A post! On a Saturday! What the whaaaa? Sure, I try to keep it regular but I just had an idea, as it is 5:05 am, I’m messing around on Facebook, prepping blog posts, and writing. I don’t know if it is necessarily healthy to burn the midnight oil, day in and day out. I had a couple drinks (see phone on the right), I worked on a summer schedule (not done with it), I wrote a pretty interesting story that explores the same damn theme I always explore (Junot Diaz does that but, well, he’s Junot Diaz. He’s allowed) but in a different way, messed around on Facebook (this is not good. I just scroll the newsfeed like a zombie. This MUST stop). I need to stop this. I just had a milestone birthday. I am getting older (not 40. No. Not that). I run around like a chicken with my head cut off, I stay up really late, a lot, doing nothing but browsing the web and reading articles I find. I am not 25 (even though when I was 25 what I do now was not possible). Burning the midnight oil isn’t a healthy thing to do but I have always been drawn to the night, for a very long time at least.

I write my best at night. When I get up during the day I am on a sleep med hangover and don’t do anything. It is almost like I am frozen during the day. I just pace my apartment or browse social sites on my phone (I’m looking at YOU Reddit). I’ve got to switch this around, for my health, for my sanity. I love the romanticism of the fevered writer in the night, pounding keys, writing works of brilliance. But it is wearing on me. I sleep after going to bed at 4 am and get up at 3 pm and I feel like shit. Then I don’t do anything until the night arrives.

So this weekend it is about setting the clock right. This evening I will finish my summer schedule, go to bed by 10 (I am going on a photo walk at 9:15 am) get up at 7 and and get back to basics. The night writer romanticism is so yesterday.

 

I let a woman who we will call Minx DeLovely read an alpha/beta of my novel. She loved it, suggested edits, and let me know that she didn’t like my main character but that my main character was extremely real and that kept her reading. That was what I was aiming for- no character should be perfect, and Amber, my main character is tragic and isn’t certain she will survive her youth to heal from her past. She really doesn’t want to, but forges on anyway.

And I guess that’s what makes her relatable, if not likable, the fact that despite the pain and anguish and feeble attempts at stopping everything, she moves forward, unhinged, unaware, but desperate. Desperation makes people survive during the most harrowing times.

My antagonist, is the opposite. Sure, she isn’t too keen on life but she thrives on the attention she receives and stops at nothing to continue receiving it, no matter who it hurts. That’s the basis of Histrionic Personality Disorder and it is etched in every fiber of her being. She cannot stop, for if she does, she stops feeling, being. A holy hot mess. She, too, is unlikable but she is real, not just in the sense that she really exist but because sometimes the bullshit stops long enough for her to emote and when she emotes you can connect with her, try to see from the edges of her world. At least I hope that comes through. She isn’t evil, she’s troubled, just like every kid in the novel.

So. Plenty of mentally ill characters out there but I hope to have distinguished mine from the pack by making them real and relatable. Stay tuned!

 

Searching around on the internet, I was trying to find true stories of people with the illness, for you to get their perspective. I found some good information and stories. One story bugged the shit out of me, however, because of the vitriol coming from the poster of the story, clearly stigmatizing all Borderlines, that they will not recover, that, if you’re in a relationship with a Borderline female, get out, etc. This article did not take into consideration many males are Borderlines as well. Still, the article is a good example of Borderline Bashing that since going on my research journey, I’ve come across plenty of times on the interwebs.

I found some inspiring stories of people with BPD and some that are still suffering. One woman found that faith has helped her cope with symptoms.

In my novel that I am writing I try to convey the heaviness of the illness as well as some of the stigma surrounding it. The reason I didn’t go heavy handed on the staff abuse was because it is already heavy and somber. Amber is a Borderline and is aware of this but only on the surface. Her frienemy Briana is also a mixture of personality disorders. Most of the kids in the book suffer from some kind of behavioral or personality disorder, as many of young adults then and now are being diagnosed as such, sometimes without merit. Medication helps because sometimes a Borderline has a concurring illness such as Bipolar or Dysthymia (major depression).

Borderlines are popular targets for the media and the interwebs. Have you heard any BPD horror stories? You can leave them in the comments. Looking forward to it.

 

A writer without books is like a musician without an instrument, totally foreign and completely unacceptable. How do we learn to hone our craft than by reading the people that came before us and our contemporaries, good books, meh books, and bad books alike?

