Clutterances

The BlogFather Trilogy - Skepta

2010-09-06T12:10:00.002+01:00

In my last little clutterance I wrote about how companies could learn a thing or two about how to implement a social media campaign from the boys at Umbro. This weeks pun footballing title was Household Footballers by the way – quality. However, I won’t be assessing them again, we all know how highly they're rated. This week I will start my blog trilogy. The three piece article will shed light on how Twitter, and social media can help an individual, whether already a celebrity, or someone just trying to get their name out there. The first of the trilogy, which I have aptly called "The BlogFather Trilogy" is about UK Grime artist, Skepta.

I previously mentioned Skepta in: Women in Hip Hop and briefly brushed over how social media had helped him. For this clutterance however, it's the perfect launchpad for displaying my argument.

Skepta, is accredited as saying that he wants to make Grime 'mainstream' in the UK, Europe and the United States. I could go on in great detail about his career and who he has teamed up with at Boy Better Know, but to find all that out just click here: Skepta Wiki!. What I am interested in is how Twitter has helped him, massively.

If you have a product, then anyone with a sense of brand management, or an awareness of the best way to gain publicity is to be endorsed by a celebrity. A brilliant example of this is Sharpies, the pen manufacturer who somehow managed to get endorsement from David Beckham - increasing their sales by approximately 210% in the first two years of advertising. Social media, and once again particularly Twitter is giving opportunity to people to gain celebrity 'endorsement' without asking for it. If a powerful tweeter, i.e someone with a huge following releases a 'liking' for something, literally millions of people are exposed to a peer recommendation of the highest order. For instance, if your favourite writer is on Twitter and you read all their novels, or newspaper columns, or magazine articles - a man like Charlie Brooker for instance - says he finds something funny or a brilliant read, chances are most, if not all of his followers will read/watch or even buy said content. I myself do just that. In the case of Skepta, he found himself in the middle of a cyclone of recommendation and celebrity endorsement.

The other points within this cyclone? Puff Daddy and over 550,000 Grime fans on Twitter.

Essentially what happened was that P. Diddy - the father of all puff - Tweeted that he liked and respected the UK grime sound. Upon reading this, something like 10,000 people retweeted the update. The next tweet proclaimed that he wanted to make a grime track and asked his UK followers for their suggestions. With this, Puff Diddly was told by approximately 30,000 people that the man for the job would be Skepta. From there, Diddykins sent a little 'hello, im Mr Puffy Diddles, we should hook up" tweet to Skepta, who responded with a huuuuge "YES" and within a month the Hello Good Morning Grime Remix was created.

Since then, nobody could argue that they haven't heard more and more of Skepta and boy better know on mainstream radio, and his name has certainly been much much more recognisable. Through Twitter, and it's capacity to create recommendations, access to celebrities like never before, and a clear picture of what's hot and what's not, Skepta was thrown into new heights merely through a little 140 character update, and this boy better know that he has a lot to thank his fans for.

Good Sport

2010-08-27T15:32:00.002+01:00

If you follow me on Twitter, you know I tweet a lot. If you follow me on Twitter, you know I love a good pun. If you follow me on Twitter, you need to follow Umbro.

My recent awareness of my own character; my love of puns, one-liners, chit chat and football has led me to think about how companies might target me through social media. My realisation, Umbro are miles ahead.

As an arena, the twittersphere is stocked full of people trying to get noticed. Whether this is noticed by their favourite musicians, comedians or companies, the competition is fierce. I am one of those people, not just trying to get noticed by celebrities, but by anyone who'll listen. Anyone that'll have me. Desperate? A little, but what's the point of doing something if you don't want people to appreciate it? The opportunity to get one's name "out there" is more available than ever thanks to Twitter. With a well worded, 140 character status update, what you have to say is potentially broadcast to the entire world - something only the internet as a medium can offer - instantly. However, something I have discovered is that to be successful, whether as an individual or a company, you have to engage. In my opinion, and please say if you disagree, Twitter (and social media in general) is there to socialise, not just advertise. This point is being missed by far too many people and I am sick of those companies who merely post information or pieces of generic advertising, who never respond to others and never engage.

If engaging with your customer is vital in your social media strategy - which it is by the way - then one should look no further than the boys at Umbro. As I sit here and write this blog, my body is overflowing with envy at their job. Getting paid to write about football is a dream many of us have but very few will accomplish. So despite my blood boiling and my eyes turning green, I have to admit that these guys, Aaron and Tom, are bloody fantastic. The beauty of Umbro's social media campaign is not just that their blog is interesting, entertaining and brilliantly written - which it is - but that their use of social media is creative and steeped in interaction. They use competitions amongst fans and offer rewards of tickets and shirts, they join in debates and discussions, they share interesting insider gossip and information, but their greatest creation is pun Fridays. Every Friday they release a different football themed pun. This weeks for instance was called Seaside Footballers. The results were very entertaining. Below are just a few entries I read.

@thesemgroup went with "Roberto Mankini"

@josh_mccarthy went with "Morten Gamst Pedalo"

@teacherobert went with "Salmon Kalou" "Clint Deepsea" and "Coral Poborski"

I entered "Marco Tanned Bastard" "Fabio Capadelo" "Alboato Aqualungi" "Seabasstian Bassong" "Fabio Auwhalio" "Dirk Trout" "Alle-sand-row Delve-pier-roe" and "Paul Conchesky".

Now, as you can see, I went too far and am a bit of a loser. Please leave your own Seaside Footballers in the comments at the end, I know you want to.

People reading this clutterance may ask why this matters? I'll tell you. There are thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people exactly like me, i'm no snowflake. Before Twitter, I wouldn't have considered Umbro for my sports gear, I'd have gone with Nike or Adidas. However, simply because of this brilliant piece of brand management I find myself inclined to think differently, very differently. Call me impressionable, but i'm not alone in being like this and Umbro have realised this brilliantly. Now, I'm off for a kick about, where are my Umbro Speciali?

A Terrible Thing

2010-07-02T10:34:00.006+01:00

I had the last month off, it wasn't deliberate, I just got lazy and excited about the world cup and proceeded to watch as many world cup games as possible, particularly England obviously. Germany absolutely destroyed us, we were terrible and I will say no more. Surprising really, that I don't just write down my reasons why we lost as if they were gospel and be done with it. However, the following is generated from the World Cup, but more so a conversation that I found hilarious with a friend. It has prompted me to write this.

It's a poem by the way, but not a sonnet or a romantic piece of art, just me finding something funny. I hope you enjoy it, and perhaps in many ways associate to it...... Oh and if you figure out what i'm on about before you get to the end (if indeed you read the whole thing) then well done!

A Terrible Thing

by Chris Wilson

It begins unannounced but requires an announcement,

feelings so familiar they fill one with dread.

Unavoidable, inevitable, inescapable and here,

acceptance is needed, and off one must tread.

Rising, we look upon inquisitive friends faces,

quick remark is given, never too crass or too crude.

As one turns away, stomach routinely a flutter,

we internally berate our extra drink with our food.

Pushing through herds of potential spectators,

limbs like lead we lumber toward.

Desperate we feel, yet nervous, uneasy,

we question whether we deserve this unhappy award.

Conscious of lights, of music and of people,

the hazy noise acts as a painful remind.

This has happened before, these vary same moments,

these tokens and prompts, they're all so unkind.

It amazes us, nasally, the stink we sense first,

through grimace, through squint, through wretch we proceed.

Shoes are sloshing and splashing through puddles of stench,

while we pray, we hope, and we yearn to succeed.

Of course what we want is locked, ruined, unavailable,

it hurts to linger outside un-enterable doors.

People are looking and judging and people are knowing,

we can wait no longer, it hurts, yet we pause.

We join a new line with waxed hair in mirrors,

sacrificing vanity in the hope of getting quieter.

Eagle eyed, stench adjusted we scan for a corner,

the pain is too much, the need to be lighter.

We move forward now to the empty space offered,

sweat upon brow, our nerves make us funny.

Fingertips, foolishly fumbling for buckles,

to be alone right now, we'd give all of our money.

Released from restriction, in hand it is grasped,

sly look right, and look left, did we hear a snigger?

Other than here, in this place, we're never so nervous,

we're certainly not small, more often we're bigger.

Feelings made worse by all those around us,

those waiting, and thinking that we're being slow.

The pressure enhances, within and without,

yet nothing happens, so my fears, they just grow.

As one stands alone, but surrounded by others,

the worst thing happens, and that thing, is nothing.

The pretense begins so fast of an instance,

a pointless shake and a thespians huffing.

Returning our tool back into it's hiding,

one frantically tries to suppress this feeling.

The next stage of the facade, is a quick needed wash,

now dried and re-pocketed we leave, but we're reeling.

We leave the grotesque, run down, porcelain chamber,

Embarrassed, still desperate, but what can one do?

Returning to where the same friends faces are waiting,

thankful for one, and that it's not two.

Re-seating is beautiful but beauty is brief,

a second just split, our needs were subsided.

