In today’s always-on, ever-connected world, the bad things are swiftly and broadly distributed and repeated (retweeted?) and amplified by the media to the point that they can, and do, become an assault on the sensibilities of people. 

Way “back in the day”, circa 1980 when the 24/7 news reporting cycle was introduced, it seemed like such a novel idea. I’m not so sure anymore. Keeping the attention of the public for “news” 24/7/365 — with so many full time outlets — I imagine the pressure for sensationalism and inherent biases that speak to those most likely to listen to “our” point of view must be as intense as it is unrelenting (ratings and advertising fees?). 

Feed the beast

“News”, such as it is, is amplified by social media — and vice versa — to create a complicated and incessant stream of information, misinformation and disinformation into the public area.

Consider four key points: 1) Our society has created a beast that needs continual feeding—24/7/365 and the beast needs to keep your attention. 2) In the “news” business, including social media, everyone is trying to be the first to tell THE story. “First” is rarely complete and fully accurate, whether good or bad. 3) Bad things get more attention than good things. 4) Billions of dollars of ad revenue, based on viewership, are at stake. What could go wrong? 

Bad things have happened

• We have had/are having a pandemic. Some people have been very sick and the most vulnerable among them have not survived.
• Much of the country has been on lockdown for several months. People are tired and frustrated.
• Approximately 40 million people are out of work and got there suddenly and without warning. They are scared and angry.
• Our economy has taken a terrible hit. It will be hard to recover.
• Our country is politically and culturally divided like I have not seen in my lifetime. There’s no discourse or conversation anymore.
• A man is dead and a video of his death has triggered social unrest and violence like we have not experienced since the late 1960’s.

Triggered

There are always some eager to make things worse. Protests (a usually organized public demonstration of disapproval), are a protected and even encouraged form of free speech. Many (most?) of them have turned into or spawned riots, a violent offense against public order. Like an unlawful assembly, a riot involves a gathering of persons for an illegal purpose. In contrast to an unlawful assembly, however, a riot involves violence. 

React or respond?

Triggering? What’s going on here? I can’t tell you exactly what has happened but after more than three decades of working with executives in a wide variety business situations, economic realities and unexpected events, I have some ideas.

• Emotional catharsis — Aristotle coined the term catharsis to describe the release of emotional tension that he believed spectators experienced while watching dramatic tragedy. Today, the word “catharsis” can be used in reference to any experience of emotional release or cleansing. It can feel good to “let it all out.” In fact, in counseling, psychotherapists seek “a cathartic experience” for their patients. In counseling, not on the streets. Have we not had sufficient amounts of emotional build-up so far this year?

• Blame – According to Dr. Brené Brown blame can be a little bit of a cathartic experience. She said, “You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.” Any blame running amuck across our media and social platforms?

• Useful innocents — In his 1947 book, Planned Chaos, Austrian-American economist Ludwig von Mises notes the term “useful innocents” was used by Communists for liberals, whom von Mises describes as “confused and misguided sympathizers”. In literature, an audience is far more likely to have a cathartic experience if they form a strong attachment to—or identification with—the characters. There are those who take advantage of this literary device as a human enlistment strategy. Useful innocents experience the same emotions that the character is experiencing. The “audience” shares in the character’s experience. Their reaction provides the release of emotional tension.

Reaction is instant. Your unconscious mind is running things when you say or do something “without thinking”. It is driven by some cocktail of the beliefs, biases, history, and prejudices stored in the unconscious. Reaction is based on “right now” and does not consider the long-term impacts of what you say or do.

Response develops more slowly. The conscious and unconscious are together on this. Response is much more considerate and healthy, for you and others. Stephen Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People said, “Every human has four endowments – self-awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom… The power to choose, to respond, to change.”

Chose to not pay The Dumb Tax

The reality is that bad things happen to everyone. Everyone. 

Sooner or later something bad is going to cross your path. Try not to make it worse.

