Collage of Thoughts

The Silent Pillow

2012-08-11T12:44:00.002-07:00

The eternal sorrow of a broken heart,
a beaten mind an' a forgotten smile.
Holding it deep inside, the eyes can still tell,
hiding it long inside, a time when you fell.

The unfinished turmoil that continues,
with months passing by into years,
For a peace that no longer dwells,
Only laughter seals the fears.

The blinding truth that hurts to unravel,
It's better unknown, it's better left alone,
Grieving over sorrows untold,
She lay down softly on her pillow.

Rusty Spade

2012-06-05T00:03:00.000-07:00

Bring back the memories
Bring back the worries
'Cause that's the only way
I'll know i'm alive

Cut me with a blade
Dig me a grave
Bury me despite the cries
Yeah! Dust that rusty spade

Am alive when i'm dead
A requiem keeps playing in my head
Am alive when i'm dead
A requiem keeps playing in my head

Drown my empty life
What's it good for anymore?
Burn my heart in coal
What's it going to hold?

Cut me with a blade
Dig me a grave
Bury me despite the cries
Yeah! Dust that rusty spade

Am alive when i'm dead
A requiem keeps playing in my head
Am alive when i'm dead
My silence will tell
what's not being said.

Image courtesy:
http://www.everythingblog.net/2011/09/14/gravestones/

Who's praying?

2011-06-17T00:24:00.000-07:00

Wishes in the air, passing me by,

I can hear them cry, i can hear them laugh a while,

A token of love, my knees surrender to the ground,

It's a new feeling of submission unknown.

For there are weak hearts praying far away,

For there are strong souls treading the way,

A whirl of words spinning in my head,

Letting tears roll down, the pain unsaid.

Bruised knees, healed heart,

Clairvoyance as a crystal ball,

The smell of flowers nearby,

Invokes the greatness from small.

Wishes in the air, now fades out,

I can't hear them cry, I can't hear them shout,

A token of peace, my feet remains rooted,

It's a seed of faith i just planted.

The Undoing

2011-04-04T23:11:00.000-07:00

Standing at the departures among a crowd at the airport, she held onto her handkerchief, covering her face, hiding her tears, concealing her love. He whispered that it was time for him to go back, go away, go... It seemed like it was just yesterday he had held her in his arms and said he would be there for her till the end. He had it all figured out from the beginning but didn’t have the heart to say it to her. She cried thinking about it, thinking how she planned to change his mind though she knew he won’t stay here for long. But reality was standing there, waiting to take off. He kissed her hands and tussled her hair, conveying that he wanted to part as friends. He felt it was better to walk away in silence because his words won’t be of any use at that moment, they won’t be answers to anything then.She closed her eyes for those minutes of self-destruction, as if it would help the feeling disappear from sight and her mind. When she opened them, he was gone. No point in waiting, no point in telling herself she can change the moment for the better. She had to accept that reality can sometimes break you into pieces that can never be glued again. It can rip you apart and ridicule the situation too. Changing her mind was all that she could do. Changing her heart, well... it will have to mend itself.

What's cooking?

2010-04-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

We all look for answers… answers to ease our pain, to erase our doubts and to emancipate ourselves. But then often time we forget the question in the process.

How well do you know yourself to actually question yourself? It takes jus’ the same no. of years as your age to know the ingredients that made ‘you’, but the recipe is still incomplete. Let yourself be salted and peppered a lil’ and tossed up a little, it will only make you more appetizing in the end!

From the very beginning, it is a matter of chance and not choice but once you have figured out the cuisine you would like to be, leave it to the ones around you, the ones you meet, the ones that fight with you, the ones that love you, the ones who jus’ are sticking their noses in your life… to add their share to the recipe – YOU! It will be a marvel at the end but you may not really live that long to taste yourself. That’s altogether a different story.

In the end, you leave no choice for yourself, unlike others who can ditch the dish or dig the dish but you got to eat it all! The only thing you can do is make it worthwhile ‘cooking you’ and be a treat to those who stick around till the end to savor you and your qualities. It may seem like too long now, but the lil’ things that add up to your uniqueness are varied and nice to relish.