With sip of cold nectar they come flooding back,

and now we are sat, and we are reminded.

There's no return to the tomb, not so soon,

same inquisitive faces will suspect my affliction.

Must perform, must pretend and not give away,

no signs can be shown of this horrible restriction.

Sat in our chair, needs, wants, pain overwhelming,

the evening continues with laughter and glee.

Public portrayal of fun, and not one of pain,

all the while thankful, our friends cannot see.

Now one must remain in utter control,

one slip, too relaxed and new trousers must bring.

Shameful and gutting it indeed would be,

so you see, stage fright is a terrible thing.

I enjoyed writing that, so hopefully you enjoyed reading it!

Special mention to Neil Mcintyre who was suffering from the condition at the time.

Women in Hip Hop

2010-05-13T11:44:00.002+01:00

As any music fan will know, and will appreciate, what interests you and what keeps getting replayed on your iPod can change very quickly. I recently found myself fascinated with the situation regarding female artists in the UK Urban scene, particularly in Hip Hop.

In terms of the male urban scene in the UK, very gradually we are seeing signs of progression that could eventually put us on a par with certain artists across the pond. In recent weeks, an example of this was the revelation that Puff Daddy is a fan of the UK grime scene, and in fact tweeted he wanted to work with an artist. Once again, the powers of social media and particularly Twitter were showcased as Puff Daddy was overloaded with suggestions that he should work with none other than Skepta. It seems likely therefore that at some point in the near future, something beautiful will be created. We live in hope. However, through a bit of slightly sad research on all the suggestions, not one female was suggested to Puff Daddy, resulting in my cluttered brain trying to work out why not.

At face value I assessed the current frontrunners in the female UK Urban scene. One of the prominent figures is Lady Sovereign, who despite doing brilliantly to be signed by Jay Z and some brief mainstream exposure thanks to Big Brother hasn't necessarily fulfilled what might have been expected of her, yet. Recently (and this is my big tip for the future) a new flag bearer of female rappers in the UK has been born - not literally, she's 23 - and she goes by the name of Envy. With tracks produced by former interviewee of Clutterances Akira The Don, she is one to look out for. Her music profile was raised through her involvement in numerous rap battles taking place in and around Manchester. Winning the acclaimed freestyle competition 'Battlescars' in March 2006 brought Envy both respect and publicity, and this led to an entry into the 'Scribblejam qualifiers' in association with the jump off with some of the best battlers in the UK, followed by an invite to open the MOBO awards 2006. Envy stormed a string of recent gigs in Germany, London and her hometown, supporting 50 Cent's G-Unit in November to promote 'Tongue Twister'. She has also supported Kano as part of his 'Home Sweet Home' tour performing in front of thousands. Envy is an educated, witty, culturally savvy and entertaining artist who is set to have an exciting few years ahead of her, however, I wanted to look at artists that are perhaps slightly lower down the ladder, and more importantly get their point of view on the situation.

In terms of trying to get in contact with, and learn about potential artists trying to make a name for themselves, I was put in contact with UK Hip Hop artist Genesis Elijah to get a starting point for this article. The man was kind enough to answer a few of my questions, as well as point me in the direction of some particularly interesting artists.

I simply asked if he could give an example of something he may have come across in his experience of the industry with regards to perceptions and attitudes towards females in the industry.

"The problem for female MC's is that Hip-Hop is male dominated. Not only in the way it's perceived but also the demographic of the people who buy and sell it. The music industry likes it's women to be feminine and sexy and with hip hop being such a masculine art form a lot of the women tend to try and compete with the men in the scene and loose that feminine side.

We like our women soft but we like are rappers hard so a female rapper is almost an oxymoron.

Another problem with female rappers in the UK is they still haven't found their UK identity. The male rappers have managed to find the right balance between an American art form and the British way of life. This is partly because the men have had MC role models since the late 80's where as the females for the most part have had to look to the US for inspiration.

The funny thing is the only female who has really exploited the Hip-Hop attitude while expressing her britishness successfully is Lilly Allen and she's not even a rapper."

I couldn't have wished for a better starting point from which to analyse. There is an element of social commentary with the statement that 'we like our women soft' and in a sense what this sheds light on is that the music industry is a microcosm for the bigger picture. Do we like our women soft? The press is always crying out for 'strong' women, and with the latest general election, there was a fair bit of talk about the lack of female candidates. Perhaps it is popular to state we want strong women, but when it comes to the breast of the issue (sorry) we still do indeed want a traditional feminine and 'soft' woman. Hip Hop certainly connotes passion and aggression as an artform, whilst still being creative and powerfully insightful as social commentary. Traditionally these are believed to be male characteristics, fight or flight, vs tend and befriend. Yet times have changed, supposedly.

Another aspect of Genesis' words was the idea of a role model. It is certainly true that individuals may need to look to the US for inspiration. One of the most successful female, US rappers is Missy Elliot. I saw an early quote from Missy where she said:

"I want kids of this generation to see that everything is cool, that there's some kind of unity in hip-hop. We all found something that's really important to us, and music is all we've really got."

A lovely message to have in many ways. Bringing to the front the idea of unity, and a love of music, particularly Hip-hop. However, I recently read her say this:

"Hip-hop is definitely not what it used to be, which was creative, original music."

So if this role model has criticised the way the industry has changed, who do females of this industry hold as their role models? All these doubts and questions bring to light the most constant factor in this argument: Identity. To state Lilly Allen (who keeps coming up when I write about music) as the only one to exploit the Hip-hop attitude is pretty bold, yet I find myself agreeing. She does sing about so-called non-mainstream things, and yet finds herself at times dominating the pop market.

Identity is certainly a dominant factor in why there isn't more successful female urban artists. I decided to explore the idea further, and found myself talking to Leddie from Leddie & Smoggy. Leddie and Smoggy are a Female/Male UK Hip Hop Duo from Middlesbrough in the North of England. Part of the well respected 'Peoples Army' the fact that they are a two-gender act makes Leddie particularly interesting to talk to. I asked her why there weren’t many successful female artists in the UK urban scene, and she revealed the following:

"I, personally, dont understand why there arent many successful UK artists. But at the same time, nowadays mainstream music works on gimmick and fads, which are pretty much over and done with, as soon as they have begun. Whether that is a number one record, or one album, a particular style or fashion which hasnt really been seen much, and can be used to an advantage quickly before there are 'cliches' or immitations in competition with one another.

Im not really biased in who i listen to, whether they are male or female, as long as their lyrical content is good. I think people are more wary and judgemental of females in Hip Hop (Which i guess is the same in most professions) as opposed to men, because they expect generic material that has been done plenty of times before, in exactly the same way because I feel, thats what usually happens.

In my opinion, these days, you have to be able to grab the attention of a specific target audience, unless females promote themselves as sex 'symbols', It seems impossible for us to be given the opportunity to start climbing the ladder in order to be successful.

Years ago, artists (whether they were singers or rappers, male or female) were judged on their talents and capabilities. Now were judged on the package were being forced to create in order to be heard by 'powerful' people, which has eventually became more of a science as opposed to an art."

Here i found myself realising that people in the industry are aware and perhaps frustrated as much as the fans are about the rapidly changing nature of Hip-hop in the UK. As a genre it is changing, it is becoming much more 'packaged' as Leddie suggests. I for one am disappointed with this. A good example of this is Plan B. As an artist he used to be insightful, aggressive, funny, and controversial. With his latest album, he has gone the mainstream, generic pop route. Now, I don't necessarily blame him, money talks at the end of the day. However what annoys me is that he continues to perform under the bravado of Hip-hop, and this is fooling new listeners, miseducating them in many ways. There is certainly some angst in Leddie's words towards the 'powerful' people, something that Akira the Don mirrors in my earlier article "Making noise about Social Media and music". Is it the industry big wigs that block female artists more than public expectation? In my opinion it probably is. The industry seems afraid to take so-called risks. Whether this be with particularly controversial performers such as Akira, or females as a whole. In many ways, from a business standpoint, risks may not be worth it financially. However, this brings light to the age old argument of music to entertain, or music to generate money. In my investigation I finally contacted UK rapper Pariz-1. She went on to say this:

"Basically females do have a hard time as rappers in the music industry because we are seen as the lesser talented ones than the males. I have been told many times that girls can't rap, then I open my mouth and spit and those opinions suddenly are taken back. Not many females have made a big impact because they aren't talking about sex or shoes and bags etc, or they aren't dressed in next to nothing all the time, those who talk about real things, such as teaching our children self respect and respect for others, or those that talk about hood stories but from a female perspective etc don't get love. Men think that we are beneath them but I know a lot of female rappers that can stand tall next to any man and spit and hold their own such as Myself, Nolay, Lioness, Jai, Baby Blue, Shystie, Lady Leshurr, Cmone, Tempa, there's a lot of us about the place but we don't get the respect we deserve because males try to keep us out, maybe it's a fear they have of being outshone by a woman!? Who knows, all I know is put me next to ANY male in the UK and I will hold it down! My album 'The Bakery Sessions' is out in June, real music for real people!"