When you’re confronted with circumstances that stir you into action, ask yourself, “Is there something I can do to improve the situation, or at least not make it worse?”

In his book The Road Less Stupid, Keith J. Cunningham says The Dumb Tax is the price you pay, one way or the other, for not weighing the alternatives and thinking about what could go wrong (2nd, 3rd, even 4th order consequences) and whether or not you’re prepared to accept those consequences.

He says, “Emotions and intellect work inversely. When emotions go up, intellect goes down.

With a little effort a shift took place, from our initial collective focus on neutralizing the threat and protecting our people, to a broader set of varied focus points with their own individual — versus collective — results in mind.

The shift was gradual and then all of a sudden. “Blamesmanship” has not only entered the discourse but has already shifted into high gear. The original focus of neutralizing the threat and protecting our people seems to have become a cliché (“we’re all in this together”), or worse, a gossamer thin veil to wrap around and disguise special interests, many of which have nothing to do with neutralizing the threat of the pandemic or protecting our people. 

I am still amazed at my mother’s brilliance at how there is nothing so bad that, with a little effort, can’t be made worse.

In Other Words…

“No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.” ― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

“That’s one of the remarkable things about life. It’s never so bad that it can’t get worse.” ― Bill Watterson

“There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress

“There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

In The Word…

“But no one puts a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from the garment, and a worse tear results.” –Matthew 9:16

Unfortunately, being stupid is easier these days than ever before. But before I get into that, let’s establish some meaning on the topic. Being stupid, or stupidity, in my mind was always the opposite of, or lack of, intelligence. I have been known to think or say, “That was stupid” or “I was stupid” or “They are stupid”. Frankly, I never thought about it very much, if at all. It’s not a moniker or description I prefer to use frequently. It has a “fixed-ness” to it.

My thinking changed recently when I came across a definition of stupidity by Adam Robinson: “Stupidity is overlooking or dismissing conspicuously crucial information.”

Let’s look at that again: the information is conspicuous (it’s obvious to the eye or to the mind; it’s right under our noses) and it’s crucial (it’s important, perhaps very important; we should not ignore it) and yet somehow we miss it or dismiss it. Wow.

That’s stupid.

How does stupidity happen?

Robinson describes seven factors that contribute to stupidity. All seven do not have to be present in order to trigger stupidity; one is sufficient.

• Rushing or urgency
• Any task that requires intense focus (think fixation)
• Information overload
• Stress (including fatigue, illness, lack of sleep)
• Being in the presence of an “expert” or “authority”
• Being in a group, especially when cohesion or unity is involved 
• Being outside your normal environment or changing your routines

If any one of these factors can trigger stupidity, imagine the increased potential of multiple factors!

Does that list seem familiar? It should. It describes much of our daily activity in today’s ever-connected world! In fact, Robinson makes the point that “Stupidity is the cost of intelligence operating in a complex environment.”

Really?

Yes, really. There’s the story of Yo-Yo Ma, the musician who forgot his $2.5-million dollar, 266-year old cello in the trunk of a taxi in New York in 1999. Ma is from Boston and was in New York (#1 out of his normal environment), rushing (#2) and exhausted (#3); three of seven factors. His cello was safely returned but Ma said, “I did something really stupid.”

We all do, sometimes.

What’s a person to do? Two words: be aware. Our lives are fast paced. Look back at the seven factors. If one or more is present, be aware. Don’t make important decisions. Know that multitasking is a form of information overload. Fatigue, illness, an all-nighter, or emotional overload can give you the mental acuity and reflexes of someone who’s legally drunk.

This is why we never text while driving (right?), because that would be stupid.

In Other Words…

“Sometimes a man wants to be stupid if it lets him do a thing his cleverness forbids.” ― John Steinbeck, East of Eden

“It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt” ― Mark Twain

“Cause when a guy does something stupid once, well that’s because he’s a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, that’s usually to impress some girl.” ― Dr. Seuss

“If it is stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.” ― Mercedes Lackey

In The Word…

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34 NIV

Work Matters

The only thing that turns those “good ideas” into something useful, productive or profitable is… work. Typically, hard work. You know… the sweat and fret, time and effort, agony and sacrifice kind of work. One of my intellectual heroes, Peter Drucker said, “Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work.”

