Coffee Lovin Mom

Throat Punch - Dirty Thirty Edition

2012-05-24T06:30:00.000-05:00

DUDE
Have you heard about this guy Desmond Hatchett from Tennessee?
Over the course of the last 14 years he has fathered 30 children with 11 different women.
30. children.
three. zero.
Think about 30 children for a minute.
I'm picturing that old lady in the shoe.
On crack.

The oldest is 14 and the youngest are toddlers. Seriously? How do you have so much time on your hands after the first couple kids? I naturally assume there is no way any of these children live with him. You all know as well as I do, if any one of them did, that right there would be enough birth control for him not to have 30 kids. We are talking about an average of 2 kids per year. Over the course of 14 years. That's just the average.

Nine of those children have been born in the last THREE years - now that's three kids a year. I couldn't make this shit up you guys. Apparently sperm works like breastfeeding - the more you do it the more you produce? Either that or this guy just has super sperm.

It was also reported that the main reason his numbers hit a record high was because he had 4 kids in the same year - TWICE. I mean four kids in one year..

Are you kidding me?

Okay so even though 30 kids in 14 years is good reason, that's not even the reason for my throat punch because as you can probably guess, (or maybe you are surprised..) that's not even the best part - there is more to this gem of a story...

Now that his oldest is 14, and he still makes minimum wage he is requesting for THE STATE to HELP him pay his child support. He would like a break.

I'll give you a break...

This is where I want to punch this douche canoe with an extra big fist to rattle his brain a little. You are telling me that you never thought about child support when you took your dick out? I mean after having to pay and pay again for another child and another and yet another, (we could be here all day people..) with your pay being garnished more and more each time, you would think your brain would make the conscious connection and help you choose NOT to continue to produce more children. We know he obviously wasn't thinking with his brain..

This also makes me wonder about these 11 women - who possibly have 3 or more kids with this deadbeat. They didn't learn their lesson the first time around? He must really have some extra special magic going on in those pants.

To me, the best punishment for this guy - because he hasn't broken any laws nor is he in violation of anything - would be for these 11 baby mommas to hand over these 30 children to him and make him raise their asses for awhile. I mean if you can't keep your dick in your pants and you can't pay child support, it only seems like a natural consequence that you should take these children under your own roof 24/7. There is no break in fathering a child. Ask any real father. You made this bed - or in his case messed it up - in mass quantities...now it's your responsibility. Deal with it like a man and quit asking for help. Desmond Hatchett, may your man part shrivel up due to overuse and your baby mommas continue to get every cent they deserve. It's a shame that all these children have you to claim for a father. You will never have the time to be a dad to any of these children - how is that fair to any of them?

Why can't people take responsibility for their actions? Why don't people think about the consequences that could come from their actions?

Because they like to be throat punched that's why!!
Tell me what you think of this story. Do you think this guy has a leg to stand on getting any help from the state?

These Little Waves just got a little smaller

2012-05-23T16:00:00.000-05:00

So today is such a good day! I have your friend and mine, Galit Breen of These Little Waves as my Featured Guest this week - so exciting! Galit has some wonderful stuff out on the interwebs including her monthly meme with Alison of Mama Wants This called Memories Captured among these other amazing things:

Buy a book, fight cancer. Find out about Write for the Fight here.

Inspire creativity in someone (young!) that you love. Find out about Pens and Paint here.

Her writing can also be found at BlogHer, Scary Mommy, The SITS Girls among numerous other great places around the internet - you don't have to look very far to find her!

A mother of three living in the heartland, Galit is an author first and a blogger second - it shines through in her words and seeps into your soul. I have not seen another blogger that epitomizes author for me like she does. I think you will agree when you read her post she so graciously shares with us today:

I sat in my closet and cried today. It’s probably not what you think.

I was surrounded by clothes. Denims and knits and fibers that cannot be named.

Teacher clothes. Maternity Clothes. New Mom clothes.

Each one stitched to tell a worn part of my story.

After a weekend of battling my daughters over their own closet -the way it was full and messy and not what it should be- my husband ever so subtly ran his fingers through his hair and his eyes over my side of the closet and his thoughts right over my heart and said, “Maybe it’s time to tackle your clothes.”

And tackling, is exactly what it feels like I’m doing.

And so, I sat in my closet and cried today.

I placed fabric between my fingers, breathing in its familiar feel, as a single tear ran down my cheek.

***

“I lost ten pounds!” She says. Her smile lighting her way as she flips her long chocolate locks behind one shoulder.

I mirror her smile. How can I not? It glows from within.

“I just hope I can keep it off.” She confides. “I’m not getting rid of these jeans. Not yet.” Her light darkens.

And I get this, from my very own dark place.

***

I believe with every fiber of my being that you have to be willing to let go of one, in order to embrace another.

Things that don’t work, but take up time and energy and heart and being, have to be released to allow Better Goodness in.

***

I think this is true for jobs and relationships and roles and labels.

So in the most literal meaning of my MindHeart’s belief, I cry for these too big, somewhat ugly, not my own, but oh so very comfortable clothes.

Because them, I get. And this role of “in between sizes” and “trying to lose weight,” I also get.

It's the other side of being comfortable in my skin and loving my clothes and their fit, that's new. And new, is hard.

***

That's why I cried in my closet today. My tears slid freely as I place Old Fits into a Donate bag.

Mid-cry Brody slid into my lap and in his "quiet" three-ness asked, “What’s the matter, mommy?”

“I guess I’m sad to say good bye to my clothes.” I whispered.

He traced my sad. His tiny fingertips touched my cheek and my nose and my chin.

Then he said, “But there are good ones righthere," gesturing above us where my newer, better fit clothes hang neatly side by side.

And I was struck by his rightness.

Change is hard. But Better Good is rightthere, if we choose to loosen our fingertips grasps on Old, and let New in.

