Cold Watermelons

I AM THE WORST PERSON TO LOVE

2016-07-21T16:07:00.001+08:00

Today is supposed to be for catching up, for spending quality time together. With unfortunate turn of events, I just really had to screw this up.

Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I have become the worst person to be in a relationship with. I'm sorry I dwell on my trust issues and it seems that I am only getting worse. I seem to have found comfort in crying, in pain, in quarreling. Going on about my issues have become a habit. All these are unfair to you.

I know you try very hard to find time, hurdle the Makati traffic, come up with believable excuses, drag your ass to my lowly abode just to be with me. Believe me, I'm trying hard at least equally. I curse at Uber drivers who lose their directions, navigate slowly and blaming them for the hell of a traffic that I go through. I would step out of the car in the middle of Skyway and just dash home if I could. I close my eyes when I have to shell out 500 bucks per way because I know that if I take the public transportation, you'd be fucking mad. On my ride home, I think of ways how I can set the mood, make up for the lost time and even what to feed you.

Before I welcome you with kisses when you knock on my door, A LOT has already happened.

Now, I'm in my desk typing all these. Although I prefer to be at home, with a tub of ice cream or a tray of lasagna, contemplating about my poor choices.

Things Lea is Thankful for Week 2

2016-07-11T11:09:00.000+08:00

Another week! Hooray! A rainy one tho, but still as full of highs and lows. Typhoon. Passport renewal. Impulsive haircut.

This week I was finally able to present what I'd been working for a couple of weeks to my stakeholders. It was a breeze, well maybe for now. Still, I'm crossing my fingers that this will turn out well until I see them in Singapore for the workshop.

Classes got suspended in Friday because of Typhoon Butchoy. I managed to get into the office as there was no suspension/BCP alert. The government offices got suspended by 1PM, which means I couldn't visit the BIR office in Buendia to have my tax records updated. Ugh!

I stayed home, cried myself for a pretty heavy reason (which shall remain personal) and just watched TLC with Yoda. I felt a little febrile so even if I received a call for coffee, I decided not to leave my bed.

Saturday. Since I was completing my pre-employment requirements for my new job, I'd been bugging the DFA website for possible earlier appointment slots so that I can have my passport renewed. It expires in November 11 2016 (amazingly my passport was issued in 11/11/11!) but it should be renewed six months prior. Crazy. I still couldn't understand what the imprinted expiration date is for.

In May, I tentatively secured a spot for August 20 in DFA SM Manila. That's three months! Luckily, the DFA overhauled their website and passport scheduling portal which means there are more open slots made available! A couple of weeks ago, I was able to get a July 9 slot. Jackpot that it's a Saturday! Ha!

DFA South is located in the 4th level of the Metro side of Alabang Town Center. I had to go through maze-like because seriously, maraming pasikot sikot! I had a hard time and I had to ask three security officers for directions inside the mall. When I got there, it was fairly efficient. The only hiccup was in Step 3, Biometrics, which was the last one. It only took me ~15 minutes for the schedule and information validation, receipt issuance and payment. Then it's more than an hour for Step 3 alone. I was effing hungry already. I arrived at 11:40, for my 12 noon schedule, and finished at around 1:40.

I decided to just leave immediately and have my late lunch back in Makati. I took the 2pm P2P premium bus service. This service is THE bomb. Hands down to this initiative. It leaves as scheduled and is point-to-point only. That's Greenbelt 1-ATC and vice versa. Per way was only ~20mins. No hassle AT ALL! Plus the drivers and conductors are friendly and serves professionally. There's also wifi on most units, although the one I took going home didn't have.

So anyway, I impulsively dialed the neighboring David's Salon to have my hair cut! Really short. As they say, a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life. I'll just leave it that way. *wink*

Things Lea is Thankful for Week 1

2016-07-04T09:56:00.001+08:00

I am trying to get back on track in blogging and what better way to jump-start than to list down all the happy memories of the week that passed. I think that this is also a good way for me to have a positive outlook on a Monday if I look back at all the things that have made me smile.

Apart from that, I have also tried to tweak my profile and blogger design to give my online haven a refreshing feel.

So for last week:

Our department, Global Services Procurement, won second place in the contest in designing our lockers. It wasn't that impressive (to me, it was like a work of art of kindergartners) but it was a fun bonding experience with my new colleagues. We won 5k worth of Sodexo GCs, which means there's going to be a pizza party! Yay!

Last Sunday evening, I finally had my dose of Purple Oven's carrot cake. It's been months since the last time I ate one.

Why do I love Purple Oven's little carrot cake? It's very moist and has actual shreds of carrots. The cream cheese icing has just the right sweetness. It's the office favorite.

Adulting is hard. This week I had to take in maturity and wisdom (and masculinity too!) at levels I didn't imagine. I had to choose between tubular or cylindrical doorknobs, de-clutter my kitchen counter top, wipe off dust from a lot of household appliances and made sure that there's bread on the table (literally). So yeah, I'm such an imbecile that I think doing all these stuff is already a daunting "adulting" (get it?).

