Coach Cultures Blog

Identity: back to my why

2012-10-10T10:29:00.001+02:00

‘How are you? What’s it like to be back home? Is it difficult to re-adjust?’ These - and other much alike - are the type of questions we get to answer these days. Lovely, as at first it was impossible to answer any of them without hesitation. ‘How are you?’ I don’t know. ‘What’s it like to come back after a year of work and travel abroad?’ You tell me. But as of now - after five weeks or so - some answers arise.

So yes, we’re back. It sure has been an amazing year. We got to travel, met inspiring people and felt - or actually had - serious amounts of time to go our own ways. ‘Was it soul searching? Was it about finding our identities?’ No. That would suggest we lost them earlier; which we feel wasn’t the case. Nevertheless our identities raged and roared this last year. Let me explain.

First of all, let’s define identity. It differs from personality. Personality describes what you and me are like. Personality is about characteristics, such as shy, caring or outgoing. Identity tells us more about who you really are. Identity is also something we share with others: the people we identify with. It’s both heart and soul. It’s desire, it’s will, it’s creativity. Identity is how we feel, what we want and how we live.

Now this is what happened when we started travelling and living abroad. First of all, differences were everywhere. Those differences made it all the more clear to me what defines me versus others. Secondly, travelling appealed to desire and stimulated ideas. Whereas nothing was self-evident and patterns snapped, it got easier - and perhaps even necessary - to understand our own needs, to make decisions and to get creative. Why? To be happy, to be there and then, and to feel home in a turtle kind of way. My travel companion and me both experienced what you might call identity-clarity: a wonderful, strong self-sense which makes it easier to enjoy, to be determined and to connect to others and each other. This is who we are and this is how we see things. Plus: we started to identify with groups and people we never knew before. That's how identities change and develop.

And then we moved back in. We dropped the turtle shells and took up residence in a real house. Our house; home again. Immediately differences became less sharp. We felt less appeal to creativity and didn’t want that much; as if it all suddenly seemed so self-evident again. What happened to uniqueness? What happened to willpower and ideas? For a few weeks it all flew out of the window. 'How are you?' I don’t know… But then identities re-emerged. And of course; life is as self-evident as we make it. When bored, isn’t that just a lack of sufficient goals? Nevertheless the identity-clarity for most is less obvious in everyday life. Recognizable? It takes awareness. For that matter - identity-wise - travelling is easy.

And now? Now we just feel lucky to be able to merge identities: merge the traveller with the worker, merge ideals with home economics, merge the global with the local and so on. This actually is great. Today we hold new keys to make everyday life more desirable, better connected and more creative than before.

It also brought me back to why I started these blogs: coaching and culture. Both coaching and culture relate to identity: who are you? People with mixed identities - born and raised somewhere and living elsewhere - bring in a lot. First, second and third generation migrants hold a uniqueness that constantly appeals to their desires and creativity. It makes people stand out. This is what makes different identities so special to work with. They add to our everyday life, our work force, our work life and our personal lives. That includes differences and changes of patters that make us - in our turn - more aware of our own identity. I can identify with that. Diversity is so much more than just ‘incorporating’ a few differences. Being around other peoples’ identity-clarity is both inspiring and contagious. On the other hand being different remains a serious challenge at times. A meaningful challenge: differences make sense. That is why putting Coach Cultures into practice inspires me.

Landing identities - www.coachcultures.org

Seriously, what's wrong with losing?

2012-08-14T15:15:00.001+02:00

Cycling the Pyrenees, daydreaming took me to competing in the Tour the France. Every bike-day we get a little better. So how much faster are those professionals? And what if they carried similar bike-bags? Competitive illusions about degrading cycle-pros crossed my mind. These last few weeks - with the Olympics on the background anytime and anywhere, right after the Euro Soccer championships and the Tour de France - winning and results seemed extra important. The Olympics actually felt less about ‘compete over triumph’ than before. A by-product of social media? If so, wouldn’t that be a waste of positive energy, as every competition holds far more ‘losers’ than winners? I find it interesting though. Life is very similar to sports in a sense that - whether it’s work, love, parenting, dating, games, science or sports - competition is never far. What makes us so competitive? Why is winning so huge? And - seriously - what’s wrong with losing?

Winning and losing are two sides of the same coin. As long as we keep flipping the thing, the odds will change. But this is far from how we perceive it. Most of the time we actually think and feel winners are ‘better’. As a bonus we even include a whole lot more to that than what they won at. We tend to accredit all sorts of positive qualities to winners. Usain Bolt even claimed himself to be a legend. Contrary to when you lose. In that case, you’d better be ready to face the critics. Once the coin flips, some people just can’t wait to put you back into place. Twitter and Facebook are great support systems to celebrate winners and to ridicule (or in some cases even threaten) those who lose. It doesn’t really matter if you’re the Dutch soccer team or Tom Cruise; once you lose, people gather for hyenic laughs. These cheap seeds of defeat are already sown during winning.

The importance of winning starts early; when we are children. If we do well, we feel important to our group. Losing tends to be painful, as we often associate it with losing friends. That’s why parents practice both playing and winning and playing and losing. Many loving parents even become ever-lasting reassurance experts for their children in the event of loss. And practicing both winning and losing helps, as it makes competing a lot less stressful. In grown up life however, winning is also associated with power, fame and even stardom. That’s when losing gets even more difficult.

In Western society today - politics and media for example- winning and losing are continuously enlarged. Winning is romance and loss is tragedy. Just like Roman bread and circuses. The crowd seems addicted. In politics for example, we’re now fed with weekly intermediate polls; regardless whichever elections. Annoying and useless at least, but perhaps even dangerously influential. What are the effects of polls? Can we get a poll on how people act on this type of information?

Back to you and me. Just picture yourself as very much average for a minute. If you do so, it’s not hard to imagine how fear of loss - fear of tragedy - can hold you back, is it? By now, that’s what the hyenas taught whole generations. Today, you need a serious amount of self-confidence to show your talents. Not bad for life coaches and other counsellors, but nevertheless a real shame, as best experiences and learning’s are most often found in mistakes and loss. So why don’t we make it easier on ourselves? Why don’t we put Olympic compete over triumph into daily practice? Less focus on winning and losing would liberate a lot of potential. At work and studies, I’m sure performance levels and talent development would benefit greatly from less status anxiety. Happy losers and hardly-ever winners, please step forward and spread the word how trying - without any immediate success - made your life bigger and better.

Unfortunately - from my perspective - dominant global cultures like US and China are heading the exact opposite way. Their institutions thrive on competition and winning. So you need to dare to be different. And if role-model ‘losers’ step forward to help us lower peer pressure and status anxiety; appreciate it. For different results: less expectations and anxiety and more - in general - hope. And be sure the coins will flip. So for now, ignore the hyenas, enjoy and learn.

Seriously, what's wrong with losing? - www.coachcultures.org

Note: The way we look at winning and losing is cultural. In ‘Boom with gloom’ I discussed Australians anxieties as a consequence of a booming economy. Booming unfortunately includes change and the risk of dropping out. This new uncertainty increases inequality and judgment: better, equal or less? Australian status anxiety roars these days. Japan is a different story. In ‘A serious plea for mediocrity’ I wrote about their hierarchical society. A culture of accepting hierarchy makes it easier for Japanese to be less than the best.

A gentle Basque spirit - or - how little we know

2012-07-21T21:25:00.000+02:00

In a bar in San Sebastian during the Soccer finals it was quite obvious; the Basques were not going crazy over Spain winning the European Championship. There was little cheering or better put: little audience. Since then, Basque country has been a surprising experience. How little do we know? As a European, I’m sad to admit that possibly the only thing I actually knew about Basque country is ETA: Euskadi Ta Askatasuna. As a separatist and nationalist organization, ETA - Basque Homeland and Freedom - is held responsible for many killings and injuries over the last fifty years. ETA chose violence in their aim for independence, although last year they claimed a permanent ceasefire. Being here today, ‘violent’ would probably be the last word I would come up with to describe the Basques.

Basque culture is very old and often thought to be one of the original European cultures. The people live in two countries - northwest Spain and southwest France - and have been around since before Indo-European people came to Europe approximately 5,000 years ago. The Basques have been here for a long time, and have lived through a lot of history. Even back in the Middle Ages, the Basques had a reputation for being violent and ferocious. They survived. During the regime of General Franco in Spain, the Basque language and culture were ruthlessly suppressed. That’s when resistance groups - such as ETA - formed. In the eighties, after Franco, three out of four Basque Provinces were unified as Basque Autonomous Community. Its inhabitants were granted limited autonomy, recognition of their language and culture, and control over their schools and police force. Nowadays, resistance is mostly about limited versus complete autonomy. I’m happy to see limited autonomy - in combination with a healthy dose of Basque culture - clearly shows.

The first thing we noticed was the never-ending amount of playgrounds in Bilbao. There is lots of display of family life on the streets, not to mention the numerous friendly pet dogs. The streets feel soft and gentle. Violence is hard to imagine. I’ve seldom met so many friendly faces in a row. Regardless the violence in Basque history the people have developed a personality that is far from violent. The Basques are said to have a cultural emphasis on non-violence in the resolution of personal conflicts. They like to distance themselves from Spanish machismo. Nationalist Basques are even proud to say they are not from a 'bloodthirsty culture like the Spaniards'. Basque boys are taught not to be aggressive. Instead, they are encouraged to demonstrate their masculinity and adventurousness in seriously demanding sports such as mountain climbing or their ‘national’ sport Pelote.

Part of all this lies in the important role women have in Basque society; particularly the mother in the family. The husband and father holds the authority, but the wife and mother runs just about everything. And - In this case even more important - it’s the mother who disciplines the children. Female dominance might well have softened the Basques resort to violence; much like we felt when we arrived.

From a male perspective, Basques are manly - adventurous, sports-oriented, prepared to take risks - but, as said, not machismo. Pelote seems to illustrate this. They say it’s the fastest sport in the world. It’s a ball sport with many variations, which makes Pelote similar to handball, squash, and tennis. A small round rubber ball is propelled with the hand, or a flat wooden bat or a basket. Balls can reach speeds over 300 kilometres per hour. Be sure every little village has it’s own court and wall, often centrally located on a market square. Fast, complex and centrally located thus visible, Pelote is a men’s world. Twelve out of fourteen variations are played only by men; traditionally well dressed in non-machismo cricket-like outfits of course.

Another thing we noticed as we got started cycling the Pyrenees. Every time we cross the border with France, we noticed how prices drop to a half on the Spanish side of Basque country. Some bars even include a ‘crisis’ price list. Not to mention the coffee is much better on the Spanish side. It’s very inviting. Where in comparison the French catering industry seems awfully silent - except for tourism of course - life on the Spanish side is lively as ever. If you ask me, this Basque part of Europe knows how to get their priorities right: soft, gentle, adventurous, independent, lively and inclusive over exclusive. There’s loads to learn from Basque history and culture, like perseverance, women leadership, the power in being different and not taking the easy way out. And, they set another strong and interesting example for Europe. Too bad we pay so little attention to each others (sub)cultures.

Pelote court in 'just another small Basque village'

A non-financial European Trust Fund

2012-06-21T14:57:00.002+02:00

Over the last nine months we travelled outside Europe. And now we’re back; cycling ‘our home continent’. To us, cycling is just another way of slow travel; except for downhill of course. Which means we have all the time in the world to get reacquainted with our fellow-Europeans. Which we should. These are interesting times, as Europe - which has developed rapidly over the last 20 years - is suffering from the Euro Crisis. This financial crisis is stressing Europe out. And - most of all - it seems to stress our differences instead of our Europeanisms. Greek, Italians, Germans, French, Dutch, Norwegian: same same but different. These months I hope to get a good sense of how European Europeans really are. And - not in the least - I hope to experience how European I am myself. Feel free to question me later.

