As a reforming workaholic, I sometimes forget about my well-being. This week’s Tip by Michael Neill introduces the concept of standards and how they can help determine your behavior at work and in life.

Quote of the Week

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass.

– Terri Guillemets

A Question of Standards

By Michael Neill

I had a particularly interesting conversation with a coaching client this week. We were speaking about his ongoing sense that no matter how much progress he was making, it was still with a sense of six steps forward, five steps back. As he launched into another example of losing his bearings and getting stressed and wound up at work for the umpteenth time, it suddenly dawned on me that the problem wasn’t to do with a lack of knowledge or some inherent inability to fully grasp the import of what we were talking about – it was a question of standards.

A “standard”, as I am using the word, is an arbitrary line in the sand that determines what we consider to be acceptable and unacceptable in our world. When our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, or circumstances drop below a certain standard, it automatically triggers compensatory action on our part. As long as we remain at or above our current standard for something, it receives no further attention.

In this particular client’s case, it was very clear that he had a very high standard around work ethic.  Days blended into evenings and weeks into weekends if there were still things to do on his list, and no amount of coaxing would convince him that it was OK to just not do the work if it was there to be done.

Similarly, he had an extremely high standard around customer care, which is one of the things that had always impressed me about him. Whereas someone with a lower standard might consider that if a customer wasn’t complaining, they were happy, in his world the duty of the company is to look out for the best interests of the customer no matter what. While he stopped short of trying to force the customer’s hand in a particular direction, It would simply be unacceptable that that same customer might suffer when they had their eye off the ball, even if every court in the land would place the blame and responsibility firmly in that customer’s lap.

But, I pointed out to him, he had an extremely low standard for well-being. That is, he was perfectly willing to push himself beyond the pale for weeks at a time before it would even occur to him that maybe feelings of stress and pressure followed swiftly on by bouts of overeating and drinking might be subtle or even blatant indications of a drop in his overall level of peace, contentment, and well-being.

He quickly acknowledged the point, and immediately set about looking for ways to apply his high-level work ethic to the “problem” of raising his levels of well-being. Yet after some further discussion, it became apparent to both of us that standards are not the same as goals – once set, there is absolutely nothing to be done willfully in order to bring them about.

In the same way as water seeks its level, standards act as a kind of invisible magnet, automatically filtering our attention and directing our actions in their direction. If we are trying too hard to meet our own standards, it’s simply an indication that they’re not yet set – they’re more aspirational than actual.

While this is very much an ongoing exploration, what I’ve seen so far is that our standards set and reset themselves as we grow in awareness and consciousness. In other words, once I truly see the cost of a low standard for well-being, it automatically goes up and in time, my behavior will change accordingly. Whereas once it seemed perfectly normal for me to feel stressed for weeks at a time, my stress tolerance has reduced to the point where I can’t go much more than a few minutes before I’m pulling back to let my thinking settle before moving forward with whatever it is that I’m doing.

That reduced tolerance for stress is a sign of a higher standard for well-being. And since all standards are internal and arbitrary – that is, we make up our standards for ourselves, consciously or unconsciously and independent of any external authority or measure – our standard for well-being as individuals and as a society can continue to rise over time.

Michael Neill, Author of “Supercoach- 10 Secrets to Transform Anyone’s Life.”   Supercoach.com

Coaching Call To Action

I know I need to raise my standard of well-being.  To start, I’m thinking about what that means to me.  Next, I’ll put a plan in place to start (or stop) doing something to start the process.  How about you?  Where in your work or life do you want to raise your standards?  What does that look like for you?  What is the first step you will take to start raising the bar? 

This is the second of our two-part series about assumptions. When you assume something, you’re drawing a conclusion without concrete evidence to back it up. In Part One, we explored where assumptions come from and how they limit our success. In today’s post, we’ll take a look at how you can challenge your assumptions and keep them from getting in your way.

Quote of the Week

“If you hear a voice within you saying, “You are not a painter,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”

5 Ways To Overcome Your Assumptions

By Andrea Novakowski

Whenever you find yourself saying, “I can’t possibly…”, that’s a good indication you’re making an assumption. Are you truly incapable of doing that thing? Or are you merely imagining all the complications that might interfere with your goal?

Here are five ways to challenge this self-defeating habit.

Go ahead – dare to question your ideas of what you can and can’t do. You may be in for a pleasant surprise. Along the way, you might just discover parts of yourself you didn’t know existed.