* * * * * * * * * *

See? Didn't I tell you about feeling it in your soul?

I think if you haven't already discovered Galit for yourself, you should be inclined to get to know her! Thank you Galit again for writing for me today - it means a lot to me that you decided to share with us!

You can find Galit on twitter @GalitBreen
or check out her fabulous pins on Pinterest

Coffee Fuels the Soul

2012-05-18T06:00:00.000-05:00

So we've all heard in the news this week about how research is showing
coffee can cut your overall risk of dying by 10%.

It seems to go back and forth throughout the history of research about coffee and current studies also include sites of traces of certain hazardous poisons being in different types of coffee. You can believe one or the other or both. I wouldn't get excited about any of them - even though I was admittedly immediately intrigued about the whole living longer thing. These researchers will most likely change their minds again in the future as per usual like how they often go back and forth about the health risks or benefits of eggs or milk.

No matter how you take your coffee the bottom line is this:
Believe what you want to believe - if you believe it's good for you, and you will live longer because of it, then do it right? If you believe that it's not good for you, simply leave it alone, we won't hold it against you. For long. Promise.

Now I'm not saying this will philosophy work on cake or anything deep fried - what I am saying is that if you want to live to the highest mortality rate you can achieve and you think massive amounts of coffee will get you there, more power to you! Who am I to tell you to stop? I wouldn't dare. Dumbo believed he could fly because he was holding a single feather...

I believe that coffee fuels my soul.

I believe coffee warms my heart and invigorates my spirit.

I believe I will probably live forever just on what I've already consumed in my life this far.

I believe coffee is my best friend who has been around the longest and has never forsaken me when I needed it most. (of course who knows what happens when my back is turned)

What do you believe about your coffee?

The Java Joe Mamas are back on CLM with Coffee Chronicles!!

**I do apologize for last weeks internet FAIL. Now back to your regularly scheduled programs..

They Really Do Love Each Other

2012-05-16T23:11:00.000-05:00

Every now and then with all the daily activities, play dates and struggles with homework or in between having to separate the kids for one reason or another, I like to be reminded that they really do love each other. I like to get proof of it whenever I get the chance.

Sometimes it doesn't always display itself like when he's playing piano just to annoy her more than he already was or the times when she's bossing him around (which happens daily).

Sometimes it's subtle like when he helps her grow in some small way or when she wants to go with him to one of his friends' houses because she's secretly envious of his independence.

Sometimes it's very obvious like these situations...

Yep...they're stuck with each other - good thing they both like hats!
What do your kids do as a reminder that they really do love each other?

I'm linked up with Galit and Alison for their most wonderful linky Memories Captured,

I hope you join us!

Dijon, France - Self-Guided Walking Tour

2012-05-15T22:40:00.000-05:00

Known as the capitol of the Burgundy region in France, about a 2 hour train ride from Paris, Dijon is an idyllic city boasting numerous churches including the Notre Dame Dijon, museums, amazing half-timbered buildings and polychrome roofs made of tiles of different colors in specific eye-catching patterns similar to that of the Hospice de Beaune (go ahead and click, it's gorgeous!) which are popular and featured throughout the Burgundy region. We started our walking tour in the charming park with our guide who with her thick French accent tried to explain every detail finding her words as best she could.

Turning around from the park, we were led across the street to the entrance of the central district of Dijon and greeted by the Porte Guillaume or Guillaume Gate which was fashioned after the Arc de Triomphe in Paris and built in the 18th Century. It was originally the gate to the city. This is where you can find the start to a self guided walking tour through the city, each stop marked by owls drawn in the sidewalk including facts about each featured location.
There are 22 stops on the tour that give you interesting facts about the buildings and the rich history of the city. Naturally it helps to know French in order to translate all the facts which is why we had our friendly guide to tell us all about it.

After being led down a few shop filled streets with amazing half-timbered houses, we were shown the Duke's Palace which still holds the city's Town Hall today. There is no vehicle traffic allowed in the center of Dijon which makes it a great place to be able to enjoy walking about without worrying about whether a car will be coming down the narrow cobbled roads to meet you.

This tour was another one of those that I had to be told consistently to catch up to the rest of the group because I was stopping to take pictures of things that were off the tour that I thought were intriguing like this doorway for one.

Dijon has another square with a beautiful carousel that is very similar to the one in Beaune, France. They look so much alike that I argued endlessly with my boss when I came back about which picture was from which city.

Dijon is a city that struck me as lively and enchanting even considering our walking tour was on a Sunday and the markets were not open. Dijon hosts an annual International and Gastronomic Fair each fall which is considered one of the top 10 fairs in France. It would be a good place to spend an entire holiday trip with everything it has to offer from hotels or shopping to fine cuisine and let's not forget the wine!

You may have noticed that I didn't mention the thing that Dijon is most famous for - the mustard! (Not the vintage phone booth) Of course we saw the mustard! There is a reason for that - I have it planned for the next "Did You Know" linky because not only do I have a great photo of a mustard shop offering all different colors and flavors, I have found some interesting facts about the mustard in Dijon that I bet you didn't know.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
I do apologize for being inconsistent over the past week with my travel posts. (and all the others that never got posted) I was out of internet half the week but will be back to the regularly scheduled program from here on out being that we changed our ISP after too much time spent not solving the problem.

You can look for my travel posts on Tuesdays, throat punching on Thursday and Coffee Friday. The next couple of weeks I am having Featured Guests on Wednesdays that I am excited about as well so stay tuned for the awesome!

PSA - Don't Mess with this Slick Chick!

2012-05-08T23:11:00.000-05:00

So this post was intended to go out on Monday but we had no internet at our house until late this afternoon. It's been acting up and we had a second tech out to look at the situation today who seemingly solved the problem - so far so good.

