Code Name: Mama

Wordless Wednesday: Photo Booth

Dionna — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:01:54 +0000

I was trying to get a shot of Kieran whining for an article I have coming up in Play Grow Learn, and it turned into a fun photo shoot. I got lots of great expressions from Kieran, then he turned the camera on me. I thought they were perfect for some photobooth strips – I used the Vintage Photobooth app from Big Huge Labs to create them.

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What to Put in a Breastfeeding Basket – Guest Post

Dionna — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:00:04 +0000

Breastfeeding mamas of newborns soon discover that their main function in life is limited to one thing: nursing. We eat, breathe, and sleep nursing in those early weeks. And there is nothing worse than spending 15 minutes to get baby to latch on, feeling that let-down start, and realizing that you don’t have a bottle of water nearby (oh! the thirst!). Or a book. Or a snack.

So breastfeeding mamas of newborns also soon realize that they need what is fondly referred to as a “breastfeeding basket.”

Come share what is in your basket and read about what I put in mine – I’m talking about it today at NursingFreedom.org.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Code Name: Mama! I would appreciate your comments and feedback on the entry you just read, What to Put in a Breastfeeding Basket – Guest Post. If you write about similar topics, I would also like the opportunity to link to your blog or have you write a guest post. Contact me for details!

31 Natural Remedies for Colds, Congestion, Coughs, and Fevers in Infants (Newborn to 6 Months)

Dionna — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:00:35 +0000

Having a baby who is sick and unable to breathe well can be incredibly scary for parents. Because babies are obligate nose breathers, it is very important to help them clear their airways. And because they are still so small (and often still have a virgin gut), we don’t want to use anything unnatural to help their bodies fight off illness.

Below are natural remedies for helping your newborn get over congestion (colds), coughs, and fever. If you have any other natural remedies, please let me know in the comments so I can add them to the list.

Congestion/Colds

Breastfeed Often So Baby Is Hydrated: Make sure baby is getting enough milk. She may need to nurse more often than usual, because she may not get as much at each feeding. Why? If she is congested, she will not be able to breathe as well while nursing, so she may tire out and not empty your breast as much as usual.¹ If your baby is not breastfed, keep him hydrated with whatever formula he is used to drinking. “Don’t give straight water to babies younger than 6 months; their kidneys can’t process it correctly and an electrolyte imbalance may occur.”²
Give Expressed Breastmilk from a Cup, Dropper, or Spoon: If baby is having a lot of trouble nursing, consider expressing your milk and giving it in a cup, dropper, or spoon – especially in an infant younger than four weeks so as to avoid nipple confusion. For more, see Kellymom.
Breastfeed So Baby Receives Antibodies: Breastmilk is rich in antibodies specific to baby’s environment, and this is why breastfed infants “contract fewer infections than do those who are given formula.”³ But what I find even more fascinating is that once your breastfed infant (or child) does get sick, her saliva actually influences the content of your breastmilk! “[I]f a baby contracts an illness that mom has not been exposed to previously, he will transfer this organism through his saliva to the breast, where antibodies are manufactured on site and then sent back to the baby via the milk to help him cope.”⁴ So keep breastfeeding your sick baby, your body is actively working to make her healthy!
Squirt Breastmilk in Baby’s Nose and/or Eyes: Breastmilk’s antimicrobial properties can also help baby when you squirt it into baby’s nose. If the cold settles in baby’s eyes, you can also squirt breastmilk into her eyes to help clear up the infection.⁵
Use Nasal Suction: Babies cannot clear their nasal passages by themselves, so parents need to gently assist them. And instead of using the old-fashioned nasal bulb, that can hurt the delicate linings of your baby’s nose, try one that does not go inside the nostril. I’ve used the NoseFrida for years and love it. You can squirt some saline solution or breastmilk into baby’s nose to help loosen up the mucus before sucking it out.
Visit Your Chiropractor: A properly adjusted spine can help with clear respiration, and regular chiropractor visits can actually help prevent colds.⁶
Use a Humidifier and/or a Pot of Water on the Stove: Especially in winter when our air is much dryer, putting moisture in the air is essential for helping moisten and heal the sensitive linings of baby’s nose. Keeping the nasal passages moist helps thin the mucus, easing congestion.⁷ So use a humidifier and get a pot of water simmering on the stove for added moisture.
Try Steam Treatment: Along with using your humidifier, really make an effort to let baby breathe that steamy air. You’ll often hear people say to steam up your bathroom – but that takes time and a lot of hot water. Instead, get a towel and drape it over your head and baby’s head (cradled on your chest in a carrier) while standing over your warm air humidifier. Or have your partner help you get some water hot and steamy in a big stock pot, set the pot on a lower surface like a kitchen table (safely – you don’t want to be at risk of spilling or knocking into it), then drape the towel over you and baby. Be sure to stay under the blanket with baby – you need to know how much steam baby is exposed to. Steam can burn – don’t overdo it!
Sleep Upright: Help your baby sleep upright, so the mucus can drain. You can sleep securely in a chair or on the bed propped up against pillows, holding baby against your chest.
Nurse Upright: Kellymom has a tutorial on some good positions for nursing upright.⁸
Carry Baby Upright: Try not to let baby spend too much time on his back. Wear baby in an upright position to help mucus drain – many mamas like stretchy or woven wraps in the early months.
Consider Probiotics for Mama and Baby: There is evidence that regularly taking probiotics can decrease a baby’s chance of respiratory illness.⁹ Kellymom has an article about how to give babies probiotics.
Diffuse Essential Oils: There are quite a few essential oils that can aid in relieving congestion. You can either put some in a room diffuser, or put a few drops in your pot of water. Remember, never use any essential oil directly on baby. The essential oils that are good to diffuse to help with congestion are: Cedarwood, Clove, Eucalyptus, Ginger, Lemon, Melaleuca (ericifolia), Peppermint, Rosemary, Sandalwood, and Thyme.¹⁰ Add some lavender to help baby relax. See Essential Oil Remedies for Children: What to Use for more on EOs, and for more on the basics of using essential oils, see Essential Oil Remedies for Children: The Basics.
Make a Chest and Feet Rub from Essential Oils: Alternatively, add one or more essential oils to a carrier oil and run some on your baby’s feet or chest. A few that should be safe to try are eucalyptus, lemon, and sandalwood (peppermint is not recommended).¹¹ Again, add some lavender for its relaxing properties.
Sinus pressure massage: With firm but gentle pressure, run your fingers just under baby’s cheekbones to help relieve sinus pressure. This YouTube video shows massage techniques on an adult to relieve congestion.
Get Skin to Skin: Don’t put baby down, try to keep her in arms or a carrier, and give her as much skin to skin contact as possible.¹²
Try a Natural Vapor Rub: There are vapor rubs available with natural ingredients. My favorite is from The Natural Newborn.