She carries with her an obvious sense of pride in Hip-hop as an artform. She is certainly confident in her own ability, and so she should be. She is the first person also to really make a point of it being "Men" who think women are lesser, not "the industry". The industry is still a patriarchal place, and this does seem to be hindering female chances of breaking through. As i said earlier, it seems that the UK Urban scene is certainly a microcosm for the wider world, lots is being said about being focussed on equality, but seemingly not much is being done.

If "Hip-hop is supposed to uplift and create, to educate people on a larger level and to make a change" (Doug E. Fresh) and that "Hip-hop is a vehicle" (Talib Kweli) why is it not allowing females to be part of this change and education? Why are women being restricted from this vehicle. "The thing about hip-hop today is it's smart, it's insightful. The way they can communicate a complex message in a very short space is remarkable" (Barack Obama) and yet the message between the lines in the UK is that unless your male, you seemingly offer no insight. This is something I certainly disagree with, UK female performers are just as insightful, intelligent, and entertaining as the men, but are not getting the respect they deserve.

Perhaps Talib Kweli has it right when he says: "Hip-hop isn't as complicated as a woman is".

Music Matters Guest Post

2010-04-12T19:47:00.001+01:00

Just thought i'd give the link to my guest post! Bloody excited to be a part of it to be honest!

http://www.whymusicmatters.org/blog/guest-blogger-%E2%80%93-clutterances

Gordon Brown's CV

2010-04-01T13:04:00.003+01:00

CV for DR James G. Brown (PhD)

Personal Details:

No 10 Downing Street (whilst I cling on)

London

SW1A 2AA

Email: jamesgbrownpm4abitlonger@hotmail.com

Phone: 020 7925 0918

Married, two children

Valid driving license, although I have not driven for a while

Born - February 20, 1951.

Qualifications:

PhD - History, University of Edingurgh 1982

Member of Parliament 1983

Member of the Privy Council 1996

I am a senior executive, used to high-pressure environments within the UK. I am well travelled, although with only one eye I can only claim to have seen half of the places I have actually visited. I have a history of lobbying support, including succeeding in gaining funds for my organisation from places I shouldn’t. I was promoted into my last role from a position in finance through no assessment and on no merit, and although the 360 degree feedback I have received to date has stated that I should have not moved into general management, I still feel that I have done a great job. Due to feeling that I will be made redundant in the up and coming months, I am thus submitting my CV for any senior finance or general management roles.

Work Experience:

Present Role: General Manager June 2007 until present (just) – Houses of Parliament

Responsibilities:

•   Day-to-day management of senior colleagues – although in reality I can not claim to have any control of their activities

•   Described as impressively being able to micro-manage, yet still exert no control over sub-ordinates

•   Underwent a series of re-structures during my time in charge, all of which were monumental failures.

•   Due to years of experience in finance, I advise my current finance director on budget control. However after a few slip-ups from me and my team, I must admit that this is probably an area in need of improvement.

•   Increased business to business relations with a similar business in the US – mainly through being a Texan’s lap dog. However with new management of this US business, I have resigned my lap-dog status and like to lecture my new counterpart on problems I have no idea how to solve.

•   Increased employee turnover dramatically by ensuring that I employ only the worst and the most incompetent of fools. This has come to a head recently when an external audit found that my staff had been abusing a benefits and reward scheme I put in place to be competitive with the private sector. I also enjoy the hire and fire philosophy of doing business… something that I have done many a time – please contact Mandy for proof of this

•   Committed myself to prior General Manager’s foreign policies, including maintaining heated relations with the middle east despite a huge company rebellion

•   Successfully managed a change transformation program, taking my companies biggest power base (the unions) and successfully managing them into a series of “holidays” that will cripple my company.

•   Called, and then withdrew a recruitment process for my position – as I feared that there may be better candidates in the market for my role, and I had only just redecorated my office.

Prior Positions:

Finance Director – 2 May 1997 – 27 June 2007 - same company as above

•   Despite being older and “wiser” than my line manager in this role, it was felt that my skills would be best suited to finance, rather than taking the lead. However, I am famous for being the longest running person in this post in history

•   Tendered the largest Gold sale in my company’s history – astutely selling when the price of gold was very low, and in the long run financially crippling my company for many years. Rough estimates of the loss I made are around the £2Bn mark.

•   Implemented a spending program to cut resources by the maximum amount in the shortest period of time

•   Infamously had a fantastic referral from a previous finance director Lord Jenkins over an issue I raised about elitism in Oxford university. His reference showed the quality of my argument when he said “nearly every fact he used was false."

Shadow Finance Director - 18 July 1992 – 2 May 1997

•   Increased hot air production through these years by 40% -a new company record.

Core Skills:

Reading: - Poor due to one eye
Writing: - Poor when no one is around to spell check me
Arithmetic: - I would like to say “fair” skills in this area, however my track record shows poor performance. I also claimed once that I don’t know how to use a calculator

Political Views:

•   Socialist

Religious Views:

•   Church of Scotland (The English church rejected my application)

References: Available on request and if I can find any good ones

It's a Matter of Making Music

2010-03-24T15:01:00.003+00:00

Usually my work is somewhat cynical in nature and indeed I've been described as a "Grumpy young man". However, this is a positive post. Sort of. In one of my recent articles - Making Noise about Social Media - I discussed the world of P2P file sharing with regards to the music industry, I interviewed musical performer and all round good bloke, Akira The Don as well as a representative of a leading record label. I like to think of that article as a debate, a discussion if you will. However, this article is full of something very different. Praise.

But before you think a leopard has changed its spots and because more than anything I like doing it, i'll start with a little moan. Why is it that people who describe themselves as "massive music fans", never pay for it? Has anyone else noticed this, or is it just me? The dubstep heads, the D&B listeners, the electro kids, all of them, serial Limewire users. I'm not going to lie, I used to download music, before I really thought about music as an industry, rather than just a song. So I was delighted to learn about a new venture called Why Music Matters.

This 'movement' has been created by artists, retailers, songwriters, labels and managers and has the purpose of "reminding consumers of the significance and value of music". Ironically, the medium in which they are raising awareness of this value is through the use of short films. They concentrate on artists throughout history who have changed cultures or had particular impact through their music. Including artists ranging from The Fron Choir to The Jam to Kate Bush, they overtly want to raise awareness of legitimate music services, how beautiful music is as art and in the end and stamp out the ever increasing illegal downloads.

For me, a particular pleasure of the campaign, is their direction. They propel a knowledge of the industry, a deep rooted understanding of music and music production and are targeting the attitude rather than the action. There have been various other movements against illegal downloads, but took the direction of criticism and anger towards the 'downloader'. Why Music Matters seem to have understood that this is not the correct path. They are merely trying to shed light on well, why music matters. By reminding people of that, they hope the potential file sharers will become real music fans. Their passion is infectious.

They are raising awareness about their venture via the medium of social media. It is clear that more than anything, they do not resent 'downloading' and are aware of the shift in the industries core marketplace, as long as it isn't illegal. It is this peaceful not preachful attitude that I respect more than anything. Their means of action is merely a trademark. "The trust mark is a widespread certification scheme which identifies legitimate music services."

We live in an increasingly digital world. 19 out of every 20 tracks downloaded are done so illegally. Why Music Matters work on the attitude that they, music fans, are legitimately supporting the artists, musicians, songwriters and everyone involved in creating the music when it is downloaded.

I am happy to announce this is my first excitable, positive (sort of) article about something I hope will truly take off. As a music fan myself, not a pop-puppet, but a music fan, I live in hope.

Recession Depression

2010-03-15T11:16:00.003+00:00

The following article is my first attempt at travel writing and I like to feel it is a fairly original and different “Clutterance” on journey writing than you may have read before. Ultimately, I have discovered the most conclusive, eye opening and brutal truth on the reason for travelling in the first place. This reason is as follows; England is shit. Oh how the nationalists would beat me down for that statement, but I don’t care, not in the slightest. I’m not even talking about scenery, or food, or wine, or coffee, or technology, or events, or even the weather. I am talking about the people. What an even more powerful eye opener it was for me to be surrounded by people with at least a basic understanding of the importance of being polite. I bloody loved Canada.

As my brother and I left for the airport early doors I realised two things. One - I hadn’t charged my iPod, and two - I didn’t have any headphones. Alarm bells were ringing that I couldn’t listen to my music or my podcasts for a 10ish hour flight, so I decided to pass the time by looking at the people around me. Much like an inquisitive child I looked around wide-eyed and tried to learn from, and about my surroundings. “People, people everywhere and not a smile to see.”

Astonishing really, that I was in a place that was about to launch the majority of people on holiday and everyone seemed so disappointed and almost angry to be there. I was painfully aware that everyone was walking around, worried. “Have I got my passport?” – it’s in a plastic wallet, in a rucksack, with a lock on it. The most over secured, most pre-packed and most likely to be unforgotten document in the world! Relax people, you know where it is. I noticed people lumbering massive bags around the terminal moaning about the weight of them and how they don't want to pay a pound for the trolley. Again, two things; firstly its ONE POUND! Secondly, YOU GET IT BACK!