So from now on I’m going to be posting my monthly haul. I can only shop for books for my bookshelves once a month until I get into the school I am hoping to get into, as the free bus pass for communting will save me a lot of money. Then, once I free up some cash, I’ll do bi-weekly “Book Haul” posts.

So what have I got for April (which is almost over)? From the top left: The Dead Sea Scrolls- always looking for knowledge on religious topics, despite being an atheist. It is said that atheists know more of the bible than Christians. I want to be THAT atheist. It was written by a couple of scholars who I don’t know the names of off the bat.

2. The Dead Sea Scrolls Deception- I saw this at the library (where I get most of my hauls- $.50 paperback, $1 for trade paperbacks is an AWESOME find for poor people and I thought it would be a great companion or supplement to The Dead Sea Scrolls.

3. The Paris Wife- by Paula McClain which is about the great ladies man, Ernest Hemingway’s wife, well, one of them anyway. Hemingway was a handsome, strapping, if not chauvinistic man with great machismo to back up his talk. Seems he was always married, never alone for very long, and the ending of his life or near the end seems the most intriguing to me. I’m trying to gain insight into this heavily anthologized heavyweight, with the journalistic, clipped prose I am trying to no longer emulate.

4. Some lit journals like old issues of Prairie Schooner, The Antioch Review, and The Indiana Review, just trying to see what kind of prose they’re after so I can submit.

5. Invisible Man- by Ralph Ellison. Battle Royale, the opening scene. Need I say more? (I have the ebook, it was one of the first I bought when I got my NookColor in 2011, just want to have it in print. One of my favorite intellectuals and writers).

6. The Bluest Eye- Toni Morrison. This book means a lot to me as a black woman in ways I can’t say here. Well written, very sad, but meaningful. I also bought this as an ebook but wanted it in print.

The Indiana Review as mentioned before.

7. America, America- by Ethan Canin. Just trying to discover new literary writers I haven’t heard of before.

8. The Blood of Flowers- by Anita Amirrezvani. Another gem hidden at the library, a historical fiction novel in the lit fic section but still worth picking up.

9. The Sports Writer- by Richard Ford. I heard he won a Pulitzer. I see you wincing. Stop that! Just curious to see what makes a novel Pulitzer worthy. I promise.

All those books for under the price of trade paperback- $11. Money well spent if I do say so myself. What’s on your shelves?

Posted from WordPress for Android

 

So. If you’re anything like me and live in a small town with very little to offer you culturally, with very little substance and lots of idiosyncracies that end up on the news 10 times a night, then you long for a place to share your passion for writing, art, photography, etc; to talk about the joys of writing your first draft, the pain of getting rejected time and time again. You can always talk to your friends and family, who if they’re anything like mine and most people are, will just give you a loving nod and pretend to be interested. Very few people get the need and fervent passion a writer feels when in the moment and after.

One good thing to do is get to a writing group. I found one in Pittsburgh will I will be moving because ultimately that should be your first choice. Nothing like making friends with people in the here and now.

But say you’re in my current situation. No one really cares about writing and if they do and they meet the groups are hardly sustained and fall by the wayside quickly. Such is small town life. If you’re in need of encouragement, commiseration, or a swift kick and the pants, then Absolute Write Water Cooler is your place. I don’t go there often because school and the move have limited my time in the forums I’m in (I know I know, “I don’t have time” is the adult equivalent of “my dog ate my homework”) but when I’ve gone the camaraderie is unmatched. I have lamented over having nice rejections! and have gotten encouragement and also the swift kick my whiny butt needed. You can show them your work in the Write 1 Sub 1 board, talk off topic in some of the other boards, there are boards for every major genre (even mine, literary, whatever that means), just passionate writers of all levels and of a wide range of publishing credits, from novels, to freelancing, to flash fiction, it’s all there at The Water Cooler as us hep cats in the know call it.

With every forum and board system there are some drawbacks. Trolls, being the number one problem, flared tempers when the critique you’ve given is misinterpreted as a personal attack (and sometimes it is but more than likely not), etc but this is an ailment of every forum. MacAllister Stone who runs the forum does a good job of putting the smack down on trolls and the moderators do a fantastic job or cooling flare ups and assessing egos. It’s my favorite site on the web pertaining to writing. Period.

