Cobra Brigade

Colts v. Pats: Hindsight

2009-11-17T16:40:18Z

The cell phone was abuzz Sunday night as Racha, HT, and the GM were staying in contact during the course of the game. Was it a nail biter? I was way past my nails and three quarters the way up my forearm. I had a few things in mind.

1. When things get stale for New England they go to Kevin Faulk or Wes Welker.

2. More than a minute is enough for Peyton Manning.

3. Tom Brady loves the short out and probably throws it better than anybody.

That is what I thought when the Colts were able to hold the Pats to a field goal after that horrifying interception by Manning late in the 4th. Everybody knows these things. This is what killed the Pats, not the 4th down call.

A lot of people are questioning Beliwhatever, but he wasn't wrong. He wasn't. I have seen the articles about the math of the situation, and I heard Dungy and harrison lambast him on air after the game, but he wasn't wrong. He had Tom Brady, he had a chance to win and all he needed was two yards. If he gives the ball back on the punt, he is giving it to a quarterback who just went 80 yards in a minute and forty seconds and he is giving him the ball back with two plus minutes and the two-minute warning. On the scoring drive before that, manning had run them down the field for a TD in two minutes and four seconds. The Pats just can't give him the ball back in this situation. They can't. Only a fool would, and Bill is no fool. As Old Man Paine said on Sunday night, "He is the best playcalling coach of his generation." In the grand scheme, he may be second only to Bill Walsh, which is like saying he is second to Jesus.

The realities of that game are thus:

1. The Colts won, the Pats didn't throw it away.

2. They won is by scoring 21 points in the 4th quarter.

3. They scored that many points because their QB has 40 4th quarter comebacks in his career. WOW

And here is the one that people don't want to hear.

4. They won because they outplayed Tom Brady.

With the game on the line, and the offense sputtering, Brady called his bread and butter to his go to guys, and the Colts were just too smart for that. On 3rd and 2 Brady went to Welker on the short out and Powers, who is a legit Defensive Rookie of the Year candidate, nearly ended the game. On 4th and 2, he splits out Faulk into the slot. What did everyone in the world think would happen? That's right, he went back to the well. Unfortunately for Tom Brady, reserve safety Melvin Bullitt (who is having a great year for a guy named Melvin) read the play and executed.

It was a tendency situation. The Colts brought pressure on third and didn't pretend like they weren't. They knew they were going to have to get there or Brady would throw over the top. Powers knew Brady's outlet was the quick out. He calculated his risk, he made his play. The pressure was good. They decide to go for it and the same situation presents itself. Having missed with Welker, his favorite guy, he decides to go with Faulk. It was a mistake. Brady made the mistake. He could have gone with Moss on an in route, who is big enough to stretch for the first. He could have gone to the tight end on the out and had a size advantage. He had options. Tom Brady is a good QB, he is a veteran. He has been around the proverbial block and had the goalie pulled. He should know what is up. He decided to go with the bread and butter and forego the element of surprise and got beat for it.

10 Paineful Questions: The GM gets on board to pick up the slack.

2009-11-13T00:59:30Z

Jack couldn't make it for this round of 10 Paineful Questions, so the GM, of Arin it Out, has stepped in to plug the gap in the line.

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1. Big game this weekend with the Colts and Pats. I sometimes gripe about these two playing every year in the regular season. I feel like they should face off in the Playoffs for the shot at the Super Bowl. Am I wrong on this?

Yeah, you are wrong. It is not that the league is intentionally scheduling them against each other, it is that their continued success pits them against one another by the way NFL schedules are laid out. Every three years, a team has to play every other team in their conferences' different divisions. So, in 03, 06, and 09 the Colts play the AFC east of which the Pats are a part. In the interim years (04, 05, 07, and 08), the Colts are scheduled to play the AFC East team that finishes in the same position. Since we keep winning the AFC South, we have to keep playing the winner of the AFC East. It means that the league would have had to predict, nearly a decade ago, the decade long string of success both teams have achieved. The reality is that the league devises scheduling practices like that to create the parity that the NFL so often is praised for. Teams with the most success have the toughest schedules, teams with less success have easier schedules. This does two things the NFL loves. First, it gives dark horse, on the fence teams like the Arizona Cardinals a chance to make playoff runs. Second, it creates TV matchups that the league makes huge bank on. Over the last 6 or 7 years the league has consistently been able to put prime time TV games like Colts-Patriots, Steelers-Baltimore, Baltimore-Colts, and whatnot in front of huge audiences. It makes for some good watchin and puts millions of dollars into the hands of NFL owners. It may seem Machiavellian, but it is just microeconomics. Call it Byzantine if you must, I enjoy it.

2. There has been a lot of talk about the Colts and their usual fast start to the season. What is the key to the late season success for this team?

Adaptability. Three weeks ago they were the best team in football no questions asked. Now, I think they are exposed and fractured. In the course of one week the injury situation went from tolerable to holy shit. The secondary was one of the best in football but, over the last three weeks, we have consistently seen more and more receivers break free on deep routes. We have seen better production from other teams on third down and better tight end play from opposing offenses. Manning has not been sharp. Pass blocking has been eroding from the middle out. One good indication of this is the number of screens we have run in the last two weeks on first and second down. We are, in a fashion very obvious to me, trying to get the defensive linemen to spread out. Austin Collie has not caught the ball well, and that is a problem that will only get worse as things go on because defensive backs and linebackers see that in film and it is a blood in the water type deal. The key is to figure something new out, nothing big, just little adjustments to keep this thing going. I think more four wide would help. At the beginning of the Houston game the Colts came out with a hurry up offense that they actually hurried up. It was clearly scripted and Manning took no time at the line, they just formed up and snapped it. They were moving the ball well. The safeties spread out to take the deep routes and Collie dropped two passes and blew the drive. I think that would work more but they are going to have to get Collie to catch the ball or work Reggie out of the slot.

3. Injuries, injuries, injuries....will the lack of depth finally show this weekend against the Pats?

I addressed a lot of that above, but to get to the material point of the question, yes, the Pats will expose the depth. Moss is coming on like a freight train and facing two rookie, short corners. Let me stick my tongue out and do the math here...mm hmm...and that there...and carry the jump ball...and it looks like trouble with a remainder of oh shit. Yeah, look for Moss in the slot or for the Pats to stack the receivers on one side and trick the Colts into a one deep safety scenario or a weak Cover 3. I would almost guarantee the later. Set Moss on the outside of a stack and run him underneath of a single deep safety on a big crossing route. They did it at Marshall all the time from a three wide with Moss in the slot. Switching it to a weakside stack gives Brady an underneath read on the tight end should the pressure be quick and a deep read on Moss if it gets picked up.

4. Falcons' Head Coach, Mike Smith, was handed a $15,000 fine for his role in the DeAngelo Hall scuffle last Sunday....a fight that was caused because Hall is a too much of a punk. Who is the bigger idiot, Hall or Larry Johnson?

I think Johnson but you can't hold me to it. That guy had a chance to build a team around himself in a city that never forgets its heroes. They still mug Lenny Dawson. You see, Dawson was trying to choose between Ohio State and Purdue in the 50s when both were national powers. Dawson went to Purdue because he had a good relationship with Hank Stram, an assistant there. Hank "Just keep matriculatin' the ball down the field, boys." Stram would go on to be a legendary NFL coach of the Kansas City Chiefs and would create an offense that allowed Dawson to become a Hall of Famer. Dawson had been a bust in Pittsburgh and somewhere else, but he found a home in KC and they still love him.

5. Speaking of Larry Johnson, any chance he suits up the rest of this year? I say no...

I would say Pittsburgh right now but there is always a chance the New England would make a play. He would be an improvement in both locations and could be had for a short term deal.

6. I saw this morning that Peyton has thrown 176 passes the last 4 games. The most of any 4 game stretch in his whole career. Yet, his rating is down and he is missing on a lot of long balls. Is his arm tired?

No, I think there are a few things happening at once that are reducing his effectiveness. The pocket is collapsing faster. Other teams have our line figured out a bit now. They are attacking the A gap on both sides of Saturday and really putting him in bad positions. The right A gap, DeVan/Pollak's side is weak and Sammy Davis Jr. could see it with his glass eye. We can't drive the seam like we used to because of the way teams are rolling their coverage. We don't have the time to shake Garcon loose on the sideline, so the safety stays inside over the top of the seam, forcing Clark to run underneaths. If Collie can catch a freakin ball, Clark can push deep into the seam in a clearout, and Collie can make hay underneath. It wouldn't hurt if we ran a bit better but I don't think that is going to get any better soon. Watch for shoot outs, look for the offense to fatigue. Don't worry about Manning's conditioning, worry about the blocking.

