurately and comfortably name the vulva, vagina, labia and clitoris and I think we do that by starting to practice doing it ourselves.

Viva la Vulvalation!
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

The Q's - sacred sexuality workshops on the Gold Coast

2011-03-05T02:28:00.000+11:00

I booked in to do the Quodoshka series of workshops (affectionately known as the Q's) looking for some specific information for my favourite taboo-busting mission. I’d discovered that these particular teachings included some valuable information about different types of vulva and the way in which each type experiences pleasure. I wanted to know more.

But I had my researchers hat on when I made the booking so I was kind of surprised when I received the details of the range of outfits they suggest I bring with me to the workshop. It was at that point that I realized I was not just cruising along with my notebook and pen taking notes at some lectures but would actually be participating in a sexuality workshop. Duh! But even then I have to confess I was a bit blase. I have made it a point over the past 25 years to seek out sexual teachers and teachings so my thoughts were along the lines of ‘oh cool that’ll be fun’ and also, I must confess, ‘well there’s probably not much they can teach me!’.

How wrong was I?

Funnily enough the workshop was quite a bit like a lecture some of the time except that the students were dressed in exotic lingerie or temple priestess outfits or even, at times, in kinky leather gear. But the information was excellent. So good I found myself scribbling notes on every little corner of a receipt I could find in my handbag. Luckily they gave us a manual with plenty of scribbling space before my receipts ran out.

I have been to a lot of workshops and led even more and I can be very critical about how a workshop space is held. However I don’t think I’ve ever come across an event where the space is held as thoroughly, as powerfully and as magically as in the Q's. Batty, Kristen and Mukee are a very impressive team. Impressive not only in their capacity to convey or to embody these powerful and complex teachings but also in their unwillingness to stand on any sort of pedestal.

One of the things I loved particularly about Batty’s delivery was the humour. Humour is such a wonderful tool for breaking down barriers and making the unacceptable acceptable. Not that I think the content of anything we were taught is unacceptable but in the prevalent cultural moral climate there are many who do. Batty’s humour kept me thoroughly engaged.

The Q's as they are affectionately know are a series of three workshops offered by the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. This society was founded in 1986 by Harley SwiftDeer Reagan. There seems to be some major controversy on the internet as to the authenticity of Mr Reagan’s claims and his work. The article on Harley and the Quodoshka’s in Wikipedia is seriously biased and badly need of review. It certainly portrays these teachings in in a very poor light. My feeling is that is because the teachings are about sex. And sex is one of the best topics for provoking intense reactions. Certainly whenever it is mentioned a lot of energy is stirred up in many people. Whatever may be the case in regards to Harley Reagan's biographical claims, I have to say the teachings of the Deer Tribe resonate with a profound sweetness and a huge amount of wisdom. Whether it’s Cherokee wisdom of the elders or channeled from the Pleiades – to be honest I don’t really care. It is powerful and valuable material.

The teachings suggest that we were being taught the information that young men and young women would be given within this tradition as they approach sexual maturity. We were given both the theory and the practical component of these teachings. But where the young apprentice would be experiencing the practical component with an older partner that they had chosen for this purpose, in the Q’s we practiced with partners that we had come with or that we made careful ceremonial agreements to practice with during the course of the workshop. This ceremonial space gave everyone the freedom to create whatever boundaries they needed to to feel comfortable.

The exercises were beautifully crafted and always demonstrated by the teaching team. I found that the process offered me insights and understanding into myself and sexuality in general that have been invaluable. Since doing the Q’s I find myself more confident and more fully in my power. I have lost a sense of needing approval from the outside and at the same time I can feel my magnetism and radiance is much more alive, so of course I am receiving very positive reflections.

The next Quodoshka series of workshops will be held near the Gold Coast starting on 24th March. If you'd like to do something wonderful for yourself call Peter Thomas on 0415 644 020 and let him tell you more about them. Tell him Laura-Doe sent you!

Homeopathy under attack

2011-01-16T12:19:00.001+11:00

from http://www.davidicke.com/

Over the past few years homeopathy has been under attack by groups with a vested interest in discrediting it. More than likely the same groups as those promoting the CODEX legislation (see Codex alimentarius - Still hunting witches?), who caused the PAN Pharmaceuticals fiasco here in Aus and who have been making it harder and harder for herbalists to sell valuable natural medicines.