Life is made up of a little sweet, sour, spicy, bitter and salty things… it’s not rare to find them repeating but its only bad to miss out on any of these. Let yourself be cooled when spiced out, baked when softened too much… Afteral, your life is still cooking YOU!

Bon Appetit!!

That moment

2010-03-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

Your eyes tend to shut tight no matter how hard you try, there’s no way you gonna be able to see the time on that clock. Waking up in the middle of the night is like having to step into darkness with no clue where you are. I am quite familiar with that.

What you will need then, is a machine to say you are sane, you are alive, and you are in a safe place. But it doesn’t sound like something that can happen in real life, YOU need to jus’ feel right… no devices, no machines, no nothing to keep a check on reality for you. At that moment all you want to know is where you are and how safe are you.

Bring yourself up and a moment’s trick to get you staring hard at the clock. Yeah, it’s way past your bedtime, way ahead your snooze ring. A little bell rings in your head. You needed this ‘some’ time to wake up… wake up into the conscience, into your thoughts. To wake up is not easy, especially when it’s in the wee hours of life breaking moments.

Stay awake for just a bit more and you can clearly see the horizon of just about everything meeting everything. That’s the moment you rather, we all have been waiting to and not wanting to see. Open wide those veiled eyes and you are being born into the deeper self. Right when you seem to get a fair picture, the machine in your head goes ‘beep beep, it’s time to wake up from conscience back to reality.

Close your eyes now. Close from all the muddled up judgments you made and close in on the night. The seconds hand ticks away, ticking away your horizons of truth. Your eyes try to shut back, bouncing curtains with no hidden agenda. Get back into that temporal coma called ‘sleep’ , you will always know when your phone alarm will ring unlike the one in your head that’s waiting to go off at another right moment jus’ like this, when Life calls!

~Broken Wings!~

2009-02-21T11:13:00.000-08:00

Broken wings, held togeth’r with shoe strings,

Who am I kidding? Man! This ain’t the only thing

Drunken moon riding the storm

Waving good bye as stars shine…

Tied up too tight, not able to fly

Well…mending my wings wont do anything!

Gone way beyond, only left are thorns…

Picking them one by one ...will it heal the wound?

Breakin walls… breakin heart…

I wanna fly where there’s no warrrr!!!!

Bandages won’t come off so easily…

Now that the thorns are strong…

Churning out misery as days go by,

Scrollin back to where it all started

Answers to a million questions

Are…Blank blank and more sigh!

Feathers grow, but now iron instead,

Fallin was never this quick… my friend!

Drunken moon riding the storm

Waving good bye as stars smile….

Breakin walls… breakin heart…

I wanna fly where there’s no warrrr!!!!

Bandages won’t come off so easily…

Now that the thorns are strong…

No war…no war…my friend

Easy with the broken wings…

Thorns need to be picked one by one

Answer’s not the gun!!!

~* A sight of plight! *~

2008-12-05T12:06:00.000-08:00

A busy street, bustling with sounds of horns from vehicles - small to big, zooming past the petty shops stacked on the sides. Alongside the road...almost invisible to the fast moving people, a black sintex tank sits on the the pavement. Making it hard to say it's truly black, many layers of posters are stuck on it..newly released movies..heroine's head cut..hero's face torn, hardly one can make out the movie's name. Next to this tank.. a few meters away.. an electric box, locked and painted with a danger sign on it. As if ironically, there's an innocent looking young boy, sitting on the stone slab that bases the box.

He should be around 13-14 years of age, but seems younger than that as he surprises the passer-bys with his child-like gestures and behavior. Dressed in only a pair of 'Khaki' colored trousers, mixed with the dust and dirt, displaying different shades of brown. Torn on the sides, mistaken for pockets, the only piece of clothing that seems to be his cover. His bare chest, patted lavishly with the ' Powder of the Poor', that's to say the mud and the soil. He doesn't give a pleasing sight.. maybe that's why no one notices this loner! Sitting day and night in the same place, hardly visible to the hurrying people on the roads.