It's amazing how less than a 48 hour window of no internet can mess up a blog (like this one) with no scheduled posts in advance...

I told my husband it was a good thing I don't get paid to be on the internet.
His response was if I did, we would have been millionaires a long time ago..

Anyway -

This PSA is a creation that my daughter came up with for a project at school, other choices were to make a poster with an anti-drug message or write a song. She chose the video and when I told her she could be both characters, she was all over it.

I give you a second grader's take on saying NO to drugs..

She thinks this will be her gateway to fame and stardom, trust me. She was only disappointed in the fact that her classmates laughed - I told her that just meant she was entertaining. Wouldn't you agree?

Throat Punch Thursday - Tanning and Towing Edition

2012-05-03T05:15:00.000-05:00

So by this time you have heard enough about the lovely leather skinned 44 year old mother form Jersey who looks like she's gaining on 60 and in trouble for supposedly putting her fair child in a tanning booth. She of course denies doing anything wrong, claims the child was never in the actual booth, just in the room with her while she tanned - playing with protective goggles on. She continues to downplay it by saying that "a lot of the other mothers bring their children with them too." Really?

photo credit: Yahoo.com

When I first got wind of this story, I thought what kind of tanning place allows a mother to bring children into the room with them? None I've ever been to in any of my prom, wedding or vacation preps. Please. I'm thinking Snooki must be the soul proprietor of this fine establishment. I'm also guessing it's located down a poorly lit alley next to the laundromat that's just a front for a drug ring. Now they are all in trouble.

Whether or not any of the allegations are true, just to look at this lady makes me want to give her a good hard punch square in the larnyx. Lord knows if you miss and hit her face, it may very well crack into a million pieces and fall off - what kind of message is she sending to her daughter? She who has the darkest tan wins is definitely not a motto this girl should be growing up with. This award winning mother definitely and literally looks like she's had her head up her ass for far too long..

Speaking of assheads, I just couldn't pass up this story. What in the holy hell were these grandparents thinking when they decided to connect their grandaughter's plastic toy car to their SUV with dog leashes attached to the trailer hitch dragging her around the neighborhood for the fun of it? Are you telling me you couldn't find anything better to do? There's no Chuck E. Cheese in your neighborhood? These fools are old enough to know better.

photo credit: Sarasota County Sheriff's Office

This special case of dumbassery comes complete with a DUI and a suspended licence on the part of the grandfather. Both were under the influence of alcohol and now face charges of child endangerment - luckily the girl was not injured and from what the grandmother said she was having fun. The grandmother reportedly cheered the girl on from the back of the SUV and they had been doing it for quite awhile before they were caught. They were spotted by a sheriff traveling at 5 -10 MPH so it's not like they were speeding down the highway or anything dangerous like that..

KAPOW!!!

Is it just me or does it remind you of National Lampoon's Vacation when they forgot the dog was still tied to the back bumper? Apparently these grandparents need a special drunk driving
course that would include reasons why unauthorized vehicles should not be towed on your trailer hitch and why hindsight is a good thing to have. Remember the time grandpa went to jail for dragging you behind the truck? Great memory..hope it was fun while it lasted..

Which is worse? Tanning or towing?
Who do you think deserves the bigger throat punch?

Did You Know Ireland has palm trees?

2012-05-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

I would like to welcome you to my first Travel Tuesday which will be a new feature here on Tuesdays at CLM (that is until management decides otherwise). I will be writing about not only my travels abroad but also my travel experiences here in the US, most of which will be road trips as I don't venture out of the midwest as often as I would like to anymore. I'm also linking up today with Just Jennifer and her monthly linky Did You Know? - which she has graciously invited me to co-host with her today! I have been participating in this linky since it started at the beginning of the year - it's pretty easy to come up with some useful (or useless - we're not picky) tidbit of information you know is not common knowledge and present it as DID YOU KNOW?? Why not join in on the fun?

Get a little froggy with us today and link up at the bottom of this post with your uncommon knowledge you know we desperately need or want to know....for example...

Today we are in Ireland - did you know Ireland has palm trees?!?

Now to those of you who may be more educated than I and know about these things, I'm sorry if this is not a surprise to you but when we drove past this on our way into Galway City, I became giddy. Who would ever think Ireland and palm trees? Maybe I'm just easily amused (yes that's it in a nutshell).. It's definitely not the correlation one would normally make with Ireland. It does make total sense with Galway being on the west coast of Ireland on the shore of the Atlantic ocean. It just never occurred to me that we would go all the way to Ireland and see palm trees! Now when you go, you won't have to be naively surprised like I was. You can act more educated and say you were wondering when you would see one.
Did you know?
You are welcome..

Did You Know?
You are also MORE than welcome (no really, it's requested and required) to link up your post about your interesting information with us by joining the linky list below and seeing what others have to share...the link will be here all week, no excuses - you know you want to!

Join us!

Join us.

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Zippity Do Dah!

2012-04-30T16:20:00.000-05:00

Today is the last day of the A to Z Challenge - to that I say Zippity Do Dah!!

I am glad to say I made it through even though there were days I wanted to quit, I didn't.

Even though there were days that I got my post in right under the wire, I never gave up.

Even though I thought this last day was never going to come up until this last week, in all reality the month really went by like a flash. Didn't it?

I learned a lot about my own discipline. Being a blogger that has never been a "daily" blogger, this challenge helped me to see that it can be done...I can do it! I enjoyed talking about my European travels so much that I easily came up with future blog posts as I was doing the challenge. Enough future posts are in the works that I am thinking about making Tuesdays Travel Tuesday and making a series out of it. From the comments I got from regular readers, it looks like this would be something we will all enjoy together.

