Hi Coffee and Chaos lovers! Today I’m guest posting at TheNorthForty, a blog by TyKes Mom. She writes about homemaking, frugal living and organization. Stop by and check out today’s topic “Tips for Successful Garage Sale Bargain Hunting”.

My husband and I have been married for seven years. Four of those years were consumed with trying to have a baby. It was a difficult process emotionally, physically and financially.While cekebrating Mother’s Day today I can’t help but think of all the years the holiday came and went with me having empty arms, an empty womb and a broken heart.

Being childless by circumstance is a lonely and painful place.  During the years of waiting to be pregnant, Mother’s Day was a day I hated. I dreaded going to church and seeing all the Moms with their families. I was afraid to run into any pregnant women because I didn’t know if I would burst into tears or not.

Everything about the holiday was just awful for me during those childless years.

But those days were easier than the Mother’s Days that followed in the next few years. Finally we would be pregnant with twins but I miscarried our first twin right before Mother’s Day. That was a bittersweet Mother’s Day celebration. Caught between mourning the loss of one baby’s life while celebrating the life of the other baby.
In the end my pregnancy ended with the still birth of our other twin daughter, Sophia.

The following Mother’s Day was perhaps the most painful of all the years. I boycotted Mother’s Day that year. I was mourning the death of my children, my arms were empty, I still didn’t have a baby.

I wanted absolutely nothing to do with Mother’s Day. I remember it was a very quiet day at home. We didn’t even celebrate the day with my mother in law because I just felt so emotionally fragile.

But then finally, by the grace of God, I became a Mommy (again). Four months after this horrible Mother’s Day we adopted our previous daughter! And she has brought so much love and healing into my life, into my soul.

I’ll never, ever forget the two babies that I carried in my womb. And I’ll always love them and cherish the short time they were with me. But I didn’t FEEL like a Mom until we adopted our baby girl and brought her home.

Today we celebrated my 2nd Mother’s Day as her Mommy. And I’m so proud and privileged to be called her “Mom”.

We adopted our daughter through a domestic infant adoption almost 2 years ago. This blog entry is dedicated to her birth mother. She is a young woman who  has taught us about selfless love, inner beauty, sacrifice and forgiveness. And yes, she blessed us with the gift of our daughter.

Dear BirthMom,

I may have said these things to you before, but with Mother’s Day approaching it seems so fitting for me to say them again.

First of all, thank you for choosing to carry out your pregnancy and give birth to our daughter. Abortion could have very easily been an option for you. You were young, uncertain of your future, unmarried and still in high school.

Thank you for choosing to receive prenatal care and live a healthy lifestyle during your pregnancy. You gave our daughter  the best possible chance at health and development and she is living proof of it now.

Thank you for the selflessness you expressed in choosing a better life for her, one you were certain you couldn’t provide. Thank you for wanting her to have us as her parents and for trusting us with this most precious life.  You are always so gracious in the way that you respect our roles as her parents when we have our visits with you. You made the transition easy for us, from seeing her as your daughter to knowing she is ours. Although I don’t think that was your intention, I think that it just came naturally for you.

Thank  you for wanting to know about her life with us, for checking in with us to see how she is doing. When she is old enough to understand we will be sure that she knows that she was always on your mind and in your heart. We’re pretty sure that will mean a lot to her.

Thank you for caring about us too. We love you not because you gave us a child, but because of who you are and because now we are family for the rest of our lives.

These are the things I wanted you to know. You’ve touched our hearts and our lives in so many ways.  We hope we’ve done the same for you.

Happy Mother’s Day!

With Love Always.

Have you ever been kept awake at night by nagging thoughts of ”loose ends”, unfinished business and a to-do list a mile long? Of course you have, you’re human. And you’re probably a Mom.

Long before I had a family to care for there were many, MANY nights when I would fall into bed, my body exhausted but my mind still whirling with the day’s activity. And MANY nights I would lay there for quite awhile (like hours) until I was finally relaxed enough to fall asleep.

You might think that physical fatigue from working full-time and managing our home would be enough to send me on the bullet train to sleep. But so often my mind would be haunted with all the things I didn’t finish that day, and the mental “to do” list for the next day would envitably show up too.

When I became a Mom it got worse.

This continued for years until I discovered a simple process that helps me to fall asleep quickly everytime I use it. It really isn’t complicated. It’s so ridiculously easy you can even try it tonight when you get in bed. Many of you probably already use this method, and it’s so simple you’ll probably use the “head slap/duh” reaction.

Here it is in a few simple steps:

1. Keep a note pad or some kind of paper near your bed. And a pen or pencil. Or you can use a Kindle/smartphone/PDA (a what?)

2. Write down every thought, worry, question, problem, idea running through your head at that moment when you get into bed.

