Colin’s dad Allen will be sleeping outdoors overnight alongside thousands of others to raise awareness of homelessness in Scotland and to raise funds to tackle the challenge of eradicating homelessness.

Speaking about his reasons for attending the event, Allen said “I’m really excited to be taking part in Sleep in the Park. I’m a member of the volunteer team at my local foodbank. I also work with people who have mental health challenges. My experiences in these roles have given me some insight into the tragic circumstances that some of the most vulnerable people in our communities are living under. Homelessness or living in temporary accommodation is often combined with other crisis factors such as poverty, addiction, malnutrition, debt, unemployment, family breakdown and resultant poor physical and mental health. The innocent victims of families who are struggling are usually the young children involved, and that is the main focus of Colin Marr Memorial Trust – to help children and young people.”

Allen has made a personal donation to the cause and CMMT are also donating from the Trust’s funds. We here at CMMT would be very grateful if you would also consider donating a few pounds to this most worthwhile cause. Allen and CMMT are raising funds collectively with a team led by Social Good HQ. The team fundraising page is here.

Many thanks for your support!

The post Colin Marr Memorial Trust is attending Sleep in the Park appeared first on Colin Marr.

The truth is that I’ve avoided it.

It’s really fucking easy to distract yourself from your feelings. There’s plenty going on.

Years ago we set up a website – colinmarr.co.uk – so we could publish stories and photographs of Colin.

To remember him, and not to forget.

The intention was real, but I haven’t really done that much to be honest.

And guess what? 10 years have passed by.

Just. Like. That.

10 years passed a lot quicker than thought they would.

I’ve been thinking about Colin’s 10 year anniversary for a while now. Maybe 6 months.

Thinking about it now, what really triggered all of this was signing up to present a talk at a local Pecha Kucha (PK) in February.

I met Gillian Easson for coffee for in Dundee at the start of the year, and she asked me if I’d take slot at the next PK. Saying yes seriously challenged me.

Why? Because I knew I wasn’t going to do something business related. Business stuff is a a piece of piss compared to sharing the vulnerability of someone you’ve lost.

This was my opportunity to talk about Colin, which sparked my thoughts about how important this year was to me, my family and to Colin.

You can watch the Pecha Kucha here: https://youtu.be/VW5Q-8wZKXs

I can’t watch it. I was completely shitting myself before taking the mic and stepping up to the stage.

I knew that there was the possibility of a breakdown. Practice is one thing, talking about Colin in front of my friends and family is an entirely different thing.

I mean…fuck! My Mum was there!

She knew I was going to be talking about Colin, but she didn’t know where I was going to take it.

20 seconds per slide. 20 slides. I took the mic, and I had to do it.

I don’t even remember what I was thinking when I handed the mic back. I walked up to my Mum and gave her a hug…and it was done.

So, it’s Colin’s 10 year anniversary…

It just so happens that I’m not in Scotland for it. Truthfully, I’ve had 4 double Jack Daniels and I’m less than half way to New York City.

We planned it out so we could pay our respects a few days ago. Colin has a memorial at the crematorium in Kirkcaldy, Fife.

On the way there Cara asked me a question I’ve never been asked before – “what do you think Colin would be up to right now?”

Fuck me!

I had to think about something I’ve never thought about before. I had to feel…something.

Colin would have been heading off to see The Pars at East End Park with his son. I reckon he would have had children by now. A boy a few years older than Spencer, maybe 6 or 7 years old.

Here’s the truth…I’ve got no fucking idea what Colin’s life would look like now.

Colin passed away when he was 23.

Do you remember what you were like at 23? Experiencing earning your own money for the first time. You’ve got your own place. Clubbing. Enjoying life.

Buy some decks. Pretend you’re a DJ. Get a strobe light in your spare room…

If you’re in your mid 30’s (or older) like me, then you know that a lot can change between your mid 20s and 30s. In fact, what happens in those 10 years can really set up the rest of your life: where you live, your family, your occupation, etc.