Good to Great

Good work is, well, good. It pays the bills. We know how to do it. It is regular and fairly predictable. It keeps most customers satisfied. It’s not mind-shrinking monotony or banal tasks that create little or no value and suck the life out of you (that’s bad work!). We don’t make many mistakes doing good work. It’s efficient and focused. It’s how we get most things done.

What about great work? That’s different. It has meaning. It leaves a mark. It stretches you. You don’t count “hours per week worked” when you’re doing it. It’s engaging and frequently inspiring. It is rarely “daily work”. It has risks. It’s associated with fear, uncertainty and doubt. We are driven to do it and driven by it. It can burn you out.

What?

Burnout? Yes, sometimes. But it’s good burnout instead of the smoldering, mind-numbing, time-wasting, non-productive, ultimate-boredom kind of burnout; but burnout all the same.

So as we enter a new year and a new decade let’s try this: avoid bad work. Do good work always. Do great work whenever you get the opportunity.

How’s that for a great idea? I’m working on it! How about you?

In Other Words…

“If you trust in yourself… and believe in your dreams… and follow your star… you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

“We often miss opportunity because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work” ― Thomas A. Edison

“No man needs sympathy because he has to work, because he has a burden to carry. Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

In the Word…

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,” – Colossians 3:23

Countries, as well as companies, face numerous challenges during their lives. The President’s, or the CEO’s, job is to make right and courageous decisions to meet and surpass those challenges. Often that means facing and embracing fear, uncertainty and doubt (yours and others). If you’re the one making those decisions you had better have confidence in yourself and your organization to make it happen.

Confidence or bravado?

Perhaps some of both. Does it matter?

Yes, it matters. Bravado is associated with a boast or brag – an arrogant menace intended to intimidate. Bravado has no foundation or backup. It is full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Bravado does not see consequences, it bets on the bluff.

Confidence, however, involves a trusting, a reliance or an “assurance of the mind” or a firm belief in the integrity, stability or veracity of another or in the truth and reality of fact. This can and often does rightly apply to one’s own abilities or competency.

Confidence is earned, bravado is stolen goods. Confidence speaks softly if at all, bravado shouts. Confidence stands while bravado cowers. Confidence acts, bravado talks. Confidence knows, bravado wishes. Confidence grows, bravado stagnates.

What’s the source of such confidence?

We know that self-confident people have qualities that everyone admires. Do they have something that the rest of us don’t? Did President Kennedy know how this very hard thing – a man on the moon and back safely – was to be done?

From my observation and experience, the best way to develop and have confidence – “to have full trust or reliance” – is to have a history of accomplishing hard things. This builds competence (the quality or state of having sufficient experience, knowledge, judgment, skill, or strength as for a particular duty or in a particular respect) and competence fuels confidence.

According to McKinsey&Company research, competent leadership solves problems and captures opportunities that improve performance.

Does this mean the boss should do those things alone? No. But they should get things done on their watch, via innumerable individual and collaborative efforts. This generally requires thinking strategically about performance challenges, smartly applying human capital to those challenges, and using problem solving processes that are most likely to succeed. You know, hard things (to get right).

Without this underlying competence (“experience, knowledge, judgment, skill, or strength”), you don’t have self-confidence. You can expect shallow over-compensating over-confidence. The difference between the two matters.

Know Thyself

In a Forbes article, professor Harry M. Jansen Kraemer, Jr. of Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management states, “becoming the best kind of leader isn’t about emulating a role model or a historic figure. Rather, your leadership must be rooted in who you are and what matters most to you. When you truly know yourself and what you stand for, it is much easier to know what to do in any situation. It always comes down to doing the right thing and doing the best you can”.