What’s happening? This week we were watching the Euro 2012 Soccer Championships. The Netherlands was playing Denmark, Germany and Portugal. Or should I say the Netherlands was being played? Anyway, we lost, which is not my point. My point is we were in a bar with two British, two Germans, two Dutch and some more French. And we were having a good time really. Nobody mentioned Greek losses, the crisis hitting Africa, cash injections in Spanish banks, Europe possibly being the biggest risk for our global economy. Nobody questioned our common labour market. I couldn’t sense a hint of negativity. On the other hand; nobody mentioned the EU either.

But think about it for a minute. Europeans have a lot in common, in spite of all our differences. Contrary to for example the United States, Europeans share a common history and common culture. Like Brittany in France for example - home to the bar I just mentioned - which is in so many historical ways like Great Britain. And, especially after being away from Europe for nine months, a short visit to any of our old medieval cities is enough to sense loads of common heritage and culture.

I think in general Europe is very much about freedom and creativity, and hopefully understanding. Nevertheless we face a reality in which a lot of nationalism is going on. Witnessing this response to crisis, I would question whether the crisis actually is financial. Most countries get much more excitement out of their national interests. Is it just plain and simple ‘what’s in it for me?’ thinking or something else? Politics are renationalizing. Right and left wing parties gain popularity because of their anti-Europeanism. A generation issue maybe? Maybe we forgot about the purpose of Europe or made it too complicated?

I think it might be a lot simpler. Do people still trust governments? Not really. And how about the latest cyber-generation? Who do you trust if you can see into all the information? The media present us proof of non-trustworthy people in power every day. We just don’t trust people in power like we used to, regardless whether they’re in politics or finance. This Euro Crisis really isn’t about money; it’s about a general lack of trust. In a free, democratic and creative society like Europe, lack of trust can soon bounce of the wall. What do most people do if they don’t trust someone or some organization? Most of us get out of the way; right or wrong.

Who can solve these trust issues for us? Politicians? Nope, even if they mean well, they are part of the problem. Banks? Part of the problem too. Rating agencies? Part of the problem. In all fairness, the only ones that resolve trust - not having to worry about things - are Europeans them selves: ordinary people like you and me. So why don’t we? Start our own 'Trust Fund'? Not financially speaking of course; that won't do. But what then do we do? Go work abroad. Hire people from other European countries because of their skills and added value. Work together. Get to know different nationalities. Get married abroad. Travel. But most of all, don’t get out of the way if you feel you don’t trust that other someone. Postpone your judgement; check before you act. You will find - at most events - it’s just a little cultural or personal mix-up. Come on, be a little less afraid. Fortune favours the bold for good reason, unafraid as they are. If ordinary Europeans like you and me try to be a little bolder - more curious, more inquisitive, more self-aware - our Trust Fund might give us new Europeanisms in return.

Back to what Europeans already have in common: their history, culture, arts and - not to forget - their being tired of politics and banks. Wow, we’ve got something going on here. The question is whether we can find a balance between nationalism and our Europeanisms. What do you think? If politics, power and money won’t manage, our Trust Fund just might. We’ll have to remember this when Germany plays Greece in the Quarter Finals of Euro 2012 tomorrow.

Slow-cycling Europe

Why travel? It's sinking in

2012-06-08T14:18:00.000+02:00

Before we left on our sabbatical year, we asked our selves ‘why travel?’ It may seem like an obvious choice, but was it? Obviously there are many ways to spend time well. So why travel? Well, for instance to feel free. To create different situations. To slow down time and get taken in. Maybe even get taken in to a degree to which we can - again - fall in love with life or rediscover youthful enthusiasm. To slow down long enough to lose and find. To open our eyes and hearts to this changing world, hoping to get a better understanding. To dream. To remember what’s important to us. And - not to forget - to come home again.

This last week, the intensity of our travels so far suddenly started to sink in. So many things happened, some of which were on our list. We’ve just arrived in the last quarter of our year. For these upcoming months we’ve decided to - again - change our perspective. Before we were travelling around South America and Asia; experiencing countries and places unknown to us. Now we started cycling Europe; which is near home and - for many parts and in many ways - well known. We’ve decided to finish near home - without coming home just yet - taking time to travel with fewer impulses, hopefully allowing us to think and plan ahead. Travelling was - is - very much about being in the here and now. Planning and thinking ahead don’t really match travelling. But now - after one week of cycling - we find our selves looking back and forth.

As our perspectives change, different things happen. I got lost for no reason whatsoever; simply not paying attention. The second time I couldn’t remember where we parked; never happened before. The past nine months we were very much in the now; a mixed state of relaxation and constant alertness. Back ‘home’ in Europe we completely let go of that alertness. Sometimes we feel much more like tourists and way less like travellers. Plus, we’re no longer leaving assumptions at home, which suits travelling. These days, we’re actually putting our assumptions on the table; discussing them for planning purposes. Very different yet again very exciting times. Time in which the intensity of the last nine months has truckloads of room to sink in.

Have you ever wondered what makes travelling so intense? Why is it like that? How is it different? I feel it has a lot to do with ‘being moved’ (I’m not talking about transportation). Highest and lowest moments arrive easily when travelling - elevated or unbalanced - in comparison to relative standstill. Travelling often moves, but rarely because of what is written in the travel guide. To me it’s about what we experience, think and feel at the same time. It’s the little things, in the little places, or in the people we meet. It’s in the stories that don’t come up immediately after you come home.
Travelling is also intense because it takes something like receptivity. Alain de Botton wrote about this in his ‘Art of Travel’. It’s almost impossible to enjoy travelling when having rigid ideas. It takes flexibility and openness to move from the familiar to the unfamiliar. That state of mind - opening up, leaving comfort-zones - can be stressful and tiring. But it also enhances flexibility, it certainly kills prejudice, and it seems to make things lighter. Nevertheless some places we visited turned our complete belief system upside down and back up again. That calls for receptivity and is what you might call intense. To put it simple and mildly, I think travelling just might be one of the most direct ways to keep our mind mobile and awake.

It’s also about exposure to difference. The sort of exposure that opens up and makes people more creative and innovative. As I’m now looking forward to my - upcoming - professional life, I realize this is a big issue for companies, governments and professionals. How to be creative and innovative? How to open up to positive change? People, careers, organizations - or even civilizations - move forward through creativity and innovativeness. Comparable to travelling - to them - it is evenly important to be receptive. To be exposed to different stories and ideas, other ways of approaching issues and unknown sources of inspiration. To me, this is what an increasingly international work force can offer. This - receptivity and exposure - is why interculturality holds so much value. It’s what travelling gave us.

Evening out the intensity and all we got out of our travels, we’re happy to travel relatively known grounds for a little while. Nothing wrong with a little less impulse and intensity for now. Time to let it sink in and to take some small steps in between. Time to turn ideas into plans and plans into reality. A reality I'd want to be moving, mobile and awake.

Let it sink in for a little while - www.coachcultures.org

Where do you fit in and how do you reach out?

2012-04-29T07:42:00.000+02:00

Traveling for almost eight months now, something seriously starts to shift in the way we feel part of this world. We’re growing as global citizens with increasingly global mindsets. Most probably we were already on our way, but today the awareness kicks in. I know, I know, this all sounds really big. On the other hand it’s actually quite normal and maybe even predictable. But most of all it feels very significant and here to stay; an experience worth noting down. To me, it’s very much related to improved abilities to empathize with other people and cultures; mentally putting our selves into their shoes, gaining understanding of beliefs, desires, emotions and feelings. Let me explain.

Many travelers start of with a sense of not-belonging or sometimes even restlessness. ‘Do I feel connected to family and friends?’ ‘Is this where I fit in?’ ‘Do people around me understand me and see me for who I am?’ Those feelings might even get more of an edge when you’re traveling, as you start to connect to different people and different places. Some continue to roam; others rekindle their connections to their homeland, family and friends. Either way our basic human need to belong is a huge driving force. What - actually - is that process?

A large deal of belonging is rooted in empathy: can I relate to other’s beliefs, desires, emotions and feelings as if it were my own? Very early in life we start developing empathy. Once children can identify them selves in a mirror - maybe at the age of two or three - they can start observing others differently. Once children learn to understand about life and death - at the age of eight or so - they can learn to understand their own struggles and those of others. During the elementary school years empathy generally takes root. What starts with friends and family can grow out to bigger circles, such as work life, social and political groups and other communities.

Empathic development goes with selfhood or personality development. The more we grow, the closer we can get to our friends and family. The other way round, once we lose touch with our own selves - our beliefs, desires, emotions and feelings - it gets more difficult to empathize with the people we were normally close with. For some travelers, that might be the root of that sense of not-belonging. But if we feel connected to our selves - if we feel and understand - empathy usually sticks. They say people are somehow softwired for empathy; that is as long as anger, fear and frustration don’t get in our way.

The good news is that empathic development doesn’t stop at childhood. Like we just proved by the empathic development we experience today. But from this perspective, new generations get a head start. They grow up with even more developed global mindsets and global connections. That includes a completely different awareness. In a great TEDTalk - which I highly recommend to see at least twice - Jeremy Rifkin talks about the evolution of empathy: the empathic civilization. Rifkin asks himself whether human beings - softwired for empathy - could extend their empathy to the entire human race, as an extended family. He explains how empathy in recent history extended from blood ties to religious associations to national identity. And now we have the technology to actually globally extend our central nervous system - like Twitter or Facebook - why not broaden our sense of identity? New generations might not even need to travel to understand global beliefs, desires, emotions and feelings.

Don’t think too big. Try to think small. Think extended family. Think friendship. Think selfhood. The closer we are in terms of beliefs, desires, emotions and feelings, the more we can empathize. The more we empathize, the more we feel related. Empathy is a very strong source for social support, for taking care of our selves and of others dear to us. I feel empathic outreach can develop to a larger, almost global scale. Can you think of any better roots for global development? Sure, there are downsides to empathy and social support, like vulnerability or maybe even over-interdependence. But I would rather deal with that instead of complications such as violence and aggression. So try to hold of your anger, fear and frustration. Maybe skip the daily news more often. We’re becoming this global village anyway, with similar global issues and interests. Where do you fit in and how do you reach out?

Global villagers, not just passersby (www.coachcultures.org)

Positive boomerangs flying around Burma

2012-04-19T15:16:00.000+02:00

We arrived in Burma during special days: Thingyan Water Festival. These five days of New Year celebrations - in which everyone gets soaking wet - include stages, hoses, buckets, water pistols and bottles. What was originally a cleansing ritual grew out to epic proportions. During these hottest days of the year, there’s no better way to celebrate and cool down. Overcrowded trucks and pick-ups full of people drive past the stages to get wet. Yangon was filled with music, dancing and singing, which made the most happy and positive welcome imaginable. Even though I must admit we got seriously tired of all that water throwing in the end, the people throwing were always welcoming, sweet and appreciative.

But what has actually started, is a brand new year for the people from Burma. The by-election, which was held this April, was an expected beautiful victory for the NLD-party of Aung San Suu Kyi. Later this month she - 'the lady' - will be installed in the Senate. Although power wise this is only a very small step for Burma, the government is actually opening doors that have been shut for a long time. From this year on, the people from Burma have a sense of new agendas and changing social and political circumstances. It adds to the positive vibe, although people don’t seem to overdo it. Optimism and hope go hand in hand with scepticism and carefulness, which only seems realistic considering the situation today and the challenges ahead.

Nevertheless, positivity rules over scepticism. I feel that - even without Thingyan or NLD-victory - I would have been hugely impressed with this ability of the people from Burma. It’s in their curiosity and openness. It’s in their being realistic and sincere even though hope and opportunities lour. It’s in their kindness and their appreciating closeness. To me people seem to demonstrate what positivity is all about. Not a jump for joy emotion, but honest and realistically happy behaviour that actually affects wellbeing.