I learned how to create a drop-down list in MS Excel! Thank you Google for the vocational course. Reference: http://www.techrepublic.com/blog/microsoft-office/how-to-add-a-drop-down-list-to-an-excel-cell/

President Duterte's inauguration. I watched through an online streaming at PTV the new country chief's speech, trooping of colors and change of command, the ceremonial climbing the stairs in Malacanang (yeah, it sounded adventurous) and, of course, what the internet had to say. Here are a few:

On My Own

2016-04-05T09:24:00.003+08:00

Today, I was supposed to make a major life decision. I've always dreamed of getting my own house - where I can paint whatever color I wanted to and whenever I feel like doing so. A house where I can hold home-cooked dinners, perhaps get another dog for Yoda and do my Vinyasas in the morning.

All these I was very excited and hopeful for, until you snapped me back to reality. You told me to create a plan for my future and write it down.

Click here to read more.

But didn't you know how I have also dreamed of including you in my future? How, in my mind, I wake up in the morning with your kisses, I'd prepare us coffee and breakfast and you'd drive us to work. And at the end of the day, we'll have our little dinner dates - maybe go home to our kids and help them with their homework. Yes, all these I have dreamed of my future. Of my tomorrow. With you.

February 16 2015. You asked me why we didn't meet much earlier - when things can still become how we want them to happen today. When I would be the one walking down the aisle in and get drunk in our own fun and funky wedding.

After that, I have stopped myself from thinking much about my future. I never had any vision anymore of becoming a wife and a mother, having a family. My tomorrows now belong to Yoda - my teammate. I have realized that I will be on my own. Yes, I love you that much that I have stopped thinking about how else will my life be without you. I will be alone and become a crazy dog person. I will be by my own self taking care of Yoda.

That is why I really wanted to get that condo unit - to have something for myself. Something I can call my own.

Sabi Mo Eh...

2014-09-08T15:02:00.003+08:00

Two weeks and everything between you and me went well. Until...

You told me you don't care and that I continue to do what I want. This sparked to deeper arguments. Words not meant to be said. Words that cut like a sword.
If you say so, you kept on repeating to me. "Sabi mo eh" was all you could muster. You don't care.
I gasped for more air as it all felt very heady. I couldn't think clearly any longer. It was as if my brain froze, my insides about to be thrown up. You told me you didn't want to be hindering me from being happy. If only you knew how sad I was. If only you knew what happy looks like to me.
After more than an hour of tearful conversations, I lay flat on the cold floor. Half conscious, half alive. My fingers turned purple, still holding my cellphone. Holding on to dear life. And then I woke up to Yoda barking at me.
This is definitely not what happy looks like.

I slumped on the floor, tears trickling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe how it felt like I was going to lose you. More words exchanged, more hurtful they got.

With trembling hands, I reached for my asthma puff. I couldn't take how you don't care anymore. Without a good, nor bad reason, you seemed to not want me anymore.

Self Check: Five Months After

2014-07-28T23:10:00.001+08:00

I don't really have much to say or compare to when it comes to break-ups. The first time was when an ex boyfriend sent me a message via Friendster that goes "it's not about you, it's me".

A relationship that went for seven years that has gone wrong is more than heart breaking to me. It wasn't all about me and the guy anymore, but the relationship has extended to family, friends and even finances. Freaking Fs.

February. What was supposedly a mutual decision turned upside down when I knew about things he kept from me. We talked and decided that since things don't go well between us anymore, we deemed it best to live our lives on our own. However, days, weeks and months passed, and I learned about everything he had done despite the chance I once gave him. So I just leave it to that.

The Survival. I went through the usual ugly-cry-at-night and self-pity. I couldn't avoid crying at any time of the day. To say the truth, I was very remorseful of the relationship than that of the love. Perhaps it was just about time.

I have very few friends - seriously just a handful. I don't have my family with me and talking with me always make me break down in tears. Mostly I only have Yoda, and he's enough for me to bare all the hurt, betrayal and pain.

Yoda. Arriving home to a happy dog is such a relief. We never miss to cuddle and play before sleeping and upon waking up. My social network is a witness to how much Yoda means to me, his human.

Reinvention. I had my hair cut, permed and more in just a few months. I lost weight and changed my wardrobe. I became a different person than I was a year ago. I took more selfies and compared them to previous years' photos me. I am different. I was different.

I am not sure how and where the effect of a break-up will take me, but it took me to where I was not supposed to be.

Unfinished

2014-01-27T11:13:00.005+08:00

If only you're mine to keep
I will take the leap.
I will never let you go
Even when there's no tomorrow.

Don't think about the morning,
I just want to see you sleeping.
Hug me closely
Coz tonight it's just you and me.

Empty arms when you step out of the door
The hurt goes deep to the core.
And when the lock shuts
It's like you take away my guts.

Just stay with me tonight
And hold me tight.
Forget about tomorrow,
And I won't think about all my sorrow.

Never the Only, Never the One

2013-07-29T17:52:00.003+08:00

Two, three, four,
My tears pour.
Five, six, seven,
I wish I can get even.
Eight, nine, ten,
This can never be the same again.

Encrypted Messages

2013-07-25T16:37:00.000+08:00

Nails scrape through the letters

You and I get the shivers

Deeply, I breathe in and tap Send

Waiting for you to Enter, come and bend.

Fingertips glide around the keys

I wait for your reply, please.