Cough

Take a Walk: When your baby has croup, her airways have become irritated and swollen, causing that nasty barking cough you hear. Cool air can help reduce the swelling and ease your baby’s cough.¹³
Humidify the Air: As with congestion, moisture in the air can help ease your little one’s airways and reduce coughing.
Use Essential Oils in a Room Diffuser: Essential Oils good for coughs are: Eucalyptus, Lemon, Marjoram, Ravensara, Rosewood, Sandalwood, and Thyme.¹⁴ See the essential oils section above for more information on diffusing essential oils.
Sleep, Nurse, and Carry Baby Upright: As discussed above, keeping baby in an upright position will help relieve coughing.
Keep Baby Hydrated: Keep nursing as much as possible to keep your little one hydrated – that will help the airways remain moist and will pass along mama’s antibodies.
Rub Vapor Rub on Baby’s Feet: Put some natural vapor rub on baby’s feet, then put socks on him.

Fever

It is recommended that if a baby under 3 months has a rectal temperature higher than 100.4 degrees, consult your doctor immediately. For babies older than 3 months, consult a doctor if the rectal temperature is higher than 104.¹⁵

Breastmilk: Again, breastmilk is so important for a sick baby. For a baby with a fever, you want to keep him hydrated with a plentiful supply of breastmilk (or whatever formula he normally drinks).
Take a Lukewarm Bath: Climb in the bathtub with baby – keep the water warm, but not too warm.
Stay Skin to Skin: Infants kept skin to skin are better able to regulate normal body temperature.¹⁶
Diffuse Essential Oils: EOs good for fever include Lavender and Peppermint. Add a few drops to a diffuser or pot of water.
Apply Diluted Lavender Oil: Dilute lavender oil in a carrier oil and massage baby on the back of her neck, feet, and behind her ears.¹⁷
Give Her Cold Feet: Put some cold, wet cotton socks on baby (water or vinegar), then pull some wool slippers or socks over them to help bring down a fever.
Vinegar Sponge Bath: Give baby a cool sponge bath with water or vinegar.¹⁸
Onion in Socks: Cut large slices of onion and put them in baby’s socks (use an older sibling’s socks so they fit). When the onion turns brown, the fever should be down.

What is your go-to natural remedy for infants under 6 months?