7. Who should I pick for my celebrity girlfriend? I am torn between January Jones and Arianny Celeste. My future celebrity lust is in your hands....GO

Alright, the GM (as he is want to do) throws me a grapefruit to talk about MMA. Arianny Celeste is one of the ring girls for the UFC. While she is, indeed, built like a brick shithouse, I am going to go with January Jones of Mad Men fame. First of all, a man should always appreciate a woman with an exotic first name. I certainly do, and it gives your women a certain...je ne c'est quoi...no wait, I do know what! It is appealing because it has an element of James Bond in it. It makes you feel like you are James Bond because you are banging a broad with a Bondian name, like Pussy Galore or Holly Goodhead or Plenty O'Toole or Wai Lin (get it? She is "wailing"). Both names are interesting, but January wins out. On top of that, she has some talent and I think Arianny Celeste probably spends a little too much time in footwear that can only logically be defined as "stripper boots". I think you are going to get a better experience out of Miss Jones, longer legs, and somebody that will make you breakfast in the morning. I realize Mad Men offers a certain anachronistic flare, and similarly themed discussions have ventured far enough to say that taking a shot at Miss Jones in the Betty Draper situation means that you encounter the much maligned wide bush of the day. I say grow a pair, grab that garter belt and start pumpin. It just means she's a grown up.

8. No winless teams left, so reverse the question. Colts have Patriots and the Saints are at St. Louis. Any chance the Rams stop the Saints? Do the Colts rule at home and go to 9-0?

No and maybe. The Colts are on tilt a bit right now. To beat the Pats they need to be relaxed and smart. If they press, they are going to be in for a rough one. I think the pressure is squarely on the Colts right now. I don't know where the money is right now but it has got to be even or -2.5 to the Colts as the home team. I think that is pretty close.

9. Back to the previous winless team, Tampa Bay, did Josh Freeman do anything to indicate that he will lead that franchise back to mediocrity? Beyond that? Is there any helping that franchise?

I think we have to look pretty hard to see that team getting better. They were playing a young, 4-3 Packers team that had just had an emotional game that resulted in a devastating belt buckle punch amidst a division race. They were drained. Freeman completed less than %50 of his passes for less than 7 yards an attempt. In addition, he was going against a QB that had been sacked like 30 times in the previous game. I think he a step in the right direction if they stick with him and commit to developing him within a single offense.

10. How does Bruce Paine feel about properly celebrating Veterans Day? I picture you drinking a High Life, eating a Hot Dog, listening to "Free Bird", and wearing a robe with the American flag on it...all while readying to polish your rifle....

You would probably be surprised. He mourns for a lot of things. He tries not to think of it as Veterans Day. Historically, we tell soldiers we are going to treat them as heroes when they return from glorious combat but when they do, they often get treated rather poorly in my humble opinion. The measure of courage they have displayed, the measure of honor they deserve, is poorly regarded by the subpar treatment they often receive. Let us not forget, this day used to be called Armistice Day, and it celebrated the end of war. It is here that we should actually remember something. Soldiers should be glorified in their victories and their deaths for the things they try to prevent. Without this particular kind of death, it is difficult to re-affirm their sacrifice, to understand why some conflict is necessary. I think it is important to honor veterans, like yourself, for the destruction they try to stop. I struggle, mightily, with how to view the situations and contexts that we place our soldiers in. As an historian, I have literally spent years on this very topic. I have good friends who have gone to the deserts and mountains of old, distant, Godforsaken places where children are offered up like cattle to take potshots at well armed men. I think a lot of things on Veterans Day. You know, we insert our men into conflicts now that they aren't allowed to win. The USS Cole bombing cost lives simply because the rules of engagement prevented Marines from shooting a rubber boat even though the damned thing had a giant bomb strapped to it. Back in the day, when you beat somebody, you beat em all the way. After the Punic Wars, the Romans took Carthage. They killed all the males and women too old to breed, gave the women to the soldiers as slaves, and poured salt in the fields of Carthage. They bred them out of existence, took everything they had, and laid waste to their fields so nothing would grow. That is winning. Our guys now can't even drink beer or fool around with the women.

The weight of my exasperation is crushing sometimes. I don't want to use Veterans Day as a Good Job America Day, I just want to give my nod of approval to good men who did something I did not. I think a lot about one of my uncles, who did not want to fight in World War II and was drafted as a conscientious objector into the medic corps. Fat lot of luck that did him on D-Day as he was looking out the top of a landing craft on the way in to Omaha Beach. Half the guys in the boat got chopped to pieces by MG 42s and mortars before they ever got to the beach. The Germans had taken big, fist sized chunks of rock and covered the exposed parts of the beach with it, preventing guys from digging in. It took uncle Jim three minutes to run out of morphine and bandages and he was less than 15 feet from the water's edge. He spent the next two hours holding the hands as soldiers died, the boys crying for their mothers and the men crying for their wives as lead and fire rained down on them. Today, we can at least say that they died fighting the Germans, who would have run us to the ground and put us in chains in a thirst for global domination. I want our current soldiers to be able to say the same, but I don't think they honestly can. Instead, on Veterans Day, I weep that I cannot give you that. Indeed, it is not the soldiers who have not met with success, it is the citizenry. We failed you, I failed you. It isn't because some people voted for George Bush and some didn't, it isn't because some support socialized medicine and some don't. It is much older than that. The whys and wherefores are deep and complex, I admit, but they aren't beyond the comprehension of any good American. On Veterans Day, I hope people consider cost. Cost. Our lifestyles, our willingness to consider the trivial matters of our lives as necessity has steered us down a path of great cost. Now, more than ever in our modern history, the way Americans are living is costing us in blood. The blood and treasure we spend is real, it is the lives of our friends and family, and I pray for a swift end to it, an armistice.

The rifle is well polished and oiled after every use. That way, it is always ready to be grasped into the warm defense of freedom. It is always in proper working order so that, when they take me, another patriot may pick it up, place the pumpkin on the post, and squeeze in to the comforting embrace of liberty.

God Save the Republic.

Bruce Paine

November 2009

Cobra Chronicles: Greatest Halftime Speech Ever

2009-11-09T15:27:23Z

We had lost three in a row and now we were playing our rivals, who we were favored to beat. Our previous two games had been absolute heartbreaking losses.....one to a team we should have beaten where I took an ill advised 3-point shot to win the game and missed....the second was our first conference game of the season and we ended up not only losing the game but we also our leading scorer to injury.

We had to win this game. A loss puts us two games down in the conference and kills the ability to recruit in the area for the coaches.

With our leading scorer out of the game I get moved from the wing to a low post position when we are on defense because I have the ability to sustain position and 'bump' with the big guys. No big deal, I'm there to help out.

I recognize the name of the player I'm supposed to guard even before we board the bus. All-State player in high school. All-time leading scorer at this particular college. A beast who has six inches and fifty pounds on me.

I decide that if I can keep him from getting a double-double then we can win the game. It's going to be a long night for both of us.

]]> The game starts off a bit wildly as both teams are trying to set the tone. They are playing up-tempo to try to take advantage of our depth issues. We are settling for perimeter shots because our big guy is out. It's probably not the most beautiful game of basketball to watch but the crowd is bringing their 'A' game tonight and turning up the intensity.

'The Beast' gets a quick six points on me about four minutes into the game and I'm making it too easy on him. He can shoot right over me in the post so I can't let him get that position. I start bumping him all the way down the floor. Literally. Made basket or not, I would run right next to him the entire time he ran down to his offensive end of the court. Once he reached the 3-pt stripe I was chest to chest and it was time to figure out what kind of heart he had. Physically, he could overmatch me but lesser men succumb to pressure and falter when things get difficult. I hoped this would be the case with him....and it was.

The first half continues to go back and forth. We are up a point, they go up two. Coaches are pissed, fans are screaming and since we are only playing with seven players....we are gassed. Halftime can not come soon enough.

I'm the trailer tonight in our Kansas fast break scheme and I hit a three with four seconds left in the first half to put us up one. We're excited to head into half-time. This is a team we should beat by twenty on a normal night but we are facing an uphill battle with our best player out.

Halftime is generally a time to hammer home the pre-game strategy and/or to re-assess defensive assignments. There really wasn't much to do on either front since our best chance to win was to hit from the perimeter and we didn't have enough guys to be switching up who we were guarding. So, walking into the cramped locker room we knew that this was going to be a time to rest and regroup.

One of our assistant coaches was about as vocal as a field mouse. Yes, he'd pull you off to the side and offer a suggestion or two but if his goal was to 'speak softly and carry a big stick', we never saw the big stick and we figured he was just along for the ride. Not tonight though, he was going to earn his paycheck so he took over the halftime speech.

He walks in punching lockers and pretty much just growling. He doesn't even make it to the chalkboard when, as he stands behind us, he yells,

"That team isn't good enough to play in the same area code as you guys!!! They have no right to be out on the same floor as you!!! But right now they are kicking your ass!! They are.....FUCKING YOU IN THE ASS......AND THEY ARE NOT EVEN USING LUBE!!!"

As a player, what do you do when you hear that? I'm the only senior on the team and I wasn't even sure how to take it. The underclassmen weren't sure whether to laugh, giggle or be mad. We sat there stunned for about ten seconds. I knew there wasn't going to be much more to the half-time speech so I stood up, punched a locker and ran back onto the court. Why? I don't know, but the guys followed me and we were ready to go for the second half.

We ended up winning the game by two points (83-81) but that half-time speech scaredthe guys so much that we withstood what should have been a furious onslaught by our opponent as the second half started and turned it into our own eight point lead.

Probably not the most politically correct speech of all time and, really, it had nothing to do with basketball but it got the job done. It certainly gave us something to talk about on the bus ride home that night.