Homeopathy is a 200-year-old system of medicine used successfully by tens of millions worldwide. It is part of the public health care systems of nations in Europe, South America and Asia. It has a laudable two-century clinical record. There are hundreds of high-quality basic science, pre-clinical and clinical studies showing it works. It is vastly safer than conventional medicine.

No form of health care can claim such accomplishments without being effective.

But there are very wealthy and powerful vested interests whose profits and power would be compromised if homeopathy were to become fully known and accepted for what it is by the public. They want to make sure that doesn’t happen, and they’re willing to spread lies to do it.

Learn more at Extraordinary Medicine

Debating vaccination

2010-12-24T18:58:00.000+11:00

Even if I were not already personally convinced about the potential dangers of vaccination and the huge self-serving influence of the pharmaceutical companies on the medical profession and government - the extraordinary attacks trying to stifle the AVN, a tiny pro-choice organization in Australia, would start to make me wonder what was going on.

In this article Dr Brian Martin, Professor of Social Sciences at the University of Wollongong and long-time advocate for the right to publicly debate all issues of importance examines the attack against the AVN.

Dr Martin did not approach this issue from the point of view of someone who was either pro or anti-vaccine. He does not have a strong opinion on whether people should or should not be vaccinated.

Instead, he became interested in this issue due to his experience in examining the suppression of dissent - both as a social scientist and also through his involvement with Whistleblowers Australia and non violent conflict.

Dr Martin writes:

In my decades of studying scientific controversies, never had I come across, in a country like Australia, a concerted effort to destroy a citizen-based organisation whose main activity was providing information - until learning about the attack on the AVN.

Long but well worth reading.. click to view the article

Towards a Vulvalation - What's wrong with my bits?

2010-12-08T11:25:00.001+11:00

"Advertising sells us more than just products. More subtly but equally effectively it sells us values, concepts and ideas of what love, sexuality, success and, perhaps most importantly, 'normalcy' should look like." So says Jean Kilbourne in the introduction to Killing me Softly 4, the latest in her award-winning series of documentaries on gender representation in advertising.

"What does advertising tell us about women in the 21st century? It tells us who we are and who we should be. It tells us, as it always has, that what's most important is how we look." But, even if we wanted someone to tell us who we should be, the major catch is that the images we are supposed to aspire to are not real. Nobody looks like that!

The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty's award winning Evolution commercial exposed the myth. Using time-lapse photography it shows us how a pretty, but ordinary girl is transformed into a strikingly beautiful billboard model using first makeup and then Photoshop.

These manufactured images are designed to impact on a modern woman's sense of herself and in many cases they succeed, but at least when it comes to bodies and faces we also see the full range of un-manufactured versions around us on a daily basis. We have real people to compare ourselves with as well. The same is often not thecase when it comes to our genitals.

"It is not uncommon for women to worry about the shape or size of their labia." declares the website for a cosmetic surgeon in Melbourne. That's interesting but we can't blame advertising for that issue, can we? So what is the problem here?

Censored Labia

Apart from gynecologists and beauticians most heterosexual women have very limited experience of other women's vaginas. Until the advent of the Internet most of us would only have had images from adult magazines to make comparisons with. Unfortunately, although not perhaps with quite the same motivation, these images have been tarred with the same air-brush!

In the case of genitals it is the censorship board that calls the shots. For an adult magazine to be classified as 'unrestricted' and publicly displayed in a newsagent the genitals must be "discreet" and there can be no "genital emphasis". To avoid censorship, adult magazines alter the appearance of female genitals so that they are 'healed to a single crease'. Very little, if any of the inner labia are shown and the result resembles the genitals of a pre-pubescent girl. (For more on this topic check out this episode of the ABC's Hungry Beast.)

Hardly surprising then that many women think that something is "wrong" with their "lady bits" and the popularity of genital cosmetic surgery has grown considerably in recent years. To compound the problem - this unrepresentative version is also what a lot of men are looking for. These same magazines were the source of their adolescent sexual fantasies.