These sweet and comic exchanges

We can laugh for ages.

My stomach swirls

My heart is in a whirl.

Wish we can go on like this

Forever, a big word I’d miss.

Happy, another impossibility

Because this is not reality.

I don’t want to say goodbye

This won’t just pass by.

I don’t want to

But it has to.

Dear Friend

2013-07-17T10:49:00.002+08:00

Dear Friend,

Just like Charlie in Perks of Being a Wallflower, I am starting to write to you. Hoping that you're just like the one he's writing too and him as well. Like a wallflower, that observes, tries to participate in the things around him but doesn't get involved. Quiet but existing.

Let me begin this by introducing a little of me. I've been a corporate slave for five years already, in the sixth year with my boyfriend and 25 years alive. I live alone with my dog, who's the most constant in my life right now.

I am nothing like Charlie. I am an extrovert in many ways. I like to participate in all things. I like to talk, laugh and enjoy anything.

I am in love. I love my boyfriend more than anyone in the world, except my dog. He is the tree that I hold on to and take shelter during thunderstorms. He's far away but we've always been sure of the two of us together forever.

I think that, most of the time, we want things that we can't really have. The more we know that we're not supposed to have or do it, the more we get challenged and cling on to it instead. Maybe that's how I am. I think that's how I am. Though I'm trying to live with it. I'm trying to be contented and not ask for the impossible. I try to work on the things that can be done instead.

For now, I'll just leave it to you this way. A little bit of me.

Love always,
A friend

Valentine Breakfast

2013-02-14T08:29:00.000+08:00

It's Valentine's day and I am alone. Well, Yoda's just at home waiting for me but the boyfriend is miles away in Cebu.

This morning, I woke up early, played with Yoda for a little while and prepared for work. I put on a little extra effort to blow dry my hair and put on some Mac Chili.

Yesterday afternoon, I gathered all my guts to ask someone out for breakfast. I figured the guy will be out on a date in the evening and lunch is too short to spend with. It was all courage for me to ask. Much to my disappointment I didn't get the response that I hoped for. He was all "Magprepare ka ng breakfast? Sige! Ayos yun!" out loud and it actually wasn't meant for everyone. I replied "I just asked you out. Hehehe. Wag na nga lang." To explain things, I asked him out for a Valentine breakfast date. The romantic type. Not the usual hanging out in breakfast.

Then the "Sadie Hawkins dance" thing hit me. The last episode of Glee I watched, I remembered Tina asked Blaine to go to the dance with her but he refused. It was the kind of rejection that you wanted to cry and lock yourself up. I felt the same way but didn't show it. I didn't want to make a big fuss about it (though while I'm writing this I seriously feel like crying).

Rejection. But the sweet banoffee pie and a hot cup of latte made me forget the feeling.

Still, a happy Valentine's day to everyone!

A Letter from Your Guitar

2012-12-21T14:57:00.003+08:00

Thump your fingers on my neck
Hold me close, never break.
Pluck the outlines of my veins
Your nails scraping on my skin.
Listen to the beat in every pump
Tighten the fret as you clump.
Smooth and warm caress of your arms on my curve
Each touch I starve.
Hold me tight, sway with me tonight.
Together we make love,
Music is all we have.

Dim the Headlights by Urbandub

2012-12-04T15:39:00.000+08:00

Around two years ago when I first posted the lyrics of a song of this Cebu-based band. They're my local favorite because their songs are poems with melody. Sensual, sexy, poetic.

I can only smile sheepishly on this Urbandub song. But before I did, I had to hold back tears.

It starts with a stare we're both well aware

pulling me closer, pulling me in
Our eyes lock, eager to sink in my
teeth for the taste of your sin

-------

REFRAIN\

--------

The nights blaze from heat I've exchanged
as time fades, so drive me away

--------

CHORUS 1\

Dim the headlights the streets are open
One start, skies burst in orange and blue
Sit still, on your passenger side
and watch you drive me to fall in love
We fall in love

-------

VERSE 2\

--------
And when you speak it leaves me weak
in a daze for days I'm lost and I am craving more
Oh yes, you can touch me easy

--------------

REPEAT REFRAIN

---------
Dim the headlights the streets are open
One start, skies burst in orange and blue
Sit still, on your passenger side
and watch you drive me to fall in love

------

BRIDGE\

-------
And I'f I lost you, I've lost every piece of me inside you
with every taste of me that you take, I pray just

A little bit more
A little bit more
A little bit more
A little bit more
A little bit more

REPEAT REFRAIN

Dim the headlights the streets are open
One start, skies burst in orange and blue
Sit still, on your passenger side
and watch you drive

-----

OUTRO\

------

dim the headlights, we fall in love
dim the headlights, we fall in love
dim the headlights, we fall in love
dim the headlights, we fall in love

Untitled

2012-12-04T09:31:00.004+08:00

Little drops of rain trickled down the window.

The metro almost drowned in traffic and rainwater.

We stared at each other, with eyes promising a glorious night

From your eyes, I looked down to your lips,

hungry to touch it with mine

Then you moved closer and I melted

Under the sheets our bodies swayed in rhythm

Like a choreographed dance

And in trance, we bade the night like there's no tomorrow

Like we're the only people alive

The sad truth of the sun coming out, signaled the end of our slumber

I pulled away. Not because I don't want you.

