Coaching Positivity

Stolen Sunday Savoring

Dr Judy — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 08:00:31 +0000

I’m going to tell on myself. Something I noticed I do. See if you do it. I plan to do one thing, begin it, then the demand characteristics of the situation, like automatic pilot, take over.

I end up doing something else before I get the first thing done. Not really multi-taking, but more like switching gears. Then I need to reign myself in not to get lost in my love of learning strength. I want to stop and read every article I handle. Or I want to sit down and blog about them.

Here is my desk today. I was organizing this one tan woven basket. Little did I know the goodies I would unearth. Prospecting positivity. A good way to spend a lazy Sunday morning after a chat with Mom. With a scented candle to boot. And caramel coffee. Yummy.

Guilty as charged, I stole a few moments to write this. Tee hee, I told on savoring me.

How about you? Are you a piler-upper as am I?
If so, come on over and share a cup if coffee or tea with me.
You want white mocha chocolate, vanilla, or hazelnut?
I’ll shove my papers away while we give ourselves permission to play!

Huh, Who’s Happy? 8 Tidbits

Dr Judy — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 08:00:15 +0000

What does your happiness meter read? Check out these shocking happiness tips. New research in psychology and economics suggests the answer lies in what you already have, especially friends and family.

8 Tips to get a happiness fix ~ know this:

Money buys you little happiness. After basics needs are met, as long as you don’t keep comparing yourself to others and wishing you had more, money is not a great predictor of happiness. Ironically, poorer people can, and often do, lead significantly happier lives than the rich. They share themselves with friends and family and not obsess about material stuff.
Sharing time and activities with those you love and admire everyday adds more happiness that a new luxury car! The thrill of a new car is quite fleeting. Not that you wouldn’t love to take that Ferrari for a spin!
Winning the lottery isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It will not make you instantly happy. It takes 2 years for happiness to gel. Conversely, an increase in your paycheck brings you instant joy! Wouldn’t you love to test out this research?
Losing your job makes you unhappy, but less so when others have, too. The impact on losing your job is less when others are in the same boat. Losing your job is one of life’s most miserable experiences, surprisingly even more than getting a divorce.
Fat friends make you happier than thin ones. While overweight folks report less happiness than thin ones, new evidence suggests we care about other people’s weight as much as we do our own. Overweight people report higher levels of happiness when other people of the same age and gender are as heavy or heavier than they are. The same goes for individuals who live in the same household: our own weight doesn’t bother us as much, that is, when our partner is also putting on weight.
Divorce can make you happy. According to the psychologist Ed Diener, the worst moment for men is the year preceding the divorce. By contrast, the worst moment for women is two years before the divorce, with their happiness on the verge of bouncing back the year preceding the split. This pattern probably reflects the fact that the majority of divorces are initiated by the wife. After a divorce, it takes approximately two years for men and three years for women for the effect of the break-up on happiness to become positive and stay positive. In other words, it seems that divorcing couples often become significantly happier with their lives by breaking up, but it takes a long time!
Best yet! Happiness is contagious. People surrounded by many happy friends, family members and neighbors who are central to their social network become significantly happier in the future. More specifically, they say we will become 25% happier with our life if a friend who lives within a mile of us becomes significantly happier with his or her life. Similar effects are seen in co-resident spouses (8% happier); siblings who live within a mile of each other (14%); and next-door neighbors (34%). The magnitude of happiness spread seems to depend more on frequent social contact (due to physical proximity) than on deep social connections. The secret to being happy is simply to devote more of our time and attention to these happiness-rich, fulfilling endeavors.
There are many benefits to being happy: Greater health, increased longevity, greater income potential, more satisfying relationships, and feelings of authenticity and meaning.

“You’ve got to sing like you don’t need the money,

Love like you’ll never get hurt,

You’ve got to dance like no-body’s watchin’,

It’s gotta come from the heart

If you want it to work.”

~ Old blues/folk song by Susanna Clark, songwriter & painter

Mirror

Dr Judy — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 16:24:02 +0000

How many times have you said about someone else, “If only she/he would change?” Brings to mind those old Eric Clapton song lyrics, “Before you judge me, take a look at yourself.” Can’t you see him strumming his guitar now?

