Cocco Butter

Low Self Esteem

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 17:44:00 +0000

Self esteem is defined as an appraisal on one's own worth. Low self esteem then can be said as having a low appraisal on one's own worth. Low self esteem on its own is not necessarily a bad thing, that's not to say it's a good thing. The problem with low self esteem is that it can drive those with it to do and say things, in order to be accepted by others. Unfortunately what this does is cause people to say things they don't mean, do things they otherwise would not and lead a life and lifestyle that is outside of their true personality. Low self esteem can lead to relationship problems, financial ruin and health issues including depression.

A person suffering from low self esteem most likely won't know it because their residual self image is that of someone who is liked and respected by others. It's only those that are looking at the individual that can clearly see the issues. People with esteem issues are often used, abused, mistreated and taken advantage of, in both personal relationships and the workplace. Ironically, you often find that people with low self esteem usually give others good, sound advice, but are unwilling to take it themselves. They will tend to lead a pretentious lifestyle and constantly struggle with one issue or another.

Although, low self esteem presents itself as a visual problem, ie. how people feel they are perceived and in turn perceive themselves, it is actually an emotional issue, rooted deep in feelings of inadequacy. These could be feelings of failure - judged against how one measures success, lack of confidence or incompetence or lack of financial resources. These emotional issues usually result in bad decision making, which can affect the outcome of the true potential in one's life.

To overcome these feelings, one has to be honest with themselves about how they feel about themselves. The ability to identify what is holding you back and then confronting that issue, by realizing it does not define you. This is harder than it sounds. People with low self esteem have spent years on creating and believing their image and that cannot be undone in an instant. The good news is that, once identification and realization has been obtained, confrontation, change and acceptance are not too far behind.MM.

My Daughter's Loc Journey

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 23:25:00 +0000

I could see the war brewing...it definitely was becoming a battle to do my daughter's hair. It didn't matter how gentle I was (and I was very gentle) with combing her hair, the ooohhs and owwws didn't stop. My husband had suggested locing her hair, but I came up with excuses...she won't have styling options...she's too young...what would people think of me locing my child's hair...the excuses went on and on. Then, I decided to do some research, the same way I had done before locing my hair. Let me tell you, the internet can be a wonderful place. The amount of resources I found to help me with my decision not only to loc her hair, but also what method to start with and maintain her locs were unending. I finally decided to loc her hair starting with two strand twists. Below is a video I made of the process. MM

My Natural Hair

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 00:11:00 +0000

Pics of my big chop to my afro...before the twists.

My Loc Journey

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 21:50:00 +0000

In a previous post, I had written that I was getting Sisterlocks. Well, I met a co-worker who has conventional locks. We got to talking and I told her that I was getting Sisterlocks. She was very excited, supportive and congratulated me. On my way home from our meeting, our conversation resonated with me. Now, it wasn't anything she said, but just the conversation in general. I started thinking about locs in general. When I got home, I got online and started researching conventional locs. The more I read and saw, the more I fell in love with them. I decided right then, that my loc of choice was going to be conventional locs. I two strand twisted my hair and have started my loc journey. I am very excited and can't wait to see my hair transform.

Below is a post I made for YouTube.

Sisterlocks - A Natural Alternative

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 15:02:00 +0000

A year ago, I hummed and hahhed about what to do with my hair. 2 years of growth (after shaving my head for 5 years) had given me 6 inches of thick, healthy natural tresses and was in need of something manageable, versatile and fun. The style, also had to be natural and reflect my personality. I researched online and found Sisterlocks. This locing method created by Dr. JoAnne Cornwell is supposed to give the best of both worlds. A nice, manageable style with the ability to grow while keeping your hair natural. After doing some research online and meeting with a couple consultants, I fell in love and decided that this was the route I was going. Then it happened, I started talking myself out of the process...first was the cost (most people with and without the locs discuss-at length the cost-it costs $500 and up for installation), then the maintenance-also a cost factor with retightening costing approximately $100-$200 every 6-8weeks. My biggest issue was the versatility. I love my 'fro and thought I would lose it. The inability to style my hair the way I wanted was something I cherished and wasn't ready to give up, and so the momentum passed and I didn't get Sisterlocks.

