Debbie Kesley

Who Seriously Cares?

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Thu, 21 Apr 2016 02:20:00 +0000

HOPE.

New Beginnings.

Waking UP.

Going to sleep with an automatic 'rewind' that allows a new and fresh beginning.

Nothing ventured.

Nothing gained.

Past.......is .....well.........the past.

Gone.

The future............??

Is yet to be determined.

Presently?

What are you thinking about?

What are you accepting as your reality and what are you releasing because it no longer serves your highest good?

What are you calling forth with your thoughts, energy, activity, words, touch, focus and spiritual energy?

Does it feel like you?

Does it feel right?

Does it feel honestly good?

Would you feel guilty if you chose _____?

Would someone talk about you if You did _______?

Bottom Line.

Are you causing harm to someone else?

When you face the person in the mirror in the morning ..............is it all good?

Who cares?

Who cares about what society has called "acceptable."

Who honestly cares about what your family has declared as "normal" and is living it to the "T" ?

Who cares about what politicians regulated as right or wrong ?

Who cares ....seriously.....who cares?

Are those who are supposedly caring for you........ backing you emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially and sexually?

If not ............

Who Cares?

Who are you living for?

Of those..............

Who really and truly care?

Live, Laugh, Love.................
Debbie Kesley

Seasons of Life ......and Life Is Good!

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Sat, 19 Sep 2015 02:18:00 +0000

Ever wonder ....about how the seasons affect you?  

Ever paid attention to the sights, smells, temperatures, ............that bring something to mind?

I'm consciously doing that this Fall...  stopping myself .......thinking a lot more.....especially winter .....and purposely already focusing on things that are true, right, pure ...excellent and worthy of praise.

Who's story am I living for myself?  

Is it mine and only mine?  

Is it true?  

When I look in the mirror..............or in the face of a friend....or relative....what is reflected back?  

Do I like what I see?

Watched a movie last night "The Ride"...........a reminder that life does not always seem fair..........but it is up to us to Live It Anyway!

Every year in my life.......more "untruths" are released.  

Every season..... good memories and a positive life experience presents themselves...and I see them....smell them....taste them.....hear them.....touch them....embrace them....and they are mine.

My reality.

Life is good.  

Written by Debbie Kesley

My Hump

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 11:34:00 +0000

Midlife ........hump days.........hump years.......guess the question is "which direction am I looking with my thoughts and energy which create?" Debbie Kesley

"We must be willing to let go of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
Joseph Campbell

Stick to What You Know.....

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Tue, 08 Sep 2015 02:15:00 +0000

What conditions do I require ..............to feel my worthiness?

Whose approval do I need......to feel my worthiness?

Lots of contemplation on the concept of "unconditional love' ..... how I give it, how I choose to receive it.

When it is all said and done ...............my human side and my spiritual side are sometimes at conflicting ends.

Sometimes.......life seems unfair.

Period.

At those times it is when we have a choice .....a choice to choose where we put our focus.

Ever tried to explain "crazy" before?

Ever attempted to take situations that are so "f*cked up" that you are damned if you do and damned if you don't?

Well.......those are the times I think that it is best to treat the situation like a bomb threat.

Call in the Higher Powers ...........and walk away.

Leave it to the professionals.

Stick to what you know and what you have control over.

Your self!

Have control over yourself.

Who , what , where, when and why do I want to be myself?

and..........

What conditions do I require ..............to feel my worthiness?

Whose approval do I need......to feel my worthiness?

Then move along and get happy!

Written by Debora Kesley

Breathing Again

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Wed, 10 Jun 2015 02:37:00 +0000

Honestly........probably this last year in my life has brought all of the below.

I'm coming out of a season of great emotional loss and like the little green peas in my garden , who inch by inch are continuing their journey upwards toward the light....and producing all the fruit within their ability to produce.........

I feel the 'shift' within me from death to life.............
from mourning to dancing ...............

Like being under water...disoriented.....and with that first gulp of air when the lungs breathe in the oxygen from the small amount of space that distinguishes drowning from swimming naked, newborn, into the calm waters of life.................

I'm alive..........I'm breathing........I'm swimming............I feel again...........and it is good.

Ecclesiastes 3
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

An UnMerry Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Sat, 29 Nov 2014 15:59:00 +0000

An UnMerry Christmas

The Ghosts of Christmas Pasts are attached to every

Christmas word, song, smell and tradition.

Feeling like a knife that scrapes away little pieces of my heart,

leaving it shredded and bleeding.

The bright lights

meant to please just

hurt my eyes,

that are puffy from crying.

Crowds that once

empowered my

extroverted personality,

now leave me feeling drained.

Christmas music I used

to hum and sing along with,

just lure me to a door on my heart

with a protective “do not enter" sign.

Smells of festive foods

bombard my memories with

meals I use to prepare

and served to loved ones.

Decorated trees have no place in my home

to stand towering - pointing branching fingers

toward loved one’s residual energy

whose physical presence can no longer be felt.

There is a time to be merry, and a time to grieve.

Grieving feels real and that’s okay for now.

To grieve does not require effort

or pretense.

It is in reality my “UnMerry Christmas.”

Please let it be what it is and help

me respect it's power to pass through my heart

and life this year without pretense.

Written by Debbie Kesley

Summer Storms in Life

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Thu, 07 Aug 2014 22:30:00 +0000

Summer Storms

Unpredictable,

Cleansing,

Refreshing,

Making all things new in some way.

Rain, falling freely,

A gift from the Creator.

Washing away the dust, grime and pollen

While watering the tender bamboo transplants and the strong trees standing tall.