Only because I don't want to be engulfed in a closer space that is "us".

Because there can never be in between a plus.

A dream, in sleep,

But everything was true I just can't keep.

Casually we kissed goodbye.

Unknowing how will the days go by

Will there be more?

What about after four?

When we know that more means drowning in ourselves, in us.

The night it had to end,

I hid myself under the sheets.

Tears poured and a stab that no one can mend

I was happy for you but not for me

For tomorrow I'll see you smile

But I, sorrowful eyes to hide

I know someday I can be free.

A Whole Year of Updates (5/5)

2012-10-22T01:59:00.000+08:00

It started last year, almost a year ago. I felt my career was getting stagnant. I sent emails to companies I wished to work for and fortunately received positive responses from a few. In October, I moved to Siemens. Totally different. I easily adapted to the quirkyness and love for pancit of my colleagues.

Siemens had been my home. I drowned myself with work. Before, if I felt going home then I did. But here, I would come in between 7 or 8 in the morning and leave 12 hours after. Less Facebook and Twitter.

February of this year, the boyfriend and I moved to a new apartment with Alex, a friend. Our Saturdays were spent on the rooftop over beer and kwentuhan. On Sundays, we'd go to Binondo to eat at Wai Ying's or drive to Tagaytay for their famous bulalo at the meat market.

To sum, I have a really good job, new house and my tummy is well fed. BUT, I feel empty. I want to be satisfied but I do not know what for. Perhaps pressure is getting on me. Friends are getting married and having babies. Some are enjoying the greener pastures. Some are just a year less from graduating in law school. Thing is I do not want to get married yet, all the more I do not want to carry the bump. My ambition to go to London has been forgotten but my fancy over anything English will never be over.

On Getting Married. I love weddings. I daydream of my own wedding - the beach, chucks, football field for the AVP, 90s OPM, matching tattoos, doing my own make-up, the entourage, name it. I envy a lot of my friends who are getting hitched. They seem so happy, all prepared and excited to finally become one. The boyfriend and I talk about it too. We have the same ideas and of course, excited. BUT, financially we are not yet ready. AND perhaps, emotionally too on my part. I want to achieve A LOT first. I want to go back to school, travel and build my own library. To add, the boyfriend just moved to a new company and is still establishing his own career. I keep on telling him to concentrate on his performance at work and that I will understand if he has less time for me. Both our families are excited for us to start our own family. It's just that marriage has taken a backseat in our minds.

On Building a Career. Working in Siemens is a whole lot of fun. The girls are awesome; I learned to put on make-up and wear colorful skirt in the office. We've travelled out of town twice - Cebu and Bohol, both times were so much fun. The boys are funny and bastos-friendly. Hahahah! I love my boss, how he keeps his cool when the tough gets going. He throws very corny jokes and always gets us motivated - especially through food and movies. We just launched our book club after everyone got hooked on Christian Grey. Lunch and merienda are so funny even if it's just pancit canton on the table. There is nothing I can complain about.

Going Both Crazy and Happy. I have a lot of goals this year: travel around the country each month, get inked, enroll in the Open University, read more books, get engaged, shave my hair, buy an iPhone, drink with random people, party like there's no tomorrow and fall in love all over again. Next definitely to tick is to put on a real tattoo - "Saudade" the longing for something not existing.

Saudade

A Whole Year of Updates (4/5)

2012-10-19T12:10:00.002+08:00

By far, this is the part where I'm most excited to talk about (and my friends have been bugging me to tell the whole story).

May-June 2012. The Ilocandia Tour.

I have always wanted to go to Ilocos and experience "the old, the ancient, the history". In some days when I have less to do, I would browse the internet on must-visit places. One day, I felt everything was too much - I needed to get away from work, disconnect myself to social networking, run away from the boyfriend and try to be a different person, I decided to embark to Ilocos in the weekend.

Thursday. The boyfriend and I dined at Hawkers and we talked very casually. Then I told (not asked) him that I wanted to travel to Ilocos on Saturday. He was astonished at how absurd this idea was. He asked if I'm sure. I said yes immediately. I made up my mind and there was nothing he could do about it.

So come Saturday morning, I woke up at around eight o'clock - which is my usual first wake up call on weekends. I looked up the internet for a bus liner which can take me to the North, the schedule, rates and contact number. Turned out I had one freaking hour to prepare because the bus would leave at 9:45. I packed a few clothes, made sure all my essentials are in my backpack and hailed a cab to take me to Partas station in Pasay. I remembered it was raining like hell. But not Mother Nature stopped me. Then I got my ticket, waited with the rest of the passengers and called the boyfriend that I was there waiting already. Friends and my boss texted to remind me to take care of myself. I planned to go back to Manila Sunday night so I could still report to the office on Monday.

But no. The bus ride took away 12 hourssssss of my supposed get-away tour! I dreaded CDO-Davao bus rides and this was tooooo much. I didn't realize until my phone was on critical battery level, when my butt felt sore, my stomach was grumbling (I do not eat when on travel because I easily get sick) and there was nothing else I could do but remain seated. On my window seat, peeping from the curtains, I saw rainy Pampanga, La Union and and Pangasinan pass by. I was supposed to contemplate, meditate, ponder upon everything that's happened (and will happen) in my life but I could not. It was the worst part of the trip.