Sisterlocks founder Dr. JoAnne Cornwell

The other day, I was online (as I usually am) looking up hairstyles when my husband suggested, I just do it. I thought about it for a minute and said, you know what, I'm going to. I got on to the Sisterlocks website and contacted a couple consultants closer to my home. I now just have to pick one to put in my test locs (if all goes well-the locs set), I set a date for installation and take it from there. Currently, I am sporting a hair length of about 8 to 9 inches (all natural) and know that the longer the hair, the more this procedure costs, but I am ready for it. After all, I consider it an investment in myself and what better investment is there?

I will keep you posted on my journey and if you have any suggestions about Sisterlocks for a newbie like myself, I would love to hear from you.

Ohhh the 'fro

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 13:45:00 +0000

I have a love hate relationship with my afro. One day I love it, next day it hates me. Keeping and maintaining an afro is not an easy feat.

Rockin' my 'fro!

There's nothing like getting your 'fro just right, only so that someone can come up to you, compliment and try to stick their fingers in your hair. Excuse me but I don't know where your fingers have been and Afro Etiquette 101-Don't touch the 'fro. Always admire from afar. Compliment and leave it at that.

My biggest dilemma is keeping my 'fro moisturized. I have thick, natural, black hair, so I understand it's not going to be silky, shiny and glossy like caucasian or asian hair. Fine, I get that, but I struggle to keep moisture in my hair on a daily basis. (There's got to be nothing worse, than seeing a 'fro that looks like a scouring pad on a sister or brother's head.) I am a big fan of leave-in-conditioners (you have to be when you have natural hair), but even then, I think they only do the job half of the time. To keep moisture, I try to keep my hair in a style for several days, whether cornrows or twists, that way, I am not stressing the hair (virgin hair is very brittle.)

I really like this style!!!

I do like defining my curls with EcoStyler gel and on occasion, I will wear my 'fro like that. It's just that there are times when I think my hair couldn't care less for me and no matter what I do, it's hellbent on doing it's own thing. My only reassurance that I am doing something right, is when I get a comment on how nice my hair looks or how healthy it looks, then I know that maybe, just maybe, my hair doesn't hate me as much as I think it does and like everything else in life, just wants a little TLC. Also I need to stop complaining abut my 'fro because my husband loves it and he hates when i hate on the 'fro. MM

Text Etiquette for the Text Generation

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 01:11:00 +0000

There is nothing more rude and annoying than speaking to someone who is not listening to you (or only catching a few words) because they are too busy texting. I love technology as much as the next person, in fact I would go so far as to say my husband and I are technology buffs. However, what can be so important that you can't put the phone aside to have a normal conversation with the person that's in front of you? I find this to be a common thread amongst Blackberry owners. I have nothing against Blackberries albeit I don't own one, but I enjoy my SmartPhone. I talk, I text, take pics and record and enjoy sharing them with friends and family. I do however observe cellphone talk and text etiquette.

Image: Andy Newson / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

More often than not, the conversations these individuals are having are not important, people are usually gossiping or sending jokes. As a business person, I understand the need to use these forms of communication to stay abreast of trends, but I don't understand how a simple request for milk turns into a half hour conversation when you are already conversing with someone. Unfortunately, what this has created is a generation and generations to come of people with very poor communication skills. The inability to make eye contact and certain forms of anxiety are some of the resulting side effects of this "text generation".

Feel free to talk, text, etc. but be aware of your surroundings and practice courtesy to those with whom you are spending time. Put the phone down! MM

People Don't Change

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 22:37:00 +0000

I'm sure to most reading this, they will disagree. That people can and do for in fact change. My relationships with people throughout my life have showed me that people are the way they are from the moment they are born until the day they die. Humans can aclimate, accept or tolerate, but changing is not in our nature. A palm tree taken from a warm climate and replanted in a cold climate, is still a palm tree, even if it thrives, it's still a palm tree, it will never be an evergreen.

Too many times, women convince themselves that they can change a man. Not true ladies, you cannot change a man (I always say, an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore, is an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore. He has not changed, he is still an alcoholic, just doesn't drink anymore.) If he has always disappointed you, he will always disappoint you. The problem is that people continue to disappoint themselves, by hoping and praying that friends, colleagues, loved ones even acquaintances will one day change whatever their negative behaviour is, whether it be minor offences like lying, tardiness or constantly canceling get-togethers at the last minute or more serious offences like stealing or cheating.