See My Baby is Sick, Should I Continue to Breastfeed? at Kellymom ↩
Cold and Cough Remedies for Children: What Works? ↩
How Breastmilk Protects Newborns, Dr. Jack Newman (PDF) at 1 ↩
Examining the Evidence for Cue Feeding of Breastfed Infants, Lisa Marasco and Jan Barger (PDF) at 5 ↩
See Can Breastmilk Cure an Eye Infection? and Relief for a Stuffy Nose ↩
Dr. Elise Answers Common Questions About Pediatric Chiropractic ↩
5 Things You Need to Know About Using a Humidifier When Sick ↩
For more on sleeping, nursing, and carrying baby upright, see Hobo Mama’s post on Nasal Congestion Affecting Breastfeeding: What To Do? ↩
Study: Probiotics May Help Protect Infants from Respiratory Illness ↩
Eucalyptus, Cedarwood essential oil, Essential Oils Used for Colds & Congestion, How to Use Essential Oils for Nasal Congestion in Infants ↩
Essential Oils for Chest Congestion ↩
The Importance of Skin to Skin Contact ↩
Croup ↩
Coughing ↩
Cold and Cough Remedies for Children: What Works? ↩
The Importance of Skin to Skin Contact ↩
There is another massage oil recipe for fever at Esoteric Oils. ↩
Natural Fever Relief ↩

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Code Name: Mama! I would appreciate your comments and feedback on the entry you just read, 31 Natural Remedies for Colds, Congestion, Coughs, and Fevers in Infants (Newborn to 6 Months). If you write about similar topics, I would also like the opportunity to link to your blog or have you write a guest post. Contact me for details!

Sunday Surf: February

Dionna — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 13:00:05 +0000

From the Volunteers at Natural Parents Network

This post on Positions for Labour and Childbirth over at Diary of a First Child is so full of awesome, I can’t even describe it – please go see for yourself! And then stop by Tales of a Kitchen Witch to let Joni Rae know that she is a rock star for drawing all of the pictures in that post. They are amazing!
Jennifer from Monkey Butt Junction is trying to place a Little Free Library outside of her local food pantry, inside a family shelter, and with a community group. Little Free Libraries are sweet little “take a book, leave a book” nooks that people install to encourage the free exchange of books. Will you help Jennifer spread her love of reading? Consider contributing a few dollars to her campaign!
Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama gives us A Hard Look at the Benefits and Concerns of Natural Sweeteners. She gives great information on things like coconut palm sugar, xylitol, stevia, and more.
I cannot wait to meet Spencer, the newest member of Momma Jorje’s family! She’s talking about Spencer in “I did not birth a Syndrome.”

Around the Blogosphere

Mammalia is talking about Alfie Kohn’s “Unconditional Parenting” principles. In “Reconsider Your Requests,” she reminds us to ask ourselves whether our requests of our children are truly reflections of our needs. I love the way she’s brought NVC into the discussion!
Ha! There is so much truth to Blame it on the b-b-b-b-breastfeeding over at Blacktating. Elita says “I’ve heard almost everything get blamed on breastfeeding, including body aches and pains for mom, fat babies, skinny babies, cranky babies, even medical diagnoses for everything from autism to diabetes. Heck, according to some, breastfeeding your boy child can even make him gay.” She lists even more things that get blamed on breastfeeding – check them out! What ails and illnesses have you heard are caused by breastfeeding?
Will you join the Facebook Nurse-In on Monday, February 6? Emma Kwasnica is guest posting on PhD in Parenting about why SEEING breastfeeding on Facebook, and in real life, is important.

My Current Giveaways

Quick! Only a few more days to enter to win this nursing pillow from Blessed Nest. It was so helpful to me throughout pregnancy and now as I breastfeed. Blessed Nest is giving away a $100 gift certificate, which should cover a Nesting Pillow and shipping for my US readers!
For my breastfeeding friends, enter to win a $40 gift certificate to Milk Nursingwear – they have stylish and super comfortable nursing apparel.
My newest giveaway is some awesome, awesome postpartum care products from Earth Mama Angel Baby (this is a joint giveaway between Code Name: Mama, Natural Parents Network, and Hobo Mama). There will be two winners – enter today!

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Code Name: Mama! I would appreciate your comments and feedback on the entry you just read, Sunday Surf: February. If you write about similar topics, I would also like the opportunity to link to your blog or have you write a guest post. Contact me for details!

Giveaway: Earth Mama Angel Baby Postpartum Care — 2 Winners $55 ARV {3.4; US}

Dionna — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 14:23:55 +0000

This is a joint giveaway with Code Name: Mama, Hobo Mama, and Natural Parents Network. You may enter at one site only. Please find the section marked “Win it!” for the mandatory entry and optional bonus entries.

This is a combined giveaway of two gifts from Earth Mama Angel Baby: our first-prize winner will receive the Mama’s Postpartum Recovery Essentials Bundle, a $49 set; a second-prize winner will receive the Postpartum Bath Herbs from the bundle, available for $5.95. Two lucky readers will win one gift each, making this giveaway’s total value $55!