There are over 50,000 people and growing at The Water Cooler. If you’re feeling brave and need a place to go to get out your frustrations or just want laughs, sign up. We don’t bite.

 

I’ve done it and won. You get a nice little certificate and a halo around your name in the WriMo site. You also get crazy discounts on software, such as Scrivener, the best writing software known to man (on Windows and Mac). But more than that, you get a sense of community, crazy introverts striving for one common goal- writing a 50,000 word novel, 1667 words a day for 30 days.

If you’re regularly trolling the internet, in writing forums, writing blogs, and podcasts, there are tons of opinions on NaNo ranging from the, “it primes you to write a big heaping pile of shit you turn into agents and we (agents, publishers) don’t want/can’t handle your arrogant writer shit heaps (or something like that)” to, “OMG! Are you going to NaNo? It’s the greatest thing EVAR!! You binge on coffee and Red Bull, stay up past 3 am and word battle with other brave writers all over the world!! What’s not to like?”

Both takes on it are true, however hyperbolic I made them. You do produce a heaping pile of shit. It is a great community. But sorting through all the negativity and downright saccharine affection for it can be daunting.

So here they are! The Pros and Cons of NaNoWriMo as I see them, someone who would definitely be willing to participate again when I get to grad school and writing is all I’ll be doing.

Pros

1. Community. It’s one of the best communities on the internet next to Absolute Write Water Cooler (a post on them will soon follow). All of you know the sorrow and joy and crankiness of trying to pump out words in 30 days. It’s a shame it only lasts for 30 days (a little longer for the forums but not too much longer). Take advantage of it, if you choose.

2. Structure. I needed that to finish my novel. I started writing a novel I had been planning for two whole years and used the time off school and NaNoWriMo to get it done. If you are committed, it teaches you about deadlines, commitment, and sacrifice, which are some of the things the most successful writers have a handle on.

3. Practice. The only way one gets better is to write. All the time, write. It can be crapola. It doesn’t matter. Write it down, go over it, see what you can do to get better. Erin Morgenstern’s NaNo novel got sold with that caveat that she put a shit ton of editing behind it. Maybe yours can too.

Cons

1. You write a shitty novel….that you submit right away, without any editing. New writers are prone to this. I remember being a young(er) writer than I am now and feeling that if I had to revise my work, I had no real genius at all. It took a beating of my ego to turn me into the proper direction. Whatever you do young writers, don’t. Do. That. Revise.

2. Family, friends, coworkers are generally ignored for a whole month. While this isn’t a really bad thing it can be. It’s part of the writing life, writers know this. But sometimes it takes a while to soothe bruised feelings

These are a few of my pros and cons. Come up with your own if you’re doing it, in the comments. Love to hear from you.

 

You stalk your inbox, your mailbox hoping and wishing. A week goes by. Two. A month. Three months. Six, all the while you can’t think about anything else, just your publication, your riches, your success.

Then! The “You’ve Got Mail” old AOL chime on your Gmail gadget (yes, I have that on my Win7 Gmail gadget) comes in. You walk calmly over to your desk, sit down, open up the mail from [insert publisher/agent/lit mag here] and you read,

“Dear [your name]

Thank you for your interest in Haughty Lit Mag Magazine. While we read your story Will You Please Publish Me, Please? with interest we did not select it for publication. We receive many worthy stories that we have to say no to, so take heart. We encourage you to keep writing and keep us in mind.

Thank you,

Laughing editor”

You close the lid on your laptop and weep bitter tears into your coffee/vodka/rum and coke.

What do you do with something like that? How do you get over it? You finish your rum and coke and get back to writing. It is a lesson I’m sure everyone knows but has a hard time executing, especially when form rejections start piling up for a story you love and cherish like a fat jolly baby. But you do. You write and revise that story, conjure up new ones, send them out, get rejected, repeat. And, if you’ve honed your craft enough, been persistent enough, that one “You’ve Got Mail” chime will come in and that, “We loved your story, “The Confident Writer Takes a Shot”. We are happy to inform you we want to buy your story for publication”. You will spill your rum and coke, call your mom and best friend and anyone who may not care but will listen, you’ll promote the hell out of it on your blog and other social media. Then you’ll do it all over again.

Such is the writing life.

 

I’ve done a lot over the summer- taken up running the Couch 2 5K, bicycling, WRITING. I actually busted out a couple of stories and sent them out. More on that in another post.