Always remember that you are not a valid reason why another human should modify what you perceive as negative behaviour. People will only do this at a time of their choosing based on a reason of their choosing. Accept people for who they are, good and bad and know that whatever qualities they possess, you either live and put up with or don't have that person in your life altogether.MM

Invigorating Scrub

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 04:14:00 +0000

Clearskin

I am a huge fan of scrubbing the skin. Whether it's your face or your body, a good buff will have your skin glowing and looking vibrant. One of my favourite scrubs is Clearskin®'s Pore Penetrating Invigorating Scrub from Avon. I have been using this product for years, and it gives me the same results now as it did, when I first started using it. It is not a harsh scrub and the granules are so fine that it will not irritate the skin but strong enough to slough away dead, tired skin. Leaving your face smooth and refreshed. For less than $7, a 75ml tube will last approximately 2-3 months (depending on how often you scrub.)

Clearskin® carries various facial products to suit different skin types and is available through your local Avon dealer.CC

A Day at the Spa

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 04:07:00 +0000

freedigitalphotos.net

I was at the spa today and a thought came to me...why don't more black women do this more often? Having spoken to many black women about this subject, many think, it's either a luxury or a pretentious lifestyle, too expensive, they don't have the time or it's a 'white' thing. We need to stop giving into these beliefs and accept the fact that, activities like going to the spa, exercising, fitness and watching your dietary and nutritional intake is for our white counterparts. Unfortunately what this does is limit our wellbeing and overall wellness.

Getting a massage, getting a pedicure or a manicure is not just a white activity, it's a human activity. Something that every woman can benefit from to allow them to relax, unwind and get a better perspective on life.

Life is for the living, but you are not going to get any true or meaningful living done, if you always have the mentality that it is not for you and always for others.CB

Busty Barbie

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 03:19:00 +0000

An email received from a reader:

So I was at Walmart yesterday and noticed a new set of Barbies that they have. The dolls seemed very elegant and very much inspired by the whole Top Model movement AND they had three different shades of the black dolls. This was my first time seeing a dark skin doll. But then I noticed that one of the black dolls' breast exposed from her dress. Since when did Barbies start exposing their breast like that?
It looks like I wasn't the only one who felt this way as she is now infamously known as "Busty Barbie".

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2010/05/26/2010-05-26_busty_barbie_in_mattels_new_back_to_basics_barbie_collection_is_too_revealing_fo.html

What kind of message is this sending to black girls?

Sincerely,

XXXX

The Love of Gardening

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 04:35:00 +0000

I have discovered a new love....gardening. When I was younger, my mother effectively made sure I would hate the hobby of gardening, for life. I still remember, being dragged from one nursery to another, buying what seemed like an endless array of "things" that were only going to die at the end of the season. I have now discovered those "things" go by such names as petunias, celosia, impatiens, lily and geranium.

My first attempt at gardening was going to Wal-Mart and buying their end of season perennials (they come back every year). Not knowing what I was buying, I just picked up some plants that looked nice in their picture, some soil and headed home to dig. A few weeks later, I came across some tulip bulbs at a local grocery store and thought I would give them a try. (The pictures of the flowers in this article are my tulips from my garden) These flowers and plants took off and this spring and summer, they have dazzled. I have received many compliments from my neighbours and yes...I am happy to report that my mother was not successful and that I have learned to enjoy gardening.

Here are a few tips to get your love of gardening on:

1) Don't be afraid to try something new. Even though you might not be familiar with the plant, does not mean you should not plant it.

2) Learn basic gardening terms:
annual-only comes once
perennial-grows back every year
bulb vs. seed
types of soils: black earth, potting soil, gardening soil, manures
nursery - place where flowers and plants are grown and sold

3) Ask questions...from your neighbour (if they have a green thumb), friends, employees at the nursery, heck even strangers.

4) Have a budget. It is easy to get carried away buying flowers. Have a limit and stick to it.

5) Start early. Bulbs should be planted in the fall. Determine the planting time for your plant or flower.

6) Figure out what plants and flowers need. Shade, part shade, full sun, heavy, medium or low watering.

My advice is to start with simple flowers that don't require much maintenance and take it from there. Good luck and happy gardening.CB

Just Do It!

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Sun, 16 May 2010 08:24:00 +0000

We all know the slogan of a very famous sports company that tells us to just do it. This slogan is not only limited to sports but to other aspects of life as well. I learned how to swim in the deep end of a pool by being pushed in. (Of course my instructor was close by, in case of emergency) however, she felt that unless I went in full steam ahead, my humming and hahing would prevent me from learning this important skill.