The next time someone makes you feel like you sat on a tack, pause and curiously notice your reactivity.

Ask yourself:

What skills can I learn to react to people differently? To act on my own accord; not react to them.
What if I decide (That’s your critical thinking kicking in!) I will not relinquish my personal power?
What if I play up all my strengths and focus on the good in me rather than reacting negatively to them?

Remember when you want to change others, you need to put on your brakes and take a look at your own life road map. Color your journey with all the colors in your crayon box. Masterfully draw the life you want. Love your cool lime green and sassy sunshine yellow!

You could even share your crayons and have more fun.
You always were good at coloring outside the lines. And I see no black in your box.
Bet you gave it to the negative person!

From Deaths’s Door to Heaven’s Gate

Dr Judy — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 08:00:49 +0000

Last week, after my ears had wrapped themselves around joyfully shocking news I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear, my fingers couldn’t dial Mom’s telephone number fast enough.

I asked her, “If you could wish for anything in the whole world, what would you wish for?” Without skipping a beat, Mom piped up with, “I want to go home. Home to Heritage. I lost my first home when I broke my leg. I don’t want to lose my second home, Heritage.”

And I was the lucky one who got to tell her the news that she would never forget. “Mom, you will be discharged at the end of the week!” Incredulous, she yipped with joy and asked me to repeat what I’d said.

Mom had been a bloodhound on a mission. A homing pigeon ready to fly home as soon as her wings were healed and someone let her out of her cage. Hope, optimism, perseverance. Courageously, she made a plan. She bellied up to the hard work bar. She asked for extra PT. She kept her Mojo moving and gritted through pithy pain. No complaints. She sucked it up with a motivated resolve.

No matter how old you are, change is never easy. But at almost 92, you might think it was impossible. But Mom is here to tell you, “Never give up!” Resilience is rooted in her farm girl psyche.

Wheelchair rolling, a humongous gratitude grin greeted all her old friends at her second home, Heritage at Milford Assisted Living. From Deaths’s Door to Heaven’s Gate, that’s Mom. I don’t know who was happier. Mom, or me thinking about her being so blamed thrilled she got her wish.

What are you wishing for? What’s your first step to get it? Or maybe you want a wish for someone else. You always are so kind and thoughtful.

Spirit is there for you. Can you hear your angels flapping their wings for you?
Or Is that you I hear tapping your ruby slippers?
Dorothy’s got nothing on you! Dreams really DO come true.

Scents Make Memory Sense

Dr Judy — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 19:53:33 +0000

The strangest thing happened this morning, I woke up thinking about scents. You already know I’m used to weird thoughts when I awake. I have grown to enjoy their curious creativity. I sit into the moment and shake my head with wonder. But fun is fun, and I love to start the day this way.

If it is a grand thought or one who fascinates me, I focus on it a minute. Roll it around in my noggin. Today I asked myself, “What is my favorite scent?” Was it because I was going to turn the sticks upside down in my honeysuckle diffuser? As the honeysuckle nectar delightfully dripped on my fingers, I sniffed in pure joy. Nostalgia warmed my corpuscles.

What is your favorite scent? Roses, pineapple-cilantro, or maybe pure vanilla?

My appreciative memory bank was flooded with treasured walks in the woods with my grandfather. We’d stop to bury our noses in the yellow and white honeysuckle and slowly inhale sweet sap. Savoring with Pop Pop, some of the happiest times I ever had. Pop Pop was kind, gentle, quietly loving, and wise. Funny how my husband is the same way. Hmmm… At that age, I loved my grandfather more than anyone on earth, Wallace Jerome Redden.

Scents Are Tied To Memories

Want to feel better when times get tough, or any time, for that matter? Try this:

Pick out your favorite scented treat. Pause and close your eyes.
Remember a happy time that lovely fragrance was connected to, a time you hold dear.
Let yourself float into that happy moment memory as the aroma gently washes over you.

Wouldn’t it be fun the get an inner tube and float down a river of your luscious liquid pleasure? Wanna race to the tire store? And make sure to bring mosquito repellent. You don’t need to be the floating lazy river’s main course!