Moaning, complaining, sighing, sour-faced, miserable British people. Even the children seemed like a dose of sugar and stealing their nose wouldn't cheer them up - it always worked for me. Furthermore I could tell that people around me were looking at me and thinking; "he's wearing a hat? A beanie hat? Indoors? He must be trouble! Alert, alert, avoid, AVOID!". As though my hat was some sort of universal symbol for CRIMINAL! It was a bloody nice hat too.

Anyway, as my brother and I waded through the people, carefully avoiding any light brushing of someone's bags for fear of being hit or arrested, we began our queue to check-in. What a joyous occasion. Greeted by a face like a slapped arse, the woman behind the desk obviously hadn't heard about service with a smile. As my brother handed over our little print out ticket - in immaculate condition I might add - having removed it from the little plastic hiding place that it found itself in, it was though he handed over an image of some sort of interracial, midget orgie. She honestly looked like someone had punched her in the ovary, hurt she was, upset, seemingly angry that she was about to have to do what is expected of her at work! Shock!

"Do you have any weapons, chemicals or sharp objects in your bag sir?" - What, other than my semi-automatic rifle, pipette of the SARS virus and some nail scissors? What a ridiculous question. NO i don't, and if I did, and I was a terrorist, i'm hardly going to admit it am I? Still, despite my incredulity at some of the stupidest questions I have ever been asked - "Have you packed the bag yourself sir?" - Nothing could waver my enthusiasm for the trip ahead. Eventually, bags weighed and excess baggage dropped off, we went through to the shopping bit. Still chirpy, full of excitement about the skiing and snowboarding ahead we went through to the room of bright lights and no clocks.

Much like a casino, an airport departures area basically never seems to sleep. Unlike a casino, it is full of people who don't want to be there. I walked into a few shops and got the impression that actually, contrary to popular belief, browsing the goods on show is frowned upon. Maybe it was my hat? Who knows. Disillusioned, we went for a coffee. I sat down with a proper coffee and my brother had a bit of coffee with a lot of gay - a vanilla latte. Anyway, in the queue I asked my him if he wanted a muffin, which incidentally he didn't, but everyone around me looked appalled. Talking, in a queue, is HATED! It was as though I had in fact stood there, dropped my pants and defecated on the floor. People literally turned their noses up at me that I had the audacity to speak in public. As it was my turn to order I somehow made the woman laugh! LAUGHTER! Like a blooming flower in a desert of grey misery, it was a small Costa Coffee miracle. I've no idea why she laughed, I think it was my facial expression as I ordered the vanilla latte, or it might have been my hat, but my god I was so happy she did. But then she spoke. Foreign. Before you seem shocked that i'm disappointed that a foreigner spoke, it is not for any BNP associated reasons, it's because the only happy person (other than my brother and I) that I had so far encountered on this day, in Britain, wasn't even British. This somewhat set the tone.

After we obtained our caffeine fix, we headed to our gate. Pretty long walk to be fair, but as we would be sat in a tin can for the next 10ish hours, I was savouring every step. Reaching the gate, I decided to look for a plug to charge my iPod as my ever so kind brother happened to have brought two pairs of headphones. Being unable to see a plug by my self, I decided to ask a lady behind the boarding desk. Another mistake. Absolute horror of horrors, I interrupted her conversation about handbags with her over moisteurised, shiny male cabin crew friend. God forbid that they were there to do anything other than mingle and talk to each other! I approached her cautiously, much like a wildlife explorer would do a rabid hyena (which incidentally is a pretty good likeness) and said; "hi, I was wondering if there was anywhere that I could possibly charge my iPod?" She then proceeded to look at me as though i'd actually walked up to her and said: "hi, I was wondering if I could put my iPod down your throat and pull it out your arse and dangle you around this room by the wire as some sort of human decoration?" - which in hindsight, I should have done. Anyway, her response was this; "Dunno, one of the post things near the shops might 'ave a plug". Thaaaaaaaaaanks! Granted at least she gave some sort of information, but it was like the words physically hurt her as they came out. In short, she was a miserable little bitch.

We eventually found a plug, but it didn't work so alas I had to read - The Biography of Bill Hicks if you're asking. Eventually, we began boarding our plane, "our big ticket was turned into a little ticket" and we were then given the ever so pointless instructions of how to find a seat on a plane. "Oh thank you, I would have been stuck in the bathroom otherwise". As the stewardesses shepherd us onto the plane with a combination of regretful glances and halitosis we took our seats. I was actually pleasantly surprised with my seat on Monarch. Enough legroom and an empty seat next to me regenerated my enthusiasm back to a top, top level. A few games of poker (without chips, so basically all-in and see what happens) a couple of films, a bit of reading and 10ish hours of people watching. There was a distinct lack of friendliness from staff to passenger throughout the journey, with our plane food (the worst kind of food) slapped on our tray tables like a convict on Green Row being thrown their last meal. "Tea or coffee sir?" She says, and looks at me like a detective would interrogate a suspect... "Ooh, coffee please, thanks very much" I say, offering my little plastic cup with a smile....."This is tea, coffee will be down later" she says, swatting my cup away from her like some sort of fly in the air. I wasn't even wearing my hat at this point.

When we landed, we left the plane in somewhat of a hurry. Although the plane itself wasn't too bad, I almost felt like one of the policemen on "Con Air", after the plane had been hijacked. Alas, we were in Canada, I could see the mountains in the distance and my god was I excited. Shattered, but excited. Welcome to Canada it read overhead as we walked through the terminal, that is one thing we certainly were, welcome.

In the UK at passport control, it feels as though you have done something wrong when they read the passport, in Canada they ask the security questions with a smile and tell you to have fun. Nobody posed any threatening glances or unwelcome questions but merely tried to speed up the process as much as possible and wish us a good trip. In fact, the only negative about queuing for passport control was some idiot pushing past everyone! And guess what, he was British.

For the duration of the week on the mountains every time we held open the door for a Canadian, we received thanks, when we said thank you ourselves, we received a "your welcome". It was incredible. The difference in how to treat people was truly astonishing. Bus drivers were friendly, bar staff didn't resent us, the guy in the rental shop didn't actually try and force a sale, he just gave advice! It was amazing. Granted we were surrounded by views that included the following:

And;

And finally:

So yes, where we were had sights beautiful enough to cheer up even the grumpiest of individuals, but the whole trip certainly put into perspective how miserable most of the UK seems in my eyes. Some of you may not agree, you may surround yourselves with beautifully positive people, and if you do, I envy you. I appreciate the irony that my entire blog is a moan about moaning, but seriously, why are people in Britain so rude? People in clubs who walk around looking for fights, bar staff who actually dislike you for ordering a drink, and don't get me started on the police!

We seem to live in an antisocial society. We live in a judgmental, unfriendly and guilty until proven innocent culture. I just want to know why. Could it be the recession has actually left a depression?

Please Robin, no Tax in this Hood

2010-02-22T13:03:00.000+00:00

Everyone loves the story of Robin Hood - stealing from the dishonest rich to feed the hard working undervalued poor is a beautiful story, if a little hypocritical. We men enjoy watching the sword fights, stunts, clever little traps (hiding under the leaves? Brilliant) and women in corsets while we enjoy imagining ourselves being a 'real man' outside fighting for survival. Women, and I researched this, like the rugged men protecting their wives and of course, Kevin Costner. As soon as I heard there was a tax being named after such a beautiful story, I thought to myself "awesome, this sounds a bit exciting'. Then I read that was essentially targeting bankers - those of you that have read my previous clutterances will appreciate i'm not their biggest fan - and thought to myself "taxing the bankers to help those less fortunate - GENIUS! However, if you're reading this and thinking wow a 'positive outlook' on something, think again, it isn't.

As Bill Nighy sits there, looking and sounding like the stereotypical squirmy banker that we have all come to resent I listened to every single one of his words. One of my favourite actors tell us of the three fairly succulent birds that The Robin Hood Tax aims to kill with one stone.

Higher taxes on the wealthy and therefore reducing inequality.
A curb on speculation and financial market excesses.
More money for global public goods and aid.

Take nothing away from the objectives, they are all worthy of making some sort of effort but The Robin Hood Tax is not a good way to go about it. The allure of the title will mean that people will hastily become 'fans' on facebook, 'follow' on Twitter and in the end, vote yes. This shows the power of clever branding and the naivety of social media users. The Robin Hood Tax could arguably be called "Class War Tax' - far less appealing when you think about it.