So what is normal? A study that measured the genitals of 50 women between 18 and 50, found that the labia minora ranged from two to ten cm in length and from 0.7 to five cm in width. This variation occurred amongst only 50 women and is no doubt even wider across the general female population. In addition, the colour of the labia minora can be anywhere from deep pink, brownish pink to reddish pink and asymmetry is the norm.

Traditional cultures acknowledge the variety of vulva...

Traditional wisdom from a range of cultures shows a much more wholesome and accurate attitude to the vulva than we have today. The Native American teachings of the Sweet Medicine Sundance Path name nine different types of vulva on the medicine wheel and discuss not only the differing qualities of each one but the varying ways in which each one receives pleasure.

From Japan we have inherited descriptions of five types of female genitals, each one associated with one of the five elements, earth, water, fire. air and ether. The sexological texts of India speak of three temperaments, three kinds and four orders of women which combines to classify women into 36 psycho-physical types each of which has specific characteristics of her yoni. And Arabic culture offers the most detailed and extensive set of terms and descriptions affording insights into their physical characteristics as well as the psyche and sexual drive of their owner.

... and her power

Respect for the potency of the vulva as the portal between the worlds was widespread in ancient times.

Sheelah-na-Gigs are figurative carvings of naked women displaying exaggerated genitals with the lips held apart. They were found on churches, castles and other buildings, particularly in Ireland and Britain and other parts of Europe. Similar female figures have been found throughout Anatolia, Europe, Southern Asia, and East Asia in a broad chronological sweep beginning around 9000 BCE and existing for millennia. These widespread figures are clearly displaying the power of the vulva - the fertile, healing and regenerative power. In many cases their placement also indicates a protective power, the power to ward of evil and protect a structure from an enemy.

Wouldn't it be great to share this ancient wisdom with a woman contemplating surgery in order to "heal her vulva to the crease" and conform to a censor's idea of what is "acceptable"?

Why is this so important?

If women feel that there is something wrong with the part of our body which determines our femininity, which is a source of incredible creativity and delight and which is the gateway through which every one of us, in the normal run of things, enters this world, then there is a dangerous void in our sense of ourselves as women.

I would like to propose a Vulvalation - a movement of men and women fostering the rediscovery of the power and the beauty of the vulva, respecting the wonderful variety and understanding the way in which the differences affect each women's capacity for pleasure and satisfaction. I would like to see the introduction of education in schools that makes these differences clear for both girls and boys and the general availability of respectful and accurate literature and imagery that affirms the naturalness and the potency of female sexuality.

I would like that we reconnect with the ancient wisdom in which women (and the bits that make them women) were respected and valued as the source of life. I would like to help create a modern social environment in which women can fully accept themselves, are truly acknowledged and empowered, and in which the very source of our femininity is honoured, respected, loved and understood.

If you would like to show your support for such such a grass roots movement then you can join the Vulvalation on facebook. Viva la Vulvalation!

References
The Yoni: Sacred Symbol of Female Creative Power by Rufus Campenhausen

Sacred Display: Divine and Magical Female Figures of Eurasia By Miriam Robbins Dexter and Victor H. Mair

Vaudeville of the Vulva

2010-11-27T16:46:00.003+11:00

As many of you are aware my passion is to empower women to feel good about their bodies and their sex and to lift the taboos and remedy the lack of information on feminine sexuality. yOni.com is one example of this passion in action.

I have also been putting my writing, singing and performing skills to the task and the result is Vaudeville of the Vulva, a one-woman comic cabaret that follows the journey of an English lady as she moves from a place of denial to delight in her relationship to her vulva. One reviewer called it ‘artful, aphrodisiac edutainment’. Check out the website www.vaudevillofthevulva.com and this showreel from the performance also on YouTube.

yOni goes to Sexpo

2009-11-03T17:36:00.003+11:00

I approached attending the Sydney Sexpo with a bit of trepidation. I was not at all sure what to expect and I had heard some accounts which didn’t sound too promising. However the stall fee was paid for (and not by me) and the flights booked so, equipped with some yOni.com products, my researchers hat and a healthy curiosity about exactly what a sexuality lifestyle expo would consist off, I headed off to Sydney, open to being pleasantly surprised.