Why is positivity so important? Well, first of all because most people are more creative when they feel positive. When facing problems, people tend to have more ideas on what to do next. People are also more likely to bounce back from adversity. But what I find most important is how positive emotions make people more socially connected to others, even across groups. Experience has proven how positive emotions make it easier for people to look past racial and cultural differences. Experiments show that positive emotions make people more trusting, more often looking for win-win outcome. These are what you might call transformative effects of positivity; effects that help us promote positive change. Thank you people from Burma, for showing me so vividly.

Being too positive often backfires; like false hopes. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to play sunny day all the time. It almost levels with overdoing complaining and throwing dark clouds; it gets to you. I would guess similar backfiring would happen if the people from Burma were too positive. That’s why I am so happy to meet appreciativeness, realism, curiosity, openness and kindness instead of jumps for joy. Burma has suffered from the dark side of politics, underdevelopment, decline and many political and ethnical issues over the last fifty years. The challenges of today are very serious, with loads of tasks at hand. I feel that needs positive realism.

Our thoughts - positive or negative - tend to color our experiences. And behaviour - positive or negative - somehow always seems to get back at us, as it affects others. It’s almost like a boomerang. Some say ‘don’t toss a boomerang around you don’t want to catch yourself when it comes back.’ We should be grateful for all those positive boomerangs flying around in Burma. This is how people positively reinforce each other. It is my hope these boomerangs result in the creativity, flexibility and connectivity needed to work things out.

Eyes of the world, take a look at the people from Burma. Watch them make their steps. And while you’re at it, provide these wonderful people - in their turn - with all the positive boomerangs you can throw at them.

Water Festival Yangon: Happy Thingyan!

Framing coaching to culture and context

2012-04-10T11:04:00.000+02:00

In my blog ‘throw of your bowlines or cherish your harbour?’ I discussed setting up the coaching framework at We women foundation. It was about framing coaching - as a method - to a different culture and a very specific local context; working with female refugees from Burma living as migrants in Thailand. Some of you responded to Ursula or me, for which we are very grateful. To conclude and round things up - as part of my last day at the job - I’m happy to share findings and ideas with you. Mind you this is still work-in-progress - especially for the We women organisation - written from my own personal perspective as a coach. It’s also far too extensive to even call it a blog. Nevertheless I really wanted to get back to you. So if you’re interested, please have a read. I’ll leave you with the promise to “blog” again next time.

Expressing a coaching philosophy
We women foundation supports women whose passions, goals and motivation implicate them as future leaders of Burma. The long-term aim of the We women from Burma project is to assist unrecognized refugee women into obtaining higher positions within policy-making or influential organizations, so that they can empower women and their communities. Coaching is a very important part of the project, as was stressed by the students. Most of the participating women are under serious pressure to finish their education. At the same time, they have to manage their often very intense lives.

In order to meet their personal needs - and the goals of We women - we expressed a coaching philosophy:

Coaching supports the women in gaining more control in their own lives, allowing them to chase dreams they hold for themselves and their communities, by acting on issues that they define as important.
Coaching methods address and meet the needs of Burmese culture, while - at the same time - supporting the women with means to grow within their community.
Coaching increases personal growth and leadership. Although we are not specifically training team skills, we feel very confident our women’s independence will allow them to achieve desired team positions.
Coaching methods adapt to the various stages in the program, in order to help the women achieve the level of independence they need to make it through the in-university stage.
Coaching is always based on equality, encouraging self-awareness and critical thinking. Authority and supervisor attitude do not fit We women.
Vice versa, equality and mutuality - through coaching - helps We women to continuously learn and improve methods and projects.

Various elements make a coherent framework for support
We named a variety of development and coaching needs throughout the We women from Burma project. These needs or key competencies - 17 in total - break up into ‘work and study’, ‘personal’ and ‘leadership’. Some are more practical, others personal and in-depth. Some call for a professionally guided process, others do better when students help each other out. To shape the entire framework for support, we put four complementary elements into place:

Coaching: aiming at balance and focus through personal and leadership skills.
Mentoring: advising on and fixing practical problems by someone with senior skills.
Peer groups: meetings to share experiences focus on sharing underlying feelings.
Social network: a safe and designated online space for students to meet and connect.

Coaching differs from western style coaching

Compared to western style coaching, I find three differences shape a less western coaching approach:

(1) Stuck in the present versus stuck in the future or past

Stuck in the future or past could well be the most common starting point for coaching in the West; driven by lots of future thinking, big individual dreams and unresolved issues. In the West we often have difficulties understanding our present - feelings, anxieties, thoughts, life’s questions - to back up our dreams and future thinking. Therefore western style coaching regularly is about exploring today’s reality to get a better grip; for example on dreams and other future oriented behaviour.

Stuck in the present might fit We women better. In this context it’s far more difficult to hold big dreams and goals in life, particularly as an individual. For one, because Buddhism focuses on today. But maybe even more so, for the students today’s reality is omnipresent, shaped by being a responsible representative of a larger community under difficult circumstances. Not to mention the refugee context, which means these people have fled experiences of poverty, sometimes violence and other significant life experiences. An illegal status in Thailand only adds to the insecurity and reality of a life in which there are less opportunities to chase dreams and aspirations. Digging out dreams within this reality can be ethically questionable.

(2) Different views on a life’s journey

A Buddhist quote on personal leadership states: “Like the captain of a ship, a leader must have a definite goal; only then can he chart his course and steer his ship in the right direction.” This ‘eastern’ journey is all about responsibility, about being a role model within your community who may lead the way. Mark Twain - a famous American writer - puts it differently. In lines well known to western travellers he states: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." This journey is about courage, experimenting and discovering new ways by being an individual. Two very different views on life holding values that shape our journey and influence a coaching approach.

(3) High context versus low context

A low context culture is one in which things are fully yet briefly spelled out. These cultures rely on making things explicit. They often refer to what is actually said or written. A high context culture is one in which people assume a great deal of common knowledge and views. A lot less is spelled out, issues remain implicit and are often transferred indirectly. Most Asian cultures are high context; as goes for Burma. Coaching will have to deal with less direct and more implicit ways.

These three differences - together with We women coaching experience - shapes our coaching style and methods. It differs from typical western coaching in the following characteristics:

Invest time, don’t push forward: within the specific We women context, coaches should invest much more time in getting to know and understand the student; especially their ways of today. The coach has to accept that students are often driven by the present, without pushing perspectives ‘for the better’. This way she can help students to realistically open up to personal dreams and goals.
Touch on but don’t follow on practical issues: at present practical issues are also taken on within coaching. These issues - although important - particularly add to the feeling of being stuck in the present. By adding mentoring for practical issues, we create as much coaching time as possible to focus on future goals and dreams and personal and leadership development.
Less play, find focus first: different views on a life’s journey make We women coaching benefit most from no-nonsense methods. Western coaches often apply behavioural experiments to playfully find new ways. In our specific context the pressure of today’s reality calls for an approach in which we take firm hold of the bowlines and cherish the harbour. We want to find some clear and definitive focus points first, before we sail out. A less experimental approach starts with developing a clear vision; like the captain of a ship.
Adapt to less direct ways; avoid being too liberal-minded: once the vision is clear, coaching addresses personal barriers similar to western style guidance. Nevertheless, We women has to accept that coaching on average will be less direct and more implicit, the amount of which depends on the needs and personality of the student. The coach has to adapt to less direct ways - show some cultural sensitivity - to actually connect with the student. Less direct also means we cannot focus on the individual too much. We don’t want to be too liberal-minded. In our context, connecting to the communities behind the individual is vital, even though we highly encourage critical thinking.
Advice is no taboo: coaches in the West actually avoid giving any advice whatsoever; it’s all about individuality and ‘ownership’. But as our students try to balance individuality and community, they will at times have fundamental different views on ownership. We feel ownership - the student ultimately deciding on what to do - goes with personal leadership. Nevertheless, careful advice giving is no taboo for We women coaching; as long as equality and critical thinking are secured.
Keep thinking (cultural) leadership: Within the context of We women from Burma, we want to be extra careful not to impose western concepts onto the students. Nevertheless, We women is about leadership, which means the students also need to face cultural challenges at some point. Therefore acknowledging cultural differences - challenging habits and ideas - can be an interesting part of coaching the more advanced students. The same goes for openly discussing leadership competencies, issues and ambitions.

Pre-university mentoring takes on practical issues
In addition to coaching, mentoring aims to develop work and study competencies and to solve practical problems. A mentor - which could well be a We women project coordinator - focuses on both advising and fixing issues. Mentoring is practical problem-solving on a demand-supply basis. In practice, we like the students to have a meeting with their mentor, immediately following on their coaching session. That way they’ll be able to get practicalities out of the way whereas necessary, while still being able to focus on the more personal aspects through coaching.

Besides 1-on-1 mentoring, we like to set up mentor groups in the pre-university stage. These groups of four to six students will meet with their mentor about four times a year, alternating individual meetings. Mentor groups provide the opportunity to learn from each other’s practical issues. On the other hand, it’s a good platform - and a time-saver - to train or explain activities every student has to deal with.

In-university peer groups support each other
To facilitate students in helping each other, we came up with the idea for We women to set up peer groups during the in-university stage. During this stage, mentoring hours are limited and students are often away from We women base, studying at universities in different cities or even countries. Peer groups focus on discussing issues in small groups of four to six fellow-students. Students help each other analyzing issues and present each other with advice. In the end - of course - it’s up to the students them selves whether they act on the advice given. Peer groups are catalysts, feeding out students with thoughts, ideas and feedback. Students will be trained on how to do peer supervision.

Peer supervision helps students solve both practical and more strategic or personal issues. In general, the longer a group sticks together, the more reflective it gets. The beauty of peer reflection is how it often cuts both ways. While reflecting on others issues, students will learn for them selves. They get acquainted with their own wisdom by overhearing them selves giving it to someone else.

The diagram below represents the way different elements adapt to the various stages in the We women from Burma project. The entire framework - including a format for personal development plans and elaboration of the various elements - is laid out in concept notes.

Connect via We women Social Network
To facilitate contacts amongst students in a safe and discrete way, We women will start an online forum designed to provide an designated space for students to share concerns, experiences and advice. With minor input from We women staff, this forum will primarily be sustained through peer participation. The content discussed in this online forum could vary from topics useful to university life and studies as well as general peer support when personal needs arise. The forum is not only a place to voice concerns, but will allow students to share resources and ideas relevant to their studies. This can include for example online resources, as well as direct feedback from fellow-students. The network serves as a place to share any news or post topics that are of interest. It is a space for friendly and open communication.

The We women student network is getting bigger and bigger. Some are preparing for university, others are already busy doing their masters and soon enough this network will hold experienced and successful alumni-students. In time, the online social network will become a searchable bookshelf of knowledge and contacts.

Coaching, mentoring, mentor groups, peer groups, social networking; together they make a coherent framework that fits We women practise. Starting from this summer, We women will continue to shape and develop all of these elements. We women will look for an additional professional coach, preferably rooted in Burmese culture. The first mentor and peer groups will be set up this summer, and piloting the online social network has already started.
I’ll be gone, but I can’t wait to get back in touch for a first half years evaluation.

For more information on We women foundation, link to their website or Facebook page.

A serious plea for mediocrity

2012-04-01T11:21:00.001+02:00

One of the first things we saw when wandering through the great city of Osaka (Japan), was a race between four two-year-olds. In case you wonder, they were racing on foot-bikes. The moms we’re - quite seriously - organizing both start and finish line. The kids seemed to enjoy themselves, although they cared less for start- en finish lines. Nevertheless they were competing, maybe even for the first time in their young lives. And it won't be the last time. The rules were fair and simple though: (1) all the kids were allowed to compete, (2) all of them had similar opportunities and (3) in the end there were winners and losers.