Saturday 10PM. I arrived in Vigan (but had to keep asking the bus driver and its assistant where we were already). I picked the most friendly looking driver from the line-up of trikes infront of the terminal. I was fortunate that he knew where Grandpa's Inn was and told me that it was nice and affordable. So there I checked in at the old mansion which was refurbished into a lodging house.

Wait, let me tell the story by just posting the photos instead. Then I'll just blog about THE QUARTER LIFE CRISIS.

An old coffee press (I think) at Grandpa's Inn, Heritage, Vigan.

Longganisa was a staple.

More than 10 tigers at Baluarte, Vigan.

Random bus rides. Didn't know where to go.

Vigan Empanada doesn't have added coloring.

Kesong puti cheesecake and black coffee for that rainy afternoon.

Spicy longganisa pizza at Herencia.

Laoag empanada from Johnny Moon (Juan Luna hailed from the North)

Bangui windmills going to Pagudpud.

One of the highlights: meeting The Dictator (at his Mausoleum)

A Whole Year of Updates (3/5)

2012-09-05T13:56:00.001+08:00

March 2012. The boyfriend and I were supposed to celebrate the actual fifth year together on the 18th but plans had been made with girl friends to tour Cebu. I pushed through with Cebu, enjoyed three days of sun, food, shoes and more food. Only to come back to Manila with the boyfriend mad at me.

It was my second time in Moalboal and I hoped earlier that the girls would arrange for a Camotes or Bantayan escapade. Still the same fun as last year's except that ALL the girls got drunk. Imagine six girls finishing two bottles of vodka and I-couldnt-remember-how-much bottles of beer. Everyone shared their heartaches and sorrows. It wasn't easy. Each one of us had a lot to deal with. But anyway, I wouldn't want to talk so much about this because as they said "What happens in Cebu, stays in Cebu".

The morning after.

April 2012. This month came by so fast. I couldn't remember any out of town trips except maybe for the random Tagaytay roadtrips the boyfriend and I do.

When Manila's temperature goes up and becomes unbearable, we take refuge in Tagaytay. An hour or so of driving and we're engulfed in cold air and very light atmosphere. The city boasts of scenic view of the Taal Volcano and Batangas bulalo. We preferred going to Mahogany (the meat market) than in those expensive restaurants. It felt more authentic because the karinderyas are fronting the market which sells beef only.

May 2012. My birth month. Quarter-life crisis got me a year earlier. Being 24, working in Manila, in a multinational company, having a boyfriend of five years, being far away from my family, I had a lot of questions in my mind.

The boyfriend and I had an extended misunderstanding (because I pushed through with the Cebu trip on our fifth anniversary). We weren't really arguing. We were simply drifting apart. I went out with my girl friends, shopped alone, worked myself out. He had extended hours with officemates, on beer, playing basketball and work as well. Our differences were more emphasized and seemed irreconcilable. What made it harder was the fact that we shared an apartment together. At home, we talked about nothing. We pretended there was nothing wrong with our relationship. We'd still hold hands while walking, kiss each other goodnight and hugged when he picked me up from the office. But the "I love yous" had been rare. Pretensions. Lies. Cover-ups.

Things at work were getting heavier but it was fun. My colleagues are loud, funny, perverts (hahaha), noisy, talkative and ate a lot. Pantry discussions made lunch more tasteful and pancit meriendas became venues for more adult talks.

Coping with what I call as "quarter-life crisis" will be in the next portion.

A Whole Year of Updates (2/5)

2012-09-04T19:41:00.000+08:00

On a happier note comes the year 2012.

January 2012. New Year's eve was of no difference. The festive atmosphere was absent. Crackling of firecrackers, videokes in each corner and roaring laughter were replaced with eerie silence. Cagayan de Oro was different. And recalling what I heard and seen was heartbreaking.

February 2012. The boyfriend and I spent the Valentine weekend (and celebrated five years together) in the land of Chocolate Hills. We boarded in Bohol Bee Farm, where everything is "organic".

Dinners were awesome at Bohol Bee Farm. They always include their yummy breads and spreads, and spicy flowers salad.

Bohol Bee Farm is in the island of Panglao. The boyfriend and I stayed at the "Buko" Garden Bungalow Room. Everything was made of coconut - the soapdish, ash tray, bedside table, lamps and all the decors. Infront was a flower garden where chilled the afternoon away.

They also boast for diving and boating. We weren't into it at that time since it was just the two of us (meaning more expensive). Instead, we, again, lounged and relax infront of the water and breeze.

We also enjoyed the beach in Bohol Beach Club where it boasted pristine white sand that stretched for a kilometer or so. It was the perfect sun and sand combination. There's a swimming pool, for you non-beach lovers. Entrance is at Php350 on weekdays, and Php500 on weekends. Take out Php150, and the rest can be consumed on food and beverage at the restaurant. It was sulit. If we weren't that scared of getting our skin burned, we would've slept under the coconut trees, on the hammock, for much longer.

Our Bohol getaway wouldn't be complete without the countryside tour. Chocolate Hills, Loboc River Cruise, Baclayon Church and Museum, the man-made forest and seeing the tarsiers.