The expo was vast, filling both the Hordern Pavilion and the Royal Hall of Industries. There were three stages on which, the program told me, there would be shows by a range of gorgeous guys and gals designed to tease, titillate and tantalise. The brief glimpse that I managed to get of one of these confirmed my suspicion that I wasn’t missing a great deal. Both the act and the girls themselves were incredibly fake. In fact the enormous number of manufactured bodies was one of the most disturbing things for me about the whole event. Silicone boobs, botoxed lips and fake tans were the order of the day. I conducted a small survey of the guys in the stalls around to find out if they enjoyed these ‘perfect’ bodies. To a man, they replied to ‘No!’. Which makes me wonder exactly who does!

The Sexpo clientele was varied. There were lots of groups of young guys, many of them Asian, eager to check it all out. And there were almost as many groups of young women on a similar mission. They ranged in their openness. Some seemed to slink down the centre of the aisles hardly daring to look to the left or right. They made me wonder what had prompted them to come in the first place. Some were fascinated by every stall and more than ready to party. There was a lot of alcohol consumed which, combined with the mounting sexual tension, did create a slightly ugly atmosphere at times.

And then there were my favourite group - couples of all ages, mostly enjoying themselves and open to exploring and whatever tips or tools they might find. They struck me as having the most fun and mainly using the energy to enhance their sex lives and their relationship.

As you might expect there were sex toys at every corner, from the super crass to the very classy. On the classy end, the new We-Vibe was available and the phthalate free manufacturers, Lelo, Fun Factory and Vibratex all had a presence. At the other end of the scale there were show bags stuffed with dildos, condoms and porn for $20 a pop. There were lingerie and costumes in abundance and a number of stalls promoting, spa’s, saunas and massage tools. There was soap and lollies both genitally and conventionally shaped! Something for everyone!?

Two stalls caught my attention and approval! The Tantric Breather is a small device designed to give you an auditory and kinesthetic experience of the depth of your breath, and to allow you to deepen your breathing and synchronise more effectively with a partner. And at the Clitoraid stall you could adopt a clitoris and support the creation of a hospital in Africa were surgeons will reconstruct the pleasure centre for women who have been subjected to genital mutilation.

Other than these two, what seemed to be sadly missing was any actual information about sexuality and sexual health. As the mango juicer was one of our products I found myself giving hundreds of impromptu talks on locating the g-spot. Invariably a crowd would gather. Also noticeably lacking was anyone, other than myself and the Tanric Breather guy, representing or promoting conscious, spiritual sexuality. If I go again next year I’d like to fill that gap. If you have courses or products related to sacred sexuality that you’d like me to promote then please get in touch.

Wondrous Vulva puppets in Mt Isa

2009-09-13T22:41:00.002+10:00

Last night the puppets had their first stage outing at the Piano bar in the Irish Club in Mt Isa. It was a hoot and wonderful to finally show the crew what I do. The feedback was great and at I am delighted that we have established our place in the doco.

We did a short piece and a song and were planning to do more later - but within 15 minutes the management had shut us down. They’d belatedly cottoned on to the function of the Mango Juicer and felt it was inappropriate to sell pleasure toys in a family club. Later after some more conversations they apologised and invited us back for another time.

Who is mutilating now?

2009-09-10T22:36:00.004+10:00

Mango Tour - Day the 4th

Not long out of Winton, birthplace of Waltzing Matilda, and we are traveling through huge tracts of flat dry grass. In some places there is not a tree or a shrub in sight in any direction. Occasionally we pass small herds of cattle, clustered around a water hole or gathering in the meagre shade of one of the few remaining trees. It is hard for me to imagine why any one would think that cattle don’t need any shade.

Arriving at Mt Isa is a bit of a shock. After 2000 km of amazing countryside a massive smoke stack rises up over the hillside. The town is completely dominated by the mine, a black industrial scar on this incredible landscape. The words on a roadside monument marking the transition from one language country to another land summed it up so well.

RIVER AND ROCKFACE AND TREE, TAKEN AND CUT OFF FROM ME, IN HEARTACHE AND FEAR

Here in the dusty red earth of the great mother Australia I saw a poignant parallel between the scarred, gouged earth I was witnessing and the mutilation of the feminine that is the topic of our journey.