Colin missed out on the fundamental years of the rest of his life.

At 23 real life is just getting started…you know, trading your maxed out Corsa for a fuel efficient alternative.

My son Spencer was born on Christmas Day 2015, and we gave him Colin’s name – Spencer Alexander Colin Marr.

A few days ago I was walking in St Andrews with Spencer. I was carrying him because I forgot his pushchair. There was a moment when I turned to him and he looked exactly like Colin – they both have blonde hair and cheeky wee faces.

Spencer is only 18 months old. He isn’t yet able to understand or ask questions about Colin. But I know one day he’ll want to know about his Uncle.

Colin was funny, witty and quick. He was confident, good looking and smart. And better than me at pretty much everything.

Colin was pretty fucking cool.

Loss is supposed to get easier with time, but what I’ve found is the opposite. As the years go on it gets harder. Every year I get older, and as my life changes, Colin’s remains the same.

What I know is that another 10 years are going to pass, maybe even quicker than the last. I’ll be 45, and Spencer will be almost 12 years old.

This is probably the most upsetting part. There are going to be no more experiences to be shared with Colin. No new photos to take. No new memories to document.

And although time continues to move forward for you and I, time stands still for Colin.

The truth is that I feel more emotional about Colin now than ever.

You know that feeling you get when you are about to cry? It feels like someone is gripping your throat and the pressure in your brain feels like it’s enough for it to explode? That’s me right now as I write this.

Maybe it’s down to getting older, and giving less fucks about what people think. Maybe I’m just more confident about exploring my feelings. Maybe it’s the whiskey. Either way, I’m taking myself there.

I occasionally wonder how my parents feel about Colin’s death. I honestly can’t imagine what that would be like. It’s just too much to even think about. No parent should feel the loss of a child.

What I know is that a lot of ‘the feels’ right now is down to Spencer coming into my world and becoming a dad. I never truly knew what love was until I met Spencer for the first time.

Anyway, let’s get this wrapped up.

The next 10 years are going to be different than the last.

From this moment forward I will write and share more about Colin. Not just for me and you, but for Spencer. So that he can get to know Colin as he grows older.

I can answer his questions, tell the stories, and share the memories.

Colin’s memory will live on, and he’s right here beside me everyday.

Colin would have loved Spencer, and he would have been his best friend and an amazing Uncle.

I miss you Colin.

Chris.

The post I Miss You – by Chris Marr appeared first on Colin Marr.

Great stuff Lewis!

(Pictures from the DAFC match programme vs Stirling Albion on 22 November 2014)

The post Lewis continues to shine appeared first on Colin Marr.

We have included below the conversation we had with the charity via email so you can see what Colin Marr Memorial Trust is doing to help young children in Nepal.

Hi Allen,

Many thanks for your extremely generous cheque which arrived in the post today.

I have put a thank you post on your Facebook page, but also wanted to thank you personally for the donation. I have taken the liberty of adding you to our mailing list for updates. Our next trip to Nepal is March next year and there will be plenty of pictures on our Facebook page showing the progress of our projects.

If you ever want to return to Nepal, let us know when you are going, it is likely that one of us will be out there (I am personally out there every Spring and Autumn) and we may even be able to take you to one of our projects.

Sounds like your son was an amazing young man, you are doing wonderful work in his memory.

Speak soon

Hazel

Thanks for the information Hazel. Clearly lots of funds are needed for the efforts of building and staffing schools in the Everest region.

The Colin Marr Memorial Trust has only modest finances at the moment, mainly from a legacy fund which was established from Colin’s estate, so we can only contribute in a relatively minor way at present.

However, we hope we can continue to grow the Trust and its finances and make larger contributions to your work in Nepal.

Best wishes,

Allen

Believe me Allen your contribution has been more than generous and we are extremely grateful.

We are working hard on fundraising and we know this is something that will (and has already) take over our lives.