Coaching Call To Action

If assumptions are getting in the way of your success, I welcome the opportunity to share The PaperRoom™ with you. The PaperRoom™ is a process that reveals the conscious and unconscious habits that determine your success on a daily basis. Through a unique facilitated coaching process, we’ll look deeply into your behavioral patterns and find those that work and those that don’t. Armed with this powerful data, you will be able to operate at your peak. Call or email if you’d like to learn more.

Creativity – one of those areas that “some” of us assume we’re not good at.  In this week’s Tip, Michael Bungay Stanier shares his very simple understanding of creativity.

Quote of the Week

“Creativity makes a leap, then looks to see where it is.”

The Rhythm of Creativity

By Michael Bungay Stanier

There’s a basic pattern, a rhythm, to the creative process, a backbeat driving the emergence of ideas:

You open up, expand possibilities and have ideas (out, expand, diverge, create).  Then you narrow your focus, close down the options, and make a choice (in, contract, converge, select).

And repeat. (Stanier, 2010, p. 109-110).

From:  Stanier, M.B. (2010).  Do more great work.  New York: Workman Publishing Company, Inc.

Reprinted with permission from the OSU Leadership Center, Ohio State University, Columbus, OH 43210, (614) 292-3114, http://leadershipcenter.osu.edu/

Coaching Call To Action

When I read Michael’s article, I laughed out loud and thought it was brilliant.  I love simple ideas that make a big difference.  As I sit down to write next week’s Tip, I will remember this rhythm.  And you?  What will you do to hone your creative process this week?  Share your ideas below. 

This is the first part of a two-part series about assumptions. What’s an assumption? It’s a belief that’s based on incomplete, unexamined, or outdated evidence. Today we’ll take a look at where assumptions come from and how they can limit your success. In part two, we’ll discuss how to challenge your assumptions and stop them from getting in your way.

Quote of the Week

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

3 Types of Assumptions That Could Be Holding You Back

By Andrea Novakowski

“I can’t possibly do this. It’s too hard.”

“This isn’t worth my time. It’s too easy.”

Do you frequently find yourself making judgments like these? If so, you may be a victim of your assumptions. Imagine if Thomas Edison had said, “Inventing the light bulb is too hard!” Or if Michael Jordan had decided practicing took too much time and had a slim chance of paying off, so why bother.

Our assumptions often come from events that happened long ago, during suggestible or vulnerable periods in our lives. Perhaps you were told as a kid that you couldn’t write or sing or draw. So now, when creative opportunities arise, you automatically tell yourself you can’t do it and don’t even try. A lifelong assumption can easily be based upon a single incident. I got a D on a paper I wrote for my 5th-grade science class. From that one poor grade, I drew the conclusion that I wasn’t good at writing – anything, ever.

This is what I mean by outdated evidence. The person I am today is not the person I was when I had that experience and formed that decision.

Sometimes assumptions are born in our environment. These are the toughest kind of assumptions to recognize, because they’re so powerfully reinforced by our parents, our teachers, our friends, our bosses and our co-workers. For instance, we have a pervasive belief in our culture that we need to be doing something every waking moment. Not just something, but something productive. It’s not acceptable to go for a leisurely walk or enjoy your lunch – no, you must be multitasking. You must talk on the phone with a client while you’re walking. Work at your desk while eating.

In reality, pausing in your workday helps you accomplish more (and it’s good for your mental health, too). When you take a break, it allows your brain to make connections that might not have been possible when you were consciously trying to solve a problem.

A third type of assumption springs from our instinctive dislike of the unfamiliar. When change comes along – and it always does – we treat it with suspicion. We dig in our heels and resist. We’ve set up our lives a certain way, and we don’t like surprises. Change taps into our fear of not being in control. When we’re not in control, everything feels out of control.

Suppose you know you can do the report faster and better than your new employee.  Heck, you’ve done it a hundred times. But if you don’t start delegating, you’re going to get further and further behind in your work. Sure, it feels risky to entrust the report to someone else – but you hired this person to provide support. Why not give the directions and see what happens? You never know: your new employee could add new twists, ideas, and data that enhance the report’s success. Fresh eyes often bring new insights.

What’s so damaging about assumptions is that they tend to be invisible. Our assumptions are the unconscious filters through which we interpret our world. We may be operating from guiding principles that are inaccurate – and not even be aware of it.

That’s not to say that all your assumptions are, by definition, incorrect. But if you don’t take the time to examine them, you’ll never know. And false assumptions could be holding you back from exploring all the possibilities in your life.

This week, whenever you find yourself thinking, “I can’t possibly…” stop for a moment and notice whether it might be an old assumption rearing its head. Next time, we’ll discuss how to challenge your assumptions, so you can move beyond them.