Vulva Puppets on Mango Tour with Vagina Doctor

2009-09-07T19:22:00.000+10:00

The Mango Tour consisting of two Winnebagos, one Jucy Campa, a purple ute full of cameras and a slightly dodgy looking Mazda van, took off from Burleigh Heads at around 10.00 am - rather later than most people seemed to hope. Most of us had not actually seen an itinerary – although it appeared that one existed. The general plan seems to be to head for Mount Isa where we were booked to throw a Mango juicer party in the pub, then across to Townsville for another party and back down the coast to Burleigh with more parties down the coast, Part of what held us up leaving was the need to shoot packing the van from three or four angles – and in reverse! I could already detect a slight variation in agendas in the frustration that this incurred in some quarters.

Our Winnie was the advance guard. Driven by Nick – bagpipe player extraordinaire and owner of the Mango Juicer rights in Australia, with co-pilot Joleen mango juicer enthusiast and sunglass saleswoman, entertainment coordinator Aaron (Azza), babe magnet & Brad Pitt look alike with possibly even better muscles, yours truly and a troupe of Wondrous Vulva puppets! Along the way we picked up Kat and Kat’s cameras.

We laughed, chatted, read, nibbled treats, listen to great tunes, played cards and laughed more. It was a great ride to Roma.

Laura-Doe and puppets to join Mango Tour to raise awareness about FGM

2009-09-07T00:40:00.005+10:00

Stop press - The wondrous vulva puppets and I have just been invited to go on the Mango Tour with Samantha Backman (the Vagina Doctor) to film a doco and TV show in order to raise awareness about FGM

What's the Mango tour I hear you ask! It seems the plan is to drive a convoy of entertainers with a passion for women's rights and a camera crew up the centre of Queensland to Mt Isa, east to Townsville and back down the to the Gold Coast. The purpose? ... to shoot a doco to raise awareness about Female Genital Mutilation.
If you don't know about Female Genital Mutilation read more here.
And watch this space!

Reclaiming the Magic of the Vulva

2009-04-15T10:49:00.003+10:00

Give me a topic and I’ll find a way to fit in a yoni! Actually it isn’t a hard ask to find the connection between Magic and the Vulva so when She de Montford asked me to write an article for her magazine Spellcraft I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised to discover that what I produced could pretty much serve as a ‘manifesto’ for my work with yOni.com. This article was first published in the summer edition of the ‘definitive guide to Magick in the Southern Hemisphere’....

I am a collector (and a purveyor) of Vulvic Art. My home is adorned with sumptuous silk and velvet vulva pillows, fluffy vulva purses, vulva pens, vulva jewellery and more. Some people are shocked when they see my collection, some are delighted but most ask “Why?”. I tell them that I believe the vulva is a wonderous and magical place, worthy of the utmost respect and the most beautiful artistic representations.

Anyone who has witnessed the natural entry of a child into this world would find it hard to deny the incredible qualities of the vulva. From a purely physical perspective her ability to stretch to accommodate the head of the newborn is nothing short of awe inspiring. Alas few of us have had the privilege to attend such a moving and fundamental event.

This was not always the case. Respect for the Vulva as the portal between the worlds was widespread in ancient times. And so was Vulvic Art.

Sheila na Gigs (or Sheelah-na-Gigs) are figurative carvings of naked women displaying an exaggerated vulva. They are found on churches, castles and other buildings, particularly in Ireland and Britain.

In the prestigious "Encyclopedia of Religion," (Eliade, Mircea. (Editor),1987) there are references to Sheila na Gigs

"The obvious life-giving and growth-promoting powers of the vulva and its secretions have given rise to a widespread use of representations of the female genitalia as apotropaic (intended to "ward off evil") devices. …. An apotropaic function seems to have prompted the placing of squatting female figures prominently exposing their open vulvas on the key of arches at church entrances in Ireland, Great Britain, and German Switzerland…. Most such figures were removed from churches in the nineteenth century.”