It reminded me a lot of an Alain de Botton quote in his documentary Status Anxiety: "if everything is more or less leveled, the slightest differentiation is quickly noticed." The Botton points at discriminating winners and losers in a society in which everyone - at first glance - seems to have similar opportunities. In Western Europe and the US for example, we are taught we can all be winners. We are all equal in that way. At the same time, that’s what makes lots of us jealous of peers or neighbors if they are - for some reason - more successful. And if not winning them selves, people are quick to think they’re on the losing end. Sometimes others are even kind enough to - thoroughly - rub that in. An interesting paradox: while in fact everything is more or less leveled, there’s no room for mediocrity. You’re either winning or losing.

In Japan this is not too much of a problem. Hierarchy has for long been accepted in Japanese culture. As I already mentioned in my last blog, Japanese loyalty and obedience by far exceeds what we’re used to in Western societies. Decisions about job positions and salary were often made a long time ago; although it might have been your parents choice, not yours. But at least there’s no need for you to be anxious or unhappy about your status in life. In Japan you’re allowed to be mediocre; you may even shine mediocre. As confusing as it may sound, it’s fair to say there’s more room for mediocrity in more hierarchic societies if compared to egalitarian societies. At least the Japanese are ‘at ease’ with the idea of winners and others.

In Western Europe and the US however, people may get serious anxieties over this. “Even though I’ve achieved quite a lot in life, I often feel a certain need to meet the achievements of some of my friends and colleagues.” Sound familiar? The idea of us all being allowed a similar amount of success might be one of the bigger issues we suffer from as 'equals', simply because we are not. The truth is not even egalitarian societies will allow everyone similar achievements. Society needs variety. Society needs people to live with - and deal with - lesser positions than others. If we can not accept this 'unfairness', that’s a solid ground for jealousy, anxiety, bullying and stress. At work, some women are having even more of a hard time. While men have always been dealing with a certain amount of hierarchy and competition while growing up - team captains, top scorers, funniest and strongest - women are still less used to ranks. In comparison, women more often end up in less healthy forms of competition at work, which causes even more status anxiety.

If we want to get rid of our anxieties - enjoy life as it is - we might want to consider seeing it as it is. People are different. People have different skills. Not to mention our different circumstances, experiences and lessons in life. Unfortunately, not every skill gets the same decent pay and not everyone will be as lucky or privileged. At work we’d find more room for mediocrity and happiness if - first or all - we stopped promising our selves and others too much. It would also be helpful if we stopped enlarging failure. No one needs that. And thirdly, we need to understand every job holds an appreciative value. Only one glance at a Japanese taxi driver - wearing a bow tie, white gloves and a self-confident smile - is enough to understand the Japanese got this. Nevertheless there’s no need to promote hierarchy like the Japanese do. If we see and accept certain things for what they are, we’ll find there’s less room for competition and lots more room for mediocrity. We might even see the beauty and opportunity in mediocrity. Let's live our own lives, not someone else’s. I'm sure we'll like it a whole lot better.

Room for mediocrity? - www.coachcultures.org

Want to read more on this topic?

Check the related blog 'boom with gloom', including several comments from readers.

What makes you commit? ‘Believer, calculator or supporter?’

2012-03-25T11:26:00.000+02:00

After two months on our volunteer job, we’re already calling it a day. It’s not because we don’t like the job or they want us out a.s.a.p. In all fairness we can say it’s because we’re moving on. Nevertheless it does feel a bit like quitting. Not like it did when we left our jobs last summer, but still. We try to make the best of it before we leave and then we say our goodbyes. Off we go, stuffed with memories and afterthoughts. As a coach, I often meet people contemplating on their job and career choices. I find it interesting always, to see how strongly committed people actually are to their jobs. If only their organizations could see half of it. Today - quitting jobs for the second time in a year and juggling (and struggling) with commitment myself - I wonder how people get so committed? And what about commitment across cultures?

Just imagine your company spirals downward. Or continuously having fights with your manager? What if ethics changed? What if your stress-level keeps getting tested? What if you’re salary lags your responsibility and efforts? Or what if you’re developing a serious dislike for your job? Across cultures, people tend to respond differently. Yes, there are strong economical and personal influences, but research filtered out some interesting cultural aspects. We all know the world famous example of Japanese workers. Their loyalty and obedience by far exceeds what we’re used to in Western societies. As well as thoughts about quitting an organization based on costs and benefits are rare in Japan. Such decisions were often made a long time ago; sometimes even based on family heritage.

But what is commitment? The best description I found is ‘persistence with a purpose’. An inner force or action, that feels like attachment, identification or loyalty. If it comes to being committed to our jobs, we can distinct three types:

Affective commitment is ‘a strong belief in and acceptance of the goals and values of an organization’ (Porter). I’d like to talk about believers.
Continuance commitment is a more calculative for of commitment; the result of ‘side-bets’ or investments that increase the costs you would accrue if you leave the organization (Meyer). Let’s call these calculators.
Normative commitment is a sense of obligation, feeling you ought to remain with the organization (Meyer & Allen). I’ll call these supporters.

I’m guessing you might already feel a certain response - familiarity, allergy, itch - when going over one or two of these different types of commitment. Am I right? Why do we respond like that? What makes you commit? Culturally, this is mainly related to dimensions such as individualism versus collectivism and power distance. Individualism feeds both believing and calculating. When you identify less with groups, you’re more likely to stay committed because of inner values or individual benefits. Collectivism on the other hand, is positively associated with supporting. If you identify with groups, you’re more likely to feel obliged to stick with those. Power distance - the extent to which people accept differences in power - is higher in places like Japan, South-East Asia, Argentina or Spain in comparison to Northern Europe and the US. Power distance feeds supporting. The greater the power distance the greater the emphasis on obedience and loyalty. If power distance is low, it’s a lot easier to evaluate authority and assess personal benefits. Not to mention it’ll be a lot easier to confront your boss.

There are interesting paradoxes though. Research proved that turnover - and turnover intentions - were a lot lower in Japan compared to the US. Nevertheless, self-reported levels of commitment in the US are generally higher than in any other culture. Wouldn’t you expect a lower turnover then? It turned out that in the US, a sense of obligation to the organization - supporting - hardly influences the intention of staying; unlike any other country. In the US, I’m sure, this is related to job security; the level of commitment of organizations and governments towards individuals.

Yet how strong are these cultural influences? Not particularly strong. We universally recognize each of these commitment types. Our tendency to be committed - either as a believer, a calculator or a supporter - varies within cultures, from person to person and time to time. For just as much reason, someone could blog about commitment and gender. Nevertheless I’ve learned there are a few universal reasons for sticking to our jobs. In random order this is because (1) we feel we are fairly compensated, (2) we feel we want to make a contribution (to either the organization or its goals), (3) we feel we are still able to learn something, and (4) we feel we can fit the job on a daily life that meets with our other needs.

Leaving We women foundation I’m genuinely happy to have felt strongly committed to an organization, without any interference of calculative commitment. I find believing and supporting are the more likable forces within. My own heroes are not as such because of their skills, talents or intelligence. What I admire is their ability to be human: not knowing, making mistakes, going different ways, losing temper or patience and then - because of commitment to a cause, a person or a group - reflect, learn and get back on track. If that happens to you: stay! That’s when you know for sure how much you really care.

Commitment to a cause - www.coachcultures.org

For some reflection on our volunteering at We women, see our We women blog: “Looking back over a tealeaf salad”.
For more background on commitment across cultures, see: “Commitment across cultures: A meta-analytical approach”, Fischer and Mansell (2008).

Stuck between two countries and a hard place

2012-03-17T10:29:00.000+01:00

Living in Thailand for a few months, we had the pleasure of eating at this amazing Burmese restaurant for a few times. The restaurant - in the outskirts of town - also functions as a community-heart for local migrants from Burma. It’s a good place for them to meet, chat and share their every day lives. Unfortunately, last week Thai police raided the restaurant. What started with parking issues led to much worse: the arrest and possible deportation of six people. These migrants from Burma don’t hold sufficient legal documents to run a business, which are not the only rights they are denied. Stuck between two countries and a hard place. The police of course knew, which makes this nothing more but harassment and a blunt demonstration of police presence. Frustrating enough, there’s not much to do. It’s these frustrations - and others - that cause these migrants never to feel at ease. Stuck in a hard place that - worst case - feeds fear and insecurity.

We all know our own bits and pieces about fear. Let’s just call it a highly unpleasant, very strong emotion. In general, we get afraid in the anticipation of loss. But it gets even more frightening if we depend on the good will of others, such as Thai police, or others in power. Fear is stressful at the least, but the long-term effects - often overlooked - are possibly far more severe. I would even go as far as to say daily exposure to fear is like practising it. As with most things we practise, we get good at it. When practising fear - including anger as a ‘bonus-emotion’ - you run a serious risk of becoming a fearful and angry person. It takes strong will, character and at least some social support to stop this. Unfortunately fear and anger often become standard when dealing with new challenges. I can only admire the way these people from Burma have compensated fear with courage. Because that - and something of a happy-go-lucky attitude - is what it takes to set up a community-heart when stuck in a hard place.

Very important to the community though, because if you add to this the insecurity that goes with having to be on your guard every day, you understand why these migrants need to seek and meet each other. Insecurity feels like always climbing up a mountain without seeing the top. Others describe it like the feeling of having no freedom of action or choice; always having to do something else then you prefer. Out of this insecurity, it’s understandable for people to become defensive. Over-controlling emotionally - not allowing others in - is just one of the many strategies. As an unfortunate paradox, insecurity - defensiveness, over-controlling, not allowing others in - often tends to trigger conflicts instead of preventing them. This risk of downward spiral is of course the last thing you need when afraid and insecure. Again, the relative safety and security of a community-heart - like the Burmese restaurant - puts things into perspective.

Now this - long introduction - is what I find so frustrating about politics today. So many strategies and policies are based on fear and insecurity, which result in even more fear and insecurity. Strict immigration-rules, catch-22 situations for refugees, strong - often inflicting - words by politicians, stressing differences; it all adds up to nothing much of a way to go. Understanding the long-term effects of fear and insecurity makes it even more annoying to listen to up-tight politicians who lead on these exclusive and excluding policies and ideas from behind their brave and macho masks. Like the former bullies at school; we all know they always turned out to be neither brave nor interesting. We see politicians behaving defensive, we look at them over-controlling emotionally and we know for a fact they are not letting anyone in or close. All I can think of is: insecurity. It just goes to show fear and insecurity cut both ways. These seemingly brave and macho figures - bullies in power, frightening and harassing others - actually get more scared and insecure every day they do so. Good practise! Downward spiral, just what we need, especially from the boys and girls in the lead…

Come on world, is this how we’re going to deal with future challenges? If we all want to be less afraid and insecure - which we do - there’s no other choice but to take some risk in changing our behaviour. Which actually means we have to trust others and expose ourselves; take some risk of getting hurt. Luckily, lots of people are brave; like these people from Burma. Those in better positions on the other hand - like the ordinary you and me, or leaders and politicians - could do with some more healthy and humorous belief in them selves. Aren’t we far too busy overcoming insecurity by finding support - votes, followers, Facebook-likes - all the time? As a strategy to halt the downward fear and insecurity spiral, I say it’s about time we deal with our highly exaggerated need for acceptance and approval. It’ll save us lots of time, lots of fuzz and lots of future troubles.

Stuck between two countries and a hard place - www.coachcultures.org

Throw off your bowlines or cherish your harbour?

2012-03-10T09:52:00.002+01:00

When discussing the coaching framework with Ursula at We women foundation, we dwelled upon how women from Burma point at their heart when talking about both their heart and mind. If you’re into Buddhism, you’ll know more about this. It’s very different from a Western upbringing, in which we clearly see the mind in one place and the heart in another. I often state that coaching is all about being you; both connecting our inside to what we show on the outside and connecting our hearts and minds. It feels like we can easily spend a lifetime ‘unconfusing’ ourselves. But what if a Burmese upbringing - or maybe a Buddhist upbringing in general - causes a different sort of confusion? What would it be like? And how does it influence a coaching approach?