3. Repeat step #2 until you are satisfied that nothing else left to write, that nothing else is plaguing your mind.

4. Organize these written items into a “to  do list”, “shopping list”, “people to call list”, “things to clean list”, etc.  You get the idea?  (This step is optional, but I highly recommend it).

5. Once you’ve done the writing, and possibly organized the information, don’t allow yourself to rethink the details. When it’s written, it’s gone, it doesn’t count…until tomorrow.

6. After doing this focus on how clear your mind is, and knowing that all this information is written down near by, allow yourself to unwind . I know you’ll feel lighter, more relaxed after unburdening your mind with all these details.

That is it my friend. Just a simple process to organize your thoughts, relax your mind and help you fall asleep and hopefully stay asleep.

Give it a try.

Do you have any tips or tricks for a better night’s sleep?

I love to garden!

Last year we moved to a new home at the beginning of summer so I didn’t have the chance to put in my vegetable/herb garden like I do every year. I REALLY missed having the fresh vegetables and herbs just outside my door. There isn’t anything more tasty and fresh than a veggie plucked right from the ground!

I have been anxiously waiting for the warmer weather to arrive and for the the threat of frost to pass so I can start planting a garden. And this year I’m not just planting a garden, but I’m planting a garden twice the size as the one I had before. Woo Hoo!!!!

This expanded garden comes courtesy of my Honey, he’s building it for me. He is in the process of transforming a

flat, neglected space into two 10′x 5′ raised beds–a gardener’s delight! Thank you Honey!

Our new home has an existing garden, but it is old and overgrown. It needs a lot of work. This is the what the garden looked like before construction began:

Mommy's Garden: Before the Transformation

See what I mean? A lot of work.

My husband has been working hard at transforming this corner of our backyard into a little bit of paradise for me.  He’s almost done with the construction, and the soil will be delivered this week.

This what the garden looks like right now.

Mommy's Garden: Almost Ready for Planting

Doesn’t that look so much better? I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am about getting started in this NEW garden!

If the remaining construction and planting of veggies/herbs happens as planned, then I will post an update on the garden next Monday. So stay tuned, and be sure to come back for more pictures!

Do you plant a garden? What is your favorite plant/flower/tuber/herb  to grow?

Today I woke up with a vague plan for the day floating around in my head. It involved me, my two year old and a quick grocery shopping trip. However my toddler woke up with an entirely different plan. Her plan involved me coercing her to eat breakfast, changing her diaper while she tried to jump up and run away, chasing her around the house to dress her, and then dressing her again after she stripped down to “nakey, nakey”. We finally left the house two hours later than planned. My husband was working today so I didn’t have a choice or else I would have gladly made the trip without her.

Now let me say this: I hate grocery shopping on a Saturday. Stores and roadways are busy with traditional weekend shoppers. But I was forced to do it today (forced in a way that running out of diapers and milk forces you to go to the store). Should I have done this during the week on one of my days off from work? I think we both know that answer. Would I rather have ground glass rubbed in my eyes than make this busy Saturday shopping excursion with a crabby, fitful toddler? Glass please!

Armed with toys, snacks, and a lot of prayer we arrived at our destination. I got the little girl into a shopping cart without the usual physical altercation–shocker! This gave me false hope, and I let my guard down. No sooner were we in the store then she starts crying and trying to STAND UP in the seat of the cart. So I start pulling out toys like I’m trying to stop a flood. Nothing is working. Next come the snacks–fruit squeezy thingy, crackers, COOKIES, raisins–nothing is working! Wait. What was I thinking–SMARTPHONE!

And that was the answer.

I’ll admit I was a slow to learn that a Mom could use smartphone apps to sooth a toddler’s tantrums.  Silly me! As you just read I was still applying “old fashioned techniques” like stuffed animals and board books during a shopping trip to distract her and keep me sane. Those items proved to have limited entertainment value. Or maybe it was me, maybe I just don’t know how be creative enough with ordinary toys. But wave a shiny animated smartphone in front of her and the tantrum virtually evaporates.

I loaded my Android Bionic with several FREE toddler specific apps, and other paid apps too.  I went a step further and upgraded to an extended battery to be sure that I could make a complete shopping trip without my phone battery giving out.  Nothing worse than a two year old resuming her tantrum because the phone battery died.

My/Her Favorite Apps

• Today’s shopping excursion was saved by none other than NETFLIX. Yes, a membership for streaming video is required but at $7.99 I feel it is well worth the money. I’ll skip two lattes at Starbucks just to have some peace while shopping with my daughter.  She watched two episodes of “Caillou” and was pretty content for the duration of the trip.

• Famigo Sandbox  *FREE* A device management app for smartphones that provides games and entertainment for your child while locking the device so other applications can’t be activated (dialing, web browser, etc).