Positivity~Defined With You In Mind

Dr Judy — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 08:00:39 +0000

Life fascinates the heck out of me. Never a dull moment. Especially synchronicity. Yesterday, two clients asked me the same question, “Just what is ‘positivity’?”

I got out my Tom Rath Strengths Finder 2.0 book to see the Gallop’s definition:

You are generous with praise, quick to smile, and always on the lookout for the positive in the situation. Some call you light-hearted. Others wish their glass were as full as your seems to be. But either way, people want to be around you. Their world looks better because of you because your enthusiasm is contagious.

Next I checked out Barbara Fredrickson’s terrific book, Positivity. Here’s her ground-breaking research definition:

It consists of a wide range of positive emotions – from appreciation to love, from amusement to joy, from hope to gratitude, and then some. The term is purposefully broad. It includes the positive meanings and optimistic attitudes that trigger positive emotions as well as the open minds, tender hearts, relaxed limbs, and soft faces they usher in. It even includes the long-term impact that positive emotions have on your character, your relationships, communities, and environment.

Where is your positivity level? Need to zestfully add a positivity tap dance to your repertoire? Here’s how:

Zero in on what is right about your world. Share your enthusiasm with others.
Be aware of negativity. It’s normal. Ask what is good or what can you learn from it.
Add to your joy by encouraging others.
Avoid negative people. They are energy vampires.
Hang out with other people who are more positive than you. Smile, watch, listen and learn.

Go ahead! Tie on your talent tap shoes. How can you dance in life if you don’t?
And you don’t have to wear your little tight red-sequined mini-skirt. That is unless it gets you in the mood.

Chicago Sharks

Dr Judy — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 20:41:01 +0000

What is the your first “grandparent taking you somewhere” etched in your memory bank?

Mine was walking through the woods with my PopPop on his farm. That and the “Double Dip” ice cream store my grandparents loved to visit in Denton, MD, after church. I got a double scoop of scrumptious velvety vanilla fudge.

Ken and I wanted to create a memory for our grand kids who live close by. We love the two other special grand kids, Charlie, 10, and Hallie, 7, who live about 5 hours away, just as much, of course, but they are usually off on their own cool adventures in MN. I hope coming to see Grammy and Grandpa on Lake MI is a treat whenever we are lucky enough to see them.

Grace, 8 and Faye, 7, live a few miles away. Both love fish and marine critters. But Faye has a huge passion. None of us know how she got hooked, but she is a walking Wikipedia when it comes to sharks. Yup, you read that right, sharks. I actually found her the shark capris you see here two years ago, but she is still wearing them. And her shark book collection looks like the Library of Congress. Put it this way, whenever I click on Amazon, shark books attack me.

I hope when school starts both will be able to smile and relate that they had a day of firsts:

An Amtrak ride to Chicago.
Taking a taxi.
Skyscrapers in first large city.
Riding an escalator.
Enjoying a double-decker bus.
Trip to the Shedd Aquarium
Real sharks, penguins, Beluga whales and rainbows of friendly fish
Watching a 4-D movie.
Gulp) First time Faye got lost! OMG! On Grammy’s watch, mea culpa!
Hearing Faye’s name over the din of the aquarium mayhem. WHEW!
Selecting shark tooth necklaces and colorful geode souvenirs.
Seeing lovely Amish people.
Falling asleep on the train all the way to Milwaukee.

What adventures can you create to scratch your kids’ or grand kids’ curiosity itch?
How about your own? What have you always wanted to do but haven’t?
Come on, get crackin’… Time and tide ain’t waitin’ on ya! You got fish to fry.
Or was that shark fin soup I’m smelling?

Getting Old Sucks!

Dr Judy — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 08:00:14 +0000

Getting old sucks! I don’t care how you spin it. Opportunities? You bet! Canes, walkers, wheelchairs, commodes, and geri chairs. Home health care, assisted living, nursing homes, rehab and hospitals. OT, PT, respiratory and activity therapy.