I’m only starting to dig in, so obviously I’m far from having the answers. Plus I’m not what you might call an expert on Buddhism. Nevertheless, I feel like I am slowly waking up to a different coaching approach, to actually fit the local context. We women works within a very specific local context. They support female refugees from Burma - illegal migrants in Thailand - whose passions, goals and motivation implicate them as future leaders of Burma. Most women that take part in the project - talented and motivated as they are - are under a lot of pressure to finish their education. At the same time, these women have to manage their very intense lives. Therefore, coaching is already a vital part of their project.

So what changes a coaching approach compared to western style coaching? This is what I’m thinking:

“Stuck in our future or past, trying to work out the present” could well be the most common starting point for coaching in the West. I feel we Westerners are mind racers - disconnected from our feelings or heritage - often far from knowing what it is that actually drives us. Western people do lots of future thinking; having big individual dreams. Not to mention we often have unresolved issues in our past. All together we seem to have lots of difficulties sensing and understanding our present - feelings, anxieties, thoughts, life’s questions - to back up our dreams and future thinking. Coaching is often about exploring today’s reality to get a better grip on our future oriented behaviour.

“Stuck in the present” might fit Buddhist cultures better. Over here, it is far more difficult to hold big dreams and goals in life, particularly as an individual. If only because Buddhism focuses on today. But for the women from Burma the reality of today is omnipresent, often shaped by being a responsible representative of a larger community. Then there’s the refugee context. These people have fled experiences of poverty, sometimes violence and other significant life experiences. On top of this, living as illegal migrants in Thailand adds to the insecurity and reality of a life in which there are less opportunities to chase dreams and aspirations. You could question the ethics of digging out dreams within this reality, right? On the other hand, people are much more aware of their feelings, anxieties, primary thoughts and life’s questions.

In addition, Asian cultures are often high context cultures; which means a lot less is spelled out and experiences and ideas are often much more implicit, So how to discuss matters as a coach? (Click here for more information on high versus low context). You might start to feel that a Western style of personal coaching is a total misfit for female refugees from Burma. But for now, I disagree.

Why? Let’s just simplify by saying that coaching is about personal leadership. I would argue that it’s all about opening up to your own journey. If that is the case, I feel Eastern and Western cultures have an interestingly different view on the concept of a life’s journey. A Buddhist quote on personal leadership states: “Like the captain of a ship, a leader must have a definite goal; only then can he chart his course and steer his ship in the right direction.” This journey - on the one hand - is all about responsibility and about being a role model within your community who may lead the way. Mark Twain - a famous American writer - puts it differently. In lines well known to Western travellers he states: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." This journey is about courage, experimenting and discovering new ways by being an individual. Different values shape our journey.

I feel these different concepts of a life’s journey - plus being stuck in the present versus future or past - shape a non-Western coaching approach. Not entirely different, but different for sure in terms of pace, focus, methods and behaviour. Feel free the comment. I’m happy to get back to you later with more specific ideas. But for now, I’m trying to withhold myself from jumping into conclusions; happy to learn from these more time-plentiful cultures.

The heart & the mind - www.coachcultures.org

Crisis? What Crisis?

2012-03-04T05:45:00.000+01:00

No, this blog is not about Supertramp’s Fourth Album. But it would be a lousy title for my blog if there wasn’t any parallel. Supertramp released their Album during the mid-seventies oil-crisis, ironically denying the crisis. Well, I would love to add some question marks to today’s crisis. A few weeks ago, my colleague Ron got me started, by saying a crisis is nothing more than our world evolving very - very - fast. A very interesting thought. Yes, if we don’t want change, we - our government, financial ‘authorities’, whoever - may speak of crisis. But I feel this time of change holds lots of long-awaited good, which just might make our European or global crisis a most interesting and enjoyable time to discover new ways.

Three weeks ago, in my blog ‘so many ways’, I talked about inspiring Asian entrepreneurs, opening up to a diversity of ideas and solutions. So how about inspiration today? Even better, as I am now surrounded by social entrepreneurs. A funny combination of words ‘social-entrepreneurs’, which is used since the eighties (post-crisis) to label people who use business principles to solve social issues. Instead of focusing on profit and return, social entrepreneurs like to focus on creating social capital. That’s why social entrepreneurs are often associated with voluntary and non-profit sectors. Although there are even more ways. What is most appealing to me is how social entrepreneurs are always most active in times of so-called crisis, no matter the shape, size or geographic location. Social entrepreneurs want to contribute, highly motivated by making positive changes. They see all sorts of opportunities and - most important of all - seize opportunities where others freeze or get frustrated.

Today I myself got the opportunity to contribute to a very interesting, driven social ventures called We women foundation. Volunteering for now, as a coach, which of course in my case is something of a luxury thing. But you’d have to understand that no one makes big bucks in social ventures like these. That’s not how you create social capital. We women is about supporting strong unrecognized refugee women from Burma to build capacity within their community. About increasing their abilities to make and influence policy decisions in Burma, which today are too often made by outsiders. About supporting these women to make it to and through University, to promote their chances of achieving their dreams and goals. All of which is social capital. I can tell you, seeing these things work out is seriously good pay.

Many things happen in Burma today, many of which are very problematic. Problematic and complex in ways that make our European crisis seem very - very - shallow. But no matter the shape or size of crisis, these specifically are times to create positive and lasting change in fast-evolving communities.

So if you ever feel locked in by our European and global crisis, stuck on a train towards change that is not you. Change trains at the next stop and seize your crisis-opportunity to join or become a social entrepreneur. It’s a ‘crisis’, so you’ll find them around. Yes of course, you’ll make less of a buck. But hey, it’s crisis anyway! Maybe you’ll have to adjust your standards a bit. But a few days or weeks down the line you’ll know you’re investing, focused on positive change. And some time later you’ll feel it too. Soon, very - very - soon, you’ll find out how little the word crisis actually means. I’d highly recommend this change of perspective.

We all want the same, don’t we?

2012-02-25T11:13:00.000+01:00

This week I had the opportunity to facilitate a Youth Exchange workshop at Beam Education Foundation in Chiang Mai. Every three months a group of Burmese refugees - in their early twenties, working at different Community Based Organizations in Chiang Mai - gather to discuss topics of their interest. This time round about thirty students targeted the topic of education in Burma. We discussed all levels from primary school to university, collecting dreams and ideas on how to improve Burmese education. Two NGO-workers, Leena from Finland and Meaghan from the US, added an international perspective by doing presentations and Q&A on school systems in Finland, US and UK. The outcome of the day was very clear. And it surprised me, although I know It shouldn’t.

Ever since the current military regime in Burma staged a coup in 1988, education deteriorated to a point where post-secondary education was almost non-existent. Nearly all of Burma's universities and colleges have been mostly closed since the student-led protests in 1988, in which thousands of non-violent demonstrators were gunned down. Universities in Burma have been open sporadically over the last decade and most academic materials are even more decades out of date. But the greatest barrier to attend primary and secondary school for sure is poverty. Cuts in government spending on education meant an increase in costs to families in the form of a series of taxes and donations, to be paid to the education department, the school, and the teachers. Every little ‘extra’ has to be paid for. Over fifty percent of the children drop out of school before fifth grade. Children in ethnic minority conflict areas are even less likely to have access to school, as struggle for food security takes priority.

So maybe I was expecting the students to be political about their education system. Or maybe I thought they would avoid the personal, focusing on conditions and curricula. And maybe I was also guessing culture would somehow influence the outcome. But the fact of the matter was that most students expressed basic needs. As they got more personal they talked about copy-paste education, lack of room for discussion, power-distant teachers that don’t listen to students, non-existing equality and no personal approach whatsoever. The students long for critical capacity and ways for them to express opinions. They want dedicated and involved teachers, who are consistent and open-minded. Not to mention they’d like some time to daydream, relax and have fun. And that’s when it hit me; these of course are fundamental human needs. It’s all about participation, about understanding, about identity and about freedom. And it doesn’t matter the least bit whether you’re from the Netherlands, Finland, US or Burma. We all want the same, don’t we?

Fundamental human needs are constant through all human cultures and across all time periods (Manfred Max-Neef). What does change over time - and across cultures - is the strategies by which we satisfy these needs. That is a part of what Coach Cultures is about; being able to help people with different backgrounds, without force-feeding different cultural ideas. But when it comes to fundamental needs we are all very similar, so we can forget about our differences. Max-Neef distincts nine fundamental human needs: subsistence, protection, affection, understanding, participation, leisure, creation, identity and freedom. Each one breaks down into ‘who do you want to be?’, ‘what do you want to have?’, ‘what do you want to do?’ and ‘how do you want to interact?’.

Sometimes we need a lively experience to remember the basics. To me, listening to the students at Youth Exchange made me realize we are similar in so many ways. All too valuable, especially since I have been focusing a lot on differences lately. Yes, sometimes focus dazzles us. Re-realizing we are all very much the same - I am you and you are me - I immediately felt even more involved. So even though the outcome shouldn’t surprise me, I’m only happy it did.

Do we look up or down across cultures?

2012-02-19T03:26:00.000+01:00

Last week I got started on my new volunteer job, setting up a coaching framework for We women foundation in Chiang Mai (Thailand). We women supports unrecognized refugee women whose passions, goals and motivation implicate them as future leaders of Burma. Coaching is on of more important aspects in We womens’ programs, which makes this job a double inspiration for me.

We womens’ staff and volunteers are a happy mix of Dutch, Shan from Burma, Burmese, US, US-Korean-Thai, British and Thai. What struck me immediately is how all staff and volunteer members - culture to culture - almost seem to look up to one another. Better put: everyone is valuing and admiring different qualities and styles and there’s a high level of mutual respect. Which reminded me of an article I once read (and forgot about), explaining how - across cultures - people tend to look down upon themselves. Others - or other cultures - seem so naturally skilled sometimes, while some skills never seem to come easy for you and me. I’m sure you recognize the feeling, right? Looking up across cultures feels good, as it fills you with positive emotions such as interest and admiration.

But, unfortunately, that would be all too easy. This week at lunch, one of the staff members mentioned how Thai people often tend to look down upon people from Burma in Thailand. My mind raced back to the Netherlands, where some not very interesting right winged political party opened a website to encourage complaints about Eastern European migrants. Encouraging people to look down for sure. As we all know, looking down unfortunately is common. So, here’s my question: Do we look up or down towards other cultures? I’ll try a rational approach for a change.

Why do we look down? Although luckily many treasure tolerance and equality, simultaneously discrimination, suppression and racism is happening. Some people look down on others because of occupation, appearance, religion, gender, culture, sexual orientation or even car brand. Most of this is based on prejudice: not knowing. Prejudice tends to make people unsure and less confident, or sometimes even scared or hostile. It’s a cliché, but when I meet arrogance or violence, 90% of the time I see a big whack of insecurity and prejudice. So that’s one. Secondly, people subconsciously look down because of different cultural habits and conceptions. Chileans for example, have very little tolerance for failure. That’s why there are so few entrepreneurs in Chile. It also explains why Chileans look down upon small Asian businesses; not racial but rather based on the way Chileans - and you and me - think and act. Thirdly - and not in the least - people tend to look down because of trends in media and politics. Looking down has become a global sport. Every day papers, social media and television thrive on the latest fails of celebrities and politicians. Looking down can be very easy and subconscious.