Earth Angel Mama Baby’s postpartum products are gentle and organic herbal blends that help soothe you back into health after a birth.

From our reviewer, Dionna at Code Name: Mama:

About Earth Mama Angel Baby

Earth Mama Angel Baby’s (EMAB) beliefs about pregnancy and birth will resonate with my readers – they are guided by a “sincere faith in the natural process of birthing babies.” Their products are created to support mamas and babies naturally with nature’s gifts. EMAB uses “the highest-quality, certified-organic or organically grown herbs and oils for our teas, bath herbs, gentle handmade soaps, salves, lotions and massage oils. [Their] products are 100% toxin-free, cruelty-free, vegan, and free from all artificial preservatives, fragrances and dyes.” EMAB does everything it can to “honor the earth and her valuable resources . . . . [They] use only eco-friendly recyclable or reused/reusable packaging and packing materials.” They have even won an award from the Business Recycling Award Group for their green practices.

What does all that mean for you? It means that Earth Mama Angel Baby is committed to creating products that are good for you and your baby. I happen to know one of the mamas who works with EMAB – Alicia of The Soft Landing – and I am confident that she and the rest of EMAB are genuinely passionate about mamas and babies!

Postpartum Recovery Essentials Bundle

“Mama’s Postpartum Recovery Essentials safely and naturally addresses all the unpleasantries a new mama might be experiencing, like prenatal and postpartum hemorrhoids, episiotomies, cramping, postpartum vaginal swelling and bruising.”

The bundle includes Mama Bottom Balm, New Mama Bottom Spray, Postpartum Bath Herbs, Happy Mama Spray, and Monthly Comfort Tea. I felt so pampered with these products!

Mama Bottom Balm

Of everything included in the bundle, this was my absolute favorite. Admittedly, Ailia’s birth was pretty easy on my body. I had no tears and only minor bruising and skid marks. For those of you who have it worse (and I remember how bad it can be from my extensive bruising, swelling and skid marks with Kieran!), the balm helps everything: prenatal and postpartum hemorrhoids, postpartum vaginal swelling and bruising, episiotomies. My postpartum pain was made infinitely better when I used the Mama Bottom Balm. It soothes and cools your nether regions and promotes healing.

Mama Bottom Balm contains an organic olive oil base infused with healing organic herbs – St. Johns wort, yarrow, Witch hazel, Calendula, Shea butter, and more. You can keep it in the fridge for added coolness and relief.

Mama Bottom Balm should be on every expectant mama’s must have list!

New Mama Bottom Spray

The bottom spray is also soothing, but it is a much lighter version of the balm. The spray is made with all-natural ingredients, including astringent witch hazel, antibacterial lavender, and cooling peppermint pure essential oils. I kept it on my toilet and sprayed it on each time I used the bathroom.

Bonus – both the spray and the balm should also work on diaper rash for little ones!

Postpartum Bath Herbs

Here’s a tip: give yourself a day or two after birth, then put a kid’s floatie on the bottom of the tub, run some hot water, and throw in one or two of EMAB’s bath herb pads. Climb in, sit back, and say ahhhhhhh.

“100% Organic Postpartum Bath Herbs is a soothing, comforting blend includes salts, oatmeal and organic herbs that have historically been used to support postpartum women. Wound-healing, styptic and antibacterial herbs and salts help reduce swelling and speed healing of vaginal soreness, episiotomy and perineal bruising. Great for both prenatal and postpartum hemorrhoids too.”

Happy Mama Spray

Happy Mama Spray is a light, refreshing spray that will surely be a hit to both pregnant and new mamas, as well as their little ones. The blend includes lime and ginger pure essential oils, and “there are no chemical fixatives to make the fragrance last an artificially long time.” That means you can put a spritz on your wrist (or your toddler’s) for a quick pick-me-up and inhale without worrying about artificial ingredients.

I’ve often used this spray to freshen up our bedroom and sheets – it makes climbing under the covers that much more enjoyable.

Monthly Comfort Tea

This tea’s “100% Organic and Certified Kosher blend [was] created to jumpstart recovery immediately after childbirth, and for “that time of the month” when hormones are raging and your uterus and you could use some extra care!”

The flavor is delicious! It contains, Cinnamon bark, Lemon Balm, Nettles, Alfalfa, and Ginger. The combination is made to both help ease cramping and chase away the baby blues.

Take some of this into that bathtub for a little slice of heaven.