A Whole Year of Updates (1/5)

2012-09-04T16:16:00.001+08:00

Five days to go and it would be a year since I've posted in my blog. Yes, I've been THAT busy with work, myself and everything that goes along with being 24 years old in Manila.

A lot of things happened since then. I moved to a new job, new apartment, worried over the Sendong calamity in my hometown, spent Christmas on the streets of CDO with the typhoon victims, celebrated fifth anniversary with the boyfriend, travelled with friends and alone.

This is going to be a looooooong post.

September 2011. By this time, I've been busy with completing my pre-employment requirements and turning over responsibilities. It felt very easy to leave Bayantrade. My friends have left before me and there have been a lot of unsettled issues I couldn't stand any longer. The company has changed radically - from the management, its name to ABM Global Solutions, even company emails, office transferred to Jupiter, Makati, work and relationships.

October 2011. Sir Jojo, my boss, was very happy I was moving. We both deemed it a career move. Something I wouldn't have a chance on in Bayantrade. It was a graceful exit, I must say. I didn't answer anything rash (but actually had to fill out another exit form) to HR. My last week was spent over a whole lot of despedidas. Dinners here and there. What I enjoyed most was the game night the boss organized. He brought his Guitar Hero and another colleague brought Kinect Adventures. Layers of pizza and bilaos of pancit abound. I felt very important and happy to leave.

Eight o'clock in the morning, at the 14th floor lounge, I sat alone in the coffee table enjoying my morning coffee. Despite feeling nervous and sick, I was very excited to start my new job. An hour later, my new boss arrived and welcomed me in. Then two guys went to get coffee and were introduced to me as my new colleagues. (Although right now I'm sure they went there to see and "rate" me.) I received my temporary ID, new set of office supplies, handshakes and warm welcome from everyone in the 17th floor. I had a good feeling I'll stay for long. (Still feel the same way right now too.)

November 2011. My first out-of-the-country trip. Malaysia, truly Asia. When my Malaysian Airlines flight landed, I was so excited to meet Marjanie, my super close friend whom I shared college problems with. He was with his wife, Nimsy, at the waiting area. I hugged the friend I haven't seen for five years. I missed him very badly and I missed the days we'd spent driving around the city, stopping over for milkshake and tempura. By the way, I was sent to Malaysia for a training. Honestly, I didn't get anything but experience. :P

The Petronas seemed like two lovers holding hands

I missed this guy. This was taken at One World Hotel in Selangor.

Malaysia was quite like the Philippines, except for the much improved infrastructure. The Petronas Towers and the park below it was overwhelming. The expressways and transportation system were amazing. Perhaps the only downside was the food. I was never fond of curry, coconut milk and all other foreign dishes. I resorted to McDonalds and KFC. At one dinner, which was hosted by our Malaysian colleagues, I ordered for carbonara. I couldn't eat anything else.

I wish McDonalds here has McBites. More tasty than nuggets.

December 2011. Sendong woke up each Kagay-anon with the sound of rushing water. Father recalled it was dark as electricity had been cut off the night before. Manila's weather was bad, but it was way worse in Cagayan de Oro. Morning came and dead bodies were sprawled on the streets. Houses were filled with mud, murky water and stinking smell. For two days, all I did was stare at my phone waiting for a single text message from my family back home. No electricity, water and telecom.

My flight for my annual leave was on the eve of Christmas. Usually, I would see fireworks and dancing lights from up in the airplane when approaching the City of Golden Friendship. That time, it was very different. Silence blanketed the air. When I arrived, I could see my sister, niece and uncle's faces lit up to see me. Oh yes, I still couldn't forget when they saw me in my new pixie haircut. From the airport, it felt nothing like Christmas. I went with Papa to the Misa de Gallo. Usually, the Cathedral would be filled with church-goers and merry songs of the Child.

We had our usual family get together but we made it simple and offered prayer and candles.

We had the usual feast on the table but left more than half to be brought to the evacuation center nearby. Long-distance relatives, neighbors and friends had nothing but each other's families to celebrate Christmas with.

Christmas morning, my sister and I prepared for the "Christmas on the Streets" organized by a lot of groups from the private sector, barkadas and families who had more to share. I went with my sister's company (of which I used to be connected with as well). Toys, clothes, food and other essentials were wrapped in Christmas wrappers, to be given to those affected. On board an Elf truck, we went to Balulang, Macasandig, Kauswagan and Carmen. It was a tearfully sad scene. Cars, houses and other properties were destroyed. Dreams were shattered.

Late Post

2012-09-04T13:30:00.000+08:00

Don't doubt love if you still feel it in the morning.

I've been watching a lot of American TV series for the past few months. My list includes Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Shit My Dad Says, Outsourced and Mad Men. Except for the last one, the rest are comedic in nature. Nonetheless, I would have to say that I enriched myself with a handful of life principles to live by as the serious one.

I can personally relate to some characters and let me review each of them:

Big Bang Theory. I am definitely no Sheldon academically and a Penny physically. I don't like to associate myself with nerdy Leonard either. What I'm trying to get at in this series is how a group of nerds cope with the social "norms" and at the same time still craze over Star Wars and Star Trek, Physics, Engineering, Comics and a whole of of nerdy stuff. How they look and behave may not be balanced at all, but they definitely progress to definitive results at the university and at home with neighbor Penny.