I also chose to title this post Zippity Doo Dah because I am in the middle of planning a trip for my family to Disney World - we are all very excited and I plan to share all the trials and tribulations (and all the fun - don't forget the fun!) that go along with this momentous family vacation. We are going the end of June so you can expect to see a bit of the Disney magic working it's way into the Travel Tuesday posts and then some.

You will no longer see daily posts from me (I know you are crying inside, or letting out a sigh of relief..either way, I'm happy). I will be going back to the regularly scheduled program around here of sporadic family posts and the snark you have come to love. I do plan to post on Tuesdays (Travel Tuesday), Thursdays (Throat Punch Thursday) and Fridays (Coffee Chronicles) on a regular basis so you know when you can find me. If there is something you would like to see more or less of around here, (I know I tend to get out of hand with the pictures sometimes..) let me know and I will see what I can do to oblige. I love hearing from you whether it's here, on Twitter or (the dreaded) Facebook - you all have been my support system and I appreciate that more than I could ever tell you in a post.

THANK YOU!!!
Let me know what you think about the Travel Tuesday series..and join me tomorrow for the first post that I'm linking with @JenAnnHall and @MotherhoodTruth for their "Did You Know" linky about a little something I bet you didn't know about Ireland...

YUK

2012-04-28T23:11:00.000-05:00

As in Mister YUK...
If you grew up in the 70's you are sure to remember bringing home a sheet of stickers to put on all the poisonous substances in your house that looked like this:

This symbol was created by a doctor at the Pittsburgh Children's Hospital to replace the universal skull and cross bones sign of poison as it was said that the skull and bones actually attracted kids because they thought it had to do with pirates rather than anything harmful. It was later determined that the green sticker of Mr. Yuk didn't really deter children from harmful things either which is why the craze didn't last. I think parents smartened up as well and started putting those poisonous things in higher cabinets rather than under the sink right in the reach of children. In the meantime this scary PSA was out there. (thank goodness I can't say I really remember this)

What you may not know is that Mr. Yuk is still available today for your nostalgic safety needs by contacting the Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh of UPMC who gives out free sheets of Mr. Yuk stickers when contacted by mail. I'm telling you this because I'm seriously considering getting some for myself. I miss Mr. Yuk.
Are you old enough to remember Mr. Yuk? Did you put stickers on the harmful chemicals in your house in second grade? Do you remember the PSA?

X Marks the Spot

2012-04-27T17:30:00.000-05:00

There is a spot in the middle south of Ireland near the city of Killaloe on the Bronze Age grounds of the Craggaunowen Castle where I was able to take in this incredible scene:

I have never had to edit or doctor this picture in any way. It is the epitome of Ireland for me out of all the pictures taken while we were there. I know it could be anywhere at a forest preserve near you but for real, here's where we were:

Our Sunday to Saturday cruise itinerary brought us from Athlone south to Killaloe on the Shannon River and was truly a lesson in history and culture that we never expected. The scenery was something else entirely - green as far as the eye could see.

Have you been to Ireland? Can you even tell that this is Ireland?

* * * * * * * *

Go on over and visit Coffee Chronicles at the robot mommy's place today!
Get your caffeine fix!!

Wordless

2012-04-26T20:36:00.001-05:00

Brought to you by the letter W and the A to Z Challenge..

Vagina Power!!

2012-04-25T06:30:00.000-05:00

My Featured Guest today really needs no introduction but if you aren't familiar with her, I will warn you. You might laugh so hard you cry down your leg a little. Sarcasm Goddess has been a friend for awhile now and she's really more about the bacon than she is sarcasm. AND sausage - LOTS of sausage. Once upon a time we had a band called Vagina Monologues, I'm not sure if I was on keyboards or vocals but it was fun while it lasted. I felt it appropriate to title the post for that reason (among other vaginous reasons) She is also responsible for the comeback of the adult onsies and legwarmers - the whole ensemble together - you will see it now that I've mentioned it and now you know who to give credit to for it...

How long have you been blogging?
Long enough to know better. I suppose you want a serious answer? Fine. I started blogging when yet another therapist said, “there is something deeply wrong with you that cannot be fixed.” But honestly, isn’t that how we all started blogging?
Hmm…I still didn’t answer the question. Could I interest you in some cookies?

What piece of advice can you give to unseasoned bloggers?
This blogging thing seems like fun and games. You see your friends do it and think, that looks easy, I can do that. But no one tells you about the long nights on cold streets panhandling for change. The corruption, the lies. The drugs! Oh the drugs. Prostitution, gambling, deranged unicorns. Blogging’s got it all. The first year will definitely be your hardest. If you can get through it, you can handle anything. But seriously though, it will not be easy. Handsome men with dark eyes and suspicious looking mustaches will try to lure you down dark alleys, promising a million followers and overnight fame. DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. And whatever you do, DO NOT accept the red candy everyone’s always handing out. They are NOT peanut M&M’s. Trust me on this.
My advice? Think long and hard about this bloggy business. Once you’re in, you can never get out. Well…you can, but it will cost you.

When is your favorite time of day and why?
Nighttime. Definitely. It’s much easier to stalk people when it’s dark out.

Where were you last Tuesday?
My lawyer advised me to never talk about last Tuesday. But honestly, what does he know? Last Tuesday I was…um…hmmm…it seems I don’t remember where I was. Wherever it was and whatever I was doing, I’m sure it was fabulous. There was probably bacon. And sausage. LOTS of sausage. And I probably wore super cute boots. I bet there was really good music and I killed it on the dance floor and everyone told me I had really pretty hair. Wow. Last Tuesday was so much fun.