Coaching Call To Action

As you become more aware of the assumptions you are using on a daily basis, make a note of them.  You may have a few or you may have many.  What are you discovering?  Please take a minute to share your findings in the comments section below.

I’m always looking for ways to make my life more enjoyable and fun.  Sometimes that means getting through obstacles more quickly. This week’s Tip by Steve Straus helps you look at one of life’s little snags in a new way.

Quote of the Week

“Don’t fear change – embrace it.”

Why Me?

By Steve Straus

“Why me?”

Coaching Point:  Wait just a minute! ‘Why me?’ is a Great Question? Isn’t it the plea of every whiny, it’s- not-my-fault, victim? How, then, can this be a Great Question?

Simple. Because everyone, when nobody’s looking, every once in a while, slips up and says it to him or herself. It’s completely normal and no matter how advanced and aware you are it can sneak out.

‘Why me?’ is a Great Question, not because of the question, but because of the answer.

Always and forever the answer to ‘Why me?’ is….’Me.’  “I’m the reason this happened.” “I’m at cause in my life.” “Somehow — and I may not see this right away — I am directly involved in causing this outcome.”

It’s called living life from the inside out rather than from the outside in. Living according to your values, desires, contributions, growth, and awareness rather than feeling that you are at the whim of what the outside has in store for you.

So when you hear yourself utter the lament ‘Why me?’ immediately assume the answer is ‘Me,’ look for what needs to change, then get on with your life. Simple.

By the way, when you adopt this viewpoint you’ll find your journey is easier, freer, and a lot more fun.

Copyright 2013 Steve Straus. All rights reserved. Steve Straus can be contacted at http://www.StrausUSA.com

Coaching Call To Action

When I learn something new, it’s important to share it.  This action makes sure it “sticks” with me.  Based on your experiences, what ideas and/or recommendation do you have for getting through life’s obstacles more easily? Please take a minute to share your findings here.

There’s so much negative press about meetings and how they are a waste of time.   I was intrigued when I read this week’s Tip by Jill Geisler about when meetings are beneficial.

Quote of the Week

“A great strategy meeting is a meeting of minds.”

Six Good Reasons to Call a Meeting

By Jill Geisler

1. To provide timely information.  These meetings involve announcement or status reports shared among colleagues.
2. To give direction. This is the huddle before the play; the review of roles, responsibilities and goals.
3. To make group decisions. These confabs give people a voice in a pending matter.
4. To produce a product. The team is together to create something right there, or produce some part of it.
5. To generate ideas and solutions. The group is brainstorming or problem-solving.
6. To observe rituals.  People gather to celebrate, share, bond and make memories (p. 280).

From: Geisler, J. (2012). Work happy: what great bosses know. New York: Center Street.

Reprinted with permission from the OSU Leadership Center, Ohio State University, Columbus, OH 43210, (614) 292-3114, http://leadershipcenter.osu.edu/

Your Call To Action

Ever have one of those days when nothing seems to go right? You take one step forward and two steps back?  Even during those times when everything feels out of control, you can choose to be in control of one thing – your attitude.  Read this week’s Tip by Chris Widener with thoughts about choosing your attitude.

Quote of the Week

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

Your Attitude – You Choose!

By Chris Widener

There are lots of things in this life that we don’t get to choose. On the other hand, there are lots of thing in this life that we do get to choose. Our attitude is one of the things that we get to choose. Nobody else lives inside our brain. Nobody else controls what or how we think. It is up to us, moment by moment, to choose what our attitude is. It is up to us to determine how we will look at and perceive the world around us. It is up to us to decide how we will react to our world around us.

My advice? Choose a positive, optimistic attitude! Here are some thought on choosing your attitude.

We cannot choose our circumstances. For the most part, this is true. We cannot control if someone around us gets ill. We cannot control how another person will treat us. We cannot control the global economy. We cannot control the direction our society as a whole will go. For some, this may seem scary. For me, it is freeing. I don’t have to control my circumstances. Running the whole world would be a big responsibility. It is good to know that I am not in charge of, or in control of all of my circumstances. This dose of reality frees you to focus in on what you can control – your attitude.

We can choose our attitudes. That’s right. We get to choose what our attitudes are. Here is the definition of attitude: “The feeling or opinion about something or someone, or a way of behaving that follows from this.” We choose how we feel about others and situations. We choose our opinion about people and situations. We choose the way we will behave in relation to other people and circumstances. We choose it. It doesn’t have to be bad. It doesn’t have to be anything but what we want it to be. We have the option.