Does rain in the physical reality possibly

Represent times in our life when out of no where

The storms blow in,

Sending us running for cover from it’s power?

Do the strong roots of those tall places within us

Soak up the power of change

Transforming it into deeper roots

Of wisdom and strength?

Do the tender, newly transplanted areas of

Our life benefit from the pounding,

Soaking aspects that makes us

Reach deeper for the roots to grow?

Summer Storms

Unpredictable,

Cleansing,

Refreshing,

Making all things new in some way.

Written by Debbie Kesley at ccpmsblues.blogspot.com

Seeds We Sow

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Tue, 24 Jun 2014 23:43:00 +0000

Photo taken by Debbie Kesley

"Sometimes the seeds we sow.............take a few drought years, rainy seasons, scorching hot times of no relief and years of question before they bloom." written by Debbie Kesley

Butterfly Emerging and Breaking Free

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Wed, 02 Apr 2014 02:19:00 +0000

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AUeM8MbaIk

I feel like a monarch butterfly emerging ......right now......I'm in the "cracking open" "getting a breath of fresh air" "dizzy as hell......breaking loose from all that which squeezed the breath out of me!" sort of release.

As freeing as it is.....and I know it is......I'm also somewhat disoriented......in taking a new form of existence to everything I've experienced as reality for a long time.

Written by Debora Kesley

Joy Unspeakable

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 00:24:00 +0000

Joy.

The happy, goofy smile that spreads across my face at the strangest of times.

A warm tear that spills down my cheek, representing an emotion that has no words to describe.

Hot, fire-like breath is what I breathe in... followed by the cool water, spring-like release in what I blow out.

Joy is the intellect that declares “its finally all good.”

A free-spirited "happy dance" in my heart that sings of my release!

Touchable, like a bank statement that expresses “SAFE” or a huge bill stamped PIF !

Joy…..unspeakable joy ………the moment when all things come together for good that is definable and recognizable in the eye of the beholder.

A journey where the total contrast of despair meets joy and joy begins to have it's day at the river of life which flows within the innermost parts of my being.

Flowing.

Relaxing.

Moving down steam with ease, grace, freedom and the knowing that all is well.

Like “God force” living in me and through me as the “real me” that has come home to snuggle in the lap of my Creator for a long awaited moment of peace and rest.

Joy.

Joy Unspeakable.

And so it is.

Written by Debbie Kesley @ http://www.ccpmsblues.blogspot.com

Woman Rising

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Fri, 21 Mar 2014 03:11:00 +0000

Woman Rising............Gracefully crossing over from the old to the new.

The winds of the old behind her and the pull of the future blowing through her hair.

She has the wings of the Spirit world guiding her

and

the pull of the unknown calling her out beyond her comfort zone.

She is A Woman

Rising .....

above the odds,

beyond the past

and into the future.

She is a woman rising............

Written by Debbie Kesley

Artwork by Nathalie Villeneuve (with permission)

Power Plays...

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Fri, 24 Jan 2014 22:55:00 +0000

Wonder Woman…………

.........................................................................OR.....................................Mother Teresa

Which represents true power for you?

If you could choose…………which choice would be your choice?

Power is an amazing force for those of us who are in tune to the Universe. Some of us may grow up without a sense of power at all. Some of us may find ourselves in our adult lives in a place of religious doctrine which deems our thoughts as un-submissive or ungodly.

Some of us may gain a lot of weight to shield ourselves from our authority/father figures. Some of us may disconnect by throwing ourselves into a career or church activity.

What represents true power for you?

Why?

This past year in my personal life has been about regaining my power…..my voice….redeeming those things that were stolen from me and restoring my name and credibility.

If you have ever been in a place of pure vulnerability and then in a place of restoration, there may come a feeling of power…..then justice…….but for me…………..now has come a feeling of responsibility, more so than ever.

I think there is a place where we need to be a Wonder Woman…….stand up….make your presence and strength known to your enemies but at that time of clear recognition we must; I believe, go back into the power inside of us for good, and become again a servant at heart to those we are drawn to in our experiences.

Personally I want to be like Wonder Woman against those that conspire to do evil against me by standing in my truth, energy, innate sense of right from wrong and always do the best I can for others; and yet never forgetting to give that best to myself.

Mother Theresa is an image of humbleness and gentleness that is never the less as powerful. I also want to have that quality of listening to the voice of God calling me to a particular person to bring love and healing. To influence and change the course of another human being is very powerful and sometimes it comes through the simplest acts of kindness.

What represents true power for you?

Why?

Written by Debbie Kesley

2014 My Journey My Way

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 21:36:00 +0000

"Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one."

Brad Paisley

This past year may have totally SUCKED for you. Every day to show up for work or to look for work may have been all that you could do. Maybe you lost a loved one to death or divorce. Maybe your body is changing in ways that challenge your Spirit to its core. I get that ....all of it.

Now I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

It took me 8 years to accomplish.

I didn't eat out, and only bought the very basic clothes for 8 years.

I did not take dance lessons for 8 years or pay to go on a vacation of any sort.

I humbly stayed in other friend’s and family’s homes many times for free or very little as I looked for employment.

This 8 year journey started the day my spouse of 23 years walked out without any warning. My family of four that I had built with my heart and given my entire adult life to since the age of 19, was forever changed by the one person on the face of the earth who had sworn to love and keep me. My personal 9-11 had blown up around me and all I could do was cry a lot, move one of my two kids with me to a different home, cry some more, smash some wedding china, get counseling and get a job.

My work experience to that point had been home school wife and mother with 1 year office experience.