He sits on the bench, one leg carelessly hanging and the other placed upright, knees bent on the bench. Looking up into the vast blue sky, chanting a 'prayer' like something in a language only he seems to understand. Not steady for a minute, his eyes glistening with unconscious tears, move so fast like a black coin on a carom board. He then shifts his attention back to the roads, points his finger at someone...anyone...or actually no one and starts talking to 'them'. He has no regret, no embarrassment in gaining incredible momentary attention as he jumps up from his almost statued position, to stand on the middle of the pavement, startling the pedestrians with shock. Unmindful of being a hindrance to these mundane masses' way, he goes round and round and round on his weak legs, now shaking.. predicting a fall anytime. Dizzy now, he sits back on the bench, resuming another position, now almost still, only to fool yet another set of unaware people who walk past him. He sits there in silence, a firm gaze on the speeding vehicles, his eyes imitating a slow pendulum, his lips slightly parted to reveal a set of crooked teeth… lips swollen making it a little hard to remain closed, his hands perched on his bruised knees, occasionally rubbing the non-existent itch on his face.
No one dares to interfere, as he is lost completely in his own world, a solitude so precious, a language only familiar to him, innocently fighting a battle to live, carelessly living in this care forgotten world, a soldier in his own terms, fighting an almost dying battle, this boy is a Survivor...but a prisoner of his sickness!!

That thing called LOVE!

2008-06-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

LOVE …
LOVE…????
In this world of pain, hurt, treachery, hatred, vengeance….it does exist! Love exists…passes through every little hurdle…and survives….survives to know that it can change the whole world. Such is the greatness of this simple emotion, which can’t be defined in one concept. It brings together hearts, melting even the strongest of boulders, yet all this is done silently and stealthily.

To love a person takes a great deal of courage, for it is just not another emotion that you can get over with or you can control or you can just calm it down….Love involves attachment, caring, intimacy, passion, bonding and most importantly, it involves that fragile thing –TRUST, which is the base for the commitment in love! Well, am not trying to scare anyone here, but then those who know of friendship, will know of love, and will know of what am talking about. Love is the exchange of your mind with another, your heart with another. It is tricky, risky, and unpredictable than most complicated of transplantations. You can’t explain why you fall in love with someone. As many say, opposites attract, but it can also mean you like that someone because they are similar to you in many ways. Whatever be the case, love happens…it jus does!!

Love doesn’t see time, caste, creed, status, and religion; it doesn’t see anything at all when it first comes. I am not really sure of love at first sight, but then the first sight can be the start of something. It’s the attraction that takes the priority in this case. But when it comes to a strong bonding for a long-term relationship, the priorities are different. You might have been friends with a person for a really long time, but gradually you realize the emotion has changed and you are ‘in love’ with this person. How can it be? How can this happen? Well, let me try telling you what I think. You like this person for some reason, the good vibes, and the similar likes and dislikes, the way you guys can initiate a conversation from thin air, etc. Unconsciously your mind reads them thoroughly; it taps into them, their personality, their character, evaluating the chances of being more than friends. You end up penetrating deep, loving them all the while, and finally reach the core… and there you find the most unexplainable rush,

you are in love, in love with this person, in love with this heart… this soul!

Now you all must be floating in this feeling, for it would have rung a thousand bells in your head by now. So let me just touch on yet another thing…. True love…True love?? What is that? …. I don’t really believe when someone says my love is true. It is so clichéd. Do they really know if it’s true? Can they prove to the world their love is different from others? Will their love conquer all????

Oh…. True love is not really what people call ‘true love’. It can never be defined. Everyone has their own definitions. But the truth is, it’s far more than you can define, far more than anyone can feel, too good to be on earth, it’s simply magic…

You might say all these are YOUR definitions…so what?? I still defined the one thing no one can really define… LOVE….