Who or what brings you the most inspiration?
Without a doubt, the voices in my head. Some more than others. I won’t say which ones cuz they get really pissed when I play favorites.
When I’m working on my novel, then music, most definitely is what fuels me forward. I recently compiled a soundtrack of my WIP John and Darcy:
Someone to Watch Over Me Ella Fitzgerald
You are the Best Thing Ray LaMontagne
Crazy for this Girl Evan and Jaron
Crazy Girl Eli Young Band
Give Me Everything Ne Yo featuring Pitbull
Baby Got Back Sir Mix A Lot
You totally want to read it, don’t you?

What is your favorite movie?
While You Were Sleeping. Apollo 13. The Hangover! The Evening Star! SUPER TROOPERS! A Time to Kill! I am sooo stressed out right now. Has anyone seen my Ativan? Oh look, a spider.

Why should people read your blog?
Um, isn’t obvious by the answers to these questions?
Hey, did you guys know one time a lizard crawled up my pants and died? And one night, I caught my oven on fire and the next night I super glued my finger to my face? Also, I peed my pants sliding down a snow-covered mountain in Europe. At the bottom of that mountain? Was my entire senior glass. Because of me a tampon bird lives in a tree on an island somewhere, scaring unsuspecting hikers. And I once shot a diaphragm across the exam room at my gyno’s office as I was trying to extricate it from my vagina.
All these stories are found on my blog. I think the better question is, why shouldn’t you read it?

What blog post of yours is your favorite?
It’s truly hard to pic cuz they’re all such gems. Can’t I just say ALL OF THEM?
No? You’re really going to make me do it aren’t you? You’re going to make me choose my favorite child. Fine. But if the rest of my posts end up in therapy, you’re totally paying the bill.
One of my all-time favorite posts has to be The Husband’s “Other Woman” because for the first time ever, it makes me look like the sane one in our relationship. (http://4theluvofwriting.blogspot.com/2011/08/husbands-other-woman.html)

What is the most interesting place you’ve been?
Most recently? Jail.
Just kidding. It was totally the bathroom.
Okay, seriously. It’s impossible to pick just one place. I will never forget the concentration camp I visited in Germany. It made the horror that took place there real, not just something you read about in history books. The Swiss Alps literally took my breath away. The Colosseum…wow. Just, wow.

This or that?
Gloves or mittens? The other day I tried to put mittens on my feet. True story. I was all, “what the heck is wrong with these socks?” “Oh…they’re mittens.”
Air Guitar or Lip Sync? I lip synched my way through two years of high school choir.
Cape or Mask? You guys better know the answer to this!
Head or Tails? You’re asking me if I’d rather possess someone’s head or an animal’s tail? That is rather morbid, don’t you think? Is the tail still attached to the butt, or is it just a tail? You know what? I don’t want to know. I find this whole thing very disturbing.
Pie in the Face or Slip on a Banana Peel? Is the pie made of bacon? If yes, then definitely the pie.

You can find Sarcasm Goddess on the Twitter @SarcasmGoddess
OR
She also has some killer boards on Pinterest that you might enjoy!
Thanks for the funnies SG - I laughed when I first read this and again when I posted it..I know everyone else will too!

Understanding

2012-04-24T19:24:00.000-05:00

I understand that...
the honeymoon is over

I understand that my boobs...
will never fill out a shirt the way i would like them to no matter what kind of bra they invent!

I understand that when I'm driving...
I probably should pay more attention

I understand that I have lost...
my mind and I know I WILL NEVER find it - but it's ok
because i like it here i am comfortable with the voices; you are just jealous they are not talking to you!
he he ha ha ho ho

I understand that I cannot stand it when...
People don't follow through with what they say and that makes me realize i loathe that about myself as well, I can just pick it out better in other people

I understand that if I'm drunk...
it should never be hard liquor
i usually say or do something i wouldn't normally say and do
like beat people i love and break their glasses without any memory of it whatsoever - wtf

I understand that money... is in high demand but quite severely lacking in the supply department lately

I understand that certain people...
will never like me and i am okay with it

I understand that I'll always....
have some sort of issue, not a crisis

I understand that when I woke up this morning...
I needed more coffee than usual

I understand that last night before I went to sleep…
I may have had a little too much coffee

I understand that my dad....
has helped me in more ways than he will ever know

I understand that my mom...
was right when she said I would only be able to understand when I had kids.

I understand that today... is the first day of the rest of my life

I understand that tonight..
i will go to bed earlier (maybe) (not)

I understand that life...
is what you make of it - you get out what you put into it

I understand that this weekend...
isn't coming fast enough

I understand the best music to listen to when I am upset..
is TMBG....ba bada ba ba bada ba

I understand that this year...
I am finally taking the family to Disney!

I understand that my exes…
have helped me become who i am

I understand that it's okay...
only when you do it but frowned upon when I do it

I understand maybe I should...
have sex more often

I understand that my past...
does not affect me anymore, it's not who I am today

I understand that parties...
are few and far between

I understand that I'm totally terrified..
the bottom will drop out and whatever I lose when I lose it will be lost forever

I understand that my life...
is a helluvalot better than it would be alone or with anyone else no matter what's going on

Trier, Germany - A Walking Tour

2012-04-23T11:11:00.000-05:00

Trier Germany is seasoned in Roman history including Julius Caesar and Napoleon Bonaparte, being the oldest city founded in 16 BC. Trier was the first city in Germany we saw that had such an impressive market place square. The entrance to the square is this building known as the Porta Nigra also known as the Black Gate and is the gate to the city built in 200AD.

On our walking tour of the town, we saw the Trier palace and the cathedral.

Even though this town has all the old world charm oozing thousands of years of history it possesses, it still offers an element of surprise with its unexpected modern day conveniences.

Three story McDonald's

Big Foot in Trier

Trier is a wonderfully inviting city that offers so much it will be sure to tickle up some inspiration. The colorful city guides (some dressed in era costumes) welcome you to the medieval monuments, roman structures, and the noteworthy structures of more recent times.

Have you been to Trier? What was most surprising or inspiring?