*****'The Beast' ended up with 13 points and 8 rebounds and they retired his number at the end of the season.

10 Paineful Questions: The domestic torment of Jack Cobra and can short hair be sexy on a woman?

2009-11-06T04:07:11Z

Can Jack Cobra ruin his marriage in a single weekend? Can short hair be sexy on a woman that isn't built like a brick shithouse? Have the Buccaneers completely reverted?

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1. A two part question to start out this week....First, how much will the Colts miss Tyjuan Hagler? Second, would Marvelous Marvin Hagler play through a biceps injury? I'm leaning towards yes.

I hate to say it, but not that much. I think everybody is pretty pleased with the way the defense is playing now. They are playing interesting games. They seem to be able to pick out what a team does best and then develop around that. If a team does one thing well, sometimes they let them do it and take everything else away, sometimes they put all their resources into that and take what they do best away. Long story short, some teams have been able to move the ball against them a bit, but few have been able to score many points. Keiaho or Wheeler will move in and make a difference. Maybe they could sign Derrick Brooks cheap. The Colts are first in points allowed, 7^th in pass defence, and middle of the road in stopping the run. Things are not bad right now.

Marvelous would go, but more importantly, he wouldn't have to. Marvin Hagler was a real professional. It kept him healthy his entire career. Despite a level of success that is perhaps the most underrated in boxing history, Hagler always kept his approach to training on a very level, serious line. He was known for being a beast on the roadwork and very cerebral in his tactics. He would do all of his roadwork in army boots instead of jogging shoes and run more than half of it backwards. His fight with Thomas Hearns is perhaps the greatest title fight of all time. It was 8 minutes long and there is not a single lull in the fighting. Hearns actually broke his legendary right hand on the legendary chin of Hagler in the first round. Hagler continued to go inside on the taller Hearns and punish him with body shots despite a serious cut above his left eye covering his face in blood. Sweet Science.

2. With Texans TE Owen Daniels out for the season and WR Andre Johnson hurting on the offensive side of the ball, who should the Colts be worried about on Sunday??

Up until those injuries the Texans were an offense very similar to the Colts statistically. Without those guys, both of which could have (Johnson still might) make/made the Pro Bowl. Matt Schaub is still the problem. He is pretty good at making a read and hangin in to deliver the ball. He is willing to spread things around and, despite Johnson's numbers early, is not married to one receiver. He could still be problematic. He can't be from his back, though.

3. Last week I said that the 49ers reminded me of the Texans and you said the Texans were the better team. So, after the 49ers gave the Colts all they could handle does A+B = C add up to a Colts loss this week?

No, things are different. The Colts and the Texans know each other. The Colts are that hill the Houston franchise is still trying to climb and you can bet the bottom dollar that they have circled the date. Houston is more mature and more developed offensively than the Niners, and I think a person will see that in this weekend's game. The Niners' tilt with the Colts stagnated because Manning was off with the deep ball. If he was a about three feet sharper on passes over 20 yards it would have looked different. Both teams will be sharp Sunday and it may degenerate into a chess match. The last few matches have shown signs of really good games. Still, since Houston lacks league-wide notoriety this will not be a marquee game despite the head-knocker it will be.

4. Over 300 yards passing but 0 passing TD's for Peyton Manning last week. He's going to be out for blood this week so does he throw more than 4 TD's against the Texans?

Yeah, but last week's performance isn't the real issue. The proof in the pudding is shown in two other key Houston games. If you look at their win against Cincy (the Bengals being the most ignored 5-2 team around), you will see that the Bengals went one dimensional in the second half. So Houston only had to defend one element but, Chad Johnson still put up over 100 yards with a safety on top by breaking routes in and running comebacks against the sideline. Sound familiar? Do the Colts have a guy who butters his bread running the intermediate in and the deep comeback? Indeed they do.

Another indicator is the Houston game against the Niners. The Niners threw three TDs to Vernon Davis. Hosuton simply didn't have a linebacker or a safety that could run with him. Do the Colts have a tight end with great speed that can run all the routes on a linebacker or a safety? I think they do. I know he doesn't look it on TV because the camera angles don't show the depth of the field very well, but Dallas Clark is very, very fast for a guy that thick. Yes, fast, and I don't mean white-guy fast, I mean fast.

5. Would you agree that the Texans have the best indoor/outdoor stadium in the NFL with Reliant Stadium?

You know, I spent a bit of time researching this and spoke to a network of architects to nail down a viable answer. In the end, the answer is, "It might very well be." Populus, the company that used to be HOK Sport, the architects for Reliant and the Cardinal's venue, have a habit of getting into the forefront of the stadium world. These new stadiums have a lot of neat things they can claim. From a design standpoint, I am told that Lucas Oil fist its site aesthetic the best, and has visual appeals like the center-peaked gabled roof which is apparently interesting because designing it meant the roof panels would be exceptionally heavy but would provide the largest roof opening in the world. The two large trusses are visually appealing as well but the stadium, over all, does not watch a game as well as it looks. The Cowboy's stadium is ginormous, and the exterior continuations of the arch trusses is nice to look at and drawing positive attention from architecture critics, but it is being billed in those circles as being a bit of a copy of Reliant in terms of the transparent sides and the roof is a copy of the lateral system other stadiums use. Personally I think it is the best looking on the inside but HQ says it is copied off of a couple of soccer pitches in Germany. It is tough to call, though, the architecture business is a trend oriented thing and copying someone else is pretty par for the course. I don't really call that a negative if they are copying something that works well. I also hear that it does not have a positive site aesthetic. People love the visuals of the Cardinal's stadium, and the roll out grass, but they hate the site and the color scheme on the inside. In the end, Reliant stands up favorably. It was the one of the first to have the retractable roof. It uses natural grass. It sees way more use than a lot of stadiums, hosting rodeos, bowl games, soccer and whatnot. Old Man Paine claims it is a great watching stadium having been to a bowl game there. It is also one of the cheaper "new" stadiums in the league. In the end, it was more "original" than the competitors and has a lot going its way. I haven't been to them all, so I can't make any clear claims. The jury is still out on the long term likeability of Lucas Oil and Cowboys Stadium with Lucas Oil being liked but not loved and Cowboys being either loved or hated, so Reliant may be the best one of the bunch.

6. Dallas and New Orleans seem to be having a lot of success playing in an offense that doesn't rely on one WR to make the majority of the catches. Will this even-ish distribution of catches escalate into a situation similar to the two good RB strategy that teams now implement?

I am unwilling to say that it will result in a two back league but it will result in smart offense. If you pass to the guy that is open you will be a better team than you will passing exclusively to the guy that is getting paid the most. It is easy to say that given the recent history in Dallas and the performance of Mike Bell and Pierre Thomas in new Orleans. I think it is EASIER to say that if you invest in the right quarterback you can save yourself a lot of trouble at other positions. If you have a Drew Brees you don't need to find the next Randy Moss or Adrian Peterson. You don't need to waste money on a kick returner like Reggie Bush like NO is now finding out. If the Cowboys or San Diego or Chicago had kept or signed Drew Brees they would have a championship under their belt and the Saints would be in LA.

7. Tampa Bay is the only winless team left and they have Green Bay coming into town this weekend....what are the chances that they break into the win column?

Yeah, I think there is a chance. I realize Harvin is a tough matchup. The Old Man says he is the closest thing to Gail Sayers he has seen in while, Reggie bush included, but I won't go into all that. Still, Green Bay is a top 10 defense. I think they would be a top 5 defense if they went 4-3, but they are still good. Minnesota is the better team, though. Jared Allen is great, AP is amazing, Harvin is unreal. GB should have been better and they weren't, with Chicago improving a bit I think the Pack is on tilt with their only quality win being the opener against the Bears. With the Bears improving, I think the Pack is wilting. The kicker, though, is that I don't think TB has many wins in their future. I am unclear how they are directing this team now that almost all of the Dungy era people and players are gone. I can't see what kind of program they are putting together or what kind of concept they are trying to establish on the field. I think it is entirely plausible for them to completely return to the crappy Bucs of old and soon. They may not win ten games in the next 3 years.

8. Who is the best player in the NFL this season that people aren't talking about?

Easy, Darren Sharper S, New Orleans. At 34 (that is 137 in NFL years) and a 13 year veteran, he leads the league in picks with 7. His pick against Atlanta was a late game prayer job but his pick-6 against Miami changed the game at the top of the second half. With the Saints coming out of the locker room down 24-10 and Miami getting the ball, Shaper picked one off that made it 24-17 Miami and completely put New Orleans back in the game. When the upstart Jets faced off with the Saints, Sharper shut them down with 9 tackles and 2 picks, one a 99 yard to the house. The Saints needed a veteran to lead their defense. They got the right the guy.

9. Who makes worse decisions......Jay Cutler or Brenda Warner's hair stylist circa 2001?

Well shit, Jack, I don't remember anybody pissing and moaning in the 80s when chicks like Brigitte Nielsen or Grace Jones went butch with their hair..........of course, that was the 80s and Brigitte Nielsen and Grace Jones are scary as all get out. Okay, good point. Look, I have always kinda had a thing for Annie Lennox. Something about Dave Stewart makes me want to break his fucking nose, though. And even though I prefer long hair, HQ having a luxurious head of hair, I am not going to throw stones at Brenda Warner for the hair. I think the internet has covered that. They also gave her tons of shit for being religious. That isn't my bag either but I don't want to bandwagon. In the end, the worst of her is a bad hair style and an unnecessary attempt to defend her husband against people who have an unbelievably large bully pulpit. Hell, she hasn't shot him and that is more than I can say for....you know the Bears could always run more.