This 8 year journey also came smack-dab at the beginning of the worst economy and hopes for a job America has seen in a long time.

HEY………….THAT WAS EASY COMPARED TO………………

Another unexpected gift I was given.

Since age 19 I had innocently and ignorantly signed “married filing jointly” and after the divorce I learned I was the proud co-owner of a substantial IRS debt.

And so the journey began.

About 1 year after the divorce I put the Kleenex box down, stopped bawling, shaking with dread and started getting in touch with the IRS. I was innocent….surely we could work something out…right?

Several months were spent attempting to claim Innocent Spouse Relief. I was honest….provided my banking account information, my new job information and guess what? The IRS said “no” and went to levy my last job and took the money from my checking account. They did stay in touch with many follow up letters.

Next, I hired an attorney who printed off government forms, charged me quite a bit of money and basically said “go get ‘em Tiger”! I invested about two solid weeks (unemployed at the time) filling out paperwork, applying for tax records and such.

Again, I was innocent, this was NOT my responsibility and I had a legal document honored by the State that declared so. The IRS said “no” and sent an IRS Officer to my door with a new package to fill out.

I called the Officer the next day and set up an appointment to meet in Atlanta. The paper work was filled out, usually over some wine and tissues while feeling really sorry for myself…..but I faced her anyway. Waited for months and during that time got rejection after rejection letter and then a payment plan option that was ridiculous to attempt to accomplish on my earnings as an Administrative Temp. Again, I had honestly given them my information. This time they said “no” and seized the money from my account and bombarded me with nasty notes on a monthly basis.

Ah……the choice to become better or to become bitter was a daily dose of medicine to my soul.

I may be honest but I am also street-smart. At this point the realization that honesty will get you a home in a cardboard box under a bridge when dealing with those with no integrity sank in.

Something in me wanted to clear my name more than anything. So began my journey of strict financial living but more than that; a journey of the heart unfolded.

I had the rejection of a spouse. Rejection of interview after interview in a tough economy multiplied with the IRS literally showing up at my door. Looking back I honestly don’t know how I made it to fight one more time.

It took about 4 years to pull together the $3,750.00 to hire Freedom Tax Relief. And another year to save for the “Cash Offer In Compromise.” I continued to fear that I would not get to my bank account fast enough before the IRS got to my check every pay day. I feared opening the door to another IRS Officer. I feared my job being levied again.

This past year between Freedom Tax Relief and the support of my best friend I went one more final round of paper work and received the Release from the debt with my Offer In Compromise.

Was it fair that I had to take responsibility for a debt that was not legally mine in the moral or State of GA legal system? No.

However, just like the Divorce, the IRS Debt was a tool that I could choose to dig my own grave with or dig my way out of the grave I was dumped into.

I dug out Baby!

I am stronger and wiser than ever before. Yes, it called for emotional journeys that I often wondered if I would make it through. It called for demanding that even if just in words, I would choose to speak forgiveness that was contrary to the feelings in my heart…..somehow I would learn to forgive because my kids and I are worth it.

It took 3 times. 3 Different Battles!

But I beat the IRS.

I won.

I’m free.

My name has been restored.

I don’t scare that easy any more. I even told one fellow bullying employee that if I could survive a divorce and survive the IRS I could survive him!

Freedom.

Release.

Strength.

Determination…..even if it is when you say to yourself out loud “Just breath damn it!”

Choices….every moment…..every day…..every month….year after year.

Like a butterfly coming out of a tight cocoon, the journey squeezed me, wrapped me in darkness, left me lonely, impaired my vision to a world of light and beauty, and imprisoned those wings that were genetically created to fly until they were strong enough.

Struggle ……does not last forever.

I'm flying again! My wings are developing, getting stronger and my eyes are adjusting to the many people, places and things of beauty that can be trusted to rest on and in.

This coming year 2014 will be the first year that I have not been a child in my parent’s home, or the wife of a man in charge of the finances.

Tomorrow begins the first year in my entire life that the book and the pen I have been given are new and fresh and only my name is embossed on the cover.

As quoted by Brad Paisley, "Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one."

Written by Debbie Kesley

....Quick - Quick......Slow, Slow

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Wed, 11 Dec 2013 04:02:00 +0000

Fox Trot...quick -quick ......slow, slow............but the Tango must be earned!

A reminder from one of my favorite movies Take The Lead..........

a movie about the intricate dance of life where we learn respect, boundaries, trust and hope in something magical that is within reach for each of us despite the position we were born into or the lack of opportunities available to us up to this point in our life.

Our role is to decide to "show up!"

So, what are you showing up for?

Do you believe in anything magical?

What life music draws your Spirit forward to live and move and have your being?

Are you dancing ................or just shooting spit balls in the detention center of life?

Coming Home to Self for the Holidays

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Sun, 24 Nov 2013 23:21:00 +0000

As we approach that time of year when we are bombarded with Hallmark Family shows depicting a perfect family, and

commercials of happy whole families eating feasts

while smiling lovingly between each morsel of food,

you may roll your eyes and call "Bull Crap!"

For some of us .......the children have grown up and the spouse has moved on to find himself elsewhere and every year we have a choice to make as we bring out the decorations. A choice much bigger than how to decorate the mantle and a tree but rather, a choice of how to cherish the old memories while growing into the new world we have arrived in.

The pictures of our "babies" bring back mothering instincts that in some cases have no outlet for a season. Memories run around in our minds similar to an island of misfit toys, as we transition back into the reality of our "babies" are now young adults with jobs to work and other relatives to divide their time and love with.

So we can choose to demand that Father Time give us back the life we recall and become bitter ...or...we can choose to change and be happy in those changes.