And a little farther down in the same article:

"A remarkable parallel to the Celtic Sheelagh-na-gig is found in the Palauan archipelago. The wooden figure of a nude woman, prominently exposing her vulva by sitting with legs wide apart and extended to either side of the body, is placed on the eastern gable of each village's chiefly meeting house. Such figures are called dilugai…These female figures protect the villagers' health and ward off all evil spirits as well. They are constructed by ritual specialists according to strict rules, which if broken would result in the specialist's as well as the chiefs death. It is not coincidental that each example of signs representing the female genitalia used as apotropaic devices are found on gates. The vulva is the primordial gate, the mysterious divide between nonlife and life" (Encyclopedia of Religion, article YONI, Vol.15, p.534).

I believe that much healing can be achieved through reclaiming the magic of the Vulva in our modern world. However, to do so we need first to inspect our current cultural attitudes to this most glorious and sacred part of the body.

Not only do we have no respectful representations of the Vulva, many of us are uncomfortable even talking about her. Last year the Weekend Australian ran an article about three US students who were suspended from high school for disobeying teachers and uttering the word “vagina” during a reading from the Eve Ensler’s ‘Vagina Monologues’.

In one research study, only 7% of respondents considered the vagina a body part that is freely mentionable (Allan & Burridge, 1991). Another survey found that 53% of women "felt some discomfort using the word vagina" (Bulletin, 1994, p. 10). And both women and gynecologists have been shown to rarely mention the word vagina (or even a synonym) during gynecological consultations (Weijts, Houtcoop, & Mullen, 1993).

And there are certainly plenty of synonyms to choose from! In my workshops I ask women to remember the name that they were given for their vulva as a child. I always hear something new. Rarely do I hear either vulva or vagina (which is technically the canal between the external genitalia, the vulva, and the womb). More distressing to me is that about one quarter of the woman were given no name at all to use. The area was just not mentioned. At all!

Why is this important? I believe that if women are uncomfortable with speaking about a part of their body which determines their femininity, which is a source of incredible creativity, pleasure and delight (the clitoris being the only body organ with the sole purpose of providing pleasure) and which is the gateway through which every one of us, in the normal run of things, enters this world, if we can’t name this part of us with ease and consider it with comfort then there is a dangerous void in our sense of ourselves as women.

And if we can’t talk about it then we cannot be given important information regarding our genital health. Woman of all ages can benefit from exercising the pelvic floor. In fact one source suggests that pelvic floor squeezes (or kegels) are the single most important exercise for a woman’s long term emotional and physical health. But most of us do not even hear about the possibility until we are pregnant (if then.) Kegels can be done anywhere, any time. Apart from being pleasurable for many woman (especially the more you practice!) kegeling increases blood flow and muscle tone, enhances sexual pleasure and reduces the likelihood of incontinence after childbirth.

I suggest that it is of the utmost importance to investigate and work towards healing any disempowering attitudes we have had foisted onto us about our most glorious and sacred feminine parts. By doing so women will feel better about themselves, boost their self-esteem, reduce depression and increase respect for the feminine in our society.

There are three simple steps we can take to start to reclaim the magic of the vulva:

Luscious yOni pendant available from yOni.com

1. We can use vulvic imagery as a powerful talisman. This need not be overt. The mandorla and even the V, or the cleft V are time honoured symbols for the vulva and can easily be incorporated into jewellery, art or even scribbles on a post-it note!

2. We can practice using her name. It may take time to become comfortable but it is unlikely to happen unless we start.

3. And thirdly, if we were lucky enough to be born in a woman’s body, we can kegel. Anywhere, any time! And while that enigmatic Mona Lisa smile creeps over our faces we can affirm the wonder and the power of feminine nature.

Visit www.yoni.com to see some of Laura-Doe's vulvic art collection and www.dothekegel.com for her squeeze along song to get you kegeling and for more information about pelvic floor exercise. Laura-Doe also runs workshops for women through the yOniversity® and provides comic info/entertainment on all things vulvic using her comic cabaret characters from Vaudeville of the Vulva. Please use the comments area to get in touch if you'd like to host a workshop or talk further about a performance.

Ayurvedic oil drizzling

2009-03-03T07:11:00.000+11:00

I’m on to my third day of oil drizzling. The treatment rooms are in a separate building near the cottages. You can see it to the right in this picture from my veranda.