You conquer yourself when you do hard things.

Expect to struggle. Struggle does not mean failure but it leads to failure if you’re not strong enough and wise enough. The longer a problem stays hidden or buried, the longer it will stay unsolved.

The hardest job for any CEO is to manage your own mindset. Don’t tell me you never experience fear, uncertainty or doubt; don’t tell me you always have sufficient information to make important decisions; and don’t tell me you always know which path to take. I’ve been with too many of you over the years; I know better. You continually amaze me with your tolerance for ambiguity. The best of you confess – in private – that you often have stomachs full of butterflies, as well.

The butterflies will likely never go away, but we might be able to get them to fly in formation. It helps to focus on the road and not the roadblocks.

• Pay Attention – understand what’s happening, and face reality however harsh or beautiful it presents itself 

• Employ triage – tackle the most important issues first

• Consider a variety of solutions – anticipate their likely impact: their upsides and risks, including downstream and unintended consequences.

• Implement – execute well

• Stay in touch and informed –  learn, monitor and adjust as necessary

In Praise of Hard Things

President Kennedy said that we intend to go to the moon not because it’s easy but because it’s hard, “…because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills.” 

If we don’t to do hard things, we’ll never do great things. That’s why we do hard things.

Hard things will remain hard things, so embrace the struggle. It’s worthy work.

In Other Words

“If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men“

Alice never could quite make out, in thinking it over afterwards, how it was that they began: all she remembers is, that they were running hand in hand, and the Queen went so fast that it was all she could do to keep up with her: and still the Queen kept crying ‘Faster! Faster!’ but Alice felt she could not go faster, though she had not breath left to say so.

The most curious part of the thing was, that the trees and the other things round them never changed their places at all: however fast they went, they never seemed to pass anything. ‘I wonder if all the things move along with us?’ thought poor puzzled Alice. And the Queen seemed to guess her thoughts, for she cried, ‘Faster! Don’t try to talk!’

And finally…

The Queen propped her up against a tree, and said kindly, ‘You may rest a little now.’

Alice looked round her in great surprise. ‘Why, I do believe we’ve been under this tree the whole time! Everything’s just as it was!’

‘Of course it is,’ said the Queen, ‘what would you have it?’

‘Well, in our country,’ said Alice, still panting a little, ‘you’d generally get to somewhere else — if you ran very fast for a long time, as we’ve been doing.’

‘A slow sort of country!’ said the Queen. ‘Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.

If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!’

You can find The Red Queen Effect almost anywhere… 

In Nature

An obvious example of this effect are the “arms races” between predators and prey. The only way predators can compensate for a better defense by the prey (e.g. rabbits running faster) is by developing a better offense (e.g. foxes running faster).

Human Conflict

Imagine two competing groups that find themselves in a security dilemma when one group employs defensive measures (which possess inherent offensive capabilities) to improve their security. This launches an arms race where each side expends ever increasing amounts of resources in order to outpace the other and gain advantage. Typically both sides continue to match each other measure for measure. No matter how many resources each side invests, neither is able to gain a lasting advantage.

Business Competition

Most companies try to differentiate themselves from their competitors with better products or better processes for an improved cost structure. The problem is that their competitors are doing the same thing. Therefore, after the introduction of new products or implementation of better processes, the situation is pretty much the same. You moved forward as did your competitor. If you do not move you fall behind.

Consequently, you do nothing and fall behind, or run hard to stay where you are (“…it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.”)? Yes, it’s a dilemma (a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones). It is useful, at some level, to have a metaphor to “explain” a complex and evolutionary dilemma. For those of us in business that, while interesting, is insufficient.

The Red Queen Prescription

What comes after you understand the dilemma? What do you do? The Red Queen herself provides an answer, “If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!” But weren’t you already doing “all the running you can do”? When you’re doing all you can do how do you do twice as much?