I had collected an angel every year for the Christmas tree and those were replaced with Elves that are uniquely me. The 'traditional' holiday meals that were practiced for 23 years feel like an insult to my senses now that the family unit was no more, so I do something different every year in food. The traditional "It's A Wonderful Life" has been replaced with "Elf" and the eggnog is generously spiked with Rum now that the children are adults.

I think we each have a choice as we face the holidays. We can attempt to manipulate and demand that those we love share a particular day on the calendar with us or we can practice the acceptance of the variety of wonderful people who cross our paths after the Big D, or after our children are grown and be happy in the moments that we are graced with others who reach out to us as we redefine who we are.

Going home for the holidays becomes a choice of turning from depression to moving towards all that represents coming home to ourselves. It's time to let go......let go of preconceived ideas of what makes a "Great Thanksgiving" or a "Merry Christmas" and worry more about what about what makes an awesome and joyful ME that will draw our loved ones back over time and in the meanwhile silence the accusations that Santa has left the building and things will never be the same.

It's true - things will never be the same...........but that does not mean that they are bad...just different. As we come home to our true selves through every season of our life and we choose to focus on the good in each and every situation...

then the holiday spirit will be alive and well....as will we.

Go home.....to yourself......and find your happiness there and share it with anybody and everybody who would love to receive it....and in so doing new memories are made to cherish.

What YOU see in yourself is What you ARE! Define It and Grow!

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Mon, 29 Jul 2013 06:00:00 +0000

"What we are

contributes much more to our happiness than what we have.

What we are in ourselves,

what accompanies us ........

when we are alone,

what no one can give us

take away,

is obviously more essential to us

then everything

we have in the way of possessions,

or even

what we may be in the eyes of the world."

Arthur Schopenhauer

Ever had to really, really and truly

DIG DEEP

.....deeeeeep into the resources of the

very character of yourself?

Have you been exposed to the sort of

"in your face"

realities that blind side with no notice?

The blows of reality that change life as you have known it.... basically over night?

The kind like , say, in the game Monopoly

when you draw the card "do not pass go - do not collect two-hundred dollars."

You have absolutely no say in the matter.

You have been "defined" through a spouse, parent, boss, friend, lover, .....

the list goes on........

The "eyes of the world as you have known it lens" has turned it's blurry, self-projected lens on you.

Crap.......it happens........tag...you are it!!"

However,

when I stopped to take this picture

I wondered to myself ...

................who...............

sets the standards of definition

for this situation beneath my camera lens?

I see beauty, strength, color, and a sense of defeating the odds..........

What I see in this situation is a flower .....

not

a weed.

I also chose to give thanks for my inner beauty,

my strength of character, my colorful Spirit and my determined spirit to beat the odds .

The God in me has determined that,

even contrary to "eyes of the world" opinions that change like the wind blowing in the breeze;

I am a flower.......and as I know the truth about myself.....

I will choose to stand tall in whatever weedy soil that may surround me at that given moment and space in time.....

AND THEN.....................................

I will still and forever be defined as a

flower of the Universe

and that is all that really matters AND contributes to my happiness,

as well as,

the aroma of beauty from the happiness I share with those

who look for the flowering strength and beauty in me!

Dig Deep for the real character of you... .....

What YOU see in yourself is what you are!

Define it and GROW!

Written by Debbie Kesley

The Second Chance Necklace

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Fri, 28 Jun 2013 23:35:00 +0000

Keep on driving girl, you can do this! I am really on my way to see him again after thirty long years! If I keep repeating these words out loud maybe my brain will be able to register this crazy fact. I whimsically caress the gift he had given me at age seventeen. A simple gold, cross necklace is now the magical link connecting us again. Could we possibly be getting a second chance?

“Dang it Jean!” she interrupts my thoughts of romance again as my blasted cell phone rings next to me. I giggle, unsure of who is more excited about this reunion between me and her cousin – me or her? “Where are you now?” she wants to know for the umpteenth time. “I’m still in Georgia” I answer while smiling. ‘This’ is all her fault! She is the one who introduced me and My Guy in a different time and place.

Those memories wash over me like a tsunami with each mile I drive closer to this man of my past. For a middle-aged woman who easily forgets what I ate for lunch yesterday the recollection of this long lost romance is undeniably clear.

My Guy's shy grin had beamed my way for the first time at age seventeen. He had driven to Barbara’s home to meet me for a blind date. While I nervously checked out his muscular body filling the door frame, my vision must have been working overtime as my eyes bugged out of my head. He was six years older and the closest thing to The Hulk I had ever seen in my small, southern town in Alabama.

He was not what I was used to in a date. This guy even had a full grown beard! I mentally compared him with my high school boyfriend, and realized that my boyfriend's idea of breaking up and dating other people may actually be brilliant.

As I sat on the passenger’s side in My Guy's truck, I noticed the smell of his Cool Breeze Cologne as we chatted. Later, we shared a pepperoni pizza and ice cold Cokes while I laughed at his Southern, “corny” sense of humor. His bulky muscles and full grown beard started reminding me more of a gentle giant than The Hulk.

A boyish grin caused me to softly relax in his presence more and more as the weeks quickly passed by.

“You want to see me cheer at our basketball game, I ask My Guy?” I knew the ‘yes’ answer before I asked it. If I only knew what that strange warm feeling was in the pit of my stomach whenever I was with him. It was several dates later and I still wondered.

My long blond hair, green eyes and pretty smile worked magic with the short, navy blue cheerleading uniform I wore. The basketball game reached half time and he grabbed my hand to sneak off for some moments alone together.