One of the many pulling points of the campaign is that speculators will pay the taxation and nobody else, which to be blunt, is incorrect. Think of it this way, does Richard Branson personally pay your airline passenger tax when you fly Virgin? No. When a tax targets something or someone directly, it will always be spread out and moved on elsewhere, that is life. Nobody knows how or who will end up paying the financial transactions tax, but it is most likely to be a customer of some sort. People who are customers of firms, or companies that use the financial markets, or those of us who are saving and investing in financial assets will end up bearing the costs. Which, when you think about it, is nearly all of us. When I saw the proposition I certainly thought to myself that any way of making the bankers drinking less champagne is a good thing, but don't kid yourself, there will be no fewer corks popped. Although they may be snobby, webbed footed, six fingered aristocrats, they are definitely intelligent enough to figure out how to make the payments minimal to their assets.

Without sitting back and thinking about how The Robin Hood Tax will actually go about raising shed loads of money for good causes, one can be excused for merely reading the headline. However, the concept of 'aid' is far more complex than just helping those less fortunate. Under the current government, with the criminal Gordon Brown being the biggest culprit - and he is a criminal, but that is for another day - the budgeting of the tax payers money is incredibly poorly organised. The current government are spending a pitiful amount of money on aid relative to need. We should be making a concerted effort to reduce poverty, increase health care, education and employment but the Labour government is not doing so. Aid is a small fraction of overall spending and could be raised in other ways than introducing another tax. The current limited state of aid is NOT due to a lack of available funds, but because there is no agreement or organised structure to what to actually do with it. Far too many people believe - wrongly in my opinion - that aid merely transfers money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries, which in turn then disappears from where it is needed due to corruption or general waste. The Robin Hood Tax is described as a 'good tax' that is worthwhile, yet it could end up being such a monumental let down. A good tax is not just one that nobody notices - something that The Robin Hood Tax is being described as - but one that discourages people from doing bad things and encourages people into doing good (therefore improving societies economic state). It seems the founders of The Robin Hood Tax are aiming to bypass public opinion on aid by 'taxing the rich' and assuming that the public will not ask too many questions. The point we should be discussing is what to do with the money raised for aid, but The Robin Hood Tax would just mean that the extra funding raised would just fall to people who don't allow any public insight or choice.

Furthermore, there is the problem with inconsistency. Whether the money raised from a new tax on the financial sector increases funds for international aid or domestic needs, it will not remain a constant. The nature of the financial market is that it is cyclical. How can we possibly see a cyclical marketplace as a good way of raising money for aspects of 'life' that are so important. Essentially the result would be that while we are in an economic boom, aid would increase due to the quantity of money changing hands, however, during a recession for instance, exactly the opposite would occur and the people who need aid, would be left with nothing. Aid should be the opposite of this, above this, separate. It should remain consistent, well thought out, planned and effective, something the financial marketplace is clearly not.

Taxing financial transactions at that level is too blunt and too overt. These people are not stupid - though it pains me to say so - they will simply just move away. Big industries with big companies and big big UK headquarters will merely move location to avoid the tax. This brings to light two more faults of the proposition. Firstly, to work we need the companies we are trading with to be under the same tax rules - which they are not. International Robin Hood Tax would be even more difficult to undertake. If we put the tax on our industries, people would just stop trading with the UK. In addition to this, or because of this, UK companies would relocate. Unfortunately, though the masses down the economic ladder resent big business and industry professionals, our economy needs them. The revenue IS helping the UK, perhaps not enough, but it is doing more good than harm. To start targeting those at the helm of it will mean they will move their business to another country, therefore leaving the UK with nothing. This would increase unemployment, reduce valuable funds, weaken the pound even further and generally weaken the economy, which in turn would reduce aid, the very thing the tax was set up to increase.

The people who have founded and formed the idea of this tax have their heart in the right place. I have no criticism for their aim, merely the method. It seems however, that The Robin Hood Tax is a fascinating example of emotion defeating logic and fact. It says 'lets have a tiny tax on the nasty people and raise money for good things' and who could possibly argue with that? Me.

To raise money effectively, it needs to be new money - which it isn't. It needs to be public knowledge as to what is being done with it - which it wouldn't be. It needs to be organised effectively - which it won't be. The Robin Hood Tax is more an example of clever PR and marketing than anything else. Full marks for purpose, but an overall fail because of their method.

Same old Terry, always Cheating!

2010-02-05T11:33:00.000+00:00

Anyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that I love football, perhaps an unhealthy amount. I’ll be the first to stand up for the sport in the classic Football VS Rugby row and which is “better” – obviously rugby teams are full of people who couldn’t make the football team so went to the gym. Anyway that’s not my point. Everywhere we look at the moment, front page and back page news is dominated with J.T, John Terry. At first I posted thoughts that his little affair shouldn’t matter in ‘footballing’ terms and that it was crazy the amount people seemed to care. However, I recently asked if anyone wanted me to look at anything particular to write about and the response I got was the John Terry scandal. So I did, and now I have changed all my opinions. Except about rugby.

In short the sport is a bloody disgrace. The sport is not full of sportsmen any more, but celebrities. I heard a lady phone a radio station about the matter and told the broadcaster that her young son, a Chelsea fan, used to idolize Terry and now “is really upset that he’s not a nice man”. That to me was fairly brutal. Young boys, and girls for that matter, hold their favourite footballers in such high regard that any sort of let down can be pretty demoralizing. We keep hearing the standard cheaters response; “everyone makes mistakes” and “his private life should remain private”. It’s the latter that frustrates me the most. We, as society are meant to celebrate and cheer whenever a footballer does something good, which is becoming a rarity, but not be told when he does something bad? To hell with that, I say we continue the “witch hunt” that Stuart Pearce calls it. The more negative attitudes we can show towards adultery, perhaps the less it will occur. The amount of honourless, short of morals, dishonest and unfaithful people we are surrounded by is ridiculous. John Terry is one of these people, and yet we are meant to feel confident in his ability to lead our country in a world cup? Ridiculous. I’d like to point out as well, that this is not his first offense, below is a brief breakdown of his career.

2001: Terry and his Chelsea team-mates Frank Lampard, Eidur Gudjohnsen and Jody Morris were accused of insulting behaviour in front of American tourists a day after the September 11 terror attacks on the United States. Chelsea fined each of the quartet two weeks' wages.

2002: Terry and Morris were charged with assault and affray following an incident in a London nightclub.
Both men were later cleared but Terry, then yet to make his England debut, missed that year's World Cup after the Football Association said they would not consider him for selection until the court case was concluded.
Chelsea fined both Terry and Morris for being out late less than 48 hours before an FA Cup third round tie at Norwich.

2009: Terry's mother Sue and mother-in-law Sue Poole were both cautioned by police for shoplifting.

2009: Terry's father Ted accused of passing drugs to an undercover newspaper reporter.

2009: A public relations company appointed by Terry's agents touted for commercial endorsements on his behalf based on his role as England captain.

2009: Terry caught giving unauthorised personal guided tours of Stamford Bridge at £10000 a time.

2009: Newspapers successfully challenged a gagging injunction which allowed them to report allegations that married father of two Terry had had an affair with the ex-girlfriend of former Chelsea team-mate Wayne Bridge, and forced the mistress to have an abortion.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this was merely 10% of our leaders misdemeanours.

I will offer another “however” though. One aspect of football might mean that his affair is irrelevant, look at his teammates. People have said that the team is full of potential captains, so as was requested of me, I had a look.

Steven Gerrard – England’s vice captain

Above is good old Stevey G living a stereotype. Lets assess Gerrard as a candidate for captaincy and what he stands for....violence. Accounts of the event in question tell of Gerrard walking around to behind the bar to serve himself his own drinks with his friends. The cocky, arrogant asshole, why should he be allowed to do that? Then confronted about something completely frivolous by some other immature idiot, instead of realising his position in the public eye, and understanding the responsibility of his role, he quite literally beat the man to a pulp. If you’ve seen the footage, you’ll agree that it’s actually quite brutal. Obviously he got off, because money talks.

Wayne Rooney – England’s Star Man

Here he is, the scummy little chav. Where do we even begin with this little Shrek. The lad, who comes from a family including drug dealers, murderers and the general skanks of society is England’s great hope for the world cup. Oh dear, what a great ambassador for the country, the individual embodiment of everything chav. This guy likes to pay old prostitutes for sex. Charming. "I now regret it deeply and hope people may understand that it was the sort of mistake you make when you are young and stupid," he said in a statement, I’m young, I’m stupid, I don’t shag granny brass you dickhead. If he became captain, his idea of a team building exercise would be 40 Superkings, some cider, a fight and then spending the night in either the local brothel or retirement home. What an excellent candidate.