My treatment usually happens in the late afternoon. First Dr Asha gives me an oil massage using warm oil infused with particular herbs to support my out of balance doshas. For the first seven days the massage was followed by a body dhara with warm medicated water. For the body dhara the doctor uses a vessel like a bulbous vase with a hole in the bottom to pour the water in a specific pattern over the body. They tell me it is designed to open up blockages in the channels that eliminate toxins from the body. It feels very yummy and relaxing although it took a while to get the temperature just right for me. The first one was a bit too hot and left me rather drained and dehydrated. Once the treatment is over the lovely washer lady (mine is called Vigaylakshmi) comes in and washes off all the oil with a special body scrub. It’s like being a baby again being washed and dried and once you get over the strangeness it is also extremely relaxing!

After the series of body dharas were competed I had one day of basti. The oil massage came first as per usual and then I was put in the steam box – like a little sauna with a hole for your head to poke out of – for a few minutes and then back into the treatment room for the basti. The basti is effectively an enema with medicated liquid but there are a variety of different types of basti and their intent and effect are quite different from traditional enemas. This one was apparently designed to give me specific herbs to be absorbed by the colon.

And now I’m on the oil drizzling (or body dhara with oil) which is very similar to the other dhara but with warm oil. As the oil is much more viscous than the water the warmth spreads deliciously and lingers on the body. It is very relaxing and very very oily!

When I’m not in treatment the big decision is whether to do nothing or very little! After my morning routine of herbs, nasya (warm medicated oil in the nostrils to eliminate kapha – mucous – from the head) and yoga – either in my room or with the teacher, the day is punctuated by the delivery of meals, drinks and a visit from the coconut man. He is in the picture above too and he brings around young coconuts and cuts them open to give us the juice and the delicious soft young coconut flesh. Mmmm!

Here is one of the breakfasts – I call it wiggly iddlies but that’s probably not the name!

I have a variety of ‘doing very little’ options. I’ve got some great books - both fiction that I brought with me and some on Ayurveda and tantra from the library here. I’m really enjoying colouring in the mandalas in the book that I got for Christmas and I’ve been getting creative with papier maché, inspired by the desire not to waste the Indian papers that get delivered each morning.

There is a TV in my room and I occasionally watch a movie. One day when I didn’t have treatment (there’s no treatment on Sundays) I went for a short walk in the evening. But I got back so hot and bothered and dehydrated I decided not to do that again!

The other guests here are lovely and every now and then someone pops by for a chat. I quite often go up to the canteen for a more social dinner with a couple of the women who are staying upstairs in the hospital. One is also English but living in Oz and the other is Russian and living in UAE. We have quite a giggle together.

On Saturday there was a big event. Puja was held in the temple for the healing of the patients. It was very spectacular and included some special mantras designed to remove any negative effects of the planets on our healing. This picture shows the Brahmin priest (who is also a doctor at the asram) in front of the image they created representing all the planets.

LD turns 50!

2009-02-20T06:59:00.001+11:00

I wake up to the buzz and flash of my mobile phone with that feeling of excitement that often comes for me when waking before dawn. Six am is medicine time and the recommended rising time for patients at the Poonthottam Ayurvedic Asram. I am about 5 days into a special treatment called a Panchakama that I have treated myself to as my 50th birthday present.

I light a couple of candles which I had been burning the night before and then add a few more for good birthday measure. The lights work fine but it feels nice to forgo the harshness of the electric light for the warm glow of the candles. By the time I have finished my yoga the sun will have risen in any case.

I drink my medicine (not pleasant but not disgusting) and roll out my yoga mat. I have already established a gentle morning routine of a few sun salutations and a series of asana that the book my neighbour lent me suggested were particularly supportive to the Panchakama process. I finish with some pranayama and a short meditation and wander onto my veranda to absorb the morning.

The view from my cottage is delicious - a huge variety of greens in a base of creamy brown ochre. The six cottages are on a terrace overlooking a little valley with several separate areas of plantings. Some of the hospital’s vege and herb gardens are to the right, a ploughed area that probably grows rice in the wet season straight ahead and bananas to the left. Across the valley are more bananas, coconuts and other trees rising up to the skyline. The first morning as I sat and marveled at the peace and beauty of it, the landscape that had seemed to me quite unpopulated, suddenly started to come alive. First two ochre dogs exactly the same colour as the soil materialized out of it and started bounding around the paddy field. Then a man with a water buffalo emerged out of the trees and then I realized there were several more people in the forest cutting down coconuts.