This post will be brief just letting you all know I’m back and to, yes, promote the site http://www.meetup.com/. I have found tons of groups in my new city and a thriving writers group out there. I’m in ten meetups (photography, writing, shyness, atheism, free things to do, bicycling, basketball, coffee shop get-togethers and a few other ones I will not name because of the sensitive nature of the meetups). I will meet new people Johnny on the spot and that excites me. Coming from a place where no one gets me, where I feel completely isolated to being surrounded by like minds. Does it get any better when you move to a new city? I advise anyone who is going to move to check the site out and search for interests in your city.

What have you guys been up to? Anything?

 

Why? First off, let me say that all my characters are and were real people, people who I loved and spent copious amounts of time with, getting into trouble, saving and being loved and let down by. It isn’t a memoir, so it is a dangerous thing to do, write a novel based on true events. But I was inspired by Sylvia Plath. And so it goes.

Anyway, why wouldn’t I want to spend time with them again? I would. I would really love to spend time with them again, trying to answer the age old questions of youth. But we were young. 18 and dumb and broken and wounded, a handful of hope to pass around between us, and as you can guess it wasn’t enough.

I have found one of the main characters on the web and Facebook (and unfortuately on mugshots.com) and I have reached out. But the person is a grifter, a gypsy, drugging and drinking at will and getting sober and staying with friends and then not. I hope to god the person is alive- hasn’t been seen on the web in two years and I have called the numbers I have but nothing. I lament this fact, but it is a good thing.

I have spent enough time with these characters as I bent them and misshaped them into weird fractions of themselves so if they see themselves and recognize themselves they’ll scratch their heads and wonder, “Is it really?”. I’ve loved them and loathed them through this process, I’ve grieved them too. Would I really want to go through all that again and not be able to escape?

We attach ourselves to our characters, even if they aren’t real. I believe that this is a good thing, cathartic as we base our characters off of some part of ourselves we cannot tackle consciously or we base them off of real people like I have done. I personally believe that all the time you spend writing the damn thing is all the time you need to spend with your characters. I know it was a fun question, but it got me thinking. When I am done with this book, I am putting the characters away until they creep up in my thoughts when I am lonely or sad and then I’ll put them away again, where they’ll stay for as long as I can keep them in between the walls of forgotten memories.

What say you, mis auteurs? How long do you keep your characters with you after you write them, shape them, mold them into who they are? Do you write them, edit them and forget them or are they too important to you to do that?

The ultimate character stuck inside the proverbial book:

Will Ferrell in Stranger Than Fiction

 

I had really never read literary fiction until I took a creative writing class. My professor knew I had lit scholar potential and encouraged me to read a few books of literary short stories and books. I picked up Best American Short Stories 2008 and was blown away by the quality of the writing and themes. I had never written like that but knew it was worth a shot.

So I picked up more and more literary novels. I didn’t always “get” what I was reading or understand the themes and techniques but the more classes I took, the better I got at writing and reading literary fiction.

There was a moment not too long ago, a moment of life introspection where I realized that I had a morality outside of being a Christian or religious person (staunch atheist, proud of it) and I felt like I could move people beyond their clandestine lives and into the stratosphere of introspection and effect change. Change a life. That’s all I really felt I had.

So the noble thing to do was write serious fiction because only serious fiction can help, can change a life.

But then after talking to a few writers, who write all genres, I thought about it some more. At the end of the day, if you can write something so well that it transports someone to another time and place, and they are safe in that moment, outside of their reality because their reality is wrought with abuse, sadness, or just stress, then as a writer you’ve done your job. It doesn’t matter, really, what genre it is. You’ve just helped that person off of the ledge. And that is all anyone of us, as writers, can really ask of ourselves. To believe enough in what we are doing that we write it well enough, transfer our intentions to the page, light an emotion inside our reader, takes them away, or in my case, takes them away and makes them think, challenges them. Whatever you write, you have to believe you are doing something worthwhile, regardless of if you’re the next Twilight or the next The Road, because if you don’t, the reader will know it and your book will fail and fall flat on that nice dust jacket from the bookshelf.

Are you confident in what you write or are you wishy washy and timid? I am both at times, and that’s okay. Just don’t stay stuck on the wishy washy part of it. That can kill a career dead.