A Few More Thoughts on the Postpartum Recovery Essentials Bundle

Ailia’s birth was much easier on me physically than Kieran’s birth, and the same was true for my postpartum period. I’m sure part of that was because of the differences in their births – Ailia’s labor and delivery were at home (Kieran’s was at a birth center with a medically-minded midwife); my labor was shorter with Ailia, and I felt better prepared; Kieran ended up spending 5 days in the NICU, Ailia has been at home from the beginning. But another difference was that with Kieran, I did not have the benefit of any of the natural herbs and oils found in the EMAB products. The balm, spray, and bath herbs helped me heal faster, and the Happy Mama Spray and tea helped me emotionally. (Well, the placenta smoothies also played a big role!)

This set would make a wonderful gift for any expectant mama, but if your budget is more limited, I’d highly suggest the Mama Bottom Balm.

From our reviewer, Lauren at Hobo Mama:

I received the Postpartum Bath Herbs to try, just before the birth of my second son, Alrik.

After the birth of my firstborn, Mikko, I felt very tender down there, both physically and emotionally, even though I hadn’t sustained much damage. I knew I wanted to have sitz bath herbs on hand, because soaking in a warm, herb-steeped tub every day with newborn Mikko helped heal me in both aspects. I believed the warm water and gentle herbal concoction the midwives had recommended sped blood flow to the tender area, and knowing I was doing something helped reassure me that everything would knit back together in time. (It did.)

With Alrik’s pregnancy, I was a little frantic when his birth was approaching and I didn’t have any herbs ready for postpartum use. Earth Mama Angel Baby to the rescue!

These pads were really interesting. I had thought you’d just use them in the bath, and you could — but the directions actually recommend putting them right against your skin. I liked that thought, having the beneficial herbs making direct contact, so my sister-in-law helped brew some up for me in the first few days after the birth.

Once again, I didn’t have extensive damage, but I did have one unfortunately jagged tear that required stitching. Plus, everything just felt a bit out of place for awhile, so I was glad to have time to rest and heal.

You steep the herbal pads like you would tea bags, and then you can either use them slightly cooled, or freeze them to give your bottom even more of an “ahh” sensation.

The organic, herbal ingredients were all that my midwife would have suggested, in one easy purchase:

Sea salt, Avena sativa (organic oatmeal) kernel meal, Achillea millefolium (organic yarrow) flower, Hamamelis virginiana (organic witch hazel) leaf, Plantago major (organic plantain) leaf, Calendula officinalis (organic calendula) flowers

My one complaint was that the pads are very delicate, particularly once they’ve been steeped. I tried to reuse one that had been in my underpants by tossing it into the bath, and it immediately burst apart. That was all right — there’s nothing wrong with an herb-strewn bath (except for the cleanup). You have to be extremely gentle not to burst the pads when handling them, so warn any postpartum helpers.

Other than that, I enjoyed them a lot and liked the convenience of bundled and beneficial herbs in pad form.

BUY IT!

You can order the Postpartum Recovery Essentials Bundle, or any of EMAB’s pampering products at their website. You can also find EMAB products on Amazon.

Besides postpartum care, Earth Mama Angel Baby also offers lines of products for pregnancy, breastfeeding, and baby, to pamper yourself and your little ones in all stages of birth and babyhood.

WIN IT!

For your own chance to win one of these two products from Earth Mama Angel Baby, enter by leaving a comment and using our new Rafflecopter system below.

One winner will receive the Postpartum Recovery Essentials Bundle; a second winner will receive the Postpartum Bath Herbs. Contest is open to UNITED STATES mailing addresses only.

MANDATORY ENTRY: Link to one product you would like to try from Earth Mama Angel Baby. You must enter your name and email address in the Rafflecopter entry system for your entry to count, after leaving a comment on this blog post.

Leave a valid email address so we can contact you if you win. Email addresses in Rafflecopter are not made publicly visible. Please leave the same valid email address in your mandatory comment so we can verify entries. If on Blogger, you can enter it like this to foil spambots: mail {at} naturalparentsnetwork {dot} com

This is a joint giveaway with Code Name: Mama, Hobo Mama, and Natural Parents Network. You may enter at one site only, and we’ll be recording IP addresses to ensure that there are no duplicate entries. That said, please do visit and enjoy all three sites!

BONUS ENTRIES:
See the Rafflecopter entry system for bonus entries to increase your chance of winning after completing the mandatory entry. All bonus entries are entered directly into Rafflecopter. Just click “Click for instructions” for guidance and then “I did this” — any comments or extra information such as URLs can be entered into the “Extra Info” box. Give it a try or visit the

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Contest closes March 5, 2012 at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Time.

Disclosure: Our reviewers received a sample product for review purposes.
Amazon links and some Earth Mama Angel Baby links are affiliate links.
We try to seek out only products we think you would find
relevant and useful to your life as a natural parent.
If we don’t like a product, we won’t be recommending it to you.
See our full disclosure policy here.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Code Name: Mama! I would appreciate your comments and feedback on the entry you just read, Giveaway: Earth Mama Angel Baby Postpartum Care — 2 Winners $55 ARV {3.4; US}. If you write about similar topics, I would also like the opportunity to link to your blog or have you write a guest post. Contact me for details!