Something has to change. But what change? I don’t know the specifics in your case, but I know this: you have to interrupt your problem solving. The change you’re looking for is an advantage that many seek and few find. It begins with you. Yes, you and how you think. Since you can’t run any faster, stop running long enough to think… differently. 

Remember, The Red Queen Effect describes a dilemma. Dilemmas are never really resolved, only managed more or less well. It requires a mind shift to see “one dilemma” instead of “two goals”, but until we make the perceptual shift, it is extremely hard to envision what is required for managing a dilemma.

Since there is no permanent resolution, the process for exploring options and for learning from experience becomes more important than the actual “solution” proposed for the present.

In a race without end, there are no winners, only losers. Your ability to change means survival. It means living to fight another day. And another one after that. That makes change (thinking differently) more than a capability, which it is: it is a competitive advantage if you can do it on demand.

The best leaders have withstood direct contact with life’s realities.

The Sorbonne, Paris, April 23,1910 – Before a large and impressive crowd, Theodore Roosevelt gave what would become one of his most widely quoted speeches. Roosevelt biographer, Edmund Morris, said the crowd included “ministers in court dress, army and navy officers in full uniform, nine hundred students, and an audience of two thousand ticket holders.” 

Roosevelt’s “Citizenship in a Republic,” included the responsibilities of citizenship and his vigorous protest against cynics who thought themselves better than those who worked hard to improve the world. “The poorest way to face life is to face it with a sneer,” he said. “A cynical habit of thought and speech, a readiness to criticize work which the critic himself never tries to perform, an intellectual aloofness which will not accept contact with life’s realities—all these are marks, not … of superiority but of weakness.”

Then he delivered “that passage”, part of which we know well, that drew great applause and has found its way into political, business, and sports commentary. It’s also part of everyday culture – even in a Cadillac commercial.

That passage?

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Shame on the man of cultivated taste who permits refinement to develop into a fastidiousness that unfits him for doing the rough work of a workaday world. Among the free peoples who govern themselves there is but a small field of usefulness open for the men of cloistered life who shrink from contact with their fellows. Still less room is there for those who deride or slight what is done by those who actually bear the brunt of the day; nor yet for those others who always profess that they would like to take action, if only the conditions of life were not what they actually are. The man who does nothing cuts the same sordid figure in the pages of history, whether he be cynic, or fop, or voluptuary. There is little use for the being whose tepid soul knows nothing of the great and generous emotion, of the high pride, the stern belief, the lofty enthusiasm, of the men who quell the storm and ride the thunder. Well for these men if they succeed; well also, though not so well, if they fail, given only that they have nobly ventured, and have put forth all their heart and strength. It is war-worn Hotspur, spent with hard fighting, he of the many errors and the valiant end, over whose memory we love to linger, not over the memory of the young lord who “but for the vile guns would have been a soldier.”

“That passage” is good to linger over, to reflect upon. For many it is an anthem for daring greatly. Yet for others it is a challenge of who they are: those who will spend themselves on a worthy cause. 

Large or small, grandiose or modest, professional or personal, a worthy cause is that which makes a thing of excellent qualities or virtue begin to be.

Remember, the best leaders have withstood direct contact with life’s realities. Have you been in the arena to “do the rough work of a workaday world”? Have you tasted victory – and defeat – in pursuit of a worthy cause? How do you now give due to the doers of deeds? What noble venture has captured your mind and heart (personal or professional, private or public)? Never mind that anyone would notice. You will know.

Make sense. Make progress. Make a difference.

In Other Words

“Courage consists not in hazarding without fear; but being resolutely minded in a just cause.” ― Plutarch

“Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites.”  ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

“A person’s worth is measured by the worth of what he values.”  ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

In The Word

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” – Hebrews 10:24-25

January 1 does not know that it is significant or dramatically different from December 31. To one, the other is just another day. It’s unaware that we have attached special meaning and significance to the turning of the calendar. January 1 is a marker for new beginnings, an opportunity for a reset, or a clean palette upon which to write or draw the next lines of our future.