The choice of a right attitude will significantly determine new circumstances. Choosing to have the right attitude will change the world around you. This isn’t any sort of magic; it is just how the world works. Now, don’t get me wrong. It won’t cure everything and turn your world into a virtual Shangri-La, but it will significantly improve the world you live in. For example, let’s say that every day you go into work and you gripe about life and work from the moment you get there until the moment you leave. Will others want to be around you? Will others ask your opinion? Will others like you? Will others ask you to join them for lunch? Probably not! But what if you come to work every day and you are the positive optimist of the crowd? Will everybody love you? No, but significantly more people will than if you are the office pessimist! Your choice of attitude will determine what kind of circumstances you get!

Ultimately, it is our choice on what we have as an attitude. Nobody else can force you to have a bad attitude. Nobody else can force you to have a good attitude. It is simply a choice you make.

Where are you with your attitude? Do you have a good one? Why not sit down and give it some serious thought? Then, no matter where you find yourself, decide to take your attitude to the next level! If you have a really bad attitude, decide to take it up a couple of levels!

Your attitude. Your choice. Choose wisely.

Chris Widener is the President of Chris Widener International. www.ChrisWidener.com Chris can be reached at Chris@MadeForSuccess.com

Your Call To Action

It dawned on me recently that I’m no longer having conversations with my clients about perfectionism.  This week’s Tip focuses on the current ideals my clients are talking about that lead to business success.

Quote of the Week

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

6 Secrets to Business Success (Plus 1!)

By Andrea Novakowski

Have you noticed that no one talks much about perfectionism anymore?

My business coaching clients used to tell me their compulsion to do everything perfectly was getting in the way of their success. But these days, with the fast pace of life, the constant stream of information, and the increased workload on everyone’s desks, our struggle for perfectionism seems to have largely disappeared. It’s not that people are feeling guilty or making excuses about not being perfect. It’s just gone from the conversation.

As Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg famously puts it:  “Done is better than perfect.”

So if we’re no longer chasing perfection, what should we strive for in its place? Here are six alternative ideals to which my clients are now turning their attention. You can, too.

Persistence. Successful people don’t get that way overnight. Instead, they create a plan and continually chip away at it. They break their goals into annual, monthly, weekly, and daily actions. Even if each day’s activities aren’t completed, these folks get back in the saddle the next day, ready to keep moving forward. What do you do to maintain your persistence?

Pacing. Sam, a hard-charging manager at a small company in New Hampshire, planned on retiring in five years. But when he met with a financial planner, he found out he was going to have to work eight more years in order to meet his goals. Sam realized there was no way he’d last eight years at his breakneck pace. Now we’re discussing how he can adjust his work habits so he can continue at his job enjoyably and healthfully. Do a double-check: does your pace match your goals?

Possibility. We’re all creatures of habit. We eat the same breakfast, take the same route to work, do the same things day in and day out. Today, make a point of trying something new and different. What gets your energy up? What has you thinking new thoughts? Coffee? Brain teasers? Collaboration with your colleagues? Where in your life are you taking time to think about what’s possible?

Play. Successful people take breaks during their day. Even if it’s only for a stretch or a short walk, they stop working for a few minutes and move their bodies. Increased circulation in your body means better blood flow to your brain, which produces clearer thinking. If you tend to sit glued to your desk for hours at a time, think about how you can build play into your day.

Power. We’re all naturally more skilled at certain activities than others. Are you a born communicator? A numbers whiz? As much as possible, do the type of work that plays to your strengths. While no one can (or should) elect to do only what comes easily, you’ll achieve more and go farther if you pursue the things you’re good at.

Positivity. You know the old saying: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. People are attracted to people who are positive. Put a mirror on your desk so that when you pick up the phone, you’re reminded to smile. It sounds corny, but that attitude really does translate over the phone.

Need one more goal to replace perfectionism? How about pleasure? Think about what part of your job you really enjoy, and try to spend more time doing it. When your work aligns with your interests and values, it makes you feel good. And there’s no better definition of success than truly loving what you do.

Your Call To Action

Looking at the goals you have created for 2013,  what ideals from the above list do you want to focus on to increase the likelihood of successfully completing your goals? Please take a minute to share your findings in the comments section below.

What’s the best way to acknowledge someone?  This week’s Tip by Loren Ekroth provides suggestions on the use of praise to reward people.

Quote of the Week

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

How to Reward People with Words

By Loren Ekroth

What gets rewarded (like good work) will continue, even increase.