10. On Sunday I can either go to the Museum of Science & Industry (http://www.msichicago.org/) for free ($26 value counting Wife) or watch the Bears play the Cardinals and then the Chargers vs. Giants. Which will make for a better Sunday?

Arizona doesn't lose on the road. The Chargers and Giants are both disappointments with the G-Men getting knocked around by Philly and the Chargers barely able to beat the Raiders. The Mof SI has all of the model ships and trains, a real U Boat, and an interesting exhibit in green home design that I would like to see. Catch the museum with Goldilocks and DVR the games. Get an early jump on the museum, grab a bite on the town, get home in the late afternoon and climb into some sweatpants and commercial-skipping football. You know what? Now that I think about it. Take the weekend off and watch football. I realize you guys need your "get out and be a married couple" time, but there is no way going over to the museum for a day is not going to cost you some moneys even if the museum is a free day. Save the moneys, get your tender loving wife time on by taking her to a late breakfast and not being a jackass for an hour. I bet that will be well received.

How to Hit a Baseball: The Landing

2009-11-04T22:36:45Z

This photo of Albert Pujols denting the baseball was sent in by friend of the site, Keith. I'm doubting this was a home run by Pujols but it certainly was a ball hit with a lot of force.

So now you've 'coiled and you're ready to 'land' your front foot in the batter's box. There are a million little things that can go wrong when you swing and this is another of those tiny, tiny things that can throw you completely off. It's no surprise that with so many movable parts and so many things that can go wrong during the process of a swing, that they say hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in sports.

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When you 'coil', your front foot should have either moved towards your back foot or stayed in place (preferred). Keeping the front foot in place obviously cuts down on moving parts in your swing. So now your starting to move towards the ball to hit it with force and you're wondering where your front foot should land.

When I was little my coaches always told me to try to step in the direction of the second baseman (as a right handed hitter). This isn't great advice but for a younger player it does force them to stay with the pitch and keeps them from bailing out or 'stepping in the bucket'. The common rule though is that your front foot should stay parallel with your back foot and your 'stride' should be anywhere from 3-6 inches. This is going to put you a little bit wider than the 'athletic position' but by this isn't a problem.

As you place your foot on the ground you aren't trying to grind it into the dirt, in fact, it's about the opposite. Some people say to "don't break the ice" or to "step on eggshells" but either way you get the point. Step softly with the tip of your toes initially. This is going to keep your front hip from locking into place which wouldn't allow you turn on an inside pitch, thus causing you to get 'tied up' and lose leverage/power/force/etc.

So, in review, after the coil....short stride, keep the front foot parallel with the back foot and 'step on eggshells'. Leave your comments below or shoot me an email. Next week we'll talk about what your hands should be doing during all of this commotion.

10 Paineful Questions.

2009-10-30T19:55:14Z

I have been getting my ass kicked in Judo this week, so here is a bit of thought. Laetitia Casta brought the idea of the voluptuous model back into vogue in the 90s, and she is an experienced judoka. Yoko shiho gatame anyone? Couldn't agree more ]]> 1. The 49ers have, depending on your viewpoint, surprisingly drafted three or four weapons on offense right now with Frank Gore, Vernon Davis, Alex Smith (?) and Michael Crabtree (?).....is this a team trending upwards for the future or do you see them stuck at the .500 level like the Texans (who the Colts play next week)?

I think they have Frank Gore and Vernon Davis. I think Crabtree is so messed up in his marble box it might be 3 years before he can contribute proportional to the hype. I think Alex Smith lost his jarb. This team has something. They have some players, they seem to be prepared for games psychologically and then fall apart over the course of the game. With Seattle deteriorating before our very eyes and Arizona with a very narrow window of opportunity they have a chance to build but they have to be patient. Pick certain games where you can develop certain concepts and whatnot. The Texans are better that the Niners, though. If the Texans weren't in the AFC South they would be making a bigger splash.

2. The 49ers are 6^th in the NFL against the run. With Reggie Wayne being iffy to play this week do the Colts try to ram the ball down the field or do they let Peyton try his magic with the young receivers (and Dallas Clark)?

No, make the backers chase the receivers on crossing routes, make them sit back in zones. Getting them on their heels will set up the delay runs and the stretch run/playaction option. Beating the Niners will be an exercise in execution, control, and patience. No daring or obnoxious guile needed.

3. The biggest matchup this week has to be the Colts LB's against 49er's TE Vernon Davis, no?

No, it will be the Niners linebackers on Dallas Clark. The Colts linebackers only need to cover Davis in the first 15 yards, the pass rush will take care of the rest. If the Niners push him too deep he will be in the tall grass with Sanders and Bethea. If they beat us that way, God Bless Them, they earned it. If they are trying to spring Davis deep on the seam it's a better bet that the pass rush will eat em up or that Sanders gets to put the big belt buckle on. Davis on the crossing route will be an option all day, but they won't let him squeak by downfield. In the red zone he is a problem, Bethea will just have to saw him in half.

4. Will Lucas Oil Stadium ever provide the Colts with the home field advantage that the Dome used to give them?

No. One thing people don't realize about the ol Dome is that, despite looking shabby, it was a REALLY GOOD place to watch a football game. The seating angles were great, and that really contributed to a good watching time. Yeah, there were metal bleachers in the upper deck, but that also played a part in being an unusually loud stadium. Not only that, but it had an intimate element. If Manning was coming your direction, the place was so quiet (and so small) that you could hear his audibles and cadence. When the other team had the ball, it was unmitigated chaos. People who have never witnessed it simply have no idea what it was like when Freeney or Mathis would drop the QB on third down. It would go from rock concert loud to space shuttle loud in the blink of an eye. Unreal

5. The Colts have been struggling with turning the ball over yet they still manage to win. How many turnovers can they have in this game and still pull out a victory?

Four

6. Brett Favre returns to Lambeau Field this weekend with the Vikings. If he tried to do the Lambeau Leap do you think the fans would reject him?

Maybe. Probably not. If he wanted to make a splash, though, he should try to dunk it like Brees did.

7. Three winless teams remain (Titans, Rams and Bucs) and the Titans and Rams have decent match-ups this week....any chance either of them break into the win column?

The Rams could win in Detroit , Titans could beat the Jags, the Bucs have the week off. I say the Rams win in Detroit .

8. Not taking into account the talent around any of them, would you even rank Jay Cutler in the top half of NFL QB's at this point?

Nope, but I didn't last year and he was in the Pro Bowl.

9. Do New Orleans and Atlanta combine to break the 90 points scored barrier this week?

There is a real good chance. There is also a good chance New Orleans could stomp Atlanta .

10. Is Larry Johnson trying to force his way out of Kansas City or is he just dumb?

When you are talking about Larry Johnson, remember these numbers: 13, 32, 2.5. In 2006, Larry Johnson led a Kansas City team into the opening round of the Playoffs against the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts had a resurgent defense that had spent the years as goats and the post season as monsters. In that playoff game, Johns was held to 32 yards on 13 attempts for an average of 2.5 yards per carry. Johnson had rushed for 1750 yards in 05 and had his biggest year in 06 but on the opening drives of that playoff game the Chiefs consistently went to him on first and second down and the Colts stuffed him for no gain again and again. The Chiefs offense had their chances, Manning threw three picks, but the Colts stuffed Johnson all day and by the end of the first quarter the Chiefs looked defeated on the sidelines. Johnson looked defeated and sat alone on the bench. Hot Tub looked over and said, "He's just not a competitor in this game anymore. We won't be so lucky next week with Tomlinson." He was right about Johnson. He has never been the same since. As luck would have it, the Pats would upset the favored Chargers and set up a Manning v. Brady AFC Championship game for the ages and an eventual Colts Super Bowl. Johnson has done little but get hurt, collect paychecks, and run his bitch-ass mouth ever since. Take a minute to scan the play by play to discover what it is like for a once great back to get dominated.

10 Paineful Questions

2009-10-23T04:08:56Z

Ten answers to ten questions after the jump. Before that, let us consider this theory. Buffy was not the hottest chick on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Jenny Calendar. Anya, and Willow were all sexier. I am not setting anything in stone, here, just tossing it out.

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1. Percent chance the Colts have a letdown against the Rams after the bye week?

It is the NFL, so there is always a chance. The real risk for this weekend is the Colts seem to be trying to fold some new things in. It looks like Bob Sanders is going to make an appearance, for whatever that is worth. The Colts were the best pass defense in the league last year, and it wasn't just because they were the weakest pass defense. A lot of it is because they give you the underneath and take away the deep ball. When you get behind, which happens when you play the Colts, and you are running out of time for the underneath, you are throwing into routes they have been sitting on all day. So the pass defense thing is scheme, not chance. This season proves that. So, they were the best pass defense in the league last year with the personnel at the safety position we are seeing now and we are going to take Bullitt out and put Sanders in. Bullitt is playing well. Putting Sanders in, even though he is a former MVP, is going to be an adjustment. On top of that, looks like Fili Moala is going to be getting a chance to make a spot since we let go of Ed Johnson. That shot will probably come on third down, passing downs, in a rotation that looks like Freeney, Moala, Brock, and Mathis. That is going to be something worth analysis. His performance, in a down and distance that exemplifies what we spent a 2^nd round draft pick on, needs to be positive. He must attract the double team and allow Brock to shoot the middle or beat his one on one matchup should Brock get the double team. Jackson can make a little distance, but when they get into the red zone it is a passing game. If the adjustments let something weird happen, then something weird could happen. %12 chance of Rams victory.