• Toddler Lock  *FREE* (from the developer’s website) “Toddler Lock is the leading child entertainment and locking software for Android powered phones, keeping your child entertained with colorful shapes and soothing sounds, while keeping your other applications out of reach.”  The app provides a blank canvas of sorts for your child to” draw ” on by touching the screen. Otherwise various colored shapes will appear even without the child making contact with the phone.

Toddler Lock

• Children’s books.  Books by popular authors like Sandra Boynton and Dr. Seuss are available through purchased apps. Often Google and/or Amazon will have a sale on these apps. For instance, I purchased “The Cat in the Hat” app for $1.99. The apps allow the child to read the book themselves or have it read to them. All the child does is touch the screen for the pages to turn. The books are also interactive so by touching figures and words on the screen will provide additional entertainment.

Maybe I’ll have a little less trepidation when planning an outing with my daughter now that I’ve found the secret to charming her into a good mood. And I will ALWAYS be sure to have my phone battery fully charged.

What are your favorite kid-friendly smartphone apps ?

A day for me? Oh you shouldn’t have, but I’ll take it!

There is a little more than a week to go until Mother’s Day arrives, for the majority of us, to honor our Moms and other important women in our lives. As I write this post my husband has made no mention of nor exhibited any signs of preparing for this holiday. I’m not worried but I got me thinking about what the perfect Mother’s Day celebration would be for me.  So, indulge me as I describe the ultimate, perfect day of all days for this Mom. And just in case my husband happens to read this, and he’s unprepared for the holiday, then he’ll have a few ideas of what I want.

Dear Husband & Family:

In case you were wondering about a few gifts and gestures you could give to me for this Mother’s Day celebration, I thought I’d me make it easy for you by listing a few ideas.

1) My ideal day would actually begin the evening before with you, my dear husband, taking charge of the baby monitor for the duration of the night’s sleep time. This would also involve responding to any cries or other outbursts from the baby. To be even more specific, this would require that you not wake me and/or try to engage me in conversation while you’re doing it. I’m salivating at the mere thought of this…is it a possibility?

2) I would just love to sleep in and not have to get out of the bed in the morning once the baby is awake. I can’t remember the last time I slept in without “fear” of noise coming from the baby monitor, or alarm clock or pager/cellphone. By “sleeping in” I really mean sleeping/staying bed until I just can’t stand it anymore. Frankly this may take us into Monday, but I’m willing to chance it.

3) I would love to have a day off from having to worry about dressing/feeding/cleaning/entertaining anyone or anything except for myself. I know that sounds really narcissistic but it is Mother’s Day, and I’m getting get caught up in the whole ”adoration and honor” of Mothers thingy.

4) Would someone cook a meal for me? How about three? (see item #3)

5) I’d like to read Sunday’s newspaper on Sunday, not four or five days later when the news is so old I just trash the darn thing out of frustration. I would also like to extend this request to cover my Kindle or the pile of magazines I’ve collected since October but haven’t had the chance to read.

6) I would like to go to the bathroom alone, with the door locked, without someone crying outside and trying to break in. Actually, I would like to do this at each opportunity throughout the day.

7) I would like to take a shower/bath, ”do” my hair and dress completely, including makeup, before leaving the house.

That’s pretty much all I want. Notice I didn’t ask for diamonds, expensive perfume or a Coach purse (but you can throw one in if you’d like, I won’t fight you on it).

Thank you for honoring me on my special day as a Mother. I really do appreciate your thoughts and intentions.

All My Love,

The Mommy

What’s your  Perfect Mother’s Day?

(This post was shared with “Mama’s Losin It” blog)

I wanted to be a Mom more than anything else in life. I was so focused on having a baby that I really didn’t think about how life would be after bringing a baby home. I did in respect to the baby–feedings, diaper changes, sleepless nights, etc. But what I didn’t consider was the lack of control over managing my home and lifestyle. I realized before my daughter arrived that I wouldn’t be able to pick up and go so easily like I did in the past. And I realized that dates with my husband would probably be few and far between. But what I didn’t count on was the nearly unmanageable chaos of maintaining our home in the manner I was accustomed. I was used to keeping everything clean and in it’s place. Now what I have is a home that is usually clean but inevitably cluttered.

I don’t like it.

About three weeks after our daughter came home my Mother offered this sage advice to me: “Forget having a clean house, it’s not going to happen”.  I think I said something like “Oh…really?”.

I wish I could say that knowing my own Mom felt this way let me off the hook. After all she is a “clean-aholic”, a woman who used to wash walls every Saturday (Mom, if you’re reading this I mean that with all respect and admiration). But it didn’t and I still don’t feel exonerated. No, somehow I felt that I was supposed to be super Mom, managing a home as if a screaming, pooping infant wasn’t demanding all of my time. And now said infant is a rambunctious two year old, need I say more.