Then there are all the games. Like the “Meal Games”: “Guess What This Meat Is” or “Is This Really Meat?!” Yep, you better get ducks lined up and strengths on alert before the “Oh, my God, I’m old!” realization perches in your tree of life.

Where is that funny bone?

What is so funny? Negativity associated with humor, sometimes, called “black humor” helped Mom in her recent trials. We joked how she was the prize winner for how many health care facilities she visited in the shortest amount of time. You haven’t lived till you’ve sung “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window” and “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” 5 times sitting on the potty waiting for nature to take its course.

What is positive? The smiling caretakers who lay on kindness, better than a warm blanket. Seeing Mom laugh when I tease and make jokes. Knowing friends send their love. Watching her never give up. OK, so I “had” to say a few cuss words for her when the pain was rough. She’s too nice to make a fuss, but knowing I caused her face to crack up with naughty fun was priceless.

What is the learning? Savor the bad as well as the good. Mom is alive and her courage trumps everything else. That, and my husband’s never-ending support while holding down the fort during my absence.

What can you do before you get too old?

Plan with wisdom! You know those rooms where some people stock 6 months of supplies in case of an emergency? Well, old age creeps up on you like a tornado… Unless you beat him/her to it.

Superglue strengths for your old-age roller coaster ride.
We’re all going on that thrill ride someday.
But I am a chicken, will you take that front seat?

What’s that you’re doing? Strapping on a parachute? Smarty pants you!

What Angel Will Appear When You Need It?

Dr Judy — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 12:59:00 +0000

Some of you know I had an unexpectedly long visit with my mom after ER and hospital experiences that left a whole lot to be desired. She is now safely in a rehab nursing home learning to adapt and to tolerate pain. She is game to learn to use her walker again. No one can stop this farm girl born in Girdletree, Maryland almost 92 years ago. She is plucky tenacity in a teeny little bruised body.

Positive psychology coaching taught me to set my radar for any curious, playful nuance. Look for the good. While Mom was at PT, I noticed this big sweetie pie-of-a-guy sitting in a wheelchair. A double amputee. “Vietnam?” I asked. “Nope, diabetes,” he chortled in a no-nonsense take, drill sergeant, take-charge clip. I asked him what he did in the world. A retired PA cop. I loved his positivity. We chatted for a moment, and I sucked up his wisdom and courage. Later he told me he lives alone and was getting his ranch home re-modeled to welcome a wheelchair. He will go home soon and had 2.5 months in rehab.

The next day I went into his room. I told him I’d be returning home. He generously told me he would gladly look after Mom. The next day, I opened Mom’s door before breakfast, and the first thing she excitedly reported was Frank’s visit. He gifted her with magazines and a super compassionate visit. He and I had a couple more visits which lifted my spirits as much as Mom’s.

Whose day can you make today?
How can your reach into your kindness reserves and surprise someone with fun?
Maybe a simple smile, hug, or thumbs up would rock their world.

Be like Frank. He may not have legs, but he has a heart full of gold and angel wings wider than a C-5 Air Force transport plane. Funny how there are so many ways to fly.

Be a Teflon Tootsie

Dr Judy — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 16:48:24 +0000

Got stress nibbling at your sanity? Maybe anxiety has parked on your front porch. Maybe worrisomeness or fear. Here’s my suggestion: Kick them in the rear!

Better yet, be Teflon. Let all negativity trying to take a big bite out of your happiness slip slide away. Roll right off of ya!

OK, maybe you need to cry a little and lose it emotionally once in a while. Go ahead! You are human.

I gave up being normal one year for Lent. I liked it so much I never took normal back.

I’m starting a “Not Normal and Loving It” club. Wanna join?

Coaching Positivity

Stolen Sunday Savoring

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Huh, Who’s Happy? 8 Tidbits

8 Tips to get a happiness fix ~ know this:

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Mirror

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From Deaths’s Door to Heaven’s Gate

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Scents Make Memory Sense

Scents Are Tied To Memories

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Positivity~Defined With You In Mind

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Chicago Sharks

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Getting Old Sucks!

Where is that funny bone?

What can you do before you get too old?

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What Angel Will Appear When You Need It?

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Be a Teflon Tootsie

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