Rio Ferdinand – Our ‘rock’ at the back

There he is, the man tipped to partner the lovely John Terry at the back. What a team, the cheat and the criminal. Awesome. This fella’ loves to drink enough alcohol to float a battle ship and then drive home at crazy speeds with reckless abandon. In 1997, he was caught drink-driving after celebrating his selection for the England squad. The result: banned from driving for a year, fined £500 and dropped from the squad. Ferdinand was dropped from the England squad again for Euro 2000 after a drunken holiday with England midfielder Kieron Dyer. The pair videoed themselves having sex with a series of girls. Following this lovely incident, Ferdinand was also required to give evidence at Leeds Crown Court in the trial of a man accused of indecently assaulting a barmaid, the player admitted going on a drinking binge and jumping on a parked Land Rover. During the court case he also admitted drinking champagne with a convicted drug dealer known as Reds. Don’t worry, there is more. In a separate case he was banned from driving for six months after being caught speeding for the third time in three years. In June he was accused of manhandling a hotel employee at England's training camp in Spain. Wait a minute, I’ve forgotten something…. Oh yeah he clearly loves a bit of powder. An independent tribunal found the Manchester United defender guilty of misconduct after he failed to take a test on 23 September, 2003. He was then banned and ended up missing Euro 2004. Mind you he probably loved the time off so he get some serious catch up with his mate Charlie.

These are the 3 main candidates according the press. Others include Ashley Cole, who similarly to John Terry is about as faithful as an atheist investment banker and has as many morals as a certain Adolf Hitler. Gareth Barry has even been touted, but ask Villa fans about his integrity and questions will be asked. He also doesn’t seem to have the presence on the pitch to be a good captain. It is apparent that the England football team is full of less than satisfactory members of our society, and this ultimately might be its saviour. Lead by an unfaithful ‘gladiator’ we could go into battle with other nations with a team of animals. Which combined with their undeniable skills as footballers means that this world cup may indeed be our best chance for a while.

At the end of the day John Terry has explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

Making noise about Social Media and Music

2010-02-03T14:03:00.002+00:00

Since I started blogging in a personal capacity, I have written "abusive" takes on things that annoy me, or about aspects of social media that I have found interesting. However, the following is a fairly interesting – if I do say so myself – look at what social media is doing to, and for, the music industry. This is my least opinionative post yet (sort of) and I have thoroughly enjoyed the research I have put into it. Hopefully, you will find it at least a little bit interesting.

The beauty of this article, if I can call it beautiful, is that all my research and interviews were done through the medium of social media and was therefore put together much faster than could otherwise have been possible. The overall focus of this piece of work is drawing on a quote from Lily Allen of all people, who claimed that social media and file sharing is “cutting out vital funds for new artists before their careers have even properly begun”. This got me thinking. About Lily Allen ;). But then I thought about what she had actually said and decided I didn’t know whether I agreed or not. So, I got to work. I started by posting Allen’s quote as a question to a friend of mine (who will remain anonymous) working for a major record label. The reply I got was as follows;

“I would say that social media and file sharing have both  positive and negative effects on the careers of new artists and the key  to success is finding the right balance.  Social media allows artists to  connect spontaneously, quickly and emotionally with their audience and  helps build a stronger relationship with potential consumers.  Giving  away music can be a beneficial tool in turning these potential consumers  into actual ones but the problem arises when music fans start to get  the impression that music is or should be free.  File sharing is no  longer deemed to be immoral when in fact it is exactly that”.

As a starting point for me this interview served to enhance my desires to look at this topic in more detail. I would certainly agree that people are mistaken with the idea that music should be free. I think if you can, you should pay for it. By rewarding your favourite artists, the likelihood is that they will make more music – which is ultimately what we want. As a recent, although avid Twitterer, I began to assess my own uses of social media with regards to music and who I follow. I then realized that this ranged from mega famous artists like 50 Cent, to known - and excellent I might add - bands such as Kid British (@kidbritishmusic) and finally to relatively unknown artists such as Kate McGill (@katem3). I have absolutely no idea how I found the latter, but I did, and then I followed the links to her Youtube account where she releases her music. She is, in short, a fantastic talent and has a very small following. However I realized that other than through social media, how else would I have been aware of her content?

I began therefore to form the argument of art versus business. Music in an art form without question, and yet it seems more and more to be about business. Unfortunately for many talented musicians such as Kate McGill it may be the case that the people in power, i.e. record labels are looking for artists that are more like puppets than performers. In the words of Joe Budden;

“Got bigger issues, if you went to Def Jam would you notice, if they were out for my best interest, or do they just see a dollar in Joseph?”

So the assessment continues. Does social media indeed cut these valuable funds, or does it allow them to generate a fan base they can then use in their arsenal at a later date? To continue my investigation – and it bloody well is an investigation – I decided to attempt to contact an artist in the industry. The person I got hold of, and am delighted to say so, is UK Rapper, Akira The Don.

According to BBC Wales, Akira The Don is “a politically-literate, mischievous blogger and rapper from North Wales, once signed to Interscope Records.”

What a beautifully brief introduction. By the way, in case you didn’t know, Interscope records is a label famous for two of the biggest “recruits” in the music industry, 50 Cent and Eminem. Yet here I am, an unknown ‘bloggernalist’ with a passion for music, talking to someone who has quite literally sat at the top and scrapped at the bottom of the music industry food chain.

I asked, in A-Level like English, “What are your views on the argument that social media and file sharing is cutting out vital funds for new artists before their careers have even begun?”

The response I received was;

“Well, in short, I think that is complete bollox!”

A fairly conclusive and certainly brief statement and perhaps the shortest interview ever was on the cards. However, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Akira then went on to say;

“I am the proof” and that he was “happy to elaborate if necessary.”

I was happy to prompt him to tell me more, and upon telling him that the question was lifted from a quote from Lily Allen as well as asking him “whether he thought social media can or has helped you personally as an artist?” The reply was more than I could have bargained for, and the man who doesn’t know me from Adam – or Alphabet for that matter – said this;

“Well,  for a start I'd say it's the internet that's helped me, rather  than just social media - its been having my OWN website all these years  that's been the most important thing.  Social media has helped make  people aware of the stuff I've been doing on that website, since 2004,  and continues to help keep people aware of its progress and development.  Having my own website helped to get me an audience from the very start,  which meant that when I signed to a major label, I already had an  audience, who knew what I was about, so there was no chance of the  company being able to change me at all, or dictate the direction of my  music, or anything else I was doing. 

And then, when the record company said they wouldn't release my album as  it was, I didn't have to change it, and I wasn't ruined - I already had  my audience, and I had my recording equipment, and I had my website.  I  could carry on working, and building, regardless.  I could sell CDs,  and T-Shirts, and shoes, and high quality MP3 bundles (like this one! http://bit.ly/7cyZwn!  Cop now and get  an exclusive song!) to make money to support myself.  I could make my  own cartoons and videos, albums, EPs and mixtapes, and I could release  them and market them all myself, via the internets, and with the help of  social media.

Without the internet, and without social media, I would have been at the  mercy of the record companies.  Which means my first album would NEVER  HAVE COME OUT.  I would most likely be a jobbing cartoonist now, or a  music journalist still (although, saying that, it was online that gave  me my first break writing, after I set up an online fanzine back in  '97...) As it is, THANKS TO the internet, and social media, my friends,  my peoples, and my refusal to quit, I have a full time career as a  musician.  I make less money than a road-sweeper, or a librarian, or a  supply teacher, but I am doing what I love every day, I'm getting better,  and I'm building...  and one of these days, one of these songs is  going to make me a ton of cash, and I am going to build a beautiful city  in the sky and you can all come and live in it.

Now, did I mention that T-Shirt and MP3 bundle?! http://bit.ly/7cyZwn !”

And there you have it, an in depth opinion from someone who knows what they’re talking about. This extrovert, media-savvy and hugely entertaining musician who is actually living the very situation that Allen said social media would kill. Upon assessing both thought provoking interviews I have shown, I began to form my own opinion. It comes down to what the reasons for making music may be, and also what kind of artist you are. There is no denying that the charts are usually dominated by performing artists who other than occasionally having good singing voices, have absolutely no sense of artistry. These people, owned by the glorified salesmen such as Simon Cowell are running the music industry. From the utterly laughable canvases that are JLS, to the abundance of Indie Cindy bands that use generic chords and try and hide behind their overly straightened haircuts, one thing is obvious; their content is record label produced. Their music is created to make sales not make art. Essentially my point is that if you are in the music industry to make money then perhaps social media is not the ideal path to take. However, if you’re in the industry to create music that not only entertains, but provokes thought and breaks down barriers like artists such as Akira The Don and Scroobius Pip amongst others, then social media may be the greatest tool for music lovers to find you, and in the end, follow you.

As I said at the beginning of the article, all my interviews were obtained and carried out through the medium of social media and that in itself is proof to me that it can, and indeed has, helped me alone in many ways.

For more information and entertainment from any of the artists mentioned, please follow the following;

@akirathedon, @katem3, @scroobiuspipyo. @kidbritishmusic

Please do not follow JLS or anything of that ilk.