The taste of his gentle passionate kisses and the feel of his soft beard in my hands were thrilling. As we made out in the back seat of my old brown Vega, he was every bit the gentleman. Protected and warmed by his strong arms on a cold night I lingered in the feeling of his embrace.

We had to rush back to the gym. Just outside the entrance, he let go of my hand and nervously took a new, gold cross necklace from around his neck to remember him by. The next day he had to leave and we were out of time together. I had to stay and finish another year of high school.

He stowed away a piece of my heart as he joined the Navy and went to sea. We made promises to write and call each other during our time apart.

Seeing me and My Guy together at the gym stirred both memories and jealousy in my old boyfriend. With My Guy now away at sea, the opportunities for the highschool boyfriend to work his way back into my life were many and he worked diligently.

Months passed and I went back steady with my highschool boyfriend and accepted his gold necklace gift with the assurance I’d get rid of the one My Guy had given me. It just made sense to have a boyfriend in town with proms, senior trips and school dances coming up. The entire school seemed to think my highschool boyfriend and I were perfect together.

“What is this feeling in the pit of my stomach?” I ask myself as I told Jean my decision. Cowardly, I let her be the one to tell My Guy the break up news. I could not even pick up the phone. Neither did I want to throw away the gift of the necklace from my gentle giant. I secretly asked her to save it for me.

After graduation I lost touch with Jean and lost touch with My Guy. Twenty nine years later Jean and I reunited through Facebook.

She called months later and asked “Guess who I have on the other end of the line?” I could tell by her voice I was in for a surprise. Little did I know it was My Guy and he was single again too! She had seen the old necklace among her things and decided to call her long lost cousin.

This reunion was all ‘her fault’ again!

Now as I glance in the rearview mirror, my mind is spinning with thoughts. I observe the wrinkles on my forehead and the beginning of crow's feet around my eyes. “There’s no way that I am going to chicken out over a few wrinkles and additional tummy fluff” I articulate out loud. “I am a beautiful woman inside and out” I verbally remind myself.

North Carolina is behind me and Virginia is for lovers with only one more hour to drive. Thirty more minutes to go, this is really happening! By golly, I am no longer a shy seventeen year old and that man is going to get a kiss that could curl the toes on a gorilla.

The anticipation is causing my heart to pound. My neck is flushed and my hands shake with the unknowns still yet to be discovered as I hurriedly step out of my car.

There he stands in the lobby! I see a handsome, muscular man eagerly waiting for me with the same nervous, shy, boyish grin and big brown eyes.

The saying “I may be older, but I’m not dead yet” best describes my feelings. Recently ignored hormones are returning to life at the embodiment of a man that I was not quite ready for in my youth. I fling my arms around his neck and like an excited teen grabs his honey’s hand to ride the roller coaster at the fair, Buddy whisks me outside. We share a delicious kiss on Cracker Barrel’s country porch as this retired Navy man declares, "I knew it would still be good -I just knew it!"

Thirty years later, we are sitting in the truck side by side driving under a star-lit sky. It is intoxicating to re-explore the scent of his Cool Breeze Cologne while we make small talk and grin back and forth like Cheshire cats. Even the very cells in our hands seem to go into memory re-call as we alternate between gentle caresses and death grips.

While enjoying time together at his farm, it feels like we are in two parallel worlds. We never stop touching each other. The past and the present dance back and forth in a waltz of the hearts seemingly making up for lost years and regrets for past decisions.

He fingers the magical necklace around my neck as we snuggle on the couch. “I bought this for you but I wanted you to have the feeling that because I wore it first, you might want to wear it…..I know, crazy stuff!” My Guy confesses with a slight blush.

I’m thinking the “crazy stuff” may have been me and my decision to break up with this man back then.

This is an interesting dance of sorts; the one of past and present uniting together. Like an airbrushed female in a girly magazine, it is tricky to determine where reality ends and imagination begins.

Exploring the possibilities while relaxing in his arms, it is nice to feel cherished and desired as a single woman. The glowing feeling in the pit of my stomach is rekindled as it warms like a glass of wine after a stressful day. I recall the gentle giant who held me on another cold night in the back seat of my old brown Vega.

I secretly smile knowing that I do not have to push love here or anywhere. Like the necklace - I have grown older and tarnished a bit. Love knows where, when, and with whom it is going as it takes its own sweet time.

Love may even find its way back around as a perfect second chance.

Written by Debbie Kesley

Why Am I Doing Life the Way I Am Doing It?

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Sun, 26 May 2013 22:25:00 +0000

True, I am nearing age 50 and maybe it is a midlife crisis so to speak; however, I cannot shake the feeling of how utterly ridiculous it is to be so excited to have 3 days this week/month/quarter in a row of life to call my own.

Seriously??

We as a society are so thrilled to be allowed 3 consecutive days of life to do with what we please. We all race out the door to bully each other off the road to pick up the kids, to rush to a wonderful weekend vacation, to come back home tired and cranky because that is the only chance we have?

Are we slaves or are we free?

I've not always had this particular journey in the work force. In my previous life I was married. I birthed, raised and homeschooled my two kids until the oldest was a senior in highschool.

Now, as a single woman I am learning how to function in the "man's world" to earn my daily bread. Not that I never worked....I actually got a work permit at age 14 to take my first hostessing job at Shoneys. I worked 40 hours every week of my senior year in highschool and then continued to work till my first child was born.

Those who know me know I am not a lazy person but for the most part it appears as tho most people are unhappy.....if not miserable in their jobs. As a temp I have been in a lot of different places and been privy to several "bird's eye" views of the regulars.