Where? In the workplace, in the classroom, and in the home.

Although people like to be lauded with general words such as “Good job,” specific praise is more effective.  Example: “I really appreciate you being prompt and well-prepared for our meetings.”

Such compliments are best delivered in a timely way. For example, shortly after your employee turns in her report and you’ve had time to read it.

Then (not the following week) you tell her “Your report was wonderfully written, very clear and succinct. I really value the care you give to these projects.”

When a manager, parent, or teacher is on the lookout to “catch people doing something right,” they’ll notice more of these instances of excellence.

In the home, offer genuine praise for jobs well done at the time they’re completed. “Billy, thanks for finishing your homework without my having to remind you. I know I can count on you to do it on your own.”

Such instances are countless, and here are 3 common examples:

• Student A tutors student B on how to solve a math problem.
• Employee suggests a way to save his company money.
• Without being asked, husband prepares an excellent family meal.

When someone meets ordinary expectations, simple acknowledgements will suffice. “Thanks for being back in your seats so we can get started on time.”

When a person performs “beyond the call,” they deserve a genuine compliment. “Great job in handling that difficult customer, Joe. You kept your composure, and he went away satisfied.”

When a person does something extraordinary, they deserve to be celebrated in front of others: “I want to acknowledge Susan for her magnificent planning for our annual meeting. Because of her efforts, the meeting went smoothly, and we came away with great results.”

A few caveats when praising others:

1. Be genuine in your words. Don’t flatter.
2. Praise judiciously, even sparingly. Praising overmuch cheapens the effect.
3. Be willing to share negative comments when behavior has not met the expected standard. (“You can only say ‘yes’ as loud as you can say “no.”)

An example of “too much undeserved praise.” I have noticed in some elementary school parking lots that the majority of cars have bumper stickers that say things like “My Child Is a Star Pupil at Wilson Elementary.”

Really? Are all those kids “honor students”? I doubt it. Even the kids know better — that they are not consistently “wonderful” or “excellent.”

Remember the “self-esteem movement” some years ago that recommended adults only affirm young people? It didn’t work then, and it doesn’t work now. People — employees, students, and family members alike –see through this.

So, when you praise others, be genuine, specific, timely, and selective.

From “Better Conversations” newsletter by Loren Ekroth.  Reprinted with permission. Copyright 2013. All Rights reserved. Dr.  Ekroth is creator of information products to improve conversation, such as “Small Talk Success Tips” and a free newsletter at www.ConversationMatters.com.

Coaching Call To Action

I have worked with clients who expected good work from their employees and acknowledged them by continuing to employ them.  As you can imagine, there wasn’t a lot of loyalty from the employees.  Are you the type of leader who acknowledges the good work of others verbally?  What could you do this week to provide even better feedback and praise?

I love a good story!  Don’t you?  I agree with what Angie Morgan and Courtney Lynch share in this week’s Tip about using storytelling to share your leadership vision.

Quote of the Week

“Over the years I have become convinced that we learn best – and change – from hearing stories that strike a chord within us … Those in leadership positions who fail to grasp or use the power of stories risk failure for their companies and for themselves.”

Become an Inspiration Broker

By Angie Morgan and Courtney Lynch

In the day-to-day hustle and bustle of executing our roles, it’s easy to lose sight of the reason we do what we do.  We get distracted by information, slides, facts and figures, features, regulations, etc., and forget where we are headed and why.

As a leader you define a vision.  You must then inspire people to act in ways that may, at first, seem unfamiliar or unnatural to them on the journey to that vision.  To motivate, reconnect people to their mission, purpose and passion.  You motivate through emotion, not analysis.  You touch the heart, not with PowerPoint slides, facts and figures, but with stories.

So, start telling stories. Too often, leaders act as information brokers.  We take in information; we process, translate, add to and subtract from that information. Then, we put that information on a slide and disseminate it.  Boring!

Tell a story and give people a reason to care. Let people cast themselves into the plot.  Use stories to celebrate and illustrate heroes, hope, struggle, accomplishment and perseverance.

You don’t need to tell stories of Herculean accomplishments.  A regular story told at the right time can be just as effective.  And, remember to be yourself.  People respond to authenticity.  Tell stories of overcoming challenges, lessons learned or how you came up short.  What motivates you probably motivates those around you.

This article was provided courtesy of Lead Star – a premiere leadership development firm. You can learn more about leadership by visiting their website at www.leadstar.us

Coaching Call To Action

Are you a good storyteller?  How did you hone this skill?  Please take a moment to share your ideas with other Tip readers below.