Sachsenhausen, Germany

2012-04-21T23:11:00.000-05:00

Earlier in the A to Z Challenge I showed you the beautiful Frankfurt Square with its old world charm and eye catching architecture. This is on our way out of the square towards the Main Bridge that led us to our next enchanting destination.

Frankfurt has many vast scenes and landscapes from one side of it to the other as you can see in their skyscraping skyline. After seeing the old part of Frankfurt, I never would have guessed they had a business district quite this high tech..

From the Main Bridge

Once we passed over the bridge, I remember turning left away from the big city and not having to walk very far to find Sachsenhausen which is a city in itself within Frankfurt. Sachsenhausen is a cobble stoned earthy district known for its numerous art museums and would be an easy place to find an open hostel. Oh, and a Hard Rock Cafe..

Our friend took us our to eat at a neat little restaurant and we walked out to this little number..we didn't get close enough to see what they were really doing inside this groovy van but it would have been interesting to find out I'm sure. I'm always leery of risking getting arrested in a foreign country, you know?

As cool as the Hard Rock and the hippie German van may have been, I think we were introduced to something even better that I will never forget, another reason this part was the highlight of our trip. This is a 13th Century castle turned restaurant and wine bar that I couldn't believe we were about to hang out in to party for awhile. There were outdoor private patio areas that either held a few tables or just a single booth, plus a whole indoor area where we chatted for a few hours drinking German beer.

This was one of those places where I felt like my mouth was hanging open for a minute.

Sachsenhausen is quite a lively place with the shops during the daylight hours; turning into an even more lively place once the sun goes down as evidenced by the volume of people. It was like once the sun went down, people started coming out of the word work to have a good time. That's what they did too..check out this bachelor party that was walking around. The guy with the ukulele and the colorful poncho looked to be the groom to be with the stump connected to his ankle like a ball and chain. He came up and sang something to me in German which was probably supposed to make my blush but I didn't understand a word so it worked out and only one of us was embarrassed.

Our lovely guide

If you have a chance to get to Frankfurt am Main, please make sure you get to the other side of the river to this laid back festive little town. Trust me it's worth the walk even if you get lost on the way there, the people are friendly enough to be happy to give you directions.

Did you know about Frankfurt's high rise skyline? Have you been there yourself?

See where else we've been this week in the A to Z Challenge:

Retro

Quitting Smoking

People in Paris

October in Paris

Not Your Typical Cup of Coffee

I couldn't go a whole month without the topic of coffee - only that post has nothing to do with coffee at all...

Retro

2012-04-20T22:59:00.000-05:00

I wanted to go a different direction time and space; we are going to take a trip today, just not to a place in Europe. Step into the time machine back to the days we refer to when we say 'back in the day'. I'm not talking about when people walked three miles uphill in the snow both ways to school - my grandpa told that story. Although I do love that kind of retro, I'm talking about mid to late 70s up until I graduated high school about 20 years later...

Some of the first things I remember were the toys back then.

Where else could you buy an ice cream cone for 25 cents?

Source: google.com via Amy on Pinterest

I loved that guy!

Source: Uploaded by user via Amy on Pinterest

Source: ca.images.search.yahoo.com via Amy on Pinterest

Source: shoes.com via Amy on Pinterest

Source: ebaumsworld.com via Amy on Pinterest

Funny story about those Dr. Scholl shoes - my first pair; the wooden bottomed ones...
I went on the Zipper ride at a carnival with my uncle. If you aren't familiar with this ride, it has a two person car that spins upside down. Those shoes were not attached and came off the first time we went upside down...the rest of the ride was spent trying to catch the bastards before we got clocked in the head with one of them!

I think I miss the gas prices the most..
What do you miss from back in your day?

Quitting Smoking

2012-04-19T22:00:00.000-05:00

I quit smoking on June 11, 2010.
I smoked a pack a day for more than 20 years.
If you are a smoker and thinking about quitting, my one and only secret weapon has been the E-cigarette, otherwise known as "vapeing". I've been using it since I quit and I've really never looked back.

By now you must have at least caught wind of this alternative to smoking along with all the cons about it. Here's what I can tell you from my experience:

The company I use is called Vapor4Life. (It's local to Chicago)
E-cigs are used with water vapor, flavoring and nicotine (three ingredients you can pronounce without difficulty) which is why it's not harmful to the environment or other people.
I spend less than half of what I spent on cigarettes a month.
I had no side effects when I switched.
There is nicotine in the liquid used to fill the filter and it can be adjusted in lower doses until there is no nicotine. (This is why there are no side effects.)

Basically the E-cig itself consists of a battery which looks like the white part of a cigarette, and the filter - what they call a cartomizer - which can be taken off so the battery can be recharged on a charger which can either be plugged into the wall or a USB charger attached to your computer. The cartomizers come in different flavors including regular smoke flavors, full flavor, lights, menthol etc., but also in other flavors such as mint, chocolate, caramel, cappuccino, and various fruit flavors.

There are many variations on the market and companies coming out of the wordwork presenting the same product. You want to make sure whatever company you choose will guarantee the quality of their products. Here is a chart that can give you an idea about a few of the companies out there and help you narrow your choices..

Chart provided by the Vapor4Life website.

My Story:

I was introduced to Vapor4Life by my brother-in-law who was using it and being that he was successful, he urged me to try it and let me use one of his batteries while he was visiting for the weekend. I did not smoke a regular cigarette the whole visit. Before he left, he helped me put an order in for a kit. You guys, those few days it took for the products to ship were the only days in my smoking career that I can honestly say I DIDN'T LIKE smoking. For someone who always enjoyed smoking, I didn't like the taste of a regular cigarette after smoking the E-Cig.