Dealing with Our Own Anxiety

Dionna — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:00:35 +0000

During my third trimester of pregnancy, our 3.5 year old had a renewed bout of separation anxiety. We were able to successfully address it by focusing on three areas: learning to respect everyone’s needs, providing reassurance, and dealing with our own anxiety. Today I’m sharing how we dealt with our own anxiety, as well as the end result (read the first part of this story here). Also, be sure to check out 13 Ideas to Gently Manage Separation Anxiety over at Natural Parents Network for more tips.

Dealing with Our Own Anxiety

Recently, we had to help Kieran work through his separation anxiety so that Tom and I could enjoy some couple time. Our three biggest priorities were to help him recognize that everyone in our family has needs, to reassure him that he would be safe and loved with his caregiver while we were gone, and to deal with our own discomfort in leaving him upset. This last part was the hardest for us – coming to terms with the fact that we would have to leave Kieran crying. I’d already talked to my friend, and she was comfortable holding a struggling Kieran when we left. We talked about it with Kieran in advance by letting him know that being sad was ok, and that our friend would hold him gently on her lap if he needed some help letting us go. We talked about both how much she loves him and how much we love him.

My one regret in all of this is that my friend and I talked about our drop-off plan – I would bring him in, love on him, then hand him over, leaving regardless of whether he was sad. On the day of our date, we decided that it might be easier if Tom dropped him off, but I failed to tell him not to prolong the departure. Tom ended up staying for over 30 minutes trying to comfort Kieran. We feel like that made it much more difficult than it already was.

Wisdom from Amy of Peace 4 Parents

Since our children look to us as an example of how to handle situations and also as an indicator of how safe or unsafe their surroundings are, it is important to simply be aware of how we feel. We don’t need to be hard on ourselves if we feel very sad about separating from our child, nor do we need to beat ourselves up for feeling like we want some time away. Uninterrupted parenting doesn’t work for everyone, and it may actually be detrimental for others. Rest in the fact that you have arranged for trustworthy childcare and you can connect with them at any time to make sure all is well.

Some straightforward ways to deal with our own anxiety include being honest with ourselves, allowing ourselves to feel, breathing into the sensations of our bodies (otherwise known as emotions) while we consciously relax, making choices deliberately through considering potential options and outcomes, and choosing to appreciate even the tough moments. If you feel anxious in preparing for the separation it may help to go over step by step how you will be separating, what you have in place to make it smooth for everyone, the benefits of having some time apart, and what you appreciate about being together. Mentally rehearse any potential scenarios you can imagine for the separation. If you are afraid it won’t go well, imagine how it could or how you can get through the tears. Allow yourself to dream or think positive a bit; it can help.

Also, while you are with your child in the days leading up to the separation, spend some time soaking up the love you share. While you are away from your child or if you feel tense, instead of focusing at length on the stress of being apart, bring the positive experiences to mind so you can recall the joy you have together and will have again soon.

The Result

After Tom left that evening, Kieran did struggle in our friend’s arms for a few seconds. He then sat on her lap and cried for less than 5 minutes and snuggled with her for another 20 minutes. Then he was fine playing with the two boys. Tom and I started out our evening tense and uncomfortable, but we ended up enjoying our dinner out and time alone. We anticipated a chilly reception from Kieran at pick-up, but we were pleasantly surprised when he immediately ran over and kissed both of us.

The next week my friend and I made arrangements for Kieran to come to her house on Tuesday and her boys to come to our house on Thursday. When we talked about it with Kieran, he did cry again and say that he would not go and would hold on to the table. Tom and I both stayed very calm; we talked about how much fun he has there, how we try to respect his needs to stay with us most of the time, and how mama needed some time alone today.

After about 10-15 minutes of the same routine on Tuesday morning, I said “why don’t you just get in the car and see how you feel.” That made him cry harder, and Tom said “we could just go in and see what they’re doing.” Kieran chimed in (very tearfully) with “and we can see how I feel.” We also put his watch on him and told him exactly what time I was coming. I said that a few minutes before that time, I would call and see if he really wanted me to come or if he wanted more time to play – he told me later that he really liked having the option of having me come get him. (He did have me come at the appointed time, of course I stayed and chatted with my friend for another hour and then Kieran didn’t want to leave!)

He did scream and cry when Tom left and my friend had to hold him, but he was over it in less than two minutes. And the best part? In the car on the way home, he told me “the next time you need time to yourself, I’ll just go over there, it’s ok.”

I consider that to be a success!