Language and The Digital Revolution

2010-01-20T10:21:00.001+00:00

I recently read Ariane Sherine's article in The Guardian about the exclamation mark and how 'text talk' is a "crime." Firstly. it was posted in August 2008 so perhaps in the two years since then she may have grown out of her naivety. I doubt it. Before I go on, feel free to read her article here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/nov/03/comment-and-debate-punctuation

The first thing that struck me upon reading this is how overtly she is part of the problem I tackled in my earlier post: "The Mannerless VS The Forgotten Generation." It is clear to me that the English Language is one of the many topics that serve as an avenue for people to convey their snobbery. I have no problem with other people venting their opinions, except when they are wrong. She talks with such overt arrogance I find it offensive. Before reading her article I had no idea that there was a 'board of language' somewhere in England - probably Buckinghamshire - that meet up and decide what's right and wrong about other people's use of language, while they sit on thrones, eating foie gras and olives, casually spitting the stones into the mouths of their working class servants. Ariane Sherine is chairwoman of this committee; she carries a solid gold dictionary, a sign reading "I went to grammar school therefore i'm better than you" and wears a hat made from the skin of the local comprehensive schoolchildren. The small mindedness in which people all to readily criticise the various uses of language and its development is ridiculous.

Language evolves in time like everything else - except perhaps time itself - and does so for a number of reasons. It is clear that the written and spoken word is culturally reflective and holds a beautiful insight into the societies in which we live in. All too often change is seen as a bad thing and is criticised for being incorrect. The attitude of "Why fix it if it isn't broken?" is so boring. I say look at it, congratulate it, smash it up and try and make it better. It seems to me that people from certain generations are so content with stagnation and what they like to call 'tradition' that they continually try to squash development. Language is no different from technology, in fact it is technology. Evolution is what life is all about, we all evolved from apes - some more than others (Susan Boyle) - and who knows what we'll develop to in the next hundred millennia, but language will be a fundamental part of it. By all accounts I agree with her point that;

"All writers, avid readers and logophiles have at one point sighed in incredulous frustration at some scrawled misdemeanour, from misspelt signs to graffiti ardently declaring "JACK LOVE'S RACHEL."

This is just incorrect every way you look at it - it is not evolution, it is stupidity. Sherine's article claims to be targeting the overuse of the exclamation mark and gets an article in The Guardian for it! The Guardian!!!!!!!!! That's ridiculous!!!!!! My gripe with her article is her secondary topics of 'text talk', abbreviations and emoticons. She describes them as "textual atrocities" and gives the example of 'OMG' amongst others, likening them to 'viruses'. She is blind to the beauty of them. I bet she read Anthony Burgess' "A Clockwork Orange" gagging, with a red marker pen in hand, a frown on her face and a Collins Dictionary ripped to shreds on the floor while she tries frantically to check all the spelling mistakes. I'm sure that she didn't stop once to marvel at the genius of this manipulation of language.

Language is powerful, beautiful and fascinating. It is the original form of problem solving, people often say "anything is possible if you just talk about it" and this is so true. In modern day society we are constantly being given more and more innovative platforms to do just that - talk. From forum posts to blogs to a well worded tweet we can talk to thousands of people in an instant. The word 'instant' is the operative word there, we are required to express information as fast as possible. It is the ways of the world that are influencing language, not an age group or social class that people may suggest. Social media is the fastest information tool around and is a competitive market (nobody is reading this for example). Ultimately the challenge set is to say as much as possible in as few characters as you can. Is this not a brilliant thing, social media is challenging people to use ingenuity with language and drum up interest. There isn't time to write how people used to, if I wanted to inform a friend that I would be seeing them later, I would not write:

"Oh dearest acquaintance of mine, I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that later on this fine day I shall indeed convene with your wondrous self."

I'll write: "cul8r."

Done, in a fraction of the time! The same information is sent, the same plans have been made and everyone knows about it faster. Sherine also tackles the idea of an emoticon. Is she the most depressing person ever? :( poor Sherine. An emoticon is genius, its a tiny piece of art in an otherwise literary world. Even if you don't use them yourself, it is sometimes nice to receive one, or create your own. In this fast paced world it is difficult to convey emotion a lot of the time, an emoticon solves that problem brilliantly. The evolution of language is part of the evolution of society not the death of it. I say write how you want, write what you want and have a good laugh doing it.

So tnx v much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :P

Getting started on Twitter

2010-01-18T10:57:00.003+00:00

Time to Tweach Twitter to Twits

Recently I have been posting more opinionated, informal articles and getting nowhere. The following is merely a 15 step guide to Twitter to help people out when they get started. Hopefully someone will find this helpful!

1. Let’s go! Visit www.twitter.com and click on the ‘Get Started – Join!’ button and let us begin. Enter a username, password and email address, then click ‘I accept’ and then, ‘create my account’.

2. Friends? Twitter will now ask you to invite your friends, if you have any! These will be imported from one of the supported services: Googlemail, Hotmail, Yahoo, AOL or MSN.

3. You’re in. Let’s sort out your stuff out. On your Twitter home page, click the link that says ‘settings’. Pan down the page and enter your full name in the appropriate place and check all the other fields are in order. You can also enter your website here which will be visible on your profile. Don’t check ‘protect my updates’ as this will limit the amount of people seeing your tweets as only those whom you approve will see them!

4. What do you look like? Click ‘settings’ and then also click the subheading, picture. You’re picture can be anything from your ugly mug to a cartoon, but try to get something noticeable, you’ll be amazed how many people will click a picture that provokes interest.

5. Give a dog a phone! Twitter is great if you’re on your phone. Once more enter the world of ‘settings’ except this time click on the ‘mobile’ tab. On your phone, add a contact called Twitter and save the number 86444. Now text the word START to this number, and you should receive a confirmation that it is set up – now you can tweet everywhere! (note: Twitter does not charge for this service. It's just like sending and receiving text messages with your friends — your carrier's standard messaging rates apply.)

6. Follow some Fellows. Go to the ‘find people’ tab in the top right of the page. Here search for people you know, friends, family, celebrities, companies, whoever you think is on Twitter. You can search for them using their first name, last name, or Twitter username. You can also do a much more advanced search i.e. by location – its not necessary though! If you want to, you can now ‘follow’ the twitterers who appear on your search results. Now you can see what they tweet on your homepage!

7. Time to tweet! Think of your home page as a room full of people, it’s a conversation. When you want to say something, write it in the box at the top saying “What’s happening?” When you’ve written it, all the people who follow you will read what you have written. That’s a tweet!

8. Replies. If you want to reply or direct to your tweets to one person in particular but want everyone to see what you’ve said add a little @ symbol before their Twitter name and then say what you want.

Eg: “@rustyrockets you’re new DVD is very much overrated!”

Those twitterers not following you or rustyrockets (Russel Brand) will not see what’s been said, but everyone else will. Using the @ symbol you can also reference people to get their attention.

Eg: “I’m going to grab lunch at Pizza Express with @wossie and @ladygaga”

This would attract the attention of those mentioned and anyone referenced. Referenced accounts are also clickable links so anyone who sees the name mentioned are able to click it and find their way to the page, thus being able to choose to follow them as well – Genius!

9. Lets get direct! Twitter also offers direct messaging. This can be done by clicking the “direct message” tab on the side of the profile of whoever it is you want to message. Alternatively, you can write “d” and then the name of the twitterer to send a private message to their twitter inbox on their homepage. Direct messages are private and can only be seen by the users that are involved.

10. Hash can be good for you! Hash keys (#) are like forums or questions. If you create a hash key comment, everyone who enters the same hash key will have their tweet shown collectively. Then, when someone clicks the hashkey, all results talking about the content will be visible on one page. These are known as trending topics, and the ones with the biggest following are shown at the side of your home page.

Eg: “#favouriteboysname” is David from one person would show up on the same page as “#favouriteboysname is Michael”.

11. Tweet twice as much! Now you’re familiar with what’s really going on, start tweeting properly. The first thing to remember is that you can’t write anything longer than 140 characters. This might not seem like many, but it’s more than enough! Be brief, be snappy, be clever.

12. What to Tweet? Content is arguably the most important thing to master. There are certain tweety traditions that you’ll notice the more you use Twitter. The language is a blend of proper English and informalities. I think Twitter itself has its own jargon of sorts. Try to get someone’s attention through a funny line, interesting quote, or shocking yet inoffensive tag line. Remember that each tweet is a self-branding tool; so think about how you want to be perceived. Also – Be Careful. Don’t say “going to the shops quickly, kids alone in the house asleep on sofa so won’t be longer than an hour.” Mind you- probably shouldn’t be doing that anyway.

13. Retweets! This is what you want. A retweet is when something you say is enjoyed so much by one of your followers that they decide to pass the information on to their followers using a retweet. This means that what you’ve said reaches everyone who can see your profile and everyone who reads the person who’s retweeted it! A retweet is almost like a little award, obtaining one can snowball and before you know it you’ve reached hundreds maybe even thousands of people! To retweet someone else’s content should you choose to, look under the post you want to do it to and click the button saying “retweet” – job done! By retweeting others people should be appreciative and take more notice of what you are saying. Remember, do onto others as you wish done onto you.