So, my question is "why?"

Why am I doing life the way I am doing it?

Why are you doing life the way you are doing it?

Are you happy? Do you have time to think, sleep, rest, walk, write, read, dance, hold a grandchild, write a song, exercise, cook a favorite dish from scratch for someone you care about?

Why do I pay outrages gas prices to drive to a high stress job that does not pay enough to live on? Why do I pay over rated prices to live in an apartment to drive to a high stress job that does not pay enough to live on? Why do I shop at a near by grocery store that sells food to me I could grow for pennies on a dollar to have the energy to drive to a high stress job that does not pay enough to live on, to spend another 45 min in traffic to drive home to an over priced apartment located just close enough to start the entire insanity over again.

5 out of 7 entire days of my life I exchange for this so called "privilege to have a job".

Personally, I feel like there has got to be a better way.

For me and my house (Me, Myself and I) there is going to be a change.

I'm taking my life back.

Are you?

focusing my thoughts downstream

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 17:13:00 +0000

Downstream Thoughts

Written by Debbie Kesley

Bobbing on a float of vivid images toward a destination

of all that feels good.

I release my wandering thoughts downstream.

The life flow of all Universal forces

lap gentle and soothing undercurrents to

guide and sustain me on my natural way.

Surges of energy present moments when

urges to grab and cling to past strong holds in my

memory still tempts me upstream to the familiar.

Aware of a powerful eruption of contrast between

my common emotional shores and the desire in which I

was born to flow and choose to venture.

Oars of direction are anchored between my ears with each

and every thought I give my attention to.

Familiar calls to join the popular and hypnotic communal

bonfire of the crowd demand my participation; however,

I surrender to the unknown bend around the corner where

Spirit calls my soul downstream to my place of joy and peace.

With a deep sigh and trusting heart,

I embrace the direction of the natural flow of my life.

Releasing the death grip to dying branches along the way

that no longer supports this Guided journey towards

all that is uniquely Me by

focusing my thoughts downstream.

Feel The Feelings Now!

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 11:28:00 +0000

Feel The Feelings Now!
written by Debbie Kesley

Can You Feel It?

The Feeling of “Having it Now?”

When you are totally happy

To over flowing –

And the tears that fall

Are such a sweet release.

You want to save them in

A bottle to label

With a day and year

To bring out again

And savor in the times

When you seem to be forgetting

That feeling of “Having it Now.”

So grab it! Photograph it!

Write about it!

Share it with a friend who

Will remind you down the

Road of how good it felt

When you were in “the now”

And that “now” was more intense

And real than all the other moments of time

Because that particular time stood still.

Remember it.

When was the last time you felt love?

Joy?

Fullness?
Satisfaction?

Adventure?

In-tune with your entire reason to

Be sucking wind on this planet

We call Earth?

Feel it again…….

Pour a glass from a great

Time and place

When your lover held you

Like he would never let you go……

Feel it again……..

The laughter ringing in your ears

As you share a moment of

Joy with a child full of wonder and delight.

Feel it again……..

The delectable tastes of icecream and

cherished times of closeness with a best friend

Who sees you with the heart and accepts

You for just who you are…..

Feel it again……

The moment of success when

You were great on the dance floor and you knew it…

When you met your goal of a grade, of a week’s earnings

Or even when you said …. I give up and I will simply ‘Allow’

Feel it……

Remember it…..

Call it to Life again by pouring the memories

And the feelings they provoke

Into today’s empty glass

To attract more of the

Same again.

Feel the feelings.

Written by Debbie Kesley

The Place Called "We"

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 02:26:00 +0000

The Place Called “We”

21 days since the last simple human touch of another,

A hug from my daughter.

Are you worth the wait?

Did you know I wondered where you were as I walked in the door to an empty house again tonight?

Sure, I can do this single thing called life by myself as a strong woman….

but maybe, just maybe , I would love for a strong man to take the lead as I support him along the way.

I know my strength, and my value as one who supports and encourages.

21 days of 9 to 5 toil in the work place with the demands meant for a competing, man-leader of sorts, when my soul is meant to be gentle, loving and kind.

I played a role today meant for another.

Maybe I actually want to nurture, encourage and support you and others, not climb the ladder of success.

Are you missing something in your life?

Are you missing me as I am longing the presence of you?

Have you also figured out that going to bed alone and waking up alone seems to be calling you to more?

Is being “free and single” really all it is cracked up to be?

What would I change to be with you…..what would you really change to be with me?

I know you are out there……..the reason I choose to hold steady and wait. The desire within me that

stops the tears of loneliness and brings into focus the fulfillment of your presence in my life.

This Valentine’s Day I may choose once again to light a candle for You as I sit alone and imagine light will attract light
and the dark and lonely places will be replaced with the joy of being with the person who makes it easy to be the whole of who I am.

When we are ready.

The whole of who I am will complete the exact whole of who you are.

I will add to you as you add to me.

Wherever you are….....meet me in the middle.

Join me in the place where the contrast of where we were and where we have grown into, embrace in the middle

to live, laugh and love as the exact individuals we are ….

yet, strengthened by the support of the other

in a place called “we”.

Law of Attraction for Mud Pies and Manifestations

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 00:00:00 +0000

Kind of like looking at a Mud Pie while envisioning Apple Pie Ala'mode.......my journey for the last two months.

I became determined after my last temp job working as a data entry clerk that I absolutely had to do something different this time! Not only is my personality not wired for that type of cubicle work but my body is very sensitive to EMFs (Electrical Magnetic Fields) and after about 30 days I start getting sick. During the ice storm in my area I had time to recover my body, mind and spirit and began to ask myself some serious questions about what has worked right for me and what has not.