So why then do we look up? First of all, as people move around and meet with different cultures, they often feel clumsy and not very well adjusted. I know I did sometimes. If you don’t walk the walk or talk the talk, you’re bound to feel insecure at some point. In these situations, many people tend see themselves as less competent which makes them look up against others. Secondly, many people are curious and want to pick up new ideas or skills. This is a firm ground for looking up at different qualities. And if it turns out we still don’t understand, people are often very much willing to admire. As said, admiration makes us feel happy and good; that's why we all have our heroes. And have you noticed how our heroes are often very much unlike ours selves? For good reasons, as differences appeal and challenge us. The same goes for admiring other cultures. Thirdly - to wrap things up - there’s self-awareness and self-confidence. If you feel these apply to you, you are more likely to look up and learn from other people. At least it won’t put you down.

Back to We women. The mutual admiration struck me, so I’m afraid this is still the lesser common. But looking down is just so not satisfactory, don’t you agree? We’d want to make sure we look up instead of down, or at least make some eye contact with other cultures. Ask yourself this: How do you expect to enjoy your lifetime with 7 billion others in this world - different people, different skills, different ideas and different values - if you’re not willing to appreciate differences? I for one am sure cross-cultural coaching would be out of the question without admiration and some serious sense of our diverse reality.

So many ways

2012-02-12T06:25:00.000+01:00

The longer I’m travelling, the more I realise how - before I left - I was on my own little, personal crusade. My crusade was up against single-solution-thinking. Nothing violent I can reassure you. Although I wasn’t really aware how serious my crusade was until I first mentioned single-solution-thinking in my blog two weeks ago (How can I help?). Seeing different ways and new opportunities really makes me tick. It’s one of the things I like so much about coaching; being able to help people opening their mind to new ways, to different ideas or to helpful concepts. In return, I’m granted with lots of interesting thoughts and ideas to take in. Nevertheless in general, I feel single-solution-thinking is everywhere. In Europe we are brought up - and especially educated - with the idea there’s always one best solution. Until a better one comes along. It seriously narrows our perspective. And it makes people feel seriously locked-in or even scared. Especially today - in a fast and changing world - many people see no other alternative but to stop moving forward. Many people even want to go back, which causes old-fashioned-conservatism to thrive.

Very much unlike many Asian countries, who seem to be opening up to a diversity of solutions and ideas. The well-known quote is ‘same same but different’, and you’re supposed to say it with a smile and a sense of pride on your face. Anywhere, anything can be organized, only slightly different. Everyday creativity. There are few things that can’t be done and not many people seem afraid or reluctant to try something new or different. In general - staying in Asia - I feel positively surrounded by very much open-minded people, who don’t seem the least narrowed by often strong religious or family values. This is what makes Asia so vibrant to me: so many people being curious and open.

From this perspective, China for sure is ruling the world. There has never been a communist country that - at the same time - became world champion in capitalism and materialism. To me this just proves anything is possible in China. It’s only a matter of time. I feel their success today is partly related to curiosity and their ability to see so many ways. Even though Chinese society is very evolved and complex, China is always on the lookout to find and understand new concepts and ideas. I often wondered why most western countries hold back. Why don’t we pick up new concepts and ideas in Asia? As you know it doesn’t take expensive rockets or spaceships to get here. And be sure this a world to curiously explore.

Now before I lose myself in politics, lets just go back to ‘same same but different’ and progressive-creative thinking. Curiosity and openness are key competences for entrepreneurs. Both in Asia - where you will find all sorts of entrepreneurs - as back home. If you want to start, grow and maintain a business, these are probably the most important character ingredients you’d have to bring in. I’ve always liked being around entrepreneurs, all filled with ideas and enthusiasm. And I am sure most of them would not hesitate to join me on my crusade, if it wasn’t for the sake of their business they don’t. Entrepreneurs keep their special - seeing so many ways - quality to them selves, as it is the best way to benefit from our single-solution-society. They are the ones that come up with a must-have new solution, marketing it as the better one that comes along. And be sure they’ve got the next best single-solution lined up, open and creative as they are. Waiting for single-solution-people to be ready. Slowing down - in general - is better for entrepreneurs’ wallets.

Too bad! I would love to see Europe open up again, like Asia is doing. It would be great to see people regain that everyday creativity. So observe, enjoy, and learn from entrepreneurs. Or take a break and explore Asia; which especially today is a mind-bending experience. But maybe it would be even better to open your mind (and your front door) to different nationalities and cultures back home. Same same but different! You’d be surprised how it will widen your perspective.

Up for negotiation?

2012-02-04T10:33:00.000+01:00

Whenever we want something from someone - or another person wants something from us - negotiations get started. I guess I never realized the importance and the ever presence of negotiation. Never realizing - and never really liking - it took me a long time to accept and admit we do it all the time. And if I say all the time, I mean ALL the time: at work, at home, at school, in relationships, in business, and so on. Except for every day shopping that is, that one seemed to be ruled out in most western countries. Although some people know how to get a bargain anytime and anywhere. But this is not about bargaining; negotiating is a two-way thing.

So here we are, travelling throughout South America and Asia, realizing we lost the most basic and explicit of all negotiation skills: getting yourself an every day product for a good price. Only now - after some four or five months of basic training on the job - I am able to smile all the way through the negotiation process. And even though my own culture tends to look at negotiation in a very negative way, I’m starting to see the beauty of it. It’s both good fun and for a good cause, as a good deal cuts both ways.

Negotiating is also a very interesting skill from the perspective of this blog, as it may well be one of the most culturally influenced skills around. Not only because some cultures have more practise, but also because culture plays a very important role when negotiating. All parties bring in their own specific cultural behavior. We all have slightly different patterns of thinking, sets of values and ways of feeling and acting. Culture immensely influences the way negotiation takes place. How is negotiation perceived? Do we take on a competitive-aggressive strategy or friendly one? Do we avoid uncertainty by agreeing on principles first - that would have been my style before this trip - or do we just dive in and save the best for last? Think only of communication style and peoples willingness to adapt, and you know you’re up for something. Intercultural negotiation is in a league of its’ own.

Paul R. Horst (United States Airforce) wrote a very interesting paper on ‘cross-cultural negotiations’. He summarizes negotiation factors and their cultural responses. A few I find particularly interesting, as you are bound to run into them more often when working (or travelling) abroad. Ask yourself these questions, and see if you can fill them in for your colleagues or business partners. The questions made me highly aware of cultural aspects, which makes negotiating even more interesting and fun to do.

Soft or hardball: What is the most important outcome for you, contract or relationship? What do you prefer, win it all or win-win?
Formalities or personal touch: Is you personal style formal or informal? Does that include emotions? Do you like to communicate direct or indirect? Do you take risks or rule them out as soon as possible?
Organization: Do you want to finish fast, or is time not a big issue? Do you start with minor or major negotiation ingredients? Who negotiates? Can anyone negotiate? Who is to decide? Do you seek consensus?

As said, intercultural negotiation is one of those things you will for sure be a part of when working abroad. It will influence your success and ability to find your way in work and business; in job interviews, performance appraisals, project management, leadership or any other form of every day work. And in the end, since it’s a two-way thing, you’d have to be able to see both ends in order to be most successful. On average, women are somewhat better at this, having the tendency to give in a little to let both parties have some results. Unless - and this is proven - women negotiate in order to achieve something for someone else. This is why, in some cultures, men let their wife or girlfriend negotiate for them.

So, are you up to it? If so, the key is to know about cultural response. And most of all, get to know your own. Charlotte - a Danish expat I met in Phnom Penh and lives in Beijng near to the famous brand-clothing- markets - tells me how she urges visiting friends to leave their money at home the first time they enter the market. ‘First practise and observe, or be sure you’re gonna be caked.’ Some sound advice if you ask me. A similar thing goes for many workers with different cultural backgrounds in the Netherlands. How do you - for example - pick up the desirable Dutch leadership style, built upon consensus and reason, if you were brought up in very different ways? Or what if you’re Dutch and work in France or Italy? What about emotions in communication? Just follow Charlotte’s advice: give it time, observe peoples’ response and enjoy working on your own.

Which brings me back to my own recent experiences and change. Once you learn to smile your way through the intercultural negotiation process and get to see the beauty of it, I’m sure you’re in the market!

How can I help?

2012-01-29T05:07:00.002+01:00

‘Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than it’s operating manual.’ In some ways, the same goes for charity in countries like Cambodia. As one of the least developed countries - at some point completely left on their own devices by the rest of the world - Cambodia today is a place where all sorts of development aid are highly visible. But it’s complicated; you’d need a manual.

Some of the orphanages in Siem Reap (and other more touristy places) lead by dreadful example. Many are not even orphanages, but rather boarding schools for poor children or a safe place for children from troubled homes. But the worst ones - and this is said to be pretty common - rent or buy children from their often very poor parents. They only aim to bring in money through orphanage-tourism. For sure, these are not the orphanages where your money is going to be well spent. We saw signs on the streets advertising ‘shows’ by orphans: ‘performance, music & songs by the vulnerable children’. It’s one of those things that made me wonder if I even wanted to know. It does get very complicated. The operating manual for Cambodian orphanages is way too big for a quick read or a short stay.

Some say - and I believe this is true - charity is often damaging, unless it helps the recipients to become independent of it. We tried to find those places, and we believe to have found a few. ‘Where helping tastes good’ is the slogan of ‘Haven’, a restaurant that aims to integrate coming-of-age orphans back into society. Sara and Paul worked in an orphanage on their world trip in 2008. That’s when they started wondering about what happens to the orphans that grow too old to stay. It didn’t look too good, so they wanted to set up something that helps the children take care of them selves. Haven opened only three weeks before we arrived in Siem Reap; in a quiet little street just outside the hustle of downtown Pub Street. ‘We don’t want to expose the children - our family - to this kind of tourism’ Sara explains. ‘Our trainees need a safe, healthy and friendly environment to learn!’ Needless to say the food and the service were great. So after their training, the children can set a new standard in Siem Reap’s catering industry. We ended up eating out at Haven three times that same week. ‘Friends’ in Phnom Penh is a similar, already well-established initiative. Since 1994, Friends protects and reintegrates street children. They possibly run the most famous restaurant in Phnom Penh, besides the Foreign Correspondents Club I guess. I find their holistic program and international and local network very impressing. And luckily, most people want to help out. It’s a lot better to live by each other’s happiness and not misery, right? Although I must admit that if I can help out just by eating out, it has just become very easy.

By chance, we also spent two days teaching at a small English school run by Daro, a Buddhist monk. The school - outside Siem Reap - is not exposed to tourism and doesn’t have much sponsors or ongoing funding. The experience was very good. And although I’m sure the children and the two of us shared both fun and useful hours, we decided to change our approach next time. Especially with children, we feel time and commitment is important. Two days is way too short to make sure it’s all about the best interest of the children; not about us being all helpful and interesting for a few days.

The holistic ‘Haven and Friends approach’ reminded me of something else: niche-aid. In Africa, Western countries especially fund fighting big diseases, such as TBC, HIV and malaria. But we fail to fill up some important healthcare gaps. In Rwanda for example, the big diseases are said to account for only 10% of the problems, whereas more basic issues such as diarrhoea, pneumonia and malnutrition are the biggest killers. Many people still die because of a lack of healthcare, in spite of large amounts of health aid from humanitarian organizations. Some say because most aid is niche-aid. And although fighting big diseases remains important, it may well be more cost-effective to start with the basics; for example by improving health infrastructure, providing training and setting up local management.

I like to think that - and this is no manual - in the end helping all comes down to opening up to people and to just being there. Avoid single-solution-thinking - get to know people - and try to think of them as your family. As Sara and Paul show us. Stick around, but make sure you avoid long-term dependence. In my experience as a coach - which is similar in many ways - people always find admirable and surprising new ways them selves. It’s those pieces only you can put together yourself. Many parents are experts; knowing it’s not about taking over. Understanding that, helping out in other cultures is quite similar. Stick around and open up. In many occasions you’ll find it is not so much your help that makes the bigger difference; it’s the confidence raised by your being there.