Has your child ever gone through a later phase of separation anxiety? How did you gently respond to it?

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Code Name: Mama! I would appreciate your comments and feedback on the entry you just read, Dealing with Our Own Anxiety. If you write about similar topics, I would also like the opportunity to link to your blog or have you write a guest post. Contact me for details!

Wordless Wednesday: Colorful Ailia

Dionna — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:28:05 +0000

If you know me, you know I love color. Which is why this dress my friend Melody got for Ailia and the Babylegs from my friend Sarah are perfect!

I made the rainbow circle garland from paint chips while I was pregnant. I hung it in the dining room so that I could see and enjoy it during labor. Not only did it make me happy, but now Ailia loves it – she could spend all day staring at it. When she’s upset, we can often help calm her down by bouncing her so that she can gaze at the garland. Or the ceiling fan. Or the rainbow chakra flags I won from Visionwise in a giveaway hosted by Becoming Crunchy and Hybrid Rasta Mama.

I love this girl!

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Providing Reassurance

Dionna — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 13:00:29 +0000

During my third trimester of pregnancy, our 3.5 year old had a renewed bout of separation anxiety. We were able to successfully address it by focusing on three areas: learning to respect everyone’s needs, providing reassurance, and dealing with our own anxiety. Today I’m sharing how we reassured Kieran (read the first part of this story here). Also, be sure to check out 13 Ideas to Gently Manage Separation Anxiety over at Natural Parents Network for more tips.

Providing Reassurance

As I explained in the previous post, Tom and I were helping Kieran work through separation anxiety so that we could have some couple time before our second child was born. We started by talking about how we all have needs, and one of our family’s values was to respect the needs of others.

When we talked about our needs, Kieran told us that he was scared to be away from a parent. We talked a lot about how he had always been safe at our friend’s house, that she loved him just like we do, and that we would only be gone for a certain amount of time.¹ All three of us (me, Tom, and Kieran) offered suggestions that might make Kieran more comfortable – he could wear a watch and we would give him a set time that we would return, we could call to check in with him, he could bring something special along, etc. Ultimately, he chose to bring one of his superhero costumes and his watch.

Particularly frustrating to us was that every time we initially brought the subject up, Kieran would adamantly refuse to discuss it; he said that he would “hang on to the table leg so that he would not go to the car.” We recognized that it was overwhelming to Kieran to think about the enormity of being dropped off at our friend’s house, so we started talking about doing things just one step at a time. We will get in the car, we will walk into her house with you, we will leave for a bit, you will play with your friends, we will pick you up in two hours. Similarly, on the evening of our date, we focused on only one step at a time (even though Kieran knew what was ultimately going to happen).

Wisdom from Amy of Peace 4 Parents

After you have determined everyone’s needs, how to meet them, and decided that you will meet them – resistance may arise. Resistance can be worked through, though! As you provide support to yourself, partner, and child, consider what helps everyone through emotional upheaval and what may be at the root of the anxiety. If the child is afraid of being apart from you, can you include a picture of yourself or another comfort, let her know you will be back, and take a few moments to imagine with her what it will be like when you are together again (smiles, hugs, and all)? If your child isn’t sure she will enjoy being with someone else, can you help her prepare by getting to know the caregiver and spending time together with the caregiver before the separation? If she has special interests, can you discuss those with the caregiver so they may explore them together during the separation?

You and your partner may need reassurance, too. Consider making a list of what has not worked in the past regarding separations and what may work now. You can even brainstorm questions like “If the separation were to go really well, what would that look like?” or “How many ideas can I come up with to help support the whole family in experiencing separation in a new way?” If you need assistance, explore options with like-minded parents, family, or someone who provides parenting support.

For the record, we have no doubts or fears that Kieran would ever be unsafe with this caregiver. We trust her implicitly. ↩

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Learning to Respect Everyone’s Needs

Dionna — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:00:28 +0000

During my third trimester of pregnancy, our 3.5 year old had a renewed bout of separation anxiety. We were able to successfully address it by focusing on three areas: learning to respect everyone’s needs, providing reassurance, and dealing with our own anxiety. Today I’m sharing how we talked with Kieran about needs (read the first part of this story here). Also, be sure to check out 13 Ideas to Gently Manage Separation Anxiety over at Natural Parents Network for more tips.

Learning to Respect Everyone’s Needs

Parents who practice attachment/natural parenting often make their children’s needs a higher priority than their own – to their own detriment. Tom and I are guilty of that at times, and we were hoping to fulfill one of our needs – spending quality time together as a couple – before our second child was born. Kieran had been going through a renewed bout of separation anxiety and adamantly refused to be left with a close family friend so that Tom and I could go on a date. Tom and I were frustrated; we felt like Kieran was disconnected from considering anyone else’s needs but his own.