Monsoon Moods

2007-06-30T04:17:00.000-07:00

"Past is Past!"....we have heard many say this... but then, it cant be that way always. Still, most of us hate thinkin of our past, many fear it may repeat again, many still live a dreadful life in the memories of the PAST! What is it that makes it soooo HARD to forget the PAST? ? i have been in a situation wher day and night, i think of my past...not cause i LOVE it but 'cause it wont leave me alone! The waves of my past lash on my mind's shore... bringin wit it the things i don wanna remember again...the things i fear ... the things that bring pain!...I get up every morning wit the same thought on my mind, and when i go to bed.. it lingers ...and stays even in my dreams!! what was i to do? every time it comes.. i cry and fall back..i succumb to its emotions! I couldn help myself out of it! The past memories...was bringin up, in me, an unsettled anger, disgust & hatered, a disbelief... i wanted answers, i wanted many ANSWERS...but i knew i wont get them.. so what should i do to save myself from fallin into this useless deep pit again and again??! I decided... PAST shouldn change my PRESENT AND FUTURE! i wont let it..."i WILL try to forget or atleast hold back the waves from hittin my heart's shore!" i learned to hold it back, i engaged myself in work i love..i tried listenin to MUSIC-A MIRACULOUS MAGICIAN!, i did things that eased the pain, i pursued my faith,i did things i enjoyed..which made me happy and put a SMILE on everyone's face(includin me)..but STILL it haunted me from time to time... OH...!! Well, it started helpin me realise that i was becomin a strong-willed person, i was able to fight it...although it was tough in the beginin...i soon learned! TIME does really heal, the wounds...the 'scars'!! ...though i know i will break down again now when i go back to my past memories, i am quick in shuttin the past from appearin! it does sneak its ugly head once or twice when i am happy and unmindful of it ..but i am now EMOTIONALLY STRONG enough to push it right back in...i can control it...I HAVE THE POWER OVER MY PAST!!...i only LAUGH now, lookin at how i was... and i wonder * how much i have changed from my PAST.....SOOOO FAST!!! :)

~* L' Amour *~

2007-06-15T08:17:00.000-07:00

Together we learned,
Lessons at college,
Lessons of life!
Shared little secrets,
Dealt with many regrets,
Had the hardest of strife!

Through pain, through gain,
Mountains of strain,
Life was so sweet,
‘Coz your love always rained!

Comfort & guidance,
Understanding every sound of our hearts’ silence!
We stood by each other,
This relation will fly even higher!

Hearts may break, Words may fake,
We may make a million mistakes,
But through it all,
Our strength won’t fall!
This magic called Love, this little fairy tale,
Will keep on growing happily ever after!!

"Ouch!"

2007-06-11T00:53:00.000-07:00

HURT! The word by itself leaves a scar on our lips.. imagine this word being put to use! i know that this world is not made of dreams that come true, faith that works fast, love that never dies!! But i still hate to think that i am right! Well, hurt, hurting and being hurt are all the same. It inflicts pain on one who gives it in and the one who gets it. As youngsters, the only hurt we can relate to is 'LOVE HURTS'! Love does hurt, i agree, it hurts more than a physical blow from the strongest guy in your college! it hurts more than a high fall from a tallest place, more than DEATH! why? ..i hav no idea, but it sure does some good to us. we learn a lot, we discover emotions that was locked for long!we know who we are and how to cope with the reality of being hurt mentally!!! But the truth is, Life is full of this **** .. we cant escape the pain, we need to take in the hurt and analyse the truth we get from the pain! I know i sound a bit lame, but you will soon understand what i mean. We all know hurt is all around us, we know we will be hurt sooner or later, but what we can do is, we can decide which hurt is worth takin in and analyzing!Think about it, after all, my words would have rung a thousand bells in your head by now!

Maskin` it!

2007-06-10T06:14:00.000-07:00

Well..let me get straight to it...we all wear masks..(not literally)..we tend to change it from time to time.We don't intentionally do it, but the situation and circumstances just demand us to.We wear a lot of masks to portray us as someone sweet or rude or innocent or decent, snobbish, social, friendly, trust worthy..etc the list jus goes on and on..Can we really do anything about this?? ...i am afraid not! it has become an essential necessity for our everyday survival.I guess we will all look ugly and scary when we tear down our 'human masks!! Our real face is not yet seen by any..or do we really have one to show?