Search for authenticity

2012-01-21T09:38:00.000+01:00

As a coach, I tend to stumble upon the word authenticity everywhere. It is a popular word for speakers and authors on psychology, spirituality and human development. Plus, it’s part of todays’ vocab of most managers and consultants. It’s a funny word which - as it should - sounds interesting and important and all, but comes with a variety of interpretations. It means something like ‘not false or copied, genuine, real, free from pretense or hypocrisy, sincere’. Authenticity is regularly explained as being your real self, without concern for what others may think of you. Easy summary, tough challenge!

As we travel, we can’t get away from people using the A-word. Many travelers want to experience the real deal; get an honest idea and perspective on the countries they visit. But what does it mean for people to be ‘real’? And who decides if it’s real or not? And is it even achievable, as only us being there changes the whole dynamics of places?

Is it about people living their original lifestyle, living by traditional values, so that us travelers can get a sense of history? Most travelers seem to be looking for that nostalgia, wanting to experience the exotic, wanting to connect to something sacred from the past. Over here at Angkor Wat, that - and the grandeur of the amazing Temple complex - is one of the key reasons for people visiting. For some that includes touristy elephant rides. But - authentic or not - you can’t get away from the hundreds of little handcraft shops and the abundance of food stalls aiming at tourists. After all, you can’t blame people for trying to make a living of it all. I remember us visiting the floating villages at Lake Titicaca in Peru, only for a few hours. Their traditional way of living - or so it says in every guidebook - seemed only disturbed by them singing ‘Vamos a la playa’ for welcomes and goodbyes. To us, this type of A-word tourism felt quite perverse. These people were obviously far from authentic, living a museum-lifestyle to make a living with modern life only miles away.

So what is authentic in terms of travelling? I guess it’s all about being given the opportunity to look behind the scenes; which is s lot easier in places where you are welcomed in stead of entertained. We also find that it takes time to see through, if we even can. The more days we spent in little towns - meeting the same people over and over again - the more people start to behave in their natural ways around us. And if we stick around, we are often lucky meeting different people, somewhat further away of the business of dealing with tourists.

I guess authenticity is all about today and not about history. Yes, it’s amazing to meet with people and cultures that are still strongly connected to their roots and their past. But if the past is cultivated in a way that it withholds people from living their lives or from being teenagers today, it starts to feel twisted. So if we want authenticity, we have to go with the times and the flow, not leaning backwards but forwards. It’s the people themselves that - by working out their own lifestyle - decide if it’s authentic or not. So if you’re the kind of traveler that wants to avoid daily living conditions or political realities, you’re not going to meet much authenticity.

As said in the beginning, the search for authenticity is popular these days. Sales representatives have to be authentic, consultants have to be authentic and managers have to be authentic. If we feel people show us who they are, we tend to trust them. But there is a similar catch to it; who decides if people are being authentic? Is it the company? The client? The manager? For some it gets real confusing, especially within strong company cultures. Is it wise for companies to look for people that can - authentically - fit in their historically shaped company culture? Or would it be better to allow people to be different, so that a company culture stays open and can move forward. I guess I would always advice to gently lean forward, in a way that stimulates people to show themselves and work out their own work- and lifestyles. For one because many people have a fair tendency to adjust, or even to seriously overstretch themselves in order to fit in. Like Cambodians in Siem Reap adjust to tourism, which - to us - makes it harder to look behind the scenes. Nevertheless, allowing people to be authentic, also means allowing them to be different then before.

Back to the A-word in traveling. We’ve slowed down now. Which - for now - feels awfully good. And although we’re never sure how much extra life behind the scenes we get to experience by slowing down, it sure is an interesting change of perspective. But maybe this is not just about trying to look behind other peoples’ scenes. I guess it’s just as much about me and my girlfriend letting go of our travel culture so far, giving in to our own real deal by gently leaning forward. People - travelers, managers, companies - are not likely to find authenticity if they don’t step out them selves. The search for authenticity has to cut both ways.

For the times they are-a-changing

2012-01-15T04:30:00.003+01:00

Missing out on the sixties, I think I have never really been exposed to intense, political generation conflicts. Sure, back home we discuss X and Y versus Babyboom, which is fun but always somewhat academic. Walking the streets of Cambodia however, differences between generations are suddenly very obvious and very visible, if only because the overwhelming majority - over 70 percent - of the people is under the age of 30. Cambodia is home to ‘The Killing Fields’. Under a terrible regime by the Khmer Rouge and their leader Pol Pot, more than 2 million people were murdered or (intentionally) died from starvation. All these atrocities happened not so long ago - between 1975 and 1979 - during the cold war. But even now - 30 years later - the people responsible for this genocide have not been brought to justice. And although crime tribunals are now established and television and papers report about it as part of a national healing process, many people aren’t even aware of it. What remains for people who lived through the genocide, is trauma, suspicion and distrust. But as some say, youth already forgets.

Cambodia shows a painful generation gap between those who survived, and their children and grandchildren. Many young people actually know very little about the Khmer Rouge days. It makes sense though. The people traumatized by the regime are in many cases still unable or unwilling to talk or even emotionally detached. And, maybe even more so, they really don’t want to burden their children and grandchildren with so much brutality. And for the younger generation? They just can’t cope with this huge amount of painful history. They want to look ahead, see a brighter future. It is said that even teachers - who are willing and able to tell the stories of Khmer Rouge - feel left out by their students. I guess the horror is just too big. So there you have it: a scared and traumatized generation and a - working hard to be - happy-go-lucky generation.

From this blogs’ perspective, I see at least three interesting cultural differences between these generations. To begin with, the younger generation shows a lower context level. They are not afraid to make a statement and are more likely to tell you what they really think. The older generation for sure is much, much harder to reach. Secondly - with less of the weight and the scars of the past - Cambodian youth is much more future-oriented. Although still not very optimistic due to the system they live in, they sure look ahead. And third and last, I feel young Cambodians - through their will to be different - are seriously trying to take down power distance (not very common in Asia). The younger generation happily picks up different worldviews, if only because a larger portion of them got access to pretty good education. All together I wouldn’t be surprised if young Cambodians carry personal leadership to a whole new and - certainly for Cambodian standards - different level.

As I talked to Meang, some pieces fell together. Meang is not in his thirties yet and runs two guesthouses. He was able to go to University, studied to be a teacher, and worked for an American NGO for two years. But soon he decided to start his own business. Meang explains: ‘young Cambodians are very aggressive in starting their own business. People don’t trust the government, so everyone wants to be independent.’ At least younger people can. According to Meang, many older people not only lack education, but also willpower and self-trust to make the same effort. Sadly, this is because educated professionals were the primary target in the Khmer Rouge years. So more than anywhere else in the world, it is up young people to change and reshape Cambodia. In time this will hopefully help to create a safer and more stable environment for the post-traumatic generation. Without stability and new trust in good - different - leadership, the traumatized generation will remain suspicious, and keeps on passing on their distrust and self-distrust to their children.

So - as a post-sixties-kid - being in Cambodia educated me on the impact of generation gaps. Talking about generations X and Einstein suddenly feels somewhat shallow, right?! But think of what third generation Turkish and Moroccan immigrants in the Netherlands experience today. They have to work out a painful generation gap as well, as they face the difficulty of both not really fitting in with their parents and their Dutch work-life environment. Their success is vital for upcoming generations. Cambodia to me is a reminder to always take more than one generation into account, when working with cultural differences. I'd say there’s no better way to understand the drive and frustrations of today!

Boom with Gloom

2012-01-05T23:53:00.002+01:00

Australia seems to be one of those happy places in the world, where mateship is key, room to live is abundant, life expectancy and medical care are great and - believe it or not - the economy is actually booming. Although the people we meet quickly prove to have two faces: their happy and their gloomy face. Headlines underline it: ‘Gloom persists in Australia despite good growth and low unemployment’ (The Australian, 28/11/11) ‘Rate cuts fail to lift the gloom’ (SBS, 14/12/11). The economy is registering amazing growth, low inflation, low unemployment and massive investment, enjoyed for an unprecedented 20 years. But yet, the Australians are not happy. Both business and consumer confidence are weak.

As a crosscheck I flicked through some of the worlds happy indices, which provide some interesting statistics. And yes, in terms of numbers, Australia is doing great. The United Nations Human Development Index scores Australia the 2nd best country to live, just behind Norway. The survey is based on indicators such as income and life expectancy. But if you dig a little deeper - for example in world value surveys, where people are actually interviewed - Australia doesn’t even make it to the top-20. Many other countries overrun Australia, amongst which Mexico, El Salvador and USA. Somehow it didn’t surprise us.

To illustrate gloom, just two quick examples of people we ran into. I’ll leave out the backpack crowd this time, although it packs many shining examples of ‘no worries gloom’. Australian Mick - who I accidently met while snorkelling (goggles on) - seems a fun-living bloke, but has a very pessimistic worldview: ‘we’re doing way too good, we’re the enemy now!’ And Barry - our happy and friendly B&B host - is still very much ashamed of the way White Men took over Australia: ‘those so called orphans we used to go and play school-rugby with, they were actually stolen from their parents. They were the Stolen generation. We should repay them, do what we can, allow them their culture. But we’re not too good at those things.’

I will try to explain Australia’s ‘boom with gloom’ my way. On the surface all Australians seem to be mates (except for aboriginals unfortunately, which is a completely different topic!). Similar to New Zealand, mateship and group solidarity are obvious ideals. Although in New Zealand, mateship seems to run deeper and happiness actually feels less superficial. Australia seems different. Contrary to New-Zealanders, Australians are very direct and not the least afraid to criticize. USA-alike, the Australian education system promotes individualism and - as well as the present booming economy - encourages competition. Well yes, mateship, equality and tough individualism, they make an ambivalent and somewhat unfortunate - unhappy - mix.

Then there’s the Australian penal colony beginnings, which is only fairly modern history. Historicists feel this explains why Australians love to be the underdog. Many Australian people like rough edges, love anti-establishment and flirt with being harsh or even outcast. Or as we wrote in our travelblog, this huge continent has serious ‘island mentality’. But consider this: if you’ve always felt great about being the underdog, the perspective of becoming a top dog isn’t very appealing. I’d say it might even scare you.

And then - to top things off - there’s Hofstedes’ scale on uncertainty avoidance. Australians do not like uncertainty. They strive for stability and consensus. In times of change, people tend to feel far more stress and anxiety than average. No worries’ mate! Crisis in Europe, increasing foreign (Asian) investments, price levels on the rise, sustainability issues; although not all bad for Australia, these developments (sub)consciously make people worry. The Australian worry about an increasingly uncertain future, in which the role of their island might change.

As travellers we feel literature misses out on one aspect. In the blistering 40 degrees heat and wind ‘us Dutchies’ obviously feel very unadapted. But so do the former colonists. Their big cars and air-conditioned houses, their historic struggle to settle, it draws up a huge contrast with the land. Their forefathers worked hard to conquer this land, but to what extent did they really succeed? Australia’s nature is one tough nut to crack. You will always be a guest. Or as Barry’s 88 year old aunt explains: ‘we cannot even do without air-conditioning for one second, so how can this country be sustainable?’ Aboriginals - who have been connected to this land for over 6.000 years - can’t even begin to understand why the colonists should be happy: ‘White man him go nowhere. Him not connected. Him got road only to himself.’

New Zealanders, tell me what you think!

2011-12-11T23:43:00.007+01:00

The Listener, a New Zealand magazine, published an article on main characteristics that define ‘New Zealandness’. Two anthropologists, specialized in sociological and psychographic research, went in-depth to map distinctive qualities. Mind you, their research was sponsored by an advertising firm that works for a few big companies, such as Coca Cola and MacDonalds. It revealed some interesting characteristics, some of which were already very recognizable during our travels.

New Zealanders are typified as the teenagers of the world, wanting to do their own thing. Doing it, actually. This is a country where you can ski, see a play, go yachting, drink a latte and go for a bushwalk, all in the same day. It’s all play, and nothing is that far away.