2. Should the Colts really be trying to get Bob Sanders into this game based on his injury history or should they hold him out another week or two as a precaution?

I think he should put into the game in running situations or in obvious pass situations. Bullitt has played well but we all have to recognize that Sanders is that guy that can wake up on a rainy Tuesday and walk into the stadium and pitch a shut out. He hasn't been playing, though, and we have to keep him out of situations where the play will tilt on early recognition. Keep him away from playaction or the first down deep ball. Let him sit back on 3^rd and 14. In that situation it is intermediate passes he gets to come up on and the occasional draw. Both kinds of plays will be "in front" meaning he doesn't have to turn his head and shoulders and he gets to lock onto target and pull the safety fuse on the bunkerbuster. What I would hate to see are misdirection plays lined up against him all day. I want him getting used to the speed of the game in his first day back at work. Keep it simple.

3. At one point in their history the Colts traded for Eric Dickerson from the Rams. If Dickerson suited up on Sunday would he be the best running back the Colts have?

Maybe, everybody loves that high knee kick style. I think they are alright at tailback right now. I like Brown's style. We have addressed what I think are the weak points of Addai's game but he really isn't letting us down right now. He is doing one thing exceptionally well, and that is finding the open spot on third, catching the ball, and digging for the first. Whatever he is, he is keeping the drive going once or twice or eight times a game.

4. Key personnel matchup of the Colts/Rams game?

The right side of the Rams offensive line against Mathis and the strongside backer on the Colts' left flank. Jackson is going to look to run where they have the extra blocker, that is strongside. I think he runs a little better to the right so that is where the plug has to go.

5. If you put Peyton Manning on the Rams team this season, what would their record be?

4-2

6. Let's go ahead and blow this thing open quickly, have the Bears made a huge, huge mistake in trading Kyle Orton and draft picks for Jay Cutler?

Orton went to an offense that had better personnel. I like some of the guys on the Bears squad, but they receiving corps is far more reliable and dynamic in Denver. Orton doesn't throw the pick, he does a better job of determining when and where to take a risk. There is a little less pressure in Denver. It is a place better to success and, yes, Orton is better suited to succeed at this point.

7. Whose decision making ability is worse, Jay Cutler's inside the red zone or Steve Phillips in picking his mistress?

Steve Phillips. If your ability to entertain viewers is as mediocre as his is, you better make sure you don't poke a crazy bitch, wife or not. I am a classic debaucher, I have never denied it. I dance with the one I brung, though. Know what I mean? Some of these guys, Reynolds, Phillips, Boomer (I hear), McNair (yeah, I said that) are doing something men (and presumably women but I admit they may be morally superior) have been doing for a long time. Women are attracted to a lot of different things. Some women are attracted to very superficial things. I am unwilling to claim that these are cheap people, but men with recognition or influence that understand its effects on women and have the thin constitutions incapable of sexual restraint certainly are. If the wife isn't giving it up the way you like your dinner, tell her. Say, "Woman, I know your hip has been bothering you but I gotta have more boogetyboom and zoom zoom in the car. I kinda like the stank." In exchange for your extra zoom zoom, you might want to not poke the horse-faced intern. Cutler may throw a lot of picks, but he isn't ruining his family by throwing off his back foot.

8. After putting up 59 points on the Titans last week, how many points do the Patriots put up on the Bucs this week in Tampa?

At this point in their schedule you just want to make sure you don't unplug the controller while you are saving. 40 seems doable but lets not put the cart before the horse. The Pats were throwing bombs against weak corners and team that felt like its season ended last two weeks ago when the Colts spanked them. Titans were on Tilt and the Pats were hungry. They could put up 35 any week with those receivers, and 60 when they really want it. If Tampa stays back it's a 35 point game. They won't give up their sister like the Titans did, but almost.

9. Three winless teams (Titans, Rams and Bucs) remain, do any of them break the seal this week?

Titans maybe. Pasted twice in a row and searching for identity. There are moments when a good leader understands that the campaign is not going his way. You start thinking about rearguard actions. You start re-evaluating the victory conditions. The pyrrhic victory starts looking like an attractive, viable option. It's a go back to basics moment, and good leaders can get guys on board. They understand that they have nothing to lose but their job. I think Keith Bullock is the best player in the league nobody pays attention to. He may be able to turn the defense around. Its an opportunity.

10. Has Ray Rice become the next LaDanian Tomlinson?

Easy, killer, closer to a Jones-Drew. Tomlinson was (is?) so good he could take the game over as a running back OR receiver. If you took one way he could still make the other a gamebreaker. Rice is a good all around guy, but he is a bit slight and not as explosive as Tomlinson.

How to Hit a Baseball: The Coiling

2009-10-21T14:02:35Z

I don't think you can pitch him one way. You can go in and out, up and down, and he makes the adjustment. You can get ahead in the count, and Suzuki still seems relaxed. He doesn't seem to have any weaknesses. - former Yankees and current Dodgers Manager Joe Torre on Ichiro Suzuki

Every week I get ready to write up the next installment of this series and I really just feel like quitting. Then I think of some 6-year old kid sitting at his computer trying to figure out how to hit and I feel guilty for wanting to give up. So, onward we go.

]]> Hitting a baseball all about timing. They've actually been talking about this quite a bit during the Yankees/Angels series as Mark Teixeira has struggled and his timing looks off. If your timing is off then your swing is going to be out of whack and you are going to struggle to get hits.

At this point in the series I have you standing in the batter's box with your focus on the area where the pitcher is going to release the ball.

The next thing that you want to do is to establish some rhythm in your stance. This doesn't mean that you are up there snapping your fingers or singing a song. A gentle transfer of your weight to and from your front and back feet will suffice. This is going to help you A) stay loose, B) establish timing and C) help you build up the momentum needed to drive the ball. Watch any hitter in the batter's box and you will see this tiny movement.

The pitcher is now going to start his wind-up and the hitter should do the same. When the pitcher begins his movement you should start to slowly 'coil', or transfer, your weight from your front side to your back side. This is similar to pulling back the hammer on a gun. As you can see in the above picture of Tom Glavine, there comes a point where you can see the back pocket of the pitcher. When the pitcher has reached this point you should have coiled enough that the pitcher can see the hitters back pocket as well, as evidenced by the Daryll Strawberry picture to the left. You'll see some hitters such as Alfonso Soriano with an exagerrated coil and for hitters with an open stance their 'coiling' takes place when they close their stance while the pitcher is in his windup. Please notice that while Strawberry has coiled at this point, all of his weight is not on his back foot. You do want to transfer your weight towards your backside but you also want to stay balanced in the batter's box so that you aren't caught offguard by a breaking pitch. This is another one of those things that easier explained by showing someone how to do it rather than writing about how to do it.

Nevertheless, this coiling is going to help Strawberry generate the force needed to drive the ball as far as possible. Without 'coiling' or the weight transfer, a hitter is going to have to be extremely strong in order to drive the ball with force so most times the hitter will be left hitting a lot of singles or poorly hit balls.

Ok, short and sweet this time. Next time we tackle where your front foot should be landing while you hit. If you have questions or comments throw them down below or shoot me an email.

10 Paineful Questions NFL WEEK 6

2009-10-16T21:54:28Z

Answers to jack's ten questions after the jump.

]]> 1. What does a 5-0 team like the Colts do on their bye week? I ask this since we know that struggling teams will look to mix things up by changing QB's, packages, etc what does an undefeated team do?

Sleep, rest, take the week off as best you can by cutting down on practices and meetings. Guys still have to lift and watch tape, and the coaches still work like idiots, but they really have to relax. It isn't that they are stepping up to teams and defeating them with some brand new, magical game plan, they just out execute you. They run their offense better than you run yours and they keep their energy up on defense better than you do. Essentially, they keep the game in front of them by relaxing, staying focused, and believing in their system. When a team like that gets a week off the number 1 thing to do is rest and shut your mind off. The coaches will have something for them next Tuesday to get them keyed up for the week.

2. Based only on their production as a Colt. Who do you take, Mike Vanderjagt or Adam Vinitieri?

Vinatieri. I think he gets along with the team better and has a more Hoosier-like attitude. The team trusts Vinny and they trust in his production. Vandy had all the tools, but he could be a bit of a nancy and that never flew well. I don't want to run Vandy down too much, though, because he was great as a Colt. The thing we have to remember, though, is that we are asking these guys to kick in nice conditions (dome), so overall production is going to be really similar. Since you asked for production alone, though, one thing we may have to look at is kickoffs, and Vinny is better than Vandy was by a good bit. It isn't so much leg as it is placement and attitude. I like Vinny. I could go fishing or hunting with Vinny but if I was hanging out with Vandy he would want to go to some chic store and buy a leather jacket or go get highlights in our hair, and I would shoot him in the foot.

3. This team, based on current team records, you could say only has three toss-up games (NE, Balt and NYJ or Denver) left. Could they go undefeated?