Becoming a Mom was very difficult for me in respect to accepting the chaos of a cluttered, half-cleaned home. Oh it’s clean, but never is the entire house clean at one time. And as hard as I try, I can’t keep clutter off of the kitchen counters (and believe me when I tell you I’m not the only one putting it there). The clutter just seems to reproduce. Although I guess it’s a small victory that I’ve managed to keep it confined to one corner of the kitchen, but it’s a large corner. I recently began working part-time outside of the home so I have even less time to accomplish household tasks. At the end of the day it’s hard to relax when I’m staring at a pile of a week’s worth of unsorted mail and my husband doesn’t have any clean underwear to wear the next day.

Why are women so hard on themselves when it comes to performance in their domestic roles? Surely I can’t be the only Mom/wife who feels this way. Just this week I read an article (yes, I actually had five minutes to read something) in “Working Mother” magazine titled “Get Rid of Messy House Guilt“.  As the title implies, working Moms still feel a lot of guilt about messy, less than perfect homes. The article mentions a study where 68% of “Working Mother” readers still feel significant guilt over a home that isn’t clean enough. Wow, that’s a lot of Mom guilt! I wish we would give ourselves a pardon and relax about the dirt and clutter in our homes. But I am part of that 68%!

So what is the secret to alleviating the guilt? I don’t think it’s an option to be awake 24/7 so we can have a career, clean homes, happy marriages and polite, well-adjusted children. Something’s gotta give, and I guess the dirty kitchen floor is the sacrifice. It’s just going to have to wait for another time because right now I’m having a tea party with my daughter.

So, I have this dream, a fantasy really, that one day my house will be back to it’s original “splendor” of cleanliness and organization. WAIT! Don’t say it, don’t tell me it will never be that way again…just let me cling to this pathetic fantasy. It helps me survive the moments of wading through dirty clothes and countless toys strewn on the floor.

Moms, tell me: Does the chaos of a cluttered home ever go away? Or is it here to stay?

It’s 2:30pm as I write this and I just had my sixth cup of coffee. Sixth! I wore my pajamas until 12:45pm. I’m staring at a mountain of dirty laundry and there’s a sink full of dishes. The baby just went down for a nap. I should REALLY take advantage of this time while she is sleeping to make some progress and start doing some chores. But I gotta be honest with you, I just don’t feel like it.

Uh oh, here comes some whinning… “I don’t wanna” (stamping my feet, pouting).

I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was awakened just about ever two hours by a crying baby, full bladder or an alarm clock (thanks Honey). I’d like to crawl back into bed but that would be asking too much, I know.

Ever have one of those days? You’d just like to have a day off from your job as maid/cook/household manager/social director/etc, etc ,etc.  Today is my day for that. It’s decided, I’m officially taking the day off. (Darn! Why did I change out of my pajamas today ?). I think I’ll read the newspaper…and have another cup of coffee.

I hope you enjoy YOUR Monday. Mine just got better.

Question for you: How did you spend your last day off?

A few weeks ago I was grocery shopping with my toddler daughter.  I was struggling (fighting was more like it) to get her into the carseat and transfer the grocery bags from the shopping cart into the back of my SUV.  A woman of about 50 years age approached me and asked if she could help me put the groceries into the SUV. I was naturally skeptical of this offer to help and immediately my defenses were activated. But no, she was really just there to help me with the groceries. This stranger was well dressed, well spoken and apparently just a kind and helpful person. She mentioned that she had small children at one time and knows the value of a helping hand. I reluctantly accepted her help, which lasted all of two minutes, and then she took my shopping cart back to the store for me. I never saw her again.

It made me wonder, was she an angel or just a sympathetic Mom?

After this episode I had the idea of serving up random acts of kindness to other people. In this post I specifically mention Moms but you get the idea that kindness is for everyone–man, woman and child. For instance, recently I was shopping without my toddler. I felt energetic, free and I was efficiently accomplishing everything on my errand list. I spotted a Mom stuggling to load her two little ones into her minivan. I took a few moments and showed her some kindness by pushing her cart to the parking lot cart corral.

Wouldn’t it be a blessing to us as Moms if we could randomly show some of this kindness to each other? I think it is often difficult for people to approach a stranger and offer this kindness. But maybe we could step out of our comfort zone to be a blessing to a fellow Mom/citizen/stranger/friend. A simple act of service or small gesture could be: give up your place in line to a mom carrying a child/baby, return a shopping cart, carry grocery bags, hold open a door, or pay for the coffee of the person behind you in line. These seem kind of insignificant, but it makes a positive impact on the Mom/person on the receiving end of the kindness.

After all we as Moms share the same roles in life, the same fears, the same concerns and the same stressors. I don’t know of any Mom who would turn down some extra kindness in her life. Would you join me in helping each other out by showing unexpected kindness and acts of service? Let’s shine a little light into the chaos, for a Mom’s sake.

What act of kindness have you served up lately?