A week prior to our scheduled date night, we started gently introducing the idea to Kieran. Initially he responded in the way he had been – shutting down, saying “no,” and walking away. When that happened, we would gently let him know that we could see his discomfort and we wanted to help him through it, but we also asked him to understand that mama and papa have things that they wanted to do too, and we asked him to work toward a compromise with us.

Eventually he stopped shutting down and started to get sad and argue with us. He told us he was scared and that he did not like to stay anywhere without us. Again we addressed his needs (wanting to feel safe, feeling more comfortable with a parent) and our needs (we wanted to spend time together as a couple). He acknowledged that it makes him feel good when we take care of his needs, and he also recognized that it is important for families to help each other meet everyone’s needs.

Finally, he did agree to give date night a try, although there were many tears shed in the process.

Wisdom from Amy of Peace 4 Parents

Separation anxiety speaks to feeling a sense of anxiety when either pondering or experiencing the reality of being separated from a source of well-being. For kids, this often mean parents. It can also mean other loving caregivers, special toys, or really intriguing experiences. As parents we can get our minds all wrapped up in how to avoid this anxiety. While working to honor the needs of the child may sometimes include avoiding separation all together, it can also be helpful to work through the anxiety by learning to respect everyone’s needs.

You can start exploring how to respect everyone’s needs by figuring out what you and your child’s non-negotiable needs really are. By non-negotiable needs I mean those, which when fulfilled, honor your innermost values. For you, this may be some time to yourself or with your partner. It may also include knowing your child is in safe hands. For your child it may be a loving caregiver who can be with him compassionately as he expresses sadness at your separation and provides fun activities when he’s ready.

Getting to know ourselves a little deeper helps open the space to respect our own needs, as well as our child’s. Asking yourself simple questions through inquiry is a straightforward way to start the process that may also be helpful. Through using the information we learn about ourselves, we can more fully model the ability to respect our needs, which provides a real life example to our children of self-respect and self-care.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Code Name: Mama! I would appreciate your comments and feedback on the entry you just read, Learning to Respect Everyone’s Needs. If you write about similar topics, I would also like the opportunity to link to your blog or have you write a guest post. Contact me for details!

Sunday Surf: January Edition 2.0

Dionna — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 13:00:45 +0000

From the Volunteers at Natural Parents Network

My friend, Amy of Toddler in Tow, has decided to open her own shop this spring. She makes beautiful diapers and other baby necessities, and I encourage everyone to check out her work. You can find her at Silly Bear Handmade, where she has unofficially launched – expect great things!
Join us for the February Carnival of Natural Parenting. Our topic is “Respectful Interactions with Other Parents,” and submissions are due February 7.
Did you know that every piece of plastic ever created STILL exists? It’s true! Christy at Adventures in Mommyhood: Mommy Outnumbered has created a pledge to sign – she wants you – that’s YOU – to commit to using less plastics. Will you sign?

Around the Blogosphere

I’m totally making this French bread today, thank you Crunchy Con Mommy!
I might also have to make some of these awesome upcycled bottle cap push pins courtesy of Manic Mrs. Stone D.I.Y. Cupcake. How cute are these?!
I remember awhile ago, my dad – a typical stern, emotionless (ahem – rather angry) military man, had a change of heart. He was suddenly a lot happier, not yelling, not making a big deal of things. And I noticed. I asked him what happened. He said that he decided life was too short, that he didn’t want to spend what time he left mad. I really admired that. (And I wish he would get back in that good place.) Kelly of KellyNaturally.com blogged about this video recently, and I was moved to share it here. The speaker was in a plane that crashed, and from that experience he has a new outlook on life. He says: “I no longer try to be right, I choose to be happy.” That is how I wish to be.
I love, love, love this article from A Gift Universe entitled, Should Toddlers Say Please? Sheila hits the nail on the head with her real life examples of a toddler using “please” and “thank you,” but he was using them in the wrong way. The simple fact is, toddlers don’t think the way adults do, so it makes sense that we should adjust our expectations around matters of manners (and other things). A great read!

My Current Giveaways

I love this nursing pillow from Blessed Nest, it was so helpful to me throughout pregnancy and now as I breastfeed. Blessed Nest is giving away a $100 gift certificate, which should cover a Nesting Pillow and shipping for my US readers!
For my breastfeeding friends, enter to win a $40 gift certificate to Milk Nursingwear – they have stylish and super comfortable nursing apparel.

Thank you for subscribing to my RSS feed at Code Name: Mama! I would appreciate your comments and feedback on the entry you just read, Sunday Surf: January Edition 2.0. If you write about similar topics, I would also like the opportunity to link to your blog or have you write a guest post. Contact me for details!