They could... The only one of those games that is away is Baltimore. Keep that in mind. Manning is also one of those few guys that seems to have the number of Baltimore's defense. He seems to be able to keep the pace slow, move the linebackers around, and make them react to him instead of the other way around. He also seems to be able to keep Ed Reed jumping like no one else is able to. Keep that in mind. I don't put much stock in the Jets just yet. They have dropped two straight and it seems like they are a little unable to adjust when things don't go their way. A team that is not flexible can't handle the Colts. You have to be able to be a counter puncher and a tactician to beat the Colts, you can't just be a brawler, ask the Bears. What really scares me is that New England has not had that one big wake up moment. At some point they are going to be down by two touchdowns against a team that is playing well and Brady is going to go out their and march 'em for two scores and then the team is going to believe again. That defense, which needs Richard Seymour, will discover that if they try just a little ahrder they will win more because Brady can march the team down in the waning moments. Then talk to me about New England. Not only that, but the Colts defense is less flashy, but functionally better than New England and the Jets. Beyond that, Denver is very tough and Houston will get two shots within 4 weeks. The Colts, though, have a calm swagger now that I don't recognize. It's the kinda thing you see in a guy who knows he has won the fight before the first punch is thrown. The Colts could go into every stadium in the league right now and knock the lights out of any team. I mean that. The Giants, Denver, Bolts, Boys, anybody. they could win by 21 anywhere. This is a pretty darn good team. Not only that, but I think we may be seeing one of the best road teams in history. Those things do not mean that they will win. The schedule is not rough, but the timings of the games are. They play a ton of night games, more will be back to back once the flex schedule kicks in. That is tough on a team.

4. I think the biggest concern for the Colts is their running game, are they going to be able to get it together or what changes do they need to make?

They need more push at scrimmage to be a better running team, and I think some of that is personnel. The thing is, they understand the passing premium and how to move the ball. When the run isn't clicking the screen, throw short, that sort of thing. There are lots of things they do well that can take the place of a bingobango running game. When they have been on the goal line this year they have been very good at running. That is new and perhaps the most important change in their run game.

5. Outside of Manning, Colts MVP for the first five games of the season?

Freeney. No question. He is the most gameplanned, and therefore the most feared, defensive player in the league. Guy has six sacks and he draws a minimum of a double team on every play. There is no tackle in the league that could hold him sackless for a whole game one on one. If he is being blocked one on one he WILL affect the play. Incredible impact on the game. Too bad that Robert Mathis doesn't get more notoriety, he can really play. Beyond them, Antoine Bethea and Ryan Diem have played really well.

6. The NFL still has four winless teams.....since your pick for the last winless team last week (Cleveland) actually won.....who is your new pick for last team to win a game?

Rams. They just can't score or keep anybody from scoring. Its not a good looking ball club. I think they are one of those teams who told themselves that switching to a 3-4 defense was going to open up the keys to the kingdom. It just doesn't work that way.

7. The best game this week is probably the Giants vs. Saints. Who is going to win the game and which team has the better quarterback?

A real tough call. I like the Saints at home but I wouldn't be putting a whole lot of money on it. Brees is tough to get to. He has good pocket brains and is a better athlete than a lot of people think. He can run a bit. That makes it tough for the Giants to get to him. If he can stay alive it is the Saints all the way, if the Giants get to him, Giants win. It is the same kind of dynamic you would see from the Giants/Pats SB. I like the matchup for the Giants wide outs. I think they might be able to spread the field a bit and make something happen.

8. Why doesn't a team try to work out a Herschel Walker type deal with the Rams to get Stephen Jackson?

Because it is dangerous. He could be a real good back with a Seahawks or a Cardinals, but I don't think GMs want to get into a single-back mindset right now. The investment versus the risk of having a single, feature back is hard on some franchises. I do think there are some GMs around the league who see a team on tilt like the Rams with no clear leadership or future and they are seeing chances to snatch up veterans for lower drafts picks around the spring.

9. Does the Denver/San Diego match-up lose some luster because the Cutler/Rivers rivalry is no longer there?

Yes, right up until Dawkins pops Chambers in the mouth for the second time and Chambers gets up talking and Dawkins tells him to sit back down and this guy says that and that guy says this and then its on like Donkey Kong. Rivers likes to talk trash and gets fired up easily and D-linemen around the league are tired of having the refs throw flags at them for doing their job. This game has playoff implications right now. This will be a hot blooded game without Cutler.

10. Is Jon Gruden actually the most interested party in the outcome of the Notre Dame/USC game on Saturday?

Frontbutt catches a lot of Hell for not already winning 5 titles with the Irish, but I think its time settle down. That program was pretty severely broken, not necessarily by Willingham or anyone else, but by its inability to adapt. Taken at face value, this season is going pretty well. They are 4-1 with a very good team coming in. Is the season a total loss if they lose this game and go 10-2 or 9-3? NO by any reasonable definition. They went back to the bowl circuit last year with a sophomore QB. Their Junior QB has matured well and is seeing the field. A lot of people look at their close games and say, "Crap they are lucky," but it is more than that. They Irish make their own luck at the end of games and the do it the way a team has to do it, they pass block. The Irish can pass block like nobody's business and that keeps you in games. Jimmy and the line and Golden Tate are good enough to win games together. The Irish defense might not be able to keep up with USC, but the offense will be able to do something. If the fan base and administration of Notre Dame are looking at this game against USC as a dealbreaker for their coach and program they are making a terrible mistake that will lead them back to the ruin they started with. Frontbutt deserves to keep his job a little longer. As long as he is there he will be able to attract a QB, just like he did with Clausen (who was a Cali kid). If this Irish team had a few more athletes on defense we wouldn't even be talking about it. ND fans should settle down and think. Their school (and town) does not have great weather, a great beach (though the Indiana Dunes are nice), or smoking hot chicks walking around looking to take their bikinis off for a potential NFL player, so recruiting will be tougher for them than it is for Florida, Miami, USC, or Texas no matter who the coach is. The Reggie Bushes of the world won't go to South Bend to snuggle with pale assed coeds when they can get paid to go to USC. Don't waste money trying to go after Jimmies and Joes you won't get by hiring a new coach every couple years. I think Gruden is a better coach than Weiss, but he does not develop talent well, so I would avoid him for a college job but he could win games in Dallas.

How to Hit a Baseball: What Are You Looking At?

2009-10-14T22:54:52Z

Remember these two things: play hard and have fun - Tony Gwynn

Moving along now, this post should be short and sweet as I detail where a hitter should looking as the pitcher is throwing the ball. This is kind of jumping ahead a few steps but in order to be prepared for this step you have to prepare once you are set in the batter's box.

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Conventional wisdom tells us to just look at the pitchers release point but with so many pitchers varying their release points these days, and for good reason, I'm going to take Tony Gwynn's advice and encourage you to make a box just outside of where you believe the pitcher is going to release the ball. I've detailed this in the picture to the right.

I'll get into greater detail later as far as picking up pitches but right now we are establishing where your focus should be when you are in the batter's box.

Now, some people can't remain focused for the amount of time it takes for the pitcher to start his windup and release the ball so for those of you like that, I encourage you to look at the emblem on the pitcher's hat. I vehemently discourage you to look at the pitchers face, unless you are going to wink at him to piss him off. You want to keep a clear mind at this point so put your eyes on an 'dead' object. Once the pitcher begins his windup move your focus over to the box next to where the release point should be.

As always, leave comments below and if you have any other questions/comments, shoot me an email.

10 Paineful questions.

2009-10-11T17:49:25Z

1. Does the emergence of the Garcon and Collie take away from the legacy of Marvin Harrison or does it add to the legacy of Peyton Manning even more? Not really. I think, if you go back over the body of work, one will find that Marvin Harrison was the best receiver in the league in a period from about 1999 to 2006. That is a period of time when some great receivers played great ball in the league and he was consistently the best. His production over his career came despite constant defensive attention. His impact on the team was always positive even when he had problems it didn't cause a problem for the team. His highlight real is breathtaking. He won a championship. He set records. If anything detracts from his legacy it is his desire to keep under the wire, not promote himself indulgently, and how those aspects have affected the way he is portrayed. I think his skill set built his legacy and both are solid. If people don't remember him it is probably because he didn't spend enough time marketing himself. Look at it this way. The emergence of Reggie Wayne in 2003 did not prevent Marvin from having amazing years in 03, 04, 05, or 06. Indeed, the prolific nature of Harrison probably helped Wayne develop in such a swift fashion as I imagine the attention Wayne draws (or Clark) has done for Collie and Garcon. Has Wayne's greatness detracted from Harrison's? Did Stallworth detract from Swann? No, I think Marvin's reputation is solidified. Beyond that, we can't say that the way Peyton plays now detracts from Marvin then.

2. Will Joseph Addai ever average more than 4 yards a carry again in his career? Tough. He has games where he gets it up over 4 but over the course of a season I think THIS SEASON is his last chance. He is healthy and has fresh legs (supposedly). The big reason that I think the answer is NO is because of Edge James. When Edge was with us, he put up a lot of numbers late in games when the Colts had the lead and they simply turned the ball over to Edge and he put the game away. Who is our back late in games now? Who is our closer? Who do we send into the breach to crack eggs? Donald Brown. If Addai wants more than 4 he has to get it in the first two quarters of every game.