2011 was going to be different for me and I determined to work my life AS ME! I made my vision board, changed my resume and sent it out to all of the temp agencies that I have worked with in the past and started blogging again, as well as, looking for work that matched my gifts. It felt so right. My meditation/prayer time, my belief in me as me in the work place.......it was exciting!

But then.......a month passed without income.....then an additional month with no income and absolutely no calls from the Temp Agencies that had been my source of income. I was getting behind. Hit my first ever 30 days late car payment......then 45. Honestly, it was getting hard to sleep because I was worried about losing my car in the dead of night. So......sort of like facing a mud pie with the hopes of Apple Pie Ala'mode.......I went deeper. I began to envision the $2,000.00 that I needed to get back in balance financially. I took colored markers and wrote it over and over and over on a piece of paper and put it in the folder with my bills. In my determination to see if this "stuff" worked or not I did not talk to others about how desperate the situation had become. I did do my work looking for jobs....I did do my work of envisioning myself not needing anything.........then something happened.

A wonderful friend of mine held me yesterday and said "I can't help noticing how little food there is in your fridge....are you dead broke?" My answer was truth. "Yes....broke...but not dead...I am too much of a fighter." In a little bit he said "I can give you $2,000.00" I just smiled , humbly and said "thank you" as I also chocked down that huge chunk of Tennessee pride that had defined me for so long. I then went to my colorful sheet of paper I had tucked away. Handing it to him and asking, "So what number do you see?"

How amazing......what are the odds? I put that number out there and it came back through a great friend, in a respectful, loving, non-judgmental, non-shaming way and I am still amazed and delighted. He went home with half of that sheet of paper with $2,000.00 written all over it as his part of the miracle - at exactly the right time and exactly the amount I needed but was too proud to hint or ask for.

It shocked him as much as me ......but I could not think of a better person for that money to flow through because I know his blessings are on the way to him. He said later that "I should not do that (manifestation) to people...but he was glad I had not believed for $10,000.00!" We had a good laugh over that. Last night I slept like a baby and I'm renewing my strength believing that The Universe will find a way.....believing that there is a great job for me to work as me and those doors will open when the time is right.

In the meanwhile I will continue to see my little "mud pies" as "apple pie ala'mode" and attract all wonderful people, places, jobs and things into my life.

Written by Debbie Kesley
First published 2/24/11

The Gift of Divorce

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 00:07:00 +0000

Given a Divorce? Then Get a Life!
The Gift of Divorce was given to me after 23 years, basically overnight.

Long story short….married at age 19. Background was stay at home mom and then home school mom. My family life was the only thing I had known my entire adult life.

My personal 9-11 had hit home. The first year I cried a lot when not in shock it seemed. Everything I had created for 23 years was destroyed.

AND Now 7 years later, this month, since I’ve been on my own... this is SOME of the highlights of that journey. For those in the beginning of your journey……you get to choose to live and even live life better as who you truly are.

Highlights:

Released anger toward God – complete with breaking 12 sets of wedding china.
Saw a Private Counselor for 3 months.
Took a 12 week Divorce Recovery Course.
Met with a Stephen Ministries Counselor for 3 months.
Cried an awful lot.
Drove in Atlanta rush hour traffic for the first time.
Parked in a parking garage for the first time.
Sought full time employment after 18 years of being a stay at home mom.
Took a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University Course.
Filed my own taxes for the first time.
Built my personal credit from nothing.
Signed an individual lease for my first apartment.
Bought my first new car by myself.
Created & filed forms with the State, represented myself and won my Contempt of Court case.
Dealt directly and head on with an IRS Officer.
Tried becoming a vegetarian.
Developed a public Blog.
Buried kittens and my daughter’s dog with her when no one else would.
Helped a family member wean off of prescription morphine.
Got a few full body messages and pedicures at last.
Drove my own moving truck from GA to TN.
Lost 8 dress sizes.
Laughed out loud from the inside out.
Radically enjoyed sex in my relationships.
Said what I actually felt and thought.
Re-discovered my love of cowboy boots and blue jeans.
Chose my own style of Faith that was right with my Spirit.
Learned ballroom, line dancing and two-stepping and loved it!
Settled into a natural/organic/hippy/earthy style of decorating.
Began writing again.
Entered my first writing in a magazine (awaiting the results).
Tossed all the "imposed married" holiday traditions and recipes out.
Made homemade pizzas and watched Elf with my grown kids on Christmas.
Learned to say "not no...but Hell NO!"
Learned to say not only “yes….but Hell Yeah! – Why Not?”
Gave away the Christmas angels and brought in the Christmas elves.
Left the hymnals and the organs in the funeral home.
Welcomed and trusted my intuition again.
Took me, myself and I, out to a picnic in the park, the movies, and other interesting places.
Agreed to be kidnapped by the office girls to go to a male strip club for the first time.
Got accidently drunk from Patron at a Jimmy Buffet Concert.
Got my first psychic reading.
Took my first limo ride with my first gay friend.
Sold all my stuff and took a working vacation in Santa Cruz, California for 8 months.
Made love by a creek, under a TN bridge in broad daylight with my boyfriend.
Enjoyed motorcycle rides.
Attended outside Jazz festivals.
Played in the park.
Went to Seaworld with my brother and played like kids.
Great times out with my Girlfriends.
Went on a date to my first Polo match.
Attended my first Criterium and BBQ.
Sang Karaoke with my daughter several times.
Waltzed with a Vet in a wheelchair in TX, everyone cleared the floor and clapped for us when we were done.
Enjoyed Renaissance Festivals with my son.
Experienced a 17 car pile-up in California.
Traveled by car with my daughter from CA to GA.
Traveled by car from GA to CA with my Brazilian Boyfriend.
Watched a dolphin, sea otter, whale and sea lion play from the shoreline in CA.
Walked on the cliff above the ocean during strong hurricane winds with my Brother in CA.
I learned to walk away from those who did not treat me with respect.
Went to the High Museum of Art and made the security officers laugh with fake Bubba teeth.
Been jet skiing – and flew off at 45 mph, only to get back on the saddle again.
Wonderful day at the Atlanta Aquarium with my best friend.
Walked barefoot in the dewy grass just because.
Took my first yoga class.
Colored my hair and got a new look.
Expanded my style of music.
Watched a sunrise at the lake with a friend.
Went on a road trip with my best friend to Virginia to camp by a river.
Dressed up for Halloween and went to a party with a friend.
Celebrated the coming in of the New Year every year.
Developed my spiritual gifts.
Became a mentor to other single women.
I figured out I was a pretty smart lady.
I can be a pit bull with lip stick if pushed far enough.
I can actually cook.
Went skinny dipping under the stars and bright moon with a friend .
Attended Country Music concerts.
Released judgmental people and attitudes from my life to go judge else where.
Met and had a picture taken with Jeff Foxworthy.
Attended my first Rally for Justice with my daughter.