How many times have you wanted to do something, only to find yourself being held back by one thing or another.

Whether it's fear, procrastination, laziness or self-doubt, always remember, the only way to overcome these feelings and to truly follow your hearts desire is by taking a chance. It's great to dip your toes into a pool to test the temperature of the water, but the only way your body will acclimate is by jumping in. The same can be said of life, the only way you are ever going to know if you are good at something, meant to do something or interested in something is to just do it!

As long you have an idea, you have a plan, follow your heart's desire and you will surprise yourself and those around you. M.

The ocean beyond the waves

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 12:05:00 +0000

Do you ever feel like everywhere you turn, there is some fire to put out? Like life just can't be, there always has to be some drama, some situation...something??? It's difficult at these times to see the ocean beyond the waves. Life sometimes brings on so many things,so fast, that you want to tackle all while tackling none. Take some time out, think about your strategy and like a soldier, go forth in faith, knowing that what is ahead of you can and will be battled.

Many times, I've looked at my own personal struggles ahead of me and wondered how I was going to get through it, but as I forged on, I would look back and realized, I got through it.

There will always be something popping up in life, the decision you have to make is whether you are going to look at the ocean or waves that appear to come with such ferocity, but soon are gone.MM

Happy New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 14:15:00 +0000

The other day, I was asked if I had any New Year's resolutions. I told the person that I did not make resolutions or promises and that I just take life as it comes. Now, thinking about it, that's almost a resolution in itself. It's hard to not make plans or look forward to doing or trying something new. I guess for me the thing is, if whatever I try does not work out, then I know God is sending me on a new path or journey and that will be ok.

Wishing everyone a safe and blessed New Year!

Merry Christmas - Happy Kwaanza - Happy Hannukah

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:40:00 +0000

Thank you to all my family, friends and readers who have supported me this past year. Sometimes it's not easy to write but to know that I am being backed by you makes it a lot easier.

I wish you all a Safe and Merry Christmas and a Very Blessed New Year.

Love,

Cocco Butter

An Open Letter

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 04:56:00 +0000

There are times in our lives when we go through some grave disappoints. We often want to tell the other party how we feel, but rarely get the chance. I wrote this letter to let out some feelings that I know some of you can relate to.

To Whom it May Concern,

I thought we had something meaningful, true, deep. I am your wife, daughter, sister, cousin, friend. I was your confidante, partner in crime, gossip buddy. We laughed what I thought was real laughs, shared what I thought was true feelings and did things that I thought were memorable, but they never meant anything to you. You only spent time with me because you were bored, didn't have anything better to do, at the time.

To you, I am expendable. Who cares about me, after all I can be easily replaced. Now when others laugh at me, you join them. Even though you know it's not true, instead of showing some integrity and standing up for me, you join them, because to you, they are your highest bidders. People who you think you will get something from. Perhaps they will give you the attention you crave and desire, because of your personal issues. You know that these people do not have my best interest at heart, but yet they are the ones you try to please. You talk about me, stay away and even give out false information for your own selfish, petty, temporary gains. How sad is that and how sad are you?!

Unfortunately for you, during the time we spent together, because you did not care, you did not take the time to get to know me. If you had, you would know that I am one to not be kept down. I am one to not be disappointed for long and that victory is always on my side. Contrary to what you want to believe, I am moving from strength to strength and you have been left behind. A new year is coming and I am on the up and up. It's sad that it ended up this way but as they say, 'things happen for a reason.' I hope your 'highest bidders' don't disappoint you, because one day when you are looking for that shoulder to cry on, it won't be mine. I won't be there.

Yours Truly,

Strength to Strength

Poverty breeds Creativity - DIY

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:57:00 +0000

Many times I have wanted to get something and found myself short on funds, it's at these times I get creative and courageous. Where I live, getting braids can be expensive.Therefore, many moons ago, I thought, why not do-it-yourself? I learned how to braid and continue to do my own braids whenever the mood strikes me.