3. Is Dallas Clark a Hall of Famer? As a tight end or wide out? You know, this is a good question because it makes people see how a tweener player can be adapted if the skill set matches the game. Dallas Clark has real speed. A lot of folks miss that. He can run past almost any backer and therein lies the greatness of his game. He fits the Colts game because he can transition the spots because of his speed. He can play a tight end and he can split out and you don't have to huddle or sub a guy in. Because of that, he will have a spot in Manning's read and because of THAT he will have numbers to make the Hall at wither tight end or wide out. People have had trouble with tweeners before. Look at how Alstott was underutilized, look at how the Saints have had trouble adapting Reggie Bush. Dallas Clark could have been just a regular tight end on some team that ran three wide or two tight end as a base. On the Colts, when any and all formations are on the table with a QB who is so utterly capable of seeing the angle that wins, the sky is the limit for someone with this kind of athleticism.

4. Can the Colts defense hold Chris Johnson to less than 200 total yards this weekend? I don't see why not. He is a great back, but he is not being used the way he should. If you have LenDale White, and he can move the ball between the tackles, why not put Johnson (who runs 4.next to nothing) on the outside as a receiver? Get those backers looking in two different directions. This is a team that has trouble putting things together right now. Putting Johnson in the pass pattern would be a good way to keep the Colts on their heels.

5. Biggest matchup of the Colts/Titans game? Dallas Clark on Keith Bullock would be a popular choice but it isn't the right one. Dave Stewart on Robert Mathis is going to be the one. The Titans are in a fight for their very lives. They HAVE TO WIN THIS GAME and that means they have to keep Kerry Collins on his feet and they have to give him time. Mathis is a lion in the tall grass. Dave Stewart better eat his Fruit Loops.

6. What the Hell happened to Darren McFadden? He got drafted by the Raiders and (rightly so) believed that God had forsaken him.

7. There are five teams without a win in the NFL. Who is going to be the last to win a game this season? I thought it was 6. Since Carolina and Tampa play each other its really only four and they have a chance to split so let's call it three. Of the remaining teams I think Cleveland is the team that has the least functional idea of what it is doing. It is in a tough division and has psychological problems on a scale large enough to affect the entire franchise.

8. How close are Vince Young and Matt Leinart to seeing some playing time? Well, the Titans are in no position to go with Vince Young this weekend. If you put him against the Colts pass rush you are asking for trouble. The Titans are playing for their season tonight, but if they lose Young may be in the game next week. Has anyone ever believed from what they see in the preseason that Leinart is a viable option to Warner? I know the Cardinals have not had the opening they wanted, but the wheels aren't coming off the wagon. Their losses are against the Niners, a tough divisional opponent that is dramatically improving, and the Colts, arguably the best team in the League. They will need to win their division to get into the Playoffs and that is not outside the bounds of reality. Everybody should settle down. I think the bigger question for Arizona is why they were so enamored with a QB with a personality like Leinart's when they could have had a DT like Haloti Ngata or backers like Ryans or Greenway. If you are going to draft your "QB of the Future" his behavior needs to be marginally better than Kyle Orton. So, Young is close and Leinart is not.

9. Has Kristin Bell supplanted Natalie Portman as Cobra's celebrity crush? If so, why? She has and perhaps rightfully so. The only redeeming element to Veronica Mars was the supremely honest and nuanced performance of Bell. Portman has many credits to her name, appears to be intelligent, and has acting chops that I can appreciate though I can only say that she made the show for me in Where the Heart Is. She was very good in that. I have trouble framing Portman in Jack Cobra's life, though. Portman's distractions and politics are going to be issues that (if not more high-minded) are going to be outside the scope of what Jack Cobra is willing to care about. I don't think that is the same for Bell, who strikes me more as a girl with a real mid-west sense of humor and a homebody. NEWS ALERT: For all of you ladies with melting crushes on Jack Cobra, he is a creature of habit and a homebody. Anthropologically speaking he is incredibly uninteresting. On a weekend it is up to sweatpants to Fruit Loops to couch to warm Pepsi to nap to treadmill to couch to bed. The only real curveball is a possibility of another bowl of Fruit Loops somewhere between warm Pepsi and bed. This will not satisfy Portman, Bell could be on board with it. Cobra recognizes this and leans to Bell.

10. Team that scores the fewest points this weekend? Oakland.

Cobra Chronicles: Drug Testing for Breakfast?

2009-10-09T16:51:02Z

I'm sitting in the cafeteria of some non-descript school in some non-descript state eating a bowl of Fruit Loops before our morning shoot-around when Coach walks in and yells:

I WILL DRUG TEST EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!

Thus began the oddest and most entertaining breakfast of my life......

]]> It had been about a month now since the Dean of my college had asked me to use my last semester of athletic eligibility to help out the basketball team. They had a bunch of guys get injured, a few that couldn't make the grades and they were struggling just to scrimmage at practice. No big deal I thought. I love to play basketball, it's great exercise and if nothing else I'd sit on the end of the bench during the games and cheer like Brian Scalabrine....in other words, my expectations weren't high.

The night before coach came screaming into the cafeteria we had played the opening game of a tournament and I was in the starting lineup....obviously something was askew.

The team was filled with a few good players, a bunch of great guys and a couple of real knuckleheads. Essentially, it was like every other team in the nation except we lacked an abundance of talent. Seriously, I hadn't played organized basketball in six years, I had been the shortstop for the baseball team and I walk in and become a starter....at a forward position!?!?! Our future was not exactly bright.

The opening game of the tournament was against the nationally ranked host school. We were, in fact, brought in so that they could whip us in the opening round and make their alumni proud. Unfortunately, what they didn't take into account was that while we weren't all that great at basketball, we really enjoyed beating the shit out of other teams physically. We lost the game, by 33 points, but we beat the hell out of most of their players. I considered that a victory in itself. I think we ate at a buffet after the game and then went back to the hotel to relax for a few hours before curfew.

Look, we're all dudes around here so we know what goes on when we have nothing to do. Pure mayhem. As the only Senior on the team who had participated on quite a few road trips with the baseball team, I knew to take it easy so that I didn't get in trouble. I walked across the street to get a Snickers bar and a Gatorade, I hit on the girl working at the front desk for about a half hour and then it was lights out. Other guys had other plans though.....

One guy on our team, Mike, was in nice terms...a thug. He was a good dude to me because I physically abused him in a game of 1 on 1 a few weeks earlier but he essentially preyed on weaker people and tried to exploit their weaknesses. Enter Zach Attack, a wonderful guy that was full of energy but only played about two minutes every other game. Zach was a good guy to hang out with but because he had so much energy, the dude never slept. Somehow these two got paired together during room assignments. Wait, there's more.

Our team had a 'manager/ballboy' who was mentally handicapped/challenged. I'm not sure what the correct term is to use there. He was a wonderful guy who would listen to stupid stories on the bus but he was as harmless as could be. He was put in the same room as Mike and Zach. Why? I'm not sure but maybe because he was willing to sleep in the bath tub. I tried to not analyze the situation too much.

Before I went to sleep I stopped by their room to see what was going on and it was the usual horseplay/wrestling. No broken bones so I had no worries. I'm certain everyone else on the team felt the same way when they went to sleep.

The next morning comes and in the lobby I can see the manager/ballboy talking to one of the assistant coaches, who happened to be his cousin. For some reason his eyes were bloodshot red so I just figured Zach and Mike had bullied the kid all night and he had been crying.

Nope.

I hop on the team bus to go to breakfast and the rumors start working their way around about how Zach and Mike turned into Cheech and Chong overnight. That really didn't surprise me. Neither guy was playing much so they really didn't have anything to lose. Whatever, I didn't care. I wasn't the captain of this ship, I was just along for the ride.

Like I said, I was enjoying some Toucan Sam Delight when Coach barged in screaming at the top of his lungs. Really, this wasn't out of the ordinary for him as he was a pretty loud dude but I could see the fire in his eyes so I just kept my head down and ate.

He calls out Zach and tells him that he's taking a drug test. Right now. You can see the fear rise in Zach until he says....."Give me a minute, I'm going to call my lawyer."

Rrrrrrr.....it was like someone hit the brakes on the 18-wheeler. Normally in this situation a kid will succumb to the pressure and just fess up to what he did. I know Coach was expecting that to happen. I know that's what everyone was expecting to happen. That did not happen.

Next thing I knew Zach Attack was on the phone with his Dad explaining that Coach was going to make him take a drug test for no reason and that it was, in his opinion, illegal. By this time I was on my second bowl and you could cut the tension in the room with a knife.

See, Mike had taken his beatdown already from Coach. Immediate suspension from the team and by ratting out Zach....he had kept from getting kicked out of the school. I have no idea if any of this was legal but it sure was entertaining. Zach was pleading with his Dad to get their lawyer involved, as they were from a wealthy family, but it seemed that Dad wasn't having it. Zach would either admit to what he did or he'd take the drug test.

Zach said he'd take the drug test.

This pissed off coach even more and by now we're twenty minutes into this debacle. We had the shoot-around in forty minutes and we really wanted to win the consolation game later that afternoon so that the entire trip wasn't a complete clusterfuck. Coach sent the assistant coach out to purchase a drug test at a local pharmacy and Zach started to eat breakfast.