How I Met Your Mother. My relationship is a Lily-Marshall episode. We've been together for many years and very openly comfortable

________________________
04 Sep 2012
And I trailed off from the last sentence. :-/

Life After the Movies

2011-09-09T15:51:00.006+08:00

The Harry Potter series is probably the most successful movie franchise of all time. The eight movies made a whole lot of fortune to Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint - making them on the top of the list of richest young actors. The author, JK Rowling, made herself richer than her queen.

For a decade, my sister and I get frantic everytime a book and movie get released. We would take turns answering trivia all about The Boy Who Lived before going to sleep. We considered the seven books our most prized possession. More than anything else, we practically grew up with Harry, Hermione and Ron.

So when the last of the movie series was shown to theaters in July,

I couldn't help get sad. I felt, just like many others, that my childhood finally came to an end. It was time to grow up, think of a career and having a family - just like Harry and Ginny did after Hogwarts.

July 31st. It was Ms. Rowling and Harry's birthday. News broke in the muggle world about a contest for the long-rumored Pottermore.

Pottermore is an interactive website by JK Rowling on anything about the Harry Potter books. Members are given an "online reading experience" where we can also duel with other members, brew potions, cast spells with wands,earn galleons and score house points. Yes, I am one

of the first few to sign up and has access to the website. I have been sorted to Gryffindor House and (as of writing) has contributed 29 points to my house. However, when I took the sorting quiz I kind of wished and tried my best to be in Ravenclaw. I guess I'm not that clever enough to get accepted. :P

For us, HP fans around the world, this Pottermore has provided us a "life ext

ension". Without this, we can just watch again and again the movies, and read the books to the point of being able to memorize cover to cover. In my own opinion, JK Rowling has sort of formed a cult through this. Not in a negative way though. This has given us something magical to believe in. It has united children and young adults all over the world a community to share the fight against He-Who-Must-Named and the fondness for the boy wonder.

See? I am in the same list with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Me. Less Spark

2011-08-03T18:20:00.006+08:00

I was reading Helga's neurotic rant on how she has matured and is different to her much younger self. This made me, well, sort of evaluate what I always wanted but still haven't done or made today.

My ambition to get a degree in Literature has been ticked off.

My longing to live independently has been crossed out as well.

My dream to live with my boyfriend and go to different places together.

This means only a few things to accomplish before a more mature and complicated chapter gets on - marriage. But you see, the things I'll be mentioning may be few but definitely more liberated than those I earlier did. I have the tendency to pull off a Lily Aldrin - leave an engagement for a dream she has always wanted, getting into a painting fellowship away.

To start with, I've always wanted to get into further studies. Ten years ago, I told myself to proceed to law school immediately after college. College came and made me think twice about it. Thus, my second choice to master Literature at a more reputable university. Whichever of the two choices, at least I'd like to accomplish one even if it means adding or losing four years of my life. How hard it may be, I don't seem to care. I may succeed or fail, at least at the end of the day I can say "I did it". Most of my friends in college are on their third year in law school. Yes, I envy them. Very much. But if it were me, I would still prefer studying in Manila. We have good schools back at home, but there are more opportunities to become an associate or study under more

accomplished firms here.

My next and maybe last in the list requires more than just all my creative and intellectual juices. I want to study abroad. A couple of years ago, I randomly sent application letters to universities and programs I liked. This means attending the British Council seminar on scholarship grants, sending my portfolio to University of Westminster and answering a whole lot of tests from

universities in England, Italy, France and Spain. Even as a kid, I fancy myself having tea with the Queen, watching the princes play polo and going to beautiful museums. Definitely sounds like a dream. But this dream has been made more concrete to me with an email sent from the Admissions Office of the University of Westminster. I have been long listed. They'd like me to find a program to fund my studies, get my travel papers done and many more documents to compile in just less than two months before start of class. Up to this day, the email remains in my most treasured folder. Practically, I asked if I can still apply for next semester or school year. I can and will need to get things done before I send in my letter to them again.

Hopefully when I've decided when I can get things done, I will have the means. I will have the time to become myself even more. I will have the confidence that everything will go the way I've always wanted. I will have that spark, that x-factor, the guts to make all these come true.

I Was There

2011-07-17T19:49:00.009+08:00

Football in the Philippines has become immensely popular, if I would say, because of the Phil-foreigners who have come back to play for the national team. Girls can't help get giddy over the Younghusbands, Etheridge, Shrock, the Greatwiches, Guirado and more. Their names are foreign sounding. Not a hint of Filipino even when they speak and how they look. However, there will always be a few exception of die-hard fans of the sport. Whether they're rooting for Phil or Chieffy.

So when news broke that Philippines will be rehabilitating Rizal Memorial Stadium to host the FIFA 2014 qualifiers against Sri Lanka, the boyfriend and I were ecstatic. We were counting the days and discussing ways to get good seats. We were absolutely correct when I finally rushed to the ticket outlet only two hours after the selling opened and found out most seats have been taken already! In just a day, all tickets were sold out. I knew from his face that he was disheartened when I only got the seats near the goal end.