I started on the highest strength nicotine and have since worked my way down to about half strength. I enjoy using this product with the peace of mind that I'm not harming myself with the thousands of chemicals that are in a regular cigarette. My clothes don't smell, I feel better about what I'm putting in my body and my kids don't miss me because I'm out having a smoke. There are days that I don't even pick it up - those days are occasional because I do enjoy the product but I feel like the urge is not the same.

This product does not work for everyone - my husband also tried it shortly after I first started and once since then with no luck. It can be used to help quit smoking or just in place of it which is what I'm doing. I think the bottom line to quitting smoking is that you really want to stop smoking more than you want to smoke. If you think you might be in that place and need some help, I would recommend this alternative. It might work for you like it has for me.

If you have any questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments - or you can email me. Have you tried quitting? What stop smoking aid have you used?

People in Paris

2012-04-18T05:30:00.000-05:00

The week before we were scheduled to fly to Paris, the Eiffel Tower was evacuated for a bomb threat that ended up being a false alarm and resolved the same day. My husband plain out told me that if the trip wasn't for work (and completely paid in full) we may have been calling it off. I couldn't NOT go on this trip and miss my possibly one and only chance to get to Paris. I was SO ~~going with or without him~~ glad this wasn't a personal trip and confident everything would go as smoothly as planned. It just had to...

The first day we were there we decided to walk down the Champs Elysees only to be greeted by this scene:

Doesn't he look absolutely thrilled??

We were told by people that protests happen there all the time, like on a daily basis and that we shouldn't be alarmed. As you can imagine, it did not make this already fully alarmed, semi-anti-French guy feel any better about getting lost while we were walking through the streets of Paris. In case you didn't know, the streets in the area all basically come at an angle rather than being a straight T intersection, and meet at the roundabout at the Arc de Triomphe. It's not too hard for green American newbies like us to get lost even having a map as it's easy to mistake the map being right side up when it's really upside down and vice versa. In my defense, take a look at this map surrounding the Arc de Triomphe and you will be able to see exactly what I'm talking about.

We took a tour bus which I recommend for anyone wanting to see the better part of the city without paying for a cab to get around, or getting too lost. They have headphones so you can use to choose your language to be able to hear all about the sites you are passing by. There are also numerous stops along the route that you can get off and back on.

It was great to be able to people watch at all different locations. It was all great until a photographer got on the tour bus with us. He sat in the seat behind us with a camera in hand and another around his neck, obviously some important photographer type that thought he was the next whoever the greatest photographer that ever lived was.

My son is convinced we saw Wolverine on location in Paris.

This guy spent much of the tour standing up right behind us or kneeling in the seat with the camera around his neck in perfect swinging distance from my head. It didn't really bother me to be honest, I was enjoying myself and chose not to notice how closely he was in my boundaries. All of a sudden my husband stood up.

"Hey could you watch what you're doing? You're about to hit my wife in the head." (assuming that this guy would even understand him)

"Did I hit her? Did I?" he asked in a British accent.

"You almost did," my husband said after a pause which I was hoping was him thinking about how stupid this was.

"Almost is not hitting her then is it? It didn't really hit her." the man piped up. Then he mumbled something under his breath about him being a rude American. I thought he might lose it. I thought for a moment about how hard it would be to get out of an arrest in Paris.

It was over after a few choice words then a couple international I love you signs and the guy got off the bus at the next stop. We were able to enjoy what was left of the tour.

Just a warning in case you might think about renting a car while in Paris, it's an accident waiting to happen in most spots. Think again. I was surprised there weren't any accidents in the 51 seconds, all of which I had my jaw open filming it. While they do drive on the right side of the road here at least, I still wouldn't even think about attempting this challenge...

Do you think you could handle it?

The only time I ever felt shunned by the French was the last night we were there - I couldn't handle my shoes after being on them all day so I walked around barefoot. You would not even believe the looks I got; it was well after midnight when I expected everyone to be careless and full of wine. I think it was more of a fashion thing than a French thing; I didn't care much either way. My feet were absolutely killing me and I was proud to have Paris on my souls.

So the lesson to be learned here today about the people in Paris is that it's not the actual Parisians that live there that you have to worry about, it's really the touring Brits you have to watch out for - and the completely insane traffic!

Of course, there's not any harmless gorillas to worry about...
nor were any harmed in the making of this post.

Have you been to Paris? What do you think of the traffic and the people?

October in Paris

2012-04-17T12:34:00.000-05:00

October is really an opportune time to go to Paris. The tourist prime time season is basically over by the end of September so the crowds are a bit more tolerable. The weather there is comparable to midwest weather in the US however, their October seems to be a bit warmer and if you're lucky, you will catch a few of the last beautiful days to see all the sites like we did.

Arc de Triomphe

Eiffel Tower

View from the top of the Eiffel Tower!

Paris continues tomorrow with the People in Paris (including my overly cautious husband) and many more pictures of this beautiful city!

* * * * * * * * *

In other CLM news:

I'm a Magnificent MOM!

I have a guest post today over with J.R. at Sex and the Single Dad that you might want to check out if you've ever wondered how I take my coffee...or about that whole libido issue...

Not Your Typical Cup of Coffee

2012-04-16T00:34:00.000-05:00

I knew when I titled this post at the beginning of the A to Z Challenge that it wasn't going to be about Europe and that it would be a part of Memories Captured with Alison and Galit. I figured I would take a really cute Easter picture or one in between that would be a great memory to capture. What I didn't know was that I should have been taking pictures of the 17 year old family dog instead.

1995 ~ 2012

I apologize for this not being your typical happy memory to exactly swoon over..it's really about sweet and enjoyable memories of an active, vibrant life that I'm glad to say we have had 17 years to celebrate. That's all I have to say about that!

Since this is the last few days of Picnik, I used all the premium effect and font I could!