I know we all know that one or two Sisters who refuse to pay for anything, no matter how cheap the item is, but if you think back, they probably don't DIY. These women are just cheap.Unfortunately for many of us, when we see others DIYing, we see it as being cheap. There is something to be said for someone who is willing to take the time and dedicate themselves to learning a craft or a trade because they see the worth in being able to do it themselves. For example, I've always wanted to learn to sew. Instead of being afraid, a friend gave me their old sewing machine and I started making cushion covers for the pillows on my sofa. They were a bit rough at first but I can now sew cushion covers with my eyes closed, I then moved on to curtains (I sewed almost all the curtains in my house) and ottoman covers. My husband and I also did our patio by laying down stones and pavers. Neither him nor I had ever done this before, but now I can tell you what limestone screening is.

Not only have these activities been fun, it has saved me money and has taught me that sometimes, when you can do it yourself, that is all you need to boost your confidence.

Poverty breeds creativity, not cheapness!MM

Blogs Her Color Feature

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 05:20:00 +0000

When I first started this blog, it was mainly as a therapeutic medium for me. An opportunity to write down my feelings and observances about my life as a Black woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and the list goes on. Since then, it has turned out to be more than that. It has become an inspirational and motivational vehicle for many women. The countless comments and emails I receive lets me know this. When you are going through things, it is easy to think you are the only one. It's good to know that I am not and that there are many women that relate and support me. I am grateful for this.

Thank you to all my friends and supporters at Blogs Her Color for making me the Daily Color of Choice. Please read some of my posts and I pray that I continue to be a positive motivator for other women and inspire them to do the things the want to do.MM

Taking on the Challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 07:09:00 +0000

I recently watched the animated horror/fantasy movie Coraline (written and directed by Henry Selick and distributed by Focus Features. Although this is not a movie review, I will give you a little background about the movie.

A young girl moves into a home with her overworked parents and upon inspecting the house, the girl, Coraline, stumbles upon a small door. When the door is opened, it is discovered that there is only a brick wall there. However, at night, the brick is gone and it is actually a passageway to the Other World. Here, Coraline meets her Other Mother and Other Father, who have more time for her than her real parents. As the movie progresses, it is revealed that the Other Mother and the Other Father are not who they appear to be. As it turns out, the Other Mother is a witch who intends on capturing Coraline's soul as she had done with other children. When Coraline tries to leave, the 'Beldam' locks Coraline up. Coraline then discovers that the souls of the other children are not only still in the house and need to be freed but the 'Beldam' has also captured Coraline's real parents. Coraline than challenges the 'Beldam' and with the help of other characters and defeats the Beldam.

What I enjoyed about this film is the bravado that this young girl had. Although I found the movie kind of creepy, because of her determination, that feeling soon left you because you trusted her strength and no-nonsense attitude.

Taking on the challenge with a no fear attitude and determination are not only inherent qualities, but can also be learned. Some people have always been couragous, while others, as they have grown and gone through life's experiences, have learned to have a no fear attitude. While others would have ran the other way, Coraline stood up to the 'Beldam' and even went as far as challenging her. It was actually refreshing to watch a movie where the main character did not cower but actually stood up and fought. Life is the same, we are always going to be handed all sorts of trials. It's the attitude we present to it, that in may time determines the outcome. If we cower towards a challenge, chances are that challenge will empower us and defeat us. If, however, we approach the same challenge with gusto, bravery and determination, the outcome might be a lot different. Many of us would not have had the courage to take on the 'Beldam', as young Coraline did.

For the rest of us that continue challenging our 'Beldams' everyday, keep at it, it is not in vain. One day, the outcome will be in your favour, as you have taken on the challenge with bravery, courage, determination and a no-fear attitude.

Take yourself seriously

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:01:00 +0000

One of the most difficult things for many women to do is to take themselves and their decisions seriously. Now by serious, I am not talking about always walking around with a scowl on your face, unable to crack a smile or make a joke, but serious, in that you are committed to the things you have, the things you do and the things you want to have and want to do. Not allowing distractions, doubters and naysayers to steer you of course.

When people try to question your decisions, have the balls to stand up and defend yourself and your choices. As women, we make the mistake of allowing people to constantly question our feelings, our achievements and our decisions and as emotional creatures, we allow them to do so, while we run the other direction crying, feeling defeated and angry. By allowing this to continue, you will slowly find yourself becoming resentful, dissatisfied with life, unhappy, trying to live up to the expectations of others and eventually depression will set in.