And over those 7 years I’ve experienced some love, lust and loneliness but always took a gift away for myself in the experience. Not regretting a single one of the men who came into my life.

Danced like no one was watching with my Brazilian boyfriend in the parking lot & to live musicians on the streets in San Fran. We danced outside a restaurant in the biggest summer rain storm ever & every restaurant that ever played music and had a little space.
He reminded me to laugh again and know that I was desirable.
I learned that I want dance, laughter and child-like moments in my relationship.

Joined my Cowboy boyfriend to horse barrel/shooting competitions, dancing at my first Gay Bar, horse trail rides and a hay ride party. We enjoyed many times hanging out at his lake house just being together. He introduced me to a higher quality of life and raised my value in myself as a woman.

I want some gentleness and assurance my man has a plan of thought for us as we go through life in my relationship.

Had a brief fling with a very handsome, funny, Italian with a gypsy spirit like mine who made me laugh. Sometimes when you are single as a female for a long time, you think that if you can’t beat the male thoughts then join them. He was great for my ego for a season.
I want passion and fire in my relationship.

Had the cutest and sweetest Venezuelan guy friend and regular dance partner ever. I literally wore out 4 cowboy boot soles having a wonderful time together dancing! He kept me safely on the dance floor night after night. He was my flirty friend and playmate who kept me in “the now” of the dance, joy and rhythm of the moment.
I want someone who can live in the 'now' in our relationship.

Met up with a long lost love of mine from when I was 17. Took a risk and a chance but no matter the long term outcome he hugged me so much, so often. that my ribs were literally sore from the “being cherished.” He held and hugged me in a way that I want to have long term with that someone special. He reminded me how it feels to have someone draw me in and want to keep me there.
I want to be that special cherished girl in my man’s heart and arms in our relationship.

Last but not least, is my best friend who understood and accepted me like no man ever has at a personal level. He entered my life at that time I finally and firmly decided to be myself. He loved me as a friend for exactly who I am. He spoils me rotten while always having my best at heart….never using me. He has set a tough standard for some man to live up to in order to get my Best Man’s approval for dating me. In this big wide world, I know I have a true friend who has always got my back.
I want someone that I can trust with my whole heart to never be perfect but to entirely trust the heart and intent of the man is good.

I am beginning to anticipate the best gift God has saved for last in the coming together with my first real husband.....the one who was designed for me and me for him......the one who makes it natural for me to be exactly who I am because that is who he loves.

I learned that because of the bad I truly do appreciate the good.

I learned that because of the turmoil I can melt in the presence of peace.

I've experienced the powerful contrast of being endured and later being the object of someone's Delight.

I've learned that laughter is so much more savory when followed after a season of sorrow.
I've learned that weakness has not a chance now that I have danced in the realms of strength.

I've learned that yes...........sometimes God's greatest gift can be an un-answered prayer.

My Choice

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 09:48:00 +0000

"I am purposely choosing and directing my thoughts today to line up with my intentions of living tomorrow. This is my promise to myself and my choice to make in this moment. - Debbie Kesley "

Stuck Sucking Air

noreply@blogger.com (Debbie Kesley) — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 13:29:00 +0000

How do we become so

"stuck"

life ?

Is it fear based ?

Does the future and the unknown keep us attached to the present like a tick on an old hound dog?

Do we possibly feed off of the resonating energy of a past even when the life-blood is no longer pumping through our heart?

The biggest question is are we actually living our truest life;

the life we were designed to live

or .....

are we simply sucking air?

Sucking air, while staying in jobs we hate - bound by the debt for a "better life?"

Sucking air, while living with spouses who make us miserable, existing day to day with frozen hearts attached to anchored bodies cemented in bondage.

Stuck.

Stuck.....sucking air.

Air suckers.

Suckers.

We have been duped at times.

Deceived into believing

that the miserable

"knowns" in life are safer

and

somehow "better" than the unknowns.

So, we each have a choice.

Each moment, each day, each year our thoughts, our energy, our life blood

is being poured or drained into something called our one life.

Will it be the cemented choices that keep us stuck sucking air ?

Or rather, will we CHOOSE TO

take a risk and make a change

that frees and releases us

forward toward

a life that is truly lived ?