We are grateful for your support and the fact that you have mentioned us on your website and Facebook page may help other people be aware of our work, so you have done an enormous amount already.

You have seen first hand what a relatively small amount of money in the UK can buy in Nepal – I am always amazed at how much we can give these children.

Your donation will enable us to buy either 20 children a full set of school uniform (trousers, jumper, shirt, tie and warm waterproof coat) or 50 Nepali/English story books, amongst other things. So a very meaningful donation.

Thank you once again for your support.

More about Supporting Sherpa Children

The charity ‘Supporting Sherpa Children’ was set up in 2013 by Roger Owen and Hazel Grace, following their successful Everest Trek in 2012, which raised £700,000 for the Foundation (including company matching). It was this trip that provided Roger and Hazel the motivation to want to help Sherpa children. By giving children living in poverty improved access to quality education, these children, who live miles from the nearest major city Kathmandu, can realise their full potential and gain access to further education and/or employment opportunities.

Click here (.pdf) to read more about about Supporting Sherpa Children

http://www.supportingsherpachildren.org.uk/

The post Colin Marr Memorial Trust Donates to Supporting Sherpa Children appeared first on Colin Marr.

Allen and Linda and their Nepalese guides, group leader Ajay Tamang (on the left in two of the photos) and Hemant Tamang, can be seen posing in the Pars tops in the photos above.

Donations to Children’s Charities in Nepal

Nepal is a country of majestic mountains and fabulous scenery but also severe poverty.

Allen and Linda were inspired during their trek to contribute towards the education of the children of the Himalayas and, on behalf of Colin Marr Memorial Trust, they have already made donations to the following children’s charities in Nepal.

Classrooms in the Clouds

Supporting Sherpa Children

The Trust plans to make further donations to these very worthy causes and would be delighted and honoured if any followers and supporters of Colin Marr Memorial Trust wished to join us and to donate any amount, however small.

If you would like to make a donation to Colin Marr Memorial Trust and help children’s charities across the world, please click here to visit donations page.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Colin Marr Memorial Trust

The post Colin Marr Memorial Trust visits Everest Base Camp appeared first on Colin Marr.

An action photo of 18 year old Lewis Spence (sponsored by Colin Marr Memorial Trust) from the match programme for DAFC vs Forfar Athletic on 18 October 2014. Lewis put in a typically committed and skillful performance in what was a tricky fixture for the Pars.

Lewis Spence – 2014

Lewis Spence (sponsored by Colin Marr Memorial Trust) achieves another man of the match award for his goal-scoring performance against St Mirren:

Lewis Spence – Man of the Match

Lewis Spence (sponsored by Colin Marr Memorial Trust) pictured on the front cover of the DAFC v Airdrie matchday magazine, and a clip from inside the mag where Lewis was voted man of the match in the previous home game against Falkirk. After the Airdrie game, DAFC manager Jim Jefferies rated Lewis’s performance in the 3-0 victory as “outstanding”. Well done Lewis!

Lewis Spence on the cover of Black & White

Lewis Spence – MOTM

Click here to read more about Lewis Spence on the DAFC website.

The post Lewis Spence – DAFC Sponsorship 2014 appeared first on Colin Marr.

It’s almost been 7 years since Colin has been gone and we want to do something extra special to celebrate his Birthday.

In remembrance to Colin we plan to light Chinese lanterns over the Forth.

We are meeting at St David’s Bay beach on Friday 17th January at 8pm.

Colin’s parents would like to invite everyone of Colin’s friends and family along to join in the celebrations and remembrance.

We have 30 lanterns ready to go and if you’d like to bring anything with you to remember Colin in your own way, please do so.

We’ve opened a Facebook event page to keep things organise, which you are welcome to join.

We look forward to seeing you on Friday.

The post Celebrating Colin Marr’s Birthday – 30 Years Old appeared first on Colin Marr.

We also added to this a comment stating that we hope that the delays they build in are deliberate as we would hate to think that such a genuine level of incompetence existed within Police Scotland.