Whether in reflection (active, persistent, and careful consideration) or preparation (the cognitive process of thinking about what you will do), some degree of critical thinking is useful and profitable.

We should never underestimate the power we have to take our lives in a new direction. That power rarely, if ever, resides in the capricious or the impulsive. It is more likely found in the well-considered or the examined. 

This power originates in exploration (the clean palette) and is refined in the stress-testing of tough questions, beginning with ”What if?” and concluding with “What then?” It is driven by what we do best and where we find our joy in doing. It exists in the context of reality (although it can be amplified by dreams).

Let’s Go Exploring!

If reflection is about “careful consideration” and learning and preparation is about getting ready for doing, then why not go exploring as well? 

Take the symbolism seriously: What new beginnings are appropriate? Where is a reset a wise move? What about that clean palette… what is worthy of your fresh, new and different consideration and preparation? What needs to go and what needs special attention and nurture? Where do you need some help? What weak spots need shoring up? What is your personal and professional intent for the short run? The long run?

Let’s add some “I” questions: Ask yourself “How might I ___ so that I can ___” questions. What am I missing? Where am I stuck? What problem(s) do I need to solve (not “what symptoms do I need to alleviate”)?

What went wrong last year? What did I learn from it? What went right last year? Why? 

Who do I need to check on? What fences do I need to mend?

What important (but not urgent) things have I been putting off? Why? Does the answer make sense?

Begin.

Every beginning has an ending. The goodbye should not deter you. It is the gateway to your future and possibly the best story of your life. For some, the most difficult part of the journey is their belief that they’re not worthy of the trip. Mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past, no matter what it held.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” It involves movement and direction.

Begin at the beginning. It’s a lot like golf: you start where the ball is.

Along the way, make sense, make progress and make a difference.

Enjoy the journey. December 31 is coming.

In Other Words…

“Most people, when confronted with a choice of changing their thoughts or proving there is no need to change, get busy on the proof.” – John Maynard Keyes

“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.” ― T. S. Eliot, Four Quartets

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!” ― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967

“Wow, it really snowed last night! Isn’t it wonderful? Everything familiar has disappeared! The world looks brand new!
A new year … a fresh, clean start! It’s like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on! A day full of possibilities! It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy … let’s go exploring!” ― Bill Watterson, It’s a Magical World

In The Word…

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.” –Job 38:4

I discovered our mutual friend was tracking in new orbits now; new friends and acquaintances, new hangouts, new everything. Long term relationships, plans, and priorities – and all that goes with them – had been allowed to wither and lie dormant or dead. 

Why? “He couldn’t keep up.”

This bothered me. Our friend had always impressed me as being quite smart, a hail-fellow-well-met type of manager who cared much for those in his charge. It didn’t make sense. I needed more.

A couple of phone calls had us back in contact with one another and a coffee meeting was added to the calendar. A longer than planned conversation in that coffee meeting revealed that he had indeed not been able to “keep up” with the needs of his business and had aimed his sights lower. He felt “shamed” and decided to “look for a new playground and new playmates,” as he put it. He found less demanding work, less challenging opportunities, less stimulating friends, and moved to another city. He was not particularly happy. He had become comfortable in his new world.

What had happened?

This man is smart, makes a good impression, had always cared about his people and approached life with a hearty, friendly, and congenial manner. Unfortunately, the important word in that sentence was “impression.” He also had always been focused on making a good impression, even to the point of disguising his weaknesses and his lack of knowledge in some important areas of business and life. He had the smarts and personality to keep this charade alive, until he couldn’t.

He had believed a terrible lie: looking good (versus being real), plus his intelligence would always carry the day. They won’t and they didn’t. It wasn’t that he couldn’t keep up; he didn’t keep up.

It all caught up with him. He plateaued early. It didn’t have to happen.

What’s a person to do?