As you know, teenagers are often characters. A characterizing element of New Zealandness is the masculine way people express themselves. Call it stoical and blokey, put into practise by both men and women, such as: “do it yourself” (DIY), “don’t be a girl”, “suck it up” or “harden up”. And appearances count as well, as men look manly - all set with tattoos and muscles - and women throw in heaps of feminineness. But although it sounds all tough and adult, it actually isn’t.

For teenagers, friendship is their God, and ‘mateship’ may well be the single most important key to New Zealandness. In the end, all mates help each other out. They’re not so tough as they look. But there’s one thing - that often goes with mateship - which really stood out for me. As easygoing as New Zealanders are, they are pretty much afraid of conflict. Kiwi’s don’t argue and avoid strong gestures and words. They like to keep things cool!

Our host for the day, Hilbrand, is an old friend of my father who migrated to New Zealand in the seventies. He ran a successful landscaping business on the South Island. As a Dutch entrepreneur, Hilbrand has always been used to expressing his opinion. In a short matter of time, we got to know Hilbrand and his wife Marijke as talkative and direct; just the way we tend to like it. But, as Hilbrand explained, his bringing in an argument - just for the sake of taking things into account - in New Zealand is often answered with “okay mate, if that’s how you like it!” New Zealanders tend to find strong opinions intimidating, as well as the people expressing them. The article in the Listener quotes some typical things said in boardrooms, such as “well, let’s agree to disagree” and “let’s take this offline”. People really want to get on, even if they - honestly - are in total disagreement.

I remember some discussions with Americans or Italians, who - on average - have loads of strong opinions stacked up somewhere. It’s interesting to see how some cultures thrive on disagreements and individuality - without any reason or experience to back them up - whereas others keep their cool. Personally I’d probably sympathize with New Zealandness. But - as some people say - to play with the big boys you’d have to give it to them. That raises the question whether these ‘teenagers’ are ready to play with the big boys? On the Bolivian border we met David and Amelia, two New Zealanders travelling, before migrating to London. Now I got more acquainted with New Zealandness, I get curious on how they will do, job wise. Of course I know this New Zealandness thing is about average people; it doesn’t apply to individuals. But Dave and Amelia, will you let me know in half a year from now?

In the end, people are people, and all is fine. But opportunity may be on its way for New Zealand. The All Blacks won the world rugby cup this year, a triumph well deserved and long waited for. But the Kiwi’s dislike of conflict made them insist on modesty for decades. A triumphant sporting personality cannot be all humble, but New Zealandness expects them to avoid the “I rock!” Maybe it has been conformity and modesty what kept the All Blacks - generally known as the best rugby team in the world - away from victory for over 20 years. I feel their triumph might have made New Zealanders - to whom sport actually is like therapy - more aware of their abilities to play with the big boys. So maybe, the easy going Kiwi will forget about his anxiety to change, all set and ready to speak up for himself. I sure hope the youngest country in the world grows up soon, as it has a lot’s of good New Zealandness to share with the rest of the world.

Sweet freedom

2011-12-05T11:34:00.002+01:00

Freedom camping: two appealing words that - if combined - change their meaning, but keep their appeal. Like free climbing, or couch surfing, or bike travel, or (to me and some others) cheese fondue. Now if you combine all these words, they probably make the most tacky introduction to a blog about freedom. A topic way too big to blog about anyway. But hey, let’s see where we strand.

Freedom is one of humanities top-3 desires, together with health and happiness. Although health for many people is their well-deserved number one, freedom is one of those other foundations that make life good. That explains why we punish people by sending them to prison, or by taking other liberties from them. That is how we justify a lot, actually.

A big word, freedom, though we use the word all the time these days. Well hey, we’re freedom camping in New Zealand. How lucky are we? Although the freedom bit in freedom camping is relative as well. It means we are free to camp anywhere we like, just as long as we (A) stick to all the rules considering camping in New Zealand, (B) avoid private grounds and (C and most important) avoid to accidentally get in the way of the wrong people. Yes, as free as we are, our freedom is well limited. But for good reasons if you ask me, as some freedom campers already exceeded the reasonable and spoilt some of the wonderful environment.

That seems to be a fact of life; as much as we desire freedom, we find it hard to deal with too much of the good stuff. Too much freedom is like too much power; it tends to get the better of people. In history and politics, we find endless amounts of prove on how person or people A restricted person or people B in their freedom. So I or we can have more of it for our selves. In New Zealand for example, the Maori people were shamefully played by the government for their land. But at least New-Zealand came a long way to make up for all this. A few weeks ago, in the South of Patagonia, we witnessed historic display of freedom driven crime against humanity beyond repair. I was particularly disappointed to find out Charles Darwin played such a key role in getting the Indians extinct. But don’t even get me started on politics today…

So how about a plea for the freedom to put up some restrictions? For is it not restrictions that make you aware of how good freedom feels? We are restricted by so many things, like rules and laws, the fact that we live in a society with other people, plain basics such as time and money, and even our own limitations and limited comprehension. The couple we meet on a freedom campsite demonstrate how good restricted freedom can be. Two friendly elderly people on a small government pension, travelling in a rusty old campervan with two diabetic - fat - cats in the back. And they’ve got a whole lot of serious frustration going on about all the changes New Zealand is going through. But if they get away from it all in their rusty van, they spend time on their beloved free ‘Reid farm’, named after the farmer who donated his land to freedom camping 15 years ago. And they enjoy every bit of their three days of freedom. They demonstrate how freedom loses it’s meaning, without restrictions to overcome. Without restrictions, all the excitement and achievement seems to fade.

There is much - much - more to say on freedom. For example on how we are all free to pursue it. And on all sorts of freedom; like the freedom of choice, the freedom of speech, the freedom of thought and even the freedom to mess up. I’d rather leave all that to bigger minds. But if you’re hungry for it, you might want to read ‘Freedom’ by Jonathan Frantzen. We loved it.

For now we are absolutely enjoying the freedom of travel that is given to us. Knowing how lucky we are to have some restrictions, but not too bad and not too many. Plus, we have somehow managed to learn to like restrictions, such as the lousy weather we’ve had last week. These restrictions turn out to be travel companions, or sometimes even travel necessities, as they prevent us from drowning in freedom of choice.

Difference fatigue

2011-11-28T00:47:00.004+01:00

I read an interesting blog from ‘Titus on Mission’, a missionary man on a visit in Peshawar-Pakistan. Let me just quote Titus: “It was all interesting and exciting. Then on the afternoon of the fourth day I needed to shut down, get by myself and be away from it all! It was an urge quite beyond jet lag or introversion. There were still plenty of things to do, more conversations to pursue, and, in fact, that was the story of the rest of the visit. But at that moment I couldn’t take in more of the new and different. I needed to shut the door and be alone with the little I had that was routine and familiar – a book, a newspaper, e-mail that needed tending”.

Before we left on our trip I wondered when I would first reach that point - where it’s just enough - for now. When you need to retreat for a little while, because you just can’t take in things like you want to. In our first 2 1/2 months we’ve gotten to that point at least once. And - since we have enough time on our hands - we can just give in.

Which is a lot less easy at work. New projects and clients, innovative ideas, the occasional clash of opinions; all regular differences we don’t just step away from at work. Even though we really need to sometimes. If you’re part of the ratrace, like to do startups or change, and if you’re committed, differences can really get to you sometimes. Work is inspiring and rewarding and all, but wouldn’t you sometimes just like to …….? Note to self: it is funny how - while travelling - I think of work regularly. In very positive ways, although I’m sure I don’t want to get started tomorrow. But time and distance are feeding me with new ideas and energy to task. No work-related difference fatigue here and now!

This is - again - where I start to wonder about coach cultures. If you’re working in a different cultural environment, it can at times be really hard on you. You’d have to face cultural differences every day, up to the day you manage to become part of it. Just take it all in, even though sometimes your own ideas make way more sense. I remember the stories of some of my foreign coachees, trying to make sense of their ‘senseless’ colleagues. Luckily being different offers advantages as well.

But, at the end of the day, we all get difference fatigue. It’s a solid and very understandable reason why immigrants - or people who are just a bit off average (almost anyone from that perspective) - like to stick together. The same reason why most people like to stay on familiar grounds and keep in touch with their own roots and familiar routines. The occasional holiday once or twice a year is enough to most. You just have to admire the people that are bridging the gaps every day.

On our travels we flew from South America to New Zealand. To us, the New Zealand cultures suddenly feels very similar to home. Add to this our ‘promotion’ from backpack to minivan, which makes it very easy to avoid everything we don’t like at first sight. We’re giving in to the difference fatigue, tired of cultural and personal differences. Precisely the moment I got here, I felt a strong urge to connect to friends and family back home, wanting to do a little peer intervision in my own subgroup. But now, after a few days, or maybe a week of tending to ourselves, we start to feel the itch again. It’s an itch to experience new differences, to check out things and to talk to new people, the itch to learn and develop in general. Hey, we’re not very different from most people; we get tired. But after recovering from our difference fatigue: bring it on!

The noble art of doing nothing

2011-11-11T23:12:00.003+01:00

As we’re travelling we get to do loads of things. Plus we get loads of time to do nothing. Theoretically, it’s just a matter of choice. In practise, doing nothing is probably one of the bigger hurdles I like to jump. I always seem to have something planned, or at least something coming up. It’s actually quite hard to just lean back and let things be. Needless to say I am part of a numerously big crowd.

I guess it’s a cultural and a family thing. Time just seems too wonderful to waste. How interesting it is to observe the travelling crowd. If alone at bus stops, in buses or on boats, travellers always seem busy reading their books or writing their diaries. Or maybe they are updating their facebook page (mentioning they are at a Peruvian bus stop). These busy travellers, they are nothing like Bolivians or Peruvians. The locals at the bus stop have their own elusive way of just being there, without any hassle or impulse. A yoga master couldn’t do any better!

After six weeks of travelling - on our 4-day boat trip from Puerto Montt to Puerto Natales - I finally find some of that myself. And why not, it’s not like we have anything better to do, right? Life on the boat starts with breakfast and then slowly progresses through lunch to dinner. In the meanwhile we hope to spot some whales and dolphins, or maybe penguins. So, basically, we just stare out at sea. I get to hang around, talk to lots of different people, play a little game of chess and grab a coffee every now and then. But the noble art of doing nothing is what ties it all together. And - probably just to my own surprise - I actually find it very relaxing. Maybe even for the first time since being a teenager, I don’t feel the least pushed around by new ideas and alternative plans.

In between these wonderful periods of nothing, I just have to cultivate things a little and start talking about ‘it’ with other travellers. A few interesting things came up:

Once you free your agenda, doing nothing actually turns out to be very spontaneous. Free time opens you up to anyone and anything. This is how nothing turns into interesting!
If you try to let go of old ideas, beliefs and habits, stop planning is a great way to open your mind. At times you don’t really do or think much, like in the shower or maybe staring at the sea, you’re most likely to get in contact with your own genius.
For almost every traveller doing nothing is a topic, in different shapes and sizes. Mindfulness, yoga, boat trips and 30 hour bus rides, they all contribute to both 1 and 2.

What I find most interesting is how travelling seems to be one of the most effective dates people can make with themselves. Whereas at home these self-dates are often replaced by other plans, travelling eventually turns out to be that something that helps you to do nothing. Especially when travelling starts to wear you down. This is why a close friend gave me the advice to - every now and then - spend a sleepless night on a dreadful bus. The value of this advice is slowly sinking in.

Yes, there’s always a lot to learn. But if there’s one thing I’d like to pick up from other, time plentiful cultures, it is this noble art of doing nothing. I’m sure it will help me - and others - to enjoy the moment, and to change restricting perspectives from time to time. If it comes to doing nothing I may not be genetically blessed, but I’m happy to say I’m learning!