I would never have done these effects with this picture if it wasn't for this linky so I thank Galit and Alison SO much for this! (this week more than usual!)

Ultimate Blog Party 2012 - Party On! #UBP12

2012-04-15T01:30:00.000-05:00

WELL HELLO THERE BEAUTIFUL!

Please grab a cuppa joe to go with your cake and take a seat - the coffee's always on here in case it wasn't already obvious.

I'm a mom of two and I need all the coffee I can get these days..how about you? If you don't drink coffee, it's okay too, name your poison - we can chat over whatever you drink.

WELCOME!!

I'm Amy; glad to meet ya! I grew up just south of Chicago and now live in Northwest Indiana with my family. I have been doing the Ultimate Blog Party since 2010 when I started this blog and every year I find a good handful of really kind people that I make a true connection with so even though I am also doing the A to Z Challenge, I couldn't let this year be any different. I'm really glad you're here even though I'm late to the party - I'm usually a day late and a dollar short but never without coffee in hand!

I have been married for 10 beautiful life enriching, (blah) yet roller-coasterish (more like it) years and have two great kids to show for it who at 10 and 7 going on 17, continue to amuse me every single day.

I blog about coffee but more about my family and this month about Europe. I love to share pictures, tips and tricks, and my experiences, some of which I hope you can learn from or relate to. If you're new to blogging, I have had some really talented and genuine Featured Guests that you would love to make a connection with. You can find out more about me by checking out my About Me page and the Extra button on the navigation bar at the top or by clicking on one of my popular posts over on the sidebar since I just know you'll want to stick around for the cake and coffee...

If you like caffeine fueled tweets, or not, you can follow me on twitter @coffeeluvinmom or feel free to click any one of those buttons up there where I say I GET AROUND to check me out where you hang out most! Please show me some comment love and if you want, follow my blog - I will return the love. Don't forget to leave me your link so I can visit you while I'm partying all week. I hope YOU are part of my handful of great connections this year and I hope you have a great time!! Thanks for stopping by!

Metz, France - A Walking Tour

2012-04-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

Metz, France is located on the northern border at the confluence of the Mosell and the Sielle Rivers bordering both Germany and Luxembourg. It is rich in its 3000 year history, once was a German city, and was captured by US soldiers during World War II. It was the first European city we had the chance to walk through. Take a walk with us won't you?

Saint Etienne de Metz

Saint Etienne de Metz or Saint Stephen of Metz Cathedral is a Gothic Catholic cathedral that broke ground in 1220 but construction remained ongoing until some 300 years later when construction was finally finished in 1520. It boasts the world's largest stained glass windows and some of the most beautifully detailed architecture you could ever imagine which goes untold as to why it took so many years to complete.

The inside of this arch was pretty amazing. To think of the tools they had back then and that they were able to create these incredible details really is mind blowing.

The side of the cathedral still shows the damage done during the Battle of France in WWII.

A short walk from the cathedral, we were shown another relic from WWII where troops used to store their supplies and hideout in times of need. We were also told by our guide that it was at one time a mall with little shops. Could you imagine?

Opéra-Théatre de Metz Métropole

This opera house is the oldest working opera house in France and seats 750 people. It's construction lasted from 1732 to 1752 being interrupted for 8 years by war. At the time it was built, it seated over 1,300. During the French Revolution, it erected a guillotine for the executions in the Comedy Square. The theater is still used today for concerts, plays and operas. Very interesting and old history in this city to say the least. The city itself is quite stunning being right on the river.

Every few minutes - or whenever they noticed, they had to tell me to catch up to the tour group because I kept finding these interesting little nooks and streets that could probably each tell their own story..

Don't forget the acres of gardens..

I have no recollection of what this building is or was; I just thought I would like to live there so I felt the need to share.

Hope you enjoyed this tour and you didn't get bored half way through. Please let me know if I'm killing it with the pictures, sometimes I feel like maybe it's overkill - I thought about cutting the last two because they didn't really have a story and I also had a nice fountain one I could have added. What do you think?

See where else we've been this week:

Luxembourg City Luxembourg

Koblenz, Germany's Most Beautiful Corner

Jinxed!

Ireland's Most Haunted

Hospice De Beaune - Hotel Dieu

Luxembourg City Luxembourg

2012-04-13T18:30:00.000-05:00

Luxembourg is a small country situated between France and Germany. What an amazing place this was! I'm not even gonna say much, just let the pictures tell a story of sorts. I'm kind of short on words today.

I was tempted to make this guy laugh or something but I realized we were not in the right country to do that. This was a bit uncomfortable.

Just at the end of the square here, you can find the comforts of home.

You know we sat and had a drink here!

Who knew that in between France and Germany you would find a Mexican restaurant?

Koblenz, Germany's Most Beautiful Corner

2012-04-12T06:30:00.000-05:00

In Germany, where the Mosell River meets the Rhine River, there is a town by the name of Koblenz that is well over 2000 years old (the Romans lived there in 49AD). Dubbed as Germany's "Most Beautiful Corner", it's surrounded by low mountain landscape and picturesque scenery. The fortress you see in the foreground is built right into the mountainside below it and can be seen from the corner in all its glory.

{Photo Credit: Travel1000Places}

The architecture here was quite majestic looking even if only on what looked more like an apartment than anything royal.

The town clock has an interesting face and the story is even more interesting. The black face is said to have been a merchant who was executed in the courtyard after being found cheating. The eyes are always moving from side to side and when the clock strikes the hour and chimes, he sticks out his tongue.

Some of the architecture in the square was similar to that of Frankfurt but the windows here were charming and particularly more eye catching.

The murals were another highlight.

Anyone remember Max and Moritz?

Anyone?

I was lucky enough to catch this mural that happened to be right off the river where we moored that night. Interesting that the boy looks to be delivering a couple bottles, or just sneaking out with them.