It’s all too easy to be critical of my friend. Our detached hindsight makes diagnosis overly simple. “Overly simple” because we don’t get to see how it all developed as time and life progressed. I doubt there was a turning point event and am more inclined towards a thousand little everyday decisions that led to misinformed views of success, self and the step-wise path of personal improvement.

This was not The Peter Principle taking effect, it was an abdication.

Avoiding the early plateau

• Embrace reality and admit imperfection. It has a 100% infection rate within the human population. This helps with understanding the real struggle: progress, not perfection.  Sociologist Brené Brown rightly reminds us, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
• Take inventory. Every human has inherent strengths and weaknesses. The idea is to invest in and build on your strengths and to mitigate your weaknesses, not hide them.
• Have a plan. If you don’t have a plan you’ll be part of someone else’s plan. You’re not their priority, unless you’re a threat. Then you’re a target. Keep your plan relevant.
• Be aware and curious. Have an appropriate level of concern about and well-informed interest in what’s going on in the world, particularly those things that could effect you and your interests. Curiosity keeps you moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things.
• Understand that direction is more important than speed. If you’re headed in the wrong direction, speed is not your friend.
• Don’t settle. Good is the enemy of great. Then OK becomes the enemy of good. Settling is a slippery slope.

Relatively few people live great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good, or even OK life. They plateau early.

In Other Words…

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” ― Brené Brown

“Make your mistakes, take your chances, look silly, but keep on going. Don’t freeze up.” ― Thomas Wolfe, You Can’t Go Home Again

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“I know it seems hard sometimes but remember one thing. Through every dark night, there’s a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep ya head up…. and handle it.” ― Tupac Shakur

“But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.” ― Khaled Hosseini

In The Word…

“Do you see someone skilled in their work? They will serve before kings; they will not serve before officials of low rank.” – Proverbs 22:29

“You mean you HAD to apologize to someone, right?”

“Well, I didn’t HAVE to, I chose to take advantage of the opportunity to clear things up. It was my responsibility in that I contributed to the misunderstanding at least 50%. It was a privilege to clarify things through a little humility.”

“Wow!”

This was the dialogue between me and a friend regarding a misunderstanding that had taken place. My friend generously wanted to give me credit for being a great person for the way this was handled. Not really. My intent was much more practical in nature: I had become more interested in a right outcome than being right. The desire to be right helped create the misunderstanding in the first place!

As my mind began ticking off my few remaining options, I remembered that a sincere – and therefore effective – apology involves three irreplaceable and interconnected parts:

Responsibility – Own it. “I messed up.” No excuses. No equivocation. Bare naked ownership.

Repentance – Have a contrite heart. “I’m sorry.” Be specific: not sorry because I have to apologize, but because I did/didn’t do/said ____, that caused problem/pain/embarrassment/misunderstanding.

Restitution – Repair it (if possible). “How can I make this right?” Words are too easy, take action.

Apology is not just a social nicety. It is an important ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy. It has the ability to disarm (both parties) and to prevent further misunderstandings.

How did my situation turn out?

I apologized (by the book; all three steps). My colleague paused for a moment, smiled and said, “No apology necessary. We had a disagreement, that’s all.” He went on to say, “I heard you. I took your advice and did exactly as you were suggesting. Did you hear me?

“I’m not sure. Please tell me one more time. I’m listening.” He did, I heard him, and we both agreed that he had made a valid point that needed consideration.

We both wanted the same thing: a right outcome. We got distracted and very much side-tracked by “being right”. The apology disarmed both of us. We got back and the right thing got done.

I never knew crow could taste so good.

In Other Words…

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“Sacrifice is at the heart of repentance. Without deeds, your apology is worthless.”– Bryan Davis

“Deep regret goes further than just saying you are sorry. Deep regret says that if I could turn the clock back, and if I could do anything about it, I would have liked to have avoided it.”  – F.W. de Klerk

“A good apology is like an antibiotic, a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.” ― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

In The Word…

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”  Ephesians 4:32