And then there are the birds – brilliant blue and vivid yellow, tiny dainty little birds that dart and flutter in the bushes, huge eagles soaring high in the blue sky and glorious peacocks strutting and pecking in the gardens. Between them they make a positive symphony of sound – especially at dawn!

After a suitable time congratulating myself on arranging such a great environment for my birthday morning, I put a light jacket over my singlet - sleeveless and therefore somewhat immodest by Keralan standards - in order to wander up the hill and seek out the yoga teacher that I had been told offered classes to those that wished. Dr Ravi had pronounced my desire to do yoga during my treatment a ‘very wise move’ but so far the yoga teacher had not made it down to my cottage to talk to me about classes. I thought I’d take matters into my own hands.

There is a steep staircase leading up from the cottage area to the main hospital and a longer route that winds through the trees. Mindful of the frequent instructions to avoid exertion and ‘take rest’ whenever possible I meander up the longer route admiring more of the unfamiliar vegetation. There are quite a number of trees along the path that have been scored in a spiral and have coconut shell cups attached at the base of the trunk to collect the sap. I have a tentative sniff at the white gooey stuff collected but it had no smell that I could identify. I decided not to risk tasting it! I must ask someone what it is.

The yoga hall cum temple cum theatre cum library is a large building with and impressive entrance – a wide staircase leading up to huge carved wooden doors. I leave my sandals at the bottom of the stairs where a small collection of other footwear suggested that that was the thing to do and made my way up. Peeking inside the doors I see a yoga class in progress so I wait and watch to see what was happening. Before long the teacher sees me and beckons me inside and invites me to join. It seems churlish to say “I’ve already done mine” so I find a mat and join in with the rest of the class. His yoga involves a great deal more exertion than mine had done but I have since checked with the doctors and yoga exertion is considered perfectly kosha during treatment – or would it be halal!?

After (second) yoga I cruise back down the hill to the canteen that sits on another terrace above the cottages. The canteen is a buzz of breakfast time activity with head cook presiding over the making of today’s dosas. Breakfast varies each day and dosas are my favourite. These yummy crispy pancakes are made from a mix of rice and black dahl, ground to a paste and fermented overnight. For breakfast they are served with a liquid coconut paste. Actually dosas are the bigger flat type and today we had a smaller concave kind which may be called something quite different. Just as yummy though!

After breakfast I have a quick check of my emails to see if there are any birthday wishes waiting. Phew – there are! And alas some work related things that need sorting. They don’t take long though and my good mood it too good to be dented by working on my birthday.

Back at my cabin I have a shower - Indian style which means filling a big bucket with warm water and pouring jugs full over myself with gay abandon. Then I dress myself to greet the day and my second half-century on this glorious planet.

You've got the iPhone - now here's the iToothbrush!!

2008-09-03T10:58:00.002+10:00

This is such a cool innovation in tooth brushing.

Although I totally love the 'dentist' clean feeling that this clever toothbrush gives me, I am most excited about the effect it has had on my 11 year old son's tooth brushing habits. He is so tickled by the fact that he doesn't need toothpaste that he is brushing his teeth with glee rather than the extreme reluctance he used to display. I also find it very useful to be able to carry my ion toothbrush around and to brush my teeth anywhere I can drink a mouthful of water and spit without offending anyone!

But before I get too excited let me tell you what I'm talking about

An Ion iToothbrush is a toothbrush that cleans your teeth and gums without the need for toothpaste. Rather than relying on pressure and abrasions to clean, the Ion iToothbrush releases a flow of ions - a very gentle electric current - in your mouth. These ions sterilize mouth bacteria, strengthen the gums, and stop plaque sticking to your teeth.

The result is an incredible squeaky clean feeling , and for me a noticable whitening of my teeth. When I brush with the iToothbrush it feels like I've just stepped out of the dentists chair after a clean and polish. And a 20 second brush is apparently more effective than 2 minutes of ordinary brushing.

It's such a buzz - and a real bonus for mums trying to get their kids into good tooth brushing habits.

Read more here and click here to purchase your very own iToothbrush!