##Start##

Hello Mr McKenzie/Mr House,

Thank you for your letter today responding to our note sent on 2nd August. Like your note this is a simple acknowledgment of your letter with some comments.

We would like to take this opportunity to ask why in our meeting at Glenrothes on 25th July did you inform us that you could not deal directly with issues we had raised as they had been handed to PIRC?

Minding that our meeting was on the 25th July 2013, we have correspondence from PIRC form 7th August 2013 stating that had not been tasked to review the Fife investigation.

James McGrandles PIRC – “Thank you for your e-mail of 2 August 2013. I can confirm that the PIRC has not been asked to review the complaints which were concluded by Fife Constabulary in March 2013″.

In this light we would re-iterate that you have a serving officer who in late December 2008 into early 2009 attempted to manipulate available evidence to create the perspective that the only information available points to Colin Marr taking his own life. We see comments that all statements were passed to the Crown Office but this was after the intervention of Willie Rennie in 2009. This officer effectively hid from early scrutiny comments from disparate sources of work environments, social events covering an extensive period talking of violence and potential violence being perpetrated against Colin by his partner. You have an organisation that has a help line for domestic abuse where in fact you welcome hearsay for possible investigation but in our situation we have lost someone in a violent manner and these inputs are hidden and to date you actively condone this act by your actions. To us this sounds as if your police policies are about political expediency rather than being genuine commitment to social values.

Despite this information being made available in March 2012 to Fife Police they did not start investigating until September 2012 and complete until March 2013. This investigation was carried out by an officer who was the immediate supervisor of the afforementioned serving officer over a period that covers a significant portion of our complaint and thus must be seen to be investigating himself.

We informed Police Scotland in March 2013 that there were issues as we realised that the delays in completion of the investigation were coinciding with the commencement of Police Scotland and the demise of Fife Police and the senior officers in charge. So, we get a copy of the findings when the body that created them and the senior officer signing off the report no longer organisationally exist.

We talk with your organisation and rather than deal with the significant issue at hand you inform us on 25th June that you will hand this on to PIRC, you then inform us in July you can’t deal with this because it is being dealt with by PIRC. Not only is this last point untrue, like all other aspects of this complaint there appears to be a determined attempt to delay seriously independently reviewing the actions of the serving officer. How long until his retirement?

To cap these delays you had also informed us that the copious amount of information we shared is valueless as it is the summary of our complaints that is investigated and is your contract without this ever being made evident to us. I think in the financial world would be deemed as mis-selling.

Regards

Margaret and Stuart Graham

##End##

The post Police Scotland Delay Action Against Office appeared first on Colin Marr.

“Unbelievably today is 6 years since Colin is not with us . We really appreciate all the people who have taken the time to remember this sad day .

We have been quiet for some time now and it is time to share some of the areas that we are still pursuing.

Strathclyde police have identified that Colin was in an abusive relationship, there were no drugs issue and there was no evidence of him being suicidal. This is totally contradictory to what Fife Police have consistently pursued.

The Crown Office have confirmed that today Colin’s death is of a highly suspicious nature and will remain an open case. However Fife Police have remained an obstacle and will not admit the extent of their failings.

Among the many failings in this case it appears that it is ok for Fife police to hide the now accepted domestic abuse perpetrated upon Colin and hide this. For a senior officer to actually state the opposite of the known facts and share an alternative view with key people and not yet be deemed criminal or negligent by police or crown leaves us feeling how little value there is for human life within our justice system.

So we are still pursuing the officer and the fiscal responsible who have misled , lied and miscarried the truth behind Colin’s death. We will pursue till the end”.

The post Colin Marr – 6 Year Anniversary – 10th July 2013 appeared first on Colin Marr.

We will be meeting with Jamie from the Hillfield Swifts on a regular basis and keep you up to date with what is going on.

Thanks,

Chris.

The post Colin Marr Football Festival – Postponing Until August appeared first on Colin Marr.