Sure enough, the kid picked my table to sit at.

For the next ten minutes Coach threw down one of the harshest verbal beatdowns that I've ever heard in my life. So much so that I'm not going to repeat any of it because I don't even know what half of the curse words meant. I mean, he was right in Zach's ear and he was going to break the kid one way or another.

About five minutes before the assistant coach showed up Zach finally broke and admitted to what he did. He accepted the same punishment as Mike and they both had to apologize to the mentally handicapped manager/ballboy for giving him a contact buzz. Coach made them stand on one of the tables in the cafeteria while doing this.

We played the consolation game with eight players and we ended up losing by 22 points after being tied at halftime as we just ran out of gas. The bus ride back to Indiana was very quiet but that was just about the most entertaining breakfast I've ever had in my life.

How to Hit a Baseball: (Head)ing Where?

2009-10-07T15:26:30Z

During my 18 years I came to bat almost 10,000 times. I struck out about 1,700 times and walked maybe 1,800 times. You figure a ballplayer will average about 500 at bats a season. That means I played seven years without ever hitting the ball - Mickey Mantle

Ok, I'm back and better than ever? After a week with the flu I would say probably not. Let's try to build up some momentum on this bad boy and finish it up before 2010 rolls around. I bet everyone thought I gave up on this series.

What will we talk about this week??? What to do with your head, of course! Can you feel the momentum and excitement building?

]]> In simplest terms I'm just going to tell you to not have any head movement while you hit. Yes, your eyes will move, but not your head. If your head starts moving up and down or side to side then it's going to throw off your perception of where the ball is and where the ball is heading (no pun intended). A hitter does not track the ball with his head. Period.

Take that picture to the right as an example, see what happens when you don't move your head? You go to the playoffs. Seriously though, if you could look at this swing frame by frame you would see very little, if any head movement.

It doesn't matter if you have an open stance, a closed stance or a regular stance....your head shouldn't move. Long time hitting guru Walk Hriniak is a big time believe in minimal head movement so if you are looking for good examples you should check out players like Frank Thomas, Wade Boggs and Robin Ventura.

Peyton Manning is the best player in football. Part II

2009-10-05T00:35:53Z

Its not just what he is doing, it is who he is doing it with and how they are doing it. It isn't that he is surrounded by bad players, indeed, the Jeff Saturday's and Reggie Waynes of the world are legitimate stars. The Dallas Clarks and Ryan Diems are very good. Shit, these guys played on scholarship. You know what I mean? But these guys just look great right now. His line is not fantastic. Charlie Johnson, Pollak, Lilja and DeVan are not superstars. But he doesn't let their shortcomings vastly impact the game. If he reads a blitz on a weak part of the line he makes the right adjustment and takes the pressure off. When the blitz comes and he is not necessarily ready for it, or if a guy gets beat bad, he gets the ball out to the hot route and forgetys about it. He does not take the sack, he does not let that guys mistake negatively effect the rest of the team. He does not let guys who slipup a little bit have the weight of their mistake kill the drive and hang on them. Does anyone realize how that effects the mindset of the players on the field? In 04 and 06 the Colts offense was a pretty confident bunch, but look at what they had. They had Marvin who, from 01 to 06, was the best in the game. They had Edge. They had Tarik Glenn, perhaps the most underrated left tackle to play the game in the last decade. They had better guards and healthier tight ends. They had more experienced receivers. BUT THIS OFFENSE IS A BUNCH OF CHILDREN! And yet they are a supremely confident unit. They trot to the bench and from the bench like Ali did in his tune up fights. It is over before it starts. If you took the time to watch the Colts play the Seahawks you would have seen something troubling for any opponent. The Colts took control of their third possession at the beginning of the second quarter, with the ball on the ten the Colts went down the field like killers, dyed-in-the-wool killers. Cold blooded, clean, methodical and thorough. Ninety yards in four minutes. The shots of the Seattle bench showed a bunch of guys who were beat fifteen minutes in. The next time the Colts got the ball back, there was a minute and twenty-two left on the clock after a Seattle field goal and the THE ONLY THOUGHT in the minds of every single person playing and watching that game was, "That is too much God-damned time to leave Peyton Manning."

Things I saw:

The Colts defense is playing with the bend-but-don't-break scheme and it has worked for the second week in a row.

Freeney was supposed to be hurt and only played situationally and he was still devastating. THE MOST ACCOUNTED FOR PLAYER IN FOOTBALL.

My greatest fear with Freeney potentially out was that, on third down, they liked to move Raheem Brock into DT where I really like him because he gets off the ball well and can command a double team from a guard and center simply by getting in there quick. I assumed that he would be moved to end if Freeney sat. Since Freeney played they still had that option and it created some penetration in the middle. That is key because the Colts don't get great penetration from their regular DTs.

I continue to believe that Joe Addai lack either 1:top end speed or 2: a second gear to get him there. When the play goes wide he doesn't get to his spot fast enough and he can't set up the defenders for blocks. This was a hallmark fo the Colts with Edge and a big reason why Edge was so great, he understood how to make a defender commit to one side of the block and then use it against them. Edge was a really special running back. Size. Speed. Brains. He spoiled us a bit and I think people forgot that.

Donald Brown hits the hole like he is shot out of a cannon. That guy runs Hell-bent for leather and I love it. If it is true that this really is a two back league, I am glad he is one of ours.

Our young receivers are different types of guys then we are specifically used to. Garcon and Collie are good down-field blockers. They are fairly physical. Garcon is really physical. That energizes and motivates veterans.

How big was keeping Jeff Saturday last eyar? HUGE

Freddie Keiaho is playing a serviceable mike backer for us.

Clint Sessions is not in the game enough

Things I think I am seeing.

Powers is playing a pretty good cornerback. Kelvin Hayden needs tog et back on the field and make a big splash or he could face a trade or release.

Bethea is playing great.

Polians draft this year, which we kciked the shit out of as a bad job, has produced Donald Brown, Austin Collie, Jerraud Powers and Pat McAfee. If another team is getting as much out of four rookies as the Colts are I want to know who the heck it is. Bill, I tip my cap to the Kenobi of the draft.

Pat McAfee is a great punter. I thought I saw him punt a ball about 70 yards with 5 seconds of hang time.

Peyton Manning is the best player in football.

2009-09-29T02:22:18Z

Lots of teams don't even have guys that could legitimately be placed in that argument, and I am glad my team does. Long story short, though, with Brady still a bit shaky and Brees not being tested by anyone other than a Philly team with Kolb and a gimpy Westbrook it is hard to say that anyone is really doing the things at the QB position that Manning is. In addition, I don't see a player at any other position really molding the game like Manning is. Peterson is really something, and I think the Colts' own Dwight Freeney is really special in terms of just how much attention he requires to keep him from taking over a game completely. Still, when taken holistically, only Brees can compare to Manning right now and he hasn't played a furious Miami team or the highpowered offense of the reigning NFC Champs. (Oh, and he builds children's hospitals with his bare hands.)

I saw a lot of good things

I saw Fitzgerald taken out of two third down plays by being aggressively jammed by Powers at the LOS. Combining it with a blitz made for two failed third down attempts.

I saw the Cardinals get jobbed on the goal line when Bethea held Boldin. I am not getting too worked up over it though because Freeney and Mathis were held all night and that one play may not have changed much. Bethea played a Helluva good game voerall, though.

I saw a fresh and aggressive Colts D despite playing for three consecutive days last week.

Pierre Garcon is not just fast (he beat one of the fastest corners in the league on the 53 yarder), he is physical. When he was drafted The GM was all over him and he was right. P-Gar is fo-real

The safety tandem of Melvin Bullitt and Antoine Bethea are playing pretty well despite Sanders being out. It brings up the question of whether or not Sanders is overpaid, again. We will have to revisit it if Sanders does not play well. I think he is going to come in and saw people in half, though.

I think these things

I think we DID overpay Kelvin Hayden. We have a rookie playing as well as he usually does right now in Powers.

I think we will struggle long term if Brackett can't get healthy.

I think the Offensive Line is playing much better than we expected at the end of the preseason. Charlie Johnson is playing well.

I think the problem with Joe Addai is that he just lacks top end speed. They ran a stretch yesterday when Johnson got outside on his block and really carried it upfield. Addai just could not get there to take advantage of the block. Not getting there gave the defense an opportunity to get back into the play.

I think the Colts young receivers block downfield well, and it opens things up. That is something they should remember as veterans often don't like to get involved that way.

I think Freeney is the most accounted for defensive player in the game. Every play he has two or three guys looking for him. I would like to see numbers on how often he wins his battle 1 on 1, 2 on 1, 3 on 1 and whatnot.

I think the Cardinals can shake that one off. They had some tough matchups to deal with. Gandy needs to have HB help to handle Freeney but Warner needed Hightower in the game and in the pattern to keep the linebackers up. The effectiveness of the Colts ends requires attention from tight ends and tailbacks and that means fewer guys in the pattern. With only three guys in the pattern the Colts can double Boldin and Fitz and make the other guy beat them. Tough matchups. They ran into a team patterned and proportioned to beat them.

Donald Brown has quick feet, low center of gravity, and surprising speed. The equation looks like S+Q-g=NFL(HB)