July 3, 2011. I was there. Yes, with 13,000 more fans, we were cheering wildly. The boyfriend was explaining a lot of rules before the match: offside, penalty, yellow and red cards. Outside the stadium, Azkals shirts were sold like pancakes. Inside, we endured the scorching heat. In just thirty minutes, I got tan lines!

The Game. Just as the game was about to start, rain poured very heavily. People didn't budge. Nobody cared except for a few who used the tarpaulins and banners to cover themselves with. The boyfriend asked for some guy's raincoat wrapper to secure our phones. We were dripping wet when Chieffy scored the first goal and everyone went wild! The boyfriend was exchanging high fives with people we didn't know. Three more goals and the Philippines definitely made history that day. It was our first time to qualify and get to the next round. I was in tears and was keeping my emotions. I was very proud to be Pinoy. I was very proud to have witnessed the event.

Dried-up tickets

Soaking wet. The cashier at the LRT looked at us with disbelief when we handed her a wet 100 peso bill.

I initially signed up as a Kaholero member but gave up my seat since I already have my ticket. These guys were awesome and definitely rocked the stadium.

The crowd showed off the wave and the flag passed around the stadium.

After the game, Chieffy and the rest of the half-naked team rounded up the stadium to share their victory. The boyfriend was able to catch a baller.

Proud to be Pinoy.

The Heat is On

2011-04-20T14:37:00.010+08:00

It's the second half of April and the sun's heat is scorching. Four days of rest meant non-airconditioned rooms.
My company is on a financial crisis and with that, it means there won't be a company summer outing. The previous years were in Bohol, Club Manila East Rizal and Subic Ocean Adventure. It's sad for everybody but it doesn't mean we will stop partying the summer away.
Last March 11-14, the boyfriend and I were in Cebu with Manila friends for some beach loving. It was the first time I enjoyed Cebu, the other times were just connecting trips between Manila and Cagayan de Oro. There was a lot of walking, swimming and walking. Cebu displayed such an old city, with the wooden houses and community buildings, stone churches and a festive feel of being the Queen City of the South.
Newly-found friends from Davao and Cebu completed our 4 days and 3 nights vacation. The boys were so into photography and the girls posed readily as models. Everybody was fun and definitely behaved trying to have more fun.Here are some snaps of our Cebu escapade:

The boyfriend playing in the sands of Moalboal.

Meeting good, old friends - Sienna, Alfie and his girlfriend.

Cebu downtown.
At the Magellan's Cross

The Sto. Nino Basilica

Endless, A Silent Whisper

2011-01-19T15:39:00.004+08:00

The title is from a song by a Cebu-based band, Urbandub. Reading the lyrics, the song speaks of both a hello and goodbye.

Hello. She joined her high school batch reunion last Christmas vacation. Although she was really hesitant (her friends didn't attend), her Dad advised her to attend still. Maybe, she thought. Just maybe I'm going to have a good time talking with friends I haven't seen for a really long time. Her hometown was sweet - it wasn't that big and everyone knew almost everyone.

The venue was at a beach resort on the outskirts of the city. She breathed heavily before entering the gate and hoping to text her closest in the group to fetch her. But when she exhaled, it was as if she breathed in courage to face old and familiar faces.

It was a lot of hellos echoing one after another. She beamed her most awkward smile and tried her best to greet everyone. Hi! How are you? They ate, laughed, talked, laughed, danced, laughed, played and laughed more than ever. Great idea after all. Before she knew it, she got drunk from that traitor rhum her classmates offered her. When she woke up, she went home right away and did not bother saying goodbye.

Goodbye. It was fun. It was great having fun with friends I rarely see. That was all she had in mind the next day. Still recovering herself from the hangover from last night's party, she received a text from her closest friend. Apparently, someone wanted to get her number but couldn't because she got drunk asleep and escaped home.

Hey! Then began their exchange of sweeter hellos and a catching up of stories untold over the last six years. He told her she was his first crush - that the first time he laid eyes on her, it stayed. All this he confessed. It was a good thing they were just texting or else he would see how flushed she was. With all his antics, she was immediately swept by his expert play with words.

They agreed to meet for the first time after the reunion one late evening. Both pair of eyes lit up upon seeing each other. Her hands trembled. His smile was like a reflection of a hard act he was trying to do. But they couldn't deny the immediate connection even if there was nothing historical binding them. He talked most of the time. She laughed most of the time. The goodnight kiss she put on him was too short but nonetheless shocked him and disabled movement. She looked at his face, didn't want to say goodbye, and instead looked down on the ground and walked away.

Days passed, they talked more. She adjusted herself listening to him most of the time. She also learned to insert and talk while he tried his best not to cut her off.

Feeling it was only right to see each other one last time before she leaves the city, he picked her up after the New Year's celebration at her place. Again they talked and laughed, and savored each second they're together. This time, they sat closer to one another and he kept his hands glued to hers. Occasionally he would brush her hands on his cheeks and just stare at her. When she asked what's the matter, no word goes out. Goodbye. He handed her a chocolate egg to remind her of the sweet times they were together. Finally when it was goodbye, she embraced him, and they shared the shortest but sweetest kiss of the start of the end.