It is ok to make decisions which you feel are best for you and your family. Be able to do what you do without having to look over your shoulder to see who is going to say what. Have the ability to take the untravelled road and make your own mark, being aware of the consequences and being able to live with them. Do not feel the need to justify yourself to outsiders, remember, they do not live your life. It's not easy, but little decisions you make everyday will eventually get you there.MM

The Hardworking Woman

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 05:15:00 +0000

It might sound like a cliché, but black women work hard. Real hard. Between the responsibilities at home and perhaps frustrations of work, activities and keeping up social relationships, it's a wonder we find time for rest. I have a friend that has 3 jobs, in order to provide a roof and meals for her and her daughter. It's not that her overhead is exorbitant, it's just that as a single mom, that's what she has to do to keep above water and in some small way, get ahead. Her option to go on social assistance is definetely there, but she has opted to work, to not only set an example for her daughter but to also set a standard for herself. I remember my own mother who had 2 jobs. I was very young, but I still remember her coming home from her main job, changing and then going back out again to her part-time job. She didn't seem displeased, angry or agitated by the fact that she had to do this, she just did it. Now, as a married woman, I see and understand what it is all about. It's important to be hardworking, to set goals, to achieve those goals and to let your children know that if I can do it, so can you.MM

Ungrateful Wife

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 02:25:00 +0000

We love to complain about how there are no good men out there, but when we get one, we don't know what to do with ourselves.

This woman is a perfect example of that.

Single Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:53:00 +0000

As a single parent, you have the responsibility of being mother and father, mommy and daddy or mom and dad. Even if the other parent is in the child's life, as primary caregiver, there is a lot of pressure to do your best. As parents, we are always being watched by our children, but as a single parent, you are center stage. There is no supporting actor or actress for whom you can share the stage with. Your children's, family, friends and society's eyes are all on you.

The circumstances of how you ended up as a single parent is not important, what is important is that you have undertaken the challenge of raising your child(ren) on your own. This means major budgetting where finances are concerned, being there at every recital, reherseal and game and sometimes having to say no because the funds are just not there right now. You might even be putting aside the things that you want to do, in order to allow for your kids to do the things that they want. Unfortunately many single parents are the butt of ridicule and judgement, especially when their children misbehave, get mixed up with the law or have difficulties at school. Instead of uplifting these parents, society tries to blame them, labelling them and sometimes just downright insulting them. Raising your children on your own is not easy and for all parents who have undertaken the responsibility, we salute you.MM

Online Resources for Single Parents:

Single Black Parents

Single Parent Dad

Single Parents Network

Single Parent Travel

Single Parent Romance

Parentbooks

Single Mom and more

Coping with the stress of everyday life

noreply@blogger.com (Myra) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 22:44:00 +0000

As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and more, it's overwhelming the amount of responsibilities you have to handle on a daily basis. Not only do you have to deal with the issues surrounding your children, school, discipline, diet, etc., there is also your duties as a wife including communication, support, sex. Not to mention this is being done while trying to maintain a clean home, clean clothes, cooking your meals, having a job, paying your bills, visiting your parents and then visiting his, while mentoring to your siblings and supporting a friend who is going through a divorce.

It's difficult to keep up! Is it a wonder many women are suffering from depression? The pressure of just trying to keep up continues to mount and many of us are medicating ourselves to cope. I am not talking about those who suffer from serious depression and require medication. Many of us do not need medication, we need to take some time out, take a break, put things in perspective and then start again.One of the best ways to help you cope with the stress of everyday life is perspective. Looking at your situation from a different vantage point. It could be worse! Truly and honestly, it could be. After a hard day, if I've burned the dinner, well, it's an opportunity for us to either eat out or order in. Discipline problems with my children is now a chance for me to review my strategies with my husband and think up new ones. Pressure from my parents is an opportunity for me to prioritize, and my family (husband and children) come first, and so on.

Next, take some time out. Whether it be a vacation or a cup of tea, a 1/2 hr mani-pedi or a full day at the spa, we all need to take time out and reflect. Categorize. What needs to be handled right away, what can wait and what you can't change-no matter how hard you try. Then, get to it, do what you can, the best you can and let God take care of the rest.

Pray! I have found picking up my bible and reading one or two verses in Psalms relating to what I am going through, always puts my mind at peace. I am always reminded that God will not give me anymore than I can handle.

If all else fails, walk away. Stepping away from a situation (for a period of time) and redirecting your thoughts and energy, is a great way to get revitalized to tackle a task.

Everybody gets stressed at one time or another, the right attitude will determine how you get through.MM