14. Links. By posting links, whether a youtube video, article or funny story, people will start to look to you for more of the same. Due to the 140 character limit URL’s can often take up too many. This is why URL shorteners have been created. I personally use bitly.com but there are others out there. Simply visit www.bitly.com and enter the URL you want to relink on twitter into the box provided. For instance;

http://funnyjokesblog.blogspot.com/2009/06/why-men-are-never-depressed.html would take up far too many characters, but when put into bitly.com it becomes;

http://bit.ly/8UFxFn

Much better.

15. Pick your Pics. Although not fundamentally appreciated for sharing pictures, that’s Facebook territory, Twitter does offer this function. To do so, visit www.twitpic.com and log in using your Twitter account. Here you follow the instructions to upload pictures from your computer, when it says ‘post this’ if you do, a link will automatically be tweeted on your Twitter account. Excellent.

Follow me at your own risk!

2010-01-14T12:07:00.003+00:00

As I looked at the clock reading 10.35am and took a sip of my 4th strong black cup of coffee and began feeling the twinges of restlessness and an overwhelming need to go to the bathroom again, I began questioning why I was looking at this post?

“Raining in La- this is not the deal. London has snow. SNOW! This better be Hollywood rain that tastes of lemonade and gives superpowers.”

This beautifully articulate and charmingly smug utterance is from none other than the delightfully articulate, intelligent and hilarious Russel Brand (@rustyrockets). I’m not ashamed – though perhaps I should be – that he is one of many celebrities that I ‘follow’ on good old Twitter. Yet I found myself becoming alarmingly jealous. I have never necessarily felt jealous of celebrities before, admirable and appreciative of their work yes, but not jealous. So as I sat there, blood boiling, eyes turning green I began to ask myself whether it is healthy for social networking to allow us constant updates on how exciting their lives might be when some of us are by the looks of things writing for our own eyes only.

Russel Brand and the others have at no point forced me to follow them, far from it in fact. He has absolutely no idea who I am - he has over 719,000 followers to my 32 – some of which probably don’t even know who I am anyway. I have replied to posts from Davina McCall, Fearne Cotton, Chris Moyles, Max Rushden, Jonathan Ross and good old RustyRockets, WHY? Is it some sort of desperate attempt for one of them to just put “@clutterances haha” so I can go to the pub and say, “Jonathan Ross found me funny today, what did you get up to?” – Maybe. Is it so that one of them might offer me a break into the entertainment industry by picking me out of the crowd and saying “You’ve got talent, have a job.” – Possibly. Is it because I, like so many others have to justify to myself that they’re not so different from us - just harder working and more talented? Undoubtedly. The press paints celebrities as aliens – although Lady Gaga might actually be one – yet in truth they’re definitely just people with jobs. Sure their jobs pay millions, they live in luxury, travel the world and have enough casual sex they could raise an army from aborted babies (Brand) but they also deserve it. I read Russel Brand’s Bookie Wook again this month and it is an excellent example of how focusing on what you want will result in your success, even if your focus is blurred from a concoction of heroin and hairspray. I imagine most celebrities will admit that a lucky break was certainly needed, but the difference is that because they knew what they wanted, they deserved it.

Twitter is a constant reminder of how much more successful you could have been, how relatively disappointing your own life is in comparison. This is an incredibly morbid realization of what Twitter can do - and I think myself an upbeat person, mind you Kerrie Katona thinks she’s thin – and therefore I question the healthiness of it. We’re constantly surrounded with celebrity gossip, television and all sorts of stories, so why insist on letting them dominate our social life too. Celebrities are not to blame in the slightest but why do I look? Why do I follow? Why do I care? WHY?! It seems that knowing what celebrities are doing is an addiction. Twitter is the dope fiend jacking celebrity toxins straight into your veins through your eyeballs and fingertips. Even the term ‘follow’ seems a bit filthy. It makes me feel like I am hiding in a dark corner somewhere with my pants round my ankles smelling like a computer and Twittering my little tweeter until my hands are raw, my eyes hurt, I have a headache and I can only offer one last status update before I fall into a deep, dirty slumber.

The fearful realization of this is when someone with bad intentions uses social networking to their advantage. Take this post from naughty little Russel Brand again:

“I just read that my tweets are the 3rd most influential in Britain. I will only use this power for good. Now send photos of your sex organs. “

I bet they did too.

Imagine if someone with less frivolous intentions than Russel Brand began being more and more influential? It is quite an alarming thought that social networking can truly have such an influence. I am willing to bet that it is only a matter of time before something bad is generated because of Twitter. I’m not sure the screening process of Twitter could work quickly enough to cull a threat when just with a celebrity retweet can turn your followers from “15 to over 200 followers in 5 minutes @trevorwesley” because of an endorsement from @rustyrockets.

So lets see whether following celebrities will help us, hinder us or hurt us in the future. 2010 could be an interesting year for social networking, it could reach new heights or could cause chaos. I guess we’ll have to sit back, watch and when it happens see whether in 140 characters we can generate a response from one of our favourite celebrities.

“The Mannerless” VS ‘The Forgotten Generation’ – Can Social Networking save the day?

2010-01-12T17:06:00.002+00:00

At university, Facebook was used to laugh at friends photos, organize drinking sessions and compete in those addictive little games they offer. Since graduating I have found myself so overtly effected by the economic crisis and the knock on effect it has had on the employment market that I find myself labeled under the umbrella of ‘The forgotten generation.’ However, those tools we used solely to socialize could now offer our salvation from the mire we find ourselves living in.

The old enjoy criticizing the young but this time they’ve gone too far. It is clear to me that the generation spanning 30-50 now have essentially shat all over those to come - and I’m not just talking about the bankers. Generally speaking, the generation who came before mine have no concept of manners, etiquette or respect, yet love to look down on us from their X5 driving, huge loan owing, DKNY be-speckled pedestal that they find themselves sitting on - selfishly cocking everything up and waiting for someone else to sort it out. It is they who have made appalling financial decisions on our behalf and have ruined the economy to such a degree that jobs are in short supply and unemployment is spiraling higher and higher out of control. What annoys me most is that the people we’ve set the task of saving the day are the very same who got us in this position to start with. I read recently that there is a strong campaign to make the retirement age older than 65, which will once again reduce the opportunities for the young. Ultimately I agree with the idea, it is true that we are a healthier and fitter society than before and that most of us have a perfect sense of mind at that age - so it is simple logic that the retirement age is pushed back. However, it is who is campaigning for this that annoys me. It is the very same snob filled generation that has already done enough damage and they’re doing this is to protect their own interests. Yet where roles the roles for the present are being protected, nothing seems to be being done to create new positions. This generation - who I would like to call “The Mannerless” - have created a world where opportunities are at an all-time low, yet I constantly see articles about how misguided and ill equipped my generation is for the world we graduate into.

A while back I saw a BBC interview with Sir Stuart Rose where he said that recent graduates don’t have the necessary skills for the working world. The way he said this rubbish it looked like he thought we were to blame, if it was true that is. Are we really to blame? That’s rhetorical by the way - no, we’re not. Our syllabuses are decided by “The Mannerless,” we are taught by “The Mannerless” awarded our grades by “The Mannerless” and then criticized and denied jobs by….”The Mannerless.”

All the time I have been driving, which I appreciate isn’t a massive amount of time – 5 years – 99% of people who pull out in front of me, don’t offer a thank you wave, never let me out, drive up my arse, overtake at ridiculous points of the road and just generally behave like utter prats are one of (you guessed it) “The Mannerless.” Ever held open a door only then to be ignored by the people passing through? “The Mannerless.” Ever worked in a shop and helped a customer only to be offered absolutely no appreciation for your help? “The Mannerless.” Ever applied for a job only to never receive any form of response? “The Mannerless.”

My point is this, if we live in a world where opportunities are limited and often decided by muppets, what chance do we have? My answer - Facebook.

Well actually, social networking in general is where we can find success. I don’t know a single person around my age not on Facebook, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t use Youtube at some point and more and more people are starting to realize the powers of Twitter. Our ability to network effectively online is what sets us apart from the average member of “The Mannerless.” Social media offers us a platform to make a name for ourselves. Industries are beginning to realize how massively important social networking could be to them and are actively seeking people who ‘know about it.’ Essentially our text-talk, picture sharing, status updating, socializing obsessed members of society, most of whom part of “The Forgotten Generation” are beginning to be required. Often criticized and accused as pointless by the small minded idiots out there who can’t get their sweaty little palms or bigoted naïve minds around social networking, we’re starting to bite back, one well worded status update at a time. With effective advertising being more and more needed, companies whose eyes are open wide enough to see past their current blinkered “mannerless” employees are starting to reap the rewards.

Ultimately it seems that we, “The Forgotten Generation” may be able to get past the prejudice thrown our way consistently by the utter clowns who came before us by merely being ourselves and doing what we do best – networking. It is apparent that as a consumer demographic, we are still targeted by advertisers and that slowly but surely people are beginning to realize that we are more useful to today’s business world than people like that Rose prick (sorry for the pun) would suggest. So people, keep adding those photos, updating your statuses, poking each other and soon we’ll be in a position to treat those around us a hell of a lot better than we have been.